The Cool Girl Trope, Explained

[@thetake]

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[@orangeface4759]

Hey The Take - Could you do a video on gay male and female stereotypes in movies and how harmful they can be?

[@lkhdz3578]

Subtitles please

[@Codescify]

I usually like your videos but I'm not sure if I get the message that this one is sending. That pretty women can't enjoy traditionally masculine things, and if they do they're just trying to impress men? You say that the cool girl trope is a fantasy, which I agree with to an extent. The exaggerated, perfect, version that's depicted in movies is definitely geared towards male viewers, and probably isn't an attainable role model for most women. The problem for me is when you cite real women in the real world as being "fake" just because they fit aspects of this trope. You show a girl calling Halo her favorite video game and use that an example of women "lying to themselves" and trying to be someone they're not. So....any women who claims to like video games is lying? Then you say Jennifer Lawrence is just putting on a persona because she likes to talk about eating. So any woman who talks about food is being fake and just projecting that to impress men? I don't get it.

[@guymandude6628]

What should be done to handle the issue in the real world? The trope/archetype is a creation; a reaction to - and apparently welcome relief from - the strange difficulty of adapting to the complexities of reality.

[@kimberlytennison6970]

I am a woman who stays in shape and loves sports and also pizza and craft beer. I am a Herpetologist in an extremely male- dominated science field who also likes looking feminine and wearing makeup. I'm also 31 and bisexual and certainly not "going through a phase" or "doing these things for men". I find it ironic that some of the statements made in this video are almost exactly the same as criticisms I've received from Male coworkers and other women simply for being myself. I usually love your analysis and I really love that Gone Girl monologue but this video feels not only disingenuous but rather judgmental.

[@nicoler.4648]

The gone girl monologue is soo iconic I remember being absolutely shook the first time I saw it. Completely blew the cool girl trope apart and changed cinema in my opinion

[@shapeshifter7676]

So... every "cool girl" is a psychopath pretending?

[@Meimoons]

Shape Shifter No. Did you even watch the video?

[@danbrown1344]

Changed cinema? How?

[@yourinnerlawyer4035]

It didn't shock me, it was just hearing my inner dialogue out loud.

[@Tee-yah]

It really shits on the cool girl and I live for it!

[@Gfalcon787]

When you’re objectively attractive, being unkempt and messy gives you character and seems more like an aesthetic choice (baggy clothes, messy hair, etc.) When you’re not as attractive, those same qualities are regarded as laziness and failure to practice basic hygiene.

[@AmandaFromWisconsin]

Gwencere - Why would anybody want to be skinny? Lean and fit, yes, but nearly skin and bones? No, thank you.

[@lottymix3233]

@@AmandaFromWisconsin Lean and fit IS skinny though. Skinny doesn't just mean skin and bones.

[@meowieberry8698]

@@lottymix3233 lean and fit is lean and fit... Skinny is skinny, anything in between is thin

[@HawaiianBW]

Gabby Falcón ... yes maybe it’s seen as a choice, or deliberately ironic... like the wealthy film star that dresses down - they can obviously afford not to so the cleverness is in making a statement. (I’m not endorsing that in any way) Winning the genetic lottery isn’t an achievement in itself but i think it’s hardwired in us to respond to health markers and pursue a winning formula.

[@angelbabyy5606]

True!! When I was thinner, everyone thought it was cute, hot, whatever. I went from 125 to maybe 145 pounds and now people (mostly women) are suddenly saying I'm just lazy etc...behind my back, of course 😂 It's so crazy how differently I am perceived with a little extra weight. Yet when I was thinner, all I heard (from mostly men) was 'damn you fine, if you get a little weight omg etc'. Also crazy how these women will jump on the first thing they can find to use against you. (The same girls who were either jealous or insecure, and felt the need to copy everything I did?? Sleep with both of my exes, get in debt to buy the same stuff i buy, etc. Thought these were strange as well considering they are 'friends'). Just some of my experiences, idk if anyone else has experienced any of this lol. What do I know though, I'm just spoiled, fat and lazy 😂 Lord women are vicious 😭

[@Lilyanna298]

“Just because some cute girl likes all the same bizarro crap you do... that doesn't make her your soulmate." - One of the best lines from 500 Days of Summer

[@ohsokarla]

Totally!!! Thanks for this quote, I was thinking the same thing

[@77xdivaokurrr7atsymbol6]

Also! When I dated someone with a majority of similar interests, it was, in fact, the worst relationship I've ever been in because I based my forming a relationship on those things and not what actually matters: caring no matter what about someone else.

[@radpunk5144]

Yeah that happened to me. I was dumb

[@aliceinwonderland548]

@@radpunk5144 I'm glad it opened your mind.

[@RoshniS]

Omg yes!! 500 days of summer is yet another movie that breaks this toxic cycle and shows us a more whole, authentic picture.

[@leeannatweed8811]

Tbh Elle Woods in Legally Blonde is one of my fave characters bc she remains true to herself in her femininity but she learns to stand up for herself and finds her own ambition and doesn’t depend on a man for her happiness.

[@viella90]

This! I had to force my boyfriend to watch legally blonde and he was actually surprised how refreshing it was. Elle is ofc still gorgeous but she learns that she doesnt have to change herself for anybody, that she can rely on her own smarts to get by in life and that being girly and liking pink is okay.

[@danashine1137]

I'm gonna rewatch all the 90s chick flicks and rom coms

[@lo.fr.8092]

@@danashine1137 gimme a list pls, i need new ones

[@theluvvitchh]

@@lo.fr.8092 yes please!

[@amelia396]

This

[@nainarai8377]

“Don’t be too fat, or too thin, or too dark, or too light. Don’t be too sexual, or too chaste, or too clever, or too stupid. Do all this while looking devastatingly beautiful, but don’t harbour any traditional feminine qualities. Be yourself, but make sure you fit in.” Gosh, it’s exhausting!

[@gracewheeler20]

Wow, so true.

[@nainarai8377]

@@gracewheeler20 It's frustrating, isn't it? Always trying to live up to some unrealistic standards only to appease a certain section of society.

[@tpsam]

In the end of the day we settle down with the people who love the set of flaws we have The first contact and the initial attraction will probably come after noticing the qualities But in the end we come back and stay forever because we love how the flaws are shaped together

[@nainarai8377]

@Glenna Smith Centuries of conditioning has taught us that.

[@prashanthkarri6907]

Feel sorry for you guys, it's a mans world out there.

[@saraho2255]

"The man's ideal girl is a girl that doesn't make him try hard" WOOF truer words have never been spoken

[@mcdonaldsguy8420]

Yes, but not for the reason I feel some girls think. If a girl is "playing hard to get", or in other words, "making me try hard to gain her affections", often forces me to assume she's simply not interested in me, and then I disengage. So you're right, or I guess the video is right? I just wanted to make sure the reasoning behind this was apparent - at least in my experience.

[@nobodysXghost]

@@mcdonaldsguy8420 I guess it depends on your individual definition of what trying hard looks like. it may be different from you and her. if neither tries enough to get together, either she isn't interested or her definition of trying enough is different from hers-and you're not meant to be. then she will find someone suited to her. some girls think they need to play hard to get because they perceive men dont like clingy girls.

[@onexonesie]

You lose 'em how you get 'em: easily. Many men will try harder at a video game than to get a girl. Let that sink in. What's more important? Stay single until you find a man who sees your worth more than a video game. A guy getting a girl easy will never respect the relationship subconsciously in the long run. And if a guy complains about having to chase, well is that a guy who you want anyway? A man who's lost his zest for life?

[@indiaxlovee]

J X amen, find good partners that put in effort 😇

[@SunflowerSamurai]

Rehaan Aamir plenty of women ask men out nowadays. It’s just that no woman has ever asked you out and I can see why.

[@j.robertson9025]

Guys use to think I was "a cool girl" when I worked at a gun shop. I never had the heart to tell them that I'm not actually all that into guns and I like to wear dresses and do embroidery in my free time and also I'm a lesbian.

[@imshooketh1500]

Tell them heh

[@berain8917]

J. L. Robertson wow that’s still cool.

[@billyraycryrus236]

Embroidery is lit ngl

[@adri5817]

J. L. Robertson Lmaoo the last part

[@j.robertson9025]

​@@NinjaToe I strains the hell out of my neck, but I love it. I usually just work on it while I watch my "cool girl" wife play her video games. This is why I have a sneaking suspicion that the ideal "cool girl" is just a straight chick who acts like a lesbian.

[@lokumtabagi]

In the comments many wrote that the cool girl fantasy might be an outcome of men suppressing their homosexual tendencies. But I have a different approach. I think they want to get a girl without improving themselves, learn about new topics, get out of their comfort zone and develop an equal perspective to humankind.

[@pristineparr7509]

Wish I could give this a 1000 likes. Exactly

[@drebugsita]

Makes SO much sense to me! Wow...

[@yuhanguo6789]

Yes, also they want all the benefits (girl with a hot body and a beautiful face, and someone to share *their* own interests with) without spending any efforts / doing any work (aka, no "demanding/needy" girlfriend). She has to offer him everything (sexual pleasure and bro-y, casual fun, and ask for nothing in return (e.g, no need for emotional support).

[@katelijnesommen]

I agree. I don't think it's a latent homosexual desire (at least not always), but it's feeling like their partner should be accommodating to their every need and desire, rather than be a real person with their own interests, hangups and inner life. If they actually tried dating another man I don't think that would help; most other men would NOT conform that way to a partner's expectations of what they should be like.

[@akamered4483]

@@katelijnesommen its a sexual fantasy, nothing else. Like many other male sexual fantasies, the core idea is simply that the women belongs to them and fulfills their every need without any want or desire of her own. It is objectification and also enhances sexism against women in many ways. I grew up wanting to be the "cool girl" because everyone around me bashed on traditionell feminine traits and let me tell you: It is just as harmful as all the other forms of oppressive sexism against women. I would even call it one of the most dangerous because the core idea of the "cool girl" is to be liked by men and appeal to them which was also my first priority as a young girl and teenager, so you do things you dont want to just to please them and form your whole personality and needs around that. I am so thankful that this topic is now getting more attention (even tho I would personally say that the "pick me"- and "not like other girls"-movement is rather harmful than good since it places the blame on the women) and hope that in the future, we can just be whoever we want to be and teach healthier ways of attraction, relationshipdynamics and so much more.

[@sneezu]

aw anne hathaway saying "it came true" while looking at her award is so pure :( why would people dislike her, she's genuinely a sweetheart without trying to be everyones favourite

[@reganator5000]

As much as i agree with that, i think it's partially because she's an actor, and it's a proffesion that, at least in it's on-screen variant, is about convincing the audience that you are a regular, normal person with few special skills. In fact any oscar winning actor is that years single best liar, having been voted better at convincing people that they are not 'putting on an act' than 3.6billion other humans that year (in either a leading or supporting role). And i think the fact that Hathaway wasn't putting any real effort into maintaining the pretense of not being an actress (which is an actor's entire job, at least on film) just rubbed people the wrong way, and they couldn't just be happy to see someone do a very difficult thing successfully. I don't, however, think there's any point saying that her or Lawrences 'performances' were more genuine- they're actors, we shouldn't really be demanding they stop being. Asking for actors to be honest, or genuine is pointless, as if they were more honest or genuine we'd probably stop watching their films on account of them being so poorly acted.

[@margaridaferreira8029]

Right? I love her

[@nurmadihahbintizulkifli1734]

true, she's my fave

[@yallsfuturepresident]

exactly. Anne Hathaway brings 110% to any role she does.

[@reganator5000]

@@Marie-di5gl indeed

[@katherinecaspersz3580]

"The cool girl doesn't get angry." SO true! And when a girl does get angry, she's labelled as "crazy." Not entitled to her emotions, as all humans should be, but "crazy."

[@lydiahkanyoro90]

Katherine Caspersz yep. There’s an extremely limited scope within which you can get angry and have people accept it. Otherwise you’re either a crazy person or you’re on your periods or you’re that ‘women are their own worst enemy’ character or you’re hormonal from your pregnancy or post pregnancy or...something.

[@razkable]

you can get sad upset mad without being aggressively loud abusive hurtful and angry though...

[@ilikefacts114]

Asmosis Jones thnx finally someone said it

[@millymiu]

don't get angry. use the tactics of your parents. silence, disappointment and contempt in your eyes if he has done a really bad thing, if it's a minor thing just talk clear to him.

[@miranx5735]

I think I’m dating one of the most simplistic men I’ve ever met- not in a bad way, just in a way where he’s like the typical male. Very easy to read. And whenever I get upset or speak out on things, he tells me that I’m crazy. I think it’s unfair to label me as being “crazy” just because I have a mind of my own.

[@katiek2615]

As a girl who spent her entire middle and highschool experience trying to be "the cool girl" while subconsciously comparing myself to all the girls around me, I'm glad this conversation is being had now. I think this kind of video would have helped me so much back then

[@sonder8310]

As someone who was made it to the goal of being the cool girl (but was only able to mantain that over a short period of time) I was so shocked. But I am so happy I found this. I was still trying to be this girl it's my ideal although my reals self is just different and it's only been changing since I got 20. But this is so interesting bc I think almost every friend of mine was also desperatly trying to be the cool girl.

[@sonder8310]

@@annaa3663 I totally agree. To make it work in real life you would have to become this deeply artificial that simply does not exist. I don't know anyone who meets the standards films are setting for that trope.

[@annaa3663]

Sonder yes definitely! I hate how Hollywood tries to present it as just being a mix between a tomboy and a girly girl. If that were the case, then most women would automatically would fit that description. But, I don’t understand how they want women to wear lingerie under a sexy dress while stuffing her face with wings during a football game 🤦‍♀️ can it happen? Sure. Is it something that will continually happen every Sunday? No. Because that is an unattainable image for everyone

[@sonder8310]

@@annaa3663 that's so true. I hope a lot of women find this video and realize exactly that.

[@thehillisalive]

I feel y'all to an extent; it was late high school and early college for me. I got dumped in 10th grade for a girl who gamed more, was a skater, and skinnier than me (we're actually good friends now, ironically). While I got over the guy, I realize in retrospect that it affected how I talked to other guys. I'd bring up booze and gaming way more than they really reflected in my true personality. Thankfully I'm past that phase I think.

[@2000seoulsonyosound]

It's so funny when they say shit like "I cannot believe you read comic books" Yeah, it's almost as if girls are human beings with interests.

[@cool_alienempire6884]

Yes, I absolutely hate that stereotype. I'm a woman who loves scifi and superheroes and math. One of the many reasons I stopped watching Big Bang Theory was that idea that women didn't know the difference between Start Trek & Star Wars. Ugh.

[@drgiova8316]

Also maybe many girls weren't interested in comic books because the only interesting characters were male characters, while female characters were just there as damsels in distress or sexy villains, making it hard for young women to relate to them.

[@tharetsku]

I know what you mean, but I hate when people use "It's so funny" in this way. I think it's just plain old sad.

[@matilda765]

there was a boy who was surprised because I read the lord of the rings. it's like reading the lord of the rings is a sacred thing for men.

[@SilentOcean-f7s]

@@cool_alienempire6884 Yes that was one of the weirdest part of the Big Bang Theory, it is a good comedic show but some parts of it is really weird like only pretty people matter and less attractive people don't have the right to have feelings. Btw really cool username.

[@bente1695]

I told my guy friends that telling a girl she’s “different than other girls” is not a compliment and they literally could not comprehend why.

[@oof-wi7hp]

yikes!

[@divinityworsham3925]

Yeah this guy told me he’s not usually into black girls but there’s something about me & I didn’t take that as a compliment.

[@bente1695]

Divinity Worsham omg🤭

[@darkdream1469]

@@divinityworsham3925 oh my..

[@KattReen]

Thing with a lot of guys is they're often not great at abstract thought and reading between the lines. Don't feel bad about dumbing it down and spelling it out to them. They're not being wilfull hardasses, they genuinely don't get it.

[@whatsonhermind1768]

“It’s like I made you in a computer.....” that sums it up for me.....

[@sickboy7104]

He IS supposed to be a psychopath, though, isn't he? Maybe it's a subtle jab at the archetype.

[@izzywoods794]

TheTalkingTara yea i thought that line was on purpose. Dead Pool is nothing if not self aware

[@franziska9260]

Pretty sure that's on purpose, though, the archetype is pretty played up in both the comics and movies.

[@kerryquick]

The movie weird science is a perfect example of that

[@TheArtis4n]

Playing on the trope

[@zammmerjammer]

I remember seeing Megan Fox's character in Transformers and just LAUGHING out loud at how painfully unreal her character was. She wasn't even an attempt at a real person. She was just a conglomeration of male insecurities come to life. IRL, I've noticed that plenty of guys HATE girls who share their interests because they 1) assume the girls are putting it on to get male attention, and 2) can't reconcile being attracted to someone who might actually challenge them.

[@DeadlyDeadlyBeees]

Yeah that scene is literally the only part of that movie I remember and it still makes me laugh. OMG SHE SO HOT and she's FIXING A CAR WAAT

[@nikoincroatia]

funnily enough I found her dialogue pretty okay, but the camera focus was always on the male character or how hot she was. Literally her whole thing is that she's tired of dating guys who are assholes and don't care about her or her interests. But instead of being single or finding a decent person, she settles for an insecure dork who doesn't actually respect her or see her as more of an individual than the assholes she was with before, he's just insecure enough to indulge her interests and compromise sometimes.

[@heyryanisonx3141]

She's the only good thing about the movie if you only read the script

[@TigerPrawn_]

tHIS. So much. I've always tried to prove myself to guys and be interested in what they are interested in to be seen as cool. And making it seem effortless, but it's like I can never challenge them - they always need to be that bit more knowledgable

[@lynnevetter]

@@TigerPrawn_ wth? Why are you trying to be into what they are into? Real guys don't want a shadow, they want someone with their own interests and pursuits. You shouldn't want to be with a guy that thinks they want someone just like them because they will just get bored anyway. Be yourself and find real friends/lovers.

[@kaitlynmartin2075]

Wendy from Gravity Falls is a cool girl that appeals to women and girls, in my opinion. She's empowering, confident, and is not afraid to stand up for herself, especially to guys when they've done something wrong.

[@honeybellebuzlucay5867]

Omg so true

[@kimmyseon46]

Wendy's good but one thing I never liked about her character is that she never got an episode to be fleshed out like soos pacifica and even mcgucket got their own episodes to be complex characters and Wendy only ever mentions not really being laid back due to her family and the show just leaves it at that. There also was space to make an episode about her since after the unicorn episode the finale was supposed to be next but the show had an extra episode to fill in and instead of Wendy they filled it with the worst episode of gravity falls

[@KamikazeK219]

She's not a a cool girl, she's that girl. Chill, badass, and unproblematic.

[@hellokittylol614]

I don't like women but Wendy is so fcking hot

[@jakeystarsuper]

And she doesn't shame other girls

[@aspyn.j_]

It’s just annoying that people don’t accept women as multifaceted beings. You always have to be in a box. You can drink beer and obsess about makeup at the same time. You can rock out to Mandy Moore and watch football at the same time. Women are just as complex as people expect men to be.

[@AnneettaLife]

Aspyn J. Exactly.

[@uno9331]

yet the cool girl is literally a multifaceted being...you idiots are just complaining how else would they manage to be hot if they didnt focus on their looks ? Stop pretending that "people" you speak of exist cause they dont nobody labels females into categories females do it themselves if all you do is show one side of your personality that's your own fault

[@cherusiderea1330]

@@uno9331 Yeah, right, bc all the movies cited here that showcase the effortlessly hot and comfortable-to-be-around "cool girl" were made by women themselves. Facepalm. If you don't get it, just don't talk about it as if you did.

[@eciyk]

@Luna Lovegood Your nickname comes from the ultimate, true cool girl: Luna because she never cared what others think about her and was always herself even to a fault.

[@Firegen1]

I agree mainly, however, I think the problem is not that girls can't be multifaceted. It's that the cool girl is never abrasive. She may be less prim then other female stereotypes but she never actively challenges the male protag. She is supportive even when he is doesn't deserve it. She won't focus on her own needs exclusively like a real person would. Hobbies, how she dresses, what she eats are window dressing. Cool girls are still classic heroines just gushed up with the things that are socially attractive to guys now. The best evidence? 500 days of summer. She is everything a cool girl should be but she doesn't want him or the separated fantasy of her, he has created. And against authorial intent many people hate her for it.

[@sweetprincess787]

Personally, after spending my pre-teen and early teen years "not being like other girls" (being a nerd and being into martial arts) I understood that thinking those things made me better than other girls and to be so comfortable mocking traditionally feminine things, was deeply misogynistic, and so now in my young adult stage I embrace that being openly feminine and liking traditionally feminine things, doesnt make me less serious or less valid as a person, I embrace my tomboy-ish persona as much as I embrace my girly persona, and both make a duality that truly makes me happy, and I have found boys who hate that I'm feminine as much as I have found men who hate I act "like a man", and well, who cares when you are performing the real you?

[@msjkramey]

I'm glad you've grown and become more comfortable with yourself since then. I've been there, too, so I get it. We just have to remember to be kind to those still stuck in that phase and not look down on them in the opposite direction

[@sweetprincess787]

@@msjkramey yeah I know, everyone at some point wants to feel special and some young girls find this "I'm not like other girls" narrative appealing, and I truly hope that, as mentioned in the video, is a phase to find yourself rather than a personality to please men 😉

[@lilypond5158]

This is so true, when I was really young I liked more girly things, but I started becoming boyish when I was 8 or 9, maybe it's because I'm a daddy's girl and I saw him as an example(but it never felt like I was putting on a persona) Anyway I too struggled to embrace myself completely for who I was and it feels great. The trope is toxic maybe for making the boyish girl idealistic and bashing femininity, but that doesn't mean boyish girls are toxic...

[@Laura-ck2hh]

Same. What I try to do now is support women who feel bad for not being "cool girl-like". I still don't like wearing dresses, or pink, or some traditionally super feminine stuff, but I like to encourage women who are very feminine and not only women who are more like me, because it's time we, including ourselves, stop seeing feminine as inferior. We are cool if we are feminine, we are cool if we are more masculine, we are cool if we are authentic.

[@samuelmyers2398]

Yup! True for everyone. The more we allow everyone to explore different parts of their personalities and interests, the more interesting they become and the more whole.

[@chaosnoelle]

it's so sad because in 50% of movies, the other types of girls that aren't the cool girl are put down, and in the other 50% of movies, the 'cool' girl becomes lazy and overly masculine and is put down so that the 'feminine girl' can shine. Women really can do nothing right huh

[@clomyst]

Who said that all women are feminine anyway? Feminity and masculinity depends on the person. The thing is that this world sees femininity(i,e. Traits like kindness, compassion, empathy) as weakness, YES even in boys! Girls always disregard men who are shy or kind in first site. The ideologies are what needs to change. I was bullied for not being girly and being more compatible with the boys in school. I never tried to put anyone down, it's just that the masculine traits are given a higher value which is why girls in my class hated how i was likable. It's hella hard having no female company for 2 years just because you are being yourself. But i ain't gonna change myself. Stop thinking that women are seen as weak. It's universal, it's the deep underlining causes. Why is masculinity(traits like confidence, assertiveness, independence, leadership) seen as superior? It is in the same lines as to why psycopaths consider empaths to be weak. In order to succeed people lose thier minds. Harder, better, faster, stronger- without even understanding things first. Being selfish and Narcissistic is regarded as strength and kindness without reason is said weak. It is the same principles of the acquistic and greed hungry world that make masculinity the dominant trait. Btw Domination in itself is so cowardly and masculinity without femininity makes you nothing more than a monster. Even still it is regarded weak.

[@clomyst]

Women need to realize that they can make the world a better place just by daring to be themselves!

[@clomyst]

In order to shine you just gotta shine. Masculinity or femininity has nothing to do with it. So many women underestimate themselves until they are too old when they finally realize they had nothing to lose. You just gotta have courage to shine.

[@nurhadirah4290]

yup i hate that this is the reality

[@harleyquiinnnn]

internalized misogyny is very true. i remember a few years back when i directly associated "feminine" to "bitchy", and disliked very feminine girls for that reason, and participated in slutshaming. We get taught so many misognist ways of thinking as we grow up. We all wake up at different times. And some never wake up

[@Olivertwiztd]

Look at you being so honest and self-reflective. Brave! I used to think similar things too and it makes me cringe so hard when I look back on that. I’m so happy to have a better relationship/view of women now that I’ve grown and realized that we as a society are conditioned to hate women

[@harleyquiinnnn]

@@Olivertwiztd thank you, and well said ✊🏼

[@CharmedNijntje]

I am just now realizing I've internalized this cool girl persona as the perfect version of myself and I'm a bit stunned haha. I've always been so scared to complain or be whiny or needy or in general too feminine but I do want to be the hottest version of myself. I've got some reevalutating to do, holy shit.

[@harleyquiinnnn]

@@CharmedNijntje good for you for noticing! honestly, i think most girls had a 'cool girl phase' because that's how we're taught in society, a lot of internalized misogyny is present and passed on

[@CharmedNijntje]

@@harleyquiinnnn Yes very true! I'm 30 though haha, but it's a good lesson that we're never too old to learn new things and grow. :)

[@TheSuperNats]

I tried hard to be cool girl when I was a teen, I missed the “hot” part though so it didn’t work out 😂😂

[@FabalociousDee]

Same, girl. Same.

[@efe8085]

Dont say that. You are beautiful sis

[@geriatricfiend]

Mood lmao

[@stefan1024]

I also tried hard to be cool girl as a teen, I missed the "girl" part though :D

[@NOCLUEinvalid]

At least you’re funny!

[@anyasannicolas1408]

"Obviously, it's great to see women showing off their sassy wit, or embracing a goofy, unpolished, no-filter approach. But ultimately, none of these things matter unless the girl is supremely beautiful." This hit me like a ton of bricks. I grew up both having traditionally "feminine" interests and far-from-conventionally attractive looks, and the Cool Girl trope--finally, there's a word for it--has been the source of one of my deepest insecurities. I went through a "tomboy" phase to emulate her and it took a long time before I realized femininity is not inherent weakness.

[@jeanblaaa]

Definitely not! I love my girliness! :)

[@alydiaforten5011]

Part of the problem is also the, "I prefer a woman who can eat a whole burger for breakfast" and, "I hate it when girls wear makeup" type guys who treat women who are more feminine as somehow inferior.

[@toomuchinformation]

Underneath that is a belief that the more feminine woman will be more high maintenance and therefore expensive.

[@MarkKoschwitz]

I think that's just preference... feminine girls are doing just fine too. It's usually comedies that fully embrace the "cool girl" thing, but those are the same comedies where the dudes are the typical stereotype of watch sports, drink beer and have no other redeeming qualities that I personally can't stand.

[@NA-uz7qv]

@@MarkKoschwitz Yeah but the problem is that they'd still expect her to be pretty and slim with good skin while eating junk food and not putting any effort in. That's not possible for the vast majority of women so it sets this unreachable bar. Women are told growing up to put so much effort into their looks to impress men but then men have made effort itself unattractive and they call it "high maintenance". It's all a big headache.

[@MarkKoschwitz]

If this is actually believed then idk who the couples are I go to happy hours with and shovel nachos into my belly with... These movies are definitely an exaggeration though and they really should be viewed as such. They're not "regular" people at all. I don't think any of the couples I know fit into these movie stereotypes... but I still shovel nachos into my mouth with them during happy hours.

[@NA-uz7qv]

@@MarkKoschwitz Of course there are exceptions and people who are realistic about their expectations. But there are also lots of people who act the way I described.

[@anamendoza6741]

Interesting, that the "cool girl" became the "I'm not like other girls" then became the "pick-me girl". I still have a problem feeling overly feminine or girly. I still want, above all, to play videogames and watch dark movies and hang out with guys. But I don't look like what they expect me to look like. I ain't no Jennifer Laerence or Megan Fox lol

[@slychicken661]

Feel you sis

[@yan7655]

The thing is the cool girl trope was always the pick me girl. The 3 stages basically illustrate the increasing realization what this trope actually mean. The way I see it is that more and more women have become increasingly aware of what internalized misogyny is and how it affects their relationship with their own femininity.

[@slychicken661]

@@yan7655 I think it could be that too, however some girls are just naturally more boy-ish and they dare to be themselves. Then they get positive attention from boys for being "not like other girls", so the typical "girly" girls gets jealous and start calling them pick-me. I grew up with brothers and didn't fit in with most girls in my class as a kid, but that didn't make me feel better or superior. I just played sports or video games with people (mostly boys) who didn't argue over dum sh*t, who didn't talk behind my back or get offended by my jokes. I fit into this "cool girl" trope, but I still embrace my feminin side, and at the end of the day I need my girlfriends more than anyone 💁🏼‍♀️

[@slychicken661]

@Ks you completely missed my point

[@sohachughtai3103]

@@slychicken661 I resonate with what you’re saying. I grew up with brothers too(I have no sister) and I think I just picked up on boyish habits and likes. Even in college now, I wanna play sports while the other girls don’t. They aren’t into that stuff and aren’t excited about it. I literally have to convince them to play video games and sports with me. While I love wearing jeans and T-shirts, junk food and super cars I also love wearing dresses and girl talk. But my confidence and friendly enthusiasm in talking with guys is perceived as pick me energy. While my intentions are just chill and a laidback attitude

[@EggnogLover8]

As a girl who shares a lot of personality traits with this "cool girl" persona minus the hotness, this really made me think and want to analyze how much of my personality was a shaped and molded by my innate desire to be wanted by men, or how much of my personality is truly just what I'm like. The examples of the "cool girl" they used in this video were from a lot of movies and tv shows I loved growing up, which only makes me wonder more if these shows subconsciously taught me how a "desirable girl" was supposed to act, and harbor misogynistic feeling toward my own femininity. Seriously, I remember getting in a fight with a girl in third grade over who was the "better tomboy" and I "won" because I pointed out that she wore pink... criiiinnnngggeeee

[@voltagestone1598]

The one thing that the video got wrong, I feel, is that there *are* women like the cool girl (of course, not exactly like what’s depicted in movies). Not all women care enough to argue about everything. Not all women are feminine and are tomboyish. It’s good you’re being reflective on yourself, just remember that this video focuses a lot of what women try to do for men in film. Film gets a lot of stuff wrong regardless.

[@criskp6861]

I had the same feeling

[@PeelingFlame]

I sympathize with this edit: but strongly disagree with the first reply. Everyone molds, but women have to put more effort in being inviting, since they're made to be the ones to be seeked out.

[@isaacgray2909]

There's really nothing wrong with being this cool girl archetype so long as you are being honest with yourself. The problem that the video is highlighting is that these cool girl examples are reflection of the male's desire and how it can be twisted to this unhealthy obsession for both men and women.

[@Ghost-wy3iw]

amandurr128 Lol when you’ve been the ‘cool girl’ for so long you have no idea which parts of you are real bc you can’t tell the difference anymore...love it

[@Old_Soul_]

EVERY girl goes through "I'm not like other girls" phase. Only later you understand that all girls (and people in general) are different in their own way. Good video.

[@AmandaFromWisconsin]

Really? Every girl?

[@VetkinaOlga]

​@@AmandaFromWisconsin nah, not every girl on the planet, not in a sense of a cool girl in a video. Of course everybody has "I'm not like the others" phase, but specific trope here is a product of a specific time and environment. As been said, it's a male fantasy about a perfect girl, and I might add it's a fantasy of a specific type of male, more-or-less modern western man. Outside of that population there are other types of men and some of them actually want a submissive girly girl - those tend to exist in places there you still can get one. And in response there exists a real-life type of er "uncool girl", "I'm not like other girls cause I wan to be a wife and a mother and wear only dresses and skirts" - I shit you not, they are serious on that skirt thing as a heart attack. Girls acting out tropes about "perfect women" because they value getting a man more than being themselves is not only limited to cool girls trope. Men also have their variants of acting tropes out, but it's mostly about peer pressure.

[@tasjones9105]

i think girls go through this is because of the negative connotations that comes from being the "other girl" we see in shitty movies in examples A to Z in the video we just watched. girls get that fear of not being seen, specifically when younger.

[@PhoenixRising87]

I'm glad I went through that phase in high school, before the age of social media (like, literally; I graduated high school in 2005). I think part of that in my case was growing up with all brothers. Then again, I came out as nonbinary in February this year...so there's that.

[@leonardu6094]

This video fails to make the point it thinks it does for quite a few reasons lmao. You feminists are hilarious You start out by complaining that society has often placed limitations on female behavior and expected them to act a certain "feminine" way but then complain that the feminist characters who break the buck and act different are merely just fantasies of men and don't exist in real life... so which is it?

[@ashlabelle]

Cool Girl is the frat boy's version of the manic pixie dream girl

[@egroover9449]

A little louder for the people in the back

[@casualviewer9792]

Omg this is exactly what it is!!!

[@claudiomaldonadosalvador591]

Yeah

[@AmandaFromWisconsin]

It seems like she's the ideal girl for Basic Bros.

[@AshaSara]

yesss

[@danidkg4071]

i like how in HIMYM, robin’s identity as the not-clingy “cool girl” is eventually what turns guys off in most of her relationships. it shows how men might like a girl who’s cool and independent and has more masculine interests, as long as he can have the more dominant role in the relationship. even if HIMYM starts out with robin as a smooth, dream-like cool girl, we really see her dorky, emotional and more flawed sides in later seasons and that’s rly good of the writers (ofc they ruined it in the finale....)

[@yourelovin]

wholeheartedly agree with this

[@SilentOcean-f7s]

How i met your mother ended in the worst way possible for Robin, Ted, Barney, Tracy for literally everyone. They ruined Robin's personality in such a bad way, destroyed the character development of 7 years in a few episodes

[@andreavelez4968]

"I never wore pink" that horrid line sums it up

[@naomistarlight6178]

One thing I've noticed is that teen and pre-teen (11-13) girls often go through a hating pink phase. I think it's because of this trope. They want to be the "cool girl" and hating on stereotypically feminine things like the color pink, Barbie, bubblegum pop music, etc. is part of their desperation to be seen as cool girls. They don't really hate pink, they hate the cultural stereotypes surrounding wearing it.

[@andreavelez4968]

@@naomistarlight6178 Exactly!

[@naomilovenpeace]

@@naomistarlight6178 I totally went through this phase. Pink has always been my favorite color but in high school I pretended it wasn't. I've always been a nerd and that made it even worse. I thought caring about my looks too much might make me seem dumb or "not a real nerd." You can love pink and be smart!

[@melissafaith]

Noemi Starlight the problem is, the person delivering this line was a proper adult. Not a teen.

[@blegh33]

@@melissafaith a bigger problem is that another full grown adult wrote that line and thought it was clever or at least good enough to be put in an actual movie

[@melwarat5766]

I agree with this video completely. Tomboys do exist, and girls who are into things that are considered masculine do exist. Yet in movies, this trope is blown way out of proportion so much so that these female characters loose all of their individuality and become nothing more than a reflection of the insecure men who wrote them.

[@Doopyhpp]

Where are the younglings

[@saragolightly]

You were my brother, Anakin!

[@gsiya4023]

last line is gold

[@melwarat5766]

@@gsiya4023 thanks 😊

[@heathercraig8243]

I think most of the problem is it's used as shorthand instead of a way to build a complex character. Like you can still be sensitive to others needs including your own while loving exercise and traditionally girly things like fashion. Honestly I feel like the lead from Ms Congeniality should have turned down the guy from the beginning of the movie. Not because he's a guy but how he treats her as a person.

[@FeelingFitFabFun]

I think that the cool girl is a way for guys to visually get what they want while simultaneously putting in minimal effort because the cool girl is down for whatever.

[@gidzboxbox8839]

Omg this comment. This is exactly what it is

[@noonstyles3973]

On point👏

[@shelmie5]

Yep! This!

[@caseyw.6550]

Nailed it!

[@ChrisR395]

Is this a criticism of men? What man wouldn't want to be with a woman who's hot, easy-going, and shares all of his interests?

[@irishcajun85]

I was the ‘cool girl’ in my 20’s. It was all a lie; I AM inherently a tomboy and have a lot of what’s generally considered ‘masculine’ interests. But I acted like I didn’t want a relationship or anything serious because I wanted to be the ‘catch’, I also hid a lot of my own ‘nerdy’ interests to not come across as weird. All this while simultaneously wanting to guard myself when these men ultimately decided we were ‘better off friends’. “Yeah, no, no, that’s cool, I was actually thinking the same thing, you know…” As far as me not wanting anything long-term, nothing was further from the truth. I wanted love, but groveled to make myself more appealing. And do you know who you end up with when you lower yourself or do the whole ‘pick me!’ schtick to find companionship? Assholes and narcissists. Not the ‘we didn’t work out so he’s terrible’ labeled narcissists. Genuine narcissists that expect you to shrink as they grow and for you to reflect their likeness. Luckily, I met my husband and he saw me for who I really am. He helped tear down those walls I’d built up and allows me complete emotional access when I’m feeling vulnerable, instead of me having to bottle it up and openly mock myself for *feeling*. He WANTS me to talk about MY interests, teach him different things, and I reciprocate that. That is what I was looking for while reducing myself needlessly for idiots. Ladies, REAL men are out there, not just dude bros that essentially want one of their homies in a woman’s body so they don’t have to put in any romantic work. Honestly be your true self; you don’t want a half-vested partner that thinks your inability to consume cold pizza and game 6 hours a day, is a flaw. Because you know what? Fuck them; I AM cool. And yes, I do like football, but I don’t feel the need to wear a football jersey five days a week to prove it now.

[@yuhanguo6789]

This is so beautiful and well-put! Thank you for sharing!

[@lydiademarek]

Great comment, thanks for sharing : )

[@petrosinella]

I'm so glad things worked out for you!

[@JuniorAltaccount]

This a refreshing comment. I truly love this.

[@yasminevine]

👏👏👏👏 amazing Thank you for sharing

[@orlaanderson5258]

It’s crazy how there’s so much pressure on women to be “perfect” but then when women “try too hard” they’re looked down upon.

[@meowthecat1229]

YESSSS

[@Leto85]

Because trying too hard equals being fake. Perfect doesn't equal fake, perfect is a personal unreachable fantasy.

[@lookaroundyou8108]

@@Leto85 and when she looks like a normal human she is just plain and average, it's just all too much.. and for what really???

[@Leto85]

@@lookaroundyou8108 I think that is because we people often see the negative in others first; try all you might, you won't satisfy the other enough ever. I think that for that very reason nice guys are apparently also seen as negative. I think that from both man and woman sides the same thing applies when it comes to judge the other sex: it's never enough.

[@lookaroundyou8108]

@@Leto85 society has created a very high unrealistic expectation for both men and women. And shaming anyone who just wants to live a simple life.

[@zoop2143]

More evidence as to why Legaly Blonde is the best movie

[@raahimas2776]

Pippi Blue yes

[@infpedits]

true

[@user77797]

it’ll never not be honestly

[@emesehorti1526]

True dat (it is the greatest movie)!

[@Cold18play]

Pippi Blue legally

[@travdonjon]

Men use the "cool girl" standard to pit women against each other, and to perpetuate the lie that only the things culture associates with masculinity have value. Incredible video.

[@tuhimerameraa1]

Umm.. A MAN standing up for women??? GOD BLESS YOU 🥺♥️🌻🌺

[@travdonjon]

@@tuhimerameraa1 it's only the truth!

[@tuhimerameraa1]

@@travdonjon more power to you. I'm Indian and most men are NOT like this. That's why I was surprised. ❤️💗

[@AmetafJohora]

king

[@AABB-zb6dv]

It's a conspiracy!

[@黒ごまだんご]

I’ve always wondered about how I don’t act “feminine “ but never fit in in those cool girl tropes. Im neither of them and It should be normal because we’re individuals who doesn’t have to completely fit in the stereotypes men made

[@SeymourDisapproves]

The least realistic thing about Mary is that she likes someone who chews with their mouth open

[@gingham5545]

Fr that made me gag

[@bangchanswebbrowsinghistor5145]

I was like yeah bye

[@hollyshackzalez3449]

Right? That got me so bad I actually said "gross" out loud.

[@GP-qo6yz]

Seymour Disapproves I swear to god, like how??

[@Skyler_Momoko]

I know right - I heard that part too and was like "uh - yeah that's 1000% just a male fantasy" - like plz find me one woman who is like "what I look for in a man is - chewing with their mouth open! Ugghhh so sexy!!" - whatttttt?!?!?!?

[@MissEloisee]

“You are not like other girls” something my gyno told me when she saw in an ultrasound I’ve got an inverse uterus, only 20% of women have if like that, Christ.

[@xVadRay]

The only "you are not like other girls" I would accept

[@alexandrabuss7948]

hey, I have that too!

[@nurse7559]

I love Jhopes Smile is that the same as a retroverted uterus?

[@alexandrabuss7948]

@trash and co, it doesn't, the only thing was that it was a little bit harder to see my baby in the ultrasound the first 12 weeks (3 months), but, the week after, my uterus came to the front and my doctor and me were able to see the baby perfectly!

[@alexandrabuss7948]

@trash and co thank you 🥰

[@tamarm2865]

It’s frustrating that I’m only now understanding how misogynistic the film and tv industry is. Until now I’ve lived my whole life trying to fit in a certain pair of shoes - and I didn’t even know it! Like seriously, ever since I was little I grew up unconsciously behaving like the girls I saw in the movies because all the guys always seemed to like them, and those girls seemed edgy and pretty at the same time. And honestly I’m questioning who I am now that I know I’ve molded myself into this box of traits that men like in women. But above all - watching this was empowering, understanding now that I control my definition of femininity and deciding what’s my “edge” instead of letting these movies and society decide for me. Thank you for this - for real

[@sunmoon539]

you worded it perfectly

[@deswartemaureen]

I feel the same..

[@whitneyplatt4883]

Yeah I learned in a class a few years ago that our society is shaped from the perspective of a white male. And that’s not to say that they’re all these bad people or anything. But when the majority of people in positions of power, in this case it’s the writers, directors and producers are all coming from one perspective, what we see on screen is coming from their perspective of the world and their ideals. It’s changed noticeably within the last 10 years or so, but there’s still a long way to go for sure!

[@alexcisthunnery3729]

Good for you girl

[@mishkaparashar3170]

yeah I just realized this too

[@michalpitowsky]

When I was in my twenties I used to be a DJ at parties, and the guys that dated me really expected me to be that trope for some reason. but every time we had a minor disagreement they were shocked to find I was a person with expectations and opinions, not a moving sexual fantasy. I wish I had this video back then because it felt so alone and hard to put into words.

[@carolinagarcia2694]

Cara Delevigne was also “ a cool girl”. In a world of femenine models she was the “ fun bit awkward but still gorgeous exception ”, playing videogames and eating a whole pizza before Victotia’s secret fashion show while other girls starve themselves and did a lot of work out, but of course still being skinny and perfectly beautiful for the show. Adding that she is bisexual and man have fetishized so much lesbian relationships , became her the complete male fantasy. It was after she cut her hair, took a feminist speech and started to look and being less of a perfect woman for man that she became her true self

[@nope_no_nunya.]

Well said!

[@isabellafiguerola7450]

Carolina Garcia i still feel like she tries to put out that persona, but way less than before

[@Azatris]

Lol why is that more of a true self. I love Cara Delevingne, but you're just projecting.

[@carolinagarcia2694]

Azatris i love her too! But to me her behavior was similar in the one explained in the video😂 it’s just an opinion based in what i just watch. I said that she was more herself because the way she changed in the public eye after leaving VS

[@carolinagarcia2694]

And that’s just a harmless opinion that is completely debatable

[@elainabaugher7841]

it’s actually crazy how many girls have gone through the “tom-boy hating pink and all things girly” phase

[@emilleanthonette]

That's on internalized misogyny 💅

[@EagDesert]

So every girl naturally likes pink and if she says she doesn't it's a phase? Feminism always talks out of both sides of it's mouth. They will drone on about how women are stereotyped and expected to be traditionally feminine, only to harp about how women not being traditionally feminine is a toxic act that degrades women.

[@emilleanthonette]

@@EagDesert Not looking for an argument here, but all I can say is the world isn't black and white dude.

[@conajmniejdwielitery]

Been there! Horryfing. Also, thanks for putting in words why I feel sth off about Jennifer Lawrence

[@sydnamon5986]

@@EagDesert Dude no. I've been through that phase myself. It's not that we "naturally" like pink, but because girls are taught that "pink" is associated with feminine qualities (think of all the cartoons and shows where there's a group of guys and one girl, chances are she'll be wearing pink) and woman are looked down upon for being weak (You hit/scream/kick/etc like a girl), squeamish (EEK! A bug! Oh, no, I broke one of my perfectly manicured nails trying to get away my day is ruined ;_;), and generally "uncool" compared to their male counterparts, who generally have more well-rounded characters. TL;DR It's not that we actually hate pink, it's that there are patriarchal societal pressures that coerce girls into thinking that liking pink is "boring" or "Stereotypical". And if that's *still* too big of a concept to grasp, think about it this way: Why don't boys like pink? There's your answer. It's the same reason girls are taught not to like pink. It's fine to like pink. I like pink. I think people should wear it more often, it's a nice color.

[@melanie8ee]

“Watching Adam Sandler movies” Her biggest sacrifice

[@hopiahon563]

Melanie Warner she’s braver than the US marines

[@trinaq]

I suddenly have a new found respect for Amy, especially if she had to sit through " Going Overboard" "Grown Ups 1 and 2" and "Jack and Jill"!😆

[@christopherbrown2706]

@@trinaq yeah, his later work is cash-grabbing 🗑🗑🗑, but his earlier work is decent enough

[@lgbtorion]

Melanie Warner he deserved everything he got for that alone

[@christopherbrown2706]

@@lgbtorion but no one made her sit and watch them. She CHOSE to do that to get with the man she CHOSE.

[@maleey1199]

I think the anime Nana does an excellent job of portraying the cool girl and girly girl trope. Our two main characters are representative of each trope respectively but the show doesn’t try to elevate one girl over another. Instead, the show portrays the dynamic between the two and we follow them as they grow into best friends and deal with relationships and challenges. They may look and act differently but they deal with the same problems.

[@lasttimeimaskingyouthis]

I was actually thinking about NANA right now. That anime is such a good trainwreck, I still can't bring myself to watch the last few episodes.

[@unknownstranger6875]

How is Nana a cool girl? That’s what I hate about this stupid trope. Now every woman who likes more male oriented activities or is alternative is seen as the “cool girl”. Nana is just being herself. She loves punk rock and wants to be in a successful band. How is that being a cool girl? Because according to this video, a cool girl is someone who will fake liking something, in order to get a man to like her. That is most definitely not Nana. If anything, that’s Hachi, the girly girl. Nana also, believe it or not, has feminine traits. She is more chaste than Hachi. Hachi opens her legs easily for any man she find attractive, in the anime she sleeps with at least four men. Nana is only involved with her boyfriend Ren. That’s the only man she sleeps with in the anime, that I know of. She’s also responsible, nurturing towards her friends, more reserved in a way, etc. all traits associated with femininity. Hachi on the other hand is self destructive, chases after men, is far more sexually active, and is generally speaking a train wreck. Being sexually active and doing the chasing are more masculine traits. And that’s not slut shaming, that’s the truth. So before feeding into this “cool girl” crap, do some critical thinking. Realize that this monologue was said by a sociopathic character, who is an unreliable narrator, who is projecting exactly what she did in order to get a man. So now she believes other women do the same thing she does. The reality is many women love things that aren’t always girly, and that’s okay. And liking girly things is okay too.

[@crtzy9626]

Yes

[@Nopenonameok]

⁠@@unknownstranger6875I was with you until you said “Hachi opens her legs for any man she finds attractive.” Kind of a harsh and gross way to describe what she’s been through.

[@EliJKXD]

Wow, as a woman who is typically seen (by guys) as a "cool girl", I can relate a lot to part about men loosing interest when they find out that you are more extreme, stronger, superior or more passionated about "manly" things (or actually any thing). All the guys I have dated literally love me in the beginning because we are so "similar" and "alike", but after a couple of months of fun and love and no conflict, they dump me (and often wants to be friends anyway "cause your cool"). After that it's typical that they descibe me as "cool and sweet, but a bit intimidating".... A LOT of men can't handle women being equal (or superior) in any way, and that's just the fact.

[@InshasChoice]

I have hope that's there are guys who treat women like equals

[@Noirjk]

@Jhgd Eggg What are they?

[@Noirjk]

@Talia Moreau You can't change your attraction to a gender just like that.

[@Noirjk]

@Talia Moreau Of course you mean good by giving that advice which is useful if she is bi(or anything else that includes attraction to women.) I only wanted to point out that there's a possibility to trigger someone without meaning to. Also, I sure think that there are men who can accept dominant/talented women. Just rare, I guess. Have a nice day.

[@wardarahman1757]

this is why I don’t date men, I’m a quote on quote ‘cool girl’ but i don’t wanna be defined by my labels or interests fuckk that

[@harrypotteravenclaw]

Basically: Men want to date themselves

[@jaydenparrott3055]

Or other men in general, but in the body of a woman

[@saimaurice3652]

Shocking news: People attracted to other people with similar interests and temperaments

[@loverrlee]

daily_dillusion I’d argue lots of RomCom movies romanticize the man’s ability to open up and be emotionally vulnerable, which is typically portrayed as or associated with being feminine.

[@Kafka_Garezerra]

I, as a bisexual, always laughed at my own taste on mens and women. I like "masculine" girls but also love "femenine" boys. I always thought it was kinda ironic, but being honest, I think it is like it with everyone.

[@eduardourasaki]

@daily_dillusion that's silly, one could argue that "nice guys" are just the male equivalent of "cool girl", and is sure caused partly by the female need to be understood. At the end they are all fanfics of lonely self inserted writers.

[@smh_tuna]

The whole “not like other girls” thing is stupid. There’s nothing wrong with women expressing femininity, likewise, there’s nothing wrong with women expressing masculinity. The same goes for men, they should be able to express masculinity and femininity however they want. We should all be able to be what ever we want to be regardless of the social norms that we never asked for.

[@oof-wi7hp]

yeah!!!!! 🌺🏵️🌻🌼🌸🌹

[@Canev821]

I like the phrase I am not like other girls I’m my own girl

[@jacobjohnson914]

Men expressing femininity is a really effective way to not attract or even lose women. I agree with the advice that "you should be yourself" but when a guy expresses vulnerability to women it usually makes things worse. I don't expect people to understand but that's just what i've experienced. There is a very good reason why men don't open up more, it's because women look to men for security, it would be like a pilot crying while flying, the passenger isn't concerned for the pilot's feelings, they are concerned for their own safety and will probably never fly with that pilot again. I suppose both men and women are guilty of being inauthentic and we only have ourselves to blame.

[@zummyizhere]

Wordd!

[@nolagatto2136]

@@jacobjohnson914 it's sad but true that that is often how it is (at least with my relationships), couples should be co-pilots

[@Nikita-qb7xd]

I just love the poetic justice. Amy was sick of pretending to be the cool girl that Nick liked. Besides, he cheated on her anyway. So, in the end she forces him to be the guy that she wants.

[@edgarallanpoe209]

and he assaulted her multiple times lmao

[@a.l.michael6240]

I think everyone miss uses the “not like other girls” thing. Like you’re allowed to like whatever you want. As a complex person you can be a girl and like beer, food, video games, and vintage/grungy clothing without compromising yourself or doing it all for the gaze of the male. As long as you don’t think it makes you special or better than the next gal then it’s ok.

[@trinaq]

Exactly, I couldn't agree with you more!👏 As long as it's a genuine aspect of your personality, you shouldn't be expected to compromise your morals just so you can befit a stereotype of whatever you THINK your partner might like. They should love you for the REAL you, and not some narrow, standard archetype.

[@fuduzan5562]

@@trinaq Seriously -- the commentary in this video about how those awful men leave a woman if she stops putting on the Cool Girl show seem to miss the point that hey, maybe they're leaving because they have come to realize that their partner has been lying to them about who they are, and the commonalities that anyone would want in a relationship aren't actually there after all. Be yourself, communicate with your partner, and things will be ok!

[@ItsAsparageese]

I think that's one of the biggest problems with this video -- it keeps insisting that women like this aren't real. There's something kinda sexist and twisted about that. Just because a woman displays interest in traditionally masculine things and is comfortable around male friends doesn't mean she's acting, yet the syntax of the script for this video keeps reinforcing over and over that it can only be acting, can only be a phase. How insulting and invalidating to people who actually are living their authentic personalities and yet fit this trope. Just really falsely binary here. I get what this video is trying to point out but they painted reality far too narrowly and restrictively to be accurate.

[@nobuddy5442]

@@ItsAsparageese Exactly! I couldn't have said it better.

[@RosieSquall]

Exactly. I've never undestood the need to label someone just for having a personality.

[@AJ-cq5pw]

When I was in middle school I thought I was a "cool girl" for hating Justin Bieber because almost every tween girl was obsessed with him at the time. I'm very embarrassed by that. It's a sad phase almost all girls go through

[@victoriarotramel2274]

Due I feel you... I did the same and gave into the Taylor Swift bashing to try to be cool. Now I'm a huge fan of hers and it reminds me constantly that compromising on my own likes and interests dosn't make me more appealing to men, it just makes me miserable.

[@rabiesgirl101]

I was the same way with 1D and now I’m like damn.. I missed out on something that I could relate to with girls my age

[@snehapradhan5591]

@@victoriarotramel2274 oh my God. I just came from one of her achievement videos and i commented the same thing. I'm also a fan now!

[@paunaic5460]

He was a stupid bratt and made bland music, nothing to be embarrassed

[@AJ-cq5pw]

Pau Naic he was stupid but the thing is I felt like I was cool and edgy for disliking something most girls my age liked, or loved I should say. It didn’t have much to do with Justin himself. I mean think of all the stupid things that are targeted towards boys. Those things are rarely as shamed upon as “girl stuff”

[@aberrantcow]

The other problem is how we insist on gendering interests. Liking video games, beer, junk food, comic books, sports, cars, science fiction etc are still considered ‘guy things,’ while romantic media, period pieces, fashion, makeup, sewing and hair etc are considered ‘girl things.’ How about we all just like what speaks to us and enjoy ourselves along with other people with similar interests rather than label each other mercilessly. I like romance, beer, period pieces, comic books, video games, science fiction, fashion and makeup. My husband like romance, fashion, video games, science fiction, beer and has more hair products than me. And neither of us cares about sports in the slightest. Most people are like this. We all have a mix of interests.

[@inferiorinferno8859]

Too true. I'm a woman but I like working with my hands and actually wish to be a toy designer. I know how to make dolls, wigs and clothes, and once I have enough succesful prototypes for production; I'll start into making doll furniture. With toy designers, people are quick to think of a kind, elderly gentleman like Mister Gepetto from Pinokkio. Even though it also covers 'feminine' aspects like sewing (how does one think a doll dresses?). It's absolutely ridiculous to label things if one asks me. One may point to how biological differences give a certain gender an advantage (like men being biologically more strong), but in how many cases does such a biological difference actually matter? Unless we're at a construction site, I don't see the point in that argument.

[@RosieSquall]

Ikr? Who could have thought that complex beings could be capable of having contrasting interests? Crazy, right?

[@aberrantcow]

Inferior Inferno absolutely! You’re right the concept of a toy maker is very male centric, which is strange. I think it has to do with the idea of being a ‘Creator,’ so many of us operate subconsciously under the Judaeo-Christian-Islamic perspective that to be a ‘Creator’ aka one that makes something from once there was nothing likens one to ‘God the Father the Creator.’ One thing I hear all the time is ‘Oh you just pretended to like comic books to attract your husband.’ In actuality my husband doesn’t care about comics AT ALL. He appreciates and respects the art form, but it’s not something he pursues; it’s my interest. I don’t enjoy things to service some guy’s ideal image of the perfect girlfriend, I enjoy things for me.

[@kimberlytennison6970]

Here Here!

[@CobraDove1111]

Yes! People need to shut off the media, news, politics, and other social engineering modes and come back to reality....it's called WAKING UP

[@andre.a.b.c]

The first time I read the Cool girl monologue in Gone Girl it blew my mind , I had just gone through a break up and had No Idea what had happened and then so many things about how I acted based on what I thought he expected of me just clicked, that sh!t is harmful and I'm glad we're evolving past it

[@murtleturtle4027]

"He chews with his mouth open" nope. nope. nope. im out, no. That's not even a girl thing. That's a person thing. WHO CAME UP WITH THIS LINE. LITERALLY NOBODY.

[@tabiakhan9870]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@AshaSara]

also chewing with your mouth open is GROSS

[@TicklishCrown]

Yeah, like is he a child? Who’s attracted to someone who eats with their mouth open? That isn’t cute at all

[@machritamashudulhaq7097]

@@TicklishCrown uuh my childhood friend liked to eat anything with her mouth opened and i thought it was fine bcs it sounded satisfying to me and uuh i just found out that people find it annoying lmao

[@gigaferz]

I am a man, a manly PIG, (literally), CHEWING WITH MOUTH OPEN , even I , the Lord of pigs, finds disgusting

[@salemsaberhagen1570]

Anne Hathaway was wronged. She didn't deserve all that hate.

[@bennyton2560]

F to prove that I always love her

[@georgiad4939]

I know, I always felt sad whenever I saw horrible comments abt her.

[@hollywoodshopaholic]

Agreed, she seems like a genuinely great person. However, I don't think the hate stemmed from sexism as it wasn't only men who were bashing her.

[@SeymourDisapproves]

For real

[@SeymourDisapproves]

@@hollywoodshopaholic tbf women buy into misogyny, like, all the time. Nobody is immune to brainwashing.

[@sarahmichelle4421]

Cool girl trope - not available in plus size.

[@lemsip207]

Megan in Bridesmaids is a natural cool girl but in a plus size as well.

[@alrune8]

No girl finds obese men sexy.

[@deenaprice1524]

The plus size cool girl is actually the comic relief sidekick. That Australian actress is trying to change that, though. (Can't think of her name, sorry.)

[@anastasiamilossevich6546]

Not even available in black

[@hadbetterdays8118]

@Glenna Smith true it means bigger bone structure also known as buff

[@cierracook2315]

In my personal opinion, a cool girl isn't what Hollywood plays her out to be. She's a girl who doesn't worry about what other people, including boys, think of her, says & does what she enjoys she likes without a care. That's what a cool girl should be depicted as.

[@OnyxxRose]

This!

[@hayleyblanch5895]

men be like wow i've never met a girl who listens to music before

[@paperplains7285]

SERIOUSLY THO

[@daniellefernandes7510]

or watches sports

[@JishinimaTidehoshi]

Never met a man who listens period. (joke of course) 🤣🤣🤣

[@kazuma16love]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@Briannagm]

lmaoo

[@jaymesEo6]

You forgot to mention how when Megan Fox tried to have a voice outside of the "Cool Girl" trope and show agency within her own life was fired from her film series for being too "controversial". What Hollywood did to her was an atrocity.

[@jordenmcmenamin577]

She talked about Michael bay positioning her as sexualised through mikaela banes and how she didn’t like it. She said she got frustrated at his directives. When she asked Bay where to look during a scene or who she was talking to, he just said be hot or sexy. So she eventually didn’t want to be typecasted anymore into the hot or cool girl trope and began to speak her mind in various magazine publications about her frustration with Bay and she got blacklisted from Hollywood and fired from transformers 3. Now she doesn’t really do too much acting roles and focuses on motherhood, and doing some roles on the side

[@mirrojas]

There’s a couple of newer interviews on KZbin where she talks about it a little bit & how Jennifer’s Body changed her for good & bad. They’re really good interviews. I believe it’s Entertainment Tonight’s channel.

[@andromeda7588]

She also said Michael Bay was like Hitler

[@nope_no_nunya.]

"Atrocity" is a little strong, but yeah she was shut down when she spoke up. If she were a better actress she might have survived the controversy but um nope.

[@jaymesEo6]

@@mermaidcattt She was 23 what's Michael's excuse for his immaturity as a full middle-aged man?

[@glytergyrl123]

cool girl monologue points out how you can spend your whole life being a man's ideal and he'll still cheat on you

[@jgooo101]

You can permanantly be a mans ideal? Can you stay 22 forever?

[@celestegarcia923]

Liz Neptune yes I agree

[@jgooo101]

@@LizNeptunelol what i said was a joke, what you said is an insight into your crummy personality. You are not oppresed by men if you date losers you are the only one to blame.

[@LizNeptune]

@JG00 Oh okay, what I said was a joke too. ;)

[@djbundaskenyer2601]

You are not acting like yourself.... You already lost.... Wake up and stop pretending lmao stop blaming others while you clearly have your own flaws...

[@iamaunicornandidontbelieve8897]

Everyone just stop scrutinizing women for the way they act, talk, dress, look, and wear. This trope is worth analyzing when it's on screen, because it represents our own cultural standards and our perception of different people (and are often written by men). But real people like Jennifer Lawrence or Chrissy Teigen are not "tropes" or written characters to represent something; that's just their personalities.

[@andrec3152]

that is also an extremely good point, this topic has many points looking at both sides and i genuinely cant assess which is right or wrong but it brings us back to the same problem that is true, men do control a lot of things even this, and coming from a guy, i do think this trope has some merit but not all of it is irl

[@nanii1313]

The irony is that the cool girl is not a myth, she does exist, the myth as that the kinda guys who "created her" think she would be attracted to them when in reality the actual cool girl just sees them as bros. I've met a handful of cool girls and all of them agreed that the moment a guy looks at them like "oh, you are not like other girls" or out right says it to their faces it is a major red flag

[@esmesal6006]

Frlll

[@worldsworstyapper]

yup

[@user-bd6hn]

knew a girl like this in highschool, only hung out with guys and everybody liked her , yet she never had a boyfriend because she could not see her friends as anything more than just friends lol she was actually one of the funniest girls I’ve ever met , really wished we’d stayed in contact

[@tshidi129]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@gsiya4023]

same a guy said it to me once and i was like what? come again and he repeated it and i was like here's your red flag bye bye but what i actually told him is 'no I'm not what even makes you say that' and he started to describe my traits which would be 'masculine' according to him so I just stopped talking to him and cut to the reunion meet he and a couple guys (whom he stopped just to say i have a moustache ) and laughed with them. I have pigmentation in that area so its dark and i told him that there itself but he and the other guys laughed even more and i just fake laughed to avoid awkwardness. Total JERK.

[@fairy5668]

Guys will say they want a girl who doesn't wear makeup but that's only if she's naturally pretty with clear skin and long eyelashes. I wonder how the male characters in these films would react to feminine men or men who might wear makeup and dresses but not for drag

[@kmdn1]

Guys say they like girls without makeup but what they really means is they like when the makeup is done really well so it does actually enhance beauty rather than look like they're wearing makeup on their face. Guys only realize it's makeup on the face when it's done poorly ... and why would anyone like poorly done makeup.

[@xbefri23]

Because most men prefer the truth, while women often go with reassuring lies.

[@fairy5668]

@@kmdn1 And then when the makeup is gone they feel catfished

[@fairy5668]

@@xbefri23 Did you even read my comment?

[@xbefri23]

@@fairy5668 yes, I was commenting on the first sentence.

[@ndeyefaye8125]

Another characteristic of the cool girl is that she is somehow only attracted to extremely mediocre men, i.e. the protagonists. Funny how that is.

[@viviannatawny5822]

Yes!! So true. lol How many movies out there has a hot cool girl falling for a shlep? So many.

[@jandapanda01]

AHA underrated comment

[@lorrie9462]

This is a summary of every Adam Sandler movie

[@psycherevivedby]

WHOOP there it is

[@Pinkranger87]

Right.

[@gisforhungry]

cool girl is only cool until she’s better or smarter than him, in front of others 😂

[@ahmedabdulla4745]

I loved the contrast between Anne Hathaway and Jennifer Lawrence on the Oscars. It’s true Anne was chastised because she was labeled as too nice or proper, while J law was praised for cursing, falling on the stairs and telling jokes

[@lookaroundyou8108]

@SarcasMiss maybe she was surrounded by ppl who subconsciously told her cool is the new hot, it's like she is trying hard to show it, in every interview she mentions how much she likes eating junk food. It's not that an important info.

[@loree_212]

@SarcasMiss I think Jennifer is not fake, that's her personality. It is the public that makes it look like she is "pretending" ... nowadays there are a lot of stereotypes

[@Ghostinaseashell1789]

Jennifer Lawrence tries to hard even if it’s part of her personality I think she molded herself that way to appease men she’s the perfect example I’m not like the other girls, it was cute and funny in the beginning but not it’s like she’s trying to hard the exaggeration is cringy.

[@LM-qv7cy]

@@lookaroundyou8108 no she just naturally act masculine toward women and feminine toward men in a balance way and she speak her mind as she please she not too submissive or overpowering

[@-.a9942]

I think that’s I don’t like her. I could never point why I didn’t. Now I know she tries too hard to be not like the other girls.

[@laurenconrad1799]

The cool girl’s defining characteristic is defying the laws of physics. She eats pizza and wings while staying a size 2. She doesn’t care about makeup while always looking as flawless as someone who spent 3 hours in front of the mirror with a massive Sephora bag by her side.

[@lemsip207]

Something I could do when young as I had a fast metabolic rate. Then as I got older I put on weight more easily and also food such as chocolate and cheese caused me to have migraines.

[@dddila]

Cool girl doesn't belong in plus size

[@hadbetterdays8118]

Lauren Conrad also she never get acne from all that junk she's eating because I remember when I ate too much greasy food I got acne very badly. Also because she never gets angry shows how fake she is because being angry is very human

[@AnnaKwonda]

I mean... you can eat pizza and wings and stay a size 2. It's about moderation. Also, you don't have to wear makeup to look good. Just live a holistic and healthy lifestyle, put good stuff on your face, body, eat well, and over time, you'll develop a natural glow. It's. about. moderation.

[@clomyst]

I do that and that's not impossible bruh😂 You need confidence (good genes help too) to look attractive and a fast metabolism to eat that pizza and stay crisp.

[@norasprooten8624]

“I cant believe you read comic books, i mean youre a girl” yea I’m not like other girls, i can read. Most women are literally phisically unable to read comic books but not me!! Im such a cool girl

[@ooin_otaku4282]

Haha I read your comment as soon as he said that😂

[@DaisukeKigurou]

Funny enough there are a lot of fans of manga and anime, and a lot of females I’ve met love bleach and demon slayer. Which is the new series.. Funny enough they relate to a lot of the characters who feel hurt or some sort of emotional pain. If anything it’s the idea that animation or illustrative works don’t matter and are childish. That’s what turns off people is being told not to do something, instead of not caring and allowing people to just LIKE things. If we stop putting limitations on people, and not give a fuck what people like or not and stop bullying people, for what they find interesting.. maybe the world would be easier. You don’t see me picking on people cause they like western comics over Japanese comics. Why? Cause it doesn’t matter. It’s all the same thing!!!

[@julietagreco2799]

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@peacendpola23]

oMg ThaT iS so SeXisT! GirLs Can rEaD! i ReAd mY US weekly eVeRy WeEk

[@ms.x1669]

The whole "not like other girls" rubbish is a tactic to pit women against each other.

[@traviscollura2440]

6:15 Actually I feel like Scarlett Johannson’s portrayal of Black Widow was somewhat of a subversion of the cool girl trope. Yes she’s considered beautiful by the male (and some female) characters and displays other “cool girl” tropes but despite that she manages to maintain completely platonic relations with her male coworkers. This is especially noted with Clint Barton whom is considered her best friend. In fact in Winter Soldier, Natasha is seen wearing a necklace in the shape of an arrow. This was noted by the directors to have been a gift given to here by Clint as a token of their friendship. And keep in mind that Clint is a MARRIED man with a wife who knows of their friendship and has allowed this woman to be an honorary aunt to her three children. Now you might be wondering how this is a “subversion”. It’s a subversion because I find that saying woman can’t display (traditionally) masculine characteristics is in of itself unrealistic and would be very limiting in writing a character. Woman can know how to fight. Woman can drink beer. Woman AND men can have completely platonic relations with one another. It’s not like she hasn’t also shown (traditional) feminine traits as well. In Winter Soldier she’s constantly trying to play matchmaker for Steve and other women she tries to set him up with. In Age of Ultron her and Clint have a conversations regarding decorating in the Barton household, etc. Her backstory and job are certainly fantastical, but as a woman, she’s not a “cool girl.”

[@binboda]

I really appreciate y’all for acknowledging that Vanessa in Deadpool was a “cool girl” too

[@phillconklin382]

How do you know that wasn't her personality?

[@elintilia2790]

@@phillconklin382 That's nobody's personality. If someone tells you otherwise they're lying to you or themselves. Blemish free skin, tousled beach waves, fit body and an impeccably tailored wardrobe are not effortless. Looking like that in real life takes time, dedication and a clean diet. It's a commitment and you can only commit to something like that if you really care, and "cool girls" aren't supposed to care. Cool girls like Vanessa eat junk food, could drink any guy under the table, they barely spend time getting ready in the morning and they do not exercise. And just like Santa Claus, they do not exist.

[@Monie71793]

Elin Tilia My skin is clear irl. I didn’t take several years, my skin stays mostly clear (w/ a few blemishes here & there). It’s not THAT unrealistic to have clear skin.

[@elintilia2790]

@@Monie71793 I'm talking about the whole combo. Nobody has a fit body, frizz free hair, impeccably tailored wardrobe and blemish free skin without putting in considerable effort in 4 out of 5 things.

[@binboda]

@@Monie71793 Lol I feel like you said this just to boast. Clearly the discussion wasn't JUST about having clear skin... But def congrats on yours.

[@yespls6260]

What I find particularly insulting about this trope is that it looks down on feminine, girlish things as inherently shallow .. as if having feminine qualities is a moral failure.

[@lincolncurtis1725]

Exactly. And the irony is that the patriarchy drilled a lot of it into society’s head that women need to act a certain way like putting on makeup and wearing feminine clothes.

[@janmil5630]

They tell their wives and girlfriends they prefer natural girls with no makeup and then proceed to go check out hot girls they don't know have makeup on outside and wanna screw them.

[@GiaCrupi]

It’s actually absurd how I’ve just now noticed I’ve basically brainwashed myself to following this path from all the tv shows and movies I’ve watched in favor of the female character having masculine qualities. I catch myself not wanting to do certain things or wear certain things or silently judging people who are doing them because i see it as shallow bc it’s super feminine. Sucks that i think like this 🤮 don’t know how to fix it it’s been engraved in my mind for a very long time

[@lincolncurtis1725]

Giavonna Marie it’s great that you’re aware of it though

[@TNDCBaby]

@@GiaCrupi Truthfully, some things are shallow. As long as they're not judging you or crapping on you for not enjoying what they're doing it should be a bit easier to start remembering that we don't have to have the same definition of fun.

[@fishbeaumont1907]

I really wish I would have watched this video as a kid. It would have saved me so much heartache

[@Kate-dm7qs]

"I'm not like most girls" ... but what's wrong with most girls?? "I just LOVE food. I really eat" - because apparently the rest of us dont :/

[@saanvisudesh2873]

This is the reason, of all the songs out there about "female empowerment", I love Hailee Steinfield's "Most Girls". The entirety of the song and the video just promotes being comfortable with what you are, or changing yourself only for you. The perfect message

[@saanvisudesh2873]

@@Marie-di5gl And those of us who eat, LOOK like we eat

[@evebennets8497]

😂😂

[@LovesDarkBlue]

Right? And what’s wrong with not eating? I feel like now I’ll get judged for deciding on a salad to be healthier if I’m not the ‘cool girl’ that order a burger and a beer. Ya know?

[@amadbunny7359]

Yeah we don't eat at all

[@angelac.806]

“Cool girls “ still get cheated on ....lesson I learned in my 20’s...it’s a complete waste of time... being yourself is authentic and effortless ... and that’s truly attractive ❤️thanks for sharing.

[@angelikabatwoman]

so true!!

[@Surnamehere]

Because the stereotypical “cool girls” are pushovers and not quick to set boundaries. If they are strong, they are quickly written off as bitches.

[@IvanaHonda]

Being cheated on does not have anything to do with being "cool" or not, because you are cheated ON. Also some girls are authentic and effortless and still can fall into the category of said "cool" girl. So yeah just be yourself, no matter what society dictates.

[@phillconklin382]

So you weren't cool. Some girls are genuinely cool. Maybe you deserved to be cheated on if you were faking being someone you weren't.

[@IvanaHonda]

@@phillconklin382 are you serious? I doubt any person (male/female) deserves to be cheated on. I get that for some people monogamy is not the best option, but then do not be in relationship and run free.

[@kboffline]

let's be honest, women are only allowed to like traditionally "masculine" things to a certain extent -- we can play video games, but aren't allowed to criticize games / the gaming community since that would threaten the masculine stronghold on the industry

[@victorias9117]

lmao true. i cant phantom how much i hate that side of the gaming community. although it has lessen over the years, there are some guys who actually believe that girls don't like games, and if they do, they can never be as good as the guys.

[@kboffline]

@@victorias9117 and even if you're psuedo-accepted into their community, it's either because you're a hot potential dating prospect, or you're good enough to beat all the guys for the clickbait-y "i got beaten...y a GIRL??" stereotype... can't just enjoy the game as a normal human woman

[@virz4432]

"Not allowed"? Have you been put in jail for that? I don't think so. You're allowed to do all of that and more. If others don't like it it's THEIR personal problem, NOT yours.

[@kboffline]

@@virz4432 it's their problem, but i'm the one who gets the verbal abuse from it

[@Lea-ep1bi]

Funny how ~50% of gamers are girls...

[@carnationsinclarity]

Whats with guys who barely put effort into themselves always being the most picky about girls Also they don't want a "cool laid back girl who never gets angry" they don't wanna face the consequences of their actions

[@AlicelenaKatniss1234]

Jennifer Lawrence also got backlash when she started moving away from her 'cool girl' persona, once she started speaking up about politics and her views, people were quick to shut her down and tell her that she should stick to acting instead of imposing her beliefs on everyone else.

[@bettyboop6137]

gucci piggy Lmaoo wtf??

[@panicontheargo7034]

gucci piggy come again?

[@AshaSara]

@@faye969 she did lol

[@annie10103]

@@panicontheargo7034 She was filming something in Hawaii, and she was in a scuba suit next to some important sacred boulders, and she decided to itch her butt on the rock for some reason. She told the story on the Graham Norton show and played it off as something funny, but it was actually kinda uncomfortable because Chris Pratt (who lived in Hawaii and obviously knows the culture) was sitting right next to her looking scandalised.

[@AnnaKwonda]

It's hard to win as a woman.

[@MartialArtsCat101]

The monologue resonated with me when i first watched Gone Girl and you've articulate why. Thanks, you guys are always really good at that.

[@AGrrrlsTwoSoundCents]

"But the total liberation of the cool girl will only come when she stops trying to get by in a man's world, and starts working towards a world where women are free to be whoever they want to be." LOUDER

[@doglovingirl]

Also, I went to film school. TRUST me when I say the men writing these movies truly have the gall to create these tropes. What was worse was seeing all of the insecure film nerds date the dancers at my school and treat them like garbage. And then go on to become these writers and directors in the film industry with an extremely warped perspective and continue to perpetuate the "Cool Girl" or "Manic Pixie Dream Girl" tropes

[@peacendpola23]

A cool girl should be: Someone that is nice to people That is all.

[@oof-wi7hp]

aww :) agreed

[@ALu-nq8rf]

Kindness is punk rock.

[@AJ-cq5pw]

That’s very vague.

[@peacendpola23]

@@AJ-cq5pw How?

[@레이오비츠]

Is this Betty?

[@Spinningirl21]

Also, in Black Swan we see how Natalie Portman is starving herself and tearing her body apart while Mila chows down on a burger (of course!🙄) when they go out together. Mila’s character is free in spirit, has fun and still somehow manages to be great at what she does while Natalie’s character is uptight and rigid while also spiraling out of control.

[@HiHello-wz6bx]

Not really. I mean she eats a cheeseburger, drinks beer and is sexually liberated but she wasnt "cool girl" in that movie. She spiraled out of control because she was so uptight and such a perfectionist she could just relax and go with the flow. When she did she just lost it..

[@saragolightly]

Meanwhile both actresses were actually on starvation diets to get the ballerina look they wanted

[@HeyMykee]

"Mila chows down on a burger" The character is actually a perfect foil for what Nina's character is going through. Try looking at it as a movie, as 2 characters designed to contrast each other. Does this channel call out all the stereotypical male roles, or does it only go one way?

[@HeyMykee]

@@saragolightly "both actresses were actually on starvation diets" As the men also do to play superheroes or sexy studs. What's your point?

[@guokfdukknbgjk9416]

Mila wasn't a cool girl though

[@aviparmy-lthatblinkedoncew774]

cool girl are basically literally just considered pretty tomboys Edit: thanks for the likes

[@evimbourger]

A vip army-L that blinked once who’s ikonik and they’re similarly misogynistic concepts too.

[@christopherbrown2706]

Who actually exist, though...

[@gabriellecarvalho2614]

tomboys with nice long hair and a bit of makeup

[@lgbtorion]

A vip army-L that blinked once who’s ikonik that’s not true at all. “tom boys” are masculine presenting and masculinity in women is almost never celebrated. “cool girls” are hyper feminine but enjoy things that are socially considered masculine or something that men usually enjoy

[@christopherbrown2706]

@@lgbtorion they're not "hyperfeminine" because that's too time-consuming, but effortlessly feminine

[@idiotsandwich1045]

To be fair, Robin from HIMYM was raised that way. We see that she would have prefered being a normal girl than basically a boy. She moved with her mom and could finally express her feminine side. In the last season, Lily tried to organize a hen party for her, but she didn't have female friends. Because she _didn't know_ how to appeal to women

[@jakeystarsuper]

Every women is different so I don’t think there’s a way to appear to them

[@lesbianspacecadet]

“I wanna date a girl who’s like one of the guys” don’t be a coward, just date one of the guys!

[@Letsventelchisme]

🤣🤣🤣

[@jamesgentry13]

So you're saying girls can't share the same interests as guys? Why date someone if they don't share the same interests.

[@Ajwad99]

@@jamesgentry13 idk how to reply to this comment. I agree with what ur saying but I think ur missing the point

[@jamesgentry13]

@@Ajwad99 I think you miss the point when we say we want to date a girl that is like one of the guys.

[@natsuki7325]

@@jamesgentry13 it was a joke 😑

[@aliz.5305]

If you’ve ever said “I’m not like other girls.” Or “I’m not a typical girl..”, it’s time to realize how pathetic that actually sounds. By the way, if a guy tells you that you’re not like other girls, he’s saying what he thinks you want to hear. My sister was told that same thing by every love interest and yet they never committed. One guy who would repeatedly tell her how impressed he was with her for nothing being like all of the other girls ended up engaged to a stripper a year later.

[@vins1979]

How about when a guy says "I'm not like the other boys. I'm not a typical boy"? Isn't he pathetic too? I think that, in a sense, this whole 'cool girl' thing is just the complement of the 'prince charm' thing. Even though, I must say, I think that it is more likely to find an actual cool girl, within certain limits (one of the limits being, well, reality!), then an actual prince charm. I've got many friends who are really cool girls, but I've never found my prince charm :-(

[@micheledesfontaine6057]

@@vins1979 If a guy says that to me, he's blocked.

[@toomuchinformation]

@@micheledesfontaine6057 Quite rightly.

[@macarenanavarrete7689]

you kinda floped with the stripper part

[@ms.x1669]

@@vins1979 if he says he's "not like other guys" he definitely is. He is the poster boy for "other guys "

[@kikwabyebye]

Yo it’s wild that all the clips were characters except for Jennifer Lawrence. The Jennifer Lawrence clips were her in real life.

[@Hanapetals]

Chikwa Hambayi or that’s what she wants you to think and plays that facet of herself up

[@aubriewilliams880]

This video made me realize that JLaws public persona is a character

[@ColetteV]

I never liked Jeniffer Lawrence because of that, she overacts all the time and is constantly bragging about her "I'm not like the other girls, look at me everybody, im soo quirky and exaggerated!" She is over doing it all the time, also she keeps trying to fall down during awards and she is very histrionic.

[@unicornmagic8610]

Hanapetals actually wtf women can have strong personalities without it being all a show for men

[@squeen666]

cocomoonlight this video was literally about how women should be able to express their personalities without being judged and now you’re criticizing her? You’re stupid

[@robinperkins7623]

You can't even imagine how much this video has changed my perspective

[@absinthefandubs9130]

"Not like other girls" implies those "other" girls actually exist. Never met them anywhere.

[@ronjag158]

Yeah, it implies that all other girls are one homogeneous mass that's significantly less interesting and has less character traits or unique things to define them. Telling a girl she's not like other girls isn't telling her she's unique, it's literally not a compliment.

[@zzulm]

"I'm just a toy that people enjoy until the tricks don't work anymore, and they get bored of me" from the song "liability"

[@Autom4tic]

“I want you to be a size 0 but also eat pizza everyday, never go to the gym and don’t care about your health at all”. Sure, fam.

[@techno-boy-toy]

Autom4tic LMFAOOO

[@chizo1841]

Ok but that’s literally me. Except replace pizza with takis

[@ARedVelvetBunnie]

Galaxy Charm k

[@haleyezuniga]

I think people have a problem with this idea because they fail to realize that some girls can actually be that way. I am a size 0 , I eat a lot of food and never exercise yet I don’t gain weight because I just have a naturally fast metabolism. It almost makes me feel as if I’ve done something wrong... Edit - I can’t help that my metabolism is fast. People actually used to think I was anorexic when I was younger.

[@Frasianfamily]

Autom4tic It’s totally possible until you turn 40 or have a kid. Then those unhealthy eating habits and not working out catches up with you. Even supermodels admit to this.

[@zaheera530]

While I wasn't aware of it at the time, I spent my entire teen years betraying myself in the hopes of being the "cool girl" to the point where I couldn't even decipher who I really was, or what I actually liked and wanted to be. It's devastating to look back on but I just hope that by shining light on the ridiculousness of this trope, other young girls/women wont fall into this unattainable trap.

[@Ariel-ps8je]

"But the total liberation of the cool girl will only come when she stops trying to get by in a man's world and starts working towards a world where women are free to be whoever they want to be, and this is considered cool." This line caught me in my feels.

[@cristieby]

I'd add "when she no longer needs to be hot in order to be cool".

[@timocruz510]

@@cristieby Not all guys think this way. This video makes a lot of generalities about Men's expectations of Women... kinda like how the screenwriters have made a lot of generalities about female characters. Not every guys thinks the same way. I for one think these "cool girl" characters are definitely over the top and unrealistic. This is the film/entertainment industry we are talking about.

[@kimberlytennison6970]

I absolutely agree, except it comes across as hypocritical in this video when she just judged real live women 5 seconds earlier for eating pizza and liking xbox

[@Ariel-ps8je]

@@timocruz510 I think this is definitely a flaw in the video. I think the video is about the way that the cool girl trope impacts women's attitudes towards themselves and other women. It comes off as judging the way that men see women, but I think what it is trying to say is that women judge themselves based on this idea of a "cool girl." And when they pretend to be that way, they are validated by people telling them they aren't like other girls and that's shitty because it has the implication that there is something inferior about being like other girls. There are a few things they say in this video that kinda undermine their point by making generalizations, but ultimately I was still moved by this insight that I quoted. To me it said that we should strive not to compare ourselves to what other people value in a woman, but forge our own path in our expression of femininity, masculinity, and un-gendered human-ness. I find it an empowering reminder that sometimes we perceive our own social value on a scale that degrades ourselves and/or others because of some shit we have internalized through media and social interaction. This video is definitely flawed, but I found it worth the watch for this sentiment at the end.

[@Ariel-ps8je]

@@kimberlytennison6970 Yeah I was finding that really frustrating throughout the video when they were using those examples of real life women "faking it." Later in the video they elaborated and it made a bit more sense but it was not communicated clearly enough IMO. I think the point is that these women actually like pizza and Xbox and it is a part of their personality, but they will then hide other parts of their personality and promote these aspects. And the other parts of their personality are not necessarily feminine, but just stronger personality traits, topics that they feel passionate about, or skills that they play down in service of this image that they are not too emotionally attached to anything and they are not threatening to the people that find them "cool." It seems that no woman is like this not because no women have these interests and personality traits, but because the trope is too shallow to show the full picture of any human being. This is not well communicated in the video and I think that there is definitely a sense of hypocrisy, especially because it makes perfect sense for women in the media to only portray a shallow image of themselves because they do not owe the public a deeper look into their identities.

[@faithy8756]

men just need to realize they wanna date their bros

[@KenShackler]

So let them! There's plenty of men who don't want a cool girl, so just ignore the guys who want to date a bro.

[@millicentbystander4502]

ooop someone said it

[@mistertuesday3131]

I can confirm. I dated cool girls and tomboys before realizing I like to order the Meat Lovers pizza.

[@pacrat190]

Homie love 😌 but maybe more than homie love 😳😳

[@nataliamoura7743]

Lmaoooo

[@shereenryn9446]

She likes beer and junk food yet never get fat. That's a superpower.

[@lc4751]

No, that's a lie, but I guess superpowers are lies too.

[@mariag7324]

Well liking it doesn’t mean eating it 😂

[@anotherrandomguy8871]

@@mariag7324 “eating it often” you mean

[@teddiespicker]

I mean I do eat a lot of snacks but somehow I don’t gain weight and that’s concerning considering that I’m underweight and have anemia-

[@maia_anissa]

Or cystic fibrosis.

[@robinsparkles1651]

Okay I see what the problem is, but at the same time loving things typically “manly” or being a tomboy is not a bad thing since personalities, hobbies etc don’t have a gender. I’ve always been a bit tomboyish so I usually relate with these type of female characters. The problem ofc is the male gaze in general

[@michaelagarner1282]

I agree, the problem isn't "masculine" interests. It's how these female characters exist to be pleasingly supportive to the male leaving the female character to degrade "feminine" traits as inferior while never actually challenging anything in their world despite the author's insistence that the female is "rebellious" or "a feminist" regardless of the female character's actual lack of beliefs and actions.

[@michaelagarner1282]

The trope also presents an impossible standard of: 1. Never having "upsetting" or "challenging" emotions 2. Maintaing an hourglass figure despite their obscene love of food and lack of hygiene 3. Never dicussing topics that aren't sterotypically masculine in nature 4. Being content while your partner provides zero respect towards you

[@trinaq]

I always interpreted the "Cool Girl" trope as not being a woman who has stereotypically masculine traits, but rather about women who are constantly viewing themselves through the eyes of men, and becoming whatever they envision them to be. She's the boyish equivalent of the "Manic Pixie Dream Girl", and usually have no agency of their own, outside of attracting the male protagonist. ⚽🎮

[@christopherbrown2706]

How do they HAVE no agency?

[@trinaq]

@@christopherbrown2706 Well, from the male standpoint at least, they merely exist to create the image of the idealised, "Perfect" woman, who doesn't really exist, so they're never allowed to develop their own agency. Amy was so busy trying to fall into that category for Nick, that they never really got to know each other outside of her "Cool" facade.

[@christopherbrown2706]

@@trinaq DENYING/SUBVERTING one's agency=/=HAVING no agency, though. Also, who said that women's agency AUTOMATICALLY has to run counter to a man's?

[@christopherbrown2706]

@@trinaq and the "perfect woman" for these male creators and protagonists=/=the "perfect woman" PERIOD.

[@monicacreator3168]

@@christopherbrown2706 that person didn't say that "women's agency AUTOMATICALLY has to run counter to a man's", they only said that the cool girl trope look like they did not develop their own agency

[@annabelwinningham4951]

Y’all, this video isn’t to be like “cool girls are bad” but more saying that it’s an expected stereotype but when a woman isn’t hot, thinks for herself, or somehow becomes “too much” for men than the idealization for this trope wears away. It’s okay to be female and like masculine things. What’s not okay is men defining the hot cool girl as being the perfect girl

[@KenShackler]

No, by "cool girls" we mean girls who pretend to like masculine stuff just to impress boys and that's not okay. It's okay to enjoy these so called masculine stuff, but don't pretend to like them just to impress someone.

[@unknownstranger6875]

@@KenShackler Agreed, but I strongly believe these women aren’t faking it and a lot of these videos are blowing things out of proportion. A lot of the women complaining about cool girls are bitter, jealous women who aren’t getting the attention they want from men, so they assume these “cool girls” are faking it in order to make themselves feel better about themselves. Mind you some women do pretend to like more male oriented activities in order to be more appealing to men, a lot of women aren’t faking it.

[@loree_212]

@@KenShackler yes but it's not always like that, some girls just have that type of personality and it isn't just to impress boys

[@slychicken661]

True! I relate alot to these "cool girls" however I'm a realistic one you might say. I gain weight if I dont workout, I am not model-type pretty. At the end of the day I love feminine things and my best friends are girls, although I get along with guys easily

[@wiswc]

She's perfect for them, you don't decide that, they do

[@naomistarlight6178]

"Not lite beer but BEER!" *maintains a size between 0 and 2*

[@haley5735]

BRUH true I have friends who have good metabolisms and like video games and guys like them so much more... total bs

[@lanalace3470]

That is actually possible if you eat healthy 80-90 % of the time and regularly lift heavy weights. Then you can afford to be "bad" now and then and still have a bangin' body.

[@lanalace3470]

@Altoid Bazingá I did the same for a while when I had an eating disorder. You just can not get away with overeating everyday and not get fat. Unless you train really hard OR if you have some kind of disease.

[@haley5735]

@Altoid Bazingá Good point! My friends don't show any signs of eating disorders, but I appreciate your message

[@cristie1678]

liking some of the things that “cool girls” like isn’t bad, it’s bad when you make your whole personality trait.

[@cm-yu6gu]

Yes Hobbies/interests are not personality traits The 'cool girl' is never known for her kindness, only chilledness