The big secret nobody wants to tell | Bruce Muzik | TEDxSinCity

Bruce Muzik presents a riveting talk about the devastating impact that withholding secrets can have on our lives and what to do about it.
Bruce Muzik is a world class trainer and speaker. He is known as the "white man that lived for 6 months in a black ghetto" in post-apartheid South Africa.
His passion is having people experience unprecedented freedom and happiness, through being Authentic.
Find out more about Bruce at www.brucemuzik.com.
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In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized., (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[@daveowens]

“Welcome home.” I felt tears.

[@lexuzasare]

Same

[@silversurfer512]

Same here, from Tokyo.

[@stephaneehouman192]

ONE MORE THING! If you're going to share your big secrets with someone, make sure that person wants to hear it as well. Sometimes, the other person doesn't want to hear your secret because it would make his/her life worse. Yes, self-liberation does feel good, but you need to consider how the other person will feel knowing that secret. It's not just about you after all...

[@Shepsus]

I respectfully disagree. If telling your secret is going to eat at you and make you numb, then you need to tell the secret. For Example, if not telling your parents that you are gay, than you need to tell them. If they are Religious Bigots, then that is there problem and you move to a place that accepts you, but you needed to tell them. If you no longer love your spouse, no matter how much they may be hurt, they deserve to know and move on. You can't start moving forward without first taking that first step.

[@stephaneehouman192]

Lol, you've never heard of "honor killings", have you? That's what I was referencing!

[@Shepsus]

This particular definition of secret (in this talk) is whether or not it is eating at you because the person doesn't know. That being said, it is assumed that the person you are keeping a secret from is a good person, that you care about and they care about you back. It's about the self-destruction of the secret that is the concern of this particular Talk. :) If the secret is something like getting a restraining order against an Ex and not telling him, then that is something you should definitely keep, but it isn't eating at you like the secrets he is talking about. (Good response though, I appreciate it!)

[@stephaneehouman192]

Shepsus Let's take your example then! Let's say someone is gay and wants to tell their parents. It's eating him alive. He cares about his parents. His parents care about him. So he decides to let the secret out. Two things can happen: A) His parents accept him B) His parents do not accept him What I want people to understand is how much the secret is worth to them. Is it worth losing your family? If so, take the risk. If it's not worth losing your family, then there's a chance your life will get even worse. In other words, if the reward is not worth the risk, please reconsider!

[@Quantumdemetrio]

@@stephaneehouman192I think the risk of total liberation is better but it is in due time, like it shouldn't be done at a young age or it can be harder for that person. Great answer though and I think that's why he gave his disclaimer about not being for the faint of heart.

[@carmelobelen4985]

best line """"LYING and keeping SECRETS does not make you a BAD PERSON. and SHARING a secrets certainly doesn't make a good PERSON it just allow you to be authentically yourself and create a life worth LIVING from being WHO YOU ARE""""" thank you

[@kristametcalfe191]

Yeah, it does... lying to people And hurting them does make you a bad person.

[@darkeuphoria01]

I shed a tear when he talked about the little boy.

[@seallustrator]

I cried man

[@areebanawaz5703]

@@seallustrator samee man almost shed a tear

[@daajon]

😂😂

[@darkeuphoria01]

@@daajon what's funny?

[@6thman044]

Probably in the top 5 Ted-talks I've heard so far.

[@sameeradwani2162]

Can you please share the remaining Ted talks you found very inspiring (top 5)

[@coleenweeks4705]

I agree

[@pakanel]

Thank you Bruce for being human than a human type.

[@beonardlecker8288]

Its like a desease in the minds of us white-skinned wearing guys . Apologize for that we are the most - egoistic x Sad - Creatures. And dats Fair ! :/

[@grace1509]

Beonard Lecker pooo

[@roxanneharrow6486]

@@beonardlecker8288 i understand i still love white people the same...they are phenomenal just like us blacks/dark/brown skin kinky haired folks.

[@komerwest9520]

And the truth shall set you free

[@humanyoda]

Sometimes the truth will get you into a jail or morgue.

[@ryalat3682]

Every decision you make in your life has a consequence. If people will start to recognize and be aware of those consequences more, then they will make better decisions that will only move them forward to a much better life than they could have ever dreamed of or imagined. If only they owned each and every decision they choose to make.

[@brucemarmy8500]

Then it is by tongues men are snared, birds by their feet.

[@sarahsweetlove2252]

My lie is that I'm not always okay. In fact, I'm never 'okay'. I have generalised anxiety disorder and I'm anxious every minute of everyday. And the thing is, I hate my anxiety. My anxiety itself scares me and I'm scared to face that but I slowly am confronting it and allowing it to be there. I'm also really scared that my anxiety will lead me back to depression and sadness because I love being happy, and depression is not something I want to experience again. I just want to be happy, but not be scared of sadness and fear because it's irrational to be scared of it and life isn't always perfect. That's my secret.

[@AndreasDevig]

Sarah Sweetlove How are things going nowadays if I may ask? And feel free to message me if you want to talk.

[@chrisspiller8653]

I conquered my fears and anxieties by no longer fearing death, once that fear is gone an entire world opens up and anxiety evaporated, extinguish that fear and anxiety is no longer felt, personally i watch “near death experiences of others ( search NDE youtube) once i understood i no longer need to fear symptoms (is my heart beating funny) all what if’s, what if someone breaks in my house and kills meALL what if’s are gone and anxieties and fears and panic is a thing of the past

[@savchil]

This sounds strange but if you allow yourself to be anxious you may stop feeling so anxious. If you let yourself be whatever it is that you are, good or bad, you may find that it is all good and there was nothing to fear. I only speak from my own experiences. All the best from TX.

[@zoebourgogne167]

My Life changed eight years ago when I discovered this TED talk and shared my biggest secret. Liberating!!!! Thanks Bruce

[@Eddie2P]

this guy is pretty much saying to let go of resisting the flow of energy. He did a good job explaining in his own way.

[@katievonolendorp5894]

Exaktly! 🙏🏽 Sometimes people in a different culture recover something that is very old to another. Might be he was decieving a connection to a kind of mankind's concious collective mind. Don't know the English word for that. But it is a deeper truth that works everywhere. And he chose the words which are better to understand in this culture. Really good to see people becoming enlightened and alive. :-)

[@theotryhard8651]

wtf does this mean

[@peppigue]

The truth is always lurking, awaiting discovery. The pain of lying is in the conscious/subconscious/unconscious efforts to conceal and reject the truth, and the stress and anxiety that follows. Better to suffer the truth than to live the lie.

[@kimberleymckay5949]

Ok.. but at who's expense? This person says "free yourself you will feel so much better like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders " Now remember that universal law that says "for every action there is an equal and opposite ?reaction" well before you unburden yourself think before you do it !! do I really want to give this person that I love , and who is innocent of any wrong doing, do I want them to suffer even more pain for the sake of my comfort ? If you answer yes to any of this, you are so self centered ! you must have been born without the empathy gene!!!

[@dakotajohnson5009]

+Kimberley McKay I don't mean to be rude but holy crap proof read your comments. So many simple mistakes that could be fixed in a fracture of a second, which would also make you look more intelligent and worth reading.

[@dakotajohnson5009]

+Kimberley McKay I fixed all mistakes to some degree: Ok.. but at whose expense? This person says "Free yourself you will feel so much better, like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders." Now remember that the universal law that says "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." Well before you unburden yourself think before you do it! Do I really want to give this person that I love, who is innocent of any wrongdoing, do I want them to suffer even more pain for the sake of my comfort? If you answer yes to any of this, you are so self centered! You must have been born without the empathy gene!

[@clearwaterlakota8405]

+Dakota Johnson It always goes down like this -- people who slam the spelling and grammar of others often make just as many errors. What's a "fracture of a second"? Also, in the process of "correcting" KM's post, you missed some of her mistakes and added a few of your own. I don't personally care that you made errors, just that you got on someone else's case for a flaw that is just as much a part of you as anyone else in the semi-literate world of internet comments.

[@thedarkmaster4747]

+clearwaterlakota *god rays and angelic enlightened choir singing* THANKYOU modern english doesn't follow it's own phonetic laws anyways. also the stress needs to come of the chest sooner rather than latter... the longer it stays the worse and more twisted things become. yes telling someone the truth can kill them, pain can kill and the truth hurts... but botteling it up does far more damage in ways i cannot even fully describe in english... lies are worthless, and toxic, the truth both liberates and empowers you. it allows both parties to take possession, responsability, of the facts. lies are a theft they are an excape. they imprison and blind you. those with no "empathy gene" do not care about lying to others.

[@andy4an]

"welcome home" sent shivers down my spine

[@andy4an]

Mark Donald Bruce had moved into a very scary place (for him), and he was likely doubting his decision. When the boy said "welcome home", it was pure and complete acceptance of his presence. His house was not just a place to live, suddenly it was a place of warmth and family and connection. He came fearing black people, and was shown unconditional love and trust. It was moments like this that are likely to break through our prejudices, and touch us forever, even by proxy.

[@Audio_Titan]

weesh ful well said

[@jn05ue]

that made my eyes water a bit

[@stevenson68478]

JAYNOVO to me as well.

[@stompi3]

Vikram Singh Naah. just kidding. i also did tear up a bit, was a good kind of Heavy, like a moment of acceptingness to what is. this does not mean just about Race, but this is a good perspective to take on Racism as the main Concern in you life. if you do what you know is right for every choice that comes up in your life. things will get better and happiness will follow.

[@emilythesongbird2306]

I agree with the importance of revealing your secrets and living an authentic life. Keeping a childhood secret ate away at me inside until I was compelled to share. Things did get worse before they got better, but I was liberated and there was a space within me for forgiveness. Your talk inspired me to do this with some smaller secrets as well. Thank you for sharing your courageous story Bruce.

[@RobertGallas]

same as confession ... but sometimes telling the truth can have lethal consequences to other people. be carefull. sometimes one must keep pain of his bad decission to himself and live with it. when we tell the truth to somebody not sharing this philosophy, we just transfer our pain to other person.

[@silversurfer512]

Sometimes the medical treatment brings you a pain. When you have a tumor, you can't cure it with covering it with a soft cloth and hiding it. When you have a bad tooth, leaving it, taking a pain killer and trying to forget it just making the situation worse. That's not a real remedy. If you want to cure it, you have to gouge it, hollow it out while feeling the pain. The real remedy is accompanied with pain.

[@GuiPurri]

Bruce even says in his speech that telling the truth won't make you a good person, it is only supposed to allow yourself to feel more alive. Yes, one must live with his bad decision, but hiding it and making others believe you're something that you are not is not only deceiving, but it also offers people a life that isn't real. This is why aliveness would be fading. Furthermore, indeed it takes responsibility when delivering ground-breaking truths, but also you shouldn't be in control of other people's emotions. Their emotions are their own, I believe it is okay for you to try to keep others happy, but heavy lying is not included...

[@Bootsystem66]

The truth sets you free at all times. Well done dude!

[@evlynpemberton5201]

Welcome Home. Everyone should watch this video.

[@lowfatchoi]

This whole speech is about "BEing Truthful" to others and yourself… it has NOTHING to do with the issue of racism… the racism part is just the story about how he face the truth that he is a racist. Basically he's telling us to be HONEST with ourselves… so we are not lost in ourselves….

[@joanne8987]

Thank you! I am thinking that exact same thing. I find it very dishonest and disappointing to see so many commentors deliberately side stepping his main point ( about choosing to be honest,in order to feel more live) and focusing in on his example of his own specific area of dishonesty(racism).It seems to me like these comments are a great disservice to the main point of his speech. It's really a shame

[@BenjaminEsposti]

Joanne Caradonna Yeah I feel the same way. It's like when there is some "police brutality" incident, and everyone jumps at the police for being scum. They even go as far as burning down buildings, and destroying many other things. Just where on earth does that get you? Nowhere.

[@Matlockization]

I'm sure the minorities in his country have never shown or currently don't show any racism towards whites ????

[@Matlockization]

***** I would have said it differently. For example: 'You really missed the point because....................' BTW your welcome.

[@Matlockization]

***** If your talking to me and I tell you I don't understand what your talking about then its up to you to make yourself understood. I have at least given you courtesy by saying it. After all, what's the point of continuing to talking to me when I don't understand what your saying, it shows that you don't care what you have to say and it also shows that you don't care if you are understood or not. Forget about the grammar, you have an attitude to fix first.

[@marcusstoica]

I'm a 19 year old kid who is scared shitless of who he might turn out to be. The scariest thing is, I really felt like I did have a grasp on a lot of things a few months back. But, after a really, really rough relationship that forced me to look at love, romance, and gender and sexual orientation in a completely different viewpoint and college right around the corner, I was paralyzed by fear. I recuperated fine over the summer, and by the end of summer I was actually kind of okay. Then college hit, and honors engineering courses hit, and amidst the shitstorm I became more scared than ever, because there were as many paths to failure as there were paths to success, there now was somebody who is always better than me at anything that I did, and now I really could become a person that I didn't want to be. One and a half semesters later, I say that I've learned to trust myself. I say that I've learned to manage the stress levels of my courseload. I say that my faith in God has been restored and strengthened to new heights. I say that I've grown, matured, and become "independent" when I'm just a kid that's afraid of the deep end of the swimming pool because he thinks sharks live in the deep end. I'm getting better at noticing these things, but I still find myself getting into conversations and relationships with people that I don't want to maintain. It's tough, and there's a whole new world out there that I just haven't seen, and it scares me to death. I don't know who to love, I don't know what I wanna be, I don't know if I'll have time to play and compose music when I'm older, I'm afraid that I'll become a fraud and just do engineering for the money, and I'm afraid that I'll have no one to love me when I'm older. Whew.

[@marcusstoica]

S1mmonns Thank you for your kind words, but I really do want to say that I am here because I want to be.. I'm at a university with teachers and friends I love and appreciate. I want to be a scientist. I've wanted to be one since I was a child. But I also love music, and I'll continue to write and play piano. I'm feeling much less stressed with schoolwork because I kind of realized that the point of all the work was just to see how far they could push us before we drop anyway, so I'll have to conserve my energy and not stress it away. With God at my side, I'll be fine. That much I know. Thank you again. What kind of music do you make?

[@awosunrunoreoluwa6615]

Rohan Casukhela wow! that beautiful, i was once like that to when i was as scared as you were and everything you were scared of even the world scared me and i felt like running away from it all, but then where to? but God made me realize with him with me i had no fear and i was going to be fine the peace security and assurance that gave and still gives is awesome. :)

[@Bianca-sq8ot]

Rohan Casukhela dont be scared follow your heart and do what makes you happy don't let the fear stop you and everything will fall into place for you when you least expect it! Hope everything gets better for you , best of wishes

[@aice336]

Rohan Casukhela I have very similar problems like you discribe here... you all seem to find much help in god. But how can you overcome this if there is no god? For i am an infidal i have no god but need to solve my problems too.

[@awosunrunoreoluwa6615]

+aice336 There's no way you can overcome this without God, any other way is just temporary God alone gives lasting solutions and security. try letting God and see how awesome it is. :)

[@DJ-xz5hv]

Great talk. He really wants to know who he is. He went to the extreme to discover himself...what a fulfilment!

[@SuckYourBone]

You may agree with his personal opinion and approve his story or not, but the message talked about in a second part of this video is of a GREAT IMPORTANCE. Don't get disctracted, I hope people leaving unfavorable comments are aware of this

[@Power50505]

thank you for inspiring me to finally reveal who I am. I want the world to know the truth and for me be to come out of the shadows. I am.....Batman! there I said it and now I can finally stop wearing that uncomfortable mask and perform better and finally be able to catch the joker

[@MaximilianonMars]

Very good.

[@TheNonplayer]

maybe... you ARE the joker?

[@merittemamdouhkamel6230]

Awww I always believed Batman is real 😂

[@kevinchow9733]

ya klowns. hes saying Bruce Muzik is the joker

[@akshaykulkarni9889]

Totally Unexpected xD hahaha

[@oisinosborne2852]

Great talk Bruce and those two simple world''welcome home'' such wisdom from such a young person, it would be amazing so see where this young man is now.

[@ashemgold]

Raised in Texas as a white boy and didn't have a black friend until my mid 20's. A decade later I found myself living in a predominantly black neighborhood and made some the most memorable friendships of my life.

[@cherubling]

I thought that those two words were gonna be: "Ma nigga"

[@Zephyr2467]

ahahaha mah nigga!

[@demianhaki7598]

"Monica"

[@criztu]

***** cyka blyat!

[@xavisxw]

Cherubling dude for real lightened my mood

[@ellisisland5094]

DEAD

[@MarinoTarot]

Very inspiring. I dont have any secret. But i have a fear: right now i feel stuck and the only way out would be to leave everything i love (sell my apartment, leave my hometown, leave my friends, leave my cat) and try my luck to get a job or start an education elsewhere with that money. But I am AFRAID to leave everything and everyone I love behind, just for the mere "chance" (not security) of having a better life afterwards.

[@DernSure]

We call that wanderlust. Maybe you should take a trip to a distant foreign land. India for example? Go to some temples or something, enjoy the peace and quiet, and at time you'd be happy to return home again instead of feeling stuck at home.

[@MarinoTarot]

the problem is i feel stuck because every form of energy, including money, has stopped flowing towards me. therefore i have no money to go anywhere. not even to the next city 10 km away. i have no money at all but i hope that one day, after waiting for years now, the energy flow in the form of money will come back to me so that i can start at least ANY kind of action, no matter in what way.

[@DernSure]

unable to work? like anything? money never really tends to flow towards you, except when youre in social care i guess. Maybe making new friends or trying new hobbies can regain you some energy?

[@MarinoTarot]

i do have the hobbies that i can afford, the ones that are for free: doing some yoga at home and some jogging in the park. if i would have money i would of course attend yoga classes every day like crazy :) but at the moment this form of energy just does not want to flow towards me. i wait for it to come back. and making new friends seems easy as i can start a conversation with everyone easily but they seldomly want more than that. means they dont want my number, meet again, do something together, hang out etc. ... its more that they say "sorry i have enough friends and with the busy work i do and my child at home, i cant take care of another one. i have responsibilities towards my family too and i just dont have time for another friend in my life"

[@DernSure]

sounds cool, what are you thinking of?

[@jomontanee]

This is, to me, by far the most beautiful speech of Ted Talk history. "Welcome home" part makes me teary.

[@andy4an]

This talk has a terrible name. It sounds like a bad marketing ploy. A better name would have been: "How our secrets hurt us, and how telling the truth heals us."

[@andy4an]

@@leearnie I've never seen a study on that, but I have seen someone share raw data about title length versus response metrics like views and votes, and very long title names actually did surprisingly well. Do you have a source for 7 words or less? Also, what would you call this talk in 7 words or less that is also accurate?

[@rachelr6625]

@@andy4an you could do “secrets hurt us and truth heals us”

[@shumeister1059]

Thanks for the appropriate title. I was wondering what he was trying to present.

[@radosawmarzec7429]

I am not a fan of this is the best 👍 and a few others are doing it is not the only one who has a very nice

[@radosawmarzec7429]

I am not

[@prayanshsrivastava1810]

A great part of sharing secrets are the secrets that you've kept from yourselves. More important than to stop lying to others is to stop lying to yourselves. All of the above will happen, you'll be angry at yourself. It could be complete agony. But "A world of aliveness will await you"

[@lightdweller1]

I’ve just discovered this video, and love it! Thank you so much... so refreshing, interesting and inspiring. I shall reflect on this, and I initially admit some truths to myself. Authenticity is definitely the way to liberation and aliveness. Just to add that I admire your courage to face your own fears, your story is deeply moving!

[@anncervales1492]

Very nice speech. The story about his living in the black community is just so touching it pulled strings in my heart and it made me cry. (y)

[@anncervales1492]

TheSnapfilms haha... not really... and don't make fun of lildjm06.

[@anncervales1492]

***** a little... :)

[@anncervales1492]

yes lildjm... specifically at the time that he was being hugged and kissed by the blacks... and also when a black boy told him "Welcome home."

[@anncervales1492]

Although he just told what happened, i can imagine it clearly and thus, moved me into tears...

[@tepeassydac]

My eyes welled up when he related the story of the little boy when he was having breakfast on the street. "Welcome home" from a little black boy, in this situation is heart-warming indeed.

[@tshwaraganyoernestlekabe4103]

Im a black South-African and i've never heard of this guy before. This man is a free white man. Well done brother!!

[@loveisjoynpain]

Bruce, as I listened to your testimony this morning a few things came to mind. Often times a speaker will do one of two things. Embellish their own story, and/or share something so out of the box that it entices the listener(s) to act on it. By nature I am a suspicious person, however, I was brought to tears & convicted. I am a continued work in progress & I loathe the times I am not transparent. It is impossible to be a person of integrity if one is not convicted. Therefore, I thank you for the encouragement to look inwardly, allow myself to be convicted, & act on it.

[@mars-sl5bz]

I'm not gonna lie... When I was a kid I always went to schools with white and black kids, I always hanged out with the white kids because I was scared of the black kids, fast forward to high school I moved cities and I lived in a black neighborhood for almost 2 years and attended a black school, what this guy is saying is legit, I made friends with them and appreciate the 2 years there

[@thayyubhussain4086]

The

[@wmnoffaith1]

Agree. I grew up in a bad neighborhood, and was used to minorities. My family really didn't notice color or race, but I noticed in college and when I became a manager I preferred hanging out with black people. I thought they were more straightforward, if they were your friends they were loyal, they had your back, my white friends were more two faced, they would gossip about you, backstabbing you, with no guilt, it's perfectly normal, white women gossip...I live in a farm community which is pretty insular and yet my sons best friend is the only non white kid. He's more down to earth and his mother and I can judge each other based on who we are as people, not whether we have the right shoes, or cell phone, what's sad is the prejudice this boy and his family underwent.they ended up moving,

[@jaimu30]

It's funny how weird this video made me feel. For some reason, "racism" has such a negative connotation and anyone with it, therefore, we see in a negative way. But the way this guy described racism, I respect him. He explained it in a way that said "I don't want to be a racist, but I involuntarily am." It was interesting, and reading the comments, I agree with one that said we are all racist in a way, I get that. But choosing to fix it by any means possible like Bruce, that's extremely respectable.

[@allisonkessler17]

An absolutely brilliant talk. I've known the numbness, I've known the pain of being honest and moving towards an authentic self and life... and there's utterly no comparison. Being and feeling alive is worth every single sacrifice.

[@nirmallotay8101]

Welcome home! Very powerful and loving words when delivered from the heart. Especially from an honest genuine child. Glad you untwisted your life and moved on. Great talk too.

[@burny88th]

RESPECT!! Amazing talk, you are a great human!

[@reneperez2126]

I think it was a wonderful talk

[@kingirene1700]

This man was very brave to come out of his comfort zone and free himself of his fears and the lie that was told to him as a child. This man grew that day when he took this new challenge in his life. Each challenge he took, he grew. He took the challenge and faced his fears and won by growing more into being a stronger man no matter what the outcome was. I say: You the Man Bruce Muzik!

[@Musthi834]

A daring experiment, stepping into the unknown but within moments the fear is dissipated. Glad Bruce is willing to share his experience and trying to inspire us all to improve our lives. God speed.

[@stevenzerbach6447]

Heard decades ago: "You are as sick as the secrets you keep."

[@caseyhill3633]

I was waiting for him to sing "I'm coming out, for the world to see..." Yea man, aliveness. I feel fine just being moderate.

[@haimiviews4784]

I am dying with the burden of my secrets, I burst into tears while listening this talk

[@zoebourgogne167]

🥺

[@PatriciaGoncalves]

I hope your life is more light and you have given up to punish you, how would be to forgive you? It doenst matter what you have done, you must know that you don't do anything to anyone. Everybody creates their own thing, don't judge yourself. If you had done something to anyone, you must know that person hired you to do what you did, bizarre no? But it is true!!

[@haimiviews4784]

@@PatriciaGoncalves thank you so much for your empathy, I didn't do anything wrong to anyone but to myself, between the real me and what what other see me I have exhausted

[@Tina3773]

who the hell on earth , disliked this amazing talk !!!!

[@TheDHEL13]

I learned something new today!!!

[@FadingRosesBluesTristeza]

Brilliant !

[@chrismcculloch1874]

absolutely inspirational, thank you for sharing your words and experiences

[@ubermacher]

Someone said : A man is a terrified animal that has to lie in order to live.Catholic church knew this important and detremental fact of our existence so they invented confessional to let that steam go out so we can cope better.This man made an effort, genuine effort to better people's lives so he deserves a credit.

[@YourBeingParanoid]

I still remember the day I came home and told m ex-wife that I was gay. Earlier that day I had left the house to go and buy a paint brush at the local shop. On the way there I met someone and instantly knew that I was living a lie, a lie I wasn't even aware of. I knew that I had to tell her that this was the way I was - I owed her that much and I also owed it to my children - I had a responsibility to them to always tell them the truth and to show them that no matter how they turned out, they should be free to be whoever they are. 18 years later I'm still with that man that I met that day - my children grew up in our home to be wonderful people - able to be whoever they are without having to hide it.

[@abmong]

Good for you mate. I wish people could have the freedom to explore their sexuality before making the same mistake you made. I'm not blaming you I'm blaming the repressive society we currently live in the world over to one degree or another. Gay people shouldn't have to hide who they are. Being gay doesn't harm anyone as long as it's between consenting adults. Why should it be treated any differently from consenting straight partners? That being said... I know if I had a son and he turned out to be gay I would be disappointed and upset... I know it's wrong for me to be upset since I have no ill feeling towards gay people and I wouldn't stop loving him. It's just that as I straight man I would prefer my son to be like me. If I had a daughter and she turned out to be gay I wouldn't be as upset... I can't explain it. It 's just the way I think I would feel :( any advise? I view being gay as an illness, a neurological disorder from a strictly biological/scientific standpoint but one that doesn't need to be treated since it's not harmful in anyway. I know this is off topic but I also feel the same way about pedophiles, it's a brain disorder... I know it's no way the same thing since gays are not attracted to children are not able to consent (except in the rare cases where the pedophile also happens to be gay, which oddly enough a lot of them end up in the priesthood for cover...) My point is pedophiles can't help that they're attracted to children. Attraction is not a conscious choice. They need to be helped and treated if possible, not ostracized like they currently are. So they hide in the shadows and hurt children. We need to encouraged them to come out so we can help them control their urges before they do the unthinkable.

[@paraTRUEper]

Is this story true, or a prank??? So on the way to the local shop for a paint brush, you look at a man, and suddenly realize you have a propensity toward other men. You divorce your wife who is horrified, and leave your children in a state of absolute bewilderment. 18 yrs later, in your opinion, your children are alleged to have become all ''wonderful'', and sadly, no mention about the wife.

[@YourBeingParanoid]

The odd thing is that the vast majority of pedos are straight men. I think the church just attract weirdos just like any other institution that has close contact with children - just look at the sports coaches and the teachers and the politicians that choose their roles just to touch kids. Being a full time parent certainly increases your intuition.

[@paraTRUEper]

If you read my comment, I was not attacking homosexuality. I am also not blaming society for anything either. I'm big on self responsibility. The one part about humans that I find to be brutally annoying is their lack of self understanding, to the point that they drag other people into a situation that could have been avoided easily in the first place, with a little bit of healthy self introspection. Did you ever, ever, spend even just a little time with yourself long enough to know that marriage and children with a hetero woman may not be your ultimate passion in life? Being single until you are sure of all things considered takes courage.

[@abmong]

Steven Nodlehs oh I completely agree that most gay men are not also pedos. The ones that are tend to end up in the church since it's easy for them to have access to young boys their :/

[@colemanadamson5943]

I'd be more impressed had he invited a dozen people from that neighborhood to come live with him for a year. That's a whole different ball game.

[@turquoisecoleman6006]

I APPLAUD Bruce ..Conditioning and bad behaviour puts a negative burden on our souls. Most people are suffering from some sort of negative belief resulting in behaviours that burdens our soul's BRILLANCE.. or ALIVENESS . The fact that he was conscious enough to recognise what this behaviour was doing to him is quite HEROIC. Bruce CHOSE to have a closer look at the very people he was conditioned to fear and hate ; in so doing he opened up new path ways withing himself and discovered the COMRADERY between himself and other human beings . He even lived in the village for an extended time longer than he originally planned.. He FACED HIS FEARS ! He broke the chains of NEGATIVE/RACIST PROGRAMMING. He doesn't have to wear a T SHIRT or marry a black woman to prove he isn't racist but he has changed at a fundamental level. Those 6 months has strengthened his emotional and spiritual DNA He can now be a full human being ! GOOD ON HIM!!

[@francoiseamethystebosshard5207]

wow i am crying so hard and appreciating the truth of all concerned in this amazing talk xx

[@238Hero238]

Aaaaaaa why tf did I scroll down to the comments?! I nearly forgot this was the internet, where dickishness runs rampant!

[@lalafafa6270]

Like you

[@Susana456]

+Lala Fafa No, like YOU! Imbecile.

[@NavnikBHSilver]

lawl, exactly why I do that sometimes

[@veryabsent]

Thanks man, I just scrolled up.

[@nicho8]

thank you for warning me

[@jpsea4476]

If I ever told anyone my secrets I wouldn't be on this earth very long. I'd be dead in a second.

[@thedarkmaster4747]

+Jp Sea now YOU-SEE it's those kinda secrets that REALLY need to get told! but honistly i'd advice against your glorious martyrdom because i doubt if you did tell anyone you would have any effect on the world (those who did believe you would be silence via-any-means nessersary.) and you would just end up dead. i have un-secrets i love blurting them out ALL the time. i.e. there is nolonger a future for life on earth. :P that one might ring a bell for you? ;) but i suppose i am lucky because i don't have mr "shut-the-f*ck-up-or-die!" breathing down my kneck because i am lucky enough to be in a possition to be able to kill that metaphorical entity virtually every day.

[@fifimsp]

+Jp Sea Wow. See, I'm sitting her trying to think of something and can't think of a single fucking thing to relive myself of.

[@thedarkmaster4747]

+mamatea only imprisoners deserve to be imprisoned. blaming a victim of a crime for it is satanic.

[@d.e.b.b5788]

Look at all the animosity transgender people have to face. So much for telling secrets. In some places, they can't even go to the bathroom. In others, they're even condemned to death just for existing.

[@zachgreen7316]

tell one person you really trust, a good friend or sibling, that won't tell anyone or judge, and will be supportive

[@VivienLarena]

“WHAT’S YOUR SECRET?” Wow thank you for this Bruce!

[@rolandosauceda3310]

God bless this mans courage and taking that leap of faith.....no pain no gain. He took all of his negative feelings and didn't pay any attention to it. His positive attitude and good intentions came through. This is a good story.... Let it be and rejoice. The lord Jesus Christ's presence clearly shined bright.

[@borasull2835]

I don't trust people enough to do this. The first person I opened up to is my mother. Ever since I opened up to her she's been using those weaknesses (whatever I told her) against me. Not only that but she involves family members in the fun too.

[@NoName-dd4zq]

I agree, because I have been there exactly how you describe, and it's hard.

[@MissAmesha]

Bora Sull Sounds like your mother is a narcissist. A true friend or loving family member wouldn't do that shit. My mother was a horrible person whom I now don't speak with. Your mom isn't probably as bad as my mom, but she certainly shouldn't be doing that crap to you.

[@lulabloom4636]

only a completely insensitive and cruel person would do that, especially intense betrayal because it is your mother.

[@tepeassydac]

Thanks, Bruce, your talk was excellent. "Welcome home." Wonderful!

[@ThePerfArts]

What a lovely guy. I appreciate people like this. Who do something about themselves and become better people.

[@kaarlimakela3413]

I relate to the message ... especially as I grew up in Detroit, and will forever value the 'urban' culture of Motown and the stunning events of the 60s ... on my street, we played, talked, shared, sang, danced and loved. My life ever since has been to dispel the illusions and lies about 'other' people. I wished heartily even as a child, that more people would have the courage to be open as I was as a third-grader. A great lesson ... don't fake the funk, get real, it is what it is. ... there's a place in the sun, where there's hope for everyone. Break out of YOUR 'bubble'. :) (y)

[@Lucixir]

Feel free to try this shit in Compton....

[@MrMunch-xw9fn]

Lucixir that's what I was thinking. makes me think racism is manufactured.

[@chandler86jc]

Mythical Munch ummmm of course its manufactured, its a strategy called divide and conquer... if your governments keep you divided by race and religion then the masses are much easier to control and they keep you busy fighting amongst each other rather than realizing who the real enemy is.....

[@chandler86jc]

Edvin1011 Those are more examples of divide and conquer but that doesn't negate Race and Religion.

[@yothiga]

I'm still not sure I can share my secret with my best friend. Because I lies when people ask about my brother and I tell my friend that my brother go to live with his girlfriends but actually he go to jail because he sell drug to his friends T_T I never see drug or know people who use it before so me and my family so shock when police call us my 18 years old brother going to the jail. Our family is so normal Mom is a teacher and Dad is a Officer. we never do crime so it really new. 5 month from now he will out off the jail. I kinda feel bad. I don't know what he will doing. He not gonna go back to high school for sure and I don't know what his life will be.

[@jkepic25]

FluffyUnicorn Its none of your bussiness if your brother goes to jail. If he will want to tell people he was in jail, he can do it when he comes out. There is nothing to gain for you with telling your friends that he has gone to jail. It's your brother's personal thing to go to jail, not yours, and you could lose friendship with your brother, which you should value more than a teenage best friend (I assume you are still a teenager, due to your inexperience). Btw, I don't think there is something wrong with drugs. If there was no demand for drugs, your brother could not sell them to anyone. It was probably just a misfortune and your bro will come out of jail soon, hopefully. Except if you live in some backward country, then penalty can be harsh. I wish you best and thats my honest advice!

[@spidaminida]

FluffyUnicorn Here's a situation when you unfortunately SHOULD lie because you are protecting someone else - you're doing the right thing. Ask you brother if you can tell your best friend in confidence because it really sounds like you need to talk to someone on your level, you're clearly worried for him. Secrets can be hard to keep so you really need you brother's permission in case you friend can't keep the secret well. Sometimes you can accidentally let a secret out no matter how well you want to hide it. Hope all goes well for you and your brother, please try not to worry and make sure he knows how much you care. Best o' luck!

[@gisellegibbs7742]

FluffyUnicorn Thanks for sharing .)

[@Twister051]

+FluffyUnicorn - I disagree with the other replies you received. You are afrad of telling your friend that your brother is in in jail because you are afraid your friend will judge you as "bad" and reject you; your fear is the fear of potential rejection and the challenges that possible rejection will bring. I recommend you tell your friend; free yourself from your burden. If your friend sticks by you, they are a true friend and are worth keeping. If they reject you for something YOU did not do (your brother is the one who put himself in jail) then they are not a true friend at all. IF that happens, who knows what new friends and experiences you may find by being honest. Good luck with your decision.

[@demivydE]

+FluffyUnicorn Try to keep your secrets "secret". People who advise you to tell the world have never been in the same situation or circumstances. No one needs to know your stuff, and no one really cares. Wise up, and keep your mouth shut.

[@leonvivian1]

Thank you for sharing your amazing story. God Bless you always.

[@Li-bn2tw]

This speech is so awesome! I cried because the method to achieve aliveness really works! I like the way he shape and perform the speech. Also very charming English! Very well reflect the beauty of a language.

[@jessicaread4880]

How sad the commecnts seem. This talk is not about rascism. The talk is about self awareness. Of being who you really are. Not to lie to yourself makes you an honest person. No one wanted to know my secrets when I started telling people at three years old. I have always been told I was stupid to want to be not male. This whole talk is about coming out, of being yourself, enlightenment, of being true to yourself. I am me and me is Jessica. I am a transwoman. I am also fem gay. I have no secrets. I am me. xJes

[@micheinnz]

I think Jessica knows who she is better than you do.

[@coleshelton4191]

So you were born a boy, felt that you were a girl, at three, then you realized that you actually still liked girls. Not surprising.

[@lordperezident]

Cole Shelton that's actually common but super weird. Like damn pick something lol

[@jamesfox2857]

Most ""Cant , wont , never will , LET GO OF THAT FEAR , See How Some Still Live

[@richardlongmore9301]

Amazing story fella love it :)

[@AMANVERMA-lb2yh]

It is totally underestimated by many, that how much power a truth has. Sure it takes some real courage but the outcome is always worth it.

[@lauriecarty3818]

Thank you, you brought tears to my eyes.....

[@joelhc9703]

I wanted to achieve the inner value so I started to dig holes in myself to find it...I almost bleed out.

[@narensulur5569]

I thought it was one of the best ted talks and then I see the batman comment...

[@wendyevans3644]

naren sulur. lol. stupid funnu tho!!! lol

[@LynnetteAllen]

Beautiful! I've been trying to do this for a long time. Thanks for the encouragement and inspiration.

[@kilppa]

Such a great speech. I agree completely

[@Samdeman90]

His wife "amazingly" met the man of her dreams one week later. Riiiight

[@SilasKingMusic]

Welcome home

[@rm3042]

Perfectly said! We have one life to live, live it!

[@lanelldelgado9322]

Wonderful speech!!! Thank you for this!

[@jamesgrey13]

A secret is just an extra weight to carry throughout one's life! Who needs it?

[@biblobaggins2375]

+Tony James Gilpin I like to workout

[@porkfriedrice1530]

They should make a show where a foreigner visits the American hood and makes a documentary of it

[@spiritualanarchist8162]

A+Endlessnameless LOL..i will tell you that the "South African "hoods", So the real "ghetto's" , Have the highest murder rate in the world.I am not saying the U.S doesn't have " dangerous hoods" believe me , I know....But it is actually a disgrace that the richest country in the world. Has "hoods" that can compete with the worst neighborhoods, all over the third world....

[@porkfriedrice1530]

+Spirtual Anarchist yeah those places must suck, but that doesn't make our goods any safer. Vice Magazine usually sends the whitest, nerdiest looking guys into the hood to cover stories and Chicago, etc and it's pretty entertaining lol their videos are here on KZbin

[@spiritualanarchist8162]

Endlessnameless Every city has such a place. The poorer the country, the more violent and bigger the "hoods". I have been lost in Caracas for once. Found a cab, went to the airport (well fled,to be honest) And ended up in the middle of Miami..where i was almost killed for taking the "wrong turn" in a rented car .Now Venezuela ..O.K., It is what it is. The "ghetto's in he U.S..are big and violent, as well, But with so much .."richness". surrounding it. i found that Bloody sad.

[@spiritualanarchist8162]

K1774b "good one, you are right.

[@spiritualanarchist8162]

***** You got a good point.. i have traveled a lot for my work. ( I used to a self defense instructor ). .that is maybe why i sound like i think " i know it all" ( but....I know i do not know it all.;-) O.k Poland..... Poland is also "significantly" richer then Venezuala, Columbia, south Africa, etc,etc....Right? Your economy is growing fast. (by the way, I live in Holland not the U.S ,) 'Poland also has major " no go "area's in the Big cities. There the Hooligans & Neo Nazi's are the core problem. i also noticed that in most European countries. Guns are seen as a "cowards weapon". because one does not have to touch their enemy. . There is more "honor" in (fore example )use a gun, because one has to be up close to put a piece of steel in someone. .Guns are used for "business purposes ( this is simplified to make a point ) Offcourse it makes a huge difference that in the E,U, "we"do not have that U.S "wild west" law , that every citizen has the right to own fire arms, so the streets get flooded with firearms. & because the streets are flooded with fire arms, people do not feel save & so they will buy a ...gun.So the streets get more flooded.....etc,etc. .Every body sees this obvious pattern ( beside 80% of U.S Americans themselves.).. The U.S is also an..exception, because of that extreme division between rich & poor.i think. O.K i stop now.Before i start a speech....LOL.

[@discodecepticon]

alive is that feeling you get when... well any feeling is a sure sign of being alive- even pain

[@d821010]

Thank you🙏I really needed to hear this message today.

[@timtom4766]

Your wife already knew the "man of her dreams", she was just not as honest as you.

[@sophiechi1573]

My culture makes frauds. My mom feel ashamed of my age, ( 30 "but" single. ) And me not finishing my degree. And those shame do passed onto me become my own.

[@ibrahimseck3609]

Thanks for sharing. more power to you !!

[@Dominiqueuqinimod]

Edvin1011 Yes. You definitely know exactly what this person is about after reading three sentences they're written. This is not your confirmation bias talking at all. Feel free to confidently live life as a bigoted mrm tool.

[@johnomara849]

This guy is full of himself, but he’s honest about it, which is commendable. Good message overall.

[@MariaGarcia-uh5xy]

Wow Bruce, your message is SOOOO powerful. Brilliant and touching talk.

[@osquigene]

Hey, never hearing again from a guy that wanted to commit suicide doesn't look like a good news to me.

[@EpicBunty]

+osquigene ikr

[@elstupidproduction]

+osquigene I think he was saying how he DID end up committing suicide because of the secrets he's held back. His point is we shouldn't take it as far as that guy - that we should be open, unlike that guy

[@oljastevanovic]

+osquigene his wife kiled him after confesion :) :) :) hahahha People often do not give a shit about our " secrets" and this video is the total whaist of time ... he forget to mention the priest and forgivnes.. ... and a savior to complite his child like story .. bljak he is atention hungrie ... did not heal his mother wund etc ... selling egs for cookies ..

[@oljastevanovic]

I had to walk between the coments to be sure that I am not the only one who spoted the fly

[@anamorrawska5462]

Right?.....lol

[@musicisbrilliant]

Where is this guys music? I cant find it anywhere...

[@jeanwindvogel1807]

Bruce this talk made me cry. I wish there were more BOLD people like you. Oh my word, how liberating. Thank you :)

[@tanjuhassan3836]

Great presentation and I lived my life like this for many years. One of the issues is many/most others aren't & yet still others will actively attempt to punish you for doing so. ..... Learning to deal with this is part of a huge challenge with the level of honesty presented in the video....I'm not sure I'm there yet (in learning to deal with others).........

[@Crouchy232323]

Hey thanks for sharing. Everyone should watch this, and stay to the end. That's when the pretentious prick really steps it up.

[@BrandenSholtzy]

Some secrets you have to keep. There is no other choice, if you disseminate all of your good ideas their value you will decrease proportionately.

[@brucemarmy8500]

Perhaps you have a singularly magnificent idea, will it descend as manna from the sky? Else wise you will need some of us to be part of your 'thing'. Ideas shared are often the fuel of the Essence. That is what illuminates the imagination. Some ideas are eternal, some are time sensitive, you must be the judge.

[@Rony10t]

If you notice, he only speaks of secrets that affect other human beings whether it be acquaintances, strangers, an audience, lovers, or mentors in a sense that revealing said secrets would liberate him from this facade. What you speak of are goals, and yes, they are better kept to one's self but have nothing to do with attaining authenticity among other people, simply because they don't concern other people.

[@haggaigertz]

this is one of the best speech I ever heard! it's so liberating, thanks for your speech!

[@mirusvet]

Thank you, Bruce. Need find courage!

[@Trentcast]

I used to like Ted Talks. Until every speaker turned the event into a chance to highlight his career and his accomplishments. 4th video in a row like this, I give up

[@JamesBrown-wy7xs]

I suppose that's one way to see it. Yours is definitely not the only perspective though, and I hope for your sake that you leave enough space in your mind to glean any gold nuggets that might happen to hide in the apparent "shameless self-promotion". The way I see it is that everybody has an agenda, whether they're conscious of it or not, there's no such thing as truly pure intention, so you might as well accept that everyone has something to sell and focus your energy on finding the value in any set of circumstances ("what valuable info/lesson can I learn here?"). I used to be so turned off to what I perceived as "phoniness" in people that I would literally shut off my hearing whenever they spoke to me, and I still do it today...wait, what was my point? LOL. The end.

[@PetroniusArbiter2]

James Brown " I used to be so turned off to what I perceived as "phoniness" in people that I would literally shut off my hearing whenever they spoke to me, and I still do it today...wait, what was my point?" Sounds like the Holden Caulfield syndrome to me. The treatment for that, I think, is to come to understand that "a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds"-- yeah, Ayn Rand worshippers, we're talking about YOU-- to which I would add a corollary, "a little smidgeon of hypocrisy is good for the soul." Strange how some people such as the dickheads (please don't post their names here; that's what they wanted, you know) who shot John Lennon and Ronald Reagan never noticed that: the resolution of "Catcher in the Rye" is, Holden Caulfield has to come to accept that HE'S kinda sorta the biggest phony of all.

[@Powertuber1000]

After apartheid ended the South African economy went straight to hell.

[@crimsonjack8617]

i think i understand you now

[@Powertuber1000]

crimson jack 20 years after the end of segregation in South Africa, it has risen to one of the top ten most dangerous places on earth. More people die from violence in a single year in South Africa than in all the years of segregation combined. The same goes for rape and the rape of infants younger than three years old. The apartheid government was a monster, but what came to replace just as bad in a 'different' way The government of South Africa is failing to protect its people The current leadership and government structure is not proving capable of stabilizing the violence in the new South Africa it is totally corrupt an inept. Remember I am not PC… I am a realist… I will not lie or cover-up truths to be Politically correct.

[@crimsonjack8617]

Powertuber1000 Where do you get these stats, I'd like to see them. You know me, I'm a stat guy who wants to know the causes behind them .

[@Powertuber1000]

crimson jack On the internet, but I forgot the source.

[@crimsonjack8617]

Powertuber1000 I'll look, I'm on my way to the library, what better place to search :)

[@paulussantosowidjaja8390]

May your this kind of talk be blessings to more people, I was a forced racist too! But I am also into music, too! Music has no boundaries, bro. Thank you for making my tears also making my eyes ......wet. God bless you, Bruce!

[@francotedaldi10]

You mean you feel frustrate when hiding a secret of yours because you need authenticity, Freedom, aliveness? And celebrate here the resilts due to the vulnerability which allowed you to choose and reveal your secret? I'm grateful of your enthusiasm in telling this!

[@ShauneArnoldEsq]

One person can tell their secret and completely destroy the dreams of another person. But at least they get it off their chest, right?

[@thewhatorwhy]

Shaune Arnold Destroy whose dreams? This speaker is damaging who?

[@ShauneArnoldEsq]

You're missing my point. I'm speaking about ANYONE that just MUST tell their truth, even though the person they are telling it to may be devastated by the tale. These folks might consider just keeping it to themselves. No need to get it off your chest and destroy someone. Just quit the F'd up behavior.

[@thewhatorwhy]

Shaune Arnold Telling your truth is important for BOTH parties to achieve reconciliation or healing. Till then, bottling it up is what is happening which is destructive in so many ways - the news you read each day.

[@ShauneArnoldEsq]

Then go tell it to someone ELSE that won't be hurt by it.

[@thewhatorwhy]

Shaune Arnold Your position really is to ignore problems that already exist. Fine, you want to wish things away, but most of us want to resolve our common problems and move on. It sounds like you are trying to avoid facing something in your own life.

[@kyledog12]

I thought the big secret nobody wants to tell was that... Santa Clause isn't real.

[@swaghettimemeballs4420]

There's only one thing that matters in my opinion: live life without regrets. As long as you can manage this everything else will autimatically fall into place.

[@MXF11]

One of the best stories I've ever heard. Thank you!