The Dangerous Trend of Mislabeling Narcissists

[@MeryemSparks]

You don't need a diagnosis to tell you that a person is toxic and you can leave. Just the fact that they've showed that they don't care about your well being is enough.

[@JustinSwimberlake5236]

That doesn't in itself make someone a narcissist though...you're missing the whole point of the video

[@InnovationTree]

Npd are very subtle in their manipulation and their strategies are ones you don't see coming unless you have experienced it or studied it for years to fully understand them. Its like a frog placed in water brought up to boil over five years… they are very cunning

[@angelamitchell1385]

As someone who was genuinely abused by narcissists for 35 plus years and have studied the psychology for 6 I approve this message ✌️

[@lyndkent-cl2oe]

Amen!

[@Seasofsophia]

I agree. I was married to someone diagnosed with anti social personality disorder. The abuse is awful. But I think ,what everyone jumping on the bandwagon reveals; is that there’s a spectrum. Maybe it is true that a high percentage of people have some traits, but not a problem as such. Like many people have some autism traits , another bandwagon. I was so grateful for these videos 10yrs ago when I need to understand it and start healing. I think that it is now mainstream can only be a good thing even if it’s annoying sometimes. Rather someone is over cautious than falls for a psychopath, the problem is they never mean 😂 not at the beginning and not obviously so.

[@ptsdandme2799]

Exactly. When I tell my story, so many people then reiterate a story they think is also Narc abuse but it's just an asshole.

[@detjaggillar8081]

🎯😏

[@cliffyslicks207]

Absolutely 👍🏼

[@marycampeau9378]

i use the word "toxic" for abusive people

[@JanniceBailey]

Me too

[@bondizzle12]

Same

[@EcoVintageArtGifts]

That seems to be the best approach.

[@Goofygoose494]

Narcs very different to toxic relationships

[@GG-ul8ne]

Same for me. I've been abused by toxic, abusive monsters, since childhood. I've been NC from those abusive siblings & from toxic ex (fake) friends, in-laws, ever since my toxic abusive husband passed away, in 2019. That was a lot. But I know that, should each of them have been diagnosed, then they could have any number of different disorders. My late husband had to be medicated for his moods, as it was.

[@NicoleMachele]

I agree that narcissism is being overused these days but I am extremely grateful that there is more awareness about what it is… I heard the term growing up from my brother but we didn’t have the internet or quick access to what the criteria was, so I didn’t take much notice… I know now that my mum has NPD and I can get help for CPTSD… it was my normal, so I’ve had to get help to accept that it’s not me… I am in constant freeze mode now at 56 and no contact for the past 6 years… but I am finally able to breathe and have days without that constant gnawing pit of anxiety 😥

[@lesegopase4539]

I want to agree that this term may be overused which waters down the severity and harm it causes to victims. Not knowing the criteria shouldn’t negate the victim’s experience, sometimes people don’t have the language to articulate what is happening to them. It takes a long time to finally be aware so invalidating the victims experience for lack of vocabulary to express the behaviour is dangerous as it further confuses someone who’s already suffering from the gaslighting. Narcissism exists on a spectrum and we should always make the distinction between someone who has narcissistic traits and someone who is diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

[@ashton1952]

The words of the person don't need to be fancy; if someone can describe the situations and the effects on them and these are big indicators, they have to be taken seriously.

[@marknieuweboer8099]

That's why I refuse to label psychological abusers. Abuse is abuse, no matter the label. It should be noted that narcissism, psychopathy, sociopathy are not scientific categories anymore. It's called antisocial personality disorder and that contains a quite a wide range of abusive behaviour.

[@marie_84]

No. Not every narcissist has an anti social personality disorder. Narcs abuse, with APD they kill.

[@binbots]

From my experience it seems the ones that constantly call other people narcissists are usually the narcissist.

[@avonbelle]

100% . My ex called me toxic, he was the most toxic person I know. He blocked me and left Facebook with a big announcement, three weeks later he's back to posting and I'm unblocked, probably so he can orbit me. I've blocked him now. At 46, he still needs to grow up.

[@DailyPaily]

From my experience too

[@JustinSwimberlake5236]

BINGO

[@JustinSwimberlake5236]

It's literally weaponized by narcissists as a part of their smear campaign. Darvo.

[@cliffyslicks207]

What about the people who only call one person a narcissist? The people who actually live it! If you truly have been in narcissistic relationship.., you probably wouldn’t think that way.. that’s my experience.

[@irisseer2773]

I've only ever used the term narcissist for the two people in my life who are. And they've proven it to me over and over again. One was diagnosed with NPD the other would never go to a therapist.

[@paulaankrah]

I agree. My dad was a Dark Triad. It's like when everyone was throwing around the word bipolar...

[@robinwrenn-fiore3168]

Thank you for this post. Simply labeling someone as a “narcissist “ is a disservice to anyone who endured the abuse of a narcissist who was diagnosed by a psychiatrist. I dealt with the latter.

[@clairexxx0405]

Absolutely 💯 it's a word that's way too over used in an inappropriate way.

[@marie_84]

Yes & No. Seems a lot of young people mixing bipolar with NPD... But you have to remember: In the US at least 40 million people have Npd. So ofc we gonna use the word a lot...it's not our fault, that some bimbos are uneducated & use Npd so loosely... 🤨

[@60sGirl123]

I joined ACA and led with that phrase. The leader tried to tell me I was over using that phrase. Then the stories came out and they were horrified. He told me I should write a book about my life.

[@ashton1952]

Exactly those who've been through it know, and describe it.

[@mashedheadball8435]

Thank you for addressing this. I've been under and continue to be under abuse by my full blown NPD sister for years. I refer to it as NPD when I talk about specifically. Narcissism is so over used it's lost a lot of meaning and people who are suffering real abuse are just automatically dismissed. It's discouraging.

[@parathings]

Who wants to brag about being abused by one of those people

[@jacquelinevd977]

Went no contact last year with my malignant narcissist sister who started to stalk me. At first I got anxiety attacks, than started to heal from my burnout and severe concussion. Kept her at a distance for years however this cunning bitch started to send her orders and parcels at my living address. Even wanted to put me in a mental institution protecting her own mental disorder upon me in an attempt to adopt my daughter. Didn't invite this hypocrite at mom's funeral as she doesn't know what love is, knows how to behave properly at family events. Lost my smile and spontaneous self over the years.

[@lynneleverton8825]

My neighbour brags, in fact she made it sound more like gaining a trophy than being abused!

[@ashton1952]

@para A lot of people do... just look in some of the comment sections esp where they're accusing avoidantly attached people. It gets to the point of ridiculous; detracts from those who've been through legit narc mistreatment.

[@janetfedeles3964]

No one! No one here either, I would bet.

[@Goofygoose494]

Absolutely on 👉 I kept quiet re x as a narc... As people don't understand what as a survivor you go through. It's only in last couple of years that everyone says I know a narc n they this they that. 😱 Your life after a NARC is never the same..

[@cdagger2862]

All the more reason to educate people on who and what these people truly are.

[@MaryJ_78]

I’m curious, what do you tell them? Because my sister has an asshole ex but definitly isn’t a narc. She still has good contact with him and he takes good care of their daughter. But I was abused by my exnarc for 29 years and my sis keeps saying: ‘Yes I know all about it, mine is also a narc.’ That is so annoying and hurts, but I struggle with how to react to her.

[@cliffyslicks207]

You are 1000% right! I’m dealing with this same issue in my current divorce after 16yrs. I always thought that if I do more… she’ll change & love me like a normal wife. It took my friends & family to actually get me to open my eyes to the constant abuse. I became responsible for her happiness. I feel like such a fool. But now I understand that I’m in the fight for my life back! Thank you for your words of wisdom! 🤙🏼

[@Toolbeltbunnygirl]

Agreed; I've met so many people who have said "I was in a relationship w a narcissist" and the more they talk the more I'm thinking nah you weren't. One of the downsides of raised awareness of a very serious and damaging condition. Another, and I've experienced this myself to the point where, if I MUST reveal abuse which is primarily to explain what I've lost and am recovering from when it becomes a problem; I say domestic abuse tea and sympathies. I say narcissistic abuse blank stares, disbelief, or utter dismissal. I firmly believe if you haven't experienced it you can't understand how damaging it can be, so this is a thing I don't even try to explain. But I'm still working through very heavy damage that's cost me almost all of my friends, job, executive functioning and health. With the raised awareness comes a deluge of authors and other content creators who make broad generalizations and present complex issues as easy to digest bites and never really get to the core of healing. And let's not forget all of the hysteria about narcissists being demons or demonically possessed or generally evil. That's giving them way too much power and frankly makes a thinking person say yeah, alrighty, how about I turn down the volume and clean the bathroom or spend time w my dog and you rant about the minions of hell and reinforce nonsense when people who have genuinely been turned into jelly and are needing to rebuild could use serious self examination and work. On the one hand I wish it were better and more widely understood what it does to a person, on the other as you say it's a virtual epidemic of cluster B hysteria.

[@lolabear6788]

True, but after ten years of studying and observing over years, you can identity a narcissist.

[@fightingfiresusa2961]

I think he’s referring to the people that watch a couple videos and start diagnosing everyone. Emotional abuse is a serious subject. I’ve been thru hell at the hands of my narcissistic spouse, the last thing I want is to hear some idiot using the word narcissist as easily as they use the word jerk or assh*le. As if it’s trending or cool. Lives have been ruined by these emotional criminals.

[@svetu9411]

People don’t believe me. I am alone against someone who is erasing my world. And there are no words to put it where it is understood.

[@rachellewis5016]

I use the term ‘abuser/s’, because that’s what they DO to other people. Doesn’t really matter why they abuse. It only matters they DO abuse and very rarely stop.

[@Pielobyte]

Exactly

[@xajicz]

In my expierence people with personality disorders mostly aren't that bad, they just have an harder and lonelier time in life. The people with tendencies of those disorders are the people you gotta watch out for

[@eattravellovejoy20]

Yes and no. Yes bc people need a language to describe what they are currently going thru. And no bc they are not experts but they are using words that are actually diagnostic for severe mental illnesses.

[@nadir8804]

I learnt about the existence of narcissistic personality after going through your 10 points of detection. All this after having already gone no contact with my partner after being through it all for 13 years. It answered all my unanswerable questions about the behaviour which I had simply named as egocentrism and my refusal to believe such traits actually exist in people. Thank you for helping me understand as it convinced me to not falling back into that manipulation abuse trap all over again for the 'nth time.

[@ElisabethBowell]

You’re exactly right. Even though it’s a serious issue in society the term is so often over used. Someone will see one thing about a person without knowing any context and just write them off as a narcissist, when in fact they don’t even fit into the mold of someone with NPD. Everyone has traits that can be deemed as ‘toxic”. It’s part of being human but it certainly does not mean they have NPD.

[@UnlimitedFlyers]

That sounds like a covert narcissist that's worried he'll soon be brought into the open. Perhaps submitting to a cross-examination is in order.

[@tamarapetrovic6397]

I'm the same if you don't feed me and haven't slept 😅

[@kellywilcox2650]

23 yrs of this mess. Didn't know that it was a thing until him.....I thought my mother was the only person that was that way....ugh!

[@adrianomendola9137]

At last, some clarity with truth. The word abuse is also incorrectly used at times, also by therapists who are only being told one side of the entire story. I have no doubt that narcissistic abuse exists and that is awful.

[@jacquelinevd977]

Are you living in denial and self deception? Abuse triggered me.

[@elmaswanepoel1598]

I'll never use that term loosely again! It's a harrowing experience. Then add co-dependent as well.

[@mikeperkins-y2h]

A marriage counselor picked up my ex wife was BPD and HPD. Oddly enough the only conversation out of my exes mouth was about my narcissist issues 🤦🏻‍♂️ luckily I’m free and healed now.

[@christinav3383]

Exactly, people think they can diagnose and put labels on others. My narcissistic sisters did that to me they labelled me and my daughter as mad because we are different to them. We are both athletes so think we are crazy. They’re both jealous of us in my opinion.

[@Pielobyte]

Im borderline; its treatable and it doesnt excuse past behavior or automatically make me a villian

[@davidpagan4618]

My mom was def😢one of them but it taught me that I was an underachiever just so I can go harder from childhood thinking about that that’s deep because I’ve always been an overachiever and had an Amazing multicultural experience from the backyard community to the schools all over because my mom refused the way I was treated I didn’t see a problem but she did I was told to stay quiet about the family growing up so I found joy in having fun

[@OsobniRačun]

But isn't this his own bread and butter

[@raewynanderson2242]

Years ago Richard covered a wide variety of topics looking at subjects as varied as how to protect oneself physically, how to function with cptsd, philosophy, book reviews (Dostoevsky etc). He got pigeon-holed into this narcissism topic mostly from people seeking information about narcissistic facts/traits that I suspect people wanted to use to label other people with. I recommend checking out some of Richard's other work as he makes some fascinating insights.

[@gracebe235]

To me, toxic, abusive, narcissist, butthole, or asshole, are interchangeable…..just depends on the mood I’m in or how generous I feel at the moment. 😂

[@pickle9753]

We arrived at that point three years ago already

[@Goldberry44]

I have encountered this many times.

[@ND-or5so]

Yes. I know what a full-blown narcissist is, and i don't confused them. We, as regular people all act out, but there is a difference with a full-blown narcissist. It is big time patterns, cycles and full barg of abuse emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. RICHARD, they can be the laziest person in every aspect, but do you notice a difference in them when they want to beat you down in the mind? They have tremendous strength only on that and nothing else, but that's my opinion

[@JustinSwimberlake5236]

Thank You.

[@Deanoko222]

That’s the difference, I actually mapped it out with the criteria and the subtypes.. so I didn’t really do that?

[@NikkiMarie4130]

Facts

[@pupupu1955]

I guess the word is "overused" because both narcissism and pschopathy are a spectrum, there are lightweight and heavyweight participants. I know people who are narcissists but are not that dangerous because they had and still have a comfortable life, they have financial security and they always have a crowd of buddies sorrunding them, so basically their needs are met. These lightweight narcs usually refer to their acquintances as threads on their spiderweb that they go to whenever they need something from that direction but they don't want to ruin everyone and everything because they are more sophisticated, they are aware that in order to gain the most they need to trim the sheep and not eat the sheep. They learned that patience is rewarding. The really dangerous ones are the ones that grew up in poverty, hate their family and don't have buddies that they can control or use or their buddies are just as bad as they are. These are the really obvious ones and the really cruel ones. If we add up both ends of the spectrum then 10-20% are narcs. In my opinion only of course, these are only my personal observations.

[@Seasofsophia]

I agree that’s it’s a spectrum disorder but I think it differs in the degree of empathy people re capable of feeling. It’s a spectrum of slightly less than average empathy to low empathy to no empathy. With the no empathy being on the extreme end.

[@pupupu1955]

@@Seasofsophia Well, I would go a bit further with narcs and psychos, because both have very low or no empathy at all. I my eyes a lightweight narc barely has any empathy or no empathy and the fact that he or she is not really dangerous only comes from them having a stable background. They grew up in a financially stable family where the acceptable etiquette was taught, where they had a chance to perfect their craft and have learned how to seem average and learned how to handle others so they can fit in to average groups. The only difference between a lightweight and a heavyweight is how they grew up. The heavyweights are evil because they have an endless rage towards other people for having less and for growing up in an environment that forced them to have hardships. These ones feel like you owe them just because you had it better or have it better. They wont stop untill they drained you dry or end you. While the lightweights will also abuse others they wont go that far, they don't want to end you or totally destroy you, they just want an obedient dog that they can command and occasionally kick around and then trick back with fake love and a few treats so that the cycle can continue on and on for as long as they want it to last. Basically one is a horrible person that plays around with other peoples emotions and uses others for their own benefit while the other one is just pure evil that wants to devour your life, wants to cause suffering wants to destroy and wants to spill their endless rage on you. Unfortunately, in my experience 10-20% of people have very low empathy but most of them are able to hide it because they know what to say, how to say it, how to react, etc.

[@ashton1952]

Poverty and or wealth has nothing to do with it. It's about insecurity/self-loathing (which they project so they can hate/rage on you instead of themselves), control and entitled-ness. Too much protection from disappointment growing up, believing they deserve your time, energy, attention, etc.

[@ashton1952]

@@pupupu1955 I think you're referring to anti-social disorder rather than npd. That's often with low-class criminals. Psycho's are often at the top of the rich class, owners of companies etc. Ruthless and zero empathy. They don't spin out of control like narcs w/ rage fits etc, They're totally cold. *but I'm also generalizing about class etc. Surely there are exceptions, as I said wealth or lack aren't determiners.

[@pupupu1955]

@@ashton1952 I have to disagree. Poverty plays a huge role because these people are entitled and consider themselves to be better than the rest and therefore they think that it is a huge injustice that despite being better, smarter, prettier, they are the ones that have to lack basic necessities. Being poor is not only uncomfortable but it is nerverecking, knowing that one little mistake can end in a disaster. Being poor means that you are not allowed to make mistakes and being wealthy means that you can make a lot of mistakes. This alone is very stressfull and agitating and even normal people would feel angry and desperate sometimes as the huge differences are indeed very unfair. For example, the psycho, narc, evil biatch I used to know, always said that the biggest problem is that there is no natural selection in our society and therefore stupid people that have money, have an unfair advantage in life. She also wanted to poison her "friend" at least 2 times to make things right and allow natural selection to do it's work. Another one, the alcoholic one, had the audacity to call out one of his drinking buddies for being richer than he thought he was, like if it was some kind of sin to be better off than he was. He was so pissed at nothing, the whole situation just seemed unreal. I used to volunteer at a youth center and most of the guys there were seriously mentally ill and the narcs had their own group and all of them were either poor or very poor. They would refer to people that had some money (not even rich ones) as the "enemy" and they would sit around all afternoon and make fun of the others and plot their revenge on other people just for existing. Basically poverty brings out the worst in everyone and if that someone happens to be a narc then the end result is just pure evil. You mentioned that psychos are often CEOs and rich and get their way, which is true, but the important aspect is if they grew up in poverty or not. Growing up in poverty is what triggers the demon in their minds as when they are kids, they don't really have control over their financial status, they can't make their own money so they are stuck in the hellhole for at least 15-18 years. They become CEOs later on when they are old enough to work. Of course there are narcs and psychos who grew up well off, but they are different in my opinion because they did not have the same demon triggered in them. There is also a very interesting case that kind of proves my point, if you search "The Neuroscientist Who Discovered He Was a Psychopath" you will see a bunch of articles about a psycho doctor. He says it himself, that the reason why he did not become a criminal or pure evil is because he had an amazing childhood, with loving parents and a stable household. Sorry for the long answer, but i had to prove my point somehow.

[@jelkel25]

This has been going on for years on YT. You have the usually self proclaimed life coaches who's majority audience are people where every ex partner is Cluster B. I'm sure there are people who have genuinely had this experience but I can't imagine there are many with the mental fortitude to dive right back in as many times as some of these people claim. These "experts" or pound shop Oprah Winfrey 's are hardly going to stop because it's about money and attention, not genuine awareness. One of the quickest and easiest ways to pick up the views is to give people an easy out on their personal accountability. Throwing around labels people don't really understand is just the ticket. If you have genuine concerns you need to do your homework and stay away from the pound shop Oprahs.

[@janetfedeles3964]

I agree that narcissists have to be diagnosed. The people who iI hink are narcissists that I grew uo with, i dont know if they have the disorder but they sure have a lot of the weird charactetistics and not the empathy others have. I dont care what they are, except they are dangerous to me and I stay away from them. The people you knew werent diagnosed either, Richard, were they? When we end up like we do around theae people and can look back and observe our codependence, there are narcissistic traits there somewhere or gaslighting and extreme manipulation.

[@buchrisss]

THIS!!!!

[@KnellzBellz]

💥👏🏻🥳✨️

[@Persefone94]

This. Today everybody and accuse all their exes of narcissism. So you had a bad break-up? Who didn’t?

[@ashton1952]

The person who uses the term has to be able to describe the experience. Someone else who has legit been through it will know if they're bs-ing or not. Telling sign is a narc can break someone's brain in that they think they're wrong in every decision / trouble following their gut instinct.

[@EcoVintageArtGifts]

There are other KZbinrs who are drumming this up... video after video.

[@Ax.DaEdge]

😂😂TRUE!

[@light_amaka]

This is exactly why as a woman don't choose a man as your therapist and don't listen to their relationship advice you will hardly get a genuine one.

[@millyardopeacecraft9778]

Huh?

[@hoodangelart]

So, on one point you are telling people not to care if the person is a narcissist, just get out. Doesn't matter the label. But then suddenly it matters so much of the label? If someone is sh!tty, then what does it matter what the person calls it as long as change is made? Who as a society are we trying not to offend? If the behavior is shite, it should be called out. A healthy enough, compassionate person welcomes the input and doesn't want to hurt the people they love. If being called a "Narcissist" unjustly is what is necessary for me to change, call me a Narcissist all day long. I will eat, sleep, breathe my Narcissism until I find a respectful middle ground between myself and the ones in my life I have been blessed with knowing, supporting, and uplifting. It doesn't matter the label. No one needs a reason laid out in order for them to realize their own victimization. A person KNOWS if they have been treated poorly. No one needs permission to mourn this and take care of themselves. We are not soft jelly rolls woth no capacity to accept new data and aid in personal and collective homeostasis. We are perfectly capable of change no matter what the playground "bully" calls us Collective changes need to be made. Our Souls are calling for it. The rest is semantics.

[@MeikeSusanBorchert]

👍🏼

[@sofiaisabella3317]

I have never said this before, because you know, don’t want to step on people’s feelings and such. But I’m gonna… (if you don’t agree, you don’t have to, and if the person you’re talking about has NPD, then this is not a full covering statement). A major telling point that either people are projecting their own a*hole behavior in relationships on others, are the ones that label their exes narcissists. Maybe I’m biased in this sense because I don’t do it, but I’ve always said this is what they Did, rather than saying they’re narcissists. Seeing that it’s narcissistic or abusive or psychopathic helps to a degree to know that it’s coming from their own minds and that they need or feed on something. But I’ve never said oh they’re this or that. The behavior is what I’m recovering from. And also, when I said this to people, the things that happened, some of them have said ‘my ex is a’ and they’re Horrified to hear it and say your story is so much worse. It’s not a game obviously, but I still don’t know what the story of them is. Number 2, is when they happily act like a complete narcissistic person themselves the next day: saying they like screaming at costumer services because it’s fun, saying to get over a miscarriage and why are you so down now on the Same day! (That hasn’t happened to me, but an ex friend she said that to her friend, and I said what did you say???) I can name countless instances, but these are the folks complaining about the narcissists. Not saying that they’re not abused, but I’m just thinking, if you’re That aware, then take steps to get well after the abuse, or get out, and if you’re that aware, why are you acting this way. Number 3, and this is the big one. I absolutely cannot handle when people say My Narc. The absolute Last thing I want is to bring these folk in my possession or sphere or what’s it called. I’ve spend so much effort always keeping them out. It makes me gag actually if I would say that.

[@amyapplegate4356]

Sarcastic mimic of gay affected speech is a slur and homophobic.

[@OsobniRačun]

He's mocking women. His vibes are also kind of off

[@ashton1952]

He's making light of that particular type of alarmist female who accuses every guy she's dated, of being NPD. Don't misinterpret it. I have to agree with him that such pathetic types of girls exist out there.

[@EcoVintageArtGifts]

🙄

[@EcoVintageArtGifts]

​@@OsobniRačun🙄🙄

[@EmJRiley-q1g]

I was following him after my DA worker said that my ex sounds like a narcissist they said that the majority of abusive partners are narcissists. If as he said if one of his videos that there are more narcissistic ppl than we realise. I am concerned in his tone, it’s not unlike my ex’s whenever I tried to advocate for myself. I’d get a line of questioning that made me feel stupid and undereducated and I also quite often couldn’t answer on the spot because I was scared of his reaction. I bought Richard’s book and unfortunately his tone and attitude is very much not unlike my ex’s. From now on I shall be listening to my Domestic Abuse Workers advice over Richard’s opinion over people he doesn’t know.

[@moorlivingholistic]

Thank you sir

[@XTIUAyAy]

If every night we had as much fun, we'd never get enough sleep, but we'd always be happy🧡

[@jacquelinevd977]

I'm condamned to being awake in the middle of the night as my ADHD mind doesn't stop. Am an evening person, dislike happy morning people, f*ck society boring people who follow the crowd and can't think themselves.

[@saschahcww6715]

Dude is obsessed with narcissism…all for staying relevant