The Aging Woman/Aging Children & Redefining Your Core Family

[@kathyhegert4152]

Well done. Like you my children are in their 40s with families of their own. I am a widow of 8 years and it has been a struggle, but I have found peace with being alone with my two dogs. Recently I went on vacation with my sons and their families and the most wonderful thing happened. Everyone was playing a card game and I stepped out on to the deck. I looked back through the picture window and there they all were...the loves of my life, laughing, happy, grown up. I have never felt such joy in my life.

[@Melissa55]

aw, Kathy, I'm so sorry for your loss. Your comment about looking back at them brought tears to my eyes. OK, I'm just plain crying. Thank you so much for this. You know the true meaning of love. Many thanks, Melissa

[@Melissa55]

+Adim Support Thank you so much for the suggestion. I'm going to be honest here. I'm a pretty boring person. lol. I mean I live in a small town. I'm a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a secretary and I have a dog and two cats. I'm pretty much like millions of other women around the world. Probably after the first minute everyone would be clicking out. But you don't know how much I appreciate you saying this ! It made me so happy. Much love Melissa

[@aliciabratton3832]

Melissa, I love your thought process on this topic. I always hear people talk about how they wish their kids could stay little, stay young. As a Mom of a disabled woman who is almost 26, I can assure them that they do not want their children to stay little. I always gently offer some advice to them- raise your children to be able to go out and create the life they want. Celebrate with them when they find their partner. Encourage them to depend on each other and allow them to develop a relationship with their partner so they become their own independent functioning unit. This is how it is supposed to be as humans develop and mature. I have an 18 year old (and a 4 year old!) and I can hardly wait to see what her life has in store for her as she flies the nest. I love my Alexa, but I so wish she would be able to do the things that other adults her age are doing. It is hard to see people her age getting married an having babies. Thanks for tackling this subject.

[@Melissa55]

Thank you so very much, Alicia. I just read your comment and said a little prayer for you. you are having to go through much and Your life is so busy. I hope you are able to carve out special things for yourself. Little rewards for doing a good job. Because you are doing so much and have so many challenges that most of us will never know. Thank you more than I can ever say for sharing your story with all of us. And I will be thinking of you. Bless you and much love, Melissa

[@ElleIsForLiving]

I loved this so much girl. I don't have kids and have had so much change in my life that I am used to redefining my core family but I can see where, when you make your entire life raising your children that this would take a huge adjustment to redefine your core family. I loved when you said it is 'whatever makes you feel good about yourself' - so true girl. ♥ Elle

[@Melissa55]

You have lived an incredibly rich life, Elle and I admire the ability you have always had to take every situation and make something of it. You are able to find joy in simple things as well as exciting traveling. I really like how you devote so much time to making a good marriage, especially traveling with Mark on his business. I think that is so important. You are one of the most loving women I know. Thank you for being my friend. Love, Melissa

[@thehipchickonline]

Melissa, I'm closer to your daughter's age being in my mid-40's, but this really hit home for me in a different way. When we got married many years ago, our pastor said you will begin your own family unit and you will need to focus on that. It's true, I love my parents and always will. My love for my own children is something even stronger than I would have ever imagined existed. Your video is a reminder that even though it's a lot about the 4 of us, I need to let others know how much I love them, too bc I hear it through your video. Probably not making much sense, but you really got me thinking by what u are feeling. ❌⭕️

[@Melissa55]

Thank you so very much, Kim I really do hope that those of us the generation ahead of you can find the things that fulfill us. To me the greatest gift I can give my adult children is to be happy and fulfilled myself so they won't ever have to feel obligated to me or have to worry about me. Many thanks and much love, Melissa

[@rxstrmom]

Great topic Melissa...I raised my daughter as a single mother and thought I would never remarry. And she's chosen not to marry and to concentrate on her career and her charities. It never occurred to me until recently that maybe she felt that she would be taking care of me (not financially) for the rest of her life - that I would depend on her - like you, I'm having trouble saying it. Since I married Jim and moved away and now really away to Florida she has blossomed ! She lives a wonderful life with her wonderful friends and all her interests. I realized that by me getting married that it "free'd" her to pursue her dreams. And I'm so proud of her accomplishments. Jim and I no longer have Bagel but we are truly both foot loose and fancy free to do whatever we want whenever we want. We're way too far away to "babysit" his grandchildren - like you said they have their own lives and we are our own little core family having the time of our lives. It's pretty exciting to be at this stage of our lives. xoxo patti 🎀

[@justjudy1781]

Beautifully said.

[@Melissa55]

Patti, I do hope you realize what a terrific job you did. Being a single mother is incredibly hard and you did it for years. You know, you might be on to something. Children become extremely protective of their single mothers I suspect. My son is still so protective of me because before Doug he was the male in the family. I wonder if only children feel this even more. The very very best gift you can give her is to be happy and fulfilled yourself. Not only are you showing her how to age, but you are giving her the freedom to shine. And that is probably the best gift you could ever give her. Love you lots and I'm so honored to know you. I truly am. Love you Melissa

[@Melissa55]

It sure was. She's amazing!

[@heavenlygurl6802]

Melissa you're truly amazing. I have been so encouraged by your comments here. I am 60+ and divorced. For several years I suffered with depression not even defining it as such. I was alone more and more as my three younger children (twins 25 and baby girl 23) moved out. Suddenly the house was silent, the phone rang less and less. l felt lost with a bleak future stretching out in front of me. You really spoke to my heart today was did many of the comments. It helps to know others feel this too but don't give up. Refresh, reinvent, redesign! That's the way! You are such a blessing...

[@Melissa55]

Letticia, I know I keep saying it, but I love your name!, that really struck me. The phone rang less and less. Yes, that's true. It's funny though, when I get busy and don't think about my kids for a while, now that's when they want to call me! I guess my point is you have the time now to concentrate on YOU. You can find out what makes you tick after years of devoting yourself to your children. It can be scary, but it can be exciting, too. I wish you all the best. Much love Melissa

[@heavenlygurl6802]

Thanks for reminding us to hold tight to the good things in life! Even your name! I am so enjoying my Paparazzi earrings! They are so much fun! Thanks for that. I'm excited about perfecting the rest of my boho look lol! Your spirit and zest for life is beautiful. Blessings...

[@Melissa55]

I love the Paparazzi jewelry. !!! And I tell you, you just can't beat a boho look. It's the best. Much love Melissa

[@inikidaisy]

I am late in watching this, but I just love how down to earth and lovely you are. I never had kids, but I did get divorced when I was 52 (am 60 now). I knew I wanted to find love again so I went on Match and 4 months after I was divorced, I met my soul mate. It really never entered my mind that I was in the "older" category. My motto is, never give up on being healthy and trying to look as best as I can, and most of all, never give up on love. hugs to you.

[@jeanniejane]

I felt sad when you said, they have their core family and I'm not apart of it. 😞 Such a scary thought that our children may not need us anymore, or as much. You are absolutely beautiful inside and out. 😍😘

[@Melissa55]

I really didn't mean it to be sad, because I truly don't feel sad. I think both my children are really interesting and funny people and I really enjoy their company. And I do know they love and need me, but it's just different now, if that makes sense. Thank you and much love beautiful lady! Melissa

[@Julie-ow1qr]

You did a great job defining the core family. My twin daughters are now 40 and have their own families and responsibilities. I know they love me and we chat weekly but they both live over an hour away and visit on holidays. I never had a dog in my house my entire life until eight years ago. My husband and I both think the world of these 2 small dogs who we have raised since they were 7 days old orphans. I realize they are not human but we still love them. I never thought about how to say what I was feeling until you said it! The core family, thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[@Melissa55]

aw you had twins!!! And of course they still love and need you - but they just get busy now. And I totally hear you on the love of the little doggies. I spend more time with Oliver than any other living thing! He really is my little buddy. Thank you so much, Julie. I appreciate it. Love, Melissa

[@joangieseke8941]

Thank you for this wonderful video, Melissa. My daughters are grown with lives of their own, and if I'm honest, I have to say I miss being needed the way I was when I was a SAHM for many years. I see them (and my little grandson) regularly, but not as often as I'd like. This is a new and often bittersweet life phase that women need to talk about more often. I'm grateful that you decided to share this part of your life with us.

[@Melissa55]

It's kind of a shock to each this point, isn't it Joan? Bittersweet. Yes that is a good word to describe it. thank you so much. Love, Melissa

[@Lisa9380HW]

While it can be quite sad when trying to figure out what the next phase of our lives will look like, it is so comforting to realize we are not alone. The comments from all these sweet subscribers reminds me of that. Thanks Melissa for giving us all something to not only think about, but to share as well. God Bless

[@Melissa55]

Lisa it really is comforting to realize we aren't alone, isn't it? We are all different women, but when I read the comments, I realize how incredibly alike we are, too. Everyone here has really blown me away. Thank you so much and lots of love to you, Melissa

[@barbiekisel9624]

Melissa you said that all wonderfully. My daughter's been gone about 20 years now too. She lived in Arizona and now in Texas for the last 13 years. I remarried while she was gone but it was still hard for me without her, we're best friends and I'm lucky I can visit her almost every month for a few weeks. It was still hard realizing I might not be the most important person in her life when she meets someone else even though she'll always love me.

[@debbisanford9179]

I feel the need to tell you that this video has made a huge impact on my day.I have 3 grown adult children who are all single but are in live in relationships.My husband and I can't wait for grandchildren ,but we feel sad that our kids don't include us more in their daily lives.Sometimes we take that as rejection.Listening to you talk made me realize that we need not feel sad and that our 2 little dogs fill us with so much joy,...our new little core family is enough right now...thank you for your wise words.You will never know how they have helped me today.xoxo

[@Melissa55]

Thank you so much for telling me this, Debbi. It can be sad for us but I think it's part of the life cycle. They get so busy in their own lives that it can be easy to sort of forget about us. I feel sometimes I'm on the sidelines waiting, but then I finally realized that was sort of my job to do that. Thank you so much!!! Much love, Melissa

[@lindafilipp5626]

How serendipitous of you Melissa to be making this video at this time. My daughter just left after visiting with me over the Fourth. I was feeling a little down realizing, I am not her core family. She is getting married in October and has been gone from the house for over ten years. It is so true that you have to redefine your core family. Being a single woman(divorced for thirty years) it is sometimes scary to evaluate your present situation. I feel like your video was meant for me!!!! Thank you and love you!!! Linda

[@Melissa55]

Oh Linda, it's so hard isn't it when they leave? And I imagine it's even harder doing it on your own. I really wish you so much luck and blessings in this new phase of your life. I hope you find wonderful adventures!!! Love you and thank you so much, Melissa

[@debrajordan1929]

I loved what you had to say. It really spoke to me. This is the second time you have defined something for me that I knew but didn't know how to describe it. The first was dressing your style not your age. And now this topic! I have 4 grown children and I had thought about it as finding my purpose. You pinpointed it better! I am single so I have had a rough time establishing my "new" core family. It has actually reverted back to spending more time with my sisters because they are in the same situation I am. We have become good friends now that our children are all grown with families of their own. Thank you so much for this video!!!!!

[@Melissa55]

Debra, you really touched me with your comment. I can't thank you enough. Oh with four children, you have earned your "me" time, girl! And how marvelous that you have your sisters!!! That is so wonderful. I never had a sister and always longed for one. Doug's sister Kim, is my sister now and so is my brother's wife, Cindy, so I feel blessed in this regard. Thank you so much for sharing! Much love, Melissa

[@Lyndaadlng1]

This was extremely well said. I'm 58 and have 4 children and had been feeling a bit sad about things lately and now i realise what was causing it. your absolutely right about redefining your core family. I feel much better now i understand what is happening. Thank you Melissa

[@Rebecca-je4ic]

I just wanted to say that I am 39 and my mom is 59. I have my core family with my husband and two kids, but I crave that connection with my mom. I often times feel as though she pushes me away to concentrate on my two brothers who are not very settled and struggling a bit in their lives. This video helped me to understand her position a bit better. Thank you💖

[@Melissa55]

Marjory, I think the squeaky wheel gets the oil. In other words, it tends to be the children that need us the most get the most attention. She loves you just as much, she just feels an extra responsibility toward them. Thank you so very much. You and your mom are about the same age different as my daughter and me. Many thanks, Melissa

[@DaphnesBeauty]

Hi Melissa. You are so right! We do have to continually reassess ourselves and our roles in life. Life brings so many changes, many we don't expect and we have to cope. There's a saying I love, life is not about weathering the storm, it's about learing to dance in the rain. I think this is so true. I so admire you; you are ever elegant and articulate. Your love for your family is so obvious. They are so lucky to have you in their lives. Thank you for your continued inspiration. Sending much love,xoxo Daphne💖💖

[@Melissa55]

I tell you, Daphne, life throws a bunch of stuff at us at times, doesn't it? Oh what a wonderful saying!!! I will think of this often and try to live my life like this. May we all dance in the rain. Thank you and love you, Melissa

[@lyndam8165]

I enjoyed the thought you put into your video subject. Being in my 70's I relate to so much of it. I now understand why older couples with long marriages (54 yrs in our case) grow closer than ever as we are joined at the hip as well as the heart meaning we always want to be together and our feelings are almost the same in all areas of life. We do enjoy our precious dog as if she were our baby!! We have always traveled a lot but now although age makes it harder we seem to enjoy it better. We have adopted our church family as part of our "core family". We love this time of our life after retirement, every day is like Saturday, no alarm clocks, eating when & where we want, enjoying our great grandchildren, our friends and yes our children, grandchildren, and missing our doggie when we are away. Starting new hobbies, meeting new people and always dreaming. Life is FUN😃

[@Melissa55]

Thank you so much, Lynda. Yes, I can see why couples grow closer, too. I know Doug and I certainly have. Gosh, what a wonderful, wonderful comment. You are truly inspirational and I have set similar goals for myself. What a blessing you are to all those that know you and to each other. Thank you more than I can say for sharing this. Much love, Melissa

[@kgnana4]

I just watched this video. It was like I was supposed to see this today. The subject of this video resonated with me know than you'll ever know. My kids are also in their 40's and live very busy, active lives and I find myself feeling excluded from time to time. My husband & I have been married for 45 years, are newly retired and forging out this chapter in our lives. Our grandkids are all teenagers, one is actually in college. I struggle from time to time feeling like a ship without a rudder. So thank you for the message. It's nice to know that other people feel the same way. You communicated the message perfectly. Thanks!

[@cindisweet7605]

WoW Melissa! What perfect timing for you to make this video! I'm 56 and have 6 weeks left with my daughter before she's off to college! I used to think empty nest time would be awesome and all about me! After raising my 2 children on my own these past 18 years - I thought I would be ready for "my" time. Truth is - I'm no where close! And now to watch you and realize there will also be another time that I will need to redefine my core! Oh dear! It's hard right now seeing her clean out her closet and bathroom - and she's so excited to leave home! You've given me ideas! Instead of overworking I think I'll try yoga & learn to knit!!! I've already gotten a dog to fill the upcoming void! Love & Hugs from Oklahoma! You're the best! Cindi

[@Melissa55]

Oh Cindi, I'm so very sorry. I know this is so hard on you. And just sit down and have a good cry. I live in East Tennessee, and my daughter went to college in West Tennessee. Tennessee is a long state, and I cried all the way across it! I will have to say, I don't think this phase was as hard as that one. And the same when my son left to go to school in Charleston. I cried all the way home. It will be a time of adjustment, but it will be a time of self discovery, too. And I know you are glad she is becoming a loving, independent woman, but that doesn't make it any easier. Please take really good care of yourself. I really admire all you've done in your job of being a good mother. Much love, Melissa

[@californiaglo9666]

Loved the topic. I got divorced at 23 and raised my daughter alone. I dated but never remarried. Now at 55 I found someone special. My daughter is 32 years old and is not happy. You are right. My family is now Frank. She is enjoying her life and rarely calls or visit. My core family has changed.

[@Melissa55]

Oh gosh I'm so sorry that your daughter is not happy. Is she upset that you have a new man in your life? I hope and pray she will be happy for you. I'm so very sorry. I wish you much love and happiness in your new life! Love Melissa

[@californiaglo9666]

She is not happy because she doesn't come first anymore. It's ok I am happy and he is so understanding. Thank you for your kind words.

[@morganjen1962]

I absolutely understood what you were trying to say. There's a lot of reflection and introspection going on as we age and family dynamics change.

[@Melissa55]

There sure is. And it's probably the way it should be! Thank you and much love Melissa

[@hollyulvestad544]

thank you for this, I guess its something we do everyday but don't think about, I pine sometimes for my boys but they are well, nice people and I did my job well. Now I sit back and watch them use the tools I helped them to develop. but there are still days I feel kinda left behind.

[@taniapavlis6384]

Me too.

[@Melissa55]

Gosh I know that feeling. You did do your job well, but there are times when you wish you were back there again. And I think women give of themselves so much to their children, that it's a shock when they are grown and need different things from you. And sometimes you just need a good cry. But I do hope we can try to pursue some things that we've not been able to before that will bring us joy. We have paid our dues raising these kids and maybe it's our turn to do some fun things now! I'm trying anyway!!! lol. I don't always succeed, but I'm trying. Thank you so much. Love Melissa

[@juliesunderlin3603]

This is so timely for me! I am entering this very time in my life....my children are establishing their adult lives. I've been shifting between feeling sorry for myself and being excited to be here!! I think about my relevance and how lucky I am to still be in love with my husband. We are talking a lot about the future and that's a good thing!! Thanks for giving a voice to my inner thoughts!!

[@Melissa55]

Julie you look way too young to have grown children!!! It is an exciting time and it's normal to mourn the old way, too. But whether we want it to or not, things change and we might as well be realistic about it. Thank you so very much. Love, Melissa

[@MrsLoretta]

Melissa my husband of 22 years died when I was 57...I was lost..my kids were in different states so I was basically alone except for one son that lived near me...I helped him start a business and that was the best thing that could have happened to me..I was single for 7 years and didn't really have a desire to date...I got to know my self and what I wanted...I got to the point I enjoyed myself..lol By accident I met my husband when I was 64...He is my core family..so I now exactly what you are talking about..My daughter is very busy with her grown friends and my other children are working hard to carve out their niche in life..So I feel successful that they are efficient and self supporting adults..I taught them best I could..But now they have their core...Love to you Loretta

[@Melissa55]

Oh Loretta, you had to go through so much losing your husband when you were still young. Gosh you are a wonderful mother. The fact that they are so successful proves that. I'm so glad you have your husband and are so happy. It is an inspiration to me. Much love, Melissa

[@mariannesears4760]

This is so true....I've always thought about it as you go from the one person your children love....being their most loved person to being way down the line as they build their family. While it is a joy to watch, sometimes it is sad.....It's a joyous time of life but as you have more limitations and your children get into the thick of their own lives, you have to be happy with yourself and pursue friends and interests. I totally understand what you are saying....

[@Melissa55]

It is sad and I do know they both really love me so much. But their need for me has moved down the line. They need their spouses more than me. I truly am blessed to have met the women on here and shared so much with all of you. It's made this journey even more wonderful and fun. Much love, Melissa

[@lisah2208]

Hello Melissa. I'm new to your channel and came across this video tonight; thank you for talking about this. I am 47yo (almost 48) and although I'm still needed daily by my two boys (19 & 17), my 21yo daughter has been living independently with her partner for 3 years. I've always told myself and raised my children to understand that they are like library books - I get to borrow them from the time they're born until the time they need to be returned to themselves to live their own lives. Their father and I want our children to thrive in life and by raising them with the knowledge that they will ultimate be responsible for themselves (and whoever forms their core family), and that we as parents will take a back seat in their lives. My husband and I - their father - have always made time for ourselves as a couple knowing that it would just be the two of us again one day, God willing, and our children have always understood why it's been important for us to be a couple and not just their parents. We love our children and I'm sure when the last one leaves we will have to deal with that emptiness, but listening to you talk, I'm going to look at it as a moment in time to redefine our core family. Sorry for rambling but I wanted to share how I felt, and to thank you for communicating your thoughts and feelings in a way I can truly relate to. Best wishes, Lisa.

[@ginnyburley9552]

I really appreciate this video! My 3 children are grown and gone for several years now. My husband died 2 years ago, so I am alone. I am tired of so many years of working hard and taking care of others. Tired. I am proud of my grown children and feel so loved and valued by them. Thank God!! But we all find ways to fashion a life with meaning, and I appreciate hearing about yours. You are lucky to have Doug and to be so beautiful and sweet. It's all about being fully who you are at every stage, just finding those little pieces in your life and putting them together to make your own treasures like we did when we were little girls!

[@Melissa55]

Oh Ginny, I am so sorry about the loss of your husband. I don't know what that is like, but I send you so much love. Thank you for such this comment. I appreciate so much you sharing your thoughts. Yes, finding your treasures. That is really an excellent way to look at it. We have to find our treasures. Thank you more than I can say. Much love, Melissa

[@terryomalley2089]

Melissa, You are so blessed to have Doug.

[@Melissa55]

I really am, Terry. I don't take him for granted at all. Thank you! Melissa

[@debbs542]

My dear sweet Melissa, this video is definitely among your most raw, real, and heartfelt! I hope you take comfort in knowing that your parenting style raised two wonderfully independent souls. The last thing we want is to have them be too dependent on us (parents)into adulthood, whether it be financially or emotionally. I have 3 children, 2 married with children, one single (just turned 40). I always tell myself whatever their circumstance - it is their journey, not mine. Tomorrow I am married 42 years - it's a much better life than I EVER could have imagined it would be at age 62, and viewing your videos is a BIG part of that.. Connection to like minded women is so important to me - thank you for your willingness to be so open and honest...I truly adore you XoXO

[@Melissa55]

Oh thanks so much, Debb! I am really proud of my children. They have turned out to be incredibly good people. And they really love their little families and are both excellent parents. Oh Happy Anniversary. That is so wonderful! And I am so touched with your comment and your kind words. I cannot even begin to tell you what all of you have meant to me. No words. thank you so much. Love, Melissa

[@judyberniche4447]

Well said Melissa. I thought I was the only one feeling this way. Nice to know, it's normal.

[@Melissa55]

Thank you so much, Judy! I thought I was the only one, too!!! lol. Many thanks, Melissa

[@megablessedgram]

Melissa, you couldn't have said it better! I have q felt the same way for quite awhile. My daughters are 41and 43, both married with their own children. Their dad and I were divorced years ago. I can totally relate to what you're saying but I'm so glad you said it out loud!! For some strange reason I've felt like I should almost feel guilty if I wanted a "family" of my own now. I know that is the wrong way to feel though. But by you stating exactly what I've felt for so long, it makes me feel like it's so clear and right. THANK YOU MELISSA! Hugs, Dianne

[@Melissa55]

Thank you so very much, Dianne. I do think we deserve to do things we enjoy and to have people around us that make us happy, especially if our children are busy with their own lives. My children do not want me to have a KZbin channel. But I like it and so I do it against their wishes. Thank you so much for your comment. Much love, Melissa

[@SpecialK711]

I so needed to hear this right now, thank you for putting words to this, I understand more clearly now what my husband & I have been experiencing since our child came along 14 yrs ago. We had many friends who were older than we are and/or childless. Steadily, they exited our lives as our focus & priorities changed towards raising a child. We miss them & have had a challenging time with making new connections. I totally hear what you're saying about being thankful just to have each other...watching movies, taking walks, grilling out & gardening have all been simple pleasures that have taken on a renewed & precious value to us. With so much chaos in the world today, I am incredibly thankful to lead such a simple life that leaves more room for peace & things that really matter. Bless you for your beautiful heart. God raised you up with such grace so that you could deliver thse truth messages in a way that eases so graciously right into our hearts & lives.

[@Melissa55]

Karen, what a beautiful message and thank you more than I can say for the comment at the end, especially. If a person can find joys in simple things - find love where it is offered or offer it themselves, and be satisfied in their life all through their life, they will be a happy person and teach their own children how to grow old. Thank you and much love, Melissa

[@jancruser8496]

Oh wow, did this hit home. You said it perfectly, Melissa. Hubby, my eleven year old Yorkie, Maggie Moo, even hubby's stinker rag doll cat, Boo-Boo-Kitty, they are my core family now. It's a dance, learning to accept your children as adults and letting them go with love and grace, because we aren't the focal point of their life, as we shouldn't be. That now belongs to their spouses and their children. But It IS our time now, the responsibility is no longer there, we have time to do the things that we want to do. I try to embrace every day. Carpe Diem pretty lady...

[@Melissa55]

I just love the names of your pets. I swear those little things become like children, don't they? I'm absolutely not the focal point of their lives anymore. But I do have good friends in them and they have babysitters and a mother who will love them forever in me. But if I'm happy and having fun, then my kids are very relieved! Thank you so very much. Love, Melissa

[@Violet-ws4eh]

As another subscriber put it, this phase of our life is 'bittersweet'. Although it must have hurt a little to hear your grandchild talk about her mother's love (like the first time you hear the 'I hate you'), I think it gave you the opportunity to realize and accept that you are in a different place now. You do have to learn to live your life in a totally different way. Even though at times it can be hard to accept that being a mother is no longer a 24 hours a day job, it is another step we take in the progression of life. Your thoughts were put together very well and the message you gave all of us will be well received. Thank you for sharing such relevant thoughts. Lorna

[@Melissa55]

It is a bittersweet time in our life, for sure. It was a bit of a shock to hear this from my granddaughter, but it was so true. I am in a different place, and in some ways I feel much younger than I did 20 years ago. I feel freer. aw, thanks so much, Lorna. Much love, Melissa

[@kathleenrusso7555]

One of your best videos! My son left for college in 2001.from Santa Monica to NH to attend Dartmouth. At first it was exciting packing him up and going back to help him unpack and get settled. He didn't come home for Thanksgiving and I thought he would be home for Christmas, but friends were going to the Caribbean diving and "would I mind if he went?" Sadly, except for some weekly visits he has never been hom. Graduation sent him to Pittsburgh to Carnegie Mellon for his Masters, Duke for a second Masters and the U of Chicago for his PhD and Law School. He is now a practicing attorney in Manhattan, finally engaged to his girlfriend of 11 years and I have had to accept the fact that I am no longer the number one person in his life. Which I have known for many years. He would love to get back to California, but his life is in NYC now. As I get older I worry about being alone. Divorced for over 20 years and retired in Scottsdale, I have a "nice" life. But NO CORE FAMILY. But now that I know I can count my dog, I do feel better. Deep down inside I miss my little boy with his runny nose, chicken pox and pink eye! Of for the good ol' days!

[@Melissa55]

Kathleen, I know you are extremely proud of your son. What an amazing man he is. I hate to say something sexist, but I am going to. I have found that male children just don't visit or call or need their mothers quite like female children do. I know you fear being alone as you age. We all do as we get older. And I wonder if you will find yourself reaching out to close friends more often. I'm trying to put myself in your place and wonder what I would do if I wasn't married to Doug. It's something I do think about because you never know what tomorrow will bring. I appreciate your thoughts so much. I've really enjoyed doing my KZbin channel. Is this something you think you would enjoy doing? I really wish you so much happiness and joy. Much love, Melissa

[@kathleenrusso7555]

Thank you so much for your reply! I've often thought of doing a video, but then again, my life isn't very exciting............It's great for me. Love your channel, keep up the great work

[@WistfulCreative]

You have perfectly described everything I've been feeling. Thank you for sharing. It's is so true, our children build their own "core" families just as it should be. We should be happy when they succeed in doing it, and not feel bereft. Another time of letting go.

[@cindyp5132]

Wow! You made me cry, you're so spot on. It's not always easy to recognize & define the periods of our lives. So when you do, you help many, many women who maybe can't understand what's going on and why they feel this way. I'm right there with you, thanks for talking and sharing.

[@Melissa55]

Oh Cindy, it can be hard sometimes, can't it? I don't know what I would do without everyone on here. It is making the whole process so much easier. Thank you so much. Love, Melissa

[@MaryEllenAfter60]

You did a wonderful job conveying this message, Melissa. The sixties is my favorite decade, so far, and I've enjoyed every single decide. You are beautiful, and well spoken. Blessings, and love, Melissa....MaryEllen

[@Melissa55]

I love you MaryEllen. You are truly a wonderful woman. Thinking about you. Love and thanks, Melissa

[@wildirishrose16]

This was such an awesome subject. I raised 7 kids and they are now grown with their own families. It is such a change. This is hard to do, but such a natural part of life. You said it beautifully and I appreciate it so much. I just love watching you. Thank you, Blessings, Brenda

[@Melissa55]

Oh Brenda, you have paid your dues for some fun!! I am in awe of raising so many children. Thank you and girl, go out there and have a great time! Much love and thanks, Melissa

[@lynnettechapman327]

Excellent insight! At 62, my husband and I are in the process of redefining every area of our lives. We have moved to a new town, moved from a large home into an apartment and started new careers. My comfort comes from knowing that God said that there are many "seasons" in one's life and boy, is that ever true. One thing I know for sure is that He gives the appropriate "grace" for the appropriate time for us to be able to handle new situations and be successful. You are full of love, grace and wisdom. Thank you so much for sharing such a pertinent word. It is all so true!

[@Melissa55]

How brave you are!!! I think that is marvelous that you are starting a new career. Good for you and how inspirational! Thank you so very much for your kind comment. Love, Melissa

[@SharonCapehart]

OMG! Melissa. I know exactly what you are talking about. I have been going through this very thing for the last 5 yrs. It can be confusing and more to the fact, it's like what the Heck do we do with ourselves? This was such a profound message. WOW! This will hit home with everyone. Thanks so much for bringing this up. Sometimes it's good to get together and talk about this. Love ya girl! Keep em coming. HUGS! xoxo Sharon

[@Melissa55]

One thing I really admire about you, Sharon is your ability to move with the times. Does that make sense? You have looked around as things changed in your life and started new things and remained such an interesting person. You have kept yourself so positive and you have been able to inspire this feeling in others. It's an incredible, incredible gift. You are a blessing. Love you lots, Melissa

[@maryreynolds5310]

I had just finished watching you more recent video...This one as well is important. Yep, I feel the same..Our life's and our kids lives are so separate now. It is so important when the kids leave the nest, the moms do things to help keep their minds and bodies busy. You say it's been about 20years for you...It's been 2 years now that my last child left and like I said before and I won't get into it, I went thru hell and back rediscovering myself. It is crazy how our core responsibility changes. I too think it's so important to rediscover our core family/responsibility...It's a must. I'm like you, I feel like I'm rambling on...I say what I want on the inside but have much more to say that makes sense...I just can't spit it out. lol Anyway..Good chat, thank you for sharing. As always, your just as beautiful and sweet as they come. I love ya to pieces. Take care Peace

[@sherriemoore6705]

Thank you Melissa! What a true and heartfelt talk. You are so right.. I never thought anything but that empty nest timeframe.. but I am now approaching the same cycle you are in. Kids live in different states..grandkids, mortgages, etc. I still worry about them and wish I could talk to them and see them more. Your story of your granddaughter's comment brought me to tears! You are right they should love their children more...but still hard. Now fortunately I have my husband and of course my two furbabies!! God bless!!

[@Melissa55]

Oh course you worry about them. And they will always be your babies. But they do get on with their lives, as they are meant to do. And thank goodness for our fur babies, right? lol. Many thanks, Sherrie. Love, Melissa

[@joyfaith874]

Thank you Melissa for your kind comments. We are a strong community of women that care about each other. And we are able to share our ups and downs and laugh together. Love being a part of this group of amazing strong women.

[@Melissa55]

We sure are a strong community of women, aren't we? And I think we will be pretty darn amazing for a long time. Many thanks, Melissa

[@kathybaldwin4973]

Melissa you are talking to me.I just went through this same soul search.I have been divorced for years,I have 3 grown sons,5 grown grandchildren.I have a 10 year old Shihtzu I adopted 9 years ago he is my family .My son's love me,but I raised them to rely on themselves and take care of their wives and children,and that is their life.I had to find my purpose now and it was a daunting process,I am enjoying finding how strong I am my faith is strong,and I love that I have good friends that will say girl get a grip! Life is an amazing journey

[@BeautyByAnneMarie]

I really enjoyed this video Melissa. Different phases of life can be difficult to adjust to. Last fall my youngest went off to college and I have really struggled this year with the adjustment. I am still in the phase where both my kids need me, but I do know one day they will have their own families and I'll have another phase of life. I enjoyed hearing your thoughts on this and find it very helpful. I appreciate you doing this video. Lots of love to you hun! xoxo

[@Melissa55]

You are such a smart woman Anne and your children are lucky to have you. I tell you one thing that will help you and that is your KZbin channel. We've all gotten to know and love you through watching you so as you navigate through these next few years, we will be with you all the way cheering you along. Lots of love, Melissa

[@carolynnorton119]

Melissa I feel like you are a close personal friend.... We are going thru so much of the same things. My oldest is 40 so I know exactly what you are saying. We are in a new chapter in our lives and need to develop a new core family. Hadn't thought about it like that but its so true.I keep wishing they were still young but I should feel blessed they are grown and happy and successful and rejoice in that feeling and drop the sad. Enjoy the fact that you can watch your grandchildren and help your daughter out. I fly to help out whenever I can. Its a pain to have to travel so far but Im blessed we can afford to be able to do so. Our grandchildren bring such joy to our lives. Thank goodness for texting and FaceTime!! I felt like you were talking to me in this video and obviously, reading the comments, so did everyone else! We all need this support as we go through this chapter in our lives. You are such a beautiful(for you, literally !) role model...we can all still be beautiful if we take care of ourselves. We aren't trying to look like 20 or 30 yr olds but just the best we can be. It would be so easy to not care or try anymore because we are older but thank you for showing us all its worth the effort and we can have fun working on it together... I feel blessed to have found your channel...

[@Melissa55]

Carolyn that is the kindest thing you could have said to me. I do sometimes think of when they were younger and wish for that again, but I try not to dwell on it too much. And how wonderful that you get to see your grandchildren without waiting too long. They will always have those memories of you visiting them. I cherish the women I have met on here. Reading their comments has really meant a lot to me and made me realize I am not alone. And I tell you that I am the one that is blessed to know you and everyone else on here, not the other way around. All of you have really helped me in this new phase of my life. Thank you so much and much love, Melissa

[@kathibucklin8198]

You could not have timed this video better ......it's a bittersweet time of our life. Letting go of our children as they raise their own and redefining what Our life should look like as we move forward without them as a central anchor of our life. It's hard to get my head around it but it certainly helps that others are dealing with the same life issues. It's not rambling at all, I know exactly what you are talking about as I sit here with tears streaming down my face Great video Melissa!

[@Melissa55]

It's tough, Kathi. It takes some digging down deep inside to reevaluate ourselves. But I do think it's important to realize that there can be good things ahead for us. Maybe even some of the best times we've had. Thank you so much. Much love, Melissa

[@StayFabulouswithNisha]

I think darling that you have said it very well, I know that I still have a few years before I will have to redefine my core family, but what you said makes so much sense, lovely chat xoxoNisha

[@livcontessa]

Your message is an important one and rings very true to many of us. One of my sisters recently told me that I have the world in the palm of my hand. I told her that if you have no loved ones to share it with, it means nothing. Family is so important. At this particular moment in my life, I'm trying to figure out what comes next for me. The possibilities are endless. In the mean time, I'm thinking about taking up running until I can figure that out. : ) Thank you so much, Melissa. Your message is inspiring and your delivery is as sweet and gentle as ever. Take good care! Love & hugs.

[@Melissa55]

Liv, I know it can be difficult to figure out what to do next, but sometimes trying new things can help. I like the running idea. It's always been amazing to me that one simple thing can lead to another that can lead to another and so on. I really wish you all the best. Much love, Melissa

[@AugustAdvice]

I'm 24 and your advice is really helpful to me because it shows me what is to come later in my life and I don't think other people realize just how important older people's advice is, especially to younger people such as myself. You're quite literally laying the ground work and I can reflect on it for future references. I appreciate your candid honesty in all topics! You are so graceful!

[@Melissa55]

Thank you so very much. It's interesting that you said that about laying the groundwork. My daughter told me that she looks to me to see how to be an aging woman herself. I take that very seriously. I do think the best gift you can give your adult children is to be happy and busy yourself. Much love and thanks, Melissa

[@VDR928]

I totally understand! After raising 5 kids I am just now actually learning how to apply my makeup properly and enjoying fashion, etc. There was just NO time while raising the babies. Enjoying doing projects with my husband that had been on hold for so many years. Thank you for this! I am not alone!

[@Melissa55]

Oh job well done, girl! You are amazing raising five children and you have earned your time to think about yourself. None of us are alone in this. And thank goodness we're not! Much love, Melissa

[@marissavaldez4735]

Melissa, thank you so very much for sharing your heart on the subject. I'm in my mid-50s but I'm still going through the empty nest syndrome and I've never even thought about what you just addressed. But I can see that it is an extremely important subjects and just another phase of life! I love what you brought up when you said that our core family is who we spend our daily routine with and that this is a time where we can rediscover our life😀 thank you again and you're absolutely stunning gorgeous😍

[@Melissa55]

Thank you Marissa for this comment. It's a subject that's been on my mind a whole lot lately. I wondered if other women had noticed it too. I really do believe this time in our lives can be fun. I actually feel younger now then I did in my 40's. My kids have actually said, "since you started this KZbin stuff, you don't have as much time for us anymore". lol. I got a kick out of that. Good luck and don't forget to be good to yourself. Much love, Melissa

[@eleanorrodway263]

You are right Melissa altho I think the time to redefine our core family differs from person to person. I kind of did it backwards and re-established myself in my 30s when I progressed my career and social circle. I wasn't needed so much when my 2 children were in late teens to early 20s (they're now mid 30s) and they lived an hour away in London. However now my daughter is married with 3 beautiful children and they moved back nearer to me with every child! She is now minutes away and they have drawn me into their core family! I think my son will move closer to me when he settles too. A fabulous and thought provoking vid, gently delivered. Thankyou X

[@Melissa55]

That is so very interesting, Eleanor. My daughter and son both moved closer to me, too, and it has been busy! It's been so hard to explain how I feel. It's just that they go home at the end of the day to their families and I go home to Doug. Whereas before they had these families, even when they were all away at college, they came home to me. I was their home, now they have their own homes. I'm terrible at explaining it!!! Anyway, your children are so blessed to have you. Thank you so very much. Lots of love, Melissa

[@kathyscott121]

Great video Melissa. I never really thought about it until you mentioned it but realized how true it was that I too love my children more than my parents. You are right I think that's as it should be. I was afraid I would be like my Mom which was not very loving or maybe not able to express it. So, I have always made sure my kids know how much I love them and I show them. Now that they are approaching middle age themselves we are real gated into care givers when they need us for their kids. It was an adjustment to realize they didn't need me as much as they used to but as you said this is the normal course of life. So now my core family is my husband, our dog, my best friend and other friends as I see them more than my kids. It was a gradual change so maybe that why I really never thought of it the way you described but you are right. I'm still discovering things I'd like to do but not have to do like before. Have a great week! Kat

[@Melissa55]

Kat I suspect when you have a mom who can't express her love well, that the daughter makes an effort to not follow in her footsteps. You've done a wonderful job. My kids need me in different ways now. They need me to babysit and they need me to sound off to, but they look to their spouses now for things they used to look to me for. They don't really ask my advice now. Not much anyway. But that's ok. I'm here for them and I love cooking them Sunday dinner and we all have a blast together. But it's more as friends, now, if that makes sense. Thank you and much love, Melissa

[@tobycatone1642]

Oh my gosh, you made me cry. It's so true that our kids have moved on and at least with me they are busy with their own lives and they don't need me like they used to. I know they love me dearly , don't get me wrong but you're so right, they have become their own core families and that kind of leaves me on the outskirts. Sometimes when I'm with them and their friends I feel like an outsider. It's scarey and sad. But we do go on to find our own way, yes I have a dog and my fiancé of thirteen yrs, partner you might say he is, kind of leaning on each other. Boy this topic really made me think. As if it's not bad enough that we are the next generation to go, lol. But thank you Melissa, I feel a kind of kinship with you, a real friend...

[@Melissa55]

Gosh, Toby, I really know that feeling of feeling like an outsider with your children and their friends. My daughter really does like for me to do things with she and her girlfriends at time, but they are just at different places in their lives. I'm so thankful that you have someone that you love and that loves you. We are blessed when we can find that in our lives. And companionship is really important. Whether it be a friend, a girlfriend, boyfriend, a group, they all will help us find our happiness and fulfillment in this phase.. Thank you so much sweetheart. I really appreciate you. Much love, Melissa

[@mrsrae3388]

This was so interesting. My girls are 31 and just recently stopped calling me so much. At first I thought something was wrong and then I said to myself no, this is a good thing. They are more focused on their own lives and core families. It's the natural healthy progression of life. And yes, my husband, my little doggie and I have our own very comfortable routine now. Our own little core life and it feels good.

[@Melissa55]

It is a good thing, you are right, but it's still unsettling! It's the time you have to look around and see the things that make you feel content and happy. I'm so glad you have your husband and your little fur baby! Much love and thanks, Melissa

[@DeborahSutherlandDebinPei]

This phase of your life is currently what my life is heading into. Even at my age of 48. I struggled with empty nest syndrome 10+ years ago but once I found myself in my new role, I really took time for myself going back to school, putting more into my career. Then there is today lol, my girl is 29 and at that time of life when I am more a friend, confidante and I watch her continue to spread her wings. Our core family is myself, my partner and our dog and its a really good life, lots of contentment and a lot less stress, but it is evolving still. Thanks for sharing such important thoughts.

[@Melissa55]

I can't tell you how proud of you I am. What a marvelous thing you have done. And the very best gift you can give your daughter is to be happy and fulfilled yourself. You take away any guilt from her and she is free to enjoy you as an equal. I found the more I turned my children loose, the more they wanted to be a part of my life. Yes, it is a good life you have. It's very similar to mine, and I couldn't be happier for you! Much love, Melissa

[@tinadarlene8156]

Hi Melissa thank you for sharing your heart. I loved raising my 3 children. My baby is 21. I have no children at home now so maybe mine is empty nest. My husband tells my all the time,when it's all said and done it's just me and you baby! He is my best friend! I tell all to him and he has given me so much comfort! Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. You are beautiful inside and out!

[@Melissa55]

That is so sweet of you to say, Tina. I absolutely LOVE how your husband tells you "it's just me and you baby". He's totally flirting with you too when he says that! Isn't that grand? And what a comfort to be married to your best friend. I can't think of anything better. Much love, Melissa

[@urbanchicky7196]

It's not as simple as loving one person in your life more than another. It's just a different type of love. It can feel like you love someone more just because of the amount of time you spend with them, or the impact that they are having at any given time. That's why it's so important to not lose your own identity. People tend to do that with spouses and children. Then when they're gone you're lost. I lost my spouse at a young age to an unexpected illness and it was devastating. Not just the loss, but having to redefine who I was without him. I have to say though, of all the losses that I've experienced, losing my mother was the worst. I miss her everyday and feel like I lost the one person who would always love me unconditionally. So I guess the point I'm trying to make here in a very long way is that your children do love you and need you probably more than they even realize.

[@Melissa55]

I thank you so much for this message. It was really well thought out and you are very wise. I am so very sorry that you lost your partner at a young age. And at the loss of your mother. I can tell it was hard for you. I do know my children love me and need me. I truly am not sad they they have their own core lives now. I would be worried if they didn't. One thing you said that I really agree with is it's important not to lose your identity. As you well know from your own losses, you just never know what life is going to throw at you. I'm so struck at how incredible wise you are. Thank you so much for posting this. Much love, Melissa

[@karenkingrey8957]

I loved this! You are so right!! Our lives are a constant change. And we have to continuously refigured our place. You said it very well!

[@Melissa55]

aw, that is so kind of you Karen. Thank you so much. Love, Melissa

[@justjudy1781]

Melissa, best video EVER. I felt like you were talking about me. My life was my Daughter, then modeling at the Q consumed my life for years. Now I feel like I am floundering with no real direction. I think that I need to reevaluate my life...and reinvent myself once again. Thank You. Hugs !!!

[@Melissa55]

aw, thank you so much, Judy. You are such an accomplished woman. You've led such an exciting life and now's not the time to stop!!! And why not reinvent yourself again? I say go for it and I, for one, want to be here to watch you do it! Good luck my sweet friend. Love, Melissa

[@janicemillican9754]

Melissa, you are so right. my oldest will be 39 this month, my youngest is only 24, he just married 6 mo ago. My children are doing well with life, this is a great comfort. now its time to redefine myself. At this stage we must decide to push forward, stay social. I have seen women our age just sit down and give up. I cant imagine being somewhat of a shut-in for what may be 20 yrs. Like the old western movies say.....Forward Hooooo. Thanks

[@Melissa55]

Janice, you have a job well done. You have raised your children and they are doing well so you can now worry about yourself and your own needs. And life is going to happen and go forward whether we want it to or not, so we might as well have fun! lol. Many thanks, Melissa

[@Melissa55]

+Krissie K Krissie, you are so right in that we all love the different people in different ways. And they needs us differently, too. And your children feel the nurturing and responsibility toward their children and I think that can feel like a greater love rather than a different love. You are so smart!!! Thank you so very much. I appreciate it. Love Melissa

[@gabbys9781]

Melissa, I am pretty much at the same phase as you. My two sons are married for about 10 years, and we have two grandsons. My husband and I have been "on our own" now for about the same amount of time as you. One son lives close by, but the other who has the grandsons moved to Florida about 1-1/2 ago, much to our disapapointment. We do see them, however, every 2-3 months for a week or two at a time, so we are happy about that, but still not the same as when they were closer by. We have been re-evaluating, and sometimes it seems a bit lonely because half of our family has moved away. You are so right, though, Melissa - they don't need us as they once did, and that does take some getting used to. Our focus must change, and it is the way it should be. I think I was more prepared for empty nest than I am for this time of life. Guess I will get there. Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband as you do, and we'll get there together.

[@Melissa55]

It isn't the same as when they lived closer, is it? I hate that for you. Change is a very hard transition to make but it's one that life hands to us and I guess the trick is to learn to adapt and find happiness in each phase. But it's really challenging at times, isn't it? Thank you so much and much love, Melissa

[@rhondaseitz2634]

Hi Melissa - such a beautiful video. I actually got teary eyed watching. I'm 54 - I have 3 children out of the house, a good man in my life, and just became a grandma for the first time. Such a different life now, compared to being in my 20's and 30's. Each decade has brought change - some good, some bad. And that is life. I completely agree with you that it is time to redefine who I am, where I am in my own life as well as that of my children. Well said Melissa. And.......you are beautiful :)

[@Melissa55]

Rhonda, you are reached the age where you can have an incredible amount of freedom to do what you want and to discover new things about yourself. I find it very exciting. I don't feel the sense of responsibility that I had when I was younger. Doug and I just have to worry about ourselves and Oliver. I'm always there for my children and I babysit a lot, but I do not depend on them for companionship or happiness. It's important for us to make our own happiness and I hope we can all do that. Many thanks and much love, Melissa

[@LindySellsHomes]

What you say is so true. My husband and I are in our early sixties with children close by YET I can see that core family dynamic changing. Perhaps it shows that Love and Life Focus moves in a linear direction FORWARD. They must move their focus forward, not back toward a parent who will pass away someday. It is the baby who needs their support and love for a longer period of time, not the aging parent who has been taking care of themselves for decades. Perhaps as parents it shows us we must forge our own future, our own destiny and craft our life anew so we do not feel set adrift. Thank you for your insight.

[@Melissa55]

It really does ebb and flow and change, doesn't it? And it's true. Their children have to be their priorities now. They are the ones that need their parents. We do have to forge our own futures the very best we can. And I know it isn't always easy. I mean life just throws "crap" at you for lack of a better word. But for our own health and peace of mind, as well as the peace of mind of our children, I pray we can. Much love and thanks, Melissa

[@leeannberger9043]

It is so wonderful to listen to you talk about life and defining who we are at now. You say it well. ThankYou

[@Melissa55]

That is so kind of you to say!!! I really do appreciate it so much, LeeAnn. Much love Melissa

[@karenpresley3561]

I've just begun to feel a type of loss. My son is from my first marriage and he's 35, my daughter from my second and she's 23. Neither of them have children yet. My son doesn't want any and my daughter graduated last year as a registered vet tech. She plans on going back to college to become a veterinarian in about a year. My son works with computers. Animals have always been a part of my core. I might just become the "Crazy Cat Lady"! lol. My biggest realization comes from the fact that I'm no longer in my 20's, and my mother just turned 80 on the 26th of June. I'm also an only child. My family has gotten very small with the death of family members. I never thought about my mother dieing until recently. We almost lost her a number of times the last few years to different illnesses. It has given me a hard reality check. Seems like my core family is ever changing. Hope this all didn't sound depressing. Life does go on. Have a great week. Karen. xxx. 💖💖🌹💖💖

[@Melissa55]

Hey Karen, no it didn't sounds depressing. It sounded like life, if that makes sense. I do have a feeling that our core family through the years will be ever changing and evolving. Girlfriends, groups of like interests, neighbors. They can all become very important to you and make your life interesting and fun. I do believe it is the time in our life to think about ourselves and start having a little fun. If it means skydiving go for it! I don't think women are in the habit of thinking what their needs are and we don't self analyze a lot because we're so used to taking care of others. So maybe think about what would truly make you happy and see how you can go about achieving that. I wish you the best of luck. Much love Melissa

[@Rosycoral59]

Wow! Thank you for sharing your heart on this! I almost did click out because noone likes to face their pain and I realized that as I listened really listened my heart received some healing.. I am in a stage of my life that is so difficult for me that at times I dont know how I make it another day. My mentally ill mother expects all of my time and energy, I still have a 15 year old daughter at home, a 23 year old son in Ga and a 30 yr old daughter in town but shes busy with her "core" people. I am going to share this with my husband as he needs to hear this too. Thanks again Melissa! xo

[@Melissa55]

I am so sorry for all you are going through. I took care of my mother, too, and it's one of the hardest jobs we can do. I hope you can take some time out for yourself, too. You matter just as much as all the people you care for. I know how torn you are between your mom and the child and husband you still have at home. I wish I had some magic advice that would make it all easier. I do wish you could get some help with your mom. I think taking care of our parents is the hardest part of all. Thank you so much for sharing and my heart really goes out to you. Much love, Melissa

[@venusiandesigns]

Great video, I'm coming to that stage in my life, my youngest daughter just graduated from college and I seen the changes in my life and the emptiness I'm feeling. Thank you very much for your words, it got me thinking. Much love to you 😘

[@Melissa55]

It really can be a hard transition and my wish and hope is that we can all mourn it and then find out inside of ourselves what makes us tick! Thank you so much and good luck! Melissa

[@maryanneweightman9054]

Melissa you are so right. I am so glad you addressed this issue. As moms we still want to fix our adult children's problems because we love them. We have to let them make their own mistakes and let them move on. You are right it is our time and let our kids and grandkids grow their own life. Love ya. MA.

[@Melissa55]

You are such a wise woman, MA And I never tell you enough how much I admire you. You and your husband are such goals for all of us. I love how you are enjoying yourself so much. Love you dearly! Melissa

[@cottagekey]

So true. The kids really move on. It can hurt if you let it, but I don't think they mean it to be hurtful. As my sister said to her husband, " It's you and me now, babe." You just have to be there when they need you and try to spend as much time as you can with the grandkids. I think when we get old, and our kids find themselves in the situation when are in now, they come around and feel more affection and need for closeness. At least that is how I was with my parents. Hopefully my kids will feel the same way! I think you did a good job of sharing these thoughts. One thing in life is for sure, everything always changes. We just have to roll with it if we want to have peace.

[@Melissa55]

No, they don't mean to be hurtful at all. They are doing exactly what I had always wanted them to do. Go out and love, be loved, be happy and be good productive members of society. And they did that, so I did my job. You are so right, in that you just have to roll with it. Truer words were never spoken! Thank you so much! Love, Melissa

[@Mint-he5ok]

Hi Melissa, John and I often say to each other that we have a family of four, the two of us and our dogs Trista and Darla! We all four sit in the love seat recliner with a dog in John's lap and a dog in mine while we watch our favorite TV programs. John and I hold hands, and we find it romantic! That might sound silly to some, but for us it's a time of simple pleasure, and that's what we love in life at this stage - the simple pleasures. Our kids and granddaughter lead busy, stressful lives halfway across the country from us now. We love visits that are rare and enjoy texts when they find time, but it's up to us to make good lives for ourselves at this age and to be grateful for our overflowing blessings! Love, Sharon xo ❤️

[@Melissa55]

Sharon, this is such a beautiful message to all of us. I love that time (doug and I sit in bed and watch tv) when we relax with Oliver and Doug always reaches over and holds my hand or absent-mindedly rubs my arm. It's a reaffirmation to me that he loves me, even sub consciously. And while I love my children and grandchildren fiercely, I really do cherish my boring to some moments each evening. Thank you so much for sharing this. Much love, Melissa

[@thekristenkchannel]

I want to thank you for your this video. I am on the aging child side and to hear you speak with such sincerity (and I can tell some of the realities are hard), it is SO amazing to me.

[@Melissa55]

Thank you so much, Kristen. You are an amazing woman and I value our friendship so much. Love to you, Melissa

[@joyfaith874]

Very well put Melissa. My children our grown and our on their own. My a husband and I have adjusted to our new core family. Yet 4 months ago my 39 year old son suddenly died. Everything has changed. I have 3 daughters yet now I want more than ever that we stay close at this time and redefine our core family. We need each other. Nathan leaves behind a 2 1/2 year old son , and life partner. We grieve , life moves on, I have learned to find joy in each day as we never know what tomorrow brings.

[@Melissa55]

I am so very, very sorry for your loss. More than I can say. Doug had both of his brothers die when they were his (Doug's) current age and I saw the hell his parents went through. My heart hurts for you so much. Of course you want everyone to pull together and I hope your daughters can realize this. Please know that me and all of us here hurt for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you, sweetheart. Love Melissa

[@galehalke2956]

For some of us, we have raised our kids, retired and now have to deal with the responsibility of caring for elderly parent(s) in their eighties or nineties...our "core" family comes full circle sometimes and once again includes our parents!

[@castle1144]

When you have a child the love that you feel is so deep it's very hard to then to define how you love others like your parents. I saw this in my younger daughter who as in your example said to me I love my child so much more than anyone else! This only natural but I said this how I felt when she was born, so in a sense it cemented a different type of love between us as she then understood the bonds but it was now different. I think each relationship does change over time and you can have different types of love. I also have my grandchildren who I adore. I agree you do need to revisit this as time goes on as your children do establish their own families.

[@Melissa55]

I think this is such a wise post. I do think my children realize how much I love them now, because they feel this love for their own children. I think I maybe was trying to simplify the different types of love, and really it's multi-layered. Anyway, thank you so very much for this. Much love, Melissa

[@milybequer8839]

All I can say right now is wow just wow. I guess things come to you when you least expect him and I am exactly in the same place you are. Even with my little dog Lola LOL and my husband. You were the first person or maybe the first woman I've heard actually speak about this so honestly. It's hard because your world has completely changed and it's like you wake up one day and you say well what do I do now. It's not that I'm depressed it's not any of that I just don't know how to put it into words but you really do have to redefine yourself your wants your needs in your life it's amazing how we change as we grow. Thank you I really needed somebody else to say what I was thinking or maybe put it into words may be better than I could. 😘

[@Melissa55]

aw, I love the name Lola! So cute. Thank you for the kind words. Oh it is like you wake up and think "what do I do with myself now" . I think it's a time of self examination and thinking about what our own wants and needs are as women. We've given of ourselves so much, but I think it's ok to give ourselves little gifts of happiness now. Thank you so much for your wonderful comment. I really appreciate it. Love, Melissa

[@Madelyn5454]

Melissa , what a thoughtful and unique subject matter for a video . I feel as though you are a college professor or psychotherapist with all the profound insight you just shared with us about the next phase of life after the children leave the nest . I find it hard to adjust to change and transition from one phase of adulthood to another . My daughter graduated college in 2015 . She has an entry level job in her field yet lives with my husband and I . To be honest , Although I want her to be successful in her career and get married eventually , I am happy she is still with us after 4 1/2 years living away . You are very right : aging and moving on is a sensitive issue for a lot of us in your age bracket ( me ). My mother just passed away I. April and that too has been a rough transition . Thank you for addressing this most interesting subject

[@Melissa55]

Oh Madelyn thank you but I am not that way at all. I graduated high school and just went to a two year business college. I'm a secretary, so I'm not very educated or smart at all. But I do think about things a lot and I've noticed a lot of women don't handle this phase very well and it really makes me sad. I really hate to see women unhappy. And your daughter needs you now and you are providing a really important touchstone for her. It's wonderful you are helping her so much. I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother. I am very glad you have people surrounding you that love you so much. Thank you and much love, Melissa

[@susanmoore369]

Really enjoyed this my friend. Got married a couple weeks before my 17th birthday. So I have been married 39 years, one child is all I could have. He has been gone since he graduated high school. I have not been blessed with any grandchildren yet, still praying to have one. So, it's me, my husband and eight boxers...one cat. And yes, my boxers and my cat are part of our core family. My son and his wife come for dinner on the weekend and we enjoy that so much, but like you said, they have their own home, so on and so on....I feel like he no longer needs me to mother hm although I would in a heartbeat. But he is a grown man, and has been in the military for 18 years. Roger and I are just living like many others....love and blessings my dear..xoxo

[@Melissa55]

Oh you have a huge family!!! Those boxers keep you on your toes! As well as the cat. Of course you would baby him in a heartbeat. I would my children, too. You have done a good job and it sounds like you are all really close. Thank you and much love, Melissa

[@justStardust940]

Hey i'm 24 years old and found this interesting and very intelligently thought. The interesting thing about the current younger generation, especially in urban areas, is that children are staying with their parents until about age 30, due to the economy and home prices.

[@msflipflops]

This was such a great video Melissa. I know for us the fur babies bring us so much joy and love. With our son and daughter in law living a couple hours away we don't see them as often as we would like but they are so busy with work and friends. Another stage in life to adjust and redefine. Love you! Carolyn xoxo

[@Melissa55]

It seems like we have to adjust and define a lot, doesn't it at times? It's one reason I'm so glad I have you and others on here. I enjoy getting caught up in your life and having you know about mine. It's comforting to me. I love you and always will. xxx, Melissa

[@thesecretkeeper376]

Oh my goodness, I love this and I needed to hear this! I was a little lost and not sure exactly where my place was now that my children are grown and have a grandchild! This puts a whole new perspective on my life!

[@Wildchile]

I totally get it, I always think about stuff like this. Life has so many transitions, so many different journeys. Love what you said. Thank you for making interesting videos.

[@Deanna52ish]

You are right on and I needed to hear this.

[@Melissa55]

aw, thanks so much, Deanna and I wish you the very best of luck. Much love, Melissa

[@debmelton6422]

Thank you so much for the heartfelt video. I think you did a great job of describing where I'm at in my life as well. My only child (son) is 35 and making a life of his own. Now I know it's time to move forward and embrace the future as a mature woman - I'm 60. I really relate to your videos - it's like we are friends in a way. I always look forward to seeing you - always a joy. I hope you had a fun 4th - again, Thank You so much for being here for us. xo Deb :-)

[@Melissa55]

Deb, you are such a smart woman with a really good attitude. You know, I feel like the women on here are my friends, too. I know I haven't met them, but just talking to them makes me realize how alike a lot of us are. And I want to thank you for being there for me. Believe me, these videos have helped me so much more than I could have ever helped anyone else. Thank you and much love, Melissa

[@melodyvantucci350]

FABULOUS video Melissa - right there with ya - perfect - completely agree with your thoughts - and thank you! I think you have communicated and expressed yourself beautifully, clearly and concisely!

[@Melissa55]

aw, thank you so very much. I wanted to say more, but that darn camera just doesn't talk back to me and give me feedback! lol. Much love, Melissa

[@chantalphillips885]

I enjoyed this video Melissa. It did make me reflect on my life what you said about your core family. They are the people you are closest to and share the good and bad times with. My husband and I wanted so much to have children, but I've 9 miscarriages in the last 7 years. I will be 45 this month. Four of my pregnancies were ivf and through alot of testing we found that I have auto immune reactions to my pregnancies. It has been rough road but has brought my husband and I closer together. Alot of people say we should adopt, but I feel we are getting too old. We now have to redefine our core family without children or grandchildren. We are lucky that our parents are still living.(My Mom is 85, Dad 75). Losing them will be the next difficult phase we will need to go through. Love, Chantal

[@onerose3614]

You're never too old to adopt. Have a cousin who adopted 5 children at the age of 52. She could not have any children and it was her life long dream to have children and leave a legacy. It's one of the most gratifying and beautiful thing to do, albeit, it may not be for everyone. It comes with many challenges but no different then having your own children. For her it's been the best thing and she is so thankful and grateful for having had the opportunity to be able to do this. Just wanted to let you know, you're never too old. :)

[@Melissa55]

I'm so very sorry for all the problems you've had. My daughter finally adopted their first child after trying for several years. I do agree with +LovNJoy that it might not be too late if this is a path you choose to pursue. I know it must have been such a hard road for you. I don't think people realize the toll this can take on women. I wish you much love and happiness. You are a wonderful and loving woman and I thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Much love, Melissa

[@Melissa55]

My oldest grandchild is adopted and what a joy she has been!!!

[@chantalphillips885]

Thank-you LovNJoy Peace for the kind message of encouragement. Kudos to your cousin for adopting 5! I am adopted too!

[@chantalphillips885]

Thank-you Melissa. You and Doug have such a sweet relationship. I love watching your videos because you have such positive energy. You are beautiful inside and out and you inspire me want to take better care of myself. Huge hugs, Chantal

[@hjw1113]

thank you for this video. I just came across your channel today and love it. I'm starting to go through all this. My son has his own place and my daughter is getting married in Nov. This is all new to me and so hard knowing your kids don't need you as much now.

[@victoriasmith1657]

You underestimate how well you express your thoughts.....this was a great topic to discuss, and you presented it perfectly!! I think we continually redefine our lives.....or at least I believe we live best when we can because change is inevitable. For me, I'm about to leave my 40's...just in a couple of months. My one and only child (son) is 27. He's married to a beautiful young woman (26) and they've had their first child (grandson, 16 months). As you spoke, it was as though I was stepping back and moving forward through the last 10 years, when my son first entered college, graduated college, met Hannah, got married, and now.......this beautiful soul that is my grandson. They live 5 plus hours away. They live incredibly busy lives.....and we still find some time in the middle to visit. We are incredibly close, have incredible love, but it is different. Our lives are different. If we aren't able to embrace that, go with it, make it our own, make it important....we will likely miss out on another stage of our lives. It isn't easy, though. About the time my son was going off to college I had an event that created a premature circumstance in my career. I'm an RN. By profession, and by nature......I'm a nurse. It's my core. But, I got hurt....a severe lumbo-sacral injury.....and it changed my life forever, not just professionally. Honestly, I've had a much harder time accepting this change than any other. I still struggle with it, and sometimes feel, in this realm of my life, that I've lost my way. In the meantime, my husband and I have adopted a couple of rescue kitties......and it's really a big responsibility just like a family core. They bring all kinds of surprises our way, along with lots of love and entertainment. When I first got hurt my husband suggested getting me a cat. I didn't particularly like the idea of animals (any kind) in the house. (I grew up rurally in WV. We kept our pets outdoors).....well, not anymore. LOL!! It took some time for me to get used to the idea.....but, after being out of work for almost two years......I was about to go NUTS, and I was crying one day when my husband came in from work.....begging to go adopt a cat ASAP. After I got back to being out a few days a week volunteering, I realized she needed a companion.....then the second adoption. Thank you for speaking so eloquently about topics of great significance. It's comforting just knowing how others view, or are dealing with the particular changes facing them. I'm lucky enough to have my parents, and my mother-in-law. Often I get a glimpse of the stage of life they are in. Takes me back to the days of studying Erikson's. LOL! It's a great resource, though. Helped with parenting. And....I'm rambling! Thank you, Melissa!!

[@Melissa55]

Victoria I can't tell you how much I enjoyed reading your comment. You actually exemplify much of what I was trying to say. Have a child, they leave, they marry, they have a child, they get busy and so on. And sometimes stuff is thrown at us that makes our own lives challenging, such as your horrible injury. But what I liked was how you were able to realize you needed certain things to feel needed again and was able to feel find them. You are such an accomplished woman. Much love and thanks, Melissa

[@nubble991]

I have one child in her last year of college & one in his last year of high school. For the first time in my life I'm feeling "now what", in a good way. So thank you for this video. Very insightful! 😍

[@Melissa55]

I am so thankful that your "now what" feels positive to you. You will do well and find much excitement. I appreciate you so much . Love, Melissa

[@carrie7610]

Hi Melissa! Well I think you articulated this conversation PERFECTLY!! It actually took some stress off of me......I had not lived with my mother in 30 years after graduating, I married and moved on with both us living in different states 3 thousand miles apart. Then she became a widow and my husband and I stepped up and asked her to move in with us. That was 5 years ago and she will be 90 this year. It has been a VERY stressful and difficult time as she seems to try and run my home as her home was run in the 60s and 70s. My core family is my husband and my two cats and a dog as I never had children. I always feel guilty when I have to deal with this unsaid conflict I have with her. For some reason I guess I never saw this coming before she moved in but hearing you say your children do not see you as there core family makes me feel not so guilty when I lean towards my husband for my worries ect. or just talking about our day to day issues with life. Your video really helped me out Melissa as it could not of come at a better time to watch it! HUGS!!!!

[@Melissa55]

Oh Carrie, I know this must be hard for you. You don't have to feel guilty. It's just a natural progression of life I think. It was so nice of you and your husband to do this for her, but it can really be hard. It's very hard being a caretaker. And it's wonderful that you and your husband are so close. I think that is what a good marriage is all about. Please remember to take some time for yourself and for your husband. You deserve it. Thank you so much and I wish you the very best of luck. Love, Melissa

[@carrie7610]

Thank you so much Melissa!

[@Deb12365]

Hi Melissa...Thank you for sharing about this.... I really needed to hear it and face the reality of it even though it makes me so sad... Everything you said is so true... My daughter is 36 and single.... She is a good girl and has her own set of friends that have become her family... Even though I know she loves me, I am now in a category...My son is in a group home and needs my emotional support... I am constantly praying for his healing....I have been blessed with two wonderful young people that love the Lord... I need to realize that my daughter is an adult and simply does not need me the way she use to...This was really a good video Melissa....You spoke the truth into our lives... Blessings to you and Doug...

[@Melissa55]

Debbie, I am so sorry you are going through challenging times. It is so difficult, isn't it? I do hope through this you will think of the things you want to do and think of the things that make you happy and pursue them. You are a wonderful person and I thank you so much. Love, Melissa

[@gailbates2235]

I have come to realize and feel exactly what you are saying. To me, it is a little shocking and surprising. Sadly, I feel that as we become more elderly, we may become less important, less desirable to be with due to our frailty (physically and mentally), and due to our inability to be productive in our children's lives. Unfortunately, that is when we will REALLY need them more than ever. I'm okay with it now, but what if I become widowed and then my core family will just be ME.....the same goes for my, husband if he is left a widower, of course. Every generation has faced this for sure, but each younger generation is very much different than the one before....... Anyway, it's a shock....the reality of aging. I appreciate knowing that I am not alone in this reality check. Thank you so much for opening up this discussion!

[@Melissa55]

All the things you have brought up I have been thinking of myself. All the what if's. We can't help but think about it. I think what I have to do is lay the groundwork now the best that I can. I have my KZbin channel and the friends I've made here. It's something I can continue throughout my life. I'm trying to form the relationships with my children and grandchildren where maybe they will want to come visit me. Doug and I want to go to assisted living someday or possibly be in a position to have live in help. I'm hoping when and if they come see us, we can be fun and it will be a joyful time for them rather than a duty. It's hard. It really is. It's something that isn't pleasant to think about, but most of us here are going to be facing it. I'm truly glad we have each other. I think it will be important as more time goes by. Thank you and much love, Melissa

[@jeanettebennett1527]

Melissa, As many others have stated this video has had a great impact. I'm 58, my husband left me eight years ago. I never saw it coming. Devastation would be a understatement. Our youngest graduated high school and will be leaving for Texas in the fall. She is my whole world. She is a lovely independent bright young woman. I believe I shared with you while on vacation last month I asked her to watch one of your videos and she said how stunning you looked. I have no idea what to do with myself when she leaves. I know this is more of a empty nest scenario, when my other children left home and established their households I did experience what you are taking about. I have one passion which is makeup and skincare. Mu daughter has long encouraged me to start a you tube beauty channel. The good Lord knows I have enough product to demonstrate. I think I'm rambling at this point! Just know you articulated very well your subject manner. I always look forward to your videos and Snapchats.

[@Melissa55]

I am so very very sorry Jeanette. I can't imagine what this has done to you. I did watch it with my mother. The same thing happened to her at your exact age. Yes, it will be hard to see her go. But I do hope that you will follow your dream, whatever it is. I really did find that doing something like knitting helped me a lot. I started knitting clothes for shops and it gave me a huge sense of accomplishment. I wish you all the luck in the world and if you decide to start your channel, let me know and I'll be sure and subscribe. Thank you so very much and much much love, Melissa

[@deborahdandrea748]

whew, I can relate. Life changes happen at the blink of an eye. I didn't see it coming either!

[@jeanettebennett1527]

So sorry you have gone through this as well. In has opened my eyes as they say, wide open. I'll never believe in anyone 100%. Maybe 99%. Lol. It has taken me eight years to heal. I pray if you haven't healed, it comes quickly. Warmest regards.

[@hollyfisher8811]

I will SUB for sure~:)

[@saundramoragne3431]

What a touching video and so true for many of us.....Thank you for sharing your feelings and thoughts!!

[@Melissa55]

Thank you so very much, Saundra. xxx, Melissa