The BPD Bunch S3E8: BPD & Validation Seeking

[@polyphonic_peanut]

As someone with NPD, I am gaining so much from watching this channel. Hats off to Xannie for setting this up so brilliantly. The topics are so well thought out and the discussions are so interesting. The editing is also really good. The discussions relate to NPD in many respects because the two disorders overlap in various respects. I am in recovery from NPD, working on myself everyday. These videos are helping me understand my own thoughts, feelings and behaviours, as well as giving me some tips on how to manage my symptoms. Thank you for creating and continuing this channel, which is helping and surely others no end.

[@lydiajo7010]

Thank you for the work y’all do- it’s so refreshing to be audience to these conversations!

[@LaceyMediaProductions]

I was bullied a lot throughout my childhood. I was the "chubby" kid and the "weird" kid. There's an entire TedTalk that leads up to this "memory" - but I'm going to just skip to the important part. My friends convinced me to do cheerleading in 9th grade because I had already been in gymnastics and could tumble, so I was pretty much guaranteed a spot. I did make the team, and it turned out I was the ONLY one who could tumble on the squad. (freshman only squad). At our first pep rally, we all got individually introduced in front of the whole school. I was the last one to go and I was already super anxious because I was the only "chubby" girl on the squad, I could just imagine people not clapping or booing even. But because I was the ONLY one who could do a back handspring, a very basic skill for a gymnast, you would have thought I had just scored a touchdown in the Superbowl. Not only did they clap, but the entire gym exploded with cheers. Even the football team was jumping up and down - I fought back tears through our entire performance because I was overcome with emotion in that moment. It was singularly the happiest memory I have. I had never felt so accepted and validated in my life... and I have been chasing that dopamine dragon ever since. It made me believe I had to be special or be able to do something others couldn't to be loved and accepted - and if I wasn't special in some way, no one would like me. I still fight this all the time.

[@alphadog3384]

Wait l'm proud of everyone on this panel for speaking up.

[@KorlatWitch]

While I don't have BPD I do have CPTSD, and since I found your channel yesterday have been helped so, so much by your beautiful and vulnerable and brave discussions

[@thebpdbunch]

You’re so welcome!!!

[@curiosophy4241]

Thank u for having this channel, gives me HOPE and no villification for us with BPD.

[@gabysblog6582]

I relate so much to crumbling under negative feedback, even constructive feedback. Like you said, I tie my worth to that. I am working on that in therapy

[@user-no2mz9hl4f]

Good for you! It takes a lot of strength to work on things like that.

[@chrisfallon7124]

@ 15:34 this is where all of your problems, Stem from ! Everyones Problems !

[@Danthemanstone84]

This is a great video everyone. I always think one of the most difficult aspects of dealing with my BPD is that cognitively and emotively speaking the feelings I have are valid and intrinsically human, yet the issue arises from the healthy baseline at which I should feel them, and then sometimes I ignore dealing with them because they are too painful. When I try to explain this to people who don’t suffer with BPD, I analogise it in the way that my reaction to a perceived slight or fear of abandonment gives me the feeling as how someone might react to being in threat of their life ending. Not always but sometimes. And I need external influences to validate that, and whilst I know rationally that is unhealthy, my emotions take over. I’m really happy I’ve come across this channel btw. It takes bravery and courage to be open and honest in such a public way, and you guys do this in such a normalised, structured and happy way 😊❤

[@Shellbelle02]

Thank you for your support! You described that feeling so well! Great user name, BTW!

[@Danthemanstone84]

@@Shellbelle02 thanks I appreciate it. I make contact about feminism on my channel. My name is Dan btw 😊👍

[@elizabethbeasley9279]

This video was so helpful. I have struggled with a lot of internalized stigma around my BPD and the videos you all make really makes a difference. Thank you Xannie and crew💗

[@user-no2mz9hl4f]

I think that it’s not unusual for validation seeking to arise from the conflict between what one is experiencing and others’ perception/feedback on that experience. For instance, if I hurt myself and relayed that to someone else, and that person said, “You’re fine - why are you complaining?” I’d want to seek validation that I was indeed experiencing pain, because otherwise, I’d feel like was going crazy. I’d worry that my perception of reality was warped, and doubt my experiences, which would likely lead to further validation seeking.

[@suzannaleiper5101]

100% this is me, I need validation that everyone else is experiencing what I’m seeing and also validation from someone that they would feel the same way I do if in my situation. When that doesn’t happen I just exhaust myself with trying to make them understand and then feel invalidated

[@DaWittyWombat]

My wife has BPD and I stumbled upon this vid as I am trying to coup with the struggles as well. The comment about the well that that has a leak that is never full hit home. I once described to my wife the feeling that her love tank is constantly growing or leaking while I am pouring mine to empty trying to keep her happy and validate her feelings.

[@purplefinch29]

This is an awesome video. I love what Solene said about validating the need for validation and then reassessing. That's what I've been doing. It is a human need

[@laurenerose.musics]

Powerful

[@anntaylor6736]

Amazing video, thank you all for sharing. I know someone who will majorly benefit from this knowledge and experience. Sending you all positive vibes and love❤. You all are so amazing ❤❤❤

[@thebpdbunch]

Thank you!!!

[@renus6015]

Very useful and informative...

[@ericadarby3622]

It's hard to not confuse validation with reassurance and wow she just said that as I'm typing haha. Its hard to be a "borderline" and then finding that safe spot to draw your border where you know where your own boundary is ugh

[@whitnit4148]

I'm curious if it's possible for a PwBPD to idealize work due to the amount of validation it can provide,potentially workaholism, and devalue the loved ones for trying to hold them accountable or for giving constructive feedback? I guess can Validation seeking lead to a splitting episode?

[@thebpdbunch]

Sounds like a feasible situation. Although I do think that a similar dynamic would be observed in anyone who is a workaholic. There’s a reason a lot of people who overwork themselves have really difficult or nonexistent, private relationships.

[@Blinkybottom]

Would definitely love to be a guest, I done my own podcast for a few years before moving away from social media to see wgat life was like away from mental health issues.

[@kuolevainen]

12:15

[@alphadog3384]

I had a substitute m.d. for a visit, boy did this individual distort my phasing of words in his summary, every word that l said was out of context