The Enneagram: Help For Type 6

[@hannahgleason9885]

The friendly/belligerent thing got me. 99% of people who know me describe me as sweet and say it's impossible to imagine me losing my temper. But those who know me best have experienced and been hurt by my anger. It makes me really sad because I know I wouldn't tolerate that kind of unpredictability in others.

[@yukiamijochi]

Would u tolerate it when it was someone u rlly loved? ... It happened to me ( I'm a 6) and I know those reactions (often described as anger) are often just to cover up some weakness.

[@hannahgleason9885]

@@yukiamijochi thank you, what a kind response. ❤️

[@ibear2554]

I’m right there with you, man. I hate myself for being double-sided. I want to really treat everyone well all of the time.

[@suziqquzi2527]

Yes. Used to think it was duplicitous of being a Gemini (twin). It does sometimes feel like I’m 2 completely different people. I feel so bad for the volcanic eruptions of temper/fear burning the people I love. Great sadness.

[@yukiamijochi]

@@suziqquzi2527 I think the people u love also love u ... And they maybe are hurt in that moment but are fine afterwards ... but for u too realize it that they are fine and that u dont have to worry about it anymore thats a fine art to master as a 6 ... sry for the maybe bad grammar or english im German

[@barbaratampa]

I was so struck by what you said about a child learning to watch the signs of a dad who was fine one day, drunk the next, and occasionally violent. I used to listen to the tread of my father's steps as he came into the house, and I would segue into playing something on the piano that I knew he liked if his tread was unsteady. Watching and waiting and being careful were a way of staying safe. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever stop watching and waiting. Enneagram is new to me, but boy do I understand the wolves.

[@Msspidey100]

While my dad wasn't usually drunk, I also had my dad with massive mood swings and would check the sound of his step and either be happy and goofy around him, or hide in my room and be quiet

[@GodSaveTheClothes]

I had a similar situation. If the screen door slammed when he came home I went into cleaning mode. If he saw one thing out of place it would be a scary volatile night ahead.

[@CarrieBradon]

@@Msspidey100 Same, same!

[@imiguifurr]

In the fight, flight or fawn response to fear, in terms of me being a 6, I think I gravitate towards a flight response... Yes, I'm extremely sensitive to sound, tone of voice, how aggressive the movements of others sound... But I won't seek to give into the demands of others and I won't always directly attack or confront the source either. I'd rather swiftly work around it and avoid inflaming the situation even more or risk being a cassualty...

[@AutismTheaterProject]

Sad that happened, but admire that you used the piano to calm him down

[@alottoftea]

I'm a 6w7 and you made me realise that my parents fighting so much when I was younger may have made me scared of losing my security; I still get stressed when they fight now, even though they're still together.

[@cappuchino_creations]

Completely relatable. My parents fought a Lot as well. Sometimes when people yell in my surrounding, my brain just snaps and I become dissociative.

[@answerback-films655]

Im a 6w7 and my psychopaths fought all the time too, a 4 and a 3...now they're split with different partners and the 3 landed on her feet and the 4 is still depressed and stuck even though he has a new partner. I think I was crushed in the arguments because I remember being so fearful and distressed while they fought...the 4 was a weak role model with no authority but a cruel streak. The 3 was cold and fake. I worked out great though...never married, alcoholism and live in my van.

[@Nietskii]

@@answerback-films655 this breaks my heart so much.

[@ogeo.8966]

@@gabriellagrey4163 Does anyone really deserve anything? Sometimes I think 'it is just what it is'.

[@Bitsypatito420]

Both my parents were pretty reactive with me growing up. I always feel like I have to walk on my tip toes with them and people who are like them. And I feel so much freedom when I'm with someone who won't explode or react negatively with me. Like, I can loosen up and relax. Best feeling ever.

[@Nietskii]

Would you be interested in conversing ?

[@alexandrasalvagni6269]

As a 6, I think my not trusting my inner guidance was due to being gaslighted by family to think that I’m not capable of doing things

[@Nietskii]

Gaslighting prevents us from trusting ourselves; it makes perfect sense how this can devolve into paranoid ambiguity in relationships

[@carolynnsuga8995]

10:45 🤯

[@adamclark9997]

The scary part isn't that people are necessarily out to get you. It's that they don't think of others the way I do. It doesn't bother most people to step on the heads of those around them to get to where they want. That in itself is the scary part. Not that they're actively doing something, but that they have that latent ability.

[@commonsenseneedtobepractic1861]

❤

[@angeliquegrace6625]

Yupp Yupp Yupp .... 6w5 here . Crazy researching everything and anything. Loyal to my own detriment.... the list just goes on and on . lol

[@twlahue]

Thanks for the comment. My mom is a 6w5. "Now stop and think..." always before taking any action...caution, caution, caution.

[@OrangeyGaming]

Im a 6w5 as well

[@SeIene]

6w5 here too!

[@missclover7781]

My husband is a 6w5 and im a 9w1 very helpful information! Thank you

[@the_real_littlepinkhousefly]

@@twlahue As it should be! ;)

[@juulblood]

6w5, this is crazy description that I relate to, to a T!!! I feel like everyone runs to me for their problems and then no one is to be found whenever I have problems. And everything you say about the dad is sooooo true for me. Thank you so much for this video!!

[@jrescorpiso]

Haha! I was once asked, “If a fruit can describe your personality, what fruit would it be? And why?” I answered, “A pineapple because it’s sweet and sour, but also guarded.” 😃

[@twlahue]

Exactly.

[@aliciawarrenjohnson7652]

Joel Richard Escorpiso I love pineapples 🍍! Makes so much sense. 😆😊

[@lizabeth9580]

That’s so accurate!

[@mmccpl3934]

💙

[@Blue-jz8dn]

I would also say a coconut. Hard shell on the outside to protect me from harm but everything needed to survive on the inside (food AND water). Lol

[@Anonymous5936]

This is one of the most valuable videos I’ve ever seen in my 40 years on earth. You just decoded my life! 🤯

[@RubyRobbins88]

For me it was my mom who was unstable and my dad wasn't around to be a protector because of his constant international business trips. She definitely shaped me since she didn't have good boundaries and put her emotional baggage on me. I also found out that I have some gene mutations that predispose me to high anxiety and depression. So, nature and nurture both worked on this one together to get me to be a 6.

[@twlahue]

Interesting...thanks for the comment.

[@carokat1111]

I had exactly the same experience, with a father constantly travelling and an anxious, moody mother trying to hold it all together. I feel she was the one who influenced me. I never felt safe unless my father was at home.

[@janharper2821]

Same here. Emotionally unwell mum. Loving and kind but was unpredictable in other ways. Always leaving then returning and put alot of baggage onto me. After her death I realised I had been terrified of her but it was all unconscious. My dad was emotionally unavailable and didnt reassure me. I'm 6w5. Thanks for great youtube

[@OhNinil]

hmm..same. my mother replaced the male energy. its irritating because its not her role and that also why we may have this unnatural „father issues“ and our mother could not living their actual role as mother.

[@moonj0ck]

Wow interesting how this seems to be a similarity. I have a very similar experience. Emotionally unstable mother. They got divorced when I was 5 and moved states when I was 13 after that I've had a call on holidays relationship with my dad.

[@chaii_latte]

I grew up with neglect and lived multipke places like 5 houses. And had like 6 middle and high schools. I always wished I could just stay in one place and have a big family and "fit in" for once. A permanent support or guidance in someone. A sense of community.. Being a 6 is incredibly lonely..

[@Nick_Taylor.]

Yes!! So lonely! At a young age I learned to enjoy doing things with or without people. Now in my 30s I'm tired and bored when doing things alone.

[@Nick_Taylor.]

As a self preservation 6, I regret so many risks I've taken and feel haunted by them repeatedly. A lot of these risks were calculated decisions. I have the utmost resentment for the typical coaching mentality: "when you fail, learn from your mistake and get up and try again."

[@leahboynton1280]

Absolutely, the biggest thing for me is to ask me probing questions about what I'm worried about and let me talk it out. I've been told I'm negative and dwelling on things when all I want to do is talk it out. I've been told I'm being defiant because of this aspect of my personality too. It's a process for me to trust anyone and authority and I may waver back an forth for awhile as well. I don't follow blindly and if someone tries to force me to then I either lash out because of fear or I follow blindly then feel resentful if it's a bad experience.

[@bellaangel4762]

😭 Same here.

[@danielleybelly411]

@@bellaangel4762 ditto that ;-)

[@katymcdonald5481]

As a 6 I think a big part of my loyalty to my friends and why I’m a support for my friends is because I’m a problem solver, when people come to me with their issues I workshop solutions with them. I’m not good at just being a “listener” I want to solve the problem.

[@marsipaani81]

This is literally me

[@ritagaston1556]

Perfect about dad being irrational, not constant. Never knew stability. Ground beneath always shifting. ...I believe this creates 6.

[@lexiemedina8215]

It is so true that we need someone to be an external processing partner!

[@inspiringsimple]

Do you have a particular person for this? I’d be interested if you know what type they are. My husband won’t do any quizzes or anything and he humours my interest in enneagram stuff but he is NOT a 6. He tires of me rehashing things and he never worries and I worry….

[@lexiemedina8215]

@@inspiringsimple My Processing partners are typically 2s with some 9s and a 1😊

[@inspiringsimple]

@@lexiemedina8215 it’s so so new to me. My processing partners have been another 6 (hilarious results) and I have 2 good friends that are 8s. Their straight to the point messages make me cry A LOT. However…they have always been right. I’m at suffocating stage right now

[@lexiemedina8215]

@@inspiringsimple I get it, it’s been a struggle. I do really enjoy 8s as well. Once you start growing on some of these concepts it becomes really encouraging! I fought being a 6 for a long time until everyone kept confirming I was😄

[@Askalott]

Some Sixes actually have been through "worst case scenario" and "the end of the world", so that's probably partly why they think that way. Great videos. I've learned a lot.

[@Raeleen]

Wow.... such an insightful analysis of a 6.... I never was able to understand or relate to a 6 in my life and now I’m able to better understand. Everything you explained here, especially regarding the origin/childhood of a six, it all fits. Thank you so much for speaking out for the 6. -From a 4 that wants to understand

[@ShefaAli-hi2qh]

You really saved me!!! Thank you so much Tom 😢😢 I'm very grateful to the universe who sent you my way ❤️ finally found peace 💞🕊️ this made me cry but it is joyful one 💓💓

[@twlahue]

Wow

[@arcadianmorning]

6 here. I’m a member of the bad Dad club. My Dad was an unpredictable, impulsive, scary, occasionally dangerous 8. I got really really good at managing threats and maintaining his sense of control to protect myself. No idea if my 6ness is a result of nature or nurture but both my siblings are 7s so who knows.

[@triciamberry]

Claire Broadway same

[@kcl7864]

Are you the oldest of the siblings ?

[@meradithstretz7417]

This is me to a T. Thank you for posting. Best description I’ve heard on the six.

[@twlahue]

Thanks so much for your encouraging words. Blessings...

[@beckyt6349]

Thank you so much for this, I'm a 6w5 and have a sibling who is 6w7 so this was very helpful. I've been struggling a lot with my fears and anxiety lately so the ten steps at the end was exactly what I needed to hear today. :)

[@daniellthornton4218]

You are spot on! Except my mom was the dominant parent. She was the one who’s as off and on you never knew if she was happy or not. My dad was the one who was stable, sincere, the protector, BUT he never would stand up to my mom and I think that’s where my 6ness came from. He was everything great to me and just let her be mean to him and us. I then started this conflict within myself where I needed to stand up for my dad and all the other underdogs in the world lol

[@triciamberry]

My dad was very authoritarian and scary. I got in huge trouble for doing things incorrectly, making mistakes- I remember spilling my milk as a very young child and my dad made me lick it up off the table... I was hyperventilating crying... that’s one of a million horrific memories. Another time I wasn’t “sweeping correctly” and by the end I was on the ground crying while he screamed into my face.... I was probably 5. My first memories are abuse. I literally have had night terrors and nightmares my entire life... even into adulthood. I’ve done everything I can to give my kids a different life. 🥰

[@emeraldeyes8688]

Tricia Berry that’s sad to hear. I have similar memories of my father. He would come home from work angry (often), and would take it out on myself and my five siblings. One time he walked into my room when I was about 8 and threw all of my bookshelves over, because he didn’t like how I put things away. He then yelled at me to clean up the mess. I remember sitting on the floor in a pile of books and toys, just crying. I had nightmares of him screaming in my face and I would wake up sobbing. Those continued into adulthood. They are far less frequent now but happen from time to time. I’m in my 40s. It makes sense why I seek protection in men but can’t seem to trust that they will always protect me. And once they lie to me, any little trust that was there is now gone for good.

[@theyangshow]

Omg the inner wolves comment made me laugh but also was so real. Thank you for this video- it was so relieving to hear someone describe how bad it feels to be a 6 and that it isn’t coming from nowhere

[@toribarron8937]

I am a 6w7. I have been described as my 7 counterpart, fun, bubbly and the life of the party, but my mom was a single, unhealthy 2, growing up and I had a pretty chaotic childhood. It wasn't until we met my step-dad (whom I am still trying to type) that our lives became a bit more stable, and he became my protector. So I may have had an absent biological father, but my stepdad is world class and I love him. I don't want to think of a life without him, or my mom, or my brother. They're my rock, and they're the ones I lean on when I need someone.

[@twlahue]

great insight

[@heather-38]

When you were talking about the Dad being somewhat unstable, it was not the case for me. It was more my mom in a way. She was very controlling and harsh with me.

[@twlahue]

Sorry about that.

[@yukiamijochi]

So She's a Person u where heavily dependent on. You leaned onto her and just fell in emptiness?

[@anemptysky8579]

that wolf metaphor is so accurate, my goodness, that's totally how i feel.

[@mikahlactpo]

As a 6 who is definitely a worst case thinker I don’t honestly know what I’d do without Jesus as my source of love and security! Also I’m totally grateful for this video 😊🙏

[@mattminor5750]

Damn this was the most important video of my life lol

[@BufoZilla]

As a 6w5 I've noticed that if I dont worry myself to death about something nothing gets done about it. I've really been pushing my limit of stress and anxiety lately. I have a strong wing 5 and I will think myself to death on something but the action part is where I struggle.

[@rockenangelbaby]

I'm an INFJ and type 6... And I totally relate to this. As you were talking before you brought up the nightmares I was already thinking when you were talking about the pack of Wolves coming after you how that's how all my dreams always are I'm always being chased by something trying to get me and then I remember I can fly in a lot of them. So I end up flying to get away

[@astrolobster]

I'm 6w5, 638 tritype, sx/so and an ENTJ who've learned Enneagram since 2013 and I finally have no doubt in my types. Great feeling for a 6. And I adore your videos!!! THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!!!

[@togetherwithwine]

I’m in the beginning stages of learning about the enneagram and this really resonated with me. I’m such a 6 that when you started talking about all of the bad things in the world I started to get scared. Anyway, thanks for these great videos that are full of such depth!

[@the_real_littlepinkhousefly]

I'm a Six. With ADHD. And PTSD (from medical issues). And now there's a worldwide pandemic going on. Y'all might pray for my husband and son. ;) This was super relatable, EXCEPT that I am a homemaker (not working because of health issues), and my fears mostly have to do with physical safety rather than work-related issues. So I feel like in some areas the examples didn't really fit my life situation, but I realize I'm not in the majority with that. I'm just always afraid I or someone I love am/is going to die of something, and definitely don't trust myself to know if a symptom is actually worrisome or if I'm just blowing something small out of proportion. And when I do go to a doctor for help, it's pretty rare that I actually trust what they've told me. Definitely relate to the wolf pack. To needing authority but not trusting them. And to being VERY frustrated with my Enneagram 5 husband and son for shrugging off my worries. (The son says life is about probabilities, not possibilities, but I am the exact opposite. If something COULD happen, I need to worry about it and be hyperaware of the possibility of that. We've butted heads about that a few times!) Oh, also -- I had (still have) wonderful parents, but my home situation was very unstable as a child because of a sibling with severe mental health issues who kept the household in emotional upheaval. My parents had to focus on that so much of the time, so I'm guessing there was some loss of a sense of safety for me. Also, my mom is definitely a Six, and was very overprotective, and my dad was (and still is) a rescuer. I expect to be rescued now, and that's not generally what happens when you're an adult. So second-guessing myself ALL THE TIME. Really hard to implement the helps at the end. I suppose it's going to be a life's work.

[@omarh789]

I need to get this under control. I'm glad I found this.

[@meganwilliams4247]

Dr. Tom, thank you. Thank you for these videos. Thank you for helping us all. These videos have become such a valuable tool for me. I'm gaining an understanding as to "why" people are they way they are. I love and appreciate your perspective. I was at a breaking point when I discovered your videos on the enneagram. The enneagram has opened a doorway to knowledge that has brought me such peace. In my peace I bring peace to family. I've shared the enneagram and your videos with my family and they have found the help they needed too. Thank you so much, Dr. Tom. Much love from this spazzy 6w5.

[@lilbabytears]

I just want to change. I dont even want to be this.

[@twlahue]

Every type is great when they are healthy...every type is problematic when they are not.

[@l0vexmonica]

Dr. Tom LaHue This is a great answer

[@Pariperi]

lil baby tears Lool saame

[@the_real_littlepinkhousefly]

Oh, gosh yes. I'd so much rather be a Seven! Life would be amazing if I wasn't so afraid all the time.

[@natashatew5081]

@@the_real_littlepinkhousefly I'm a 7 and it's exciting to constantly be jumping from one thing to the next. I always have to have a project or something I'm obsessing about and enthusiastic about. But it's never quiet in my head. I'm always thinking of 10 things at once, and this can be chaotic and it makes it hard to focus on anything for very long...

[@littledarkone1995]

The wolf analogy i found funny because it’s a decently accurate metaphor as a six. For me, my self doubt and nervousness can be crippling sometimes. And as a six I constantly feel this thing to always have to overcome this crippling self doubt and anxiety. For me Im always feeling like I’m fighting to overcome my own fears and I keep having to throw myself into the things I avoid in life out of fear and anxiety.

[@Yas78878]

loyal/sceptic. i called my self as a mirror. if they treat me good, i can be better or best. if they teat me bad i can being worse. and all of thta was so related with me..

[@ekintirman]

This was quite helpful, one of the best summaries on most of the aspects of 6 s I happen to come across on KZbin ! Keep it going and thanks 🙏

[@twlahue]

Thanks for the encouraging comment. Blessings.

[@spuryear80]

Very good information. The only thing I can say is that I have those thoughts you used in the "Nancy" example would never draw attention by interrogating the coworkers. I probably would be cautious and observe those workers very closely but never draw attention to myself. Also my fear of others was ingrained by my father that is an 8. He's always told me to never trust anyone. As a child I would have nightmares of people chasing me and trying to kill me.

[@twlahue]

Thanks for the insight. Sorry about the nightmares. You got this!!!

[@ashlynn139]

Same or I'd choose the closest of the 3 and take the temperature.

[@barbaratampa]

I dreamed of my father chasing me.

[@annedker1166]

My tendency is to not be open, because I don't easily trust people and want to protect myself. But that might come across as not be 'present', and you miss out life (and feeling connected with others)! So its something I want to slowly change and take little steps in. Also I tend to overwork myself with gaining knowledge to build my own safty. On the other side I can also have great joy in gaining knowledge, so to observe if I'm driven by fear or joy, can actually help me to discern if I want to act upon it. Great eye-opener, great input! Thank you so much.

[@annonymous6904]

“They start feeling the anxiety, and then they go looking for who/what is causing it.” YES!

[@bensimpson9175]

Tom, thank you. I say that with appreciation, but also sadness. I'm new to the Enneagram, and typed myself a 6 after exploring 5 and 8. My father was conversely unpredictable (unsafe) and very loving, and the scenarios you describe are dead-on. Wolves chasing me. Co-workers that might have lunch together and not invite me. My wife trying to calm and reassure me makes me doubt and distrust her. I'm both immensely relieved to finally have insight into myself, and sad that I have been wandering in the dark for so long. Ready to learn and grow.

[@ogeo.8966]

My childhood question is 'no one can answer my logical questions (e.g. about religion)' or 'no one can give me advice that works so I have to find my own answers and think for myself (e.g. when I was finding socialising more difficult).' 'I can't ask. No one can care as much about my problems or the things I'm interested in as I do so I must depend on myself and help myself.'

[@monikajasiulewicz2186]

Maybe you are 9?

[@annahlaineco]

Can't believe this is a free talk, so so so helpful

[@ShyyRonniee]

Yes ! I’ve had to learn the hard way that my suspicion of others makes others suspicious of me which always backfires.

[@Nyalloyd]

Correct. Never blowoff concerns. You can’t even see the problem, how would I trust you to analyze it. My mom is a 9 and none of our problems were ever her problem. She’d listen and then say “I know you’ve got this”.

[@ThruVision]

Love these videos... As a 6 and teacher I'm unlike the behaviour spoken in this video though. I did grow up questioning everything but it strengthened my confidence and assurance in my subject. It's part reason why I do it. With the right topic, I eventually reach a point where I'm fully confident in my area of expertise and it would take seriously good argument to convince me I'm wrong because now the role is sort of reversed where I'm skeptic towards your opinion because my trust is in myself at this point.

[@xinathewarriorprincess6438]

Thank you so much Dr. Tom! These videos have helped me understand myself immensely.

[@sophiagaoiran9607]

this was very helpful! at times i caught myself chuckling thinking "oh wow thats me" so thank you for normalizing 6's struggles or behaviors and providing solutions for talking through our anxiety or periods of feeling unsafe

[@mercedessmithmusic]

This video has been incredibly helpful. After reading about my enneagram I've realised I'm not healthy at the moment so I'm glad I've found your video to help me get healthier and happier. Thank you! :)

[@johndalenino]

Good day, sir! I'm a type 6w7 myself and I find this video very insightful. Thank you! Subscribed to your channel!

[@twlahue]

Thanks, I am glad it was helpful. Blessings.

[@lifetogether4782]

I am a six and you pretty much described my exact father/childhood

[@coolbreez]

So amazed, I figured out my boss. He has shown all these characteristics and ruined our sincere working relationship by blaming me for his issues and constantly mistrusting me.

[@sarunphaosathienpan9232]

Many thanks to your projection, it help me understand myself in the past about how i had come across situations and my react. I was confusing the combination of sweet & sour that i am. The tips in the last of sessions are very useful and would like to try.

[@DSBMGT]

You are very informed and was well prepared to explain this topic. Thank you

[@steveronstrom4507]

Thank you. Very good way of presenting the concepts and views. Useful. 55:13

[@EveningTV]

My son is a 6 and his dad was privately very abusive but in public he was the life of the party and he witnessed that dishonesty all of his childhood.He is very afraid of a lot of things, but also a lot of bad things have happened. One of the biggest was that his older brother and only sibling died when he was 18. He has stayed pretty frozen since then. Very sad. I don't know how to help him. I am a 2.

[@sandyzuniga1]

No other video/person has made me feel so sure I am a 6! This video had me going like “right?!!” The whole 50+ minutes. Thank you!

[@rescueumbrella]

A six and I come here and it says "Comments 6" I'm at this point now. Lots of info and no self trust. Too many options.

[@Sol-De-Invierno]

I'm laughing so much. This is me a hundred percent.

[@annaray5989]

This was so helpful and therapeutic for me. Thank you

[@reinaequina6588]

Holy shit. This resonated so much with me. My dad has borderline personality disorder, left when I was 10 and then came back when I was l 14. This explains a lot.

[@aspiemba4672]

Interesting. My mom's friend sent this to me. I scored 6-8-2 "Rescuer". Hit it spot on. Several things you have mentioned in this video hit close to home. When working, I figured out young my best position was "right-hand man". My motto is "Expect the best, prepare for the worst". Constantly waiting for "the other shoe to drop". What didn't fit was the relying on others for guidance. I do when it makes sense, but I think family dynamics taught me the only one I can rely on is myself. Dad & sister were emotionally, psychologically, and verbally abusive. Nursed hidden depression, anxiety, fear of abandonment for decades.

[@LisaNix2]

The ‘hidden’ part of your depression, anxiety and fears are very much a 6

[@NaidaAbbas]

Thank you for sharing. That was so useful for me to understand how I can communicate with the 6w7. So true! 😊

[@twlahue]

You are so welcome!

[@sarah.ashley.]

I really agree with the part about Dads. He was always very unpredictable and when the door open me and my mum would automatically feel very stressed, not knowing if he is going to throw his temper around when he comes home. When I grew up in my twenties I felt the most happy when both my parents were not at home.

[@Nietskii]

Would you be interested in speaking ?

[@kenzielove99]

Hi Tom! Holy crap my roommate is a 6w7 and this is helping me understand her mind so well

[@jeanniebrin3287]

Wow I've learned so much about me. I am definitely a role follower and lean toward a 3. People have often described me as an overachiever.

[@mickymikemike]

I thought I was 8, but after reading a ton of articles I found out that is totally not me. But I just watched your previous video about type 6 and then highly doubted that I am 6, and it turned out pretty much related. My father rarely talks to me and he shows almost no emotion, he rarely shows up too. And my mother, she has moved out since I was young, so basically I secretly feel unsafe all the time because there is no one protecting me, moreover, when I make a mistake, my father will immediately show up from no where and scold me like I ruin the whole world. That makes me highly doubt myself in whatever/every decisions I make. I hope I could recover from these problem, wishing for all of you who have the same problems here too.

[@yukiamijochi]

So as counterphobic 6 ... We don't show other's that fear ... But also not to ourselves ... This whole reaction is to isolate that fear and not feel it

[@katherinecollins8109]

So much freedom given in this message. Thank you! Very helpful encouragement ❤️

[@gemsstr7933]

I thought I was a 4 for a long time, but dealing with so much anxiety and unfortunately fear, I relate much more as a 6. Thank you for teaching such amazing material. I'm very sceptical like this default bs reader on All The Time. Like a little detective living in my head lol. .

[@anjaligolam2167]

I am type 9 and I relate to most of this. Whenever I am a little stress I think like a 6.

[@tiannabrittain9984]

Wow. Now I understand myself! 😂 Thank you so much.

[@OwnTheDayYT]

This video is so underrated. Thank you Dr Tom. Anyone else going through it like "can I trust this authority figure?" Lol

[@SuzySylvania]

I've been listening to all of your videos on all of the types. I have gone through a very stressful few years (Covid and several other things). I am looking at myself very differently lately. My need to have every possible emergency covered is very 6. My purse and car have everything I would need. I overthink everything! But this issue with dads that you bring up has me really thinking. My Dad went from being a pretty good dad until I was nine. Then he moved us multiple times looking for something different and better. When I was 13 he lost a business and we lost everything. More moves and no money. He never really recovered and didn't work the rest of his life. He passed away when I was almost 18. I knew I needed to marry someone very responsible and chose my husband (6w5) because I knew he was so dependable, not realizing until now that I am a 6w7 or 7w6!

[@nayla3985]

I FEEL ATTACKED WHAT IS THIS... HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW I BEHAVE THESE PAST YEARS WHEN I DONT EVEN KNOW MYSELF??? Ngl this is actually entertaining to be described this specific

[@ibear2554]

Acted like an 8, caused damage I didn’t like. Acted like a 1, got crushed by the authority. Can’t connect well with everyone/I don’t feel safe in a group because I’m too different. I think I’m just having a fit of six-atude, I can’t pinpoint why I feel like I do. It’s probably no one else’s fault.

[@staleyexplores]

It's uncanny as a 6 to hear you describing myself....thx for offering this info.

[@claudiapearson7534]

Thank you super helpful. Are 6’s super prone to worrying? Definitely relate to a lot of the traits..about feeling safe. Basically do anything I can to feel safe in all situations..but also feel like I oscillate between a six and a nine. Confusing. Feel like what helps is connecting to the body and grounding work.

[@ibear2554]

That double-sided Dad thing is really on the head. My dad was my Walker Texas Ranger, and my Freddie Kruger. I always had to feel out who he was going to be, and get away if there is danger. Also the reliable person thing. Answer wrong to a deep enough (or shallow enough degree) and I’ll never ask for your advice or help again. I’m watching this video for help with my insides.

[@Blue-jz8dn]

I have a voracious appetite for information so that I can make the most educated decision. Sometimes the info can’t come fast enough because I want answers NOW….which is why I am listening to your videos on 1.75x speed 😂😂😂 I’m so exposed.

[@kane5785]

Wow, such a 6w7 looking as a one... That hit close to home

[@melaD333]

I feel so understood.. but still wish I weren’t this way. It’s tough trying to outrun the wolves all the time. One thing that doesn’t seem to apply is I definitely don’t implicitly trust experts (I’ve learned the hard way that no one knows as much as they think they do.. so I’m a skeptic even with the “experts”). Which unfortunately means there’s no one I can really trust… even when I really try! latest example is when I spent 30 minutes explaining to an hvac salesman how important it was that the new system fit it my small furnace closet - he reassured me it wouldn’t be a problem .. then proceeded to quote me two systems that would not fit in the closet. I’m the one who figured it out thankfully before we ordered the equipment- but I trusted him but decided to double check at the last minute.. so tired of my distrust being validated and having to check everyone’s work!

[@twlahue]

Thanks for sharing your experience. It's a reminder to always trust your instincts and do that double-check. You saved yourself from a headache!

[@marijanam2843]

I’m 6w5, living with ‘pack of wolves’ always chasing you scenario resonates deeply with me and it’s so sad, draining and scary living like that day to day all the freaking time

[@twlahue]

The Struggle is Real

[@michellecooper5753]

Lovely dad who died too young and too soon . Mum who needed me and still does, years on. Six it is 😀

[@twlahue]

You sound very responsible.

[@heather-38]

This is really good information. It will help me stay mindful to not overthink things.

[@twlahue]

Glad to be helpful.

[@Nietskii]

I’ve also speculated that acquiring an enneagram 6 personality type maybe in many cases due to a neglectful /abusive upbringing in which we adapted to ambiguity in the face of our authority figures. The idea of suspiciousness being inherently ingrained in one’s temperament made me … well skeptical (no pun intended) as i can see the many parallels between this “type” and the symptoms of trauma , namely, the inability to trust others

[@1MilkmanDan1]

Thank you for this video - it's spot on

[@twlahue]

Glad to help.

[@EnglishBGood]

Spot on! Really well delivered!

[@worthtryingonce]

I thought for sure my ex husband was an 8… but the counterphobic 6 is making so much sense!

[@teleriforest9281]

This has helped me understand myself a lot better.

[@davidpurpura7317]

Great video! Spot on, thank you!

[@aliciawarrenjohnson7652]

sweet and sour 🤣🤣 ...so accurate

[@deirdrehoban7838]

Fascinating and comprehensive. Described me to a T as a 6 with 5 wing. Very useful.

[@twlahue]

Awesome.

[@seanjanescheerschmidt4585]

The counterphobic 6s are all freaking out that the callers number has been broadcast for all of your listeners to hear

[@twlahue]

:-)

[@ashlynn139]

I honestly can't decide. Is it possible to be a total 6, but be equally W5 & W7 bc I am literally both wings. I'm 100% a 6. I'm so Loyal and suspected, my antenna is always up. I immediately know when my core group has a small glitch. I fear they could bail on me but tell me I'm wanted. I'm totally into the end of the world be ready, but I'm super funny and keep things light. I never stop thinking. I get more confused the more I think. My gut instincts are usually always right. I'm the best at guessing games I've ever known. I afraid of literally EVERYTHING going wrong, losing being betrayed AGAIN, can't get past the what if Questions.

[@hannahgleason9885]

I relate to this! But actually, be encouraged--some see two relatively balanced wings as a sign of health

[@inspiringsimple]

I can relate to this. I currently feel like I’m struggling so much and deep in 6w3 and I want to be 6w9…