The Drive to Transition Is a Maladaptive Coping Mechanism - Jaco van Zyl

[@dorasneddon774]

If only all therapists were so reality-based, clear and focused on adaptive growth of the personality.

[@tomwright9904]

So... like I think the desire to change gender is quiet reasonable. So I feel like if something is "reality based" the reality should be "it just can't be done and all the treatments sucks and you can probably get most of the stuff you want anyway".

[@ts4231]

Agree but understand please, whole countries like Canada will remove a therapist’s license to practice for not upholding political ideology. They’ll count it harm against the client. Many therapists have no choice. They need our protection, too. We need to remove politics from healthcare.

[@elsh332]

This actually sums up perfectly the exerience that I had with one of my children. They came to me saying that they no longer identified with their sex and demanded I call them they/them pronouns. (I am doing so here only to create a certain annonymity, but in my daily speech I use correctly gendered language.) I assured the child that as their mother it is my responsibility to raise them with a good relationship to reality and would be using correct pronouns. They got more upset, claiming it hurt them when they heard their correct gender being referred to. I assured them they would be ok. After that I helped guide them to understand that the traumas (quite severe) they had experienced might be impacting their relationship with their body and their "gender identity." They took time and considered what I'd gently shared. Then they concluded I had a point. I let them continue their journey without need of much more influence. And now, 3 years later, they literally tell me how "shame" it is that they went through that phase and beg me not to tell people (hence the gender neutral pronouns for annonymities sake). My child now loves their gender fully embracing what that means for them, even in so-called "stereotypical" ways. I'm glad I held onto reality and stayed the course. I'd encourage other parents to do the same.

[@durschfalltv7505]

It's great that you acknowledge your childs traumas. The world alone is traumatic. And you usually also traumatize your child by trying to protect it from the worse stuff. Gotta keep an open heart and be a safe place to get the feelings heared and validated. Especially with a boy cause for a boy the mother is the only person with certainty in life who will ever care about how her son feels. Only when someone is able to process their emotions and have them validated they don't fall victom to maladaptive coping mechanisms. Idk if it was ok to not use they pronouns when the child requested it. Look into whether your child found a diffrent coping mechanism. Interveining in coping mechanisms can cause trust issues between mother and child. Maybe you just got your child a healthier coping mechanism. Doesn't matter if it was intentional or planned as long as it works. Hobby's / Relationships are good ways to cope with life. I don't want to make you paranoid but children are masters at hiding things from their parents. Stuff can just suddenly blow up in your face. Substance abuse, OCD, depression, porn addiction, anxiety. If your child is intelligent it can hide those things beyond the point of your capability to repair the damage already done. Did you ever have to yell at your child? But yeah you are right on with minimal intervention. Paternalism is bullshit. They don't suddenly grow up at 18. They are growing up from all the way before they were born. The world just recently decided they may wanna give children below 18 some basic spawn protection. Parents tasks is to give a child a stable enviroment and give childrens something to do IF they are bored or are doing something dumb. But yeah if your child trusted you despite disrespect their wishes for pronouns it means that it generally trust you that the hurt it feels from being called pronouns it doesn't wanna be called in that moment doesn't come from malice. Children whose trust has been previously abused may think you are just evil and want to punish them out of sadism. But you see why this can backfire now? If your child hasn't trusted you it would possibly be a desaster now. The worst thing this trust can not only be abused by you but by anyone. You know your child so i guess you know how much trust you can expect from it.

[@durschfalltv7505]

But yeah as one can easily see. As humans we want to be seen and as humans we want to feel validation in how we feel. If we can't get that we search for distractions or numbness. Or in the case for transgerism we try to fix the issue. A boy may realize that in this world it is difficult to be seen and come to view women as being given significantly more attention and yearn for being seen in such quantity. Being told value in just existing. A girl might realize the attention she get's is all in a objectifying manner. She may see that the attention is on what she is not who she is and she may yearn for invisivbility from attention she deems unauthentic to seek value in what she creates. The problem is in both cases they won't find their aspiration. The grass is always greener on the other side. Though in a world with more women some rather have fake attention than none at all. This would explain higher ftm detransition. A man's job is finding attention that if found is likely authentic and a women's job is rejecting unauthentic attention. This goes for all relationships btw. Friendly or romantic. Since for a man 55% of the world population is their competition. (People born, not alive, since men die younger) Women can atleast expect authentic attention from females. 45% of humans Men can expect authentic attention from 55% of humans but only in quantity once they got attention from one of the 45% of humans and are no longer in competition with the other 55% of their sex. Romantic relationships by design are often f'ed since a women is desired for what she is and a man for what he has. No one for who they are. It's a problem of a sick society. Or more correctly nature. Sexual reproduction and natural selection they called Evolution. Survival of the fittest. Or more often than not just survival.

[@durschfalltv7505]

But yeah the last part is tribal. One may hope we departed from animalism atleast a bit in the last 12t years if you wanna believe in scientific history of when civilisation and thus interlectual evolution started.

[@amaryllisequistra]

💗✨

[@sheenamackewn888]

👏💛

[@Berlinetta-h7p]

Thank-you Jaco, your talk was very well structured, and informative. The whole of society needs to hear this loud and clear.

[@vakavanhavainamoinen2221]

The Coddling of The American Mind by Lukianoff and Haidt discussed the national implications of a 'coddled generation'. The absence of boundaries has grown steadily over the past fifty years and I have seen this evolution as I approach age seventy. Claims we have 'gone soft' are true in many respects. This has been a natural and positive evolution in some ways but this has been deliberately weaponised by bad actors who have ulterior motives to bring down society. We are 'enjoying' the fruits of this transformation.

[@NativeMystiq]

Wow! Great presentation. I've taught children athletics for 10 years and have come to a similar conclusion as Mr. Jaco van Zyl. I'm not a psychologist, but I can teach and understand children well. 4 or 5 years ago I began to suspect that gender dysphoria is really a sexual body dysmorphia. I was a teenager in the early 2000s when eating disorders and self harm were rising. I believe body dysmorphia is unnaturally induced in children by adults through early sexualization, and I don't mean assault, but that may be a factor. It comes by forced "maturation", lacking of a more precise word, because they are taught too early to think sexually and they can't handle it. It also happens by indoctrination of a body-mind duality. Thus the mind tries to reject the body even though the body and mind are inseparable. Adults have destroyed children's minds with terrible ideas that reject reality like you can be a girl mind in a boy body. Anyone can be more masucline/feminine, the mind and body are still one. It is easy for an adult to convince children of anything they want because children do not have the brain development to reason and create their own understanding. Children accept what they are told. You can lie to children, give them conflicting ideas, and they will believe what they are told. It plays on their needs and trust for adults. I'm thankful that professionals are able to tell the truth and bring us back to reality. We need to protect children from awful ideas and harmful practices.

[@TanyaJoyce]

The mother attunes and gives reality back to infant and gradually the infant calms down ... this is the exact mechanism for how therapy works (when it works)

[@sheenamackewn888]

Only 2000 views?? We need to get sharing this !!!

[@sometimes4635]

Wow! So succinct. Thank you!

[@justmy2cents652]

How did this knowledge got lost throughout the medical and psychiatric community?!

[@markshepperson3603]

Sold as a civil rights issue while lockdown was on.

[@tomwright9904]

It's not "knowledge". He's just asserted that gender norms / practicalities are "structure" and therefore immutable. You can do it with anything "military service is * structure* " "physical violence is structure" All I think is true is I. Sex transition completely sucks Ii. You can probably deal get around the seemingly impossible structures of gender

[@amaryllisequistra]

It is a dark disgrace upon the whole medical and scientific community

[@obinwataje]

Transhumanism. There's a push to move to a technocratic digital reality.

[@schex9]

Right, because people with common sense have known this all along

[@ragingchimera8021]

It seems to be a form of narcissistic personality disorder. Obsessed with self, lacking empathy for others, hyperfocused on their feelings while unable or unwilling to understand those of others. Sadly, that's been my personal experience with my own trans child.

[@clogs4956]

Basically, there is a social responsibility to tell individuals “NO!” rather than acquiescing to unreasonable demands, thus allowing (or enforcing) a shift in perspective that modifies behaviour. This is neither cruelty nor kindness; it’s the practical application of reality. Which suggests that those actively promoting any unreality are either Sadists, exploitative, or enablers.

[@barrykochverts4149]

Beautifully explained. This talk, shared with parents or even couples planning to become parents, can make a huge difference in how their parenting style affects their child. It should be shared and shared and shared.

[@bushveldkid7640]

Have any studies been done on unvaccinated children? With the rise in autism and the known links with dysphoria, but with almost zero autism in non vaccinated children, I would like to hear of a study if there is one.

[@janetdavis5644]

I have been very bothered as to how this knowlege somehow slipped away, dismissed probably due to modalities such as CBT being touted by the likes of Lord Laird. I have always been impressed by how Psycoanalysis grasps human development.

[@sayakafermi5725]

Psychoanalysis is a religion. Freud thought he was being scientific but he really just interpreted everything to suit his preconceptions. The fact that Wolf Man, years later, said he hadn't improved at all is testimony to this.

[@michael63307]

Great presentation Jaco!

[@sarahainscough6264]

How & why have psychiatrists affirmed this disorder & medical "professionals"🤯🤯🤯🤷‍♀️

[@matthewatwood8641]

Cowardice and / or greed.

[@sarahhale-pearson533]

Because it’s profitable

[@alibrown6268]

WPATH pushed this as the right response

[@inevski]

Money + ideology.

[@freyja802]

I disagree with the concept of over-coddling or too good parenting. Parents who remove any source of frustration from their child to avoid having to help the child deal with it, they're simply neglecting their child. Children need to be taught to deal with emotions and if they're deprived of that, no Version of whatever the parents are doing instead makes that any better. This is a small but very important difference. It's never because parents care too much but always because they do either not enough or the wrong things. I have yet to see a case of too good parenting going wrong. Bad parents however often teach their kids to pretend that their parents are much better than they actually are. Tell a kid that if people think something is wrong, it gets out into a children's home alone, that kid will do everything to glorify its parents mediocre parenting and when the reality starts crashing in, they tell everyone that they don't understand how their perfectly caring parents could be related to them being traumatized. I used to believe that I was broken even though my childhood was far above average and only in my late 30s, I really understood that my problems are because of that same childhood which was actually so bad that I now have did. Telling people they are too soft will only bring back violence as an accepted form of education and that won't fix any issues coming from how the world developed over the last century...

[@durschfalltv7505]

This hit's home. Thx for writing this. And yes. The problems isn't feeling emotions. It's lacking healthy ways to dealth with them. Ways to get the emotions seen and validated so you are not made to feel crazy. Because when you are told you are crazy that's when you become crazy. A good life is feeling all the emotions while being able to cope with them in healthy ways and not feel unjustified in feeling them.

[@durschfalltv7505]

The problem is neccience. Imagine reality as a growing hammer. Imagine the childs hand below that hammer. A good parents will acknowledge they won't be able to hold that hammer up forever and throw in the towel and deal with the damage. A bad parent may continue to hold up that hammer until they can't hold it anymore by which time it grew so much it crushes the childs hand which will enslave the child to plenty of coping. It is tragic. Since it is actually too good parenting. The parent cared and suffered not wanting to hurt their child. Wantjng to keep the pain of the world away. But they forgot that reality will hurt their child. Reality is stronger than they are. A good parent gives their child chickenpox. If they don't it might kill the Adult. It's about alining with natural law. We all hate natural law. Reality is cruel. We do not experience infinity yet. As long as this is reality we need to let the hammer fall on the hand as quickly as possible when it is the smalest. Otherwise you might cross the point of no return where the hammer grows so much it grow over the entire body of the child crushing it when it finally falls. The debt and intrests intrests torturing your child more in the life it never got to life more than if you had dropped the hammer right away. This law tortures you for oposing it. And it does so more with each second you do.

[@markcounseling]

I love the concept of symbolization as the packaging of reality in digestible chunks -- a reality that otherwise would be overwhelming. This has a great deal of relevance for trauma therapy and I wonder where these ideas have been articulated more fully?

[@durschfalltv7505]

This guy get's it. But i expected him to have the humility to admit he isn't diffrent. Everyone poops and everyone copes. They say nothings new is under the sun. The solution has to be said. We have to agree on "We" and on what we want. And accept reality, to carry the flag and pass it on, to one day slay limitation. One day the matter what makes my body will forget that pain exist for pain will have never existed. This isn't for nothing. Interpret belief as any religion. But if you do not believe in this you say you believe in suicide or worse. Which then i will ask you" is bliss diffrent from void?" And you will see we view the same things just from diffrent eyes. You believe and we work together. The alternative is to be insane.

[@MultiLlewis]

So basically, kids today don't want to grow up

[@Tusitala1967]

I think so. All media tells them they are doomed. Even my oldest son, who's 27 now, told me once that he missed childhood because he didn't have to worry about anything. Every day was carefree and full of new adventures. We definitely weren't snow plow or helicopter parents. He took his bumps and bruises and learned how to stand up for himself and think for himself, but he didn't have doom and gloom piped into his brain 24/7 like today's kids. I am glad he can have a nostalgic view of his childhood, but he's also excited about the future, marrying his girlfriend, and starting a family. And honestly... I am very excited for him.

[@durschfalltv7505]

Overall a video which points i didn't expect to be this good. But it forgets the 0 sum parts. You cannot create healing for someone out of thin air. I explained in other comments. Healing costs.

[@threeraven13]

❤

[@prschuster]

For those who are living happier, more productive lives after transitioning, it doesn't matter what you think is wrong with them. Transitioning is only appropriate for adults though. What may be maladaptive for some, may not be so for others.

[@FronteirWolf]

It's always maladaptive, yes you can live a productive life using a maladaptive coping mechanism. That coping mechanism might be keeping you going, but transitioning is almost always unhealthy for your body, it almost always makes unreasonable demands on other people. Even fairly reasonable trans people will probably use the wrong sex bathroom, not take too kindly to someone always referring to them using correct sex pronouns. Even if the trans person is okay with not doing physical transition, these demands are still made on other people. The demands made on others is another way it's maladaptive. Being happier than before and more productive doesn't mean your way of coping isn't maladaptive.x

[@pickupmygroceriespeasant]

The point though, is that we have not yet attempted true helpful psychotherapy targeted at alleviating gender dysphoria. All we have done is conversion therapy which is basically just torture, or medical transition. But we have not yet even considered trying exploratory talk therapy for GD. It hasn't yet been done on a large scale. Dr Az Hakeem has started doing it but there have been no scientific studies on his results, though he reports extremely high success rates of none of his patients going on to transition after doing exploratory talk therapy with him.

[@elsh332]

Maladaptive is maladaptive. Look into Blair White. Blair has transitioned and openly admits that they have a mental illness and that it is maladaptive, but also says it saved their life and it worked for them. Blair recieves a mass of respect due to the honesty they always express. They never deny the truth about this issue. I myself have a mental illness - its a ersonality disorder, a maladaptive response. It saved me in childhood but ruined my life. Now I embrace the parts I cannot change yet (if ever) and work with what I've got. But I am honest and say that it is maladaptive because that's the truth - even if I now use the maladaptation to my advantage.

[@durschfalltv7505]

​@@FronteirWolfthe problem is a lack of alternative coping. If your choice is to cope or die you cope. Simple. It's not a choice. Someones inconvience or even suffering doesn't give right to someones death. Whether to transition or not is a simple question of whether it will aid in saving your life or whether it will not. It is a decision that is a dilemma.

[@durschfalltv7505]

​​@@elsh332i read in another comment you got a child. So asume you have a husband. Maybe try gojng with him somewhere where no man's law aplys and bringing the ultimate trust. A place where you can kill and die without man's consequence. Since atleast one of you survives to possibly care for your child. Since you both met as strangers and if you both survive you might gain new found trust for the unknown. Imagine. (Maybe for the more extreme cases though. It seems your coping works well enough to walk you into your grave without being the one who dug it)

[@ivydark9741]

You overcomplicate things. It's simply the Death drive directed inwards. All in the domain of the superego.

[@tomwright9904]

Lol. How about a desire for worthwhile legacy with society's norms through personal change

[@sayakafermi5725]

10:59 The latency period is a myth. Just search for "children's sexuality no latency period."

[@ryan.1990]

I will not search "children's sexuality" actually, thanks

[@tomwright9904]

"If the world gives them structure" WHAT. GARBAGE. With thay phrase he's just saying that every piece of social restraint and control is legitimate which clearly is not true.

[@jaystephens2203]

Regardless of "legitimacy", it is real, lile it or not. Getting youth to accept reality is obviously important.

[@NativeMystiq]

He is saying that the psychological development of children is disrupted by harmful ideas and that causes body dysmorphic disorders. The body is reality, not a social construct. The mind and body are one, so there is not a boy mind in a girl body. An individual's masculinity/feminity can still vary within reality.

[@jaystephens2203]

@NativeMystiq There is an extent to which our minds will adapt to the social environment. This has been an evolutionary adaptive mechanism in tribal species like ours, since it better helps us to survive and pass down our genes. Some of these mechanisms manifest directly in our neurology, such as dopamine hits for acting charitably, since that promotes cooperation and raises the charitor's status.

[@caffeinatedhuman4035]

(1) Sounds like a group of very loosely connected variables (2) This person desires an outcome to justify his verson of reality. (3) Where are the numbers... (4) Where is the pair review? (5) If a concept is true then he could write it down one step at a time. (6) I think oral communication without text augmentation is terrible

[@shiina29]

This wasn't an experiment, so 1, 3 and 4 don't make any sense. 2 is just a baseless attack and attempt to read his mind. 5 & 6 are wrong, because he did explain it step by step and there were slides with text.

[@caffeinatedhuman4035]

@shiina29 (1) You are assuming things (2) If you are going to make an assertion in reguards to people (3) If you are going to make assertions in reguards to groups of people (4) Then you find others want more than...it is because I say it it. (5) As for an attack...(I suggest you stop being so sentive) (6) Im not raising my voice or using profanity... (7) "Slides with text" (8) Perhap you should point me in the direction of them.

[@DorianPaige00]

Sounds like this guy cut and paste some southern preacher's sermon. Nice "copypasta" which is so broad and loose it could be applied to any malady you didn't like.

[@ls-l1518]

Poor thing, you didn't understand a word.

[@chaitrakeshav]

❤