The Art of Diplomacy

The art of diplomacy is vital if we are to get better at managing our relationships, our friendships and our working lives. None of us are born knowing how to be diplomatic, but the skill can be learnt - and should be to make life more gracious and efficient.
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FURTHER READING
“Diplomacy is an art that evolved initially to deal with problems in the relationships between countries. The leaders of neighbouring states might be touchy on points of personal pride and quickly roused to anger; if they met head on, they might be liable to infuriate each other and start a disastrous war. Instead, they learnt to send emissaries, people who could state things in less inflammatory ways, who wouldn’t take the issues so personally, who could be more patient and emollient. Diplomacy was a way of avoiding the dangers that come from decisions taken in the heat of the moment. In their own palaces, two kings might be thumping the table and calling their rivals by abusive names; but in the quiet negotiating halls, the diplomat would say: ‘my master is slightly disconcerted…’…”
You can read more on this and other subjects here: goo.gl/gV4Dsj
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CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Ana Mouyis
anamouyis.com/ #TheSchoolOfLife

[@theschooloflifetv]

Have you found deplomacy important in your everyday life? Join us at the end of the month to talk about this and many more important topics: goo.gl/aMDJVa

[@smeargleboy]

The School of Life this video was hard to follow

[@generalgeo9468]

The School of Life deplomacy?

[@resolutionsunlimited6762]

I see myself more as the "other" in this video and want to become more diplomatic. I understood the traits of the diplomat but am still confused about how to change things like rage, wanting to be heard, being self righteous; in order to build upon a relationship rather than tear down one.

[@JamieDallas]

Friendly reminder; In the U.S. we say "crazy" instead of "mad." Here, mad mostly means angry rather than crazy. Also, we say lovable fool instead of lovable idiot. Fool has a generous connotation whereas idiot doesn't.

[@ebbinandflowin]

Keep reminders of your bigger picture near to you. Create visual or audio cues to help you back to your better thinking. Surround yourself with the the better messages from the world's fairest thinkers. I admire your honesty. This is what I need to do more and more.

[@moriahsun]

“The diplomat is kind enough to let themselves be the target of hate”. Wow that is the best quote I have ever heard in my life.

[@bungarin4041]

what does that mean in real life?

[@thehanghoul]

Bunga Rin it’s to say that lots of people say mean and hateful things, intended or not. But a smart diplomat understands this, and lets it slide. They are more concerned with resolving someone else’s internal conflict, rather than defend their own precious ego.

[@EemaanCanFly]

@@thehanghoul love that explanation

[@plaster3713]

You’ve must’ve not heard of a lot of good quotes lol

[@BruCipHiF]

It's an awesome quote indeed :)

[@GreeceKelly]

EMPATHY. This is the word that describes this whole amazing video. Being a diplomat I've realized that being able to understand where someone is coming from, without judging, is crucial; and this comes from observing. When you actually OBSERVE the world around you without trying to take sides and prove that you're correct all the time, you see that people more often than not take things too personal and become emotional for many different reasons. Being objective and ready to compromise is the only way to connect with people. And the only reason why people can't seem to do that is ego. If you drop your ego and start LISTENING, things will start changing drastically.

[@Finessence1111]

Yeah. listen to understand, not to respond. Forget about yourself and engulf the other person in the energy of your attention. Compromise for the other and thru the law of equal exchange, they will return the favor. Be flexible and fluid. Be like water, my friend.

[@GreeceKelly]

Tommy Truong Exactly! :)

[@leofeza9325]

The obstacle is the way, Ryan Holiday. Sounds like you read the book

[@checcozalone4965]

I'm going to screenshot this comment. It sounds so accurate..

[@GreeceKelly]

Leo R nshung I haven't! But I've heard that the author is really good, so it must be good. I'll check it out!

[@Amina088]

"They have given up the ideal, not out of weakness but out of a mature readiness to see compromise as a necessary requirement for getting by in a radically imperfect world." WOW. This is definitely one of my favourite School of Life's videos!

[@Nomadonthego]

Being diplomatic is how you can deal with highly defensive, egoistical people always throwing punches at you without throwing punches back! Been trying to figure this out for a while, thanks School of Life!

[@novahynes]

For me, a good diplomat is a wise, smart and empathic person. There are not many good diplomats because it's rare when one has all of the three qualities at the same time. And there is no recipe detailing how to obtain them :)

[@Aaron14LifeZZZ]

Blue Makes Movies empathic or empathetic? diff. meanings?

[@novahynes]

checked on google, both words seem to have the same meaning: "showing an ability to understand and share the feelings of another," correct me if I'm wrong

[@blackhole4]

Blue Makes Movies lovely there's many of these people around who have these qualities. Many are just unknown. You yourself represents these qualities whether your believe it or not. As long as you focus on your output, you'll begin to see change in the areas you want. Finding these people in your life is very beneficial as they will lead you to success and prosper with you. Much positivity to you.

[@PennyDreadful1]

I feel like empathy is necessary for wisdom.

[@hennisdoffman5412]

A good diplomat is balanced. A great diplomat has boundaries. A legendary diplomat is a visionary. A diplomat does not people please but honors the truth above all with words that unite and bring healing.

[@tonihaikarainen3425]

I summed up the meaning of being a diplomat like this: "Diplomat is someone who understands the sometimes corrupt, mean and delusional nature of human beings and strives to act from a place of empathy and serenity. He is one with everyone."

[@Menace2Society7701]

In other words almost being or even being neutral

[@reneetmp]

I think this might be my favorite video from you to date. I agree that diplomacy comes from a place of deep empathy, and a strong grasp off the objective that you're trying to achieve. The idea that diplomacy came from a place of pessimism amazed me, but it certainly makes sense because the Diplomat knows that things must be sacrificed in favor of the larger goal. Great food for thought.

[@BigHenFor]

Renee It's deciding what to sacrifice that is the nub of conflict resolution.

[@SciencewithKatie]

"A small lie may have to be the guardian of a big truth" - I thought this sounded like a quote, so I googled it and found your blog! I didn't know you had a blog, but I'm glad to have found it, it's laid out really nice 😊

[@cherrellbovain9138]

Science with Katie I get the concept and I'm guilty as charged, but a lie can never be acceptable. There are other ways to be honest and still protect the bigger truth.

[@sebastianelytron8450]

Cherrell Bovain PREACH! Tired of people taking everything TSOL says as gospel. They're just as opinionated and flawed as anyone else.

[@Human_Shrek]

To error is to human, Sebastian.

[@SciencewithKatie]

Cherrell Bovain I wasn’t advocating lying at all! I just said I found their blog from that copying and pasting that quote into Google..

[@Charles-nm1zx]

Resisting the urge to check your channel in spite of seeing your comment in every video i watch

[@deadasfak]

I thought of myself as a diplomat but thanks to your post about people pleasers I realized I mischaractarized myself. I couldn't get the greater truth out, I actually suppressed it.

[@cuearesty]

I'm highly empathic, but I can see that diplomacy isn't for me, especially when there is someone actively and deliberately antagonizing someone or myself. I see the truth of letting some lies go, or going through the act of keeping up pleasantries in order to keep peace and harmony, but when someone is just being mean for sport, or rude because of upbringing, I can see through the source because of empathy, but I cannot choose to let someone trample me or the things I love down to feed someone's ego trip.

[@Menace2Society7701]

Yep it sometimes difficult to be diplomatic in certain situations

[@LynneLaRochelle]

"We mistake leaving some room for hope for kindness." Yes, this is the root of a lot of trouble!

[@4theloveoffashion959]

Can you please explain this? I’m still trying to understand it. Thanks in advance

[@krustiversial1323]

Self righteousness: a symptom of not knowing oneself to well or having a selective memory..... That's deep and so accurate, the way they put was just too good

[@idalijimenez9570]

at 6.32min.. .. beautiful representation of our attempts to reconcile our dream of becoming the best version of love and the struggle of coming to terms with our humanity... Typical place where we get lost in emotion ..judgements. .that prision of distorted visions of others..mostly of ourselves. Thank you.

[@lovelifelight]

My god... *removes sunglasses* This video has accurately described me in a recent situation I've been carefully handling. One tip, though, that's helped me become diplomatic - is to remember that "hurt people hurt people." But this video has perfectly articulated the mind map from there!

[@AR-dr1sb]

its like people are mirrors, you look at them and you see yourself.....but this is universal and doesnt apply to just people.....

[@abyzzwalker]

Same. the whole video I felt like I was being described. It feelt kinda nice.

[@MidnightPodcast]

Hurt people don't hurt people. Awful people hurt people. There are countless of people that have been hurt and are the nicest people to others.

[@bonnitacazares5568]

I feel like I need to watch this over and over untell I finally get it. Lol

[@AverageBrethren]

Once a day.. will make a difference in your mortal psyche.

[@Domdrok]

I identify a lot with this video. Some of these thoughts have run through my head. It’s cool to see them nailed down to words. I’m currently a teacher, want to be a counselor.

[@carlosduran9141]

Where were you when I was a teenager more than 30 years ago?, I could have preserved so many great relationships that I lost throughout my life due to lacking a more diplomatic approach to resolve differences and/or disputes, thank you.

[@yinyang1701]

One more thing to be noted is that one does understand diplomacy clearly..Everyone knows what empathy is deep down. When faced with a emotional circumstance..one can hardly suppress his emotions that derive our expressions quite firmly..During this hard time one forgets all about diplomacy..And even if one does seek diplomacy..one cannot turn back on one's emotions..It's human nature..During this tough time..our emotions are in control of our actions..not our mind..This is one of the strongest characteristics of humans..Thus we cannot suppress this easily..This is the time when we seek diplomacy and empathy and sympathy from others around us..prolly our near and dear ones..We can overcome this characteristic but with a stronger emotion i.e. empathy/Sympathy. It is therefore quite hard for one to play a diplomat..And if somehow one does..Guilt consumes him..He thinks that he could've done something more outrageous and would've experienced a different supremacy..But diplomacy is the best option for the ones involved.

[@raviputcha]

I'm so grateful to you for these emancipating and empowering insights. I feel a strange sense of satisfaction of watching your videos often rewinding, watching 2nd, 3rd, 5th time. Thank you so very much!

[@ouranos0101]

You guys humble me time and time again with your teachings. Thank you.

[@GenJotsu]

"Calm and comfort the chicken, before you cut off it's neck."

[@stinkleaf]

haha

[@taragragg400]

The Art of War.

[@lotuselegance7101]

So do the Diplomats. Hipocrits

[@incognitho7826]

Hahaha

[@Dingish]

Lotus Elegance An elegant hypocrite.

[@rachdarastrix5251]

You could not even begin to imagine how much I appreciate that this video exists.

[@ghostwriterscorner502]

One of my fave videos from this channel. I was thinking of Captain Jean Luc Picard from Star Trek. I've always admired his diplomatic personality, but never understood how he did it. Now I get it, and I see the real wisdom behind diplomacy, and how it helps your own cause. I love that it's based on pessimism. Thank you, great video, as always.

[@urbielatenightgamingadvent567]

I watch this video three times. It is a lot of info in 8 minutes video. I think that there are so much in diplomacy that no way anyone can explain it in a year. Just like how to make good friends? You tell me. But this video give out a direction and feel where to start and where our problem lies. Diplomacy is grt skill to have.

[@christhomas4009]

Alain's consistency is impeccable!

[@calamari3707]

Telling lies is almost never needed. If they are needed, something else is wrong that needs to be worked on first.

[@ShinachiHChan]

First of all, i wouldn't call them lies. Bending the truth at the very least, but not lies. Also, humans are so complex that working on what's wrong with us is not possible unless we feel motivated. And to feel motivated, we must first have our emotions in check. And that works best when we feel supported.

[@calamari3707]

Bending the truth is a lie. Not saying something is not a lie. Saying something in a nice, but truthful way, is not a lie. So, lets be clear about our definitions. As for the rest of your comment, I'm not sure the relevancy of any of what you said in response to any of what I said, but hey, I'm also just surprised anyone saw this comment two moths after it was posted anyway. Also, if anyone ever lies to me I will never forgive them. They are dead to me and can jump off a cliff. It's so much worse to be lied to.

[@ShinachiHChan]

Bending the truth is basically telling the truth in indirect ways, though. So it's not lying, it's just beating around the bush. And sometimes it's necessary when people can't handle the truth all at once. Also, the rest of my previous comment was relevant cause i was trying to help you understand why Diplomats tend to bend the truth out of consideration for the other person's mental processing. You're not going to tell me a little misguided concern makes the other person dead to you, are you?

[@thehanghoul]

Calamari people though lie everyday, and they don’t even know it. It’s one thing to mislead someone, and lie to harm. It’s another to withhold information that’s overly explicit. For example, take criticism. At least in America, we are very polite in how we deliver it. I could be overly “truthful” in delivering your flaws. You forgot to do this, you suck at this, etc. Or, I could talk about how you did this well, and need to work on x. Both wouldn’t be considered lies. It’s more a matter of framing. It also depends on how literal people take criticism, and how they handle it. So in sum, think to yourself about the intention behind what people say. Half the time, people don’t even know what’s coming out of their mouth, and they don’t even know at the time they’re lying, or telling the truth. You can be very black and white about it, yet you miss out sometimes on all the nuance color brings.

[@babysunflower8717]

Diplomates are not supposed to lie. Of course I am agree with you that if there is a lie... there is need to work on that but I think a true(clever actually) dimplomate will definitely tell you the truth but will use their 100% wit in emphasising only that part of truth that is fulfilling their purpose and will less emphasis other parts. I think it's not lie.. It's his trait. 😅

[@anjei929]

From my (hopefully diplomatic) point of view, this is without a doubt one the best videos The School has ever produced. Here’s to hoping more diplomats out there!

[@clinicalminatology783]

I'm changing step by step with each video ! Thanx TSOL :)

[@watchingvids101]

How good is the artwork! I love this abstract, highly imaginative and flowing type of art and it fits perfectly with the bit-sized tidbits of psychological explanations in these videos.

[@ddc6702]

Please reignite the making of Philosophy, Literature, Sociology and Psychotherapy videos.

[@BertalSofiane]

That what i really missed in your videos... Long enough and without useless sound effects... This one video is just perfect as the old school style of the school of life.

[@francismausley7239]

Good points. "Human utterance is an essence which aspireth to exert its influence and needeth moderation … as to its moderation, this hath to be combined with tact and wisdom…" ~ Baha'i Faith

[@aifan6148]

Thank you The School of Life for yet another insightful, persuasive and enlightening video! Just what I needed. ♧

[@jemuel2315]

I needed this video so badly right now, you have no idea! I'm glad KZbin recommended it when I need it most right now!

[@YamiAi]

The conversational style 'motivation interviewing (MI)' is a great way to explore and conduct this proposed diplomacy.

[@PRANSHU49]

One of the best 10 minutes I have ever spent in my life. And I have seen a lot

[@abdinasirmuhumed886]

bro, I always understand you more than any academic youtube, 90%. If you become slower than this spread, I will understand you 100%. Thank you Mr. professional

[@snipeg4mer693]

Good explanation for diplomacy and so much needed at this time when everyone is fighting to achieve his goal with not knowing the way to do it in the diplomatic way .

[@alir.9894]

These videos are absolutely masterpieces!!!Don’t confuse them with other videos on KZbin people!

[@clinicalminatology783]

Minutes of watching TSOL gives hours of life experience!

[@Slendermanfreak]

Are you kidding me? TSOL gives decades of experience!

[@beckly321]

My children (4, 6) are watching this so attentively. Cool :)

[@juanthejuan9850]

It is narrated in a very clear and concise way that I think even children can understand it. I don't get why some people in the comments say they missed the point...

[@trentonpaul6376]

Yeah the sometimes advanced phrasing is still well understood

[@void9231]

Juan The Juan Yes it is narrated clearly, however this video is 9 minutes and the school of life usualy uploads 4-5 minutes only. It just hard for some people to follow and process such long informative video.

[@dochmbi]

I'd pay a lot of money to make people watch School of Life... If only I could be a professional evangelist for their channel.

[@chooch1353]

simply amazing video from illustration to narration

[@GenJotsu]

Kindness is a gift; not a right.

[@sunnygoel3253]

What a beautiful explanation! It brings to mind Krishna's character in the Mahabharat. Hare Krishna!

[@fezii9043]

Damn those are nice animations

[@11202]

A wonderful well thought out video. One of the best I've seen from this channel! Keep up the good work and never stop your passion for offering truly, "food for thought"

[@boo5860]

I value honesty above all else. Small lies are more troublesome to me than cruel honesty.

[@candyjay370]

Any job working with public service requires a great deal of patience. Patience is something imperative to being a diplomat.

[@minhphuongbui1642]

people use the term "badass", "savage" to describe an ideal persona. the truth is being diplomatic: balanced, polite and empathetic is the true art that reaches above those with attitudes. being too assertive is troublesome, we should reach for being kind and gentle instead, in that way there will be true love and exists more good people. i'm also glad that the people on this comment section have that same opinion of mine

[@timloughnan4856]

Absolutely brilliant! Thank you

[@mercuriallimit]

This is a very valuable lesson for me. Thank you

[@Degjoy]

This is a very British approach. I appreciate the German way, which although is not so diplomatic, is so much clearer and more sincere/honest.

[@user-lz5rs9lj3u]

What is the german way?

[@juanthejuan9850]

This is great The School Of Life. Thanks!

[@esbaiba]

Thank you, very beautiful concept!💖

[@terrapax5065]

After a Psilocybe cubensis trip, I'm still basking in an afterglow that has made me eerily cognizant of my not so diplomatic behaviour. What a funny coincidence that this video is released right after a night of soul searching and self-discovery. Great video, as always, a beautiful guide to spiritual, psychological and general growth.

[@freebird3004]

These days people encourage a highly opinionated and passionate personality while I'm here being a (kind of) diplomat and being called a person with no personality but oh well

[@AR-dr1sb]

doing nothing is not being diplomat hehe, its used when solving conflicts with others...dont be scared to voice your important opinion. Not saying your wrong but not saying your right either...

[@freebird3004]

Arata Senpai I didn't say I don't voice my opinions at all. But people become too aggressive over little things is what I wanted to say

[@deepalijoshi4631]

Ah yes. I understand you

[@GotUpLateWithMoon]

I printed this subtitle to memorize all your language. Thank you so much!

[@hidrasblade]

I have studied economics for quite a while and after that i wanted to persue a career in politics to kinda change my country for a better future. What now I realize is that maybe try to make what I think it was better, even with all my knowledge and my dedication to my country, is kind of selfish at the end, is like trying to find a dragon and be able to defeat it, what I think is the complete opposite of being a diplomat. Now I kinda think that maybe this is what I really need. Maybe I'm not so right after all, maybe that is reason why the politics in my country is so wrong and maybe i didnt need to have "the answer", maybe I just needed to hear it. -Thank you SchoolofLife ❤️

[@Herbert5812]

I used to have this idea that everything could be solved through conversation and when I had my BIGGEST and SCARIEST heartbreak, I faced the fact that, no matter how hard you try, if someone is not willing or prepared to hear you, they won't. And that's when you ask yourself why, where did you go wrong in the explanation. Guess somethings are just not negotiable.

[@trialstud]

Awesome, thanks!

[@ziggy8253]

I don’t even care about what’s being said; I just love looking at the visuals!

[@maickelvieira]

okay, that was the most enlightening thing i saw in years, thank you, i have a looooooooooooooooooot to think about now, and yeah, it is a good thing

[@polygloticious]

The School of life is amazing . There is just one flaw that bothers me. It tends to put all humans into the same category -ignoring the fact that a few kinds of psychopaths exist among us, some of which are hard to recognize and they never suffer the consequences of their actions. We are not all equally "crazy" because there are types of "crazyiness" that involve victimizing - seriously abusing to the point of physically and emotionally destroying- other people.

[@DiaJasin]

If only I can fully digest this video, this is too wise!

[@TB-iz7cc]

His voice is extremely soothing

[@abitfrank]

This is so beautiful!

[@heyoverhere4151]

You guys always put out a video that always bring me up on my worst day thx so much ❤❤❤

[@vivieneb3131]

Very thought provoking and well narrated!

[@echogaybaldfith7466]

Really great video, this is my favorite of this channel I've seen so far

[@samuelkurth9676]

This was the best video of yours i‘ve ever seen!! Congratiulations

[@jyotivyas9286]

The Bestest Explanation...👌💐😊of A Diplomat👌💐😊

[@luiscastilloc1]

Very interesting video regarding diplomacy

[@turtlezinthesky]

I love this channel so much.

[@JusTyr3c]

Thanks so much

[@RichLux713]

Love

[@emptyness7]

This is pure gold

[@milanajasieva2731]

Thank you for this video! I'm going to be a diplomat, i study international relations. :)

[@theeasiestway2822]

Omg….this video is next level, animator and writer are god level peeps!

[@maheiramkhan]

My sister is a diplomat. Thanks for letting me know.

[@ppcy]

Fantastic work :)

[@notdatnice9846]

I liked the animations, very comforting

[@anitac5523]

amazing illustrations

[@crobes4155]

This came at such a perfect time.

[@SigmaChi04]

Fascinating. Live long and prosper.

[@Kurtiboy24]

this videos are very good and help me with getting better at life but im 18 years old in a month i have no income i have no idea what i want to do in the future even tho im growing spiritually and mentally my wealth growth isnt going anywhere

[@pauldang9268]

to become a stronger version of yourself, read a lot and live your life. failing=learning=sucess.

[@godlessqueertheywarnedyouabout]

Very useful compilation of insights about conflict resolution and prevention here, plus the animation is cute :)

[@estrellassoliloquies]

I'm so confused, should I listen to his voice, or look at these interesting cartoons. I think I might have to watch this video several times. It's hard to understand at once for my kinda brain LOL

[@debbieschmidt7794]

lol

[@ladrikalittlejohn5818]

Awesome video!

[@soytack]

4:59 illustration is on point

[@azayrocks]

Very diplomatic explanation indeed

[@arslongavitabrebis]

All this makes sense in healthy emotional environments. In a stressful and hostile place (many modern work places), animal behavior seams to prosper were rationality and kindness is left behind. Judgmental and unkind personalities seam to thrive in harsh circumstances.

[@nataliejames5149]

this youtube channel is Goals ♥ keep it up ♥

[@pacolucian995]

"the diplomat is kind enough to let themselves be the target of hate" holy shit it just said something i've been doing without thinking

[@misoj2897]

in short: To become a diplomat, you must have to almost become a ANGEL.

[@aloespirit1880]

This is amazingly profound

[@Alon_Jak]

Loved it

[@wesleymorton7878]

How do we deal with people who matter to us AND who are unaccountable? (Unaccountable as in not acknowledging prior agreed upon plans, in recognizing their hurtful actions, in giving credit where credit is due, taking responsibility for mistakes/omissions, etc.). Thank you.

[@BigHenFor]

Wesley Morton Assertiveness, rather than aggression is the toolset required here. Changing other people is a fool's errand. Instead we must change our approach by asserting our needs without aggression. Assertiveness is a critical life skill IMO, as it is the basis of self-respect. It takes the same skillset as diplomacy but directed at yourself first. If you don't honour your own needs, it is highly unlikely anyone else will. So, utilising self-care and self-awareness, you can then decide what you need from anyone, how to ask for what you need without aggression, and what you're prepared to compromise. That's why I think it true that our happiness is primarily our responsibility, as you cannot be happy without being assertive.

[@wesleymorton7878]

Wow, thank you. Thoughtful and helpful response. Hard-to-come-by qualities in KZbin comments! I appreciate it :).

[@iGenius98]

I wanted this video to go on forever