The Grand Tour - Airport Rant

[@CTcuber4K]

"This is London Stansted Airport, which is located nowhere near London" You're god damn right

[@ClarinoI]

Nowhere near.

[@CTcuber4K]

@@ClarinoI edited

[@LimePartician]

I go to Horsford from Stansted and its like 5 hours alltho its like a 100 miles from Stansted

[@gary1972]

*please rise to the cubers' national anthem*

[@robbie19143]

Indeed

[@2KXMKR]

Now we know why May got his pilot's license

[@simontay4851]

He probably flew there in it him self. He can avoid all this BS that jeremy is ranting about.

[@9999AWC]

Hammond has a helicopter pilot license

[@themiswalkthroughs4474]

AWC but he likes to crash everything lmao

[@9999AWC]

@@themiswalkthroughs4474 To end his misery

[@HyperVegitoDBZ]

He probably did the exercises that allow to fly at night

[@pldcanfly]

Imagine going to spain for your holiday, and there's a wild jeremy clarkson behind you ranting about your choice of pants.

[@OriruBastard]

A perfect chance to say something witty back now ain't it?

[@sukottotsukeshi.]

Best trip ever

[@lawdpleasehelpmeno]

My old man had exactly that experience. Apparently Jeremy was drunk and complaining the entire way. So it checks out.

[@peggyblue51]

@@lawdpleasehelpmeno which Jeremy?

[@presidentfunnyman]

@@peggyblue51 wait a minute- WAIT... JEREMY FITZGERALD... OH GOD WAIT A MINUTE OHNONNONONONONO for people who dont get it.. his name is sean fitzgerald and jeremy fitzgerald is a character from FNaF so i think that may be a reference or smthn idk

[@08132790]

The worst thing is when you have to throw away your perfectly good water bottle, so you can buy one on the other side of security at 7 times the price

[@formulafish1536]

Where in the world do you live where they do this? I’ve never had this issue before! Then again, I’ve only ever flown domestically in Australia.

[@LMDProductionsOfficial]

FormulaFish15 America. Australia if you get hijacked there’s nothing but desert to crash into so they ain’t worried 😂 (jk)

[@clipmarkscartoonandtvarchi7590]

We once Bought a bottle of water at an airport and went through security, that fuckhead took the bottle from us. Money well spent

[@jakubknapik5427]

@@formulafish1536 in Poland you gotta empty the bottle too

[@matzacomn]

@@formulafish1536 Almost everywhere in the world you have to do it, maybe national flights in Australia are an exception

[@gtn9]

Well the rant about perfume shops at airports is logical and valid..

[@nhmooytis7058]

Govind Tamhan I suddenly want a fur coat and a $100 bottle of Scotch, but I settle for a chicken wrap and a chocolate bar.

[@someoneelse7629]

@@nhmooytis7058 That's the same price as a fur coat and a bottle of scotch at the airport

[@nhmooytis7058]

SM2VJX only airport I’ve been in with good food at a fair price is Sydney.

[@shadowxxe]

@@nhmooytis7058 of the alcohol I can do because you aren't allowed alcohol through customs because your going to make a bomb out of it but when it comes from duty-free its fine because they put it in a sealed plastic bag which as to prevent any bomb-making attempts

[@nhmooytis7058]

shadowXXe but they sell expensive booze in airport duty free shops how do people get it home (I don’t drink so never bought any)?

[@steele_heart77]

"Tonight, James is on a billboard, Hammond is sick of my shit, and I get arrested on suspicion of trafficking."

[@scsutton1]

Welcome to Bottom Gear.

[@sherikenz]

@@scsutton1 Jams is on the advert, Hammock is angry and I bring some powder

[@Skelterbane69]

Hamock you tiny man

[@meta7565]

Hammock you crashed the lambo chevy

[@iggykad]

@@meta7565 orite ill av a whiff

[@ianrobins3744]

"if it blows up it blows up, "-Jeremy clarkson

[@lakeriarianx5226]

Not that you can say blows up in an airport these days, cause then you have to go to prison for 400 years lol

[@Palpatine420]

Lmao xD

[@sukottotsukeshi.]

Kaboom?

[@actimeladdict2564]

@@sukottotsukeshi. yes Rico, kaboom

[@xwrecker]

Note to self never fly orangutan airlines

[@aravsandhala6821]

i mean he is right about the shops, its literally chocolate, perfume, and alcohol

[@Cynderfan35]

tell me about it. half of the time there is no water offered or soft drinks, so basicly its ya got to buy those in plane for 10x amount cost.

[@MasterofSpiders]

Well, two of those things are useful.

[@michaelrodriguez3327]

And diabetes

[@funni150]

But things like cigarettes and alcohol are there because it’s duty free and the massive UK gov taxes aren’t applied

[@cafe1234arsenal]

Chocolate and perfume are for the girlfriend waiting on the other side of the flight, alcohol is for the rest of us.

[@bigjerm1631]

Hammond is lucky. I would pay serious money to travel with Clarkson and hear his rants.

[@mozxz]

I think its funny the first time, but just remember how many years they've been doing this, and they also complained about it several times on Top Gear..... I would be really fed up after 20 years listening to it

[@ln9895]

thankfully im from doncaster and my grandad is a double of him aha

[@theknight45videos]

You’re crazy. Idc who anyone is, I’m not listening to someone speak like that especially for that long

[@zaidlacksalastname4905]

BS

[@alfiemillersharp]

Why?

[@ethandalton6480]

He missed that you have to show your boarding pass to buy anything in duty free. Who's trying to sneak past stringent airport security just to shop at WHSmiths?

[@RJPhotographics]

Odd that the CEO of WHSmith is able to sell cheap goods for more than anyone else thanks to the aftermath of awful events, and is also an attendee of every Bilderberg meeting.

[@nickm3251]

The reason they ask for your boarding pass is not to check whether you should be in the airport, but because for every transaction in which a boarding pass has been provided WHSmith can claim back VAT on your purchase. You are in fact not obligated to show your boarding pass even though they claim you are, it's just that by showing it they can save some money.

[@KrisVic91]

@@nickm3251 really?

[@dcarbs2979]

The people that work airside buying their lunch!

[@revol148]

@@jwalker7567 it is true although by law you are NOT obliged to give your boarding pass.

[@haoussazakariaaek3660]

"NO one in the history of aviation has ever flown from Gate 01" LMAO

[@brianwong7285]

What about when it comes to smaller airports in places like say Malaysia or anywhere else???

[@brianwong7285]

@Mark Seymour Most smaller local airports in my country do have a Gate 1, and passengers do board flights leaving from that said gate... (where I live, Gate 1 is reserved for small turboprops.)

[@brianwong7285]

@Mark Seymour The only Malaysian airline to have ever been to Stansted was Airasia X (with an A340.)

[@ala0284]

@Mark Seymour it’s like the 4th largest of the 6 London airports

[@siicoviiciouse1629]

That’s true

[@christophernewman5027]

My daughters showed me this: "This is you, Dad!" They're right...

[@jonathanwood8847]

"Not that you can say blows up in an airport, because then you have to go to prison for 400 years"

[@RegularDude00]

british humor is hilarious

[@silverdragon4018]

Same for almost everything. Religion, race, gender, etc. The world we live in is one that will freak out over the smallest offense

[@outrodrift814]

Smithy Chris it’s mad

[@shadowxxe]

@Epoxygleu I'VE GOT CRUISE MISSLES IN MY SANDALS

[@sultanhassan2505]

So you watched the video also huh

[@RoxOfBox]

5:21 so far from civilization that Charles Darwin is still waiting to take off

[@niklasbakkevoll8288]

I just choked on my cheese balls😂😂

[@Porsche996TT]

You can't imagine how hard I laughed 🤣🤣 Thanks

[@wowoking2]

LMAOOO BEST COMMENT IVE SEEN IN A WHILE

[@kurtsudheim825]

I thought it was Letterman, but yours works better

[@raflamar4146]

Started laughing at the comment, burst into tears when I saw the man as indicated by the time stamp

[@littleferrhis]

I love thats he’s just roasting people right in front of them.

[@thetessellater9163]

That is disgusting behaviour - and you like it? You are sad.

[@r.a1301]

@UCa8zZf9qBZAFgnSiqUEJMFg piss off

[@0tispunkm3y3r]

I think, bar the lady in the pink lounge wear, everyone else was bit-parting it.

[@Wrtvrxgvcf55]

didnt like the bashing of the lady in pink however.

[@mrrogue4922]

@@thetessellater9163 cry

[@aadastroyer7787]

Hammond: airplane take up space because they have wings Jeremy: I’ll build a plane without wings

[@realnoahsimpson]

AAdastroyer it’s called a HELICOPTER

[@Hoch134]

@@realnoahsimpson It's called rocket actually. The landing is a bit rough though.

[@sharathvasudev]

g Wingz

[@choochoobob123]

Its a sports plane. Duh

[@dreska255]

Fun fact! It's a thing. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifting_body

[@ethansutherland3786]

I feel kinda sorry for the security guards who probably spent the whole film trying not to piss themselves laughing

[@Dinckelburg]

Hahaha yeah you're right hahaha how did they not hahaha

[@WickedPhatter]

@@Dinckelburg Yea, the ranting was, keep up.

[@Dinckelburg]

@@WickedPhatter great thanks for your help, you're such a great person

[@windmillwilly]

@@Dinckelburg You know what, fuck you Kane

[@kapelthomas]

@@Dinckelburg yeah, fuck you kane, you suck

[@jonesszzy5682]

4:50 I can’t believe that I’ve never noticed Hammond playing around with Jeremy

[@adrianbanhao7977]

Hes pretending to stab him lol

[@1988foxtrot]

Playing, stabbing, same thing.

[@Faith01841]

LMAO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POINTING THAT OUT

[@zeebad3668]

My kids sent me this link, apparently it reminded them of me....

[@nessotrin]

Haha, I like your kids ! They might be trying to tell you that you say the truth, even when it feels like a never ending rant.

[@jakovbrizic]

Now, that's a compliment I'd like to recieve...

[@trev8591]

Yeah, me too.

[@victoria8319]

Awe that’s weirdly sweet

[@ahmadmishbahuddin9174]

This should be pinned 👍🏻

[@shaggyego]

I imagine clarkson was looking forward to filming this clip for the WHOLE season lol

[@akywongster]

If it blows up, it blows up . But you can’t say blows up coz you’ll go to prison for 400 years I’m so dead

[@Alex_K221]

I guess your plane blowed up then.

[@LRC2322]

Jeremy: "Nobody walks 10 minutes" College Students: *Nervous sip of coffee*

[@benji45645]

*while powerwalking at full speed to a class you thought would be easy to get to in 10 minutes but is actually a mile away and up 7 flights of stairs

[@LRC2322]

benji45645 I feel this in my soul.

[@jamminout7671]

@@benji45645 not even figuratively a mile to a mile and a half away, literally that far away

[@joebidenisapedophile]

@@benji45645 literally that but times 2

[@themagicboy6548]

retail workers walk for hours

[@enzofudo7872]

i'll take my chances air you get on the plane i takes off no security if it blows up it blows up

[@zensmylie5393]

As a matter of fact airport security in most countries has never actually been confirmed to have stopped an attack or anything like it the only thing it prevents is smuggling

[@cyborg_v271]

@@zensmylie5393 I think its more of a deterrent, if there is a 100% chance you and your stuff will be x-rayed then the chances you can get a weapon to the plane are very low, sure highly planned and skilled attacks still happen but its much harder for those without the skills and funding

[@Logan-th2vs]

Cyborg _V2 yeah, in 2017 the TSA was tested and they let 75% of guns, explosives and drugs go through without even noticing. In 2018 I think that figure went to 65%, but it’s still really bad

[@homelessdorito]

@Filip Kasprowicz yeah that's the US only imagine with all the other countries how much more it'd be

[@vince1987]

It's called Ryanair.

[@Marcinus95]

"Two hours! I can almost back to London in 2 hours" - I think it's very underated line.

[@TheBrickGuy7939]

Notice how he said "Back to London", standing by what he said about London being so far away from the airport.

[@mudpuddle8805]

Everything he said was true... Or should be.

[@jm6289]

Mud Puddle The part I like most was the train security. Why no security if the train is full of people, but there is for a plane?

[@BaldMancTwat]

@@jm6289 Terrorists really need to buck up their ideas.

[@GajdosMarcell]

@@jm6289 Trains cannot fly into World Trade Center. And if there was such strict security on them, everybody would go on foot. Even to Spain.

[@nilloc93]

@@GajdosMarcell A train can do a lot worse, it carries more kinetic energy and fuel than a plane.

[@chair5728]

nilloc93 What? Trains carry more energy than a plane. Yea no. Though I do assume you’re joking because you said trains carry more fuel, where they’re powered by the electric lines.

[@travelbugse2829]

Richard Hammond is looking more and more like Tony Stark.

[@unpossible3249]

Rittle dittle dittle

[@tanaytoshniwal8518]

Robert Downey Jr.

[@p.sandratangkulung6451]

*Tiny* Stark

[@xwrecker]

Tony stank?

[@Kiryu_Kazuma96]

Iron man mini

[@BenilJoseph]

Tonoit on bo'om geyar Jeremy is caught smuggling cocaine Hammond is sad And James is nowhere to be found

[@klord3677]

🤣

[@harrisonofcolorado8886]

James was sold to the Iranian military for 3 Mexican Pesos.

[@nigeldean1813]

James was there. In the advertisement on the wall lol

[@xGT40x]

And James sells himself out

[@tenzaemtade6146]

I don't think Jeremy misses out the Ts

[@stegosaurus993]

TGT Airlines: If James is your pilot the plane may get to the destination but you'll be 2 hours late and probably at the wrong airport, if Richard was your pilot the plane would get there but upside down and on fire, and if Jezza was pilot he'd go POWERR! as soon as he starts reversing out of the gate, full-throttle backwards and straight into the side of a 737.

[@MikhaelAhava]

@Stegosaurus Jokes aside, I think James is an actual pilot, or was it also Hammond? I’m not sure.

[@MrVassago89]

@@MikhaelAhava both I believe. Hammond was flying a helicopter in the episode where they demolished a house.

[@russetwolf13]

They pulled a Clarkson at Tenerife in 77'' and it went rather poorly,

[@Shadowdoc26]

Planes can't go backwards on their own. But that would still be hilarious, except for all the fiery deaths.

[@bananasstuff3344]

@@MrVassago89 yes I watched that the other day

[@Calsonic8899]

Love all of the public's reactions when they recognise it's Jeremy but not one of them dare interrupt him mid - rant !

[@ImNotActuallyChristian]

i can't imagine the pain filming this was. If you've watched some other clips of them walking in public people come up to them asking for a photo and stuff mid filming. I'd imagine they cut a lot here lol

[@sloop_3522]

This feels like a bottom gear episode

[@rorgues6465]

Tonite on Bo’om Gear I rant about airports and give myself an aneurism Hammond almost reaches his breaking point And James disappears into the void

[@TheRafaelBond]

what u mean by that

[@jatinkumar-fo8yy]

"look at that half-wit" points at may's advert.

[@thefricking5407]

Nothing wrong with that

[@hellohi5602]

Then Hammond would say: You Spanner! And then James would reply with: Clarkson you infantile pillock Ending of with Clarkson saying: But we can all agree, James may is a knob. Back to the tent!

[@marvinuhilarious]

Thank you for explaining the joke. I wouldn't have understood it without this comment.

[@exceptionalanimations1508]

I laughed way too hard at that

[@shootingzen28fav]

He's got a point about gate 1. Where is it? 😂

[@joelcrooker2907]

ShorUKan Its the entrance to the airport.

[@matzmx]

Closest I got to gate 1 is gate 11.

[@deltagames3864]

Closest I got was 407

[@Crroow]

Did you actually try to read the sign, if you did, follow it. Some people are a little too privileged to whine about things like that.

[@richardsonj96]

Crow r/whoosh

[@washambiswimp714]

The rants themselves are funny but Hammonds face makes this so much funnier than it otherwise would've been because we've all been *both* of these people Also I love the way Hammond lists things, like the German word thing on TG, when it feels like its the end 4 times before it actually ends

[@EzraDair]

- the distance to the gate.. - this never ends - OFF COURSE IT DOESN’T END !! Love how Richard meant the rant not the distance 😂

[@Kelthor85]

Good writing :D

[@ronh5036]

thank you for explaining this as none of us would've known this if it weren't for you

[@henkdetank7306]

Maybe jeremy meant that too As in, of course it doesn't end everything's ridiculous here and I can go in forever ranting without a problem

[@assieentertainment9305]

What if he had to wait for a rental car. He would have gone mad.

[@Throku]

Yeah I thought Landvetter was bad, then I got to Copenhagen...then Heathrow. Surely Heathrow was as bad as it could be...no... Boston...not bigger than Heathrow, but worse in so many other ways...little ass Pittsburgh airport, close it already! It's shit. They cancel every flight as soon as it blows more than a fart and the personel is as flendly as a BLM riot. And then there's Chicago airport....that one never ends...who ever designed that one should get the death penalty.

[@ru40342]

I have flown from gate 1 before. A mere 20 meters walk from the security check point. but then there was a delay of 6 hours......

[@Shadow101621]

Sounds like a 'Deal with the devil' type situation

[@p.sandratangkulung6451]

its like finding the Lost City of Atlantic

[@bernardaminiel5864]

Noooo!! Gate "1" emotional speaking yes, literally speaking no

[@brianwong7285]

Where I live the airport is waaaaay smaller, so there is indeed a Gate 1. That’s reserved for smaller turboprops...

[@josephstalin7353]

@@p.sandratangkulung6451 or the ark of the covenant

[@adamdickinson2894]

Richard plays such a good part in this. Nails it perfectly, very underrated

[@SchneiderMarcel]

„This is London Stansted airport which is located nowhere near London“ Oh that’s right, that’s right....

[@SchneiderMarcel]

Sam P It’s incredibly overpriced car parks... But here in Birmingham it’s even more expensive...

[@dcarbs2979]

@@samp3180 I worked at Gatwick, also nowhere near London. Has staff carparks 4 miles (literally) from the place of work within the airport.

[@kaitlyngarner740]

Only 2 of the 6 official London airports are actually within the greater London border (Heathrow and City) but at least Gatwick has good transport links to London and can easily be accessed by using the tube to get to St. Pancras if needed

[@ronoccc]

i just googled mapped it, holy shit he's right! it's nowhere near london it's deep into essex! never knew that.

[@tf8896]

Kaitlyn Garner Gatwick has no tube connections. It’s served by Southern, Great Western, Thameslink and the Gatwick Express. And only the Thameslink goes all the way to St Pancras. Gatwick’s terminal is Victoria. You may be referring to Luton.

[@joewilson4740]

I was working there when they done this, some of it’s scripted but I can assure you his moaning was genuine 😂

[@ZEEECHET]

like what?

[@joewilson4740]

@@ZEEECHET the main basis of the scene where they ride through the airport is scripted.

[@taiterobinson793]

If anyone remembers the McClaren SLR race to Oslo in 2005, there is a scene where Hammond has a short rant about the “arriving early, checking in and sitting around doing nothing and buying stuff you don’t need”.

[@danieldravot341]

McLaren

[@redmr2na]

MICK Claren as James once said.

[@diegojimeneztamame1646]

He's absolutely right about everything he says

[@Whaterman1]

@@justinjohnson7966 ok

[@siicoviiciouse1629]

@@justinjohnson7966 “keep calm and get good”

[@riverwolf654]

So what, he's still annoying

[@MrEditor79]

He's right though. Traveling by plane has become such a drag.

[@alfredocubelo1109]

blame bin laden

[@Tigershark_3082]

@@alfredocubelo1109 I mean, you're not wrong, there

[@shiteyanyo1111]

Well...without drag, how would the planes fly? 🤔

[@jorge8596]

@@shiteyanyo1111 lift

[@kirchoffkyle]

@@shiteyanyo1111 with thrust and lift, planes don't need drag to fly, there's a reason why they are designed to reduce drag

[@dianbarrow5653]

"It's a miracle that I haven't been run over by one of those carts going * beep beep beep beep* *warning *" Fat bastard on board" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@boomingsponge]

If i heard someone say that in an airport id burst out laughing

[@Taylor_Wolfe115]

Richard was imitating stabbing jeremy at the same time

[@bluuf25]

“the most astonishing thing that has happened so far is that i havent been run over by those carts that go “beep beep beep beep, warning, Big bastard on board” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@ARCtrooperblueleader]

😂❤️

[@TheBrickGuy7939]

"And then you get to a corner, and is it the end????? NO! There's another MILE of corridor to go down. No one in the history of aviation has ever flown from gate 1 there are no gate 1s anywhere in the world. "Here's your ticket: Gate 374." "WhErE's GATE 1!!??"

[@jeremyfong5684]

Cue Hammond punching Jeeza’s back

[@jeremyfong5684]

“I can see now why James May volunteered not to be in this film”

[@skinny_snowflake]

fat**

[@OFFICIAL_VIDEO_AWARDS]

I've never thought anyone could be more like me than Jeremy at the airport.

[@AnthroGearhead]

Many humans are narrow minded, if everyone in there started ranting for no reason, airlines would dissappear for good dont it

[@Jdmking-kp1mu]

@@AnthroGearhead Whats the sauce for your profile pic?

[@chrisredfield6825]

@@Jdmking-kp1mu Good riddance..

[@NationalismDjazair]

@@Jdmking-kp1mu estrogen

[@RobertEnterprises]

Jeremy was so upset he actually made that poor girl jump and you can even hear her slightly scream at 5:01 😅

[@sofascialistadankulamegado1781]

That woman needs to relax. Lol!

[@comradebartek4524]

I wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn’t pointed it out, I’m glad you did comrade

[@hailun374]

💀💀💀💀

[@TheBrickGuy7939]

Looool!!

[@matthew_natividad]

@@sofascialistadankulamegado1781 she must be startled easily

[@jean-claudefrancoisbaroudd730]

There's an airport I very regularly fly to/from, it has two gates, Gate 1 and Gate 2; there are 6 departing flights a week, I have never been to Gate 1.

[@jblyon2]

I was in a brand new terminal not that long ago. The entrance is at one end, and the only gates in use are at the opposite end. No moving walkways, just over a half mile long walk to get to the first gate that's actually used, after the already long walk through the rest of the airport to check in and go through security. Why? They're not tiny gates meant for regional planes. They're full size!

[@petritkrasniqi4996]

The part where they search Jeremy's condiments is hilarious... he deliberately made it look like they're drugs hahahaha

[@tinyspeaker]

Haha no way I didn't even get that joke haha thanks bro

[@anonnona6940]

Are you german by any chance?

[@DanDownunda8888]

No shit! Really? Wow!

[@AverageAlien]

well done, you spelled out the joke

[@Aiden_Leither]

Oh really? It's almost as if it's scripted for television

[@Hahaa99]

I love these 3 so much Been watching them for more than 10 years and its sad to see them getting old 😢

[@Ericbryanmr]

Ive been through many airports in my time, from new zealand, australia and dubai to italy, hong kong and the UK. Stansted airport was, by far, the longest and most unnecessary walk of the lot.

[@EzraDair]

Standsted? More like stand still 🥁

[@Zayrhodes]

“And then you get to a corner, and is it the end... NOOOOOOOO!!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@callumdean]

"get on a train with people, no security, get on a plane it's all this" he has got a point tbf 😂😂

[@danieldravot341]

Well, if a bomb goes off in a plane it drops seven miles straight down before plowing into the earth at 500 miles per hour. On a train, not so much . . .

[@notastone4832]

@@danieldravot341 lets be honest we fucked up overreacting to 9/11 with airport security and you can still get contraband through security if you really want to.

[@spazticus1976]

@@danieldravot341 still has the same effect though, people die. Doesn't really matter what speed the vehicle's going.

[@danieldravot341]

@@spazticus1976, a plane in flight is almost certain to kill everyone on board if it crashes. A train can slow to 30 or 40 for a crossing, have a bomb explode, and the damage would be localized.

[@spazticus1976]

@@danieldravot341 a bomb is a bomb. Generally they're designed to explode. That kills people, so theres no reason a train station shouldn't have the security an airport does.

[@3Speedboy]

Clarkson's ancestors: run for days to catch a prehistoric deer Clarkson: who walks for 10 minutes?

[@liamgradwell2998]

Clarkson makes so much sense to me. Airports are the least relaxing places in the world. The room before death row is more relaxing than airports. At least there you can have a nice meal before. Not a huge queue to a Burger King, at which you need a bording pass to prove you are a passenger for a flight, despite actually being through checkout and security, but no! You need to prove yourself again just for eating and a buying a magazine at a WHSmiths. Then you’re pretty much looking at the boarding list, waiting till the last minute to run all the miles to the gate before the plane sets off in half an hour and when you finally get to the gate, you get a chance for A RANDOM inspection. Why on Earth are they random when you choose the most suspicious person to them and not because you’ve already been checked. So are just going to smuggle illegal stuff from the waiting area to the plane?! The entire airport system is flawed and that’s why I don’t go abroad very often.

[@Karuiko]

Meanwhile I work at an airport that does things exactly as Clarkson wished they'd be done..

[@morbo3000]

@@OffGridInvestor That proves that the checks were indeed random.

[@bassmunk]

The boarding procedure makes the least sense cuz it automatically makes every get in everybody else's way when you're trying to put ur crap away. Mythbusters tested this and proved it was the least efficient way possible 2nd only to a free for all lol

[@benji45645]

@Wristguard2888 I used to hate layovers until I turned 21. Then I came to the conclusion that two 1hr flights with an hour of drinking time in between is usually preferable to a 1.5hr flight with no drinking.

[@TheAlps36]

Oh I don't know - bus terminals are worse

[@LandrySubira]

Richard Hammond's face through the rant is priceless..

[@matthew_natividad]

Why are we still here? Just to suffer?

[@chknnuggies]

Hammond in the background is one of the best parts

[@ghostofoutlaw]

Racist.

[@micahmuch]

racist

[@leedan6618]

Racist

[@maxmorris4562]

Racist

[@pinmamena433]

Racist.

[@jessebourgelas8811]

''I'll take my chances there, you turn up, get on the plane, it takes off. Nobody on board, smells like Victoria Beckham. No security. Nothing. If it blows up, it blows up. Not that you can say blows up at an airport these days 'cause then you'll have to go to prison for 400 years" Airlines sounds like a fantastic airline.

[@AdamPhantasm]

4:48 "The astonishing miracle is that so far, I haven't actually been ran over by one of those carts, going 'Beep, beep, beep, beep! Warning! Fat bastard on board!'" ROFL! X'D

[@corie_1032]

He's got a point with the skeleton analogy at 2:02

[@aetherblackbolt1301]

Yeah until you have a tumour or who else knows what in there, and they need to check it with a mini camera or just take it out. He had white powder in little bags to make a drug smuggling joke, so that would be the tumour to this analogy as to why they searched through it.

[@WhirlwindHeatAndFlash]

No he doesnt. Like its completely stupid. The main difference between the 2 is that when you get xrayed in a hospital you do so with the intention of people figuring out whats wrong with you. You get xrayed at the airport and then searched because if you ARE smuggling you specifically TRY TO HIDE SOMETHING. The 2 are completely different. And yes, there are methods to specifically hide items from xray - can you use these reasonably inside your own leg? no! Would you want to before you get a checkup at the doctor? NO! And its the complete opposite for bags at the airport - you very easily can hide stuff from xray in your bag AND you could have reasons to want to do so. Its a joke sketch i get it. The analogy is poor either way.

[@Sweetcherrybead]

R/wooooosh

[@asolute504]

@@WhirlwindHeatAndFlash all that for a joke

[@XBLGR]

I love how Jeremy is going off on how long the walk is and Hammond is just straight up like "its because planes are big mate"

[@Poseiden2]

I also like, at the bigger airports like Heathrow, how you have the same brands of shops either side of the (often humiliating) security checks. "I didn't want to buy a newspaper until I'd been frisked and made to do the hokey-cokey, but as there's another WH Smiths in this bit too I've changed my mind!"

[@Uryendel]

Ain't wrong, security is useless, once i took a plane with a 12cm pointy blade in my cabin luggage

[@bakersmileyface]

Pretty easy to get through security with a few grams of weed in my experience. I don't trust people at festivals to get me anything so I always bring my own every festival season. Though I suppose it helps that out of all of the times I've flown out, I have never been randomly searched.

[@Uryendel]

@@bakersmileyface weed is pretty difficult to see, also my luggage with the knife was searched (rejected by x-ray), they just check if they were no powder...

[@P51DFreak25]

People have gotten guns on by accident

[@hammycow26]

TSA OPEN UP! Yeah, airport security is pretty damn incompetent. The TSA here in the States is also known for theft. I can't remember if it was the CIA, Homeland, or FBI that tested them, but they sent hundreds of fake weapons through TSA security checkpoints across the country and 96% of the weapons got through security. These airport security services are purely for psychological security. What has stopped attacks is increased vigilance by intelligence and law enforcement agencies since 9/11.

[@MikhaelAhava]

@Michaelwithanasus that 96% wherein the contrabands would pass, is quite an old figure, I don’t know nowadays. And speaking of security, look at Israeli airports, strict security, for obvious reasons.

[@geoffreywallace9432]

This clip is more entertaining then a whole hour of some other shows

[@thed00t76]

I honestly think that Jeremy is just voicing what we all think when we go to airports.

[@omlandthegreat]

He has some fair points though.

[@tylersharpeboi8748]

I know Jeremy talks a lot but I’ve never heard him argue that long about one thing, lol

[@lickaturdsmellafart2753]

“I’ll Take My chances Air” with the tag line - “If it blows up, it blows up!” is absolute gold.... Someone should do it in real just to see if people would fly in it. 😂😂😜😜

[@largol33t1]

4:54 - Hammond about to lose his mind if Jezza doesn't shut up...

[@truthkeeperfilms]

3:00 Look at that half wit.. haha James

[@theveryrealbrucey]

That's why the rest of the world ( and there is a whole lot more of it) doesn't live in the land of the allegedly free with more prisoners, murderes, guns, drugs and prostitutes.

[@truthkeeperfilms]

@@theveryrealbrucey - Prostitution is legal in most of Europe. Drugs are equally available in Europe as it is in America, thanks to the opium in Afgan, which is closer to Europe than the US. True, we have more guns, we have a 2nd Amendment which puts tyranny at bay, where as in Europe, they are unarmed slaves to a tyrannical dictatorship called the European Union, led by unelected elites in Brussels. China is the same. Middle East is the same. Russia is the same. They are all led by some satanic communistic dictatorship where freedoms and rights come with caviots. So, in the end, the US still remains the only true free country in the entire world.

[@theveryrealbrucey]

@@truthkeeperfilms Have you heard of your King, Trump in the dump? Ya haven't a clue. I Don't Live In Most Of Europe in the same way you don't live in America, it's a continent you idiot. You live in the bit in the middle. I, however, live where prostitution is illegal, we don't shoot each other so you can stick your 2nd you know where & we don't do meth, flaka & all those fucked up things ye love so much. Your attitude is laughed at by the majority of planet earth of which you live within only 4.25 of global population, a massive minority & 98.6% of its inhabitants are immigrants 1 of which I am sure you or your family are. A native American Indian would not be so infested with thoughts of King Trump. I pity you.

[@PS-fy8fd]

@@theveryrealbrucey damn you mad?

[@MyHeadHz]

@@theveryrealbrucey wha. How did you get from James may , to political generalizations. Firearms are used primarily for defense by responsible owners who have gone through extensive checks and classes to obtain them and legally carry them. Most shootings happen with stolen, or illegally modified firearms, not legally obtained firearms. Drugs are an issue due to lack of funding for border protection from cartels. Trump was elected fairly, multiple investigations have turned up no evidence of collusion or otherwise.

[@shrimpflea]

As Tobias Funke once said: "I'm not gonna blame it all on 9/11 but it certainly didn't help."

[@noahreaves8235]

"She looks like Elton John in Tommy" 💀🤣🤣🤣💀

[@noahreaves8235]

@Lili Víla well that's good. That joke still cracks me up

[@Shaggyshadric]

When you work at a company that still uses dot matrix printers 👀

[@shodanki3736]

I Love them they just work and you do not have to throw away half-full toner cassettes because of an internal timer/counter just for the company to sell more.

[@D0Samp]

So, a doctor's office or anywhere you need genuine carbon copies?

[@zknarc]

NHS?

[@somewisealien]

"Oh right I've suddenly got the need to smell like Victoria Beckham!" Gold

[@PimSchouten]

Thank you so much for this! Feels great somehow to see this rant going on hahaha!

[@NeillyWheelie]

I believe Jeremy is allergic to manual labour

[@cherieg9427]

😂😂😂

[@mclarenrob2]

but now he's a farmer which is the most manual laboury job of them all

[@BlatentlyFakeName]

A farm which is paid by the EU to not grow anything lol

[@manfrombritain6816]

the rage about people in the queues for security check is so real

[@az126zad]

Ok the part about airports having London in the name despite being closer to France than London is correct. Milwaukee and Gary don't call their airports Chicago Milwaukee and Chicago Executive Airport

[@joshualyness4790]

Zad what airport is closer to France than London??

[@az126zad]

@@joshualyness4790 London Ashford

[@joshualyness4790]

Zad fair enough. It is called lydd airport, presumably london ashford was a previous name

[@noonehere4332]

Zad You have never heard of Chicago-Rockford

[@az126zad]

@@noonehere4332 I'm from Wisconsin I know everything in Illinois is crap

[@CodeLeeCarter]

Good Idea,... Top-Gear airlines as long as Jeramy isn't a pilot.

[@Thecognoscenti_1]

Or James, because you'll be late and lost. Or Richard for that matter, because you'll be dead. 😂

[@Gentleman...Driver]

Make the Stig a pilot and you always will be there before the flight begins.

[@zaryabmujahid2514]

SPEED AND POWER

[@AllanFolm]

May holds a PPL and Hammond has a helicopter licence.

[@dcarbs2979]

@@AllanFolm Can he drive the plane at night yet?! ;-)

[@hishamzaza174]

I love how even when the video ends, Jeremy doesn't stop ranting. Rich was right, it never ends ...

[@thegamingbayskeletor1637]

Bruh i'd literally pay to travel with Clarkson just to hear his rants

[@crappytoast2441]

Love how Hammond is just dying more and more through the whole video 😂

[@tvviewer4500]

"No airport anywhere has a Gate One. Where is Gate One?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is none." is my favorite observation ever.

[@Treatyee]

4:18 THIS NEVER ENDS Hammond meant: The rants Clarkson: distance to the gate Lol

[@johantowmhas5774]

Everything Jezza said ( except the long walk- which i find relaxing) is something i think about all the time at airports.

[@ninjaz5736]

At my old local airport, Gate 1 was blocked off by the extension to the baggage sorting area, but was one of only 2 gates with a lift to the ground floor, so was almost exclusively used by Cafe staff with trolleys of stock, and gate agents pushing wheelchairs / helping people who couldn't climb down lots of stairs. And we only had 5 gates!

[@daniellowell2157]

3:01 "Look at that halfwit!" *Sees ad with James May on it*

[@thathomersimpson]

3:00

[@tilinapple]

Omg I need more of this. I want the whole 20 minute footage I would listen to hours and hours of this guy ranting about airports. He should start his own podcast that is just him ranting about airports

[@gokhulmanikandan7689]

this guy

[@summushieremiasclarkson4700]

He's quite right, this is just bad planning when it comes to the shape of the terminal. You can have giant circular terminals joined by corridors, with a central access point. This would work quite well, and indeed it does in many airports.

[@korvusgaming4927]

A concourse design? Yeah, that's super common.

[@thecosmicyak1370]

Y'know, I work in an airport and those dot matrix printers, although very old, are the most ink-effective way of printing onto triplicate paper.

[@osuscyan3143]

That's what they pay you to think

[@simontay4851]

why not use thermal paper? No ink necessary. Thermal paper is what shop recipts are printed on.

[@CurmudgeonExtraordinaire]

@@simontay4851 -- Thermal paper sucks... Leave it in your car (especially on the dash) and it turns black...

[@OffGridInvestor]

INK EFFICIENT. You know you can pay $20 for a cartridge that does 6000 pages now. No YOU DON'T because you're one of those airport people.....

[@CurmudgeonExtraordinaire]

@Varsha Rajkumar -- Maybe when you own a car, you'll understand...

[@macbuff81]

I flew into Stansted once. It took me a one-hour car ride to get to London. The same silliness also occurs at Frankfurt-Hahn Airport which is not located anywhere near Frankfurt.

[@MattAutoMotive]

Yeah same thing at Edinburgh and Glasgow

[@silverrobinson7940]

Jeremy's hunter-gatherer ancestors who chased their prey for weeks on end watching him complain about a 10-minute walk

[@vincentbaelde-millar670]

I actually get all of his snarks. Except the big one. walking a few hundred metres is only an issue if you're 60 and you've spent about 0 of the last 30 years looking after your body

[@OffGridInvestor]

That explains checking in 2 hours early. The fatties have to walk 1.6 kilometers to the gate ao that gives them all time to waddle there.

[@dcarbs2979]

If it's a real problem, there are staff with electric carts to drive you there (sometimes). Book in advance.

[@MikhaelAhava]

@Link Knight In my experience, 2 hours early means an 1 hour of that is being used in lines, more or less. But I guess you do have a point there.

[@dbclass4075]

@@dcarbs2979 And some airports have moving walkways.

[@dcarbs2979]

@@dbclass4075 The airport I worked at had both moving walkways and the option of carts. Just not for all stands at all times.

[@adamdickinson2894]

Probably my favourite moment of the Grand Tour... Was a huge top gear fan, not too fond of the GT just thought not many of the gags were funny and you could see them coming a mile off, plus the BBC did a much better job of hiding it was scripted. But this was brilliant.

[@EpicStuffMan1000]

especially the bit with the vehicles they make. so top gear

[@ghodkiller000]

Well, GT was targeted to the american market...

[@theangrygamer895]

Obviously they had more lefty restrictions in the bbc but the four of them still had to write the shows whole there. The fourth is andy wilman by the way.

[@adamdickinson2894]

@@theangrygamer895 that's just ridiculous. It's got nothing to do with politics and lefty restrictions (they actually criticised the labour government until 2010 a lot more than the Tory one post-2010), if anything those things were a source of jokes. It's just as I said, the BBC did a way better job of making it look natural and off the cuff. The GT just seems so scripted, you can see most jokes coming a mile off and they'll often repeat them 4 or 5 times until they're totally dead. Ik it was a lot of the same team but there was definitely something missing.

[@stephensingh6404]

Its... not scripted

[@Juchelak]

I've been to 5 airports and every single time I got selected for random checkup.

[@Uberdude6666]

I've been working at those security control-points at an airport for 3 years. Have to say I agree with a lot of his points

[@Gazzar]

Hammond with the patience of a saint - I imagine this rant went on for the duration of the flight as well

[@zknarc]

In first class

[@InterMalager]

1:32 "she looks like Elton John in Tommy" - I must say that one liner has made me belly laugh! Today is a good day!

[@urhomiesapien]

Therapist: Airport security Todd Howard doesn't exist, he can't hurt you...... *Airport security Todd Howard:* 1:46

[@cynicat74]

He's trying to fund the new Skyrim VR Special Edition

[@greatsageclok-roo9013]

Oh for f- I did NOT need to see that! I'm now only surprised he didn't tell Jeremy "It just works." At least in that scenario, Jeremy's follow-up rant of "It doesn't work! (etc)" would be correct. Seriously, Bethesda, get your fucking game sorted out... or finished!

[@MrBerserkinTime]

welcome to top gear, tonight, I rant on about airports and such, Richard almost reaches his breaking point, and James avoids the situation all together

[@juliettaylor8953]

Except this isn't Top Gear...

[@Rackoun]

"No human walks for 10 minutes" New Yorkers: allow us to introduce ourselves.

[@xavier9480]

literally every normal person: allow us to introduce ourselves.

[@willbainbridgedrummer]

He genuinely looks pregnant.

[@nokachi3339]

Damn