The Confederacy Gets Drunk - SOUTH PARK

Just as the Confederates are ready to head back, Cartman calls in another load of schnapps. They get drunk again and decide to keep fighting.
"The Red Badge of Gayness" S03
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EXT. CONFEDERATE CAMP - MORNING
The camp looks like the morning after a party. Everyone
slowly starts to wake up. Others are already up, moaning and
holding their heads.
CONFEDERATES
(Moaning)
Oohhh...
Stan's dad walks out of his tent holding his head.
STAN'S FATHER
Oh, my head...
KYLE'S FATHER
Where am I?
JIMBO
Ned, I think I can say without any doubt,
that that was the LONGEST drinking binge
we've ever had.
NED
Ooh. Oh my head. Oh.
MR. GARRISON
Oh no, I'm supposed to be at work today!
KENNY'S FATHER
Me too.
JIMBO
Well, come on everybody, we've got to get
to the nearest bus station quick.
Everyone grabs their things and starts walking away.
CARTMAN
Where are you going?!
JIMBO
We're going home, kid. Come on.
CARTMAN
We can't go home! We have to take Fort
Sumter!!
STAN'S FATHER
The only thing we've gotta do is get home
before our wives leave us!
Cartman can do nothing as his entire army deserts him.
CARTMAN
NO! What about the Confederacy! What
about freedom?!
Stan and Kyle walk up to Cartman.
STAN
HA HA! You LOSE fat ass!
CARTMAN
God... I hate... HATE you guys.
KYLE
Yeah, but you know, I think you've
learned something today. You've learned
that you can't rewrite history... You
see, history-
As Kyle speaks, Cartman looks to his left and sees a
telephone.
KYLE (CONT'D)
-is forever. And everything happens for a
reason-
Cartman looks from the phone to the empty box of S'more
Schnapps.
KYLE (CONT'D)
Sure, you can try to change the past, but
usually-
Cartman walks away.
STAN
Where are you going?
CARTMAN
This isn't over. Oh no. Oh no, not by a
long shot.
EXT. TENNESSEE - DAY
The hung-over, tired Confederates are walking in a large
field.
STAN'S FATHER
Ooh, I don't believe we came all the way
out here.
JIMBO
Yeah, well, I don't think the bus
station is too far from here.
KENNY'S FATHER
How much you think a bus ticket back to
Colorado is gonna run?
EXT. TENNESSEE - DAY
The hung-over, tired Confederates are walking in a large
field.
STAN'S FATHER
Ooh, I can't believe we came all the way
out here.
JIMBO
Yeah, well, I don't think the bus
station is too far from here.
KENNY'S FATHER
How much you think a bus ticket back to
Colorado is gonna run?
Suddenly, a bunch of trucks and vans with 'Jaegarmenz S'more
Schnapps' decals pull up and slam on their brakes.
Immediately, loader guys in blue jumpsuits jump out and start
unloading boxes from the trucks and vans.
SUZZETTE, a very busty and beautiful St. Paulie type girl,
holding Schnapps in each hand walks up.
SUZZETTE
Allo! I am Suzzette the S'more Schnapps
girl!!
Cartman jumps out of one of the truck's passenger seats.
SUZZETTE (CONT'D)
We are pleased to sponsor you with all
the S'more Schnapps you need!
STAN'S FATHER
Ooh, I can't drink any more of that
stuff.
KYLE'S DAD
Me neither.
Cartman steps up.
CARTMAN
Oh come on guys, just one little drink. A
toast, to how far we came and all that
you saw.
SUZZETTE
Yes, please. Do shots out of my breasts.
JIMBO
Well I guess one little cheers is in
order...
FLIP CUT TO:
SAME LOCATION - LATER
The Confederates are all drunk again, hootin' and hollerin'
it up. Some puking, some dancing.
JIMBO
Hey look! Ned's doing his trick again!
Ned walks around with a lamp shade on his head.
MR. GARRISON
Hey guys, let's all play a game of grab
ass!
KYLE'S DAD
What's grab ass?
MR. GARRISON
We just run around in circles and try to
grab each other's asses!
STAN'S FATHER
Hey, that sounds fun!
The men all start running around in circles trying to grab
each other's asses. Cartman steps into the foreground with
his arms behind his back.
CARTMAN
Gentlemen!
The men all stop and look at Cartman.
CARTMAN (CONT'D)
I hate to break up the party, but I do
believe we have a FORT TO TAKE!!!
JIMBO
You heard the General!!
CONFEDERATES
YEAH!!!!
The Confederates all charge out of frame.
From a distance, Stan and Kyle watch with grandpa.
STAN
Oh no...
KYLE
We'll never stop them now!

[@southpark]

Watch full episodes of South Park: cart.mn/episodes

[@amaniwhite9622]

Taken from the episode: The red badge of gayness (1999) From season 3 of south park (1997-present) This episode originally aired on November 24th 1999, in this episode, The boys participate in the South Park Civil war reeanactment! to win a bet, Cartman convinces the reeanctors to try and alter history and leads them throughout the United States! The epiosde's name is a reference to the war novel The red badge of Courage And paradies ken burns documentary miniseries The civil war and the 1993 Gettyburg!

[@amaniwhite9622]

South Park (1997-present) A comedy central original series that's been going strong since 1997.

[@amaniwhite9622]

I repeat, South Park (1997-present) A comedy central original series that's been going strong on Comedy Central since 1997.

[@aaronlucena2255]

Season 24 of South Park will come

[@mrcrab7258]

@@aaronlucena2255 eventually I have a habit of watching an entire season in one day then I have to wait a year for the next

[@The0mega79]

Only Cartman could turn a civil war re-enactment into a real civil war (part 2).

[@majakmajak7596]

And for just one bet.

[@supermarioreid]

The Re-Civil War of America (1999-2003

[@KnightsSportsLeader]

and convince the confederates to win.

[@whoever7197]

Yeah i Can 😈

[@Oggre]

Kenny's father answering : "Me too" while he does not have a job actually, killed me🤣🤣🤣

[@MAN-xs2lq]

Certainly you didn't get the joke

[@xLatinAssazzin]

so if the south were actually smart they could have done this and won

[@tommyaldridge5252]

He works at a pizza restaurant

[@wojakszwejk2137]

They took his job

[@FigureFarter]

@@wojakszwejk2137They took his jerb

[@mhxistenz]

“As we fight our way northward into the great unknown, only that one thing remains certain: that I hate you guys with every tired muscle in my Confederate bodah.” 🤣🤣🤣 Top 10 favorite scene!

[@maxkharpovitski6399]

I hate you guys so very, very much..

[@creekandseminole]

Trey Parker admitted that this episode inspired him to start changing Cartman's voice to make it sound more southern like how he is here

[@Mrmich5371]

So?

[@scottanos9981]

LOL this neckbeard

[@maybachyard]

Just like the Confederatahs...

[@newsupermariobrosely7940]

@@Mrmich5371 shut up

[@sonnycrockett9900]

What?

[@faylure9985]

Cartman is a true general, he waited for the exact moment to deliver that well planed interruption.

[@TheComedyColosseum]

This is one of the most underrated episodes in the whole South Park archive.

[@robertmoore6149]

As a former Confederate Civil War reenactor, i can confirm the authenticity of this episode.

[@nilsbachellery6939]

Why did you leave the hobby ?

[@robertmoore6149]

@@nilsbachellery6939 Being 15 yrs old at the time, starting on my own from scratch was out of my price range.

[@nilsbachellery6939]

@@robertmoore6149 i can relate, i had to go slowly piece by pièce back then

[@mkultra2456]

@@robertmoore6149 Did you get drunk as fuck?

[@robertmoore6149]

@@mkultra2456 I stayed away from alcohol (at the time). But i was probably one of only a few in the entire unit that didnt. Most guys (no females reenacting battles, only for lack of interest, some wives/gfs back in camp) drank pretty heavy until about midnight then woke up a little after dawn.

[@ComicalRealm]

For tha Confidiruh-saw!

[@JimmyBergman7]

Jesus is God and only way to heaven and escape eternal hellfire

[@blahbleh5671]

@Jimmy Burger nononono you got it all wrong, Allah is your true lord and Mohammad is his messenger! Repent now and perhaps you'll be spared hellfire!

[@simonpeter5032]

@Nǭrds why should I care, I'm a fuckin monkey! *flings shit*

[@ev-zi4jh]

@Blah Bleh @Jimmy Bergman you're both irrelevant. monke is god return to monke

[@yelloweyeball]

"THA CONFEDERASAH!!!"

[@amanpretbasuita2725]

After 24 years, still my favourite episode, mostly because of the Cartman letters.

[@Pacific-qu7en]

Dear Mrs.McCormick

[@Brisk_Deer]

Moral of the story: don’t binge drink while camping

[@glennllewellyn7369]

You don’t camp much do you?

[@hoagielamp6543]

@@glennllewellyn7369 You'd have to plan your binge drinking in advance, being blacked out for a week with no nearby recovery liquids you'd be fucked.

[@jamesr2389]

That’s what the rivers and lakes are for. Burn the crap and your good to go

[@glennllewellyn7369]

Hydrate yourself first!

[@jn71000486]

Or binge drinking while camping will lead to great achievements.

[@nilsbachellery6939]

the key to have a big and disciplined reenactments group is to make them drink ... as a reenactor this is accurate ^^

[@jonathanallard2128]

I can totally believe that.

[@fabioartoscassone9305]

mister nils: i retch on my knees too many times...

[@punkrock1989]

Reenactments are for friendless grownups.

[@nilsbachellery6939]

@@fabioartoscassone9305 ?

[@fabioartoscassone9305]

@@nilsbachellery6939 for too many ale...

[@johnroby6524]

Kenny's dad saying he is supposed to be at work even though he's always unemployed.

[@connorfortune8483]

that may just be a low key joke

[@supermarioreid]

Today mark's the 160th Anniversary of the Civil War.

[@christopherfreitas-leonard7099]

Oh so they upload this video for the occasion.

[@billytruong8917]

0:29 the only thing we’ve got to do is to get home before our wives leave us

[@blaketindle4703]

Of course Garrison would be the one to want to play grab-ass lol

[@owenlyons.]

Cartman makes a great leader.

[@freshgum1765]

The 1 dislike is from cartman

[@ErosFabbriGk2026]

That’s me

[@savanne8962]

season 3 was such a great season

[@almightynarco]

Unpopular opinion

[@JimmyBergman7]

Jesus is God 🦁

[@cookiesontoast9981]

I love season 1-10 in particular, loads of fantastic episodes.

[@gilbertmunch2432]

First episode from season 3 is also great Rainforest shmainforest

[@VictorNelvanaShows]

@@almightynarco never judge animation by its cover

[@AbbaZabbaOlyFrn]

Man, I cannot remember the last time I got drunk and played grab ass with my buddies... oh, I don't remember because I was drunk!

[@Cartman4wesome]

0:34 “what about the confedarasah! What about freedom!” lol i don’t think those two sentences make sense together

[@doraemon402]

Well, for people whose will was to own slaves, yes.

[@Heisenberg4188]

Then you don't know history dumbass

[@sabreejohnson1551]

Ha, dude, this was one of my funniest episodes of season 3! Cartman tried to create a civil war and damn he was a pretty good leader!😂😂😂👍✌🔥🔥

[@big15johnson]

Who doesn't enjoy a good 'ole game of Grab Ass?!

[@strawbo0ries]

Haha I remember this, this episode made me laugh the most

[@BA99253]

This ones a classic 😂

[@roriemoti3384]

Yes, I member anybody member as well.

[@redpillsatori3020]

@@roriemoti3384 .. oh I ‘member! 🍇

[@nappyk96]

0:38 that "god I hate you guys" kills me every time.

[@walmartpole2960]

I had a Jack Daniel’s ad before this lol

[@rozza2117]

"Hey let's play a game of grab ass!" 😂

[@clintstewart5545]

One of my favourite episodes so funny !!! Eric Cartman Lee !!!

[@jamiebullock2023]

Classic South Park at it’s best!

[@durableproductions]

I loved early South Park

[@jess8120]

Four seconds ago

[@JimmyBergman7]

@@jess8120 Jesus is God and only way to heaven and escape eternal hellfire

[@Alex.R.L]

The south won't rise again. This is one of my favorite episodes.

[@awesomegirl877]

They’re just taking orders from a freaking 4th grader!

[@MayoFilms83]

4th grader that never grew up lol.

[@timmmahhhh]

Schnapps makes it possible.

[@seymourmaupin6395]

ABC, NBC, CBS do it why can't they?

[@fleeex1954]

This is by far one of the best episode i have ever seen :D

[@Richterdgf]

I LOVE Cartman's fake southern accent in this episode. "What about the ConfederaSAH?" 😂😂😂

[@simonnachreiner8380]

I’ve taken part in a reenactment of the Alamo on the Mexican side and the only memory I have was of the first shot…

[@jonathanallard2128]

When you forget you should be firing BLANKS and you killed a man for real but it'ss ok because the whole line fired and everyone thinks he's faking it. "Woah dude check out this dude he brought some realistic fake blood!....and it's...pouring through his eyes....wait a minute!"

[@batuhanaydn6201]

This is one of my fav episodes in entire SP

[@PennTankerGuy]

Wow, Cartman organized the Confederate troops just like in real life!

[@chinaman1]

Member when there's always a lesson to be learned at the end of a Southpark episode? I member...

[@HPPalmtopTube]

Yup, and member when kenny always used to die in every episode just because he "was poor" :) LOL

[@gabylopes2215]

South Park is the best series ever 💜

[@JonOroMusic]

Stewart McCormick asking the price of a bus ticket. Haha

[@AngryJT]

Still one of the best episodes by far.

[@nilsbachellery6939]

one of the best episodes by a long shot and i'm not een a southerner nor american

[@trinity3422]

Even Cartman knew the importance of keeping soldiers intoxicated

[@markskonecki2050]

These early episodes are the best! I remember I was 27 when south park first aired, I was like what the f**k is this now! All It took though was that first episode and I was hooked and have seen almost everyone since but the first 6 seasons are the best!!!

[@SpammytheHedgehog]

One of the funniest episodes

[@MSMNBC]

I got nine seasons for $45 at a disk resell store. Long live cheap seasons; they will always have a place in my DVD collection.

[@UnnamedHero0922]

That schnapps was 75.5% alcohol. How could it possibly have flavor of S'mores?

[@jasonbender2459]

even with 95% alcohol when with 3.5% chocolate flavoring and .5% vanilla extract and ginger extract it would be a perfect smore...

[@mho...]

WOW seeing these ooold episodes in crisp HD is crazy xD

[@redstreak9430]

Just came here to see the moment Cartman’s voice changed

[@jess8120]

I LOVE SOUTH PARK

[@rxnniexox]

SAME ITS FUCKING GREAT :D

[@MAN-xs2lq]

Yeah It's pretty inspiring

[@johnstjohn1987]

Cartman could literally rewrite history

[@SparemintThe93rd]

I remember this episode like the back of my hand.

[@malcolmdeare9338]

Classic south park.. need more of this in the new seasons..

[@mRahman92]

The power of liquor.

[@michaeldepinto3562]

One of my Favorite Episodes

[@phillipbonner5215]

Oh no we'll never stop them now. 😂😂😂

[@michaelpryor78]

Kenny's dad fretting about the price of a bus ticket

[@nofuchsgiven]

My favorite Cartman persona imo

[@happyninjafighter2]

You stated a fact.

[@Notpoop906]

one of my favorite episodes

[@cihloun]

not the schnapps

[@BigKogaDragonBossMan]

Hyah! (Roundhouse Kick)😠

[@SchmuckMartin]

that was a great episode

[@Astrodavv]

This isn’t over ..oh no,oh no not by a long shot 😂😂

[@TheScrowlingFender7]

Gregg Abbot: Write that down! Write that down!

[@Longshanks1690]

I mean, if anyone was gonna lead the Confederacy to a state of total victory over a surrendering north, it would be Cartman just to win a bet with Stan and Kyle.

[@Dark_Side213]

Randy! 🤣

[@rafaelvilla4002]

Cartman try to change history, good luck with that

[@sjg1829]

The way they used to run lmao

[@Preciouspink]

In the Generals letter..”I hate you guys so very much”ya ya

[@Fredfredbug4]

One of the top 10 episodes for sure

[@grokeffer6226]

This was a long time before Randy had Tegridy. He's got better sense now than he used to. Sort of.

[@manoftruth0935]

He’s never had Tegridy. He’s always been a loser.

[@grokeffer6226]

@@manoftruth0935 M'kay, yeah, whatever.

[@samjackson9394]

I just saw a KZbin ad for S'mores flavored whiskey....so....

[@davidodonovan1699]

"What about freedom." 😆

[@simonpeter5032]

Now I want some s'mores schnapps

[@adrianvansin]

Eric Cartman looks like President Snow from The Hunger Games

[@kennethbrown2358]

All I learned from this is that confederates can hold their liquor and not get alcohol poisoning lmfao

[@gunz300]

I bet smores schnapps would be pretty good.

[@youdontseemeyourjustseeing1230]

"you heard the general"

[@alfredlear4141]

Butterscotch schnapps with ice and milk 🥛 😋

[@jaysonlee4394]

Guiness floats are good too..add a lil chocolate sauce..and carmel..

[@alexishart364]

Imagine Cartman gets a time machine trying to rewrite history and his plan backfired turning everyone against him. 👍

[@majkelcisewski2863]

All Hail General Cartman Lee

[@SJam491]

I'm sure that Martin Sheen got a big laugh out of this episode.

[@Corydakat]

yes the drinking causes stupidity xD

[@superdaveozy7863]

I wonder if Smores flavored Schnaps exists.

[@sneakylittlebee1]

is here seriously giving a speech right now

[@AZNXXXful14]

Anyone else just laughing their ass off?

[@JB-gt5no]

I was a store and I overheard a conversation with a lady who sounded exactly like that. She was from Denmark. It’s spot on.

[@vexxama]

Give cartman enough alcohol and booze, he’d take the world

[@mrcrab7258]

damn I thought this was a new episode

[@raymondhhsu]

I can’t imagine drinking that much of anything 151 proof straight, especially while hungover

[@beybladesinmyheels1267]

Which episode was this?

[@landysmith8855]

This yuer, ahve decided to faight for the gloureus Sauth!

[@DangerousMoonwalkerOfficial]

This is why if I did a civil war reenactment I’d join the south

[@zacharyrollick6169]

If only the CSA had signed a treaty with Denmark.

[@gonzalor.r.5635]

This was published in my birthday

[@huihui7277]

Hard to believe now he is a rabbi

[@tintinsupz1864]

shut up kyle 🤣

[@ld1238]

What's funny is General Stuart took his calvary to get drunk in Maryland which was a huge factor in losing the war..

[@ffarkasm]

0:19 haha Stuart is actually unemployed.