The Desire to Not Exist

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The thing with death, though, is that a footprint of your life would still be left behind. Loved ones that would mourn your loss, embarrassing moments that people would still remember. But there’s a third option that’s not temporal like sleep, and doesn’t leave hurt behind like death. If you’re watching this video right now, chances are you’ve flirted with this third option; you’ve had the desire to not exist. What exactly is this feeling? How does it differ from death? And what can it teach us about life?
If you are struggling, consider reaching out to a family member or a professional.
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[@ApertureThinking]

If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor BetterHelp. Click betterhelp.com/aperture for a 10% discount on your first month of therapy with a licensed professional specific to your needs.

[@wolverdep4739]

BetterHelp is a scam if I'm not mistaken

[@The_Beast_666]

@@wolverdep4739That would basically make @ApertureThinking an even bigger scammer!!

[@levirose6883]

6:10

[@bluepopbubble6330]

I don’t have any money for a therapist so I watch KZbin.

[@antinatalope]

Can this therapist convince me that antinatalism is wrong? 😉

[@Eeisbaer2008]

No matter how's the day going, the best part is going to bed and the worst is waking up

[@adams7707]

I agree

[@mizum3458]

Coffee is about the only thing I think of looking forward to the most when I wake up... 😒☕And watching some "living a life of abundance" 🙏🤗 But once all hell breaks loose for the purging time to come.... idk.... I just don't really knoe bruh.... 😤 But then when you think of everything... Even the things that make sense still doesn't seem to make much sense because everythings just an endless loop of bs and the nonsense continues with or without us around and seemingly the only thing to stop it all is if all the worst POS just get wiped the hell out or everyone at once through a mass depopulation event that's soon to come anyways due to mother nature running it's course to put us all through another ice age after some catastrophic event, like the flood or Noah or a massive volcano eruption, possibly even reptilian or alien takeover 🤔 hopefully, they'll be like, understanding of chit and provide me a safe passage to watch the chitshow unfold with front row seats with them to finally see some long waited justice and closures take place while my robots if not some fefails serve out those sandwiches. Back to that Kitchen BEACHES! 💯💊💪

[@soda_yoda3962]

@@mizum3458living a life of abundance 💪

[@littlemilk973]

@@mizum3458 is this a copypasta I don't know about

[@mizum3458]

@@littlemilk973 that's just my way of sometimes being a vent-tea during those moments when overthinking things while lit hoping to find the answers to some of life's unanswered questions. I think I see what you did there... Or maybe I'm just overthinking too many things that don't exist... Or maybe I'm not being paranoid enough about all the things that really do. Or just maybe most everyone else is paranoid and overthinking things thinking everythings typed is always a copypasta while being an original venttea... I'm going change things up by doing a blend of matcha soon bc that tea causes the colors vibrating in the mind to want to try it that way 👽

[@somethingelse04]

The fact that being born is not a choice is so depressing

[@Breakdownwithmea]

I actually feel that my spirit asked our Creator to be here…for some reason this always makes me feel better lol

[@saulverastegui9147]

what if the fact that were here is the evidence that we chose to be born. but chose to be born without the memory of having chosen. as a way of getting completely lost and involved in whatever kind of life the species they are plays. and if that life ends up being full of suffering and misery thats okay because this is infinite. maybe next time around it'll be a good show

[@bruhandreas1020]

​@@saulverastegui9147 i don't wanna play this loop life game then dawg I just like i wanna delete my existence from every the beginning no me in heaven no me with god signing a contract to play this stupid game called life thats what I want😭😭

[@Mahlak_Mriuani_Anatman]

Exist*

[@Mahlak_Mriuani_Anatman]

​​@@Breakdownwithmeathat's just cope ngl, cant believe i used to think like that

[@joshyoon]

I'd be curious to see a poll about how much of the world's population would honestly prefer not to exist.

[@rezin4378]

People with traumas and everyone else who are broken mentally, physically or/and emotionally

[@neonlights42]

One point for yes

[@Brousey]

I'm out

[@renjiaow3742]

@@Brousey A lot my friend, including me.

[@L3g3ndairy]

I think my main issue with that question is that people's answer to this question will change depending on where they are in life I think people who would prefer to not exist can get to a place where they are glad to exist

[@shani_sth]

A big issue for me is, I never asked to be born. I never wanted to be born, I never wanted to exist, yet I was thrown into this world, a family with a lot of struggles. But no one can choose their parents.

[@a.clemons]

This is exactly me. I have been saying this for years

[@Sphinxgamingworld9942]

@@a.clemonsme too the fact that I was arbitrarily brought to this existence.

[@justlikethis6084]

maybe you did, you never know. maybe your soul likes drama movies

[@lemmy154]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/eWOvYqegf6tsnpYsi=pJiE7ky0i_Wda_A_

[@theowl2134]

You cant choose to be born. In order to be born you need to exist in the first place. Choosing to exist is a paradox. the Potency of your existence was Actualised and you are not the actualiser.

[@florptytoo]

"I don't want to die. I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all." Freddie Mercury

[@attila-movement6155]

Woah that’s deep 🤣🤣

[@TheTrickyTwix]

I had memory loss from a head injury when I was 15, maybe a week and a half completely erased. Yet, somehow, when my memory returned I was aware that time had passed and could almost feel that my consciousness had taken a rest, it was turned off. I think this is closest I’ll get to not existing, and I’ll admit it was quite peaceful. I felt like my soul had rested somehow.

[@SamuelBlack84]

I had a head injury when I was small, and the rest of the day is still a complete blank to me It makes you wonder how much of you is based on genetic information Where does the mind begin, and the brain end?

[@mogbo8111]

It's not that you don't want to exist. It's that you're burnt out.

[@DeadSomething]

same for me during the OP when they removed my wisdom teeth. it was such a feeling of relief to not have any feelings, emotions, thoughts... and then i woke up.

[@akivify]

We go to the void and come from it. Desire to not exist is just nostalgia.

[@worldswatchdog]

That is a great insight.

[@user-rt4fe1pp7r]

yeah interesting maybe we want to the void so we can drift, and be spit out again

[@larsbecker2003]

I often have the desire to sleep because then you have the feeling of not existing or no active thinking which is pleasing.

[@jeremyvanb821]

If death is just endless sleep…I’m cool with that.

[@kerryalai2017]

When i sleep. Im awake at the same time. I can think even while in a dream and ots like being awake and sleep

[@MsHalfrican420]

I often sleep too much because of this 😬

[@moniqueengleman873]

​@@MsHalfrican420me too. No guilt. Oh but the pleasure of a well earned nap! ✨⭐🌠

[@nvmffs]

How can you 'feel' anything while sleeping? I mean consciously. You can obviously feel fear in a nightmare but that's not conscious.

[@lovethyneibor22736]

"To bear children into this world is like carrying wood to a burning house." -Peter Wessel Zapffe

[@brentonmcclean3647]

Much agreed.

[@OnlyTruth_]

depends on the genetics received.

[@Zeppathy]

​@@OnlyTruth_All current genetics are flawed. All end in death.

[@symuelleleones]

Search "Universe 25 Experiment" mimics our society right now, and it's frightening.

[@blackberrydreamsz]

The house was originally built with wood.

[@Love_Yourself4830]

I lost my 13-year-old daughter to suicide six months ago. As a form of self-therapy and means to try and help other people, I've been creating videos in which I explore nature and narrate my journey with grief. Content like this is also tremendously helpful. Thank you for taking the time to share this with the world.

[@zirilan3398]

I hope you get enough sleep

[@txc9795]

Im sorry for your loss. As a stranger, words come and go with no weight behind them, and i can never comprehend the pain you are going through but if it helps i hope you can find someday something that gives meaning to your grief.

[@shadowtrickster5117]

God bless you, your daughter and any around you. May love be with you and I pray for you. A hug from a stranger may not mean much but know that you are surrounded by hugs and that you are never alone. Hugs

[@Love_Yourself4830]

@@shadowtrickster5117 Kind words go a long way in a cold world. Hugging you back.

[@Sick-cada]

I'm so sorry for your loss

[@FredoGaming]

I'm suicidal, but I also fantasize about never having existed at all. Thank you for making this video.

[@whosslloyd]

same 😭

[@princesslightning5447]

Fredo I’m there with u…

[@involuntaryanalysis]

Don't be suicidal, be furious, when you force a man to live his life in his own personal Hell, you shouldn't be surprised if he elects to become The Devil. For you to die of sheer despair is what they want, don't give it to them so easily, if you're gonna punch your own ticket, take a piece of the world with you, and make them regret it. Winning is not an option, but we can make damn sure they know our misery.

[@TheFracturedfuture]

​@@involuntaryanalysisThat sounds worse than just ending you're life.

[@oblivion2k490]

@@involuntaryanalysis This is literally school shooter ideology disguised as a chadbro self-help motto. You're even worse off than we are.

[@ziggy8253]

I’m too compassionate to bring another life into this world. I work, struggle, and endure for a living; doesn’t mean I have to bring a new life to do the same.

[@bhattacharjeepadmanabha007]

Exactly 💯 💯

[@allluvin7977]

You got that right

[@cancelled_user]

Same. What I really "like" is when delusional people try to put you down by saying it's just Darwinism, etc. As if they won something by reproducing. They don't understand they just perpetuate the cycle of misery. But hey, let them feel "strong" and "successful", in the end it doesn't matter. One gamma ray burst from nearby supernova or a supervolcano eruption may end it all any day.

[@acceptinglife6491]

I agree, I'll never give birth🤝🏾

[@Lighthouse6104]

Same here

[@lovethyneibor22736]

"And I declared that the dead, who had already died, are happier than the living, who are still alive. But better than both is the one who has never been born, who has not seen the evil that is done under the sun." -Bible

[@buzzdoesnotbuzz3330]

which chapter and verse is this from this quote is deep asf

[@BrilliantYami]

@@buzzdoesnotbuzz3330 Ecclesiastes 4:2-3, with this specifically being from the New International Version

[@venepskeuten9206]

Thats deep mate. Seems the ancient folk experienced this feeling too.

[@lovethyneibor22736]

truth is Christ came down to Earth to tell ppl that making babies is a huge sin but ppl distorted his words for the benefit of the evil one @@venepskeuten9206

[@thewingedpotato6463]

Wow, sure seems like a great gift doesn't it? And we're supposed to feel sad about his son being nailed onto the cross...And think that a 3 day "sacrifice" (more like a HOLIDAY) makes everything better.

[@ryanoconnor90]

I have never found a reason for “not wanting to exist”. Even when I’m happy, I still wish I didn’t exist. I don’t want to die, that would be the end of my life. I just simply wish to not have been born.

[@catsgonom]

Existing is Exhausting.

[@SelamLucas697]

not existing is something I’ve been thinking about for a while now. in my life I’ve always felt like a side character, and that I was never enough. the thought of all that pain & suffering, the embarrassment, and all your responsibility’s never existing sounds peaceful. but on the other hand, all that you’ve worked for, all of your fond memories with friends & loved ones would be erased from your memory too. I’m pretty sure most teenagers my age would agree that they have felt some way about this feeling, but never told anyone because then they’d get labeled as suicidal.

[@shadowtrickster5117]

It is a very common feeling unfortunately but it is good that you are aware that even non-existence bears consequence. Never take your family for granted. Love always even those who may not love you back. And understand that your life is the result of you actions and inaction in this world. Take part in This world, a world with many people and look outside of yourself take part in the events that surround you. One's own world is isolated which is why shouldn't live inside yourself. Hope this helped, and God bless you (this is just stuff that I experienced myself. Talking to others can help and exploring paths is also good)

[@Blanq9982]

Hey hope your doing better now and have a great life. Never give up hope

[@eu_bebo_oleo]

the depressed people speedrunning to the comment section:

[@Bc232klm]

Love you guys ❤️

[@mynameislove1704]

We are in this together🔥✊

[@FuzzyWCTX]

ADHD'rs as well

[@snowthearcticfox1]

​@@FuzzyWCTXthis

[@theHarleydude549]

Facts

[@SepticEmpire]

The worst part about life is its not consensual Ur forced into life and then forced to live by the rules of others with no freedom to do what you want unrestricted Other people created you Other people rule you Sometimes I wish I could just take a break from life just rip my soul from my body or just teleport somewhere else Constantly questioning why this place I ask why we exist but we never asked to exist we were forced to exist by our parents who created us They never asked if we wanted to exist they also can’t ask either but if we made the choice to not exist why is that seen as bad We’re forced to live literally and by also not being allowed to die You created me without my consent but I can’t die without yours Why do you have say in my existence and whether or not I can or can’t end it Why are we forced to live and why is it seen as bad to want to end a life you never wanted It’s my life not yours but the truth is it isn’t my life cuz my life exists because of somebody else Whatever pain death would bring others is forced they wouldn’t even feel pain if they or I or both never existed Especially when people have kids on accident You didn’t plan and or want kids and now they are forced to not only live but also live with the fact they basically never were supposed to exist Life quite literally isn’t fair But at least death is

[@kristmalacs7299]

Fair Input on consent of existence

[@kiavaxxaskew]

Astral projection

[@joebyrd1119]

Life truly is an unintentional burden.

[@neon2697]

I agree so much with this bro

[@involuntaryanalysis]

This is why I've adopted a personal policy of lightly restrained hostility. I'm only ever angry or apathetic.

[@dustinseybold4717]

Sleep is one of my favorite things to do. Since I don't sleep well, I end up lying in the dark for hours worrying about the past the present and future

[@Lighthouse6104]

There was a few years in my childhood where I was genuinely mad at my mom for giving birth to me in our broken family, poverty stricken life, but I got over it eventually.

[@a.clemons]

Me too. Perhaps I’m not alone in this way of thinking.

[@BrandonnPhm2140]

How ?…

[@randomcommenter8057]

​@@BrandonnPhm2140 Given enough time. And you just get used to it

[@iamtheproblemhehe]

Someone once told me this: 'When you sleep, you are not always guaranteed to wake up.' This effected me. I may think similar to what I thought back before I was disclosed to this statement, but I try to live my life to the fullest. I have (or used to have) an ideology for ceasing to exist. Sleep is often considered an escape. People like Shakespeare wrote Macbeth in 1606, and one of the best quotes is 'Macbeth hath murther sleep' (Macbeth has murdered sleep), which in context means that Macbeth has lost _his_ own escape from reality. If we 'murder' our sleep, we are stressed, and need help. Stress can have physical symptoms, and can be a large cause of anxiety and/or depression. If you read this far, thanks for reading my rant. It's greatly appreciated. I enjoy learning about the human mind.

[@neonlights42]

I've been having these thoughts a lot lately, so it's interesting to see aperture, my favorite channel, talk about this concept of not wanting to exist. It makes me feel better and worse at the same time, reading the comments. Better because I'm not alone but worse because so many of us are in this thought process.

[@loveme77527]

I just got finished reading "Seneca How to Die".... You truly can't live until you have died... Once you no longer fear death, you can truly live a full life... The pain comes from attachment... Learn to detach from everything in order to truly experience everything... Suggest reading ead "Meditations from Marcus Aurelius" the Gregory Hayes edition.... It will change your whole outlook in life for the better....

[@mizum3458]

​@@loveme77527will it really tho????.... Don't you think all those young guns running around holding People up, smashing and grabbing, being most reckless, playing God with random lives at will without a care in the world being wild are living their lives truly free without fear or worries of losing their freedoms to death or prisons... Are they or will they truly be free???? Maybe they might feel like they're living out GTA IRL enjoy the wild adventures in the moment... But are they really happy???? Maybe happier than most as long as they're able to shut off their care for others and get their rage out.... But is it really worth it???? Is that true freedom???? Maybe... It can be bliss to live in selfish ignorance for most I don't really know what's even true anymore when it comes to how so much or this life doesn't seem to really have much meaning anymore than it didn't seem to have much before when I find myself thinking back about all the things that once had some meaning, but ended up having no meaning all once being forced to take so many redpills to the realities of life dealing with far too much BS. It's as if maybe you're right... The fomo is like yolo... Life is just a twisted simulation game... Maybe the outlaws are free in many ways... Free to not a give a single F about anybody or anything else other than what they feel like... And the rest can just all take a permanent dirt nap or something 😒 I don't really know... But too much of that or any of it all seems very wrong tho... 🤔 I think you've got it wrong there...but at the same time it seems you also got it right 🤦 It feels a whole lot better to just never had to ever exist at all in the first place. There seems to be no real meaning other than whatever we give it...life is just complicated 😓

[@neonlights42]

@@loveme77527 oh wow thank you! I will definitely read those :)

[@loveme77527]

@@neonlights42 I suggest reading MEDITATIONS first...🙏

[@neonlights42]

@@loveme77527 just ordered it on Amazon:)

[@estevosss]

existin is pain.

[@xVincentVanGOATx]

Nerd

[@1TulsaRed]

And Love

[@1TulsaRed]

​@@xVincentVanGOATxDid you miss the fact that it's okay and even hot now to be a nerd?

[@gooberius]

​@@xVincentVanGOATxunderstanding and slight sympathy seems to he something you do not have

[@xVincentVanGOATx]

@@gooberius it was a joke dawg💀

[@pondwater]

honestly I don't even like sleeping anymore because I know I'll wake up and I have no idea whether or not I'll feel more miserable and tired than the time I fell asleep or feel somewhat better

[@tarunkumargola7633]

hi I feel same. Its more related to the fact that I not able to control my bad habits.

[@darksu6947]

​@@tarunkumargola7633You can get help my dude. It's not easy admitting that you need help but you've managed to that much so why not take the next step? What are you waiting for? You know that you'll be happier if you can fix the things you don't like about yourself. Life is too short to be miserable.

[@mrbarcode-kr8we]

I was in a car crash that almost killed me this year. Up until this point in my life I had never really given much thought about what comes after death. Since my car crash though, it made me truly come to the realization that there is very likely nothing after death, which terrifies me. This immense fear has had such a hold on me this year that I have felt paralyzed. Sometimes I wonder if it is better to not have existed than to exist at all.

[@Pegarexucorn]

Interesting that it terrifies you. To me, that sounds like paradise. Nothingness, ahh so close yet so far. Assuming of course that death is nothing.

[@acceptinglife6491]

It is better

[@gomezmaikito]

I feel the same way

[@ShafquatAhmed-sl3xk]

If u don't.mind,how old are you? Since ppl can die at any time.Everyone should think about what happens after death.

[@nylex5206]

I find it absolutely hilarious how we believe how special we think we are, yet reality is: we are nothing. Sounds obvious enough, but when you look at the concept of 'the afterlife' and deities in religion, you can see this clear as day. It is only a false concept invented for control of the masses, to justify a war or to deter them from what they really want within themselves. The afterlife is such one thing: die, repent all sins, and you'll be good to go spending eternity in a heavenly garden with all you could want. That sounds incredibly boring when factoring in human nature. Deities are another thing: omnipotent, supposedly-all-knowing beings beyond space and time that created us specifically for.... what, exactly? Merely a concept meant to quell fears of the unknown, the depressive thoughts that our lives do not matter in the long run.

[@LoveHope7]

Sometimes, when I hurt someone or argue with my sibling and parents, I wish I didn’t exist, so that these situations would never happen.

[@kahaniwala121]

wish i had never been born to hurt them.

[@lxve478]

Sometimes i feel guilty for feeling such way, when there are people out there facing worse problems. People who in fact have no choice, their desire to live is as big as my desire to cease

[@cyxerware00]

Literally how im feeling.. I think such awful thoughts but this guilt eats me up everyday time because there are people with worse situations

[@boneatled]

"Sleep is just death being shy"

[@ShiftyGeeza]

I've felt this way on and off. As a sci-fi fan I've sometimes wondered why deep interstellar space exploration has such an immense pull. Travelling in an environment that is more lethal than anything on earth with no chance of returning, eventual loss of communication with Earth and minimal chance of reaching the intended destination alive. Yet, given the chance of going on a one way trip to oblivion I'd jump at the chance. It's not even death that is the main attraction but just the process of disappearing into nothingness, totally disconnected from everything and everyone and returning to the state of insignificance to the universe from where we all originated.

[@TartauViiz]

I feel you. Even going to space with a suit not attached and knowing I will die because of no oxygen after some time.

[@UnknownZYX_4085]

man, i just wanna experience the black holes

[@alexDumont2020]

There is nothing worse than succeding and still feeling like this... accomplishing the most of the things in life just took any hope of happiness that I had due to my naivety. Now my concern is about making sure that I will die and leave no trace (no funeral, no picture, nothing).

[@florptytoo]

I feel this

[@naxon9632]

A few days ago I had a dream where all my family members were there even my dog who passed away 4 months ago. It was a beautiful dream, there was this gorgeous sunset and I played card games with my grandparents...they told me that they were proud of me, of what I've done with my life. I woke up crying really bad and for a moment in that dream I thought I died and went to heaven. The thing is...im an atheist

[@Kolesha]

I wish I didn't exist every single day.

[@unseeneye1]

"I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of relief, because there will be so much to look forward to." - Donnie Darko

[@Endymenbro]

I’m at work and I’ve never saved something to my watch later for when I get home so quickly than this video I am so excited.

[@mothmansdivacup]

As someone who’s autistic I heavily relate to the part about overstimulation and feeling like your performing 7:15

[@justinebpheartss]

I just had a really bad overstim moment today. Episodes like that make it so hard to like my body and the experiences it manifests by being in said body.

[@lavender.286]

We can think of it as if sleeping exist because existing is so stressful to us, therefore we need a break from it, a reset

[@kv754]

I have no loved ones left,they're already dead. I can literally disappear and not be missed.

[@sirbob117]

Note, i do not claim this as my own But i feel like its the best description i have ever seen The best analogy i have is that life is like an amusement park, there are moments of enjoyement but for the most part its just waiting around trying to stay distracted until the short few fun parts, its not that its unbearable, but i would rather just not be here, its just not worth it, but since im already here, and the people im with dont want to leave, then i guess ill just hang out until im allowed to go 🤷‍♂️

[@Indigowulfchild4]

Therapy definitely is/ can be life changing. But only when YOU want help. You cant help someone who doesnt want help.

[@cfnmedia]

Well, yeah. But I think it always isn't voluntarily like that. For me it's that I do want help, and know I would need it. But on emotional/psychological level, I can't really receive it at all. If someone tries to help me (maybe a professional or someone else) I just don't feel anything, it's just conversation where I'm listing the issues to them, that I've become so used to that they don't even feel like anything. And like, I really don't see any way to help myself. No one else can change my life, or change what I'm feeling. Not at this point anyways, maybe years ago it would've been possible.

[@Indigowulfchild4]

@CinemaFIN perhaps you aren't talking to the right professional. I've been in and out of therapy and finding the right person for you is trial and error. I've recently been going again after over a decade of giving up. I woke up one day and I had decided I didn't want to suffer anymore, my whole life I'd been convinced by my mother that I wasn't worthy of jackshit and I took that with me for my entire adult life. Went through so much shit because I felt this certain way. What I'm trying to say is even when it feels like it's not working, take a deeper look. Why are things this way? Why am I feeling this way? What could be causing this to cause this to make me feel this way? And what can I do to make it better? I'm sorry for this super long rant. If you want to send me a message and we can talk I am more than willing to help!

[@Pegarexucorn]

@@Indigowulfchild4 Or perhaps not everyone gets to live a fulfilling happy life no matter how hard they try. Some people will find their solution and others will die searching for it.

[@mizum3458]

​@@cfnmediait doesn't matter! At the end of the day or whatever... Most of the time, nobody really cares.. especially if you're a male, nobody cares, and ultimately it's only ourselves that's going to have to be the ones to do anything for ourselves if we can somehow. Nobody can walk through the fire for us but ourselves... In many ways Andrew Tate has it right. The manosphere has it the most right with how things really are. It's sink or swim and nobody really cares but ourselves and those who've been or are going through the same or similar things themselves to understand anything... Everyone else couldn't give a single chits fucen in a ranch Doritos bag or not even anything at all about us and our struggles. 💯💊😓

[@flower7939]

can you explain how therapy helps? I'm considering going to therapy because i can't take it anymore.. i have tried main stream trends like affirmations, positive thinking ect but i think there's some core belief stuffs i need to look at.. yesterday i tried to analyze myself and felt physically weak and sick..

[@adhdearl]

I feel like I’m in a game where i don’t want to continue playing anymore.

[@pauldirc..]

More like what even point of playing ( enduring suffering) in this meaningless game

[@wallywalpamur4951]

I look forward to 150y into the future. By then I'll be long gone and all those who knew me or even crossed my path will be gone too. All that will be left of me is some records in a computer.

[@Coconutornot]

Everytime my family ask for money and I don't have enough to make them satisfied, I feel like this

[@fadeinfadeout.]

I feel that too. Money should not exist..

[@zakariaabdimohamed7063]

It's ok. I hope your family somehow understands your struggle.

[@raymondtendau2749]

Thank God I'm not alone.😢

[@acceptinglife6491]

How ironic, they bring you here on earth just to make you their mule

[@noctivagant._6469]

"The bad thing about my life is that it was someone else's idea."

[@igot5onit423]

Life is like a gift that someone else gives you.. But you don't have to accept the gift

[@brandonf1260]

@@igot5onit423 but you are forced to accept the gift.

[@okjeffy6581]

I remember when I first felt this way about life, and I still do. I first had this feeling when I was 10 and not having being born would be good.

[@kaydakennedy]

This channel don’t ever miss 👏

[@SnifferRiffle]

I was unconscious before I was born. I am conscious now that I am alive. I will be unconscious again after I die. Implying I could be born again and become conscious again as something else some other time some other place. The mind and body die after death, but the soul returns to the same state it was before you were alive. We are dead before we are born. The ego dies, the soul sleeps.

[@m00nbeams42]

existence is kinda cruel imo as a human anyway. you’re just born into a vast universe you’ll never understand, without your consent. your mind is capable of asking the most wonderful questions, yet every time you understand something the universe goes all zeno’s paradox of the dichotomy on you. if i could take back my existence i would without a first thought. i mean so much wonder and beauty is scattered across mind boggling distances or locked in a different time. there’s things we can never know. ever. we can never watch the universe begin, see how it ends. know every galaxy, every star, every planet. we cant even know everything about us. each person is infinitely complex, and it’s impossible to know them all.

[@fatmayo2293]

"In the beginning, when the universe was created....many regarded this as a bad move." - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

[@pauldirc..]

May you explain that quote

[@idiotwind2248]

" The number 42 represents the meaning of life & the universe." -Supercomputer "Deep Thought." > The hitchhikers guide to the galaxy

[@SuperDarwinFAN]

As someone who has always struggled a lot with trauma and mental illness- often severely depressed- optimistic nihilism has been life changing. I still struggle a lot, but it has helped me find a way to organize my thoughts and take things with less a burden. I'm not thinking about everything in existence anymore, because it doesn't matter. And I can thank channel's like Apeture and Sage's Rain for truly enlightening me to a way I can digest the the world without the anxiety of existence.

[@Vetiun]

Why is childhood such a magical time and adulthood so difficult and lonely

[@nayanvaishnavvv]

As long as I'm sleeping its the best time of my life . Last 4-5 years have been the toughest of my life I'm waiting for redemption Still as long as my parents are alive I wont ever try to leave the world forcefully by myself

[@io9801]

Same here. I dont want to cause more suffering by my absence

[@wokeupro]

same i couldn’t do that

[@mariaj4883]

Me too. Can't do that to my parents. They're the only thing keeping me here otherwise I have absolutely no reason to be here lol

[@oblivion2k490]

When your only reason for living is your parents guilt-tripping you into extending your misery by another day, that's not living at all.

[@glowtz]

I often think about the impacts my family would have to face if I were to commit suicide, the neighbors would talk, my family would lose face, they would have to physically and financially deal with my corpse, it would leave behind a traumatic experience, all the money they've invested in me would go to waste, etc, etc. That's why flirting with the desire to not exist at all in the first place is so appealing to me.

[@jaiiirasaur]

This is the same reason why I struggle to keep living... The cup of coffee that I have to keep choosing every single day

[@AnthonyCarey1521]

there were days where I wish i was never even born in the first place. A couple of times i even told my mom when i was younger somewhere around 12 or 13 and i said to her why did you birth me i did not want to be born i did not want to exist at all i wish there was some way i can just be deleted leave nothing behind even my very soul to not exist at all there are times i thought physical deleting myself would help but then i thought about it some more and changed my mind because that would not work then i would still be in soul the very fact that i can't erase anything of myself is the worst

[@brendakrieger7000]

Thanks. I appreciate you sharing this topic.

[@avaperson8438]

i’m 13. i’ve struggled with reality/awareness since i was little, i used to have nightmares abt dying then cry to my mom abt how i didnt wanna die when i was 4. I often have panic attacks because i’ll be hit by a wave of awareness. Im thinking about death right now but im not crying and struggling to breath, but it just randomly comes to me and hits me with a hugeee wave of awareness. I hate it. i’ve tried to km$ multiple times, and have always struggled with my mental health, its gotten better the past year but the feeling of awareness never seemed to pass over or go away. idk what im expecting when writing this, i’ve js never told anyone.

[@momdad1818]

real

[@starlord3286]

I've never really wished to not exist at all and never knew it was a thing.

[@zefferz]

I like sleeping because when im in sleep i don't feel any kind of emotions at all, if death is like going to sleep i would love to close my eyes and never wake up

[@Jay-vn1yz]

Thank you for talking about this ❤

[@danielsimon4787]

Thank you for making this video. I have few words to express my immense gratitude.

[@AdamBorseti]

Life is the gift that no one asked for but everyone got. It's like when someone buys you a smoothie machine or some other random shit you'll never even open, but you have to pretend it's what you always wanted. "Oh I'll use this EVERY DAY! Thank you so much for this gift!" *kicks it into a closet*

[@semekiizuio]

Im not suicidal but im not afraid of dying tbh... ofc my body will fight to live but mind is just leaving it up to faith 🤷‍♀️

[@Thatgirlisagun]

Have everyone else has experienced the feeling of not existing ??? Like there's a feeling .

[@donniebgood1486]

I’m not completely sure if you really exist either but it makes me feel better to believe that goddesses like you are really out there somewhere

[@involuntaryanalysis]

I'd imagine it's similar to going under anesthesia. It was as if I didn't exist, no dreams, I just was no longer present. I want to go back.

[@johnbarringtonbutler5566]

so me going to bed every night because it's been about two years since i've had a dream .I go to sleep and just wake up like snap@@involuntaryanalysis

[@_ismail_]

I'm totally in love with this channel since the first video I've watched here

[@threatlevelpr]

Thank you for all your content

[@saulocichocki7476]

When you re dead youll never know youre dead.

[@anthonyshiels9273]

I can honestly say that I have never wanted to not exist.

[@SolusAgomor]

Most uplifting video of the year!

[@ArtHeartAlex]

I wish I didn't exist sometimes. I don't want to die, I love everybody around me, but I just... I'm so exhausted. If I wasn't here I wouldn't hurt so bad.

[@oicy]

Who are sleeping to avoid this weird world.

[@richardscathouse]

If only at 60 I find myself auditing memories every night. Depressing 😢

[@aussieboi80]

I have lived with anxiety and depression my whole life (I'm 43 now) and most recently in the past few years I have developed a deep sense of existentialism. I've questioned my existence and my purpose in life and have come to the conclusion that I don't want to exist anymore. I don't like this world, I don't like the people in it, and I don't want to play societies games. I don't want to be a part of anything anymore. And so I have withdrawn from everything. This is how I live my life now and it is far more peaceful. Not perfect, but at least my anxiety and depression are far lower than they were before.

[@NoData2_5]

From everything? And how do you earn money to survive?

[@aussieboi80]

@@NoData2_5 I'm fortunate enough to live in Australia, who pay me to look after my parents in their old age.

[@TartauViiz]

@@aussieboi80If life is less painful for you then this is the way. Society is a joke and I’m glad you found a better way of living for yourself

[@musabewanny4316]

At the end of the day, it's just a game man. You go or you stay there ain't no loss! Some are happy to play the game, others just want to unplug from the game . Can't blame no one!

[@kirandeepchakraborty7921]

That's why I love this channel so much. ❤

[@charentle]

another way to experience this is through art!! movies, music, mindless activities that you can drown out your brain with, such as making something, is what really helps achieve this for me

[@child0fman619]

Who else watched this video at 3 am?

[@JosiahTheMinor]

Unironically this video made me feel like I was in another world. A world where I didn’t exist. Only now making me question myself even more

[@austinmiller2170]

Thank you for this.

[@arthurhex]

I just wish I could stop hurting. Pain seems to come with existence, so I wish not to exist.

[@theoptimistic9282]

It was not my choice to be born!

[@richardscathouse]

Idiot narcissist parents. That had no intent on guiding or raising me 😢

[@feeque8916]

but for whatever the reason we do have a choice to simply check out. am seriously trying to figure this out, why that is. we can checkout anytime we like and we can always leave.

[@user-vg2bp6zz8b]

My life died when my son did , and the narcissist shows his true colours. I just try and distract myself every day to things that don't remind me of my past life. I thought I had everything , then lost everything literally. Sad that I am reminded we come into the world alone , we die alone. Life doesn't make sense to me. I forgot to look after me.

[@takfreak11]

I'm sorry man. Trust that you will see him again. I know it doesn't fix things, but separation is only temporary.

[@user-vg2bp6zz8b]

@@takfreak11 Thank you , I appreciate your response.

[@lectroeel6290]

Your son would want you to enjoy life like you wanted him to. The darkest moment is always right before dawn. I'm so sorry and I feel for you. I've had to struggle with body dysmorphia recently and something i tell myself is. "The things you can't control, can't control you"

[@scottwinn5043]

Great video!

[@Quick773]

crazy this thought was just in my mind & the video pops up on my feed.

[@dima-rafael]

At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter if you exist or not exist in case that you exist just try to be a better version of yourself

[@Athithan_2000]

I never realized, until that 1 scene in this video: I will never be able to comfortably lie down on a road for hours, if I wanted to!

[@child0fman619]

Damn... These 3 am videos are hitting different. I guess I'm going to sleep now after this

[@depressedphilosipher]

I realized that I was thinking in an optimistic nihilist way without even knowing about. It definitely helps me.

[@WrapMasterLLC]

This is me.......the rejection of all religious and moral principles, in the belief that life is meaningless. But I still do believe in being good.

[@57208]

this channel has been a catalyst to my internal growth and overall depth of my thoughts. amazing channel ❤

[@aurora-jp4ck]

While i have suffered with thoughts about death, i am so happy because ive been able to connect with people lately. Sleeping is good but knowing i will meet people that i love and that love me again makes it really a nice experience. Idk, maybe ive been too postive lately

[@littlebluefishy]

I sleep 10-12 hours a day. I enjoy life by doing imagination and dreaming. I have no goals to chase. But I’m neither unhappy nor happy.

[@nerd26373]

I've just been thinking about disappearing into this void of nothingness for a while now. Not that I'm suicidal, but it's just that everything's just all been the same and I kinda just want to teleport from one dimension to another.

[@aleksmartini4]

Tony’s mother in The Sopranos said something that wrapped it up “this all for a big nothing” that series was like secret codes hidden in dialogues

[@involuntaryanalysis]

I'm with you, frankly, I don't care if I live or die. Just get me off this miserable shit-rock.

[@marvelwizalamu598]

Im tired, I am exhausted, feel like giving up every single day, ceasing to exist, sometimes i feel like i can pull through be strong but i always find myself here at rock bottom. I do not want to go the suicide route, I just want to be forgotten, for the memory of me to be completely erased from everyone who knows me, cares about me and just disappear, be gone and it be as if i never existed at least that way no one gets hurt and i do not have to try anymore, feel pain, experience failure, frustration disappointment, heartbreak......

[@benjaminhernandez1467]

i started watching the video with a knife on my throat, i was looking for something that makes sense, something that is worth... but since im a person who is always trying to be logic, the way you describe the sensation is the thing i needed... i really hope that people can make that connection on their brains...

[@EarthTemplee]

How are you feeling now? I hope you’re still in this world with us ❤

[@kirandeepchakraborty7921]

Worthy of an Aperture video. ⭐⭐⭐⭐

[@muhlemajola2788]

I won't lie ,sometimes I feel like a spare wheel in this world,as if I'm there but I'm not needed ,and even if I died there wouldn't be any differences,infact things would be alot better ,I'm not depressed or anything,its just that sometimes the thought is all there as ,I love seeing the people I love happy ,but I cannot help but feel like a liability,I contribute nothing,Im just there,go to school ,graduate ,get a job,find a partner if Im ever gonna get one since theres no connection with anyone,I don't know ,I feel so disconnected from the world and how it operation,theres no purpose ,no path ,no destiny,Theres many things I'm talented in that I wanna do ,but a huge part of me say“Whats the point ”,what I truly treasure is my family though,got times with them I won't forget,my only desire is to know that their happy and well all the time,even if Im not around,but other than that ,there's no regret whatsoever,Im at peace with my life ,and I feel like the journey is complete for me ,whats scares me is I'm only 19 and I feel like this ,but I don't know we'll see what happens after,I won't kill myself though ,never resort to that no matter what ,maybe life will surprise us with something more meaningfull oneday,just remember there's no therapy that can help you ,the key is in your hand,find the door to your desires

[@johnbarringtonbutler5566]

why not try getting better at things that you aren't good at. Like for example I'm not good at making friends, but I still try talking to people at school though I am still younger than you by 6 years maybe it's just naivety

[@fredfox3851]

Unfortunately, you have to exist in order to wish that you didn't.

[@oliviasimpson4396]

Well dah!

[@2sweet_2pac]

everytime i come back to this video its like an adventure

[@nitebox3609]

a best firend shared this to me, mentioning how it was made a day after their birthday... and that is significant

[@darleneatkinson3906]

Aperture, this really hits for me I often wonder if my parents stop at 4 children instead of having 12 children like they did me and my youngest brother experience much grief in our lives from family members dying and mental problems and so much sorrow it has not been easy for all of our family members so this wishing I never exist has crossed my mind but since I was born I did not want to die for the sake of my younger sister and youngest brother often times that what cause me to hang in there with all the tragic and losses in my world but at age 66 I must admit I do enjoy life finally I somehow enjoy life even after all my loses and the pain from family members dying so maybe life just get more enjoyable knowing life is most likely not going to go on forever who knows why I love life but I do plus I really enjoy the tech stuff that been created that is very great and I just love how the younger generation makes the best videos to watch thank you for your videos.

[@minttoothpaste3245]

Tomorrow will be better if not I’ll say it again

[@darksuntoggafhd9947]

I thought about not existing alot in my late teens. So much pressure after highschool and feeling aimless, unsure why I was even here. Now im in my mid 20s and am starting to feel purpose. I have things I look forward to and realize there's so much cool stuff in the world that im glad im here to witness and be a part of.

[@ShafquatAhmed-sl3xk]

So the weight of your own existence doesn’t crush you?

[@johnbarringtonbutler5566]

@@ShafquatAhmed-sl3xk why would it if you just got a helping hand

[@geekosfall1312]

I am currently going through times and everyday I wish to die. I am finding myself useless, a person who will be forgotten soon enough after I die, still trying to find a way to die and escape this cruel world forever.