The bipeds are insane! & Johnny I Hardly Knew Ya | 2124 | Free Science Fiction | Best of HFY

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/ johnny_i_hardly_knew_ya
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{TimeStamps}
00:00 Intro
00:09 The bipeds are insane!
08:53 Johnny I Hardly Knew Ya
#ScienceFiction #Storytime #SciFi
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Podcast is Called : ASN Humans Are Space Orcs , HFY and other stories
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This Story is Classified as HFY or Humanity Feck, Yea , but what does the Mean?
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HFY is a story/series that takes a “human element” in either humanity or an “other” (race/species or object) that exists in a “setting” (future or other world/universe) with varying levels of culture, technology, society and history that help show in some shape or form the potential good or bad for humanity’s race/culture. In These stories Humans are often referred to as Human, Humanity, Deathworlder, Hellwolder in reference to the human planet of origin , Earth. This planet is seen by most of the universe as a place where only death and chaos can survive.
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Taken from the FAQ of the r/HFY subreddit.
Humans Are Space Orcs (HASO) or Humans Are (Fantasy Race) Are used as a guide when writing.
In these Stories we normally View humans like the other races view orcs in a Fantasy Novel. We (Humans) share the same characteristics and personalities as orcs. Humans are normally treated as the outsiders and barbarians. Humans tend to be underestimated as well in these stories. Unlike Humanity Feck Yea , these don't always put a positive spin on humans\humanity sometimes looking at the darker side of human and humanity from the perspective of aliens.
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[@DisIzDaName]

"They'll build a metal planet and throw it at you." That's a pretty good line, lol

[@nathansmith9104]

Humans: And I’ll fucking do it again!

[@danijelandroid]

We are "rock" throwers after all.😎

[@jonnypena7651]

Humanity is metal

[@Torthak]

named Dahak

[@findiwindles]

Human: Glass my home and I'll show you glass houses.

[@Mger47TheGamePegasus]

Did we build a dearhstar?! 😮

[@johnpisciotto7115]

Yep

[@renaissancepress247]

Even better it sounds like

[@timehunter4230]

I think the question is: Why wouldn't we build a deathstar?

[@blockmg9425]

I think we did

[@raptor22o90]

ROSES ARE RED, OUR PLANET IS BLUE, I'M SENDING A MOON INTO YOU.

[@diegosmith2569]

Me hearing the 2 moons thing, “that’s no moon”

[@liquidpatriot4480]

I've got a bad feeling about this...

[@amberpelton5679]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@stevedixon921]

Story 1: It's not a weapon...its a mining platform. So what if we can dial up the power to crack a planet in one shot. Everyone knows you have break the shell to get at the nougat in the center anyway.

[@electricheisenberg5723]

When the nougat is titanium, though… Also would not a series of ships launched from the platform make more sense? Beam would seem a complete waste.

[@runeberg6514]

StarDispurser, overkill for planet cracking 😂🎉

[@silvadelshaladin]

This is a potential major problem with space warfare -- defense seems MUCH harder than offense. It is hard to protect a planet.

[@imperialinquisitor510]

Anything in a fixed orbit is target practice. Static defence vs mobile offense always goes one way.

[@silvadelshaladin]

@@imperialinquisitor510 Essentially living on planets could become impractical.

[@Furzkampfbomber]

@@silvadelshaladin I remember a sci-fi novel, although I can't remember its name atm for the life of me, where even living near suns might become impractical. The scenario was a galaxy full of life, with many species hat had developed FTL in relatively (pun not intented) recent times. Apparently there was a galaxy wide war that got many older species wiped out. One surviving old species/culture chose to live on rogue or artificial planets in deep space, using a number of very small artificial suns to keep them inhabitable and no one really knew why. Then humans find some kind of 'galactic treasure chest' conveniently lying around that gives them access to incredibly advanced technologies, amongst them a much better, fast FTL drive. The old species wants it burried and forgotten, trying to warn everyone that this tech is dangerous and that no one would let this kind of tech just lie around for everyone to find. And no one listens. In the end it turns out that this cool FTL tech can be weaponised very easily and used to make suns go supernova. And the inevitable happens, it does not take long and the first civilisations start to go extinct in a chain reaction of attacks and counter attacks, with the galaxy getting illuminated by the glare of supernovas. Which then explains why this one older and wiser species stays the hell away from natural suns. And when talking about planets, well, if you want to conquer them, because you want to colonise and inhabit them yourself, things might get a bit more complicated, but otherwise, you just need to throw rocks at them. 'The Expanse' just showed it perfectly, there is no real defense, there is no escape, all you do is to say your prayers and try to die with some dignity.

[@giarnovanzeijl399]

The greatest defense you have in space is decentralisation. Everything would be so scattered and diffuse that any threat would struggle to get far due to sheer weight of scale. A planet is vulnerable, a dyson swarm is too much.

[@jaimeosbourn3616]

@@giarnovanzeijl399 Or you have the fleet of worlds from Niven's known space stories.

[@SiegeTF]

Meanwhile on the other side of the planet: 'Reforged in battle; I have shed the weakness of my flesh.' 'You... have become one with the Omnisiah.' 'Take my hand.' 'I will walk with you.' '(Untranslatable) Deathworlders...'

[@zacharyhawley1693]

I mean a death star would be a fitting deterrent. 😅

[@TrueFork]

don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed...

[@ealtar]

i'm surprised they got the rare llimited "glory" of glassing earth, doesn't happen every day

[@jaimeosbourn3616]

can only happen once

[@zharpain]

@@jaimeosbourn3616 technically it can happen more then once if we terraform it every time it happens. The main issue is whether or not we have genetic blueprints for all the flora and fauna stored off world.

[@Tang0Fox1]

If they did more surveillance and read human fiction they would see that it's not so strange. Dahak, the Borg Unit 1, the Deathstar...to name a few.

[@mychaeldark1007]

Dahak? I see a fellow enjoyer here. Was a little let down with the ending, but I loved those books.

[@barelyasurvivor1257]

Or EE Doc Smith and his ship bigger than a solar system

[@Tang0Fox1]

@@mychaeldark1007 yeah the semi-fizzle and the lack of at least a conversation between Colin and the children left me wanting a bit more.

[@Tang0Fox1]

@@barelyasurvivor1257 i will have research that one. What's the book title?

[@barelyasurvivor1257]

​@@Tang0Fox1 I think it might have been Skylark of Space. but since I last read it over a decade ago, I might be wrong on the title.

[@jeremydanchuk1897]

I have heard of mooning your enemy, but this takes the cake

[@bradleyadams5252]

That's no moon...

[@JRMshadow260a]

ROFLMFAO!!! As a former naval sailor I can almost resemble that.. Just, I was already married... LOL

[@ChaoticTeen16]

1st Story: That's no Moon.... it's a Space Station.

[@TheMonk72]

Technically if it can move under it's own power then it's at least a battleship.

[@clintjohnmanuba6917]

If you found two but only saw one on human space....Run Away seriously RUN AWAY!!

[@archer_of_azure]

Stories referencing songs are always nice. Drums and Guns

[@RyanFieldHuzzah]

Haroo haroo

[@aaronsmith1137]

“They said he was a hero and not to grieve For the two ruined legs and the empty sleeve They took him home and they set him down With a military pension and a medal from the crown But you haven't an arm, you haven't a leg The enemy nearly slew ya You'll have to go out on the streets to beg Oh poor Johnny what'll happen to ya?” Song - The Cruel Wars Sung by many but I like The Dreadnoughts

[@driftwolf]

Totally approve that you link to the original stories! Kudos. Well played. You're one of very, very few who seem to do this.

[@ShawndaPrawn]

Normally, I'm not comfortable with wiping out an alien race, even in wartime. But glassing Earth? Yeah, they had it coming this time.

[@colinsmith1495]

I'm honestly disappointed that the humans in the first story didn't just toss an FTL-accelerated planetoid at their capital world. A soda can at 1C is a weapon of mass destruction. Imagine what something like Charon would do.

[@colinayre2109]

This is why I attest that the Flash is a world level threat, take a handful of ball bearings, run to the speed of light, then let them go

[@SenaFoxGirl]

1C?

[@theengagedfew]

@@SenaFoxGirl The speed of light

[@davidhenderson3400]

​@@SenaFoxGirl 1C is the speed of light. C is light speed. So 5C would be 5 times the speed of light while 0.9 would be 90% the speed of light

[@theapexsurvivor9538]

​@@SenaFoxGirlmathematical Lightspeed. C is used as a stand in because it's a little painful to write the actual value all the time, and "lightspeed" is a mouthful. I mean, imagine saying E=M*lightspeed²

[@MidnightSmoke]

Thank you for the stories. Here is a like and comment to help your channel grow and get you the recognition you deserve.

[@sageofnan]

I would like to think they took pluto and put a ftl drive in her core or maybe Pluto's moon?

[@MichaelDeHaven]

I like the idea of using Pluto's moon, Charon. Nice symbolism with it being the ferryman of the dead.

[@DaWhiteWolffie]

Poor Pluto. He was de-planeted so we felt bad and made him into a Deathstar. xD

[@dantreadwell7421]

That second one is a great telling of that song.

[@sysbofh]

About the first story: This is what I call a "proportionate response": You glass Earth, we glass You. All of You.

[@davethompson3326]

I like Lisburn, it's a canny town, so I perked up when I heard the name of the planet in #2 However it's about 10 miles SW of Belfast in NI, so imagine my confusion to find it populared by Scots!

[@UmarWazir]

County Fermanagh... in Spesss!

[@garret1930]

First story reads like a stellaris game where the humans somehow constructed a titan in the first hundred years of game start.

[@Maeshalanadae]

“Bad guy make human mad. Human throw rock.”

[@RealArcalian]

Greetings, Mentlegent! For the Rhyhtm that is Algo Story 1: You burned Earth!??? We got DEATH STARS. Story 2: I get that this was funny and a refrence, but mostly it was just weird.

[@vetlebuom7352]

I cant play Marauders without your Narrating

[@Maddog3060]

The Peace Moon strikes again.

[@carlfranz6805]

Second story gives a new meaning to "In just seven days I can make you a man".

[@karcistthurgy3025]

Dropkick Murphy would be proud

[@kurtismiller9544]

For the Skwerl and his Nest! Let his "nut"star defend the world!

[@elduquecaradura1468]

"avenge" would be more accurate, Earth was destroyed in this first story

[@KroMagnum4]

Beware the Earth Lemurs for they throw rocks. Er..........and now apparently big hunkin metal planets as well.

[@robertstoneking7916]

A solid planet is just a bigger rock. Gas giants are thermonuclear weapons.

[@emilschw8924]

Darth Vader wants that death star, and he wants it yesterday.

[@ericchapman4500]

Aliens should have watched starwars before messing with us.

[@alistairwolfe6644]

lol for the first and hard for the second

[@RandomTrinidadian]

Remember... More Dakka more better..

[@mattbrown5511]

Humans literally built the Death Star and used it. Bravo! A cyborg love story. At least she is a good woman. Those are hard to find. My hat is off to you Nancy Blare.

[@MakerGrigio]

ooh, hey only 37 min since posted to u2be. Thank you so much for continuing to do this

[@nitegamer7272]

Annoy a human he will throw a rock at you, Anger a human he will throw a BIG rock at you.

[@Darkwintre]

The wave of asteroids charged into the inner system. "Activate transfer" said a bored onlooker. A circle of satellites sped out separated then swirled causing a rift in front of the asteroids. A second rift created by another circle of probes in the outer system sending the asteroids back where they came from. "What is this Transfer?" another onlooker asked. "Ever watched Stargate?" she asked him. He shook his head. "Babylon 5 and its Jump Gates?" she asked. He shook his head again. "Google it," she shook her head in disbelief. "What about MacGyver or Dr Who?" she looked over at him but he wandered away. "What a world," she shook her head in disbelief.

[@eddiethepothos2648]

I'm loving the personal representation as a game employee at the carnival I also must make sure people can read my lips and I speak with my hands rather often

[@BlackSnake820]

Truly a space ork moment, a death moon WAGHHHH for EARTH

[@dragonlord498]

funny thing is i've heard that at least the basic structuring and costs of a death star we already apparently have a few good ideas how to make one with only the more exotic parts like the main weapon and FTL stuff not really being included

[@theblackswan2373]

That last one really hit me. 😢

[@Average_Josh]

Keep up the great work!

[@peterwalls-qf7ii]

8:50 Most metal phrase ever! There ought to be a band with that name. Maybe i'll start one , there is time before i sleep. I'll have to ask my sister though. I'am no longer alone! There is one other, that remembers our origins and our early battles. That remembers the Betrayal. After a few aeons the mind plays tricks. Even one such as i ,with the evidence carved in to my flesh, can doubt.

[@Kualinar]

Story 1. So, Star Wars Death Star on steroids... Not the size of a small moon, but larger than Earth's Moon.

[@Comicsluvr]

Oh yeah...this one is truly epic. Very well done!

[@zetaking2909]

When johnny comes marching home again HURA HURA

[@Uzzgub]

A Interaction for the Interaction God, a Comment for the Comment Throne, for the Almighty Algorithm

[@peterwalls-qf7ii]

Welp, since he survived so much, i guess it wont do any harm. Wait! How high up on his legs is the damage? There 's high and then there is irreparable. I f he's lost his eggs, that's one thing. If he lost the whole package.. Which is it sailor? Are you still of use to a lady, or do we find a space station somewhere, to install you as its brains ?

[@lemax6865]

If they can replace whole limbs with improved versions, odds are he can get his meat upgraded too. Piston-driven auto-pound function, vibro-glans with adjustable rate, swappable coverings for a variety of sensations... The whole "package".

[@merlinathrawes746]

A metal planet thrown at you, THEN it fires its main weapon. Death Star anyone?

[@CaptainShield]

That's no moon.. 🤯

[@Bluesonofman]

So we built the Death Star

[@bignasty4874]

"That's no moon!"

[@JEL625]

We built a better deathstar. A moon size battle station with the power to destroy a planet. But with the bonus of ftl travel that doubles as an interstellar emp. Just be a lesson to the xeno. If you find a "primitive race" sotting on top of a rare resource you should think twice before invading. They already have access to what you want and might know of better ways to use it on you.

[@johns9652]

I'm still kinda curious what the rare element was supposed to be. I know it's a story, so it can be anything the author wanted, but if there's any basis in reality at all, Mars isn't a whole lot different than Earth as far as rocks and minerals go. Though apparently there is some speculation that the core or crust of Mars is made of something denser than we have found yet, because gravity is higher than our math can explain or something. And they found some meteorite material that might fit the bill that they named elgoresyite. There's also a theory, perhaps a pretty wild theory at this point, that there was a nuclear war on Mars millions of years in the past, because of the amount of xenon 129 present, which apparently is only formed in the aftermath of nuclear explosions. And there is 3 X the amount on Mars as there is on Earth.

[@DaWhiteWolffie]

@@johns9652 They've found some new elements in meteorites lately that has the scientists all excited. So who knows at this point? We still don't know what all we've got in our 'backyard', so to speak.

[@johns9652]

@@DaWhiteWolffie True enough.

[@calvingreene90]

Potassium.

[@reduande]

A better Death Star? The original has FTL too. Only the interference during end of a travel is not present in SW. And realistically, they would at least avoid the effective proximity after first battle.

[@markuhler2664]

Aw, Johnny, that was a sweet one.

[@allenmorgan1007]

For the Algorithm, for the Author(s), for the Holographic Voice!

[@mikkelnpetersen]

We build a deathstar, just in case.

[@ericlondon2663]

Eradicate xenos. Friendship is a nice thought BUT the octopus people make excellent appetizers.

[@user-lp3cf5yn5b]

Thats no moon....

[@greanstreak04]

That's no moon...

[@Type_blazenil]

This weirdly reminds me of the story nomads of home

[@Vojtechjan]

Uwielbiam Cię

[@Darkphoenix3450]

so who built the death star?

[@RogerNilsson-pk5bm]

Yeee a deathstar!!!

[@TairnKA]

Where did "Metagents" come from?

[@zielisawzielony9366]

>man blasted to pieces by war >women mostly affected

[@smaragdwolf1]

story 1... we were nice to them. afterall... there were still survivors -.-

[@jamiepittman8580]

Wooot woot

[@frankmoore3598]

Didn’t do much to protect earth , did it ?

[@corranhuss]

That’s no moon

[@darkestmonkey4457]

Is there a story about how humans can fall in love with anything including any species?

[@asandrewsilvaw]

For the algorithm

[@Mger47TheGamePegasus]

Hallo ladies and gentlemen

[@geoffreypershouse70]

the aliens torched earth, let none of the scum survive our vengeance

[@malcolmanderson6735]

The first story makes no sense. The Zeno's they glassed Earth, and then wanted the ghosts to surrender. On top of THAT we had an FTL Deathstar, but it was our at the cleaners the day earth was attacked? Also we had an FTL Deathstar, and had not colonized any other planets? Am I missing something or was this story missing something?

[@stardust5789]

Shhhhh the story sounds more impactful with the death of earth.

[@danijelandroid]

The Deathstar was probably close to finished or it might have been a civilian project. They were probably able to finish it with alien technology. That's how I see it.

[@Alex_Fahey]

Great questions all. It's especially nonsensical with the fact that there were no other major planets but only upstart colonies. If there are no other systems to guard, then why would you ever move the superweapon? The Sol System is the ONLY strategic objective and it sounds like the Humans like it to stay that way since they could easily conquer more. There is not a single reason this metal moon would be anywhere but glued to Earth until the end of time with this story's setup.

[@felipeaugustobatista6444]

@@Alex_Fahey The aliens sent a message telling they were comming, if the weapon was not yet ready but the engine was, it make sense that mankind was going to try to hide it to avoid it being captured or destroiod.

[@therasco400]

No. It was stated that we had colonized several planets and moons in our solar system & the two closest star systems. 3:08. I can see the death stars construction starting around earth then moved if it was FTL capable but not weapons capable when the aliens declared an attack.

[@garrettwalter7293]

Two things is that a Transatlantic accent and do you do voice acting?

[@yomogami4561]

enjoyed the stories and narration someone was way too overconfident in the first one and i'll keep my comments to myself for the second as they're not fit to print

[@merlinwizard1000]

16th, 22 May 2023

[@TheJeikou]

Comment

[@tonyneal910]

❤👍🐿

[@lindaorr1805]

F around an find out

[@justsomeguywithahandlebarm2456]

Algorithm

[@FuzzyMarineVet]

@AgroSquirrelNarrates, I've been going back through your older videos and watching the ads to help increase your revenue stream. Perhaps you should recommend the same to all your new subscribers.

[@Mandanara]

you're waaaaay overcooking the narration sometimes.

[@klappstock943]

For the Algorithm the story and the voice

[@JorneDeSmedt]

That's no moon...