The Difference Between False Empathy and True Support | Chezare A. Warren | TED

[@TheSuperHendo]

This man was my Math teacher in High School! Taught me so much and I'm forever thankful for everything he has done for me. So proud and thank you for all that you do

[@chezarea.warrenphd5033]

Robert! Thank you for this comment! I appreciate you. Keep thriving! I'm rooting for you!

[@nathiginindza9649]

Losing a job or property then hearing people say all will be well, that's false empathy for me.

[@RC-br1ps]

That perhaps is what they like to hear when things do not go their way.

[@nathiginindza9649]

@@RC-br1ps perhaps indeed but don't you think they can do more than that, maybe a more actionable approach.

[@RC-br1ps]

@nathiginindza9649 , actionable as in a hug and a kiss? You assume that people have what it takes to actually solve others problems when in fact many are grappling with their own. Even bas8c resources such as energy and time, leave alone money are scarce. The economic problem is real and 'scarce resources and multiple applications' applies. Poor people tend to help other poor people with the basics...because they face the same problems. While peoples' problems are varied they are real, however they are not quite as easily solvable such as food, shelter, or immediate first aid.

[@maggiepfob]

That's what we call "Toxic Positivity." It's right up there with the whole "It's all part of God's Great Plan so what you're going through doesn't matter" etc.

[@birdbeakbeardneck3617]

​@@maggiepfobsaying like that dosent matter is eww

[@peggyharris3815]

When someone proclaims to you that they are an empath......RUN. They also imagine that they're telepathic. They know, without asking you any questions,, how you feel. They are extremely 'special' and amazingly spiritual, according to them. This man is speaking the absolute truth concerning empathy. Thankyou!

[@Stephan__o.x]

I said this once and a certain individual CONSTANTLY ‘tested’ me for the empathy bug.

[@trj555]

People who claim to be an empath are exactly opposite of who they claim to be. Run is right 🚩

[@EcomCarl]

Shifting from superficial understanding to genuine support not only strengthens relationships but also catalyzes real change. 🔑

[@JamesBPrattJr]

As a long time four eyes educator, this was wonderful! Brilliant connection to engaging with kids with different and comolext cultural backgrounds. We definitely have to see better, differently

[@seanlefloch]

Instead of false sympathy, I think of this as the common ground fallacy. “Because we have something in common, you should trust me, and I can relate“ common ground rarely works to establish trust and is often what creates mistrust in relationships.

[@sankaranarayanan901]

04-06-2024 This is an interesting way of looking at empathy. false empathy - do not help. To do 1.observe 2.ask 3.act 4.listen to feedback and let the feedback be a reminder for subsequent action.. choose the right lens before showing empathy.

[@andreadarby4898]

Thank you for this Dr. Warren. It's a great check for me to ensure I don't do things for others that honestly is me trying to do something for the wounded child in me and not something the other person actually needs. Also, I definitely feel seen with my own experiences of dealing with false empathy. This is a gift thank you!

[@Joshy2-SF]

I am currently in a situation where I am helping my friend who is dealing with someone abusive in his relationship. I understand I have taken on a relatively supportive role. He's sacrificed himself for his partner and it's really stressing him out, as he has expressed to me. I have done my best to ask questions and understand his situation instead of assuming I know every single little thing about his relationship. The details matter, being heard matters, and having someone give you the room to speak, instead of speaking for you, matters. I have tried to help him think about his situation from a different perspective and I have encouraged self-care and not standing for abuse. In the past I used to just tell him to leave as it wasn't good for him but I realised that this won't change anything. It's really hard knowing exactly where I stand but I do not by any means tolerate the behaviour that his partner is exhibiting, it's very hard to see and I know he has to make his own mistakes... I care for him. I don't believe it's about me, I've thought about this for a long time and I think I genuinely just want him to be okay, regardless of whether we are friends or not later in life.

[@rainbowconnected]

You're doing the right thing. Someone who's being abused is already having their autonomy damaged and telling them what to do only adds to that trauma. Showing them that their choices are respected. Plus in some cases, pushing someone to leave may be unsafe, as leaving is often the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. It's better to demonstrate to them that they deserve love, kindness and respect. We can listen and even offer resources, but telling them what to do isn't appropriate or a trauma-informed approach. I hope that your friend is in a better place. I also hope you're making sure that you have support and good self care. Supporting someone through something like that is really hard.

[@덕철라이프]

What I felt after watching this video was that I empathized, not artificial or true, Knowing that I had false empathy for my attitude so far, I thought that I would be able to reduce tacit prejudice against others through empathy training that reflects on the situation of empathy.

[@maggiepfob]

That's what I was thinking: It's not enough to See. You also have to engage another sense: the power of Listening. Listen. LISTEN! I know... it's hard to listen to someone whose trust has been so eroded they don't even try to speak anymore. It's a whole process. Ask. Listen to the silence that comes back. Ask again. Listen. Listen more. LISTEN! Once you learn to hear, you can begin to know Empathy. Next... Feel. Feeling is scary! Feeling is why we love to believe racism ended in the 60s. We want so much to believe the world is fair and good and makes sense. But it isn't and it doesn't - and that's terrifying! Be terrified anyway. Then listen some more. Listen!

[@AntonioPee]

Insightful and timely! Congrats on your TED talk!

[@Grateful4life4time]

Thank you 🙏

[@newmewheart]

Valuable 🙏

[@jennyburns8659]

A great listen and a moment to self reflect on my own actions even if well intended

[@mercyprestige1961]

I needed this TED talk thank you Mr A.Warren

[@kubatilukoye4821]

Very Insightful..

[@StayVCA98]

A bit unrelated to its entirety of the topic, but on the Title alone, this False Empathy and True Support reminds me of how in SocMed showing this Performative Activism and boycotting (but like completely all bark no action type) on what is happening Palestine by demanding celebrities into a ridiculous high standards, and its saddening because this internet people is taking advantage of the unfortunate situation for trivial matters and not to the genuine cause...

[@IAn0nI]

Great comment. Israel is no worse than Palestine.

[@sandeepmenon2822]

The way I see it, this is just empathy being complicated. Simply put - empathy is acting in such a way that before each thought or action - you say in your head - "This is about them, not me".

[@서연-t1x7b]

At first, I thought positively because empathizing falsely is empathy. However, after watching this lecture, I think I can understand a little why he falsely called empathy selfish and self-centered. I think I want everyone to understand and truly sympathize with other people's perspectives, not to empathize with them falsely.

[@monica4561]

Completely agree❤

[@zinagrace2113]

Chi-Town stand up!!! 🎉

[@Doxuanthinh]

Summary: Chezare A. Warren, a researcher of empathy, explains the difference between "false empathy" and "true support." False empathy occurs when someone attempts to empathize but fails to truly see things from the other person's perspective, often driven by their own ego and biases. She uses the example of white anti-racists who fail to understand the ongoing struggles of people of color. She also points out how teachers, often lacking diverse backgrounds, may misinterpret Black students' behavior as disengagement, demonstrating false empathy. Warren emphasizes that true empathy requires more than simply feeling sorry for someone; it involves a conscious effort to understand their perspective, listen actively, and act in a way that is truly helpful. She encourages listeners to avoid thinking they know more about someone's problems than they do, rushing to action without asking questions, or acting in a way that benefits them more than the other person. Warren argues that perspective-taking is essential for genuine empathy, allowing us to see the world through the other person's eyes. She highlights the benefits of perspective-taking in education, where it can reduce implicit bias, build stronger relationships, and improve student outcomes. She concludes that empathy is an ongoing process of growth and learning, just like our eyesight, requiring constant adjustment and refinement. We need to ensure our empathy is grounded in true understanding and leads to actions that positively impact the world. Takeaways: False empathy is harmful: It stems from a lack of understanding and can perpetuate inequalities and misunderstandings. True empathy involves perspective-taking and active listening. Don't assume you know someone's struggles or jump to conclusions. Humility and self-awareness are crucial for genuine empathy. Empathy requires action, but it's an ongoing process of learning and refinement. We must strive to see the world through others' eyes to create a more just and compassionate society.

[@altonlebronze3536]

Is sending 'thoughts and prayers' after an incident that could have been prevented, false empathy?

[@curiousworld7912]

Excellent 'talk' on a much-needed topic.

[@Arashiii87]

Empathy training alone is unlikely to be a silver bullet for addressing issues like discrimination and harassment.

[@arcadiagreen150]

Cultures rooted in failure need to be recognized as failure. Things like communism have always failed because they have been proven to be cultures of failure. Other aspects of society need to understand that losing on purpose and blaming the rules will never make you win

[@ArnoLmed]

What a fittiting appropriate talk for these days.

[@卵卵-x6l]

4:00

[@GaroldPage-dn2qv]

1:58

[@dogu_u]

0:04

[@gymleaderjake1579]

He's right about white knights but misses the biggest picture issue. It's not the responsibility of the helpers to define the problem.

[@AuntyCleo]

🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

[@ThinkPositiveDude]

we wuz empathy

[@123owly]

"I've been studying empathy for 15 years and here's what I've found: even those who try to do it, suck at it". Ummm...thanks....didn't realize you needed a phd for that conclusion. With all due respect my guy, thanks for the presentation and all, but if you learned something truly insightful in your studies of empathy, can you please share what those insights were? "Stop, observe, do better" is a tumblr level of advice.

[@alexchen4647]

False empathy is something that almost everyone is susceptible to. The talk is about slowing down and really understanding someone before you act or respond. Judging by your response, it's clearly something that you fail to do. I find that really funny.

[@Z06666]

Racist educators could harm kids without them knowing

[@mirceadodan7426]

Well, we should also ask the asians or hispanics how much empathy they need. They might say they are not interested in empathy, but ask them just in case.

[@trashtvinternational]

He lost my attention as soon as he started making this about racism… 👎👎

[@alexchen4647]

You only like being empathetic when it's convenient and doesn't make you uncomfortable? Racism is one of the areas where true empathy is most lacking so why would a video on empathy not address it? You're exactly the problem this video is talking about.

[@trashtvinternational]

@@alexchen4647 nice try.

[@arcadiagreen150]

Instead of fixing a symptom of bad culture, we should be aiming to cure the disease of bad culture. Single parent households, welfare state, non-nutritional foods being covered by food stamps, etc. Our progressive policies have made the situation worse, not better. Black children had more discipline, less incarceration, and higher IQs in the 1960s than they do now. By accident?

[@super_terram]

Why is a narcissist talking about empathy? I'm confused.

[@IAn0nI]

Yes, why are you?

[@ofirarg]

This talk aims to divide.

[@555Trout]

Don't care. At all.

[@tunisian_stats]

Why you gotta be so hateful? You could have just left the video without leaving this comment.

[@555Trout]

@@tunisian_statsSimple. His nonsense is destructive, false and evil. I want him to know we know.

[@V3RTIGO222]

Not caring is just a lack of empathy... sounds like you proved his point?

[@555Trout]

@@V3RTIGO222 False

[@V3RTIGO222]

@@555Trout lol... real compelling argument. Not sure you even watched the video, because it effectively points out that to be kind and compassionate you need to be able to see other perspectives, something you seem unable to do.

[@ingislakur]

Looked like a nice topic so I clicked, shame on me,,disappointed it was about race once again

[@koby15]

Thank you! And they say whites are racist… I don’t mindfully even consider race until it’s with the people who always bring it up… like, can’t you be an educator? If I went around and constantly made my whole life about my race, you would suspect me of being a supremacist..

[@arcadiagreen150]

I tend to click on these being prepared for it. Watching how the bad side thinks is better than not knowing their tactics at all. Best to read or listen to Art Of War.

[@IAn0nI]

Mr. Kilal B Lacks

[@AlaahAkbr-q9c]

God loves you and cares for you so that this message reaches you. God is the one who created this large universe and controls it completely. The greatest loss a person loses in this life is that he lives without knowing God who created him and knowing the Messenger of Muhammad, the last of the messengers, and the Islamic religion, the last of the heavenly religions. Great intelligence, before you believe in something or not, is to read it, study it, and understand it well, and after that you have the choice to believe in it or not to believe in it. I advise you to do this now, before you no longer have time to do so. Life is very short. It is just a test, just a passage to eternal life. Great advice to those who... Understands

[@V3RTIGO222]

If God controls the universe completely, then everything I do is according to his plan. I have no choice to believe or disbelieve, for a God who dictates destiny has no room for the free will of mere mortals within his divine plan. All actions, both evil and good, are a part of his design... morality doesn't exist in a universe controlled by god.