The Episode that KILLED Star Trek (A Night in Sickbay) (Enterprise)

Dying beagles and sexy times, in SPAAAACE!
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[@STASlayer]

The lack of Groppler Zorn in Star Trek Enterprise should have been our first warning about this series’s prospects.

[@ChrisCooper312]

I just hope Lower Decks brings back Groppler Zorn. Also when will the producers get into their heads that the reason everyone hates on Piccard is that it doesn't bring back fan favourite Groppler Zorn. At least we knew Discovery was going to be trash from the start since it was set before Groppler Zorn, although they could have redeemed themselves by using time travel to bring him back to their time, in fact the whole Kelvin timeline would be so much better if Spock and Groppler Zorn travelled back in time.

[@ferdinandsiegel4470]

Archer should never have been in a command position.

[@modelmajorpita]

Ah yes, the episode that firmly established Archer as an irredeemable self-absorbed jackass who cares more about himself than his mission. Honestly, the episode where he resorts to piracy, attacking a friendly civilian ship to steal a part they won't trade to him, is less a violation of the principles of Star Trek than EVERYTHING about this episode.

[@markuscriticus8278]

It's kinda amazing Archer doing stuff like that made him MORE likeable.

[@nisselarson3227]

You're pretty accurate in this criticism. Obviously Archer wears dreads and does the chainsaw shit in order to apologize to the the aliens the way *they* wish to be apologized to. - Otherwise it's a really funny episode (for Enterprise) ...Regarding unlikeable characters, just two words: Malcolm Reed.

[@JaguarCats]

I keep hearing mixed things about Enterprise. And looking at this...I think I dodged a bullet here by skipping this series. Wish I hadn't of skipped DS9 though when it was on.

[@merylcruz3820]

I nearly died laughing because of "taxadermy juice dog" It is now lodged in my brain. You did this.

[@Nesseight]

That awkward episode where Archer develops feelings for T'pol, but feels bad because that's like cheating on Porthos.

[@racookster]

"Sexual themes sometimes arise naturally in a story, and we're not going to be coy or flinch away from them in this series." Good. "We're going to cram sexy situations into every episode with cringey decontamination procedures and body-hugging catsuits and other forced crap whether it feels right or not." Bad.

[@dm121984]

Exactly! And DS9 did this at least once with the Dax-lesbian episode. They where capable of better. But instead of the DS9 team being the ones to head enterprise, the Voyager team headed everything and devolved further and further until a new team took over and turned the show around... Right in time to be cancelled.

[@andrewhawes3134]

Jesus. Give them a break. They're doing the breast they can.

[@DrewLSsix]

I see what you did there, hehe.... can!

[@virginiaconnor8350]

How about the one with the lips? You know Archer had T'Pol in mind when he flubbed "best" and "list".

[@KariIzumi1]

I’m dying 😭😂

[@slevinchannel7589]

I SEE IT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN! 'For Adults' means WAY LESS MATURE and heck, i dare to say even generally worse in Quality. Aint that funny? When is the Cavemen Logic Sex Sells finally going extinct?! When?!? And that's not even all of the Issues! Though Sex Sells sure is one of the Biggest!

[@Princess2Warrior]

*A futuristic Sci-Fi with sex replacing plot? Sounds like she's describing the **_BattleStar Galactica_** reboot series - not **_Star Trek: Enterprise_** - **_Enterprise_** was actually GOOD.*

[@Xelpherpolis]

You know... I always JOKED that Jonathan Archer was a clinically insane man-child who wasn't fit to be anywhere near a Captain's chair. But I never expected the writers of ENT to just come out and say "Yup, that's totally correct." ....then I watched A Night in Sickbay

[@mangalores-x_x]

The kelvin timeline canonized that it seems to be a requirement to become captain.

[@handsomebrick]

This was the franchise run by people who believed that Neelix was destined to become a fan favorite character, an episode like this was always in the cards.

[@darktimesatrockymountainhi4046]

I believe Dr. Sam Beckett was a proverbial "mad scientist"

[@crazydud3380]

If you watch the later seasons, no, not really. Early on? Yeah.

[@Blisterdude123]

I mean...Captain James Tiberius Kirk.

[@Ruzgob25]

I never really saw Enterprise as the "adult" Star Trek. Much like Torchwood, they replaced character development with sex for sex sake. For me the adult Trek was DS9, as it actually dealt with serious issues in a serious manner.

[@octagonseventynine1253]

Star Trek has always been full of sexy ladies and sexuality. Have you not seen TOS?

[@Endar0]

Yeah, the "adult" they meant was the Baywatch audience. DS9 was great.

[@planescaped]

DS9 is the best written Star Trek by a country mile... ...but it still doesn't reach Babylon 5's great heights. :P But it's a shame Enterprise got canceled right when it was actually getting good. Give us season after season of bland crap, resolve the Xindi storyline, finally reach the potential the show had, CANCELLED. Also, I hate time travel stories. They're almost never done right and nine times out of ten just cause headaches and eye rolling. They were my least favorite episodes of all the other shows(yes even Times Arrow or whatever that lauded TNG episode was called). So you can imagine my delight that Enterprise revolved their entire show around fucking time travel just so that they could shoehorn in references from the other shows into the bloody prequel... It was Voyager level wasteful disregard of a setting. The temporal cold war was interesting idea for a show other than Enterprise, and with better writers willing to do the work needed to make a good story involving time travel. Only Trouble with Tribbles ever got it right, thanks mostly to the unique setting and framing. And of course another DS9 episode.

[@jordangreen9201]

Ruzgob25 Farscape was my alternative to Enterprise. It got way to confusing and dark for me.

[@Jspider56]

I replaced all my scifi goodness with Stargate SG1 in the 2000's. When Star Trek slouched there were alot of alternatives... sadly I can't think of much in the genre now :\

[@Safer7Sephiroth]

wait, Archer was supposed to be a trained diplomat?! I thought he was just coasting off his dad's name.

[@handsomebrick]

But isn't he on a dangerous exploratory mission with essentially experimental equipment?

[@Safer7Sephiroth]

I always thought that the mission was intended to be a softball PR/Propaganda mission to convince an ever growing restless human population that it's (seemingly) detrimental relationship with the Vulcans was paying off, and it was just the politician's and crew's total incompetency that lead to the Romulan war.

[@koushiro86]

He was a test pilot promoted to command a flight crew on a new starship. Given how that turned out, one might say it was a mistake, but it seems they already had someone with more flight hours so the job he was most qualified for was taken. Starfleet management is bad at this stuff.

[@FNGLHR]

+Lady Wanderer Ah, I see you are a fellow viewer of SFDebris, equally aware of all the tropes present in his reviews. It is always good to see another one of Chuck's fans in the comments of other reviewers.

[@FNGLHR]

That is indeed a loathsome episode and I have no idea why they thought audiences would be okay with that. What do you think shoulder spider? "You should eat Harry!" That's your answer for everything.

[@ralphyetmore]

I've never seen a more likable actor in a more hateful role than Bakula as Archer.

[@juannunez5767]

Scott Bakula is a trooper. He did give it has all through out this series. Even if a lot of the series was written by morons with no concept of how people or fiction work.

[@lauranolastnamegiven3385]

one thing I do have to give Bakula - he was in great shape, and he did the 'western style' fistfights very well, despite being about 15 years older than Shatner was, when he did TOS

[@chrissonofpear1384]

But he, like, LOST every major fist fight?

[@kaitlyn__L]

@@lauranolastnamegiven3385 it's funny, cos he looks about as old as Kirk looked back then. I hadn't even realised Chris Pine was only a couple of years younger than Shatner was when he started the job. Everyone seemed to visually age quicker in the 60s. Maybe it was all the pollution and smoking and alcohol.

[@avproductions5184]

I agree. The Blood of this show is all over the writing. Scott was great for what he had.

[@ecmelton8633]

Archer is destined to become one of those insane corrupt admirals that a good captain has to defeat.

[@Zorro9129]

Maybe that's why he's never mentioned later in the timeline?

[@planescaped]

I can easily picture him as the bad guy at the end of a different Trek series.

[@mb2000]

Zorro9129 No, I think that’s exactly the reason why he’s never mentioned! I mean they had to invent the Prime Directive just to justify the shit he did!

[@slevinchannel7589]

I SEE IT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN! 'For Adults' means WAY LESS MATURE and heck, i dare to say even generally worse in Quality. Aint that funny? When is the Cavemen Logic Sex Sells finally going extinct?! When?!? And that's not even all of the Issues! Though Sex Sells sure is one of the Biggest!

[@Person01234]

Honestly yes. I know he's a "trained diplomat" but he's also a hothead, prone to some level of xenophobia (obviously he has his issues with the vulcans, but beyond that he often shows a lack of understanding and a judgementality of alien cultures and prejudice towards those he is more familiar with) and frankly him acting like an idiot because his dog got sick is sort of in character as far as I'm concerned.

[@BronzeBoy520]

Say what you will of Enterprise... But Porthos is adorable.

[@gwenc1371]

Also IMO Phlox wins second place in the "scenery chewing heart of the show" category right next to the EMH(though let's be honest, there's no beating Robert Picardo. That man is incredible). He's a major reason of why I actually enjoy this episode.

[@JeffreyPiatt]

Porthos the real captain of the enterprise.

[@jessicare5331]

Porthos and Phlox made this show partially watchable

[@55Quirll]

I enjoyed the series, it ended too too soon, they didn't develop the completely though they were on the way.

[@chrissonofpear1384]

That short story where he and Tucker's minds were swapped was also fairly good...

[@arklestudios]

Enterprise got 500% better once they brought on a new exec. producer and new head writers, but by then the damage was done. Had there not been a "A Night In Sickbay," maybe we could've gotten that 5th season that would've promoted Jeffrey Combs to series regular and really started laying the groundwork for the founding of the Federation, but alas... Tub of goo, diplomacy fail, and sexual tension that never existed before or after this episode. Sigh.

[@quoniam426]

Although not shown, sexual tension between them was very likely, especially from Archer. The series forcused more on Trip's and T'Pol's sexual tension, from the very first episode on (again, the first decontamination scene ever in the series). But considering that the captain and XO must work in close conjunction the whole time, they must see eachother the most when Trip mostly takes his time in Engineering.

[@virginiaconnor8350]

That last episode in season 4. The holoprogramme by "TNG" messed it up by cutting out the reason Trip faked his death. Still, despite its faults, I liked watching"Enterprise more than any of these silly unfunny sitcoms. If you don't like the show, don't watch it. I can't stand "SNL" and "Sheldon", "but I don't waste my time bitching about that on Facebook.

[@Shiirow]

tl;dr "The show got better when we dumped all the trash employees"

[@virginiaconnor8350]

Have to admit, "A Night in Sickbay"' was a bit boring, but I thought it was that last episode in season 4 that doomed "Enterprise", but as I recall, CBS was planning to can it anyway. Maybe, Kurtzman and others could re-do that last episode to reflect that Trip did not die and continue the series using the books "The Good That Men Do" and "Kobayashi Maru" on CBS All Access with the Romulan War as the theme. After all, Trip faked his death to infiltrate the Romulans. If the holoprogramme story wasn't in that last episode, we could've seen Trip giving Archer a note to give to T'Pol so she'd know he was alive and his reason for his "Vulcan" (Romulan) disguise.

[@VernHestandIII]

please. Theres no such thing as "the damage was done" in Hollywood, least of all Star Trek. Ive heard you parrots repeat this ridiculousness ad nauseum. If the last season was so damn good, whyd it get the show cancelled? Enterprise was great before they ruined it by "spicing it up" with "anger" and "action" and a stupid-sounding beat behind the theme song and a dozen new races nobodys ever heard of before. Nothing changed in the audience. The show changed and killed itself trying to please the same unentertainable idiots that killed Star Wars. Thank you very much.

[@PassTheMarmalade1957]

"There are some things more important than plasma injectors." I'd believe that if there were some sort of moral dilemma involved here, dude, but you seem to think that repairing your ship takes a backseat to you wanting to blame someone for your dog getting sick. Who made this guy captain???

[@Dargonhuman]

Nepotism made him Captain. But I mean, yea, I was angry at Archer for being angry at the aliens over something that was his fault to begin with. Plus, it's just a damn dog - look I get loving your pets and wanting the best for them, but if it comes down to the life of a crewman (or their pet) vs the survival of the ship and her crew, any competent captain would have put the ship first. Archer is just a terrible captain.

[@Nr4747]

"Who made this guy captain ??!" is something you the audience essentially has to ask itself (almost) every episode when groaning about Archer's antics.

[@All2Meme]

I can't imagine how Archer made captain, but it probably involved a lot of space jizz.

[@Shades14]

He won the rank in a game of Sabacc. He cheated by having a third green Sylop in his sleeve.

[@TheAdorkableRJ]

''So anyway, in the space jizz episode...'' I can never entirely hate a show that made that sentence possible.

[@daveroche6522]

James T. Kirk would have tried to shag it (DON'T ask)...

[@magister343]

Space jizz? When did Star Wars cantina music find its way into Star Trek?

[@optillian4182]

@@magister343 Probably the same time they got the Bacta tank they stuck Porthos in.

[@ChristopherMB87]

I think you forgot to mention the little-known fact that Captain Johnathan Archer is, in fact, a trained diplomat.

[@vallraffs]

Jonathan Archer is what Sterling Archer would be if he didn't star in a comedy, or have any of his skills and charisma. He's like if H. Jon Benjamin became an astronaut.

[@RedHatMeg]

Perosnally I like Enterprise, hell, I even consider Archer my favorite Star Trek captain (not the best, mind you, but favorite). I think that his relationship with Porthos is very interesting and worth exploring. "The Night in the Sickbay" could be an episode exploring that relationship if it was just a story of Porthos getting sick on a trip to the foreign planet and Archer being worried over him, while also thinking about how he got him. Alas, the producers were horny and we wasted a good idea for Archer's wet dream.

[@oddish4352]

Let me be clear, "A Night in Sickbay" was awesome. I was laughing out loud through most of it. But I'm still upvoting your video because it made me laugh out loud even more. Life may be at its best when you don't take it too seriously, but episodes like this are best when not taken seriously at all.

[@quoniam426]

Although her analysis is upmost logical and true, I still love that episode.

[@GotTh3Frag]

Same here. I have a soft spot for Enterprise in my heart

[@ttanza4004]

LOL, I actually liked "STAR TREK: ENTERPRISE". Heck, I really liked it's Final 2 Seasons. They were GREAT!

[@capngloval]

It's funny, I hate the last two seasons. That stupid zini war... the whole stupid time travel line.. ugh.

[@5P3AM]

ENT was great. Just as DS9, TNG and VOY was.

[@KhaosAdmiral]

I like the final 2 seasons, although I will concede that its finale is absolute dreck.

[@MidKnighToker]

i don't like the time traveling crap. other than that LOVE IT

[@koushiro86]

"There are some things more important than our starship's fuel injection system, without which we would be adrift in space until raiders engaged the hard seal and looted us for salvage and peed on our desiccated remains" Capt. Johnathan Archer, everyone

[@JulianGreystoke]

Captain Kirk had sex appeal. Captain Picard, intelligence and diplomacy Sisko: badassery Even Janeway had tenacity. Archer... well... he had a beagle I guess.

[@kimberly6663]

I wouldn't say Kirk has sex appeal. It's one of those instances where the show desperately tries to convince the audience he's sexy by writing all these ridiculous romances with a new girl every week...meanwhile the character that women really go crazy for is Spock. But yes Archer certainly has.....a beagle.

[@JulianGreystoke]

Bones was always my fave. Grouchy country doctor is my aesthetic.

[@AugustAutumn]

Though, he may not be as popular, Archer... is the one who formed the Federation. Or at least paved the way for it. And, yes. He had a beagle.

[@BloodrealmX]

Kirk is more the daredevil adventure guy.

[@aikikaname6508]

I’d say Kirk is more adventurous rule breaking Maverick who still values his team and strives to be the best person he can be. There’s so much to Kirk and a lot of the ‘Kirk sexer of green ladies’ has little basis in the actual text

[@technosworld2]

Admittedly, most of the reason I watched Enterprise was my crush on Hoshi Sato

[@fireworkbutterfly]

Chris Lane Venturi3D mine was on Charles Tucker III

[@devonmatthews8197]

She was ok

[@sensibleGamer]

8:40 "GOD! Please STOP Talking About How You Want to Bone T'Pol While Performing Surgery On Your Taxidermy Juice Dog!" This is why you are awesome Alison XD

[@Endar0]

Yeah, that's my favorite line!

[@oddish4352]

Taxidermy Juice Dog... sounds like the name of an early '90's alternative rock band.

[@chrissonofpear1384]

Wiser words have rarely been spoken...

[@stapler942]

Words I never thought I would hear. XD

[@SamaritanPrime]

That's something you see on Grey's Anatomy, not Star Trek. ...wait, Star Trek gets just as weird.

[@TroutBoneless]

THANK YOU for pointing out how uncomfortably sexual Enterprise was lmao i felt like i was watching a sex scene with my parents even when i was alone in my apartment. also i didnt realize the Porthos-cheese thing was supposed to be a joke, i always felt like it was a writer putting their own pet into the show

[@clearmountain28]

We all know that a 'Big Tub of Goo' is used by medical professionals all the time.

[@williamhiers1280]

Warm Liquid Goo Phase!

[@Curien247]

a filler episode that went too far but according to some fanfictions, not far enough.

[@Pratchettgaiman]

The answer to the "why" regarding that preview for this episode is "because UPN"

[@multitudeofidols]

Now I'm curious to check out what their _Buffy_ promos looked like.

[@marcusdamberger]

​@@multitudeofidols Sounds like UPN was using Don LaFontaine to do their voice overs on promo's. He passed away in 2008. Why you never hear him anymore, and whenever I hear his voice on old promo's I think of when I worked at an NBC affiliate in the late 90's early 2000's, his voice was all over NBC promo's.

[@Dancestar1981]

RogerwilcoFoxtrot 7 of 9 so unnecessary

[@crazydud3380]

I came to this series long after it was relevant, so I was divorced by it marketing. The "sexiness" aspect of it was ridiculous, but it still felt like Trek overall, and got good in Season 3 (we all know most Trek shows are not so good in early seasons). Seeing that ad at the time though . . . good Lord what was that?! No wonder people were so pissed at the time!

[@danahimrich4066]

I feel like this specific episode is why the 2009 movie had Scotty kill Archer's beagle.

[@696190]

Porthos

[@oddish4352]

(Sung in Elmer Fudd voice): "Kill the beagle, kill the beagle, kill the beeeeagle..."

[@Jokie155]

Kirk and Spock are hanging from a bar in a fiery cave. "Kill Porthos... Kill Porthos. Kill Porthos."

[@oddish4352]

Might've been a different admiral, and probably a different beagle. Figure it's been over 100 years, and even if dog lifespans have increased in proportion to human ones, a beagle's probably good for 40 years, 50 at most.

[@DrewLSsix]

@@oddish4352 possible same Archer, almost certainly new beagle. But then Data had a single cat that could change breeds, gender and survive any catastrophe. The federation banned human eugenics but it seems animal hyper breeding is still a thing.

[@mikeseymour9114]

This episode is awful and I laughed out loud during this video. There are actually worse episodes of Enterprise though. With that said, I like the show overall - especially the third & fourth seasons. Despite some terrible episodes (which all Trek series have), I think Enterprise gets an unfair bad rap.

[@forgetmenotjimmy]

I agree. I think if it had a fifth season, it could have hit it's stride.

[@DrewLSsix]

@@forgetmenotjimmy sad to say I dropped off around season three and was genuinely happy to hear it was canceled. Yeah, I was an emo trekkie in my younger days lol. I caught the later seasons and thought they were pretty good even if the stories often had some significant weak logic.

[@patoren3gou653]

@@DrewLSsix well I enjoyed them cause I'm dumb

[@patoren3gou653]

When I say that I liked this series I always have to specify that I skipped the first two seasons Given the showrunner change theres a good chance that had it been given the full 7 seasons it's rep would not be as bad (since the fourth season hand new writers who weren't burned out) I'd like to see the show get continuation as an episodic video game but Im in the minority on that and have a feeling that wouldn't sell even as a digital release

[@danielholmes8976]

As a casual Trekkie, I think you pretty much nail why Enterprise didn't work. It tried to be "adult", but did so in that annoying PG-13 way of amping up the sex, but not too much, as well as making the cast a bunch of randy idiots. Personally, Enterprise is the show I would absolutely adore if you ever decided to give another TV show the in-depth Charmed treatment, because like you say at one point, there really is a novel's worth of things Enterprise did so so badly. Anyway, great and hilarious review on what has to be a contender for the worst episode between the over 700 episodes Trek has ever produced.

[@MinscFromBaldursGate92]

I thought Voyager's Threshold was considered to be the worst ever.

[@56postoffice]

*"Pothos, my beagle, my pal."* 😂

[@olicityfan1150]

They didn't need a adult Star Trek they had one Deep Space Nine. They had a lot more sexual scenes than any Star Trek show before Enterprise and it felt more natural than this.

[@lizzychrome7630]

I want to think "Enterprise" is nothing more than a historically inaccurate holonovel being pimped by Quark.

[@voxdraconia4035]

Ah yes, the sexual themes of DS9 ... Quark as a female, wonderful episode...

[@olicityfan1150]

@@voxdraconia4035 well ok maybe except that one... that one wasn't very good

[@Stephen-Fox]

Remember - one of the stated reasons for doing this as a prequel series rather than setting it post Voyager was to get away from the technoblabble solutions to problems by reducing the amount of technology they had access to, apparently not realizing that Voyager's (and to a lesser extent TNG's) technoblabble problems were from bad writing, so they pumped it to 11 with the technoblabble resulting in solutions like the one you tried to describe at about eight minutes.

[@j.griffin]

Gizensha Fox Didn’t you mean “Treknobabble” ?

[@Zorro9129]

And they also broke continuity by having TOS or even later technology in the mid-22nd century. Having a transporter that can already move living things (one that could be used for cargo would be alright) just bugs me.

[@kaitlyn__L]

@@Zorro9129 they already had transporters, phasers, artificial gravity, decent warp drives, subspace radio. Then they had characters talk about a much more interesting time a decade or two earlier, without all that stuff, when going into space at all was really difficult.

[@OsirisLord]

Much in the same way Voyager moving to the Delta Quadrant to force the writers to come up with new stuff resulted in 7 more seasons of TNG stuff with a different crew, Enterprise's decision to get rid of technology to reduce dependence on technobabble just resulted in technobabble that was applied to this new "old" tech. Let's take hull plating. The NX-01 doesn't have traditional Star Trek shields, it just as a ceramic-alloy hull that's further strengthened be electrical currents, a real world technology. However instead of writing with this new technology in mind hull plating is treated exactly like shields and thus we get the nonsensical phrase they used over and over again: "Hull plating offline."

[@Stephen-Fox]

@@OsirisLord Voyager is more annoying for it's missed potential for me, since they gave us about one episode (sometimes a two parter) a season where they were writing it as an isolated ship without easy access to resources... And aside from that the closest we typically got was "There's coffee in that nebula." motivations for... Basically TNG episodes. Enterprise... Rarely managed to pull that off, so it didn't keep reminding me of what the show should have been doing.

[@ecojosh1]

I like to think that Star Trek Enterprise is actually a holodeck program written by someone who hates the Federation.

[@modelmajorpita]

It actually was a holodeck program canonically! In the season finale, it ends with Riker shutting down the "historical documentary" program he was running and walking out of the holodeck.

[@handsomebrick]

Maybe Barclay and holo-Moriarty were messing with the computer again.

[@joshuas.169]

Only we don't know if any of it actually occurred! Maybe STD will be given the same treatment.

[@gwenc1371]

I like to imagine the entire series, not just the finale, was a poorly written holodeck program written by Tom Paris post-Voyager and maybe with contributions from Barclay.

[@Nostripe361]

So this is the star trek version of Micheal Bay historical movie. But this does make me want to see some weird thing where a time rift happens and this whole holoplay somehow falls back in time to when the people and ship its based on exist so I can see their reactions to it. To be fair though I do think the idea had potential and some of the later episodes (after new people were brought in the fix it) were decent or good like the in a mirror darkly episode. But the first two seasons are pretty much irredeemable

[@bentonmarcum8509]

The problem with Enterprise is they put a guy in charge that openly held Star Trek in contempt.

[@lidoeg2]

I actually really love Enterprise's 4th season but yeah, season 1 & most of season 2 are pretty unbearable, it is a little funny them trying to pitch Enterprise as "adult Star Trek" when the original series was considered super adult. We forget this now but TOS came out when stuff like casual & premarital sex were counter-cultural ideas so having Kirk as a free love in space guy was considered super risque at the time & part of how they got away with stuff like their Vietnam episode

[@MontyPythonFanatic2]

Remember... whether you're watching the original continuity or the reboot films, this episode is canon. Not even time traveling Romulans can erase this nightmare.

[@chrissonofpear1384]

Arrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[@kenetickups6146]

even at it's worst enterprise was better than jar jar trek

[@L1z43vr]

@@kenetickups6146 No it wasn’t. At least in JJTrek, the characters were likeable and actually made me believe that they were who they were if the circumstances were different, here it’s just jackasses in space who get pissy every time they find a race that has a different culture which conflicts with their own. They did get a lot better in seasons 3 and 4, but the finale is what really screwed them over, those are the voyages is a bad, bad episode in the series that surpasses this one.

[@Edax_Royeaux]

@@L1z43vr You really find Scotty killing Admiral Archer's Beagle to be likable?

[@L1z43vr]

@@Edax_Royeaux When did they say he killed Porthos? As far as I’m concerned, the only line Scotty said was that he tried to transport Porthos somewhere else and he didn’t materialize yet, and in the novelization he really did reappear. Unless you consider getting stuck in a transporter bubble to be dying, in which case Scotty is also dead.

[@godzillasaurbuttersworth3176]

Dude, I've been watching you recap this shit on Tumblr and I thought THAT was bad Holy shit, I had no idea What the fuck is this show?!

[@Rocketboy1313]

One that should not be watched.

[@BronzeBoy520]

Godzillasaur Buttersworth The worst Star Trek show. A show so bad, the second worst episode of the series is where they commit genocide.

[@lizzychrome7630]

The "Phantom Menace" of "Star Trek."

[@nOT_sURE08]

Jesus, it's like they gave the A and B story to one character.

[@dennett316]

I really, really would like to see a Charmed-style breakdown of Enterprise...this was but a mere taste, and I want MORE!

[@kimberly6663]

Hell yes. It would probably be really hard to balance that with her Baywatching series and her normal Movie Nights series but....I just really want it. It would heal my Trekkie heart to see her skewer this bullshit show.

[@Endar0]

Look up SFDebris. He's looked at a lot of episodes for Enterprise.

[@markuscriticus8278]

Well, that and then there was that episode they went to sex planet.

[@cloudstrife532220]

Star Trekking?

[@griffinclements3908]

Hey at least captain Archer has faith of the heart

[@aarongreenfield9038]

At least we got to see Seth MacFarlane in a role he always wanted, pre Orville!

[@kyan3022]

O.... M.... G... HOW DID I NOT KNOW HE WAS IN THIS?!? AND I ONLY RECENTLY REALISED JOHN BILLINGSLEY WAS IN TRUE BLOOD!

[@daveroche6522]

I love Family Guy but MacFarlane was going pre-Musk Musk by then - what with his ego beginning to supersede his actual talent [not good].....

[@Liesmith424]

Excuse you, Allison, Archer isn't a "space racist". He's a space xenophobe.

[@robertmorris8997]

The "In a Mirror, Darkly" episodes were excellent.

[@TheHeretic2011]

They were good, and answered Scotty's question of "Heaven knows where it sent the Defiant".

[@SamaritanPrime]

@@TheHeretic2011 The answer was: "Hell. The Defiant was sent into Hell."

[@mattwales2734]

I've been binge watching on Netflix. I chalked up the dumb decisions to rookie mistakes, but maybe the rookie mistakes are of the writers.

[@iain9757]

“I’m not a Trekkie” HOW TIMES HAVE CHANGED!!!!

[@Koldeman]

This is the "Spock's Brain" episode of Berman-era Trek. I mean, this goes beyond Janeway & Paris turning into lizards and spawning, it is PURE TURD!

[@Cardianist]

Is this sarcasm? I hope it's sarcasm. I just came here to say that nothing in Enterprise is as bad as Paneway-Lizarding.

[@subraxas]

You cannot be serious?

[@daveroche6522]

"PURE TURD" - the latest iffy alien ambassador/captain/diplomat they encounter. Hoshi mistranslates it as "GOLDEN SHOWER", resulting in extremely boring consequences.....

[@jennysmith9134]

Ah yes, Threshold, another cannon ep that most of us choose not to acknowledge. (But I love VOY)

[@JanetDax]

Ironically. The subject of a ship's captain's need for companionship is something that could make a good story. Who knows? Maybe that is why starships really have holidecks.

[@standinstann]

"Mabey women do randomly lose their shirts durring important missions" - My new favorite quote from the internet.

[@titusmccarthy]

Maybe?

[@Spike-Prime]

I really wish Rick Berman had been kicked out after Voyager. They really needed fresh talent to run this show, not the same jackass who'd strangled the life out of the franchise for the previous decade. When he took a step back and let talented writers do their thing for season 3, and was replaced by Manny Coto in season 4, the show kinda got good (mostly). At least, it stopped being that juvenile garbage it was in S1 & 2.

[@samanthamclaren6821]

My dad was a big Trekkie and tried to watch Enterprise, and I joined him for a while because I was a Quantum Leap fan and loved Scott Bakula. Oh boy did we try. I think I made it about... 5 episodes. My dad hung in there for maybe another 2 or 3. Then we quietly acknowledged never to speak of it again. It was for the best.

[@Dargonhuman]

I slogged through it on Netflix recently. I have never been more bored with something calling itself Star Trek in all my life. Discovery is trash, sure, but Enterprise is just boring.

[@ElWarto93]

Don't you mean for the breast? (Yeah, I'm three years too late for that joke, so what?)

[@KhaosAdmiral]

@@Dargonhuman I will concede that at least the second half is better.

[@angelmarie2281]

I like how UPN did the promo like it was quazy hijinks on the Starship Enterprise.

[@angelmarie2281]

OtakuboyT Voyager was on UPN as well right?

[@Endar0]

Yes. In fact it was the first show on UPN.

[@angelmarie2281]

Endar0 That explains a lot...

[@Endar0]

And I know that most of the people who made decisions on Voyager worked on Enterprise.

[@angelmarie2281]

Endar0 It's nice to know UPN is where it is because they were trying to be hip for the sake of being hip. To me, UPN didn't know what it wanted to be like MyNetworkTV after it. As far as Star Trek, I hope Discovery does better but it being on CBS All Access worries me because their first two original shows on there are that and The Good Wife spinoff.

[@ranchoth]

I think Archer was an even worse captain than some of the guest character captains on TOS who went insane after losing their crews. I mean, at least those guys apparently were good captains UNTIL then. And many or most of them didn't even attempt genocide. Hell, technically, the Federation scientist who *literally re-established the Third Reich* on an alien planet wasn't TRYING to start a genocide...it just, y'know, kinda got away from him.

[@MoonShadowWolfe]

Oh, Enterprise. I remember being 4 and my family hate-watching it around me to yell at the captain. I remember basically all the other characters being fine, though. Haven't thought about it ... pretty much since then.

[@lizzychrome7630]

I'm...honestly jealous of your memory. I was unfortunately old enough to feel the full force of this prequel's awfulness. And remember that it came out right after the "Star Wars" prequels had gotten into full swing. You don't know what a nerd went through at that time.

[@CHMagIIIVFX]

The line "your dog's life depends on it" gets me every time 😂🤣😂

[@Shiirow]

Yeah Enterprise was pretty shit in the beginning, it started to get its footing and late blossom then it was cancelled. The End.

[@modelmajorpita]

That was how I used to describe it as well. Then I tried rewatching it last year, and couldn't get through the final season because it absolutely was worse than the one before it. The show should have ended as soon as the time war did, everything after that was boring and pointless.

[@RyanPerfect]

This episode aired exactly 20 years ago to the day, when I turned 15, in 2002. And of course, every major birthday in my life, was/is destined to be THE WORST DAYS of my LIFE! To quote Vince McMahon "Life's a b, and then, you Die!" True Story! More than you Know!

[@TheDawnofVanlife]

You feel bad for Scott Bakula but poor Jolene Blalock, who was excited to play a Vulcan in a serious way was played for ‘sex symbol’ instead.

[@Tareltonlives]

They basically thought it was the fanservice that made 7 of 9 popular rather than her backstory and regaining of humanity. "We just need another sexy unemotional lady in a catsuit!"

[@mrkattm]

I liked Star trek Enterprise, it was my second favorite of the franchise although that episode was a little weak.

[@gorillaau]

It never gelled with me. I felt that the prequel was boring. Farewell Star Trek

[@mastermarkus5307]

Okay, so they put Porthos in a bacta tank? THAT'S THE WRONG "STAR" THING!

[@handsomebrick]

They increasingly leaned in that direction as the show progressed.

[@mitchg7809]

If TNG'S Sub Rosa didn't end Star Trek then this certainly didn't

[@handsomebrick]

It kinda did though.

[@ELEKTROSKANSEN]

@@handsomebrick no, Nemesis did

[@daveroche6522]

I certainly wouldn't object to being sub Beverly.....

[@optillian4182]

@@daveroche6522 She's mommy.

[@paulhibbert]

I Love Enterprise, but this was some funny shit, and I have to unfortunately admit bang on the money throughout. Thankfully I can forgive Scott Bakula anything and suspend my disbelief in even the most nonsensical of scenarios as long as it's Star Trek. They did the breast they could.

[@BR0KK85]

This series wasn't that bad. Likable at least it didn't give you an STD ..... Rights when it got good they killed it off.

[@jayphoenix3756]

It’s a little known fact that, among intergalactic civilisations, chainsaws are a key developmental milestone. It turns out that all sentient species discover the chainsaw a few decades before they invent their first nuclear weapons and, by extension, nuclear warfare. It is for this reason that the humble chainsaw has become symbolic across the galaxy as a kind of harbinger of impending doom.

[@HusbandofLois]

Weirdly enough, this kind of perfectly cements Archer as a bridge between humans today and the evolved better humans of The Next Generation. Sure he's better than we are most of the time, but all it takes is something upsetting like this to push him right back to our level. That's definitely not to say this is a good episode, it really isn't. I watched it on a train and this really attractive girl next to me looked over at the exact moment Dr Phlox was combing his tongue. I still shiver with embarassment

[@daveroche6522]

0:35 Reeds reaction to seeing a topless Hoshi NEVER strikes as real - a real - real - response (ok, mine) would be "Yes, very nice but you COULD buy me dinner first. Excuse me while I slobber appropriately".

[@monkeytime9851]

LMAO I lost interest in Trek midway through Voyager, but I had no idea it got THIS bad. I did LOVE TNG and DS9.

[@neildennis7294]

The Dr. Crusher and the candle ghost/alien thing was still worse than this.

[@deceptiwave2936]

Man I hope the caber toss is still on. You going?

[@Tareltonlives]

DINNAE LIT THA CAHNDLE!

[@deegleffler4887]

I have been WAITING FOR THIS since the liveblog. This show was such a nightmare. I watched it when I was pretty young and I just remember I hated the show but loved the dog.

[@johntabler349]

Enterprise made the basic mistake of suggesting that the Original Star Trek needed fixed rather than built upon, this began as early as TNG, though for the most part the first three spin-offs were respectful, there were certain irksome points where they messed with canon and character it got worse in Enterprise when they felt the story of the founding of the Federation and the first Romulun war weren't interesting enough and they had to add a temporal cold war as the main plot of course it all blew up in nuTrek where they never miss a chance to wreck Canon and demolish decades of character development

[@Narsil900]

Still better than Star Trek Discovery.

[@TheHeretic2011]

A root canal is better that the STD CBS gave us.

[@handsomebrick]

Is it though?

[@171QA]

Wow. This was a pretty bad episode.

[@s.l.2227]

Why am I only finding this channel now??? 🤣🤣🤣

[@NightridewithNikki]

Wanna know what would have made this episode better, Groppler Zorn.

[@michaelbeary]

7:17 I actually thought this was a funny montage the youtuber put together to mock this episode.

[@paulking7331]

What is amazing is that the dog is mentioned in the Star Trek reboot. All the things the reboot killed and Enterprise and it's dog survive.

[@battlesheep2552]

Can’t be the same dog, he’d be a hundred years old

[@TheTuubster]

2:15 The decontamination chamber sequences did hurt the show. Because they made me literally laugh in disbelieve. And because I found them so unintentionally funny, I lost a little respect for the writers, because I thought: Do they really think I am such an idiot watching the show?

[@dunes8817]

The parts with Porthos in the box are just begging for a Wrath of Khan joke.

[@Endar0]

"Archer,,, I have been and always will be ... your dog"

[@lukeb247]

Still a better Khan remake than into darkness

[@Jokie155]

And better than Generations, and First Contact, and Nemesis... All attempts to redo the formula of Wrath of Khan. Yeah, I don't like First Contact at all! It's only the least terrible of the TNG films. Also, consider that Picard taking the Enterprise-E back in time spawned a second timeline that caused Enterprise the show to happen in a way that doesn't break continuity at all. Thanks First Contact.

[@PassiveSmoking]

Naaah, this is stupid and cringe inducing, but it's not the worst Enterprise episode. The worst Enterprise episode is Dear Doctor. You know, the one where the good guys let an entire species die out for science!

[@chrissonofpear1384]

And for a semi-religious take on evolution as being 'destined'...

[@Conumbra]

Trained Diplomat Captain Archer sounds like Donald Trump in space.

[@bellspeppers]

Archer is still more likable

[@Liesmith424]

Challenge mode: Scott Bakula reads Trump quotes and makes them charming.

[@ElOchentero]

Only without the pussy grabbing... I think

[@montgomerywolf3434]

Trump bs didn't take long...SMH!

[@hariman7727]

It should have been one of the bridge crew, and it should have been some pollen that the character was unexpectedly allergic to with the crime being part of them falling down/getting sick in the sacred grove, AND it should have skipped the stupid Archer/T'Pol romance BS. That MIGHT have made it work, instead of Archer going nuts because he took his dog where he shouldn't have.

[@HannibalReborn]

I was "meh" about this episode as a kid. As an adult I'm aghast that Archer was the representative of the whole damn human race to dozens of species in the Alpha Quadrant.

[@user-lb9xw4xf2q]

I suspect the creators of FX animated show Archer got their idea to name their sex-crazed, insensitive, man-child character after this Archer. (Last name anyway)

[@duozero00]

The last 2 seasons feel like a much better show if it had started out like that then it might have been a different story.

[@1TheNews]

LOL! Crazy beginning to the episode! You take a dog to a diplomatic visit with people who are easily offended?! That's hilarious!

[@lizzychrome7630]

Now that I'm into Quantum Leap, I am convinced this is all Al's fault. Sam could've handled this Leap pretty decently with a navy admiral's advice, but every time he needed Al the most, the hologram was in the Enterprise's Decontamination Chamber, mesmerized. On the one occasion Al finally did come out and try telling Sam what to say, he got distracted again, and accidentally told Sam to say "I'm doing the breast I can" and "send me your lips." And Ziggy says this Leap is responsible for all the plot holes in the entire "Star Trek" timeline.

[@sir1thomas1]

The breast/best joke they tried is on the level of an Austin Powers joke lol. Sorry Rick Burman, wrong franchise.

[@jameshandshoe]

Ugh, that theme song, I'd forgotten how the opening alone would put me in a weird mood before the episodes, and potentially ruined them for me.

[@prismpyre7653]

you said "lowest on the totem pole" but actually in many cultures that use them, that is the position of *greatest* importance it is a Eurocentric bias to assume that top = best which led to some funny misunderstandings when certain tribes made totems to represent white people and stuck them on the top of the pole....

[@Endar0]

Watch SFDebris video on this episode.

[@vallraffs]

Or any other, they're all good. Basics, is one of my favourites.

[@JLE8811]

Praise be SFDebris

[@WTSD850]

you know now that you mention it I'm glad they eventually did the episode where archer realised he was being literally the worst captain star trek history

[@DarthArachnious]

Ironically T'pol and 7 of 9 were added for sex appeal and they're the most interesting characters on their shows. The writers had a weird thaw the ice queen fetishist.

[@jaywingate187]

Huh, i never noticed that but...you have a point.

[@Dancestar1981]

JasCotton no 7 just wasn’t interesting only maybe for a certain demographic

[@darktimesatrockymountainhi4046]

I'm trying the breast I can to appreciate your disdain for "Enterprise."

[@aliciapearson3120]

"Space Jizz..." Oh man... I remember this ep. It cracked me up.

[@Mattfromthepast]

I had been watching Star Trek every week since TNG came on the air when this episode aired, it was so bad I stopped watching and never looked back. Star Trek was my favorite show at the time and this killed it for me. What a load of hot garbage.