St Gregory Palamas explains to us how the demons can undemine our spiritual progress.
Пікірлер: 341
@FatherSpyridonROCOR2 жыл бұрын
Father Spyridon's books may be viewed here: www.amazon.com/s?k=father+spyridon&i=stripbooks-intl-ship&ref=nb_sb_noss
@emil6872 жыл бұрын
Father spyridon i have a little request please say about holy spirit and her gifts and how to use them and say about holy spirit many of Christians now days they dont now about holy spirit and please say the Orthodox view about holy spirit im your follower for 2 or 3 years thank you father for helping me in spiritual growth from your vediosgod bless you
@adambenedict61552 жыл бұрын
@Eva Braun’s New Jewish Husband I am a member of the Russian Orthodox Church here in the United States. Yes, ROCOR recognizes the OCA. We are only different in the calendars we use. In fact, we host many OCA priests to speak at our conferences throughout the U.S. One of our bishops, His Grace Jonah Puffhausen, was part of the OCA several years ago.
@dragnothlecoona Жыл бұрын
Can I ask a question, what should I do if a demon begins to openly try to terrify me or attack me in my dreams. Over the last 3 days, i've woken up in the middle of the night, twice, the first time, im pretty sure the demon tried to attack me in my sleep, attempting to enter my soul, the second time, today, it tried to terrify me, where upon sort of waking in the middle of the night, I found it trying to talk to me in my sleep, terrifying me with a booming inhuman voice. Both times, praying to god that it would stop. Im not sure what to do.
@minniefantasia-xp7yd Жыл бұрын
Yes....
@a.m.pietroschek1972 Жыл бұрын
I am not a regular viewer, as this was the first of your videos I watched: I was reminded of the term #Gaslighting even more than covert-narcissist ways of ``those inspired by demons´´. Thanks, anyway! 🤔
@hannagulema3302 жыл бұрын
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner. Thank you father for your words.
@GenericWhiteNPC2 жыл бұрын
Amen
@susansuewwilliams2 жыл бұрын
Through the intercession of the Most Holy Theotokos and all the Saints, Lord have mercy on us.
@amenra46682 жыл бұрын
Our Father, through our Brother shows you Mercy my dear Sister. 🙏 Our Father in the Great Above knew my heart, and I am just a man. Therfore if He knows my own true heart, then He knows your own true heart as well. He wishes to give you all that you truly wish in your heart. And He continues to strive for you to obtain all that which is in your own true heart. So you shall look deep within your heart, for you have been ked by your mind and by your eyes. Look deep within your heart. Realize that your heart is deaf and blind. Then try to hear with your heart and try to see with your heart. For in your heart, all has already been written. All has already been made a new.
@hannagulema3302 жыл бұрын
@@amenra4668 Thank you!!! God Bless!
@Old_8_gauge2 жыл бұрын
Have mercy and help me also, in Jesus name, amen!
@acenath86432 жыл бұрын
I admit that I have failed so much that it seems like my very prayers go unheard. I've used the internet as an idol as well as an excuse for laziness. Recently my boyfriend and I broke up- because I don't know how to interact with other human beings. Now I have no job & nobody to listen or care about me. I drove everyone away, and it's my fault. I've given apathy to the world & received apathy in return. I see the blackest darkness in front of me. I can't take it anymore. I've prayed & prayed & haven't eaten in 2 days. I need direction so bad in my life. It took all my strength to not commit suicide & I am still really struggling. I've isolated myself & recieved isolation in return. Please pray for my soul, if you can.
@kaybrown40102 жыл бұрын
❤️🙏🏻☦️
@CatsHeartbeat2 жыл бұрын
Jesus cares, He died on the cross for you, for us all. Just call to Him, call to our Blessed Mother and beg them to help you. If you are Catholic, go to Confession and receive Him in the Blessed Sacrament. Your Soul medicine and your Soul Food. May God bless you! 🙏❣
@FatherSpyridonROCOR2 жыл бұрын
Alison, I am sorry to read of your pain. Please feel able to contact me directly through Twitter direct messages, I am at @Fatherspyridon If you wish, we can speak further. You and your life are precious to God.
@SabahsPsalm7772 жыл бұрын
Allison we ALL have had moments of deep despair. This to shall pass. Hold on to the spark of hope that led you to write this comment. Life is hard, there's no denying that Yet Jesus is Lord and is faithful. Trust him, love him and cry your heart out to him. He hears and feels your pain. I have had a VERY traumatic past it's been here a little and there a little. My journey to healing and wholeness in Christ takes time. I haven't instantly been made "right" so let me encourage you to hold on Listen to songs of praise, Akathist, keep the Bible on repeat. Pray the Jesus prayer and cry your heart out in repentance asking God to fill you with his mercy and peace. The enemy will try to sway you. Stay focused on Christ Jesus. Love u sis😘
@lolhelios2 жыл бұрын
Our Lord looks at you lovingly and cares for you: This will pass!
@mahirsantal28672 жыл бұрын
Thank you dear father, your message always comes in time. For a long period of time I have been struggling with pornography, and by God's grace, I am sober now. May the Lord keep me from returning to those "icons of Satan"... LORD Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner.
@Teal_Moon2 жыл бұрын
Burning fle$h
@jhp40122 жыл бұрын
How did you do it. I also struggle sometimes
@keraki1787 Жыл бұрын
@@jhp4012 the only way to fight lust,is running away from the desire source and pray at the same time,memory of death,and when you see a girl that is beautiful you should think of her as Saint paraskevi,that girl can be a Saint one day.ask God to help all the time and he will,have a great day brother.
@andreasthimaras37892 жыл бұрын
Just what I needed. Pride, wrath, lust. I've tasted those whenever I looked into and tried to apply my obedience to God. Thank you father
@johnpaul30192 жыл бұрын
Me too it has been the same struggle i a sinful soul when aiming to do those things I find my self literally in a beast mode! I do things I hate and not do things I love 😔😔😞
@stalkek2 жыл бұрын
@@johnpaul3019 But we must keep repenting and out of persistence we can get free of these temptations and sins. And hopefully begin to recognise that the moment we get casual is when we fall again!
@stalkek2 жыл бұрын
@@johnpaul3019 And to add, of course we don’t attain freedom from sin through our own power, but through receiving God’s mercy and love! We don’t have to get there through our own virtues!
@andreasthimaras37892 жыл бұрын
@@johnpaul3019 Ah yeah I know that struggle... Use that energy on a workout or 30-50 pushups every time you feel that in your body (As in hyper energetic). Or if it's like my case, mostly mental and thinking, praying, reading words of Saints or reminders of God's mercy and love can help you brother. Frankly though, there's one thing I struggle to repent,as I'm constantly doing it. That is not being a friend to this world. But I took it too far. Whenever I'm reminded how they brainwash children and people away from God and turn this society into a degenerate one... It sparks my wrath against those responsible. The same ones that crucified Christ, the same ones that lead the Roman and the Eastern Roman Empire to fall,through treachery and degeneracy.
@stalkek2 жыл бұрын
@@andreasthimaras3789 Yes Andreas, with that physical exertion you mention, the body can be our friend and not our enemy!
@antonkirani27582 жыл бұрын
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner. Thank you for your words Father
@maciejszary70312 жыл бұрын
Praised be Jesus Demons don't attack only people who are already on the way to hell. Those who want to follow Jesus and His word are in the scope of their interest. Regards
@redcrown51542 жыл бұрын
@@mikipope5140 cute lie
@lukasmakarios49982 жыл бұрын
If some are already on the way to hell, the devil doesn't have to work very hard to keep them going, but only to keep them from hearing the warning that they need the gospel. It's the saints who really get the focus of his attacks, so that they might fail enough to despair and lose faith.
@gazster2 жыл бұрын
it's crazy isn't it, hearing this perspective and then when you look over at the new age spiritual perspective where people are talking about astral travelling, spirit guides, channelled messages and all that sort of thing, you sort of step back and it makes you question everything. i have noticed the increase of 'from new age to christian testimonies' the last few year's, it's like there's this extra discernment and many people are feeling it.
@arielslagle8782 жыл бұрын
Yup! I was new age for 6 years just stopped a month ago and turned completely to Jesus
@randomn123212 жыл бұрын
please pray for me, i get horrible intrusive thoughts daily and demonic attacks, i just wish to live in peace and do good and have a good life but i cannot with these demons, thank you
@DChristina2 жыл бұрын
Saying The Jesus Prayer when this happens really helps🙏🏼❤️☦️ Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, forgive me, a sinner
@DChristina2 жыл бұрын
....Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have Mercy on me a sinner☦️❤️🙏🏼
@jachobdriver98832 жыл бұрын
i will pray for u brother or sister of god
@randomn123212 жыл бұрын
thank you thousand times
@theparadigmshift74 Жыл бұрын
Try not to entertain or react to the thoughts, their bait! Dont debate them
@Ray1EGYPENARMAS1NDG2 жыл бұрын
Please pray for me as I'm struggling with this porn addiction. May I be healed from this...
@Thenoapaz2 жыл бұрын
I used to be a porn addict May God heal you
@natalieleske8382Ай бұрын
I've been freed He will release you from your chains as well.
@nobody23582 жыл бұрын
Glory to God The Father!
@6m929732 жыл бұрын
Thank you Father Spyridon, I felt a wonderful uplifting magnetic energy around me as you came through my speakers reciting this wisdom. I have been poisoned by propaganda in the news, patronising condescending lies from my own media against Russia. I have suffered from pride, been short tempered, arrogant, intolerant. Thank you again so much for this timely reminder. God bless and keep you always.
@Fatalerror3002 жыл бұрын
Hey Father Spyridon, My wife and I always listen to your talks, and thank God there are men of faith such as yourself sharing the knowledge of God here on KZbin, Could you say a prayer for us as we are often under spiritual attack, Kindest regards, Sotiri & Alanna
@jstrugglin44042 жыл бұрын
Sotiri and Alanna, we will pray for you too
@JosephSaad132 жыл бұрын
Spiritual warfare is like weighing. Grows ur Spiritual muscles, no pain no gain, that's Spiritual life. We grow and prosper but from glory to glory in life and Spiritually but the enemy is a always trying to pull us down
@a.kamileon2 жыл бұрын
In our Lord's name, I pray you will be free of demonic attacks. Here are some scriptures to encourage you: - "Submit to God, and the devil will flee" -James 4:7 - "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast." -1 Peter 5:6-10. God bless
@sunnymeadow18562 жыл бұрын
Thank you Father, this came at a perfect time. 🙏❤☦
@behindenemylines31492 жыл бұрын
Well. I cried. This video came on the feed after trying a new form of the Jesus Prayer. Pray for me that these are tears of repentance. Thank You again for the Video Fr. Sypridon! Christ is in our midst.
@dimitrioskladouchos48762 жыл бұрын
Father Spyridon, please keep feeding us with the spiritual nectar of your sermons. That shook my soul. May our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ always bless you and protect you.
@davidlovatt23352 жыл бұрын
Thank you Father Spirydon for sharing your journey of faith with us and for your guidance. I have learned so much from your videos and i am very grateful. Praise be to Jesus Christ who gave everything for us. Have mercy on us Lord God.
@nancyincanada55532 жыл бұрын
thank you, Fr. Spyridon. Lord have mercy on me, a sinner.
@khristosanesti80295 ай бұрын
I have sinned too many times to count, please Lord forgive me. I fail you too often. I am a failure. Thank for your help Father Spyridon, you teach me a lot.
@lisahyyppa33602 жыл бұрын
God Bless you with much love and gratitude in Christ Jesus… i very much appreciate your encouragement in our Lord Jesus Christ 🙏♥️🥰
@DaShaneo4 ай бұрын
The attacks were strong and heavy, Family turning as if possessed, friends doing things friends should never do. Temptation at higher levels. These are the reasons I have apostatized. My heart has always been with God just not professed. I am thankful for you Father Spyridon for helping me find my clarity and helping me to reunite with other Christians. The calling to do our Fathers will has been stronger than ever. Praying for your health to return so you may continue with your ministry. With Love Shane.
@ys63582 жыл бұрын
Thank you father Spyridon, your videos give me a weekly guidance to the path of truth.
@jzb63722 жыл бұрын
Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.
@saturninochango12 күн бұрын
Lord have mercy on me. I am being attaked during my prayer with evil and discusting thoghts, I'm so ashamed. Thank you for your preaching father, you give me a lot of peace. From a catholic.
@tylerdurden74842 жыл бұрын
Father Spyridon, when the world recognizes our failings and speaks ill of us or falsely accuses us when we know we are innocent, what is the way out of the bitterness and anger that may arise within a soul? How does the soul escape the trap of becoming embittered? Thank you for your work. God bless you.
@a.kamileon2 жыл бұрын
we pray for our enemies and turn the other cheek. we realize that people of the world act this way since they don't know God (John 15:21). We pray for their salvation and love them and shine the light of Christ (Matthew 5:16).
@NikkiPhillippi2 жыл бұрын
Beautiful. Thank you🙏🏻💜
@lolhelios2 жыл бұрын
I needed this Father, thank you. I recently made great progress in my struggle against lust, only to fall again and again the last few days. I try to remember that, like you said, the demons laugh and ridicule us when we succumb to temptation; this helps me to resist.
@thomassterrett19052 жыл бұрын
Father take pity on this sinner and please pray for me.
@user-lb3xc9fh8t2 ай бұрын
I have Never Seen a man with this amount of wisdom of christ
@vanessac.70402 жыл бұрын
Lord have mercy! God help us! ☦️
@kathleenglumpe85542 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for your teachings 🙏🥀
@grey89402 жыл бұрын
thank you so much for this message... I really needed this one.. And I imagine a lot more of us do also.... Thanks again from a wayward protestant, Clearwater Fl
@orthodoxwitness23742 жыл бұрын
Thank you for these edifying words, Father.
@NJP90362 жыл бұрын
Thank you Father Spyridon.👍
@Franziska.Meyer.20 күн бұрын
Pride was the thing he got me with in very young age. To be more “beautiful” than others, more intelligent…I was blindly following him for decades. And he still tries it with pride, but I catch myself when the ego feels superior 🙏🏼 it’s tough and comes in unexpected moments. But God told me, he needs this tests to build my will 🙏🏼 glory to God ✨✨
@isaiahparis Жыл бұрын
Lord. I am your meek servant. Chastise me Lord and I will give all my heart to your correction. Guide me Lord. In Jesus holy name I pray amen. 🙏🙏
@mele16172 жыл бұрын
Thank you for Obeying the Lord and teaching the Word of God .. We are God’s workmanship created in Christ Jesus
@Filo-nn9yp2 жыл бұрын
That is why originally, and even today, people flee/fled to the desert, and became monks, "to vomit" out their inner phantom twin, double, thy impostor, the doubter. However, instead of becoming free of it, many became/become "dangerously bound to this impostor, phantom - whom is precisely the one that dictates the pseudoascetisism and the contemplative posturing of the misfits" (Father Louis Merton, 1966).
@davidlynch5998Ай бұрын
Lord Jesus I am so guilt of spiritual stagnation , physical infirmities are beating me down Lord, its hard to be joyful under these conditons, however regardless of bad I may feel I am truly grateful for you and your constant presence in our lives
@andreibocse42715 ай бұрын
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. God bless you, Father Spyridon. ☦✝️
@susansuewwilliams2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Father, for your many Homilies, which are so thoughts provoking and brings one to prayer.
@mr.buttram28372 жыл бұрын
God bless you Father for your wise words. This and your video on lust where you mentioned Mary of Egypt were just what I needed for my spiritual impass. I confess that I have a history of addiction to pornography and for too long I was ambivalent; my pride too great to admit that I was ever at fault for consuming it.
@SabahsPsalm7772 жыл бұрын
This confession you have made and is a great step in your healing and deliverance. God bless in Christ Jesus
@johnpaul30192 жыл бұрын
In confession you are healed and long term habits need time to heal so do not be discouraged as father said patience towards yourself in your struggle and than towards others
@gemschaeffer72914 ай бұрын
Father spyridon you have most definitely helped me on my spiritual journey with your teaching,I have suffered and been under attack from every front but our Lord Jesus Christ has kept me strong and I draw closer to him ever day in faith...all glory be to our lord Jesus Christ..Amen 🙏
@hazelskilos39932 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your spiritual teachings. I find them comforting
@hendersonshuntinglodge12072 жыл бұрын
This has been a great encouragement, thank you for helping me to understand what is happening.
@marvintaylor25102 жыл бұрын
Father i don't want to make you you prideful, but one of the things I look forward to most is mountain biking on my weekend mornings, then relaxing in the shade, closing my eyes, and listening to you. I can listen to you and read your books all day. Thank you. God Bless you and Keep you.
@tracywallis53872 жыл бұрын
Thank you Father!! Lord Jesus forgive me of all my sins and help me be more humble.❤🙏☦
@pardobird2 жыл бұрын
God bless all of you
@SupERsNipAa3272 жыл бұрын
Need this one☝🏻
@ApplemaxxMusicMedia2 жыл бұрын
Amen
@DeusVivus2 жыл бұрын
The last saying by St John of the Ladder is so very true and shows how difficult and permanent is the struggle, indeed how hard it is for us to be humble ! To man this is impossible, but to God everything is possible.
@shawneasley17352 жыл бұрын
My life is truly not my own I'm either submitted to our Lord Jesus Christ. Or I'm ruled by his opposite my sin life. I can only go so far I believe in my earthly achievements. For I am knocked down and put on my knees. I messed up a couple days ago and did a couple of lines of meth. My shame and depravity has brought me back to my knees again. And you're right I was looking for a place to escape. But that place was under those chains. I get so confused, trying to find desire in an empty cup.
@michelaslan57692 жыл бұрын
I needed this!
@orthochristos2 жыл бұрын
Beautiful teaching, Father. Thank you. May God bless you
@ShsishshАй бұрын
Please pray for me i have been struggling with spiritual attacks for years now and ever since I became orthodox those attacks have increased but I’m not going to give up and continue my journey
@tomtumble18682 жыл бұрын
Thank you Father. Your work is really appreciated. God bless you. 🙏🏻
@mayorofbasedville76802 жыл бұрын
I just recevied 'The UFO Deception' today and I'm already over halfway through it. Thank you so much, Father! Fantantic work! May God continue to bless you and your family.
@dunsbroccoli25883 ай бұрын
I just want ya’ll to be blessed. Stay vigilant my brothers and sisters.
@jacquienowlan22492 жыл бұрын
Thank you for this message! Apart from God I can do nothing! With God all things are possible!
@boycott73522 жыл бұрын
Thank you Father Spyridon for you wisdom. My Avatar represents my spiritual struggles. May god have mercy on me.
@mrvampire412 жыл бұрын
Thank you dear brother ❤️. I appreciate you brother. Thank you for bringing truth to my ears. My spirit is comforted by your words and the Lord's wisdom and kindness shines bright through the light in your eyes. Glory to our God and our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
@dindu72402 жыл бұрын
I confess that I suffer greatly from the destruction of pride and am in constant conflict with lust and other sins. I am not Orthodox but I pray God give me mercy for my sins, and wisdom and strength to win my battles with sin. I hope for peace in the world and that anyone who reads this have peace and freedom from sin.
@orthoclipsICXC Жыл бұрын
Thank you father, your videos truly benefit my understanding of Orthodoxy. I thank you truly.
@Tamara-ie8ql2 жыл бұрын
Amen! God bless you dear Father Spyridon! Beautiful and such important words! 🙏❤🙏
@ermiasbirhanu289 Жыл бұрын
Thank u Father for teaching us GOD word every single day, I wish GOD will give u long live & healthy life 🙏🏿🇪🇹.
@solaris_2 жыл бұрын
"He who in his heart is proud of his tears and secretly condemns those who do not weep is like a man who asks the king for a weapon against his enemy and then commits suicide with it - St John of the Ladder" at 10:01 Damn.
@aetu352 жыл бұрын
I am a Turkish ex-muslim who wasn't satisfied with his faith but wasn't sure how to enter a new one until some friends led me to Christianity, and especially with you and your videos I have become more devout in my faith. I thank you, a godly man, for leading me to the light of Christ.
@southwife2 жыл бұрын
Many thanks. GODSPEED.
@MarcusBarnabassisSystersSonne2 жыл бұрын
God bless you, Fr
@rosehavenfarm29692 жыл бұрын
Thank you, Father.
@donmiller48852 жыл бұрын
Perfect lesson ty !!
@bishalbaruah41912 жыл бұрын
Thank you for your healing words
@angelaa19792 жыл бұрын
first time viewer, love how the Holy Spirit is leading me to this channel !
@douglaspropperii54772 жыл бұрын
Perfect timing
@nikolayyanev57922 жыл бұрын
Thank you father and thank God
@orthodoxsentinel2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Father Spyridon.
@jeremyrobinson77492 жыл бұрын
Thank you for making this video.
@brigada2.0672 жыл бұрын
Sa traiti, Parinte!
@emanuel_erol_germann2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Fr. Spyridon !
@asmrbynature30572 жыл бұрын
I see your videos and I have passed out of guilt, busy at work is my excuse. I have been lazy and take this message to heart. God, I have sinned against you in thought, word and deed, and ask for your forgiveness🙏 for things I have left undone. God Bless and build your faith 🙏🙌
@gerardoespinal62310 күн бұрын
Great 👍 that is my main problem Pride especially when things go well.
@lolawho86767 ай бұрын
Thank you for these words.
@danielreed74082 жыл бұрын
Thank you Father Spyridon. Love you and may Gob bless you!
@marioramos90062 жыл бұрын
Thank you , Father. I hope you do more of your Spotify episodes!!! Just subscribed to it!
@henriettahernandez1602 жыл бұрын
Thank you Father . I needed to hear this today 😊❤️🙏🙏🙏 keeping you in my prayers
@fonthracian70422 жыл бұрын
Lord Jesus Christ Son of God have mercy on me, a sinner! Amen ☦
@miracleroad6442 жыл бұрын
Great Message. Super relevant. Biblical.
@arthurnorton2842 жыл бұрын
Thank you father for the truth. Thank you God, for my life and all that comes with it.
@unityandloveforall Жыл бұрын
I needed this so much Thank you And God bless you
@temugenie26982 жыл бұрын
For me personally this video has great timing. Thank you.
@Astorath_the_Grim2 жыл бұрын
I thank God for your channel father 🙏
@cromwell14518 ай бұрын
We should be humble, so we are not humbled and we should have empathy instead of pride.
@Mouro8932 жыл бұрын
Loved it, and I like your Style (image). Thank you Father for sharing your wisdom.
@SlavaBogu72 жыл бұрын
4:25 I think Father meant to say "the Publican" is the one who recognizes his sinfulness. Thank you Father Spyridon for your videos and continue as such
@GabrielGarcia-bf2kn2 жыл бұрын
Yes
@mattkylie67232 жыл бұрын
This man is a great Warrior, thank God for him
@pilsendood2 жыл бұрын
My how timely. Thanks Father,
@65vwbug87 Жыл бұрын
Saint Nekatarios went through that his whole life. His own people slandering him. But he stayed humbled and silent and prayed for them. Glory Be To God.
@pendlelancashire Жыл бұрын
*Very true indeed. Thank you for your videos and creative factual content. Yes indeed.*
@markraffety32462 жыл бұрын
God has given many good things. These messages are among those good things. Thank you.
@henas7875 Жыл бұрын
this just reminded me of recent vaccination program, this was the danger and the way that roman catholicc church supported the program I was against but in the end I since I took it I have experienced bad luck, anger, lost of taste in life, lord forgive me I repent to you
@reemsuekar81122 жыл бұрын
Am gazing at the beauty of the icons in the background. Thank you for the view of Heaven.
@obeyheart36675 ай бұрын
Me and kids where charismated to a Orthodox church just few days ago and woah what times started in that evening. Devil also trying to whisper ”did you really do a right decicion” Husband also left but I said it was about the time. 🙌🏻☦️
@obeyheart36675 ай бұрын
I will add that peace of my heart especially progressed but oh my body is in agony.