The Life-Changing Power Of Changing Your Perspective - Derek Sivers

[@ChrisWillx]

Hello you savages. Get my free Reading List of 100 life-changing books here - chriswillx.com/books/ Here's the timestamps: 00:00 Useful But Not True 06:41 Why is Reframing Important? 13:08 Derek’s Car Accident 23:11 We Bond Over Our Perspectives 28:29 Is it Right to Sometimes Break the Rules? 36:35 Your Own Thoughts Are Untrue 47:28 Evaluating Beliefs Fuelled By Emotion 55:39 Judge the Content & Not the Box 1:06:05 The Value of Diverse Worldviews 1:17:30 How to Better Reframe Your Experiences 1:32:22 Are These Tools Universally Useful? 1:41:46 Our Desire to Be Perfect Immediately 1:48:25 You Are What You Pretend to Be 2:01:37 Where to Find Derek

[@Jacob-fc9ev]

First

[@christophergant8596]

29:35 Thoughts: China has a Fenghuangdi at this point in time.

[@christophergant8596]

And then Switzerland.

[@royceschuening]

Hormozi’s quote about “when you zoom out enough on any bad thing that has happened it ends up becoming a good thing in the long run”, has had more impact on my outlook on life than most other ideas. Sadness and Happiness is all in your head.

[@pricklycatsss]

That is only true if you’ve survived or learned from what’s happened. Of course a billionaire is gonna say everything that happens is good like yeah no shit lol. I think the same thing but I know of lots of people who would be delusional to believe that.

[@art_pilat]

A lot of "good decisions" come with bad, unforseen consequences. Yes.

[@lu5445]

It’s about as useful as a belief in fate. If you can accept that things that happen or will happen are out of your control, you can find peace in any situation. You lose a reason to be upset over it.

[@whenpigsfly8178]

"All in your head" Not in extreme circumstances. Believing it's ''all in your head'' is often a great coping mechanism but there are many situations unsolveable by it. I think I've heard it hypothesized that zen developed as a coping mechanism. But sure, in a relatively free & open society, being able to shift your perspective can have huge benefits.

[@matthewlakajev]

I had breakfast with Derek at a mastermind earlier this year. He is probably the most interesting, and nice person I’ve ever met.

[@Nina6243]

“I choose beliefs because they are useful to me, not because they are true.” Unfortunately that’s the reason our world is in a disarray with narratives that we now have, that are not true.

[@fatmanslimhealthspan]

Is that not just people choosing a course that is useful to them how does that have anything to do with truth

[@Nina6243]

@@fatmanslimhealthspan Because there is the truth, or at least information that is there to overwhelmingly support the theory.

[@JohnDorian-j7x]

Like Trump being a conservative? Or a moral good person? Or Biden being "perfectly" cognitively functioning? Or not old?

[@Nina6243]

@@JohnDorian-j7x The only thing I care about either of them is their political policies and what state your country is in. If I had to choose which was a better time, it’s not now.

[@ryguy5859]

Interesting how the car accident story somehow belies and reinforces the concept. It was useful to believe he caused the accident, which, btw, he did if we consider true, functional laws to mitigate traffic accidents, while only to a certain point. If he never decided to go back and see her, he would have continued to live in the partial truth and suffer from guilt. So, the more actual, complete and contextual truth set him free instead of the utility of the original “useful” belief. Absolutely critical that employing this line of reasoning is strongly backed with a tenacious push for that context

[@NancyRuthMusic]

I would love to hear how Derek reframed his decision to quit music and give all his gear and instruments away (something I heard him say on a podcast years ago). Great to see he's back doing interviews - I have all his books and he has a great writing style - not a word wasted. I love that.

[@whitman54m]

I have often said the first reaction to a situation may be your greatest weakness. This conversation allows some validation to this thought, thank you.

[@ineriswetrust]

The more I listened, the more I liked this guest. This almost never happens. Same with the show as a whole, the host has really won me over. Good job both of you.

[@danupnorth6607]

Completely! I actually began disliking the guest and persevered to where he became one of my favourite guests. It was quite the journey.

[@kellyt8459]

I found this conversation thoroughly enjoyable, as it generated in me new thoughts and perspectives. Thank you! 😊

[@RyanDorough]

Great episode! Lots of pearls. I think the quote comes from Shaw " The reasonable man conforms to the world around him. The unreasonable man persists in trying to conform the world to him. Therefore all progress depends on the un reasonable man. " Roughly

[@whenpigsfly8178]

Yeah, you got the core right.. “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” ― George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman

[@ketlin21840]

Interesting to know how many people who watched this podcast, did it with a smile on their face? There is so much quality in honesty, it's awesome to witness.

[@principesfondamentaux]

I heard Derek Sivers for the first time in an old James Altucher Show episode. I immediately liked him a lot as a person and a thinker and then listened to each one of his appearances on podcasts I regularly listened to. He is one of those rare people that make me feel truly smarter after listening to one of his conversations. Thank you Chris for inviting him!

[@STONEAJE]

I listen to the podcast, but just needed to stop by to say you've been crushing it with your guests lately! I love the variety. Lots of people I've never heard of, but also Ben Shapiro, Andrew Huberman, Dr. Mike, and Will Tennyson! Great work!

[@PaulYuNow]

"You are what you pretend to be." Love it.

[@KirkYardley]

“Truth Matters!” These comments really mean “my truth matters.” We all deceive ourselves, most people just lack the self awareness to acknowledge it, jump on a high horse and ride off into the fire. All he’s saying is to choose the helpful beliefs. The beliefs that make us better. Most of you change your truths weekly. When you’re in a horrible mood you may not feel the same love for your partner… He gave plenty of logical examples, but many hopped right in the comments and vomited your political views all over us and called it “the truth.” That’s the problem. You will never be able to differentiate your truth and “the truth.” You will always fully believe you’re simply more intelligent than the opposing side. If you were logical you’d be able to look at how frequently “the truth” has changed for you and at least humor different ideas without shitting a brick. As long as it’s the truth though, we would be downright immoral not to accept it as such, right? Thank God for the truthful folks that have everyone’s best interest in mind.

[@MiranUT]

Another amazing interview! I love every second of this. Chris is such a great interviewer. Much of Derek's talk resonated with me--probably as an American living overseas, but also as a quasi-minimalist and someone who studies Stoicism... and so much more. ❤

[@robertgarvansnyder4665]

On Derek’s idea about ideas which are useful, but may not be true: My favorite Italian phrase is “ben trovato”. Literally “well found”. It refers to something with is not factually true, but which is elegant or characteristic enough that it still carries truth or value.” Often used to describe parables or fairy tales.

[@emanelmahi5326]

Good job, Chris! I like your reply to the notion that “ we don’t know why we do the things we do “ the reason behind the majority of our decisions is based on past experiences of our lives and the lives of others, we Lear lessons from life every day and there for we consciously choose our actions. We do know why do what we do.

[@ignorantlyspeaking]

We can justify anything when we understand human behavior. We can tell ourselves why we do anything and we'll believe it. We could even tell ourselves to do one thing, do that thing, then completely believe we did it for another reason and there's no arguing it if it's our belief, we wouldn't even know it needed to be argued. The best way to know is if our actions are premeditated and we have a step by step plan, but that's not practical for everyday life. Forgetting is one of the important things that makes a human human. Personally, I don't necessarily agree with the sentiment Derek Shares here, I don't even fully agree with Chris, but I think Chris is on to something more important. I already don't believe in accountability as it is understood today.. or rather misunderstood. Chris is revealing that Derek's sentiment, if factual, collapses our house of cards that is our understanding of accountability and trust. That does align with my observations of the world.. people are wearing masks and costumes that paint pictures of accountability and trust, and that is where integrity comes from. As integrity is not a way of being, it's a control of not being the way we feel. It might become the way of being, but that's a matter of conditioning.

[@mikuliszyn]

Derek beams with such positive energy. It’s contagious.

[@terokoskela5448]

Derek is my favorite thinker. Thanks Chris!

[@gelatobenne4342]

You are what you pretend to be is a great insight.

[@MyFriendsKitchen]

Great episode!! It's so relatable when I listen to other introverts talk about forcing themselves to be chatty at parties and feeling exhausted afterwards. I find myself wondering if I'm a psychopath when I can turn on the charm when around people but I'd much rather be somewhere away from it all

[@wss33]

Most of the time I don't have the energy to fake an enthusiastic personality. I really couldn't be bothered.

[@Shines-On]

@@wss33I unfortunately can’t fake enthusiasm, all my feelings show up on my face lol

[@Shines-On]

I used to think that too. The “Am I a psychopath?” lol People have told me, if I was worried about being a psychopath then I’m not one, which makes sense to me.

[@captainlennysub]

Derek is GOAT ❤

[@bumpupsapp]

Hey Everyone 🤠 Find the parts that interest you: 0:10 - Choosing beliefs for usefulness 2:03 - Theme of useful beliefs in writing 6:55 - Importance of reframing perspectives 11:12 - Deeper thought in reframing perspectives 14:15 - Misunderstandings can shape our stories 20:55 - Facts versus perspective in storytelling 22:40 - Truth versus negotiation in perspectives 27:03 - Choosing perspectives that benefit you 34:11 - The virtue of bending rules 36:03 - Understanding the purpose of rules 41:00 - Our brains often lie to us 44:58 - Discussion on Bro Science 50:31 - Emotionality and truth perception 1:00:02 - Judging the box, not the contents 1:05:40 - Contradiction as a format in writing 1:08:06 - Using philosophies at different life stages 1:11:03 - Diversifying your thought portfolio 1:14:01 - Learning from diverse worldviews 1:19:30 - Challenging your own perspectives 1:21:03 - Type one vs type two reactions 1:25:00 - Silver medalist vs bronze medalist mindset 1:29:45 - Desire for more vs contentment 1:31:27 - Building my ideal minimalist home 1:35:34 - Toughening yourself for success 1:41:09 - Connection with the world and self-identity 1:44:01 - Preparing for future adversity through minimalism 1:52:19 - Judging actions over thoughts 1:54:01 - The importance of output over effort 1:59:16 - Value comes from demand, not effort Recap by Bumpups ✏️

[@victormaravi1115]

Brilliant this gentleman is

[@ThaidUp]

I find Derek Silvers one of the most unique thinkers that I ever listened to and read from. I love You Derek. I glad you took the time to distill your thoughts I must get it at once

[@renjithomas8088]

Loved this podcast

[@fatmanslimhealthspan]

Useful to all that want to start if we just judge our own actions Have I done that one thing I promised myself today and it’s one step of my stack to become X whatever we decided we want to be in 10 years

[@johnwalsh9285]

Thank you for all your time and work on the show

[@jesusthewaytruthandlight7558]

I turn inwardly to God to help me zoom out far enough I can see a new perspective on the same situation ❤

[@IsteveoRS]

Really enjoyed this podcast. It challenged my own assumptions with almost everything he said. One thing I must note is towards the end where Derek introduced this idea of how Christianity is about embracing what is in your heart. I really disagree. Christianity is about accepting that we are all sinners, internal or external, and we have thoughts that we don’t want, and we act in ways which we shouldn’t. Christianity is about our actions fundamentally, loving one’s neighbor as they do themselves(or at least trying to do so to the best of one’s ability), these are actions, not necessarily aligning with the desires of the individual, but yet still acted out in the very same way that Derek described as “becoming the person you pretend to be”. So I think Christianity aligns beautifully with what he’s trying to convey to us, as opposed to against it like he hinted towards.

[@Damian_Chrominski]

Great episode

[@rebekahelliott5297]

I've always loved the episodes even when I disagree with guests on some things but... this one... Lying to yourself is healthy? That's just bad advice. It ignors second and third order consequences. Men and women are the same. I know it's not true but it helps compensate for there being more in common than we realize. But if you treat the lie as true, why can't you change your gender etc. Second order consequences. What's wrong with the truth? They are different. And they have more in common than we realize. Even treating the gun as always loaded.... that's great until you need it in self defense and it's not loaded but you treat it as though it is. Again what's wrong with the truth? It's not loaded to my knowledge but be careful. If you HAVE to lie to yourself to compensate for your stubborness, maybe the focus should be on resolving you issues rather than planning on lying to yourself, and dealing with second order consequences of those lies. Truth does matter, sorry but it does.

[@ReasonWithRainer]

There is no need to genuinely believe in false things for useful purposes. You can just treat all guns like they are always loaded, but you don't have to necessarily believe that they are.

[@russellhoward3866]

His first example was helpful to me, but I'm the opposite: I tend to communicate w/ women the same way I do w/ guys. Used to get misinterpreted or frazzle them all the time until I reflected on it & realized how differently the two sexes go about it. It might be true that we're more similar than different, but telling myself the opposite could be helpful for me.

[@patrickf969]

Derek is the man

[@何榮輝]

this format really suits me

[@svantenordstrom]

I've planned to watch 500 days of summer tonight and you guys ruined it!😂😂😂

[@JEBavido]

I call it pretending, and it’s helpful.

[@Shines-On]

Truth matters ppl!!!!

[@BrandonCourt]

Chris, I think you're right and wrong about the output is all that matters point. To end up with outputs that have value, there's a lot of unseen effort and trial and error. So you could say all that matters is the input. All that matters are the failures and outputs that miss the mark. The outputs that are worth putting a price tag on are completely the result of "wasted time". Also, I don't think people are struggling with the problem of trying to sell sand in the Sahara desert - most are not even attempting to creating anything. Thanks for having Derek on. (Someone needs to tell him that his camera is focused on his mic not him.)

[@fatmanslimhealthspan]

Great guest choice 😂

[@vermithor51ac]

I like this guy

[@atlantean781]

Great conversation ❤

[@DioxideCad]

I was only in Wellington for a week but it was great! 😮

[@RIVERNILE2]

Like this man... Since the first interview with Tim ferris all those years ago.. 😊

[@fatmanslimhealthspan]

Happiness is a choice so choose

[@redefiningthemodernman]

Whether you think you do, or you don’t, you’re right -Henry Ford

[@per-antonlinder4408]

The libra energy in this dude ♎

[@ev6402]

When asked about kids. I state my son is dead and I have great emotion. Still dead true still emotional

[@key-reel]

"Too nice and smiley" alarm.

[@byronsmith4919]

Gravity is not real. Things just go down.😊

[@mchammer1836]

Umm. I like that 😊

[@kristikago9849]

Incredible and change-provoking conversatuon. Thank you. I will relisten to it probably time or 2.

[@TheLordOfPhantasms]

Yeeeeeeeees Finally! Derek!

[@thabangmphela7322]

21 minutes in and I’ve never been more entertained.

[@ignorantlyspeaking]

Never noticed this before, and don’t know why it stuck out today, Chris and Dave Smith could pass as brothers or cousins

[@rohanranshinge]

Chris sounded more knowledgeable than Derek in this interview. I stopped listening at 47:00 min mark when Derek could not explain why people do things and why it's important to have a story around our actions to make sense of the world. Chris should release a book at this point. He clearly knows a lot and is able to frame it very well

[@garethtian8315]

It's for now and it dosen't need to be justified to anyone.

[@TheVonnieVonVonShow]

That mic is 💯✔️

[@LolaGreenaway]

this video’s take really clicks with some of the things I've been reading in the book Magnetic Aura from Borlest

[@zensvlognotapro]

I like the two old joke especially when a man asks a woman how do I get there on the other side of the river 😊.

[@art_pilat]

"its not as small as yours, yours is particularly small..." Lol Chris.

[@fatmanslimhealthspan]

on framing my grandfather told me life was a puzzle and therefore has a frame and a solution so you always can if you don’t you’ve chosen

[@rebekahelliott5297]

Taking in other views ... good. Not being emotionally attached to your beliefs... good Reframing perspectives to help you funcgion... good. But there was so much that wasreall bad advice too. If you need to lie to yourself to function... there's probably a deeper problem you need to address and reconcile.

[@MegaStrive]

I'm bald... when I saw your initial tag image I thought it was saying "reshape your head"

[@fatmanslimhealthspan]

What winds us up about others opinions and their worldviews

[@jrob8931]

Gaslighting yourself…interesting

[@miriamcombe3033]

A surprisingly mindfucking episode. Great listen Chris!

[@jamesbrackiniv]

Talked about Useful not true with Derek when I had him on my show last year, so cool to see it come into the world. One of my favorite thinkers with one of my favorite podcasters, excited for this.

[@Zen56103]

There is some value in what he's saying. HOWEVER, Chris and Derek are jumping to conclusions with a lot of this discussion. For example, the experiment involving split-brain patients does NOT show that, in general, people make up their reasons why. What it shows is that - sometimes, in the complete absence of knowledge about why someone did something - people will make up reasons why they did it. I'd also like to know how often those split brain patients said "I don't know" when asked why they did something. For all I know, they said that 90% of the time and the other 10% of the time, they made-up a reason. And then a book author or the internet removed all the nuance of the situation and told people that split-brain patients ALWAYS made-up fictional reasons. In any case, just because someone makes up a reason in the total absence of knowledge of why they did it IS A DIFFERENT SITUATION than someone who tells you a reason based on actual knowledge of what their reasons were for doing something. For example, last night someone asked why I drove down to the bar instead of walking. I said because I didn't want to take 20 minutes to walk there and 20 minutes to walk back home at the end of the night. And that was TRUE because that was my thought process earlier when I was deciding whether to drive or walk. The fact that split-brain patients made-up reasons for things they did does NOT mean that someone hearing my reason for driving to the bar should say "Oh, that's just some made-up fictional reason why he drove to the bar." That's an absurd logical leap. I also think that, while there is some value in what he's saying, there's also quite a bit of danger because people picking and choosing belief based on "what's useful" can lead to all kinds of problems for themselves and for society in general. For example, most of my family are Trump supporters. I am not. I think he's a lunatic. It would be "useful" for me to convince myself that Trump is the best candidate because that's what would be best for getting along with my family. The obvious problem becomes the fact that believing what's useful can lead to group-think and false beliefs. You could repeat the same thing in other domains. For example, if I'm getting rejected by women, I could believe that (A) women are terrible, (B) I just need to try harder, or (C) maybe I need to shower more often because I stink. Obviously, believing (A) can lead to some problems, like giving up. But believing (B) when the problem is actually (C) also leads to problems. Sure, trying harder is useful, but you can't lose sight of what ACTUAL REALITY is. That's part of the problem with choosing beliefs based on what's useful.

[@erazem_p]

thank you finally 🙏🏻

[@rebekahelliott5297]

Just because there could have been a different system doesn't mean the one that's here is arbitrary. Yes we could have had a council of Presidents, that's interesting and insightful. But to say that means it's arbitrary that we don't, ignores the hours of thoughtful debate that changed enough minds to give us what we have. Is it the only thing that could've worked. No. Is it therefore arbitrary as though they flipped a coin. No. A lot of his assertions don't hold water.

[@prophet246]

Ngl with the thumbnail I thought your guest was Johnny Sins

[@benwalker5803]

😂😂😂😂 - made my day

[@pricklycatsss]

Someday I will be bald too

[@hypnotechno]

Is there data to back up the claim bronze medalists feel happier than silver medalists?

[@danandbarbhendricks2429]

See Cardinal John H Newman on essay on assent to truth. Also see O W Holmes book on case law. You keep rules true by interpreting them for particular situations. The last frame is true. We do this every day..

[@ignorantlyspeaking]

Comedians exhibit this concept of type 2 reactions, as well as just quick-witted people

[@LorenzoBertotti]

Am I the only one who thinks that Derek's camera is focused on his microphone 😅

[@AndrewKroes]

Interesting ideas but so many are self-defeating. "We believe things that are useful to us rather than what is actually true" and "given the fact that most everything we say isn't necessarily true..." Do you actually think these ideas are true?

[@fatmanslimhealthspan]

The future is here but unevenly distributed across our lives

[@Zappa943]

Took me one minute to realise his jelly has slipped out of it's mould.

[@njr819]

The part around 41:40 is super weird and not healthy. You have an intellectual and intuitive mind for a reason. Using them in tandem to understand how you tick can not only substantially help you, but it can help others around you when you become more understanding of how humans work. There are plenty of ways to identify a root belief and change it to get substantially different behavioral outcomes. You can still keep an open mind that the ideas you have could be wrong, but that doesn’t mean you ignore all those ideas. That’s just maladaptive ignorance.

[@Havre_Chithra]

Imagine hitting 40 only just to realize dictionaries are descriptive not prescriptive lol

[@fatmanslimhealthspan]

This is one of the most interesting conversations I’ve listened to in my whole 50 plus years I’ve done but never thought about

[@fatmanslimhealthspan]

0:02:02 that means are we conscious at all or is it just useful to survive

[@Havre_Chithra]

I can't believe how long it took these nerds to catch up. Welcome to reality.

[@flash3403]

Day 30 of asking Mr. Chris Williamson about his turgid, tediously pompous or bombastic, and aspiring trophy husband forearms routine.

[@patheticpear2897]

Your idea that the explanation given for action is mistaken relies on a false assumption that the brain is a unified self.

[@mapsdot9223]

While reframing has some utility, this guy seems to be wading into delusion. That is a coping mechanism and usually comes with some cluster b traits.

[@ignorantlyspeaking]

I don't judge people by their actions, I can understand why people do things whether or not they understand it. With that information, I can set them up to do things in our mutual favor. I don't need to judge them

[@StephenBenner]

No, you can’t. You just pretend that you can.

[@ignorantlyspeaking]

@@StephenBenner I certainly can. Not everyone, and not all the time, but if you understand what people value, that becomes leverage. You can certainly influence people when you understand what they value, and especially if you know why they value it. We all do it all the time (hyperbole). Most people just randomly happen to do it, but it's a skill that can be learned and taught too.

[@solomondavid9811]

Low key 7:13 waiting for them to name drop Scott Adams 😂

[@fatmanslimhealthspan]

Usually listen on 2x turned that off for this

[@pricklycatsss]

I refuse to believe people are actually absorbing information on 2x speed I’ve tried that once and it’s just insufferable to listen to

[@pricklycatsss]

Last thing I need is everyone sounding like Ben Shapiro

[@Darthbaldmouse]

Statistics don’t lie but people that create statistics do. Our minds do the same when unbalanced with optimism or pessimism.

[@fatmanslimhealthspan]

If we did understand ourselves would we all just decide to stop living as we could not cope with unpredictability that is life

[@aaroneley2125]

The Levitical & Deuteronomic dietary laws were not about health, though I'm sure their practices led to better health than their Gentile neighbors; the laws were designed to teach wisdom: be like them. don't be like them.

[@fatmanslimhealthspan]

Thought portfolios that is very interesting deeply learning others views

[@brynolf11]

Yee, that car story totally didn't happen. You telling me they didn't see each other in court or something? Of course, it doesn't really matter if it happened or not.

[@patricksmith2224]

rocket science neuroscience behavioral science environmental science

[@fatmanslimhealthspan]

Truth we are sat in a black box with no lights our skull how can we really say. Anything is true it is true for us to cope

[@art_pilat]

God and Devil are the same thing and while they might not exist I ask them both to please bless and curse this podcast with more success.

[@fatmanslimhealthspan]

Mountaine created the word essay as a way of clarifying his thoughts

[@ppoo92]

Umm what is this dude talking about? We don’t know why we do things and lie to ourselves on why we do them? This is the biggest load of malarkey I’ve heard. People absolutely know why they do things however I would say most of us lie to ourselves when said thing is a negative thing. We would rather spin it to fit our own narrative and paint us in a better light. But saying we don’t know why we do things is such a cop out. I know exactly why I exercise, eat healthy, and meditate because I feel better when doing so and in turn am happier. Same way people don’t exercise, eat like shit, and complain about everyone else. They know they aren’t happy with themselves so rather than face the truth they look for outside sources to blame. Saying their brain doesn’t actually know what they are doing is such a massive coping mechanism. Plus there are truths and facts in life. The problem is people have twisted this into “my truth” there is no such thing. Truth is truth completely disconnected from whatever bullcrap someone doesn’t “agree” with. If I eat an apple in front of someone and they argue that I didn’t eat that apple that is objectively false. Just because their truth is that I didn’t eat that apple doesn’t make that true at all. There is no such thing as “my truth” there are only truths and lies. People need to stop internalizing this and accept it. You don’t have truths, you have opinions, beliefs, and emotions. Truth exists outside of the human psyche.

[@fatmanslimhealthspan]

We build our worlds based on the latest neuroscience in advance and post rationalise to stay sane