The BIGGEST Male Insecurities in Dating Revealed… | Matthew Hussey

[@k9luver701]

When I heard the insecurity about "not measuring up to previous boyfriends " I burst out laughing. Not at the person who was saying it but because my previous boyfriends were SO bad. My fault for putting up with egregious behavior and not breaking it off at the first red flags. I am single because those previous men didn't treat me well. Be kind, caring, and treat me with dignity and respect and you will be LIGHT YEARS ahead of anyone from my past.

[@sun_rose123]

Amen to that

[@Erin-uz2gf]

Yeah exactly me too!! Well they're EX boyfriends for a reason.....if anything we're hoping you're the opposite of them lol.....learn our lessons with them and go on to find a better person all around, kindness is an astoundingly beautiful trait to recognize in a person but especially in a potential partner....

[@Sk8erMomAndBoys]

I totally agree and that's why I'm still single lol

[@flutterlybutterly6188]

Agreed!

[@AntoanetaStancu]

@@Sk8erMomAndBoys wow .. so many women like that.. în the same situation... amazing, but that's the reality . But I'm not losing hope yet.

[@missmo463]

I wish we didn’t allow ourselves to get in our own heads this much!

[@misslanapaulford]

Sadly we can be our own worst enemy.. it can be a constant struggle 😪

[@ansoogund]

My ex was like that. She was kind and brave and allowed me to express my own excitement, passion, fear, and insecurities. She told me what she liked and never played games. Well, she is an ex, but we spent 5 years together with what was my happiest moment in life but it wasn't for her. Anyway, the point is that games are painful. playfulness is nice, but playing weird games really increases anxieties and insecurities I think.

[@AlexBobalexRavenclaw]

More details please.

[@1Life2Live007]

Sounds like a dream that will never come true. My ex did nothing but play games. It was exhausting.

[@ansoogund]

@@1Life2Live007 So sorry to hear you had to go through this. I hope you managed to work through it after and are in a better place.

[@1Life2Live007]

@@ansoogund thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it. My motto nowadays is I’d rather be single than in a marriage and feeling single. Life’s to short! God bless you!

[@beccamay8768]

You will never be good enough for the wrong person! So when people do not see your value it's not about 'I'm not good enough, I'm not this or that'. NO! They're NOT for you! And we've got to learn to accept that and not internalize rejection. Not to internalize the fact that this person could not step up to the plate and give us what we need. That's not their role in our life.

[@Tactical50]

I love this!

[@brianteeter8796]

Such a simple statement, but yet so spot on. We tend to accept what our role is or isn’t in relationship, but when we got caught up in the fantasy of what we want, it seems to blur what we should see as a sign that someone may not be right for us.

[@toenytv7946]

Rejections make me try harder. That’s sad. Pulling away is a childhood trauma maybe. Sad. Trusting the person your with should not be that way.

[@toenytv7946]

Mutually assured destruction.

[@TheHermitTeller]

Well said

[@thejackbutler]

I think you can avoid a game of waiting to text but just having an authentically full life. If you’re authentically responsive and she loses interest, she likely wasn’t really interested

[@rayssapop]

100%! Because if I'm interested, his responsiveness tells me he also is so we can keep getting to know each other and not lose momentum. It's even more attractive and exciting. At least for me. If I have to chase too much, I lose interest.

[@thejackbutler]

@@rayssapop Totally get it on the losing interest

[@AngelaPortugal26]

@@rayssapop same here. I appreciate the fact that I'm being prioritized so I actually I don't fall into those games.

[@dr.sammypryor]

good insight! I think this is true.

[@Richard-cw3ew]

So true I think alot of woman play games mens feelings is not a game

[@totalmcr4eva]

For me, the difference between positive and negative insecurity is how they portray it. If someone is open about their anxiety but are still trying, it's endearing. If they expect you to somehow fix their insecurity, or are constantly seeking reassurance, it's a turn off.

[@EvanCops]

Yeah my ex bf was constantly seeking reassurance, he expected to fix him and I said no. I've got my own insecurities that I'm working on.

[@Kupperdurden]

@@EvanCops But that's actually the point of a relashionship, to fix the other one. That's what means to complete eachother. You're not looking for a partner if not. By definition, if you want to be with someone, it's because you feel incomplete, that there is something missing. If you're definition of a relationship is that both should deel with their own problems, then you don't understand what a relationship really is.

[@irisledezma6674]

For me I feel like if you're looking for reassurance in the other person it's not a turn off. It's a signal telling you that they were hurt that bad by the previous people that couldn't love them the way they needed to be loved. Or simply understand the reason why the person is feeling so hurt by what it is that's bothering them that they feel they need that reassurance in the first place. I am speaking from experience but I also feel that if you do what you can to comfort the other person or help them through their insecurities or negative thoughts then in time it'll gradually be less and less.

[@dominika1348]

People need a reassurance if they've been hurt to feel confident again later on it's hard to be patient but if you see other amazing qualities then wait and look for a progress it was worth it in my example but it took some time

[@loinfinito3311]

Wow totally another mindset…I feel that if you want someone to fix you, it will fail. Only you can fix you, should never depend on someone else. I want to be with someone because I feel whole and I want to multiply that joy with someone else.

[@jackie41083]

More men need to talk about their experiences/insecurities in general. A lot of men are taught that they can't be vulnerable, sensitive, insecure, caring, unsure, etc. Thank you for opening up this type of discussion, Matthew

[@scottadler]

Bullshit. If a girl detects a flaw, an insecurity, she bites his face off. Been there many times.

[@jackie41083]

@@scottadler Maybe that's the women that you've been drawn to, been attracted to, or dated. Most women do not "bite his face off" if they see a flaw or insecurity. If you think that, I would say you should date more "nice" women. That's not all of us in general.

[@scottadler]

@@jackie41083 Nonsense. There is no such thing as a "nice" girl. ("Women," meaning adult females able to face the consequences of their own behavior, simply don't exist.) My ex-girlfriends were all "nice" -- until they weren't. The nicest and sweetest of them was secretly dating someone else and when he proposed, she let me know where I stood -- I was a nice, safe, stepping stop to money. By the way, she told me at the worst possible moment. I should have thrown her clothes out the window. The overwhelming majority of girls believe that men are a dime a dozen and it doesn't matter how badly they behave. Most of us realize that fact and just take what we can get. Then they through us out of our homes, reduce us to sleeping in our cars, and sneer when we commit suicide. (Feminists riot wherever appalling male suicide rates or what they call "man filz" are discussed.) These days, men are simply dropping out of the dating market by the millions. It's just too mean, too cruel, and too expensive. The competition is just too great. There's just no point. Okay, I'll grant that you might be a real, honest, nice girl who would never two-time or monkey-branch anyone. Perhaps there's another one living in Rwanda. Perhaps you can meet someday. Have an international Conference of Nice Girls -- in a closet. Cheers.

[@pewterschmidt23lord99]

No, just no

[@scottadler]

@@jackie41083 Let me add that the girlfriend whose betrayal nearly killed me was also the nicest, sweetest girl I ever met. She loved kittens and puppies, she felt guilty about stepping on dry leaves and breaking them. And she actually felt guilty about using me as a placeholder while she looked for a rich husband. She finally told me that we couldn't see each other anymore -- at the worst possible moment -- because her real boyfriend just proposed and gave her a ring. She later tried to use break-up sex to salve her conscience. Two years later, another nice girl did precisely the same thing. There truly is no such thing as a "nice girl" -- if any exist, every man wants her. By the way, the two creeps who monkey-branched me were NOT beautiful, just nice. Nice men -- I prefer the term "safe men" -- have nothing to offer. They die by the millions, of suicide, loneliness, and depression. But what do you care? They're just losers, to be tossed away whenever convenient. American men should stop dating. They should go to Asia, Africa, or South America, and find a local woman who will appreciate them. I understand that it's very easy. American men are considered gold in those places.

[@ToraTheGoldenRetriever]

I reward kindness, consistency and courage. My date at the time played no games I sensed that he was sincere and that he truly liked me, even my coworker confirmed what she sensed from him. She literally said I see that he’s very into you because of the way he looks at you. Again that man is now my husband for 13 yrs.

[@eliseturner4815]

I think an insecurity is only a turnoff when the other person cant handle it. I am a woman and to me, manliness isnt about not being insecure or not having fears but knowing and doing what it takes regardless. No one is free of insecurities, yet some of us can take risks still because we know what are the really important things. You can be the most insecure man in the world, thats fine. But dont let it cast a shadow on our everyday life and ruin precious moments. Thats all, thats the secret to making an insecurity not just okay but maybe even attractive.

[@EsiriE]

Yesss 🔥

[@sharbeddow9836]

I think I saw a saying once "courage is being afraid of doing something, but still doing it anyway". The more courageous I am in approaching people, the easier it gets. I know many of us are scared of getting hurt, rejected, mocked, ignored, dismissed, etc. I admire someone who knows their insecurities and can talk about them, but they don't use them as an excuse or crutch.

[@kimberlybe5805]

Vulnerability about insecurities is so gorgeous. That’s grown thinking I would say…and we all deserve a mature connection 💗 you are perfect for the right person just the way you are! Be authentic 😊

[@Fdastrup]

Thanks for this. It sure feels like there aren’t men who can embrace all those parts of me. Just want to shut me down. Usually.

[@kimberlybe5805]

@@Fdastrup and then we learn that only we can embrace all parts of us..to then attract the one that can embrace us the same:) Create the change you wish to see within! You are magnetic to the very energy you carry and sometimes a small shift can make all the difference ❤️‍🔥 I wish you the very best finding the love you deserve 😊

[@jackfavvv0280]

I strongly disagree with your first sentence.

[@kimberlybe5805]

@@jackfavvv0280 it’s just my opinion:) some will agree strongly others won’t. But I will say that if we can’t be vulnerable about our greatest fears and insecurities then how can we ever fully let someone in and have real love? If we have been judged in the past we tend to not be vulnerable but at what point do we realize it no longer serves us to stay locked in our own thinking. I’ve been there and it’s self sabotage eventually. I trusted myself to be vulnerable and was shown that is safe now. I wish the same for you!

[@philu3]

@@kimberlybe5805 Your first sentence will never be good enough for Jack; he's just not your person 😉

[@AvePalanthe]

3rd date: Minigolf, Arcade hall, table tennis, boat trip, paintball, planetarium, botanic park, some sort of action based activity (of course in consent with the date partner). Sth. that get you out of comfort zone and show your playful/fun side. I like to see how a guy reacts to genuine new situations- it shows a lot how he will cope with situations in the future.

[@SagittariusBabe87]

Those date ideas sound very fun! Good suggestions 💯👍😌

[@ToraTheGoldenRetriever]

The second date I suggested was to go to an arcade and we played resident evil. Shooting zombies were hell a fun and then we played other games. We get to see each other’s childlike side and it was really fun. I even suggested karaoke and that was a lot of fun as well and romantic in a sense. We get to see each other‘s talents lol! That man is now my husband for 13 years.

[@Keepersoftheflame]

3rd Date ideas: Walk in the park or perhaps picnic Art Museum (you get to see the world throught thier eyes) Green house / nursery (you can tell a lot about a person based off what flowers they like) Pick a food neither of you have tried, go to that foodie place or truck (trying new things together is good way to create good memories) Short road trip like 1 hour or so to live music.... see how they travel... and live music is good for the soul Look up what activities are avaiable in current place. You may be surprised and there for can surprise date!! Or travel to local tourist attraction. Learn how to hold space for self... it makes holding space for other easier.

[@shannonfitzgerald8909]

Well said Matthew, I hate games, I just want communication, being vulnerable is inner beauty and maturity. Being brave and kind is what we all need to be. Thank you for this video!

[@tomaohanjanyan7472]

This game thing is so real. After 6 months of "not talking" to each other, we started talking about football (:D) and in a day or 2 showed how we missed each other. But as he did it first, he kind of showed cold responses after that, which starts a new game I don't want to play or even can't.

[@sallyvivian7792]

Perhaps the problem is trying to strategize dating. Not having a ‘game plan’ so to speak, allows the authentic & genuine side in each of us to emerge. Meet with no expectations, let it flow & if there’s good communication/ listening something nice could unfold. And being friend zoned shouldn’t be a worry. Eventually falling in love with your ( best ) friend, for all the right reasons. That would be the best!

[@DoriansPortrait]

I ran into a problem with her where I couldn't think of much to say.

[@irenesubang17]

Third date ideas: going to a museum or art gallery? a cooking class? Concert or live music? There are many avenues for many more dates. Thank you for this video! With love from the philippines!

[@Lichfeldian--Suttonian]

Lovely video, Matthew. Men _are_ vulnerable. We aren’t the physical and financial ‘Spartacus’ that we feel that we have to be for the attraction. Instead of having expectations of the other, best to have an honest communication to heartily express how truly human we really are. As on June 2022, I am 56, and first dates and texting _still_ scare me to pieces because of the pressures that I feel as you describe. I think that I speak for many men in that I feel I cannot just ‘be’ and be accepted. I have to be _doing something_ more to prove myself. I just want to walk into the first date and naturally emanate ‘me’. That is where I find my confidence. ladies! 😊

[@bonjustbon5089]

From a single/divorced 56 yr old lady my POV: just be real...show some respect/manners...be kind...communicate/be present...the ladies that mind don't matter...the ladies that matter don't mind....we've had our share of jocks & jerks ....superficial is not impressive...just sayin 😉

[@Lichfeldian--Suttonian]

@@bonjustbon5089 That is very good to know. Thanks.

[@sharbeddow9836]

59 years old... I understand

[@kitkatkatie5174]

Awww this is a video I needed!! Have 5th date with a guy on Saturday and we communicate every day. Still in the early dating phase and the mind games I go through and the waiting for the text back anxiety is all to real and as women we overthink everything!! Watching this is helping me remember that guys are human and have the same insecuritys around dating!! It is helping me feel confident in myself and remember that the guy I'm seeing is probably going through simular thaught and feeling simular way!!

[@robynackroyd3217]

Yes! I feel the same and am going through a similar situation 💜

[@rjflores438]

we have even more anxieties than most women, but we dont show it, we know we have less dating options, will get rejected far more frequently than most women, and many men have been through periods of intense loneliness where we barely feel noticed by women who pass us up if our social status is slightly lacking. Believe me, most women do not want to attempt dating as a man, you dont just get attention handed to you on a plate like most women do.

[@Lifes_Frosting]

We are all the same. Treat others the way you would like to be treated and watch the world change for the better. Stop with the games, the ghosting, and toxic influencer dating advice. Just play well together. It's simple. 💚

[@SagittariusBabe87]

💯😌

[@ZenoGoreng]

I was and still am insecure about a lot of things, but with the person I fell for there was one thing I was certain of: I felt great whenever she was there, whether in person or in a call or texts or whatever. There was also no question how I felt about her. I think pretty much everyone who knew both her and me knew about it, even if I never told them. It was just very obvious for whatever reason. Unfortunately things didn't work out, but the point I'm trying to make is that it will probably be very clear for the person that I like her and she won't ever have to question that. I felt very vulnerable, but it felt good that way and I hope I won't ever have to resort to playing games.

[@jessicaw9011]

That's actually quite brave of you, if I'm reading into this correctly-- that you wouldn't be afraid of being vulnerable again.

[@ZenoGoreng]

@@jessicaw9011 Well, I don’t know. I created a rift between us by being too vulnerable at one point (it’s quite specific and personal, so I’m not sure I wanna talk about it), which we or I couldn’t overcome, so I’m not sure I’d be willing to be AS vulnerable as I was. I still need time to heal anyway, am not ready for a new person at this moment. But I do think that vulnerability is necessary, as it reveals the true you and feeling like you can be vulnerable with someone is very special.

[@ZenoGoreng]

@Chioma Priscilla Hey! Greetings back from the Netherlands.

[@ZenoGoreng]

@Chioma Priscilla Eh… anyone who wants to can call me a friend 😅

[@ZenoGoreng]

@Chioma Priscilla Well, sure 😄

[@jenniferlee7167]

Well said Matthew and this is coming from a mature woman who wants to seek kindness and who hopes to receive it in kind. God Bless.

[@scottadler]

Right. You and another one. That makes two of you.

[@c.b.2321]

It's so important to feel what we feel, and to tell it to somebody. It's all old story from the childhood. We need to share our feelings. Nothing else works.

[@xXKyon12Xx]

Well, I do not have much dating experience myself but have a ton of innerwork done to the point, that I reached a level of mastery over somethings, finally gained my confidence back. Honestly am not even sure if somebody will value it, I sure do value it and I love myself for it. I slowly realize that I acknowledge and recognize my growth is does not matter if the person I like notices me or not. It does not matter as long as I have fun and I shine somebody will eventually come and I´ll have much fun being me, people are bound to notice, its about letting one self flow in recognization of oneself life is worth living for the sake of being who we can here to be. Us, all is self.

[@CoffeeOverdosed]

To be honest, I found this advice to not only be useful in my dating life, but in my personal relationships as well. Thank you for posting such amazing content Matt! 😃

[@kevinthemayor]

Very refreshing and hope giving! Being a gentleman by nature makes it very difficult to date in the last 20 years!

[@jessicaw9011]

Gentlemen are still hot! Don't give up, man!

[@Erin-uz2gf]

The right woman for you will love that about you

[@AmandaRestivo]

If everyone redirected their attention elsewhere the moment your kindness and energy wasn't reciprocated, we would all be a lot happier, healthier and more open to finding the person who will. Hard to follow, but true.

[@BeckyJB]

I am happy to see that there are still genuine men in the world.

[@ЛюбовьПанова-ц3в]

I saw that post in Instagram, and I saw all comments, and I thought - it's really useful to making posts like that, for us women, to read men's opinions, and after it to hear Matthew's comments - it's really cool, thank you so much❤️

[@misslanapaulford]

Matthew can we have more videos like this. It was lovely 😍

[@faridahnakayemba1496]

This has showed me men also go through a lot 😩

[@marielocascio2099]

Love how this message helps bridge the divide between men and woman by showing we all have vulnerabilities. Communicating more compassionately with one another helps create more loving and fullfilling relationships and that"s a pretty cool outcome for everyone. Much respect xo

[@rjflores438]

men cannot show the same level of vulnerability as a woman can, end of.

[@SEAN31680]

Although I'm in a relationship, this video still contains important information. After some months you just take a lot of things your partner does for you for granted. I'm gonna tell him more often how happy he makes me and that I've become a better person in some areas. ✌🏽

[@EricAvelarc]

I’m always insecure to show to much interest, but I like to show it when I have it cause I like to live that way I felt truth to myself when I do that, but people don’t use to see it the same way as I do.

[@Angie.GiGi.Ari.86]

I can tell you this.. show her that you are interested BUT don't put out the vibe that she is the most important thing in your life. This goes to men AND women that are kind and honest but are always being played etc.. believe me nothing sexier than some one making you feel respected, sexy and wanted but you still know that that person has a life of their own, their own interests and that they will not accept any bs. And NEVER accept being whipped. EVER. I don't care how much you love him/her, you and your selfrespect is the most important thing.

[@kimasp7482]

Gosh, I just want to give all those men a big hug.

[@thelidiaedit]

Hi Matt, cool video. Just two days ago, I was talking to my boyfriend about women & girls who always "chase" popular guys and completely ignore other guys. He said something interesting and valid, while I explained him how I witnessed a lot of this from friends or female acquaintances and what I made of it. This video reminded me of this conversation, when you touched on the subject of triggering insecurities and showing vulnerable parts of ourselves that we don't want. So I could see that my thoughts are somewhat confirmed. I will share this video with him :) And I really hope all this gaming, and need for being the alpha-person stops. Instead of making us stronger, it's just making us covertly ultra-vulnerable. Have a nice sunday!

[@lad7534]

what was the valid point that he made?

[@DRVIPDIVA]

It’s such a great feeling to know that many of us out here have the same concerns, worries and even insecurities about dating, because sometimes it really feels like everyone is wearing a mask and nobody want to be real. Great video and it brings a lot of clarity on that subject.🙏🏻🙏🏻👍🏻👍🏻

[@jackietaylor3188]

I think I speak for a lot of people when I say your posts and videos are a great humanitarian service I think you really mean what you say and embody it and dig deeper and on a more emotional level than most people who have a similar platform. I don’t know if you’ll read this message I hope you do and understand that it’s very very helpful.

[@MsBeautyfulDisaster]

When it comes to date ideas, all it takes is paying attention to what she says she likes or what you notice she takes interest in. And then try and incorporate those things into dates. Does she love plants? Pick her up, stop and get coffee and go to a nursery or plant shop, maybe lunch after. Does she love classical, jazz, blue grass etc etc... make a note of that and pay attention to when there is a live band of that genre playing and get tickets. Doesnt have to be expensive. But choosing dates that show that you have actually listened to the things that she has said to you or that you have noticed things about her and what she likes speaks so much to us. And is very individualized to us and makes us feel like you actually do care and are interested in getting to know us. Pick ACTIVITIES to do together, it can be awkward in the beginning to just sit there and stare at each other and try to make conversation. Where is if you were doing something together things flow a little more naturally and helps ease anxiety. Top golf, indoor rock climbing, wine and paint night, cooking class, museums etc etc. Just be creative

[@SagittariusBabe87]

Good suggestions!!!👍😃

[@karlinda84]

Vulnerability teaches us so much. If someone takes vulnerability as weakness then that shows you the person needs to grow and might not be the right time to get involved with them.

[@adrianamanta291]

Is all about working on yourself and just be authentic and who cares if they reciprocate or not because you are ok with yourself

[@bymariagil]

I love the way that guys showed up and freed their most vulnerable thoughts. Thank you for every single one of them .❤❤❤

[@rjflores438]

women dont like male vulnerability on a gut level.

[@10kainma]

This was one of my all time favorite videos. Would love to highlight vulnerability, kindness, bravery more. We're often told how we should show up in interactions, but it's scary, and being brave is hard. Thank you!

[@thesocialintrovertchronicles]

I always find mind games as so immature. I've seen guys who you see is online, you text them then they go offline for some hours and then come back to reply later. When I know very well they were online when I wrote, they came back several times online after they ran offline in the name of some immature unavailable games 😏. Personally I find a very deep connection with a guy who is just human enough to be vulnerable, and i can comfortably be vulnerable with them as well 💕

[@toenytv7946]

Incredible message to the umpteenth degree. Thank you Matthew to speaking to our insecurities. A topic worthy of a good talk about.

[@jjc2323]

Just be you. Some of the things being said is how I feel towards my new guy. But all you can do is be vulnerable and honest. Don’t play games. If you do those things and be authentic - you will find your person. If it doesn’t work out - it was meant to be. Sucks we can be so insecure.

[@xblisitjosh6736]

The easiest way I dealt with the issue of past partners, remember they're the past/ no longer. They failed don't try to live up to that expectation because they weren't good enough. Be yourself but find ways of bettering yourself to be better than the past. 🙏 I still to this day struggle with the insecurity of "am I worthy or good enough" and I'm engaged to my partner so I continue to work on myself for the benefit of my relationship, and my friendships also, New and old.

[@buttermuffin1196]

Do I respond to someone making me second guess myself? So many guys on dating apps are there because they avoid relationships and getting too close. They break up with people often. We need to find the guys who are secure and aren’t afraid to show us that they want a relationship At the same time we need to stop chasing that feeling of thrill from the mystery and accept the calm feeling of security.

[@luanabrito3304]

I don't understand where people get that pretending not to be interested will make the other person interested. I am interested in those who are interested in me. It has to be reciprocal. Showing disinterest also makes me disinterested. And then we just don't talk anymore...

[@ephraimakoto3657]

Women tend to see interested guys as thirsty and pushy.

[@ephraimakoto3657]

Most ladies are not like that, they love what they can never have.

[@doe7914]

Its all over the internet, so called gurus and love experts telling people how to F their dating life even more, of they havent already 😃🙈

[@Jenn-mx4ym]

Reward with kindness and Bravery! Even when your overcoming your own fears/anxiety’s/insecurities, is beautiful, showing understanding & because we all have them. It’s like you have been Present in my week, this week! Very close to home!…..🙏💙✨

[@heavenbound777carrie7]

Wow! I love this video and also the tenderness on how you explain it. Bravery, kindness and I’ll add great communication is so important. I lost my husband 8 months ago and the thought of dating again is very scary.

[@Fdastrup]

I’m sorry you lost your husband. Dating is so damn hard. I wish you peace and the best of luck.

[@heavenbound777carrie7]

@@Fdastrup Thank you so much.

[@jaythenihilist4689]

@@heavenbound777carrie7 I'm sorry for your loss. But can I make one suggestion, if and when you start dating again. Unless you are an incredibly good judge of character, then try to meet men somewhere other than online dating apps.

[@heavenbound777carrie7]

@@jaythenihilist4689 Thank you Jay. I agree 💯

[@s.beccari4678]

"follow kindness and bravery" that needs to be on a t-shirt!

[@TheCnf]

To me, all insecurities are solved when faced with true honesty. Unfortunately, not a lot of honesty going around these days.

[@irmalair1]

As a woman I'm insecure about the fact that I'm a 28 yo virgin with no previous relationships at all. I just never was in a relationship "place" before, and now it feels impossible to be out there with no previous relationship AND wanting to stay virgin until marriage (... at least for as long as possible 😅😅) , knowing I'm not into the "super religious" lifestyle, which unfortunately seems the only one where virginity is accepted. Ugh... I might as well just die alone it seems 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[@afnanshukri5693]

❤

[@rartinderkaur3499]

Hi Sir ... Thanks for this big one that highlights that man's side in relationship needs to be understood and that their opening up (on any side) or being vulnerable shud not be called as insecurity, instead making them come out with their emotions and treating with acceptance will turn "if she is into me "into a strength of surety that is Valuable and worthy . Thanks and Regards 💝

[@ramparkash2318]

Rartinder Kaur. Ur saying absolutely right.

[@soul-etude]

Thank you so much Matthew for this brilliant video that made my heart melt. I am the kind of person that does not play any games, the one who listens carefully to others and lets them be vulnerable, and who appreciates kindness and affection. Your post really makes me believe that there are brave men out there who are not afraid to show their soft side, their vulnerability, because being authentic is not easy, it's a strength. And yes, I choose to stay on the side of kindness, loyalty, support and encouragement and respond positively only to people with the same values. And i still find it strange that people judge my attitude as "the end of the game", instead of committing. But, I guess, these are their rules and one day I'll find the one who does not see kindness and responsiveness as something one should take advantage of. Thank you again.

[@rjflores438]

I am almost certain that you employ certain psychological manipulation on a subconscious level with men, all women do, and men do it to women as well.

[@max8m1]

Ha, third date ideas weren't a problem for me. Me and my gf had the zoo, coffee and ice cream for a first date, kanoeing and dinner as a second date, and a gun range plus lunch for our third. At that point we were already a couple and totally moon-eyed for eachother^^

[@DoriansPortrait]

Omg, that's exactly what I thought of for a third date. The zoo.

[@EdenSLucf]

It's isn't gross to have insecurities as it's can be beautiful when someone open-up to you about it. But obsessing over insecurities good for anyone's health. Everyone I know has something, some more private than others. I agree with you when you compared the responses to warfare. It doesn't have to be that way.

[@tiamelancholyjeoncockity]

I’m glad my boyfriend is secure in himself, but we’ve never had a topic or discussion one up related to the topic of insecurity. We’re both very open and communicative with each other, but I’ve still never touched this topic of asked him anything about it. I’m kinda afraid to bring it up cuz it’s one of those ‘forbidden’ ones, it feels very foreign. And not that I guess he doesn’t have any insecurities, maybe he has some, but never brought it up and I never knew about. I’ve talked about my own with him before, I don’t think he knew these were insecurities I was talking about, but more so I’m just sharing a lot of things about myself. (I’m an overshare-er 😭💀)

[@kayaking1000]

My first date was a kayaking adventure. I had a picnic and a blanket packed. Had an island planed out for the picnic. She loved it

[@lauraespejo4311]

We'll done you 😉

[@krowkovtuber]

this was eye-opening. i've been so fixated on my own insecurities that i don't even know my boyfriend would have these things on his mind too.

[@jessicaw9011]

Men, if it makes you feel any better, I, a woman, am insecure in relationships ALL THE TIME. I was very proud of myself in the last relationship I was in, because for once, I was not terrified that I wasn't enough for him.

[@irisledezma6674]

Seeing this post today, couldn't of come at a better time for me. This guy that I'm seeing is a little bit of a puzzle and I'm trying to figure him out, his behaviors, thoughts, & feelings & sometimes those internal insecurities get the better of me. But the more we talk, I'm starting to gradually understand him a little bit better & I want to believe he's slowly letting down his walls, at least I hope so anyway. But thank you Matthew for always being a blessing, I always watch your videos and always take in the advice you give and try to implement it into my daily life & relationship habits, not only hoping it'll lead me to Mr. Right, but leading me to the version of myself I was always meant to be. Thank you. I adore you, you're such a very beautiful and genuine person.

[@MyVlogTherapy]

This is very helpful to include more of the male perspective, balance 🙂 please talk about the texting frequency etiquette..

[@pamelacotte]

Thank you Matthew for bringing men and women together to see that we all have vulnerabilities. The kindness and bravery idea is powerful for dating and all human relationships.

[@tamparongdr]

Kindness and bravery💯

[@ramparkash2318]

Diana Tamparog. Ur saying absolutely right.

[@ramparkash2318]

Diana Tamparog. You well said 💯 kindness and bravery as like you.

[@Janettyboo]

I have saved this video so I can rewatch it over and over. Please do more like this, to get more insight into the male perspective

[@baby-xp9dn]

I so appreciate this conversation🙏. I honestly didn't know that guys have these kind of thoughts . It affects me much deeper when i actually read real comments from Men where they share their genuine thoughts about dating and relationships. Thank You very much Matthew, Please post more videos like these ❣️

[@bartdegryse9345]

We are human to. We know society tells men should not tell/show emotions, about certain topics. Even saw a comment about a combat veteran, even it's known the military is supposed to make you tough, he said when lethal combat was close to actually fight to the death, a lot of men still cried or wanted to be with their parents/family...

[@baby-xp9dn]

@@bartdegryse9345 Absolutely,we are all humans and we all have feelings. It's just that sometimes it's a bit hard for women to know how you guys feel because you don't wear your heart on your sleeve,and we have to guess and give ourselves answers that are not necessarily aligned with reality... I wish for this to change,so that Men won't feel like they have to hide their emotions,as it only can help build better relationships ⭐🙌

[@bartdegryse9345]

@@baby-xp9dn women are more emotional and in touch with their emotions. Its actually crazy to see that women say men don't have feelings ...? We get angry to. we can be happy for 10 min and be sad the next time because something bad happend afterwards or frustrated something at work does not go well, we know/feel the emotions. We just don't ride the emotional rollercoaster women likely do. We men are more logical, we maybe glance at the topic/emotion we having from it. We just don't have that touch, we try to get past as soon as possible, if it's negative. A lot of Women just want to talk about the emotions/feelings if its negative. We men just need to listen/ask questions about it. Till she feels better,? And if we maybe don't know what do to, we should just ask, you want me to *continue* listen, Or my advice/opinion about/from it.

[@baby-xp9dn]

@@bartdegryse9345 I know some Women say that Men don't have feelings,but honestly the majority of Women don't think like that,they just don't know how to help a guy open up... Yes,we love to talk and share our emotions with each other,it helps a lot, it's like therapy... But yeah, sometimes we forget that Men are not like us... I just think that the more Men practice sharing their feelings,the easier it will get later. And you are right about what you said, Woman mostly need a guy who is listener,and being sensitive to her needs ❣️

[@bartdegryse9345]

@@baby-xp9dn still need to counter to the fact. Sometimes women don't like men who actually can be more in touch with the emotions like them and gay men? No offense. Its because gay men are show to be more feminine in some way and they're are ofc masculine to. Depends who the person is ofc ...? Women have a lot of switching moments with their emotions. The last thing they need is a man that is in the same boat 😂. They want you to act/be more the masculine one to counter it. Otherwise things will/can go badly. Ofc sometimes, it can work that some women are raised/work as someone who is in charge at some place will/need to/have masculine traits while the/her man needs to be more ... feminine to counter. It can work like that if they love/like eachother. I know a lesbian friend, and she is the feminine one. While her gf is the masculine. Because she is dressed more as the man. and has a job she needs to act more as it.

[@kjordan296]

Why don't I ever seem to meet these men though!? The kind, vulnerable ones

[@ephraimakoto3657]

They are some of the ones who ghosted you my mom destroyed my self esteem to the extent that I am surprised If a woman finds me attractive.

[@belugabeluga6109]

I found myself in love with this girl who had a terrible breakup two years ago. She explained to me that broke her in many ways. Her ex just disappeared( I will kick his ass when I meet him someday). She had been blind to all the signs that indicated he was never into her. However, she continued and wanted to even marry him. When I told her that I like her and have no intention of ever hurting her in any way. She explained to me that she kinda or maybe likes me too. Her actual words were "I feel drawn to you but not sure why or if this is even right". As a person who went through difficulties in moving on from a break myself. I understand how hard it is to trust someone again especially when you give so much in love. She told me that she needs time to let my presence sink in and will let me know in time. It hurt to hear that but I absolutely support her in this journey. I would still care for her even if she decided that we are not meant for each other. The issue is I try to do things for her. sometimes I do things for her even if I don't have them for myself. It feels good to sacrifice for love and friendship. However, I don't feel appreciated at all. I don't expect her to do the same or say I love you, kiss, or even hold hands in public. She barely calls me in when I am in front of her house or even offers a cup of water. I try to hug her whenever I meet her and whenever we say goodbye because she told me that she likes hugs and it's her love language but even that hug feels like I am pushing her to hug me. Barely even embracing. I feel horrible about myself but I keep telling myself that she has gone through a lot and I need to be patient but lately I feel that perhaps it's time to redirect my energy. I am crying as I am writing this.

[@fordlafemme]

I'm so sorry you are going through that. There is a fine line between someone having been really hurt and insecure, scared to open up, and someone not having the same kind of feelings for you. Based on what you said, it sounds like she isn't reciprocating or appreciating what you're doing, and I would guess it's because you're too available and too secure. She doesn't feel like she needs to open up or do anything more because you are there for her 100% of the time, rewarding exactly how she is behaving (I've been in your shoes). I would suggest backing away about 50% and seeing what happens. If she comes towards you more, she does like you, and she needs to step up herself, if she doesn't question your detachment and makes no effort, unfortunately she isn't wanting to take it further. I really hope you feel better. Unrequited love is one of the most painful experiences ever.

[@humming_wolf4635]

I needed this video for my current relationship..

[@adriankmita]

Really love this video. Thanks! No one likes being overlooked for genuinely being a kind and brave person - especially when that is who they really are. Being rewarded with attention for bad behaviour and observing people being rewarded for bad behaviour doesn’t help that perception either - Directing our limited and precious energy toward people that return the energy and qualities of kindness and bravery is great advice.

[@mackenziehaley456]

Follow kindness and bravery, that really caught my attention. A man recently stood me up one night and then totally ghosted after 5 dates. It really hurt, and I kept asking myself what I did wrong. But listening to this helps me a bit, it helps me see that he wasn’t being kind or brave and I need to redirect my energy like Matthew said, instead of continuing to wonder and stress over it. Thanks Matthew.

[@MaricaIvica]

I so do not understand this.. after 5 dates? Did he later on explain?

[@mackenziehaley456]

@@MaricaIvica nope. Haven’t heard from him since.

[@faizahanif9515]

we should all stop listening to doubts and second thoughts about our potential and really put our authentic self out there. not everyone would approve but the right one surely will.

[@CrystalDatingCoach]

Hello!!!! Third Date DINNER!! Show her your INVESTING!

[@steventoms7940]

Someone can come across as very confident and keen towards a person only to cut loose when you get close because they aren’t over their ex. There’s so many on dating sites in that situation that it begs the question- why are they even on there in the first place

[@kareta24]

Reward kindness and bravery, this was a good one. I’m not great at it but I will improve. With that said, can how can I create that so that it comes from the other side as well, for example what if they aren’t used to being that vulnerable either with the rewarding

[@Wendywolf8]

The reason it brought people together is because you do Matthew, there's such a warm and loving rnergy coming off of you, proud to be in the live life club

[@Regiigii]

This video is so needed. Dating at any age is difficult. Hearing this brought so much light to this topic. Thank you for this video. 🙏🏽✌🏽

[@DanielTheDuncan]

I dont watch much of this guy but when I do its always good

[@womei159753]

This video made me so proud of the person I am today, I am friends with this guy (I have a crush on him but don’t want him to know because he would probably get confused, I don’t want to do that to him). Anyway, I believe I’ve created a space where he feels comfortable to talk to me about most things. I think vulnerability is a strength so I don’t shy away from it.

[@tomdrummy4984]

A woman has to make a guy feel like he matters to her………if she doesn’t, that’s when the insecurities start. It’s like was said before…….it’s how a person makes you feel………not how you feel about a person. Women have a long list of qualities, etc. that a guy need to have and do……….and what do women need to do? Do they have a list of things that they should be doing ? Both people need to put the effort in……..if you are still making it a game, you will lose.

[@carlel121]

😂 and when we do that they disappear 🤨 guys are a waste of time nowadays too much insecurities and BS, I miss manly men

[@helena7794]

@@carlel121 Exactly that, I agree 👍 💯

[@petermulinzi1288]

@@carlel121 i would say most women today are a waste of resources and time

[@Nah-ah]

💯

[@berzerkfury1459]

@@carlel121 manly men answered with a fist. I think women forget that.

[@Didi-fr5ic]

Yes this is a beautifull message ❤ but as a woman number 1 I have to feel attracted to him for me attraction doesn't build overtime and that is unfortunately my downfall 😢 but when you give the guy with bravery attention he might see it as I'm in she likes me and then we are not sure. Dating really is complicated aspecially now a days 😕 I don't mind being single but I think its important to start a friendship first to see about dating in the future but then there really is a chance of being friendzoned. Woman are complicated we really are sometimes I say it to myself but men are the same you guys can act hot and cold, ignore etc even though you like the girl. My point here is love yourself make sure he or she is right for you and men are turning more feminine and woman are becoming more masculine. We have to re learn everything heal from past trauma just incase things don't work out. Woman are givers and men can take us for granted so fast. Thanks for reading and I would love a male and female perpective on my comment..I love learning on KZbin c u all in the comment section xoxo 😘

[@jaythenihilist4689]

*"It's a game that I don't want to play anymore."* Ladies...I have intentionally not told women how pretty I think they are. I have intentionally not told women how much I really like them. I have intentionally not told women how much I care about them. I have intentionally acted indifferent towards women I like. And most importantly, I have intentionally withheld my true emotions from them. My emotions towards them, and just about life in general. I do these things for the same reason that every other guy does. Because that's what works. I don't WANT to be this way. I feel like I HAVE to be this way. Essentially, men behave the way that women tell them to. If you truly want a man to be more open with you, then stop punishing the men who are. And stop rewarding the men who aren't open with you.

[@jaythenihilist4689]

I also forgot to add that I have women that I am just friends with. I don't sleep with them, nor do I want to. I do this so that I can have women in my life that i can just be myself around, and talk to honestly and without fear of judgment.

[@Fdastrup]

Wow. This broke my heart. I didn’t realize women are that terrible. But I’m not like that. Leading with your heart as a woman seems what most men don’t want. I’m sorry you haven’t found women that are safe enough to share your true self.

[@carlel121]

Sad! My last one used to tell me I don’t want to hide my feelings anymore! And then act out and shows uninterested, why! I have never played with people’s feelings that’s not the woman I am

[@Sharon490]

I get so confused by this cuz on the one hand I’m like, I’m closed off cuz when I wasn’t I feel like I kept finding guys that would use my romantic side to just say what I wanted to get into my pants. When they realized my standards were higher than that, they’d bounce. So it makes me afraid to be vulnerable and tell a guy I really like them, cuz I’m worried I’ll be lied to, OR maybe they only liked me because they hadn’t been sure I did. Maybe if I’m available when they are and am excited for them, they don’t get to chase, etc.. but when I’m uninterested and genuinely want a man to be a friend, they want something else… it’s all so confusing 🫠

[@jaythenihilist4689]

@@Fdastrup Thank you for the kind words. I don't think women are terrible. I don't think that most women who are like this are even consciously aware that a man showing too much love or vulnerability is a turn off for them. Hopefully you're right though. Maybe I just haven't met the right one yet.

[@cptpowerpuff]

I literally just broke it off with a girl I’ve been seeing for quite some time, and this is the first video I see. I couldn’t have been more grateful for the clarity that you served me with this. Again thank you. - Musti

[@jameslima7811]

Wow. So many of the same I had. Very relatable. I miss her. I hope she's not suffering and is healing like I am as well.🙏🏼💜

[@myrtofeli7340]

One of the most beautiful videos. It moved me. Playing games like that does not come from loving intentions and definitely has nothing to do with any kind of emotional investment or progress in a relationship. It only hurts the other and breaks their trust. Even if it comes from a place of insecurities, it still comes from selfishness of not wanting to exert honesty and vulnerability and risking to loose that person. Either way you will loose them if you play games , stressing and hurting each other. So you have the best opportunity to see if they are compatible with you when YOU are vulnerable and honest. When you take the risk to loose them.

[@elisemiddleton2660]

Thank you Matthew. This video is very insightful and men should know women are not indifferent. In fact worn have the same insecurities, thoughts, and struggles. There are women that don’t want pay the game, sometimes women just want honest, kind, a sense of humor, and down to earth man.

[@40Bethy]

The ego is a nasty thing that makes us question if we are good enough for anything we need to ignore the ego and trust that we bring good things to a relationship rather then listening to our ego doubts if they don't like us then we need to.move on and continue trying til we find that person who is the right person

[@commutech6989]

One thing for is that when a guy opens up about something, I start to wonder if he tells this to anyone or I'm actually special. I fear that it could sound weird me saying that it means a lot yet it's something he would say to just anyone

[@SolarShadows88]

This was great insight! I just started dating someone and we have been on a total of 3 dates. But I definitely want to start trying the rewarding for kindness and risk. Hopefully it will go well 🙏

[@gersimone1962]

Matthew, this really is a revelation to me. I wish there were men that acted in the way in which you describe here, I personally have never met one. Even when I’ve been in a relationship with someone, I have NEVER witnessed the vulnerability you speak off, not once. I’m away to watch this clip again. I’m rubbish at game playing, I’m honest (in my view showing the real me) which time after time makes men run fir the hills. That’s when my insecurities come out which in turn makes me wary and so the cycle goes on and on and on. Thank you for this valuable insight into the male psyche x

[@waytruthlife3679]

Great video! You explain things so well, it’s truly a gift. Thank you👌😇

[@krissyk354]

I'm so glad you created this video Matthew, because I had met a guy who was putting himself down for various things- height and size (down there) and felt I and or any girl would leave him just for that reason. I had reassured him that any girl who does that isn't the one for him. The right person would be accepting of everything about him. I hope he did hear me out on this because I know how it feels to be rejected for not being enough or not having the ideal preferences someone is looking for. You're not tall enough, skinny enough or don't have the same culture as me, and so on and so on. It's refreshing to hear the other perspective so we are aware of this and create a healthier environment where we can speak openly on our insecurities and work through them together.

[@ephraimakoto3657]

Many men hear this the right women will come but for 50 per cent she never comes. Platitudes do nothing for men, solution's do.

[@sherlockholmes925]

If you're short as a man, it's over.

[@baltasartieskens1032]

Thank you for this video. As a man i recognize in all of the things you are addressing. Good to know that there is a way my vulnerablity can be channeled without the risk of being hurt so much al the time. Kindness and bravery it is! ;) Your content is inspiring. Thanks mate.

[@Наталья-э7е6ж]

So true. I'm shy in a big company. When I see shy guys who try to approach me but can't ask for a date directly I feel irritated. I don't like this my trait and can't stand it in guys.directly

[@cayad2591]

thank you Matthew! for bringing that around the way in which you did. all those responses you got from men could have been from women as well. I'll leave it there. ❤️

[@Sara-ck2vn]

LOVE THIS! I really needed this advice. Thank you Matthew for the lovely person that you are ❤️

[@Lev1232]

My God, this video is spot on! Thank you!

[@Astutli]

I will always remember this "Kindness and Bravery". Thanks Matthew. Stay Blessed. ❤️❤️