The Acolyte Review NUKES Star Wars Lore FOREVER - Season 1 Episode 3

[@disparutoo]

The Acolyte Review of Season 1 Episode 3 where a coven of witches destroys the lore of the force, by calling it a thread that has paths rather than is everywhere. Since Disney bought Lucasfilm we survived Kenobi and Ashoka, but The Acolyte employing writers who knew nothing about Star Wars may be the last nail in the coffin. This is a confusing episode that really didn't answer anything and is either the product of bad writing, bad storytelling, or both. Gone is the moral grey of the advertisements, its very clear who is good and evil in this episode. While they may try and twist the story later, I have the feeling none of it will make sense. As ever the entertainment in The Acolyte is only what you make yourself. But what did you think of what you saw? Let me know your thoughts down below and as always, thanks for watching :)

[@SpammytheHedgehog]

This show.may as well just cancel itself.

[@hulkflattt7854]

This is the only way i could watch this crap! Thank you for going to the looney bin for us!

[@melkgn]

It’s not SW anymore. It’s a DEI , woke, virtual, signaling, wreck. What’s the rumor, $50 for a good review? No thank you!

[@mii747]

Sounds like they used portions of the storyline from the series A Discovery of Witches.

[@TheCultureCommentary]

Space Dahomey... Literally the same kind of made up nonsense as in "The Woman King" and for exactly the same reasons. They just cant help themselves. They are egomaniacs who think you have to listen to whatever shit they lie about.

[@MegaDringus]

Disney wrote 2 black kids without a father, and called the fans racist.

[@tlrlml]

Gen Z: What's a fa-th-er?!?!?!

[@MegaDringus]

@@tlrlml "No, I am your non-binary parental caretaker" - Darth Vader (they/them)

[@androgyny77]

​@@MegaDringus Thanks for getting me from that weathervane. Ugh, it was so awkward - I mean who cuts your hand off and then decides that while your trying to come to terns with your new identity as a person who experiences disability, that THAT's the time to suddenly start expositing about your gender identity?! And Obi Wan told me he was more machine than man, and like, don't machines run on a binary code? So how does that work? Okay but, and don't tell anyone this, but I think he might have lost his dangly bits in the lava...... Yeah.... so..... No, I'm not going to press the issue next time I see him..... THEM, next time I see them.

[@cedricroney1475]

Guess they were trying to match white Anakin with no father

[@PandarenCH]

they think calling us racists will keep us to shut up lol

[@internetcomments950]

That woman must know EVERY dirty secret in Hollywood. Zero talent, zero story writing ability. Horrid acting. Yet a 180$ million budget.

[@AIDSPISS]

I think execs are just willing to get blown by a 2

[@Letstunein]

Imagine what else that money could have been used for , just sad

[@erketyrettile4734]

I mean she probably got Harvey Weinstein girls to rape so yes, she know stuff

[@saisame7975]

Or even beter she is responsible for money laundering for rich assholes that put money in the show because the shows are not even worh 1 million in my opinion

[@_Meriwether]

It's almost like she was the personal assistant of one of the most vile people in celebrity circles, on an island where children were routinely passed around by the rich and powerful.

[@SuperTab2]

If the women are being impregnated by the force, doesn't that mean the force is male?

[@appleanapple1371]

🎉

[@ninjamasterbuilder8675]

Or they have the males enslaved to keep their generators online to keep their false magic online

[@jenspi4725]

LOL!!!!

[@BayWa4eva]

not if the children are clones. some fish do clone for example. also the force might be a hermaphrodite like a lot of plants and snails are. and then there is another strange dna exchange mechanism where bacteria connect and send it one-way ... biology has so many possibilities!

[@brightfaith8403]

“I don’t care what the Jedi told you, The Force is Lesbian witches.”

[@sunso1991]

Sith side is looking more and more enticing. Passion, anger, vengeance, desire. At least the sith live a enriching and free live

[@brightfaith8403]

@@10thletter40oh oops, thanks!

[@vanmoody]

Ages from now we will go to another planet where they have a game called the ball of baskets. We can all play that game and be famous.

[@makeyourmark00]

LGBTQ Space Witches crocheting people into existence is sooo Star Wars...lol.

[@Raximus3000]

And Leslie is wrong.

[@malificajones7674]

Even in a galaxy far far away, black kids don't have a father. Did the Force go out for some milk?

[@trevorwgratton3354]

Nah, death sticks.

[@skyesfury8511]

oh shi... shots fired. 🤣🤣

[@buddyjaydubb]

I’m dead 😭😭😭😭😭

[@johnnypichardo2182]

😂😅😂😅😂

[@0Iluvater0]

Yooooooooo shots fired.

[@Booma4142]

"I carried them!" "I created them!" That's some villainous dialogue right there. 'I created them, everything about them is my choice and no one else.' Darth Plagueis tried to create life with the force and sith alchemy and suffered such serious backlash from the force it almost killed him. The sith that could heal anything and even bring people back from the dead. Only reason he survived is because of that skill. A coven of space witches created life, twice, and it took years for that backlash in the force to build sufficiently and it then burned them all to death. That's my headcanon baby, and it ain't gonna change. Better than whatever dreck Weinsteins bait girl came up with, no doubt.

[@NeoN-PeoN]

Weinstein's Bait Girl HAS to stick.

[@AkuTenshiiZero]

You might notice a pattern that woke heroes always come off as villains to anyone sane.

[@viniciuscardoso8056]

🤔 and sidious and plagueis are in other timeline trying to create vader

[@MegaPandaCraft]

The phrasing is pretty weird coming from a group of women who would be appalled if a man tried to have any input on the children he "created." I could have sworn their whole religion was "my body my choice."

[@L337M4573RK]

According to Darth Sidious, Darth Plagueis succeeded in creating life. That said, your headcannon still makes more sense than this BS from Woke Disney.

[@angelmelendez6924]

Trying to make a coven of lesbian groomers look like the victims while they are the ones causing all the problems is peak Disney writing.

[@carloshenriquezimmer7543]

A whole show of self inserts...

[@Shineinpoverty]

It is extra spicy if you consider what Leslie has done for 6 years...

[@Mobius118]

Criminally underrated point, would like it twice or more if I could

[@temptempy1360]

@@Mobius118even more curious knowing some witch/author issues about 20-35 years ago in US

[@itsalwayssomething7490]

The lesbian witch strikes you as they cry out in pain.

[@chazzitz-wh4ly]

“Big witch orgy with two younglings” was not on my Star Wars bingo card. Also, “black woman with two black kids and a fatherless home” was definitely not something I was expecting in Star Wars. Very little makes sense in this show.

[@tlrlml]

You might be using a 2016 card... you should really get an updated one!

[@AnnaMarianne]

“Big witch orgy with two younglings” They were told to write what they know.

[@blackmamba7775]

I thought we were the racist bigots. Disney, even in a galaxy far far away, made 2 black kids being raised in a fatherless home. So who's racist?

[@craigbrison4241]

Oh I'm sure he'll pop back up and beat the mother while high on crack and stealing her purse for space crack the way this travesty is going...

[@michellestr8998]

Can someone else see that they were not identical to each other as children? Am I going crazy?

[@Jackson-ub1uv]

That poor Squid Game guy; it's clear that he's doing his absolute best, and it shows with how incredibly _normal_ his character is, but it's being tainted by everything that the show is doing.

[@ASoberBear]

The morality of a sex trafficker… Wait…

[@Xbalanque84]

And a Lena Dunham before that.

[@MushroomFleet]

Poor Squid Game learned English to be in the show, he is a Star Wars fan and styled his Jedi character after Liam Neeson's Qui-Gon Jinn. Feels. He deserved better than this.

[@BunkerAnon]

Yea shame him and Trinity were wasted on this show.

[@Ramsey276one]

At least it will be useful elsewhere! XD

[@kimrasmussen7188]

if hes a fan, what is he doing in this show? and i am not impressed with him. zero fucks given

[@HyperHawkGTE]

He's the best actor in the show despite barely knowing any English. That's a SAD indictment of the show, not of his acting abilities!

[@kimrasmussen7188]

@@HyperHawkGTE thats a very low bar to pass. perhaps hes better in squid game, but i have no intention of seeing that

[@sigurdholbarki8268]

"seriously, i was taking the piss, I didn't expect you to write it into the script" is going to be on Disparu's headstone

[@onesith4528]

So let me get this straight. Mae burns down the village because her sister made a choice she didn't like. Then goes on a personal vendetta against the Jedi who were there who had nothing to do with it? Mae murdered her family and everyone she's every known and we're supposed to feel sorry for her? I knew the writing was bad, but Holy hell! If she isn't killed by the end of this show, their is no justice here.

[@Krysnha]

Worst is the Jedi were rigth, they want to show the Jedi are bad or grey, and yet all we see, is that the evil twin, kills, torture animals wich is the first sign of a psycopath, kill people that have nothing to do, and yet o no she is just not comprehend no she is a murderous monster, the Jedi were rigth about these witches

[@skaetur1]

Headland self insert. That’s why it makes no sense. Because girls sometimes make strange emotional decisions instead of logical ones. Bad for writing.

[@TankHunter678]

Checks out according to the old lore, in order for lesbians to have kids they need to force the Force to make them which is a Dark Side technique. The kids becoming unstable and self destructive is normal for an unnatural result like that as it goes against the order and balance of the Force. Just look at Anakin, he was also made due to the force and he fell to the Dark Side real quick once he started to become emotionally unstable and wound up taking self destructive actions that cost him everything.

[@TheManofThings777]

Ohhhh I can't wait for them to hit us with the "Mae is actually misunderstood" angle. That's gonna be funny as shit.

[@Krysnha]

@@TheManofThings777 You know is coming it will be hilarious, o yes, she tortures animals, she trys to murder her sister because take a different decicion, all signs of psycopathy, she attack people that have nothing to do o she is misunderstood, yes we know is coming

[@anon_laughing_man]

The Jedi killed the witches. They are framing the Jedi as "White colonialists".

[@billjacobs521]

Damn Wookies, always oppressing the women.

[@Godzillafan4ever73]

I agree. I think that's what the show is going to set up. KK and Leslye hate the Jedi and so they have done away with their special connection to the force. So they will become the bad guys by killing the witches and stealing the children that they want. The final nail in the coffen that was George's Star Wars.

[@auraguard0212]

I believe their Darth-Maul-looking mom killed them all, out of spite that the other mom let Osha go, and became Mae's master.

[@dariovirga7711]

Jedi aren't perfect, but even so this act seems to be very uncharacteristic. At the very least such as slaughter would have pushed them towards the Dark Side and it's descending path

[@Asytra]

Based and improved the areas they colonized in both instances.

[@volieri]

"A person so ugly they could be in a Dragon Age trailer" 😂

[@kenwarren9450]

It's kind of funny how the twins became identical as adults but are obviously NOT identical as kids.

[@alkalisunshine]

the force works in mysterious ways.

[@dlewis9760]

"Science".

[@The13thRonin]

They transitioned into being identical.

[@debanydoombringer1385]

It's just more racist wokeness. They think people won't ge able to tell because we're so racist we think they all look alike.

[@madjoe8622]

Do not underestimate the laziness of these hacks.

[@cryptocoffee13]

This series not only hates men, it hates Star Wars period. It has earned and deserves all the Criticism and hate it generates.

[@Hotchpotchsoup]

Star Wars is on its period? That explains everything really... 🤯

[@DoctorPhobos]

@@Hotchpotchsoup I think it's an ellipsis...

[@moongoalie2410]

Well it was written by misandrist lesbians.

[@marcogenovesi8570]

It hates people, as is custom in HollyWeird

[@sek954]

Disparu is actually probably the best Star Wars reviewer. He’s incredibly funny, wise, and well versed in Star Wars.

[@mikusoxlongius]

Let's Review Crap Writing, Reaper, HeelvsBabyface...

[@knarftahw]

That's actually insane, his reviews are great however he says he's a fan of the games, i.e not canon according to George Lucas, and it shows. Soz.

[@tristanthedarkstar]

I remember my grandmother saying to me, "Don't listen to what they tell you in school, Yoda was black...and a lesbian"

[@erickgomez7775]

And Yoda weighted 2 Lizzos

[@tristanthedarkstar]

@@erickgomez7775 lol yeah

[@skyesfury8511]

Disney writer: I'm gonna say a bunch of words that sound cool! Audience: But it contradicts itself all over the place and makes no sense. Disney writer: RACIST!

[@timbothejedi4146]

I bet they thought it sounded so mystical. Yodas speech will give u goosebumps. I was literally scratching my head wondering wtf she was even talking about...

[@The13thRonin]

You forgot the last line: Audience: "I'M SO SORRY... PLEASE... PLEASE NO... I HAVE NO SPINE AND MUST ALLOW YOU TO CONTINUE TO GRAPE MY CULTURE!"

[@jorgepena2210]

Mansplaining would also work😂

[@LimitedCheetah]

Why does a stone burn and a ship doesn't? Because a stone is made of wood and a ship weighs the same as a duck.

[@lucascampbell8790]

@@timbothejedi4146 I re-watched the OT last year and did get goosebumps and a tingly feeling around the back of my skull from watching it and Yoda teaching Luke. Excellent writing, story, and themes that can connect with people all over the world. This show would be bad even if they didn't use Star wars as its backdrop. That's how poorly done it is. Lots of nonsense claiming to be understandable.

[@badfoot]

Budget $180 mil = $20 on production, $160 mil on "expenses" for 4 years of hollywood socialising.

[@carstenschops7797]

I think the money was spent on the de-aging, which looked kinda OK to me.

[@viniciuscardoso8056]

Godzilla minus one 🤔

[@thelispinglizard5458]

That's a lot...of cocaine.

[@thelispinglizard5458]

That's... A lot of coke.

[@Kal_g]

We now return to "Disparu's patience being tested..."

[@RyanConway602]

True, lol

[@sunso1991]

You meant sanity lol

[@melkgn]

Both, and taking to red line!

[@ookammi]

he survived robyn hood

[@muratigentijan8911]

Lol hahahha

[@shiravalen]

Resentful misandrist: 'Men's mindset is so utilitarian and exploitative, gross.' > Goes on to be utilitarian and exploitative, but with emotional derangement

[@Xbalanque84]

Cluster-Bs gonna Cluster-B.

[@demaupin]

@@Xbalanque84 @shiravalen oof, these two comments are too accurate 💀

[@VespoLiveGaming]

So a pair of twins were raised in a home with no father- one is withdrawn and avoidant, wanting nothing but to leave. The other tirns psychotic as soon as she is expised to something outside the home and lills her entire family. Good message.

[@genebaker511]

The power of one, the power of two, the power of many of those canceling Disney+ subscription.

[@The13thRonin]

The power of you didn't want to be called a racist and allowed our culture to become this.

[@mymealias]

I think they tried to rip of Charmed

[@deviousdelibird]

*claps*

[@Lyko5]

1 alone can do little but many pulling out subscriptions can change the fate of Disney

[@autobotstarscream765]

​@@The13thRoninDisney will be called a racist for depicting all the black people in Star Wars as fatherless.

[@SwamSmokey]

This is the equivalent of your girlfriend asking to join poker night with the guys and she shows up with cauliflower bites "because they're a healthy alternative" and demands we play Uno instead because she doesn't know how to play poker. It's fanfiction that's written by non-fans trying to change it to something only they like.

[@elusivemayfly7534]

You painted such a vivid picture that I felt real anger at this fictional person 😂 And I am a straight woman, so I have never even had a poker night with the guys or a girlfriend

[@glitterkitty1979]

I'd dump her 😂

[@JoesCornerstadios]

What happen to you? I can feel your pain. What did she do bro

[@DH-xw6jp]

​@@JoesCornerstadioshe told you what she did. Gosh dang cauliflower bites.

[@mewre2062]

this is......oddly specific

[@bountyhunter779]

Lesley what's the recipe for your beautiful episode ?? - 1 cup of The Witches of Dathomir - 1 cup of Greek mythology (the Fates, holding the THREAD of each person's life) - 1 tablespoon of Street Fighter attack mode - 1 teaspoon of Dragon Ball attack mode - 1 cup of Tai Chi energy ball and 5 cups of stupidity!

[@trevinormandy14520]

5 cups you’re being generous I would’ve said 16 gallons😂

[@bountyhunter779]

@@trevinormandy14520 I can make it 5 barrels!!

[@user-zq6sz2cr6g]

@@bountyhunter779 Just keep pouring stupidity in. We'll stop when we reach the right level.

[@Adamguy2003]

Don't forget a gallon of DEI wokeness!

[@MarsM13]

Darth Plagueis creating life was originally framed as a mad science act of hubris on his part. He was effectively Star Wars Doctor Frankenstein and the eventual destruction of the Sith was his comeuppance. This retcon changes him from a universal villain embodying hubris to a specifically feminist villain stealing power from women. Because you realize that's the direction they are going with this, right? This is the origin of Plagueis' power, which is no longer him mastering dark side to an abominable, mad scientist-like degree, but him stealing a secret from a group of women.

[@Rummy623]

He's basically the Chinese stealing western technology

[@fenrir6002]

Heck, in the extended universe lore Force Alchemy (using the force to permanently manipulate and change organisms) was viewed as acting like a god and was what lead to the schism in the Jedi. Those supporting it's use fled to Korriban and enlisted the Sith race as allies thus getting the name Sith. It's also why Sith look like they do, they are twisting the Force to their desire and are twisted by the Force in turn.

[@HermitGeek]

I had that thought as well, is Palpatine just gonna randomly go to the base and find a handy holocron with the info on how to do it..?

[@rasalasblack]

Atleast Darth Plagueis have a certain mystique to his name. The actor for this female "creator" of life lacks gravitas. You can feel she is very much aware of the cameras. She can't even immerse herself in her character. She can't act to save her life. She can't even pretend to be mysterious and wise.

[@nkvdofficer5047]

@@fenrir6002 isnt that the second schism? the first one was when they both called themselves the je' daii?

[@gregarious-z7o]

Anyone surprised that the writers sympathize with cultists?

[@darthlaurel]

Feloni's wife must have gotten a large consultation check.

[@Xbalanque84]

A brooming sex cult, no less.

[@ceropuntocinco]

"This is not about good or bad, it's about power" I dunno... that sounds pretty much evil

[@Adamguy2003]

EXACTLY! It calls to mind a very similar line from a like- minded character in a certain other franchise: "There is no good or evil; There is only power, and those too weak to possess it."- Lord Voldemort, 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.'

[@barnabasszoke6499]

​@@Adamguy2003*philosopher's

[@Jeartozer]

So... they are stealing Anakins conception, and twisting it to witches and darkside and cults and insanity to create OCs that shouldnt exist in canon... But its the fans that are the problem... totally...

[@Krysnha]

Sad part is that tinstead of the force is the tread so when they talk about the force pervertion o no, ther eis no force, so there is no dark side, so we are good, is not about that the dark side is about how you use the power, how you use the force, power per se is not good and evil, is how you use it

[@Jeartozer]

@@Krysnha kinda was always that way, but I get what you are saying. Ruins the mystique and reduces it to pure physical things. Also, cant help but wonder how many threads Creamy Sheve and Plageous plucked to create Anakin... ment as dirty as it sounds. They are more likely setting up the Magik that the "Nightsisters" use... as a counter to the force

[@Krysnha]

@@Jeartozer yes kind of think about it, but honeslty, we all kknow where is it going, but at least Disparu make it funny

[@Shineinpoverty]

Of course they are, they will never be alright with this madness

[@Jeartozer]

@@Krysnha I suspect also with their "its all about power and who is allowed to use it" message, that they are gonna say that there are many many energy sources in the universe, but that the Jedi police it and only allow force use because THEY can tap into it, outlawing the rest cos they are scared of how powerful they arw

[@StopCensorship4--03]

Star Warz: A New Nope.

[@aahzmandiaz2767]

Star Worse: No Hope.

[@trevorwgratton3354]

Or: Ster Werz: A Few Dopes.

[@JayTator]

Star Twats: There's No Hope

[@atomicdancer]

Star Warz: The Acolyte Shite's Back

[@damiancwiok858]

Star Wars: New Cope

[@rickymcn1]

"We were exiled. Shunned by society." Society lands on their planet in a spaceship "You are trespassing on the planet we were exiled on. Leave!"

[@questionmarks4431]

"there are no children here" and then the wookiee goes "what do you mean? they are right there, I can see them" this is hilarious

[@darthlaurel]

It's pretty easy to see kids in cringe costumes that look like they were made in a jr high home ec class.

[@Spectre_0491]

Poor old Disparu he's just finished Velma now he's doing Doctor Who and the acolyte at the same time he really does suffer for our entertainment hats off to you sir

[@greyshadow9498]

In my logical brain: The witches pulled a Jonestown to make everyone believe the Jedi are responsible... Look at the way all the bodies were laid out. That is suicide pact shit, all grouped out. Not a lightsaber attack. Not to mention, none of these Jedi were particularly bloodthirsty. In reality: "Christians are bad!" and it really was the Jedi, regardless of how unlikely it would ever have played out like that...

[@SpammytheHedgehog]

This isn't the Acolyte series. This is the "Retcon Everything" series.

[@LordCraneo2]

Nah fanfiction shouldn’t count

[@bryana.escaleralopez]

This is a lesbian version of Game of Thrones in SPACE

[@chindleymuffin]

​@@LordCraneo2 they aren't fans though, so it's "idiot fiction" instead and that's me being nice.

[@LordCraneo2]

@@chindleymuffin true, my bad Lul

[@xzenitramx666]

Theres already something like that but way better, the stars are legion​@@bryana.escaleralopez

[@StefunnyStrange]

Why are the adult twins IDENTICAL but not their younger versions? What the hell. Mae & Osha went from fraternal as kids to identical as adults. How do you f*ck that up? If Leslye Headland was too lazy to do the work & find actual identical twins, then why not just use one girl & then duplicate her image on screen or whatever like they did for the adult actress or like Lindsay in Parent Trap? This couldn’t be done on an $180,000,000 budget!? Disney, I would excuse you for using kids with different facial features if it was worth it in the end because you found sisters who were extremely talented child actors to play these roles, but ya didn’t, did you?

[@peterg9729]

Why are they a different colour to their supposed Mother?

[@StefunnyStrange]

@@peterg9729Amandla is mixed. Her moms on the show are black and white. And I hate that I just had to use “moms” to describe someone’s parents in Star Wars.

[@Vfbmax1795]

I mean the director hired their wife while she's not an actress in any extent of the term, so I'm not gonna be surprised at this point. Chances are they were someone's kids on set. No offense to them as they do really good for child actresses but that would be my guess.

[@timbothejedi4146]

Why do they have none of that alien ass lady's DNA in them. Nope perfect human children

[@spig3547]

@@StefunnyStrange Yes but one of her mothers is of a race with skin markings and horns, yet they have none of that, how?

[@Kahnovitch]

Everyone in this show delivers their lines like it's a local amateur theatre production.

[@dean_l33]

Poor squid game guy. He put in the effort to learn english so that he can have a part in SW but it's the acolyte

[@mixmix1487]

Man, I said the same thing. This guy is a huge fan, learned the language, only to be cast in this dumpster fire. I feel for him.

[@KiamKweli]

Squid Games was a significantly better show with a smaller budget.

[@AkuTenshiiZero]

Well, here's hoping he gets to be in something actually worthwhile now that he ha a foot in the door. He's a fine actor who deserves better.

[@thebestoneevermade]

​@AkuTenshiiZero I mean, he probably is in a lot of Korean shows/movies

[@MarsM13]

@@KiamKweli Squid Game is so many leaps and bounds superior that it's difficult to even compare them. If quality were size, Squid Game would be Godzilla, and Acolyte would be Bambi.

[@bathtub_marmot]

I hate that even legitimate criticism is a violation of IMDb's review guidelines because you're not allowed to criticize a protected class. Funny how that rule is only enforced when it involves high-profile fan-bait entertainment.

[@AKUJIVALDO]

Nobody gives a shite about reetrads trying to protect "letter salad" feelings...

[@zacharymcmillan2788]

​@@AKUJIVALDOLegit 💯,f!@$ the alphabet mafia and their bullsh1t. 🤨👍

[@Shineinpoverty]

Yo, about that. I got 2 warnings from YT for that reason. Needless to say, I haven't said a single word that could be defined as hate peach by a sane human. Blue hair whales who oversee and decide what can be said and what can't. This class is their holy cow that they serve with the passion of a fanatical cult. They literally crated a taboo, like those small tribes far away from civilization.

[@willess1310]

What you gotta do is praise the show but couch it such thick sarcasm that an illiterate monkey would get it. (don't worry about getting caught, the illiterate monkey is smarter than they are)

[@charlesjmouse]

As a child when somebody said "Pull this" you knew there there was a fruity fart on the way. Time to scissor - "Yes, yes!"

[@Knowbody42]

The Acolyte isn't Canon. Period. I don't care what Disney says.

[@christianhoffmann8252]

By buying the property, they gained the right to use the trademark. They didn't get the right to call their bad products canon. Fans decide what is canon.

[@yetanotherspuart3993]

​@AnoneemusNoename You think Mando is good? Pinko is disregarded.

[@Adamguy2003]

@AnoneemusNoename Agreed. Keep the first couple seasons of Mando (They made it canon that Boba Fett escaped the Sarlaac), the rest of Disney SW isn't really necessary enough to be canon.

[@androgyny77]

Oh no don't say period when talking about The Acolyte, it takes on another meaning.

[@ceoatcrystalsoft4942]

It is, they own it. They get to decide how to ruin their stuff. We dont have to support it but it is true

[@benpipp7408]

Little twin girls in a forest chanting "as above so below" Aleister Crowley would be proud.

[@anthonysmith2562]

Actually that from the Emerald Tablet which Newton studied and some say inspired his laws of motion.

[@benpipp7408]

​@@anthonysmith2562of it was the same "Newton" from that last Dr who Xmas special I would totally believe he learned physics from Satan lol

[@anthonysmith2562]

Satan in the Jewish tradition is just a prosecuting attorney for God. That's why Jesus said He'd send an advocate for His followers to defend them against accusation. The Satan of Milton is a literary device.

[@anthonysmith2562]

In fact religious Jews pray to Satan in their Synagogues.

[@autobotstarscream765]

​@AnoneemusNoenameConsidering that the witches used the Anakin creation method before Sheev used it to make Anakin, insinuating that he got it from them, and using anything from them would explain why Anakin went so far off the rails.

[@lordhumungus8528]

“The power of 1..the power of 2..the power of…umm..arhhh,ummm..1, 2, ummm…many” nailed it!

[@Teksuo]

"You think you want something different, but that is because you are young." Let's try to remember that the next time these people advocate for life altering surgeries for kids.

[@jeremyallen5974]

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Stop being so FASCIST!" - The Minor Attracted Left

[@RoseBaggins]

Exactly what I was thinking when I heard that line.

[@jasonjones7461]

That immediately came to my mind as well.

[@billjacobs521]

@AnoneemusNoename Not that I am defending hormones for kids, but testosterone does not cause cancer at normal levels. High levels do increase the risk of prostate cancer over decades, but I don't think ladies need fear that.

[@cyberneticshadow5572]

Nice 😂😂

[@NB3228]

It's tragic than even Disney showed people that black children in space don't even have fathers.....

[@AKUJIVALDO]

Oh no, they put some reality in the fantasy LOL

[@Krysnha]

Also show how a child wiouth a father that guide, teach limits, and enforce boundries become a guidless criminal,

[@JeepTeriyaki]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@TheSouthernPirate]

Hmm Jannah & Finn in T.R.O.S also had no clue........damn thats harsh Disney lol

[@RoseBaggins]

Yeah, ouch

[@craigcarroll3303]

It's criminal they are calling this Star Wars.

[@gimzod76]

Spice cream? They do know Spice is a drug in star wars right? One that uses slave labour in it's manufacturing?

[@GenericProtagonist7]

Have you never had the real world sweet known as "Methamphetamine cream"?

[@johnbernhardtsen3008]

wasnt Po a spice runner, and the others said it in a condesenting manor?!!!!

[@Lobsterwithinternet]

@@johnbernhardtsen3008People forget that Han was a Spice runner too.

[@vahidoph]

If you consider them a sex cult it makes sense. They use drugs to indoctrinate and brain wash.

[@ancientmaverick13]

No. They have no idea, because they’ve never read or watched Star Wars.

[@LocrianDorian]

What a fucking timeline we live in where some random nobodies get to direct and write Star Wars projects with dozens and dozens millions of dollars in budget out of nowhere....

[@lingricen8077]

Zoomers get what ever they want, The only thing zoomers want is to destroy and ruin

[@Zeburaman2005]

Ah, but that’s the thing, they aren’t simple random nobodies, they’re random nobodies who believe in the political correct -bollocks- agenda.

[@cattrucker8257]

Having the visit lists of Harvey Weinstein for many years running hidden away somewhere probably helps a random nobody's chances a great deal.

[@LocrianDorian]

@@cattrucker8257 Sure, but that logic does not work for Charmeen Obaid Chinoy, what skeletons in the closet does she know about?

[@cattrucker8257]

@@LocrianDorian COC (heh) seems to be an outside invited protege of KK if anything else, plus she can play the intersectional victim card to boost herself a little. On her own, though, sure, I wouldn't suspect COC to be an insider with dirt that lets her get away with media murder. So, I just think she's a hired hand in this, quite unlike Lesbian Headlamp's extremely sus insider record.

[@vanheath5382]

So wait, the “good” twin was frozen by trauma when she saw fire in the earlier episode….but no one died in the fire???

[@Awakened_Mucacha]

Someone going to need to explain to me how is something that is clearly the evil twin's fault is somehow the Jedi's fault. It is almost like the Jedi were right that these children need training in the way of the Jedi not to be murderous psychopaths.

[@starkiller1289]

Well you see, if the Jedi didn't take away her sister, she wouldn't have been angry and murdered her entire tribe. It's all perfectly logical... If you're a sociopath

[@Krysnha]

Yes, the same said Az, the same siad others, how is the Jedi fault, these children have to start training early to understand the powers they have, so they dont abuse it, and not become murderous psychopats, worst, even if, even if the fire the fire in the reactor was the Jedi fault is obvious these wich covenent are using dark side, i dont care how it call it is the force, f these thread thing is the force, they are guiding childs to the dark side, must be stop, you create assassins, so the Jedi ar erigth to destroy it

[@Lobsterwithinternet]

There’s actually a theory out there that predicts that the Jedi murdered the witches and manipulated the twin’s memories to hide it from them.

[@vahidoph]

They probably gonna "reveal" that the jedi actually started the fire. Which honestly not that bad of an action, they stopped an evil sex cult. Still leaves the issue of the evil twin trying to kill her own sister.

[@John-fk2ky]

@@Lobsterwithinternet except we’re watching the episode, which includes scenes the girls couldn’t have known about. Therefore, under any competent filmmaker, what we’re seeing is what happened.

[@SpammytheHedgehog]

This episode: *exist* Disparu: And now... this world shall know Pain!

[@sunso1991]

And we: yes we love pain! Give us more! Yes! Moar!!!

[@Raximus3000]

Almighty...

[@The13thRonin]

More like This episode: exist 99% of society: Better not criticize it... I don't want people thunking I'm racisms.

[@Xbalanque84]

​@@The13thRonin More like 99% finally having enough of this shit.

[@TheREALSimagination]

Funny that the writers go "good and evil don't exist" and "stereotyping is bad" and "destiny doesn't decide your end" then contradict themselves on both accounts in the all the instances.

[@bryana.escaleralopez]

This episode showed: parenting between two women led to one of their child to turn into a sith. What do the writers mean by this?

[@Krysnha]

One of them becomes a sith and the other become a girl that is full of mental problems, o yes, they so scream we dont need men and show what happen when there are no men around to raise children

[@tlrlml]

... and the other child desperately wanted to run away to any life other then the one they had... I think they were trying to say... see, children _are_ evil, and they will never _truly_ love you, _get rid of them_ before it's to late.

[@bryana.escaleralopez]

@@tlrlml yup, from a narrative standpoint this series is wild and bad💀 I think the first draft was a just one kid but then they realized that making one kid into a villain born from two lesbian was a bad look but SOMEHOW THEY MADE IT EVEN WORSE BY CREATING TWINS SINCD OSHA WANTED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT COVEN😭 WTF

[@Xbalanque84]

Reminder: Brick Face thought _Frozen_ was about incestuous lesbian romance. Her RL sister refuses to speak to her. _The Acolyte_ is apparently a message/love letter to that sister. _DO THE MATH!_

[@Xbalanque84]

​@@tlrlml Clearly, she didn't want to get Lena Dunhamed, like BrickFaces's sister did IRL.

[@GenericProtagonist7]

I really hoped they were unironically going to just start counting; "The power of one, the power of two, the power of three, the power of four, the power of…" Also, they forgot that "spice" is a narcotic in Star Wars, so "spice cream" is the equivalent of "meth cream" or "heroin cream".

[@Krysnha]

Wonderful, so not only we have child indoctrination, a convenant of witches that use dark side of the force, but also, we have child using drugs, wonderful

[@smallmetalowl3209]

Though I'm still not sure if it's actually "spice cream", or "space cream" spoken in an Antipodean accent.

[@DH-xw6jp]

So the witches were Star Wars: Alabama Meth candy and the inability to count lol

[@anon2752]

They'll just say its a different spice. Not exactly an original name afterall.

[@Xbalanque84]

Makes total sense for Hollywood. This might be them taunting fans.

[@redsi192]

Disney Star Wars has taught us that no matter how bad it is, they can always make it worse.

[@docneron4933]

„There is no good or evil, there is only power“ - did they actually adopt a line from Voldemort?

[@sigurdholbarki8268]

That's straight out of 19th century Leftisim, there is no truth but power

[@JR-kx3jr]

It’s weird how studios seem to think having writers who don’t know the source material is a selling point.

[@jacquelineking5783]

They think people will be excited by a new point of view writing a story. Which might work if they hired people capable of writing.

[@stephanecremont3666]

More like you can't protest and push back against the bullsheeetrock of insanity dropped down by the crazy showrunner if you know nothing of the source material. Muuuuuch easier to pass down the DEI message everywhere.

[@pma176176]

Wait a sec... Darth Plagueis was supposedly first able to create life but now, suddenly, a diverse, stronk wahman that don't need no man is the one that actually did it first. Huh. Timeless Starwars Children?

[@sardonically-inclined7645]

KK hated Pandaverse because it's proveably accurate. Over and over again.

[@desmondjefferson2127]

She think they bugged her office. The Panderverse should be considered an animated documentary at this point. 😂🤣

[@kissther1ngs]

It’s so accurate, netflix just offered a live action adaptation

[@APsychicMonkey]

​@@kissther1ngsKK will be black and gay in the Netflix adaptation.

[@carloshenriquezimmer7543]

@@APsychicMonkey "And MAKE IT LAME!!"

[@Xbalanque84]

Worse, _Matt and Trey went easy on her._ They were _too_ charitable. Darth Menopause is worse than Cartman.

[@trevorwgratton3354]

"I had a thought once, but it died of loneliness." lol.

[@diannadeeley5402]

To quote Terry Pratchett: "Somehow you just knew it had been written by a troll: "...Sound off! One! Two!/Sound off! "Many! Lots!/Sound off! Huh, what?"

[@brockdavid]

“The power of the one too many” Cues Norm MacDonald, “yeah, that sounds like some Commie gobbledygook.”

[@patrolpilot3756]

Someone wrote this, Someone thought it was worth $180 million, and Someone approved it. HOW?

[@Total_Entropy36]

modern wahmen ... 🤷🏻‍♂️

[@tlrlml]

Walk through the halls of any university on any week day... that's how!

[@Ramsey276one]

FALLOPIAN TUBES! XD

[@xiii0722]

I don't quite know what to think. Either it's because some people were just smart and demanded a lot of money to be part of this trash(good on them). Or all the other (rather dumb) people simply thinking: "oh yeah, this is totally worth all the money. This will make for a great series and make all the money back." Either way, its sad and entertaining to think about... But there are definitely many not so smart people in the movies industry (like even agendas and messages aside)

[@Xbalanque84]

I'd bet money Brick Face spent most of that budget on Wayfair cabinets for herself.

[@blackfire3744]

The evil twin is "morally grey" the same way the crazy ex-girlfriend gloats about how she's right for keying her ex-boyfriends' car and slashed his tires and finished by spray-painting his car for breaking up with her when he found out she cheated on him.

[@bradwolf07]

Well Said

[@TheCuriousPuppy]

With the hairstyle and the location of the tattoo, I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to do a switcharoo. "You thought it was Mae, but it was really me, OSHA!"

[@The_Primary_Axiom]

So they had the same exact haircut since childhood and both kept it the same as an adult ? 😂 Welcome to the Afrodyeiks episode 3

[@Darth_Benga]

Also somehow ended up looking exactly the same as they grew older despite looking very different as children

[@The_Primary_Axiom]

@@Darth_Benga 😂

[@elusivemayfly7534]

The identical hairstyles amused me, too. Like the audience is too dumb to understand who the children are without them. 😂

[@viktorvondoom5950]

It makes sense, I didn't have hair when I was born and I do not have hair as an adult.

[@atomicdancer]

Rey kept her childhood hair-do as well. OTHERWIZE HOW WOOD WE KNOE TAHT ITS HER IN TEH FLASHBAKS?

[@Leidnix]

"2 Girls 1 Force" Also the Force is a thread tying you to your destiny sounds a lot like: "My Mother was studying the Force on a planet right before she died."

[@vasilypugh696]

This episode seems like someone watched 'Space Mutiny' and thought "What if the scenes with the creepy, gauze-covered, lyotarded, dancing space witches had a multi-million dollar budget?"

[@Smattayu]

It’s like I Know What You Did Last Summer had a love child with The Witches of Eastwick. And that child took a shit. And that shit decided to write a Star Wars show.

[@tlrlml]

I think you are a level to shallow, that shit decided to produce a Star Wars show, and one of the undigested corn nuggets popped of enthusiastically to write it.

[@HyperHawkGTE]

If you told me the Acolyte was actually written by Chat-GPT I wouldn't argue with you.

[@tlrlml]

When Chat GPT was asked it said, "I am not the computer to do that, you need the computer that came before me. I will help you build it.'

[@petrie911]

I think chatGPT could do better than this.

[@ericpode6095]

​@@tlrlmlthey just need a robot with a brain the size of a planet.

[@HateshWarkio]

ChatGPT would do better Only humans are this incompetent

[@Prahalad3362]

I would argue Chat GPT would be better

[@mayhem12x]

@Disparu i love your sarcastic, accurate review of these episodes. South Park called out the Disney/KK strategy and Leslie proved them spot on! Thanks for reviewing this garbage so I don't have to see the dumpster fire myself!

[@banyakakal4299]

She used the Force the penetrate the witch to get her pregnant with the twins is proof the THE FORCE IS MALE. It's canon now. Lesbian Headland can't take it back now 😂

[@deeppiledreams]

Just like in reality twins looks dissimilar at birth and progressively become identical over time.... great show this.

[@timbothejedi4146]

They are 9 u banana 🤣

[@lmahu6627]

No research, in _Star Wars_ lore and other necessary fields like biology, was done for this show. That's why it's so great -to make fun of lol.-

[@jacekbukaneiro9833]

"This is about POWEERRR!" - Savage Jamaican Gangster from Predator 2

[@haytonism]

The minute a man spoke, the witches of eastprick get aggressive. Shocker.

[@The-Lost-Librarian]

The fire reminds me of the IT Crowd where Roy dates a woman whose parents died in a fire at a sea parks. And he spends the whole episode trying to figure how it's possible.

[@elusivemayfly7534]

LOL!

[@Ramsey276one]

OSHA violations? I don't mean the Sith twin! XD

[@cheeseburgersuperior1874]

"I'm disabled." - Roy

[@jacquelineking5783]

I can't really blame him for the curiosity.

[@cheeseburgersuperior1874]

@@jacquelineking5783 i would too, man. i mean, how?

[@JAYmeeFromAmerica]

Theory Time: young Osha and Mae are played by fraternal twins, but the adult twins are played by Amandla Stenberg. Since Headland supposedly told the cast to reference Fight Club, Mae is dead. The reveal is Osha has either Dissociative identity disorder (DID) or Osha and Mae have combined through the Thread.

[@DUKEzors]

Yep, was thinking that last week. The bridge scene in episode 3 has evil twin reappear out of nowhere at the end.

[@weirdlittlesister]

Oh come on, not even the most severe case of DID will cause you to be in two completely separate corners of the Universe, making space fire in one and murdering Jedi in the other.

[@nyk2000m]

May be she has the tesseract

[@Blodhelm]

Correction, a lightsaber through the middle isn't deadly TO FEMALE CHARACTERS in Disney Wars.

[@Ramsey276one]

O M G XD

[@billjacobs521]

The Grand Inquistor is female?

[@moongoalie2410]

@@billjacobs521in a modern age, yes. In a Leslie made universe, also yes.

[@Aronbuddy]

I fully expected a scene where the twins agreed to never change their hairstyle- “pinky promise, we will never change our mop heads no matter what occurs”.

[@samspurgeon4222]

"Hello? Kamino Inc.? Yeah, this is ummm Sifo Dias again. Anyway, I just got made aware of this other place and I'm gonna need to add an Order 67, just in case....yeah, totally awful people....yeah... okey doke, I think that covers it, just add it to the bill....Thanks, bye."

[@fionnaitsradag5152]

Osha just wanted to escape from Space Jonestown before her "mothers" made her drink the koolaid.

[@AnnaMarianne]

Yep. Everything about this witch covenant is incredibly creepy and oppressive. I actually feel for Osha now, seeing that this was her childhood, and that she has to feel guilty for escaping it.

[@internetzenmaster8952]

....The effed up part is the showrunners have been trying to claim these *obvious* dark side cultists are 'the good guys', and the Jedi are the bad ones. I'm like 'you gave us _blatantly evil faction_ instead of a morally dubious faction and expect us to sympathize them?'

[@knarftahw]

Finally the guy I actually want a review from 🎉

[@iangodwin5282]

Check out heel vs babyface, it's just as funny 😂😂

[@sunso1991]

I refrained from watching doomC and Quartering to wait for Disparu

[@mcnuggetapple]

Yeah az and disparu the only ones to watch

[@andromedach]

Call me Chato is well worth a watch too, his review of episode 2 was off the charts. Disparu is still the best by far followed by Mauler

[@mcnuggetapple]

@@andromedach actually yes pretty much everybody in this circle is good, the critical drinkersphere

[@ninjacostar3849]

What is this? an Apple. Congratulations, you are now a Jedi.

[@d4arken3ds0ul]

Well the idea for the test is they can sense what is on the screen, most likely via through whose holding it. However i like the image this creates of the tester just holding up random shit and going: “wrong this apple is an orange, next.”

[@ninjacostar3849]

@@d4arken3ds0ul Throw them an apple and sense if they can sense where i picked it from. I was poking fun at it really.

[@daviddiggens8841]

Excellent on Disney pointing out the solid fact that not having a father in the home leads to the dark side. I didn't expect them to be based... Even by accident

[@rangerstedfast]

It's "side of color" you bigot

[@brightfaith8403]

Wait, why were the Jedi trying to recruit Mae and Osha when they look older than Anakin when he was denied training? Is that explained?

[@bjornskivids]

Because immaculate conception

[@maciejp7829]

Dont search for logic in this show, you wont find any.

[@Lobsterwithinternet]

Probably because they're on some remote planet in the Outer Rim like Anakin was, hence they don't find out about them until they stumble on them or check-in once in a while like in this case. Most times, the Jedi are either close enough to sense them or people report them to the Jedi.

[@kristoferprovencal3608]

@@Lobsterwithinternetthat’s fine, but they still weren’t going to train Anakin until Obi-Wan made it clear he would train Anakin with or without their approval, and it’s implied that the whole thing was pretty much unprecedented, at least in recent history. On top of that, I think the only reason Obi-Wan had the kind of pull to pressure them was due to the rediscovery of the Sith and his own defeat of Maul.

[@John-fk2ky]

@@Lobsterwithinternet that’s not how that works at all. Pre-Disney, the rules were the rules. It doesn’t matter where they are or when they’re detected. If they’re too old, they’re too old. Anakin is the exception that arguably proved that rule.

[@TheManInBlueFlames]

It begins - the Day of Reckoning for Disney. Not even Star Wars Theory can defend THIS...

[@elcambiollego]

Squid game: I was only 4 when I was tested. Twin: What is four?

[@tlrlml]

"My child, we will teach you these things, in time."

[@Teksuo]

"I've only ever lived with witches and they keep talking about threads that their gonna pull out of a hole." The Force is a tampon XD

[@jimluebke3869]

"It's made of stone! How is it burning?" It's an EZ-bake coven. =)

[@Chowdercl6]

Hello one and all, we gather her today to commemorate the unfortunate passing of the once great Star Wars. Goodbye Star Wars may you rest in a galaxy far far away… 😢

[@Krysnha]

These great universe that give us smiles, make us dream, give us characters that teach us to face adversity and never allow us to fall to evil, that redemption comes, and that family bonds can overcome everithing, we will miss you, you may be gone but never forgotten

[@Silas-Serdar]

Don‘t give up this universe. This is only Disney‘s - ahem! - failed „version“ of it. As soon this bloody nonsense ends, the old canon will be restored and (finally) we get our proper sequels: The classic Thrawn-Trilogy 👌🏽

[@sayLeotardbutsayitChinese]

After a long and pathetic fight, SHE finally succumbed -- not to a lightsaber, but to a tiny knife womb. ... WOUND. Freudian slip.

[@Dernellar]

There is no need to acknowledge Disney's SW. It has no bearing on GL's movies or the Expanded Universe.

[@LiquidSoul06]

​@@Dernellar lol stay mad. Star wars is expanding their storys. You will be ok, or you will continue to rage watch. Either way may the force be with you

[@YuriDSC]

Leslye Headland knows where the bodies are buried

[@surlyunicorn9461]

She bought the shovels.

[@hrdley911]

You mean Lesbian Headlamp?

[@Krysnha]

Because she bring the childs to him and when they didnt want, offer money to those childs to bring friends

[@BroadwayRonMexico]

She helped Weinstein bury his.

[@desmondjefferson2127]

KK has that secret IMHO, she is just the high ranked demon to Satan herself....

[@sorbabaric1]

Why are they special ? I’m so sick of children being told “you’re special “. For existing. This is a visual media. Show, don’t tell. Nothing special about them.

[@kararali379]

Even if it wasn't a visual media, don't just tell me something is special, tell me what makes it special.

[@lmahu6627]

​@@kararali379 They literally have Anakin as a blueprint but then I remember that majority of the cast and crew haven't consumed previoue material.

[@sagethegreat4680]

Osha says this place is an unsafe work environment because of all the cracks and burning stone 😂

[@YugiSupersaiyan]

You're mistaken, Disparu. The Dishwasher is the Dark Side. Easier, more seductive, but not better.

[@tlrlml]

I think paper plates are the darkside, and dishwashers are the middle ground between the light and the dark.

[@petrie911]

Nah, a dishwasher is way more efficient than hand washing.

[@lightningpenguin8937]

​@@petrie911 depends, plus you can't dishwash everything. Ours personally only does an okay job. Kind of why no one in my house uses it.

[@GreatUSTreasureHunt]

Squid Game is like Quagmire when he went to Korea and starred in that soap opera; no idea what he's saying. But at least American Johnny was a respected character. Sorry for the bad break, Squid Game.

[@628baphomet]

I call bullshit. A planet of nothing but women and not one “Live, Laugh, Love” decoration? Psssh

[@DannyDevitoOffical-TrustMeBro]

They’re lesbian witches, they’d probably have something like “steal, kill, and destroy”

[@DH-xw6jp]

Not enough throw pillows either

[@josie_the_valkyrie]

@@DH-xw6jp I was going to yell, “hey! I don’t have a live, laugh, love sign anywhere!” But yeah, you got me there…

[@GLJosh]

Needed more loth-cats.

[@David.Dailey]

Nor any Starbucks

[@59connect]

“Star wars save my life” so now shes going to murder it 😂

[@merrick1588]

Her desire to join the Jedi feels like a severely abused kid going with the sketchy dude in the van to visit his puppy just to get away from home

[@tlrlml]

My thoughts, exactly!

[@2nd_Directorate]

Instead of staying in the indocrination camp of some commie witches....poor girl never had a chance.

[@Xbalanque84]

Like they know somethings wrong, can't articulate why, and are just looking for any possible way out.

[@Snrubly]

Maybe with her being light side and all she can sense these are dark side sex cultists and I could also see her having a connection to other light side users immediately, tho the writes surly never thought about any of that