The Life Span of Loneliness | NYT Opinion

The Opinion video above gives voice to the lonely. We are publishing it at the end of a year in which loneliness started getting the kind of attention it has long deserved - an effort led, in large part, by the surgeon general of the United States, Dr. Vivek Murthy. In a guest essay last spring, he revealed that he, too, had struggled with loneliness and said the nation was facing “an epidemic of loneliness and isolation.” Several days later, he issued a surgeon general advisory about the problem, calling it a “public health crisis” and outlining a strategy to confront it.
The New York Times invited readers to share how loneliness was affecting their lives. More than 1,400 people responded - young and old, from every corner of the country, every walk of life. Each response was like a message in a bottle cast into the water from a distant island.
“I should have recognized my malaise long before I found myself lying on my living room floor each night after work,” wrote Karen S., a 37-year-old from California. “I’d just lie on the hardwood and stare at the ceiling for hours, paralyzed. In December 2019, I suffered a heart attack. I believe stress and loneliness caused, if not contributed, to the attack.”
John W., 51, from Massachusetts wrote: “I feel most lonely when my spouse comes home after a long day and decompresses with social media. I keep it to myself, since expressing my loneliness to my spouse is only met with gaslighting. It would be nice if someone would extend an invite to coffee or something.”
And Ellen D., 83, from New York, wrote: “I’ve lived alone for many years, but the loneliness that goes so deep that it makes you wonder what you did wrong and whether it’s worth going on didn’t start until after I retired, with each year a little worse.”
Opinion Video followed up with dozens of respondents to learn more about their experiences. The result - the video above - is an intimate portrait of a nation of people struggling, and often failing, to find meaningful connection. We learned that loneliness does not discriminate by age or background. With the holidays upon us and the year coming to a close, we hope this video serves as a reminder that no one is alone in feeling lonely and that sometimes the most meaningful gifts we have to offer are our time and attention. So if there’s someone you’ve been meaning to reach out to, don’t wait.
Subscribe: bit.ly/U8Ys7n
More from The New York Times Video: nytimes.com/video
----------
Whether it's reporting on conflicts abroad and political divisions at home, or covering the latest style trends and scientific developments, New York Times video journalists provide a revealing and unforgettable view of the world. It's all the news that's fit to watch.

[@ManUntdForever]

Not enough people value friendship. Everything revolves around romantic love.

[@EricaGamet]

SOme people, yes... though the people in this video were talking about lack of connections with friends, family, co-workers, AND romantic partners.

[@ManUntdForever]

@@EricaGamet sure, but how many married people still bother to check-in w their single friends and/or family members once they’re married?

[@katec9893]

I totally agree! If you're single, divorced or widowed you tend to become super lonely because everyone else prioritises their spouses and families. There needs to be some kind of societal change to tribal living so that people aren't left out of they are single.

[@Tharrel]

I had friends I was very close with and cared about deeply. They all moved away at some point. People care most about romantic relationships, because when you build a life together, people are less likely to leave. Friends get married, have kids, change jobs or move, and suddenly your relationship with them is no longer a priority.

[@mizzmayhem3685]

​@@ManUntdForever is it really so common for friends to up and abandon people after marriage? I wonder if there are other contributing factors (ie. is this possibly generational, or dependent on whether you became friends as an adult versus childhood friends?) I am in my mid-thirties. My best friends are all married. I am not. We all talk regularly and spend time together quite often. We have been friends for about 13 years. Of course their families are their priority, as they should be! But I am always invited to the kiddos' birthday parties/plays/dance competitions, etc. My friends aren't always available at the drop of a hat, but they are intentional in maintaining our friendship and even including me in their families' lives.

[@simontobey]

Thanks for shedding light on loneliness, the silent pandemic.

[@binaryvoid0101]

Knowing that others are feeling the same way is comforting.

[@kevincooper8232]

Wow, a whole video which contained a bunch of losers from various ages!

[@Shaolin91z]

Peace in Christ surpasses all understanding

[@OrganizationXIII]

You can thank the internet and social media for this !

[@eksbocks9438]

​@@binaryvoid0101 I feel like this was all created artificially too. Especially with how social media is.

[@Ziegut]

I have noticed that an alarming number of people in my social circle DO NOT know how to have a two-way conversation. It feels incredibly isolating and lonely to be constantly: talked at, talked over, interrupted, etc. And if by some miracle I get an in, then the conversation gets hijacked and steered towards them. People need to be mindful of how much conversation monopolizing they do. I was nearly driven to tears at a family reunion due to this behavior.

[@chandanahuja82]

My understanding is that a behaviour of self promotion has spilled out of social media to real life. Where most of us don’t even value a real conversation as long as some are getting their attention. In movies and sports we root for the underdog, in real life we oppress the underdog and root for the ones already getting attention. Feels we are now beyond the point of return on this. I hope you can find a small tribe where you are seen and heard.

[@canchero724]

This is the real root of the problem. People have lost the art of conversation. It's just a bizarre society rn.

[@Avalonanon]

no they dont, you just need to realize that being social is made up. Mental health doesnt matter. survival of your family and the kids you have and if you dont care for that then you have been fooled

[@tahirrazzaq9494]

This is true. I have noticed this with my friends too. and I point it out but it doesn't seem to change.

[@lilydelacour]

I felt that. Sorry that you feel that way and I hope you may find friends that are more empathetic. It‘s super annoying and isolating when people only talk about themselves all the time. One former friend of mine was so self-centered, I couldn‘t take it anymore. I agree that social media and the general credo of individualism in society might be some of the main reasons for that problem. Everything is so hyper-Individualist that people “unlearn” how to make a compromise or listen to the needs of people around them. Fortunately there are still people out there who know how to do it. :)

[@jamesmarie]

The worst loneliness is being around a group of people.

[@Huhbear1]

I was just with three people and I felt like I was a ghost: they virtually never talked to me and one person monopolize the whole conversation.

[@mbords01]

Indeed. I feel I exist and stumble on …do not fit in. I have good days less often than fine days, but I long for my good old days …and that hurts deeply.

[@daniadejonghe4980]

Loneliness is such a huge component of American culture, I believe it is a natural outgrowth of the social structure of the society, the emphasis on work above all, the discomfort with the emotional life, the social mobility that encourages people to move again and again, never ever building community. And perhaps on of the greatest contributors, the value system emphasis on acquisition as a life's goal, the way consumption has become compulsive in this nation. These are ALL isolating activities. If all you do is stuff that keeps you focused on yourself and getting more and more, you are going to be lonely.

[@amerikajindesu]

see japan to have an idea of the future

[@mtns340]

It would be interesting to see a comparison video from other countries to see if they have the same societal problem with loneliness or not.

[@silence4682]

It has nothing to do with American culture. The loneliest people I've ever met were Koreans and Japanese. Hypercapitalism is a disease

[@eone2345]

@@silence4682 hookup culture and feminism are some of it's main contributor

[@JG-es5dj]

​@@eone2345evidence?

[@LR-mh8hs]

I never felt lonely until I moved to the US. It's an epidemic here. I moved to the US for the opportunities that offer a better life but the price I've had to pay is loneliness. Not sure it was worth it.

[@JosedeJezeus]

Human beings evolved to live in matriarchal tribes, not marriages. We belong in matriarchal tribes: families made up of multiple generations, families that stay together FOR LIFE, families that work together as a team. Marriage is the worst thing that ever happened to human kind. Marriage was only invented a few thousand years ago. It’s not how human beings are meant to live. Marriage has created the dysfunctional world that we find ourselves in.

[@WaveRider1989]

Find organisations that are in your community. That's how you make friends.

[@mightytaiger3000]

If you had in fact been surrounded by true community in your country, you wouldn’t have had to move to the USA in the first place. But if it’s so much better somewhere else, just move there.

[@richerDiLefto]

@@mightytaiger3000 Bingo.

[@richerDiLefto]

There are *plenty* of opportunities for socialization here in the U.S. If you’re lonely, there are myriads of classes, clubs, religious institutions (if you’re into those), and communities related to interests or cultures. Busy Americans aren’t going to walk up to your door and spoon feed you like a toddler. In an individual-minded country that strongly encourages independence like the U.S., you need to grow up and take responsibility for your own socialization and mental health.

[@user-wm7ny1qb2i]

Individualism has led people to believe that they don't need others anymore. The only times they reach out to other people is to get a service from them.

[@dt8787]

It's funny how things work out. My mom was alone and I tried to be a good son and went to see her at least weekly. Now she is gone and I'm the one who is alone. I hope I made her life less lonely because now I realize how lonely it can be.

[@DauntyFairy]

omg im sure your mom appreciated you

[@2_thumbs_up_baby]

Its very sad. You were a good son just by what you have said. Many never see their parents. I hope you find someone who appreciates you if that's what you would like 😊

[@dt8787]

Thank you. @@2_thumbs_up_baby

[@funL1F3]

Back in 2020, during Covid, I lost my last and closest friend to Suicide. Seven days later I found out I had to put down my amazing Dog due to cancer. I’m a 44 year old male. Being alone is tuff, I really don’t know what to do about it anymore. I’m single, no kids, I have a job that provides but doesn’t fulfill me in anyway. Times are tuff. It’s a strange world. I’m working towards an early retirement somewhere far away from America. I still have hope and a smile.

[@caiopimentel208]

I am so sorry to hear. Don't give up, I have faith that you will find a way to flip this situation and meet others who are open and also looking for human connection

[@radscorpion8]

I don't know how willing you are to look into new age stuff, but I would really recommend neville goddard subreddit. I know what the standard response people have to that stuff is, but there are so many success stories its mind boggling, and I figure its worth a try at least.

[@AmyMichelleMosier]

You won’t get a chance to retire. Jesus will come before that time and you won’t even get old. Too many prophecies are lining up. I’m also 44.

[@Mloofylicious]

That's the problem: most people are encourage to work at a job that just provides money and no fulfillment at all. Notwithstanding your relationship status, it's good to contribute something that matters to you otherwise we're wasting time no matter how high the paycheck. Families are like fire extinguishers: it's good to have them, but pray to not need them unless you feel like it. Some of those you don't choose yourself and it turns your life in a quite uncomfortable direction.

[@FriendofDorothy]

@@AmyMichelleMosier You sound very sure of thyself, o prophet. However, what you say in your comment is not aligned with what the Bible actually says, which is, generally speaking: Ye know not what the hour or time the Lord cometh. People like you always believe Jesus will return in their lifetimes, but that time is actually known only by God.

[@Maliceless100]

You can cure a lot of loneliness and find purpose by volunteering for a regularly meeting team effort at a nonprofit or charity. When you're part of a group that's focussed on something greater than each individual, you get perspective; you saturate part of the week that would otherwise be spent alone; and you _(along and everyone)_ are forced to develop friendships with people who have goodwill. *I'm no therapist but it worked for me.*

[@angelabluebird609]

A time honored, wise endeavor. Doing something for others does help us lift ourselves. I wouldn't say it forces friendships, but rather gives us the opportunity to make friends.

[@NotYoutube-cp3qg]

This is a great idea

[@JP-gf3fs]

A life of service vanishes all problems related to ego.

[@erikpienk]

that is just a work around the problem. It helps but society in the US is failing

[@patrickacolifloresvillasen1731]

This is a good example of self-transcendence.

[@chelseafisher6881]

I stopped being lonely when I accepted my aloneness, and stopped wishing for things to be different. I started working on enjoying my time alone, and my aloneness became really valuable to me, it started to enrich my life. Then I started pushing myself to go out into the world… now, my life may not be perfect sometimes I still feel lonely, but I have a lot more people. Loneliness often comes from within.

[@mariaespinosa5769]

I was looking for someone in the comments who understood this. Thank you! Because although I am alone no children or significant other I’m not lonely because I’ve fully embraced and enjoy my time to myself. I’m constantly surrounded by others but that alone time is precious and fully enjoyed.

[@JessicaNaranjo4094]

I was just thinking this to myself, but you put it perfectly. “Loneliness comes from within.” 👌🏽

[@MaryM-zr4xc]

Same

[@Arven8]

"Loneliness often comes from within." Very true. If we're alienated from ourselves, we're going to be lonely. Self-disconnection is part of loneliness. It's a good thing to remember, because so much of the discussion focuses on changing external circumstances ("if only I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't be lonely," etc.).

[@pattyayers]

And it often does NOT come from within, but is a very real situation which the person can’t avoid. I am not “alienated from myself”. I like being by myself. I do lots of things by myself which I enjoy and learn from. I just don’t want to be alone all the time! I’m sane, you see! I’m isolated because my situation in life offers zero opportunities to socialize. I’m not lonely because “it’s all in my head”, as you’re saying. Rather, I’m lonely because I’m isolated, and it’s a very logical, sane way to feel when you’re isolated.

[@debhui710]

A big virtual Hug to all those lonely people out there. Wish we all unite somewhere and be friends with each other.

[@rics1883]

That does jackshit

[@pattyayers]

@@rics1883 And THAT does what good?

[@BeingIntegrated]

Loneliness = not feeling seen and understood. It's not about being with people so much as it is feeling safe to express one's true feelings with others.

[@Alexdelarge1975]

It is as if recognizing loneliness, recognizing suffering in others, is something that emotionally connects us humans.

[@Novastar.SaberCombat]

"Reflect upon the Past. Embrace your Present. Orchestrate our Futures." --Artemis (DD3) 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨

[@Shaolin91z]

Peace in Christ surpasses all understanding

[@annikatan378]

​@Shaolin.Kal-El Yes, and even across different races and different nations. Thank God I resisted the urge to envy the Western culture of emotional expression since I stay in an Asian culture that doesn't (esp with older gens), all the while listening to the video 😊

[@producersociety1]

WeeeeeeeEeeeEeeeEeeeeeahhyah, chase misprinted lies. Weeee eeeyueaaryah, chase the path of time. And yet I fight, yet I fight, this battle all alone.

[@rawkguy4896]

You having Layne Staley as your pfp is so fitting for this video. That dude's last years were spent in complete solitude.

[@richerDiLefto]

Here in the U.S., it doesn’t help that valuing friendships is basically seen as an artifact of childhood and slothful indulgence. When we’re little kids, all our children’s TV shows enthusiastically teach us about how fun and important it is to make friends, be good ones, and play games and interact with them. Once we reach grade school, we’re ironically shamed and sometimes even *punished* for talking to other kids in class and not doing“more productive” tasks like schoolwork. Talk about mixed messages! During these crucial, formative years, socialization should be considered a *priority* along with learning, healthy eating, and exercise, not reduced to the level of a junk food treat given out for being “good!” By the time high school rolls around, friendships are our lifeblood and (like it or not) a massive source of our validation, respect, and self worth. Nevertheless, we’re still encouraged to cram for tests and college instead of “wasting time” hanging out with our peers, who are often seen as “bad influences” we shouldn’t be listening to anyway. When we finally become adults? Ta-daaa! Our antisocial conditioning is complete! Nearly all notions of friendship being a human need go straight out the window in favor of “more important grownup stuff” like work, sexual relationships, and caring for our own children. If you have no friends, you’re expected to be okay with it because you’re supposed to be perpetually busy and past the age of needing them. As an adult, the very idea of reaching out to old friends I remember from school is painfully cringe and infantile to me, like I’d be trying to connect to relationships that no longer exist and I should’ve grown up enough to move on from long ago. I’d also feel like I’d be intruding on their work and family lives, especially if they have kids, and it’s not like we’d have anything in common anymore anyway. Making new friends as an adult is also awkward. American adults are simply too preoccupied with their own lives and families for that and they’ll *never* see me as a priority (rightly so), so why bother? What’s scary is, I *know* I’m not the only U.S. adult who feels these ways, so this is what a potentially sizable portion of our society has come to! We’re all complaining about loneliness being a pandemic here, but in a society where normal, platonic friendships take a back seat to everything else for most of everyone’s lives from start to finish, *what do we expect?* 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@angelabluebird609]

Perhaps one way to try is to look into groups that you may have an interest in. In our city, there is a regular schedule of nature walks in the surrounding parks. There are also clubs or groups for many different activities. I like the outside activities, as somehow it is easier to be outside. At least you may meet people with whom you have a shared interest. Volunteering is also an excellent way to meet like minded people. Hope this may be of help to you! PS Some towns/cities/communities are friendlier than others.

[@richerDiLefto]

@@angelabluebird609 Thank you so much! I’ll take note of your advice!^^

[@angelabluebird609]

@@richerDiLefto All Best Wishes !

[@apricotsapricotsapricots]

Well said. I agree.

[@NotYoutube-cp3qg]

I'm from third world country and I can relate to this so much, everything you mentioned about school system is true

[@101yayo]

All these people need hugs.

[@spencerdawson6536]

What socially adept and gregarious people never seem to understand is that for some of us Loneliness is a chronic and immutable fact of our lives. It’s not something we choose or a goal we seek. It could be the result of personality quirks or other social challenges such as mild mental illness but these factors drive people away and there’s no obvious solution for it. We adapt but not without significant daily pain.

[@dionysus9876]

Thank you! There are so many factors out of our control that make it very hard for us to find true meaningful communities. Your physical looks and attributes, personality, health status, finances, education level, personal style, etc.

[@RoseEyed]

I needed this. It's easy to forget you're not the only one sometimes. And the fact that the single and childless people, the single parents, AND the married ones ALL said the same things is very enlightening...

[@mtns340]

It's a cliche, but some times the loneliest you ever feel is when surrounded by other people.

[@FriendofDorothy]

interesting you mention single and childless parents. My mother told two of her kids she wished she had not had children. I don't think just having children is any guarantee against loneliness. Some people who become parents really should not have.

[@sassyone82]

THIS!!!🙋🏽‍♀️ I’m single with no children too and seeing this has helped me to realize I’m not the only one who feels this way (especially being surrounded by friends who have their husbands and kids and how they inadvertently cast you to the side) and secondly, that having a spouse and kids is not necessarily the solution to curing loneliness.

[@sassyone82]

@@FriendofDorothyPowerful statement!

[@Shaolin91z]

Peace In Christ surpasses all understanding

[@deetee609]

30s: Sometimes I feel desperately lonely; other times I am just alone and ok being alone. I long for meaningful connections with people I enjoy being around. I don't want to just be around space fillers. The hardest part for me is finding genuinely kind and likeable people in this very disconnected yet "plugged-in" world. So, for now, I'm just trying to be my own best friend and be content with or without others until I find my group.

[@philipsutton2316]

I felt the same, but about a year ago I tried a different church and have found a wonderful community of like-minded people. I can't imagine how I would have survived without them.

[@nathanbranson9149]

"I've been trying to go to lunch with a colleague of mine for 8 years now and it still hasn't happened." This to me stands out because this guy is being proactive. I can relate. He's trying to reach out. In a nation of workaholics it can be hard to persuade people to cut off work for an hour and see friendship as worth investing in.

[@Shaolin91z]

Peace in Christ surpasses all understanding

[@emiliabolsas]

I hope other people on his campus saw this and reached out instead of the one who won’t prioritize anyone but himself.

[@Andla_2806]

​@@emiliabolsasSo well said!!! That guy is not worth it!!! Letting someone (who is valuing you) wait for 8 years!

[@MrsDabulite]

30’s.. On my birthday this year I let all my friends know it was going to be my birthday/moving across country party because I was moving to another state the next day… 31 years and no one showed up…… I thought I had made so many “friends “ over those years and no one came. The feeling of loneliness I felt was a true physical pain. I am a only child and lost my mother when I was 16. My father and myself don’t speak either unfortunately. I have also been a stay at home mom since Covid so my social life was gone because of that… everyday I am so grateful for my children and partner but I long for friendship… i miss having friends. And now I live in a new state and it’s even more isolating and loneliness isn’t even close to how I can describe it…. Thank you NYT and all these beautiful people for reminding me I’m not alone.❤

[@Himmiefan]

I am so sorry that happened to you!

[@Purplenpinkk]

Happy belated birthday 🥳 I’m so sorry they did you dirty. I hope you have a better year 🫂

[@heracliussmith3876]

I hope you the best, your father may feel the same way

[@WaveRider1989]

I usually text people individually if people will show up and then send a rsvp for the day. Usually people like parties, sorry it must've been tough. I would say join groups that are in your city; volunteer, do activities to make friends.

[@earthtohouston]

As someone who has moved with some frequency, I can tell you that people start to pull away as soon as you announce you're leaving. It's as if you are not worth investing time in since you won't be around. I found myself doing the same thing when friends announced they were moving to LA from NY. So much of friendship is proximity, it seems. This is why it was easy to make friends at school when you saw each other every day. Work friends tend to last as long as you're employed. Friendship is an investment, and I try to make it worth it for the people I care about and want to stick around.

[@larsthorwald3338]

Solitude and loneliness are not the same thing. I've lived alone all my adult life, and can honestly report that I'm blissfully happy. Having been raised in a family of eleven, I not only enjoy my privacy, I. crave it.

[@batacumba]

There’s a lot of shame tied up in feelings of loneliness. You wonder if it’s a personal shortcoming or if others feel the same or have the same issues as you. You wonder if you’ve done something to drive people away. You often compare yourselves to others with robust social support systems and feel like a loser in comparison. As sad as this video is I’m grateful to hear some insight into other people’s feelings on human loneliness from all different demographics. I wish all of them the best and that they find their people.

[@413smr]

Yes. I had a social life and two very close friends. Now I'm retired and the close friends are dead. Covid and the forced isolation had a big impact. I'm in touch with social workers and feel compelled to tell them, I have no friends now but I then emphasize that I did at one time. I feel ashamed.

[@danielcaceres9971]

Volunteering is such a life changing activity. Helping others is so replenishing

[@vikingthedude]

Yesterday was a close friends wedding. I had an amazing time. But i drove home in tears with a heavy sinking chest because I felt so lonely

[@electron6825]

The loneliest I've ever felt was among friends. I actually distanced myself in part because of that. It's a weird vicious cycle.

[@mightytaiger3000]

How did you have an amazing time if you were feeling lonely?? Or were you lonely upon leaving by yourself?

[@mightytaiger3000]

@@electron6825For real. I always had an easy time making friends but at some point during 2012/13 it just didn’t seem worth it. Most people make me feel isolated and bored. I’m happy by myself.

[@electron6825]

@@mightytaiger3000 Yeah, sometimes the loneliness hits after the social event is over. Sometimes it's present during.

[@vikingthedude]

@@mightytaiger3000I felt lonely as I was driving home. But now after three weeks I can look back at that day's emotions with more clarity. It can really take some time to process your emotions.

[@mhence7]

I feel this. The woman who questioned if she did it to herself because she didn't have kids, I related to. I also related to the woman who didn't have children but her friends did they no longer included her in their lives. This is what I am going through now. I find myself in my 40s with no children or romantic partners and the friends I have are busy with work or their partners. I think the problem started once pandemic began and what community existed just vanished. Community is so limited right now and if you want to do things with others, often it is costly.

[@91toinfinity]

Volunteer somewhere. Play a sport. Take a painting class.

[@mhence7]

already do. I am a filmmaker and teach but it is just different. I think it is a question of connection vs. people. but hoping this year will be better. @@91toinfinity

[@Novastar.SaberCombat]

You only have so many hours remaining. I strongly suggest that everyone gets moving on accomplishing whatever objectives they hope to achieve. Else, you won't be ready to cross the void veil. 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨

[@inuhundchien6041]

If you have time, you can try fostering children.

[@linguaphile42]

This happened to me a bit in my 30's and early 40's, but as my friends' kids grew up, we kept in touch and then started traveling together again in our 40's and 50's. So they can come back if you keep up that connection.

[@Desertphile]

Chronic loneliness kills people. I hate being autistic.

[@disporting]

I'm with you buddy. It's hard being autistic. Such a lonely existence.

[@BabushkaCookie2888]

I like autistic people cause I'm autistic too. I feel comfortable being around with other autistic people.

[@beagoodhuman44]

Same. It’s very lonely

[@regisnyder]

I’m a parent of an autistic teen. It really takes someone to understand the complexities of autism to accept the person. I know it’s not personal when she doesn’t have the need to talk (small talk is an ignorance thing in her opinion 😆) but try to encourage her to socialize even for 5 minutes with others. It’s such a huge effort, I understand.

[@Desertphile]

@@regisnyder ; Thank you. Like many autistic people, I have tried to do "small talk" and I have failed because it just makes no sense to me to talk when I have nothing of any value or importance to say. (It is fun (to me) to listen to people talking to each other in restaurants because they seem (to me) to say absolutely nothing that needs said.) Perhaps this is because the need for social valuation and acknowledgement of one's existence is not as great among autistic people.

[@corruptsociety9146]

I am not lonely the voices in my head keep me company

[@omega_supreme]

Just because you have children doesn't mean you won't be lonely.

[@LucitaBrown]

💯

[@theotherdai1556]

I can't properly express my appreciation for you all to produce and release this video. I loved the editing and how you played with the concept of video conferencing to "connect" and combat loneliness. Shout out to all the people that are an 'only child.' We've been fighting loneliness since before it was a trend! 🤣😐😭 It's eye opening to know you can come from a big family and still feel lonely.

[@Novastar.SaberCombat]

You only have so many hours which remain to do whatever it is you hope to do, want to do, or feel that you were "meant" to do. I highly advise that people get going. Else, they'll be TOTALLY unprepared when the moment arrives to pass beyond the void veil. 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind's journey now begins." --DD1 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨

[@brittanyholloman5693]

This is so true.

[@Mac62671]

I'm recently divorced and am now alone for the first time in a decade, but I've never ever been so lonely as I was the last years of the marriage. I am blissfully alone at this point. Love my job and the dog is also a joy. Extended friends and family are wonderful. Loneliness is really hard for most though. This was a great piece.

[@91toinfinity]

❤

[@111jow]

Hi don't worry...people re here...😊

[@inyenyenzi]

My first three days in the U.S when I came to University were the first time I understood an emotion could become physical pain(I was in boarding school from 8th-12th grade, never once got homesick. I was trained to be away from home). But on a campus of over 30,000 people, there was no one. The loneliness was so painful, it hurt my body so much that my 17year old self struggled not use my return ticket to go back home. My dog Lilly has been my saving grace, dog is god spelled backward if you notice.

[@Arven8]

Amen. Dogs are awesome. :) Hope you're doing okay.

[@hayleyanna2625]

I have accepted a life of loneliness. I am about to embark on travel around Europe alone, I am an avid reader which provides an escape and I adore old films and music. Life is extremely hard but as I move into my 40s, I have come to peace with it. Some of us are just outsiders or are pushed outside society. I would prefer to remain me, rather strange and introverted than be a phony and try to fit in. ❤️

[@MSanz-jc2bg]

Que tengas un viaje maravilloso.

[@cachecow]

That made me feel less lonely.

[@eckosters]

Thank you for creating this video. I’m not lonely but I have friends and relatives who are at risk of extreme loneliness and I do reach out to them and all that. My husband and I (2nd marriage) both lived through a few tough years after our divorces (and we have kids) and when we found each other we vowed we’d never forget single/lonely people in our lives. We can’t make up for lost partners (or partners that never happened) but we can all try to think of others.

[@dailybls]

It's so sweet of you to think of the single people in your lives. That's just something nobody does.

[@cloud-jo7od]

That’s really sweet of you both and I’m sure your friends value your efforts ❤️

[@MsEbony75]

That's wonderful and so caring of you both. That's a beautiful and surefire way to fill the void of loneliness... Thinking of others.

[@craven5328]

This is the most lovely post I've seen in a while on social media! It's lovely. I was that single person for a long time, and you've inspired me to look out for the other single people around me

[@VictorPaixao4fun]

Remember the Best Christsmas gift ever, just a phone call. Merry Christmas everybody, God bless you all. Cheers from a Brazilian/Canadian family :)

[@DaRkLoRd-rc5yu]

I'm only just starting to really feel it. I was in a 4 year relationship that i thought would be one that lasted a lifetime. Maybe i was too comfortable in that relationship. So when it ended my whole world kind of turned upside down. For 2 or 3 years i was in a really deep depression and didnt really know what i wanted to do with my life. By the end of this time i actually found myself in a good job that i enjoy and have put alot of my time and effort into mostly as a distraction. But it's pretty much all i have. I moved away for work, i bought a house but live alone. I dont have that many friends as i lost touch with alot of them through the pandemic and being busy with work. But also because of the way the break up went i felt like i was being a burden to everyone and lost the abiltity to reach out and maintain friendships as i was sure i was bothering them. So i sort of closed myself off. I've not really tried dating again or anything, but i'm feeling better in everyday life in general. But not as happy as i used to be. Its been like 7 years now. And i'm almost 30. Hopefully i'll be able to start building up a life and dating again but the whole thing made me pretty pesemistic about the whole thing. My ex went from relationship to relationship just got married. And here i am just living alone and working all the time. I'm successful in my carreer and have friends at work and earn quite alot. But i dont know if i'm happy per se.

[@pliant75]

I would love to hear more of their stories.

[@ceooflonelinessinc.267]

I’m going to turn 34 soon. I never experienced any kind of romantic contact through my life and due to that I feel so lonely. I never had a hug, a date, a kiss, or something as a relationship. The depressing part is that I put myself out there: I asked women out, I signed up on dating sites or joined new groups to meet new people. But every girl rejected me before I had something as a date. More and more I think it is due to my disability (Fetal alcohol spectrum disorder) I am suffering from. It seems that whenever I tell women, I only work minimum wage jobs, they seem to be less interested in me. Once a woman even told me, I am a loser for working as a dishwasher. The older I get, the more depressed I have become. It feels devasting going though life without any kind of intimacy, being rejected over and over again, being told you are not even good enough to get on a date with…

[@demonschnauzer1555]

You’re absolutely not a loser for working as a dishwasher. Blue-collar jobs are the backbone of our society, people don’t value them as much as they should. It sucks you haven’t been able to get the romance you want in your life, I hope you can find someone or at least find a fulfilling social life in another way.

[@discocherry]

you deserve happiness and i sincerely hope you find that soon

[@karag4487]

You're doing good bro, keep doing what you're doing

[@jacobcutrer]

At least you got an answer to your problem. It’s a money issue at this point. You’re putting yourself out there and I’m assuming you like to keep yourself looking clean. You said it yourself, seems like when they hear your job, it pushes them away. Maybe try to make more money or get a better job? I’m just trying to offer some kind of solution, albeit a harsh one.

[@ricardomejia8027]

Along the way , there will be somebody for you , soon or later ,that happens to everybody , every body

[@veroniquefaison]

This hit me hard.😢

[@lovethatagave]

Walk. Walk as long as you can each day, going different routes, different environs. It helps.

[@kolyxix]

And then what?

[@nataliabogdanova2816]

That’s interesting.. I stared solo walks like 20 years ago.. and maybe my nervous system is better now but I’m still lonely. Now it’s funny how I have million of memories of these solo walks - different cities , nature scenes, countries… 🙄

[@lovethatagave]

@@nataliabogdanova2816 Yeah. I guess that I should qualify that it's not just the walking, though for me that keeps me moving which is huge for me. As a more introverted older adult - wasn't so much as a younger person - I now try to attend more events (music, theater, art, etc), though sometimes that's like pulling teeth. I've been using duolingo and that keeps my brain occupied. I find that I drink more when alone and that worsens my mood and makes me feel more lonely, so I've stopped that at least for now. I guess that there isn't one fix; I think that in a way we have to engage in our own behavior modification therapy, which doesn't come easy.

[@ernstthalmann4306]

"Any other man stops and talks But the walkin man walks"

[@sonnyca]

To those who regret not having children, I’d say don’t. My child is alienated from me and I’m isolated. When I married, I never imagined I’d be single for such a long time.

[@thomastereszkiewicz2241]

funny how that works isn't it?

[@rachelr8837]

Thank you. The childless do get lost out there and also being single, uhh. I appreciate your words.❤

[@Essays4College]

Life is unpredictable! Some people are married and happy and some people are single and happy. Life is what you make of it.

[@olpicado]

​@@Essays4College Agree. Human behavior and emotions are always unpredictable.

[@CuteCatsofIstanbul]

I feel like there are many types of loneliness, each come with a different solution. Many seek a romantic partner to share a home and a life with. Many want to have that ‘best friend connection we remember from childhood. Some yearn for a large group of friends. Many are introverts who like being alone, yet when they want to be social, there is no one around. For me the dark deep loneliness I feel is … Well, I feel like a total alien among humans, I can not connect, I am an expert at looking ‘normal’, yet even in a crowd of familiar faces (school, uni, work, family stuff), I’ve always felt utterly alone and lonely. I’m not sad though, I’ve learnt to appreciate things that make me happy - like animals, in particular (stray) cats, taking care of them, hanging out with them, meeting new cats etc. One day I will have to move from Istanbul & live in a country with no stray cats (which is great of course) but I will have lost my purpose in life and my best friends. I know I won’t last long then.

[@Arven8]

Even if you land in a place where there aren't stray cats, I'm sure you can find a way to help and bond with other types of animals. If you have a heart for animals, you will be able to find a way to express that, no matter where you live. There are suffering animals in every corner of the Earth.

[@electron6825]

Of all the comments I've read, this one stands out the most. It is haunting. There is loneliness and there is "I am not even human" loneliness, a feeling few people can comprehend. In that regard, such folks are alone even amongst the lonely.

[@Shaolin91z]

Peace In Christ surpasses all understanding. Thanks Lord

[@cloud-jo7od]

Not to intrude, but maybe neurodivergence is a factor? I know people who are neurodivergent sometimes describe feeling like an alien or different from other humans. It might be worth it to look into this and maybe then have a way to meet other people who feel the same way you do ❤ Anyhow, it’s very sweet for you to befriend the cats. Lucky for you, you live in cat paradise.

[@apricotsapricotsapricots]

I hope cats always find your loving friendship. Stay where you find peace.

[@adeyemeberhan7292]

A long time ago, life revolved around community and people lived in community as the most important thing but now the world has become something that’s not just working with how we’re made to live.

[@megaawesomedaisy]

I am in my mid 20s, recently moved to a city 300 miles away from home with my boyfriend. My neighbor who I suspected was in his mid to late 40s invited us over for Christmas. We accepted his offer. I was stunned to learn he was actually almost 60. He looked more youthful and happy than my boyfriends and I’s parents who are in their late 40s. Though throughout the night, his apartment filled with many friends who all shared the same disposition - happy, youthful, not bitter. I realized quickly it made sense they looked and acted so much better than our parents who live isolated lives paying off their beautiful houses in the suburbs and raising kids. Our parents have no friends, do not have the energy for them anyways and their 9-5s leave little energy for pursuing thier passions. It definitely gave me a different perspective. I still want to raise children but definitely want to always prioritize my personal relationships and will think long and hard before getting a mortgage. All that to say loneliness is something I want to prevent just like I want to prevent disease and a sedentary lifestyle.

[@Covert_Smalls]

The irony is that, if you put all of them in a room together, they’d probably have fantastic conversation

[@mightytaiger3000]

I disagree. The irony is that the majority of then would flake and not show up to the meeting. And the ones that show up wouldn’t make much of an effort to follow through. Seen it.

[@user-nh4uw2ji7o]

Loneliness is a tragedy for whoever who is going through it. I feel like this every day and all I want to do is cry. My heart goes out to all of these lonely people. Remember you are NOT alone as there are millions of people just like us out there.

[@omotayosatuyi252]

Man dude I really feel like as a society we are too digitalized and spend way to much time indoors not building our social muscle

[@raehabb]

so true!

[@omotayosatuyi252]

@@raehabb it's so sad and unfortunate

[@nathanbranson9149]

Yes. If you never are around other people, you can't build up your social muscles.

[@NWinnVR]

ironically through that I found all my current friends. support network, career and long-term partner whom I now live with. All via Virtual reality social platforms.. It's just a bunch of neruodivergant weirdos like me trying to make friends and it's amazing.

[@mdo7]

No, digital isn't the cause of loneliness. I know because I was born in 1987, and as a person growing up with autism, I didn't fully understand loneliness like I do now. Throughout all my life even before the internet and social media existed, I struggled with loneliness because I didn't know and fully understand how friendship worked. Even in school, I tried to fit in although I was a popular kid, I didn't know how to socialize like a normal person would. It wasn't the internet that caused my loneliness (although it exacerbate it). I say that people don't fully understand how serious and damaging loneliness is.

[@JohnSmith-wi4xo]

Really great video that I’ll revisit often for those times I feel alone with my loneliness. It’s comforting to know many people suffer with this. I’m a young adult and unfortunately, I could relate to everyone in this video. Also, the man in his 90s looks really fantastic, like he could be in his early 70s and is really sharp. I literally couldn’t believe he was as old as the video said.

[@Bodyknowledge77]

Life can be simply complicated. I have a saying: "Assumptions are the nutrition for life's mild, medium, and/or major unproductive suffering. You need to assume some things, but you can't assume everything". People assume that others are ok, don't want to be "bothered" etc etc. We're more "connected" more than ever but paradoxically, oddly quite divided . This made me cry.

[@SteelShirt99]

Wow that is such an incredible writing. Thank you for that

[@Bodyknowledge77]

@@SteelShirt99 Thanks for the acknowledgement it helps minimize the discomfort. Perhaps check out what I do?

[@Bodyknowledge77]

@@SteelShirt99 Thanks

[@emi-sings]

I am so touched by everyone in this video. They are so brave to share...being completely open and honest. I also appreciate at the end of the video sharing what would be helpful to help those who are going through this. My prayers goes out to them and anyone feeling lonely.🙏 I have been there myself.. I understand the pain. I hope they know that their courage to be vulnerable gives other people courage to share. Thank you for being here!!!🌞

[@LazloVimes]

I feel like the outsider. So many people talking about loneliness and here I am not able to get far enough away from everyone.

[@mightytaiger3000]

lmao for real I’m more chronically peeved by people and their bs even when you’re just interacting on a cordial, superficial level.

[@daffidkane8350]

People are no longer nice and I prefer these days to be alone. They lie, they are envious, they are selfish, and they are rude. A big change from when I was a child where I remember more kindness than nastiness.

[@Arven8]

People aren't as kind as they used to be, that's for sure -- especially if you live in a big city. However, there are still good, kind people out there.

[@mightytaiger3000]

Seriously.. I’ve even sought out Christian circles and they’re still envious over the most ridiculous things. It’s not worth it. I’m done “meeting people”.

[@daffidkane8350]

@@mightytaiger3000 Sad. Anyway Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I personally like “Live long and prosper!”

[@teeconsigliano7631]

sometimes it's not personal. a lot of people are flaky, and even long term friends can drop away. after i was widowed, i went to meetups and that was helpful

[@mightytaiger3000]

Most people are flaky but it isn’t as benevolent as you say. I saw it with my own eyes. Same people that were “flaky” suddenly found the time to nearly harass me with calls and texts to invite me to everything under the sun, once I had a job that they could benefit from (casting director). Same people that I knew for 3 years and would “forget” to reply to my texts and “just didn’t think to invite me” for coffee or dinner when they were at restaurants and clubs literally walkable distance from my place. And it wasn’t just a person or 2, It was every person I knew, and from different circles. People are full of sht.

[@amethystdream8251]

The number of people who have lectured me about how "people just drift apart and have their own stuff going on" is truly astounding. And then the internet is full of discourse about loneliness. What is really going on here? We're not victims to this. We're just collectively resisting sincere communication. Edit: Again, don't just lecture me on how people are in the comments. I've heard it all before, and I'm tired too because I live in this capitalist world as well. I'm also burnt out from trying to have compassion for people who don't understand the value of connection and the necessary effort involved. If you all are going to wallow about loneliness, do something about it instead of saying things that keep us where we're at.

[@juliekswanson]

People are attracted to shiny things, status, and money. I think it’s a result of being worked to death. You just don’t have the time and energy in this country for spending a lot of time on people who aren’t going to help you meet your goals.

[@zila626]

People are in pain and afraid of facing their feelings. They're confused and don't know what to do. They're stuck in old habits without the awareness to change them. Trying to get help and improve these things is complex and a long road. Relationships aren't easy. This isn't to say stop trying but to have compassion for people who are struggling and doing their best.

[@Princessbubblegum567]

⁠that's a personal issue people should deal with. Their problems are going to keep them in lonely place.

[@Princessbubblegum567]

Sad thing is so much of loneliness is Self-inflicted and people don't even realize it. They think it is something that is happening TO them but they also play a part in their reality too

[@amartinjoe]

it is true; you can be surrounded by friends and family and still be lonely.

[@Darinsss]

This was quite moving. All those lonely people, and I could be among them, edited into a rows and rows of proximity without intimacy. What if they could just magically exceed those bounds and reach out and recognize themselves in others and find comfort in that. I wish them luck.

[@Novastar.SaberCombat]

Discipline. Consistency. Deadlines. Creativity. Reflection. Repeat. Anything else is essentially a waste of synapses. 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨

[@jmanly707]

@@Novastar.SaberCombat what made you say this?

[@familyfun805]

Wow… thankyou for the short piece it was riveting! I actually wanted to know more and thought it was just an ad break when it was actually over 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🥺🥰 great piece !

[@cinephile1712]

I know loneliness so well. I’ve had chronic health issues my whole life but got to a place as a young adult where I could function like most others. I had friends, colleagues, a social life, athletic activities, dating, etc. Then eight years ago I developed a pain condition out of nowhere and suddenly couldn’t function. I left my job and went on disability. I moved back into a two-family house with my parents (which I’m very lucky to have). Friends and colleagues disappeared. For the longest time, the smallest thing- like taking a shower - was the only accomplishment of my day. I’ve had so many doctors appointments and .hospitalizations. My parents are my only support system. They’re in their 70s and my dad’s developed his own serious health problems, so I’m kind of screwed. All that to say, I get loneliness.

[@ollielei]

Hey. I’m rooting for you! This sounds really hard and I’m sorry. I wish you a lot of happy moments this year and joy and all the best to you and your family.

[@egonyuie]

Hello stranger, hoping things turn up for you and wishing you and your dad well!

[@cinephile1712]

Thank you both so much! I really appreciate your kind words 💗

[@vasudevsarvam6912]

You are never screwed if you can develop enough faith. Meditation, positive thinking(some nice books, etc.), prayer(any religion but should be heartfelt), SELFLESS SERVICE(even small ants, etc.) can sail the boat of your life in unexpected ways. You will be simply blissed out in meantime. On Earth amd hereafter. Life is miracle and a very interesting GAME.

[@martinong210]

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world." I consider myself a lonely person. What empowers me and may help others - is reach out to a friend. Or if friends are not available, join a group or social cause that motivates you. It could be church, anime, video games, DnD, wine, or community service. Lose yourself in the service of others. Talk to strangers. You can never control what other people do. And yes, you can control your path, your growth, and how you meet people in life.

[@richardrodriguez9903]

I love how in the end of this video they show us that there's still hope. Its frustating to feel like there's noone you can reach out to in the good times and bad times, despite being surrounded by many people. At the end of the day, there's always a light in the dark you're silently going through. 🙏🤜🤛

[@monarene44]

I’d rather be alone than wish I was alone.

[@mike110111]

this is so beautiful. thank you for making it.

[@zoeybluesky]

NYT, thanks for the beautiful, poignant and poetic video on loneliness. I would love to see NYT also dig deeper and address the root cause of the loneliness epidemic: late stage capitalism, hyper individualistic culture, an over emphasis on the nuclear family system post WWII, how our unhealthy work culture, culture of fear, and the worship of profit alienate us from ourselves and each other. It is structurally by design, and loneliness is simply the consequences and by product of that design. What would a world look like if we designed it around what’s healthy for a human being collectively? What’s healthy for the planet and all of life? Many news segments on the loneliness epidemic end with surface level stupid advice such as, “pick up the phone and call a friend.” I haven’t heard of one actually confronting that the problem requires seismic change in paradigm and questioning the political and economic structures that is currently, inherently inhumane and lonely.

[@eloiselovesdevi]

Having a large family was the best decision I ever made! It requires a lot of sacrifice, money, time, patience, mental energy. But so worth it, I never regretted it. In fact, wish I had even more children. We need to think how the decisions we make when we are young will affect our future. I think the golden years are only golden if we have health and family.

[@fedenovo1]

Horrible showing off. You never know what to expect. The more you are, the highest the chance for fail…jeje.

[@Anonymous.24.]

These are the same people with 500+ friends and followers on social media. These are the same people who fake their friendships. This isn’t true loneliness. This is them being tired of being fake in this society where you’ll be shunned for being a true loner.

[@TheHappychickadee]

Thank you for making this. It is how so many of us feel.

[@pjpaavam007]

Please go to your local library and start attending programs. Get involved in volunteering your time for local causes. You may not make deep friendships but just an other way to connect.

[@lyndamordi642]

Loneliness has no life space, it affect all, from babies to grandparents. Thanks for sharing ❤

[@nilayshrivastava4596]

Thank you to The New York Times for shining a light on a subject as underdiscussed yet profoundly impactful as Loneliness. Currently in my mid-twenties, and having been deceived in two prior relationships, I find myself grappling with intense episodes of solitude. These moments occasionally strike with overwhelming force. Fortunately, my artistic endeavors and various passions offer some solace, serving as a sanctuary. Yet, there are instances when I feel ensnared in an emotional vacuum - a realm devoid of sound and light, where I perceive the world indifferently moving on, oblivious to my existence. Just like one of the ladies in the video, I sometimes ponder "what did I do wrong to deserve this?". What hurts even more is that in my society, being alone is seen as being a loser which, I hope, changes. I don't know how my life would eventually turn out, but I pray that I can alleviate the sense of isolation in others, even if just marginally.

[@stevemiller7949]

Truly incredible and timely. My isolation undermines me, perhaps more than I can measure. It is embarrassing and probably shaming. I don't tell others about it. Thank you for this🙂🙂💯💯❤️❤️

[@karien1972]

Thank you for making this 💗

[@SergioValenzuela]

Thank You for destigmatizing loneliness and putting a sincere human face to it. It takes a lot of courage to share a feeling so painful and widespread across all ages and places. Sadly , many tech bros with truly bad incentives, have created the perfect conditions for mass loneliness, mind abduction via smartphone, which constantly distracts you from the real people around you. The "browsification " of human relationships, the commodification of attention under a false idea of digital "connection". A flat language of emoji´s and likes and followers , little emotional crumbles for those in need of real intimacy. Largely normalized now, these factors play a huge role in the acceleration and spreading of this this epidemic IMHO. A world of distrust of the stranger at the coffeshop , and complete trust in the algorithm. A possible way up ?, perhaps we can definitely go back to the good old phone call and talking more to strangers and learning to really see people more, in a less individualistic way.

[@blueconversechucks]

Honestly, these demographic situations have always been here (though they are more common now). What has changed is that most of our modern habits are isolating.

[@YanitaGeorgieva]

This is an incredible video. Thank you, NYT team.

[@Sjalabais]

Powerful, and ending on a high note, a simple step towards betterment.

[@wanderingquestions7501]

Having children is far too overrated and having children is a source of happiness is a myth. I’ve met several adults in my age group and it’s surprising how many people have a problem with their kids; lazy kids that only want money, or can’t stay out of trouble, or have their own marriages filled with drama and ruin. For many, have kids is a source of lifelong pain and misery. I know very few who’s children are a source of happiness.

[@momohmart]

Thank you, NYT, for bringing up one of the most critical topics (maladies) to light. Without a sense of connection/community, it can seem all sorts of sideways and empty--the root of so much division and consequent behaviors. Sending ❤ to everyone. Hang in there everyone, esp. during the holidays.

[@barbaraskor2775]

Worthwhile and Healing - want to hear more!!! Very good!

[@shachipatel8158]

I see so much courage alongside vulnerability to say and share what they all did.

[@cartergirl3of3]

I could watch an hour long video of this. Its what I need to hear to not feel so alone.

[@angelineorwell5812]

It's upsetting to see how retirement can cause so much loneliness in people, something I'd never even considered. My parents are getting closer to that point in their life and I hope they never have to wait for their phone to ring

[@Essays4College]

People should find hobbies when they're younger. It's easy to get lost in work and then realize there's nothing left when that comes to a screeching halt in retirement.

[@cherylcarlson3315]

Beautifully done. absolutely resonates as true

[@mrinalinichaturvedi2738]

Thanks for this! it's very sensitive.

[@ll.fleischer1736]

I feel this too. I have autism and one close friend since childhood Over the pandemic we fought since both of us fell into a deep depression. I went a horrible while without speaking to her. I had no friends during that time and fell into an abusive relationship which I stayed in because I was so lonely I couldn’t bear not being close to literally anyone. My close friend and i made up now after talking it out and after him hurting me physically and him not caring when I was in the hospital I broke up with my abusive partner. It was tough. I felt, as I was going through this rough time nobody understood me. What books were even out to guide me as a young, depressed autistic girl in a friend rut and abusive relationship? I always felt books to be my company when I was alone. A good poem cured my teenage spiritual loneliness. I, however, just felt lost, and was so depressed I stopped reading. The presence of authors and hobbies in my life was gone. My parents didn’t know what I was going through. I suffered in silence. I was in college at the time and made zero friends l. That was my pandemic experience of loneliness.

[@PACSAG]

That was tough to watch. I feel bad for them. For me, the change was when I moved from my big suburban house in a car-dependant place to a small condo in a city with public transportation. At first it was scary, but it was a matter of days that i started making acquaintances. I even sold my car! At that moment everything changed. I started making connections with regulars that I would meet at the corner cafe and so on. I like being by myself, but I'm always surrounded by nice people and can have quick chats about whatever.

[@karlee3095]

I am hoping to do this soon. Living alone in a rural area is lonesome and people are not friendly here.

[@davechirag]

Thanks for shedding the light on it !

[@brendababyify]

Thank you for doing this piece 🤗

[@sarah2853]

Honestly, I am 34 single female. Ive always prioritised life exploration at 20s, travelled and lived in a few countries, and also I prioritise my career a lot (I run a business). Sometimes I do feel like the downside is the loneliness and feeling quite different. I feel like once I turned 30, everyone around have gotten married/have kids and all of the sudden it’s so hard to date or even meet ppl. The ppl i meet now are transient relationships, and there’s not much of a community. I know my lifestyle is part to blame, I try to slow down and do more in this area - but im just so sick of dating apps. I dont know, sometimes I feel that yes im living my life well but I feel that I do want to find my life partner and build a life together. However it feels like the hardest thing in the world.

[@nonequivalence1864]

I don't feel sorry for you at all. You chose to be miss independent and sleep around during your hot years and NOW at 34 you want a stable man? Women like you are EXACTLY why the nuclear family is becoming obsolete.

[@samhenry75]

I suffered loneliness,anxiety and mental disorder for over 24 years. It's just amazing how psilocybin mushrooms treatment actually saved my life. 6 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.

[@JesseRobson-dk5cy]

They saved you from death bud, lets be honest here. and mushrooms are one of the most amazing things on this planet i wish people would all realize.

[@JaimeGlaze]

I've been looking to try shrooms for depression, just very difficult to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@SandraJulia-lw3kd]

Yes! Very sure of Dr.alishrooms. my first shrooms trip was really awesome.

[@FredaMartins]

Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.

[@FranciscaPargo]

How do i reach out to him? Is he on Instagram

[@weston.weston]

I appreciate this so much.

[@jakosko1]

This is so important to hear!

[@sumiedisplay]

I am currently feeling so many of the expressed feelings and I love you all. i’m so sorry you feel alone. I love you.

[@farooqidrees3759]

Thank you for your kind words. We are all in this together.

[@heathrunyon4036]

I knew since I was 10 years old that I’ll never find anyone. I’m 57 now and loneliness is my personality now. I don’t really try to meet new people.

[@emilyst.martin9005]

Now I'm sobbing. This was heart wrenching.

[@cathlinson7327]

Thanks for the video. I've also been there and done that. I also went through a deep level of loneliness several years ago when my close friends coupled up. Now, I embraced the loneliness and enjoyed my own company. I highly prioritized taking care of my physical and mental health by exercising regularly, eating balanced meals, participating in a community, working on my career and education, and so on. Guess what? Being alone is the best time to get to know who you are and nurture yourself. I hope this helps.

[@Arven8]

Good for you. That's the way you do it.

[@fatimazahrae8899]

This is a very western issue that's being spread all over the world, very heartbreaking. Eastern and south countries still value human relations and family, sometimes you wish they leave you alone for a while... 😅

[@OrganizationXIII]

Eastern and south countries like which ones? I’ll move there ! Tell me !

[@annikatan378]

Eastern & South countries still value human relations & family, but with high usage of phones and devices seen almost all across the tables in a restaurant, genuine connection is almost non-existent as long as there will always be small talks & concerns & individualistic hopes over reality in life. If you want to remain true to yourself, esp if you believe in Jesus Christ, then stand up for yourself with gentleness & respect to seek righteousness & peace.

[@thomastereszkiewicz2241]

i heard Japan has an epidemic of loneliness ?

[@Mabelliot]

thank you so so much for this

[@mp_1231]

30s: so cool to hear everyone share. thank you so much. I felt so isolated before this. ALSO YES CAN WE HAVE A 2 HOUR SPECIAL?

[@novakattila]

Loneliness feels weird to a lot of people because of the shame component: "Im different, Im not good enough, Im weird". Once you embrace it (the different part, not the not good enough part) and build your own life around the things you like to do (and you can absolutely chat people up, yeah its "weird" in your head, so what? You have to lower your social inhibition and make things work, not worrying about whats "normal"), you can absolutely build a meaningful and happy life. Your problem is not that you're alone, your problem is that being alone in society is considered "bad", like you're a "loser". You have to work on getting away from that thinking. Unless you're like a mega extrovert who absolutely needs to talk to people every day ever 8 hours you can absolutely make even loneliness work. And of course you can absolutely talk to people in your life who you probably dont talk to: your neighbor, your coworkers, even random strangers, the shop owner you go to etc. I see most people rather be a shut in than open up to random people a bit. Even though talking to somebody sometimes is very good for mental stability.