Signs You’re Dealing With a Narcissist (New Research From World-Leading Expert Dr. Ramani)

[@NolaCaffey]

Dr. Ramani deserves a Nobel Prize for telling difficult truth with clarity and courage. She may be changing the world. 🌷🙏🌈🔬🕊

[@tll5293]

What a BULLSH*T!! She's medically and scientifically totally WRONG about this topic!! Can't believe she makes her name and money by being totally WRONG about this topic! Open a GODDAMN MEDICAL AND SCIENTIFIC BOOK! 😡😤

[@dianecooper2]

Yes she deserves the nobel peace prize (sincere not sarcastic)

[@Listen_before_you_act]

One trillion percent agree

[@EightBallAnswers1]

Tragic how many people have been emotionally and/or physically abused and trapped in relationships with or grew up with or work for. I was entirely unaware until I got romantically involved with one. I was just thought some people were annoying or difficult or weird … but now I see what it really is is …. They’re toxic !! it wasn’t me it was them! I wasted so many years looking at myself wondering why is it so hard to get along with some of these people, i’m not saying I’m flawless but I check my behavior I’m compassionate I don’t abuse people I don’t try and make them feel bad. THEN it became obvious others around me who also are similar (but I’m not in a relationship with them)-like that friend of mine from childhood who always just gives me a uncomfortable feeling like it’s so hard to sit and just listen and not worry that they’re going to say something mean or just disagreeable that I have no response to.

[@suedesignable]

She IS changing the world!!!❤️❤️❤️

[@kungfupanda1705]

"You're in love and they're in power" - 💯💯💯

[@sugarplum1978]

Yes!! This comment blew me away as well. Mostly because it is SPOT ON!

[@dlwilliamson5644]

@@sugarplum1978 Yes, with this statement I understand "mic drop".

[@goodgoodGod123]

Right!! Powerful statement

[@Benjamin001-t7r]

😂

[@taniazachari157]

This idea is devastating when for so many it is a parent and not a romantic partner 🥺

[@melodykuhn4015]

“ just because we can explain their behavior doesn’t make it acceptable” 🤯❤️

[@Ronda061206]

I wish understanding the behavior took the pain they cause away!

[@ddddsdsdsd]

They should live among themselves

[@katspray]

Absolutely !! 👍

[@springBloomsinAwe]

Acceptance is a key to healing

[@jamiecraig8301]

Rise above them and don't let them bother you.😊

[@spiritualrainfrances]

"Using you as their pacifier and punching bag" - LOVE that - so true.

[@andreahunter2471]

Seems to me, if the narcissist knows what’s he’s doing, then he might be willing to intellectually choose other pacifiers and punching bags that ARE acceptable, so they can get their “supply” and sense of control and security in an acceptable manner. If there is no alternative source of pacifier or punching bag, then how would we expect the narcissist to choose to just sit still and shit themselves. We could try another impossible feat: the whole of the human race starts accepting that people might shit themselves and it’s not a failure, so by taking away any sense of embarrassment.

[@carolsaia7401]

I think some people have narc traits in their personality and child abuse can turn it into a disorder.

[@Jennifer-gr7hn]

the root of both narcissism and empaths are childhood abuse. In my own family, three children - I got it the worst, as a sensitive person, fighter of evil and lies, whether it was happening to others or me, and the one who was enabled, is the narcissist. She does't care about any one. What prevents pain from become disorder, is healing which includes and involves humility. With out honesty with self, there is no honesty with others. We can all grow and change....if we want to@@carolsaia7401

[@victoriavitoroulis3273]

@@carolsaia7401if you met my In laws .. it’s hereditary and a bit of their culture

[@victoriavitoroulis3273]

@@carolsaia7401could be generational in my case .

[@EH23831]

Watch out for communal narcissists amongst social workers and psychologists… they can be drawn to these “saviour” jobs and the perceived power - very damaging

[@robinantonio8870]

Drs nurses judges lawyers and cops too

[@anniem2777]

I’m a mental health nurse… this point is so true. I’ve met many narcissistic nurses

[@Cherry-kt8zo]

Yes,Jordan B Peterson comes to mind.Toxic.

[@lindaschultz7900]

Spot-On !! I fired 2 therapists. One of them criticized me and one fell asleep on me!! No joke!

[@lindaschultz7900]

​@@robinantonio8870Also, Surgeons, Clergy, Journalists, Chef, CEO's, etc.

[@angelbabe7422]

I survived a two year relationship with a covert narcissist. It took years to heal from a nervous breakdown and chronic illness. My friend of 29 years started to become brainwashed into the smear campaign and then believed me and supported me for a few years. She was recovering from lupus and we started to heal together. It was very sad to hear the she was manipulated by him by making her feel sorry for him because he “needed support” turning into a woman. She took her own life five months later. She was only 34 and a beautiful soul. Covert narcissists can be very dangerous because they can manipulate all their friends and family into believing the mask is who they are

[@EmsLionheart]

I’m sorry for ur loss 🫂 I hope ur tomorrows are filled w happiness & laughter & peace 🕊️

[@Cpsc111]

I’m very sorry for your loss. May you find peace and acceptance in your grief and love respect and security in your life ❤

[@JamFlava1]

But you choose those men? Isn’t that a bit hypocrisy that you’re blaming them? I mean you choose them lol. Take some accountability will you….

[@bbgoins1418]

Yep. I didn't have friends of my own. 'Our friends', were all his friends. None of these people ever saw the side of him that terrified our children and me. He wore his mask diligently. I had a friend of his ask me if he hits me, I said no(because he didnt) but his words and actions made up for that.

[@bbgoins1418]

@@JamFlava1 yes, but he was not the person that he later became.

[@valcat1274]

Having one in your life makes every.single.thing harder! Life is in many ways is a struggle to begin with, throw one of these monsters into the mix and you're screwed.

[@josmclove4426]

😂😂so true! 😢

[@Suzannemiller-z1v]

Left after 33 years. I couldn’t have done it without dr !!!!thank you!!

[@turnbacktime65]

What a milestone for you! Pat yourself on the back. 😊

[@cathyeads4193]

I got out after 29 - *finally* I accepted that person was not capable of having healthy relationships, no matter how much therapy, how much work he did to try to change behaviors, he is emotionally disabled and unable to establish and maintain healthy emotional connections, authentic empathy for anyone, or healthy behavior patterns. The relationship was transactional for him all along. It took me WAY too long to accept this truth. And it was damaging to our children as well. I was full of shame for a long time for not leaving sooner. Dr Ramani’s work was a huge part of what helped me accept that it was never gonna change. I could stay and suffer or leave and rebuild a much better life. So grateful I finally did the latter.

[@Priya_the_princess]

She saved my life i tried changing this person for 7 years n tried to tell him how i wanna be treated for 7 years of marriage n then i went through her n left ❤ shes a life saviour to me n to soooo many ❤

[@suedesignable]

Good for you!! May the rest of your life be very happy and peaceful. ❤❤❤

[@carrie6157]

40 years ! Thank you

[@karenandersonrealtor]

My mother is a narcissist with borderline personality disorder. As much as I’ve educated myself on this subject, I learned so much from this podcast, which was was truly helpful in realizing that the narcissist views other people as disposable who don’t matter enough. Time to get off the merry go round for good with toxic people!

I am Not sure you can be both. I think there are similarities and actually derive from the same place (insecurity) and often can seem to be mixed, however, the reasons for need and validation and control are different , narcissists are predators and the boderline ones are needy and do things out of fear of being rejected and not loved. Narcissistic types are afraid of losing control over you (they never cared to begin with). Some say Jeffrey Dahmer is a boderline so I guess an extreme version of this syndrome could do unimaginable horrible things as well. So to finish it off, there is also a HUGE difference between these two disorders: borderlines can actually get better. Narcissists NEVER change.

[@petras3953]

@oooo trust me, you can! That’s my mother. Borderline with strong narcissistic tendencies. If you dig a bit, you’ll find connections. It’s a horrible combination!

[@Chris-kl2xz]

Trust me, look up Cluster B disorder. It’s a mix of different personality styles. I know someone who has it

[@harleychic2359]

😢 count me in..I've been far away from my mother who's extremely showing narcissistic behavior it was so bad😢wth my childhood and adulthood nobody understands me..they think I am a bad daughter but it's my mom's.proganda to take me down being able to be away from here taking my kids wth me.... I HATE NARCISSIST THEY ARE EVIL EVIL...

[@Chris-kl2xz]

Yes you can have cluster B which includes both narcissistic and borderline traits as well as antisocial and histrionic. Look it up Pedro

[@RastaVidaOffici]

Run so fast and don't look back...i did and it saved me and my son's lives

[@carolsaia7401]

@@RastaVidaOffici I had my Guardian Angel or higher self tell me to run, and I second guessed myself and thought, but he hasn't hit me. It was mental emotional abuse and he fked me over in the custody battle. Lying actor. Ggrrr.

[@RastaVidaOffici]

@carolsaia7401 yupp similar to what happened with me...I wokeup 1 morning and I heard an angel say NOW RUN! I packed 1 bag of clothes and 1 bag of toys, took my son and ran, as my ex stole all my money and fled the country.

[@lucynamycio4393]

I was married to narcissistic person, it was very hard to leave that marriage17 years together- but I did it and I am so proud of myself. He dragged me to courts another 10 years because our son was 8 years old when I left (3 kids) . He was still controlling me emotionally through emails. I forgive him for everything he did to me and my kids , to FREE MYSELF ❤️

[@kaylabryson1932]

How to forgive ? I was abused 35 yrs til I figured out narcissism he had

[@turnbacktime65]

Fantastic! You have a great healthy attitude. I’m glad you’re proud of yourself. 😊

[@lucynamycio4393]

@@kaylabryson1932 you have to write forgiveness letters to him , put everything what he did to you and then burn that letter , do it us much as you need it , being mad at him you stuck in the past, you need to free yourself emotionally from what happened, because it’s not serving you. This is passed and you can not change it , also write forgiveness letters to yourself and burn it . Live today , be happy 😃. We are creating our life’s . All the best

[@jangriffin-fi1yx]

I am proud of you too 💐 Want to tell you that I can only imagine what you have had to go through as extremely difficult situation when kids involved. One good consolation is that you have not only come through it, but come through it a stronger human being ❤ know no one will come the raw prawn with you ever again 😀 All the best for a happy future.

[@lucynamycio4393]

@@jangriffin-fi1yx thank you 🙏

[@evakober9873]

I started my Metamorphosis in 2020 with Dr. Ramani. She definitely deserves a Nobel Prize. As to my experience, buckle your sit belts tightly before you start because it is a Ride… 💪😢 to say the least. Now in 2024 im still learning new things about Covert Narcissism which i grew up with.. but came so far already. 👏👏👏👏. Im thankful for Dr. Ramani channel.

[@lisamr40]

I remember when I realized that there was something not right with my husband. His brother had just passed away suddenly. He was sitting there saying how this stuff always happens to him. I asked "do you really believe that the universe said, let's screw up your life, on purpose, and have his brother die?" AND HE SAID YES! Straight-faced and serious. I thought "WOW." Never did he think that maybe I was upset or our kids were upset about the loss of someone I knew for 20 years or our kids just lost their uncle. He never considered asking us if we were ok. The entire situation was made into his issue. Very sad and difficult to deal with. Thank you Dr. Ramani and Mel for bringing this topic to the forefront. ❤

[@bn2593]

My dad is a narcissist and his mom died. We are all so so saddened. He acted as if he barely knew the woman and could care less. These people are something else

[@IshtarNike]

My vulnerable narcissist wife, daughter of a rich family, literally said to me she thinks no one else has ever suffered like her. I couldn't hold back and I asked, what about war orphans and refugees. Her response? Yeah but I have complex PTSD from my abusive mother, war is JUST ONE TIME. I couldn't fucking believe my ears. The level of delusion was off the charts. That definitely got me starting to wonder wtf was wrong with her.

[@bridgettem0619]

My ex and I were driving and we ran into some traffic caused by construction..he started wigging out and I was like "hey, it's ok, it's just some traffic." And he said "no! This is to screw up my day!" And on and on and on, really taking it personally. And I said "do you think they came out and put down construction barrels just to ruin your day?" And he said yes. Lol okkkk

[@Justice55339h]

Kinda sounds like you were being the more selfish one, it was his brother..and lamenting a lot of bad things happening to you doesn't automatically make you a narc. I hope there was a ton more to convince you he was a narc because people way overuse the term.

[@Pat_McRotch88]

​@@Justice55339hlol yea

[@suzisaintjames]

The way I deal with a narcissist is to walk away and never look back! Sending lots of love 💖 from sunny 🌞 Arizona 🌵. Take care of yourself and each other 😷.

[@rakheepatel9212]

Easy to say if it’s not your entire family

[@suzisaintjames]

@@rakheepatel9212 , you have to decide to be happy and being able to breath on your own or being with a group of people that is all about them without any regard to your well being either mental or physical, feeling truly stifled... always holding your breath because you know that any moment the other shoe will fall. Always looking over your shoulder checking to see if you've made any mistakes. My advice... walk away, far away. Run if you have to and then make a new family that cherishes you and puts your wants and needs first. It's not easy, but if you want it bad enough you can do it! And there's thousands of people who will support your journey. 💖🌞🌵😷

[@meridiane29]

it’s easy to say when you are all grown up but when you are 6 is an other story

[@suzisaintjames]

@@meridiane29 , no at 6 you believe mum & dad can do no wrong and that what ever is wrong is your fault. And you believe in Santa Claus. But if you live long enough you realize that you've got to get out of the situation. Once out, you've got to stay out. 💖🌞🌵😷

[@suzisaintjames]

@@meridiane29 , if you were that 6 year old, I'm sorry. But I'm glad that you survived. If the 6 year old is someone else, and if there's nothing you can do, report the family to child protective services. Sometimes knowing that they are on CPS's radar, and there are consequences, makes them toe the line a little better. Most places you can report anonymously. If you are a service provider (teacher or babysitter or medical provider) you can suffer consequences if you don't report. Doing the right thing is never easy. 💖🌞🌵😷

[@marierose6792]

Sometimes I try to imagine what it must be like for a narcissistic person, who's whole existence is acting in order to illicit a reaction from another. The puppet master mindset is really like an addict getting a dopamine hit, pushing this button or that button. What an empty existence. They do not have access to positive real tender emotions. They are a black hole. A well rounded human did not form.

[@RS54321]

Yes, and not having any deep, meaningful relationship. It's really sad (not that I'm empathizing with them).

[@carrie6157]

Narcissism is what I’m married to for 40 years !! And didn’t know until I found your videos… thank you!

[@kristencampbell7993]

If you’re with somebody they you’re with them for like 2 to 3 months and everything just feels like a fairytale run because what they’re doing is they are conditioning you and then they start showing you their true colors and it’s not good. I was with a narcissist for 11 yearsand it’s like they do something and then they blame you for it and they they make you feel like it’s your fault. All I can say is run. I didn’t know that my ex husband was a narcissist. My marriage counselor told me to get out

[@JamieJones-qs6jq]

Through therapy I have found out I have several narcissistic and toxic family members, I was soooo close to going no contact. Gave it one last shot. A deceased relatives house needed clearing and I was bieng pushed out and treated like a child (I am mid 40s) . I calmly said it was making me feel uncomfortable and un trusted. I want to step up to the plate and play my part like my 2 sisters. I was told I was silly, too sensitive and had a persecution complex. I stepped back and that was the final straw. They cannot be reasoned with and they will never change. Thank you Dr Ramani for your fantastic insights

[@StacyDifrancesco]

Me too. Mother went to a nursing home and we had to clean out everything. I have to deal with something similar.

[@JamieJones-qs6jq]

@@StacyDifrancesco stay strong

[@advancedbasicsAB]

Both Dr Ramani and Mel are two humans that I genuinely think are true empaths and both at the top of their game. We are blessed that they are on our side. Thanks guys for all you do

[@tll5293]

😂😂😂😂 you've got to be kidding me!!! What a BULLSH*T!! She's medically and scientifically totally WRONG about this topic!! Can't believe she makes her name and money by being totally WRONG about this topic! Open a GODDAMN MEDICAL AND SCIENTIFIC BOOK! 😡😤

[@yvettelopez9912]

One year ago (1/14/2023) I listened to your podcast and you talked to Dr. Ramani about this very subject. That day I call my freedom day! I am now planning my exit from a 36-year marriage. I hope to one day pay it forward and help others in the same situation. Thank you, both for saving my sanity.

[@turnbacktime65]

Go, Yvette! You can do it. Love your idea of helping others.

[@noemisolano4748]

After 24 years of marriage I'm planning my exit from my narcissistic husband.

[@deanshort9011]

I was in a 35 yr relationship/marriage. I finally gathered her toxicity could not be loved away. I had “sunk costs” which lead me to believe I should keep trying. Finally a friend said what are YOU going to do about it? That was a turning point, a key to my personal transformation out of that relationship. Plan your strategy, don’t fear this new opportunity, reclaim your embrace of happiness w/out them. I did it and when it’s time, that’s the right time. 😎🎉🫶

[@claremilei173]

I left a 35 year marriage. I never thought I’d have the courage to do it. You can do it. And the relieve after you have is worth it.

[@celegleeson1767]

this conversation is fabulous. One thing i decided a few years ago is.. I look at how someone is treating me.. How would they accept the same behaviour if it were done to them. If they wouldn't put up with it they are deliberately treating me badly.

[@genawhitney243]

I don’t believe the one I am dealing with or most of them are even willing to even think about how they would react if they were treated the same. It’s always. You are the blame of everything never ever them.

[@celegleeson1767]

@@genawhitney243 -can you ditch them?. that's why I decided on my new judgement system. If they mean to treat you as less than, what are we doing suffering at their hands. If been clearing my life and I feel so much better. More energy. More self respect and focus on what It is that I Want to do for me. No more selfish people for me. Good luck. I'm 67 and am only now getting better at this. It takes so much courage. It's like they dare you to stick up for yourself. Sorry I'm ranting.

[@sandrakrahn6163]

And, it’s definitely intentional!😢

[@George_panagiotis]

​@genawhitney243 it's exhausting if you do try to evoke empathy from these types. They almost always behave like a toddler when you ask them, "How would you feel if someone treated you that way?" It's like it doesn't register at all. They'll respond with rage, passive aggression, or silence.

[@celegleeson1767]

@@George_panagiotis . It's not a relationship. Not in the way normal people engage. If been soughting this out for many years. One step at a time. One person at a time. It's incredable how much energy you have to put into your own priorities when you sought things. I remember preying for insight and courage so I would have insights I needed to see clearly. Then courage to make hard decisions. There are no easy ones when yr knee deep. When you have had enough just walk away. Sounds harsh doesn't it. But it is the bottom line. I also preyed for a change of circumstances, bit that only works when you are truly ready to back yourself up. Otherwise you just attract it again. Same person or someone else. It's that we are the magnetic attraction that draws it to us. We have to change the neon sign to say.. "not here buddy, move on." Ha ha ha I like that. Might make a book mark with it in.

[@chaseTheCase9]

Got chills when she was saying how when they get in the car, they unload for an hour…. When I was married to my ex wife, I had no idea what narcissism was. But now I know. I got out so lucky.

[@janetkenny4861]

The narcissist doesn’t see you as human and uses you to self regulate and someone they can go off on,. Wow never thought of it this way, makes so much sense in how this played out in my marriage, and why thinking somehow what I said or did would make any difference in how he treated me, and the hope the next time he would be nice to me.

[@1c2h3e4u5n6g]

I was raise by a textbook narcissist, when I finally grew up enough to realise she’s irrelevant, it was the best thing that ever happened

[@lwontherez7927]

My narcissistic former spouse has more than five of the nine narcissistic traits, which qualify a person to actually HAVE NPD. Even entitlement; but did not necessarily treat waitresses, waiters, store clerks, etc. with disdain or contempt; but rather, “metaphorically snuggled up to them…That is, treated THEM with special treatment! Like, “I’m the BEST guy you’ll ever MEET!”

[@staceystrukel1917]

I was going to say the same thing. Their entitlement is by behaving like the nicest person so people kiss their ass. My ex has all nine traits and definitely has NPD.

[@orianam9835]

Narcisist 😉 i heard about this special kindness to waiters etc

[@Chris-kl2xz]

Flirting?

[@cassiesalter5442]

Sounds like the "nice guy" narcissist. (Can be a woman too)

[@latchkeykidfilmsLLC]

I literally said whoa at the same time Mel did to that, "You're in love, they're in power"- Know the difference". I got it.

[@clairehartley860]

Dr Ramani introduced me to the term of vulnerable narcissist and it explained a situation I was in at work. It helped me move past the idea that I was to blame and that this person had issues. They were not nasty but they were manipulative and used every one around them but came across as very sweet and incapable. All was good as long as they didn’t have to actually do any work because that it when we got the melt downs…and the blame throwing! They wanted to believe they were the best but couldn’t bear the reality of being seen to be the worst in the team.

[@dawnofthedelts]

I think you may have been working w my former teammate! Spot on.

[@din6887]

This would help those who are going through thé relationship, and feel less hurt because they now understand that all the confusing behaviour of the other person is narcissism .

[@leigh-anneobrien3299]

"Understanding their background will not keep you safe". I will forever remember this quote from one of your previous podcasts, Dr. Ramani. It will stay with me always. THANK YOU. It is this knowledge that will keep me safe.

[@karinkeith9814]

The point made about how narcissists treat people as a disposable object really hit home. Right after listening to this podcast I happened to play Kendall's song "pass time" (which the words of her song truly resonate with me too) and a huge light bulb went off for me. Being a "pass time" is being treated like a disposable object. It is not acceptable!

[@dennyfie]

I was just that an object,

[@Karen-e1f]

Family hurts. It isn't the real idea of family. Playing sides is sad. Alone is actually better for this one.❤

[@CycleBreakerDragon]

My narcissist mother trained me to go in and spy on everyone in her family and report back to her when I was 4. Working the room was a skill she was taught by her mother. 😢 I didn't equate it with narcissism until now... dang.

[@dee003]

Love bombing, vulnerable to get sympathy to suck you in... So many things. Can't believe it has taken me almost 20 years to see this. Gas lighting, Jekyll and Hyde personality 😳😳😳 scary to think I have missed this for so long. Made to feel it was all me. 😢

[@turnbacktime65]

I’m right there with you. Took me years to see it. I can’t leave for financial reasons. To get back my sanity I changed my behavior. When he throws a tantrum (he’s 76) over something not to his standards I just calmly look at him and walk away. If I’m driving…the other day…lol…he got nasty. Real nasty. I turned the car around. Parked at home and got out. I also calmly said “ you are not allowed to speak to me like this. I will stop whatever we are doing to remove myself”. I am getting my hair done, dressing better, taking care of my skin. For me. I hope you find peace and courage.😊

[@thesehandsart]

Dr Ramani, I have so much love and appreciation for you. Not only have you helped me over the past few years but the way you speak makes me feel like I have a friend and ally out there, despite never having met you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@EMuro-wu7uy]

Strong boundaries are a must for everyone. They are absolutely essential to a better life. I was raised with a narcissistic mother and sister. The damage was like looking at a war torn country internally. My mom was an undiagnosed bipolar depression person, who was abused horribly as a child.

[@rakheepatel9212]

And into adulthood…but thanks to dr R have the tools to radically accept and see how fake these vamps are and protect me golden blood!

[@NolaCaffey]

Both narcissists and their victims suffer from the illusion that another person can heal their wounds. We can support each other (friends, family, shrinks) in healing, but it is DIY in the end.

[@providerpowermoves]

Understanding their behavior is completely on purpose is initially shocking. It can take time to grieve the entire situation. But once you know...now you have power and you can get out of their way and hold them accountable.

[@Louloupetals]

Love the both of them. I’m trying to get away from a narcissist. My goal is to be on my own by June. 🤞

[@krishely5955]

I wish you well 💜

[@candacegabrielle9679]

You can do it!

[@Louloupetals]

@@krishely5955thank you so much

[@Louloupetals]

@@krishely5955I’m terrified. He made sure I was totally dependent on him. Lost friends and family members along the way

[@noemisolano4748]

@Louloupetals I'm right there with you. I too am living with a narcissistic. My goal is to live on my own by May of this year. 🤞 We got this!!! Stay strong @Louloupetals and don't give up on your goal!!

[@gladyselisagonzalez6096]

Dr. Ramani, if you're reading this, I want you to know how grateful I am for you. You have changed my life and helped me to understand the last 23 years of craziness that I could not have figured out on my own. Eternally grateful! I am healing now.

[@kittykatFL23]

Dr. Ramani saved my relationship with my mother during the COVID lockdown with her narcissist videos ❤ I’ve learned so much from her, and I already pre-ordered her book! Dr. Ramani is a saint 😇

[@tll5293]

What a BULLSH*T!! She's medically and scientifically totally WRONG about this topic!! Can't believe she makes her name and money by being totally WRONG about this topic! Open a GODDAMN MEDICAL AND SCIENTIFIC BOOK! 😡😤

[@Cherry-kt8zo]

I felt shock when I knew this to be true about my husband. It also opened my mind to identify it in my mother.

[@EmsLionheart]

All I want is to be loved. I could live in a car, if I felt safe in the love around me. Does that kind of love really exist?! I’ve heard about it…I think I may have experienced something close, a very short time, a long time ago. As it goes, others butted in, declared “no, this happiness is not for you” and then proceeded in stealing that chance...in the worst way possible. I’ve never been the same. 🕊️

[@768Random]

Dr Ramani is the best, knowledge is a gift and she has spoiled us and helped us so much. Grateful for her work beyond measures.

[@tll5293]

What a BULLSH*T!! She's medically and scientifically totally WRONG about this topic!! Can't believe she makes her name and money by being totally WRONG about this topic! Open a GODDAMN MEDICAL AND SCIENTIFIC BOOK! 😡😤

[@juliebryson4998]

Omg that’s makes me feel so much calmer …….. I can see what’s driving his bad behaviour but it’s not acceptable to treat me like he does!

[@lhyllianamarseilles]

You need to leave before you don't recognize yourself anymore.

[@lisalambert81865]

I grew up with a narcissistic mother and sister, I knew nothing different in how to be . I started therapy in 2013 and one of the first things I asked is am I a narcissist? She said no, you have learned traits and behaviors. Fast forward when I started calling my daughter on her behaviors, setting boundaries and expecting her to own her own stuff, she started calling me a narcissist and going on a smear campaign to convince others, so I went and had a complete psychiatric evaluation by a licensed psychologist. Well that wasn’t enough, she said I just found people that will tell me what I want to hear. She has now gone to the point of cutting me off (going no contact) to show people how toxic I am. I wish her the best and hope she goes to someone to work out her issues. I will keep working on me and trying to be the person I should’ve been from birth. But saying that, I guess I was meant to be this person, the one that went through life and became and overcome all that life has put me through with less anger and hate in my heart. Best wishes for all the people out there looking to get past and learn from lives situations.

[@sbg4ever120]

“She’s sitting with you but her eyes are on the door.” ~ Maneater ~ Hall & Oates 🎶

[@OasisJones]

10:44 what they are 14:11 vain vs narc 16:28 entitlement 19:11 is it me too? 22:38 explaining behavior 24:46 they use you to regulate 26:06 how does it develop 31:05 on the rise? 34:34 vulnerable signs 41:32 do they know? 43:30 how they feel in a room 45:53 four myths 51:40 it’s their fault 52:24 they know what they’re doing 54:00 they can’t change 56:54 DIMMER 58:57 domination 1:01:13 love bombing 1:03:28 parent love bomb 1:04:26 you’re my queen 1:05:09 supply 1:10:13 patterns 1:16:41 1:18:46 turn it on and off 1:19:45 they don’t know why 1:21:07 possible change? 1:24:24 why they don’t change

[@OasisJones]

1:09:57

[@richm3693]

I listened to this podcast twice and within the first 5 minutes you commented on clients who've been married 40,45,50 years and now realize for the first time what they got themselves into and had they known they may have done something different. We've been married 54 years, age 72 and now I understand why my wife is the way she is, I've explained it away all these years but now I need to figure out what I can do to enjoy life because she is not letting me enjoy. I look forward to reading the book!

[@mayleyhorris]

As a Freelance designer I usually get a Narcissistic client ever 4-5 months, and it takes me 2 weeks to pick up on it and on the 3rd week is when I get the deep confirmation and cut ties. Starts with professional love bombing - eg. pitch an incredible idea filled with false promise and amazing potential or name dropping future work they have for you with huge clients and large budgets. "The buy in" stage this is my benefit of the doubt/hope stage as well. The 3rd week is usually when they make a scene in front of their own employees (group text thread, group email thread or zoom/physical meeting) and try and embarrass you/put you on the spot about your work in some kind of way using shame. Also its usually the week I start to feel completely and utterly confused and bamboozled by their barrage of contradictory information, how far the direction of the project has veared and changed beyond the agreement, and they have some how managed to occupy every minute of your schedule that was assigned to other clients. Thats when I cut ties and move on. Its like being in a circus!

[@mayleyhorris]

And how could I forget, when you do end the relationship professionally and courteously they explode!

[@starsandbeyond5848]

We had this girl in our work team that was constantly unhappy with the ideas my boss had for our work. Whenever we had lunch outside the office it was non stop complaining. When it came time for bonuses she hacked the computer of our boss to see who got a bonus and when she saw I got one for the first time and she didn't, she went after me with such hatred. Everything I did pissed her off and she had talked about me to others so badly. We finally had enough and told the boss what she does, all twenty coworkers and she was fired. Everyone gets along perfectly after she left, it's a healthy environment now and work gets done.

[@barbaraedwards5675]

Glad it worked out. I worked at a small business (4 coworkers), and the narcissists took over.

[@cellosong]

Dr. Ramani rocks! She is a true expert on narcissism and the most helpful person in the field.

[@tll5293]

What a BULLSH*T!! She's medically and scientifically totally WRONG about this topic!! Can't believe she makes her name and money by being totally WRONG about this topic! Open a GODDAMN MEDICAL AND SCIENTIFIC BOOK! 😡😤

[@sid8483]

Omg you can call her 100 times and I’ll still watch❤love her and u

[@dawnwatkins5530]

Dr. Ramani has 100% been a HUGE help for me while I've been going through a divorce after being married for 32 years. Education is POWER! Thank you for all that you offer!

[@fafakahsay4427]

Wow my favorite topic I was with a narcissistic person being married. I lost everything myself 😢 mental health. My emotion, my confidence 😢 I'm still struggling to lead my life as a normal person. Even though I liberated my life from him .

[@patriciaalbertson5183]

Me too: Narsisist Mother, sister, and x husband

[@ashleyloteri]

Praying for your healing ❤

[@juhisadhu2324]

It's pure good karma that you both met each other.. n our good karma that we now know how to deal with the problems we were facing coz of the narcissistics in our lives..totally grateful to you both from the bottom of my heart..Dr Ramani deserves the Nobel peace prize...❤

[@noemisolano4748]

Mel and Dr. Ramani thank you for talking about narcissism and bringing light to a topic that I rarely hear about! In my state I have not found no support groups or services for survivors of narcissistic abuse. I wish there were more services in place to help survivors.

[@tll5293]

What a BULLSH*T!! She's medically and scientifically totally WRONG about this topic!! Can't believe she makes her name and money by being totally WRONG about this topic! Open a GODDAMN MEDICAL AND SCIENTIFIC BOOK! 😡😤

[@jackielaventure2761]

Personal therapist that works with survivors or narcissistic abuse- those kind of therapist are out there and can save ur life

[@melissa-wz6uj]

My ex was the epitome of a narcissist! I finally met a man that is not perfect but loves Jesus like I do , loves community, humor, adventure and life! ❤ finally happy at 46 years old 😊

[@YUSIN117]

Dr. Ramani is the reason I subscribe and now she is the reason I came back to watch your content 😆

[@anthony6420]

I think Mel is the best thing on the Internet. ❤ she has not only changed my life, but most of the people in my life are obsessed with her. She’s funny straight out and honest.

[@tll5293]

What a BULLSH*T!! She's medically and scientifically totally WRONG about this topic!! Can't believe she makes her name and money by being totally WRONG about this topic! Open a GODDAMN MEDICAL AND SCIENTIFIC BOOK! 😡😤

[@penster2283]

Wow, what a revelation. I think I’m a narcissist. It’s devastating to know that even if I do get help it’s almost impossible to change my behaviour. Thanks for this enlightening podcast. I’m hoping to watchI again and again to keep making me aware to at least temper some aspects of my behaviour.

[@heathernewby6146]

A true narcissist will never admit it… you probably have more of a trauma response issue…. Probably from childhood… find that root and you WILL change ❤

[@martinboyd447]

A TRUE NARCISSIST will happily admit it and laugh at you for being a naive fool who is going to be the world's bitch (if they've ever seen you in a moment of weakness). I don't believe the "covert narcissist" will be pejoratively categorized in a decade or so. It's a mixed bag that people confuse like Mel did many times over in this interview. People are simple except where they live in their heads.

[@lucynamycio4393]

They WILL NEVER ADMIT THEY ARE

[@penster2283]

Because I've displayed rage and anger towards my husband for my sense of entrapment in our marriage (never getting the support to grow my art career). I always felt a bitterness towards him that eventually turned to rage. I'd act emotionally immature and was rude and degrading to him for my shortcomings; for not being supported to pursue my true destiny. And I'd use him as a punching bag. I was kinder to strangers than to him. I've also, often enough, expressed anger towards my children (whom I love), as they represented the result of our union and reflected in me the things that I lacked to give them, like a happy loving family life. They feel I'm often angry. This coupled with the fact that I have low self-esteem (especially after getting married) and I often require evalidation for things I do. This conversation really opened my eyes, I now consider myself as possibly being a narcissist (or at least someone who is highly emotionally immature that I didn't allow my intelligence to control these shameful scenarios). I would have to get diagnosed to be sure but, boy, I sure have all the qualities @@Lavon_Professional

[@penster2283]

@@heathernewby6146 I hope you’re right. It still is a good eye opener for my behaviout, making me a little more accountable.

[@ai172]

When Mel praised Dr . Ramani especially in the intro, I choked and teared up. Thank you Mel and Dr. R❤❤

[@ericachitwood2465]

Did you notice rami shaking her head no (left right) after Mel said she was glad to have her. Mismatch here. I wonder if she was truly happy to be there. I also think, at times, rami likes to hear herself talk. I think she is super smart, but ironically, I see some arrogance in her.

[@tll5293]

What a BULLSH*T!! She's medically and scientifically totally WRONG about this topic!! Can't believe she makes her name and money by being totally WRONG about this topic! Open a GODDAMN MEDICAL AND SCIENTIFIC BOOK! 😡😤

[@tll5293]

​@ericachitwood2465 100% agreed! This is what I keep saying! Her behavior is not normal, she's extremely ARROGANT and the way she Opens her eyes in her videos shows her "mental" side. I know because, it's a typical behavior of psychopaths (scientifically!)

[@trudyramgren8817]

What an awesome interview!! Hello to you Mel and Dr. Romani. I want to thank you both. I'm finally out of my nightmare with my ex narc. It's so freeing that sometimes I feel giddy. Lol. I have to say that it was extremely hard and hurtful to know I was with a Narc. I had divine intervention, I did lots and lots of research and listening to people like yourselves , got me out of it. I have to say though that Narcisstic abuse leaves its scars. It's horrible on how I was treated but I received clarity and processed it all in my mind. He wasn't real, just a facade. Most importantly I love and respect both of you ladies who help us women get our integrity, self esteem and our lives back. Hugs ! ❤❤

[@heatherjohnson2940]

Love Dr. Ramani. Brilliant and clear in her descriptions of narcissism with a genuine empathy. Can’t wait to read her book. Thanks for having her again, Mel!

[@tll5293]

What a BULLSH*T!! She's medically and scientifically totally WRONG about this topic!! Can't believe she makes her name and money by being totally WRONG about this topic! Open a GODDAMN MEDICAL AND SCIENTIFIC BOOK! 😡😤

[@shekar222]

Sometimes, it is you. It is the codependent in you that allows the narcissist to stick around.

[@Cherry-kt8zo]

Stop

[@lindaschultz7900]

Ok Dr. Shekar223.

[@ljragsandfeathers]

I’m more and more convinced we need to use an addiction profile to understand the impacts of these relationships. It’s worse than heroin and more damaging 😢

[@JKB-ji6xl]

I often lovebomb my cat: 'How's my little beauty queen?' But it never goes to her head.😉 Great discussion. Thank you!

[@LXSeaV]

Ramani is such a hero. Give her allllll the flowers.

[@DigitalCasm]

Something that's bizarre to me is how many parallels there are to the traits of a vulnerable narcissist, and being a recovering highly sensitive People Pleaser with CPTSD. I used to always be very hypervigilant. And I know that the darkside of people pleasing, or codependency is the over-the-top not enoughness that bleeds on to other people. The compulsion to help, and over give, and the rage and entitlement that come with the poorly communicated boundaries, and the burn-out cycle stick in my mind also, as a "different path" to the same place. Entitlement, and rage even if I didn't seem to take it out on others often. When I was younger, I remember feeling extreme shame and acting out. I know I'm not a narcissist, but I'm having a really hard time integrating the recognition of just how much closer "I am" to narcissism than I thought.

[@aq6536]

Exactly what I have been going through!

[@elinor1473]

Just replying here to say I am in a similar boat and can really relate to the shame in childhood you mentioned there, and the frustration from not communicating boundaries through people pleasing. I am currently in pretty bad burn-out also and your comment highlighted to me that my own narcissistic beliefs have been a contributor to that. This has been a great video for victims of narcissistic personality styles to be recognised and validated, but also to for those of us who have these behaviours and elements of narcissism to recognise it within ourselves. Wishing you all the best ☀

[@cherrybacon3319]

I've seen all this video and I have to say it almost brought tears to my eyes. It helped me to have Clarity and some Acceptance of my truth. Thank you.

[@tll5293]

What a BULLSH*T!! She's medically and scientifically totally WRONG about this topic!! Can't believe she makes her name and money by being totally WRONG about this topic! Open a GODDAMN MEDICAL AND SCIENTIFIC BOOK! 😡😤

[@dkelley6244]

I personally believe that you inherit narsasism. I tried to understand the "why?" That's my conclusion. I should have a PHD in this field. Both of you are amazing. Saved my life a few times. ❤❤❤❤

[@IshtarNike]

I think it's usually inherited via the narcissistic abuse. My narcissistic ex literally came from a line of narcissists lol. Her grandmother was a covert narc who abused her kids and her husband. He reactively abused her. The shitty upbringing of her mother turned her mother into a raging covert narc. Her mother's abuse drove her father away. They got a divorce in a conservative foreign country 30 years ago when divorce was a massive taboo. And finally, her narc mother abused my ex and she became an incredibly sneaky and manipulative vulnerable narcissist who hid her rage and manipulation so well I didn't see it for years.

[@TaraSuter-r9d]

Thank you Mel and Dr Ramani! I appreciate you both so much and it was so comforting as well as empowering listening to this! I got divorced from Narc last Spring after a 15 year marriage and now have to continue the abuse as a coparent of my two sons. It is SO hard but listening to both of you today makes such a difference just knowing that you both get it!!! Keep doing what you are doing ladies! You have both helped me so much in this journey!❤

[@Jackles22]

A Mel Robbins and Doctor Ramani podcast duo. I’ve paused to write this quickly but a big thank you Mel for the fantastic informative introduction on our Doctor Ramani she’s helped so many people understand and heal from Narcissistic abuse and the trauma of having narcissistic parents, relationships and friendships which has a huge impact on their lives and now seeing that again you wonderful women have come together to further widen this discussion has made so many peoples weeks so thank you lots. I look forward to continuing to watch and take in more food for this brain. Big loves from New Zealand xxx

[@krenn08]

I have a coworker that has no authority, yet bosses people around anyway, condescending on occasion, and tells us "I'm a b*tch". Other times, "we're a team and have to support each other". Complete turnaround.. back and forth.

[@konnierad]

Explaining the behavior. I do this constantly because the narcs are siblings. It is so hard when you think you must love them.

[@donnayoung4289]

Yes, live it daily, and it's hard, but I do it.

[@meganaspden7771]

Thank you for your encouraging words. I don't know what to do anymore, I have an extremely toxic, hateful bully of a boss that has ruined so many lives over 10 years. I love my job and the other people I work with so I don't want to leave. He has an almost super natural way of manipulating people and getting away with whatever he wants. Please help me, I don't know what to do without focussing on him but I still want him and his darkness out of our lives 🙏🏼

[@MNP208]

I've started watching "The Truth About Jim" documentary. A great example of narcissistic personality disorder! He checks all the boxes of Dr. Ramani's descriptions.

[@psycheread3258]

Can you please turn up the sound, Mel? I can barely hear it! Dr. Ramani has helped me so much!

[@AdamWestish]

Like you're show so far, Doctor Ramani is a real treasure. this is all information People should learn in their personal lives and business relationships too, narcissists are everywhere

[@shanereilly9216]

Two of my favourite ladies. Mel is just a legend. Dr Ramani helped me heal massively after a narcissistic relationship ❤

[@ParentingMindfully]

Doctor of child development here 👋 I absolutely love Dr. Ramani's work!! When I entered my current relationship, my partner was in a nightmare of a co-parenting situation. I had no idea why this person was so self-absorbed that she didn't care how her behavior was affecting the toddler child. It took me over a year to start piecing things together, and Dr. Ramani's videos truly helped. There is so much gold here with the insights on how narcissism comes about, the affect that it has on both young and adult children, and how to realize that It's Not You (fabulous book also!). But what do you do when you are co-parenting with a narcissist parent and want to protect your young children? I couldn't find anyone who was helping with that. Even the family court system, parenting coordinators, therapists, etc. seem to be at a loss for what's happening and how to help. So, I have been using my own expertise, doing the research, and creating tools to use in my family to help the healing parent have tools to help the child become more resilient to the narcissist parent's toxic behaviors. It's so sad to see how many adult children of narcissistic parents are here, and my hope is that my work will help reduce the impact that the parents' behavior has on the child long-term. Sending love and light to all of you who have and continue to suffer from this abuse. 💌

[@merin797]

Btw..thank you both! You’re both helping ALOT of people. 1000%.🙏

[@bsttr8846]

You right!

[@johnjosiah8839]

I’m truly grateful that I know if I ❤ my wife enough I’ll do the right things ‼️‼️‼️👍

[@shashi_6]

Ohh lord Doctor Ramani....ma'am that shows why you are number one as psychologist when you said that you are sad equally followed by "Thats the number of people that are being hurt" there you are,there you stand at first .. oh lord ... Forever thankful for what you are doing ,if there was no social media i couldnt even imagine that if i ever could have come out the victim period(hardest of all that I experienced in my life ever) Still not completely but m almost there... Thanks for everything Mel and Ramani Ma'am❤

[@shadeekamendez1743]

"I am saddened because that's how many ppl are being hurt." VERY.WELL.DONE.DR.RAMANI. She is speaking from truth

[@jadegreen1554]

Well of course Dr Ramani has the most views and everything else. She is speaking TRUTH to the narcissistic epidemic we’re all living in and have no clue what, why and how to deal with it.

[@FunkyMunky-w2m]

Mel I'm positive you're not a narcissist. You don't seem like a selfish jerk but there are whole masses of people who are selfish jerks who are not narcissists. So. You're a real person who cares about others. That's the opposite of a narcs. Narcs full of superficial charm, fake excessive people-pleasing, and really do not care about others much at heart. (And I thinj narcs are way more epidemic than the stats. I think that kind of evil is just a normal part of human life.)

[@TheCoolCookieKitchen]

How I’ve noticed that there’s an increase of narcissistic behaviour or personality styles is how a customer service representative react when they have to tell you no. Five years ago, I would’ve politely been told no but now I feel like there is anxiety and so much stress in that person’s voice that they can’t give me what I want. To the point where it becomes a mini therapy session where I assure them that I am not mad at them and that it’s OK to say no and that I could only get a guess if I asked the question but I wasn’t expecting to get everything I wanted. And I’ve been in those jobs so my heart hurts extra for those because I know the type of abuse they’re taking, especially when somebody can’t see their face.

[@joncampeau8932]

Watch both episode with Dr. Ramani. Love this one, it was powerful. Love vs power, deep awarness.

[@rianncrowe7050]

“If people aren’t disposable then they have too much power.” That just clicked with me. My daughter-in- law has secluded my son from his family. She’s afraid that I will show him what she’s done is not right. You don’t cut out family.

[@jackielaventure2761]

Excellent conversation on seeing the red flags 🚩 narcissistic ppl wave but the real conversation to have is why ppl get into relationships w narcissists…. EVERYONE HAS A ATTACHMENT STYLE - what drives u to attach urself to cruel losers! That’s the next conversation we need Dr R

[@Caimera77]

Mel and Dr Ramani in one meeting together!!😍, my two favorites🎉🎉🎉

[@barbaraedwards5675]

My narcissistic sister actually said her soon to be ex husband is a narcissists. I was speechless! We have never discussed narcissism. Didn’t even know she was aware of the term. But, she was out talking with a stranger about her soon to be ex husband, and this woman suggested he might be a narcissist. My narc sister looks for the wait staff before she sits down, and will get up and go search for them because they’re taking too long (they aren’t). She treats these people so bad, that there are times we’re afraid to eat our food. And of course they never deserve a tip from her.

[@Desirae383]

you can explain away their behavior AND understand that they’re narcissistic. Multiple things can simultaneously be true. They did have a bad day at work… and that’s what is driving their anger. The way they’re treating me is unacceptable. Those two things are true. - I’m low key annoyed by how eye opening that was. Explanation does not have to be an excuse and therefore a demand for dismissal of the behavior or your hurt due to said behavior.

[@kimmylovesdisney9793]

Dr Ramini saved my life in 2018! She helped me realize I wasn't crazy and understand what was going on! Narcissist wasn't at all what I thought because I learned what a covert Narc is!

[@tll5293]

What a BULLSH*T!! She's medically and scientifically totally WRONG about this topic!! Can't believe she makes her name and money by being totally WRONG about this topic! Open a GODDAMN MEDICAL AND SCIENTIFIC BOOK! 😡😤

[@TurnYourMagicAllTheWayUp]

Education is KEY! 🔑 Wrote my own book about my experiences with Narcissists, but Dr. Ramani will ALWAYS be the GOAT. 💖

[@cherylannebarillartist7453]

So many notable, aha moments in this conversation, I think it’s the best she has said it so far! Thank you! The one phrase that I had to listen to twice that brought me such incredible and needed Clarity was early on about people being “interpersonally antagonistic.” WOW!!! The personal thing I would like to share in case it helps somebody else, on the note of two things being true at the same time: I’d gotten to a point in my marriage, where I realized, even if on a scale of 1-10, I am wrong all the way to 10 , I do not deserve to be treated the way I was being treated. There are times I’m wrong, and that is simply part of being human. And that is how we grow, but we never deserve to be treated in a cruel way, especially not by those who are closest to us.

[@kuntkoalition]

THANK YOU Mel & Dr. Ramani for your constant words of wisdom. 🙏 It takes time and work for the words to really sink in and acknowledge them, but they are 💯 true.

[@CandiceLMossArt]

Mel and Ramani! I Can’t thank you enough for the knowledge you two keep dropping that has literally saved me from going crazy! Highly sensitive empath here 🙋🏼‍♀️ and Just when I thought I’ve experienced them all, BAM! A vulnerable narcissist at work sucked me right in! Took me about a year to figure it all out because we work remotely and she would always lift me, tell me how she was the one to help me get hired FT but then would tell me who I can’t trust and talk shit about my boss and pretty much everyone. She’d get really annoyed if anyone asked her to update anything she initially worked on and god forbid if we changed anything she did! but THEN she told me how she was beat as a child and everything clicked how completely insecure she was. I started setting boundaries when she’d engage me about someone and then boom, she completely ignored me when I needed her to collaborate on a project. I informed my supervisor and we completed it without her. Fast forward a couple months, my boss has taken me off the project I was supposed to work with her on and she hasn’t messaged me since when initially she was chatting me up every day. Crazy 🤪

[@tll5293]

What a BULLSH*T!! She's medically and scientifically totally WRONG about this topic!! Can't believe she makes her name and money by being totally WRONG about this topic! Open a GODDAMN MEDICAL AND SCIENTIFIC BOOK! 😡😤

[@adeletaylor4327]

Omg ‘The chronic grudge’…. Yup!!!!😮

[@bbgoins1418]

I was married to a narcissist for 19 1/2 years. Even though he never hit me, I was terrified of him.

[@staceystrukel1917]

I feel you, I still am afraid.

[@bbgoins1418]

@staceystrukel1917 my ex-husband married a thinner, pretty woman, who filed charges against him for pushing her down. A few months later(during their divorce) he suffered an episode with his pancreas (35 yrs of drinking heavily) he was in a coma and in the hospital for a very long time. Even after all this, nothing has changed(except for not remembering alot of what happened in the past) I was FINALLY able to tell him how much hurt he caused and the mental and emotional scars he inflicted upon our children and myself. Just being able to not be afraid to say what I needed to say to him was so freeing. It was a huge weight lifted. I am so happy to not be in that marriage anymore. God is so good.