The BIG LIES Narcissists Want You To BELIEVE! How They Manipulate You | Dr Ramani

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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.

[@Siacourage]

Not every liar is a narcissist. But every narcissist is a liar. Something to remember when you start noticing the red flags.

[@minabutterfly9562]

Everyone lies it's just the Narcissist takes it the the extreme for no reason it could be just because they are jealous of you then they start mimicking you like what they are putting you down for but they want to be like you wanting to know why others likes you so much or they want the attention you are getting now that's creepy to me Lord & I notice it & I just smh because I know it's a mental disorder that's in them they didn't know what to call a Narcissist they just know it has a multiple personalities in one.....the biggest lie I noticed they lie about because its plenty is the lie to multiple people some they are trying to leave,some they try to keep & some are new to the madness & they don't know it but they think it's ok to have multiple women/men & think that's it's ok living multiple lives & pretend like they didn't know if they see you in public places & you know they don't have a twin but they move on like it's not nothing,they will leave a whole family behind......But they don't want you to move on they will result to stalking,cyber stalking you & trying to make. your life miserable by ANY MEANS NECESSARY SERIOUSLY talking to people by lying so the can hate you,make you lose your job,out things in your name & they will harm you like a serial killer & all of them are Narcissist the most dangerous ones & think about it you slept with that person,fell in love with that person & married & had kids by that person.......And Jesus let's not talk about a Narcissistic family member 💔😢💔🙏🏾 Take the wheel Jesus

[@vtmegrad98]

Honestly, if they lie often enough, does it even matter if they're technically a narcissist at that point?

[@TheReminderChannnel]

@@vtmegrad98 good point 👌

[@rohithreddy75]

@@vtmegrad98 it depends on what they lie on but usually avoid them

[@elizabethbowie9753]

Normal people are Friendly; but Not all friendly people are Normal. 💗💗💗

[@jasonstone8222]

I get anxiety and depression when I'm around dishonest people.

[@yanadalton5655]

It is way way way better to be alone forever than with that narcissist lump.

[@tabithajohnson7539]

“Abuse is abuse and it’s not our job to excuse someone’s bad behavior. It’s an adult responsibility to get their own house in order.” Thank you Dr. Ramani!

[@helencampanella9725]

THERES A LOCAL WOMAN WHO "USES" PEOPLE TO GET WHAT SHE WANTS OUT OF LIFE ANAD THEN SHE THROWS AWAY THOSE POOR VICTIMS.

[@minabutterfly9562]

How sweetie most needs help getting their lives in order after dealing with a Narcissist you must never dealt with one before......

[@tabithajohnson7539]

@@minabutterfly9562 did you listen to this video? I quoted Dr. Ramani. She’s not bashing the victim. Healing is difficult being a victim of Narcissistic abuse for sure.

[@minabutterfly9562]

@@tabithajohnson7539 I know she isn't bashing the Survivors

[@minabutterfly9562]

@@tabithajohnson7539 I'm one as well & my childre,I'm addressing you about people having to get their own houses in order,not when they being threatened & etc......

[@janedoh123]

so not every liar is a narcissist but every narcissist is a liar but they lie about the fact they don’t lie

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

CORRECT!!!

[@chayo4537]

Empath

[@edweirdmassey]

I think the biggest lie is “I love you”

[@clintonnagy1662]

The biggest lie is the one we tell ourselves the relationship is normal.

[@youngblood8540]

Being in a narcissistic relationship is like being bit by a poisonous snake, even after it's gone the poison is still in you. In this life, if you're not sitting at the table you're on the menu. So be careful who you build a life with, because if you're not tough or smart you will be taken advantage of, especially by the one (narcissist) that supposedly loves you. It's bad enough you have to keep your guard up with strangers to keep them from screwing you, never mind the one you love. The guard should come down when you get home.

[@LOVEtoPLAYdrums]

Wow... Hit me hard. I'm on the menu right now today! Stay Safe!

[@chayo4537]

If you're sitting at the table that makes you affiliated, An associate. A snake and a rat as well.

[@kathiemitchell8586]

Make sure you add a dash of micromanaging and financial abuse. I went thru both, even though I was the breadwinner. He would go thru my purse and count the coins to see if I spent money on anything not approved by him.

[@LOVEtoPLAYdrums]

@@kathiemitchell8586 Make you you add trying to take a house (put in trusted position) and $550k... Liars and thieves the narcs are! I hope you are on your healing, find your best partner and your money accounts stabilize...

[@erdemu7629]

You described it so well.

[@thetribeofarsenal3105]

I am an immigrant and she brought me here from Africa. She doesn't cook not clean. I cook and clean and takes care of her mum. It took me over 2 years to know why this lady doesn't say sorry or why she lies consistently at everything. I started working earning $15 and hour and she said I will pay a bill of $1000 every month in a house she bought before I got here. I run into depression and have been put on medication. Recently she was asking for more money and I told her I won't give her. A week later I have been summon to a divorce hearing which means immigration will cancel my permanent residence and now I can't get my job left back in Africa since I have been here for 3years. Dr I want to thank you because I didn't know who this lady is until I started watching you

[@CarmenGomez-mq2bc]

🙏

[@privaesea6046]

You should charge her for the services you provided.

[@mugikuyu4700]

I had a similar experience...I'm an immigrant too from Africa. I can totally relate to your story. My solution was to play dumb until I got all my papers. Then walked away without a word. It's not easy to tolerate this treatment, but keeping my eyes on the goal helped me go through the experience without need for even therapy. I turned the treatment into water falling onto a rock. I never let it stick. I became good at cooking, cleaning and being a servant. I became good at praises. And kept my life private. I found other people to tell about my pain or challenges or successes. When I went home I only talked about neutral subjects. Did this for 3yrs. Got all my stuff and one day left for work and never came back. I never even packed anything. Only my documents. Such characters are not people you argue with. They are capable of burning down the house just to hurt you. They can destroy your American dream just because you have poked holes into their narrative or called them out. And arguing with them will only draw your energy in the wrong direction and that's energy you need to use to strategize how you will get out of the situation. To me, playing dumb, supporting their false narrative while still maintaining my own reality take on issue, and having a support system that they have no idea exists, and keeping my eyes on the goal is what helped me.

[@fosthedoll]

You are a victim of mödern day slavery. Would definitely call the police department or immigration office to ask what next steps to take.

[@naghamosman2371]

Wow! Courage! That’s very inspiring

[@John-tp5gc]

Not only do they not care they hurt you. Once they realize they did hurt you, the will do it over and over and over again.

[@priyanesan3299]

Very true. They will store the incident or event or word that hurt us in their data bank. Then they use it again and again and again…….. If my Mom’s mouth is moving, she is lying….. Horrible when I was like in 3rd grade and heard her lying and questioned her and gone through her rage. Still remember like yesterday. Horrible malignant covert Narc.

[@Unebellecreole]

They normalize hurting people with absolutely no problem. Even when you tell them something hurt, they get offended and make it seems as though you are the problem for feeling hurt.

[@helencampanella9725]

AMEN

[@2okaycola]

@@Unebellecreole yep! Then they’ll ask “ what upset you “ *so they can do it all the time

[@Unebellecreole]

@@2okaycola They are despicable human beings with no shame.

[@jsvaergerjflipperud]

I had a feeling for many months that my husband was cheating on me. I would even have vivid dreams about it. When I finally saw tinder and the 10-15 messages with different women on his phone, he told me that he was trying to fix everything and was trying to find his way back to me and now I had ruined everything. Then he became physical with me because I had looked through his phone. Only a narcissist will cheat on you, blame you for it and then hit you for catching him on his lie. The thing he ruined the most, is my world view. I was so naive and always saw the good in people, even in him, after he hurt me so badly, and now I can't allow anyone in, let alone trust them 😢

[@specialtwice4975]

It gets better. I dated a sociopath who was also with a narcissist at the time. My mind was broken having to deal with 2 of them. 1 is a blessing. Trust me, after the heart break you will be fine. Something else I wanna add, most people in this world (85%) are good.

[@tundrawomansays694]

Hope you’re doing better and hope all the people who think confronting a narcissist is a good idea read your comment. Take care, Ms. Leyla. You aren’t obligated to let anyone in, my friend.

[@dzanastrabuna]

Same here, and after the first blow I realised he wasn't the only one who was taking me for a fool. I'm so broken right now and can't trust anyone anymore, I feel like the world's biggest fool

[@melissarzeszut3823]

I felt all of this to the core..

[@nataliedickens1289]

That is so terrible! My narcissistic gf dumped me in a fit of rage and then blamed me for it saying that I didn’t show her any compassion in her moment of weakness. I’m so grateful I found Dr. Ramani 2 days before this happened or I would have been a wreck. She also sent me a bunch of texts accusing me of things I never said or did and then went on to talk about how devastated she was after she dumped me and then blocked me so I couldn’t even respond or defend myself. She cared nothing about my feelings. Never even asked.

[@user-jy1lx1pw7x]

I’ve come to realize that the past 5 years of my relationship with a narcissist were based on nothing but lies. That hurts!

[@jessicaturner5626]

Mee too I'm just reaching this point.

[@saddam9507]

A sure way to tell if they are lying is their lips are moving!

[@rodneymartel452]

Those stories about " woe is me " ( blame-shifting), along with the projection of their illusions. Baiting and crumbs.

[@kp-da]

"I'm sorry you hate me, now I'm the true victim" lolol 😅

[@p.w.352]

That's classic behavior of my narcissistic sibling. Total victim and soo misunderstood.

[@clintonnagy1662]

Amen. So frustrating

[@clintonnagy1662]

​@p.w.352 " I am an adult "...." this is ridiculous "....." You are controlling "...." You don't own me". These are quotes shes uses regularly when confronted in her bullshit.

[@emmarae4322]

Always the victim.

[@msagataondine9]

Narcissist apologies are worthless.

[@conniestarmer8421]

Wait ….. there are apologies ??

[@chayo4537]

So is anything people say about them. By default.

[@davidswink6653]

Narcs don't apologize

[@elizabethbowie9753]

@@davidswink6653 Huge Amen !!!

[@shelbyjasmer3168]

They will apologize if it suits them. It is purely another manipulation.

[@SheOpines]

I’m going to make a BOLD statement. I have Successfully Survived and overcome my Narcissistic Mother. I dare say that I’ve healed. It isn’t easy, but it can be done. These people are the most confusing, world turning, hurtful, crazy making people. It took decades of personal work and very firm boundaries. It seemed that most of the terminology used today was non-existent 30 years ago. These terms help to sort out these behaviors in your head and heart. Healing and thriving is possible. Sending you all this message of HOPE.

[@SuprEmpth]

❤❤❤

[@amandagilcrease2445]

Having a parental narcissistic relationship is the most damaging in my opinion b/c as a baby, child, teenager., that’s all you grow up knowing therefore you believe your parents behavior is normal. My spouse is currently healing from narcissistic parents. They are very demanding, dominant, “all knowing”, constantly give unsolicited advice, intrusive in every aspect of one’s life. It’s the most damaging type of long term abuse I’ve ever witnessed. Siblings are used as “flying monkeys” to invoke more guilt, shame, & obligation. It wipes out ALL sense of one’s self autonomy & the child/adult of one or more of these parents don’t even realize that their “feelings” are not their own., they absorb & feel their parents feelings. It all boils down to one word & that’s CONTROL. Control of every aspect of your life & your being

[@jsteele286]

I can’t tell you how many times my narc has said “why can’t you just believe me “ when she’s telling obvious lies

[@cherieswannhanson1482]

The narc I dealt with went to therapy, one whole session, and came back to tell me that his therapist told him that if I didn’t want to have sex with him there was something seriously wrong with me. Narcissism... the gift that keeps on giving.

[@kattdoesthings]

Girl WHAT??? I’m so sorry. But at least his lie was so egregious that it is easier to identify bc I have never had a therapist that would would say something about the related party like that. My therapist only talks to me about how I process and navigate not really about how my bf needed to stop being a butthole. She didn’t even tell me I should leave him 😂😂 she told me to make the pro and con list and let me conclude it myself. so there is no way a decent ethical therapist would be telling him to tell you to touch his baby carrot.

[@kathrynpassmore5425]

He must have gone to my narc husband’s therapist! I remember responding to mine when he came home with that garbage that his therapist was right - and that ‘something’ is him… so we’d have to see if his therapist will be able to help him get lucky again or not. 4 years in separate rooms and zero intimacy or desire for sex and counting. Maybe if he had stuck with the therapy it would have gotten him some? Haha! Doubtful, very doubtful 😂

[@Unebellecreole]

Cherie! A therapist told me during the very first marriage session numerous times that sex is important in a marriage, even when I told her the narc was a verbally and emotionally abusive liar who has been mistreating me, and who is rude, selfish, and unkind to me. Why the heck would I want to have sex with someone who cares nothing about me and wants to use me for sex? By the way, I got rid of that therapist.

[@mightymouse1005]

Mine said similar, only his way was "why don't you dress and be sexy like all my exes" I said "why don't I be an ex like all ur exes" then I asked what HE does to be more attractive to me.....he had nothing to say....

[@susanparker9877]

My ex husband saw a therapist, whom he hoodwinked into believing his crap, OR that is what he reported to me. We also saw a different therapist as a couple, and he yammered on and on about nonscence, wasting the prescious (then) $200/hr time. When I tried to redirect the conversation to the meat and potatoes of the matter, I was ignored by the therapist. I did not travel nearly 2 hours each way, and pay that money, to listen to word salad! I was devasted by what happened. I could not understand how a trained therapist made no effort to get input from each of us, and lacked the skills to get to the heart of the matter. After 3 identical sessions I refused to go back. Then the Narcissist comes home and says, "The therapist said you ......" Just fill in the blank to whatever would support their position. They can corrupt anything.

[@elizabethbowie9753]

Yes. Lying hurts people. Truth Heals. Lies fall to the ground. Truth Stands Forever. 💗

[@88freighttrain]

Amen to that.

[@susanparker9877]

To the woman with the insecure fiancé trying to claim he bought the house, "Start the car, start the car, RUN!"

[@iammar1159]

Even if she says no, I doubt that the narcissist will care. He will probably still go ahead and lie and say that he bought the house all on his own. If I was her, I would correct him right away in front of everyone and make sure they all know that he only put 30%!

[@davidswink6653]

That was weird...the exact words she used.. she didn't say she out 70% of money up for thr house .. She said she used 70% of her savings and he used 30% of his savings It was never said how much each contributed Just seems Ike carefully chosen words to make her contribution LOOK a lot more than his .when reality is...he could have paid for Almost all ...he could have had 100k saved ..and she had 10k I for sure am not second guessing the doctor But that's the kind of crap my wife does She can easily spin my contribution to being meaningless...when reality is ..I sacrificed everything and much much more

[@davidlafleche1142]

I know the feeling! Ten years ago, I wrote a novel. It was never published, but I was trying to start my own business. My family liked it; but one relative barged in and lied, saying, "I helped him write it." I slapped him and replied, "No, you didn't!" Later, I told him, "I don't expect to get rich doing this." He seemed dejected. But, if he couldn't stake a claim on my work, he would then put it down. "That idea is never going to work," he said. I've had enough. The sooner I get away from him, the better!

[@clintonnagy1662]

Hahaha, RUN don't walk to the car, drive to the airport, and leave the country. Find the space shuttle, and launch to the moon. Lol

[@susanparker9877]

@@clintonnagy1662 Well said!

[@giancarlomartinez5630]

I don't wanna show them the truth anymore, they've proven hopeless. Now I just wanna hurt them because that's what they did to me. Over, and over, and over, and over, and they weren't gonna stop until I cut them off and they kept coming after me anyway.

[@TheReminderChannnel]

Those first 20 seconds summed it up perfectly! This woman is an absolute gem 💎 Indebted to her advice over the years! God bless 🙏 ❤️

[@405OKCShiningOn]

Yes!! Same!!

[@shellyjoseph3109]

right I can't tell you how much of my mind she has given me back.. she has helped restore my soul

[@n.b.johanson4732]

I would love to have her as my therapist

[@405OKCShiningOn]

yes!! me too!! I journaled a great deal about. she really moves me forward :)

[@beausexon7546]

I ended my relationship with my narcissist ex after I continually called out her lies. I know you’re not meant to call out a narcissist, but I had to. Eventually I deconstructed her lies and stories so much, that she had nothing else to say and she raged. I when I left her, she basically admitted she would rather let me walk out the door than try and be honest. It says it all.

[@duece5c]

Seriously Dr.Ramani I only wish I heard your utube channel when I was growing up as a teenager, and becoming an adult 20yrs ago. You are such a bright light of awareness in illuminating what these toxic personality types entail and I can’t thank you enough 🙏🌿🕊for calling them out for what they are and not further enabling or glorifying them as society has done so in previous years. Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou. You are a absolute HERO!!!!

[@McSpaddenator]

I concur, I wish I knew what my sister was years ago.

[@zestygurl]

Agreed at 18 yrs old even earlier I too would have listened so many years of unnecessary suffering unfortunately it's our society.

[@karen15collins]

Agreeeeeeeee 100%

[@geraldorivera7863]

I agree ❤

[@heathermixson1265]

I 2nd this!!!!

[@jenniy7557]

My mother loves to misquote me or take my words out of context and repeat them back later. Her favorite kind of lie and good motivation for grey rock. She can misquote me on the weather. 😊

[@Sky_Star-hq6bx]

These people are just flat out Dangerous . Human Wrecking Balls leaving a Trail of Devastated Lives, Broken hearts, Shattered Trust and Wreckage in their wake !

[@richyrich4672]

I wish I’d learned about this when I was 17. It would’ve saved me a life time of heart ache.

[@amclyne51]

I just got out of a narcissistic relationship. He was a text book case. Charming , generous but always seeking validation. We had a heated argument, about women having their own money. He doesn’t want you to have an opinion that’s different from his, and totally loses it when you say no to him. His behavior shocked me. I just cut ties with him.

[@SmoothOpe_]

How long did it last and how did you get out of you don’t mind me asking

[@amclyne51]

@@SmoothOpe_ 6 months. It was mostly long distance so it was easier to go NO CONTACT.

[@TVVENCH]

Same here: generous, charming and fun to be around. We had a huge argument one evening after I made an offhand remark and he couldn’t stand that we were in my city and my country, that I had the “audacity” to say something “out of line”. There had been a similar incident where he’d also completely lost it when I confronted him about something he’d said/done. On both occasions, I cried (for days, if not weeks) bc I thought I had hurt his feelings or been an asshole. But, actually, what had happened was I existing, behaving, speaking without SELF-CENSORING to say things that PLEASED him. Once I started speaking to him the way he DESERVES to be spoken to (which is honestly and matter of fact) he lost it. I see that now with some distance and space and a clearer head.

[@jengable4888]

Good for you ! If someone cannot accept someone else's opinion, that should be a red flag of controlling behavior !

[@jetaboveclouds]

How I wish I had this during a long term marriage to a narcissist where over time I would always be the "bad" one to the "good guy." It is like Stockholm Syndrome. I woke up to it all on my own and wish Dr. R, and the internet would have been there for me. You are the relationship gymnast, the giving person to the world and to them, but the bad person? Marital counseling wound up with the therapist and my ex in a charmed interaction where I just wound up sitting there listening, realizing that it was just a waste of time. I put an end to the marital counseling. How's this for a quote on broken promises: "Well, I meant it when I said it." Get out early.....it doesn't get better and you get more and more damaged. Things will work out and remember, you have been alone and in charge underneath it all, all along. Just stop the trying.

[@susanparker9877]

How do they do that? I found it so unprofessional for one person to be given all the attention and then the validation! I felt invisable in therapy. My ex took up all the space. Ultimately, he lost out, because I left him!

[@JanetCaterina]

Luckily, I had a couple of counselors who saw through him and encouraged me to understand that he was abusive and that my expecting him to change was the problem. It took me until now, with these tapes of Dr. Romani, to understand that my ex fits the profile of a narcissist. I came to understand his hypersensitivity and passive aggression made it impossible for me to have a relationship with him. But it is only now, 30 years later, that I can begin to understand the characteristics of narcissism. I feel I am still the one who takes the blame in my children's eyes and look like the bad guy because his behaviour - his irresponsibility, his denial - made me angry every time. It's very painful to revisit this even with new understanding because it is all so clear. It is all coming back to me.

[@elizabethbowie9753]

It IS Stockholm syndrome. 💗💗💗

[@suecole5543]

@@susanparker9877 Not all therapy is a benefit to us , some are very bad at their job just like some teachers . We are lucky if we find a really good one. Some do more harm than good .

[@kpaejs1984]

Couples counseling will NOT work with a narcissist. It took me 3 decades to figure that out. I also wish I had known this sooner, but I trust in the Providence of God and cherish our children and the good experiences. I am getting stronger every day. I know I have loved, even if he didn't love me.

[@mimij4341]

Agreed, even with hard core evidence they turn it around and say that they can't trust you...n you betrayed their trust.

[@ginnydoll0703]

They can lie without ever uttering a falsehood. Very talented in doing this!

[@tayriobravo6204]

She needs to cut her losses and run. I was having second hand anxiety just listening to this story. I literally got a pit in my stomach thinking about what’s going to happen if she goes through with this marriage. I hope she gets healing and finds happiness within herself if not with a more mentally and emotionally compatible partner.

[@chayo4537]

That she'll also pay for

[@jg5930]

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

[@exhaustedwife862]

Let me count the many ways he lied to me when we first met: 1. Lied that he was a mensa member 2. Lied that he had a master's degree - didn't even have a bachelor's degree 3. Lied about his immigration status 4. Lied about owning his own business 5. Lied about the really expensive car he drove - it actually belonged to a friend. Now is lying to his family members about why we are getting divorced. 🤷‍♀️

[@exhaustedwife862]

@@maya9685 Hmm. Maybe they have the same handbook. 😁😁😁

[@samanthaking8792]

Oh gosh, this is so true. A narcissist will really take the wind out of your sails and leave you shipwrecked. We all encounter them and sadly we get involved with them emotionally. It drains you and honestly leaves you broken with PTSD, but it’s also a valuable learning lesson about why we sometimes settle for less than we deserve.

[@seriouscat2231]

How can a person know what he deserves? And what makes a person deserving of something?

[@crabbypaddy5549]

Another lie is they talk about giving money to charity to look good, but never actually give money to charity. My ex would make sure I saw her looking at charity websites and telling me she saved money in an account to pay out later....For two years she did that, but never donated a penny. She always told everyone she donated money to charity. The account only existed in her mind. Their whole world is an imaginary house of cards, so fragile the slightest huff will take it down.....but if you huff, it will hurt you.

[@crabbypaddy5549]

@@TesseractDome exactly my point 😀

[@rosethorne9155]

😢 My mother is like this, except she uses it as an excuse to hoard. She will go to thrift stores and buy kids' blankets and toys and things, and yarn to knit blankets with. Then she will go sit at her favorite yarn shop and knit, and chat (brag) to all the other ladies there that she is knitting things for XYZ children's charity (first it was Ronald McDonald House, then St. Jude's, and then another charity organization whose name I don't remember). Of course all the other ladies ooh and aah over her work and tell her how nice and caring she is. She comes home glowing, talking about how nice everybody is, and people even donate bags of yarn and knitting needles to HER! Except she keeps most of the things she makes. She has 10 of those 18-gallon storage bins, all full of yarn and hand-knit hats and blankets. The poor kids never get the stuff. 😢

[@lrutland4181]

You know your stuff. My ex husband did exactly that. I then got into another relationship with a smoother more tactful narcissist. First I'd like to thank you for helping me heal after a very bad break up with a narcissist. I could not wrap my head around why things happened the way they did. You gave me closure by outlining the behavior so I could identify IT WAS NOT ME. They are the smoothest liars, wanting to be viewed as " the good guy " so in the end the picture was painted. You taught me boundaries are essential in healing. They don't change, once your energy source is depleted and you become "woke" they discard and humiliate you. They do believe their lies and their power to convince people of who they want you or people to believe them to be. You nailed it superficial, empty lie of who they really are. They would crumble and die if they had to be their authentic self. I appreciate you and your wisdom, thank you.

[@amac2573]

SORRY YOU GOT A SCAMMER REPLYING TO YOUR COMMENT. PLEASE DON'T CONTACT THEM!!!!!

[@victorpulido5851]

I dare and looked into the narcissit eyes and saw HELL on earth..

[@brsugr58]

I agreed to do everything 50/50 on the house when moved in bcuz we both made the same amount. There are 2 problems with this, 1. My daughter grew up thinking this is ok and brought it up when I left him AFTER 30 years and the house was paid for! Of course she hates me now and won't let me see my only grandchild! 2. I left after I got tired of ALL the narcissistic b.s. and now I have to use my pension to pay exorbitant rent since moving 6 months ago following 42 years of marriage when by law I own 1/2 of a 350K house. I left after he started asking me to pay half of the satellite radio subscription! He lost me over $5 a month bill! And BTW, we went thru YEARS AND YEARS of marriage counciling with someone who seemed oblivious to NARCISSICISM! What a waste of $ and a lifetime. I am now 66 years old and afraid of men especially ones who rage and word salad. I am in therapy with someone else and I have PTSD. Thank GOD for Dr. Ramani! Been following for 7 months now! The more I listen, the more I understand and can heal.

[@brsugr58]

@@richasharma1045 cancer

[@brsugr58]

I'm glad you know 😌how much you're helping Dr. R!

[@lindabell6954]

They lie to make themselves look bigger and better. To cover up their misdeeds and especially to shift blame onto others. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your helpful guidance and support.

[@jodizellmer994]

Exactly! What gets me is they lie so stupidly, especially about things that could easily be checked out, and they still stick to their lie. They don't even realize that they're making a huge fool out of themselves.

[@cathy1430]

@@jodizellmer994 Yes. They don’t care that you know they’re lying. They put it back onto you that you don’t know. Even if there is proof. Its somehow your crazy perception of how you see things. It’s unbelievable.

[@jenniferbenavidez2341]

This is exactly what happened to me! 5 marriage counselors and only one knew he was a narcissist and was honest with me! That was the last one I went to and was so thankful for her and I am so thankful I found Dr Ramani!

[@melissanguyen4904]

Marriage therapy for sure made my narc ex worse

[@arenee118]

My narc ex husband in couples therapy. Therapist asked me what was going on that was causing problems. I give him the run down, which included husband being gone every night and weekend with the guys, coming home drunk every Friday and Saturday night, puking on the floor, and expecting me to clean it up. I was stuck with the colicky baby, worked a full-time job, and did all the housework, shoveling of snow or mowing of lawn. (He promised to do that when we bought the house, but didn't live up to that part of the bargain.) When I was done, the therapist asked my ex husband what problems concerned him. He said, "I don't know why she's unhappy. I'm happy." Narcissist don't care. Period. He had lots of friends who turned on me when we divorced. He turned them all against me.

[@dawnaaaaa]

they weren't and aren't your people.. you'll find the good ones, the right ones too. mine is starting to do that to me, and I still get a few of his friends reaching out to me in private. Believe me, you're better off @@arenee118

[@jcd5211]

So I just heard the segment of this video about going to therapy with a narcissist. So my story is not about a significant other it’s about me and my parents. You see my father is an insecure narcissistic type. Physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally violent. Yes I believe that words can take to form of violence. So I was 14. I was at the point that I was just started saying it the way it was. My mental defiance made me an “uncontrollable, problem teenager”. He read that allergies could cause behavioral problems so I had to go to the allergist time and time again because my father wanted to find the cause of my noncompliance. I refused to drink his Kool-Aid. When nothing was found, he dragged me to the pediatrician and claimed that I was schizophrenic like my mother’s brother (he wasn’t BTW), and wanted to have me medicated. The pediatrician said that he didn’t think I was schizophrenic but that he would send me to a psychiatrist. I went, and the psychiatrist said she’s not schizophrenic but I can send you to a psychologist. So I went to four appointments, then we had a group appointment with my parents, then I had another appointment, then the therapist asked if she could have an appointment with just my parents. My parents came home and my father was fuming. Neither of them would tell me what was said but my mother said I was never going back there. Therapist called several times after that to ask to speak with me. She said she wanted to know if I was doing okay. I can only assume that the psychologist agreed with me about my father and mother. After that my father would say that psychologists just filled people’s heads with bullshit. Really nice huh? This is what you get when a narcissist goes to therapy.

[@victoriagoolsby6006]

My dad is a narcissist and growing up he always said he hated 3 things most in this world and that was a liar, a cheat, and a thief. I’ve caught him in many lies. Not sure if he’s ever cheated or stolen, but I hear those are common traits In narcissists

[@1948rambo]

So true about the lying n if you catch them… even with proof-they will NEVER own it OR APOLOGIZE for hurting you!!!

[@JustJojo111]

This just happened to me! First of all I bought my house three years ago… And on the day of the closing my narc ex called me INSTRUCTING that I’m NOT to take a picture with the realtor..since THEY weren’t going to be in it as well. Because, of course why would they get up in the morning and come to the closing? Fast forward 3 yrs til now, after our breakup (I discarded) .. part of the current smear campaign consists of my ex telling people that they contributed $10,000 down on the house and that I won’t pay them back! TOTAL LIE. They didn’t contribute a penny, not even TIME at the closing. Honestly, over the last two years I have discovered what a liar they are… But I didn’t realize to what extent until I heard this! Toxicity at its finest! SO GLAD TO BE OUT. 🙏🏼

[@heatherwood6446]

How therapy with my covert narc mom over a 6 month period worked was... 1) At 1st she tried to battle my stack of evidence, but the therapist agreed with me that she was gaslighting me on multiple occasions & emotionally abusive, so her ego was hurt... 2) Then she gave the silent treatment during sessions & just listened... 3) The last session, she came with notes & basically ran down EVERYTHING that I had shared, including much of what she had told me all my life was my history, & said it was ALL lies! Well, that therapy gave me the closure I needed to accept this woman, my mother, was a narcissist, & would NEVER act or care for me as my mom. FYI, the ONLY reason she went to therapy with me is because I made a boundary that if she didn't, so we could have a healthier relationship with me (which effects my kids & hubby), she would not be able to have a relationship with my children. So she went...then moved away to live with her golden child daughter/grandkids, so we hear from her maybe 1x every other month since she has enough supply now. My family is MUCH healthier & peaceful now that she no longer lives 10 minutes away!😅👍 (P.S. I didn't peg my mom as narc for a long time because she/I were victims of my dad's extreme, blatant abuse, who's a malignant narcissist & tried to kill her 3 times. It's hard to see gaslighting as abuse when you've been beat up & screamed at. 😬)

[@CarmenGomez-mq2bc]

🙏😔iam so sorry you have to go tru that! My sister when tru that my baby! My mother sounds like bipolar and my Dad a NARCISSIST I saw Everything what when to our several Home my sister past 7 years ago I was there for my sister to the End of her life,me as the older sister I have to carry that Nightmare story to the End of my life😔😥💔💔 and then my little sister my mom gave her Always WITH my Grandmother I was there since day one with my BELOVED SISTER 😔😥😥😔 NOW 7 MONTHS AGO I BURIED MY LAST LITTLE SISTER IAM STILL IN PAIN💔💔 THEY BOTH DAY ON THE SAME NUMBER DAY THE 21💔 21🤔 SO IAM SO GLAD YOU DOING MUCH PEACEFUL WITH YOUR BABIES GOD BLESS OUR LORD AND JESUS THEY ALWAYS HERE US!😀🙏😀🗽👏🙏😘

[@CarmenGomez-mq2bc]

Sorry my 2 BELOVED SISTER DIED IN THE SAME DAY NUMBER BOTH JULY 21 AND THE LITTLE ONE APRIL 21💔🙏💔🙏😔😔

[@heatherwood6446]

@@CarmenGomez-mq2bc I am sorry you've gone through such painful family experiences. I hope you can find healing & peace! Yes, God is always there & never abandons us. 💜

[@myfairhousewife]

Thank you so much for sharing. I’m in the same boat. I told my mom to try and come to therapy with me. Sadly I feel like I need this validation. For a therapist to see what I’m not almost. It’s like I wish I could send messages from my mom to This lady and have her tell me, what am I missing? Why do I feel I need my mom in my life to function? Such a difficult thing.

[@heatherwood6446]

@@myfairhousewife 💜You are stronger & wiser than you think!💜 Follow your gut, be prepared for backlash, & don't gaslight yourself when the truth slaps you in the face...regardless of if the therapist picks it up or not! FYI, I purposefully chose a neutral therapist who had never met either of us, someone who was proficient in understanding narcissism in family dynamics, & someone who comprehended child abuse & cPTSD.

[@mary220.]

My therapist def got it wrong. I know cuz we had couples counseling. The therapist took his side on everything and valudated his bad behavior and his lying. So frustrating and hurtful.

[@victorpulido5851]

yes we know the pain and powerlesness in dealing with a NARCIE

[@elizabethbowie9753]

Yeah. & They Joked about it yrs ago, on Everybody loves Raymond!!! Debra tells Ray why she's upset... he takes it all in, then when they go to a counselor, he repeats what She said, & the counselor thinks he's the genius one there. 🙄🙄🙄 Not funny. 🙄 Ugh.

[@cathy1430]

@@victorpulido5851 yes we know the pain and the powerlessness we feel. We hear how they work and recognise it but what is so hard is how to deal with it. Also the doubt that comes in that maybe you have got it wrong. Or the understanding and empathy that deep down you have of knowing why they are like like that. It is like you are in a relationship bubble that has nowhere to go. You cannot break out of it.

[@trainattendant5810]

I lost count of how many lies the man in my life told. Repeatedly caught him red handed. In the end I simply figured everything out of his mouth was a lie. Another big part of lying is the many secrets he kept. To this day I'll never know who this person is.

[@carolinapoochpack]

How do you know your narc. is lying? His mouth is moving (he’s talking)

[@emilygreene6779]

I feel the same way about my ex. After I finally left the relationship, I started to slowly ask his friends and relatives about all the things he had always told me about himself--only the learn it was all a lie. We were together for years, yet now I feel like I don't even know who he is!

[@trainattendant5810]

@@emilygreene6779 I empathize with you. I understand. Hope your absence from this person is bringing you peace & self love.

[@birgitgairola8548]

Oh yes, therapy. He went there to give therapy to the therapist. Made him very proud. Never talked truth. Quit early. New twist. I went to therapy to survive. He got upset that I talked to someone outside. Got the accusations for 30 years. I thinkhe was very clever to project his problems on me and I was weak and took on me what was his to solve.

[@tslaske]

My narcissist said she was going to therapy, but refused to give any details... then said she was talking to this "therapist" for peace and meditation. She also claimed that this "therapist" said she should get out of her relationship with me. She has not been my narcissist for about 6 months, but I continue to come here for my own therapy... God speed to all of us dealing with these things.

[@robinsuggs6120]

I’ve been beaten down with absolute sadistic behavior yet here I stay…. It is an awful reality.

[@Ana-ro28]

Why does society as a whole accept these deceitful, lying and mean people who have no love, no empathy and no mercy? Why does society accept narcissists more easily than honest, sincere, modest and trustworthy people? I think one explanation may be that as time goes on, the world becomes more and more vulnerable to being deceived and accepting and conforming to all sorts of abnormal things, especially for the lack of morality and the irrational fear.

[@kathrynpassmore5425]

And your thinking is correct. The love of self vs the love of others has existed from the beginning. Evil vs good. And evil will continue to grow until the whole world is as evil as it can be. And then will come the judgement. Look up because your salvation is near!

[@trezur8693]

It does seem this way & it’s really discouraging 💔

[@roberttruman8444]

They say that God helps those that help themselves. Perhaps people see the narcissist as a serving example. I think one area that can appear admirable in the narcissist is their sense of direction and and clarity when making decisions. The lack of empathy means that they don't feel obligated to anybody and they get burdened by any sense of duty or responsibility. They appear care free and unashamed and falsely empowered because they lack empathy and don't feel things like guilt or remorse or regret. To be fair it does make difficult decision making a lot simpler. The thing is narcissists create a character and work off a script which over time starts to sound limited, but that;s alright because the narc likes to repeat the same dialogue a lot. The narcs like to present their false persona and know exactly how to perfect the popular model that you see in the media and they appear cool when they're winning but when they lose or they fuck up big time then suddenly they're nowhere to be seen and they won't want to talk about failure or take accountability. Consider how so much of society is incapable of critical thinking and pay little attention to ethical matters and civil rights issues, until the issue has its own hashtag and becomes en vogue.

[@AAXS-op1vo]

My ex came home from therapy one day and decided that he needed to stop putting money into our joint bank account and basically force me to “beg” for money to pay the bills. I always assumed that he spun some lie about me stealing money from him because it appeared after he came home from a therapy appointment. I also felt he must have had a crackpot for a therapist. Never thought about the fact that he was just lying and flipping scripts, just thought he found a male therapist that would side with his insanity. This pretty much lasted for four years (because I wasn’t about to fight over an insanely untrue scenario , I had kids to raise) until the marriage finally broke down and apart. Over twenty years of marriage and this warfare over money was always there. On my way to being free of it all now. It was devastating as it came apart and took me at least two years to come out of the darkness but the PEACE I now have is treasure to my soul. He is still in financial chaos and apparently still struggling with his mental health. I have been gone from his space for almost four years now so his condition and stress is NOT about ME. WASNT ME then and it ain’t ME now. Guess he has to find someone else to blame now but he is probably still painting ME as the villain. Whatever dude.

[@mightymouse1005]

My narc actually has a PhD in psychology and would absolutely side with narcissist abuse. His ex wife had to beg for every penny, until she finished medical school and got a good job and dumped HIS butt after he demanded control of HER money so she'd still have to beg......

[@AAXS-op1vo]

@@mightymouse1005 I can fully relate. I worked part-time and contract work but basically spent about 18-20 years raising our children. Always hoping that we would somehow find common ground. Nope. There were short moments of peace but eventually he would want to control things again and we would descend into financial chaos again. It was that kind of merry go round for decades. Stressful AF! Ended up losing my home, my marriage and what ai THOUGHT was my best friend. Post game analysis has really illuminated the trash heap I was living in. You don’t SEE it while you are trying to LIVE in it and make it work. Well, you DO see it . . . you just don’t call it what it truly is. It is a devastating thing that unfolds in front of you as you emerge from the fog and REALLY SEE what the hell was really going on! But if you can breathe through the devastation and just take one TINY revelation at a time and absorb it, you WILL emerge stronger, wiser, and ultimately BETTER than you would ever be if you had stayed. I still do not know WHAT my future holds but I am so damn GRATEFUL to be free of the chaos, lying, gaslighting, drama, disrespect and STRESS of what I was living in everyday (well most days anyway). It brings me GREAT joy to know that my future will be fully MINE to determine what happens to me now, instead of the constant blindsiding that I lived with for so long. Life is too short and unpredictable to have EXTRA BS going on coming from someone else!

[@chiarascuro3566]

I was in a committed relationship with a narcissist. She came home from therapy one day and told me her therapist said manipulation was normal, innocuous behavior and everyone does it. I immediately knew she had fed her therapist a rewritten narrative. She snowed every therapist she had and basically just used them for validation laundering.

[@SuperGringo71]

The more they lie that lies becomes their reality and makes it easier to live with themselves.

[@mightymouse1005]

I have owned my homestead completely for a long time. My bf (NOT husband) gets mad when I tell people it's mine.....he says "IDK why you always tell people it's YOUS and not both of ours " I had to say "I've owned it 13 years and only known you for 2 years....its obvious I already had it " It really irritated him that people know he lives in MY house.....

[@theellisfamilyvlogs2639]

Tell him also that "we " and "our" is for married couples and he is just a bf as of now. Step up as a husband and maybe "me" can eventually be "we" but thats already a red flag 🚩. Good luck babe

[@tricia007100]

One of the newer games is the real nasty ones are trying to manipulate houses for themselves. If they are contributing to mortgage/bills...they start talking about how it would only be fair if his name was put on the house. Don't do it!! In fact never put anything in your name for them. I put a bill in my name for a friend of 30 years - we have known each other since 15. I had no idea who he really was...he anniliated me, racked the bill to over $13,000. His last 2 girlfriends both had houses from divorces - he did not want to get married - both girls did - both were waiting for him to ask. He wanted his name on one of the houses so that he could end the relationship and force the sale of the house so he could have a down payment for a house of his own. This guy had zero morals. Prenuptial- there is no reason these abusers should be able to get your house. Unfortunate that you just really can't trust anyone.

[@emmarae4322]

I had the same issue, he was my boyfriend and not my husband. I'm so glad I never married him.

[@darkspace5762]

The worst lie narcissists tell is about themselves. They lie about who they are. They put on this grandiose personality and the mirror the personalities of other people so that people will be incensed by them. The lie is what they are hiding underneath this facade, the evil twin they have inside them.

[@KS-dx5ln]

They live a double life.

[@Sophiedorian0535]

@@KS-dx5lnA fake life on the outside, and an empty life on the inside.

[@nd4856]

I would call out my ex on every single lie he would tell…. At one point he broke character essentially and asked me “how do you always know?” Once I let go of him I stopped calling out the lies. I could see them, I could catch them, but I no longer cared because I was leaving him.

[@KizerCreative]

When I was a teen my mother was treating me badly in front of relatives while visiting overseas. I was having some health problems at the time and get treatment was exasperating the situation. I finally exclaimed to her during a private fight with her that "she didn't understand how I feel" to which she replied with a hateful look "I don't give a rat's ass how you feel." That was the first time I saw through her mask. I was devastated that the person I trusted and loved most in the world had said such a thing and was treating me so badly. I wouldn't understand what happened for nearly 20 years. The push and pull treatment, the manipulation, the neglect... all the while doing everything I could to be the perfect A student, earn national education awards, volunteer regularly, study hard with the delusional idea that success was getting a house to SHARE with my parents... It's no wonder that my depression developed into passive suicidal thoughts. My only source of unconditional love was my cat. Thank God for my work sending me to therapy. Much later when the depression nearly got me I accidentally met the love of my life. Through his loving support I was able to identify the problems and start the work towards healing. Ten years with my partner and he never yelled at me, never insulted, no fighting. Just love, compassion, healthy debates &feedback... he gave me the strength to do no contact with my parents...

[@SuprEmpth]

❤❤❤ i love this for you. I’m so happy to were to get away but I’m sorry to had to endure all of that. Does your partner have a sister? Asking for myself 🤭🤭 lol

[@deronmcbee7491]

I'm 6'4" Muscular Stuntman who had suffered abuse from my Ex Malignant Narcissistic Wife for 7 years until till she passed away suddenly. She physically abused me starting just 6 weeks into our Marriage & I foolishly forgave her because I am a Christian man & thinking she would change her abusive rage. SHE DIDN'T! In fact the physical abuse was cranked up & got worse! On top of that she gaslighted me until I thought I was losing my mind. Being a major Empathetic man I assumed that she truly Loved me underneath that cruel evil exterior. WOW was I ever WRONG!!! Thank you Dr RAMANI for saving my sanity & helping me heal. God Bless you 🙏💖🙏

[@heathermurphy9359]

My narcissist boyfriend/father of my children admits he's a liar, but says I'm a liar too. Everyone's a liar. I actually happen to value honesty very much. And try to tell the truth even when it's uncomfortable so I asked him what is it that Ive lied about. Crickets of course before he spun it on me from a different angle. It's pointless.

[@dianasponsler3567]

"Never tell the truth if a lie will serve you better in the moment" - motto of my FOO. Mom lied to cover motives, Dad to impress people and get attention.

[@chayo4537]

Impress who? A brick wall?

[@giancarlomartinez5630]

I know the point isn't to make us cry, but this video made me cry hard. I hate confirming I was right all along. I need help bad

[@aliciabrown5217]

Hi Dr. Ramani, I'm a Psychologist and I have been fired by a few narcissist. One told me " you make me sick". Also, I have a family member who is narcissistic and I was SO CLOSE to her that I missed it. Well, after I called her out, on the false narratives, she has only spoken to me three times in over a year. In the words of one of the Atlanta Housewives "THE LIES, THE LIES, THE LIES!!"

[@DizzyWolf]

My mom told me who my real father was when I was 11. My friends and family expected me to be shocked. They constantly asked if I was okay, if I was handling this well. They didn't realize that I knew my mother lied all the time, and that it had just been another one of many. No surprise. This feeling was later suggested to be a symptom of my mental illness, which has since been confirmed to be a misdiagnosis. C'est la vie.

[@shelleyschneider5262]

My husband and I were not on good terms because family issues. He was on and off with cancer and it had become terminal an I was not living with him at the time. It was all due to him talking many hours on the phone with his cousin wife. He was telling everyone I left because I couldn't handle the sickness. Needless to say he passed but that was far from the truth. So I seen this till he pasted. I did have time to tell him to stop that I know what he was saying to people about me. Never a apology and then after he passed I found out from people at our back that we used for many many year that I left because I couldn't handle the sickness any more this was our bank 4 hours away from the city we live in right now

[@gregwindell7702]

BE STRONG ENOUGH TO BE HONEST AND KIND PEACE BE WITH YOU

[@chayo4537]

What?

[@BranikWolfe]

They do seem to love to claim what is not theirs as theirs. I got my truck in 2003, started my company in 2004, bought my current house in 2016. Met my narc in 2017. It was "his" truck, "his" house, and he "owned his own company." All lies told to impress people, especially hoochies he was looking to get in the pants of. He managed to convince a gold digger he had all this and money (also mine) and would support her. I booted him, her bf booted her, and they have spent the last 8 months homeless together. XD Funny how that worked out.

[@jessd3601]

I can’t thank you enough for what you do, and this video in particular lit a lightbulb in my mind for me today. “The narcissist wants to impulsively do what they want to do without being judged badly for it” it made so many things click. I’m finally starting to understand what boundaries are, and how to hold firm when they are crossed. Thanks for helping me on that journey, God bless you!

[@deborahcollins1100]

I never ever believe anything that my narcissistic husband says. It took me several years to become aware of this unfortunately. Plus he hates to give out information to me of course even after a doctor appointment

[@cindibohn9049]

They throw you under the bus in therapy also and then turn the tables again when you get home and are behind closed doors and treat you worse.

[@gabyjuen]

You're the best. Never stop doing this.

[@violetskye6863]

Oh boy did this trigger me. When my father passed, my mother and I pulled some of our inheritance to buy a home in Lake Arrowhead Ca ( for those not familiar, it’s a resort area in the mountains). As soon as escrow closed my narc husband was calling all his friends to tell them “HE” bought the house. Never said “WE” bought a house or my mother in law and wife bought a house. When he saw what my mother and I inherited he said; “I’ve never had this much money before and I want my own airplane, if I’m not going to get what I want, I might as well leave because there’s nothing in it for me”! 😮

[@carolinapoochpack]

So did you dump his ass? Or did it take another 10+ years? ( took me almost 18 years of marriage to ask for a divorce, it was 19 years 10/24/22 and it’s still not final)

[@chayo4537]

It amazes how that could happen and nobody goes off on them and leave 'em at the curb

[@kathrynpassmore5425]

Oh boy another would be pilot who deserves his own plane because he’s RICH now because of YOUR inheritance that California does NOT consider to be community property but of course he knows is just wrong because he’s your husband and deserves whatever you have especially if it it was FREE to you, right 😅My narc husband isn’t secretly married to you is he?

[@michelleperkins9886]

Hope you said “Bye, Felicia!” And gave him the finger!!

[@emmarae4322]

Such manipulate monsters.

[@sallymae6812]

Spot on! I was married to a diagnosed NPD. We went to counseling and he lied and manipulated the counselor. The counselor was hostile to me, dismissing every obvious sick behavior of his.

[@ebony41441]

Same here. Then the counselor started gaslighting me. I got rid of both!

[@ociana]

Yes. He even got the counselor to make a statement for him in court.

[@sallymae6812]

@@ociana I don't know how I survived all of it. There is a lot of damage but I move forward.

[@Brand.on18]

That’s horrifying.

[@nataliedickens1289]

My mother is a malignant narcissist. She always told me “I’ll never lie to you, there has to be someone in this world you can trust to tell you the truth.” Her “truths” included telling me she thought I was fat as a teenager (I was 145lbs 5’7”), telling me I was a whore, a slut, a bitch, too serious, no fun to be around, a prude, none of my friends really liked me, they really only liked her. She also told me that I was a bad person, that I wasn’t focused enough, tried hard enough, wasnt a better friend, wasn’t a better sister to my 2.0 malignant narcissistic sister. That my childhood was so hard on HER and how my ADHD diagnosis was so hard for HER. Now that I’m an adult and have lived 3,000 miles away from her for 6 years I no longer have the anxiety I once did nor the ADHD symptoms I once did. I def still have some of them, but I wonder if I had grown up in a normal and loving family if I would have ever gotten a diagnosis at all.

[@superhumansight]

My ex was a covert narcissist and went to 2 therapists with the agreement that we would go together after a few sessions. She came back with new tools and had clearly charmed the therapists. Both told her to chase her dreams and that she was ALREADY doing the hard work here. By the time would have started couples therapy she dropped out both times or was refusing to go with me. I was paying for it, so I stopped paying at that point both times and then she blamed me for taking away her outlet. I just stated that if you're doing the work, keep doing this and this money can be spent on our children's healthcare instead. Finally, we went together to a couples counselor and she was screaming almost immediately. I stated that I thought she was a covert narcissist after this or possibly borderline because she was just inventing major differences in our disagreements and then continuing as though I was 100% of the problem every time with lies. It had even dissolved into both of us recording. She was recording to extract clips after harassing me for days, and i was recording because her memory was often the opposite of what had happened and I knew I had to legally protect myself. Anyway, therapy just empowered the covert narcissist and COUPLES therapy blew up almost instantly.

[@IQTech61]

My narcissistic partner got me to agree to couples therapy. Ten minutes into the session, the therapist stopped the discussion and called my partner out for mind games/gaslighting. My partner stood up and said that we were leaving and if I didn't go with them, to not bother coming home again. We were looking for a shelter for me to go to when the partner returned and asked me to return home. That was the end of couples therapy and the relationship.

[@penelope5500]

Yeah, guess they didn't count on the therapist being able to see thru them...

[@maxpoweristhename]

Thats amazing. I wish my couples therapist did that instead of witnessing and validating the abusive behaviour I endured for several years.

[@ludmilamaiolini6811]

Therapy success story

[@mos8896]

My did something similar in a speech but didn’t ask me first. As a matter of fact, after I heard him say it, I thought, ‘Okay, I guess that’s what we’re doing’. He was actually future faking because it never happened. It was lying because he knew it wasn’t going to happen when he said it. That’s he’s favorite kind of lie.

[@GoldienOC]

Why do they hurt those closest to them, but treat their friends like gold? You then appear to be the unhinged one in the relationship. They can keep their indiscretions in the closet, the campaign keeps them in the good graces of their friends but 'you are the bad guy.' They are the victim.

[@Steph-bj3nm]

There was a period of time with my ex where my mental health took a complete nose dive. She had relapsed on drugs during this time and became chronically late for work. Her excuse was always that she had to stay home and help me through some kind of crisis. Which sounded a lot better than sleeping through her alarm or losing track of time. When she was about to get fired, she broke down and told her boss that I had committed suicide. She received a 2 week paid vacation to help my family plan my funeral. I was asked to lay low and play along. I will never forget her laughing while telling me all of this.

[@specialtwice4975]

This paragraph pretty much perfectly sums up their craziness.

[@mariachereches2083]

Omg!!

[@breemorrison4455]

I believe you, and I can relate. I never stop feeling surprised how many of those people there are in the world.

[@breemorrison4455]

When a criminal goes to prison, they often learn to be better criminals. Same principle. Narcissistic people use therapy to learn to be better manipulators. Save your money (and likely it is your money 😂). Buy a bus ticket. 😈💔

[@carolinapoochpack]

@@breemorrison4455 my husband was spewing psychotherapy terms at me, accusing me of gaslighting, stonewalling years before Dr Ramini was educating us all over KZbin. I’m sure he was studying up on DSM5 disorders and flipping his tactics, accusing me of doing them. I didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about, but I was prompted to find out. It was the beginning of him telling on himself. Looking back He knew I was often smarter than him, in this situation he thought I was more educated too.

[@asmyworlddivides581]

A friend of mine is with a woman in therapy, and she's been diagnosed with a narcassistic personality disorder, and anxiety. Eventually she hurt him so bad that after two months he also started seeing a therapist. She keeps hoovering him back, and twisting his reality to where he's told me that he's abandoning her, like she told him, if he wants to walk away and cool off during an argument. She's also drinking and has begun stealing his prescription opiates.

[@clintonnagy1662]

My EX hoovered me back many times with sex and gifts. Then blame shifts, gas lights, and guilt trips me about my hobbies. She future fakes, then cancels. She then pulls me back and the cycle repeats. She lies by omission about her past and tells half truths, but later tells on herself but she holds me to every detail. She berates me on how she needs an honest man in her life because I'm a liar. She reminds how her last EX was a narcisst and he always lies. I can't deal anymore with her insanity.

[@asmyworlddivides581]

@@clintonnagy1662 I'm so sorry. It really doesn't ever stop, so you have to leave. The man I was talking about, had hope that she'd go back to the way she was in the beginning, so wouldn't block her on everything. That's how she'd start the same cycle over. Remember, the person that she presented to you at first, wasn't the real them. Charismatic, all or most of the same likes and dislikes, funny, loving/caring- that's not the real them. It's a tool they use to give you hope and make you want them back. I hope you're able to go no-contact.

[@sherimascote7495]

They lie about everything. Believe theirs own lies. Plus gaslighting you

[@bodymindsoul60]

My ex, a controller for a large company regarding a work situation once said “ Deny it til you die” How revealing!🥺

[@paulohlsson27]

Hi Annie, how's your day going with you?

[@paulohlsson27]

Thanks for the thumbs up,how are you spending your spare time?

[@teesha789]

The thing is no one understand their acting. Only the person going through his behaviour changes will notice. Even the therapists can't recognise most of the time.

[@the_dark_forest]

Oh I am SOOOO familiar with this scenario. I refused to back him up. Luckily we never married, but were in a long-term faux relationship. What a disaster. I got sick and lost over half of everything I put in, and when my health really fell apart, I had to stop working. I borrowed from my elderly mother because the creature felt that he shouldn't have to work!!! Seriously! He went to therapy, partly to ensure he could get onto a disability pension, but I also emphasised the drama that would be evoked from friends and acquaintances. How he would get attention of his own, and it would be ALL about HIM. It worked. Sadly, or gladly??? he came home with the information that he was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. More drama. Awesome for him, and as it was the first time I'd heard the definition, I was terrified. It fit him soooo well. Scary. At least going forward, I was slightly armed with some kind of knowledge about how to proceed. Wish this channel had been around 20 years ago. After buying my own home, by myself, at 26, without help from family or a partner, or anyone, I lost almost everything within 5 years. Yup, the NPD ensured that. I had 75% and he had just under 25% of the money to buy & build the house & land. Talk about a disastrous error on my part. I'm now living well under the poverty line, and filled with so much regret. Live & learn huh?

[@tijeraslack3]

This sounds about right. Narcissistic people, whether family members or someone in a relationship become destroyers and want you to have nothing. You will be close or basically lose everything.

[@susanparker9877]

What a terrible outcome. We get ourselves involved with such horrible partners.... I hope you can get free of him soon.

[@talesoftheferrofoxstrength2175]

Imrighttgerewithyou. Icaliveinmycar utistsyihishome….

[@talesoftheferrofoxstrength2175]

Space bar doesn’t work ⬆️

[@victorpulido5851]

Trauma hurts... 😭

[@QQuandary]

My Wife would insult me. When she would receive stares from other people, she would say, "I'm just joking." Absolutely, no one would laugh. She just didn't care how her insults affected me.

[@JohnSmith-wo7ns]

Cruel

[@carolfield2760]

Been there. "Come on that was funny, that was a joke." If I had a dime ......

[@michelleperkins9886]

Everyone who’s the butt of his “jokes” is told, “Aw. I was just playin’!” I’ve asked him many times if he listened to himself when he made such mean comments. He opens his mouth and sh*t falls out. We are at the death throes of our marriage after 53 years.

[@QQuandary]

@@michelleperkins9886 I'm sorry about your marriage. I'm getting close to the end of my marriage too. I look back and wished my wife wasn't a narcissist. You probably do the same thing. I know I'm doing the right thing. It's time to let go of my wife. She has caused so much damage. I need it to stop.

[@stephanienewhouse2056]

Let me boil it down to one sentence: Narcissists know the difference between right and wrong; but they just don’t give a sh*t until they’ve been caught.

[@pamelavanderzyl5636]

You know what, I was married to one for way too long. He straight out told me, he DOES know what's right and what's wrong. But dosen't care he wants to do what HE wants! And he won't stay on his meds. Oh, I forgot to tell you, he is bipolar also. A bipolar narcissist, try living with one of those. I thought I was going nuts! I got so tired of his lies. I'm done!

[@pickleballgirl4937]

The part when you said something about if they somehow slipped and accidentally slapped you hard across the face, really brought up a reaction in me. He would hurt me (emotionally) and I would get upset. If I said something or cry, he would get angry at me and usually some silent treatment thrown in. He would be so upset at me because he didn't mean to hurt me. Somehow it was my fault. I stopped showing that he hurt me, because it only made things worse.

[@Jess-kn8vl]

Ramini your hair looks great, the combo between your hair and the orange dress is beautiful 🧡 Struggling today, these videos soothe that with validation. So many people around my age have passed away for different reasons, its one of their birthdays today she would have been 42. She died in a car accident at night after checking on her grandpa and lived an hour away. Its triggering because the "boomer" generation in the small area I grew up in expect too much out of our generation and they seem to be on the path of outliving us. We just lost 2 more women age 30 and 35 a couple weeks ago in an accident. I know their families well, and it has a lot of generational trauma with continued alcoholism and abuse. They chose to get in a vehicle with someone who was drunk, he survived. Im talking more than I planned, anyway thanks again for your understanding of this! 🌼

[@beanp2024]

Their greed is INSATIABLE.

[@rimipurification4260]

I hardly ever write comments but I had to here to thank you. Your work on shedding lights on narcissist and educating the victims who are in a relatinoship with a narcissist has really given me a perspective in my life that I didn't have before. I listened to many of your videos recently and learned my mother is a narcissist and she treated all her children differently for different supplies. This explains why I have always attracted narcissist in my life, especially romantic relationships because I am overly empathetic. Better late than never, wish I found these many years ago but I am grateful to be educated on this now and start my healing journey from all the narcissist abuse 🙏

[@soniahathaway1]

I had similar…better late than never. 🎉

[@cristianlandero8352]

My ex who is a narcissist had a problem acknowledging that thanks to my help (money help), he now has a business and in several ocassions infront of other people he'd say he established his business all on his own. He started to believe his own words and during arguments he'd go on to say that I wasn't supportive of his business totally forgetting of everything I had done. I left him after realizing that he was being abussive and would constantly lie.

[@paulohlsson27]

Hi Cristian, how's your day going with you?

[@LC-gu2sc]

Girl, you will get no credit. He has to be in the spotlight. You seemed to keep him grounded, provided structure. Watch/ keep track of the money in the business especially if he has and hint of grandiosity.

[@andreakey2103]

Ooooooh you have so confirmed what I have felt for years. I’ve been on target with all these characteristics, but never knew what narcissism was. You have wrapped the shitty gift, in a pretty package with a bow.

[@demigaines5644]

Thank U for Sharing This Dr Ramini The Biggest Lie That The NARCISSTIS Told Me Was That We Where Gonna Be Together. This Kept Turning Into Years . I Hung On To Hope The NARCISSTIS stringing Me Alone With Horrific ABUSE. Destroying My Life.

[@Unebellecreole]

Thank you so much for this video! Going to therapy with a narcissist is the worst idea! Don’t waste your time. I went to ONE therapy session with my narcissist husband and I was so amazed that the therapist could not see the oscar winning performance and right through the lies and manipulation of the narcissist. The narcissist basically blamed everything on me and played the victim. This narc has done nothing but dishonored, humiliated, disrespected, and dismissed my feelings throughout the relationship. He has been so selfish, rude, unkind, arrogant mean. He carries his anger tamtrun and rage as a badge of honor. During the therapy session he put on the mask and told the therapist the problem in the marriage is that I hold grudges for calling him out on his disrespect, and withholding sex. I told the therapist that this narc has been emotionally abusing me, that I am depressed because of how verbally abusive he is. I told the therapist that the narc went as far as telling, "There was nothing to feel the day we got married." I told the therapist if not for the fact that I had contributed double of the down payment for the marital home and I need my money to leave, I would have left the marriage a long time ago. The therapist repeated numerous times that sex is important in a marriage! So, according to the therapist it is not all of the things this narc has been doing that is the problem. It is the fact that I refuse to throw my pearls to a swine to abuse some more. The therapist dismissed the actions of the narc and justified his behavior. After the therapy session, the narc kept saying, "You see, even the therapist agrees with me." That was the first and last time I attended a therapy session with a narcissist.

[@movingforward2430]

Thank you for your words of wisdom. I am a single person at this time. One of the lies which I feel is ridiculously overused; is meeting married people who attempt to convince me that their spouse will "not mind" if they cheat on them. Ladies and gents- make your boundaries clear, and stick with them.

[@specialtwice4975]

Usually that "not mind" is "well, technically they don't know"

[@suzanne4396]

Yes, he said " Go ahead and tell her, she won't CARE!!" But. When I held up my phone & started to dial her # ( which I'd gotten online) he exploded into a rage, grabbed my phone & smashed the screen entirely so it couldn't be used. And ... screamed at me with spit flying out of his mouth. Ok, yeah. She WOULD care, and he knows it. My ace up my sleeve. 😏

[@RhondaR4]

My mother has gotten caught stealing in stores since I was a young child and she’s never did a day in jail! She lies about everything and gets away with it!

[@yauchg]

Wow spot on with the therapist. My husband after 2 sessions during a “discussion” my husband said “the therapist is right about you”. I didn’t let him get any further I said “ you mean to tell me that a therapist diagnosed me without ever speaking to me? I’m going to call him and complain”. My husband backed off, and stopped seeing the therapist.

[@scott1971h]

Yeti doesn't even have to move her lips. The lies are what she *IS*, not (just) what she does.

[@privaesea6046]

That intro described my week. “Payback” for their own behaviour. This video is perfect. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.

[@chayo4537]

What was the payback? 🤣🤔😃

[@chanteandrews849]

Omitting is lying too. My ex narc was great at gaslighting and omitting.

[@clintonnagy1662]

I concur. The omission lie drives me crazy. I get half truths but when I tell her I know there is more, she denies it. I'll find out the truth later when she tells on herself. Then the story changes again. It's sickening and exhausting.

[@EvelynneK1812]

You help me to ground every time I struggle because the narc keeps hoovering me. Thank you so much Dr Ramani.

[@EvelynneK1812]

Watch out for these scammers

[@kstevenson3504]

One of the most mature things is when a person can face his fears, accept things as they are and live up or own up to it. That is BEAUTIFUL! That shows strength and empowers others to be honest, transparent, and DEAL WITH REALITY as it IS not as we want it to be.

[@ladyafricka5836]

Wowww!!! While watching the wedding videos I watched him giving a story about how he took me to a dinner and proposed. I nearly passed out. I had to call the videographer and tell her it’s all lies and I don’t want that in it, so she edited it and sent me another CD..Only if I knew all the lies I was told before and after. Thanks Dr Ramani!!!! You saved me