The Hardest Person in the World To Break up With

The hardest people to break up with are those who tell us they love us while, simultaneously, not in fact behaving in a loving way towards us. They force us to eject them from our lives while denying us the sense that we have any right to do so. They say the right words without ever doing the right things. They play dangerously with our minds. Here is a short guide to extricating ourselves and saving our sanity.
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FURTHER READING
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“Break-ups are almost invariably difficult, but that isn’t to say there aren’t different degrees of complexity at stake in different constellations. Nor does it preclude the existence of a cataclysmically painful but too-little known type whom we can call the hardest person in the world to break up with. A relationship with them begins like this: you’re very drawn to them. Perhaps they very much attract you physically and their personality is compelling as well. You admire them and, in areas, feel a lot of sympathy for them too; there’s probably something in their past which really interests and touches you. You have no desire to break up, and in fact, you’d love this to last till the end.”
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[@christophe_gallant]

The hardest person to break up with is the one you created in your mind.

[@haleem4420]

Well said!

[@gregspeleotes482]

Well said

[@swathysreer4422]

Absolutely true...

[@gloomydaysunshine8656]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣so true

[@SacredRevel]

This

[@emmyetyet3646]

The hardest person to break up with is that person you've been thinking about from the moment you clicked on this video.

[@lightghost7524]

This video is hilarious because the genders are flipped

[@tamarindu3903]

light ghost hol up, I didn’t even noticed that 0.o

[@JaySemper]

This is a beautifully precise answer

[@anctx]

The truth

[@realpassionlife]

I felt attacked lolol 😆

[@alisonchristinewebb]

The best advice I ever got was, “breaking up with him doesn’t mean you don’t love him. It just means you love yourself more”.

[@RaRa-id7jg]

Absolutely!! I have learned that some people are to be loved… as long as they stay all the way over there. 😶

[@curious_gage]

It’s interesting how different it is from a guys perspective. The intensity of a man’s love for a woman can easily surpass his love for himself. I’d even say that a man’s love for a woman can (in certain cases) rival the love a mother has for her child. No woman will ever love a man more than she loves her child.

[@1cattails]

@@curious_gage i think it depends on the person, not just guys feel that. But yeah. Kinda feeling like they are more important than i will ever be. The most important person ever

[@bishamap]

❤️ exactly what I needed today! Thanks!

[@Ruthless701]

That’s a very respectful decision. Good thing you learned that

[@hannahcb7739]

One thing I learned from my past relationship is that sometimes love isn't enough

[@williamqin7008]

I agree, although love means different things to different people. Being in love, as in strongly physically or emotionally attracted, isn’t enough. Choosing to love, by working through problems and growing together, could work. Although I’ve never experienced that. Just came out of a 2 month intense relationship, although it was realistically more like friends with benefits. I decided to end it with her because I didn’t want that. I wanted a long term relationship. I’m pretty confused myself.

[@hannahcb7739]

@@williamqin7008 yeah that's what i meant. Having feelings for someone is crucial but means nothing if you don't respect each other and have similar values and plans. And sometimes our trauma makes us fall in love with unhealthy ppl. I still had feelings for my abusive ex when i left him

[@williamqin7008]

i totally agree. It's something learned in hindsight, when times are bad, its necessary for two people to put in the same amount of effort, and to do so you have to have respect and similar values with each other. We had a great time together, but then we did long distance for a month and when I came back she was like a different person, and very cold. There was alot of drama involved that I won't get into, but it wasn't anything bad, just alot of misunderstandings. It was crazy how cold she became. I don't think either of us were completely at fault though, it was just that it wasn't the right time for us to be together, as she was still dealing with trauma from her previous relationships. I felt all my energy being sucked away from me, and it was hard for me to feel happiness from anything else. I honestly felt much better after breaking up, but I still miss her alot, I understand the struggle very well.

[@LA-cm9uo]

Hey, I've been there. I had a bf who treated me like a friends with benefits for a year. What happened was I fell deeply in love and frustrated, wanting more and trying harder, but he has commitment issues therefore pushing away my most thoughtful advances. Within 4-5 months he admitted his feelings fizzled out for me and he sees me like a friend. But we decided to stay together, to see if his feelings can come back again. Sometimes he swore they did, but overall, we both grew further from one another until by the end of the year we really were just like friends.

[@LA-cm9uo]

How did you overcome the feelings for him?

[@dovahkiin9958]

Let's not forget these "partners" may sometimes be us. It's always important to self-reflect

[@rahafalmasri1307]

But this type of person wouldn't be watching this video, cuz they don't want to admit it to themselves.

[@alextrainor2552]

This is absolutely true about myself. Going through a breakup caused by myself right now.

[@aripmjr]

yeah I was just watching thinking more of myself as the lion.

[@hectorperez7453]

I thought I was gonna be able to find something to make me feel better in this video, but I just noticed that I'm the lion, which in this case is the problem.

[@jamilahwillis8008]

Plot twist: if you feel like you should reflect after watching this. Your most LIKELY not the lion. It’s because the lion is a narcissist

[@slightlya4tistic]

“when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags” - Wanda, Bojack Horseman.

[@annipsy2185]

so true, until u learn your lesson by going through an absolute nightmare and hit the bottom...never again.not me.

[@marcicallahan8039]

As Maya Angelou said : "when someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time "

[@Misuzu4213]

Oh, a dozen red flags! I love them

[@Psychologist_Eugen_Fitzherbert]

Well said

[@archangelmist8470]

Ohhh, a Bojack reference! Thank you for that! :D

[@lilagemstone8299]

Let's not forget also the 3rd type of response - the hurt - the person who may accept the criticism at first but then quickly begins to talk about how awful the criticism has made them feel. They make you (deliberately or more often not deliberately) feel like it was selfish or wrong to even have the concern let alone voice it

[@jujutsucryin3256]

Exactly! Why on earth did me telling my ex that I felt manipulated by him hurt his feelings? Rather than seek within himself why I could feel that way he made it my responsibility to tell him whenever I felt like he was doing it. Which just puts the pressure on me and enables him to continue.

[@morgan__pc4562]

this is the one

[@morgan__pc4562]

if anybody has been watching bachelor in paradise, gen has been doing this all season

[@belgadog99]

yes, my dear SO does this. Gaslighting. it is still under the same umbrella. (playing the victim) every single day.

[@salva6292]

I honestly feel like I've been like this and i highly regret. I have said being hurt because i did. It made me feel terrible to realize how much i could be hurting the person i loved without even knowing. I never tended to manipulate or something like that, i genuinely felt like that.

[@Lexaproathlete]

let's not forget, loving YOURSELF means RESPECTING yourself, and how many people in the world will ask you to disrespect yourself for their own sake

[@jesseheidohrn6468]

So true

[@bighiu-tofanchris717]

The hardest person to break up with is an emotional manipulator, who plays the victim and makes you also addicted to them.

[@janedonut1169]

Cristiana Bighiu Tofan this is awful. I was in this situation. We broke up, after 8 years he's just exactly the same as before. Again, I walked away, again he's played thr victim. And again, I'm left in tatters wondering why?

[@305dar8]

💯🙏🏼

[@1qstudios]

One of my best female best friends is like that. She is like a "best friend slut". As soon as you dont behave like she want you to behave, she finds a new best friend. One time I said: Wait, I thought I was your best friend? She: Yeah thats True but Daniel is a better best friend and you and I are longer friends. There are like 4 or 5 closd friends of mine that have had the "best friend" label of her. The problem is she has meant to much to me to truly "unfriend" her but I don't hang out with her anymore,only on traditional friend things and birthdays. She had even more toxic traits. Subconciously I stopped hanging out with her. But I realized that later

[@naissketching395]

Met someone like that, it's the worst.

[@ojsamson]

Most "women" these days, immaturity encouraged by feminism and the "progressive" left...

[@AuthenticSelfGrowth]

You'll never heal by going back to what broke you

[@burymebelowawillowtree9243]

Authentic Self Guide wise words my friend.

[@MyMessyMind]

Unless you go back to face and learn from it. Not saying i condone staying with a prick, but life will keep giving you pricks if you dont have the strength to face them.

[@moritzkolb9762]

P

[@keurdecoyote1586]

But they said what doesn't kills you makes you stronger !?

[@Pope_Balenciaga]

If you don't want to go back, you just don't want to face reality. Learn from your past however hard it might be. Because if you don't the past will repeat itself. Face your demons. Face your failures.

[@irishdude1988]

Man, this hit hard. As someone who ended a relationship 6 months ago because she lied to me several times over 2 years together, this video helps. I constantly battle with the feeling she was the best I can do. The most physically attractive, the one woman I shared so many common interests with. I also recognise the fact that I wasnt the best boyfriend at times either. So I never knew if I was being too sensitive or if I had good cause to be upset. But I also recognise that she would pretty much always make me feel like the bad guy, or she would say sorry and that she would never repeat a behaviour, but then she would do it again a while later, exactly like this video says. My ex also threw herself a massive pity party when we broke up so now all mutual friends think I'm a dick, when I was just looking out for myself. It's like they don't even realise how damn hard it was for me to walk away. My ex doesn't seem to realise that either. I wish she didn't lie to me. Maybe things could have been different. It's so frustrating. I compare new dates to her but nobody gives me the same feeling, never the same chemistry. Like a moth to the flame, I know she's bad for me, yet I can't help be attracted to her. I have decided to move on though. I know, eventually, I'll be glad I walked out of that relationship. When I have a partner that doesn't lie to me, that respects me, and that I have no doubts about. Better to be alone then be with her again.

[@patatabrava2227]

man that was so sad.. hope you are ok and get over this soon

[@parkerwilliams2487]

Going through a lot of the same brotha, it's effecting me the same it's for sure one of the hardest chapters in my life so far.

[@spacebarzzz860]

You perfectly described my last relationship. as hard as it is, use it as a learning experience of where you can improve and what you will and won’t stand for.

[@clarissagiles734]

It’s the trauma bonding that still has you fawning for her. I had to learn that about my toxic relationship as well. 3 months separated, and even though he’s making this divorce ugly, at times I miss him…or at least the version of him that would “love bomb” me.

[@KKKaTTT123]

Well done

[@laquan3661]

Always remember...Being understood is a form of intimacy. When someone refuses to be understanding, they are either selfish, inconsiderate, or prideful or all the above. None of these traits will lead to a long lasting healthy relationship. When you have a controversial discussion, you can gauge their willingness to be understanding💕 God bless in Jesus name!🙏🏽🙌🏽

[@lucid2571]

Holy shit this comment....

[@navyblue7787]

When someone refuses to be understanding, they are either selfish

[@Amynity]

my dad once told my mom, "sometimes i find it really hard to understand you". to which my mom replied "you don't need to understand me, just love me". even as her own daughter, sometimes i struggle to understand and love her. i wonder how my late dad does it. my mom said that it would be too boring for my dad if she was too easy to read😅

[@hekkrjs2698]

Nice way of putting it! I try to be understanding.

[@Ruylopez778]

But isn't it also our perception that they are 'refusing to be...' and not necessarily reality?

[@osse1n]

*Respect yourself enough, to walk away from someone who doesn't see your worth.*

[@ssruizhang]

ironic how i came across your comment right after my ex broke up with me telling me that she doesn't love me enough to see a future together

[@osse1n]

@@ssruizhang What did you learn from the experience?

[@khuenguyen3086]

I always see your comment on the top

[@coreycox2345]

This video is excellent, O'SSEIN - Master Your Mind With Me, because it can creep up insidiously. I stayed married ten years too long in hopes that it could reverse.

[@coreycox2345]

Your examples are extreme. Sometimes a best friend can be like an annoying family member. In that case, a "holiday" from the friend may be in order, Oh No.

[@minervaloves]

Without ever raising a hand, let alone a finger, one human can badly damage another! So true.

[@addysaw]

True, but luckily the damage can be undone. It takes time though.

[@nimverxza2485]

Now that's a lot of damage!

[@robertsmith7667]

There are no victims only volunteers.

[@amanshivhare9897]

I believe No, actually you are giving power to that person. Never give power to someone else of your life. Loving and giving power are different. You may get hurt in love but not damaged.

[@corb5654]

@@robertsmith7667 No, that's nonsense. We're blinded by love and fail to see the deathly danger that stares us in the face.

[@jess4005what]

I no longer base the value of a relationship on how I feel about them but how they make me feel. I can love someone and hate how they make me feel. I'm not leaving out of lack of love, but to feel better again.

[@Red_1976]

This is really good, I feel adolescents should be taught this before they enter a serious relationship.

[@mariee_e]

This is good. Second that

[@iv1908]

Watched this video while married for over 3 years and realized I had to get out for several reasons. Now divorced for 3 months and I'm so proud of my courage to get free. Yes, it's hard but it's definitely peaceful and that's what I missed most. I pray anyone feeling trapped finds the willpower to do the same.

[@beyoncebeyonce2747]

Very proud! Hope all is going well for you! You are so strong!

[@iv1908]

@@beyoncebeyonce2747 Thank you so much for your kind words!😊 It definitely took more than enough time to "get free" but after realizing I "served enough time" I had to break out. Still trying to find my rhythm but everything new takes time to adjust to. I pray that you are well and find peace if you are seeking it. ✌🏾

[@BOT_Hajko]

@@iv1908 would you share with us why did you have to break up?

[@iv1908]

@@BOT_Hajko My ex-husband was a conartist to say the least. He lied about much of who/what he was, and like with anything, along with with time, the facade wears off. I finally saw who he was and was repulsed. Ultimately, he didn't truly love me nor was he fully committed to me, us, or our marriage, but was more interested in what he could get out of it from what I gathered. As such, I was miserable, and even more, so was he. I/we couldn't continue on that way. So divorce. 🙃

[@rissa_mariposa]

This is inspiring 💗

[@nokayart612]

One thing I learned from relationships is that you never know if they truly love you till life starts to test the relationship. Edit: Spelling a whole year later

[@Jackgritty28]

If you haven't mastered yourself, how could you master others, people need time to change, it's called a transition period, if they couldn't make those necessary adjustments, maybe it wasn't for you, self-denial about being the instigator, mind games ensue,are you imagining things, life isn't always a picnic,don't put up with it, if they wanna see you suffer🚩✅💲

[@hman2912]

Indeed. We can never really know someone, only bits and pieces

[@patriciavandevelde5469]

Not worth the hazzle

[@silkroad1201]

I've learned there's no such thing unconditional love for anyone other than family. They might love you more than anything, but there's always something you can do to lose it. Same goes for them

[@AmarylisFlow]

You don’t know anyone until you have seen them under pressure or told them some bad news

[@Ghostofanoutcast]

I finally left guys....... freaking finally. And I must say I am so READY to regain myself, the person who I lost in the 6 yr relationship.

[@maluridae_]

This was stunning for me, it is exactly how it felt to get out of my 8.5yr relationship, hardest thing i've ever done and yet also the easiest? Have never ever looked back once.

[@tee4303]

Congrats!! Same here, it’ll be a year soon since i left my ex😁🙌 never againnn!!!! Hope ur glowing the fuck up now😌🙌

[@tjitjo]

So you're into girls now? (Because you said you left guys... get it? 😆🤪🤪)

[@rykson161]

Hahaha ! Such a fraud ! You are nothing ! Stfu ! Woman you need drama in your life to exist ! Remember the Apple ? Stfu

[@jenlinds1]

Congratulations! 💛

[@jaimiemartinez5193]

I was in a relationship like this for 7 years. It's only been 5 months since it ended, so I am still affected by it. He was the denial one. The only time he blamed stuff on himself was when I left. I try to surround myself with good friends, positivity, doing things I love, and crying when I am sad. I'm taking it day by day.

[@SlothLoveChunk14]

Try 3 yrs and 4 months…I’m still 3 months into It. Course….he just disappeared one night like a thief into the night. 6 yrs and engaged. I hope dies in a fiery car crash involving an 18 wheeler sry not sry

[@mineandmine4528]

At the end of the day, you have to do what’s best for you. It took me 16 years to realize this. Please also remember that it takes a man 6months to determine who he wants to marry. Also another lesson I learned the hard way.

[@jevans1805]

expect the recovery to take a while, god help you.

[@jazziew2148]

🤗🤗🤗

[@Taeyangsmissingjacket]

After 8 months of relationship, I understand that the other person denies anything he says to me and refuses to take responsibility for his words. I told him I want to break up and then he starts crying and apologizing. It is extremely hard to ignore the apologies that come later but I’ve tried my best to not fall for them.

[@anonymousnation5235]

In short, a gaslighter is hard to break up with. This person uses your best traits (your ability to love and trust) against you and make you feel bad for having these traits.

[@PercussusResurgo]

It has taken me decades of hurt to figure that out. I knew something was wrong and mistakenly thought the other person would be equally interested in doing whatever it takes to form a loving, trusting long term relationship. I was wrong, even when children were involved my spouse was incapable of it. (I thought she would not try but now I am finally starting to accept she was emotionally and mentally not capable of it. I finally escaped (pending divorce) and honestly (and objectively) it is crystal clear she still has no idea who she is or what she wants. 5-10 years into our marriage and 3 kids she did not want to be married but equally did not want to be unmarried because that would have involved making a choice and a decision and taking own some self responsibility. It nearly killed me and has left me very damaged indeed. I am still not free of her because 4 years later she won't deal with the separation agreement because its too difficult. Its hard not to be extremely bitter.

[@anonymousnation5235]

@@PercussusResurgo your ex-wife is among the people who sweep all the discomfort under the rug so they don't have to deal with it. And such people need a lot of self realization to improve their lives. You should be thankful that you're finally parting ways. May Allah make this easy for you. Ameen

[@enya6205]

Note to self: Work on yourself. Avoid hurting this girl you really love.

[@sanyuktamittal2905]

Wow

[@greyheart5355]

Yeah I really love this one girl, but for my sake I really am going to have to give myself space from her. As shitty as it sounds and how miserable it is going to be, I really have to let go so that I can really heal :)

[@Eapp1480]

@@greyheart5355 worth it !

[@danielhidalgochica2608]

@@greyheart5355 Good luck man!

[@f.k.a1010]

@@greyheart5355 Hope your healing journey is going well.

[@Mehdz03]

Hardest person to break up with? Your old self...

[@kairu5607]

Yeah best decision I ever made.

[@nealkelly9757]

Man that's deep.

[@Mehdz03]

Nóra Jánosi how about when you’re not in a relationship? I’m talking about growing up, leaving your childhood behind. Or having to let go of bad habits that you’re so comfortable with?

[@ellerichseven]

OMG, yes!😥😥😥

[@jessicahamilton3314]

Yes.

[@aspiringrootwoman24]

The way the legs opened and the baby dropped into the cavern was next level

[@berealwrizzle]

This video has reaffirmed that I made the right decision. Even though I am now positioning myself as the bad guy & thinking I gave up on a perfectly good relationship even though, deep down, I know that's not true. I equally get flashbacks to the bad times as much as I do the good. But because they haven't apologised or are willing to accept that they're the bad guy I still cry every time my head hits the pillow.

[@tkgiinfmkvb]

I understand. same thing happened w me. He used to totally deny his wrongs sometimes I think he even used to lie to himself to feel good about himself. Leaving him was the best decision I made. I wish I did it earlier. Please don't go back to them.

[@thomasgrabowski2202]

what if they realized that?

[@berealwrizzle]

@@thomasgrabowski2202 it depends.... depends if you're able to forgive them, how much they are willing to work on being a better person. Personally I don't have the capacity to forgive this person neither want to create a future with them anymore.

[@smohammed2821]

I feel you, same I still cry this video put ease that NO I wasn't wrong... just hearing how happy he is in his new relationship keeps putting me in that mind state where I questions myself

[@silvervixenwillson4068]

It will get easier. Your not the bad guy. I had something similar. We all have to take responsibility for our issues so does your ex. Alas mine never did and realising that gave me the permission I needed to leave. My childhood set me up for these types of relationships. We learn our attachment style in the first 3 years of life. You deserve to be with someone who puts your best interests at the heart of your relationship otherwise it isn't worth it. Love yourself first. Wishing you all the best.

[@alexandranoboa]

It is the narcissist. When you finally break loose, if that ever happens, they regret it forever...but not because they love you or appreciate you... they regret it because you did things for them or contributed to their well being. This type of person does not love. This person is a user-taker. Beware.

[@annalapanda7676]

Could this be a family member as well?

[@isdenn7]

@@annalapanda7676 can also be in the family yes.its a personality disorder

[@ronaldolzheim363]

I know im not perfect and i'm flawed but this video and your comment confirms what i was already thinking.

[@evieekoo]

This comment really resonated with me so much.

[@alexandranoboa]

@@annalapanda7676 This could be a parent, a sibling, a friend, an ex-spouse, etc. Anybody who you need to cut out of your life because they are toxic and they suck the life out of you. They give nothing. They are breadcrumbers. They take from you and anyone else who will allow it but give nothing in return.

[@oskernelrouter6091]

"Love is disgusting when you no longer possess yourself." Healthy love builds you up, not tear you down.

[@mariazatopi6961]

A year of this kind of relationship, too. It really does feel like you’re losing your mind - reality becomes surprisingly difficult to grasp and hold onto, as you keep swinging between your perception of reality and then being convinced of theirs. Feels good to see so many people with similar stories in the comments, as in the middle of going through this it may feel like you’re the only person in the world.

[@Yungspeedy]

Yess!! I hate this feeling of losing your own reality and not knowing what to believe! It feels so..like my mind is liquid

[@saharvarona]

Yeah as much as I hate to see this happening to other people, there is a sort of comfort I have knowing there are others who understand why I can’t just simply up and leave. 😢 we need support systems

[@EsonIndustries]

Its almost as if there are two people in the relationship...

[@anniealexander3402]

One of the hardest things to do is break up with someone you love 😥

[@teejay5432]

Fascinating visual - she's dating a lion aka a predator. She's trying to turn him into a human with empathy. But real life Beauty and the Beast doesn't work

[@allisonscanlan4144]

Except that beauty and the beast was based on a real story, and they did work out

[@Sana-mb6ig]

@@allisonscanlan4144 ru suuuure send me a link pls 🥺

[@willfrancescofini]

except in real life we're all humans, like each other, not monsters and not villains

[@bleuet3897]

@@willfrancescofini we're all monsters underneath, just a matter of how well one hides it ;)

[@rifkijohngm]

Sometimes she is the beast and all the love in the world will not transform her.

[@ChrisInvests]

The person who you think is the one but actually toxic ☠️

[@CaptainTae]

In my case, this person is always suffering from Borderline. That probably says as much about me as them.

[@tom.1]

@@CaptainTae Borderliners are excellent and making others obsessed...be careful

[@CaptainTae]

@@tom.1 Noted, but that's all ancient history by this point.

[@romarbetc123]

The one is a construction of a romaticed society. A hoax. A idea that the other needs to add to ourselves. No! You are your own one. And choose a person that adds to you

[@akilegna1255]

Romar Boer ikr all these teens be thinking they need a s/o, like u dont sweetie

[@SetTheCurve]

I hate to have to bring this up, but don’t get caught up thinking you need to walk away just by watching this video. All relationships take work and communication. Love is a skill and it requires practice and going through ups and downs. Make sure you don’t get caught up thinking you have to break up if the person *is* making positive changes and you two are trying to work it out for real. Give it a chance and some effort before you bail.

[@ultimatemassive9501]

Well said.

[@EsonIndustries]

Thank you

[@ModernJewelryMakers]

Thank you - this made me anxious to watch having been the person that left a 25 yr marriage 5 yrs ago at 51 - I haven’t dated since, I’ve struggled significantly financially, and all the loss of home, family & the future once planned causes a lot of traumatic stress, worry & anxiety- it’s enough to make one question at times if it would have easier to stay - but the truth is I know that I’d rather have my integrity - I have valued & honored myself and somehow a random KZbin video has reminded me of that.

[@fireinthenight9028]

glad you get there. life is nothing without ourselves. anything else is just now but tomorrow is always for us. I lost everything in the past , I stopped worrying, I'm not afraid any more, I got me and I'm good with that. I went to hell and came back what else can be more satisfying than this. I know life sometimes can be though, if I never experienced pain I wouldn't know that I'm alive. best of luck to you.

[@hoodhippie9026]

Ur living my fears. May I find the strength to face them. My heart goes out to u

[@melodyal3357]

I feel your words..🙌

[@wendyquiroga6197]

I left after 22 years of marriage. No true changes, just empty promises. I finally broke free after deciding that I needed to value and love myself. I have been on my own for two years and have forgiven him and myself for putting up with what I did not deserve.

[@thealvaco]

The hardest part of my life was to recognise myself as this toxic person. All the harm I have caused. I can never make that better. Such intens shame I have for the things I have done and the people I hurt.

[@juneelle370]

Shame attaches to identity, so let that go. Guilt is a guide... a loving guide... so make repairs to those you hurt if you can and forgive yourself... if you don’t forgive yourself, you’re at risk for repeating the offending behaviors or self-destruction as punishment that will never end. Forgive yourself 💜 and whenever you feel guilty (which is ok) remind yourself you’ve taken the right steps and committed to not hurting people anymore 💜

[@willfrancescofini]

please make Self Forgiveness your focus and priority. work at it. learn the 12 step program and apply it to your guilt, shame, mistakes and bad behavior. Please. work from Step 1. If you undertake this seriously, you will have the best of loving relationships one day. I promise.

[@Paula-zt9ol]

Good for you for relaxing and turning things around! 🙏🏻 Can I ask what brought you to the revelation where you wear able to see that about yourself?

[@thealvaco]

@@Paula-zt9ol Therapy mostly. I saw recurring patterns in my life and was very unhappy.

[@Paula-zt9ol]

@@thealvaco Ahh, gotcha. Well good for you for getting help and turning things around! That’s awesome

[@imanedraam2682]

*Note to myself* : watch this whenever you feel weak in the process. Good luck to me.

[@simplyme8593]

👌

[@amberraining9546]

Oh yes. I feel so enlightened when I watch it. The breakup never was so hard

[@l.k.9698]

Hey, are you out yet? 💕

[@2_572]

Are you fairing well?

[@clublulu399]

Stay strong. Good luck

[@lacamaradeoscarfarina]

I sobbed. It’s truly amazing, how something can feel so tailored, to the point that I almost feel like this was made to my eyes specifically. I needed this. I’m a writer and was still having a terrible time trying to put my feelings into words. But you just did. Thank you for this

[@vinny6875]

How did things end up working out for you friend?

[@wendyquiroga6197]

I felt the same way, as if this video told my life story. I Stayed in my marriage for 22 years, hoping that things would change. I finally broke free 2 years ago.

[@supernova11711]

You know, now that I’m 40, I’ve realized something. People think that you’re more likely to “settle” for less as you age but that’s not really it at all. It’s just by this time, you’ve done it a few times so finally are able to look at relationships maturely. You’re no longer looking for that perfect man or woman because you’ve finally realized…that doesn’t exist. After being with some wrong ones (one of mine quite like the one described above!) you learn what really matters in relationships. There needs to be attraction and respect and intimacy. You need to enjoy each other’s company and like doing at least some of the same things. You also have to realize it’s going to be hard sometimes. You’re going to fight and annoy each other and hurt each other. That’s just life. There are deal breaker’s but forgiveness and tolerance is required when you finally find the one worth going through it with. When you finally find a good, decent person…hold onto them. They’re a lot harder to find than we anticipate when we’re younger.

[@cabrondemente1]

My ex partner never understood that being upset and taking my time didn't meant I had stopped caring about him; it just meant that I was hurt and needed some space.

[@jenster29]

​@@cabrondemente1 how long did that last though ? My ex needed up to 2 weeks ... just no.

[@SpudGirl]

Literally just broke off a relationship like this last night. Thank you

[@nolanw1688]

I've been there with a toxic LTR. It's difficult and psychologically taxing. I hope you're doing alright

[@ssruizhang]

make that both of us, last night as well 😂

[@imasiontist653]

Damn, best of luck. I hope you're doing okay

[@mariyadimitrova2097]

Make sure you're safe and you that you don't believe them WHEN (not IF) they come back crawling and begging and promising things!

[@nolanw1688]

@@mariyadimitrova2097 100% this. Believe in yourself and your gut. If something is wrong enough to make you want to break it off, then something is wrong.

[@PlanetZipp]

My favorite part of this whole video is that psychological terms were not used. No mention of narcissism, empaths , stonewalling, gaslighting, ….and so much more, unfortunately. Not every behavior needs a label especially for those figuring it out. Thank you.

[@lorrainemarcone6912]

Thank you. I feel the same exact way!! I got caught up in the terms myself. Everyone was a narcissist. No, some people are just consciously mean…cuz they like/enjoy torturing their victims. Formerly known as bullies

[@jameshersom2536]

So true. Not sure if I’m dealing with it now or not.

[@quaord3738]

@@jameshersom2536 oof be careful,, turn up those observation skills and get ahead of em but don't let em know your on to em,, that was my method and I just told em eventually and didn't expect them to change I just left

[@juice_wink]

My thoughts exactly. Instead of having anxiety, I feel pleasantly accepting of this down-to-earth, average, everyday folk-type of narrative.

[@paolaabizaidl.7839]

Those are postmodern kind-of-psychological terms, with all that *postmodernism* showers everything with. Nobody seems to notice what we, ourselves do, how we act, our own voids and flaws, when we talk about relationships with others. We tend to see only the flaws and those infamous "red flags" that went so crazy and numerous in the others, but never in ourselves. We don't see the problems within ourselves when they affect others; our own mental health seems to be, nowadays, only important for our own "well being". That's why nowadays, relationships are so fragile and we don't know how to cope with real people anymore.

[@rashmiverman847]

After repeated cutting contacts n talking again for like 10 yrs. I finally mustered the courage to get out of toxicity forever while i was in middle of severe depression with suicidal ideation. Never been so proud of myself. I made the hardest decision in my toughest time.

[@taynaborges1370]

I can't tell how many times I've watched this video whilst in a very unhealthy 10+ years relationship. It's always pierced me, made me feel reasured and uncomfortable aswel, since I couldn't see myself really having the courage to leave. Today, almost a year after having left, I watched it again and it is incredible how right it felt. How freedom tastes. Thank you very much for this video, it really helped me a lot during a hard period of my life.

[@dianelixrivers449]

I keep rewatching it throughout time trying to figure out if it's just me... I can't take this pain. I hope that like you, I am able to do the same after rewatching this over 50 times.

[@taynaborges1370]

@@dianelixrivers449 I deeply hope you can. Life is the most precious thing you have, it's a gift only given to you once. And it's yours. Absolutely yours. Have faith in yourself, believe in what you feel. Take your time to gather enough courage to take the first step. It will be hard. But it will most definitely get better. And better.

[@AshzxQuidYT]

I’m glad you got out!

[@HondaTurboToys]

​@@taynaborges1370🙌🫶❤️

[@CB-cw9yt]

I luckily learned this after a two year toxic relationship where the guy kept giving me the silent treatment, had me beg for phone calls and was never there and then called me crazy for asking him to spend time with me. A full grown man knows himself. (Women likewise) What they do to you they most likely did in their past relationships. If you cry more than you smile, if you feel used more than heard, know your own worth and walk away. How dare you tell me you "love" me and then call me crazy for asking you to meet my needs, when I constantly work to fulfill yours? For every person who won't meet your needs there is one who will. Naturally, without you having to beg on your knees for it. I don't know who but somebody needed to hear this.

[@esmygabil4793]

So related to me... M having hard time still being with him 👍

[@CB-cw9yt]

@@esmygabil4793 be kind to yourself :) it can be tough to put ourselves first and conflicts are scary.

[@dianerose9378]

Thank you ❤

[@zizi9028]

Hey how are you now?

[@veronniecorey4792]

I needed this, thank you

[@puddinmaster4704]

Sometimes people were inlove with the idea of someone and not to what they really are.

[@miguelitosamaca]

Exactly right: in love "with an ideal", as opposed to "with a great deal"

[@amberraining9546]

Yes, totally relatable. And yet it's very painful. Understanding that it was all just your dream about a happy life, and not a happy life instead..

[@trappersdelight6219]

“Hopelessly devoted to an idealized version of you”

[@2bhonest559]

This is exactly why people need to be friends before deciding to date each other!

[@nefelibata4190]

yes, that is why people should stop putting other people on pedestals.

[@Danicalifohnia]

Just turned 28 and finally left this relationship after realizing I didn’t want to waste any more life trying so hard to show a deeply damaged soul what real love is, at my own expense. Leave while you can because you love yourself more. Instead of coping, let’s thrive! Life is short!

[@nebitnojemojeime]

Watching this in 2022 after watching it many many times in 2020 where I was in an abusive relationship unable to let go. Decided to leave after 9 years that year and this video is among many others that really helped me during that time. Thank you school of life!

[@andra_]

Hardest thing ever. But when you find yourself questioning your own sanity, you know its time to go. This was me, actually thought I was losing my mind until I left and now I can see how toxic it was. Never. again.

[@ForzaTerra89]

I just did that and I desperately miss the person and am suffering a broken heart. Any hope you can give me

[@ChV342]

@@ForzaTerra89 Keep trusting your sanity and your reasons for leaving

[@andra_]

​@@ForzaTerra89 My advice would be: know that the pain does stop eventually. Take it day by day and don't try to make the pain go away quickly. You will feel pain for months and months but the intensity does lessen. You will also meet great people that will give you hope in a whole new way. I used to picture myself in the future 1 year from then, healed and happier. It's now been almost a year and while somedays memories come back, it was the best decision for me and can see how much trauma that situation caused me. I'm really grateful I left. You will be too once it's in the rearview mirror.

[@ForzaTerra89]

Andra Vomir that’s a very balanced perspective. Thank you

[@falanadhimkana8644]

I've been feeling crazy and i keep thinking it's my fault.. i am no saint, i admit.. i have my share of shortcomings but all the crying and the anxiety and the hurt.. it's unbearable.. i severed all ties and contact from him very lately but I'm still struggling with so much conundrum inside my head..

[@Merfolk_]

To those living in such toxic relationships, I hope you find the strength to leave and be happy not for them, but for yourself.

[@Tiffany-mw1du]

Merfolk yesss

[@MsAmo01]

Liberation is better!!

[@Technoirz]

I left i was mentally breaking down, i felt sick almost everyday, i could not take the abuse anymore, i gave up 6 years of my life tye only reason I stayed that long was her children, i still loved them but i will never see them again. :’(

[@andriyshapovalov8886]

Or find a strength to change yourself.

[@dustyn9036]

This is shockingly accurately describing the relationship of my parents, and im scared to oblivion that i might end up treating my future partner like this.

[@orphansparrow2]

That’s good though. Being scared means you care. When you care you can act differently than your parents, even if it’s hard.

[@Merleau-op9mx]

i choose to love myself. i won’t ever compromise again in allowing someone to disrespect me because of their own inability to love themselves. i won’t look to others to love myself, it’s a recipe for disaster, esp. when they’re wounded themselves. please take good care of yourself, love yourself, wishing you and everyone the best in their journey in healing.

[@eduardochavacano]

This makes people who had the courage to let go or get a divorce more admirable. Cheers to those fabulous people.

[@purplecash1466]

Zenbeach Traveler ty 🥂🩰

[@tlabang83]

💝

[@Angelicconnections111]

Cheers

[@barneyalibaba7114]

there's nothing to celebrate about getting a divorce. If these people were in a relationship similar to the one described in the video it is of course good for them that they left but it's certainly not an achievement. Instead of saying cheers to those fabulous people I would rather wish them to overcome that hardship as best they can.

[@isabelacastilho5581]

Cheers :D

[@mattheoswho1010]

The best and most loving thing you can do to a person like this is leave them. Believe me, I was like that. It's up to them after that to realise the truth and open up to themselves. They are basically hiding their insecurities not only from you but also from them. I love the girl that left me. She changed me for life. Even if we never come back together, I feel like a new person and I am very grateful she broke up with me. Even more, I am proud of her.

[@valfle]

This happend to me too. He broke up and did it for my own health. I am still not sure what to think or feel. It hasn't been that much time. I know he loved me deeply but we were unhealthy for each other, just not compatible. I would have never been able to walk away, so he did it for both of us. A part of me is thankful and I think it will grow even more when the pain lessens..

[@jordansaintemarie]

Thank you for saying this. I can only hope that my ex has had even just a glimmer of the insight you have shared here after I left him.

[@helenam3669]

I thought narcs were incapable of change because they are so self absorbed and lack empathy?

[@mariangutierrez2561]

@@helenam3669 I had that idea too... Idk what to think now, I guess everything is possible if you really put the effort. My ex was a monster to me, but still I wish he aknowledge his mistakes one day to avoid repeating them with his next lover.

[@1999Chelsea]

@@helenam3669 obviously he’s not a narcissist They are pretty rare.....but there is a spectrum It’s not so black and white

[@egresham02]

This video discusses so many reasons you shouldn't stay in a toxic relationship. Last year, I ended my 14 years relationship which was difficult to do. However, I could not tolerate the mistreatment anymore and decided to choose myself, which was the best decision. Try as you might to make things work, but all you get is the same results without any actual growth. If you see things are not getting any better, it is time for a change and prioritizing yourself is the best thing you can do so you can heal and grow.

[@alethealane5023]

This video perfectly illustrated what I’ve been trying to walk away from for a year. I am over the moon in love with my boyfriend, but him promising over and over to go to therapy for an addiction that affects us (only after I say I’m leaving) and then sometimes turning on the pity party to make me feel bad for backing up my healthy boundary has pulled it’s final straw. I feel very alone and sad that he won’t get help. And everyone in our community and friend circle thinks he’s the greatest person on the planet. (and he is) But I’m going to wind up looking like the shitheel who left the most amazing guy, but I’m never going to talk about him or try to clear up the story. It’ll fall how it falls. And I will grieve the loss for probably a long time. Addictions are awful.

[@crashleyskader6495]

This.

[@jazziew2148]

🤗🤗🤗

[@EsonIndustries]

Do not torture him further - either end it or be loyal. He is struggling. If you enmesh on this and then 10 years down the road you break it off it will kill him. Be his or be gone. That doesnt mean you dont have to stop advocating, but its important that if its deep and he is trying but struggling that you accept and love.

[@queencharles3527]

Watching this video reminds me of how freeing it is to be single.

[@themysticmuse1111]

Forealiotho.

[@gaspackgriff9725]

hell nah this shit suck

[@georgecostanza831]

single is lonely though

[@_victorugo]

you can have that feeling in a relationship

[@georgecostanza831]

@@_victorugo Bettering yourself betters your relationship. Eventually if there are no problems to deal with the loneliness subsides and you will end up being the best lovers.

[@ieltswithdatio]

It feels like you're describing the Anxious-Avoidant trap that many couples fall victim to.

[@Phoenix-qj9vu]

This is me

[@Sleazylusciouslucy]

Makes sense

[@casey2545]

Don't confuse narcissist with avoidants. Although some avoidants are narcissistic.

[@sophieaucube]

@@sincere42O I am in solidarity with you. Keep us posted.

[@user259169]

@@sincere42O you're not alone. apparently there's many of us.

[@nguyetminh538]

Gosh this video hit so close to home. This is exactly how I felt during the end of the 5 yr relationship with my ex. I know I was trapped but I was scared, I was not independent to break free, I have no emotional support like friends or family close to me as I was living in another country. Everyday I battled in my mind, knowing i need to leave for the sake of my mental health. It was suffocating living with him and I felt like walking on eggshells whenever am around him. I decided to give him 6 months with hope he would change. I was praying he would so I wouldn’t have to leave the relationship I invested so much in. And then he broke up with me. Gosh the feeling of relief, like you are finally free, I said yes without hesitation. I was sad and depressed for 2 weeks but then I just moved on immediately. That was when I realized, I have left him mentally a long time ago. I had done my grieving while I was still with him so now I can easily move on and start healing.

[@crashleyskader6495]

This.

[@am33f]

oddly enough i felt the same way, like i went through the stages of grief during my relationship and after the breakup really felt a sense of peace more so than anything

[@fyrefae744]

I think it’s important to note that this doesn’t just happen in romantic relationships. It can happen in any kind. Friends, parents, siblings - this is entirely possible there too, even if those same people who end up treating you that way have had the same thing happen to them. In which case they might be hurting, yes - and there can always be rough spots in healing - but that doesn’t mean they should treat you this way either, and it doesn’t mean you should have to subject yourself to it.

[@candyspunk]

Took me 16 years to finally get it!!!!😓😓😓😓 I'm on the bus right now, on my way to a life I almost missed...

[@projectmetamorphosis117]

CANDY'S Punk best of luck ❤️

[@sammylong841]

Wishing you the best with everything. X

[@youssefdirani]

Can I help?

[@tubefile100]

Congrats sister!!! 👏👏👏

[@albertodeulofeu5277]

You left after 16 years? What’d he do? It better be good (really bad). 16 years is a long time

[@FlanFran]

when you FINALLY try to confront them and set boundaries, show that you are upset with how they are behaving, they break up with you. A blessing in disguise. First it hurts, but you later realize that it was a blessing

[@Jen.K]

Yes, this is very true, but sometimes it can take a while to realize just how fortunate you are to be free from them.

[@Telonia]

Exactly what happened to me. I just wanted to talk about how we could switch things up and then he just broke up. Easy solution...

[@jilliankat9541]

this! stand ur ground! if u don't allow either behavior their final controlling act is to break up w you which is a secret blessing

[@navyblue7787]

it is truly a blessing , God prevent a lot of wall and doors from further narcissistic abuse

[@kimberlyoakland7506]

This happened to me…unfortunately

[@bt3408]

This was essentially my now past relationship to a T. Fellas, don’t think that girls aren’t capable of manipulating y’all and being the lion in this scenario. Love makes u do some crazy things but in the end, self love triumphs. ❤️🙌🏼

[@arn3107]

man i just wanted a girlfriend but now i feel like i'm battling existence itself

[@PercussusResurgo]

Welcome to the complex world of commitment and long term relationships. I would say assume you, they or both of you are not capable of it and hope to be proven wrong!

[@arn3107]

@@PercussusResurgo oh no i am not in a relationship more like preparing for one i guess people are so lucky sometimes with their partners i'm not one of them yet

[@fortune.]

@@arn3107 That's so awesome yay! Word of wisdom - there are two types of "butterflies" you feel when you meet someone you like. There are the physical attraction "this person is so hot omg" butterflies ..and then the other butterflies that don't feel so good. Anxiety butterflies just simply being around them for no apparent reason when nothing bad is happening. The person could even be super nice yet you have weird butterflies that won't stop in your chest and gut. If you ever feel that around a girl/guy, stay away. It's your intuitive senses protecting you from something about them that is not good. Trust me, i learned the hard way. It's best to meet someone you like and not feel those folklore butterflies at all. Just feel a sense of comfort and ease to just be yourself, and not ever feel you have to "act" a certain way. Good luck! 😊 And Merry Christmas

[@arn3107]

@@fortune. what's awesome?

[@arn3107]

@@fortune. and it seems like being yourself isn't enough from what it seems like you have to have certain skills to be eligible for being in a relationship

[@ewanyoike100]

Children are no excuse for staying. You do them more damage that will hinder them in later years. Vicious cycle.

[@devond6nut]

Esther Wanyoike its hard to raise a child by yourself so i understand jf they want to stay, but eventually you will have to.

[@JaydenLyleHylton]

@@ewanyoike100 yep parents make their long lasting relationship issues kids issues.

[@greenspaceman531]

this

[@hopefullili4435]

This is not about the children. it is about the victim who is getting addicted for the violence and abuse.

[@verycherryberry3752]

as a child growing up in EXACTLY that kind of setting : YES! ABSOLUTELY I AGREE.

[@Roslyngal]

How beautifully said...the other person doesn’t have to be a monster. Just that the voice inside you knows they are hurting your self worth, at an important level, for too long. I hope this speaks to others as clearly and simply as it spoke to me.

[@katiek2615]

Very very clearly. I always felt like I was crazy for feeling upset in a relationship with a good person. But in the end I wasn't crazy and my gut feeling that he didn't love me as much as I loved him turned out to be true.

[@NikkoYM]

@@katiek2615 Same.

[@talloolahmoon]

Liars and cheats

[@talkinteefs]

A good person doesn't make you feel like garbage. A good person offers reassurance and is patient, understanding, and kind.

[@willmpet]

Only because I want to tell my own story. I was mistreated and told I was bad. I dealt with the contempt for many years for the children, to protect them. I'm happy having left all that hatred and contempt, my children have been wonderful and they were worth the pain. Now, I'm so happy to be alive and able to think.

[@maryna.angelpa]

this video is brutally honest.

[@chara8231]

This video just described my entire 7 year relationship (3 years of marriage) with my ex husband. First he promised to change (but didn't) and then months later when I confronted him again for the lies, secrecy, infidelity..he told me it was all in my head, and I was the problem...and started ignoring my existence. In the end, I decided to end things...but was doubting myself and my sanity and feeling immense guilt every step of the way. I literally could not have begun to heal without my amazing sisters and mama. I also dabbled in psychotherapy which was also quite helpful. Life very very slowly...starts to get better again❣

[@aprilrahee]

Thank you for writing this comment. I needed this. Can you please share how long did the psychotherapy go? How long did it take for the therapy to heal you? Thanks again.

[@carlosr8359]

"And yet you will have to leave. In order to leave, you will need to think in your mid: I am in love with someone who is damaged. They cannot realistically change and may even be using me as a reason not to change. Or they are in denial and are abusing my credulity and self-doubt not to look more honestly into themselves." That part...

[@EskimoPagan]

Carlos Rodrigues Hit home right then for me too.

[@Sina-wi5dg]

I've wrote it down!

[@annipsy2185]

so perfectly said...

[@peacemaker7757]

Exactly.

[@allim.830]

When you love someone so much it becomes hard to think of them as evil or a monster... I really appreciate the way they state that sometimes they are simply damaged and do not have the capability of changing

[@angelo7217]

Note when you have healthy loving relationships with everyone except your partner....

[@infinity-gn9xq]

Woah... My dude... I never thought of it that way..

[@stephenpowstinger733]

Sort of contradictory but I get it.

[@pagesmith5081]

One of the most important videos I have ever watched. Thank you school of life.

[@ultravioletcanary]

Today is Sunday 12/11/2022 and this is exactly the type of breakup I had to go through with today. I can't believe it came to this when just last week we spoke about living with eachother and how happy we would be... he cheated one year ago and I've never recovered since.. I don't know how I'm going to cope

[@KobeStorm]

Right now coping might look almost impossible but time will heal the wounds, it'll get better eventually. Stay strong, you deserve to be happy. Wish you to find tranquillity.

[@kimberlymorrison4880]

Mine cheated as well. Thought I could move forward but I'll have a wall up ever since. Add in Bipolar disorder, BPD and alchoholism. The last few years have been so lonely because I cannot let him back in.

[@silvervixenwillson4068]

Hope your doing okay. Learn to love yourself and it will flow.

[@arthurdonnietello9691]

Did it get better, hope you are well and found peace

[@RR-qu2oz]

High self-esteem is one of the most valuable things to have.

[@MsAmo01]

💓yes... A pure one though

[@danielmacharia9808]

agree, but easier said than done

[@fabianabenites61]

Yes!! That’s the best thing ever ❤️

[@rea8585]

Been there, done that. In the world where being in a relationship is so glorified, many of us are accepting less than we deserve because we don't want to be alone. While actually, being alone is way better than being with this kind of a lion 😊😊😊

[@ComradeDt]

Rea Kariz we dont deserve anything, theres nothing promised in this world

[@sarah18497]

We live in a society that glorifies the eternally single status. Single with kids. Single with 'tude. Single and ready to mingle. LMBOLOLROFL

[@franciscaguevara1611]

@@ComradeDt we might not deserve or be entitled to someone/ something but we shouldn't let anyone treat us badly.

[@nikolavideomaker]

If anything is glorified in our world it is being single. The ONLY purpose in life that we are sure of is reproduction, so if anything relationships are not glorified enough.

[@boomerangsruckflug8513]

@@sarah18497 there was nothing mentioned about that. Did you confuse that video with another one, Sarah?

[@cheryltarirochingosho4697]

I absolutely love this video! Exactly what I am currently going through. My partner promises to change but doesn’t. I have recently broken things off and have been feeling so guilty. This video has helped me put things into perspective.

[@francheska2113]

This video was really helpful. So many videos on the internet are about being dumped, but nobody really understands those who decide to end the relationship and how hard that decision is.

[@BlackBishop27]

The hardest thing to do is break up with is a toxic parent. Their poison is in the veins. So paralyzing

[@juneelle370]

Isn’t that the truth!

[@aspartns]

This sums it up for many of us with C-PTSD. We can become either one of the characters here. But there is hope.

[@Angel-ms7sf]

so true

[@novalynnleilashea]

I did it in my 40s and the entire family of flying monkey are gone too! Good riddance, I'm mentally and emotionally healthy for the first time, ever!

[@ChipotleHeat]

Just told my parent that I’m moving out and had my first mental breakdown during the conversation because she wouldn’t listen to me.

[@Umbear]

I’ve experienced this. It took years for me to finally realize I’m better off without him. I was delusional that I thought I was madly in love in an unrequited relationship. It sucked the life out of me

[@yasus]

amber le Jesus if u read my comment exact thing happened to me. So sad, no matter what I’ll never get how someone could do that to others

[@interested210]

Ditto! I look back now and think wow what was I thinking? But took years of self-care and reflection...

[@helenf.7221]

Omg same here. Wasn’t myself at all. What a worthless asshole that guy was too! Not worth a minute of my time

[@CatchThatFlyBernard]

This is so so helpful, thank you so much! The images that go along with this video are so spot on. The walking away with a ball and chain is a perfect representation of how I’m feeling right now

[@merari1614]

I feel so validated watching this. Like it was made for me specifically.

[@LogicAtItsFinest]

It's called "Gas-lighting", and it's a form of manipulation with long lasting effects. Leave this person as soon as possible or stay and play the game.

[@louisemalika]

I am playing the game with him. XD

[@anzhelikanadaraya1367]

how? i was 20 years in relationship and never learned

[@mohammadal-awadhi3841]

Wow.. Tough choice. Im playing the game but also giving the benefit of the doubt.

[@MrTeks79]

Louise Malika yeah n I’m thinking of leaving. I’m coming to realize ( at least for me ) that this will ruin my psyche bit by bit. Tired of playing the game, it’s fkn pointless.

[@mohammadal-awadhi3841]

@@MrTeks79 in order to stay in the game and win it. You must be have two cornerstones. 1- always keep the goodwill towards others 2- always be blatantly sincere with your feelings dont hide them in a breakdown worrying that you might lose him/her. Then you wont. She/he will stick to you and trust you overtime. Not overnight

[@ronniacherry]

Thank you for this. In my last relationship, he would always say "Did I ever put my hands on you?" or "I never cheated" which were blanket statements to cover up far more damaging behaviours. I feel seen, affirmed and healed.

[@healingdiscovery4436]

My ex said the same. 2 years free of him after 13 years of abuse. But he still "Hoover's" Stuck in the same city until the kids are 18. 8 more years to total freedom.

[@Alejo__]

Ronnia Cherry ?? I would say that to my ex girlfriend. She called it gas lighting as SHE cheated on me and then left me. Continued to do her thing and would stalk my instagram and ask about my dog who she clearly doesnt care about. I never once cheated on her nor hit her. She would track me, make her friends spy on my ig. Accuse me of cheating. Not trust me. Ask always who am i with. All bullshit

[@hursimear3408]

Ronnia Cherry that’s what my father said after years of yelling at me

[@simplyme8593]

Same

[@in_vino_veritas7938]

Can't even bring myself to tell ya'll what my ex said. A lot of monstrosities but one in particular...OMG

[@beatricenowell8207]

Don't know why I'm just hearing this message after 40 years of marriage. I told anyone who would listen that I needed/wanted a divorce in my first year of marriage and was continuously advised by both family and friends that I needed to stay in the relationship. The problem was me. Now I've reached the point where I have no family or friend relationships left - only a spouse that is exactly as this video describes. He has played with my mind so much that I have been in therapy for over thirty years and am so entangled in the relationship that leaving is impossible. If you are viewing this video, Don't end up in this situation. Save yourself before it is too late.

[@tman250]

Leaving may seem impossible, but perhaps there is a way to make it work. You never know until you try.

[@EsonIndustries]

For god's sake dont give up on a 40 year marriage, you made your choice when you got married, and if was evidently livable for 4 decades. Just start working on your relationship together.

[@Daithi_mk]

​@@EsonIndustriesfuck off. How dare you give advice on something you don't understand in the slightest. That could be the worst advice imaginable. Go fuck yourself.

[@nezisgarden]

⁠@@EsonIndustriesthat sounds like keep eating the same poison even if you feel sick. Compared to the taste of bringing confidence back to yourself and choosing a better life.

[@EsonIndustries]

Sometimes thats what marriage calls for, and typically what people signed up for - in sickness and in health. @@nezisgarden

[@sarayusarayu832]

This was so validating. I just broke up with a Case 2 who became a Case 1 after the breakup. It was borderline impossible to leave. Sometimes, I still can't believe I did.

[@ers1472]

The hardest part is when you suddenly realise the person you loved never really existed at all. It feels like you've been punched in the stomach and had the wind knocked out of you. Everything you thought you had together as a couple never existed. It was a lie.

[@margaritacordova7893]

I feel this fully, my last "relationship" was a scam. I'm glad in the end I didn't spend years of my life on that person.

[@joeykoo3779]

I wonder why people always say this with so much conviction. How exactly do you know it was a lie? Mental illnesses exist. Or perhaps people changed. Saying it was all a lie is just a convenient lie we tell ourselves so we can move on painting them as a villain.

[@jera9654]

​@@joeykoo3779Lack of object permanence. Literally out of sight, out of mind. Stay out of sight for too long and they lose their sense of familiarity with you and adopt a new persona that fits better with who/what ever their new "favorite person" is. Brutal all around. Healthy relationships are mostly boring. Limerence is a huge red flag.

[@nh4ci295]

Shout out to those that automatically reflected on themselves when watching the video. If you did, you probably are not that person

[@ScreamingSnipe9]

I hope not x(

[@uscharadreemurr6746]

Well I recognised myself as the Lion in one of my last relationship. I was dumb, selfish, sad and young at the time and ended up breaking up with him to not let him suffer anymore. I understood what I did wrong and what I should work on. I know I am a bad person but I know I can change for the better.

[@edicoroian1011]

@@uscharadreemurr6746 I am glad

[@TheBlank89]

I really hope I'm not.

[@gapoochigapoochi]

Omgg thankyou

[@fakemoviesrealtrailers7737]

I was in a relationship like this a few years ago, this puts it all into words so well.

[@Red_1976]

I liked the end of the video when it said you don’t have to put up with intolerable circumstances.. this one hit home! Always the pacifist & fighting hard to make the relationship work when it is painful & clearly destined to fail. It stems from my upbringing. These days relationships are like drive thru & I never wanted to be part of that.. sometimes being on your own is just a big relief.

[@SadMoon20]

THIS IS the break up with a narcissist! Worst experience (a real nightmare) of my life, as an empath. Still recovering, but getting better by only small steps, so it will lasts for a while. Door-slam, and never ever look back!

[@unknownoblivion2417]

Same, it was legit the shock of my life who i thought my 'best friend for life' turend out to be someone i never imagined her to be, Till this day as an empath as well I feel like maybe I cuased her to be like that for not being better (although I've always tried to be there for her and gave my best) I thought maybe my love wasn't enough or that my best wasn't or maybe I'm just truly toxic and wasn't aware of it but I know no ones perfect were all flawed in some way but still anyways i just had to let it go and grow from it kinda and .. the problem was never really with us but with them (no matter how painful it was I'm glad it happened sooner than later)

[@Kell1_y]

This happened to me . The relationship ruined me mentally and it took me over a year to make me well again and I’m still working on things to this day. It’s a difficult decision to make and an even harder one to stick to. For anyone who needs it your Heartache won’t last forever.

[@ClairePenettiere]

Same 😔

[@rbsmith3365]

I went thru too. Until 1991 I’ve had enough and ended up in psychiatric hospital.

[@paulreytang3732]

Just take it easy. Dont pressure it too much you cant control everything, let go with the flow.

[@yasus]

Kelly Ofo same exact with me, even had to leave school and come back home how much I had lost my own self. Isn’t it crazy how deceiving these ppl can be w no remorse

[@bulletsfordinner8307]

It's been three years of healing for me now. 😞😢 Don't see the end of it

[@Arinaretina]

Goddamn this video came at the right time. I just ended the most emotionally abusive relationship I’ve ever been in, and it was abusive without me even realising it. Feeling like I’ve been living a lie.

[@tonythrowaway3327]

I expierienced the second. But also another type of behaviour which I also found devastating. When the person says it's not the right moment to talk about this and / or gives you the feeling they don't really want to even discuss it and shut you down this way. You are patient and wait, you think maybe a few more hours or days. You ask yourself if you are annoying if you start bringing it up again (because they won't) and so on.

[@Inerize]

Setting up boundries in relationships is key in having healthy and interdependent ones.

[@jorgeo6099]

Inerize had an ex like this one that blamed me for everything, and ahe used to call me stupid a lot for no reason and one day I told her to stop and that I was setting a boundary. I shit you not, she said she didn’t like the boundary I was setting. They’re important, and honestly that should’ve been a biggg red flag but I left it aside like eveything else :/

[@sailormood_3278]

Jorge O :(

[@SudhakarSharmashaotic]

@@jorgeo6099 did u leave? do u still look for her approval in things u do?

[@teris.3770]

My current "partner" doing this to me right now.. both sides.... 🤦‍♀️💔 tried to break up with him and I allowed him to reel me back in... I'm suffering immensely... please pray my strength to try again.

[@carmichaelmoritz8662]

😢

[@youssefdirani]

Never fall in love But love if it only raises. If there are children, ask God almighty for help. He will.

[@340cannabisgod]

I stuck around for the kids,in the end,it was just a waste of time,some people will never change.After losing 20+pounds,I said I'm done,started doing what I had to,in order to better myself.Now I am single living overseas,I refuse to date anyone,and life has never been so peaceful.Most people don't believe me when I tell them that I am over 45 years old,about to be 50.

[@dalkhal]

Same

[@milliecarr3879]

Sending you strength, beautiful lady, I hope things have healed since you posted this comment💙✨

[@maurine3553]

This is exactly what I needed. It put things into perspective. Leaving a 7 yr relationship after going through that cycle. Not anymore

[@deejay8ch]

What a brilliant video about entanglement and the dynamic between a piece of work and a naive and/or over-agreeable / gullible / co-dependent / over-sensitive / over-anxious / self-doubting / over-compassionate partner i.e. regular non-narcisstic person. Says so much in 8 minutes. Staggeringly insightful. Thanks SOL team

[@katherinekelly6432]

Borderlines and narcissists are amazing teachers if you survive the classroom.

[@rabiaalaroui]

Katherine Kelly shit. You’re right. That hit hard.

[@berniebarclay2183]

Good point

[@katieb2098]

I've just about had it with people bashing bpd , is shameful ,let's bash people who've been horrifically abused ,let's taunt then some more ... disgraceful .. would you believe you can be a shitty toxic human without having a personality disorder😯

[@thecorruptversion]

@@katieb2098 well, I want to think like you, I really want, but it's painful. My gf has bpd and I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried so many things, and nothing works, she's in a stage that she barely talks to me, says she loves me but her behaviour changed totally. She's even gaslighting me. I don't want to leave her, because I love her, but I'm out of options. If you could give me some advice, I'd be really grateful.

[@xxx-su2ty]

@@RanchDressingPop-Tarts maybe you should go fuck yourself?

[@ellebelle6439]

My boyfriend just broke up with me today. He has BPD, he did a lot to me but he did actually self reflect. He broke up with me because he said it's difficult to talk but he also realized what he did to me while we were together so there's no begging from his part. He left me in tears mind you, he started crying uncontrollably but he did walk away from us. He said he's toxic and he needs years of therapy to be able to date someone and said he loves me too much to put me through this. While we were together he did gaslight me often and he made me think I was a horrible person but in the end he realized it. He isn't a bad person, he was abused for many years as a child and that is why he has BPD. At the heart of it all he's an incredible person with a lot of empathy for others. People may all be born the same way through a human but they are not all created the same way and it's not always their fault. I'm in no way saying you should stay with them because if it's toxic, you need to leave but you also shouldn't label them as terrible people.

[@cursingqbert]

Breaking up the chain of abuse takes a lot of time, hopefully they change for the better and you find someone more fitting for you now

[@dielaughing73]

I believe your perspective will change, given time. You need to get them out of your head for a while and get some distance.

[@Sunfl0w33r]

I believe that my ex had BPD as well so I know exactly what you went through. Extreme hot and cold behavior, probably suicide scares here an there. And It’s especially hard because you know that they’re not a “ bad “ person and they’re only that way due to abuse and a traumatic upbringing. So you want to be there for them and support them but i had to face a harsh reality. it’s just too emotionally taxing and I learned you HAVE to love those kind of people from a distance until they are actually undergoing therapy. My ex tried to come back a few times but I’ve made that hard boundary for myself that unless he is actively getting therapy I will never give him another chance.

[@natasa9262]

@@vibe_depth373 Funny how you say he is a narcissist although she says he has BDP. But I guess you know him better.

[@tubeysr]

Such a beautiful comment ❤️

[@pweetypoo]

My husband is both of these. Back and forth. Sometimes he admits it and other times he doesnt. But he is getting worse and worse and more and more addicted to gaming and spending money on games instead of bills.

[@fredhubbard7210]

I'm a long term sucker. In a nut shell, it is a long journey to accept that I really am a gentle, sane, decent person.

[@ThePurpleCosmos]

"You will feel extremely Alone in this decision. Your partner is doing something seriously deficient to your well-being, despite telling you They Love You" You. Will. Have. To. Leave. Damn this hurt. I left without a climbing partner, but this video really helped me so so so so so much.

[@PoppinDan]

I feel I have to leave too....I really don't want to, love the way she talks about things so passionately, the way she's so different to anyone I've ever met.....but she's never really there. So this comment is giving me some courage to ....let go. Doesn't make me feel so alone out there.

[@simplyme8593]

Same here. No climbing partner, no family, nothing. Just me and the knowledge that I HAVE to let go if I want to stay healthy or alive.

[@solomonlyons10]

@@PoppinDan yo same for me currently. We broke up but got back together and working on the relationship. The sad part is that I'm the only one making an effort while she spends her time with her new male friends. It's hard to set times to even talk for 5 min because she's "too busy". For someone who wanted me to meet her mother, someone who said that she loves me back, she is incredibly broken and confused as to what she wants. It hurts to let go, but I'm sure it will be best for the both of us

[@Hellohellociao]

if you ever encounter a partner like this - it's a clear sign of dating someone with NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) , you must NEVER EVER stay a minute too long when you find out. Just run for the hills. They are incapable of change and are highly manipulative and selfish.

[@talkinteefs]

And most importantly they WANT to treat you the way they do. It's their choice to manage you through intimidation and lies because they don't want you to leave them. Why would they?

[@Skyprince27]

@Aysha Sheikh Run for the hills and leave nothing but scorched earth behind...

[@brianag1175]

Unpopular opinion; Not guna lie, the amount of diagnosing I see online of npd is insane. It's a big deal to have npd and people can have traits of npd without actually meeting the criteria for npd. You might've been with a narcissist. You might've also just have been with a very damaged sick person who is incapable of looking within to change. You dont have to demonize people to know they're unhealthy and damaging. I'm just saying, people are so quick to diagnose their ex as a narcissist. Maybe they are, but I dont think it should be used lightly. And I have been in abusive relationships, I'm in a relationship with someone that is as described in this clip. I don't think any of them are narcissists though. That's a serious diagnosis that should be done by a professional. Idk, I'm not saying everyone who says their ex is a narcissist is lying or misdiagnosing, I'm just saying use that term with thoughtful consideration. They can be abusive and treat you badly and not have npd. And you can recognize they're bad for you without the need to diagnose them. And you should and hopefully eventually will leave anyone who is abusive or mistreats you/disrespects you. Idk what it is with people having to call someone a narcissist if they display any behavior that was as described in the clip. Take I.e addictions. Addicts arent narcissists by virtue of addiction. They're addicts. Might they display behaviours/characteristics of one with npd? Sure. Doesnt mean they're narcissists. K I think you get my point, hopefully.

[@Skyprince27]

@Briana G My point is, if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and acts like a narcissist, then it’s a *narcissistic duck with NPD!!!*

[@ravtail2781]

Me, right now. My apologies.

[@idunablack2592]

Thank you. I just went through a break with a person that had quite a number of the things you described. Even though I broke up, I'm heart broken about it. This video helped a lot with dealing with it. THANK you

[@christopherjarman1250]

I saw the thumbnail of this video and knew exactly what it was about without watching it. I just broke up with my partner who was like the lion and have struggled with my decision since. I watched this video today. It was such validation and affirmation, thank you.