The Antidote to Anger | Mike Goldman | TEDxGainesville

[@jonwillis9018]

I'm usually a very calm and (i think) thoughtful person, but occasionally I react aggressively to a situation. Those reactions have, afterwards, always really bothered me. I thought of doing an anger management course or similar, but that didn't feel quite right. So today, I did a search on youtube, where I stumbled upon this video. Mike - your simple phrase 'assume positive intent' - made everything so clear. Thank you so much!

[@Mikegoldmancoach]

Thanks so much for sharing the impact my talk had on you. You made my day!! And always remember to ask, “what else could this mean?”

[@takingtacosfromspace]

This right here 👏

[@Lensandlaceco]

He says “ he is usually very calm” and I searched anger management videos and this is the first comment I read. ☠️

[@omymomo]

Feel the same way

[@NoBody-xx6ii]

💯

[@stunnedyou]

Anger to Curiousity.

[@amaalahmed9589]

Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have 6:46

[@leannburch3551]

I loved the concrete data about how much information our brains can actually process and the idea of pronoia. Great job, Mike!

[@gtseitz]

Just watched hours of vids on anger - by far this was the best.

[@Mikegoldmancoach]

Thank you!!

[@Mikegoldmancoach]

Please share it with others that might find it valuable!!

[@BradenBardelmeier]

i truly struggle so much with anger and it’s odd because i hate that i am that way. i feel awful for expressing my anger. i feel so impatient and i don’t know why. i just want to be normal

[@insinia]

Please check out the book from Pete Walker: CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving. Anger is a 'fight response' to dangerous situations. It's absolutely normal for people who were hurt (perhaps all of us), so don't be so hard on yourself and look for solutions. Everything will be well

[@JonathanMaldonado-z9h]

I’m 27 and realize it’s childhood trauma. Think back what really hurt you as a kid.

[@BradenBardelmeier]

@@insinia Thank you i appreciate it

[@rjgrimshaw]

@@insiniathank you

[@TrillionXO]

At least you know you’re not alone! Not sure if that helps now that I type this… I feel the same and want to be normal. I don’t want to be so gangsta but as a Latina I feel like it’s in my genetics. I’m so easy to work with in my career but reach certain points where I am almost at the brink mentally of risking it all! Sigh.. my personal growth however has come from consistency with prayer(I’ve collected the data) and prayer works. And lately, when I drive, I try and drive behind the slowest person for at least half my ride 😭.

[@neilpinkman5047]

Great talk. Don't make Assumptions and always Do Your Best, 2 of the Four Agreements. Powerful material. Thank you!

[@kwesi158]

great book!!!

[@alisavinasco9891]

I feel very fortunate to have heard this message from Mike firsthand. It had such an impact on me then, years ago, and it has stayed with me ever since. Incredible message, Mike! So happy the rest of the world can hear it now as well.

[@BrandonChaunceyOfficial]

He probably wants you to go to jail

[@HarrietStein]

"It's all about the story in our own minds!" Great talk Mike!

[@LouBortoneVideo]

So great, Mike! "Assume positive intent." Such a powerful message...

[@Fernandez218]

"giving the benefit of the doubt" my dad has told me this for years and it's still hard to apply in all situations. it comes down to empathy.

[@SkroooBz]

I've been going through overthinking problem my whole life and i didnt really understand it. i was thinking that it was the right thing to do until my life has became horrible, personal, family, friends, job everything. Then i started my theropy and i starting understanding and stopping the overthinking episodes and things started to get better but the only thing was my anger which i couldnt handle very well. Thank you Mike for your words "assume positive intent' this part made it very easy.

[@susansandler8429]

An elegantly constructed, powerful talk. And oh the wisdom. Beautiful, Mike!

[@anneireneryan]

Mike Goldman - I absolutely LOVE your TEDx talk. Not only did you tell an incredible story, you interwove supporting data and I felt like you packed the 15 minutes with love, kindness, and a strategy that anyone can use to NOT assume the worst in person. This is my favorite quote of yours: "The 126 bits we see is a decision we can make." And here are my favorite concepts that you mentioned: • Law of Positive Intent: Everyone is trying to do the best they can with the resources they have • Pronoia: Assumes the positive intent of the universe; even the obstacles are there for you (I had never head of this before!) Incredibly well done, Mike. Standing ovation and at least two encores 😀

[@Rebecca-zr3lu]

God, thank you for bound up anger. Thank you for loosing the spirit of self control. Thank you for the Holy Spirit. Thank you for deliverance from house arrest and from jail and from prison if someone is going to be released. Thank you for anger treatment and management. Thank you for blessing and keeping us. Thank you that we are all in your hands. Please forgive our anger In Jesus mighty name. Amen 🙏 Everyday. 🤍

[@Notamberalertt]

Thank you for opening up my mind and describing how my brain processes anger. Never realized I was always assuming negative intent when it came to people/situations. What I’m taking from this is to just stop assuming negative and just live life assuming everything is positive and is not going against you but is with you!

[@insinia]

It's awesome how we can rewrite our behaviour with conscious repetition. At the beginning it seems unachievable but it all changes with the time, consistency and willingness. Great talk, Mike!

[@Mikegoldmancoach]

Thank you!!

[@erikklein7352]

Mike, this is friggin' beautiful on so many levels.

[@bzybplrhealthandwellness2730]

Like, seriously. Cuttin' onions over here.

[@TheBackstoryInitiative]

WELL DONE, Mike Goldman. WELL DONE!!!

[@pandaman9489]

This is a phenomenal video, i have recently been very much struggling with my anger and it has been affecting my marriage and family. Thank you this helped me see something in my life i had not noticed and i am truly thankfull to have found this at one of the most difficult times in my life.

[@Mikegoldmancoach]

So glad this made an impact for you!!❤

[@peripheralthinking]

THIS... THIS is an IDEA WORTH SHARING. Mike Goldman, thank you for sharing this powerful-positive message. Life-changing!

[@neilpinkman5047]

Curiosity is the antidote to judgement.

[@giftyparry1118]

Thank you for this simplified teaching, I pray this helps me with my anger management.

[@paulanovick]

Wow! Well done Michael. Great talk...thanks for sharing your story.

[@burrcota]

So many great take aways from this talk! Absolutely love the prompt, "What else could this mean?".

[@xmdv]

I love it! What a great way to look at the limitless possibilities available to us, when we choose and act from a place of positive intent.

[@suebevanbaggott]

You gave an extremely powerful talk about how shifting our mindsets to "assume positive intent" can be life-changing and world-changing. Outstanding job, Mike! Fantastic delivery of an important message for all of us. Well worth sharing.

[@paulnyfenger714]

I've known Mike for several years - we both serve on a panel of CEO's (a sub-group of the Commerce and Industry Association of New Jersey) which meets on a monthly basis, together acting as a quasi board of directors for each others' businesses. We discuss our unique challenges (and our successes) in great detail, in strict confidentiality. Mike's depth of understanding and insight into the highest levels of managerial organization are invaluable to our group. Among many competencies, he's an authority on how to assemble a key leadership team, how to motivate staff, and how to stay focused on a goal. I've learned a lot from Mike, and always look forward to his input when sharing my own challenges. Tough love is what we need, and Mike displays his with tenderness...

[@shamseeramizayn9749]

One of the best Ted talks ❤ I'm glad that I found this...May Allah bless him in abundance

[@neilpinkman5047]

We would create a world that works for everyone.

[@LindaMarieProctor]

Thank you so very much Mike. You have helped me so much. I needed to learn this. 🙏🏼✝️

[@ruthrathblott62]

Excellent job, Mike! Courageous and vulnerable. Love the concept of pronoia!

[@khartsings]

Wow! What a powerful message! I so appreciate you sharing such a vulnerable story in such an empowering way. Application of this “idea worth sharing” truly has the potential of healing on a planetary scale.

[@nicholasjalowski1089]

Great message Mike! Powerful command of the room. Now to implement your ideas!

[@mondaypositivitea]

Great Talk. I did a lot of shadow work to understand the shadow of anger and ask it what was the reason behind and I understood it was because of not having my needs met, boundaries respected, and this one realization helped me calm my 'anger' down.

[@fafi19374]

All the day I was patient playing and making shopping with my kids ..also ,I had appointment with my friend to go out with kids at 8pm ..suddenly she call me at 6 and my kids not prepared yet..I start to yell and tell them u never help me ☹️then I feel sad why I can’t control angry because usually I can ..I realised that the earlier phone trigger my emotional…we need to understand ourselves everyday to live a happy life with kids💖

[@mottjen]

This is a powerful message that anyone can learn from - thank you, Mike!

[@russellkent1416]

This just amazing! Mike you have opened up my eyes to my failures! Thank you!

[@Mikegoldmancoach]

Thanks Russel. Please share it with others as I think this message is especially important with what'g going on in the world today.

[@davidgraham5506]

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:7

[@theexperiencemaker]

Mike - This was amazing. It has definitely changed my thinking about relationships and how to assume positive intent from everyone. Thank you for bringing your story to the world!

[@Mikegoldmancoach]

Thanks Dan!!

[@tatianatsoir]

AWESOME job Mike!!!

[@ConfidentialMMConfidentialMM]

An amazing approach to solving conflict and reducing drama in your life. Great video.

[@Hadjer_369]

Mindshifting ! Thank you 🙏🙏🙏

[@Mikegoldmancoach]

Love that term! Thanks.

[@scottingram580]

Thank you mike Goldman, i really really thank you

[@Mikegoldmancoach]

You are very welcome!!

[@Judgey70]

Well done Mike. Great to see you following your passion on presenting to wider audiences. An idea worth sharing for sure.

[@thenrick73]

Wonderful speech Mike!

[@alexanderv4042]

Thank you 🙏

[@Rickytickytambo]

Mind opening view

[@alekutzke]

What a powerful TedTalk! Love it.

[@Mikegoldmancoach]

Thank you!

[@zachlarson8442]

Well done. Saw a few videos and this one hits the nail on the head 👍🏻

[@noelbridgeman99]

Excellent. Thank you 👍

[@heatherhansenatw]

Great talk!

[@newtoniantime8804]

Really good points, Im almost never angry on people and I use to think: Assume positive intent from others, be curious why they did something, assume they do their best with what they have.

[@arnthorbrynjars1489]

Thank you for vice words❤

[@billionwilliams8333]

thank you!

[@AdamCHill]

Mike, this was such a fantastic message and perspective. Thank you for your wisdom!

[@eddiew2325]

Adam do u realize how awesome u are you

[@DesiGeekyViper]

Thanks for the help man😊

[@emily16338]

i think that being curious is something that needs to be practiced. It's in that split second between saying something your going to regret and asking to understand where the problem lies. Getting the brain to pause instead of explode is that real problem and I don't know if thats something the brain just does automatically or can it be reprogrammed.

[@jackslammer]

I really needed to see this video

[@Heart.headed]

Awesome 💯 *LOVE* the term: pronoia, btw 🙏🏼💪🏼💜🎯✅

[@C0RS3NTO2]

Thank you so much this really helped

[@revapanchal1521]

I struggle with anger a lot. I am normally calm but whenever I have a fight with a person I love I end up flipping out and saying stuff I don’t mean. In that moment I don’t even realise it. I honestly don’t know what to do about it and how can I change it. I really hate that version of myself and I am trying to work on it. If anyone has any techniques I can use that would help or any books I can read then please let me know I would really appreciate it.

[@laneyluneva]

I just read 'the cow in the parking lot' and it was pretty good.

[@stuffandbits6505]

While I think all people could watch this, in my experience assuming a positive intent in some cases indeed led to bigger problems than they'd been if I exercised mistrust. It really depends if the people in the interaction really have a positive intent - one does meet people now and again who consciously or subconsciously choose to scr you for their own gain.

[@1matim]

thanks, good video

[@JimmyBeamerBear]

Legendary video

[@Mikegoldmancoach]

Thanks! Please share it with others as I think this message is especially important with what'g going on in the world today.

[@mr.selfdestruct2917]

Learn to ignore people is my goto

[@zarghoonajoyaa1357]

I have rage and anger . It’s been hurting me a lot .

[@jeannem.stafford2016]

Such a powerful, nuanced take on the decisions we can make every day to understand our reality. What a gift to have "pronoia" to share with others and to imagine we could do this at the world level. This is a transformational 15 minute investment (of your time) you will be happy you made!

[@MuskanJaiswal-h1v]

pls someone send this video to all the war headed leaders

[@stunnedyou]

Remind yourself that no one is wantonly negative.

[@Mikegoldmancoach]

Yes! That’s a great way to think about it.

[@JimmyBeamerBear]

This is totally under viewed

[@Mikegoldmancoach]

Thanks @JimmyBeamerBear!! If you really think it's under viewed, (I agree!) please share it!!

[@mysecretlifeofpain]

I can definitely apply this and neutralize some anger with it, but the outcome doesn’t necessarily change. At a certain point, if interactions with the same people are consistently painful, it doesn’t matter if there is harmful intent or not. If the outcome is a net negative, I am better off without them in my life. Sometimes anger is there to protect you, it’s the part of you that loves you saying you don’t deserve that treatment, no matter what the cause is. And it’s a lot easier, I’ve found, to have a positive outlook on the people around you when interactions with them are consistently net positive. We do often have a choice in which people we are consistently investing in, and I’ve found that when you filter out the net negatives and nurture the net positives, you also get so much more peace. Sadly, the “best they can” might never include showing up for you in any way, and that will never be sustainable or within your ability to shift. It would have to come from them.

[@chiasinglau9153]

❤

[@mellonear2447]

EMDR eye movements can help process anger. Most anger is stored as PTSD in the brain and nervous system. EMDR helps get rid of all the pain and negative emotions attached to a traumatic memory causing anger.Stored Anger is another form of PTSD.

[@newtoniantime8804]

Ordinary people have in general positive intent. World leaders have in general negative intent.

[@kingbeza3884]

I’m gonna try to use the assume positive intent. I never realized how big of a problem my anger is esp with bipolar. The past week I’ve said some regretful things and making assumptions bc i was doing negative intent. My mans leaving cause of it. I hope this helps n I hope I can figure this out I don’t wanna ruin my relationships

[@faithevolution552]

Assume positive intent and then take on your responsibilities like taking a bull by the horns.

[@sudeepmn]

A pastor in a church was preaching about forgiveness and he told everyone to close their eyes and forgive all the people they hate and see how it feels to forgive your enemies. Everyone follows his instructions. After a while he tells everyone to open their eyes and asks is there anyone who couldn't forgive their enemies? An old lady raised her hand. The pastor asked why couldn't the lady do it for which she said "I have no enemies". The pastor was like wow that's great and they could all learn from the old ladies wisdom and he invited her on stage and asked her "So how come you don't have any enemies dear grandma ". The old lady replied - " I outlived those BITCHES!! "

[@TheAlicia1969]

Haha, loved hearing that one again!

[@khayahyisrael9294]

What happens when there is intent? Also, we all have access to information when does it become a reason and an excuse.

[@instructivesilence359]

I have met people who are up to no good. They are so awful and they drain your energy.

[@instructivesilence359]

I heard Henry Rollins make this point, very eloquently, back in 1996!

[@nikkita1688]

My favorite part is that he looks and sounds like a reformed mafia boss. 😂 the Don got therapy.

[@Mikegoldmancoach]

I guess I'll take that as a compliment!! 😁😁

[@OlaJendor]

Every single minute I get tired of life 😢😢😢

[@ZFiber]

What do you do when assuming negative intent is mandatory for survival? And the aspect of my 11-year-old will intentionally set up her sister to get in trouble so that she gets a smart light. She will intentionally kill my house plants and she will intentionally cause a ruckus so she can get away with something or get something or get. Focus off of her intentionally and admittedly intentionally as far as even hurting her little brother intentionally. What do you do when it's safer to assume negative intent? Everyday?

[@choleslaw9286]

I have Asperger’s and the first part really added to my own anger so not the video for me. Believe me, it is much harder to be us.

[@Ponton_Tintin]

In summary: learn to change interpretations to positive ones, you will act right

[@Harthik2003]

Been angry most my life

[@dontpanic15]

I wish my wife would watch this. she thinks the worst ALL THE TIME

[@dontpanic15]

your personal battles won't fix racism. its idealistic to think that if everyone just saw the light like you there wouldnt be war. good talk besides that you threw in politics for no reason

[@Youareindenial]

My problem is always that I can be calm and collected entirely for ages and the anger reaction is instantaneous. How do you get control or stop that from happening when it’s so quick I don’t find that I get a chance to think about it or anything.

[@chogiwavibes3116]

Before replying or reacting , take a pause , count to 10 , breath , you will see that you are not that angry as you were before.

[@welltemperedjavier]

Sometimes there's no intent. Sometimes people just act rash

[@DriversFromHere]

My anger !!!!!!!!!!

[@MarvinCounciltcreg]

So Was the bad week and the good week both assumptive or was it only the bad week?

[@Mikegoldmancoach]

Great question! The answer is both. We have control over what we focus on and THAT becomes our reality.

[@MarvinCounciltcreg]

@@Mikegoldmancoach Thank you!

[@mr.selfdestruct2917]

People usually aren't trying to do the best they can. Thats a farce.

[@jameshill5167]

His suppositions have no coherence

[@laneyluneva]

It doesn't matter what they are doing. What matters is how you react, and if YOU assume positive intent, your reaction is what matters. You can't control others, you can control yourself

[@JamesVestal-dz5qm]

I have problems my parents don't understand, and I get really angry like Richie.

[@lavinagretel6989]

Michael De Santa and Jimmy hahahah

[@ranjinirajendram3435]

Does it apply with anger from. Narcissists

[@S.x.cxxsssw]

No

[@WingDiamond]

They don't call it Asperger's anymore, thankfully. And playing Videogames, lots of "Normal" people spend hrs playing them.

[@Fernandez218]

i wonder if Mike Goldman has ever lived in a ghetto. assuming negative intent is almost a must since there are so many predators in those places.

[@twizzlestix9309]

Mostly good but it doesn’t quite work with religious ideology. Faith overrides rational thinking so those who do strongly believe their faith is the only way to live will never be able to accept others in the context mentioned in this speech.

[@chogiwavibes3116]

😮😅