The Anxious Preoccupied Attachment in Each of the 6 Stages of Relationship: Needs, Fears, Desires

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[@DELIVERANCE-TODAY]

Anxious Attachments belong with other Anxious Attachments......these relationships are stimulating, and with proper awareness and communication of the situation, can be blissful.

[@awolfadventureawildconnect5311]

100%

[@RAMRA10]

@Koriander Yander unless they really try to learn and grow I second that lol

[@msammey]

@Koriander Yander Lmfaoooooo

[@johnrider4649]

@Koriander Yander Disgusting.

[@vik7628]

@Koriander Yander I can see why your avoidant avoided you. All attachment styles should do the same.

[@jessica8215]

My biggest frustration in my last relationship was I was clear in my needs and I was told I was not healthy

[@shaethriller150]

I’ve been watching these videos to learn about myself as an AP, but whenever I read the comments I feel so bad for DA’s and the way they’re being dragged. I’ve even seen Thais (God bless her for her work) go as far as making a click bait video to sort of defend these poor beings. I believe that everyone deserves love (we are wired to want connection but connection scares DA in the same way abandonment scares AP), sometimes it’s easier to not feel, which is why DA’s ‘want’ to be okay with the way they are. If you have a DA in your life, trust the process, don’t rush the process. Do the work on yourself first, you don’t have to parent a DA, you just have to understand them. If the relationship is too much for you, leave it alone, more often than not relationships (in general) don’t work out but it doesn’t mean that the person is evil because of their attachment style.

[@RitaP41]

Have fun dating a DA!

[@yulymarcelacueltanramirez3235]

Agree, this is where healing with prayer comes. I Can feel pretty hopeless but I thank my Jesus for his healing grace He is pouring in me and in the person I’m with right now.

[@primerdimers]

wish I saw this video before I messed up my last relationship.... everyone needs to watch thisss

[@jasmineking1089]

I’m so overwhelmed with learning these healthier habits 😔

[@lattrice3001]

In a relationship with a male AP I’m FA and I love him so much even knowing his core wounds it makes him even more special to me but this is the most painful, overwhelming relationship I’ve been in. I feel like everything I do hurts his feelings. He feels like healthy relationships do not require space even though I’ve told him I need my space to recharge. (I’m FA) I constantly feel bad for doing what works for me

[@ComradeFromRhody401]

Sameeeee

[@Develpup]

If this wasn't 7 months ago, I was gonna say have a sit down talk with him about what an AP and FA are and that it doesn't mean you don't love him.... BUT I'm assuming 7 months later, things have changed, hopefully for the better

[@ScenicNsanity]

I think something that could help is saying you need space but also reassuring him that you're coming back

[@hisdaughter7814]

Same here

[@FloraSora]

How's it going now? Cheers.

[@QueenZsWorld]

this video is so loud!!!! sis you're telling me so much about myself that I thought was hidden. this is great. please keep going

[@arielpalma3691]

Every since I came across your videos I feel so understood and I’m understanding myself so much more. I was never aware of my attachment style & the weight it holds in a relationship and building a bond. Thank you for making these videos and spreading the knowledge, I will be taking this course and some others ASAP!

[@SouleStunningCleans]

Agreed !

[@Master0fHamsters]

did u?

[@jo_6315]

Emotional dumping- was honestly unaware about it. Guilty for doing that to loved ones and friends. Am going to watch myself on this one

[@Clarisse-Luke]

Me too!

[@lesjeux3783]

I’ve been married to a DA for 33 years. I was a Secure Attachment Style but because of the marriage I’m now an AP, it’s been very painful , I’m now almost 60 and still going through the same issues with my husband . I feel like I’ve got to be an DA myself to survive it . He won’t change, but I’m always trying to work on myself. I’m trying to let go and detach.

[@warmhart2034]

Oh nooo, that's tough!! Like U, I'm secure but since I started dating DA, I'm leaning Anxious. It's amazing you stuck it out!!!

[@aNnAkt1qw]

I hear you.

[@RedFoxBlueMoon]

My biggest lesson, just stay far far away from Avoidants...it's heart breaking and it will always be heart breaking...people try to cover up these toxic relationships with things like twin flame or soulmate labels. Shame...working on healing my anxious attachment and working towards finding a partner with a secure attachment style. I will no longer chase another person ever again.

[@aNnAkt1qw]

Well said. I resonate.

[@jammiedodger5243]

I would add that if the avoidant type is working hard on themselves and are genuinely trying, please don't write us all off straight away! I'm an FA and it's really hard. I've met someone new and they are AP, but he is the internal repressive type, so he has the internal workings of normal APs but doesn't show it, and it's so difficult. Any tips on this would be appreciated x

[@charleesummertv6109]

True.

[@bigbankhank1337]

@@jammiedodger5243I’m AP and recently had a thing with an FA. I was actually really well grounded and confident when we started dating but she tore me down so fast and exposed my AP after about 2 months. Then I became extremely insecure and obsessive and she ran for the hills. All we need is a little affection and reassurance that we’re doing the right things. I know it’s especially hard for avoidants to do this but if you try you will have us to the fullest. We are like puppies when we’re happy and will follow you anywhere you take us without a single worry. But we become insecure dicks when we feel neglected or unwanted. Sorry 😢

[@Micguy21]

I wish I found your videos a month ago before I drove my FA away, although I never would have found them otherwise. Silver lining.

[@iisaka_station]

I just figured out that anxious preoccupied (me) + dismissive avoidant (partner) = does not work

[@awolfadventureawildconnect5311]

Nope not at all you will wind up gutted .

[@Buildinup834]

Maybe if both heal & learn each other...

[@arayaviolin6421]

So true. DAs don’t seem to be as motivated for change as us AP because they feel nothing. It’s a recipe for disaster.

[@ashish_singh9]

They can work, infact the irony here is they always attract each others. You see here anxious attacher looks for rejection because his/her subconscious mind has been taught that he/she is not good enough and so on and avoidant always back off/rejects when someone get way too close(the core habit of anxious attacher, being needy). I feels avoidant wants to reject and anxious want to be rejected, they somehow complete each other needs which is not a very healthy need, no one it toxic or narcissistic here, its all about the wounds they carry inside. So you see that it's a visious cycle which never end unless both talk about it, about their wounds, about why they feel to do something or say something, what exactly is bothering them and work on themselves to be more secure together. I was an anxious attacher, now i am pretty much secure, some part of me still is anxious but its just a thought which comes and goes, it's getting better, if i can than trust yourself you can.

[@msammey]

@@ashish_singh9 how did you become secure WHAT ARE YOUR SECRETS!!!!!!!!

[@emilyedson9090]

Wow this is extremely helpful. I was wondering why my partner jumped out of the honeymoon stage so fast. I thought it was because they were bored which made me want to put up a wall but this explains so muchhhh. Thank you so much for all your videos. They are very helpful

[@edvella6685]

A complete revelation. I had suffered from attacks that inevitably convinced me that I had an illness that was likely going to result in my death, until my doctor announced that these were panic attacks and not an actual physical attack. From that moment of self-awareness on, my panic attacks have been under control. Same thing applies to my anxious attachment style and these videos. Thank you.

[@eddieelite3310]

This video saved my life! Literally. I was so stressed out about my relationship and this is the answer! God bless you

[@indialeigh9960]

your understanding of how the different styles act and think is incredible. thank you

[@eisraa.8105]

My relationship is so complicated i dont even know which stage we're at

[@danieldora2208]

Same here :D

[@jimmygee3219]

Wow, this video described my most recent ex big time and getting stuck between the honeymoon phase and a complete resistance on her part to the power struggle stage while I was ready to move forward to a deeper connection for a while. It created a lot of resentment for me and as somewhere between an FA/DA to push her away. It’s unfortunate as I really loved her but she was the definition of insecure and codependent. I really tried my best but I could just not break through to her. She was worse at communicating than I was. I could just not break through to communicating needs and figuring out how to talk even. It was extremely difficult as she was so anxious and insecure that I couldn’t say anything without it getting brushed away or she would immediately take it all to heart and cry or have an anxiety attack. Incredibly simple, basic stuff even. It hurts.

[@chloecampbell9124]

This is a similar sitch to my ex haha sometimes I wish I could have just sent these videos to him 😂

[@NadaAlawadhi]

This is something I went through too. Especially when I’m brushed off and communicating things get so difficult because they’ll invalidate and dismiss what you say and focus on the hurt and anxiety they’re going through.

[@robdog4095]

Uhh man FA's/DA's I was in the exact same place. It really really sucked as an fa moreso I blamed myself when my ex who was AA cried that I wasnt spending enough time with her even though we lived together and I was in the other room she essentially wanted 4 date nights a week and I was trying to work up to that but her complaining and need for certainty and crying pushed me away

[@Buildinup834]

Keywords= unconscious expectations

[@minouj1595]

Very important for a fulfilling life. I wished I learned all this many years ago!

[@roxanakh2094]

Our ship sank at the power struggle stage because the imbalance made him feel guilty and overwhelmed. I could not figure out how to help because the avoidant would not communicate well, and I constantly supported him doing things that I thought would help but made everything worse. I always imagined we could have that bliss stage together. 😞 Unfortunately, I had no knowledge of attachment styles then.

[@leenabukhari9678]

Seriously thank you so much for everything you’re doing!!!

[@Duwayneismyname]

You are heaven sent!! Thank you so much 💯💯💯

[@solidcatink]

thank you very much for sharing your wisdom.

[@energygoddess888]

This was so helpful and informative! Thank you for sharing.

[@sunlightpictures8367]

Great information, as always. Thanks!

[@johnny_corleone]

Thank you for teaching us these findings after working with all these people and having the insight and ability to put them into such easy to understand. I would never in a million years started to understand what was sabotaging my relationship with my wife. Wish I would have known this at 19 I would have been able to dodge literally 100s of painful episodes. Some obviously more painful than others. I’m definitely going to have my kids study this theory of attachment styles before they start dating. Hopefully they will understand.

[@michaelyarmas4423]

I'm the AP my Ex was a FA we were in the commitment stage, looking at Rings! we had talked about dreams etc... but too much for her and she ran. taking my heart with her. I blamed myself for making so many of the AP mistakes. but I no longer do. I know there is much more to her running than me, (she ran 4 times in our relationship) but ran and shut down no explanation the AP/FA relationship is so difficult to get right...

[@HealingHappyAli]

The courses are absolutely worth it!

[@nevalans9524]

does anyone ever actually reach the "bliss stage"? Seems far fetched...

[@graemedicks3139]

This helps alot - thank-you

[@amandadowney6869]

Id love to learn more about emotional regulation

[@somer0703]

Crappy childhood fairy on KZbin has great content on regulating emotions!! X

[@alirh1145]

Thank you alot for all of this information I wish you the best. As an AA beside all these traits I always questioned my self where all these feelings come from one of the questions was Why I want to fix everything ? to the point of fantasizing myself of being like a hero and making everyone happy . Now I can heal by staying inside my own frame and affirmation words

[@danieldora2208]

This is again such a wonderful video!!Amazing!!Why is it not taught at school?!

[@Sophia00077]

Pretty great stuff!

[@lFrenzied]

Wow, this was powerful, I ended in tears! 14:55 - what are the subconscious reasons that APs tend to attract avoidants?

[@amymjay]

This did blow my mind!!! 💗

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Haha it was you! That share made my day :) Thank you

[@amymjay]

Personal Development School - Thais Gibson I know! 😆😉 I have told at least 5 people they should take this course along with posting about it. In all the work I have done this year, this course really has made the biggest impact!! I feel like I have tools now to relax and settle into a relationship! 💗💗💗💗

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

@@amymjay I'm so happy to hear that! You are working so hard and doing an amazing job! Congratulations

[@BRBHARDWAJ]

Your content is very good unlike reading a theory from a book. But I had to make you speak little slow by - .75

[@samgoda6146]

Is being anxious attachment makes me irrational? Like getting mad over him going out with his friends at night when it’s supposed to be the time we spend together as we do each night! Or getting mad over something he said and literally means nothing bad but immediately I start questioning and overthinking in a really negative way. I wanna stop thinking and acting in that way but i feel so helpless. When I act rationally and do the right thing I get this feeling inside that “no I don’t wanna do this I wanna get mad and let it all out on him” I feel very stressed doing the right thing. I do emotional regulation with myself after that I communicate with him but I wanna know if it’s gonna pay in the end and if I’m gonna be okay.

[@THMathilde]

I think you will be okay. I have sympathy with your feelings. I keep thinking my proces into my relationship but I find that to be repeating the pattern of avoiding my true needs. You will be okay because you will find a solution that you can live with in the future. Because you are deeper connected to yourself.

[@tommypowell1137]

Stuck in the power struggle stage. When do I tell her I have just had enough of chasing her to no availability on her part. She says that she loves me and misses me all the time. A big splash of blissful love happens and then she runs back into her safety place and it's just a vicious cycle. When do I just say enough?

[@hunden8404]

You say enough when your needs aren’t met and you realize that you deserve someone who fulfills your needs. It’s your birthright to be with someone who respects your needs and meets them. Don’t settle and don’t fear not meeting someone else, there’s 6 billion people on this planet.

[@jessklay8594]

I wish I knew all this before I threw in the towel with my last relationship 😔

[@yippierb]

Thx

[@Taki_Rad]

This is so helpful! I’m anxious preoccupied & I’m very conscious of it. My partner, I’ve just found out after a year of dating, is high functioning & has Aspergers. I always thought he was dismissive avoidant. Is it possible that people with Aspergers ARE dismissive avoidant?. I’d love a video on how being in the spectrum affects attachment style! Great video!

[@Durchii]

Sure, the two aren't mutually exclusive, kids who developed Aspergers could also have had a history of neglect which led to an avoidant personality. I imagine it is pretty hard to spot, though, because people with Aspergers are statistically less sociable and outgoing than someone who is neuro-typical.

[@alicemungia1642]

I'm a special ed teacher. I've worked with boys with autism. Their condition is a communication disorder. Although they may seem dismissive or avoidant the truth is that their brains are just different than the typical brain. I believe with some TLC your man can learn from you how to be loving.

[@Taki_Rad]

Teacher Alice thank you so so much for your insight, that is so helpful and reassuring. He is a very honest & genuine person, I just have struggled with having to initiate most things and not confusing that with lack of interest as every time I ask directly for what I want, he rarely rejects me. Being with him has e definitely helped me to work on my own anxious attachment which has been a blessing. Thanks again!

[@alicemungia1642]

@@Taki_Rad my pleasure.

[@skwerl81]

Thais will be putting out a video on this in the coming days, keep a lookout! 🙌

[@really5660]

OH MY THIS IS SO OVERWHELMING AND EXHAUSTING AND STRESSFUL..I HAD TO START DRINKING HALFWAY THROUGH. IF THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES TO BE IN A "HAPPY" AND "HEALTHY" RELATIONSHIP..ID RATHER BE SINGLE...😵🤯🤤

[@myrabustamante530]

How do you know what stage in the relationship you are in? I feel because I am and anxious preoccupied I overstayed in the honeymoon phase like you mentioned. We have been together for 7 years but no I am on a journey of self improvement on myself and I worry that we don’t have a lot in common. Yet I find it hard to leave the relationship because we have great communication and a lot of love for each other. I find myself being less intimate by being less connected. But I am worried that I am like you said worrying because it is so calm right now in the relationship that maybe my feelings are changing towards him and I am falling out of love. I have been so stressed and confused. Is it the power struggle or the stability stage? Would bring in separate places help this? Please help and thank you so much for the video it is really helping me understand myself better

[@msbonnie37]

I have a question. Where does dating a narcissist and instinct come into all this? Two questions really. I know they are big but I’ve been struggling with this for a while now. Mostly conflicted with learning about attachment and also I feel the lesson for me is trusting my instinct which would blow most if not all of your teachings in how they relate to my situation, out of the water.

[@Girlsholicxo]

Can you make a video about anxious p and fearful avoidant separating and the stages or signs where it’s shows that it’s working on getting them back or not. Like most ppl say do no contact but how does that work with different attachment styles

[@valentinanocross8677]

I don't do no contact, because she said fearfuls sometimes secretly want to be chased after... So little things. But he makes it clear ko longer texts, but my German isn't great so when we have a problem it's the only way to express myself.

[@nuroftheday856]

Pls can dok talk about rebounds for every atach.st?

[@jammiedodger5243]

I'm an FA and I've just met someone new and they are AP, but he is the internal repressive type, so he has the internal workings of normal APs but doesn't show it much, which is even worse in my opinion, and it's so difficult. Any tips on this would be appreciated x

[@biba350]

Not sure I thought my partner was dismisses avoidant but when I first meet him he loved bomb me wanted a relationship straight away

[@anrhmn]

Aren't anxious preoccupied and fearful avoidant different attachment styles? I ask as the title and thumbnail are different

[@jennyquezada9644]

Agree. ??

[@Light00121]

I think my AP broke up with me during the "stability stage." They were so obsessed with me , they used to make plans for the future with me... and suddenly they told me they are not sure if they have feelings for me anymore as I keep not meeting their needs. Should I give them time? I don't know how to approach them... They seem like they want to move on, but I believe they are not thinking clearly...

[@djpdyson]

I feel like I am stuck for an extended period of time in the power struggle phase with my fearful avoidant and I'm not quite sure how to get out of that

[@dylanspoon7867]

So what happens when you self regulate, express those needs that you have identified and they get blown off? …. Sign of a bigger problem and time to move on???

[@marcd2743]

Yeah, move on. Takes two to tango. Most avoidants want to take no responsibility for themselves or put in work.

[@tahliamaree]

Ahhhh the feeling of normality

[@marcd2743]

Would love to see a video on AAs having panic attacks as a failsafe when their avoidant strategies don't work.

[@misskaistar]

Thank you, I'm 40 divorced to a narccist. After 6 years, I am finally dating again, he is a psychopath. We have this dynamic, I am the FA one and he is the DA. If I follow the steps, at least now very much so aware, will he be able to have a healthy relationship with therapy?

[@awolfadventureawildconnect5311]

This from experience WON'T END WELL! don't compromise who you are find someone like you. You went from a narc to a psychopath. GET AWAY FAST

[@msbonnie37]

No

[@tulasimainieri9751]

Study the psychopathy well. It is very easy to label someone like that but true psychopaths are rare

[@valentinanocross8677]

Wonderful, but my biggest problem. Is how to express this in German , which has so. Many more less words than English. It's hard to go further because after all the information, I have the problem that I can't express it. Culture and language differences.

[@missqable]

Same problem with Russian. I understand you very well. I wish I could explain all of this in simple words to my parents for example and I realize it's so difficult

[@ekorhibenjamin1840]

How simple do you want it to get?

[@valentinanocross8677]

@@ekorhibenjamin1840 hi, I'm not sure 2ho you are responding to and exactly what your question is.

[@ekorhibenjamin1840]

What I mean is, what words do you want to simplify.

[@valentinanocross8677]

@@ekorhibenjamin1840 I listened to the video once more and remembered where the struggle is. Explsining the phases in German and mostly he idea of explaining : I recognize that, I experience.... I have feelings... Really the emotional regulation. It might be that I have to let this go due to a second anxiety of how do I even express my needs. As she said, maybe I just chose this relationship because it was familiar to old problems . I need to be excited about learning and challenges not fearful. Of them, thinking the world ends when I get my answers. But now back to my German homework. What comes first the chicken or the egg? Doing my German homework and getting through the next 4 months or worrying about a relationship I can't express myself well enough in.🤔

[@emilymerksick5848]

I’ve noticed everyone always refers to anxious attachment with an avoidant partner. Theres other people they can date

[@RitaP41]

Commitment stage sounds out of place

[@MsSexyAngel29]

You have a lot of good information but you need to speak slower then you won't pant. You sound like you're in a hurry and it's hard to understand. lol