THE GAMING STORYTELLER On Xenos After Dark Tier List | Astartes Anonymous Podcast #16

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The Gaming Storyteller - / @dutch40kguy
00:00 Disclaimer
00:07 Intro
03:20 Models of the Week
06:39 The Prompt
07:17 Craftworlds
12:35 Necrons
16:52 Tyranids
22:25 Exodites
27:30 Drukhai
31:16 Genestealer Cults
39:06 Harlequins
43:21 The Orks
47:25 Leagues of Votann
51:22 The Tau
54:24 The Final Tier List
58:13 A Message From Moots
Intro/Outro Music By georgeNrat
Additional Music by Scott Buckley - released under CC-BY 4.0.

[@Dutch40KGuy]

What an experience this was, thank you for another incredible episode

[@Yggi11]

I could totally see Tzeentch telling Orks to try to "pleasure" a human, just for the comedy value of the resulting distaster.

[@undercovertakodachi4301]

noooo don't give the R34 artist Ideas😏

[@Hatsworthful]

Tzeench tellikg Orks to "show the 'umies a good time" is how you get more Digganobs.

[@sladewilson6584]

“Uhh, boss? Is dis supposta come off?”

[@phht0568]

"DA HUMIE WANTS TO PUT MY WHAT IN WHERE!?"

[@wayward5219]

​@@phht0568OH okay, thrust my sword into the humies hole is your way of saying STAB YOUR CHOPPA THRU DER 'EART!

[@hurnn1543]

I think Drukhari being in every tier would be a more accurate representation, competent makes them seem semi-safe when the reality is you might get twin wyches who are members of a pleasure cult tag teaming you, or you might get some Haemonculi who is going to run you into an art installation in ways that would make Pinhead nauseous, and everything in between.

[@SlaaneshM30]

It doesn't matter if you get Wyches or a haemonculi, it'll hurt either way. But at least with the Wytches you might get one last root before you inveitably turn into her living carpet. In Drukhari terminology a "pleasure cult" is not exactly a pleasurable experience for an average humie. Altough I do admit a wholesome humie - Drukhari relationship would be a vibe.

[@mr_JackSchwarze]

@@SlaaneshM30guiliman x yvraine

[@BR-bn1mz]

“Who knows Ian, this could be my next movie” Ian was right about the gussy

[@lexyinspace]

𝙉𝙊𝙊𝙊𝙊𝙊𝙊𝙊𝙊

[@viperblitz11]

In one of the Cain books, orks had desecrated a shrine to the Emperor by "converting it into a designated latrine". Amberley's annotation says that since designated facilities aren't really the orks' style, they probably just thought shitting all over it would be funny.

[@KillerOrca]

"Hello, and-" (Nurgles Gift interrupts) PRRFECTION

[@lexyinspace]

I was going to make a "Yes, Lord Inquisitor, this video right here" joke but no, you guys don't deserve that. You deserve the Black Templars for heresy this profound. God Emperor have mercy. Good luck.

[@chadgeary2653]

"For the clussy I'll do it." What a quote

[@Hatsworthful]

Emperor forbid we ever see what would happen if somehow someone managed to convince the dwarves that sex is a form of craft.

[@logandelaharpe6362]

In that case they should be kept away from the eldar

[@respectfulevil9022]

I mean pay them enough and them enough and its a worthwhile buisness transaction

[@godhandstan3908]

Interspecies Reviewer: 40k Edition.

[@undercovertakodachi4301]

I NEED THIIIIIS!

[@Spruegit]

You guys ever seen the meme of the nuerolictor painted with thigh highs and long gloves?

[@nmichaelmurphy]

"A poor worker blames his tools" I'm dying lol

[@watchdogoffarron2800]

I want a version of this episode but its all the factions of the imperium

[@eddiemaiden4192]

Sororitas number one, easy

[@watchdogoffarron2800]

​@@eddiemaiden4192 I think the shape shifting assasins would be top lol

[@SeanCrosser]

I feel like Craftworld depends on their Path record, generally they're all high empath psykers, but if they're like Korlandril in Path Of The Warrior... then they're gonna be so up their own ass with themselves that they would think that you should feel honoured to be with them. As opposed to someone on the Seer or Service paths who would be more available mentally.

[@Rapture-nv5vj]

Craftworld: Smash Drukhari: Goth eldar gf... By I don't want to be turn into screaming lamp Harlequins: Yes. They are probably very... Flexible Exodites: Smash Necron: Fuck no Tau: YES! Every cast - fire ( tomboy), air (tall and skinny), water (office lady), earth (geeky) and ethernal ( sexy boss lady). Orks: ... No. Genestealers: I want my jeans on my ass, not stolen, thank you very much.

[@SlaaneshM30]

Tbh I think you could rizz yourself a Drukhari GF, instead of real flowers you bring her a buqet of cut off limbs, maybe some chocolate filled with exotic blood or you bring her a slave or two and you're all set. And of course instead of cuddling, you probably can expect yourself to be the one getting stepped on, pegged with a spiked dildo and other BDSM shenanigans...

[@ChaplainPhantasm]

Embrace the Necrussy son

[@therudecanadian8068]

@14:33 Counterpoint, Trayzyn. Not only does he have the confidence, charisma, and that voice. But hes a master with necrodermis. If any necron could be S tier in bed its him.

[@angrycup8708]

The truth has been spoken

[@Cj_Mage]

Hey I will add one thing for the tau, it all depends on the caste. Fire: inclined to being more muscular Water: made for "diplomacy" Air: Tall and lithe Earth: short and study.

[@letmecommentstupidyoutube1338]

Short!? No alliance!

[@anamAlister]

Watched this on my bus home from work. Got asked what warhammer vid I was watching....I regret nothing!

[@eiric6958]

Kitten: It's not fu***ng cannon

[@reginlief1]

The Votann MOST LIKELY don’t have sex in their culture whatsoever. It’s fairly self serving when they reproduce artificially, and self serving isn’t a trait commonly seen among Votann. That said, if they were dead set on “pleasuring” you, then they’d pour so many resources into researching what that means. In short, they’re gonna do it, you’ll just be waiting a long-ass time to get there.

[@Wesley-kt5li]

Or alternatively ✨gae✨

[@reginlief1]

@@Wesley-kt5li ???

[@Wesley-kt5li]

@@reginlief1 ✨gae✨

[@respectfulevil9022]

Yeah if they get paid enough id say youd have a pretty good time but the exitement wouldnt be mutual

[@thebloxxer22]

The Inquisition sees this shenanigans as heretical to the point of exterminatus.

[@Cato_Sicarius_the_glorious]

I, Cato Sicarius, think that this is a bit heretical, but I, Cato Sicarius, will still watch it for... research.

[@batshit36]

We all know you like smashing tau

[@Nothing123Battle]

Jesus christ this tier list. Two traitors. 1 sus marine. And an ork.

[@nicholaspokorny5058]

Eldar: Pre-Fall, I'd've said Sex Goddess, but now, I'll say low Skilled/high Competent due to letting their skills atrophy. Necron: No. Tyranid: Fun to watch for monster hentai, but otherwise no. Exodites: Sex Goddess. Dark Eldar: On the one hand, Sex Goddess. On the ohter hand, No. Genestealer Cults: Skilled/Competent, though the whole 'Tyranid lure' thing is a bit of a deal breaker. Harlequin: Sex Goddess. Ork: No. Votann: Competent. Tau: Competent.

[@samrein9919]

There are female Votann

[@respectfulevil9022]

​@@samrein9919the votann are giant computers, the kin (dwarves) come in all flavours

[@mjones4220]

Guys the Tau are cows not fish. They have hooves, flat teeth, and are vegetarian.

[@simonrettberg4631]

I must say for the tau it depends on the cast you get, water and earth would be the best because water will make you feel loved, and earth can craft things

[@_NIKOS9_NIKOS]

Also, water caste has great communication skills and also have a VERY long tounge.

[@michaelmrozek604]

Give me fire cast mommy dommy or give me death

[@nolanbaker2360]

​@@michaelmrozek604 earth cast hips and butt for me sir

[@jaradtaylor6144]

This video was solid appreciate yall’s sense of humour so much.

[@GrimDarkHalfOff]

I want to be clear that I'm just commenting for the algorithm

[@MootsTheFunnySwede]

legend

[@TheDarthWarlok]

All the talk of Necrons and no mention of the Chinese "seed" harvesters, Necrons will have all the attachments lol

[@fndrmustang]

The grip is adapting

[@martin251997]

No one made the argument of what Genestealers can do with three arms...

[@NoxNoctem]

OMG that thumbnail is amazing 😂

[@21stcenturysquid]

The orks do indeed shit, piss, and eat food. They eat squigs and grots...and humans. At one point in the Ragnar omnibus, a Space Wolf blood claw gets pissed on by an ork during an infiltration mission.

[@dcaruss3959]

Why do i wanna see an entire tyranid army painted like dennim jeans.

[@Tajealos]

I think there is one critical error regarding the T'au's ranking: Y'all completely forgot that T'au are in a technological golden age and neglected the entire robotics half of their civilisation Earth Caste engineers could literally build you the perfect toy to enhance your time with your Water Caste/Fire Caste bf/gf And that's why T'au are Sex Gods thank your for coming to my TED Talk

[@Leochain7274]

Thank you TED i liked that talk

[@Deitousbeenie]

Genestealers have the wild card of being able to alter their partners' anatomy: double-headed dragon just saying. Are there even female Votann? Considering the Dwarves reproduce via cloning it could just be one big sausagefest. Tau seem like they should be in meh; sure they look nice, but they seem like they would be less fun then a damp paper bag. Ever heard the term dead-fish?

[@tarektechmarine8209]

Starfish

[@edgieststalker8141]

There are art (and I think models?) That depict female Votann And 2) stop ruining my goat-fish-people :c

[@kyleharris8759]

The Votann don't use what we'd traditionally call cloning. They have a base genetic base but they pair off different female and male bases to procreate. Does that mean they don't physically procreate or not, I'm not sure, but they do pair off and "marry" for lack of a better word.

[@respectfulevil9022]

Votann do in fact come in all flavours (including robot, butch and bear)

[@mr_JackSchwarze]

What’s wrong with only men 😩

[@knalltuete4040]

I realy want a 5 Minute video of the guys just saying "were rich"

[@Sciontabier]

Yes chrono is a awesome warhammer KZbinr and I'm looking forward to the episode in November.

[@13legomania]

Craftworld: smash, Dark Eldar: no thanks I choose life, Exodites: sure, necrons: necrodermis can be shaped into pretty much anything, so if I could find a nice find a nice Phaerek sugar mama sure, tau: hard smash for all except the ethereals, nids:….depends which type you get. Do they give you your own bio form or do they just toss a genestealer at you? Ork: no….just no.

[@Sirmoth108]

Only thing I gotta say on necrons is... They can reshape their body any way you want.

[@utes5532]

And they can regulate their temperature. I dunno if they can make their necrodermis flexible or soft though..

[@nolanbaker2360]

​@@utes5532overlords can, atleast the face as some are able to make expressions

[@sometypeofdude2059]

Necron supremacy for sure.

[@samfish2550]

They have the best toys

[@lobo2367]

"Necrons are gay" it's canon now

[@michaelcollins4534]

If you read the infinite and the divine thinking, Trazyn and orikan are bitter exes its even funnier tbh

[@wykeer]

You guys are very optimistic that the nids don't decide to just turn you into biomass, because serving the hive mind is probably the greatest pleasure in their mind. xD

[@Ballinbutatwhatprice]

That eldussy hit diffrent

[@Briselance]

Man, that thumbnail picture... 😁

[@grSuchtie19]

The one thing I can say in favor of the orks is that through their believe they could turn the beat up into one hell of a pleasure-trip. Not enough to push them out of useless but worth mentioning.

[@abyssallagi6042]

I feel like boning a necron would be like boning a rusty tin can, instant tetanus

[@respectfulevil9022]

Nah craftworld eldar would try super super hard to be the best in bed

[@patrickshaw5746]

My only note on this is with leagues, they do have decendents in the imperium that are made the old fashioned way.

[@michaelsolomon3496]

All I can think is "Tau women prefer human men" 😏

[@babalu7737]

Do they?

[@SoulRuninFree]

@@babalu7737 No it’s a meme

[@mr_JackSchwarze]

@@babalu7737I mean nothing stopping them from having a lil fun to get humans to serve the greater good.

[@nolanbaker2360]

The ol saying " a holes a goal"

[@juicydraconian2628]

yall forgetting that the venomthropes and toxicrenes aint it. Due to the fact that they have a constant cloud of poisonous, sentient spores that will fucking kill you, now the neurotyrant on the other hand has those things, AND can do crazy ass psychic shit too

[@TheDarthWarlok]

That Dutchman sure sounded Minnesotan off the bat

[@ironwarriors4lyfe635]

Fun fact chaos can corrupt tyranids but only slaanesh or khorne tyranids have been allowed to live until planetary assimilation

[@RedShocktrooperRST]

I'm pretty sure you could make a fair argument that the partner the Nids would come up with would probably resemble Kerrigan from Starcraft.

[@z3n06]

truly the greatest 40k content

[@adolfjackson25]

Live from the black library collab when

[@Neoth40k]

This video. He's Harlequin on the cover

[@magos_blender]

These are some thicc Xenos. Time to study them before they get burnt. Also, ya'll weak. Necrons are adjustable for the deed, seeing that they are entirely mechanic. Besides, they might learn a thing or two if they find it amusing.

[@jaimeperales7219]

I'm just here to say that thumbnail is wild....where can I find it

[@dracodarastrix4175]

Yeah the orks shit because a certain squighs we know exist in lore. That's all that I will say.

[@myonlyfriendtheend4958]

Necron gf is the best gf Read infinite and the divine or twice dead king Also ginger Sid’s vid on it

[@samfish2550]

So, with crons it's not a matter of equipment, it's a matter of tools.... They have lots of high Tech. Look..... Harlequins are the best from ALL forms of eldar but are less likely to go full drucari, they are a roll of the dice with a similar or higher high and a much higher non chronos floor.

[@abdulhaseebsaggu683]

The only 40k tier list that matters😂

[@abbadullreee3298]

Bbbb-brother?

[@leventhumps3861]

Gene steamers more like Jean stealers! Am I right boys!? I mean the moment he mentioned the movie Species… he won the argument. No contest. A xeno that rapidly evolves under the guidance of the collective conciseness of their supreme intellect! And it’s sole purpose is to pleasure you!? Yeah it’ll start out fumbling… probably have poor head game. Maybe accidentally use too much teeth. However, in the span of a short session it’ll know everything about you. Then, it’ll reveal things you didn’t even know about yourself. Nothing is off the table!

[@user-rp4ic6io8v]

Orks would probably just rip your eggroll off

[@mememindmind1010]

Imagine living metal all over your thing....

[@helldrake77777]

Protoss waifus are the best!

[@magosofmars8410]

I have never laughed whilst watching a episode more in my life

[@epickingedward7378]

I want them to fall in love with me so when I die they are deeply distraught and thus I do the emporer proud by hurting xenos XD

[@TomGreen-zk8ik]

Brilliant reasoning Brother. The Emperor protects

[@Upsilon1984]

C'tan/shards should count as necron

[@Alpharius_OmegonXX]

I just have to say. The craft world elder are still kinda fucked up by human standards but very tame compared to drukari and the elder at the fall.

[@AsianPlagueDoctor]

“I got a squig here Tom, a little squig.” “No Moose, it’s an animal!” “There’s no laws against squigs Tom!”

[@crabbowiththestabbo]

“NO MOOSE! NO! DON’T DO IT!”

[@eiric6958]

Thanks to this episode, I seem crazy by how much I laughed, my fellow passengers in the train look at me weirdly 😂

[@kamiwriterleonardo6345]

Necron counterpoint: Necrons can canonically Shapeshift. And nothing states they can't heat their own metal either XD

[@nobleman9393]

In Twice Dead King they do heat up their bodies.

[@augustinejohnson450]

I haven't finished this video yet as I'm at work so a few things off reaction. Firstly exterminatus upon all of you. Secondly I got a add for an adult pleasure toy on a gaming channel with a horror game being played. It feels too close to be a coincidence. KZbin knew. This is your fault. Thirdly... was thinking of hrud cause reasons.

[@AsianPlagueDoctor]

“Why are we still here? Just to suffer?” -Master Miller, MGSV

[@ScpLeaks]

There is a harlequin meant to play slaanesh, so...

[@eiric6958]

Greater goods for the win

[@stickdrawer3663]

Okay to be honest what is the necrons engineered a female body

[@danielryan3938]

even then it wouldnt be good cause it would just be a necron skeleton with a hole on it not some crazy fucking robot that looks alive and has that mad iradiated necrussy

[@nolanbaker2360]

The void dragon could do that tho

[@hadeshades2365]

Aaah yes probably the funniest thing. Some guys talking about getting into action with some xenos. Now we need to find girls doing the same rating. 16:34 trazin got your back. If there’s a necron to understand humans it’s him. I don’t say that because of the liveless automaton stuff but more about what he can arrange with some mindshackel scarrobs. To be honest that’s basically an all in one. But if that’s not the case thx i stay limp. 18:30 that’s probably the strongest contender besides tyranids can also stimulate via psychy.

[@MarkoDash]

Trazyn might throw you into the exhibit of the Sororitas v Aeldari fight in the inorganic dissolving oil lakes of Leboss LXIX. but that isn't really a point for the necrons themselves.

[@hadeshades2365]

True. Either way it’s sth worth mentioning

[@nos2342]

Thanks for the laughs 😂

[@Titan-cq2wz]

40k Gods sex tier list?

[@respectfulevil9022]

Tzeench would be the best

[@Titan-cq2wz]

@@respectfulevil9022 ehhhh still think Slaanesh takes it but Tzeench would know all the positions 😁

[@respectfulevil9022]

@@Titan-cq2wz slanesh may do a lot of sex but let me tell you, you arent enjoying a second of it, you are leaving with none of your bones unbroken

[@michaelmrozek604]

@@respectfulevil9022speak for yourself coward

[@Commander_meme]

I can never look at my nerolictor the same way again

[@Channel-23s]

29:09 For the drukari I’d say no to they are into pain so probably BDSM or pegging or something worst and that’s a Con rather then pro

[@Anderson12690]

Soooo wait…how the fuck do the orks reproduce?!?!? I’m gonna regret asking this….aren’t I? Lol

[@DaddyCabby]

Spores

[@Anderson12690]

@@DaddyCabby excuse me, what?

[@DaddyCabby]

@@Anderson12690 orks in 40k are basically monstrous muscled mushrooms.

[@Anderson12690]

@@DaddyCabby what the fff…. What were the dude a 40K HQ smoking and sniffing lol

[@thealmightylizardwizard96]

​@Anderson12690 they don't do the deed, they fight, die, release spores, and more come out of the ground. They are sentient mushroom lads

[@redrick6720]

going with the expedite means death by snu snu

[@gatall91]

Omg that's amazing lmao. The Nurgle worshipper likes the Magussy 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@GeneralBradley101VA]

This is beyond heretical.

[@yopoxikeweapescai9066]

Peak content

[@Take-Action-]

Could someone link the dinosaur thing they’re referencing, I’m having trouble finding it.

[@weekendjail1417]

Fuckin subscribed lol

[@Lisichkin_Topishe31]

Eldar gf

[@AsianPlagueDoctor]

”Why are we still here? Just to suffer?”

[@Ko_Kasumi]

Tis a shame the Necrons with more interesting body changes all want to kill you. No I'm not elaborating.

[@eiric6958]

Hanayama nooooo😭

[@Channel-23s]

48:05 technically they are midgets so if you’re into it sure go ahead and have fun

[@mrphobia6198]

All i heard was sex Tyranid tier list and i was like alright my time has come.

[@joeeljalapeno1816]

Top Five faccions that arent from the Empire Necrons Skitari Rangers Alquines Orc Pirates Malal Cult

[@joeeljalapeno1816]

Fck i coment before lisenig the full cast I supose i would change the pirate orcs whit tau, hate them but there female eva pilots are to good to past down

[@ANDELE3025]

I see AA appropriately appreciate the Neural Thicctor like real men of culture.

[@Liz-sp9lb]

Look mate it’s not my style or place to critique people’s opinions but hearing the necron take inflicted psychic damage. Necron are all millions of years old, and presuming that the main one trying to please you is a noble or some equivalent that’s closer to the “sentient” side of the spectrum, they have access to CONSIDERABLE resources and information regarding the construction and implementation of sexual devices and assists. In addition, living metal is well known to be RESHAPABLE (examples including vishani from Infinite and Divine (who has a much larger, custom body to hello with her job, the Destroyers advanced weaponry and modifications to their forms to support that weaponry, and the flayed ones’ claws.) while it’s plausible that not all necron have complete mastery over their forms at will (examples including Trazyn being specifically noted as having great skill in remolding his body, implying that not every necron can change whatever they want at will) it is more than reasonable to say that if a necron lord had the sole goal of pleasuring you to the absolute best of its ability, it would call on the crypteks and other engineers to use the advanced algorithms and machine learning that necron are known for (example: the riddle scene in the opening of Infinite and Divine)(I know I’m pulling a lot from there, but it’s one of the most complete looks at necron culture and “biology”) to construct a perfect body for pleasure, using the full resources of its courts. Relatedly, living metal can be reforged to be almost soft or spongey, seen when Trayzn uses it to remold his feet and soften the impact of a fall. If the whole “pleasure machine” idea seems like something would be unpopular, consider the booming popularity of things like fleshlights, vibrators, and countless other tools. In addition (I know I’m saying that a lot), necron are NOT necessarily cold all the time. They possess internal reactors which are mentioned to have significant amounts of cooling fluid, necessary to maintain internal systems. Near the end of Infinite and Divine, orikan has a specific worry about overheating, to the degree of temperature that he starts physically melting. While it’s never explicitly stated that necron have a high ambient body temperature, is it not fair to suggest that the altered lord would intentionally run at a higher temperature to increase pleasure? Also, the lord isn’t limited to just itself. It has access to thousands of canoptek constucts, warriors and other automatons, which it could use to its advantage. TLDR:necrons are top tier because of knowledge and adaptability, punch sand if you disagree

[@itsbarbon9220]

dude this is a video about fucking aliens

[@falconstudios146]

​@@itsbarbon9220And this is a comment about fucking aliens. This take is both entirely relevant and also objectively correct.

[@itsbarbon9220]

@@falconstudios146 nah it aint that deep bro

[@Rexy779]

Orks are objectively the best and your all wrong(Just kidding love ya)