The HONEST TRUTH on living in the Netherlands as an American

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In this video, I share my honest experiences of living in the Netherlands as an American. I talk about everything from culture shock to things I love about Dutch culture and society.
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I like to share my experiences of an American expat in the Netherlands. I describe both the unique and everyday aspects of Dutch culture, and life in Holland while enjoying every bit of it!
Blog website: www.dutchamericano.com
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[@42DEEP42THOUGHT42]

I, as a german, envy the dutch for their exceptional bike infrastructure. Every country should have those high standards when it comes to safety and equality in mobility.

[@bestgamting]

Je hebt zooo gelijk hoor

[@markbogers7646]

I as a Dutchman, envy the germans for their lack of speedlimits on some highways

[@3isico]

That's something the Germans didn't steal from us some 80 years ago

[@hiddevollmar6799]

I as a dutchman, would like to get my bike back from you germans

[@bestgamting]

what do you mean ... heeft iemand jouw fiets in DE gestolen ..? @@hiddevollmar6799

[@FreakyNotje]

De brieven van de belastingdienst zijn niet in het Nederlands.. het lijkt op Nederlands, maar ik woon hier al m'n hele leven en ik begrijp ze ook niet 😉

[@DutchAmericano]

🤣🤣🤣

[@bertkassing8541]

Hahahahaha, dat is een goeie!

[@FrankS104]

Als je het niet begrijpt, betaal je al gauw teveel. DAT IS NIET SLIM.

[@freudsigmund72]

I just forward them to my accountant and they'll tell me in proper Dutch what I need to do

[@ypey1]

Ik probeer ze al jaren te ontcijferen… ik ben ervan overtuigd dat het berichten van buitenaardse afkomst zijn

[@joslauwers7960]

Hi Ava, Learning a language: If people immediatly change to English ask them to speak Dutch as you are learning the language and they help you if they speak Dutch. Most will change back to Dutch.

[@matthiasg4843]

Zuid en Zout sound different. There is a cheat code for the train. When you see the 3rd person is coming, you switch over to the window seat(3) and "offer" them your seat (2).

[@renedekker9806]

I heard that as well. It is understandable, though. The 'ui'-sound is pretty hard to pronounce or even recognise for foreigners.

[@aeiouaeiou100]

12:12 The train sitting sequence is so true haha. Here is a tip: if person 3 arrives to the 4 seats you move over to seat 3 instead of letting person 3 sit there and now you have seat two and that person will go into your seat 2. Also for the 2 sit benches there is also the unwritten rule that you will not sit next to someone unless the entire train is full. And if people start leaving the train and new 2 sits come free and you sit next to someone you can move seats so you're no longer next to someone.

[@MartinWebNatures]

Is me nooit zo opgevallen. Maar in verband met beenruimte, ontstaat het kennelijk 🤔

[@Nynke_K]

That third-person slide tip is gold! And what really struck me was that this whole system emerges from everybody's need for personal space and we don't even notice until someone like Ava points it out 😅

[@jeffafa3096]

This is proper Dutch train etiquette. Nobody will punish you if you don't abide by these unwritten rules, but everybody will look at you like you've done something wrong...

[@kreefko]

Ik heb deze ervaring echt niet. Als er niemand zit ga ik altijd aan het middenpad zitten. Maar inderdaad, als er al iemand zit ga ik er niet tegenover zitten.

[@kriswarren2469]

So how does it work if you're traveling with someone? Can both sit by the window so you can have a conversation without talking past others?

[@wisecat.]

Not only in trains and buses, there are seating rules. Even in waiting rooms in hospitals, doctor practices, trainstaitons, etc. It is common that the first person can sit wherever he or she likes. As for the second person it is usual to choose a seat as far as possible from the first person So the third person has to sit somewhere in between. Depending on the amount of seats the room fills this way with people. Whatever you do, do not ever step into a waiting area and take a seat directly next to someone else while there are seats free across the room. You can sit directly next to another person if all the other seats are taken

[@amberensley2470]

As an introvert this makes perfect sense and I do this all the time in America lol

[@Trimaran12]

As the first born of post war Dutch immigrants to Canada I have the privilege to have both Dutch as a first language and a sort of yearning for the lost home land transmitted from parents and experienced as something like the post summer camp letdown after long visits with family as a child. One of the cultural differences I notice now as an adult is the difference in personal space. In the 'adult summer camp' environment of a sailing charter out of Harlingen with 25 onboard (a highly recommended experience) , I noticed experienced that physical closeness while sitting and talking was part of the 'gezellig' atmosphere. I really miss that. In my group of friends here we are all so reserved, hugs and even handshakes are rare and we rarely sit close enough that arms touch. Am I simply mourning my youth? or do you also notice a difference in physical closeness in friends groups? I realize that the pandemic and Corona Times has also pushed people apart now. Even 'Three Kisses' has been lost to a large extent. Thanks for your thought provoking sharing. PS Others reading this - Take a look at the 'Not Just Bikes' Channel.

[@tonyoffermans3676]

Don't worry, it was probably just a thing that happens aboard ships with alcohol present, the Dutch are pretty reserved and individual themselves. Nothing different from Canadians! But all of us long for close contact, it's in our genome to get close. Like I'm longing to get close to you, just because you are from Dutch heritage. Amazing. I LOVE Canada! THREE kisses from a Dutch guy!

[@5Fem5Fem]

De drie kussen zijn weer terug, ook waar ik ze niet per se wil😅 Maar drie voor jou😘😘😘

[@Trimaran12]

Thanks @@tonyoffermans3676 I suppose you are right. It was, in retrospect, a magical Pinkster weekend.

[@jakesullivan9179]

Njb promotes good issues but is a dumbass who thinks that his way is the only right answer. Nobody wants to be outside, walking, waiting, or driving in the winter months in my city because you’re freezing cold at a 25 Fahrenheit air temperature with the wind (we’re talking about huge gusts that can cause frostbite within 15 minutes) making you even more miserable. The whole cars are loud not the city is also a very dumb thing he said. The idiot only needed to look up how sound works and would realize what he said was dumb. I literally walked about 150 meters away from a traffic jam not hearing anything because of building materials and air not transferring sound waves well. His whole point about Americans reminiscing in college was stupid because of the well known phenomenon of the reminiscing period. I find it ironic that he claims that us was propagandized which is true, yet he willfully or ignorantly does it too.

[@RikSolstice]

@@tonyoffermans3676 It's not really my experience growing up in the Netherlands. We used to have sort of a drinkkeet, an old trailer behind my mates house where we'd hang out. It wasn't very roomy so you were always touching someone and everyone was genuinely okay with that. Taking taxi-buses or buses towards de discotheek where similar. Football(soccer) was similar. But I've grown up in a small town where everyone knew everyone so maybe that makes for a different vibe.

[@moniquevandermeer6567]

Hoi Ava! Nooit over nagedacht hoe mensen in de trein gaan zitten, maar het klopt wel! Supergrappig! En het weer.... zelfs ik begin erover te mopperen. Het wordt vast beter! En mocht het morgen weer regenen... dan hebben we meer tijd voor leuke youtubefilmpjes!

[@PowerRedBullTypology]

Ik weet neit of dit perse een regel is of dat mensen in een invididualistisch land vooral niet dicht bij elkaar gaan zitten. Zefls op een bankje buiten zitten 2 mensen vaak in de uithoeken. Gewoon op zijn Nederlands 'elkaar met rust laten' '

[@januitamersfoort]

Als ik op ‘Ava’s plek 2’ zit en er komt iemand op 3, zeg ik meestal dat ik wel even doorschuif.

[@baanok1]

I am a Dutch person of 61 years old and I have never experienced as much rain as now in those 61 years. A few years ago there was also a unique period from several months without any rain. I guess it is a part of the climate change and I hope it will not happen to often.

[@user-yv5kr3tz8g]

The one thing I like about rain is that you then get to see who still smiles when walking outside - those are the really friendly people.

[@originalmix2546]

@@user-yv5kr3tz8g that's a beautiful perspective

[@remkeveerling6108]

Hallo Ava, Ik ben 100% Nederlands, maar ik realiseer me heel erg goed in wat voor fijn landje we wonen, ook al mopperen heel veel Nederlanders over het weer en de regering en de vele regeltjes die er zijn. Geen enkel land is helemaal perfect. En wat betreft het weer en de vele regen: dat is voor "ons" ook wennen, het is de laatste jaren of heel erg droog of heel erg nat, en er is ook steeds een groter verschil tussen warm en koud. Het klimaat wat vroeger ongeveer 150 km ten zuiden van Parijs was, hebben we nu hier. Het weer gaat er dus niet op vooruit. Ohhh en de koffie... daarvan horen wij als Nederlanders dat de koffie hier heel erg lekker is, alleen niet bij Star Bucks! Maar dat is geen Nederlandse koffie, ga voor het bekende super Nederlandse Merk: Douwe Egberts. En dan is het museum in Joure, Friesland, waar alles begonnen is, heel erg leuk om naar toe te gaan! En geniet verder van alles wat zo lekker Nederlands is! Groet Remke Uit Twente.

[@Man-in-the-green]

Helaas Douwe Egberts is opgeslokt 😅 door de grotere JDE Peet's… Hoofdkantoor wel in Nederland op het Oosterdokseiland bij CS in Adam.

[@januitamersfoort]

Thank you for the last part! It’s my reason to watch your videos. Open your eyes, open your mind. Only when you travel, you feel grateful for the things we take for granted here.❤

[@matthijsbouma3393]

Gelukkig nieuwjaar, Ava, voor jullie allebei. Leuke video. Dank je wel!

[@Dutchbelg3]

Hey Ava, I loved this video. It is authentic and not just to fill another video. It is true we Dutchies like to complain a lot 🙂 But you know.. when you are raised in a system that provides such a lot of comfort this is not special anymore. And when we travel we are pressed with the nose in the "shit" Yes the weather is terrible this part of year but also this creates a degree of cosiness (to sit inside and hear the rain ticking on the roof and/.or windows. I for instance create more cosiness during this time of year. Light some candles, make a cup of coffee with some honey and a drip of alcohol 🙂 Maybe your Dutch will never be perfect but then again: You are you and you have talents some one else does not have. Happy New Year and I wish you all the best in 2024 !

[@Treinbouwer]

Dat zeuren kan er ook mee temaken hebben dat er nog maar weinig goed is uitgewerkt, zodat vanalles net niet loopt... Bovendien is 'links' gelijker dan de rest. (Waarom zijn de blokkeerfriesen en daarna de boeren wel veroordeeld voor resp. snelweg blokkades en langzaam rijden acties en XR en consorten nieteens genoteerd?) Ik moet dagelijks met de trein en er zijn regelmatig periodes waar die er minimaal eens in de week uit ligt. Er is geen Nederlandstalig universitair onderwijs. 90% van de cultuursubsidies gaan naar de randstad, waar maar ⅓ van de bevolking woont. Bij ons zijn er op 45.000 inwoners maar 8 agenten en 4 boa's, geen wonder dat de ruiten er op het station sneller uit dan in gaan! Er zijn zo veel dingen die niet lopen, dus ook genoeg redenen om te klagen.

[@Devil_Around_Midnight]

Zeuren is een nono voor social butterflies die in hun eigen kont leven. Voor andere is het praten over de realiteit, is erg belangrijk om dat gewoon te kunnen doen. Maar als je pussy bent doe je mee en laat je alles gebeuren en praat je alleen maar over neppe shit. Dat is juist wat een ziek persoon doet, niet willen praten over de wereld, alleen maar over de neppe samenleving van starbucks en lachen, ik ook leuk, maar niet altijd, is meer een vrouwen ding om in onzin te leven.

[@Devil_Around_Midnight]

Wil niet zegge dat het allemaal jou fout is, maar je ziet er niet gezond uit, niet mentaal of fysiek, met een rare uitdrukking in je gezicht, doe je toch echt zelf, je kan kiezen om in de realiteit te gaan leven of nooit een leuke vrouw te kunnen vangen.

[@ellenotten9663]

Je bent aan het mieren schiften In verhouding hebben we het hier hartstikke goed, En zeker als je gezond bent. @@Treinbouwer

[@ChristiaanHW]

@@Treinbouwer precies we zijn misschien wel een van de beste landen ter wereld om in te leven maar dat betekent niet dat alles perfect of zelfs maar goed is bij ons. er is genoeg in Nederland wat niet klopt of (veel) beter kan (en moet), en dus is het goed dat we klagen. als we niet klagen weten we niet waar nog aan gewerkt moet worden, en stoppen we met verbeteren.

[@jasper7072]

Always fun to hear your observations! Regarding the window seat; if you were the 2nd person and sat down diagonally, you can then scoot over to the window when someone joins the 4 seater!

[@nfboogaard]

Leuke video weer Ava, wat een feest der herkenning. Gelukkig nieuw jaar gewenst met je vrouw!

[@DutchAmericano]

Gelukkig nieuwjaar!

[@damouze]

Another great video. I always look forward to the next one! There is a thought experiment that is sometimes explained in school that is more or less an analogue of your observation about the seating arrangements in a train coupe. It goes as follows: Consider the waiting room of a doctor's practice. Now depending on the actual arrangement of the seats in the waiting room, the details may differ of course, but the process remains the same. * The first person to enter will occupy the seat farthest from the doctor's office door. * The second person to enter will try and occupy the seat that is as far from the first person's seat as possible, but also as far from the office door as possible * The third person will try and occupy the next farthest spot in the same manner. * And so forth, until all seats are occupied. Now obviously, these rules are not set in stone, and variations do occur, but generally speaking this is how a doctor's (or other practicioner's) waiting room fills. As for Dutch pronunciation, the 'ui' diphtong is especially hard to pronounce for non-native speakers. I always tell people that they should pronounce it more or less like a Scotsman would pronounce the 'ou' in house. It's not a perfect match, but it comes pretty close.

[@nfboogaard]

Cool, Scots say Huis too!

[@jim8947]

For an American from a northern state (Minnesota in my case) the best advice I've seen is to pronounce Dutch 'ui' like Canadians say the 'ou' in 'about'. After watching Learning Dutch with Kim videos (IMO excellent for beginners like me) I think it's good advice for Americans learning Dutch. If you don't know how Canadians pronounce 'about', watch pro hockey or watch Letterkeny. Now that I have Dutch 'ui' mastered there's only the small problem of 'g' and 'sch', and then all the vocabulary and grammar.

[@nfboogaard]

@@jim8947 I have only heard Canadians pronounce "about" as "aboot" and that's no ui... more like the Dutch oe.

[@mariekebouman5752]

Hoi Ava, being Dutch made it very interesting to see your video. Especially about the sitting order in the Dutch trains😂 I never thought about it, but when you mentioned it, I could only confirm it😂

[@bobosims1848]

Hi Ava, Happy New Year! I love how good your Dutch pronunciation is: "those love letters from the Belastingdienst"... that sounded so natural! Well done. I'm one flabbergasted original Dutchman. I had no idea about the seating arrangement in trains and some buses. Even If I'm the second person in the booth, I'll still just sit at the window and I've never been aware that this was not done! And even though I know now, if I ever go on a trip by train again, I will still not comply to that 'norm'.

[@AJansenNL]

I think we Dutchies love or personal space, and with the long legs, that explains the intuitive seating (with strangers).

[@bobosims1848]

@@AJansenNL Yeah, I know *now*, because Ava already said something to that effect. But that doesn't change the facts that: 1) I didn't know it, 2) my legs aren't that long, and 3) I would still offend people by getting the window seat. 😁--- Because I'm just not comfortable sitting at the aisle, where people are constantly passing through... 😑

[@tonyoffermans3676]

Still want proof from her IJmUIden and her SCHeveningen. Right this instance, Sir!

[@bobosims1848]

@@tonyoffermans3676 Yeah, THAT would be the real test, wouldn't it? In een brUIne trUI een broodje EI met UI eten en daarna een SCHeve SCHaats rIJden over een naCHt IJs.

[@arjanvanderburg5934]

@@bobosims1848 Dat las ik dan direct weer met een Haags accent.

[@RobRoordink]

Don’t worry about your English accent. When you are speaking Dutch. I am from Nijmegen in the south. I now live in the east and people immediately hear that I am not local because of my southern soft ‘g’. But it never causes problems.

[@pvb3666]

Love your perspective. Your channel is kind of unique on KZbin as you are sharing with us the true full immersion experience that very few Americans will ever have, with a Dutch spouse. I was born and raised in NL however have lived in CA since 1988. Your observations are so spot on and very interesting. Very few Dutch will ever realize how odd some of these habits really are.

[@cfjooijevaar1]

I fully think so too! Preserve the videos.

[@hanhenderikse]

Happy New Year Ava to you and your wife, may it be a healthy one and better then last year!

[@stefanigiacopazzi9164]

I love that so many of your experiences you share are exactly what I've experienced as well. I'm also an American living in the Netherlands with a Dutch partner. I cackled when you mentioned turning down something to drink at the in-laws. I have done that so often, and still do, and my schoonmoeder is always like "hè?! Níks?!" 😂. I will say both my Dutchie and I disagree with the train seating arrangement. 1 and 2 are for sure correct, but 3 is the open aisle seat (so you don't have to step over someone), and 4 is the poor sukkel who has to crawl over everyone to get the last window seat. He said he would even refuse to take that seat to avoid stepping over someone, but I have no shame lol

[@eddys.3524]

Ava, een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar, ook voor jouw vrouw ! Now, I'll continue in English so the international community can understand it too.. About the weather in Fall and Winter, you mentioned that it's so dark.. That's easily explained. The Netherlands is quite a bit more to the north ( a dusy for Santa ) than the USA, so in Fall and Winter we get less sunshine. Oh, and if you might meet me in the train, feel free to take the Windowseat opposite to me..

[@WhoStoleMyAlias]

Exactly. For reference, Amsterdam if transposed on the American continent would be mid way between Calgary, CA and Edmonton, CA. Day light length in Amsterdam differs around nine full hours between midsummer and midwinter.

[@cynic7049]

The seating arrangement works naturally much the same way in Sweden. First person takes whatever place she/he want(normally a window seat in the direction the train are going). Second person take the seat diagonally, to sit as far away from person one as possible. Third person, have to sit next to someone so can chose freely between the two spots left (so will most likely take the other window seat). Never ever tough about it in my 50 years, it just a given that to keep the distance to a stranger you sitting close to is way higher prioritized than to get a window seat. It is just the way things are.

[@cynic7049]

Btw, not doing it that way will not get anyone angry but a lot of looks since you obviously are either crazy, drunk or a foreigner.

[@mhjmstultiens]

I also want to add that Dutch people are generally tall (not sure about the Swedish). So on the one hand we don't mind when you're going to sit exactly opposite, but it's just more practical to pick a diagonal seat and leave some space for our long legs. ;)

[@gordonwallin2368]

I grew up on farms in a Dutch farming community-it was lovely and so good for me. My first wife and I went to The Netherlands in 1975 and it was like coming home. Cheers from the Pacific West Coast of Canada.

[@gordonwallin2368]

Also sometimes the Dutch bluntness can be either super funny or hurtful-and they don't see it.

[@r.hudsonmadeo5745]

Your videos are not only informative and enjoyable, but refreshing. I watch a lot of "living in the Netherlands" videos, because I love the Netherlands; often going out of my way to fly into Schiphol for the opportunity to dream about one day living in Amsterdam. What is wonderful about your videos is how matter of fact you are about both the United States and the Netherlands. You simply state you opinion and do not go out of you way to speak ill of the United States or Americans. Yes, we Americans have many issues, but it is also thanks to the business and economic environment of the United States that I have opportunity to enjoy your videos. Thanks for the content!

[@Kie75]

I just realised, you've fully mastered the 'ui' vowel, congratulations! It's a vowel sound unique to the Dutch language so it's a milestone :-)

[@barrososcp]

I had the opposite problem with coffee size, I'm from Portugal so for me the "a coffee" by default is an espresso 🤣

[@michieltierie7428]

I love your videos. As Dutch it’s good to see that this country is not so bad. Love your openness and views about us a Dutch. Keep them coming. Love them and fun o watch. And the weather. Well last months you had a bad time. And now a bit cold. You can’t have it all 😊

[@DidierWierdsma6335]

Love reading comments right??? Hopefully you read this comment? First glad to have you and thank you for loving my/your new country😊 Second Happy New Year🎉🎉 i hope that you and your wife had a great and fun New Years Eve?😊 And finally really love your videos keep up the great work Ava👍 En nog een prettige dag toegewenst.

[@DutchAmericano]

Happy New Year to you as well! Thanks so much for this lovely message 💜 Comments like these make my day, so yes, I really do like reading them!

[@bestevaer1977]

Thanks for your perspective!

[@hunchbackaudio]

Even for Dutch people the tax letters are an enigma sometimes. Also my phone navigation makes a total mess of the pronounciation of street names, very hilarious. And the fun part is you can't ever predict how it will mess up the next street, to beyond recognizable.

[@Bus2000]

Nice to hear how you have experienced integrating into the Dutch culture.

[@5joost]

I think the train seating is more a case of a lot of tall people wanting to stretch their legs, especially in the 'sprinters' (the white NS trains) which have much less room

[@snroos1860]

Happy New Year. I love your channel :-)

[@bramvanderklaauw434]

That train seating thing is actually so true i never thought about it tho but i totally recognize it haha

[@StreamHottieSuperSimp]

Hi Ava, happy new year. Another great video. You have some valid points. The seating arrangement is so true, and so common to me that I have not given it a real thought until now. I can say that if you are nr. 2 and someone comes and wants to sit down as nr. 3, that you then have the right to move over to the window, and you have your preferable spot. Then nr. 3 can sit down on any of the remaining spots, so it's a win for all 🙂 About your fluency in Dutch, from what I've been hearing once in a while in your other videos, your pronunciation is very good. Detectable non native, but a lot better than others I've heard. Keep speaking Dutch with your wife and friends. And read Dutch books, modern literature (old classics may be too much) and try to understand what the words that you don't know mean, through context. That's how I have improved my English vocabulary through the years. I'm sure you can learn this way because my Australian friend does exactly that and she speaks so well now. I hear a slight accent but she understands everything, even difficult subjects in discussions. And you are only about ⅔ her age so I am absolutely sure you will get to become perfectly fluent in time. Last tip, ask your wife, and you may have noticed it yourself... With a lot of Dutch verbs ending with 'en' you just don't say the last letter (n). Eten becomes ete, fietsen is fietse, lopen is lope, to name just a few. It works in spoken sentences very well. It's another upgrade in becoming more fluent. I am already anticipating to a completely Dutch spoken video of yours 😉

[@treintje1001]

Excuse me? Ete? Fietse? What kind of nonsense is that? Not pronouncing that last ‘n’ is just pure lazyness. The next step is that people also stop writing it. That’s how a language deteriorates over time. I pronounce it, and so should you as well as everyone else who pretends to speak proper Dutch. If you are one of those lazy persons, fine. Just don’t pretend it to be proper Dutch spoken language, because it isn’t. Btw one can see similar kind of language degradation in English as well.

[@StreamHottieSuperSimp]

@@treintje1001 Hahaha, ik zou dan eens toch goed opletten wat mensen werkelijk zeggen. De laatste n verdwijnt in de spraak vaak omdat men in een vlot gesproken zin bezig is de eerste letter van het volgende woord uit te spreken voordat het vorige woord is afgerond. Uitzonderingen soms als er een woord met een klinker volgt. Mijn ervaringen in vrijwel alle grote steden iig, misschien iets minder in de provincie dan? Maar dan nog, met het uitspreken van iedere laatste n in gesproken woord klinkt het al snel alsof er wordt voorgelezen. Mensen slikken letters vaak in zonder dat ze het in de gaten hebben. En dat heeft niks met luiheid te maken, dat is gewoon efficiënt een taal spreken.

[@AshleyBromiley]

I agree 100% with the train seat system and that's also how I would expect people to sit in the US. Usually people with larger parties sit in those seats, but if you're a single that's exactly how I would expect it to work.

[@rgfrank1668]

@Ava, for your train seating problem (it indeed does make more sense when u think of (leg) space as a commodity), when u are number 2 and want a 'window seat', just scoot over when number 3 asks (they should normally ask unless the train is jampacked full) for his or her seat. Then number 3 can more easily plumb his behind in a seat and u get a window :D.

[@eizeoosting843]

Yeah, the amount of rain we have had this fall is somewhat exceptional. We can have some rainy falls but this season is a lot, even for us. Talking about too much water: American coffee 😏 That’s taking an overroasted bean, hang it on on a wire and drip it for a second in hot water 😅 Have you had a ristretto yet? ☺️

[@nomadgigi4051]

Yes I understand what you mean about never being quite as fluid in Dutch as in English. I have it the other way round, I grew up Dutch then migrated to Australia when I was 14 and after almost 60 years here I still sometimes stumble or can't find the correct word quickly. A few days ago my younger sister who was a teacher said I've always pronounced 'again' wrong, we had a laugh about it and I daresay I'll continue to get it wrong. Also people still ask where are you from because of a slight accent, last time I visited the Netherlands people thought I was American and would answer me in English! So I don't quite fit in either country now and that's fine by me, I'm glad to have lived in both.

[@P0nyl0ve]

The train seating is so true! I am a rulebreaker though, i dont like sitting by the window so i always take the aisle seat and make person 2 get the window. I think its a combination of the window seats being considered bettr and wanting to give as much personal space as possible

[@Anonymous-sb9rr]

The 3rd person doesn't get the window seat, because to access it, they would have to squeeze between the legs of person 1 and 2. The 3rd person takes the aisle seat next to the 1st person. When a 4th person arrives the 2nd person scoots over to the window seat to make room.

[@ypey1]

I approve. We should make this law

[@larswillems9886]

The unwritten rule about where to sit in the train is spot on. Basically, we find it akward to sit closer to each other than necessary. Though, you missed something about the rule. Typically, the third and fourth seat only get occupied if there are no other places left where the first or second has not been taken yet.

[@DutchAmericano]

Hahaha, I’ve noticed 😆

[@paulenlizet9034]

Ik heb lang met de trein gereisd maar die ongeschreven regel is mij onbekend hoor! Nooit wat van gemerkt! Ik ging gewoon zitten waar ik wilde! 😂😂

[@larswillems9886]

@@paulenlizet9034 Sommige mensen boeit het niet inderdaad. Maar ik houd me er wel redelijk aan.

[@jennienoppers210]

als je een langere treinreis maakt, dus ook van amsterdam centraal naar Utrecht centraal, kun je het ook gewoon even vragen! Daardoor zal het meestal geen probleem zijn, doordat je de ruimte van de ander daarmee erkent en respecteerd! (denk ik!)

[@jennienoppers210]

​@@DutchAmericano als je een langere treinreis maakt, dus ook van amsterdam centraal naar Utrecht centraal, kun je het ook gewoon even vragen! Daardoor zal het meestal geen probleem zijn, doordat je de ruimte van de ander daarmee erkent en respecteerd! (denk ik!)

[@keessturm2804]

Hé Eva, Im also totally done with this eternal Fall, luckily next week they expect some winter weather with more sunshine!! I can't wait!

[@DutchAmericano]

Same here! Really looking forward to it!

[@TheEvertw]

About the seating order in the trains: it is possible to break those rules, especially if it is busy. You can sit down in the Window seat and shift over when the train departs and it is clear no-one will take the isle seat, and then shift back to the window seat when more people enter the train. I know I do. Because it makes it easier for the third person to be seated, not having to move over someone's legs.

[@martijnspruit]

As a Dutch person, I do appreciate the freedom, safety and general living conditions in our country to the fullest. But you are very right to point them out once again. Too many people over here take them for granted.

[@mhfs61]

Never noticed the train seating rules you’ve described. I’ll observe when taking my next train ride.

[@dutchman7623]

Best wishes for 2024! To you and all around you! I love your cat! What a contrast. Not even his ears move... And yes, afvalstoffenheffing is a weird word, I like your trash tax better! Late autumn and early winter are hard, but you already see the days get longer, and the more satisfying spring will be.

[@dutchyjhome]

Hey Ava, Yes in our busy little lives we (the Dutch) are probably not aware of the fact that things can be very different abroad then they are right here in our own country. With the only exception of maybe bad experiences abroad, we have accepted the things the way they are here in The Netherlands as being the norm of how things should be in a country or any country across the globe, which for obvious reasons they are not. So we happily live our lives in The Netherlands, complaining about things that need change and the weather. Boy is it nasty weather....

[@dinoklein]

Hi Ava, happy new year! The seating in trains is indeed to keep the most space between travelers. Men have similar rules in urinals. There is a whole system.

[@iNanieke]

Omg the train seat rules are so on point! 😂 As a Dutchie never ever thought about this. It's so interesting how people from different cultures have their own 'natural' way of doing things without even realising it!

[@iWhacko]

Theres more to the train seating arrangement. if the third person want to sit down, the second person can also scootch over to the window as to not create a hassle for the person trying to squeeze by. This is especially true if the first 2 people know each other, but then they usually already take the second window seat right away. However 2 people that know each other, might go diagonally from each other so only 1 has a window seat, so that both people can stretch their legs.

[@Whoosh0001]

Dank je. Mooie spiegel!

[@BrazenNL]

Strange. I seldomly use the train as I usually travel only local, but that seating priority indeed came naturally to me.

[@cyrilio]

Pro tip on the train seating thing. When the third person makes the move to come sit. Scoot over quickly and make it easier for them to sit while you get the window sit. Win win for everyone.

[@anjelmusic]

OMG the train thing! I was literally just thinking about this yesterday. Only it seems on my train it goes Window, Diagonal Aisle, other aisle, and if there are absolutely no other seats - then the other window.... 😅

[@EdwinHofstra]

Happy new year, Ava! Vraagje, omdat Reve zo prominent op de boekenplank staat, heb je De Avonden gelezen?

[@AnneSpeeFrickus]

Haha, die trein-zit volgorde 😂. Het klopt inderdaad. Ik heb wel een tip: als je diagonaal moest gaan zitten, schuif dan op naar het raam als het drukker wordt en iemand bij het raam wil gaan zitten . Win-win, want dan zit je bij het raam EN je bent zo beleefd om op te schuiven en het de nieuwkomer gemakkelijk te maken want hij hoeft niet over je heen te stappen.

[@markohen]

Heel herkenbaar, en er zijn meer reacties van Nederlanders op deze video waarin dit gezegd wordt. Dat is dus kennelijk onderdeel van de ongeschreven spelregels: als het drukker wordt kun je van plek 2 naar 3 opschuiven. Zo lijk je èn beleefd èn je krijgt alsnog je zin.

[@robbuser7904]

❤ Happy New Year ❤ Gelukkig Nieuwjaar ❤

[@DutchAmericano]

Happy New Year!

[@JanJaapZwaag]

Hi Ava, happy New Year for you and your wife.

[@DutchAmericano]

Thank you, and happy new year to you as well!

[@MarkDDG]

The thing about these unwritten rules is that most Dutch people don’t even know about them, unless you specifically point them out. It is just ingrained into our culture and understanding of the world/country around us. Your example with the train seats is just something everyone knows and follows, no one questions it. Even if a Dutch person has never travelled by train before, they would still know somehow.

[@sonkeschluter3654]

Exactly these everybody knows rules are the number one cause of culture shock. Your place has other or no rules for that and you just can’t understand what’s going on

[@HansVanLifer]

As a Dutch person, I am not so aware of what you experience as the 'unwritten rules' you mention. For example, I think the train is more convenient because you sit diagonally due to the lack of space between the legs. Just like in our small country, 'almost' everything is very small. So also the normal coffee cups, but yes, it is real coffee, and without by-products. 😉

[@shadeblackwolf1508]

Like the no to a drink point. I am dutch and i never realised that. I can see it being wierd in some circles, but it also explains why i'm pouring out 2 cold teas at the end of a family night. I think to pull it a bit broader, what i think is that... participating is usually more important than the specific actions or answers given.

[@bramvanduijn8086]

I thought it was just a human thing to share food and drink as a bonding experience.

[@HerrFinsternis]

If you like strong coffee and can't shake the habit of diluting it try a smaller mokkapot. Mine takes about 17-18 grams of coffee and 150ml of water, giving me about 110ml of drink. Two of these a day is all I want they really pack a punch. I've never tried diluting it because I'm not a barbarian but I reckon that you could do it and still have nice cup with a lot of flavour. Why specifically the smaller mokkapot you might wonder? Because the smaller ones brew a stronger tasting coffee then their bigger counterparts, so you get that strong taste with less caffeine. Which I don't think is a bad thing to go easy on. I use Lavazza Rossa beans you can find in most supermarkets in the Netherlands, which I grind myself, and the mokkapot even extracts some of the sweetness from the bean you usually need an espresso machine for. Works well together if you like your black coffee bittersweet.

[@robberth6947]

You can get lucky the coming weeks Eva, winter is finally coming. Maybe you can go iceskating on the canals ❤

[@ronaldderooij1774]

Long term, crime is going down slowly in the Netherlands. Has been for the last 20 years (with some ups and downs).

[@patrickreuvekamp]

About the seats: I usually try to follow that rule but if the window seat is in a better condition (cleanliness, damage) than the other one, I will take the window seat.

[@MartinWebNatures]

Nice. Video. Fun fact about sitting in train. Never noticed. About your very last comment, you're right. We take many things as normal, but that's why we Duch like video's From foreigners, to see our country through your eyes. Sometimes it gives a new gem, we didn't saw in our city or elsewhere.

[@TheTeek]

Helemaal gelijk, we zouden wat meer trots mogen zijn op wat we hebben. Maar dat zijn we stiekem ook wel. We zijn een trots volk en vieren graag onze overwinningen. We zijn best competitief. Goed dat je nog een keer benadrukt dat we wat blijer mogen zijn met ons mooie land.

[@OKO423]

Ah, and about the train: to me it is not comfortable to sit directly opposite the other(and first) person at the window because we would be too much in our own space. That's why you go to sit in a diagonal fashion. Knees might touch (we're build in a to long fashion) and this is the last thing you'd want. So this is how the boter-kaas-en-eieren is build up for me concerning seats in the train.

[@bramvanduijn8086]

Yeah it is a personal space thing. Same reason why you take a corner in an elevator and not go stand right next to the other person. My biggest peeve is standing in line (in the supermarket or wherever) and someone comes stand behind you close enough for them to hang their dick in your back pocket. That's not cool! back off!

[@cfjooijevaar1]

Ik schreef het al onder een andere video: Lieve Ava, zorg ervoor dat je video's ergens worden opgeslagen in een officieel instituut. Ze zijn een culturele documentaire! Ze mogen nooit verloren gaan. Als een "Americano" met een scherpe blik, blijk je een zeer goede kijk te hebben op Life in the Netherlands, dat wij niet meer zien, omdat wij dat vanaf onze geboorte niet meer als bijzonder zien.

[@tammo100]

The seating order in trains is so true! Since I'm quite tall, I tend to chose between 3 and 4 depending on the resulting legroom :)

[@NLJamba]

Hey Ava, great video (again)! Are you going to do a video in Dutch to address your Dutch viewers?

[@TheRemyLeBeau]

As a Dutch person I'd like to offer some additional insight on your seating observation in the train, but since I don't have visualization, I'll have to describe it. I hope it's clear enough to understand. You _can_ take the window seat, _as long as_ you shift your posture. Don't stretch your legs to the front, but _diagonally_ .That way the person across of you can still make use of _most_ of the space in front of them, since you provide them that room by working your legs towards the space between (according to your example) seat 3 (your seat at the window) and seat 2 (next to that seat). The person across then still has enough leg room to stretch their legs underneat your seat, which makes it much more acceptable for you sitting there. Unless you have a bag or suitcase that you place between your legs, because then the person opposite of you does not have the leg room. There are, however, _two_ reasons why they prefer you not sitting directly across from them. The first one you've picked up on, which is the leg room. The second one is that, despite in a full train, they don't like someone sitting across of them because they feel you're observing or watching them. When you sit in seat 2 (from your example), there's no immediate accidental eye-contact, while in seat 3 you can make eye-contact by accident if you just look up. We Dutchies appreciate our 'solitary space' in a four-seater, so when people constantly watch us we tend to feel uncomfortable. That's why, in my first example, when you shift your posture, your direct eye-sight goes across the aisle when you look up, rather than towards the person sitting opposite you. That means the person doesn't feel like they're being watched, which means you comply to both the leg space as the eye-contact. *Social security & safety nets* We don't even notice, because it's been here for such a long time that it's just ... normal. Sure, it would be more _noticeable_ if our neighboring countries wouldn't have that, but ... the entirety of Europe has this in a similar capacity. You don't even have to worry about the differences if you travel or emigrate to a different European country. Or even outside Europe. The US is, unfortunately, one of the few countries that don't have those. So technically the _US_ is the outlier here that shock people all across the world for its lack of a social security system or safety net. Most US residents don't actually know this fact, which explains why the YT video "why workers are treated so much better in other countries" is such a popular reaction video for US citizens, just like the "America sucks" video from David Cross and the Gravel Insititute. I don't think either of them will really surprise you at this point, but perhaps they do provide some additional insight. Do keep in mind that they're both trying to create _awareness_ rather than being an actual documentary that addresses all the nuances. *Dutch language* As for "never being as good at the Dutch language as the Dutch", that goes for _every_ expat. At least here in The Netherlands they don't really look down on you, like they do in some other countries (for instance Japan and France), as long as you're _capable_ in the language and don't have a hideous accent. From what I gather it takes 5-10 years in the country before you actually sound more native, but even then it differs from person to person. Many expats that want to settle for the long term usually take language classes early on to get a firm grasp on particular sounds for vowels and such, because Dutch speech seems to be rather unique in terms of vocalism. Do keep in mind that Dutch is still one of the tougher languages to learn. From what I've learned from linguists on KZbin, Dutch is considered one of the top 10 most difficult active languages to learn or to master. So don't beat yourself up for making mistakes, forgetting a word or misconstruing a phrase.

[@eriwendikhaila]

I went to Belgium for 10 days in November to visit my Belgium Exchange Student daughter who lives south of Antwerp. It rained 8 out of the 10 days. I was fine with it because I wanted to veg.

[@RFGfotografie]

Great video

[@tracybloem3369]

Hi Ava, thought i wuold reach out to you and say hello! I live here in the Netherlands , have for 40 years. The stories I could tell you! I lived in Amsterdam as well, and when they would start speaking in english, I just ignored them and kept on speaking Dutch. We should definitely get together and swap stories! I don't think we live all that far apart, I live in the province of Flevoland. Let's talk!

[@dudie5403]

The four seat thing is new to me actually and I did go to school by train for 3 years... But then again I hardly travel in groups larger then 2 people. So we just both take the window seat or both sit on one side. And when I was a student I would just sit where there is an empty seat or stairs.

[@EleaRevils]

"Nidgemidgen" cracked me up :) . Your Dutch accent is verry good! I am a Belgian , and i love the Dutch , if i was talking to you i would not pickup you are an American.

[@PemaChan]

So, as a Dutch person I’ve never heard of the seating sequence and I’ve taken the train quite a lot. 😊 So maybe I’ve been doing it wrong so I’ll try to take notice of it next time. After 4 months in Nepal, which has been fantastic, I’ve learned to appreciate how good we have it in the Netherlands. A hot shower for instance or, like you said, the social security in the Netherlands is indeed quite exceptional. Here in Nepal people have to rely on each other which is great but when it comes to elderly care they have to rely on charity and volunteers. I cannot wait to get some Dutch soul food, as an American friend of a friend once called it. Frietje stoof met mayo en een Mexicano xxl met tartaar saus. 😁 a true guilty pleasure which I can only see satisfied in the Netherlands or Belgium. Great vids. I’m learning stuff about my own culture and country I wasn’t even aware of 🤗

[@stragulus]

I moved back to the Netherlands this fall after years in the US and of course I knew the weather was going to be bad, but I did not expect literal months of non-stop and overcast skies. Yet funnily enough overall the year was apparently above-average sunny. So yeah.. good luck with that :)

[@erickortenbach4355]

Funny about the train. I was not aware of this and haven't felt it either. I would sit diagonally just for the leg space.

[@willemkaret1568]

It rains every day but it never rains the entire day. I use the precipitation radar to plan my walks and make the choice between taking the car or riding my bike.

[@schirmed]

The train seating thing I have also experienced in the US. The point is that, in a small, kind of unimportant way, you don't want to make yourself closer to a stranger than you have to. This also happens in mens rooms with urinals: everyone chooses a urinal that will leave a minimum 1-urinal gap until that's no longer possible after which they are all available. This changes if there are taller and shorter urinals, but that's it basically.

[@BlueStarDragon]

Hi Ava. Happy New Year. Don't worry about your Dutch. Just keep on learning. I am a Dutchie and sometimes even I learn a new dutch word. Not as often as it can happen to you ofcourse. You have an open mind to learning. So don't worry!! Further more your dutch pronunciation sounds excellent. Just keep up the good work

[@AnOnymous-go7kn]

I'm Dutch and I've lived in the States for a year and amongst the many differences, there was one thing that always stood out to me. And that was the importance of personal space to Americans. Here in the Netherlands, we visit each other quite often unannounced and almost always that's perfectly fine. In the US, I noticed that every get together needs to be planned in advance and it's always outside of the home. You meet up with friends at a restaurant, but never at someone's home. And if you do meet at someone's home. it's always just you and that other couple, not with other friends as well. Also in restaurants, everybody was really quiet. It was considered rude if the people at the table next to you could hear your conversation. Here in the Netherlands, people are loud which adds to our idea of "gezellig". We can discuss very private things in a restaurant and people around you are able to hear everything you say and we don't mind nor care. We like to be in each other's spaces. It's not uncommon if you go to a bar, that the bar is so crowded that everybody literally stands against each other. And again, that's totally fine and "gezellig". Another thing that emphasizes our lack of need for privacy is the fact that we always have our curtains open. Even at night. And since we mostly live on ground level, everybody that walks by is able to look inside. And again, we don't care. We don't even consider it rude if people look inside. We will probably even wave at them!

[@nagranoth_]

The train thing is not about leg space, it's about social zones. If you're sitting right in front of someone when there's room to not do so, you're choosing a more intimate spot. You're being overly familiar with a stranger. It's as weird as sitting right next to someone on a bench when there's room for several people. Now if there's no other spot available you're not being weird, just forced to be practical.

[@grewdpastor]

You are correct. In 1981 I traveled almost every day by train from Tilburg to Rotterdam and vice versa because of an additional education. On the morning train, I met the same fellow passengers almost every day. It took a week or two before we had pleasant conversations. This even went so far that when in the course of that year one of this group had forgotten his card belonging to the annual subscription, everyone tried to convince the conductor (who was often the same one) not to issue a fine. This group of 1st class travelling passengers (including senior officials of the Ministry of Defence) formed a close-knit "community". The return journey was completely different, because that meant in Rotterdam to board a partly already filled train (from The Hague).

[@JasperJanssen]

It’s not *just* about leg space. It is, however, *also* about leg space.

[@dudtspeed]

Don't worry as a Dutch I know most Dutch don't know the word alas. Even better most of them have never ever heard of it. The train thing long story short that's how we'd like to keep a distance to the other provided all four are strangers. Like I don't want to instantly sit right in front of someone I don't know for God knows how long if I was commuter number two. Hell no. So diagonal from the other. We hebben dan de stille hoop dat het zo de hele treinreis blijft. Sitting so close eye to eye is al tot daaraan toe 😅 Though we accept sitting in front of commuter number four just fine. At that point nobody ain't going nowhere, right? (..) Btw love the cat with his acknowledging body language listening and approving all what you're saying 😊

[@argenieuwenhuijzen2557]

‘Nitsjmidgen’, die moet ik als Nijmegenaar onthouden. 😂

[@Hensepens64]

@11:55 😂 OMG .. dont disrupt the system. I never thought about it this way. But you are so right... i do it myself 😮

[@Paul-iq6pw]

Lost it at "that's what she said." 😂 Love your way at looking at "us", as always.

[@friendlyghost6564]

I'm not aware of the seating system in public transport. i think it's more of a personal space thing, so you don't sit closer to anyone you don't know then you have to.

[@heckintosh2994]

Haha, the train sequence is quite logical and simple if you think about it: Everyone has their 'circle' of personal space, most confrontational of which would be straight in front of someone. The goal/system we have is to essentially to sit as far outside of that circle as physically possible. Sitting next to someone creates an uncomfortable situation, as in such a situation you or they could for example accidentally touch your arm or impede your leg room, as well as that you likely don't know the person, so it puts you on alert. By sitting diagonally, you can both be slightly more comfortable, and you also don't run into those kinds of issues. With the third seat (the second window seat), you essentially pick that over the isle seat just to not be a complete hat, as otherwise you'd be "blocking" a perfectly good empty seat, forcing others to essentially either climb over you or the other person. This means that the opposite approach is perfectly "legal" as well: You'd take an isle seat first, followed by the second person taking the window seat diagonally across, and the third lending courtesy to whoever needs the fourth (and one remaining) isle seat. The only downside with this approach is that you then don't get to have a table, and that people walking by might bump into you.

[@irisastravortex]

Haha, never knew about the seating order in the train. As 2nd person I always take the window seat as well. And I believe you can as well 😘

[@allansegall4502]

I'm an American (ex) living now going on 22 years in Amsterdam with my Dutch husband. My Dutch has become in that time quite fluent and people STILL answer me in English. Whereupon my standard answers are the following (these I've developed over the years...) 1: Kom nou, mijn Nederlands is waarschijnlijk net so slecht als jouw Engels. (Come on, my Dutch is probably just as bad as your English.) 2: Sorry, maar heb ik geen Nederlands gebruikt? (Excuse me, but did I not speak a word of Dutch?) 3: Ik was onder de indruk dat ik Nederlands heb gesproken. (I was under the impression that I spoke Dutch.) For me, they all work like a charm! At any rate, I really enjoy your channel!

[@Matriarch456]

or...you learn a few French or German or Danish or any other language lines and say in those "excuse me I don't speak English" ;) with French and German you can encounter some multilinguals though...

[@1234eva4321]

Wow, those standard answers of yours are really rude (and I am Dutch, so I am used to directness). The first one is a plain insult and the other two are quite passive agressive. Why not say something like: "Ik wil graag mijn Nederlands oefenen. Kunnen we Nederlands spreken met elkaar?" (I'd like to practice my Dutch. Can we speak Dutch?) That will prevent you from antagonizing people.

[@allansegall4502]

@@1234eva4321 But don't you also find it rude to ignore a basic courtesy of communication? Also (and I realize that I am defensive here) I am not 'practicing'' my Dutch. Anyway, I've lived here quite happily for 22 years and I love love The Netherlands with all my heart!

[@1234eva4321]

@@allansegall4502 That depends on what courtesy you mean. I think most Dutch people switch to English as a courtesy when they realize someone is not a native speaker. They want to make communication easier, however misplaced that may be. I understand you do not want to practice your Dutch, I mentioned it because it is an easy and non confrontational way to get what you want. True fluency in another language is very hard to achieve. From what I read, your Dutch is good, but I can immediately see it is not your first language, as I am sure you can deduct from my English. I might make the mistake of switching to English when talking to you in person as well. The sentences you mentioned would annoy me and I would end the conversation first chance I got. The practice excuse would make me think about what I was doing, I would probably say sorry for changing to English and I would be more than willing to continu in Dutch. Anyway, I am happy you enjoy the Netherlands so much and wish you all the best!

[@allansegall4502]

@@1234eva4321 You're English is indeed better than my Dutch!

[@ericvanderwal4998]

The train seats.. hehe. That is so true! But we were unaware ourselfs before this video.

[@Haroekoe]

Dear Eva Happy 2024! Thanks for the video, which I'll share on my Facebook, specially because of your last remark. We, the Dutch, don't realise how good life is, here in the Netherlands. I follow several Americans living in the Netherlands who all say exactly the same... Instead we, the Dutch, seem to whine as spoiled teenagers 😊 Re speaking Dutch. My niece wrdded a Scot. She speaks English to him, much to my „irritation". Reason: he speaks Dutch perfectly. As a matter of fact, he started to speak Dutch out of the blue, at a wedding in the north of the Netherlands. He told me, he assumed he couldn't expect the other guests to speak English only for him. It appeared he took Dutch lessons without us knowing. And his Dutch is GOOD Ever since I know I only speak Dutch to him, regardless what he speaks or writes, I answer in Dutch. So whenever his now wife is with him, she speaks.... English to him, since she's used to it. They met when she did a scholarship in Scotland, so she's used to it. Both live and work in the Netherlands now. Whenever she speaks English to him I exclamate PRAAT NEDERLANDS TEGEN HEM because that is more beneficial to him to develop his vocabulaire even more. Yes, she, I, many Dutch people can switch from Dutch to English to Durch in a blink of an eye, but it's not always needed. Sometimes, whenever the Scotsman is tired he might slow down his Dutch, or switch to English. That's what happened to me as a teenager too, speaking English. Brains got foggy. But you have to go through that... So I never switch to English with him ... Eva, you must insist on people speaking Dutch to you. Continue to speak Dutch even if they start speaking English. Btw, whenever I visit relatives in Indonesia, where they don't speak English nor Dutch, I am the one who must do the effort to make myself understandable. And I too advance every time in the bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian language) even speaking the slang of my ethnic group... ✌🏼🇳🇱👊🏼

[@TreyRouth-nd6mc]

Can I get a work permit before getting a job in NL or do I have to be hired and already living in NL? Really wanting to find work and a home there but the rules are a bit of a roller coaster ride for me.

[@zarakikon6352]

On the train seating issue: It does have to do with the legspace, yeah. And also, People will sit on the isle side to (silently) discourage others to want to sit next to them. That's also why you'll see people place their bag on the seat next to them. We'll move if we really have to but rather not have someone sit directly next to us. And concerning accepting a drink even if you don't want one; I didn't know that was even an issue. Not to me anyways.