The Journey To Getting Better With Women Isn't About Women??

Did you know that the journey to getting better with women usually isn't about women at all?
Most men jump into the pick up world and get focused on learning tricks and routines to get women to want to date them or sleep with them, but the truth is, if you want women to be attracted to you, you need to develop yourself to become the kind of man who women will be attracted to in the first place.
Most men want to focus on the quick-fix solution of trying to pick up women, but that almost always ends in a lot of frustration along the way.
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School Of Attraction
Dating And Relationship Coach
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Facebook: / schoolofattraction
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[@adenthedesigner7584]

in my early twenties my entire self esteem was based on how much women I'd have in my life or how much attention I was getting from them. it took me years to realise that I had to find value in myself and focus on getting my shit together for women to be attracted to me. Now I'm 27, still single with a bunch of bad dates and experiences behind me and I am glad that they happened because it's like I was forced to get to a point where I would say 'fuck dating and trying to get women, I'm just gonna make myself the most attractive and valuable guy I can'. Now, I have girls giving me attention without any effort, I can get girls by just being genuine and myself and happy being a single man with goals..

[@rickynunez3109]

Some people feel unworthy of love so they will unconsciously find someone who is not attracted to them to reaffirm that belief. But if you can realize that you are enough that people do love you and love is the easiest thing to obtain you will never starve you will feel abundant everywhere you go

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

Nicely said!

[@shikharrohatgi6845]

great video Damien, you've gt to be in a good place to attract healthy partners and havt to fix yourself first..

[@salikh1337]

Really interesting video, nice work

[@deeshannongarrison5115]

Just be yourself. If you've done any work on yourself as a human being at all, it will show and like will attract like.

[@MrDanielWeir]

I’ve been watching your videos for a few days now and gearing up to take the leap into cold approaching. I don’t know where I land on all the metrics. I’m good looking and tall but pretty shy. Anxiety about talking to women is probably my biggest dragon. But after listening to this I’m thinking self esteem might be the place to begin. Though I’ve been sitting in circle with men since 2017, I have never really gone after the life I want. It feels like women are an important part of that, but they’re probably not the place to begin. It’s a hard sacrifice. I so badly want the approval of women to fuel me. But I would be addicted, no doubt. Sigh.

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

Women CAN be the place ot begin with working on self esteem - I'm not saying they have ot be - But if you approach 'getting better with women' from the vantage point of - "I'm doing this to build my self eseteem" rather than "I'm doing this to get validation from women" - you'd be on a better path for your personal journey.

[@davidefanton5680]

Thank you

[@phillipblatchford9056]

Thank you. Best advice on this topic I've heard.

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

You are so welcome!

[@thomv5591]

I wish I could have seen this video 30 years ago. Great stuff!

[@mikereiss4216]

Same here. We must be around the same age. Lol.

[@NickDemski]

Can you make videos that dive further into this idea?

[@ryanbarker3978]

Hey Damien - Big fan of your page and your work. Great advice, including this video. I do not want to discount the importance of focusing on self-improvement as early as you can in your adult life as it's one of the best things any man (or woman for that matter) can do for themselves to lead a more fulfilled, happy life. That being said, it isn't the cure-all for every situation. I know in my own story, I certainly had a lot of repressed emotional baggage from growing up that I had to deal with when I entered college. I had a great support group of friends around me who helped me heal and just focus on being the best me I could. I got into extremely healthy habits, dropped to 12% body fat, gained 10 lb of muscle, and was running 7 minute miles. I dominated my academics though that was usual for me by this point in my life. I got into leadership and self-improvement creators and novelists (Simon Sinek is still one of my favorites). I landed an internship in my dream job that led me into a rotational program at that company and fast tracked me into a senior engineering position. The major contributing factor to me being selected for the said position over other candidates and members of the rotational program wasn't my technical ability or qualification, it was my ability to build rapport and overall charisma. I accelerated my career to the point where I was leading people twice my age through complex projects and succeeding through building relationships with others. My boss, leadership, and co-workers were all giving me hugely positive feedback across the board telling me they could not believe how much I'd developed in such a short amount of time in my career and several of them also assumed I was excelling in my social life as well. I'm 25 now and certainly have a long road ahead of me, but I point all of this out to say that I spent years and years of my young adult life building myself into the best me I could be, but I wasn't commanding my social or dating lives as everyone expected. Initially I had found I was imbalancing my energies to where 100% of myself was being thrown into my career, but even after I fixed that and made social me available, I still found something I couldn't really control impacting my ability to create new relationships with people my own age: I have always looked about 10-15 years younger than everyone else around me. Couple this with the fact that I'm also 5' 7", I find most people in my age bracket initially assume I'm a teenager when I talk to them for the first time. I kill it in professional settings because I've come to terms with the fact that I can't change my genetics and am socially confident, masculine, emotionally sound, know how to build rapport, know how to handle rejection or a decision that doesn't go my way, and at the end of the day no one really cares what I look like, they care if I can do my job. Most people my own age treat me like I'm some kind of runt of the litter, and being constantly looked down on is not something I really tolerate, and has led me to a very small group of friends who actually take me seriously in my young adult life. The younger folks willing to connect with me or are attracted to me are usually around 18 years old, and these are young men and woman who are in different stages of their lives than I am who I have trouble relating to myself. Most of the people I know tell me I will love my younger genes in my forties, which is probably true. However, right now, all it really means is that I can self improve all I want to (and don't get me wrong, I strongly believe life is about continuous self improvement), but I'm not going to be attracting anyone I actually value until I start actually looking a little more my age. I have of course kept trying because you never know who you're going to meet out there, and have tried to use the extra time to invest into the other things that are important to me like my guitar/piano playing hobbies. I won't lie in that sometimes my lack of romantic experience and general social solitude gets to me, but I know if I keep putting myself out there the right thing will come along when it does. I'm trying to focus on what I can control versus what I can't. Would love your two cents here.

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

This is a really hard one to really discuss just in text - and without having more of a talk to know you better... So to start - I'll acknowledge that of course - if you look really young, that will make things a little harder. IT will be great later on, but right now it's not idea. But one thing I've experienced with other clients who say they've focused heavily on self-development - but still struggle with women - is that in truth they've focused on all the more 'external' kinds of self-development... aka. They don't have limiting beliefs about their ability to achieve things in business world, they're really on top of their health and fitness - They go for what they want - They aren't shy - they've overcome some big personal obstacles to obtain all the success they've managed so far. But there are parts of themsevles they haven't really focussed on because they're personal things that really only manifest when it comes to close interpersonal relationships. Things around 'mum issues' things around personal beliefs about sex, or about ones own sexuality, sexual shame - etc. Can't guess what it things it might be for you personally. But because they've got all the trappings in life of a successful human being (and they deserve to feel damn proud) - they often forget there's a whole other world of deeper emotional relationship based stuff that often needs attention and can easily be ignored.

[@ryanbarker3978]

​@@SchoolOfAttraction Thank you so much, Damien. I definitely acknowledge how hard this is to have a text-based conversation over but I really cannot tell you how much I appreciate your reply. I'll be honest, when I first read what you said, there was a defensive part of me who wanted to tell you how wrong you were, re-affirm all of my successes, and tell you how I had overcome and moved on past my personal baggage. As I started listing those things out, getting self-reflective, formulating a response, and reasoning through it in my ridiculously analytical brain that is just that way to a fault, it hit me like a freight train... I had truly believed that I had moved on. I had re-affirmed myself of this through the empirical and tangible data of my successes. I command professional respect, lead, and motivate people in the work place. I had eliminated both social and approach anxiety that previously plagued me for years. I had gotten a position in my career not by being the most qualified person in the room, but through social charisma which is something I would not have fathomed five years prior. I had achieved things professionally that I'd never dream of being able to do. I had achieved better shape than some people do in a lifetime. I had made leaps and bounds in my social intelligence, emotional intelligence, ability to build rapport, ability to deal with difficult situations, ability to deal with rejection, etc. Everything I had told you was true and like you said, I have every reason to be proud of it. But yet, what I'm really doing is projecting the areas of my life I'm successful in over the area I've always struggled in; especially in solitude. It's a bit like saying, "I'm surely the best tennis player in the world because I excel at playing guitar" which is ironically the largest logical fallacy in my otherwise ridiculously analytical head. In other words, you read me like a damn novel. I do believe I was legitimately able to move on past my scars during my college years, where I built myself into a much better place personally than I am right now. Personal health isn't static and can change with your own circumstance and I think that's exactly what happened to me as I've spent more years on my own. I think the ugly truth is, especially with my job moving me around as much as has, that I've struggled to find my place in the world and I've largely ignored by focusing on work. That sort of behavior led to personal regressions, which caused said scars to manifest again in a slightly different, less obvious form than the anxiety or depression I had growing up. One of the things that hasn't changed is how emotionally damaging they are. Probably the most ironic part of it all is that manifestation mostly exists as an unhealthy addiction to self-improvement of all things. I am compensating for the areas of life I'm deficient in by constantly driving improvement where I am successful rather than actually addressing my internal weaknesses. I then trick myself through that success into believing I don't have weakness. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm too successful and have tricked myself into a loop where I'll never really find happiness because I'm searching for it in the wrong places. I want to let you know that reasoning through your reply has not only been truly healthy for me, but also that it has already inspired a real commitment in me to move on past all of the bullshit that makes me feel like less of a person than everyone around me. I don't take and make commitments lightly, and have already taken the first step by giving one of the best people I know a call and being truly honest with them and myself about the personal issues I've been ignoring for the past 4+ years. This wasn't my parents because honestly my mother has dealt with her issues by building an extremely sheltered bubble around herself and my dad has gotten a bit too used to the apple pie life which makes it difficult to talk about the hard parts of life with them, but that isn't something I really struggle with at this point in my life and is something I made peace with a long time ago. That doesn't mean that call was any less difficult to make, but honestly now that I've aired the vulnerability out and just been honest with myself, I'm already feeling the begins of what just might be the most assured and happy feeling I've had in literal years. Thank you for giving me the push I needed to acknowledge this, Damien.

[@mikereiss4216]

"No more mr. nice guy" might be a helpful book for some guys too.

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

Yep, I love that book!

[@DanTuber]

Isn't it a bit of a misnomer to call yourself a 'dating' coach when infact you're really coaching men on their entire life?....that just happens to impact their dating/relationship life.

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

Well no, my coaching focuses squarely on their dating lives - they're out with us every week talking to women - BUT in between those sessions we focus heavily on inner-game and self development as men.

[@russiandrivers9986]

To get more you have to be more.

[@nobodysperfect06]

that's why I'm a fan of the belief that men do more self development on themselves than women do in order to become attractive to the other sex or it's just men go through growth more than women do

[@RavMucha]

Well, I've been to both sides, the wrong one for the better part of my life and now, eh, can't complain really. My comment: basically nailed it. So hard to explain to your "forever alone" friends, that "get your shit together" is the best way of getting girls interested.

[@nerfinator545]

How does one manage to emotionally connect with a woman, or anyone to be honest

[@Marshal_Dunnik]

The best way to improve your chances with women is to improve yourself.

[@AKITM]

I have had a lot of trouble with women. It's impossible for me to get dates. I had a girlfriend a couple years ago for 5 months. Before her, nothing for 10 years... I've been seeing therapists all my life. I still have low self esteem, and how I handled the breakup with my last girlfriend reinforces my low self esteem. I did everything wrong. I'm 37 now, and I don't think I will ever be happy. Being with my ex I was the happiest I ever remember being. I had passions and lost my passion for them. I struggle with thoughts of her still, and I want to die because I can't stop thinking about her and I can't move on because I can't get a date. Even prostitutes have rejected me. I don't feel like I have any value at all. I don't feel like I have any power. If I get rejected, I beat myself up for failing yet again. And I'm afraid that if I do meet someone else I will fuck that relationship up too.

[@AKITM]

@Lukaku's First Touch I've been having trouble sleeping and eating for the last couple years... I've noticed that when I go a night without sleep I feel different. I feel good about myself. My sister sent me an article about how sleep deprivation can help with depression. But it doesn't last long, only for the day I go without sleep. I'm going to see a hypnotherapist later this week. We'll see how it goes. I have tried meditation before. But I didn't notice any benefits, but I'll keep trying it.

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

HEy AKITM that's really tough - Obviously I can't really comment too much on your situation because there's so much about your life I don't know about - I might suggest trying a different therapist? I've discovered long ago that some therapists just do no good for some people - You need to try different therapists who can give you different insight.

[@GeraldSmallbear]

You sound like me. But I’m actually even more of a lost cause. Here’s some things that helped: Therapists- read some Alice Miller we al, notice how you choose bad therapists and why. Join a group- listen to all the bad therapy tales. Get involved in the group. Notice your tendency to sabotage it. Meditate with an app or mentor. Headspace is good. Find a therapist who does psycho/hypnotherapy. Get used to grieving. Read about Australian culture/ your own culture. The lucky country will help. Consider mild and short term medication. See a nutritionist. Watch a lot of Jordan Peterson. Find your passions. Face your dragons.

[@AKITM]

@@GeraldSmallbear Why are you a lost cause? I'm going to keep trying till I get it right. Because I can't accept that there is no hope. I will keep fucking up until I win.

[@Raltie]

Ok follow up questions then: 1: What's the method for diagnosing these problems/issues? (My relationship to the masculine/feminine) 2: How do i address these issues?

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

That's a good question - I think a good cheap place to start is get a copy of 'Way Of The Superior Man' Because that talks a lot about your relationship to masculine and feminine in your life.

[@Raltie]

@@SchoolOfAttraction thanks man

[@chestersouth601]

Hi coach, what would you say to someone who actually feels they are a really good catch for the right girl and yet they still face one type of rejection after another? I have a fairly cool job In events that I freelance in, I have an online trading business, I take good care of my health and compete in Brazilian jiu jitsu. I'm not listing all of this to brag but to show that I am really working on myself and my life, I thought these would help make things with girls easier. One thing I will say is that because I'm so set on my goals that I don't socialise that often and spend a fair bit of time working on my own. Maybe my general social skills and conveying of my good traits is lacking! I have become so frustrated to see friends that drink and party every weekend not giving a shit about their longer term plans or health doing so much better with girls than me. I faced this in real life and on tinder, the only thing I can think is that maybe I just come across as a bit square and boring as I'd rather work on improving things than partying and socialising. Any advice from what I've just listed? And also Where can I Find details of receiving some personal guidance from you and your team? Thanks so much

[@chestersouth601]

Thomas Nexø thanks so much for this I’m 29 currently. So that helped me realise that I haven’t left the finding a partner thing too late

[@SchoolOfAttraction]

HEy Chester, Thomas is right in that article - Men are actually most desirable in their 30s and early 40s - But that to me doesn't quite answer your actual question. You want to know why are you STILL not getting success even though you have your life together. I'd argue strongly that it's just a social skillset thing - We get a LOT of clients who come to us 'ready to go' meaning they have all the right parts in their lives, they just aren't presenting very well at all when they actually meet and talk to women. Often times the interactions aren't FUN - there's no banter - OR the guys present way too 'NICE' and come across as someone to be friends with not someone to date. Send me an email Chester - [e-mail]

[@kenechewkuk.l8707]

I don't really know. I just go about my daily life and try and work my hardest. I've had a few girlfriends and I'm in a relationship right now. (I'm a man by the way, Lucy is my nickname.) My advice to men is to just act normal and yourself. Don't act creepy or desperate or anything. Just go about your daily life. I met all my girlfriends at stuff like writing conventions or concerts. If you go to something like that, you already have something to talk about. I don't really know if that's good advice or not, I'm just sharing my experience.

[@spas_minkov]

Well that's because you're already pretty normal, probably not exceptional, but normal in a good sense. A lot of guys, myself included, don't know how to be normal or what even means to be normal. When your normal is, trying to avoid emotional rejection, because you already feel somewhat sub par to everyone, then no matter how much of it you're doing, you won't have success with anything, girls, friendships even work. In this case the problem is not that you're not yourself, but that your view of yourself is quite distorted. It requires a lot of work, and probably could not even be done without external help, to become what most people are, without any try. The worst cases is if you have personality disorder, because they're considered highly untreatable, even after years of therapy. I it is not that you are born that way. The wrong combination of personality, life circumstances and timing, could mark you for life. I know that probably I will never be able to have normal levels of self-esteem, no matter how much self work I do, it will always fire back, the moment I let myself with the flow. So you are righ, but you are already a "good product" and with some tweaking coud become "great product", well that video is not about you.

[@SeanGoresht]

No, don't just "be yourself". Sure, having your life in order is attractive; this is old news, and we've known it since The Game. Being the "nice guy" gets you friend-zoned, no matter how many DHVs you throw out. Girls want the bad boy, and that's why frame reversal techniques are so powerful. The biggest problem guys have isn't getting their lives in order, but getting out in the field and talking to girls. Because, in fact, the opposite of what you suggest is true; men who have their lives in order DON'T have the time to go out and meet girls; they have jobs, commitments, and cool things to do. So yes, get your life in order -- but do it by going out and extending yourself socially in the field.

[@kenechewkuk.l8707]

The entire point of a relationship is to be with someone you can 'be yourself' around. Most relationships have completely normal people in them (not a nice guy or a bad boy) Bad boys aren't the only ones who find love. I'm guessing you're quite young. When you are younger, people are stupider and date emotionally unavailable people. It's silly, but most of the time they grow out of it. You shouldn't be yourself, but be the best yourself you can be. Don't be a bad boy or whatever

[@tonyfight9897]

5:00

[@marlonbonnici]

I've got so much to say but I really can't be bothered baring my soul, getting trolled for it, and then just hearing the same shit I've been hearing for the last 22 years of having the problems I have and the last 18 being single. Needless to say everything you just suggested is literally impossible for me.