The Existential Horror of Making Content About Content

[@allisonsinclair-jones4424]

oh I didn't realise you were trans I thought you were just canadian

[@crystallakatos652]

Celeste moment

[@novared7]

Canadian trans woman here This comment made my day

[@cybercrasherstv]

When you work with Sarah Z, you eventually have that Canadian pronunciation battered into you

[@ItoHiyori]

Just be happy it’s the Canadian not accent and not the EAST Canadian accent. No one can understand newfies.

[@GroovyWill]

I watched the Demo Reel video, then another unrelated Lady Emily video, then the AVGN video, and have only now, when she mentions "I'm trans af", learned she's trans. I hope I'm not commenting anything inappropriate by saying this, but because I know passing is important to a lot of people, I thought it might be appreciated to say that I didn't notice, and that's pretty cool. Good for Emily.

[@AdequateEmily]

Emily, while you may have stolen my name, burnt my crops, and jumped me in subscribers...I do want you to know that as a friend I care about you and want you to know that as much as I enjoy your videos, I enjoy them because they come from you and because you're passionate about them. And working within those bounds should mean you being happy as well. Take your time, take care of yourself...and I'll be here no matter what.

[@alisaurus4224]

Emilarian solidarity is so beautiful

[@joearnold6881]

¡Viva Las Emilistas!

[@kieranhair7892]

I'm sure this is a really sweet comment, but I can't seem to stop coming back to "burnt my crops."

[@minmatenx]

Now that's some etiquette

[@vyr1316]

@@joearnold6881 BASED

[@momamario]

You wanna talk about the *real* existential horror: Lady Emily, as a film student, blew up because she made a youtube video analyzing nostalgic media, which in this case was a series of youtube videos that analyze nostalgic media created primarily by film students. If somebody ever critiques her, the matrix will be real.

[@fixedfunshow]

People also misunderstood the video, I think people got more like "OMG, Emily is roasting Doug LULZ PWNED"

[@Megaritz]

Emily remembers the guy who remembers so I don't have to so I don't have to.

[@lucyinchat]

Soon.

[@CiceroMagnus]

I just find it depressing.

[@noizepusher7594]

In ten years…. I will take up the mantle and criticize her after watching her in the past This will thus create a situation where I criticize Emily based on my nostalgia, who criticized the nostalgia critic based on her nostalgia, who criticized old movies based on his nostalgia.

[@Monroah]

"This video is like a gay pendulum, always hanging over me until it's ready to come out," is one hell of a line and knocked me the fuck out.

[@cjthex]

I think a LOT of KZbin video essayist burnout is as a result of people wanting to make KZbin videos and have them be seen without knowing exactly *why*. Ad sense, analytics, and a casual passive audience will simply demand you do more of what previously succeeded. It conditions you to want to output more, again, soon, and something you know people want to see. But numbers are not indicative of success, the reach of a formula doesn't mean it ought to be repeated, and following these simple reward and punishment automations will make your heart hurt and get you in a position you feel far more slave to your audience than any healthy connection to them. You made your Dollar Store vid after your Demo Reel vid for the same reason I did a stupid weird lo fi video about memes and Dawkins after my Bo Burnham Transhumanism video. I had to break the expectation that I am here to make big giant high effort videos that blow up, and to assert that I am actually a weird little thing that will simply be myself in various locations, and I expect people to show up for me, not the subject matter. I do this because I am able to make people laugh and the way I think appears valuable to them. I want to give that (and hopefully increase general media literacy like you do yourself), and in exchange I allow corporations to advertise to them and I make money off that, as well as donations through Patreon, Paypal, and occasional livestreams. This is what I do, and if I don't remember that I'll end up neck deep in making something I think people will like cause I need people to like it and I need to make something and I get money if people like the thing and suddenly: I'm making a KZbin video, I don't know why, I'm miserable, I'm overexerted, I have no sense of self or clarity of intention. "Being a KZbinr" is not really the dream, it's a mask that your dream can wear. I fuck with Emily because she's smart and she's funny and she's interested in filmmaking and online media and interpreting it respectfully and seriously and so I love what she does. And that's what she does. The KZbin medium is incidental. And the passive audience gained through riding trends and caving to the pressure is Number Go Up, but it is not as good as 35 THOUSAND people who love you and what you do, short or long, popular or obscure. TL;DR you're doing the right thing, always do what feels honest and right, your integrity is a much more powerful asset to your business than a passive audience you didn't want in the first place, never look at your analytics and you're one of the best out here. & I'm sorry to hear about the personal trials, let's call and catch up sometime soon. xoxoxo

[@timisontube]

❤️

[@yeetlol3537]

Hi cj :D

[@emiliocalderon4135]

Hi CJ I love your content! Hope you're having a good day

[@Skarry]

My buddy, The Saucetronaut, hasn't made anything in a year because of this. He wants to make videos but has been setting up a large scale project that has brought him to the point of insanity and giving up.

[@Hannah-zj9nk]

I prefer to see the smaller creators as people talking loudly in a age of enlightenment era coffee shop (or at least my romantic image of that)

[@laragallahue7127]

Hey Emily don’t push yourself, take your time ❤️ there’s not need for burn out

[@noviatoria2436]

+

[@AramZuckerScharff]

Yes this! ^ Be well first.

[@LadyEmilyPresents]

I know this video is different than my usual output but it was something I needed to get out there before I could do anything else. I hope you all enjoy it and I hope you’re all having a nice day.

[@oneofnone7947]

Wait what happened with cinimasicar

[@FredoRockwell]

I really enjoyed it and I really hope you have a great, stress-free time finishing the AVGN video (or making another video instead - I'll watch it whatever it is whenever you're ready). :)

[@ravendreaming3966]

I was at C2E2 2021 and Doug Walker was there. I thought about your video, as well as Folding Idea's.

[@chaosvii]

I’m having a good day already and I’m pretty confident that I can enjoy this presentation about KZbin art too :)

[@awesomereesee7841]

Hey Emmy, what was the lost conservative film you wanted to cover?

[@BonJoviBeatlesLedZep]

I have to say, the coverage of an obscure game show was what sold me on the channel 100%. And I want more of that! And also it inspired me to start work on videos about game shows as well.

[@rruhland]

I’ll come clean, I held off on the Dollar Tree video for a while. The topic just didn’t seem as interesting to me. But when I finally watched it, I was enraptured. It’s really one of your best videos. All I can say is this. Take your time, take care of yourself. You don’t owe us anything. I’m not your friend, I’m just a guy who likes your videos.

[@KetsubanSolo]

It's the Board James of Emily content: it's secretly the best content on the channel

[@JennyGeistVids]

Damn, even as a much, much smaller content creator, this video hits hard. It's so hard to balance the feeling of 'oh my god, I'm doing something that I love for a job and am getting recognition from people I've watched and admired' and 'oh my god, people now expect things from me and are forming opinions about my character.' This kind of transparency and honesty from a creator is pretty rare and I really respect that you were able to make this video, especially with how difficult your situation in particular is. I hope things pick up for you soon, and I'll be down to enjoy whatever you create whenever it's ready. ❤️

[@derekg5563]

@Jenny Geist: Of course, we could even have this wonderful learning experience when we realize the people we are critiquing are probably going through the same kinds of problems you just described, that allows the video on which you're critiquing (and from whose critiquing you're developing the aforementioned existential horror, as well as, a livelihood) to exist in the first place. It might even explain why their content isn't as good as you think it should be. Yes, AVGN's mistake was not making a video like Lady Emily's about the existential horror of making lots of videos about things; then people would have been able to vicariously experience that existential horror with him, and love his channel for allowing them to go on such an incredible journey... If only. I'm sure they wouldn't react with disgust or apathy at all; that's why so few of these content creators decided to do it! As I think the saying goes, "they wouldn't do it if it _did_ work!" Yes, sarcasm. I guess Lady Emily kind of hints at the idea that people whose content she doesn't like also might go through one or two things in their life that might be a tad, well, horrifying, though it doesn't seem to grab her attention nearly as strongly or notably as her own existential horror did, but hey, she knows whose experiences are important and whose aren't, because she just follows her instincts that she gets from her lived experience or something, and obviously to be empathetic you want to care about and understand your own experiences and extremely similar experiences of people extremely similar to you, not those of people who aren't you or aren't a part of the same clique as you. We decide not to spend energy on them, both to save emotional labor and to grow into a better person simultaneously somehow. This amazing method of developing empathy requires a big, big heart though; are you up to the task?

[@jestershark]

I don't usually watch drama videos-- the reason I've liked your Doug video so much is because I feel like you approached it with empathy. And you've brought that same empathy and intelligence to all the subjects you've looked at.

[@ZipplyZane]

FTR I really like your voice, and think it sounds good. Yes u keep the pace up, while sounding very natural. Staying high in your voice means you keep this softness in tone that works very well with your content, without ever seeming to go monotone or shrill. I find it very relaxing. And, as I've said before, the voiceover is a nice contrast, creating a clear distinction between a Lady Emily video and a Sarah Z video. It just feels like a different style of video. In other words, I like what you're doing here, and hope you keep it up.

[@howiieb]

I quite literally found you through Save to Win of all things and still fell in love. You have a talent for writing about whatever you're genuinely interested in writing about and you will have support no matter where you go - I am sure of it.

[@lieslr147]

I found your channel through the Demo Reel video and honestly the main reason I stuck around was how even-handed your take was, not bashing the creators but critiquing their content that made me get why folks find Doug Walker compelling. Always come into one of your vids knowing that I'm in for a high-quality session learning about some content I've never heard of before. Really hope things get easier soon :)

[@chaosvii]

Very much agreed on the appeal of being even-handed. I felt that her approach reflected the sort of earnestness that I expect I would do if I had to explain it to my younger brother who had never watched anything from Doug. Granted I would never dive that deep if I had the inclination, but it’s not like he’d be interested in me dunking on someone he’s never payed attention to. It kind of gets in the way of sharing the plot.

[@BonJoviBeatlesLedZep]

I think there's definitely a story with Cinemassacre. In fact, it's a massive story, I think. It's wild that it hasn't been discussed in a big essay so far.

[@KeithBallardA]

The longer I write the more it becomes weirdly stressful to be negative about anything. Not even just potential peers, but even mainstream movies and games. I know that I have a point and that to at least some extent know what I'm doing, but it never feels good enough to be fully justified. I've definitely written several sections about other KZbinrs only to crumple at the last minute and find a way to discuss the same point without acknowledging anyone. I don't know if that's a lid that'll stay shut forever. That part about working the gig is tough. People are and will say to be careful and not push yourself, and they're right to do so, but that's not always an option, is it? Most of us got to where we are today by unhealthily juggling our passion project alongside a full time job, maybe literally for years, until we either gave up or seemingly won at the impossible. But even once you've "made it" there's always the threat that the floor will just fall out from under you. All I can really say is good luck.

[@aaronmarko]

If you want a piece of advice, focus on what you are able to control and the positive outcomes of that. You can swim in the endlessly negative but only you can control the end result. So focus on that. Do not worry about the naysayers and those who are not digging deep into your soul. Because they simply cannot. You need to make what you can and disregard the rest. That isn't to say to not worry about focusing on making quality content. But to accept that you are only able to make whatever content you can. You are not able to anticipate the whims of the fickle and winds of winter. You can only make what you are able to. So do that and let the content fall where it may. If you can do better, work on it. If you can't, then so be it. Let your current experience be a learned example for next time. I'm pulling for you.

[@Milan____]

Keith - see, this is maturity that most of the people on youtube, creators and consumers, don't have. I believe the more mature you are, the more nuanced you see the world, not that it stops you from forming opinions and viewpoints, but you know it's not just "I don't like X so X is bad". However, that is the formula that's both the easiest to produce, and monetize. _The algorithm hates nuance, because it cannot parse it._

[@stevenyukabacera160]

Honestly, the Demo Reel video was fun (there's a weird draw to Doug Walker content), but it's the Dollar Tree gameshow video that won me over. People do what they must to please the algorithm, but really, focus on talking about what **you** want to talk aby.

[@cynicismIncarnate]

In regards to the personal stuff, I know I can't do anything and I can't help and you know, that sucks but also like I hope things get better and soon. Good luck w/ the AVGN video and thank you. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for being thoughtful and caring.

[@MahDryBread]

"struggling to keep up with personal life while having to put out content for financial reasons" I think most KZbinrs who've made a living doing this have been there at some point or another. I know I absolutely have. Love hearing you talk about the personal side of making videos, helps remind people that we're human.

[@bookcat123]

Honestly? "struggling to keep up with personal life while having to _______ for financial reasons" is pretty universal. We've all had times when you wish life would just pause a moment but you can never catch your breath because it doesn't and you still have to show up to work...

[@Egippy]

I enjoy your work so much and appreciate you sharing your concerns and anxieties. You discuss topics from a lens that I do not have access to. It really creates a conversation and thought process that is valuable for people.

[@IsaacMayerCreativeWorks]

I was literally just watching your other videos and wondering when the next one would come out, and this is even better than I could have hoped, it’s a video about videos about videos which is a new video cubed

[@IsaacMayerCreativeWorks]

By the way, not that it matters, but I’ve never seen or read Berserk and your video on it still brought me to tears, it was moving and beautiful. A random KZbin commenter opinion doesn’t matter whatever, of course, but I legitimately think every one of your videos so far have been damn near perfect video essays

[@LolaSebastian]

As someone who initially succeeded and way more than I anticipated because of a video on Doug Walker… oof do I ever feel this. Please take care of yourself. ❤️

[@DaRealCheeseboy]

“And you’re left with the inevitable question.” “KOHL’S HAS THE HOTTEST HOLIDAY GIFTS!” Ad breaks are fun sometimes.

[@Horatio787]

She's gonna take you back to the past, to feel old and existential.

[@leandromafe]

Emily, you're one of the most talented video essayists around. I hope you find yourself in a better place soon and look forward to watching you talk about the things that move you. Thanks for being you.

[@jordyn-laurette_is_spicy]

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through, Emily. I sympathize with the personal traumas you've been going through, and I empathize with the struggles you've been having confronting KZbin fame and what consequences it has. I know us as an audience only get to see you through the lens of your videos, but you most certainly come across as genuine and kind, and I've never seen you as attacking the creators you discuss. Just dissecting their art in a nuanced way. As a big fan of yours, I want you to be able to create what makes you feel happy and artistically fulfilled. I know that myself and many of your fans are here for you no matter what direction your videos go to. Not to be parasocial, but we care about you, Emily. We want you to be happy

[@KevinWeirG2]

What I've found enjoyable about your work (both with Sarah Z and here) is your ability to take topics that I have never heard of or thought about and present them in ways that make me not only understand, but empathize, with niche internet nonsense. It's small thoughts talked about with big words. Not small as simple, but small as something many would look over or find inconsequential. It's beauty within tiny universes.

[@MoeNinjaCat]

I dont create content, but I am friends with many who do so as a living and they all have confided that basically creating content is hell on your mental health. You are constantly force to drive for bigger numbers and constant output. It's a constant stress and while they adore what they do, its a struggle to not stretch yourself thin. I just hope at the end of the day that you're happy doing this.

[@alyssagaines5538]

I know it was a super brief mention in the video but I would love to see a Phantom of the Paradise video from you! Such an underrated film and I know you could do a great job! Between your work with Sarah Z and now watching your own videos, you have a style of analysis with a very subtle and deft touch that I really enjoy!

[@karamarakamarama]

Everybody seems to get caught in James Rolfe’s “the abyss stares back at you” trap as of late

[@ratgirlemily6160]

Your voice is definitely good enough to do voice over!

[@kaelmic7476]

Fwiw i subscribed because of your writing and editing, not because of the man in the red tie. Im excited to see videos you want to make. Looking forward to the avgn vid!

[@witchywoman2008]

I can relate to this so much. When you’re a creative person, not being able to create is soul destroying. And when you’re already struggling emotionally, it just makes it all worse. Even more so when it affects your income. You’re not alone, Emily. So many of us know how it feels. Don’t worry about us waiting for content, we’ll always be here ❤️

[@daedula7457]

Honestly i think you're fun and interesting enough for me to listen to you talk about whatever you want. Your berserk video was one of the best i've seen on the topic

[@socktopus4399]

This was a small part of the script, but I absolutely love your voice, you have a lovely tone that I have no issues spending hours listening to. And as always, I'll be here for probably every video

[@iamjustkiwi]

I personally come to this channel for the way YOU get into things, not what it is about. You have a serious knack for making things I'd have never considered looking into fascinating. I'll definitely be here to watch whatever you put out, whenever YOU are ready to put it out, be it tomorrow or a year from now.

[@baileygeorge5984]

I've been here since the Save to Win video and I have to say one of my favorite things about your videos and your writing, on this channel as well as Sarah, is your ability to take subjects that I otherwise would not be that invested in and finding a way to make me watch feature length videos and not just enjoy them, but be enraptured by their subjects. A lot of video essays can be trite and long winded but I never feel that way about projects you are involved with. This channel is a gem and I respect your craft.

[@lewa3910]

That dollarstore gameshow video is so underrated. Also wait you've also been dealing with a stalker during all that bullsh1t!? Seriously sorry for your situation and hope it gets better.

[@angelthingjenny]

I appreciate the candid nature of this explanation, and honestly I almost want to say that I'm sorry for the way the internet has pushed its influence on the content you create, even though that apology is functionally worthless. I've honestly been really interested in the way you examine strange fringe bits of media (frankly, the save to win video is honestly one of my favorites of yours), especially because as much as it doesn't seem like it matters, seeing a visibly trans creator in this space feels a lot more comfortable and more interesting to listen to, and it's a shame that you've felt that invisible hand pushing you in directions you didn't originally intend. I'm thankful you've at least found a thread you're interested in in the AVGN video, and as someone who was online in a very similar timeframe to you but never once watched him, I'm interested in seeing your thoughts. It'd be like a window into something happening at the same time as me watching Nostalgia Critic and JonTron way back when, but that I was totally unaware of. I realize you don't need strangers on the internet telling you this, but I really hope that you can continue to find that balance of "things that you are happy to cover that also drive numbers enough to make money" and that you're able to take time to exist as a person in the interim. Stay safe.

[@Lovuschka]

Empathy never is functionally worthless.

[@bigbrownhouse6999]

20:52 I was not ready for that nostalgia hit

[@ElHuracanMartinez]

Hey there, it seems you went through several issues while making this vídeo. From which I am convinced that you were born to do this. Cheer up!

[@robotrain1607]

I'm looking forward to the _AVGN_ video. I remember a lot of KZbin creators citing _The Angry Video Game Nerd_ as a huge inspiration, but the series itself was a little before my time. Based on what little I've actually seen, I'll admit I've always had a fairly uncharitable impression of it. Even today, a part of me can't help but regard _AVGN_ as "that thing people watched because they didn't have anything better to watch yet." I'm glad I'm going to get more context about the series' footprint on KZbin culture, and maybe have some of my preconceived notions challenged.

[@IrisCorven]

As someone who was right there for the start of TGWTG and AVGN?... You nailed it. It felt like the funniest shit we'd ever seen, and then years later I tried rewatching it only to realize a lot of it was only funny cause nothing better than it had hit yet.

[@IrisCorven]

@@diydylana3151 I can agree. I think I mean more the later half of his work, like the episode 80 onward phase. His early stuff is still amazing, to be honest. But some of it got kinda routine, at a certain point.

[@breawycker]

I came to you from Sarah Z and I really like the work you're doing. As a trans girl myself, it's really nice to see someone like me working with a well know creator and especially making her own content. I really have enjoyed all the videos you've made and I'm very excited to see this new one but self care should always come first! (P.S. love your voice) ❤️

[@lewa3910]

That comment on the spoonyexperiment is much needed

[@travishughes7221]

James in the early years was making very good content. I hope that's brought up, how he changed the KZbin landscape, that Doug Walker wouldn't really have been nearly as popular without James. James was a hero of mine for a long time, he talked about things that no one else did at the time with such passion. Growing up watching him since 06 - 07 his old content means a lot to me.

[@Cranster18]

I’m so sorry you went through ALL of that that in 2021! You deserve support and respect and I really hope things get better (and warmer). The fact that you’re this reflective means you’re already twelve steps ahead of the game as far content creation is concerned, so take it easy on yourself because you have nothing to prove!

[@DalekTheSupreme]

I'm sorry for everything you've been put through this past year. I hope things get better for you.

[@lalaunascope]

I was one of the ones who subscribed after watching the Demo Reel video. It was so thoughtful, well-written, and full of empathy that I instantly subscribed because I wanted to see what you were going to do next. I hope that things turn around for you, and thank you for the videos (particularly the Berserk one which really touched me).

[@Lasershark666]

I like how fast you talk, means I don’t have to watch in 2x speed lol

[@shytendeakatamanoir9740]

I can watch them at 0.5x and enjoy them for twice as long.

[@FrozenskinHeniz]

i absolutely lov your videos, the way you narrate, your voice, your scripts, the amount of passion you pour in the stuff you make... but keep care, last 2 years have being very shitty and pretty much everyone at some extent have been watching the abyss. It's understandable, really, please take care

[@sanayaforbes7329]

You are such an insanely talented writer/analyzer and I will legitimately watch whatever you put out, no matter how obscure or weird, and no matter how much time passes in between videos. Also, I love you voice - the cadence, speed, emotion - all of it are very soothing to listen to.

[@LettaLeeJoy]

I want you to know that you really earned my respect with this one. (For whatever that's worth) It takes a lot of integrity to decide on this approach given your specific success. And it shows that you really care about the content first, which I appreciate. Wishing you the best. I'm gonna be here wherever the channel goes next.

[@WriteAnotherLetter]

Your Save to Win video was lovely and got me to subscribe! You have a really honest way of speaking and a fair way of delivering critique.

[@ZukoPrince]

I have goosebumps from this video, you are one of the most talented people on this platform, and I wish you nothing less that the best things. Be strong, be proud.

[@JackedThor-so]

I'm watching this on the day your AVGN video came out and, as someone who has tried making videos essays on an alt account, I relate to everything you've said so hard.

[@Airoehead]

I'm at the summary of all the horrible things that managed to happen at the same time in December, this is heartcrushing.. Emily if you're reading this I really hope you found relief with the people you love, I'm so sorry

[@Airoehead]

oh also I want you to see my favorite AVGN derived videos LOL I hope this takes the edge off these still make me laugh kzbin.info/www/bejne/f6ibqKh7qtx8Z6s

[@eleanorking2971]

For what it’s worth, I enjoy your writing style and perspective, so you can do a video on whatever you want and I’ll check it out.

[@Shinigami13133]

I absolutely resonate with the feeling of falling apart that you've experienced over the last year, I myself happen to be somewhere along the upswing of my own downward spiral. You're not alone, take as much time as you need to get yourself back on your feet and back into the ring.

[@DestinyTrioInc]

There are still times when I wonder what pursuing "content" creation - and this is a real honest break down of the anxiety of being perceived. I followed you not because you're a friend/collaborator of someone famous. Not because you have almost 36K followers, not because you threw rocks at a goliath, but because your media analysis, your ability to grab all the external and internal factors and find their roots and talk about themes and meaning was so fucking punch to the gut. You're a great essayist, thank you for your work! I'm sorry you've been going through so much rough stuff in 2021, and I hope 2022 is kinder to you, you deserve it.

[@JasonBeam7]

Thank you so much for all your hard work, Emily. We don’t know each other but your videos help me in tough times and your Demo Reel video found me in one of the hardest periods of my life and I watched it at least 200 times. I greatly appreciate you doing what you do. I’ve loved all your videos and enjoyed each topic you’ve tackled and your approach. Please know that your work is appreciated.

[@CannonRaw]

Having seen this after watching your cinemassacre video. I do recognize that your aversion of sounding like a Rita Skeeter type personality. My initial reaction is a analysis of how KZbin or even online video content has changed. Near the end your video you mentioned how categorizing your videos in a easy to access method is needed. You can see this with screen rant and pitch meetings. They created a separate channel to focus on to revamp the main channel. Have a good day. From someone who listened to 2.5 hours of video essay you created.

[@5thkiechannel]

Sometimes when you stare at the abyss, the abyss says “like and subscribe and dont forget to hit the bell”

[@Sly88Frye]

Well I'm really glad that you decided to upload that 2 hour video about AVGN because that show up in my recommendations obviously based on the fact that I watch AVGN and maybe even having to do with that hilarious series called AVGN versus time, but clearly that epgn video is your best performing one yet and well I'm glad it is because it's really well made. Not that your other videos aren't well made they are all really well made. Also I don't know if the view counts you have on that demo reel review you upload would be considered viral if hasn't hit 1 million views. I mean obviously it's a huge amount of views as well though, but anyway your channel seems to be doing really well now especially after the AVGN video.

[@EnbyNomad]

I was today years old when I realized i'd been enjoying your content since before I knew you were the emily from Sarah's vids. Much love! Also your voice is perfect for voice over, calm but with a lot of emotion conveyed.

[@CrimesTimeLive]

I'm sorry to hear you've been going through such a hard time. I sincerely hope 2022 is kinder to you. For what it's worth- for someone who also grew up online, the videos you and Sarah Z make about internet culture are a real treasure. It's so rare to see nuanced video essays on these topics. To me none of them ever felt like you were doing it out of malice or in any sort of takedown. It really meant the world to me to see someone view these things through a lens of more than just "Doug cringe", because to me boiling down something that was once so important to me to "just cringe" feels dishonest. You dissected the work from the point of view of actual media analysis which was so important to me. Your Demo Reel video is on my comfort video essay tier and it's actually one of the things that got me through my own impossibly difficult 2021. From there I've just really enjoyed your content. The internet culture breakdowns are my favorite, but I've enjoyed all of it. I definitely understand the existential aspect, but for what it's worth, I hopew you know myself and a lot of other people see so much kindness, honesty and value in your work. You've done well and I'm patiently awaiting where you go to from here- but no rush! Please take care of yourself.

[@FillyCheeseSteak]

My day be going bad, then boom, Emily uploads

[@Entertained45]

The AVGN episode was my intro to your channel. You did a great job covering everything a fan would feel, so much so there are too many great points to single any one out. My favorite episode was also the accessory one.

[@OMGCROW]

I'll be honest, you've been one of the creators that had inspired me a lot. Just because right out of the gate, with your first upload, you made one of the most succinct, interesting video essay, about a topic I didn't have any interest in (I've never been into Nostalgia Critic). So thank you, I now have a creative itch to explore things that may go overlooked.

[@nebufabu]

The amount of "whew" I made when I learned what the backlash had been about is immeasurable... But yea, it is really interesting topic and I'm looking forward to the 2 hours of you talking about it in your (absolutely perfect) voice.

[@kostajovanovic3711]

Oh,

[@rudito22]

7:42 oh no, there are way too many jokes in this frame In all seriousness, the videos on this channel have all been fantastic in one way or another, and I am glad that you are looking out for yourself instead of just pushing out content into the world without any second thought.

[@IsiahTomas]

I haven't finished watching your video yet, but I'm already captivated. There's been something I've been working on for the last few years that's a passion project for me and also what helped distract from the stress in my life. Long story short, it and almost all my outlets have failed to accomplish that in recent events, and I'm in a state of flux, confusion while trying to manage it all. The best of luck to you and I hope your journey is smoother than mine.

[@SebLeCaribou]

Nothing could make me happier than Sophie from Mars talking about Resident Evil, except you talking about AVGN. This is going to be great!

[@ItsGregKon]

I'm really looking forward to your Cinemassacre video, as someone who grew up with that channel and is now a creator. Thanks for being so honest in this one, hope it gets easier.

[@awesomenessbee]

FWIW I only found your channel recently (though Demo Reel wasn't the first I watched), and I'm watching because from what I've seen so far I think you've done cool inspections of things and it gives me new ideas and new info and new perspectives. I'm perfectly happy to not have negative bashy content! Make content that makes you happy and take as long as you need to do it!

[@400PlusFilms]

Very excited for the upcoming video. I appreciate you being open about your struggles since reaching KZbin "fame" but, as I'm sure many others will tell you, never be afraid to put yourself and your own health first.

[@TheRedCap30]

As a small KZbinr I haven't experienced the extent of what you have been going through but I can relate. I have so many video projects/scripts that have been half baked and unfinished. My channel has a lot of tonal whiplash since there are some days I want to post a meme for fun and other days I want to be vulnerable and express my opinion on something that is important to me. Anyway its hard to say, "make videos about what you like" if its your job but always remember its your content and your channel. Some people will join, others will leave and its impossible to meet everyone's expectations at once. Take care!! Also the game show video is my favorite one on your channel. 10/10

[@TasteOfVictory]

I finally finished editing a dumb 15 minute vid I had been putting off so I can't imagine editing any part of that AVGN vid on your own. I didn't expect to finish the whole thing but it was really good and I grew up on AVGN. It really was a fascinating vid on the history of KZbin changing and didn't feel at all like a hit piece. Hope you can get some rest now.

[@mynamehappy]

James has been dear to my heart since high school, and he is the reason I own an NES. I have absolutely zero beef with him. I even sit through his spots for Express VPN or Raid Shadow Legends or whatever when I skip though them with creators I don't care about as much. Get that fucking money my guy. There would have to be a serious scandal for me to turn off James and AVGN. Him hocking a VPN or Ridge Wallet doesn't matter to me, its just the nature of content creation. You're doing good too Emily, and I like that you ended up being able to relate to the struggle of a work/life balance to what's going on with James and Cinnemassacre. Keep up the great work!

[@mourndogs]

I love your content. I think you have a unique perspective and a lovely voice. 2021 was a hard year and I'm so proud of you for making it through all that heartache.

[@norockmanfan]

i really for you. The fact that you create such good stuff while dealing with the bs is amazing. My partner of 10 years and I split 6 months ago and I started my transition journey shortly after. i have no motivation to make breakfast let alone a feature length video...

[@RykerJones28]

So I stumbled upon your videos through nebula just this morning and I haven't had chance to watch any other than your Kitchen Nightmares video and I instantly decided I has to subscribe as I enjoy your voice and how you analyse and talk about the media. I didn't really put 2 and 2 together and realise you're Sarah Zs co writer and it makes sense because I've been watching her for years. I hope 2022 is a better year for you.

[@TheStaz2049]

The struggle is real and you are not alone in it. I have had my own emotional issues get in the way of my creativity and career the last few years as well. I appreciate this video and your honesty. Out gives me hope, and I hope you have hope too

[@alexandrechoin]

youtube essayist: *months of existential dread* me: oh good something to watch while I eat

[@WarriorOwnsAll]

I'm not sure how responsive he tends to be, but you might check out Quinton Reviews. I think the sort of media analysis he tends to put out aligns with what you do, and he might be someone good to just talk to.

[@greenhowie]

He's been through a lot of shit and came out the other side better for it.

[@simongrindell8483]

"A delayed game is eventually good, a rushed game is bad forever." - Shigeru Miyamoto.

[@ladyemilynews]

This hits really close to home. Great video of course.

[@alexbenavidez4500]

Hi Emily, just want to say I've really enjoyed and appreciated the work you've always put into your own videos and Sarah Z's. They're really engaging and well written, which I know as a writer myself can be a sincere struggle to constantly churn out on a schedule on your own prerogative, let alone for multiple KZbin channels with expecting subscribers and readers I promise you should never feel guilty about needing breaks from work or topics, or just doing a subject you *want* to do, not what you feel like you *have* to do. This is your channel and regardless of the subject matter, and regardless of the views, you are entitled to make whatever content you wish at all, and it is more often than not, much better quality when you do I love passion projects and that's what got me, and likely many others, into analysis and commentary KZbinrs in the first place We want you to enjoy what you create, not to burn out and stress and struggle trying to keep up with the whims of trends and expectations of KZbin views I don't know you as a person, but as a fellow trans writer I have to say you are far, far braver than I am in how rightfully unapologetic and proud you are of being trans on this platform, as I know this is such a risk where you can become a target of hate I've only ever written for LGBT+ and trans specific platforms, and despite that being my most significant work, it's something I often end up leaving out of my portfolio simply for safety, because its just *so, so* hard to keep going when you put that target on yourself. To put yourself out there and face it as you do when doing your research and making this content is greatly appreciated. You do not owe us this work, or continuations of specific topics and subjects, but you do owe yourself some kindness to take care and do what is best for you as a person, not as a KZbin channel And this is going to sound like a very strange and minor point to add, but your name is actually my deadname and it is such a fucking relief to start associating the name with not only something else, but something positive. I used to have such a kneejerk reaction whenever I heard your name come up in Sarah Z's videos, but I'm finally disassociating that instant response when coming across it It's a messy and complex platform on KZbin alone that is constantly shifting and changing with new developments and new scandals all the time. We as people are not emotionally equipped to deal with so much going on so fast. Please just take all the time you need, and don't apologise for doing so.

[@mrflipperinvader7922]

now i just have more respect for people who sacrifice a great amount of their time to do research and make a video on a particular user or company and their controversies/downfalls, it's an emotional exhausting toll. Can't imagine how down the rabbit hole managed to do all this

[@neeply1239]

The first video of yours I watched was your Berserk video, and the moment the video ended I knew I was in love with your content. I can guarantee you that there will always be a fanbase here on KZbin willing to enjoy everything you put out there. Honestly I could watch a two hour review on the aerodynamics of a fucking potato and enjoy it as long as it's made by you. Seriously though, you're a great content creator and I hope this comment can give you at least a bit more assurance that you deserve to make what you love and not feel forced to produce the same thing over and over

[@neeply1239]

Also I want to mention that as a trans girl myself I feel incredibly happy seeing another trans person on the internet making such amazing content as yours. It's honestly inspiring to me!

[@XerxesTexasToast]

The line "random obscure ones I don't know, like who the fuck is DreamSMP" reinvigorated my will to live

[@Fallen_Angel_AA]

I really appreciate the way you approach media analysis, that's why I subscribed immediately after watching the Demo reel video, I love your videos, can't wait to see the next one.

[@scotchandhobbies5674]

I saw this video pop up on my recommended a few times, but passed over it... and then I watched the AVGN and the Doug Walker video, and finally came back to this. This was great, and so were both of those. Gonna watch the rest of your content over the next few days 😊 I love finding a new creator I enjoy watching

[@kimberlybogert7031]

I'm really sorry your going through so much right now😟please take as much time as you need.🌸🌺

[@itcouldbelupus2842]

This is a strange first choice of one if your videos to watch, but I'm glad I did. This was beautifully written and you're the type of honest and introspective person I want to be following. Looking forward to seeing you on Nebula once I get an account.

[@CrashThompson]

Is it just me or is like... every KZbinr I know (myself included) just absolutely turned to cinders from the burnout brought on by last year? It seems like, on top of the world's chaos, everyone else just got handed a bunch of their own personal shit on top of it and it came to nearly break everyone who had to deal with it. FWIW, I'm sorry to hear last year was such a nightmare for you and I hope things are mending or can get back on the mend soon. I really am enjoying the content you put out and thank you for giving us what you can to make it happen. Hope you're staying safe and healthy out there.

[@fixedfunshow]

It's the pain, "if I don't upload my channel is dead, if I'm stressed and depressed I can't work on videos, thusly I get more stressed and depressed" because YT isn't a secure job anymore.

[@riverrunpastadamandsteve]

Damn, after watching Dan Olsen’s video I guess the AVGN being so significant for what would become of youtube means that any youtube video about the AVGN ends up being a video also about the person creating the video too, neat.

[@russianbot8576]

this is why i never want to get into video essays and why i would panic the moment my deviantart or tumblr would hit 100 watchers/followers and delete the account. (a quaint number comparatively i know.) the output, the expectations, etcetc, it all causes me an immense amount of stress, and the pressure to continue on... and what if i get an art block, what if people start wanting to pay (the horror), what if people express worry or concern or upset because i disappear for some time, what if people start regularly commenting every single time i post, what if-- it would devour me alive: panic attacks in the day, uptick in seizures in sleep and a paralysis when sitting in front of a tablet. i wasn't commodifying it, but the very nature of numbers and audience interaction is so similar that they may as well be the same to me. i have no advice. everyone who does this is brave and has a courage y'all are so quick to downplay.

[@sneetsnirt2626]

Baby girl :c please rest. Thank you so much for sharing this with us, it’s incredibly kind and vulnerable. If you need help with graphics, let me know. I’ve been an illustrator online for years, and I’d be more than happy to help out for free! You’re one of my fave youtubers!!

[@angeldrawsdoodles6653]

Honeslty I just came across your channel from the Family Dollar game show from all things because just seeing someone talk about weird topics is cool and yeah just want you to know that I really enjoy the content you’ve pushed out so far and hope you don’t overly stress yourself over youtube.

[@MvPruett003]

Thank you so much for sharing this, Emily. It's a sentiment that's rarely shared in a media platform that really needs it.