The hidden truth about human connection | Dan Foxx | TEDxChelmsford

As human beings we have always been genetically driven to connect with other people. We are social animals but we are really poor at this skill. And we are “blind” to the obstacle which stands in our way, because the obstacle is US! The key to unlocking human connection is found in our ability to obscure our selfish underlying ego. We do this by learning a new way to love. The paradox is discovered when we authentically care for others first, we usually get more than we ever dreamed possible on our new and old relationships.
Dan Foxx is the owner of an executive coaching company, Unlock Your Leadership. He has been an international executive coach for the last 18 years. During this time, he has coached over 3,000 business executives, including 400 CEOs. The focus of his work includes: creating human connection, conflict resolution, team building, corporate strategy, executive team offsite facilitation, business speaking, the ignition of passion in the heart which leverages commitment, and “working with the Board of Directors.
Prior to this, Dan owned an advertising agency for 12 years, and has experience as a: VP of Marketing, VP of Sales, and President of an American manufacturing corporation. He lives with his family in Grass Valley, CA.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx

[@selflovingsensitive]

Personality clashes is the RESULT of ego. Yes!👏

[@storiium2237]

Human connection is the key to happiness.

[@raymundp.8306]

In order for me to surrender my ego is to be present with you in a meaningful way, I need to be consciously focused on you to get unaware of me. Thanks for this.

[@wbrewski]

Having worked with Dan for over 10 years, I've had the opportunity to learn from him the subtleties and importance of human interaction and interpersonal connection. His TEDx talk encapsulates the best of what Dan has promoted in his life's work and I'm so happy that the TED forum has allowed his message to reach thousands. I'm to proud to know and work with him.

[@jajairarodriguez2675]

This is so good! Get rid of the ego , show them the need, make beautiful connections ♥️ live selfless lives.

[@ebone]

I was one of the lucky "3000 executives" that that Dan coached, befriended and changed. Of all the TED Talks I've watched, I can tell you all that he is the "real deal". I was in the right place, at the right time in my career and Dan changed my path in business and in life -- he made a difference. It's a great pleasure to re-live some of my memories of our meetings via this 18min TED Talk! Congrats Dan!

[@miaa7097]

What type of tips did he give you? Im having issues connecting with coworkers

[@luluehayes]

I keep coming back to this wonderful video to re-learn the brilliant lessons that it can remind me of making powerful connections with people. Every time I do I'm completely floored that this video has so little views, I really wish more people would search how to make true human connection more.

[@romeomsfg3109]

sometimes internet plays and numbers don't really reflect reality; sometimes they do. I could have just not posting anything on your comment, but i wanted to let you know that even neither of us has a "real" picture as avatar, i connected to what you wrote.

[@ripeshthatal4719]

Be humble and give your clear mind and heart with love. Great one thank you

[@lisaeve6426]

I can not believe there are not more comments. This man is brilliant

[@with-eyez2see]

Believe it. The masses are idiots lol

[@selflovingsensitive]

Agreed.

[@Apokalypseplease]

Social anxiety cured instantly

[@naimatm823]

Such a complex topic, broken down so simply. Amazing!

[@AIOTechnical]

Probably the best ted talk I have ever watched......why was I not recommended early

[@monstervan]

Very inspirational! Thank you!

[@alvin3171997]

One of the best ted talk ever ... powerful message and so emotional :')

[@shobhashreepanda4779]

One of the best speech came across... Really connects to the heart..

[@petewhittaker7888]

Here in 2020 we are seeing what happens when we 'ordered' to "stay away from each other". The world literally implodes and explodes with utter madness.

[@debrarobertson5259]

I love this Dan Foxx...very well done & spoken...

[@colinmaxwell4738]

And I suspect he loves you to Debra!

[@uncleweirdy4252]

This is gold

[@vasundharasharma5806]

This man is a legend

[@pranotip957]

That was an eye-opening and amazing talk! Well Done! 👏👏

[@MariJ487]

Great talk!

[@coreyamccoy]

Brilliant!

[@anamikabeniwal2565]

This was so good and simple too.

[@margaretcampbell2681]

Yes so good, we need to get out of ourselves to connect

[@sforever-tv4jf]

You are great sir

[@danielnseca7935]

Dan Fox’s, I’m impressed!

[@willbfreed]

Great stuff, thanks!

[@kashmirabhingare6427]

Great talk loved it 😍

[@JerickaBingham]

Thank you. Great video. And wonderful advice and truth 100.. good job guys. Loving you all.. jave a blessed day. Asalaam peace سلام

[@arifawan1190]

Simply LOVED it !

[@ntokozomkhabela1501]

Really good !!!!

[@ThePartyScientist]

Our ego is never our friend when it comes to friendships. We are driven by what we want. Rather than searching for ways other people can benefit you and only you, we can learn to use the word "WANT" so that we genuinely want to connect and help others first. By creating a space where we sincerely want what's best for people, we can leverage more meaningful experiences and friendships in our life.

[@eddyclaros9314]

I’m all about helping others. But I can’t seem to keep connections with them. I see the ego part because I tend to judge people a lot. Maybe that’s why

[@brunosco]

Everyone is the centre of the world.

[@elephantear7659]

I have a problem where in conversation and even when Im generating good ideas, lacking any self-awareness, I will suddently become self-aware again, and cant shake it, and lose my focus. I think love is the answer, love the person youre talking to and love what youre focusing on to continue the flow. I used to be good at focusing on another person and on things beside myself but with having been deprived of the things Ive wanted for so long, a wife, I think Ive gotten angry and bitter and my ego is now unrelenting in its persistance to achieve these desires. (Its either that or its becasue I used to be good at focusing on other people but then in all my fun I neglected myself and realized that my job I hated was causing me many problems. So for the last 4 years Ive been focusing on changing my profession to be able to have a normal life again with other people. So any interuption to this goal is perhaps rejected by my ego.) Also, I have OCD, which intensifies my urge to satisfy my ego. So when my ego realizes the focus is not on itself, it gets pissed, bc it needs to be satisfied and there is no time to be focusing on other things, and so my focus is derailed. But I must hold strong in faith and remember that love is the way to achieving my desires. Love can accomplish anything. I think when my profession is set Ill be ready to focus on others again, it just sucks in the meantime. But perhaps I should try connecting with people again before then. Maybe Ill get there faster than being socially deprived. Thank you, Dan, I have been struggling with this problem for 4 years now and I think this is the answer!

[@wannaburster]

Nice talk

[@chengfusaechao7243]

the worst CONFLICTS/ CLASHES is within your family members..how very sad is that!??if we cant even get along with family members..well,its a given..that we will NOT get along with the rest of the people out in the society..this world is so Broken.

[@tuffguytofiles]

Chengfu Saechao it's true. But we need to try our best

[@SantanaBanana47]

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

[@alzawqri-bilal7526]

تحية من الجزائر 🇩🇿🇩🇿

[@riyareny]

The WiFi GIVES the phone SIGNAL and a strong connection is secured. The WiFi is IN SERVICE OF the phone and the phone feels wanted. You HAVE to be in service to connect, to empower.

[@alaa4587]

🙏🏻

[@bentaiebmarwa1745]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@polutanka]

Socializing with adults is tiring for me. Childeren and animals on the other hand..

[@steveo7771286]

Because they're more interesting. Random, sporadic, unpredictable at times. That's what makes life fun.

[@AngieF8]

Also children and animals are authentic, no ego structure, they are simply Being not Thinking of how to present themselves, past experiences, future fears etc they are truly present absorbed in the moment and haven't accumulated the psychological baggage that distracts and complicates most adults. Adults are draining to me as well.

[@felipepauluk4501]

♥

[@Therealdonaldtrumpusa]

I wish they made a ❤️ emoji so I can love this.

[@charliechuck8994]

People still won't notice if they don't care to

[@yeptimo]

Where can I get those purple rays they got going on up in here?

[@goodintentions1302]

Excellent... Yet when you're the one that puts others first over and over and those same people put you down, telling others you are weak, or sinful because you did something there strict church feels is wrong... Well, after decades you realize you're just a schmuck and it's not worth giving so much.

[@pennywise1003]

Always keep reaching out and meeting new people this way you eventually will have no time for bad people because your spending time with the good new people you have met.

[@goodintentions1302]

@@pennywise1003 I've learned not to give so much... Even with new people. I'm enjoying more by giving to total strangers who I'll never see again.

[@marisablakley3489]

I've been that way my whole life. Raised in church and picked up the underlying message that love was EXTREMELY conditional...and I was NOT worthy. We were literally taught to put ourselves LAST. Now I'm 41, alone, and codependent. Fun.

[@jeradokun2473]

Who's here because they need to watch this for Philosophy?

[@qt3939]

me

[@jeninhusseiny3031]

[@lindaewald9252]

waiting for pitch. he trying to sell something

[@poerava]

Show them the ‘need’? I don’t get it

[@michelekurlan2580]

What Leo Buscaglia meant when he gave Dan these words was to actually apply "the golden rule" with others. If you want to be heard, listen. If you want to talk about yourself, ask the other person about their lives. Become interested. The "I want" he talks about is still in there, its simply achieved thru giving. There is a caveat to "the golden rule" IMO and this is how I might rewrite it or add a disclaimer: "do unto others as you would have them do unto you sans any expectations" Being human is complex, right?

[@AWayOfLiving84]

☯️🌏🕵🏻‍♂️👣💒🌌

[@PinkYellowGreen2023]

Keyword....HIDDEN

[@sirdrakebg6445]

2 0 1 9

[@devidjohnkar2577]

The thundering estimate problematically escape because cent ectrodactyly crash per a organic trouble. sophisticated, unequal pansy

[@danielm.4346]

By 1:16, he has said nothing worth listening to. Blah blah blah waste of time. Whatever. By 1:58, what said that counts for what??

[@juniormarquez4862]

Is this satire?🤔

[@ikravchik]

He is talking of a naive fantasy. People evolved from predatory apes. We love aggression (see most of our movies and news). Individual ego is what drives us to greatness. Compassion becomes fake and tiring if it is forced.

[@paulamilitaru4732]

So you're saying our natural state is more aggressive than compassionate? I think it can be both, but it's up to you as an individual to choose what to lean more toward to. Being nice take effort. Being mean, self-centered, driven by ego is easy. As he said, ego is what destroys relationships.

[@KenKarnes]

Suggest you spend time understanding what compassion means. For you, it's fake and tiring. For an amazing leader, it's simply what they do. BTW, I've known many a person with 'ego' who mostly struggle... further learning and framing on these topics may help you be more successful and happy.

[@Oatmeal300]

I'd love to be your friend, if any positions open up, let me know

[@dude4173]

Have you tried to be compassionate? It feels good.

[@michelekurlan2580]

Yes,AND, humans are not run purely by instinct, we have volition, choices. Our brains have plasticity. There def is something to the phrase: "fake it til you make it. People can and do have moments of enlightenment, like the story of Dan's wife volunteering at the rest home. She had what sounded like a spontaneous change of heart. Rare, but not contrived. Anything is possible, even when probability, based on history, is low.