The Fading Beautiful Mind of William Utermohlen

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The name of William Utermohlen is often not well known within or outside the art world, but for those are familiar with his work, most often they will instantly think of the many self portraits he created towards the end of his life, that detail quite a heartbreaking aspect of life that many of us experience firsthand at some stage. Utermohlen embarked on a remarkable artistic journey that offered a profound glimpse into the depths of the human mind and the relentless grip of Alzheimer's disease. As the disease gradually eroded his cognitive abilities, Utermohlen turned to his art, specifically self-portraits, to chronicler his deteriorating self-perception and the disintegration of his identity.
To this day, Utermohlen's self-portraits stand as a poignant testament to the human spirit's resilience in the face of devastating adversity. His paintings, spanning from the early stages of his diagnosis in 1995 to his final works in the year 2000, offer a raw and intimate portrayal of the artist's struggle to maintain a sense of self as his cognitive abilities slipped away.
In his earlier self-portraits, Utermohlen's features remain recognizable, albeit imbued with a sense of growing anxiety and confusion. But over time, his brushstrokes become increasingly fragmented, reflecting the fragmentation of his own perception. By the end, his self-portraits had transformed into abstract expressions of fear, isolation, and despair.
In this video, we will be taking that same journey together, to see how Utermohlen’s final self-portraits transcend the realm of mere artistic expression and how they serve as a powerful visual narrative of the human experience within the confines of Alzheimer's disease.
This is the story of the final self portraits of William Utermohlen.
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Artist Corner:
I'm thrilled to introduce you to the chilling art of Adam Yates for this videos Artist Corner segment. Please head to the links below to see more of his work and show some support!:
Instagram: / adamxyates
Twitter (X): / adamyatesart
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Submit your art, support the channel or say hi:
Email - [e-mail]
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Intro/outro music written and produced by Andrew Yeoman (kitmosis)

[@adamxyates]

Thank you for featuring me on Artist Corner !! I appreciate the love and support. Your channel is one of my all time favorites and has introduced me to so many great artists so it’s such an honor to be on here as an artist for others to discover. 🖤

[@duanegrantham266]

Great work brother! I really appreciate your attention to detail. As a sculptor, I absolutely love your sense of form, nice job!

[@PinchyTheKittyGirl]

Fucking awesome dude!

[@adamxyates]

@@duanegrantham266thank you so much!

[@melanietoth1376]

Wonderful work.

[@stanislavkorniienko1523]

Great work, mate!

[@doktawhawee9870]

This man essentially showed the entire world what cannot be expressed at all, and he did it all through his impecable art. I believe that William is one of the greatest artists of all time, due simply to this project.

[@sollasemusic8322]

One of the most difficult parts of my grandmother's experience with Alzheimer's was the fleeting awareness she seemed to have of how bad things were getting. We would spend time with her at the nursing home and she would be in a generally pleasant mood but conversations would stop and repeat and her attention would come and go. Most of the time, she wouldn't seem to notice that her thoughts weren't complete or the conversations weren't entirely following a logical path, but one of the times she wanted to tell us something and couldn't remember what it was, her facial expression suddenly became strained, as if she had been studying something for hours. She closed her eyes and repeated quietly but urgently to herself "It will come back. It will come back. It will come back." as if she was trying to reassure herself. The moment passed and she eventually reverted back to her content yet absent-minded state.

[@marccng9804]

謝謝你⋯⋯您的敘述讓我想起媽媽的晚年，我不禁流下很久沒流的淚水。 Greeting from far away Singapore~~

[@limasierra6639]

I've worked with dementia for many years and one of the most difficult things to watch is the patient have self awareness of their cognitive decline. I am relieved for them once that part of it ends and they're fully submerged in the forgetfulness. The anxiety of it goes away for them after that. I love taking care of dementia patients. I could not imagine doing anything else.

[@bartendersdaughter6003]

I actually saw these paintings at a Utermohlen exhibit at the Chicago Cultural Center back in 2008. I met his wife Pat and she signed my program book. I still have it. The full breadth of his work was amazing and to see the progression/regression from beginning to end was breathtaking and terrifying. What a profound expression. Thank you for bringing him to the attention of the viewership.

[@susiefairfield7218]

Thank You Blind Dweller for introducing this Artist and the struggle with Alheimers...my husband has been diagnosed with early on set dementia so it hits home with me.❤ “How do we fight back? By creating art.”- Terrance McKenna

[@landryprichard6778]

Terence McKenna for the win. Thank you and God bless you for this. ❤

[@beckys.8897]

Not to be rude but Its spelled Alzheimer’s,not alheimers.😐

[@numsiskit]

In Blue Skys, the back of the chair disappears into the wall, which is the same color. Its like he cant remember if it's there or not. Hes grasping the table and arching his back as if he feels he might fall backwards. Thats actually kind of terrifying. Feeling you'll fall when you're supposed to be just sitting on a chair, and not having any reference (decorations, etc) to orient you. The window isnt even familiar anymore. It doesn't look like it has a normal hinge. Its just a strange contraption. And like you said, the room has a warm color, or a sense of home/familiarity, but it's empty. He has a sense of what the space should be but he cant recognize it. I assume he had just heard some details about his prognosis and there was a lot of fear in his mind about how the more advanced stages of his disease would be. RIP, Utermohlen.

[@BlindDweller]

Very well spotted detail! I never considered that!

[@beeroe8278]

Those last two paintings really are something else. Haunting. Especially the erased self-portrait. I had to pause for a moment to take that one in, especially with the narration. Beautiful introduction to this artist's story...

[@lalabrouhaha]

I have a presentation in school about mental health and art, he was one of the artists I used. I've worked for years with people with mental decline and it's heartbreaking to see it. Thank you for this video and helping his story get out to even more people.

[@coralreef1843]

That has to be the best one yet, I was incredibly moved. Maybe because my father is in the grips of dementia, but mostly, the incredibly in depth analysis of the pictures, thank you.

[@limasierra6639]

I have worked with dementia for many years first as a CNA and now as a nurse and I am always fascinated by the things they write down or draw.

[@stemcellwhoax]

i accidentally stumbled into his exhibit at loyola university and i was mind blown. esp cos i was obsessed with his self portraits for so long. crazy coincidence? serendipity.

[@debrabarber3483]

This reminds me of "Everywhere at the End of Time", which is basically an experimental music piece based around the same condition. It's very good, but obviously deals with a difficult topic. Like this, it's both beautiful and tragic

[@TheBigTripper420]

It’s a great music project

[@VanguVegro]

Speaking of which, how about a video on Ivan Seal, Mr. Dweller? 😉

[@beckys.8897]

I was heartbroken when you described his head painting,the truth is whilst he was painting All this,his dementia was too,not by completing it like a normal artist,but instead using his brain as a mear canvas,filling it with plague and then erase every experience he ever had. Being born,turning 1,walking and talking for the first time,learning how to ride a bike,making permanent friendships,finding his soulmate,graduating,getting married,finding his love for painting,becoming famous,vanquished within an instant. Before taking away his dignity completely and making him untape the mirror,notifying him that he was nothing more than a husk now,that thing in the painting is what was left of William,a ghost who couldn’t do anything about the fact that HE was the dementia now ,that HE did all this work for nothing but them to get taken away,that he had just experienced a fate worse then a fate worse than death,that HE couldn’t cry or scream or fight back or even accept his fate,HE HAD FORGOTTEN HOW TO FORGET. So when you finally touch the axe in 8-4 and defeat bowser you didn’t just save the mushroom kingdom,you tricked him by remembering what the levels had in store cuase if you were bitten by a piranha plant and killed,you would just loose a life and start over and the next time you would see him,you’d know that he was a stage hazard and jump over him, and that led up to this all because,YOU REMEMBERED WHAT TO DO.

[@anitamitchell3452]

I found Mr Utermohlen's work relatable. Not in the ability to create the art, but in the knowing that YOU are disappearing into something else, something unrecognizable, even to yourself. And there is nothing to be done to stop the process. I thank you for showing his work and his story. Adamxyates: Thank you for sharing your works. Simply stunning. Happy Holidays to all.

[@davidbrady6059]

This was soooo amazing...beautiful and necessary...thanks so much for again, enlightening us with some incredibly moving work.

[@DeathMetalDerf]

Looks like KZbin actually told me you've posted something new!!! And the day before my birthday!! How cool is that?!?! I just want to wish everyone well. I'm not doing so great, but I really hope everyone else is doing well and having a great day! Thanks for another amazing video! And if anyone celebrates anything, happy holidays!

[@susiefairfield7218]

Hey now ✌🏼☮️💜 Happy Birthday 🎉 🥳🎂🎁Gr8 Day! Am celebrating my 32 Wedding Anniversary tomorrow ❤❤Hope you are feeling better soon ❤✌🏼✨⭐✨

[@DeathMetalDerf]

@@susiefairfield7218happy anniversary!! I hope you have a great day!

[@mariach46]

Very sad story of this artist but such beautiful art!! I have not heard of him before and I love learning from your channel. And i love your interpretation of his work too. Thanks for making the video, much appreciated ❤

[@brandyjean7015]

How bravely he continued to use his skills to express himself. Journey on creative spirit. Journey on.

[@portpiraya5758]

Extremely interesting! I think Alzheimer is the closest we have to real and true horror! The idea of mental decay is really terrifying. There is a swedish movie about Alzheimers called "A song for Martin". Is about a great composer that becomes afflicted by Alzheimer. The most horrifying movie i have ever seen.. No fictional horror can ever match that.. It is in Swedish but can be seen with subtitles.

[@BlindDweller]

I'll have to give that a watch sometime. Thanks for tuning in Port, hope you're well 😊

[@portpiraya5758]

@@BlindDweller : I hope you are well too! :)

[@theriffwriter2194]

Nothing scares me more. So many people have fears of burning, drowning and other painful yet untimely quick deaths but it's the things we often don't consider that are the true horrors!

[@theriffwriter2194]

Plus the movie the scared me the most is Jonny Got His Gun (free on KZbin.) Also not a horror movie.

[@superpear64]

His saddest picture definitely has to be ''Green Eyes and Open Mouth'' made in 1996, done in watercolor. It depicts a sort of screaming face, with tears. When making it, he definitely had conscious that he knew he had a life-threatening disease.

[@alexfitchcreates]

So glad I found your channel. I'm obsessed!

[@9000ck]

That last image truly shows the power of great art. It can transcend the intellect.

[@Jerkwad152]

One sad bit is, Utermohlen could still draw perfectly well even at the very end. The technique can be readily seen. He just didn't have a concept of "my face" that could be put to paper anymore.

[@shrug_shrugsly]

A heart-excavating production. Thank you for this experience. ❤

[@cloud9withme]

i was literally thinking about this artist a few days ago,, thank you for posting this

[@bastianconst]

Excellent video! I am glad that you covered this artist. His work is both inspirational and tragically horrfiying.

[@tomhancock8184]

You have given us a truly touching video. Thank you.

[@mijiyoon5575]

Highly interesting Thank You *Blind Dweller* ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ & the music score is perfect

[@ericdravenX00X]

Hello Mr.Dweller.. I find it amazing William was able too do some of the works he did that far into his diagnois of alheimers disease.. As i mention everytime your narrations are one of a kind.. I also find your devotion too the art world something too commend. I mean giving back regarding artists corner and how you give these artists a chance too shine.. I just think its a real cool! Thanks for your time n efforts on this video.. Happy Holidays Mr.Dweller!

[@raycooper3269]

He went through this process at an early stage and suffered I'm sure. But! These honest works of art are tremendous. Please don't forget that they are profound, beautiful sublime. An artist's life well lived. And shared. I am personally just entering this dementia phase. This video helps. Thanks

[@sketchyjek]

It's always interesting to watch videos and learn about this man. His artwork, both before and after his diagnosis, give a really interesting insight into his world. Thank you for making this video btw, I really enjoyed it.

[@ElVIer-jy4ii]

Heartbreaking, but glorious all at once. Thank you for this essay.

[@RedcoatsReturn]

No wonder you have 250k subs 😊👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 It a very sad story…but….real life is sometimes horrific…like William experienced in his later life. It shows the graphically and terrifying insights of that satanic curse of Alzheimer’s disease 😔

[@gothtarrare]

I was hoping you'd make a video on this man, because I knew that out of anyone on youtube, you would do it right. And you did. 🖤

[@Non-existentBibi]

Another amazing video!

[@stuartblittley3531]

haunting! great video. ❤

[@cartoonvandal]

Remarkable work. I wonder if his later work was a direct inspiration and influence upon The Caretaker's Everywhere at the End of Time.

[@grape198]

You’re my favourite channel on youtube ❤

[@BlindDweller]

Oh wow thank you grape! I sent you a message on Patreon by the way 😁 great to have you in the Dweller family!

[@greycatofnobodys2007]

William is an artist I really admire, despite having alzheimer's his will to to keep doing art til he could not has led me to really respect him.

[@alexoconnell7210]

Great video!

[@TravisParnell]

One thing you didn't really touch on at 9:30 is that the painting looks as if it's depicting his brain leaking out of his ear. It's as if he's aware that his mind is slowly leaking out of him

[@mijiyoon5575]

Sad eyes & he knew what was happening to him for awhile until that was gone too. Hunted & stalked & haunted by a horrific disease & no cure ... yet. Maybe some day a cure

[@johnmullen6906]

Amazing

[@user-fw8mk4yv4h]

You should look into The dark paintings of Dr Seuss , he had a dark side a lot of people don’t know about

[@BlindDweller]

I have to say I didn't know Dr. Seuss did dark paintings! Will definitely have to look into that, thanks for the suggestion!

[@seekingatruthbeyondme]

You are the best account on yt ❤️

[@aaron2709]

Good one.

[@scoobysmokeyy]

please do a video about charles bronson such a unique art style and mind

[@basrahg.250]

أحب فديوهاتك جدا" Thank you 🙌

[@rochelleturnerfox]

I love your videos, you should do one on Brian froud.

[@RealNapoleonBonaparte81569]

If I ever got dementia, I’d probably end myself. Being an artist, art regression has been my worst nightmare. And so has Alzheimer’s.

[@azfk]

I love your work, blind dweller ❤ I’d love to collab if you’re up for it

[@BlindDweller]

Hi mate! Thanks so much, and yeah absolutely I'm always down for working with a fellow KZbinr, love the theme of your channel by the way 😁 (currently watching your Godzilla suit video!)

[@JohnSuitepee]

Any chance of a link to the intro/outro music used in this brilliant video? It sounds a bit like Coldplay mixed in with some John Carpenter, and I’d like to hear more of it.

[@xerxezrax]

your narration is always so beautifully worded. i am always here not only for the art but for your essays as well. thank you for your hard work!

[@Divinity-evil]

You should do a video on Otto dix

[@ramseydoon8277]

Are the suppositions about the artist's reactions to his own work, are those drawn from somewhere or are they your own?

[@daddysmolf2135]

Could you cover the german artist Sascha Schneider? He is one of my favourites artists of all time!

[@BeyondBaito]

I didn't know that he stopped using mirrors during his last portraits. I read that he was but over time couldn't recognize his own face

[@MattSpoon07]

My friends, notice how when the dying man turns inward, towards himself, he cannot muster the motivation to save himself? We cannot escape our death. We will die. Therefore, turn your thoughts from thyself and thy death to the transcendent, turn your thoughts to the divine. When he looked at himself, he saw only despair, but had he looked at the transcendent, had he pierced the veil of death and seen the Divine, his last paintings would have held the beauty remaining to him, and not the constant reminders of our inevitable deaths. We must die. To the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure, because the Lord has promised to remember us. And thats all it takes. If the Lord chooses to remember you, you shall live again. If he believed that, he paintings would have been beautiful.

[@LivFP]

Oh I'm on 5 grams of shrooms consider me locked in

[@AstarsA]

Hello, would you like to make a video about Madge Gill?

[@JCarrera_ll]

👏🖤

[@sarahh5273]

😊😊😊😊

[@lisamurphy5663]

👍🏼💜

[@j.pearce3981]

19:39 ...def scorn vibes there

[@Angelenowithacamera]

We need to find a cure already!

[@VelocityZap]

Sad

[@davidlee6720]

some of it a bit like Bacon, but his was a conscious distortion.

[@StephenS-2025]

Can't help but to compare his work to Bacon. Interesting. But then, I already knew Francis was demented. Utermohlen was a treasure. His curse was a blessing. What a life.

[@WWS322]

I think a person can have an intellect or imagination and not a strong sense of self.

[@weke6271]

🎊 P R O M O S M

[@trah666]

Im really interested in the artist, but the script is terrible, its super rambling and repetitive.

[@CasperTheGhost64]

You should do a video on Kim Jakobsson's art. It's unbelievable. Very similar to Francis Bacon