The Hidden Signs Someone's In a Narcissistic Relationship | The Mel Robbins Podcast

[@melrobbins]

Dr. Ramani @DoctorRamani dropped SO MANY truth bombs 💣 about narcissism today. If you appreciated the wisdom that she shared, please like this video and hit subscribe so you don’t miss out on upcoming episodes!

[@RIM0622ricothecat]

Thank you 🙏 for talking about this. My deceased husband (as I now am discovering) had a boarder line personality (not officially diagnosed nor medicated)… and I am now trying to heal from 20 years of this abuse. I realize I need help to move beyond this. I have to heal from this intimate abuse. I just didn’t know. It’s true … this story is easier to tell backwards rather than forward. 😖 Any direction you can point me towards? I want to heal and put this behind me. Thank you again. 🙏

[@amyzonoozi3143]

I’m just trying my luck

[@simplypositiveme]

Mel, I feel trapped even out of the relationship 😢

[@user-tf3eq5bk6g]

Hi guys, You say that narcissists are not born that way and it's caused by a traumatic upbringing, however, I'm now going through therapy for tribal gaslighting and narcissistic abuse and I've learned that someone with narcissistic personality disorder, or, schizophrenia, bipolar, psychopathy, sociopathy,or, any other personality disorder are actually born that way because it's caused genetically, biologically, neurologically when one or both parents are malignant and their baby doesn't develop in a healthy way in the womb, and their brain doesn't develop properly so the part of the brain required for empathy, compassion and remorse, doesn't work properly, so they know and understand cognitively what they do is wrong, evil, and cowardly, but, they don't care. They even take a sadistic pleasure out of the suffering they cause. They are responsible for their actions because they know what they do is toxic, evil, and cowardly, but, don't care, and they are even into dark triad sexual stuff. They fake accountability if it serves them to prevent exposure, and maintain their image, job, etc. But they need to be held fully responsible and accountable and to not be allowed to work in positions of trust where they deliberately abuse it and people, especially those with empathy and compassion who they feed off like vampires and literally destroy. They do want to hurt them because they take pleasure out of it and know what they are doing is evil, but, they don't care. I've also learned that it's called malignant fragmented personality disorder. I've being going through it for 43 years this month ongoing and it also includes people that should have helped me and stopped the abuse happening, abusing, torturing, and gaslighting me. It's still ongoing but I'm in therapy for narcissistic abuse as the victim and I've learned as I say that it's called malignant fragmented personality disorder because they can and do experience all of the symptoms of all the different personality disorders including psychopathy and sociopathy and schizophrenia and bipolar as well. So, is it possible you could do a discussion on this with Dr Ramani please because it's what my therapy team have taught me and also as an aspiring therapist I've learned it. Thank you.

[@GoldenMouse-1001]

Thank you both for such an eye opening podcast. Maybe it was my fault that my child became social anxious with many signs of a narc. My child thinks that I'm a narc. Now my child is ghosting me. I don't know what to do but waiting... What would be your advice?

[@kungfupanda1705]

One of the toughest things I had to accept is that no amount of love or empathy will change a narcissist - ever.

[@ljmotivate4u680]

The time you should invest in the narcissist people, you should spend it in a cosy holiday place where you can receive fresh air with a cold drink.

[@misssaiwasn6935]

👍 "I can love him/her back to health" with a narcissist is a straight road to hell. I tried that. Do.not.

[@BrunetteMBond]

I totally agree with you. I even got to wonder if I was a bad person for wanting to get away. My ex - friend has psychiatric problems, but she knows how to use her abilities very well to keep everyone around her. So I'm not sorry at all.

[@KoolT]

Yep

[@htttppppp]

They have a strange glitch....

[@rosalieduffy882]

Good advice for anyone in a relationship: "Don't just ask yourself how you feel about that person, ask yourself how that person makes you feel about yourself."

[@gracekeeton]

This is good

[@DJSTARLA]

Yes! Except in the love bombing stage

[@ScottPowles]

Yes, and that's HOW the Narc LURES the victim ... They "LOVE-BOMB" in the beginning. This is how the Narcissist hooks their victim. They make you feel wonderful... IN THE BEGINNING! Once you've fallen in love, the mask comes off and they start acting like a monster..., but not all the time. It's gradual. Watch an old movie called, "GASLIGHT". This movie explains a lot of the sick and twisted craziness of a Narcissist.

[@user-zi4js2ej9y]

WOW!!! I missed that one but needed to hear it. Thank you for sharing

[@zmazzyhtx]

I started crying at "You are trained to believe that doing something that the narcissist doesn't like is wrong "

[@hollowman1]

How about when they said 'Never tell a narc your dreams." I was blown away by that and I completely agree.

[@ScottPowles]

@@hollowman1 It's sickening.

[@LoveWithin]

Sending you hugs Zoe

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

And what they don't like is often a secret until you violate them.

[@cc1k435]

It's so powerful to realize how much they affect your behavior. It's shocking to put it together, but for me, it was also freeing to see it clearly at last. It has started to give me my life back.

[@WilxWifey]

Being with a narcissist is emotional whiplash and a constant hum of anxiety waiting for the other shoe to drop.

[@deborahkeipert6271]

Nicely worded

[@Heroine2me]

Wow! Well put

[@brynne77]

I agree.

[@Linda-zv8ky]

So glad to hear that fear is the underlying narcissist behavior. Mom was one and knowing that she was so full of fear , I was able to take care of her in her final days. I also refused to debate her. My daughter asked me why I was so good to her after the way she had treated me and I knew myself that if I abandoned her when she was unable to take care of herself, I would become just like her. I did it for me,not for her. And at 77 I live in peace & gratitude and have absolutely no sense of fear. I AM FREE!

[@MultiDani2020]

It’s a bittersweet moment for sure. True character is how you treat people when you get nothing back ❤️

[@shinebabyshine.]

Amazing ❤

[@SaralinaLove]

sooo beautifully said!! i took care of my mom, too, for 24/7 for 10 years. it was the most beautiful and the most terrifying and painful. i loved my mom more than my own life in a way... co-dependent, i know, it sounds. but i loved her. i did it for me as well and for her. she deserved to be loved. she deserved respect that she'd never really had. she deserved to be loved and cared for. she was the most brilliant extraordinary person I've ever known. the most precious. and her narcissism "healed", i helped her integrated her trauma over that time. she lived to 97 years young and i helped her have great joy. my other siblings were very evil and took at all assets away, her property and money right after my dad died and they sued her to put her away bc they didn't want her to write a will. it destroyed her but she fought them but the legal system and lawyers are the most eveeeol narcissistic parasites in our world. i don't know who is worse, my mirdiroooz siblings or all the lawyers. my mom's lawyers said she was sharp as a tack and she passed all the tests and all that stuff but they nver fully helped her or stopped their constant onslaught in one way or antoher. they even brought into her home again and again and they even hired someone to break into her home. that broke her one last time in the end. watching what they did to her still haunts me but i've have to let it go as much as possible bc the pain was destroying me. her pain haunted me. one of my brothers even put ice on her hand to get off her wedding rings when i left for just an hour for the first time in a week at the hopstial while she was dying in the hospital and when i came back... she died 15 minutes later. she waited. she held on to when i returned. i've had to let go of all the resentment and revengeful feelings and rage of the agony they put her through. she did sooo much for all of us even if she couldn't give certain things but she did more than what many parents give. and there diefied our dad who was a real narc of a different sort and deeply neglected some of us and sexually abused me as well. anyway, it's tragic what happens to the elderly by their own narcissistic children and the eveeeol legal system feeds off of all these tragic family problems and do NOT protect the elderly and especially you'd think they care about an elderly woman, but they don't. they just all did the minimal. it's all such a horrible racket and there's no one to truly protect anyone. you have to protect yourself. and who's going to protect the elderly, the infirm, the children, the mothers, etc? no one. we need community, village, tribe - we have to stand together and help one another in a community. it's the only way protect one another from sykopaths.

[@petmom74]

Good for you. ❤

[@pricecathy]

I was in the same situation and I took care of my Mother also. I was grateful to have had that time with her near the end. In spite of everything I loved my Mom

[@ligiasommers]

So helpful! After listening to Dr Ramani I was strong enough to divorce a very abusive narcissist 🙏🏻🌹✨

[@sca7068]

Same, I'm so glad we found her and her community. 🙏

[@milenaschmidt1522]

🥳

[@susantalebzadeh9741]

❤

[@k4xxxminecrafter792]

Be careful they can be even more evil when you leave. Get your ducks in a row.

[@ligiasommers]

@@k4xxxminecrafter792 thank you but staying was the dangerous thing to do after having to live in the basement to avoid the abuse. 🙏🏻 I am happy and safe now 🙏🏻

[@k.prince6799]

Omgosh....you two ladies together? The DYNAMIC DUO! I love you both. Thank you for your contribution to my healing. ❤

[@susancalhoun2614]

You two ladies have changed my life for the better like I can’t believe !! Blessings back to you in all you undertake.

[@neetikhanna558]

Same here ♥️

[@ToxicFreeTV]

The best ! :D

[@savetrump9120]

I saw a lot of red flags but I thought I could fix everything. Anybody else thought that they could fix it? It was so hard for me to accept that I couldn't make everything better.

[@NoCappingSportsLegend]

Most times narcissists are comfortable with how they live their life and what they do

[@LaPinturaBella]

You had a very typical response. People with a lot of empathy, compassion, natural givers will attract narcissists. And they do try to fix the narcissist. It's a classic dynamic...opposites attract.

[@savetrump9120]

@@LaPinturaBella yep, I thought I was being a good person and all he needed was a little help, love, whatever. I'm not that same person anymore. Now I don't trust anybody or believe what they say. The good news is that I like being alone.

[@grannyonwire8926]

I hope you’re out…

[@cailin5309]

You have a beautiful empathic soul, you have so much more to be in this life than somebody’s “supply”. nobody is responsible for fixing anyone but themselves 🫂

[@michelelong1215]

A narcissist almost killed me and I’m an extremely strong, educated woman, but the confusion made me physically ill. He acted one way to everyone else and behind closed doors he’s slowly and methodically emotionally mentally and physically abused me until he discarded me out of nowhere right before the holidays because he knew I would be completely alone. This is the second time he’s done this to me at the exact same time last year, but now I understand that he is a narcissist And he is trying to get me back for the third time while I am completely in no contact and will be forever! Thanks to this doctor and her videos before watching her on Mel Robbins, I learned why I thought I was going crazy and exhausted all the time. You are a lifesaver! I am forever grateful and still trying to heal .

[@Philosopearl]

Stay strong, stay true to yourself and be grateful you love yourself enough to save you from him.

[@glendadobson6072]

So true....feeling like you are going crazy, heart pounding and very depressed.

[@ScottPowles]

Yes, I am exhausted all the time. I get sick and he abuses me more. I feel like I am dying a very slow death. My quality of life is terrible, but I am so exhausted and weak that i don't feel strong enough to move away. He throws me a crumb of love, and then kicks me back down with belittling, criticism, insults and condescending comments.

[@tinawinston8504]

​@Scott Powles my husband is the same

[@phyllisjeanfulton]

You’ve described my experience. Our first son is the golden child. Now the scales have fallen off my eyes. Whew.

[@ljmotivate4u680]

I don't believe all narcissistic are charismatic. Some are very calm and unemotional and lay back only to discover they are the silent dangerous toxic narcissistic. This individual will attract you with ideas, and intellect only to find out that they will make you to question your worth.

[@erinheaps]

It’s called Covert narcissist

[@pattywhitaker7601]

I’m sorry you had to deal with this but so glad to finally find someone else who validates what I have always thought too! My soon to be ex is just like this. Very introverted and non assuming, but always says how he operates on logic and not emotion (like Spock 🙄). Yet every time I tried to bring up an issue the fault was mine for ”complaining too much” or being “too critical”. I think I have a certain empathic tendency because I could often FEEL his condescension even when he said very little. He is the only one who is logical and everyone else are either too emotional or just incompetent.

[@vocalcoachgina]

Yes, this kind, the covert, the vulnerable, or the intellectual cerebral type of Narcissist, are the most dangerous because by the time you recognize their pathology, you're most likely already invested in the relationship.

[@rsaug]

@@vocalcoachgina yup wasted 25yrs of my life so far. The only man I ever dated & married, plus me being an introverted person, makes it so much more difficult & scary for me to know how relations typically should be.

[@Medietos]

@@erinheaps No, those show their weakness and insecurity and are unsuccessful. If they don't have the narcissistic behaviour, theyy aren't narcissists. There are the machiavellian too, more dangerous because inconspicuous. I thought like you before, until I researched much and found out. Hope I haven't forgotten annd mixed it up, haha! I am so sick of having to study them to undestand, get aware and know what to watch for. Then there is the CPTSD-victim who eventually becoems trauma-ready.(Maybe that is the term of the trauma therapist Franz Ruppert)

[@insights3140]

When I meet a narcissist now, I immediately see the cycles and can imagine what their childhood included, or didn’t. And I know it doesn’t have anything to do with me.

[@juneelle370]

Our compassion (or lack of it) and understanding of how they got there does though… Judge the deed and protect yourself.

[@mindysmith3683]

Mine says I make money give me

[@smithashekhar9539]

@@mindysmith3683 don’t say mine and take that negative as yours. Say the narc in my life.

[@lilkr8844]

Exactly ❤

[@steveco1800]

I fell in love with a wonderful person, but when stressed she'd become narcissistic. She was often thoughtful and we got on really well, so I took the good with the bad because no one is perfect. But you need to have some boundaries and I ended it when reactive abuse crept into the relationship after her becoming increasingly controlling. It was clear I'd become unhappy living together. Lesson learned was not to neglect your own needs too much and to make sure your own happiness remains valued in the relationship.

[@kenztarlingingcool]

I’m so happy for you 😊❤

[@JamieR]

Glad you got out before it got hard to leave! It can become so harmful and destructive. Really has the potential to destroy our minds, self worth and sense of self. I've had the same experience, but I'm so thankful. She showed parts in me I have to heal as I grew up in emotional abusive household. Never realized I have CPTSD until after the breakup.

[@godzillamanstreb524]

Thanks

[@TheTerrylwg]

You learned exactly what you needed to. Now completely forget her as if you never met her.

[@stephaniemcginty4271]

I def think ppl in relationships should have some independence, such as friends and career paths and sense of self without their partner. Meeting the wrong person when you’re unhappy will only create unhappiness for life.

[@pollyh7137]

It's two years since I kicked out my ex-husband after 15 years of narcissistic abuse. I've had a lot of ups and downs and I know I feel and think better, but I realise after watching this I haven't really moved on, haven't really reclaimed me. I have gut punching flash backs constantly, followed by blissful freedom. Its taking time and now, thanks to the both of you, I'm inspired to take back the rest of my life. I sorta resigned myself at 53 that I just got to exist... but no, I want to live! thank you.

[@rhondacrowe2265]

Sugs, I'm 66, u r young , life gets better 40s and 50s. Yes u begin to live.

[@happyday3368]

Pollyh - it takes time to move on but every day, bit by bit, I bet you shake it off more and more. It's something we all have to go through and we'll come out the other side in our own time. It's just part of the recovery process! I think your insight will be a huge help to you!

[@AFAskygoddess]

I can't think of any other two people that I'd prefer to listen to for hours on end. You're a blessing to the universe and are profoundly appreciated. I thank you with all my heart and all my soul for the work you do and the wisdom you so freely share.

[@reddishsky8614]

For real! So happy when I accidentally discover this.

[@marysunshine5587]

I love these two!!!!

[@tidycoat]

They are two amazing people!!! I can’t thank them enough for the education they are giving me!!! I love them!!!

[@staceymcnutt]

@@reddishsky8614 nbnnnnnnnnnnnnn

[@reddishsky8614]

@@staceymcnutt what is that?

[@Magnum54321]

So informative! Love it. REMEMBER, women can be narcissists as well. There are some women who abuse men. It is not a one way street.

[@InspirationalSmiles]

Absolutely

[@hermitthefrog8951]

I can attest to that!

[@divinecommerce3912]

Ok beta male, nobody said it’s only men so chill

[@MadVikingDad]

Amen

[@hermitthefrog8951]

@Sara Fox - I can attest that many (likely the majority of) people who aren't that familiar with narcissism think it's primarily a male trait since it manifests more visibly and recognizably among men. Also, I would say popular media portrays male narcissism far more than female.

[@ggbouvier9897]

A big clue at recognizing a narcissist is when they want to take soft control or start saying to not talk to a certain person for whatever reason so they slowing start controlling the other person but not in an obvious way.

[@stacyjaye6350]

Ye ole triangulation!

[@lleange363]

if someone is a bad influence then its good to listen to not be always around that person but ur partner controlling ur life entirely, not lettint u be with ur family is not good

[@happyday3368]

Yes - I've seen that too and it just occurred to me reading your comment. Very subtle put downs (and it's not something that I would consider a 'bad' thing but the weight that was put on it was way more than the comment itself). And these two other people were absolutely delightful in their own ways. And I've experienced too the narc will be vague and name drop and let their sentence trail off to see what you have to say - I never bit because I don't do that.

[@lesliesantos8595]

Am i a narcissist myself..?

[@stacyjaye6350]

@@lesliesantos8595 no worries Leslie. A narc would not ask that question. You might have other problems, but I'm betting this isn't one of them. Sending you strength, courage, and hugs, from Tulsa.💪⚔️🫂☮️

[@lissysue]

I finally went no contact after trying to figure out why I felt like I was going crazy. It took me 7 years to do this because I didn’t realize why he acted the way he does. I moved to another town and blocked his entire family. I still struggle with feelings of guilt but I’m getting help now and pursuing my dreams. I’m also healing my relationship with my son.

[@Celestial_Sapphire]

I am in tears right now. You are telling my exact life story and I’m in the stage of almost shock and grief that my life was the way it has been because of the household I grew up in I just don’t know where to go from here

[@firstofthemonthclub4491]

Just remember for each person healing there's a potential future mate should we choose to go that way. I felt just like you but things get better.

[@hollowman1]

Remember you're not alone and it's not, nor has it EVER been your fault. There are (hard as it may be to believe) good people out there. The problem is that we ( survivors of narc abuse) subconsciously believe that we don't deserve to be with healthy loving people because our programming tells us so. We've likely never been told any different. If you grew up with a narc parent like I and so many others, then you grew up with a false reality and now true reality seems false by comparison. I wonder if you feel repulsion when folks say things like 'You're loveable' or 'You're worth it'. If you do, that's the narc program talking, not your instincts which were likely crushed by the narc. Even if you have to tattoo it on your forehead ( please don't! :) ) you have to wake up to the fact that YOU ARE WORTH IT and YOU ARE LOVED and LOVEABLE. Hugs.

[@SofiUk0319]

Thank you for addressing the narcissist boss, I've beaten myself up for YEARS over leaving a great job, but my boss was hell... I'll feel bad no more! ♥

[@sarahthompson7037]

Your mental and emotional health is so much more important than any job! Proud of you!

[@TheKim369]

Even the smallest acts of rebellion can be so important. I started doing arms in washrooms, just a quick little 2 min set. I'd have been mocked, or even accused of planning to cheat, if I'd tried exercising in front of him, but it was really empowering to have my own little secret project. I was thinking about leaving, and figured I may as well have firm arms when I left, engaging in a physical act toward that goal kind of made it seem more real and possible. And seeing a little success made me feel stronger and more capable.

[@blancaromero8264]

I fell head over heals for a Narc. We met in June and I moved in with him by August and six months later I was pregnant. I thought it was a fairly tale unaware it was never going to be what was projected. I married them and spend 12 years trapped. Until finally he discarded me and our daughter. We have been trying to heal for a year. Its awful to experience and emotional abuse that damages your soul.

[@tanyacarlyle1422]

🙏

[@OO-cq2pi]

My heart goes out to you im sorry you had to experience that

[@soaringhighly]

Clearly,I understand,in my childhood I had narcissistic father, narcissistic stepmother,very painful,then my first husband narcissistic, second husband, narcissistic,now I'm freeee.Thanks so much.I didn't expect this people exist,was using my pink color lenses.

[@bluestripes6037]

You've been through so much, my heart goes out to you. Are you single now and that is freeing?

[@jeniperillo-natural-vanity]

I’m thankful that this video just gave me permission to heal in my own time and not listen to my narcissist spouse or anyone else who just doesn’t get it …doesn’t get what I’ve been suffering from for 10 years doesn’t understand that I have to heal from malignant narcissistic abuse physically , emotionally ,spiritually ,mentally on top of other things that I have to heal from as well as protect, my very young child from seeing it anymore…so thank you, Dr. Ramani🙏🏽

[@narcoholic22]

I’m with you… you’re not alone. They’ll never get it so we have to heal and stay strong and dont explain your decisions to anyone. You’re a survivor and as long as you kniw tgat tgatsxall tgat matters! God sees everything. He sees the evil narcissist and their enablers…. Rise above … best way to heal is find happiness with people that get it and have compassion for what you’ve been through. Find those people. Everyone else doesn’t matter!! Hugs❤

[@eloisejean1892]

I thank the Lord for your teaching. I’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist for over 10 years, I did everything I could possibly do to keep the relationship because of my faith and my children. A long the way what I didn’t want to happen had happened. Him leaving me was my fear but I’m learning to cope and try to understand the whole concept, after a friend introduced me to this term narcissist and to listen to you. I told myself if I knew about that before i would have saved myself lots of aggravation from someone who will never change and care. He’s lies, cheats, and ingrates. It’s sad to fall in love with someone that tried over and over to ruin your life and that’s what I did. He made me started to doubt myself into thinking that I’m not maybe a good wife and mother. But think God for some friends, family and most of all my children who always make me believe that I’m a good person who doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment. Thank you for all your tips, they’re very appreciated.

[@sarahthompson7037]

God is so faithful and will give you grace! The fact that you are trying your best to keep going proves what a treasure you are! Keep the faith! 🙏💜

[@eloisejean1892]

@@sarahthompson7037 thank you, I really appreciate your input.

[@helenpennisi3443]

24 years ago my 25 year old stepson told me " I don't know my father, I never have and never will ". After 26 years of marriage to his father, I've felt the same. As years progressed, when I look back, Omg, multiple red flags. Thank you Mel and Dr. RAMANI !!! I just turned 78 two days ago and just learning why everything has been such a mysterious and difficult journey in this marriage. He's classic NPD, I question is he a Covert Narcissist or a Malignant one....Thank you ladies for both Podcasts and I will definitely be following the Healing Podcasts, etc by Dr. Romani. Blessings to all who have and are suffering this gosh forsaken malady.

[@ScottPowles]

He can be both.

[@dianadanielle81]

‘Should I stay or should I go’ is an AMAZING book!!!!

[@AbsoluteMdot]

My Mother is a narcissist and so is my mother-in-law. My husband struggles with the damage that was done from his mother. and he has some narcissistic tendencies. He is trying so hard to break the cycle. I broke the cycle with my own narcissist mother, but I still struggle from the mental abuse that I endured.

[@beyonceglenn511]

I’m in the same exact situation I feel all alone because everyone is against me

[@Medietos]

How did you break the cycle", and did you keep the contact with your mother? Did you break loose all onyour own, or did you get support?

[@AbsoluteMdot]

@@Medietos I set healthy boundaries with my own mother

[@ginahailes1028]

Bless you Dr Ramani for sharing your knowledge to the world. Your description of Grief you feel after living with the narcissist for 30 years is so accurate And then realizing I have screws up my kids too living with his rage. I feel that grief so deep 😢

[@sharonedwards1676]

Fortunately for me, their father didn’t show up for much of the hearings, he was in major denial and used work as his excuse not to show up. I had a good attorney. X was so full of himself, ignored any sound advice even from his own attorney. I had always been the main caregiver for the children. X did not show up the day judge ordered custody and visitation which was the biggest blessing!!! Prayers for supernatural protection for you and your child.

[@neicyluv553]

Hi Sharon, Congratulations on your victory. I am very proud of you.

[@NoCappingSportsLegend]

Amen Jesus Christ is the best defense you can have..

[@seramarie76]

You two crack me up...in the most informative way. So much I've been dealing with has been validated. SPOT ON!!!

[@grantcurrin4934]

Just curious, are you identify as the narcissist or the lesser narcissist🙃 Why i ask is after listerning and enjoying these sessions i tend to see myself doing some of these things to a degree over the past 50 years unknowingly. I've concluded all people have n^ tendencies. some just have no control. et no justification for any bad behaviour.

[@mikebruer872]

This is my first comment I have ever made but I just wanted to say thank you for all of your videos and the support you give to people who would otherwise not get it. I just want to share how i went through a lifetime of depression and it was way to easy for me to fall into the trap of meeting someone that was to good to be true and no matter how bad I felt or how hurt I was feeling for me it was the doubt in myself that kept it going for over 9 years. The only advise I can give that I failed at completely was if you feel something is wrong question it

[@solj3322]

Proud to be an "Agreeable Introvert" thank you Dr. Ramani for your grace and wisdom! 😊

[@lissac67]

Wonderful interview. I am a survivor of the narc abuse, and am doing great things. Healing, looking for my tribe, loving life more and more. I love Mel and Dr. Ramani!

[@summydots]

This is one of the best, and insightful things I watched in a while. I think everybody should have a listen & sit through that hour of gem

[@sistergoldensunshine4069]

I loved this! The back and forth… I want to go to coffee with you two! “I’m married to an asshole” or “a deeply insecure person” lol😂 loved that part. Thank you for the shared insight and validating the experience so many of us have endured. But by Gods grace, found the strength to leave or at least stop blaming ourselves.

[@vacationeyes6430]

I'm glad Dr.Ramani is going on these platforms to spread awareness about this. We need to get the word out about Narcissism and educate as many people as possible. It's the only way to build immunity as a society.

[@icme8761]

Thank you for you two brilliant successful women revealing that we are all vulnerable.

[@happyhappyjoyjoy9795]

Wonderful discussion 🥂 I feel that the narcissist knows exactly what they are doing. It's more than just a a reflex reaction, everyone knows their truest intentions behind their behaviors and the narc is no different ✨️ ♥️

[@ScottPowles]

They know exactly what they are doing!

[@Butterflovely]

*I have to run to the bathroom* yes! I divorced my narc,we have two kids together... But everytime I have to be around him, I have to go the the bathroom. It's like my soul is trying to expel toxic energy and I'm literally emptying my bowels. As a matter of fact, I kept people waiting when I went to get married because I was stuck in the restroom.... emptying my bowels. It's like my intuition was telling me I was making a HUGE mistake. After extensive therapy, I filed for divorce after nearly but not quite 2 decades together. My stomach still gets upset if I have to be around him for long periods of time. I learned to listen to my intuition and my body when stuff like this happens around people.

[@patdaniels9662]

I love Dr. Romani! I had married 2!!! Narcissists......divorced both! I don't have to tell you how I felt. You've helped me over the years. I was never going to remarry again. I healed from the abuse....a few years later, I married a man that had a similar marriage. Life is good, Dr. Ramini.....he gets it all! Thank you for everything! (2 agreeable introverts here!)

[@oscarikenna]

Pat Daniels,You deserves better

[@semonevanderwesthuizen179]

"These stories are easy to tell backwards". Wow!!! I have gained so much knowledge this past year through Dr. Ramani, but also found the 5-SECOND RULE such a helpful tool to move past feelings of REGRET and RUMINATION. As soon as I catch myself wondering those territories, 5-4-3-2-1 and I pull myself out of that space. What a powerful duo. 💣

[@vickileverton2732]

Omg Mel, this has been the best podcast I've ever listened to. It took me 3 hours to listen to this as I wrote down so many notes I needed to keep rewinding it. I couldn't believe I was listening to my whole life, struggles, guilt, mental and emotional abuse and struggles. I had 2 narcissistic parents. One physical and mental abusive stepfather growing up. In my adult life I've survived my one and only girlfriend/my mother and my husband of 30yrs. You can say I'm a little worse for wear wright now. My mother has past on, got rid of the girlfriend about 5yrs ago and have now just ended my marriage last week. It's been a really hard life's journey. I just want to say a huge thank you to you and Dr Ramani for this amazing and helpful podcast. ❤️ I want you to know at the end, it bought me to tears as I finally had validation of my suffering and the knowledge I was not a crazy person thinking it was all in my head. This is only the beginning of my healing journey. Thankyou, Thankyou, Thankyou ❤❤❤

[@ScottPowles]

YES!! The validation and the answer to the craziness is an enlightening and joyous moment!!! It's so healing!! It's almost like you were held hostage for years, and then finally set free by the good guys who found you, validating and appreciating your existence, and Celebrating your wisdom and having self-confirmation of your intelligent interpretation of the craziness that no one else could understand. You felt so alone with this, but now you're set free. The clarity, validation, empathy and compassion that we get from these support groups and professionals is life-changing. so grateful for the resources in social media for healing and saving lives!

[@czapik90]

I also escaped narcisists trap after some time, which could be faster, but in the end it took only half a year to go through learning and understanding. 20 months - First 2 full of nice memories Between 2 and 5 getting harder and more traumatized 5-10 months gaslightning manipulation and constant expextations Last timeframe i can understand that narcistss already knew for 100% that end will come and that was exploiting time untill the energy run out of me. As a renault i found my own narcisisst part on which i am very awarie of and conditions on which its starting to take control od my self feeling. Taking responsibility for ourselfs is really step number one, finding other healthy people to see their point of view is the second. All knowlege aroung narcisissm is needed for recover. Still not ready for relationship but when i will be i will feel prepared. Wish you all a good day.

[@GM-cd2dr]

I noticed over the years of following and watching Dr Ramani that she never lets herself fully accept a compliment. Her reaction is to minimize it. Mel commented on how smart she was and she sort of shrugged it off saying “oh I don’t know about that”. I’m sure she is trying to be modest and humble but I’d love to see Dr Ramani accept the compliments she deserves, because she is smart, she put in a lot of work educationally and spiritually to be where she is. She’s mentioned before her own struggles so I’d like to see her accept those compliments! ❤❤❤ We love you Dr Ramani!

[@Dabbndyes]

OMG! I love you ladies together!! Dr. Ramani gave me so much clarity with her break down on the "Self Righteous Narcissist", which is MY MOTHER to a "T". Before I saw her video on it, none of the traditional explanations fit but I knew something was off. It was so validating to finally put a name on what happened to me my entire life!!!

[@Freedomspirit77]

Ding ✔️ ding ✔️ ding ✔️ I am separated from a person who I now know to be a narcissist. Following our separation so many friends and family members commented on him being a narcissist. It wasn’t until I looked up the definition and reflected on our 13yr marriage, that I realised what I had dealt with and that it wasn’t my fault, despite being told it was, that I was stupid if I thought that the things that were going on (with other women) were true (sadly, these other women who were used were also put through the wringer and told it was in their heads and there was no relationship between them 😔). But the nail in the coffin for me was when our then 5yr old was told it was her fault 😔. Unbeknownst to me, I have actually been yellow and grey rocking the past 2yrs in particular, much to his displeasure. Until my kids turn 18yrs, unfortunately it will still have to be the case. But, we are in a much, much better place, without the outbursts, stress, walking on egg shells and having items broken. Thank you so much for making me feel validated. I also utilise your 5 second rule when things pop into my head; I now have control and refuse to give my energy and time to those who are undeserving of it and refuse to allow their negative energy into my bubble. Thank you, thank you, thank you 😘

[@lesliesantos8595]

Do narcissistic people lie and change the stories more than 3x ? Because my bf told me he didnt date for 2 years before he met me and i yet again found something from another ex he was with..and yes it may have been forgotten by him..but he has told me things that i dont even know whats true and what isnt anymore. And he says i bother him by asking unnecessary questions..im so hurt from that cuz he slipped up an exes name a year ago. And for 6 months i asked him what happened. And he changed the story 3x...over why and what was going on in his head...like..its hard to trust anything he says..today i just called him out for not being protective of the relationship between us

[@utrnagel9441]

@@lesliesantos8595 so sorry, don't tell him you know, everything is even going worsen, if you do! Everything he told me was a lie all!!! I found out and told him, was a big no no!!!!! Don't let him know, find your healing, do something for yourself!!! Blessings!🥰

[@rw2747]

Omg just like Mel said, I was like a moth to a flame when it came to humor, charm, etc. through my healing and Dr Ramani I will run for my life when I am being unrealistic charmed. I may be a little to aware of these threats but I don’t care. I would rather be alone than to go through what I finally escaped from. 26 years married to an anesthesiologist. It was so hard to break from that trauma bonding. I was love bombed, and when that didn’t work I was threatened. Everything to the book!!!! I just kept watching KZbin, seeing my therapist, being part of groups going through this. Stayed the course with my divorce. Fast forward, today I am in a relationship with one of those wonderful boring loving souls, Not really boring but my brain and body would tell me that but eventually I see this kind compassionate man for who he is and we are thriving. Omg is it a long journey.

[@lauraann476]

You ladies have no idea what these two videos have done for me. These were one of the best gifts I’ve ever received. Without getting too much into my 63 year long story of a narcissistic mother who is still knocking me down on the daily, your videos have given me hope. I’ve been feeling completely miserable living here (I moved in three years after she was widowed and wasn’t eating or sleeping). My moods swing between terrible resentment and terrible depression. I have so much understanding of my whole life now, and tools for moving forward. Thank you with my entire ❤

[@oscarikenna]

Laura Ann,You deserves better

[@wonderkid-wr7mh]

Shawshank Redemption. That was the movie I was living, from the moment I realized it wasn't my fault to finally walking away. Small acts of rebellion, chipping away at the walls that kept me imprisoned.Not to stretch the metaphor too much 😊, but there is even a treasure at the end. The gift of self knowledge and renewed confidence in oneself. Thank you for the work you do.

[@jengardner4796]

Yes, mother to husband. At 51 I’m finally finding peace, stability & self love. It came at a very high price. Thank you, ladies!❤

[@eringilbert7456]

My story is the same 🙏🏽 So grateful to be finally free.

[@somyajain3431]

I literally just can't thank you enough Mel for this podcast. 🥰 "I love you, I believe in you and your capability to create a better life."

[@amybostic1439]

After your realization finding something you’re passionate about can be very cathartic. I need to find that thing as I navigate my new life once I can get through the grief. Thank you both for this-and my therapist Holly who told me she believed I am a victim of narcissistic abuse. I have learned so much in these two podcasts. I am totally an agreeable introvert ❤

[@triawillow1972]

I'm so excited for this! Couldn't be better timing, been up all night thinking. Thank you so much to the both of you, you've both helped me so much. You've literally saved my Life Dr. Ramani. Blessings to you both, Love & Light to all🫂💜💙

[@sharonedwards1676]

You two are amazing!!! I listened to both of these podcasts. I have my own story, very much validated my decisions. 4 kids with a narcissist personality , I did divorce after 13 yrs. because I felt best for myself and kids, gained full custody of my kids with no visitation. He followed me across states and has tried to be in my back pocket for for the last 15 yrs. NO REGRETS for my decision. I firmly know although it definitely has effects my kids but in such a different way than it would have if I had stayed in the marriage. Today the kids are wonderful young adult humans. I totally understand people who can’t do what I did and love all the ways to validate yourself and get healthy whatever your situation. You helped me understand some important things where my children are concerned as well! I still am healing also….Thank you so much.

[@April-gy8ux]

How did you manage to achieve no visitation? I'm very concerned my child is being mentally abused by her narc father...

[@007nadineL]

It's cruel to move kids away from their fathers in most cases. .

[@pinapardoki9708]

@@007nadineL Not if the father is a narcissist, an evil abusive person

[@hannahrioux1596]

@@007nadineL k

[@deena7155]

@@pinapardoki9708 ONLY it they are evil and physically abusive! Otherwise their is no reason for that sort of parental alienation.

[@jaclynlee6386]

Dr. Ramani’s example starting at 2:56 brought a tear to my eye. I didn’t grow up like that but the thought of a child feeling that way because of chaos in their household broke my heart 💔😢

[@nicolettemathiasdotcomquee5414]

I was love-bombed from day 1 and I knew it was weird ..I had that feeling that it was just too good to be true and I didn't allow myself to think straight and act on it..I was so distracted and it was the biggest mistake I made, EVER!

[@Butterflieslove2]

Same..

[@JustdoyouVaan]

Same, but it was his mother. She was sooooo great at first in a year I wasn't good enough. Now I know better.

[@sherrykoury4557]

I grew up with a mother and two sisters that were narcissistic so when I got a friend that was one I recognized it right away. Just took me awhile to know that there's nothing I could do for her. What I started doing is picking that one positive she mentions after saying terrible things for 30 minutes. I tell her how blessed she is. She does hate that though 😂.

[@kittenhrdr]

Ladies, thank you, you are changing the world and setting us free. We have to do our work but now we have so much more info and we know we are not to blame. My mother would beat me and scream she hated me and wished I had never been born. Then she gave me to a much older man, who would say " why are you doing this to me?", anytime he disappointed me and I dared to show emotions. I now live with my rescued cats and am quite relaxed.

[@shurleygirl]

I freaking worry that I AM THE NARCISSIST… maybe even the worst kind.. COVERT… and that’s the last thing I want to be or do! Is there a way I can spot or stop being a narcissist? I once heard you say that toxic people can’t see their toxicity, and now I’m always wary of of not being able to see my own bs!

[@erinheaps]

There’s a program called Pandoras Box and it’s for people need recovery from their narcissism. ❤

[@urracan]

IMHO : by you become aware of being it that is a good start that you are not. Narcissist will never question themselves. But I praise your concert and honesty of asking yourself if.

[@juneelle370]

The one thing that psychology removes is the potential for spiritual and behavioral evolution. Much of psychology if based on the false shame of religion. Guilt is a loving guide and says you CAN change. Shame says you do bad because you ARE bad. Don’t listen to these lies. Adopt/study growth mentality and know that spiritual and behavioral growth is always possible. Practice introspection and perspective/empathy building. Know that your soul is your original GOOD and a fountain of love for your spirit is always there. It’s never “too late” to learn to be better and do better for yourself and others. Life is a school. I wish you well. 💜

[@lesliesantos8595]

I also wonder if i am too..

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Get help ❤🙏🏽

[@pippapowling2306]

This conversation between Mel and Dr Ramani (both of whom I follow KZbin channels) is an absolute GIft! 🎁 Thank you BOTH for this terrific, enlightening and real conversation. SO many Aha moments and Mel's interjections so on point and where my brain (self-critiques) were going so frequently. It was/is refreshing and heart-warming.❤ Thank you both! 🙏🏻👍🏻👍🏻

[@dorasneddon774]

It's one thing to recognise the narcissism in one's parent(s) and to work at creating good boundaries and healthy peer relationships. It's a whole other level, dealing with unevolved, narcissistic parents in their dependent old age. Their friends have experienced their charm but not necessarily their entitled behaviour. I'm finding this era in their and my life extremely challenging.

[@SmartyKD]

I so wish I had watched this a few years ago, although I am sure any therapist would tell me that I wouldn't have even thought my so called "best friend" was in any way a narcissist and reached out for help. I knew something was wrong a few years on but couldn't put my finger on it, last few months have been horrendous for me, the ebs and flows of love bombing then rejection, with contact getting more intense driving me to think there was something more in the relationship, then only to be spat out again. I ended it today, I've never been so relieved. My experience I can tell you is absolutely textbook and everything in this video resonated with my relationship with this narcissist. So much so, I am now even wondering if I am watching these videos to try and validate my experience in case I am just feeling guilty for feeling bad about splitting up and I've misread things! Please urge anyone to watch this, it will serve you well and save you some pain. I doubt I could have been forewarned or I could have done anything to prevent it due to my type of personality, but I am sure others will. Great work.

[@melaniechristman3728]

I find it sad that narcissists don't realize that they will slowly end up alone because the people they love will eventually leave or give up on them. The worst kind of narcissist I have ever met was a cult guru!!!. I was raised and married into a cult and it took all my courage and rationality to leave. Some narcissists KNOW how to use that power over you and dominate you so efficiently, you end up questioning your core person, your own thoughts and dreams.... it's a horrible once you realize it.

[@michelleknapp9176]

This is so true. I grew up w narc parent. That’s all I’ve gone for in my life. I’m happy single now, hard to trust that I’ll want a normal person. Will feel foreign

[@insights3140]

Really well articulated how the childhood was and how it parallels adult relationships. I’m very grateful o married the respectful, safe, “boring” guy. I had never felt respected before that in relationships. Turns out 20 years later he’s an amazing husband and father to our children. He’s supported me in my own emotional healing and we have both grown. Life is a long path. Walk it with someone who is watching your back.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

1:07:00 In your healing there will be good days and there will be bad. The power you gain is learning to coexist with your pain and increasingly finding your voice. Survivors of abuse go on to do amazing things. No place like earth to build muscle like this. great chemistry with this duo

[@TheBliac]

What about narcissism rubbing off on you? I was married to one and maybe picking on on some of the narcissistic behaviors- even recognizing some on my mother 😮

[@dahna4822]

Wow, I’ve not heard Dr Ramani sharing so much of her personal transparency & I LOVE Her All the More for it!!!🥰 Thank you Mel Robbins for this Excellent Podcast!!!😇

[@BrunetteMBond]

What an interesting topic, to be alert. I just broke up a friendship. I have seen that this woman who claimed to be my friend, rather tried to take me to her field, and give me orders.In fact I felt heaviness, every time I received his demanding messages. Asking me 3 times per day if I was going to go to her house, " she said i had cooked for u" I felt like I was in one of those freeky movies. Where there's a crazy neighbor in your town trying to manage your time. When she loses control, she resorts to the hard life she had in the past. To give pity , Which doesn't work with me. She always comes back to the same behavior. It is absolutely true, that they do not accept anything good from the other. They "are the best". Don't try to empathize with a narcissist. I tried to do my best. She loves to take the control and dramatic life. Also something that dr ramani says is that she likes to organize everything. (and be the center of the universe) Actions towards her husband (a great person), she tells him we are going to see the TV show that I want. You will eat what I decide. It scares me!!! I wanted to share this, because there are many stories of manipulative friends. It's not just about couples, or family. Thanks for sharing !

[@Medietos]

People with problems need friends/ connection too, and it is unlucky that they should burden others in the process. Her controlling behaviour probably holds survival- and compensatory parts consistent with her background. She , like most, probably lacks awareness of how she is and that it is possible to change, get help, practise for change. Maybe she doesn't know anybody who works with themselves for development, and maybe you haven't told gher how she affetcs you when she behave s in less good ways.? Maybe she longs for borders by others, and needs i, and gets worse without.

[@morgannoel5396]

Love

[@tonypiggot4877]

Spot on !

[@BrunetteMBond]

@@Medietos Claudia I understand what u mean ...that's why I tried to keep the friendship, but I won't be around a person who doesn't want to be cured because it's comfortable for them, manipulating the rest. I will not hand over my mental and physical health to someone else because "they need friends at any cost" to have friends you must accept help. 🙌

[@davescott9304]

Hello

[@rhondajoaquin4550]

Spot on! I was raised by a Narcissist mother and married to a narcissist divorced and then had a 30 year live in boyfriend that I was madly in love with scene childhood and boy did I take a beating from him but so prone to it because I had zero self worth and felt that he was the only love of my life. Right before he died he said that he didn’t even love himself so how could he love me or anyone else because he too was brought up in a very violent alcoholic family. I am a 65 year old nurse and I have learned so much that I feel I can cope now. PS my mom is still alive but has dementia and still is a very malignant person but I have set boundaries and she dare not to cross them because she knows I know who she is and was but she still tries her best to crush me at every turn. I said to my children that if I had siblings or someone else to take care of her I would have closed her out years ago. But she is at the end of her life and I will care for her. 🤨

[@toyajames3935]

I been "Love Bombing" my Husband for 6 years... I just love him and want the best of everything for him. He takes good care of me (he's a great provider), therefore I will always "Love Bomb" my Husband... It's just the way I love... but with trust and respect. Maybe that's not "Love Bombing".

[@lindalipka8348]

I have been raised by a narcissist and when I got married I spent the next 25 years in aggressively taking parenting courses, Therepy and landmark training. I was so happy. But then it became my job to become the full time care taker of my narcissist. For the last 8 years I feel all my self improvement and confidence evaporating. When Covid hit it totally dissolved. Now I’m the one raging and always feeling like the victim. She just gets older, meaner and more entitled as the days pass and add to that a bit of dementia setting in and just the overall lack of filters of the aging. I’m so afraid I will become her. My husband tells me my rage isn’t narcissism it’s just being aggressively pushed by her everyday and a lot of overwhelm. Any thoughts or advice.

[@Titpomderen8]

You can't navigate this alone. If you haven't already, I think you should seek therapy and/or a support group of aging parents caretakers to go through this difficult time so you can keep your sanity and get all the support and advice you need. Best of luck🙏💗

[@smithashekhar9539]

Get some Therapy, this is my advice.🙂find a good Doc.

[@sabinagal9953]

Leave!!!!! Just get away from that person, even if u have to pay for someone else to be the caretaker. Take what u would have spent on therapy or get a part-time job so you can afford, but get away from the narcissistic person as fast as you can. Just my own opinion, but I have been there and nothing helped until I left

[@beckywhitmore6249]

U Learned from the BEST, right? U choose to b gr8, feeL gr8-feuL 4 the seLf-Less Worth of slaying human KIN-Dness, Being heterogenerous & accountabLe is positive enforced aduLting that from their own "b.s" is how u R naught, wiLL knot, & haven't the criticaL idleness of unrestrained imperfect severity that's UNREALISTIC & a dose of supply urge then NEG8in their own poverty, miserly, & perverted commentary about unacceptable & subquaLity ettiquite WHORROR that pass 2 shaLL , not BARE mine slouching posture, or wrinkle the age into WARE B WARNED!!! UNReaListiQ 2 CAR3>than another DoesNAUGHT so it's not a TRUE, OWN, or 1 cent thought integraL of 1s megalomania faiL , (BEST OF pre-hex Lessing, suffering Sins HeLL Tyrants ejacuL8 premature significance 4 kept) due 1 Lists........ The choice 2 change can b constant as an adult integritWORTHy, I CAN CONSTANTLY CHANGE THE CHOICE ANOTHER CHOOSE NOT, COINCIDENT-IRONY PERFECT EXAMPLE of I CHOSE 2 B HAPPY, NONE CAN CHOOSE MY CONSISTANT CHANGE OF HAPPINESS CHOICES, NOR R THEY BLESSING CONSTANT CHAINGE, OF CHOIC3 CHANGE, as I am onLy MINE, OWN, DEED, TitLe-seLf-Auto-Bio-DO-Q-series.... I am dispelled by the infants emotionaL vomit I feeL abstained & mature obedience the undenied HumiLity to beckon Service as to the HeaLer, Master, Lord, and Kristos Jesus CounceLLor, EverLasting Savior, In His Name, Amen.

[@beelauer9635]

Some of this information I am listening to about Narcissistic Relationships make me feel as if I am the Narcissist???? Is this because I have been in a 20+ year relationship with a Narcissist...am I gaslighting myself? Another thing that this person does when I speak about something he makes "a joke" and if I try to talk about subjects about improving our relationship he will say "what is wrong" everything is fine...with an eye roll. Now I have one foot out the door and I have finally said how I am not happy, his comment was why haven't you left already if you are so unhappy? After that he started crying uncontrollably saying I was ruining his life... omg such a rollercoaster. Love these podcasts Dr. Ramini & Mel

[@Jo-kh1yo]

Emotional manipulation. They turn on the water works when they are not getting their own way. It is a waste of time trying to communicate. I just booked a removal van and left the day after I said I was leaving. I knew it was a waste of my time trying to explain to them my reasons why, it would have just fallen on deaf ears.

[@rafikaloukili]

Same here also thinking im a narc

[@wiliamnakagawa29]

Stand your ground and protect your truth. Deep inside you know that things are not right

[@Floatingaccidentallike]

Dr. Sam Vankim and you are the trail blazers. Both have seemingly started the TALK of Narcissism and personality disorders. Thank you for all you do!

[@lwontherez7927]

Ex spouse of eighteen years literally REJECTED me on our honeymoon!! Then, walking into our new home after the honeymoon, he carried me across the threshold, set me down, and said, “You’ve gotta get a job! You put ME through school. Then I’ll put you through school. Eighteen years and six children later, he leaves me for his Secretary. I TOO have a repulsion to highly charismatic people.

[@yukio_saito]

47:18 Don’t Go D.E.E.P.: 🚫Don't Defend 🚫Don't Engage 🚫Don't Explain 🚫Don't Personalize

[@alcudiababe1]

One major thing to learn what someone is really like - wait until they're having a bad day you'll see how they react under pressure and then ask yourself can I live with that? Secondly yeah someone can have a bad childhood, been through some sort of trauma (and whereas in the past I might have excused that as this is the real reason they're a jackass so their behaviour makes sense) but now I'm like I'm sorry you had a difficult upbringing but if you think you can treat me this way I'm not sticking around because you need to learn just because they've had a painful past it doesn't give them the right to keep doing bad things to you. My mindset has always been if you can do this to me and I've done nothing to you you're not in the right. I guess I've stuck around because of low confidence and scared of being alone. My heart couldn't take it at that time.

[@maryamory1549]

This would’ve saved me and my children years of confusion, anxiety,pain and loss. This should be taught in middle and high schools. We would have much healthier teens, adults, marriages and families.

[@6985794]

My narc father molested my step sister at an early age her father committed suicide now my mission is exposing him and his crimes at what ever cost ghosted my family because they wanted me to stay silent it’s the greatest feeling finally figuring it out thanks to ladies like you and narcsurvivor dave.

[@beachybear38]

I was married to a narcissist for 29 years, but didn’t know it until recently. I just didn’t recognize all the red flags as narcissistic traits, primarily because of my limited knowledge of narcissism. So thank you for doing what you do for people like me. The education is helping me to make sense of so much, including why I was discarded. I’m looking forward to learning more, and being able to deal with the guilt of staying in the marriage for so long.

[@Knowledge-College]

You must not feel guilty. If you could have left you would have. But at the time you could not. You left when the time was right for you. I have not left after 23 years but at least I am aware now of what’s going on

[@mekylieme]

I am so overwhelmed! Two of my favorite mentors! My heart is overflowing with relief. I have educated myself on narcissistic abuse but wow...this convo is gold. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!!! This is seriously a life changer for me

[@ksara2883]

What I found with my current partner after going through a relationship with a narcissistic and a family bad with empathy, it was uncomfortable. This was because I was being seen and that felt vulnerable to me. I knew logically this is good that my partner is paying attention me, my needs and feelings I expressed. Being accommodated was new to me. I new it was just time so this became my new normal. It's now actually nice being in a relationship where both of us accommodate the other. Much muuuuuuuuch muuuuuuuuuuuch better than a relationship where I was walking on eggshells, constantly worrying about my ex being upset, adjusting me behaviour to accommodate them, living by their standard. It feels liberating that being myself is enough and any issue or problem is discussable, not an argument ending in tears. I am happy.

[@jessaabraham]

Most of these examples are so clear but what I have experienced is subtle but constant and telling truth but constant devalue that made me think who I am. Example you don’t know how to speak English and use it clearly. It’s is kind of true but being told continuously whenever I speak to someone or in front of people makes me start to feel what they say. Even though I give speeches, public speaking and pretty successful. This is one example. Everything I do is corrected daily in such a way that I start to feel what they feel. I lose identity and start to question myself. I never even realized it till recently. I am 46.

[@stacyjaye6350]

I had a narc I lived with, she kept a perfect mask on for 6 months! Fatal mistake on my part, when she threw a fit finally, instead of saying GTFO, I tried to comfort her. Big green light for repeated bad behavior. C'est la vie, live and learn.

[@thegreencleancrew2818]

That's me I came from two loving parents.. Yap met the narcissist...never thought people could be mean..

[@misssaiwasn6935]

Thank you ladies, that was brilliant!!! 👏💜 I fought my way out of a long-term marriage with a narcissistic man. The relation was toxic and the enmeshment insane, emotionally (he was BPD), financially (we had built a successful business together) and psychologically (he was 20 years my senior and me only 21 yo when we married and we lived in his country). Untangling from the toxic bond took me well over 5 years (while still in the marriage, obviously using (as I've just learned :)) the yellow-rock method and self-healing work) until I felt capable to file for the ultimate divorce - and withstand the storm that I knew would follow (which it did, of course). On that journey out, my most effective tool, by far, was a hard-line, almost relentless, self-love practice. I used it daily, twice a day even. The effects are astounding. I don't like to sound trivial, because a relationship with a full-blown narcissist can become a life-or-death situation, but I found that method to be dummy proof. I needed something easy to use (therapy was not available in the country we lived) because I was so gaslighted, I couldn't even think straight any more, yet alone trust myself or my own thoughts. All I knew was, that I was literally dying. I don't know why loving ourselves works that well when trying to find a way out of a desperate place, but it does. Once we vibe on the "I-love-myself" wave-length, brain fog clears up slowly, somehow the next-step-to-do turns up in front of us and it becomes even easier and less scary to actually do that next step that leads to a final escape. There are various "love-yourself"-techniques out there. I learned mine from the easy-to-read booklet "Love yourself like your life depends on it", written by Kamal Ravikant, but I am sure, there are others that will work too. You've just got to do the work - of practicing love for our own precious Self... which most of us have forgotten along the way or been trained out of during our childhood. It's a curse of our time.

[@egrace3738]

Yes. I walk away from charismatic people, too. It's a red flag to me.

[@misssaiwasn6935]

One of the mind-traps that I fell into, and which made it so hard to leave my toxic marriage, was: "I DESERVE that wonderful relationship, after all I've been through". Yes, the relationship did feel "too-good-to-be-true" right from the start but growing up in a home that was void of any love and a mother that took pleasure in constantly shaming everyone around her and despising her kids, I felt somehow "entitled" to have something good for once happening to me. I made that magically wonderful relationship into a "compensation" from life for what I had endured before, and I was determined to proof my appreciation for that gift by making the relationship work. The realization, that it was nothing like that but rather just another round of a dark toxic circle, was a hard pill to swallow. It made me question everything: my worth, deservedness, justice, faith, God... everything.

[@annehooper2151]

You say it was wonderful and felt too good to be true--do you think that he was love bombing you and that was the 'wonderful' part?

[@misssaiwasn6935]

@@annehooper2151 Yes, it was the love-bombing phase. I just didn't understand back then. I believed it was a gift from life (or God) and it was also hard to tell because Borderline partners are very loving, needy and deeply enmeshed with their partners. Their instant "switching" (splitting) is the horrific part. In the most harmonious moments (preferably then) they suddenly switch for no reason and attack you as if you had just tried to murder them. Which they actually feel you had, sadly. They seek the enmeshment and once they get there, it scares the hell out of them as they feel, their partner "consumes" them. It must feel like psychic death experience to them, which is why they know no mercy when launching their "counter-"attack. It is not fun.

[@tockie4816]

Oh, wow! Can I relate! In fact, you're the first person to have described what I've experienced so well that I sat here "knowing" what you were going to type by the end. I was vaguely familiar with the character, "narcissus" when I decided I just need to go or lose my mind. When I left and realized over TIME what he was I grieved all over again for the best friend I thought I had, which I had only made up in my own mind. Most people didn't have a clue where I was coming from... I felt alone, up was down, down was sideways. Was ANYTHING I believed true?

[@misssaiwasn6935]

@@tockie4816 Exactly, you too have just expanded on what I went through. That IS the experience. The painful loneliness after the breakup feels like it's eating us up alive, from the inside. It felt like I had existed only in relation to him, while him too was not existing (narcissists have no Self, only an ego). "He" was only what I made him to be, what I made up, an illusion. I am not taking drugs and will not, for that reason, the experience felt like an open-end, very, very bad trip. I had my share and it was scary to the bone.

[@teresabrown2870]

I am evaluating my current relationships and learning more about this topic. I know I have suffered in the past and need to do my own work. I seem to be recognizing my own flaws and the others in my relationship and understanding it better. . because I/we / deserve to be the best version of ourselves. Thanks for this topic.

[@VikingSpirit942]

You have described my two major relationships to a tee… it’s confronting when you realise it but so fabulous when you have worked the patterns out, eliminated toxicity in your life and started on the healing journey🙏🏼

[@nesto5548]

I recommend everyone seeking answers. start by speaking to a therapist to start moving forward self development self awareness are key factors in a journey of healing. We can do this together even if it feels we are alone we aren't

[@nesto5548]

And don't stop watching these amazing videos

[@ralphstadler7373]

Yes YellowRock, that's my Exs family!! Now I know exactly what they were all doing!! And they were doing it to avoid further confrontation, or to avoid being her Narcissistic Supply!! Exactly!! Thanks so much for these videos!! Had to finally end it after 7 years! Thank god I never let her move in! and no kids!! I did really try to get her to help herself, but your not gonna help anyone that doesn't want to be helped, and your not gonna change the weather in Chicago!!

[@lorianne4608]

I learned 5 4 3 2 1 from Mel. What an ideal. I’ve been watching Doctor Ramini + she’s helped me more than words can explain!!

[@aleenanewman]

my mother is a narcissist. I had two narcissistic husbands. I took care of her and got to the point I could no longer go through it. she then went after my children. I do believe I am healing. I am alone and need to heal. I send out Love and Forgiveness to myself first.

[@mariacrochet8379]

This is the first time I heard of yellow rocking, and realize it is what I have been doing over the years to deal with my narcissist. When Dr Ramani speaks of trying to maintain a positive environment for children it makes sense that I learned to interact this way with him. I never knew there was a term for this, but it was almost instinctual to limit the interaction and keep it simple and upbeat to prevent an outburst.

[@ruckerbrady8342]

Iv never heard that one either. Yet i definitely done that many times, my dad too. To avoid the narc rage that always looming at any second

[@jillbeyea2094]

Love you both! My two favorites together! Your episodes with Dr. Ramani are absolutely amazing. So insightful, inspirational and validating. Divorcing a narcissist right now. You two have given me the courage to truly change my life. THANK YOU for all you do!💜

[@pjj.5649]

This is the BEST defination and insight in to narcissistic personality disorder I have ever watched. What a wealth of information!!! To work in a law firm with a crew of narcissistic higher ups is hell. It is the only place where you are prosecuted, prostitued, and persecuted all at the same time. I was green as apples when I temped in law firms, they were having me for lunch. It was absolute HELL!! I got out quick, fast and in a hurry!!! NEVER WENT BACK!!!

[@01splitpea]

With interviews I and II, I've learned multiple coping skills from you both. It's a wonderful feeling to learn things which help us live our best lives. Thanking you feels inadequate. Just know my gratitude knows no bounds.

[@alcudiababe1]

People make the mistake in thinking that love (which particularly makes them prey to lovebombing) is the intensity, the rush, the excitement of each other. The chemistry and when they don't have that magnetic pull with someone that sadly they find this person boring and then move on to find somebody else with that energy. It's like some people sabotage a person who could really love them because to them they're not exciting enough and not feeling the attraction

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽✊🏽✊🏽✊🏽🙌🙌🙌😘😘😘💯💯💯