The Best Response I've Heard About Using "Preferred Pronouns."

[@CoachDottie]

@melissadougherty, I’m the mother of a trans-identifying adult daughter, and have been in this valley for 6 years. You and Alisa are correct: we cannot compromise on this, or on the x-sex name for that matter. For the reasons you mention (e.g., truth, reality, and the slippery slope of further compromise), and for one more reason: when our daughter finally comes to her senses, she will not likely go to those who’ve lied to her (whatever their reasons) but will seek out those who loved her enough to stand in the truth - even when she was unwilling to accept it. As Christians we are called to be salt and light. Salt preserves the truth, seasons the culture, and makes the lost thirsty. Light shines so that those in the dark can find their way to safety. When my daughter wanted us to use her new name and pronouns, I gently and lovingly declined and told her I couldn’t because it was not true. It was a lie in my opinion. I knew it might cost the relationship, and God had to deal with me on that (idols can be anything, even something wonderful like our children). Eventually, the cost was out relationship - at least temporarily. But, when she reconnected (still sold out to her sin), she returned to a mother resolutely standing on the truth, in love and grace. I’ve kept my promise to her: “I love you no matter what, and I’m not going anywhere.” The estrangement, as heartbreaking as it was, was necessary for the Lord to continue the deeper work in me (which is nothing short of transformational!), and to enable me to birth a ministry to help others struggling to navigate this unique valley with a biblical compass. I’d love to share it with you, Melissa, if you’re up for it. One last thing: most of us are pretty clear on the pronouns, though we might struggle to walk it out, but many lack that same clarity on the name issue. I love how my friend, Laura Perry (Smalts) illuminates it. When the Lord drew her out of the trans life and back to Himself, she wrestled with him over her “male” identity. She sensed the Lord ask her, “When you stand before Me, what name will I use.” I hope to hear from you!

[@smarterworkout]

It felt like the Holy Spirit Himself wrote your story.

[@jop4112]

Our Lord is might to save! I keep thinking of " and such were some of you". Praying for deliverance for your daughter and others. May the Lord continue to strengthen you and comfort you in this work.

[@rfish2421]

I have a daughter and a niece who no longer speak to me for similar reasons. I appreciate your mentioning the Lord working on you during the separation. I have had many people look at me like I was crazy, or even heartless, when I've said I believe the Lord has been using this time to not only work on me but to protect me from potential compromise. May I ask the name of your ministry? It might be helpful for myself and several others I know in similar situations. God bless you! ❤

[@kristengreen1106]

Thank you for sharing your story. I am in a very similar situation. I pray for the day when my child comes to the end of this madness and can see the light and truth that we are holding for him.

[@CoachDottie]

@@kristengreen1106 my ministry might be able to help. If you’re interested, let me know and we can chat about it. If nothing else, we can be battle buddies!

[@philhardwick100]

Totally agree. When I first heard someone say “my truth” I knew we had a problem. We live in reality. There’s only one truth.

[@kayhamilton3947]

"When you want to help people, you tell them the truth. When you want to help yourself, you tell them what they want to hear." Thomas Sowell

[@loobylouboti]

Nice quote!

[@stefc1289]

Amen!

[@marlytate6914]

Excellent point, Kay, thank you

[@yellowtomato]

Thomas Sowell is awesome.

[@kimlersue]

He is walking talking wisdom!!

[@naija_girl]

This argument makes total sense but it makes me scared to take a stand. I'm a teenager at a public school and this basically means it's over for me if I try to stand my ground as a Christian. I've seen a a girl at my school who was ostracized for her faith and it makes me scared to try to carry my cross. If you guys don't mind, can you pray for me? I'm sixteen and I'm trying to do what's right for Christ. I'm trying to do more to understand my faith so I can properly defend it one day. I don't ever comment that much on anything but I just felt really compelled to at this moment. Also, I really love and appreciate what you stand for, Melissa. Now I just need the courage to stand for the same thing as a sister in Christ.

[@kimmieb2u]

I have prayed for you. It's difficult to stand sometimes, and to remain standing for what you know is right. However, the Lord is with you and will strengthen you.

[@chrissyuy]

“Please do not ask me to deny my beliefs so you can affirm yours.”

[@merrivoelker2531]

My daughter started getting in the lgbtq when she was in high school and then probably the last three years she thought she was trans she came very close to transitioning I always stood my ground from what God Said and I always told her she was a she she would always be a she and just prayed for her she is now engaged to a guy so God answered my prayers

[@bobblacka918]

Nice story with a happy ending. Keep praying.

[@NathanP711]

Here’s a third argument: If it’s, “No big deal, it’s just pronouns” Why’s it a big deal if I don’t use them? If it’s such a little insignificant thing, why is such a big deal being made about someone not going along with it?

[@thecrew777]

Right?! Good point. Well worth noting.

[@TheJoyfulEye]

Yeah, really! Totally agree. Great point.

[@susanross1651]

I think she means it’s seems as though it’s no big deal to many people to simply use preferred pronouns to make someone happy & keep the peace, but yes it is obviously a big deal to them or they wouldn’t want us to use these untruthful pronouns in the first place.

[@mantis_toboggan_md]

The biggest problem I have, is that they are lying, and they want you to submit to their lies and they want you to acknowledge their lies as truth and to lie for them.

[@grantchanin2878]

I have been on this Earth for 62 years, I have life experience. My comment is that this pronoun nonsense is for two reasons the first is a natural way to attract attention. But the second reason is dark and sinister. These people want confrontation. ALWAYS LOOK AT THEIR EYES.

[@sherrilbjalexander2856]

I agree. Like I've heard a pastor say "I would rather anger you into heaven than into flatter you into hell."

[@geraldbritton8118]

I'm grammarphobic: afraid of using incorrect grammar. A pronoun is only used when the person being referred to is not there (if they were, it would be impolite to use a pronoun *at all*, you should use their name!) When the person is there, I will use their name, or simply "you"; when they are not present, it would be impolite for them to try to control my speech. I'll go with the pronoun that matches their biological sex.

[@tuppybrill4915]

If challenged you could accuse them of being truthphobic.

[@MB-vi8zp]

That's what I'm always confused about, like aside from "sir, ma'am, Mr., Mrs." You don't use pronouns to talk TO someone so what do they care? They're trying to control how you talk about them to others! It's absurd.

[@SugarBooger10]

​@@MB-vi8zpexactly 💯

[@SugarBooger10]

Me too, I can't stand the plural they them it just churns my butter

[@geraldbritton8118]

@@SugarBooger10 The singular “they” has existed for hundreds of years, but it was long condemned as grammatically incorrect. Now, it’s recommended by most style guides and dictionaries as the best choice when you need a gender-neutral singular pronoun. see Scribbr doesn't mean I like it

[@kathycasey9521]

A Christian psychologist I worked with once told me never to enter into another person’s delusion with them. Many types of problems that psychologists see can cause a person to develop delusions, but under no circumstances should we enter into their delusions with them. We think we are being respectful, but as you pointed out, you put yourself in a position where you cannot help them deal with their delusion because you’ve already told them their delusion is reality.

[@mlthornton1]

I agree but I also think that to call it delusional on the whole goes too far. I think many (perhaps most) who are calling for alternative pronouns are doing so for more mundane reasons like seeking novelty, attention, or control. In which case I think that the advice still holds.

[@lewlewbelle7275]

When I worked as a corrections officer they trained us not to go along with their delusion. Many would be going through withdrawals from drugs and alcohol, having hallucinations while we monitored them in the medical housing unit. So I definitely agree with not affirming the falseness, that is more hurtful then helpful.

[@sunneedaze57]

Thank you for that answer!

[@thatonechristianweeb4050]

Proverbs 26:4 and Matthew 15:14. We can't be blind like them, nor should we act like them. It'll only lead us down to destruction as well.

[@bunny_0288]

​@@mlthornton1 But it is a delusion. They are believing something that is contradictory to reality. The reality is that they are the sex they are born with. Believing they aren't is a delusion because it doesn't match with reality. It's no different than someone who believes they can fly. Or people who believe they should be disabled in some ways. There was a delusional woman who blinded herself to make her delusion a reality. These are not mentally well people. And they are being taken advantage of by the medical institution for $$$. It's horrific.

[@BrockLanders]

As far as I know, people who work for public entities are not lawfully required to refer to individuals by their preferred pronouns because it violates the First Amendment and specifically the Compelled Speech Doctrine. There have been numerous lawsuits won by teachers who refused to use a student’s preferred pronouns after they were initially punished for not doing so.

[@thetruenolan6655]

One of my favorite quotes: “In my study of communist societies, I came to the conclusion that the purpose of communist propaganda was not to persuade or convince, not to inform, but to humiliate; and therefore, the less it corresponded to reality the better. When people are forced to remain silent when they are being told the most obvious lies, or even worse when they are forced to repeat the lies themselves, they lose once and for all their sense of probity. To assent to obvious lies is in some small way to become evil oneself. One’s standing to resist anything is thus eroded, and even destroyed. A society of emasculated liars is easy to control. I think if you examine political correctness, it has the same effect and is intended to.” - Theodore Dalrymple

[@kimberlymartin4434]

I think by allowing oneself to agree to call a person by their pronouns only adds to their delusion. That’s not healthy, logical, truth or honest.

[@CynHicks]

I think it depends on the situation like most everything in life and especially when "representing" Jesus. Sometimes it really is best to not offend though I will say that I will NEVER be compelled by force or law.

[@2live4football]

​@CynHicks if I am being asked to lie to prevent the person asking from being offended, then it is not appropriate to avoid offense.

[@CynHicks]

@@2live4football You aren't necessarily lying no more than Paul refraining from eating meat as to not offend those that thought it was offensive. If you meet an obvious homosexual couple on the street do you greet them by telling them they are living in sin? How about a young couple who you know to be living together and *** together out of wedlock?

[@2live4football]

@@CynHicks I'm speaking about referring to the person by a different gender. I do not believe that I am saying something true by saying she when referring to a man. Simple as that. Abstaining from action is not the same as acting as in pauls case. In your homosexual example, they are people I have no obligation to confront as I do not know them, but perhaps God put them in front of me to be ministered to and perhaps led away from sin.

[@lewlewbelle7275]

@@CynHickswe are told not to lie, it’s the 9th commandment. We can stand on Gods word/truth with love and kindness. When Jesus walked this earth, He offended plenty, because He was telling the truth.

[@lahanlon]

One of the simplest criticisms of pronouns that has really stuck with me was that it's not about policing language as much as it is about policing thought. Most of the time when you use someone's pronouns you are referring to them in the third person, not to that person. They want you to train yourself how to think of that person not what to call them to their face to be polite. It's the ultimate in narcissism.

[@dcshel]

How about the old nursery story "The Emperor has no clothes" ? This pronoun Insanity is exactly that!

[@philoalethia]

Using someone's "preferred pronouns" is not loving. It affirms psychological disorder and attempts to infect you with it at the same time. The most loving thing we can do with someone who has been affected by this disorder is to attempt to help disabuse them of it.

[@michaelmartin3257]

I will use Ben Shapiro's comment, which I use often in discussions regarding the subject of pronouns, "Facts don't care about your feelings." Period. Affirming the absurdity that has invaded our society is only perpetuating the lie. And who is the master of lies? Great video, thank you and God bless!

[@SDPtor]

As someone who was DEEPLY anti religion for most of my adult life, this very quickly smelled like religion to me. If your don’t follow their prescribed “rules” they go all Pharisee on you, declare you a sinner and want you to pay a heavy price for your “sin” against them (being little gods) via cancel culture. When I was a small child (who attended church twice on sundays) if we didn’t memorize a verse and we’re called upon by the Sunday school teacher to say that verse, we were punished by having to stand against a wall with our nose touching it for the rest of class. This feels VERY similar to me. (Don’t worry, I’ve met Christ Jesus since and given my life to Him :)). Don’t be fooled, this is a man made religion complete with a rule book, definitions of “sin” and “hell” and ugly angry Pharisees walking around everywhere to get/force/redirect/bully everybody to follow the “rules”. This religion has taken over our govt here in Canada as there is now a 25,000 fine for misgendering someone. Yep, no divide between this “church” and state.

[@justin10292000]

Well said!! ALL humans worship. The question is Who/who. EVERY human has a worldview and worships God/gods.

[@livelyasmr]

Wow your "church" was ridiculously bizarre. I've never seen that and I've been to many churches

[@alanrobertson9790]

If you spend your life arguing that 2+2=5 its difficult to complain when someone says 2+2=3.

[@floridagirl5250]

So that law passed? Minnesota is trying to do 10k and jail for "misgendering. " how ironic that it is they who are misgendering themselves.

[@srbboo5014]

Sister, you nailed it. This needs to go viral.

[@maribethrjohnson1410]

My brother who transitioned in the late seventies called our mother , who loved him so much, horrible names for forgetting and using his old name and not using "she". We were all called names. She was always one to keep the peace and what she decided was the best way to do that was to "just humor him". And that's what this is. Humoring. Which is the same thing as a lie. She was there for him, she loved and prayed for him but he treated her like she was a terrible person just because she wasn't "happy" for him.

[@RaptureReadyPam]

😢

[@PeaceOfGrace]

Chloe Cole interviewed Katie Anderson, who stated that once people affirmed her male name & pronoun, it helped her to choose to undergo the surgery that she now regrets.

[@1154wise]

Not all of us are privy to the names that people were born with. We only know the name they give to us to refer to. That is not on us- but on them...unless they share their journey and then we can speak into that. Love and Kindness helps us get our toe in the door. This does not advocate lying.

[@floridagirl5250]

​@discipledavedotcom1748YES

[@CmdrKeith303]

My sister is a lesbian who's partner is transitioning to a man. I flat told my sister I would not refer to her partner as a man. To do so would be to lie to her, and lying is a sin. Also, to affirm their delusion would be to say that God is wrong and a liar and made them wrong. God is not a liar, and he made everyone exactly the way they are on purpose.

[@vypersoft1]

I find it humorous that any time today we talk about anything....we have to set the stage by letting everyone know we are not "Racist" "Homophobe" etc...then we state our position.

[@Julia_USMidwest]

With all due respect, it is not at all humorous. It I heart-wrenching to work so hard to share God's love and have it refused.

[@rickraber1249]

Let them refuse His love - that's their choice. But remember a couple of things about the LORD. One, His word never comes back void, but always accomplished His purpose. Two, as Paul said, some of us plant, some water, but It's God who gets the increase. People have God-given free will. But God is not willing that any should perish. So keep praying, be patient, and wait on God. Ultimately, it's His fight, not ours. @@Julia_USMidwest

[@Julia_USMidwest]

@@rickraber1249 True, but still heartbreaking.

[@suzanneolden]

I am one of those parents. I refuse to use anything other than the name I gave and pronouns God gave. I will not budge on it at all. I won't reject my child, but I won't affirm her seriously awful choices either. And BTW, pretending that this whole situation only has one group of victims (the alphabet soup crew) is by far the most harmful lie. This and another situation in my immediate family has devastated us, but societally, we aren't allowed to be devastated - in fact we are evil for being so. How twisted is that?

[@sarahmac4171]

Evil will be called good and good will be called evil I’m sorry to hear about your daughter Suzanne. You’re not alone - God bless you for staying loyal to Jesus

[@lewlewbelle7275]

Always stand firm with love on Gods word. I’m very sorry you’re going through this. Blessings in Christ Jesus 🙏💕

[@justfelicia6671]

I like that, "The name I gave and the pronouns God gave."

[@ElaineWood-f2t]

From the perspective of a mother, I can't imagine how it feels to have a child reject the name that I agonized over while I was pregnant, only to have that child reject that name, and tell me what he or she wants to be called. They refer to their birth name as their "dead name." That phrase clearly indicates that the person, the child, to whom the mother gave birth is no longer alive and has been replaced by someone else. I simply cannot fathom having to navigate such a situation.

[@floridagirl5250]

So true!

[@ramlin35]

What about all the people who regret transitioning in the future? They will look back at everyone that affirmed them when they were younger as being complicit in their transitioning because it was the polite thing to do.

[@w.m.woodward2833]

Thanks for this. It is driving me nuts with all this crazy pronoun stuff. How did we get to the place where we have lost the ability to think?

[@kerishannon775]

That's a good question. Think about it a little harder.

[@mjt1517]

@@kerishannon775vague replies like yours are cowardly. State what you mean in a clear manner and stop being coy.

[@toniarmijo9943]

Religious bigotry got you where you are. I personally, have no problem "thinking".

[@SarahRose64]

"Pronouns are the little bow." Wow, so well said. Thank you Melissa!

[@angelam3517]

Melissa, I work as a receptionist in a counselling office. Several of our clients are on the trans path. So far I've managed to just call them by their first names, instead of pronouns. That's a bit problematic as well because "Mary" isn't really "John." But what do we do when we are at work and have no choice? There are days I dream of quitting but I know this nonsense has permeated most places of employment. One other thing I noticed, and which a few others speakers have noted, is that many of the females that think they are male are autistic and often obese. Could it be that they already don't fit in so being trans is an attempt to do that?

[@lizzlovesjesus]

The thing is, don’t feed their delusion. Of course as Christians we want to avoid confrontation but if a situation comes where you have to either compromise your faith or assume it. ASSUME it !

[@angelam3517]

@@lizzlovesjesus not following you on the assume part - please explain.

[@rangersmith4652]

Spot on! I will not affirm what is clearly untrue. If an adult person wants to deny reality, it's not my business, but I will not play along. People who are intensively pronoun sensitive insist that we all use their pronouns because they want to train us to be compliant in little things so we learn to be compliant in big things.

[@Monami7th]

And THAT, my friend, is the hidden psychology of the whole matter...

[@shadowprovesunshine]

Well said 🎯

[@henrypuyi5485]

Five years ago the company I was at had a woke female contractor come on board. She pushed to have pronoun's in our signature. I pushed back but was told to put something there. So I put (CDR/Sir) as my pronouns. It pissed her off, but my leadership thought it was funny and I was allowed to not put my "pronouns" in my signature and others followed suit. Five years later I would lose my job. Just crazy.

[@denisemarie6131]

My advice to deal with this on the job is to stray from using pronouns and strictly use the name…. It’s going to sound ridiculous at times but it is a way to respect my beliefs and work guidelines.

[@keithedester474]

But when Maxine is Max, you use the pronoun. Or let's say Bruce is now Caitlin...

[@YoKinah]

Yeah this is what I’m choosing to do. Going into management i had to figure something out because they are gonna fire me immediately if i say “i don’t prefer their preferred nouns” haha

[@denisemarie6131]

@@YoKinah How to keep our morals without being fired.... We want to work diligently and efficiently. It can be a challenge when faced with what words we naturally speak because we are dealing with those who want us to act against nature. Someone is going to write a book about how to cope in the workplace in the 21st century, if it's not out already, and it is so absurd to be even talking about this! It's so one-sided. I do hope for you all good things in your new Management career.

[@elinapetrosova2954]

I agree. The best way is to use the name.

[@dawnricherson2604]

@@coyote9789Your definition of respect here is twisted. It is not respecting someone to embrace their delusion. It’s not love. It’s not kind. And it’s antithetical to the teachings of Christ.

[@cecileprivett597]

I got saved a couple of years ago and you've helped me so much. Never stop teaching and please know that your walk has encouraged so many. I mean that. ❤

[@dingotomtom]

Melissa is the best! I love her comedy videos too! They're hilarious and educational 😂❤

[@CurtisDurden]

Congrats on getting saved! isn't it a wonderful thing :)

[@cecileprivett597]

The best!

[@mbm8404]

Those are great points! I agree 100%. I’ll NEVER use neo-pronouns. I can’t even remember names much less pronouns. What to do when someone asks us to use sex mismatched pronouns. Pronoun Refresher: 1st person: I, me, mine, we, us 2nd: you, yours, y’all, “you guys” 3rd: he, she, they, them, it. Being asked to use alt 3rd person pronouns is being asked to lie based on someone else’s identity. Being asked to use a specific set of pronouns is being asked to engage in reputation building on their behalf. This is the case since you don’t use a persons 3rd person pronouns when speaking with them directly. You’re not being asked to lie to them, but you’re being asked to lie for them and about them to others. So by being asked to support that person’s image of themself to the world is being asked to engage in collusion with that person.

[@LeeB5]

You’re right! If we start agreeing with so-called ‘little lies’, what’s the next thing we’re asked to compromise? 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@senorsenior9546]

Not just that, but how do you communicate with people who can set their own parts of language at will? Suppose you are speaking to a group of a dozen people, how do you remember each person's chosen pronouns? It's a ludicrous situation created by people demanding special attention and control of others and shouldn't be tolerated. Language is a tool for effective communication not a cudgel for social control.

[@tims.449]

Exellent points. Our culture is so hypocritical. I am obviously way beyond the age of legal for booze but the cashier was being funny and asked it I was over 18. I was buying WD40 because she informed me that she has to ask. So how come a teen under the age of 18 cannot buy that product but can buy the services of a surgeon to alter them sexually. Society is a muck.

[@annelarrybrunelle3570]

Things I've commented before: 1. I speak English. Pronouns are not yours or mine; they belong to the language. 2. If you are apparently a male, I will refer to you by your name or he or him or his, etc. 3. If you are apparently a female, I will refer to you by your name or she or her or hers, etc. 4. If the person referred to is abstract, meaning singular but sex unknown, I may use s/he, him/her, or (as often for an unborn child) it. 5. If the person or persons referred to are indeterminate in number, I may use they, them, or those, etc. 6. You may go by any name you intend consistently to be known. That is what the law recognizes. Also, people have names among them not universally sex-specific, e.g. Lynn, Dale, Aubrey, Adrian, Casey. I know a woman who goes by Sam and worked with a man named Su, and in neither case was there any "trans" intent. Sometimes people have surnames like Nancy or Anna or William or John. So if I know you are a guy who goes by Wilma or a girl who goes by Milton, I'll likely call you that. I have no obligation to affirm anyone's fantasies, and may well have an obligation not to.

[@lwittrock1]

Only when I'm alone in the carpool lane do I refer to myself as "we." In all seriousness, I will use their name and not use "preferred pronouns." If they ask me why, I tell the truth as respectfully as I can.

[@amarilles]

A+

[@livewireOrourke]

😄😄

[@nerychristian]

Just tell them you are using their name because it's a pretty name.

[@thejohnbeck]

Ha. I imagine the queen getting pulled over. "We are not amused"

[@Tinarobinson099]

Same here. I use the persons name only or use general terms like love or even the person lol that’s when I’m not exactly sure if the person is male or female 😔

[@KREG875]

Definitely agree with everything you said!! I think the example of the early believers is powerful. It reminds me of something one of my favorite bible speakers said in a podcast, that this sexual ideology is their religion. So if we affirm any of it, we are essentially affirming another faith, and another Lord besides Jesus. We have to stand strong on this issue and just respectfully explain why we choose not to partake. This is out of true love for these folks. May the Lord give us strength. God bless you and your family, Melissa! ☺️🙏🏽

[@amyhollens7260]

My brother and my female cousin both think they’re the opposite sex. My cousin has had “top surgery.” They’re both on hormones. Our whole (supposedly) Christian conservative extended family completely supports their decisions and call them by their fake pronouns. The only people in our family who have made it clear we won’t be complicit in this lie are my husband and me. We have two very small children, and because we have respectfully told our family that we do not want our kids around these people, as we do not want to even introduce preschoolers/toddlers to this idea, a huge chunk of my family has now cut us out of their lives. My parents (who raised me in the church) have said the most hurtful, condescending, and disrespectful things to me because I want to protect my kids. They have even quoted scripture to me in defense of my brother and cousin’s decisions (I believe the only reason they still talk to us is because our children are their only grandkids). We’ve told them that if our kids were teenagers, it would be a different story because we could talk to them about it, or if we didn’t have kids we would have no issue being around them (although we would still not use their “preferred pronouns”). There is still zero understanding from my family that we are doing this simply to protect our children. What amazes my husband and me the most is that the adults in our family are prioritizing their hurt feelings over the wellbeing of our kids. I have been through some major tribulations in my life, but this is by far the saddest and most heartbreaking. It’s kept me up at night, and I’ve shed countless tears over it. My family used to be as close as can be, and the enemy has infiltrated somehow and is tearing us apart.

[@RaptureReadyPam]

My story is different, but we had a close family, and the enemy has torn us apart too. Luke 12:53 was a prophetic warning from our Savior. I never thought it would hit our family.

[@thecrew777]

You and your husband have done the right thing. The weird part of all of this is that we can see who is unbalanced and having meltdowns over things that are not even true. To be called filthy names and lied about because we refuse to obey their "commands" is the most narcissistic thing I have ever seen. Not only that, it's so small, THEY need to use the pronouns all of them were taught when learning to speak (around 2 years old?). This is not difficult. They need to stop with the extreme bullying.

[@mrscindymargaret2736]

Hello from England He sent you here for a magnificent reason. Keep fighting! STAND ON HIS WORD. The blood of Christ seals the covenant between you and Him. His blood is thicker than the water you and your siblings were fed from in the womb. God snaps that umbilical chord when He pleases. You belong to Him- no one else knows you like He does.

[@pkmcnett5649]

Jesus said it would happen, but I had no idea it would be over the issue of sex/gender.

[@TheJoyfulEye]

You are completely and totally right. Keep standing firm in the truth.

[@Not_so_greatScott]

Taking on pronouns is the baptism into this new religion. My baptism in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost is all I need, thank you.

[@nancykruger1392]

This is the most brilliant and succinct argument I’ve heard for not using “preferred pronouns”! A lie no matter how longed for, will never create truth. Thank you, no matter the original source.

[@verarivadeneira5275]

Sorry I won’t lie to people and call names or pronouns that don’t belong to them. If I get canceled so be it.

[@jacksonlsu]

Sometimes I wasn't happy in my body. I wanted to be taller. I didn't want to be balding. Etc. But I couldn't just say I was something I wasn't. Accept yourself

[@derrickcox7761]

I'm a rainbow kangaroo with wings...what's your problem? (what sarcasm?)

[@tims.449]

Spot on. As long as it is not in the same way as a certain acter's ex wife who promoted self acceptance and goes and gets cosmetic surgery

[@kbarnettbarnett8273]

I think we all have to know who WE are and stay true to that regardless of what society wants. I will not play along with somebody that I don’t know that has a delusion about themselves. It’s not helping their delusion to confirm it. Every situation has to be handled accordingly but the pronoun issue is nothing but slashing the English language. I won’t do it.

[@heartofalegend]

Excellent and simple to understand explanations, Melissa. It might've been Matt Walsh who also said, a few months back, that if someone was anorexic because they were under the delusion that they were really fat, would you ever agree to refer to them as fat? No. It's harming, not helping.

[@rachelmerz2122]

I am one of those parents that has a child who “identifies as non-binary”. It is BRUTAL! She wants us to use her preferred pronouns which are “they/them”, and she wants to be called “Wren” instead of the name that she was given at birth which is Sara. I’m struggling with all of this so badly! She’s my child, and I want her to feel safe with me and that I am her safe place when she needs her mother, but I just cannot give into this either. I tried. I did try to do it, but it is just so unnatural and untrue. She told me that she wants me to see a counselor/therapist to help me through this so that I can basically figure out how to get on board with this whole thing.

[@trenton9]

Keep up the great work! You're one of the few people loving her with the truth. That "seek a therapist" line is unreal. The therapists who support this need to seek a therapist. The gaslighting from this movement is through the roof. Do not be moved. God bless!

[@usernametaken6659]

Tell her not to force her beliefs on others.

[@eliyahuskoczylas4973]

May God give you strength.

[@HiThereHeyThere]

You should bring her to a biblical counselor. You are not the problem, her putting her identity as an idol is

[@mrsbmurray7402]

@@HiThereHeyThereHere in Cda that is now illegal to do. Has a heavy fine and possible jail time.

[@shiny2423]

When you speak another language other than English where most words are gender specific the whole 'pronouns' ideology flies right out the window. Take the German pronoun for she/her. Is: 'sie'. Sie also means, 'you', 'they', 'them', and even, 'it' depending on how you use it in a sentence. And most romance languages the pronouns are designated to a gender specific noun, adjective, adverb or verb. Only in America does this garbage come out! There are more important things in this world to fret about! 😢

[@mikenixon2401]

Thank you for your comment. I have a German wife (legal naturalized citizen) and live in a part of the counry where Spanish is a primary language. They are so much more specific than English (my first language). Being loyal to the Word of God is the most significant and researching helps me. Blessings.

[@mlthornton1]

And German for he is "er". The rest of your post is indecipherable. It's not simply a matter of petty linguistics but a mandatory coddling of already weak minds.

[@Vaxxedhole]

Leftietards are the most privileged group in the entire Western world. Take away said privilege and they become irrelevant.

[@chuckw8391]

And what’s interesting about that is that English is a derived German language.

[@shiny2423]

@@mlthornton1 The German word, 'er' can also mean, 'it'. I am fluent in German.

[@lisafries1715]

It's the same as lying.

[@mrsbmurray7402]

I need to remind myself of a go to question when next faced with that situation. “Why do you want me to lie to you?”

[@ChristinewithaC]

You’re right on target with this issue! If your child or someone you love thinks they’re the opposite sex of what they really are, they need some help, but not cross-sex hormones and surgery. That kind of thinking is more indicative of a mental illness and should be treated as such. It would be like talking to someone who suffers from anorexia and they say “I’m fat” even though they’re down to skin and bones. You wouldn’t say, “I agree. You are fat. Let’s put you on a stricter diet.” That could kill them! You would get them some help for their mind. Clearly it’s their thinking that is the problem; not their body. So why does the health care system push for gender surgery and hormones? One word: money! There’s a lot more money to be made in gender change surgery than medicine or therapy for mental health! God bless you, Melissa! Thank you for the work you do! I love watching your videos! You’re doing the Lord’s work, Sister!

[@MelissaDougherty]

Thanks for your comment :-) It's strongly implied that I was referring to the people, not the community. My point was all people, no matter what group they're in, are made in the image of God.

[@ChristinewithaC]

@@MelissaDougherty Thank you for clarifying! God bless! ❤️

[@deborahmiller3443]

My daughter is trapped in this lie. She stopped talking to me years ago because I wont agree with her choices. Its extreamely heartbreaking to me but I just cant. I pray Gods mercy on her. She once professed Christ but in collage she got bambuzzled.

[@floridagirl5250]

Same here. Destroyed.

[@howdythere3121]

I was trying desperately to find a good (sane) therapist for my daughter who has struggled with gender issues. I thought I found someone who even claimed to incorporate Christian values into her sessions. After my daughter’s first session I had a short chat at the end with the therapist where she referred to my child as “they”. I am so thankful that God let her slip up!! I knew in that moment she was NOT the right person to help. When she called and asked why we didn’t return I told her with as much poise as I could muster that “they” is not neutral or “meeting a person where they are”. Let’s just say this therapist was astonished that someone had the gall to oppose this crazy ideology. Bruh!! Thank you JESUS!!!

[@RaptureReadyPam]

Most therapists, even ones calling themselves Christian, are fearful of losing their license. I used to have a Christian counseling clinic for teens and parents. I shut it down 2 years ago because I couldn’t find licensed Christian therapists that would stand on the Word of God. Six years ago, this wasn’t even something we encountered in our clinic.

[@howdythere3121]

@@RaptureReadyPam wow! This is awful!! It will certainly compound the effects of LGBT promotion in schools and general culture. This makes me so sad for our young people. I pray the pendulum will swing back as we begin to see some of the unintended consequences of this trend. Lord help us parents take a stand with Love and Truth!!

[@lewlewbelle7275]

@@RaptureReadyPamthat’s a shame because we need more Christians in counseling/therapy professions then ever right now. Actually we need more Christian’s to stand firm with love on Gods Word in all professions now.

[@howdythere3121]

@discipledavedotcom1748 The Lord did indeed reward my firm stance! I asked God to help me find someone else- even though the one I had the confrontation with came highly recommended. I was very upfront and explicit in my desire to avoid any sort of pronoun shenanigans with the next therapist. I explained what had happened before and that if she had any conflict with this request that I would understand and keep searching. I was polite and respectful, but very straightforward about how critical it was for us. Thankfully our daughter has been less focused on this issue and is working on actually improving her interpersonal skills and mood regulation!

[@pinoygal6232]

I identify as a "New Creature" My pronouns are "Who-Soever"

[@myfakeguuglaccount8307]

I will not surrender MY preferred pronouns for the sake of someone else's. If I prefer to call someone "he" or "she," their preference does not trump mine.

[@i.marchand4655]

Any time I am asked about my pronouns (which rarely happens, 'cause I don't much like people, and am therefore not prone to talk with them) I say "If you're speaking to me directly, and don't want to call me by name, I prefer you to use 'you.' If you are taling about me behind my back, I really could not care any less, so anything will work."

[@AskBibleNotes]

This is an excellent response, Melissa. It's "just a pinch or a bow for now," but what practice are we being prepared to bow to later? This is just one of Satan's many insidious traps. God bless you in your ministry!

[@bygraceonly182]

When they change their minds back again to embrace their natural identity they will feel betrayed by all who played along. They will never be able to trust those around them to tell them the truth. 😢

[@terri348]

Problem is that they also change their names. IE: Robert to Roberta.

[@slickermcdoogle2664]

We went to a mission trip designed for youth this summer and everyone gets split into small teams with people from other churches. A couple of our youth were asked their pronouns when they met their teams and the responses were “my pronouns are the ones God gave me” and “I’m normal”

[@saeyusagi645]

I understand how hard it can be to speak up, but our small everyday actions add up to so much more than what we consider our biggest life moments. Matt. 12 : 36-37 "But I tell you that men will give an account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."

[@jameson2916]

It worries me that we have to go into deep philosophy to explain what used to be just good sense that nobody needed explained.

[@RachelDee]

There’s 2 sisters at my church that are “asking to be called/ going by” culturally boys names. Their parents are choosing to meet them where they’re at and asking others to affirm it. It’s not a liberal, progressive driven setting at all. While it’s not pronouns, but I have mixed convictions about respecting the parents call. AND this is coming from someone who struggled gender dysphoria before I knew the word for it and before it was a social contagent.

[@RachelDee]

Anecdotally, I had real gender dysphoria void of outside influences and it NEVER occurred to me to change my name and ask people to refer to me as “he”.

[@thomasvinelli]

By what you say this trans thing is in your church. Everyone is welcome in your church or any Bible believing church, however to go along to get along is not a good thing. I would refuse to use there pronouns and if a pastor doesn’t like that then I run as fast as I can out of there.

[@RachelDee]

@@thomasvinelli you didn’t read what I wrote very well

[@Vaxxedhole]

Compromising with the world brought pain and suffering upon the Hebrews.

[@tinabadgley792]

@@RachelDee I don't believe @thomasvinelli is entirely wrong in his response. It may not be pronouns that the parents are demanding you use, however you are being asked to fall in line with something that doesn't sit right with you. Evil has a way of creeping in slowly and sometimes we fail to recognize it. I would definitely talk this over with your pastor. If he sees no harm and other parishioners take offence to your objections, it may be time to reevaluate if that church is where you need to be.

[@samburton2978]

My daughter has 2 children who have declared they are the opposite sex. She is broken. It's so hard. I pray for all of them. It's not something out there. It's hot my home dead in the heart.

[@lisabrooks844]

I agree with you Melissa! It's like when "they" mandate wearing masks again we should say "I identify as healthy and unaffected by your rules"!

[@mrisdn98r]

Just as mask-wearing was not about health or even science but conformity, so it is with "preferred pronouns". They even promote it with the same lie: it's not for you, it's for others.

[@lisabrooks844]

@@mrisdn98r EXACTLY! Well said!

[@pureokie]

My daughter no longer speaks to me, or accepts a text, and has deleted me off of all her social media. I cannot affirm my wonderful made by God granddaughter as a boy. I have cried, and gone to the anger. I have come to the acceptance that this will not end for many years. I keep her and my grandchildren in my prayers.

[@Miverick001]

I just prayed for you and your family. I’m so sorry for the pain you’re going through. May God give you great peace and strength. ❤

[@fionaforward3358]

This is terrible.Stay strong and pray.I too am praying for you and your family.

[@kevinpulver4027]

Definitely agree. My problem hasn't been taking a stand; as much as showing kindness when doing so. Thank you and we'll said.

[@PBerning]

A few years ago, the YMCA hired a lifeguard who was trans. I had many conversations with him. I told him that I would never honor his preferred pronouns because that would be affirming that this man was a mistake made by God. This man would tear up and THANK me. I cared for this person, but I did end up leaving the YMCA because they are heavily pushing this agenda and celebrating it all in Jesus' Name. Affirming someone's self destruction isn't love and compassion.

[@missemily3264]

This is a good point. God doesn't make mistakes. We do, never Him. I think that is is an excellent way to say to someone that you will not do the pronoun thing. To gently and humbly say I cannot do this because it implies you are a mistake and God doesn't make mistakes and despite whatever is in your head, you are God's beautiful creation.

[@nancyann1090]

This is the best argument in my opinion. It is given with love, all logical arguments fall flat because they are not necessarily loving, or they don't come across to the other person as loving. But essentially telling people God did not make a mistake and loves them and created them just as they are, as they were born. This is an argument filled with truth and love. All others are really just more logical games of convincing. These logical games just get batted back and forth like a tennis match.

[@Bodypiercingsavedmylife]

Have to agree with Nancy. So good!

[@savvycavvy7859]

What a shame that this is being Promoted by the YMCA. Especially knowing what YMCA stands for.

[@PBerning]

@@savvycavvy7859 Exactly! Many of them have abandoned their Christian roots, even though they still state them. It's deceiving. And people trust them because of their Christian roots. This is why we are seeing locker room problems at the YMCAs in Santee, CA, Washington State, Springfield, IL, and probably more. The National YMCA has redefined family. The Burbank YMCA has drag queen story hour, pride prom, lewd dancing, a Pop Art class with pornographer Blake Rodriguez...and more. The Burbank, CA & the Denver, CO YMCA work closely alongside with the "5 Letter Plus Commuinity" centers. The Denver YMCA has a "P" blog with the Youth Development Team's "P" book recommendations for children. They and other YMCAs wear shirts with the "P" flag in the Y, and they are working with children. I realized I wouldn't trust these people who work in the name of Jesus with my children or anyone else's children. Although there is individual ownership with the YMCAs, there is a YMCA network called "DIG Innovation Network." Many of the YMCAs have joined this network, and I encourage people to see what that's all about, especially those like me who were YMCA members for nearly a couple of decades (and my parents were members for longer).. This DIG Innovation Network slipped in around a decade ago. I saw changes in my YMCA about 6 years ago, and stated my concerns. I left a year ago because my family membership was being seen as approval. I also realized that their idolatrous practice of Yoga led them further into darkness. I'm not sure when they started that idolatrous practice. I was never a part of it, but at some point, there was a huge focus on it and then a studio for it at my YMCA. I left because of that, too. It's all being done in Jesus' Name, and people trust them because of it. They shouldn't. :-(

[@wakeuppeople777]

I agree with the comparison to "The Emperor's New Clothes" and have used that several times over the last year! Spot on!

[@gypsyroverontheroadintheword]

Being a huge fan of Rosaria Butterfield, one of the most important comments she made on Becket Cook’s show, was that she repented from using “preferred pronouns”! Yep, repent my friends, and “Dare to be a Daniel”🙏❤️✝️🙏✝️

[@nicj5354]

You can either look at the world as a popularity contest or a battleground - but not both.

[@boughtwithaprice]

I agree with your points, Melissa, and would submit a slightly different frame by which to view it: as an issue of authority. "Respecting" pronouns contrary to actual sex is acknowledging that the authority for determining truth is personal, rather than universally and specifically God's. Truth is that there is but one truth, and it is His; the world, in this instance through "preferred" (demanded!) pronouns, dictates we bow to the false idol of multiple truths, of your truth, my truth, his truth, unico's truth. And when they are multiple, then the one real One is thereby dethroned. I will not submit to that.

[@GuySwat]

As a public speaker & subject matter expert on the history of money I never connected those Roman / Christian dots. I'm such a "guy". Absolutely beautifully brilliant. Thank you Your brother in Christ ❤

[@rochelle.dimovski]

Your explanation on this helped me to understand what I’ve been feeling toward using someone’s preferred pronouns. The Holy Spirit has been convicting me on that and even went so far as to lead me out of my job at Starbucks and place me in a job where we don’t put up with the lefts agendas. I haven’t used someone’s preferred pronouns since I left over a year ago. It’s not hard to avoid it, so long as you’re not a people pleaser. God is still helping me with that, it’s been quite the journey.

[@wdtaut5650]

Abraham Lincoln is purported to have said we can call a dog's tail a leg but the dog will not then have five legs.

[@miroirs-jumeaux]

Non-religious, but I think I share your understanding anyway. There is no compassion in facilitating anyone's desire to lie about their sex.

[@marilys3549]

Thanks Melissa, So true great analysis. So sad to affirm a lie in any way.

[@michaelkelleypoetry]

On my instagram bio, I have the satirical "preferred pronouns" of "Majesty", "Lord", "Highness". After all, if the left says we can choose our identities, then they should call me by those. 😂😂😂

[@artis-x9c]

You might want to add "Oh Exalted Master"and watch them lose their minds.

[@mlthornton1]

you misgendered the left by using "they". instead please use "the lost"

[@bonniegirl5138]

Righteous Princess sounds good.😇

[@MonicaLovesDogs]

You're right, the explanations are spot on!

[@debbielee7117]

The first step in finding serenity is accepting the things you cannot change. Using preferred pronouns goes directly against this and actually hurts the person you’re talking to. Not to mention that it goes against grammar rules to refer to a single person as “they.”

[@kevinfancher9591]

Within the spectrum of conflict management. There are 5 options. Avoid, accommodate, collaborate, compromise and demand one's way. The Christian response is typically to collaborate or accommodate. (those 2 are on the spectrum of holding the other person in high esteem). I can collaborate in the ministry of reconciliation, for as long as the other party allows. When they shut down the collaboration.... accommodate is my (humble) choice. So they know, the door is still open; for later, if they so desire to collaborate once again. Disclaimer: I am not pretending it is easy. Honest situational awareness, requires us to learn more about conflict management.

[@Me-hf4ii]

I will not bear false witness or speak idle words. Lying to my neighbor, even if that lie makes them feel “affirmed” is not loving.

[@calb4650]

This is helpful especially when it's a close family member. I remember recently watching Ray comfort refer to a man by his preferred pronouns and name during the time he shared the Gospel, and when he say that man recognize the truth he loving asked him for his name. I remember thinking that this was wrong and what is mr. Comfort doing? But in the end the man himself allowed Mr. Comfort to call him by his real name. Pray for Carlos 🙏🏽

[@terristrange]

It’s compelled for us to lie in order to get along. It sets a dangerous precedent and if you want it to end you have to go against the culture.

[@aarondanzy1678]

I agree with you on all points. I'm glad you covered this!😊😊

[@jerryferreira8960]

One of the problems is that too many different groups are lumped in one "community". I'm gay, but the "community" doesn't represent me.

[@AuthorTimmy]

"The problem is when we look to the self as the authority on what's right." That right there.

[@anneboyle2240]

Brilliant, thanks very much Melissa, I've been saying the emperor's New clothes all along. It's exactly this story ❤

[@aerado_0]

I lived a life where I always support people regardless of their decision because I thought that I shouldn't be judgemental. I was wrong. I was too comfortable with compromising the truth with lie just to be around the people that I cherish. Recently, I realized that God was there for me first. And he always stays on me. And I am honestly regretting my decisions because they had a lot of impact with my frienships. I left almost all of them and just decided to just focus on God. I truly regret that I didn't even get to know him, that I didn't even realize that he knows what my heart truly desire, and he also knew how chicken I am, who could easily exchange his truth for a lie.

[@ruthvansandt9713]

Good points. And to your audience, in WoF or NAR circles, I’ve watched people die from others “affirming” their confidence in their health… excellent example.

[@michaelmoerbe8540]

That was a very good explanation! Thank you. Long before this became a topic, I found myself praying, "What are WE going to do today Lord?". So if anyone asks what I prefer my pronoun to be I will confidently say, "We". And if I'm asked why I'll share the gospel explaining that like every Believer, I have the Holy Spirit living within me. Once, a few years back, I was leaving a store and the cashier said, "Come back again." So, without thinking I naturally responded, "We will." That's how close our relationship to God should be at every moment and in any situation that arises.

[@petervedder1428]

I had a discussion with my daughter who is entering her freshman year in college the other day. She does not have gender confusion. She does wear her hair short (a topic for a different day) and has been called sir, so she said that she has no problem giving her pronouns as she/her because she wants to be clearly identified by others as female. I said I will not even provide pronouns when asked. I explained that when you play the game and provide pronouns, even pronouns that are correct, you are acknowledging that claiming other pronouns is legitimate. I think when I put it that way, she began to see things differently.

[@KelleyMoles]

I do agree. It is terribly hard though. My sisters kids (she has 4) well 3 of them are using different pronouns and unfortunately she 100% supports them... she got incredibly angry at me to the point of tears when I told her I would not use the new pronouns. It's very sad for me because this has really strained our relationship and has made things awkward. I'm thankful she still talks to me and wants a relationship with me but I fear that may end at some point. It's very sad. Please pray for her and her children if you read this, I'd really appreciate it. ❤

[@josiew3120]

Praying for the mighty power of God to bring light and truth to your sister's heart and mind, and the same for her children. Praying that He grants you grace to speak truth in love, but without compromise. May He heal the woundedness in your family. AMEN

[@KelleyMoles]

@@josiew3120 thank you!! ❤️

[@janetdavis6473]

You are absolutely right, great video, Melissa!😘

[@smbarone2000]

I agree with your argument. Lying to people about their true identity is not a loving act. Lying and then bowing to that idol has ramifications for me, not for the person wanting me to accept an illusion. By the way, one of the surprising places I found this pronoun and gender-identity affirming problem is on medical forms. Some have male, female, non-binary, and other. Not sure what the "other" is. Saying we identify as other than our biological sex could lead to death, and a lawsuit for that medical establishment. Depending on your actual biological sex, you can't take certain medications. You also won't have certain ailments. I'm thinking that everyone, regardless of how they identify, wants to live a long life.

[@thinkingtoinfinity]

Great logical, truly compassionate analysis of this issue. 👏

[@jscottupton]

When I am asked about my pronouns I respond "my adjectives are fed-up, sick and tired".

[@terryhill5509]

Pronouns are used to refer to a person (who is not present usually). It is very presumptuous if these confused people to attempt to police my utterances, especially when I'm talking about them with someone else. And thank you for reminding us that this is like putting a pinch of incense in the pot.

[@Mulletmanalive]

The worst part of this is that it’s almost entirely irrelevant to the person making demands but it forces everyone going along with their crap to become either an enforcer, making demands of you and implicitly threatening to report you to HR if you are at work, or a snitch, going out of their way to hurt the person they imagine they’re helping by upsetting them that people aren’t going along with their demands. This is leaving aside the fact that the person I know who does this literally said “address me with my preferred pronouns,” apparently oblivious to the fact that one cannot address a subject in third person without being REALLY REALLY RUDE. “Oh, look at them, they think they’re people!”

[@thatMimosaGrove]

Pronouns (other than "you," "I," and "me") are basically only used when the person being referred to is not present. Therefore, the whole pronoun kerfuffle is not about being polite to someone's face; it's about trying to control others' speech when the person in question is not even around.

[@michaelschmitzerle2587]

Melissa, you’re the best! God bless you and your family❣️