The Dementia Simulation - Everywhere at the End of Time Reaction

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[@Wendigoon]

Go to buyraycon.com/wendigoon to get 15% off your Raycon purchase! Thank you to Raycon for sponsoring today’s video!

[@leangreenmememachine5246]

Yes sir

[@elusive222]

Thanks for the vid!

[@pinkpuppy3415]

@@leangreenmememachine5246 Yes sir

[@BabaBooey084]

Man thought it’d be a 6 hour video

[@peepnox7747]

:)

[@Lordofthegeeks108]

The best description of dementia I've heard that always stayed with me is "Imagine you've wrote down every memory of every day of your life and every thought on a million pieces of paper, all organised and stacked neatly. Then someone walks into the room with a leaf blower. Now you're plucking random notes out of the air and you don't recognise the handwriting"

[@headphonesaxolotl]

And then the writing starts to blur and smudge, and then the notes tear and weather away, and you slowly forget what paper even is.

[@kriegdeathrider7805]

Literally my grandfather died by forgetting how to breathe despite at the end being completely delusional talking to his his dead wife, mother and any shadow that looked like it might hold an interesting conversation the mans lungs was healthy as a horse never smoked or drank he always got 99 on the blood oxygen meter one day he was napping in his chair and he just started exhaling kinda jittery like quick puff of air out over and over by the time we realized something was up he'd lost his pulse and at 97 and HOSPICE care for a year we didn't try CPR it was just idk a not right way to go the entire experience or the very end at least he never woke up he went in his sleep ​@@headphonesaxolotl

[@CoffeeFor__]

@@headphonesaxolotlthat’s a great example and explanation

[@kevinmatta9262]

​@@CoffeeFor__ eh, not really

[@awanteddude5373]

This made me realize that Dementia isn’t just forgetting where the keys are or who a person is. It is forgetting what keys are and what a person is.

[@laescalera747]

its forgetting how to swallow its forgetting how gravity works its forgetting you have a child its forgetting how to read its forgetting how to breath forgetting forgetting forgetting

[@zeallust8542]

Its ego death, but as a condition, not just as a drug thing. Ive had ego deaths from doing drugs, and while it was nice, I couldnt imagine what life would be like, living in that

[@zeallust8542]

@@laescalera747 forgetting the ability to conceptualize, at the end.

[@zeallust8542]

You lose the ability to know what forgetting is. You lose EVERYTHING

[@ringoferrer2343]

You forget even trivial things like how to move your arm or how to swallow

[@arphod]

The last artwork is a painting turned backwards, symbolizing the person's entire life, still real, but never visible or knowable again. Powerful piece.

[@beez3620]

when i used to do art class, to prepare for a painting on acryllic paper or whatever, we'd tape it to an old peice of board in the criss-cross pattern in the final image. to me personally, it looks like a freshly finished painting - with the absence of the painting itself. the experience is there, but the product is missing, without a trace.

[@Snippyyy]

@@beez3620 i think this reasoning makes way more sense, the life is over, but you cant remember any of it

[@elusory3735]

I have also seen people state that the tape is supposed to mark something as broken or to be repaired. This tape is put on a blank cardboard. So it is broken, but there is nothing to repair.

[@maggiekelley259]

As someone in cognitive decline, I can't even describe how accurate your comment is. I feel like so many parts of my life are still there. They happened, but are gone at the same time.

[@thechosenjuan8776]

I just spend 3 hours staring at that image and now finally realising this twist is crazy

[@WilliamBrinkley45]

My 64yr old dad is going through early onset rapid Alzheimer’s. Two years ago he was just forgetting little things and would do things like leave the milk out when he used it. Now he has problems getting dressed properly and does things like leave the gallon of milk on top of the fridge rather than inside it. His neurologist gave him a test last week where he had to make change for a dollar, and fill out a practice check to pay a simulated bill, and to identify different pictures of animals like giraffes, rhinos, and elephants to see if he was capable of taking care of himself and he didn’t pass or complete anything on the 1st part of the test and got frustrated and walked out…..by the time i got him home he forgot where we had been or what we had been doing. At thanksgiving he couldn’t remember his nieces or nephews etc., This really sucks.

[@arth3rl33]

I'm so sorry that must be heart-breaking

[@nielss2773]

Stay strong brother, all the best to you and your dad

[@aw2584]

Fuck me man I'm so sorry

[@soulofcinder4222]

Hold fast, man. That must be horrible to witness. You just have to keep going no matter what.

[@heyitseyevan]

I remember seeing a post about a grandpa wanting to see his grandson but by then his grandson was married and he thought it was his son, he had a kid and brought him to visit and his great grandpa and he lifted him up thinking it was his grandson and was so happy He later died a few months later and its heartbreaking

[@entropic-decay]

fun fact with stage 6's art: it's a painted canvas, just viewed from behind. This is to show that the "painting" (memory) is there but the patient can no longer see or understand it.

[@spectrosinjkai6973]

The fact that you have shaggorath icon and you're here and you know that makes me excited.

[@beeohbee]

I see it a bit like the metaphoical POV of the patient. The painting is like their mind, which is still there, but now they can only see it from behind; it exists, but it's featureless from their perspective. People who are still alive can see the other side; they can see the painting of who this person was, but the person who is dying can no longer see who that person was - they can only see that it existed, and now they're moving past it into death. Stage 6 is one of the best artistic depictions of nothingness I've ever seen honestly

[@GravityRestored]

That’s a very subjective statement. But okay.

[@sabacat]

I thought it looked like a steele door with those two hinges on the side. By the last stage, the mind is completely closed off.

[@QuintinTerraintino]

@@spectrosinjkai6973 who

[@davidjimenez3576]

Honestly I’m not scared of death I’m just scared of deteriorating, losing my memory and my ability to do simple things and my body just slowly shutting down is terrifying

[@Connorly800]

my brain is so hyperfixed on death that I have lost most of my motivation to pursue my dreams. What’s the point of it if I’m gonna die one day? Why keep going with what I love? Maybe it’s a mix of my depression too but damn, the thought of it all sucks.

[@Stickyboness]

@@Connorly800 Live for a good time not a long one

[@geosb05]

Same! I'm not afraid of dying but dying as a hollow husk of somebody that you used to be terrifies me

[@Stickyboness]

@@geosb05 in my opinion I don't think ANYONE is afraid to die, the main things people are usually afraid of is HOW they are gonna die, and what happens after death is also another factor

[@kikisakura8189]

i want to read this seriously but your profile pic...

[@ethanfaulkinbury8640]

Terminal lucidity is still the most terrifying concept I've ever heard of. At the end of your rope, you have a last hurrah. olmost everything you've forgotten comes back for a while, but after a hour or even a couple days you just, lay down and forget how to breathe.

[@xXprettyxkittyXx]

This is actually a common thing with a lot of terminal illnesses. In the bodies last moments, it can almost tell that you’re going to die, so it suddenly goes into overdrive to “protect” you and save your life. Cancer patients often report feeling much better in their final days and even think they’re going to be okay. Then the body finally loses its fight and it goes.

[@veronica-mew]

I believe it is also referred to as a "death rally." It's your body's last effort to save you and can be shocking for those around you.

[@xXprettyxkittyXx]

@@veronica-mew when my mother was going to school for nursing, they had to watch a movie to prepare them for death. It was several patients going through their last moments. The one that got the whole class was a woman with cancer who was close to death but was telling everyone she felt great for the first time and that she thought she was going to make it. Her family was really happy too. A nurse quietly walked over to feel her throat, like they knew, and the cancer had reached her lymph nodes. She died soon after.

[@theorphanobliterator]

​@@xXprettyxkittyXxas a person with lung cancer which was diagnosed extremely late, I'm terrified.

[@sae4135]

​@@theorphanobliteratorI wish you luck on your recovery

[@oceannlamoureux2006]

I am a caretaker for dementia patients in a long term care facility. I'm only 18 years old and I started working there at 16. It was a big shock first. I got to know them and learn about their lifes and their caracther. My job essentially is to make their confusion less scary, they get scared and they think they are at an other point in time in their life and my job is to be in their world, not take them back. If someone wakes up in the morning and is telling me they want to go to work or that they are waiting for the train, I just tell them that the train is shut down today, and that their boss called to tell me to tell them that they can take the day off. I have to lie daily, but it's a sweet lie, that makes them be in their own wold intead to be pulled back to the sad reality they are experiencing. I've concidered listening this peice from begining to end and after watching this video, I know that i probably should not. I love my job, I know that it's terribly sad and depressing to work on a unit with 40 dementia patients, but to me it's such an important job and dedication that I don't want to make myself more sad about the subject. My patients are mostly around stage 2 to 4 and to them, they wake up, and they process the same day over and over without realizing it. I wanted to make this comment because it's scary and terrifing to know that it can happen to anyone, but i wanted to remind anyone who is reading this that people that work with these patients, and love their job as much as i do, will take care of them and make them feel as happy as possible. I hope a cure makes it's way into medicine, but until then I will be there and so many other people will be there to take care of these lost souls. Thanks to this job, I now know what my purpuse in life is, and my passion to taking care of others grow's every day.

[@kyomado]

Thank you so much for your compassion and patience. People like you are what gives patients and their families some form of comfort, even while lost in the throes of their deteriorating health. You're doing so many people a great service, and I hope that we find a cure for this condition too. In the meantime, make sure to take care of your own needs too. God knows that such a job can be emotionally taxing, although very important ♥

[@RadioPsychicAstrologyByPepper]

Thank you for your compassionate insight. My mom had dementia at the end of her life and she set up her end of life stages and I feel so guilty that she insisted on dying among strangers I hope she had caregivers compassionate as you are ❤.

[@kanomee]

I cried reading this comment. You are such a strong person ❤

[@motherofcats9595]

Thank God there are people like you who help them. My grandmother suffers from this, and it's heartbreaking to see her get confused sometimes. I hope someone finds a cure for this horrible disease.

[@pineapplequeen13]

You are a wonderful person for dedicating yourself to people who suffer from dementia. It's good to know that there are people who care for others when they become incapable of caring for themselves and focus on giving them happiness in their last days. Much respect to you.

[@connorhowton11]

Seeing his upbeat personality slowly degrade as the stages pass truly shows the horror

[@drpepper2519]

Mmmmmmm Dr.Pebba

[@caffeinefather]

@@drpepper2519 Doc pebber

[@peachypeteeee1241]

Frrr

[@whitestrake8]

True 😔

[@habibie9929]

I think he's just getting tired, it's hella long

[@mworld2611]

The Caretaker is such a fitting name for an artist that would make an album like this

[@SandiaOfficial]

Thats the joke

[@skye.mp5]

@@SandiaOfficial There is no joke???????????

[@skye.mp5]

@@gordopendejo944 incomprehensible, may allah have mercy on your wretched soul

[@kamkamkam_]

@Jamie W multiple jokes attempted and missed in this comment thread

[@mr.duckmybuttt4016]

I was a caretaker for 3.5 years , It takes a toll on a person . 12 hr shifts are regular . I quit after I stopped caring about clients I took care off .

[@Evielicious]

My old cat had dementia. How we first realized what was wrong, is that when she was younger and couldn't find us in the house, she would meow in a way that sounded like she was saying hello. Then we would call to her, and she would find us. But towards... The end... She would do that while in the same room as us. We would be there and she would be lost and confused, meowing as if we weren't there. Her eyesight was fine, she just didn't recognize us as her family. She stayed starving herself so we made the hard decision of euthanizing her. That was the first time I ever saw death. I found out that when someone dies, they lose control of their pupils. So when she lost life her eyes got really big. And even now I can't get that image out of my mind. I love you and miss you, Kiya. I grew up with you, and until around 2018 I had never been without you. You pretty girl❤️

[@channty5572]

this made me cry so much

[@Evielicious]

@@channty5572 me too❤️

[@lubomirkubasdQw4w9WgXcQ]

i didn't know cats could have dementia

[@nickniehaus1763]

Heart breaking. I’m so sorry for your loss.

[@Maxy772]

cats to?!

[@al1ve427]

Honestly, the worst part for me was how thankful I was for it to be over, and then realizing what the video ending implied happened, what "it being over" meant

[@antonydrossos5719]

From what I've read, the best defense against Dementia is to keep your brain busy as you age. This is why, to answer Jerry Seinfeld's old question, yes, the Japanese know about the fork, but they encourage their elderly to use chopsticks because doing so makes you concentrate, even if only slightly.

[@Callimo]

Lol good thing puzzle game apps are my favorite :3

[@antonydrossos5719]

@@Callimo good call

[@DrDolan2000]

So, is it good if I have ADHD? Technically that means my brain is always going, right?

[@ShitFucks]

You dont get to counter dementia its just something that owns you. it just takes a long time before people realize it owns you. knowledge of it owning you is not something it graces you with.

[@hellothere-dw3sf]

@@ShitFucks brain business keeps dementia from coming over to own you although once it owns you you are owned

[@MrAgentEcho]

This makes me feel incredibly lucky that the few days I got to see my grandma during her decline, she was lucid. She didn’t recognize me because she hadn’t seen me for a long time, but she thought I was my cousin so that’s pretty good. We had a nice long chat about life. Her childhood and that kind of thing. I made sure to tell her how amazing of a job she did raising my mom. Got her a sprite (her favorite soda), hugged her, told her how much I love her, and left.

[@kittensneezes]

It makes me very happy to hear that you got to see her one last time and got to tell her how much you love her. I lost my grandmother earlier this year due to Alzheimer’s. I didn’t get to see her for the last time, and all I can ponder about now is what her final days were like… Both our grandmothers are in a better place now ❤️

[@christiankytoh]

Okay, you left. But you never mention arriving. 🤔

[@SDSypher]

@@christiankytoh I’m sure he came to his grandma plenty of times

[@m3taphyz1kal]

Damn this shit made me tear up.

[@bigsauce1116]

Loosing my grandpa to Alzheimer's was hard for me.

[@vegon.begone]

39:29 When you said "I finally heard music again" lighting up, imagine what end stage dementia must be like. Years of the awful drone, horror, and nonsense, and then the first sliver of something that feels calmer, even though it's not familiar at all.

[@TeshuwahRijkers]

That "Homeboy shouldn't have passed me the aux" cracked me up when I read it and then you read it and all of a sudden I understand why people say happiness is better when shared. Only cost me an existential crisis.

[@PanzerMan332]

I feel like people kinda lost the forest for the trees with this album. People have kinda mythologized it to this thing where every article about it is "The album that makes you want to kill yourself" or people talking about it like "Don't listen to it, it's extremely depressing". When in reality, it's just a piece of music with a message. That message can be sad for some, but the meaning has changed from "Please be aware of this illness and how terrible it can be for some people" to "Look how scary these albums are!"

[@youtubeisevil]

Indeed, they overanalyzed it so much they forgot it was even music and only talk about the concept

[@Meriamfunlandagain]

remember when someone made a fucking friday night funkin mod for this album LIKE

[@youtubeisevil]

@@Meriamfunlandagain yeah like, why? it's not going to do anything good for the album and is not realized well, especially for a game like this

[@Meriamfunlandagain]

@@youtubeisevil The person who made that mod said they felt moved by the album but like. Is trivializing such a serious heavy art piece into a fun little game really the best move? At one point people were upset because fanart of this mod was clogging the dementia tag on instagram that people use to find resources and support groups

[@granteubanks]

I really like seeing what it does to people, though. I think that's where most of my appreciation for the album comes from.

[@gybrush3pwood808]

Wendigoon forgets his sponsor and has vague memories about an AI he met in a Box

[@SnoppleWopple]

ok

[@calebpendleton1571]

Wendigoon also hates black people

[@SnoppleWopple]

@@calebpendleton1571 ok

[@pumpkinmaryam5500]

@@calebpendleton1571 no he doesn’t???

[@willnovak4173]

His last moments are him recollecting memories of Giants

[@maggiekelley259]

When I was 34, I was given a medication that gave me the symptoms of dementia. I checked all the boxes of stage 4, and some of stage 5 Alzheimer's Disease. I have no memory of two months of my life, and have very vague memories of falling into it, and coming out of the inability to create memories, the noise distortion, body temp regulation issues and so on. It's fucking terrifying.

[@fjgdkdhgdj816]

If you don't mind me asking, how did you find out in the first place? I am extremely paranoid of dementia and cognitive decline in general, so I'm asking for some peace of mind so that I can spot the signs when it comes. However, if you don't feel comfortable sharing or recalling, its fine, I am mostly asking out of curiousity and I don't want to cause any discomfort. Anyways, thank you in advance.

[@maggiekelley259]

@@fjgdkdhgdj816 It takes a few specialists and some time to figure it out. A few things I noticed personally, as I used to have this paranoia due to anxiety, is if the nature of it changes, it's anxiety. If you are on edge about it happening, you likely don't have it. That part of you that has the ability to go through all the checklists of "Do I? Do I not?" gets taken away. I don't have the cognitive ability to be like that because that would be all I would do. Things slow down. It takes me a few more seconds to react to complex sentences, and the same goes for internal anxieties. I'm going based on when I had a memory, as there was time after the chemo injection and before supportive medication was given that I don't actually have a memory. Another thing is consistency. Anxiety based cognitive changes can change based on quite a number of things. When you go into an episode of cognitive confusion from a brain injury of any sort, a funny story can't take you out of it. The story confuses you. The characters don't make sense, and you are stuck in this in between phase of figuring things out that you used to spend split seconds in for what feels like forever. With anxiety, it might take a trained professional like a therapist, but you can be taken out of it. I also cannot change the fact I lose information. Before when I would forget what I was talking about, I would laugh it off and then remember then continue telling the story. Since the injury, I have to ask people what I was just talking about since my brain has a hindered ability to store that information. The anxiety embarrassment, no matter how intense, doesn't help motivate me to navigate this on my own. I have to tell almost every person I'm in a longer conversation with because my brain just quits sometimes. I've also needed to adapt how I do things and have needed to since the major injury. I am writing this on a notepad so I can see the whole thing. If not, I would have made several major typos, repeated three sentences (at least), and wrote run around sentences that made no sense. There's really no definitive answer I can give you other than this is something you don't want, and being anxious actually increases your chance of this happening. Look into ways to relax instead of whether you have it. Seek treatment even for mild anxiety or neuroses that you might have because it's worth it. Don't live in an area that has no neuro, cognitive rehab, and psychiatric services. Unfortunately I can't give you any advice other than move. I know some people don't have the privilege. I'm one of those people in a low service area with high needs not being met. You can't get care that simply is not there. Good luck with whatever is going on.

[@maggiekelley259]

btw I was lucky enough to be a typist (transcription and data entry) before all this crap happened, so as long as I can find the words, I can type them. Aphasia is a hard one to tackle, though, even with typing. So much Googling D:

[@fjgdkdhgdj816]

@@maggiekelley259 Thanks for taking your time to type out everything, it helped me gain a lot of insight!

[@maggiekelley259]

@@fjgdkdhgdj816 No problem. I like when people ask about it since no one had any clue what was going on when the injury happened to me. If I can help one person who either think they're going mad but aren't, or are just confused about cognitive changes that are happening, I'm good. I can't leave much of an impression on the world in my state, so I prefer to offer help to people and make little impressions on individual lives instead.

[@eaterofchairs1371]

2 days ago, I attended my grandpas funeral. He had severe dementia but Covid killed him in the end. It was horrible seeing the man I loved; someone who always did his best to make me laugh, into a shell of a person. He lived across the country from me and every time I went to the airport, he’d pick me up wearing his wife’s blouse backwards, mismatched shoes, anything to make me laugh. We always played werewolves too. And every night he’d tell me a variation of the same story. I enjoyed it very much, but when I got older I kind of found it childish and wanted to be left alone and scroll through my phone instead. He was always so happy whenever I gave in and let him tell me the story. It started small, he’d forget the names of the characters in the story or mix up the names of me and my cousins. Then he would ask the same question multiple times. Forget I didn’t live in the same state as him. But even when he forgot I was his granddaughter, he always complimented me. “Who’s that beautiful lady?” He’d always say that. Or something along those lines. I’d always smile and tell him thank you. I wasn’t with him when he died. I have college and couldn’t go with my dad to visit him on his deathbed. I always was in denial, thinking he was going to be okay. The day after my dad flew back to our home, he passed. Up until the funeral I was in denial that he was gone. This had to just be some sick joke my family was playing on me, and the relief I’d feel when I saw him again would be so immeasurable. So blissful. And I’d be able to tell him how much I loved him. How much I missed his stories. All of that when I got to see him again. But I never saw him again. I cried so much at the funeral. The last communication we had was through a text I told my dad to read him. The service for calling didn’t work down there in his room so I simply told him how much I loved him and missed playing werewolves. Apparently, for the first time in his fog of misery and confusion, he looked up and smiled. I cry thinking about it now.

[@Blindperson38]

I am so so sorry.

[@timmeemiller715]

That breaks my heart so sorry for your loss.

[@bethanyboarder7751]

I should call my Grandma.....

[@Krakkokayne]

I sympathize with you, your comment hit me close to home. I also lost mines around the same time, not to covid or dementia but stomach problems. I remember he was always so happy to see us when we would visit, he always open his door to us and let us stay as long as we like. My dad and I would be the only people who consistently visited him just to see him happy and not for money like most of the other family members. The last time i saw him he was in so much pain and going in and out of consciousness from the morphine, it was the worst day of my life because not only would i never see him again but it was also the last time i would talk to my childhood friend, who was more of a brother to me than my real one, due to cardiac arrest. I felt the exact same as you (still do honestly) and the days after felt like an awful fever dream that I'd wake up from and see them still kicking and I'd tell them all about it. I went both of the funerals and my friend's burial (his fam made me the pallbearer for his too) but no one in the family told me about grandpa's burial so i missed it and I lothe them so much for that. He didn't even want to be buried, he wanted his ashes scattered where he was born (by a river in the jungles) but they wouldn't let us take his ashes. Sorry for all the extra stuff i just remembered all the pain from reading your story, that's all i have left of them now is memories and the stuff that got left behind that no one wanted to take. I hope that you, and anyone else going through the same, can find some kind of peace in your lives and cherish your memories together because just like a cartoon of a blue jay and a raccoon said before: "Enjoy 'em while you got 'em"

[@mattyirvine6298]

It's only pretentious if you're lying, if art makes you feel anything, don't be ashamed to talk about it or feel it - that's why it exists

[@thealmightyscronski2329]

Well said

[@AcidropOSY]

@@user-ch9vd4cd3t I would say I had the physical melancholy when I listened to this for the first time. Like, I was walking somewhere listening to it and the clarinet on one of the parts made me almost weep bro lol shit is crazy

[@shawnnaquin7164]

@@user-ch9vd4cd3t people can have complex emotions from experiencing art lol

[@ChaChaChaddio]

Perfectly put

[@Thetemplar33]

Go see somebody

[@clittlejohn295]

Wendigoon - " This music was terrifying and now it feels like a dream" Also wendigoon - "I've been eating this cookie though!"

[@inaudivle]

***cookie***

[@Quesoquantum]

Cookie helps melt the pain away

[@thecyanpuppet8153]

ay he deserved it

[@sixrings5529]

Did he?

[@CityyByTheBay]

C O O K I E

[@gimmeyourankles]

I am a caretaker who works with someone who has Alzheimer, and having to see all the stages progressing as the days go by is very hard. It starts very lightly, like forgeting what they were doing, being confused by hours going by. When the late stages start, it's hard, even if you don't have any ties to them. I absolutely love my patient and his family, and everytime i notice his Alzheimer's is getting worst, part of me die inside. He forgets he ate, forget that he already did something, he looses his tracks in a middle of a conversation, sometimes he calls his wife of 40+ years "mom" and we can't help him. All his passions, his memories, everything is dying and there is nothing we can do.

[@venosa7649]

You could've chose to do anything else. But you chose this. You are incredible.

[@airsickspace9272]

I recently was talking to someone. Mid sentence they would reach for words which they were doing more than I do and I’m dyslexic. I started thinking how they were older and it could be dementia. Somehow our family history came up and they told me their family had a history of Alzheimer’s. They seemed to be saying they’re not afraid of it and like they’re ok at that moment. I didn’t say anything cause I’d hate to have someone outside of my family say anything. And when I say stopping to find words it was like every other sentence. They couldn’t remember words like chemical which is a very common word. They also forgot the word herbs and herbal. It’s very saddening to be able to pick up on small things sometimes. I am very in tune with people and small changes in various people which can be very useful but other times very sad

[@soobinism]

Please make sure to take care of yourself too.

[@BigFartiousPoopy]

the hell is that pfp 🥲

[@aslammmmm181]

when you said he calls his wife of 40 years "mom" it hit me hard. my great grandmother called her grandson (my father) "father". when her daughters and sons came to visit she would ask him "father, who are those people?". when they tried to tell her they were her kids, she denied it and said "but im only 15!", and when her dementia got worse she would say she was 5.

[@EloiseRaeCullen]

As gruesome as it sounds... I think if I am ever diagnosed with Dementia, I would probably commit self uninstall. I refuse to become... not me. To wither and die in front of my family, making them watch me become something they don't recognize anymore than I'd recognize them. Lord forgive me if it comes to that... but I won't fade like that. If I'm diagnosed with Dementia, that's my sign that I am no longer needed on this planet.

[@Stars.-Bars.-n-Cheese]

Same boat

[@MrBlock-qe7hi]

Yep the moment it’s a confirmed thing maybe even a trusted person to tell me I said I was going to do this in case it was already to far gone

[@demnjames4012]

same here pal

[@Fizzymilkshakee]

Same bro, I'd I get dementia imma commit empty recycle bin on myself

[@souplesssoup2903]

The reason to keep living is you.. I'd never let myself become anything other than what I am.. I'd do the same

[@imsotiredofthiscrap2341]

The music in stage one gradually transitions from nostalgic and charming to just unexplainably off. It's like moving from "Grandma forgot her keys, she must be getting old haha!" to "She forgot an appointment she scheduled only a day ago." It's the gradual progression that begins to make you worry, even if it's only a little bit.

[@sorry-ck2vd]

the worst part is that being forgetful is a trait of being old when its a sign of early dementia which is what ur talking about but its really disturbing to see it go from something minor like forgetting your wallet to not being able to remember anyone or anything

[@bingusdingus8268]

Or "grandma forgot my name"

[@JeanMarceaux]

Grandma forgot how legs

[@rickwrites2612]

shit it's normal for me to forget an appt I made a day ago. Like since I was 12.

[@exhaustedeloise]

this was almost the exact line of thinking my whole family had watching my nan age, she’s still around but she thinks my mum (her daughter) is still alive when she died 8 years ago. and she thinks i’m still ~6 years old and calls me Michelle when she sees me (i’m 21 now, and look a lot like my mum did). it breaks my heart because her dementia didn’t get bad until i was maybe 17/18 but she still doesn’t remember all those times her and teenage me had together. it’s a horribly sad disease x

[@tlh0121]

During my grandfather’s last weeks, his memory deteriorated quickly. For his last birthday most of my immediate extended family went to the nursing home he was temporarily placed in with a cake to celebrate. During this, my grandmother pointed around the room to each person and asked him what our names were. He was always bad with names. Even in his prime he would go through about 5 family members names before he got to yours, but he would eventually get it right lol. Anyways, he struggled to remember a lot of our names. When she got me, though, I slid out from behind my uncle so he could see me better, he smiled and without hesitation said, “That’s my Tammy” (which, fyi, is correct lol). I’ve held that moment dear to my heart for 18 years, and now knowing what he was likely suffering through, it definitely makes me sad, but it also makes that moment even more special to me. ♥️

[@aria8313]

I can definitely relate to this.. the last days for my grandfather, me and my mother went to see him. The nurse asked him if he know who we where, and he looked at me and smiled and said "that's my beautiful granddaughter" those where the last words he spoke before he had to get a breath tube put in for the remainder of his time. I'll never forget those words.

[@annikaheydl7342]

I’m sure he was as happy to recognize you as you were to be recognized

[@frankoconnell6745]

It’s me and 4 siblings and my mom does the same thing ALL THE TIME lol, BUT, she seems to always start with the first horns name regardless of who she trying to say lol we love it though.

[@sourgreendolly7685]

What a beautiful moment you can treasure. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[@taimanslaughter4471]

That's beautiful ❤️

[@leahmoss9352]

honestly, this is kind of how it feels to go through psychosis. You start feeling like something is off and as you give it more attention trying to snap yourself out of it you realize it's getting worse until you're scared you've lost your mind. Eventually, the horror and confusion start to feel mundane and you even start to get comfortable and ok with what's happening. Then on one random day, the fog starts to clear, and it's such a relief because you had almost given up hope you would ever feel normal again.

[@ATF-]

When you come out the other side your a completely different person. Whoever you were before is gone. You have a different perspective of everything, like you just inherited someone’s body and life. Nothings ever the same even after you come back.

[@bethanyboarder7751]

yup just about. and then when it only takes one question from someone to start it back up again 😫

[@Glock2217]

I tried sleeping to this music and ended up getting sleep paralysis with the static playing, it was already terrifying but the music filled me with more anxiety

[@erosmoreno-garza1795]

Towards the last two stages it sounds like brown noise which I fall asleep to often🧍‍♂️

[@geese.with.knives]

So weird, so did I - except maybe had nightmares. I woke up super confused & the feeling lasted for a couple of days after.

[@routineharpy5259]

bro you deserve it if you think it gonna help you sleep 💀

[@venosa7649]

YO NEW SLEEP PARALYSIS METHOD REAL?

[@0ddestMouse]

@@erosmoreno-garza1795 Ikr it’s really relaxing to listen to

[@Adakechi]

While I understand the whole “ooh spooky creepy” allure of this, more than unnerving or scary I find this just overbearingly sad. Knowing your sense of reality and self is slowly crumbling away but also being self aware of the fact that you can’t do anything to stop it, it makes me feel more hopeless than anything. :(

[@mentalelixir7556]

hopelessness and fear go hand in hand for me. i fear true hopelessness more than anything. everything i fear is a result of the hopelessness that comes along with the frightening thing. death of myself, physical pain, failure, death of loved ones, mediocrity, etc.

[@AS-bs8xv]

Same with me, it’s not creepy or unnerving at all, it rather saddens me how utterly crushing being not able to make heads or tails of yourself or any memories. It has to be terrifying to the one going through it, not being in control of your own mind.

[@acidicali7776]

I honestly dont care about me losing my memory and awareness, but I don't wanna see my grandparents and mother go through this. Like imagine the people you've known all your life just forget who they are or who you are? That shit is incredibly sad.

[@velvet.snakes3931]

When the first part of the music started playing the old music to think of an old couple dancing to it and threw the year the woman forgets her love the man she married being alone.. It's all I could think from that

[@Imslowasfboi]

I agree, it's a deeply dreadful feeling.. it gives me an understanding of some sort that's hard to put my finger on of what my grandmother is going towards and it's scary

[@carolusrex5213]

The ending part where it sounds like angelic music might be, at least in my opinion, a reflection of how in some cases of dementia there is a short amount of time right before a patient dies that they seem to show some return to who they were. They seem regain some cognition, some form of peace before they go.

[@firesonic23]

Terminal lucidity.

[@Rock_Lee_The_Handsome_Devil]

I have also heard a few theories that it is the sound of the funeral service - I'm not sure what I myself believe, I really like this idea though

[@DieAlteistwiederda]

People with dementia also have these random lucid moments all throughout the stages and let me tell you it's weirdly sad and scary to witness. That's at least what I felt like when I saw it happening with my grandma.

[@nijuhinaa]

@@DieAlteistwiederda That's terminal lucidity, usually when it happens a person with dementia loses it temporarily apparently they die a short period of time after this happens

[@scarymonsterzz]

My personal interpretation is that it’s the dying person’s final moments fading back into a hazy memory of them being in church as a young child. Faintly hearing the choir music as the childhood memory rolls them back in a foggy haze of vague nostalgia in their last moments.

[@tae6093]

I work at a residential care facility, I’ve worked there in dining since I was sixteen and I rarely see a resident move out, this means they’ve seen me two to three times a day every day for many years. Dementia is a daily monster I deal with, I always start to notice around the mild confusion stage, we will be having our regular conversations and they’ll be grasping for words they normally use often or they’ll forget parts of their every day orders (not even noticing it when I bring those things for them anyways.) then it gets stronger, longer periods of silence trying to remember things, though at this point they eventually do followed by embarrassment and frustration. Slowly they begin to get irritable, even the residents who have been nothing but kind in the past, they won’t be able to coherently speak to you for long periods of time, their orders become scrambled and stop making their usual sense. Then they forget your name, this is usually the point where I start to feel sadness. They’re angry that you have to keep reminding them of things, but you know deep down they aren’t angry at you, they’re just perpetually stuck not understanding the world around them or themselves like they once did. Then they will forget they’ve eaten, coming back for meals two or three times in a span of a few hours, they’ll forget what foods are or what they like to eat, generally I’ve noticed they’ll tell you about a childhood favorite food and order that for the rest of this period while they can still order. Then the stories start, they no longer have the understanding of who you are or that you’re really there to serve them food, they just want to sit you down and tell you everything they know for hours, completely unaware they’ve told you the day before and the day before that. They’ll tell you stories of their incredible lives and it seems almost hard to believe they’re coming from the person in front of you, as horrible as that may sound. They never really tell recent stories though, they’re always stories of their youth. Not of their children or wives or later careers. Usually stories about growing up or the war times. These stories often go nowhere, they can’t remember what came next or how they ended. them bringing up people you don’t know and fully assuming you do and you were there, they begin to think you’re old family members like grandchildren and subsequently get sad they forgot about you. You begin having to repeat yourself over and over because they don’t remember or can’t understand what you said. They’ll ask you things about yourself you told them just a few days or hours ago and things you’ve told them many times. They can’t remember their families, even if they’re right in front of them, how old they are what floor they live on, what foods they like or have tried (an example being asking what certain sodas like coke,they’ve had their entire life are like) what their phone passwords are or where they’ve left things (often leaving them in the dining room and never returning for them.) then they become delusional, doing bizarre things in routine or out of the blue, things that seem completely like common sense not to do, almost in the way an infant would. I’ve noticed specifically that they might order something bizarre every meal because it’s what they know and all they know. talk about things that don’t make sense and get frustrated when you don’t understand. They believe they’re somewhere they’re not or that they’re waiting for someone who either isn’t around anymore or never said they were coming. They may think they have a pet to take care of that isn’t there, I’ve seen many walk around with stuffed ones acting as if they were real. They wander around the dining room, never sitting down just wandering. Then the bliss stage starts, they are very obviously not there anymore apart from the occasional glimpse into the person you once knew. I can only explain this stage as a blank slate, they don’t strike up conversations but not in a rude way, they just don’t even think about it. They have no idea what to order and are happy with whatever they are brought (generally we try and bring them things we know they’ve enjoyed in the past) in this stage they don’t ask you for things or even really know they need to eat, they’ll pick around their food only eating it when the nurse (who had to bring them down to eat in the first place) directs them to. It’s almost like a child stage where they expect to learn everything from you and the people around them. They forget manners or what is socially acceptable to do and say, this is why they may say something outrageously rude or offensive like it’s nothing and truly, I don’t believe they understand the things they are saying or even have bad intentions. They have simply lost their filter for what’s right and what’s wrong similar to that of a child. An almost trivial thing I’ve noticed is the way they forget about their appearance, you’ll mention how nice their haircut looks or how beautiful their makeup is and they don’t remember doing it or really how to respond. Eventually they fully stop eating on their own accord, I’ve noticed during this stage they will generally ask for sweets like icecream or cookies and even then hardly touch those. They still order but their plates are always left picked at at best. This is when the physical decline begins as they no longer know how or that they even have to take care of themselves. The things people make jokes about (grandpa forgot his pants or is missing a shoe) really do begin to happen and I’ve noticed they are aware of these things and feel emotional about them unlike the media portrays. They’ll begin to become distressed, panicking or crying because they don’t know where they are or think they should be back in an old home they haven’t lived in in years. they begin to break down and cry over simple things, they can no longer cut their own food, they need bite sized pieces and thickened drinks because they forget how to swallow, they don’t know when to get up and leave the dining room, let alone where to go. They can’t dress themselves or shower, they don’t know where they are or who you are they just seem stuck in a forced cycle of survival. At this stage we usually don’t see them anymore, only glimpses when we deliver them a room tray. They don’t know what to do with it or why it’s there, they just wait for the nurse to bring them their food. Family begins to visit, they don’t interact with them or anyone else for that matter, if they are responsive at all they are irritable or sad. They can no longer use the bathroom on their own or get up to shower, they stop eating all together maybe getting a milkshake or two down. This is usually around when we get radio silence, then we’re told they passed. It’s taken me a long time to understand and I don’t think I fully ever will, I watch people I used to joke around with, people who remembered my birthday every year without me reminding them forget me entirely, forget their families, forget their lives, lose the world around them. And for me this I supposed to be my job, it’s supposed to be normal and it feels almost wrong that it still isn’t to me. It will never be normal to know what it’s like to watch people you care about die before they actually stop breathing.

[@aya_scratch2853]

wishing you strength. thank you for sharing.

[@nemo5288]

Thank you for sharing. I really appreciate your perspective 🤍

[@inkyynikki]

This was absolutely gut wrenching. You're a hero to your community for working with these dear people. What a dark reality, I'm grateful for my mind in the present moment. Much love ❤

[@f.b.i.4649]

This was extremely insightful and a very interesting read, thank you for sharing, your words really flesh out the reality and experience you and these people have

[@danielpatterson1576]

My aunt had Down’s Syndrome throughout her life, to the point where she was basically like a 5 year old child for most of her life. Despite that, she had a surprisingly strong memory and a stronger personality. She was always fun to talk with. About 5 years before she passed, she began developing dementia. It was gut-wrenching watching it develop in real time. From simply forgetting what she ate for breakfast, to forgetting what her favorite restaurant was, then forgetting her own family members names and referring to everyone as “hey, I know you”. Eventually she got to a point where she basically couldn’t make a coherent sentence. She even forgot how to say hello. She finally passed at the age of 68. I still think back every now and then on those 5 years, and it scares me every time. To watch someone so strong completely forget everything over such a long time and become (for lack of better phrasing) nothing more than an empty husk right in front of you, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. There’s nothing, no words in any language, nor any image painted, that could ever truly, fully describe the horror of that disease. In my opinion, it is the single worst way to go out.

[@ATF-]

Making it to 68 with downs is a feat in its own

[@ivy7417]

My grandpa lost his battle with dementia in July. He was a genius, valedictorian at University of Washington's school of engineering, was high clearance at Boeing his whole career a and he and my still healthy grandma were high school sweethearts. The most terrifying part of this to me was in the later stages where the music would sometimes come back and Induce calm. To me, that represented brief moments of self awareness and clarity. But for someone like my grandpa, those moments were scarier than anything. A month or two before his death, he had one of those moments. But that calming music couldn't be what he was hearing when he used that moment to try and throw himself off a balcony and assaulted a hospital worker in the process. There's no way that's what was playing in his mind. And that scares me.

[@Raycloud]

"To me, that represented brief moments of self awareness and clarity. " - when my step-father's mother died, she was confused about her time and place for a long time. However in the last hours or days of her life, and I wasn't there, she became lucid for a brief period. Knew who she was and where she was, but said at the end "I'm not supposed to be here." She died a few days later.

[@Maddysublime]

They don’t have balcony’s in hospitals

[@TheMisterman15]

@@Maddysublime I've been to a hospital with a balcony

[@sakuraitaurus]

@@Maddysublime stop being insensitive not all hospitals are built the same way

[@manwhoismissingtwotoenails4777]

When my Great Grandma had it she would insult workers for being Hispanic and would swear she'd try to talk and she'd start crying when she forgot what she was saying towards the end she'd just sit in a wheelchair and her eyes would get glossy like she'd forgotten how to cry. It was sad, scary, and confusing to see.

[@corvid2910]

I’m currently working clinical at a nursing home and, understandably, many of the residents have dementia. One strange but interesting thing I was taught while working there is best described with this example. I have a patient who wakes up every morning, gets dressed, and walks to the bench outside because he’s ‘waiting for the train for work’. Instead of saying to him ‘there is no train’ or ‘you don’t work anymore’ it’s a lot healthier to make excuses like ‘the train is out of service today. We told your boss and you’re allowed to take the day off.’ Essentially, we get into their world instead of pulling them into ours. It’s terrifying for them-or downright confusing-when we try to faze them back to reality. It’s sad, but an important thing to note if you ever are around people with dementia.

[@deadlyalchemist397]

I never actually gave that any thought, now that I’ve read your comment it absolutely makes more sense to let them stay in their own world rather than pull them back into ours

[@rajatsaini925]

This is extremely horrifyingly beautiful. The fact that the only "cure" we have is to let them suffer till death makes my heart explode with sadness but it makes absolute sense. To put it into perspective, its like telling any normal person that Gravity is fake, it'll shatter your being to be told something you've never belived in. Thanks for this.

[@aliceiscalling]

I remember seeing photos of a care facility in Eurpoe where they made a small town to mimic the patients' childhoods. It helps them relax to be somewhere familiar.

[@ggappyy]

I always thought "endulging" them was better than trying to tell them that what they're experiencing isn't real. It's cruel to tell them that what's very real to them isn't actually real.

[@damicawaterman1326]

My grandmother’s best friend Swanee has dementia and often asks where her mother is. We always say things like, “she’s at the store” or “she’s just visiting a friend”. Not only does it keep things less confusing for her, but also less heartbreaking. To be unaware of your surroundings and then be told that a loved one is gone is a traumatic experience that I can’t even imagine putting someone through

[@artistofcybertron]

Can we just appreciate how hauntingly beautiful the title "everywhere at the end of time." It really is a thesis of the whole album.

[@oZzWoLd2198]

Fun story that just made me lose hope in humanity: My little brother was playing this down the Vr mic, when I heard it I instantly knew what it was so I asked "do you know what that is you're listening to? He replied with "Yeah, its called (scrolls on screen) It's Just A Burning Memory" I asked "Do you actually know what that is though?" he rolled his eyes as he said "Well yeah, its Gorilla Tag ghost music" I just don't have any words tbh, such a beautiful and powerful piece of art turned into some spoopy ARG crap for Gorilla Tag

[@GamingGelehrter]

Wtfffff😮

[@Spoinkus_thy_doinkus]

Yea kids ruin the best things on the internet

[@robertsandlin366]

@@Spoinkus_thy_doinkus Yea internet ruins the best things for kids, and are likely made by kids.

[@BatuhanDere]

wtf did he make it up or did some tiktok trend happen or something and some 15 yr old made some gorilla tag creepypasta using EATEOT music

[@blue_fox4221]

@@BatuhanDerethe song was trending on tik tok because people were using it as a creepy audio :/

[@sagoruzemo9557]

" A confusion so thick you forget forgeting" Trully, the most horrifying, yet beautifull piece of musical artwork i have ever witnessed.

[@themissinggene]

"there is another 4 hours of this" is one of the more distressing things I've heard.

[@chrismanaloe3507]

Cause its just a chore and not worth it. Its just noise that everyone keeps lying about

[@vivishii_]

@@chrismanaloe3507 you seem to be a lil bit obsessed with proving that, hope u find something more productive to do

[@abel-xc5ib]

School

[@chrismanaloe3507]

@@vivishii_ yes. I take every chance i get to call these trend jumpers clowns with no personality

[@SlimeGod74]

@@chrismanaloe3507 damn, I was scrolling through the comments and couldn't find a single person who asked. so weird.

[@Mophony]

The very last part of stage six, when that "voice" started singing along with the music made my skin crawl and I broke down. It's so close to something I know, but so far gone to even know what it is supposed to be. This work did it's job very well at portraying the horrors of this disease, and is honestly a masterpiece of art.

[@loganjonesTTMS]

I understand the title of the last section "Place in this world fades away" to be literal, I think it's meant to be death. Or maybe it's related to what happens when people claim to see or hear God or angels when they die or nearly die. What sounds like church organs, an angelic voice singing. It's comforting but also terrifying when you know it means you're near the end.

[@jonbmosher]

@@loganjonesTTMS The last 5 minutes of the "Place in this world fades away" is supposed to represent "terminal lucidity." Terminal lucidity is basically the last moment of lucidity a dementia patient experiences before they pass away shortly. The silence signifies they have passed away.

[@jolenebutt9882]

My nana has dementia, I couldn’t listen to it all myself as I bawled all night when I attempted to. Makes me quite sad knowing this is how she progressed, love you nana even if you can’t remember your granddaughter ❤️

[@jessealvarado7796]

you lost your mother.

[@IntrigueAndWhimsy]

When he whipped out the Raycons I almost screamed Its like seeing a demon you've only seen in your dreams

[@verdun16]

it was a smooth intro into it though

[@colorsplash9964]

He says they have great power yet my left earbud always dies hours before my right one does

[@colorsplash9964]

@@novaknight402 how do I fix it?

[@colorsplash9964]

@@dryashes what do you mean?

[@that_milkman9365]

@@colorsplash9964 did he stutter?

[@Findecommie]

A mildly terrifying thought I had while watching: this piece is based around a musical theme emblematic of the childhoods or prime of life for people most likely to be experiencing dementia *now*. Imagine a similar piece, but constructed around a musical theme meant to evoke the 80s, 90s, and 2000s...

[@michaelw.5030]

imagine this video but with 100gecs. terrifying

[@chunkspiggle3916]

it'd probably sound like a death grips instrumental

[@zaadus112]

even though you say this, i feel more nostalgia for the music that the caretaker sampled than 90's or 2000's music, im born 2005 if you were wondering [so smol, but nearly 18 :( ]

[@bachelorchownowwithflavor3712]

@@zaadus112 That you were born in 2005 and STILL aren't 18 somehow makes me feel even older. Thanks, kid. Thanks a lot...

[@S1LVERF15]

With my luck, Rebecca black’s “Friday” will somehow be the song on repeat for my dumbass if I ever get this horrible disease

[@takeawaykitty.]

Stage 5 sounds similar to auditory hallucinations i get if I forget to take my meds. It's maddening to listen to when you can't just turn it off.

[@ATF-]

What are you diagnosed with?

[@SirSoup44]

People with dementia can have visual and auditory hallucinations so I mean... I'm an assistant in nursing and I've pretended to scare off peeping toms at 3am many times

[@michaelfallen1564]

Yeah, I'd be 'checking myself out' if I was ever told this was going to happen to me. Two of the scariest things I can imagine are, dementia, having what makes you what you are slowly erode away into nothingness, and being aware while comatose, feeling every pain, hearing everything around you, while being trapped in an unresponsive body, with no way to communicate.

[@justalittleloser2482]

As a side note, stage six's artwork isn't even a blank canvas, it's the BACK of a canvas. There's not even a possibility of painting what was once there. Also, I think your feelings on the last 6 minutes were very interesting!! Most people attribute the sudden return of "normal" music to terminal lucidity, or the almost angelic sound of it to the person dying and going to heaven

[@GenvinelyAlex]

I saw stage six and said “seems more like the back of a painting, as opposed to a blank canvas…” Thank you fir affirming my thoughts here haha.

[@jackastor5265]

It looked more like a door to me, complete with hinges.

[@Bouch1018]

@@jackastor5265 I definitely see it too.

[@jackastor5265]

@@Bouch1018 Right? It looks like a door that's been ripped off it hinges.

[@kotzpenner]

According to an interview of the artist, he actually wanted to show another painting like in the other stages, but halfway through he flipped the almost finished canvas and preferred to not show it for a more powerful image. You'll never know the front of the canvas because you're gone.

[@donairfan9065]

I inspect alot of senior homes fire protection sprinklers, etc and understandably alot of them have dementia wards which are locked with 24hr nurses. One gentleman really stood out to me because he could not walk on his own and never spoke. Everyday at about 10am he would (with the help of a nurse) shuffle over to the piano they had there just for him and play from memory an hour long concert with no mistakes. It always amazed me that this man, who didn't even know who he was, could sit down and play for an hour perfectly from memory.

[@momentomori1747]

It reminds me of a book I read once that mentioned the part of the brain where habits are stored was different from the part that dementia/Alzheimer's attacks, so people who were even severely affected would be able to act out anything that had already become a habit for them. It also mentioned that if anything was out of place (eg you eat breakfast with your wife every day, and one day she's not there) the patient would become frustrated and wouldn't know why.

[@ImGazu]

I'm sure playing that piano was one of the last few things that truly brought that man joy

[@RobertMorgan]

I knew a man like that when I volunteered at a senior center for a few mornings. This elderly gentleman in a wheelchair that sat still all the time, just there. But if someone rolled him to the piano and lifted his hands up to the keys, he'd cheerfully play away, sounded great. He'd go on for a while, several pieces, then just stop, shut back down. I can never forget seeing that, and what it implies. He's still in there, just trapped.

[@Thatalbinodude]

It's said that the last thing you forget when you have dementia is your favorite song. He could probably play so well because he was desperately clinging to that final part of himself. It's really heartbreaking

[@aminimoose3971]

Look up a video of a man hearing his favorite songs after years of alzheimers/dementia. He's practically non-responsive, but it's like he literally comes to life for a little bit afterwards.

[@isabellevasquez7433]

Oh boy let’s see if I end up sobbing. I’m 22, and all 4 of my grandparents are mid 80s. While I obviously adore all of them, my grandpa (dads side) is my favorite. Hes a sweet black and indigenous Mexican man, with the classic handlebar stache and gardening habit. He’s survived several heart attacks, and pancreatic cancer that he was initially not going to treat. He loves fishing, his garden, and telling these crazy stories of the life he’s lived. He’s an airforce vet, but abundantly not a fan of the government, despite having an American flag hanging. I think it’s more of a respect for those who he served with thing. But none of these things could come close to telling you who he is. His warmth. His laugh. His love for my grandma through her developing depression and mood swings. He always addresses her as sweetheart, and when he would babysit us or the dogs overnight he’d always make sure to call her to say Goodnight and I love you. My parents said when I was born he was one of the most active people in my life. He wasn’t the most present dad for my dad and uncles childhood, but when I was born he was on it. Changing diapers, giving my mom precise updates on how much I ate and slept, falling asleep with me in his arms on his rocking chair. Emotionally speaking, my childhood wasn’t generally very stable. I experienced trauma early in life and don’t have many memories left untainted. Except for the ones in my grandparents house. I remember it in sensory details. The smell of their wooden pantry, the feeling and smell of these giant plastic storage tubs full of hand me down toys from my uncles and cousins, swinging on their weird carpeted stairs with gaps between the steps, playing with this statue of a monkey with glasses reading a book with an oddly somber face, the smell of chlorine in their pool that was never heated but we loved it anyway. My grandparents and their home was safety for me. I do not have a single bad memory there. My grandpa always smelled warm and distinctly clean. He always uses aquanet. His arms are strong and muscular, and he’s had a whiskery grey mustache and aviator shaped glasses my whole life. He would tell me stories of his childhood in New Mexico and when his family would all hop in their little car and cross the border to Mexico. He had bees, and the bees hated his dad. They’d chase him. There’s a million funny or crazy stories that he’s told, of a life full of adventure that I can only hope to aim for. He’s 86 now, the oldest of my grandparents. His health has been declining a bit, as well as his memory. Issues with bowel movements, remembering his medications, stuff like that. I know that time is what it is, and I don’t have many years left with him. He will likely not see me get married. I am terrified to watch his decline. He is my favorite person in my family. I never feared coming out to him, I’ve never feared him at all, ever. I am a spiritual person and I know that I can feel connections to people once they’re gone. But it’s not the same. I don’t want him to go. I don’t want him to forget. All his stories and memories, unable to be grasped. God this shit is so horrible. And I’m sobbing. I do not fear my own death, at all. Now that I think about it, I think I’ve only ever cried about death or thinking about it when it pertained to my dogs. No one else. Not friends, not family. But I’m sobbing now at the idea of losing him, and how god awful it will be for him to lose himself. Anyway. There’s no upside. It just fucking sucks. But I will remember him. If I have kids, they will remember him. I’m going to rekindle our cultural traditions, and he will be on our ofrenda. I’ll bring him tamales and pan dulce from local places. I’ll sit and eat with him. Edit: I couldn’t finish the video. Shoutout to y’all that did.

[@Lil1kv]

This made me cry. Thank you for writing this

[@Akira-ue2jw]

I hope you're doing okay Isabelle ❤️❤️❤️

[@theletterm8865]

@isabellevasquez7433 ... the way you write is just beautiful. i saw such vivid snapshots of what your grandpa may have been like, what his home was to you. i have a grandpa a lot like yours, i think. on my mom's side. it's hard to describe anything properly when i'm feeling the way i do right now, but he's maybe the coolest person i know. if you have to rough it somewhere in the wilderness when humanity starts falling apart, if you want to hear some badass stories, if you want to feel completely understood and loved, my grandpa's your guy. it sounds to me like yours is the same. i could never imagine losing someone like that. not sure if i want to hear an update, because i don't want you to have to relive anything painful (even if your grandpa is doing fine). then again, my comment might end up doing that for you anyway - if so, i'm deeply sorry. but i also want to leave you with something a little more positive, hopefully. i'm religious; in my faith, we believe that the evils of this world will come to an end. people will be able to live on earth forever, in a perfect state, where nothing could ever cause them pain or death again. your grandpa sounds like a wonderful person, and i have confidence that he'll be right there in paradise with you. and maybe i could meet him too, if i make it. sending my love to you. i hope you're doing okay.

[@lessthanthreemetal]

The final minutes of Stage 6 is like nothing else ever recorded. I can't even find the words for how emotionally powerful it is.

[@PaxHeadroom]

The ending is symbolic of the phenomenon called "terminal lucidity". Shortly before death, dementia patients will frequently exhibit an apparent return of their cognitive facilities and memories. They are, for a brief time, much like they used to be before the disease.

[@spacedlogane8508]

I realized that with my grandma. She would stare at the walls nd never respond. One night she sat up and said I love you. She past away the next morning

[@noizepusher7594]

That must be horrifying, to suddenly wake up from your decline with everything you lost, only to remember the fact that you’re just going to lose it again soon, forever this time.

[@MnStars5]

Definitely. My Grandmother (age 92) barely moved, barely talked and hardly ate. Went to the hospital because she couldn't get out of bed one morning. They told us she had cancer and to make her comfortable. When we brought her home she was laughing and Joking around with everyone and even tried to stand up and didn't understand why she couldn't get to her feet. She even said she was hungry. She ate and we got her into bed. 7 hours later she passed away. It was like all those events were a final rally before leaving this world

[@korb9664]

@@noizepusher7594 It probably isn't even that horrible for the person. Imagine you're suffering for years, waiting for it all to end and then you suddently wake up and realize it will all be over soon.

[@zephyr3693]

My grandfather was in the hospital and this happened to him a few days before he died. He was talking and acting normal. My father still thinks the hospital killed him.

[@DanAtkinson918]

My wife turned 49 today (Im 44)and she is on hospice nearing the end with dementia. From an outside observer of her dementia it seems pretty close to the journey she has gone. I had to put my career on hold and become her full time carer for the past two years and have witnessed horror and mental torment that no one should ever have to endure. The feelings that this piece imposes are pretty close except maybe it isn't as intense as it should be in moments. Thanks for reviewing this and letting people know this exists.

[@ThanatosMist]

It's a horrifying disease and I watched my grandpa go through it before he succumbed to cancer (or heart disease, both were caused by old age), in one sense we're lucky he still recognized all of us when the cancer took him but even still watching him change into a husk of himself and his personality twist was horrid. It's a living grief because you can't get closure since they aren't dead, but who they were is long gone. I genuinely don't know how my grandma managed as caretaker for as long as she did honestly as I'm traumatized just from my brief visits, but she lived with it every day. I hope your wife manages to pass peacefully like my grandpa did in the end. You are strong beyond belief for caring for her like that with this horrid disease, just remember you have to take care of yourself as well which is often overlooked in the stress of caring for others and that it's ok to ask for help whether that's from home help aids or in the vein of seeing a therapist to help with the stress. I wish you and your wife well.

[@angelsdevil4100]

I really feel for you. I take care of people that suffer from this for a living, and some days it's beyond emotionally taxing. Dementia has such a large variety of effects on people and develops on an individual basis. You never know what each day, let alone each minute, will bring to them. But just know you're not alone.

[@TheMysticMage]

I'm praying for you both :(

[@TheDutchessOfCornville]

Good lord, that’s horrible. I’m so sorry to hear that someone so young has to go through this. It’s bad enough when it’s a grandparent or great grandparent, but in someone so young… it’s just heartbreaking. I’m so sorry that you both have to go through this and my heart is with you both. Best wishes, my friend.

[@billbombshiggy9254]

Dementia in her 40s?

[@KarlaRei]

When I listened to it the parts that really messed me up were the silences. The idea of not just thoughts being gone but the concept of knowing being gone--it's terrifying to think about. The singing at the end also made me sad somewhere deep in my mind. I was crying but I don't know, I've only cried like that at really extreme moments in my life.

[@RubixCuber66]

My head feels so fuzzy and I feel on the edge of a dissociation episode right now, just from the little snippets I heard between him talking. Idk how you managed through 6 whole hours of that, I’d probably be nonverbal and possibly in a panic attack (I’m high-functioning autistic and have adhd, it isn’t common I go nonverbal but I can tell that this for hours would do that). Good on you man.

[@booshrooms3085]

omg i relate to this so well, i was dissociating so hard and i definitely would have had a panic attack if i listend to the full 6 hours

[@ATF-]

Isn’t dissociation a blast. Got to love our quirky little brains

[@serot0nergic]

The ending has more significance than just making you grateful for the music you heard in the beginning. There is actually a phenomenon that has been documented where someone with Dementia will have a moment of clarity and will finally remember again... Just before they die.

[@bearinasuithaha8417]

It’s called terminal lucidity

[@sammywhammy8295]

That's fucking scary

[@trash_bender420]

@@sammywhammy8295 it's also beautiful

[@coachman1532]

@@sammywhammy8295 no its fucking not you get all your memories back whats scary about that?

[@banana-uo3be]

@@coachman1532 getting your memories back only near your death, knowing that there is no hope.

[@angelus656]

My aunt had dementia and as I listened to this album it was the closest thing I could experience. She used to be a polyglot - speaking fluently 5 languages and a skilled piano player. The time she lived with my dad (her brother) and me, it was terrifying to watch her move her fingers like she was seating on the piano playing. Or when she was stuck on child memories, or something that happened in her life. She used to also be very fond of my mother, but my mom already passed when she lived with me, one time I asked her who I was, she says my mom’s name. I wasn’t hurt about it, but it showed me how the noise, blur can happen very quickly. She didn’t deserve something like this. Overall, I hope she’s okay wherever she is.

[@DieAlteistwiederda]

My grandma had a lot of flashbacks to WWII and some other traumatic events from even earlier in his life. She was a young adult during the war so could remember what she saw quite well and seing such a strong woman reverting back to a scared child was quite scary to me. I was just a child and young teen myself though and only 19 when she eventually died. She was the only one who never accidentally called me by the wrong name though for some reason.

[@katiemechenbier4172]

Living through the same with my uncle right now. He was an ivy league educated doctor, a cancer specialist, a rugby player and a music lover. He never got to enjoy his retirement, because he was already at stage 2 when he sold his practice. He doesn't recognize his wife, his brothers, anybody. My dad goes to his house a lot to play guitar for him, and that's about all he can recognize at this point. It's so sad and so strange. This is very heavy. I'm so sorry.

[@sallygirl2066]

@@katiemechenbier4172 Oh my, I send my good thoughts to you and your family. I know this pain all too well and I know you will get through. ❤️

[@kayosensei]

Wouldn't you be happy with her moving her fingers as if she was playing piano or remembering good childhood memories? At least she had this some sort of peace in her head as she's doing this. Granting it can be annoying. But from what i heard in this album, a person with dementia can take a really long time for them to remember something good or feel good again. I guess what i'm saying is if a person finds a peace in them, encourage it, especially ones that have dementia.

[@angelus656]

@@kayosensei, because most of the time she wasn't peaceful. She was usually trapped in nightmares and traumatic events that happened to her.

[@prodbytarantino]

My great grandma suffered from dementia and even when she couldn’t remember her own name, she could play The Bells of St. Mary, flawlessly on the piano.

[@carlazuse3184]

Once a year I subject myself to listening to it for a whole day. Non stop. September 24 2020 my grandpa died of alzimers and it is so realistic to the real thing. For a few years he got very upset and was distraught. But the last two weeks of his life instead of being upset he just smiled whenever we were in the room. I know he didnt know me but i knew he recognized me as someone he held very close to him. I did this thing when he got diagnosed with it where i would just fist bump him to see how long that would last and it lasted the whole time until his unfortunate death. Right now he is in heaven looking down on us.

[@accountreality1988]

classical music is just an acoustic ambient genre.

[@christinefoelker5839]

As someone who worked the night shift at a senior living center in the dementia ward, this is so very sad but enlightening. To get a small glimpse into what is going on in their mind. I loved my residents & it broke my heart as I watched them fade away from their family & us as we take care of them. We get to know them. To love them & then say good bye. The worst part was welcoming a resident from another floor to ours. They were always scared because they knew what it ment to move to our floor. What was happen for them.

[@LateNightTableCo]

My fiancé worked in a similar facility. Her first Christmas with my family, we had my great-grandmother with us who had dementia and none of us were used to dealing with her condition as she was the first person in the family to be diagnosed with it. At one point, my grandma got up to go upstairs and finish up dinner, leaving me, my fiancé and my parents alone with her. My parents got distracted with something and my great-grandma started to get up to follow my grandma. I took one look at my fiancé with a slightly panicked look. She simply smiled and went over and got to work helping my great-grandma settle back down. It’s a job I could never handle, and I have the upmost respect for anyone who has worked in that type of environment. And while not religious, I pray for those effected by it and those who help them as it’a such a horrible thing to go through

[@hollywoodjhawk7682]

@@LateNightTableCo that’s a keeper right there

[@jillianc7485]

Thank you for being one of the good ones. I’ve witnessed far too many people working in senior living centers that treat the elderly like shit. for me, that’s on par with child abuse. it’s just so disgusting to me. If only all health-care workers were as kind and loving as you.

[@hombreg1]

I cared for my gramps recently, before he passed. I can't express the sheer admiration I have for people that do the work you do. It broke me every single time I had to see him fade away.

[@overshottyler]

That's my current job and this terrified me deeply. I want to translate this to my job but this just makes me want to hug them all.

[@personperson5848]

The title of the first song of Stage 6 is possibly one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever heard. “A Confusion So Thick You Forget Forgetting” It’s always made me extremely sad, terrified, and thoughtful about that stage

[@zeallust8542]

This is what an ego death is like. Ego death is basically controlled dementia

[@zeallust8542]

Well, sorta controlled.

[@PRTZN]

@@zeallust8542 The ego death experience isn’t like dementia. Not to be rude but it sounds like you plucked that out of thin air.

[@joisanidiot8288]

@@PRTZN i gotta ask, have you experienced ego death?

[@oldinactiveaccount]

@@joisanidiot8288 what is that?

[@birdsonbread9363]

My great grandmother had Dementia and my Stepgrandfather has it currently. My last memory of her was her holding my one year old brother after we saw her a year before. She had forgotten until he was held by her. She remembered his name. She was in late stage 3 and remembered us through the fog. This damn soundtrack made me remember how happy my family was when she seemed normal again for like five minutes. She passed away a year later. My grandfather was aware last time I saw him. He has Parkensens and Dementia. When I last saw him a year ago. He was staring at the TV. I joined him on the couch, and he turned to me and asked me quietly if I wanted to change the channel to something I wanted to watch. It was at that point on Murder, She Wrote. Which was great. He didn’t know who I was. Only that I was family. Before his diagnosis. He was one of the meanest old men I ever knew. Now, he’s sweet and confused and I’m scared for my Grandma. She has been stuck to him, helping him for years now. And I don’t know what she’ll do. She doesn’t have friends. He’s no longer aware now. As stated by my mother. He’s on a limited clock. And I’m going to write something for his funeral before it sneaks up on us. Dementia is terrifying. It’s an eldrich horror. Lovecraft’s racist ass has nothing on the fear Dementia puts in me.

[@birdsonbread9363]

Side note. Both dementia patients lived a couple states away from my family. And when the grandfather offered to change the channel, I was fine without it changing

[@ellies6297]

I work in a senior living facility, and I’m surrounded by people with dementia and alzheimers. Sometimes I think about what they were like before their brain began deteriorating. It’s insane how this just happens to regular, everyday people and nothing can really help it.

[@doctornobody611]

My dad was jabbering the last time I saw him. But he was okay. He said " I am so happy. I love my family." And all the pain that I felt for him subsided. He's OK. He is loved. He is gone and at peace.

[@Lifel4444]

Yo, I appreciate sharing your story. Thank you and God bless.

[@miamislice3280]

Dementia: The good ending I certainly did not expect that.

[@kilgoretrout3966]

i am so sorry. i lost my Momma to it a year ago, last January. It takes the most brilliant people, it seems to me. She was an English Major, Published Poet, and Comptroller of a three thousand employee company in the late 70s...rare for a woman at that time. i think it took away her fear of passing away, honestly. Maybe that isn't the worst thing, but we cant really know.

[@BirdSniff]

It's funny, near the end you said "an hour left." This came after all the exacerbation of having to put up with the noise. I work in geriatrics. A lot of people have this mindset: "hopefully I'll be dead by then." A lot look forward to the end, even the lucid; a lot resolve to it. "An hour left" is an encapsulation of that, without intention. Very interesting.

[@imonke5303]

Not everyone, I wish my life could go on forever, fuck dying

[@rickwrites2612]

@@imonke5303 you suffer from dementia? they mean everyone who is suffering from dementia.

[@eggsans69]

Idk if this is intentional but at he started with “__ hours in” and ended with “__ hours left” showing his exhaustion and fear

[@johnsMITHhhhhh88]

@@imonke5303 you might feel differently when you’re older, a lot of people are content with their life and feel they have experienced everything they want to. Especially with the impending dementia or other health problems, a lot of them are ready to move on.

[@sergeantswiss2401]

@@imonke5303 immortality is a curse

[@boxoid5230]

Dementia is mainly terrifying because it isnt that you lose who you are. Its that your locked behind a brick wall of entangled brain plaques that dont allow you to express who you are. The main terrifying thing is that it makes you forget literally everything. You even forget how to forget or what forgetting even is. It isnt just you stop recognizing people. You stop knowing what people ARE. Its terrifying once you realize these 2 facts.

[@elizam7219]

The first time I listened to this around stage 3 I just started crying I don’t know why, but there is something truly primal about the fear of forgetting everything. Like forgetting those you love, the memories you’ve made with them, the experiences you’ve had with them and many other things it’s truly terrifying

[@MasakoX]

I always think the Stage 3 album cover is Stage 2's album cover but the emotions and stability have 'burst' forth and now it's all over the place. Like things have gone wild.

[@shrimpy4307]

Yo masako whats up

[@jeffthecrabboy6098]

You are the last person i expected to see here!

[@Icy_dokkan]

That actually makes alot of sense especially since green is often used for negative emotions

[@ShaolinWanderer]

Wtf why is goku here 😂

[@MaxiemumKarnage]

My man Masako, good choice of channels mate

[@82dorrin]

"Post-awareness stages" Everything about that phrase is horrifying...

[@g.money.moviesgingathejedi251]

Yeah I fucking hate it... Didn't know words could be so horrifying

[@joonibonsaii8462]

Same with "Advanced Plaque Entanglements"

[@Gardengap]

@@joonibonsaii8462 actually i dont get what that means.

[@hyperx72]

@@Gardengap it's a song in stage 5

[@Gardengap]

@@hyperx72 I know but what are plaque entanglements is what I was trying to say. Now I’ve learnt that plaque is the buildup in the brain that causes dementia and entanglements is something else rather similar.

[@duckus2nd407]

I think the length of the album really symbolizes how dreadful going through dementia might be and the fact that wendigoon listened to it nonstop probably made the experience even more genuine. Dementia patients go through this for a long part of their life and probably are constantly wishing for it to just end. The fact that we can just finish the song and move on with our lives but patients don’t ever have an ending moment without it is horrifying.

[@dedrxbbit7549]

My wife’s grandma died from dementia in February of this year and I’ve listened to the whole 6-part series twice before she passed away. I need to listen to it again, because watching her go through it and seeing all of the stages as they went by was…horrifying. Before she was in hospice, she stayed at the local hospital. I’d say she was late stage 5 to early stage 6 and our interaction was awful in such a tormenting but loving way. When my brother in law and my wife came up to say hi, she was all giddy, kinda forgot who they were, but when reminded she was excited and wanted them to join her in the room next door “because it had tables of liquor for a party they were throwing tomorrow.” But when I came up to say hi, she knew exactly who i was, grabbed my arm harder than she ever had before and pulled me in close, started crying, and said, “You need to promise me that you’re gonna take care of that girl and those babies. They mean the world to me and they’ve been through a lot. You’re all they have left. I’m not gonna be here much longer, so you need to hold them up for me, okay?” For someone battling with dementia to snap back to reality by remembering someone from their life that they met when they started to develop the disease…it’s heartbreaking and mind bending. She was completely self aware of the situation once I came and said hi. So yeah, this 6-part series means a lot to me. I didn’t get to know that woman very long, but I’m proud to have known who she was.

[@alexrivas8778]

When covid first hit, I got sent to a hospital in CT to help out with their patients. I remember one patient who had it was an older gal with dementia and I'd never been around someone. She had no family to talk to cause most of them left her in a nursing home to be someone else'sproblem. Well, in her condition we had to do everything bedside including bathing and caring for every need of hers. I remember we were trying to change her sheets and she had gotten to where she couldn't get up anymore, and we had to roll her in bed. She started crying and screaming and I think she believed we were trying to throw her. Well someone said something about sunshine and the patient started singing "you are my sunshine" I asked if she liked that sing and she said it was her favorite. So I said I could sing with her if the other staff could move her and she agreed. She held my hand and we just stared at each other and sang the chorus to "you are my sunshine" over and over while the other staff changed her bedding. Now this was over a year ago, and I can't help but feel a twinge in my heart when I hear that song, thinking about this patient. This gave me an idea of what things were like for her and this took my sunshine away.

[@TheDutchessOfCornville]

Thank you for giving her a calm moment where she could do something that made her happy. You’re a good person.

[@SexyTCAPdecoy4Hansen]

You must be new

[@boiled_egg_]

@Winter 💜 Bear Aren't you yourself assuming that they don't know the circumstances of her being there?

[@mobiusone6994]

@Winter 💜 Bear if no one visited then they left her there to be someone else's problem by definition

[@riioorii]

my grandpa always sang "you are my sunshine" to me when i was little. he passed away when i was pretty young and i recently learned he had dementia as well. i was too young to understand what was happening to him and that makes things like this hit harder.

[@oblivionfan345Tony]

The ending with the Angelic Arias makes me think it's more than just "the person is dying". I think about "terminal lucidity" which happens occasionally with Dementia patients. Essentially, in their last moments of life suddenly become lucid once again. They are immediately aware of the condition of their body, the things they've done, the things done to them, and they are coherent for but a few moments before death. This is both peaceful and horrifying. It may be bittersweet to finally be able to share your last moments with those around you, hopefully friends and family and to be able to know who and what they are, but it is also horrifying because you are made aware of the ordeal you've gone through before it finally takes you which I believe is the silence at the end.

[@novawilde2096]

.... Mostly horrifying... I imagine so many come to that lucidity... Only to realise there alone... That made me tear up a bit just thinking about...

[@XAspectRatioX]

This is real, happened to my grandfather right when he was about to die, he looked at my mother like he knew exactly who she was and his situation

[@tomcruisesmiddlefronttooth9221]

It’s not much different than terminally ill patients. They usually have a really good day or two right before death…

[@MrChaosBones]

DMT is a helluva drug. Once humans understand "why" we produce it in effect-inducing quantities during birth and death - humanity will be ready to transcend the human condition. :)

[@philcooper9225]

How do they know it's silence? The CIA released a report that might suggest otherwise

[@mollie8880]

My grandmother is currently around stage 5, being the only one around to see her slow decline has been bizarre. She is comfortable and happy with me so I know she feels safe, even talks about how she sees my late grandfather, wonders when he’s coming home.

[@pghmmtrayy]

Hang in there🖤💛

[@jolenebutt9882]

my nana is about the same, stage 5. She remembers few people me being one of them, my greatest christmas gift was her giving me a massive hug and saying her saying I love you back to me

[@mollie8880]

@@jolenebutt9882 how wonderful. how old is she? sending the both of you love and strength. it’s getting to the point she’s even forgetting me, calls me my cousin’s name. the moments of lucidity are special.

[@jolenebutt9882]

@@mollie8880 she is 87 now, it’s so sad considering the rest of her health is pretty good except her mind. It’s also causing such a stress on her 89 year old husband with he being in a home so far away from him

[@jourteen7795]

Not so fun fact: Synapse Retrogenesis and Sudden Time Regression into Isolation in Stage 5 are the parts of Alzheimer's where a person looses everything that makes them who they are, any bit of personality or intelligence is lost and they are basically reduced to the mental capabilities of an infant. And yes, this means that the person is fully aware of what is happening to them for about half of Stage 5. The reasons why the music becomes much more peaceful and held back is because as the person looses everything they've ever experienced in life and any sense of awareness, they no longer feel fear and the rest of their life is spent in emptiness.

[@aoki6332]

that why dementia scare me its not just about your memories you actually lose and forget yourself

[@boboblueblue2]

I hate the idea of knowing that you’re losing yourself. There’s some bliss in ignorance. But being aware that your personality and reality is changing outside of your control is terrifyingly sad. The idea of that just fills me with dread.

[@ACDBunnie]

Damn. Well at least they aren't scared. Do they become antsy from lack of stimulation like those in a sensory deprivation environment do?

[@jourteen7795]

@@ACDBunnie From what I understand, in the part of stage 5 where they are still capable of awareness, they are antsy, and usually fidget with things. They do it to keep their mind occupied

[@mentalelixir7556]

i hope the soul is real

[@rebeccaatkinson3692]

My Granny died with Dementia, she had it for years and reached what could possibly be the worst it can get. A few months before she died she resided to just screaming and repeating ‘they’re coming to take me away’ really intense stuff. But through the horrid stuff whenever I would go to her as she lay in her bed she would always repeat how beautiful my eyes were. She didn’t know who I was or why I was there in her house, but she knew my eyes were beautiful to her. I can’t quite describe to someone who hasn’t experienced it how it is to watch someone who once cared for you decline each day to the point they no longer know who you are, but not even who, what you are. I suppose this video is the closest I’m ever going to get at the moment to even slightly understand what she experienced. It’s sad to say and think, but I lost my granny a very long time ago, I only lost her physicality a couple years ago.

[@Jonsoner]

It's beyond words truly. My uncle suffered from mad cow disease. It's hard to describe someone full of life, and jokes and good memories deteriorate so quickly to the point that they stop registering as a human to you. The last time I visited, a couple of months before his passing, I remember seeing him unable to control or move his body, just laying there. He became upset, or excited, or was in pain when I came in, I truly had no idea if he was still capable of thought to be able to recognize me but the way he looked at me will be with me forever. Was he asking for something? Happy to see me? Scared? Ashamed? Could he still control some of his body and any thoughts? Did he notice my look of horror? So I delicately ran away to digest the scene and came back with the mindset of talking to a grave. I told him everything about my life when we were left alone, everything about the times we spent together and specially the times I've had with his daughters. He never acknowledged anything I said, bit I honestly hope he did. After that I never visited again. It was one of the most selfish things I've done which I regret till this day. So thank you for spending time with your granny, I'm sure that it was extremely harsh, but I'm also sure that even if that time cannot be appreciated in the same way by her due to her sickness, you helped aliviate her passing in a significant way by just being there.

[@stickysocks6369]

"I only lost her physically a couple years ago"... that hit harder than thought it would.

[@KO_Manic]

I’m sorry

[@hannahkirk9659]

I'm sorry for your loss, I went through something similar with my own grandmother, but she died before it got too intense. I'd go and sit with her and she would just look at me and smile and say "pretty"

[@gokumetrix80]

My grandma said the exact same thing, that there was something bad and something is going after her. It still hurts thinking about it.

[@mr.c8101]

I've listened to the album in a day and it absolutely broke me. I just can't bring myself to watch this video as I know it will make me depressed as all shit but thanks for making it wendigoon. You are truly the best.

[@joshuabletcher9227]

i haven't known someone through the stages of dementia, but i have formed bonds with people who were experiencing it when we knew each other. when i lived in british columbia i worked in a cafe where an older gentleman named don would visit everyday for his lunch. he would always order a breakfast sandwich- white bread with mayonnaise and dijon mustard, an egg patty with bacon, some spinach and some olives with pickles along with a cup of plain black coffee to drink. i eventually started sitting with him on my breaks and we got to know each other. he told me about his time in the war, living in ontario, his experiences of growing up and visiting places around the world, but the one that always meant the most to him was telling me about his wife. how they met, the way she talked and how her smile would light up a room, their wedding and children, and unfortunately also about how she died in a battle with cancer. after enough time we became genuine friends, mutually happy to see each other every day we were there and work days just not feeling right whenever he didn't show up or when my shift started after he had left. he would sometimes forget stories he had told me, occasionally ones within the same conversation, and he would occasionally forget he had eaten at the cafe earlier and would come back for the same meal. when i had my last day at work before moving to newfoundland i invited him out to dinner at the local pub. i still remember how genuinely he laughed when we told jokes and shared funny stories. a while after i settled into the new home i called him to update him on my life and what had changed since the last time we saw each other, and he listened and followed along for a little while before asking how come i was telling him all of that. it took a bit of reminding but he realized it was me. it's been a while since we last talked since i've been so caught up in my own life, and i'll admit i'm a bit scared of catching up again out of fear that he's forgotten about me. i could tell he was in the early stages of decline and it was starting to become worse by the time i had resigned. the poor guy lived alone last i saw him so i really hope he's okay and not tackling all of this alone.

[@LadyKaira]

This just got me on a rollercoaster. My great grandma only really had dementia set in near the very end of her life, woman was over 100 so yeah, but once it did it went hard. She went through everything in only a few months instead of closer to a year. The main thing I remember though was her last bit of clarity before she passed. She snapped back at Thanksgiving dinner and started talking about how she was getting old and will probably be dead soon. She then looked me dead in the eye and said “I’m not going until you graduate high school”… she passed 2 days after I graduated

[@sageslittlechannel]

at least she kept her promise for you, i’m so sorry you had to go through that, dear stranger

[@diepotato9247]

@@Anonymous-rl6eh no one asked

[@ilubmiself]

i watched some videos about nurses saying how it's strange that people close to death can somehow "hold out" on dying a few minutes hours or days for their loved ones. in my own experience, my own mother that had ALS seemed to hang on all night until my father and i arrived at her bedside. a nurse pulled my dad aside and told him my mom had trouble breathing all night so we knew her time was near. she passed within the hour

[@happyfrigginrainbowcookies]

@@Anonymous-rl6eh are you really gonna make a 69 joke now? Wtf

[@thebananagod69]

@@diepotato9247 a good no one asked, finally

[@jacobearl3350]

You’re definitely right about music. My grandma that’s 93 has severe dementia and Alzheimer’s (one of the final stages). But when I play my banjo she hums along to some songs still, like oh Susanna. She doesn’t know my name or most people’s names, or where she’s at.

[@yesjermplayzgamez511]

hey man, I'm really moved by your comment because of my gramma, keep playing for her please!!!

[@milhousevanhoutan9235]

Neuroscientist here: Memory engrams are both highly localized and very distributed. There's a specific part of the brain that deals with melody/music. So a dementia patient can completely forget everything else about a song the title lyrics and writer but still hum the tune and even continue it on their own if prompted to start. It's one of the thing that drew me to and keeps me in the field, discovering the beautiful complexity of the brain and trying to unravel its secrets.

[@catchtwenty22]

I am the caretaker. Jacob, I love you man. Think good thoughts for me, and my nan.

[@jacobearl3350]

@@yesjermplayzgamez511 thanks man, definitely will!

[@jacobearl3350]

@@yesjermplayzgamez511 thanks man, definitely will!

[@OrangeElixir]

I lost my mother five years ago to Alzheimer's. The dementia made it seem as if she had already died and someone else had taken up residence in her body. It's such a horrible, cruel condition.

[@hololark]

The singer of the original song, Al Bowlly, passed in April of 1941 during the Blitz. The Blitz ended 1 month later. His last sang song was "When That Man Is Dead and Gone" which was a satirical song about Hitler.

[@transformativepirate1074]

I love the fact that the caretaker included that tiny speck of lucidity right before the person dies. Thats really how it is at the end. One more good moment then nothing. Its sp crushing but so truly raw and what its like.

[@inaudivle]

Yea it's called terminal lucidity

[@zanderbraincinemas6126]

You know, terminal lucidity could be just as disturbing for someone as the confusion parts. Imagine waking up and realizing it’s been years and you’ve been hospitalized and you’ve missed so much. Also, it should be noted that after terminal lucidity and after death, it’s not just nothing, after the hell that is dementia you get rewarded, you go somewhere else.

[@Nai_101]

​@@zanderbraincinemas6126 that last part is optimistic at best

[@jannellegraham3900]

The art at 21:27 reminds me of a distorted version of the “Girl with a Pearl Earring” painting. Almost like they saw this at some point in their life and it’s faint in memory and this is their recollection. I’d love to know.

[@ACDBunnie]

Whoah. I see it. Man, if that's how people with dementia see or remember "Girl with a Pearl Earring", fml

[@missfeisty]

That's what I thought when I saw it too

[@holybamboozler]

Oh my god i knew that figure reminded me of something

[@garururu8864]

Now that you point it out it really does look like that painting. The entire time I felt like I had seen or vaguely compared it to another picture. It'd be neat if the artist had done that purposefully to show how the current stage rapidly declines in memory and recognition by making a piece that's very known into something that seems familiar but wildly off.

[@mememan1546]

My grandma has alzhiemers, and while she's not in the post-awareness stages yet, i have given up on teaching her anything because she can no longer learn anything new. She should've been in a nursing home a long time ago, but she's still at home with family. As much as we love her, she's extremely frustrating to deal with.

[@1053Master]

As frustrating as it may be, spend a few extra minutes with her today. It is easy to be callous to the situation as a cope, but it's the wrong reaction when time is short. A day is coming that will be the last day she remembers who you are or what she means to you. You don't know what day that will be, but it will hit fucking hard when you find out.

[@Indrakrn]

You and I got the same thought. I don't know if your grandma still around but if she is, please enjoy as much time as possible with her. When she's not around anymore you gonna felt empty especially at home. Don't go into the same regret as me

[@haeronalda4136]

Yeah. I may be up for a promotion soon at work. I tell her that when I see her and she is really pleased for me. But then a minute later that is gone. Showing her pictures of our dog who passed away 8 months ago, she remembers that she knows him, but she doesn't remember his name. It sucks because they were very close. He loved visiting his granny because she spoiled him. We have a new puppy and she likes to see pictures and hear stories of him, but she has no idea who he is beyond "oh, that's a nice dog".

[@Poli.Zygotikk]

My aunt had dementia. Though the stress and frustration can build up resentment, remember that it isn't their fault. Their brain is literally decaying and they cannot do anything about it. I guarantee your frustration is much more manageable than them losing their reality. Treat them with kindness, Even when it's hard sometimes. Just remember that if you had to walk in their shoes, It would lead to the end of your life.

[@ovsgaming1633]

I’m terrified, because I’m bound for dementia. It’s been hereditary and carry’s on through our family. I’m only 20 but still it gets to me. I’m terrified to lose my mind and all my memories.

[@TheRedBeardTalk]

Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.-Rainer Maria Rilke

[@khush1894]

everything can be prevented bro. live healthy, do research, improve, and be happy 😊. i hope you have a long successful life.

[@kriegdeathrider7805]

Same age and situation brother I talked with my wife about it before we got married that if i ever got that diagnosis it was my time to go on my own terms I had to go through being a caretaker for my family I love her to much to do that to her or myself

[@ovsgaming1633]

@@khush1894 thank you dude I appreciate it

[@ovsgaming1633]

@@TheRedBeardTalk thank you

[@shalpilotvods9823]

btw, the stage 4 painting is reminiscent of 'girl with a pearl earring'. Makes me think that the subject is remembering something that touched them similarly to the music, but it's still distorted and misremembered.

[@battyboo3732]

That was my thought too

[@williamsmitherson2170]

That makes so much sense! I thought it looked vaguely familiar

[@lawrencelord9777]

That’s exactly what I thought!!

[@Junior-jf1sd]

Glad i wasn't the only one who thought this

[@AeroZcape]

I worked home service for a time after highschool, and we had this old woman that suffered from late stage dementia that used to alternate between wimpering/crying and screaming from the moment we woken her up to when we helped her back to bed. It's one of the most horrifying things I've experienced. Sometimes, death is mercy

[@x_voxelle_x]

Indeed. If possible, I'd choose death over allowing myself to live in conditions like that.

[@swisscheesy]

Read through the comments and honestly, this is it. For everyone involved and their sanity, I would prefer a swift and calm death by overdose, anywhere from the point where I start having trouble remembering my family and kids. I wouldn't want them to experience this but find early closure instead, so they can move on with their own lives. Just thinking about this makes me hope I can die with a clear state of mind.

[@michaelferrell8189]

Horrors of modernity, we aren’t supposed to live to that point

[@Destructocorps]

@@michaelferrell8189 people have always lived that long, the difference is most people got killed before then, or deteriorated sooner, or got left to starve when they couldn't pull their own weight anymore. Not great either honestly

[@RyyFoo]

@Agian Andagian amen

[@tomcruisesmiddlefronttooth9221]

As someone with auditory processing disorder, some of this was really intense for me. My brain was constantly fighting to understand you but also taking in the soundtrack and it was wild

[@oliviarose8914]

As someone who also has auditory processing issues, this is is so real of you, tom cruises middle front tooth

[@OolongSoul]

Im a volunteer for Meals on Wheels in my local community and I have been for about 3 years. Basically, my mom and I go on routes on weekends and deliver food to elderly people who can't get it themselves. Every week, we delivered to this women named Rose. When we first met her, she didn't show any signs of dementia and remembered us everytime she got to the door. But, slowly, every week she would get worse. She would forget our names, ask the same questions multiple times, and would eventually need somebody to escort us to her room so she wouldn't be frightened. The pain I felt when I didn't see her on our list for the first time was something I'll never forget.

[@Alexshadock999]

Interesting fact: dementia is generally seen as the general term for severe memory loss and Alzheimer’s is the more specified diagnosis

[@canceledartist]

Good to know

[@squaresquids]

Dementia is the symptom of memory loss. You can also have dementia even if you don’t have Alzheimer’s

[@Alexshadock999]

@@squaresquids well yes, but again, dementia is the general term for a loss in memory, cognition and reasoning. Yes you can have dementia without developing Alzheimer’s, however dementia is just the general psychological term

[@fernandaroig2964]

Yeah, pretty much. But it’s not THE specified diagnosis, it’s one of many. My grandma has dementia that’s not caused by alzheimer’s. There’s multiple causes for dementia, alzheimer’s is just one possible cause.

[@reactionswitherin5504]

Alzheimer’s disease cannot officially be diagnosed until an autopsy after a person has died.

[@xfireintheskiesx]

Nope, nope. Couldn't make it through this whole video without freaking out and crying. I watched my grandpa go through dementia and it was horrifying. Now I'm scared to death of it happening to me eventually as it is genetic. I think I would rather commit game over on myself then suffer such a terrible fate.

[@pineapplequeen13]

A friend of mine had a Halloween party where they put this on in the background without telling anyone what it was. As we all sat there talking, the music became more and more disturbing, and I remember feeling a distinct horror as it became apparent that something was definitely wrong It wasn't until later that I learned that the album was meant to simulate the stages of dementia. Let me tell you, I was horrified all over again. An album may be creepy, but you always have the opportunity to pause it and return to normalcy. Those who suffer from dementia don't have that option. This is their reality for the rest of their life. There is no stopping it. You can only realize while you are still lucid that this is your fate, and nothing will change it. Also, the initial feeling of "something's not right" came back doubly as hard when I realized what this meant. I imagined the family of those suffering from this affliction slowly coming to realize that something may be off about their loved one. Seeing the symptoms for the first time and the stomach-dropping realization that the person they've known all their life will never be the same again. They may forget you. It's so sad. This album is really a work of art. It paints the picture of memory loss in such a tangible way that, even not knowing what it was about at first, it had a profound effect on me. I applaud the creator, and I give condolences to all of those who have to suffer with this illness and their families that have no choice but to stand by and watch.

[@Ariye]

I lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's years ago, and I'd hoped that listening to this album would give me some insight into what she'd felt as she was dealing with the disease. To say I got my wish is a gross understatement. I sobbed from stage two onwards. I hope my grandmother, and everyone who's passed from this horror story of a disease, is resting easy. (Edit: Thank you for all the kind words and support, it means a lot to me! To those of you who have family members currently going through this storm, the best advice I can give is to have patience and find a good support system. I know it's going to be hard, you're going to get tired of answering the same questions, getting the same reactions. Thankfully, if you can't find an in-person support group in your area, there's a lot of online support groups to help caregivers and family members, because Alzheimer's and Dementia will make you feel like you're unable to be of any use, even when that's not the case. Take care of yourselves, everyone. Even if it doesn't seem so, it's going to be okay.)

[@mo0nsong]

so sorry for your loss ❤️

[@SOTB69]

Alzheimers is an absolutely terrifying disease, I lost one of my grandmothers to it aswell and it was hard enough with her. She snapped on me one day for no reason when I was younger and didn't fully understand it. I'm so worried my mother and sister will get it aswell. I genuinely do not want to go through that again. I feel for you

[@starnotee]

My grandfather is currently going through this. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I hope you were surrounded by the support that's so vital to getting through the hardest parts of grief ❤️

[@ameliasparkles13]

My thoughts and empathy are with you.

[@SOTB69]

@UC70LsJiLbkXSyu2Z00FRmUA do you understand how wrong you are? Alzheimers is a specific brain disease that account for around 70% of all dementia cases. Dementia is a blanket term for several memory or other higher brain function skills deteriorating.

[@slydellthetrillest2129]

i couldn’t imagine listening to that for 6 hours, let alone having the disease for life. a great piece of art work.

[@violenceisfun991]

I'd imagine that dementia must feel like walking through a chinese city like Nintendo; passing the same guy 80 billion times on some matrix shit

[@violenceisfun991]

@Butt Whole sorry, North Career city of Nintendo

[@dreugh424]

@Butt Whole That's not racist bruh, it's just dumb

[@tainii-san5879]

@Butt Whole uneducated does not always equal racism.

[@horrorhotel1999]

There exists a real day in your future where you will defintiely die. Either it will come much earlier than you expect, or you will probably be confronted with some or all of the symptoms of this disease

[@avikerry]

i remember early on in my grandfathers alzheimers condition, he would forget my name or things about me. he would point to his head and he would say "im sorry. this isnt working." and that was the most haunting realization i could imagine he must of gone through. his mind is no longer working, and there is nothing he can do about it, and he will continue to forget for the rest of his life.

[@Moon-wf3jr]

My grandma is currently having memory issues, I think she’s in late stage 3 or early stage 4. She told me recently “I hope you never get this old,” to which my mom understandably disagreed, but I think she meant “I hope you never have to experience this.” It amazes me the amount of strength she has while experiencing this. She just takes everything day by day, and even when she doesn’t recognize or remember me she still makes sure I know that she knows I’m someone she is supposed to know and she cares about me. She still carries so much joy with her even though she is going through something devastating. Love you grandma ❤

[@zenithmushroom3393]

I avoided watching this video for the longest time, as I still don’t think I’ve really processed this, but everyone seems to be sharing their stories, and I’d like to share mine. Maybe it’ll help me come to terms with it instead of repressing it like I have been. My grandmother passed away from breast cancer in 2016, leaving my grandad a widow. At first he was very depressed, as anyone would be, but he was able to move on. He picked up lots of new hobbies; he joined an art class, started doing community work at his local church despite never having been religious before, began volunteering at his old work place from before he retired, and he even got a new girlfriend. I was young at the time and, despite being happy for him finding another person to love, I felt a little seed of resentment towards his girlfriend. She could never replace my grandmommy. I felt like Grandmommy and Grandaddy were meant for each other, not him and this random lady. But I tried to be happy for him nonetheless. Everything seemed to be going great for him until his health started to decline, around 2018, 2019. Nothing super crazy, just dehydration, fatigue, hip problems, most likely from overworking himself while volunteering. However, around the fall of 2019, he started declining more. His house was a mess, he didn’t have the strength to clean it. He couldn’t get up and use the restroom, and he had little to no control of his bowels, so there was feces all over the couches and floor. We went to visit him during Christmas and New Years. (We live several states away) I remember being heartbroken, seeing a house I loved ever since I was a child in such a state of disarray. It smelled awful, there was clutter everywhere, feces all over my grandmommy’s favorite rocking chair. I swallowed my misgivings though, and talked to my grandad. Despite his body beginning to deteriorate, he was still my Grandaddy. I remember him enthusing about a concert he went to with his brother just a month before that. So I guess I was still in denial. He seemed normal still, so he had to be okay! The doctors would figure out how to make him better! In hindsight, I know my mom was in the same boat as I was. She didn’t want to put him in a nursing home yet, partially because grandad refused to go, and because she didn’t want to admit that he was in need of one. Until, when we went to go have dinner with him and his girlfriend for New Years, she walked in to see him asleep on the floor, unable to get up. He woke up easily and seemed fine, laughed off the situation, and said the only reason he was still down there was just because he couldn’t get up. Mom called the hospital anyway, as she should’ve in that situation. He wasn’t happy about it, but couldn’t really change anything. I went to see him for the last time in person that night. He was totally normal. Talking about stories in the family when some of his friends came to visit him, chatting like always. I remember, when we had to leave, he told me we’d need to play another game of cards soon (it was our tradition to have a tournament every time we visited.) I never got to see him again, due to the pandemic and how rapid his decline was. It had just turned 2020 at this point. By the end of the year, he was gone. He went from physically unwell but still sound of mind, to a confused, aggressive, and unresponsive stranger within a couple months. We used to FaceTime him at the nursing home. I usually avoided doing it, as he showed no signs of being able to tell it was us behind that screen. It hurt too much to see him like that, totally unresponsive, blank. I wanted to remember him as that jolly, cheerful guy who played cards with us and had the kindest face you could imagine. I still wish I could’ve played that last game of cards with him though. Maybe I would’ve been able to, if it weren’t for the pandemic. I think the scariest part of the whole ordeal was when he became suicidal. He told my mom he was going to try and overdose on his antidepressants over the phone. This was in between moments of him gushing and obsessing over his girlfriend and moments from his past, like a moment of clarity. It ended just as quickly as it started though. But that makes me wonder how horrifying it must be to go through that, the moments of awareness in between the chaos and confusion, the pain of realizing what’s happening to you. I hope to never find out the answer to that. If I ever get Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s or Dementia or anything similar, I hope I die before it gets to that point. Sorry, this is all very disjointed. I doubt anyone has actually read this, which is probably for the better. This is the first time I’ve really gone through the events in my head, and this is an extremely simplified retelling of the messy reality. But yeah, if anyone HAS read this far, remember to drink water, eat plenty of nutritious food, and treat yourself how you would treat a friend, even if it seems hard. You can do this

[@takedabro]

God that sounds horrible to go through. I hope you and your family are doing ok

[@rosieloosemore6859]

Same to you, friend. You were very brave to go through that and come out the other side. I hope you're doing well.

[@harleyowen91]

I'm sorry that you had to go through that, I went through the same thing when I lost my mother in 2001 when I was 9 to lung cancer. I was in absolute denial up until she came to visit me for the last time, she lived in Indiana, while I was in Arizona. The moment it started to dawn on me that it was extremely bad was when I woke up early cuz her and I were taking a day trip and I burst into her room and she was bald, I was so shocked and confused as I was rushed out of the room and I got no answer for what was going on until about a week before she passed. And it took me about a decade to fully process and come to grips with reality and what had actually happened when she came to visit.

[@zenithmushroom3393]

Oh gosh I totally forgot that I actually posted this. I’m hindsight, I really needed to realize how traumatic it actually was in order to understand my avoidant feelings towards the situation, so I’m glad that I watched this video and reflected. Thank you guys so much for the kinda comments, I genuinely didn’t expect anyone to read this haha!!!

[@zenithmushroom3393]

@@harleyowen91 that must have been very difficult for you, I’m so sorry. Cancer sucks, it saps the life out of the people you love painfully and slowly and it’s so hard to watch, especially when you’re a child and it’s your mother that you’re watching fade away. You are very strong

[@garodima]

One of his moments of bliss during the experience was finding a video of Mutahar. Just perfect.

[@realryleu]

i slept in minecraft for 6 months

[@ReesesPieces55]

One of my biggest fears is forgetting things. My grandparents have dementia, I know it’s likely I’ll have it as I get older, I’m only 19 years old and I scare myself when I can’t remember the names of things, where I’ve set other things down, when I can’t immediately recognize if baby pictures are of me or my younger sister.

[@bebos_magic]

A six hour long game with this soundtrack and that makes you play as someone going through the disorder would be crazy

[@bazooka93]

I've put Stage 6 as ambient music in Stalker Shadow of Chernobyl and it worked great. Could simulate the psi emissions perhaps.

[@xX_codyine_syrup_Xx]

i wonder how the album would sound while playing lsd dream emulator or visiting an art museum. like imagine the first half of the album is spent in a classic art exhibit, while the second half is spent in a modern art exhibit.

[@headphonesaxolotl]

I had an idea for some sort of RPG where it starts out normal but slowly devolves into chaos, just like dementia. First the game won't load items. That food item you wanted to heal with you got 30 min ago? Gone. Then party members stop remembering where you're going, who you are, before vanishing. The game goes from RPG to something out of Yumi Nikki as the land itself abstracts, before your character devolves into a mush of pixels and the world becomes featureless and empty, nothing but static to be heard. For one final moment, the first area theme starts back up as the world loads back again, letting you resume your progress where you got interrupted, and just as you get back into things, the game abruptly ends and the credits roll to nothing but silence.

[@kaylabrownell1268]

I've watched a few documentaries of dementia, I watched a guy break down and sob openly in front of the camera because his mother couldn't recognize him anymore. She knew her son in photographs as a child but didn't know who he was as an adult sitting next to her, my heart broke for him.

[@lisalarsen2384]

I could not imagine that makes me want to throw up I love my dad so much