What to do if your inner voice is cruel | Ethan Kross

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Your inner voice isn't always very nice or helpful. When we turn our attention inward, we tend to focus on problems rather than solutions.
This causes us to worry, ruminate, and catastrophize, which traps us in a negative thought cycle.
The good news is that there is a science-based toolkit that can help you regain control of your inner voice.
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Read the video transcript ► bigthink.com/videos/mental-ch...
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About Ethan Kross:
Ethan Kross is one of the world’s leading experts on controlling the conscious mind. An award-winning professor and bestselling author in the University of Michigan’s top ranked Psychology Department and its Ross School of Business, he studies how the conversations people have with themselves impact their health, performance, decisions and relationships.
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[@bigthink]

Do you have any advice for managing chatter?

[@hemmatdahal]

more you try to shut it louder it gets.

[@krzysztofrudnicki5841]

You cannot shut it. The only way is to accept and acknowledge that it's is not true. Or erase language from your memory.

[@samuelsofa]

Alcohol and dissociation

[@smileyface5908]

It stops when i watch KZbin.

[@ChrisMALUKAI]

The more you read and/or watch elaborate videos like this, the better the communication with the inner voice becomes. Thinking is like a muscle it needs training to be efficient

[@lineh8846]

If I ever hear someone speaking to anybody like my inner voice speaks to me, I'll probably call the cops

[@lineh8846]

@@Outstanding_Gal Excellent question… I guess deep down I think i deserve it for not meeting expectations, also I’m the hardest to argue with because I know me so well!

[@goodsous]

@@lineh8846 If being hard on yourself was a good strategy, it would probably have worked by now.

[@Nerfunkal]

Gawd damn!?! I hope they chill out soon and y'all come to terms.

[@jimmytimmy3680]

@@goodsous It is not as easy as turning a switch on/off. It is very hard to control it and with time it becomes a habit and you do not see it as harmful, you normalize it.

[@irfanadamm5819]

Don’t know if this was meant to be funny, it sounds hilarious

[@realleftover]

"Treat yourself as you treat your best friends" really did the trick for me

[@MrPyromanic1]

I can't smash that like button hard enough for this

[@superduperman6535]

@@MrPyromanic1 but you can smash your best friend

[@KrecikBobasek]

i never had any friends since basic school and i finished university already x)

[@shaunharkin1928]

I don't treat my best friends very well these days. I'm too cowardly, lazy, and ashamed to interact with them. Is this the way I treat myself? Perhaps the quote should be "Treat yourself as well as you would ideally like to treat your best friends, all while appreciating the uniqueness of each life."

[@user-of5ow5uq3z]

That’s true, my best friend is far from perfect but I just see him as him, on the other hand i ruthlessly criticize myself

[@victoriahervas8542]

Here is an exercise I have been practicing lately and I find it extremely helpful: when my inner chatter gets so loud and harsh and it feels as thought this voice is abusing me and harassing me and it won't quiet down, I sit down and I write every single thing it's telling me, bluntly and explicitly. I end up with a list of horrible horrible things about myself like "you are a waste of oxygen". I then try to read it through new eyes, I try to imagine that I didn't just write it, but someone else handed it to me, I try to view it as objectively as possible and I begin writing a new, more optimistic list in response to it. Next to "you are disgusting and unlovable" I write "many people love me and appreciate me, and people have found me attractive, and I myself have felt attractive before." Think back to a time where you felt good about yourself, try to recall compliments you have received by someone you care about. And so on. Do it for every single negative sentence or thought you wrote on the first list. And when you are done with your second list, read it a couple times, let it sink in.

[@StudyLOL.]

W😮ah

[@wireless-earbuds-brain-tumor]

this was more than 6 minutes of video for 1 good tip that fits in one sentence

[@raphaellavictoria01]

Another possible strategy is to tell yourself, yes, here it goes again: like static interference, voices from the past. I used to fight it with immediate positive repetitions, but nowadays I'm tired.

[@Mithoskrasnej]

good luck on your path mate

[@giuliorizzo2825]

Thank you for sharing

[@hana-ok8ed]

What finally worked for me was "No one in this world will understand you but you, just as no one can care for you but you. The world is already eager to put you down, which is why it it important to have your back, because at the end of the day all you have is yourself." I spent my whole life in the service of others, always putting people who don't even think of me above myself. Why was I so kind and compassionate towards everyone but myself? I am the only constant thing in my life, and I must value myself because I am all that I have. Since then I've been more at peace with myself, needing less from others and paying more attention to myself.

[@josmclove4426]

Well said!👍🏾

[@shadowsruss9106]

You sound exactly like me - a natural caregiver for everyone except myself. I'll try and heed your advice and start to value myself.

[@ritabook7601]

I feel the same way. I've been in nursing for over 30 yrs and hate myself. I put everyone else before me and constantly talk down about myself. I wish I knew why.

[@helas01]

thank you for your comment, I needed to read this and weirdly I instantly felt better after thinking about it

[@emmacavalier]

I used to be mean to myself but i got sick of it. I had a revolt in my mind and i won! I started to stand up for myself against myself. I committed to being kind and loving to myself the best way i could and that started the foundation of truly living an extraordinary life. After a while, the voice disappeared. Anyone can do it and it takes no talent.

[@thunderthal7303]

Sometimes it feels like an endless rocky 4 match,but thank you for sharing! It gives me some needed hope.

[@evolvedmonke9939]

@@thunderthal7303 You will make it. Sometimes your mind needs to know, when it has to shut up. This you need to tell it, in order to learn.

[@alkasoli4002]

Thanks...I am just facing that...there are days where I feel just guilt and good for nothing thoughts

[@keeplearning4877]

Really it's true . Be your own best friend. Talk to Yourself as you will talk with your Best Friend

[@bazzfromthebackground3696]

I don't need an inner voice, I have plenty of people around me telling me how I'm "supposed to live."

[@amelialecapitaine6202]

From my experience in therapy, I learned that my inner critic was not actually my own voice. It was an accumulation of all the hurtful, negative comments that I was told growing up, especially from my parents and other family members. I internalised comments they made about my appearance, telling me I was weird or dumb when I had an undiagnosed anxiety disorder and depression, telling me I'm selfish when I tried to assert my boundaries or disagreed with their views or lashing out at me if I made a small mistake. Once I became aware of this, I was able to recognise that I was being too hard on myself sometimes. It is alright to make mistakes. It is alright to be different and have a mental health condition (if you've experienced trauma - this includes emotional abuse). It's ok to assert your boundaries and prioritise your wellbeing. I suggest thinking about the things your caregivers, teachers, etc., told you growing up. Maybe that voice your hearing isn't yours. And when you hear this voice, stop and think if you would talk to other people like that. If your friend failed an exam, would you insult them, criticise them or berate them?

[@Mecca188]

I can relate to all of this

[@NightSide1349]

@@Mecca188I also relate to what she said, I am my own worst critic. Every single day I try to be a better person.

[@cheribxo]

Thank you for sharing! ♥

[@Mecca188]

@@NightSide1349 never stop trying 💯

[@beauxbeaux2143]

You are Loved

[@Jennifer-bw7ku]

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

[@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@elizabethwilliams6651]

Yes, dr.andrew_james. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@patriaciasmith3499]

I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.

[@APOLLINAIREBARTHOLOMIEU]

Is he on instagram?

[@elizabethwilliams6651]

Yes he is. dr.andrew_james

[@larryp8232]

This one really hits hard. It's gotten to the point where I vocalize both negative self-talk and the dialogue with myself struggling to control it. I generally keep it under wraps but my wife and kids sometimes catch it and I try to play it off like it's nothing. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one struggling with this.

[@jameslove-vani797]

We share almost exact symptoms of chatter

[@Playstation19999]

Bro heaps of people are experiencing this. Stay hard 💪

[@joshua2764]

This! Like sometimes i just go "you're pathetic" or "disgusting" like wtf

[@larryp8232]

@@joshua2764 Same. Today I audibly dropped a "you f**king dumb*ss" over like literally nothing. My mind just wandered a little bit and for some reason the response was negative (?). Like I was somehow being reckless by daydreaming. Then I proceeded to tell myself to "stfu". So dumb. Thankfully I was the only one home. I've been trying to show myself a little more grace. it's been helping.

[@larryp8232]

@@Playstation19999 Ty, sir. I appreciate it. Likewise.

[@Leo-mr1qz]

I tell my daughters, "whatever you tell yourself, yourself believes." This quote will come up when they get frustrated with themselves, or something didn't go their way, and they call themselves "stupid," or "fat," or "ugly," etc.etc I've tried to train them since they were very young to try to say POSITIVE remarks to themselves. It is a struggle for us all! 🦋

[@_.aktion._]

Its great you try, it’ll leave a positive impact on them and then they will share that with their friends and maybe even their kids and so on.

[@Jeremyramone]

Very effective indeed, thanks for sharing that one, I always use "im the champion, I'm the best." It's a nice little reset if I'm a bit impatient, unfocused or frustrated etc.

[@excalibro8365]

I have to disagree. I think being honest with oneself and admitting one's flaws and shortcomings are very important, and can actually works to one's advantage. If you're actually stupid, or fat, or ugly, say it as it is. It's only after we realize that we lack something, then we can start to do something about it. The key is that you must believe that you can change and improve.

[@ryanmckenna3088]

I agree excallibro. Say it once and then forgive yourself, move on. Forgive yourself means you can still know it about yourself, but talk further with yourself on how to improve it.

[@Snowyw95]

Agree with excallibo. I think it is double-edge sword as you speak positive to yourself however it is kind of identifying that “stupid” or “fat” or “ugly” are unacceptable. They are actually okay as long as they are happy with it or if they don’t like it, they learn to improve to where exactly they want.

[@jimalbi]

My inner voice is a real bully, the worst and most relentless I've ever encountered. Imagine being brutalized your whole life by a bully that has access to each and everyone of your deepest shameful secrets and memories and not being able to shut it off. Imagine how broken you might become with the decades. And I cannot hate anyone for that but myself...

[@firenze5555]

Tell that voice to go away. You deserve to enjoy life. Don't be so hard on yourself!

[@peighnesshonourchign9164]

Sounds like my grandmother n mother

[@SA-Bean-Bean]

Aggh! I just wrote a comment and saw yours and how similar it is to mine! Its such bs right?!! I think we pick up other peoples negative thoughts since after all, thoughts are just energy, and somehow we get bombarded with these things!! Idk but it sucks

[@jimalbi]

@@firenze5555 I swear I try. Sometimes I trying to shout louder than these bully voices in my head, just to realize I've really screamed or sweared loudly enough so people around heard me. So I say I just hit my toe or something, but often I get this "Yeah, rigt" look in their face. That's embarassing, really.

[@jimalbi]

@@SA-Bean-Bean not sure if we pick up their thoughts, but we may pick what we think they would think of ourselves if they knew what's in our brain.

[@JulesVante]

Remember, somehow, that inner voice is still under your control. When the voice says something harmful or rude, then actively tell yourself something good instead, and debunk that previous thought. If you catch yourself thinking about other things, actively introduce a positive thought, and carry on. Engage in activities that naturally creates a positive narrative. Don’t let yourself drag into the dark. You got this, I have full confidence in you!

[@ys_8557]

thank you Jules!!

[@ShrimpCup]

Thank you. Needed this

[@mehdi2895]

Thank you need this my bro Vielen danke ♥️

[@gravity00x]

This is nonsense. What people need to know is that sometimes, there is a reason and a real validity to the negative voice in our heads. Because, who could hav guessed? Sometimes its actually true. So all this licensed youtube armchair psychiatrists talk of "dont listen to it" and "tell yourself something good instead" is absolutely NOT helping you, but rather setting you back, each and every time. You are basically closing your eyes to the reality of your life. Now granted, not everything your inner voice says is true and it is your job to be the sherlock holmes of your mind. Find out what has validity and what is utterly fabricated by the weird apperatus, called the brain... or maybe even implanted as a thought-seed by someone else. That is the only way. You can't just "close your eyes" to reality and pretend its not there. (Thats a toddlers way of dealing with real issues) Deep down, if you know something is true, it does NOT matter how many times you pretend it isn't. Your brain will always remind you. So get to the bottom of it, reason with yourself. Critically analyse your thoughts, to see if they reflect reality or are absolutely made up. So if there is any truth to the negative thoughts about yourself, you at least have a chance to correct or stop them in any way necessary.

[@JulesVante]

@@gravity00x Lovely how you preach that with such an awful tone and attitude. Not everyone is in the best place mentally speaking to go through an introspective process to get to the bottom of the problem. It takes time, and it takes energy that maybe some people don’t have yet. But if you wake up, and you’re telling yourself that it will be for the best if you die, but you actively tell yourself that at least for this day you’re going to shower and eat a little bit, that by itself it’s a huge step, and a better situation than before. You calling me “armchair psychiatrist” when I was just trying to spread some hope in the world, and when I’m actually a psychologist who is struggling to find a job cuz the job market sucks, it makes me feel like shit, and my mind automatically goes: “see? You’re nothing more than an idiot with a piece of paper that says otherwise, but you know that you’re bad at it”, I have to actively tell myself that I worked hard, studied hard and earned my place and my degree, and no troll or rude person on the internet will change the fact that my comment helped someone, and that I’m trying my best with my craft and with my own life. So yeah, the goal is to get to the bottom of those thoughts. But sometimes, like this exact moment, you have to shut up the voice in your head that is constantly feed by words like yours.

[@B1G_BLF]

Using rituals to manage chatter is a pretty accurate description of how OCD works. Doing things to avoid distress (such as feelings of loss of control) can often have reverse results in the long term because it prevents us from dealing with and managing that distress. The advice of routine and rituals may work for some, but I would say that it's not risk free and can lead to even greater problems. I suggest self-compassion, defusion or exposure (possibly through acceptance) rather than avoidance strategies for dealing with distress caused by chatter.

[@PoshPennies]

very excellent point

[@oliviaburton4935]

I was looking for this comment as this is the very first thing I thought of when he said rituals. I thought he might address OCD, but alas. As a sufferer OCD, chatter is a huge part of my life, but rituals are not the solution lol, unless the ritual is practicing mindfulness and exposure therapy. But I think it’s important others know if OCD is a factor in their lives beyond chatter

[@Nylak-Otter]

Absolutely agree. When I'm working with a fear-aggressive dog, I help build their self-confidence and their trust in me, and I expose them to increasingly triggering new stimuli in a way that they feel safe. I don't keep them inside and avoid people and new experiences while we're on training expeditions; then they could never go up for adoption and find a new home.

[@bonniebrown1566]

I was just about to type the same thing. This video alarmed me a little. As a lifetime sufferer of OCD, this video sounded like a great way to TRIGGER the condition in people! I think a HEALTHY ritual such as the order of doing things when you wake up (make up bed, stretch, drink lemon water, etc) can be helpful to ease stress. But nonsensical “rituals” like the tennis player’s pointless water bottle routine accomplish nothing! This is exactly what OCD rituals do. You perform a series of senseless actions that make you feel in control to ease your mind!

[@biohead66]

I have to agree. To me the strongest point was the acknowledgement that it is a mechanism that you can choose to ignore. Your suggestion of self compassion is one of the most important things to me.

[@StridersBored]

I’m glad to know I’m not alone. I have an evil self talk that’s been brutal to change. Over 10 years of intense, indescribable self loathing being dismantled and reshaped into a new, more positive, stable, and loving self image within almost a year now. To everyone going through a similar struggle, a relapse is just a part of the cycle of healing. Keep paddling your arms to stay afloat even when you feel like you’re at the end of your rope. It’s worth it when you can eventually live instead of survive

[@yattysaliman6101]

great words. thanks so much.

[@nicolezietlow]

perfectly said, thank you

[@fikriramadhan3151]

Sadly now im experiencing it for the past 3 months since i quit my job 😭

[@U4sweat]

thank you.

[@justanotherother]

A relapse…? It’s been like this for over 15 years of which the majority I’ve been in some form of therapy. Let me drown I’m over this BS.

[@af241]

I read that one of the ways to manage chatter is to think of yourself as a plant. Like your typical house plant. You give it water and sunlight and hope it grows and stays healthy. When you see dead leaves you don't blame the plant, you just trim it and move on. At the end of the day, all you really care about is if it's healthy or not. Treat your mind like it's a plant. Give it water and sunlight. Don't overthink and ascribe some greater meaning to it, just let it do its thing.

[@wintertontoday]

Love this, thank you 😍💚

[@mikatu]

what a bunch of crap. grow a pair and stop with the nonsense.

[@napoleonaquino3829]

.You're not having hallucinations or crazy. God did not create you to have inner voices / chatter or alter ego. You're actually hearing the voices of dead people, angels, demons etc. Modern medicine rejects the concept of a spirit world so when it encounters such phenomena it is perplexed. Well, if there is a God, then there are also angels, demons and other spirit entities. Since most people (about 90%) don't have a third eye/ear, they think people who can see/hear spirits are just crazy. Spirits communicate on a certain wavelength that ONLY you can hear/see, while others can't. The wavelenght you get to acess depends on your LEVEL of spirituality. If youre a good & decent person, you'll access MOSTLY angels and saints. And vice versa for bad people mostly demons. Sometimes the voices are your dead parents/friends trying to help you. Some times your third eye/ear opens after a traumatic event or near death experience... Spirits can also imitate peoples voices like those of your parents, friends even enemies. They can also create noises like screaming or crying people, footsteps, knocking on doors, police sirens, dog barks etc. Like people some spirits are good while some are bad. Some are bright, others are dumb. Most bad spirits want to isolate you by making people think you're crazy. There are also spirits who play tricks on you. The sooner you realize this the better you can cope with it. If a problem is spiritual, the solution is also SPIRITUAL. BTW this is NOT a substitute for not taking your meds. Take them if it helps. I've dealt with this problem for 25 years now.

[@anticlimactic2685]

Love this idea… I’ve just recently begun to take better care of my plants…. I will remember your suggestion. Thank you.

[@Bia-starlight]

Thank you for sharing this!

[@davidwilton4516]

Got out of rehab four days ago. Was shocked that majority of people there had negative self talk. Am blessed that my self talk had always been kind and supportive, realised I hear my mother's kind words in my head. Best legacy she left me is her kind and supportive nature. She died two years ago from COVID.

[@josmclove4426]

So sorry for your loss and all the best for you regarding all your future plans buddy!👍🏾🤎

[@XXallycat101XX]

No one has ever been as mean to me as I have been towards myself.

[@neptuneye]

same

[@aleksandra068]

Your parents probably were. We learn that from them. 😕

[@sonofgodalmighty]

Walking and visualising the oxygen from the trees flow into your nostrils as well as visualising exhaling negativity back at the trees so they can transform them into positive helps me a lot, it can also be a ritual.

[@kmc1994]

Thank you 🙏This is a fantastic idea and I will try this

[@wpridgen4853]

I used to do this all day while I climbed trees at work... Out with the bullshit, in with the good shit..

[@sonofgodalmighty]

@@wpridgen4853 Oh nice!

[@floweryunicorn8888]

Haha i probably shouldn't try that considering i suffer from ocd 🥴

[@thestonesstone2581]

Thanks- that's a great idea!!

[@HBDuran]

A few years ago, I gave up negative self-talk for Lent. It was seriously difficult. I still catch my thoughts being downright cruel. I wouldn't call someone fat or stupid, but I call myself that on a regular basis. My rule is to catch myself. If I wouldn't say that to someone else, I can't say it to me. Still working on this. Mindfulness is tough because I feel all the pain in my body and life in general. But it takes practice. Stick with it and be kind to yourself!

[@skippy7208]

Hi, you could try looking at The Open Focus Brain by Les Fehmi to help with pain ❤

[@dameanvil]

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:31 🗣️ Chatter is the negative aspect of our inner voice, leading to rumination and negativity instead of problem-solving. 02:39 🧠 The inner voice can help with focus, planning, self-control, and constructing narratives about our experiences. 03:49 ⚠️ Chatter can have severe physical health effects when it perpetuates stress responses, potentially leading to cardiovascular issues, chronic inflammation, and cancer. 04:18 🛠️ There's a science-based toolkit to regain control of your inner voice, including rituals to create a sense of order and control. 05:53 🎾 Tennis player Rafael Nadal uses rituals to manage the voices in his head during matches. It's an example of how unique combinations of tools can help manage chatter.

[@Rohit2403-ek4sg]

What an idea bro i will try it because iam feeling my self useless because my study performance has decreased from 2 years

[@melissachartres3219]

I have never before heard of chatter being specifically negative. Have you? I can't find any internet sources that confirm this and I'm starting to doubt it.

[@kittybluett8887]

@@melissachartres3219just bc you have never heard of it, it doesn’t make it so. There is plenty of info on negative self talk and I experience it most days bc I have a mother with all the traits of narcissistic personality disorder. People with this disorder are critical, complainers, abusive and much more negative attitudes. They make everything about them. This video is great and reminds me to stop with the negative self talk and focus on my good attributes and good things in my life.

[@TerrellB3donie]

When my inner thoughts get bad. I try imagine myself in the hospital in critical condition. It immediately makes me thankful for my healthy body and being able to walk, talk, see, smell, taste and breathe.

[@unknownbrazilian1734]

This is all I've been trying to do with myself

[@uks1478]

Sometimes, gratitude is the best medicine

[@alineabdelnur1766]

Gratitude is the mother of all virtues

[@jonahshriver3358]

This doesn't work for me because i genuinely don't care whether i live or die

[@williancontreras5656]

@@uks1478 amen

[@christone1989]

I read a really good book a long time ago called "You are not your brain". The book teaches that habits can become our enemy. Most people think of habits as smoking or alcohol but that is not the entire case. I suffered from agoraphobia and couldn't leave my house, I avoided situations that required me to leave the house. Because I trained myself into the habit of staying home, I got stuck in a dark world of being confined to my house. The only way I beat it was by confronting the thing I hated doing. I slowly stepped out of my comfort zone and doing my own cognitive behavioral therapy. I started a new healthy habit of leaving my house to the grocery store, and accepted my uncomfortable sensations until they gradually got better. Bad habits can train you to have bad solutions, reactions, or behaviors.

[@HOLLASOUNDS]

Staying in a place that is comfortable does not allow growth, only by pushing past comfort can allow growth and new challenges.

[@christone1989]

@@HOLLASOUNDS Easier said than done, as I always say.

[@HOLLASOUNDS]

@@christone1989 Yep I'm held back by some of My fears.

[@HOLLASOUNDS]

@@xl6984 Well if We get more spicific then a Peach or Cherry pip is rock hard like a rock however it's only when it's been frozen during winter that it will grow.

[@Elstrabaal]

Yea glad you overcame yours I’m at point we’re staying inside is far better than outside

[@gomey70]

Mindfulness has worked well for me. Being aware that you're thinking is the key, because most of the time we aren't aware and the thoughts can feel very real. But they are just thoughts, your mind throwing mud at the wall of your mind to see what sticks. When the thought comes, you can then choose what to do with it. If it's not a productive thought, I just let it go by focusing on something present or performing an action. It's important to train your awareness through a daily awareness meditation practice.

[@flanekplicha8685]

First of all. I'd like to thank youtube for putting this in my recommendations. My chatter has become so cruel over the last year to the point I wake up with tears in my eyes. Whener I try to silence it, it screams louder and louder at me. It's unbearable. I just need to find my 'morning ritual' in order to be occupied. I'll start with jumping rope. I always jump as a warm up at the gym but now I'm gonna do this in the early mornings. I feel it would work for me. Wish me luck.

[@muhammadzulqarnain6562]

A psychological hack i learned lately. To have a positive self talk we need to see the world in terms of cause and effect instead of the simplistic thinking of rewards and punishments. Since we are talking about controlling the thoughts cause and effect model will save us from blaming others when things go wrong. Lastly we need to practice gratefulness and self respect to start positive self talk.

[@SithCelia]

Agreed! Recognizing the cause and effect over rewards and punishments seems like an essential component in being accountable for one's actions.

[@kariannedanis8968]

@@SithCelia yeah you nailed it on the head ! It feels healthy

[@muhammadzulqarnain6562]

@@SithCelia that's profound.

[@noodle877]

Can you please further elaborate? Where can I read up more on this

[@muhammadzulqarnain6562]

@@noodle877 Dm me on twitter.

[@gustavotavars]

I learned to identify toxic chatter as "scenario". Scenarios are whatever polarizing imaginative stories chatter emulates ourselves into. Whenever I identify chatter to be building up a toxic scenario, I immediately interrupt it: "This is a scenario". It's a command, as soon as say it, the scenario completely shuts by ilegitimacy and I advance back to base psyche.

[@feelphila]

So called - pattern. To be clear, patterns (or as you call them - scenarios) are not only toxic, but could be positive too. Like the way to find the good sides in any case which happened

[@thatomochware1134]

kindly go into context im kinda going thru the same thing i just need to understand how you do it so that i can help me too

[@akshaygilda3647]

This is so relatable 💯🥺

[@gustavotavars]

​@@thatomochware1134 Hello! Well, it's all about recognizing when imagination is doing you a disservice and quitting. Roman philosopher Seneca said we suffer more in imagination than in reality, and that's the case here. Imagine you go to bed at night and your mind starts conjuring scenes of conflict, or dread, or loss, and it drains you but you feel compelled to "solve it" before moving on and being at peace with yourself again. By entertaining the scene, by feeding it, you signal to your brain you want more of that. Well, it doesn't have to be this way. You can quit with the assurance this is another daydream not worthy of your attention. "Aha! This is just another scenario". Then mind is blank again. Allow yourself to come back to the present moment, dive into your senses, or invest your attention on constructive thoughts instead. For example, when I'm about to sleep, instead of reviewing problems, I like to repeat the mantra "wealth, success, riches" until I'm off falling into the arms of Morpheus. Hope this helps!

[@seven7upndown241]

Demons influcence. I'm a christian and many times as spiritual warfare before i am fully awake im figting with my toughts in a made up situation where i do something wrong and o feel like fear and anger and it goes for 5-10 minutes it pushes in your head as much as it can and wake up with stiff and dull head like something compressing on the brain. Help in any situation is the name of Jesus Christ.

[@EagleOverTheSea]

The harsh parent voice in my head was picked up from one of my primary caregivers as a child who has an anxious type A personality. Once I recognised where that voice came from, I could reject it as foreign. It took a while to work off the effects of its long term residence in my head, but with time I learnt to accept that I deserved more kindness than I had allowed myself. There is still some residue left but I am a lot easier on myself now.

[@caravue7033]

Honestly, I never thought I would experience depression or anxiety. But I did. I still experience anxiety due to ruminating, but I feel better after watching this video and seeing a comment about “ treating yourself as your own best friend”

[@TinyMaths]

I bought a great book with the title 'What To Say When You Talk To Yourself' (author Shad Helmsletter). I thought the title was a bit cheesy and 'new-agey'. But I was in for a shock after I followed its suggestions which helped me to listen to how I talked to myself. I realized I was spending significant chunks of the day being incredibly cruel to myself. It's the kind of talk that would end friendships; it's essentially verbal and emotional abuse. I was really shocked at how nastily I talked to myself;. It's funny that I used to be critical of people who would be dismissive of my attempts at making changes in my life or pursuing some goal. But turns out I was the opposite of my biggest cheerleader; doing the exact things that I criticised other people for doing. I would hate someone else if they talked to me like that, doing all I could to avoid such a person; but I was putting up with it from my own mouth. Even now as I write this, the voice in my head nastily said " you hypocrite ", in response to the idea that I don't like others treating me this way, but accept it from the same voice; this thing runs deep.

[@oscarherrerar.3496]

I've been thinking about these thoughts like, who's talking is someone who really needs some help and understanding. So I talk to this voice and give it a mental hug. It is just me, so I need to be kind, never ignore it or fight against it. Listen. And wow, day by day it makes you growth

[@TinyMaths]

@@oscarherrerar.3496 Wow... thank you. That's a very interesting perspective. I will experiment with it.

[@Pellagrah]

@@oscarherrerar.3496 That's the hard part. If you try to fight the negative voice, it just gets bigger and louder because you're ultimately turning against part of yourself. Much harder to embrace the inner hatred, angst, and rage, but it'll take you much further than attempting to force the negativity away.

[@jackfrancis1235]

😊

[@ritarosa6824]

@@oscarherrerar.3496 that's exactly what I do now. Imagine the internal comment is "I suck, I don't deserve anything good, I won't even try". I just talk back kindly. "Of course you matter, look at all the great things you do, etc". It works for me. It is like a small child in need of a hug.

[@toasty64]

It's so reassuring to know that I'm not alone in experiencing this chatter

[@raggityanne9916]

Right! I wonder why I do this and why can't I stop. I had no idea other ppl were being mean to themselves too!

[@Hermiie]

@@raggityanne9916 meditation helps

[@raggityanne9916]

@@Hermiie thanks, I need to try that.

[@sithisdawnsend2730]

Man the last line he said really hit me like a brick and made me tear up. It's always nice hearing compassion from people who have dealt with the same things you deal with on a daily basis.

[@Chef_Alpo]

​@@raggityanne9916cleaning up the diet from chemical laden processed foods really helps, and eating clean sourced foods helps even more.

[@anonomyss]

My daily commute and getting ready for work was my ritual until COVID, then I entered into a depression because I worked from home and all I had were my own thoughts. I no longer had a meaningful ritual that made me feel like good about what I was doing. Before I was doing what I was supposed to do: go to work. Now, I have nothing, but it's good to know that creating another ritual may help me. Thank you.

[@arunimagupta2379]

much needed one.. came across it today whwn I needed it the most .. I am having a hard tie to accept my self my insecuritirs .. and it is in turn creating problems in my cloSe relationships ..people are getting hurt for my mindset and thinking ..I HAVE REALIZED THAT i need to actively work on it .. to change it for the better .. I know this won't be an easy journey .. But I PROMISE TO MYSELF THAT I WILL BE THERE FOR MYSELF .I WILL STAND FOR MYSELF . I WILL ACCEPT MYSELF EVEN IF I MAKE A MISTAKE AND I WILL TRY TO MAKE THINGS BETTER

[@perry4799]

I'm in my early thirties, and it wasn't until about last year that I finally realized how toxic my inner-voice was. I was raised by parents that were very hard on us and would make us feel like we were awful people all the time, and as an adult I applied the same principles to myself. We all make mistakes but there were certain mistakes that I would never let myself live down and I would berate myself to a place where I felt paralyzed and miserable because of it. Being "hard on yourself",verbally abusing yourself is just an unhealthy habit some of our brains have. I'm doing much better since I realized this but I truly wish I could've figured it out sooner. I wish I could sit down with my 15 year old self and let them know that you should do your best not to hurt other people, but when it happens the thing to do is LEARN from it, not mentally abuse yourself. The hurt that comes from that makes it far more likely that the hurt is going to find its way in to someone else's life and continue the cycle. And don't degrade yourself when you feel like less than other people. We're all on our own journey's and we all need to find our own way of traversing the terrain. Try to stay positive, and treat other's and yourself with kindness.

[@JerrysJets]

As I was reading the comments I was trying to understand why people were having negative inner thoughts towards themselves. I rarely have such negative thoughts, and when I do, it is usually short-lived and usually related to some kind of boneheaded thing I forgot to do or did. Your comment made me realize that people who these intense negative inner voices that are abusive seem more like the echos of verbal abuse in the past.

[@UnlimitlesslyFunnyDude]

@@JerrysJets because people we care about is so much emotional unintellectual people ..... we always are suffering our mental stability .... ! if they were unemotional intellectual people we also had an stable mind/past !

[@homosexualpanic]

Similar experience to you. As a kid my father often made me feel worthless and now my inner voice does the same thing and calls me the same names. It took an experience with MDMA to realise how awful I have been to myself over the years. It hasn't cured it, but was transformative in allowing me to understand how wonderful it felt to have love for yourself.

[@ManmayaMehta]

We all are the products of our social conditioning. Unfortunately, not many do realize that. Glad that you did and I hope it helps you go a long way.

[@jellysugar8873]

Thank you

[@ShikhaHaladker]

Writing down your inner chatter really helps to realize the negative thoughts. Chatter almost always has been something external that we internalized slowly. Realizing whose voice the chatter is, really helps us minimize it. For example, if you realize the chatter is something a friend once probably said and you didn't realize that you internalized it; you can just tell the voice - "hey mannn, relaxx don't be so meannn!"

[@AS-rk5zz]

I. Just started this . And pulling apart my thoughts rather than going over it or sticking a plaster on like a did for 25 years on antidepressant! I finally took myself off and feel alive but at 49 I have a life to unpack understand and learn from . For near 50 years I wished I was dead , now my view is shit Iv only got 50 years left if I’m lucky let’s get my ass in gear 😢😊😂🎉 yes I go through all these emotions ! But I allow them in now !

[@Elstrabaal]

Writing it does help But if the ppl that cause it or around you daily eventually writing won’t do much only thing I seen help is a relationship it keeps your mind away from the pain and stress

[@HelixJuice]

if I did this and someone found it I would probably go to jail

[@kanhaiya_yadav]

What..if someone find it💀💀

[@raphaellavictoria01]

I guess it does minimize it, but it doesn't get rid of it. In fact sometimes, it's almost a relief to just let it run, as if berating oneself was somehow making things better. I heard that a possible way of dealing with it is to tell yourself that it's just static, like static interference from the past.

[@user-rj5vb7ep7z]

This video is literally what is happening in my head. Thanks a ton! I lost almost my life since a year, this video will definitely help me. Thank you

[@imKahl]

I'm 20 & I've always been a negative thinker & anxious person, it sucks but this year I wanna try overcome this sh*t & learn to stop caring of what other people think so much

[@03Edgar]

this is the root cause of anxiety in many people. Glad to see that I am not the only out here that suffers from this daily.

[@garryfisher]

Whenever there is a problem I always tell my inner voice: let it go, don´t be negative, focus and think how to solve the problem. It works.

[@gracie99999]

hey at the end of day whatever works..i always appreciate people who take heather abnormal route and come out better

[@UnlimitlesslyFunnyDude]

i just go in no-caring mode ..... whenever problem arives so just need now to think how to solve it mode

[@Durrpadil]

The only video perfectly describing my anxious mind. Thank you!! 😌🙏

[@fuzzypanda1684]

Very well explained. I think that a persons inner voice, whether being positive and supportive, or being negative and nihilistic, comes down to the experiences, results and outcomes a person has had, as well as how they've been treated. For example, if your Father introduced you to sports, and taught you how to throw and catch, then when you're in P.E. class, you'll feel confident, probably play well, and everyone will like you and want you on their team. You'll feel wanted and liked, and that will build your confidence and motivation as you gain more friends and are seen in a good light. That confidence likely forms your personality. Later in life, you go after things with certainty and ambition, which likely yields a positive result. Your string of successes further fuels your self belief and motivation throughout your life, opening doors and yielding far more positive outcomes than negative. But, if your Father never introduced you to sports, never taught you to throw or catch, then your first time ever holding a ball is in front of your entire P.E. class. You probably do horribly, are laughed at, made fun of, and not only hate sports, but feel inadequate and unliked. Your display probably leads to bullying and torment from your classmates for many years to come, destroying any hope of developing any self confidence and making you want to isolate and be left alone. That negativity forms your personality. Later in life, you're hesitant to go after things, thinking you'll just fail and be mocked. When you do go after something, it's probably with hesitation and a lack of confidence, which likely yields a poor result, further reinforcing your belief that you fail at things and are better off hiding from the world. Life is a spiral, you either spiral up, or spiral down. Which way you go is determined by your results, which often times are out of your control. If you've made it this far, I thank you.

[@zanderfraser8234]

"you are not weaker for experiencing chatter" The chatter can perpetuate new problems, such as feeling as if you're worthless or weak. As someone coming out of a depression, that quote made me smile. It's good to know I'm just human.

[@yazmeliayzol624]

We are all perfectly imperfect...

[@battlebots1]

Fun fact: inner talk is literally talking to yourself, your muscles make micro-movements to mimic speaking. I'm sure it's covered in the full book but for those just watching.

[@rskye11]

This is so neat. Thank you for sharing.

[@atomnous]

exactly!

[@Pitajstaru]

that's the first fun fact, that is actually fun, i've seen maybe ever

[@Hismirah]

💜

[@justleon721]

Not-so-fun fact: This knowledge is being used to create computer programs capable of reading people's thoughts.

[@yolandaingram7378]

I have been trying to finish the book for quite some time. This was a helpful summary.

[@3rdnewjerseyregiment974]

THIS! I struggle with this every waking hour and it's really messing me up badly. My self-talk is really bad and so negative. Had a bad upbringing with toxic parents and a lot of trauma in my younger years and recently. I so badly want to be free from it and see my reality for what it is and not what my mind is making it.

[@colaspils]

I completely understand you, and what you're going through everyday it's getting harder for me to stay conscious, to control my thoughts as they're slowly absorbing my brain but! I'm sure that me, you and other people in the comments can help and heal ourselves! everything is gonna be just fine

[@traezin]

Chatter is thought, often impulsive and intrusive. Chatter is meant to offer extra dialogue, as-to reach a consensus within us. Problems that haven’t been solved will linger until your subconscious decides it’s time to solve them, via a dialogue with this chatter. I speak with myself as though the chatter is innately impulsive. There are impulses I feel that I genuinely coincide with, and others I have contempt for. Chatter reflects your introspective growth, so reflect and grow with it. The only pure way to speed run the ruminative ramblings of your chatter is to define your morals as well as your personal narrative; define what you live by and do so resolutely. Your chatter will question, ridicule, and pry, that is by design. You have to convince yourself of your self.

[@emmabrock3099]

Wow. Thank you for this!

[@maxsterling8203]

This is a really good comment

[@pcapusso]

I agree with you on this. I realized that the chatter in my head wasn't evil, it was scared of the things that it said, it was offering worst cases because it thought that they would become real. As I realized this, I started approaching it as a friend, trying to rationalize those worries to calm it down, and in doing that, I realized that that was helping me as a whole.

[@jericpaullim9845]

Chatter sounds exactly like Fear from Inside Out. Out of the five emotions, Fear is the most anxiety-ridden and pessimistic but he always only means well.

[@BBWahoo]

This is also used in DBT, which treats borderline personality disorder.

[@daydream1066]

I let mine out through writing... I struggle with thoughts that I will never be "good enough" and body image issues. Yet, when it becomes overwhelming poetry has truly helped me let them out of my head and turned something ugly into its own beauty. I also remind myself for looks that if I were mean to be xyz then I would be that person, but I am me and that is good enough. I also helps talking to a friend if you have one that you fell comfortable enough to talk to them. :)

[@amaliacybelle9400]

I struggle with the exact same thoughts mate. Hope you'll stay on the path of self resilience and heal from all that. I hope that for myself I hope it for you and all the people that struggle too. GOOD LUCK : )

[@thisisbetterthanmyprevious6674]

Definitely. I find physically venting out your frustrations to be a genuinely good way of leavening the pain of rumination. By physically I mean through journaling, writing, drawing, music-making, dancing, etc. I found a lot of the things I’ve heard people say about the ways they got rid of their rumination to be bogus, but I’ve actually had some success with methods like vent art. It enables you to release the feelings on paper and then be able to come back to those feelings again and reevaluate them from a different perspective. You learn a lot about yourself.

[@bibliophilebruh4337]

I definitely needed to watch this. Was struggling because of my inner voice for quite some time. This video made me realize a lot of things once again. The whole editing and narrating is really soothing that i actually teared up. Thank you so much!

[@calvinrivera49]

I'm doing a lot of crying too

[@Linkghirahim]

I think on a deeper level, it really is our desire for control that is f*cking us up. The "rituals" trick manages only the symptom of the chatter, not the cause of the chatter. Letting go of all control whatsoever seems to be the most powerful (and most difficult) thing for me. When control is let go of, there is an astounding release in mind and body and it feels absolutely great. Meditation helps a lot in getting into that state. Just sharing :)

[@algfourty9185]

Finally someone talking to my problems. After a stress management course and asking the right questions I was told that I have rumination issues. Nothing I've seen or tried has helped, but breaking it down as challenging my inner voice might be just what I needed to hear!

[@kariannecrysler640]

I tell myself stories. I also scold myself, encourage myself and outline actions, reactions, & possibilities. OCD was a tough thing to overcome, PTSD is a constant foe. It is more reflex than intention. Figure that one is with me for life, so I keep getting better at recovering when it hit’s me. Stay strong within and love yourself. The world is a beautiful place full of people who do horrific things, so just keep being better than that.

[@mikewietecha]

I also suffer from OCD, so I thought it was really interesting when he was talking about the positive use of rituals that athletes use for chatter as a good thing. I need to keep in mind that something that is poison to me can be medicine to someone else

[@kariannecrysler640]

@@mikewietecha I realized I was trying to control my environment to produce favorable outcomes. Then each time I failed I would recheck everything and look for a flaw to correct. But I was failing to accept that the unknowns were not the cause of my trying to control. It was my negative reactions to these failed situations that made it bad. So I started small. I would let the boot that fell over stay on its side. I assigned day’s to chores I used to do every day. I wouldn’t make my bed lol at least once a week. And when failure occurs, I give myself a half hour or less to freak out. Normally in a location I still keep control of (my bedroom currently). I cry, scream into a pillow, hug myself and rock, etc. Then I take the next half hour to breathe and focus on controlling my freaking out. So some things I still do. Laundry’s the same way every time, but I change detergents; dishes are a ritual still, but I blast music and sing at the top of my lung’s (they are also a trigger for the PTSD). I still keep my food from touching, but now if it does touch I force myself to eat it. It gets easier every time you go against your need to control. You get sick to your stomach less and less. Your panic becomes overcome more quickly. And when you do fail at getting it together and fall back into the OCD you stop as soon as you realize it and do the safe environment. So maybe not overcome, but readjusted to OCD you innermost self and your reaction. Maybe this can help you. Good luck 🍀

[@mikewietecha]

@@kariannecrysler640 thank you. I have gone through a few OCD treatment programs and they helped a lot. I would say I'm in recovery now and just trying my best to manage, but definitely some days are harder than others. Good luck to you too!

[@kariannecrysler640]

@@mikewietecha thanks! 💕 I need it lol

[@napoleonaquino3829]

.You're not having hallucinations or crazy. You're actually hearing the voices of dead people, angels, demons etc. Modern medicine which is only 300 years old, rejects the concept of a spirit world that the Bibles Old Testament, which is more than 3,000 years old preached. Well, if there is a God, then there are also angels, demons and other spirit entities. Since most people (about 90%) don't have a third eye/ear, they think people who can see/hear spirits are just crazy. Spirits communicate on a certain wavelength that ONLY you can hear/see, while others can't. The wavelenght you get to acess depends on your LEVEL of spirituality. If youre a good & decent person, you'll access mostly angels and saints. And vice versa for bad people - usually demons. Some times your third eye/ear opens after a traumatic event or near death experience. Spirits can also imitate peoples voices like those of your parents, friends even enemies. They can also create noises like screaming or crying people, footsteps, knocking on doors, police sirens, dog barks etc. Like people some spirits are good while some are bad. Some are bright, others are dumb. Most bad spirits want to isolate you by making people think you're crazy. There are also spirits who play tricks on you. The sooner you realize this the better you can cope with it. If a problem is spiritual, the solution is also SPIRITUAL. BTW this is NOT a substitute for not taking your meds. Take them if it helps. I've dealt with this problem for 25 years now.

[@marcoaureliodz7]

what a beaultiful video! Thank you Dr. Kross. I was moved by the video.

[@laure6623]

Thank you for assuring me that I was normal and okay. I feel like there is a very thin line now of insanity and life because of my chatter.

[@mr.cynical2201]

I struggle with overly negative self talk. I grind at myself and ridicule myself so that I promote different behavior. The cruelty of my inner voice is good at directing me away from things I shouldn't do. I keep myself from enjoying things too much. It helps me keep from being too addicted to euphoric experiences, and by extension drives me away from impulsive actions.

[@Georgia.J]

I am exactly the same with the very harsh cruel inner talk. I will be honest when distraction doesn't help, I take a small amount of tranquilizers.

[@wolfblood8324]

what helps you not to think so much?

[@wolfblood8324]

I'm sorry for my english, I'm italian

[@clutchmelon4587]

@@wolfblood8324 your previous question made perfect sense! I'm envious of people that can speak multiple languages to begin with!

[@creasedhorizon8931]

@@wolfblood8324 the best thing to do is stay busy. If you tend to think a lot, it's best to keep yourself busy working on something to direct your thoughts to that. That's why hobbies and projects to work on are important for our mental health

[@aricaice6447]

This just comes up in the right time! My chatter has been really intrusive lately (before I finally checked in with a therapist) because it's really affecting my life. Turns out, my chatter was a means for me to take a break, because according to my therapist, I've burned out. So I'm now taking more breaks, getting more exercise, doing meditation every night and finally, the chatter is just a really compassionate inner voice I've missed hearing in my head. Except I've reframed my inner voice to sound like Geralt (Henry Cavill), so it's amazing to hear him again 😂

[@HOLLASOUNDS]

What's the difference between inner voice and hearing voices?

[@TrangPham-ku5zi]

his voice is incredible, so soft so wonderful

[@Grace-nd7rd]

"I speak to myself worse than i speak with my enemies". Saw it somewhere where on the internet

[@mikebasil4832]

Having a cruel inner voice is a most relatable issue for me. Thank you, Ethan, for sharing your wisdom on how it can be properly dealt with.

[@dep7311]

Been experiencing those kinds of inner voices for a couple of months and not only did not affect me emotionally, my academics, my routines, my former discipline and determination, and my peace were all negatively affected. Depression is not the worse of it but overthinking is. I've been struggling on making a routine for myself as someone who has headaches when focusing for just a few minutes. I do not know what to do but KZbin has been so kind and recommending me this kinds of videos. This surely made my day.🙂

[@xinyilau7578]

This it's so relatable to my life right now

[@xWabbli]

I recommend the KZbin channel „Wu Wei Wisdom“ for this kind of problem. I used to beat myself up all the time and not knowing how to change it but watching the videos of Wu Wei Wisdom helped me so much!!

[@henrykashyap8913]

Just learn psychology and u ll gain the power to understand human that will keep your emotion almost zero like removing it completely then u ll feel boring when such thoughts come coz u know the causes...... At first it will be tough but once u adapt to it ,it is a boon ....

[@karthikpatelkar2217]

beautifully guided

[@ACEtheNME]

Thank you for this. This video is going to help many. It definitely helped me.

[@claytonangotti1784]

I think the hardest thing for me is moving on and forgiving myself from some of the terrible things Iv done, I know we can only forgive ourselves and just move on but easier said then done

[@linada8176]

Same! 😓 It's difficult!

[@ixxie999]

have you gone and made reconciliations with the people you've hurt? it can help

[@redpark9778]

Talking to yourself like you love yourself helps , you can't take back what you did but making yourself upset from something you can't change isn't going to make it better

[@xWabbli]

I recommend the KZbin channel „Wu Wei Wisdom“ for this kind of problem. Helped me a lot

[@ArchReverend]

I feel the seeds of chatter are planted in our childhood. People telling you that your dreams are unrealistic or stupid grow into thorn bushes that wrap around the mind and keep you from moving beyond its barbs. I know this because i once wanted to make music but my father shot that dream down and instead told me to learn a trade. I'm 35 now, i stopped making music, every idea or dream i have gets shot down by my inner voice and I'm stuck in a holding pattern of self doubt that's slowly rotting into regret. Its a struggle i have been dealing with my whole life and i wonder who could i have been if i was encouraged instead of discouraged. Chatter can be a good thing though, because realistically speaking the odds of me being a success as a musician are a million to one but i also understand that its not all about the success in the absolute, its about the journey getting there and if it brings you happiness to do what you love. Because of my chatter, i have become a careful, guarded, realistic person who takes as few chances as possible and it has made me into a cynical pessimist with nothing but a dark outlook on life and the future. Don't be like me, put that negative inner voice in its place and do what you love even if you make no money at it.

[@Numantino312]

understand guitar + your trade are not incompatible. your people skills alone will improve cos you are not dragging around toxic chatter your outer mood will lift as the inner one does. on evenings/weekends, you can truly enjoy yourself while other people watch netflix only cos they don't know what else to do in their lives. your trade itself will improve as music helps you connect dots that others just can't pick up on. similar to how many of the best computer programmers were/are... MUSICIANS! you have a cogniscent brain, a beating heart, and are only thirty five. don't talk or look at it as if your life is over. now get off yt, and go pick up that guitar. and if your stuck for something to play, i suggest Stranglehold by Ted Nugent or anything by the Mermen. your call on that.

[@Ricardo-qc8qg]

Dude it’s never to late. My situation is similar to yours. Ended up joining a trade as well. Luckily I reconnected with a friend who jump started my spiritual journey. Even tho he has helped me a lot i personally believe we hold all the answers within ourselves. It takes time. I feel I’m not fully there yet but I’ve been to places and met people I thought I would never have the courage to see and meet. Try not to categorize your thoughts into good or bad. I pray that you find something or someone that serves as a catalyst for what you need. Just remember it gets better.

[@HenryDube72]

Disapproval from a father holds a lot of weight, it impacts greatly whether negatively or positively.

[@xWabbli]

Its our inner child. I recommend the KZbin channel „Wu Wei Wisdom“ for this kind of problem. I used to beat myself up all the time and not knowing how to change it but watching the videos of Wu Wei Wisdom helped me so much!!

[@twocents7509]

I like how the last line is meant to counter the person who’s chatter might instantly be going to negative places with this information: “are you weaker? No, you’re human.” Well done 👏.

[@lazybaden8359]

thanks Doc.. my stiff neck is relieved 😭😭😭😭😭 am so grateful... ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@asmahaque8558]

I can't explain in words how life saving this video is for me. Thank you to everyone involved in bringing this to us

[@I_love_GOD1111]

Amen 🙏

[@icvpoetry973]

I went through severe anxiety two years ago and thank to God (lots o praying and meditation) and consistent daily habits I was able to become even better than I was before my severe anxiety started, I kinda cracked the code of myself on how I can maintain a peaceful mind and body. So I guess what doesn’t kill u makes u stronger. I also started analysing what could have led me to that point- and it’s the internal conversion I used to have with myself and the image I had of myself. Also it was the pandemic and I wasn’t getting good nutrition either. I read a lot about the human brain and what really was going on. But the main thing that I started to improve was my inner talk. I started to love myself and see the good in me. And I treat my irrational mean thoughts separate to my consciousness. I don’t identify myself with them or blame myself anymore. They’re just thoughts that come and go. I treat them well and let them go. But I focus much more on my positive thoughts and everyday I get much more positive thoughts. I also focus on work much more than I used to do. Not doing anything and just focusing on your bad internal thoughts is self destruction. Just get up and get busy. Now I know that I’m wonderful and beautiful and absolutely precious (so are you). Now I understand the human experience much more than I ever did. The more time goes by the more mature and understanding I am of the human experience. So, healing starts with trying to make your thoughts become positive. And treat everything as a blessing. I started to treat my anxiety and my downs as a blessing to learn more and become stronger. And now I’m living my best life ❤️ Still learning still improving , definitely better than I’ve ever been before 💕

[@MatadorShifter]

The exact same thing happened to me. Right now I think that if my anxiety crisis hadn't happened, I wouldn't be where I'm at now mentally. And it's a really good place. Somebody said the path to being enlightened leads through a dark tunnel full of anxiety and negative emotions

[@jaimevalencia6271]

I thought I was alone in this. I called it my darker self when I was younger and saw it as a different side of me. One day I sat down crying and begged my mind to find peace and I basically spoke to my self and I told myself it’s me I’ll merge my two half’s (light/dark) and that’s what I did mentally and since then I’ve been way better mentally

[@muhammadzain600]

Thanks! That was very helpful and the exact thing I needed in the moment.

[@Yamato-sama]

Recently moved out of my parents house. Its been a hell of a inner healing journey. I have started make a schedule or "ritual" for myself and it surely has helped. I am only 2 weeks in but I definitely feel more positive.

[@alexromo7003]

Talk to yourself from a place of love, as if you were talking to loved one

[@TheGoldenBoot-cz1do]

Easier said than done, how would you speak to a loved one if you knew everything about them, every mistake, every shortcoming? It's an interesting thought experiment

[@life_voyager]

@@TheGoldenBoot-cz1do theres one way already. acceptance.. first, accept yourselve, and even protect yourself from yourself.. protect yourself from everything that makes you bad. then, talk eachother seriously.. but in the way of love like as he said. you lack of loving yourself.. how can you got anything else except bad wishpers in your ears.. love yourself even better for this. be nice, be a flower :] be the love and share it with yourself. go buy some chocolates and accept yourself as you accept the life. for life, first you need to love yourself then slowly you are gonna like the life better. see and feel better

[@kettleblack908]

That’s the goal

[@kettleblack908]

That’s the goal

[@kettleblack908]

@@TheGoldenBoot-cz1do unfortunately 😢 that’s the struggle

[@miramira1374]

Thank you. It is really great

[@axeleldrianhadiwibowo2298]

thanks a lot for your last sentece “experiencing chatter is not a weaker, but its a human condition”. let me tell my story about this condition. i talked a lot with my inner voice, chatter is like my unreal bestfriend. i talked a lot about everything until it ruined my life. first, i used to simulate my self about how if my dream will come true. my inner voice always story telling me about my dream, until it take over my life. i can’t handle my chatter, my inner voice talked a lot but i can’t control it. i can’t focus, i always worried about somethin that never happen. its really ruined my life . i will do everything to control my self to handle my chatter issue

[@screamingXskittles]

It's long process, but once you begin to harness your inner voice and start treating yourself with love and compassion, real life begins.

[@Aquariusshorti]

Yea peace

[@melarie205]

it’s gotten to the point where i can’t be left alone for more than 5 minutes, my thoughts eat me alive. i’m so dependent on the company of other people

[@henrykashyap8913]

U r weak that's why

[@smd5980]

At least you're aware of it. Now you take the steps to heal from this!

[@SorryMyNameWasTaken]

When I was younger, I was really hard on myself. I studied hard, late into the night, and practiced my piano pieces until they were perfect. And I still told myself I had to be better. Since then, I have relaxed a lot more not trying so hard to be perfect and I don't beat myself up as much when I mess up or make a mistake. On one hand, I think the chatter of my inner voice when I was younger was so critical of myself because I strived for greatness and it was the only thing that pushed me to improve. Now, I am alot more OK with the idea of simply being ordinary and average and not doing anything worthy of the history books in my life time. Now you tell me, is that a better or worse inner voice? Which do you think is the better friend?

[@ECO016]

Not only contex but also speech and visuality are great. I reallly impressed

[@Galia.Solange]

“Taming your Gremlin” gave me lots of good pointers to reframe the negative self talk. Definitely the strategy of talking to myself like I would a best friend. Focusing on what you can actually do about any given thing helps reduce ruminating. It’s a matter of practice and it is so worth the effort.

[@justinl2009]

This video made me realize that my thoughts don't control me, I control them. I've made some blunders throughout my academic life that I stress over incredibly hard, afraid of the consequences that come from it. While those concerns are just, the problem arises when those consequences pass but the concerns persist. That feeling of "I've fucked up royally, I hate myself, I'm useless." that never goes away is incredibly damning.

[@peterjwdennis]

That was brilliant thanks Ethan.

[@saikatjoy1]

We got this! We are meant to shine by overcoming ourselves! These are here for a temporary phase just to humble us and let us know we should find our true calling and purpose and that is to be good, do good, for yourself and for others! Let the light shine over us and show us the road. We ain't giving up.

[@MauryExplorer_]

a few years ago I could tell that my inner voice was making me sad and compliant but then starting to read and practicing meditation. I can say that today I use my inner voice to encourage myself, elevate myself, reflect consciously and I realize very well if I am wandering in vain. meditation is the key to feeling good about yourself

[@ElSandwich777]

Personally I think mine is keeping me in check, which is helpful in many situations. Usually I deal with an unpleasant situation by talking over the worst that’s happening, and slowly working my way upwards to a positive situation. By the time I’ve rationalised it, I already feel better and the situation is mostly resolved. Sometimes I argue with it, or fight with it. But I never let it tell me anything negative because I just ignore that stuff and focus on the positives. Most of the time it will give me advice, or point me towards something I didn’t notice before. It’s almost like having a fifth sense in a way, even if it’s not always right. I value my inner thoughts because they keep me grounded in reality. Don’t let me fly too high, and can stop me from approaching something unrealistically. That being said, whenever I go to the bathroom it sounds like hundreds of voices talking at once and it just feels weird sometimes.

[@user-wr5gw8vr9d]

Keep it coming add it to the list thank you sir

[@peixeaquaticoquemoranaagua8370]

When I lost control of my inner voice I use to listen to music, it makes me feel more relaxed n dissociate me from my problems. I strongly recommend it :)

[@kevinwhite6176]

I found this video just now and I thought, "wow, this reminds me of this absolutely life-changing piece of advice I read about, where you can talk to yourself using your own name to help change your mental behavior and stop rumination and worry!" "Yes Kevin, because that's based on Ethan's research which you read about before." I'm not kidding when I say it's life-changing. It was an inflection point in my recent attempts to finally do something about 'being an anxious person'. See also: acceptance and commitment therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness practice.

[@jeffjgarrett269]

Thanks Kevin, I appreciate your post and the motivation and encouragement it's given me.

[@kaecilius..]

Well well..

[@user-ne9oj1tz8l]

Sounds great. I tried it and it's really different using your own Name while talking to Yourself. Really interesting, Thank You Friend.

[@liza9415]

Great advice thank you!

[@mansionoflostspiritsrecords]

"Remember that, what you believe is all that you get..." - Delta Mane

[@RB-yt6rx]

Thank you. Needed to hear this ❤

[@cemisgezeksakini406]

great video, thanks

[@winglessviper]

Istarted reading "you are what you think" by David Stoop. He talks about "self talk". Ethan, I couldn't agree with you more. I have been working on my "toxic" self talk and I can say, it has helped a lot. I decided to make a change about 5 yrs ago.

[@curcumin417]

How do you manage it?

[@morning5tarr]

leaving this comment to understand any new updates

[@unknownbrazilian1734]

@@curcumin417 I think that being in our body, feeling the sensations, and emotions, in other words, being present, I think this is the best way to be aware of what's going on within ourselves

[@xWabbli]

@@curcumin417 Its our inner child. I recommend the KZbin channel „Wu Wei Wisdom“ for this kind of problem. I used to beat myself up all the time and not knowing how to change it but watching the videos of Wu Wei Wisdom helped me so much!!

[@curcumin417]

@@xWabbli Thank you, will check it out!

[@elijahcampbell7815]

I was really depressed until I started going through the day with a routine (basically just a big ritual made from small rituals I think) and it really helped me. I also forgot a lot of things immediately after I say them to myself and end up telling myself "never mind it's not important" until I started doing routines (I think that was my brain kinda...well dying. Like I lost brain power or whatever). Also, if the routines are productive, as in you get something "done", you can rest afterwards, and then go to bed at like 6-7 pm and wind down and watch TikTok or KZbin or something, and it makes you satisfied with how you spent your day doing things you didn't want to do. You feel like a good person or a better person for doing something for yourself. Another important thing is to only listen to your logical mind and not your feelings. Acting on your feelings all the time would lead to a bad thing like depression. One of Newton's laws is that "an object in motion tends to stay in motion." and it really applies to using your brain. You'll stay doing productive things as long as you make yourself do those things, which requires a lot of discipline. If you don't want to do it but your mind (not your feelings) wants to do it, it's something to do. If you change your mind for seemingly no reason, it's probably because of your emotions. It's really hard to discipline yourself, but there's nothing to it but to do it. And when you do, you'll be happier. "Your mind must be STRONGER than your emotions.

[@atashakgem]

Truly loving yourself, caring for you is really important in maintaining health, for me it took me very long brutal years of hardship realize this is so important, I let others hurt me, I let them say anything they wanted say and do any wrong to me, all because I didn’t know how to deal with them, nobody told me I need love myself, guard me, protect me, care for me, and set strong boundaries. Self talk is another boundary, I should remind me I am loving wonderful lady, and I care so much about me and my health no more allowing hurting me

[@femboyNcumcum]

Thank you

[@stendaalcartography3436]

I used to have really, really bad negative self-talk. It stemmed from my childhood abuse and out of survival, I had adapted to my situation by taking on the blame. It was all my fault that I was abused. I deserved it, my mind to would me things like that. And I believe that voice for very long time until it led me to brink of death by suicide. It took me many, many years to even be cognizant of what I was doing, but eventually, I was able to forgive myself for being abused and I was able to have some sympathy for my past, younger self for being so helpless. It wasn't his fault. edit: by the way, as consequence of having negative chatter for so long, I've developed autoimmune disorder. It sucks. Take care of yourselves, everybody.

[@alicequayle4625]

One of my relatives has improved her autoimmune condition by using Irene Lyons approach to releasing trauma.

[@stendaalcartography3436]

@@alicequayle4625 Thanks Alice. I'll look it up. The person who helped me discover all this about me is this guy called Dr. Kanojia. He runs Twitch and YT channel called HealthyGamerGG. Some free, helpful resources.

[@gracie99999]

and also people really need to find out it they have mercury silver tooth fillings which are 52% mercury!!!!! i was losing my mind and couldn’t function and losing even that rapidly within two weeks after 25-30 having 12 of them.. the removal by s.m.a.r.t method literally saved my life so yea I’ve even asked different professionals including my father who was a dentist and standard reply was no connection and that it’s all ‘locked in’ no worries... okay so then wtf is it????’! thank goodness I didn’t listen to non of them and removed them and from day one felt much weight off shoulder..felt like body thanking me and it’s been past year or a little longer and I’m finally sorta regaining self slowly...still have a ways to go but grateful and try and share that’s all.

[@gracie99999]

@@stendaalcartography3436 it effects all systems negatively and so you could be having all sorts of issues they treating you for life without removing root cause mercury

[@duglife2230]

My inner monologue never shuts up until I go to sleep, and in some cases it does not allow that - at least not easily. It's got something to say about every single thing I look at, listen to, read, hear, etc. but the thing it is most negative about is the vessel that carries it around... I don't know if it was something I was told as a child, something I created myself, or if I really am what it tells me. But by God, I just wish I knew what it felt like to live in the moment for once and not create expectations (good or bad) for every single event in my life.

[@user-ne9oj1tz8l]

Find a Hobby you really Love, i promise, your thoughts and mind will be silent and you will be in the present Moment while doing it. Maybe it takes a while to find it but it's worth it. Maybe an Instrument, Art, any kind of Sport or maybe just Meditation. But whatever you do, get rid of your negative thoughts, they can destroy you when you get older. The Stoic Philosophy also helps me a lot. Good Luck man

[@arlogodfrey1508]

@@user-ne9oj1tz8l That really does work. But only for a short time.

[@chickenmuffin]

I have never experienced this “inner voice” I’m trying to understand it by watching these videos but am only getting more confused. Who, exactly, is saying these things to you? Does it feel like someone else?

[@duglife2230]

@@chickenmuffin It doesn't really feel like someone else, at least not for me anyway. Often, especially when being negative, it will refer to myself in the third person, so I suppose sometimes it could. It is not something I hear audibly either. It's more like thinking of the words or phrases, if that makes sense. Sometimes I feel like I have more control over what these words or phrases say, other times I do not. This does not mean a complete loss of reality, however. I guess the easiest way to explain it would be to compare it to making an impulse decision. Although in this case it is cognitively and not physically. It really is the simplest thing to me because it is how I process nearly every piece of information I gather throughout my life. At the same time, however, it is one of the most difficult things to explain - especially to somebody who may not experience it themselves. It has its pros and cons. A definite pro would be analyzing nearly every word before it leaves my mouth, therefore preventing saying things on an impulse that might hurt somebody's feelings or get me into trouble. On the other hand, this lack of spontaneity is not really ideal for building some relationships, and can also take you "out of the moment" quite frequently.

[@chickenmuffin]

@@duglife2230 This is totally bizarre it must be so annoying hearing descriptions about everything and being criticized by your own self. I mean in a way I say I experience negative emotions though. For example if I write a song, the idea of sharing it with people might give me a sense of anxiety. This anxiety has no words attached to it, though, which might be why it’s hard to nail down exactly why it makes me anxious. If I were at the edge of a cliff, nobody would be telling me “don’t jump” I would just know. It’s hard to explain.

[@rayaaan318]

superb helpful

[@RamonaFernandez-sm2nr]

My inner voice guide me to survive in this cruel and crazy world.

[@jomaira3736]

Vipassana meditation or music works for me. Also, disciplining the mind to think about things at a later time is vital. It’s hard work, but it helps me remain focused on what I am doing and whomever I a listening to.

[@princeamu]

Man I needed this so bad. I think a big part of the chatter is having other peoples thoughts in your internal speech or facing bad situations chronically, especially when majority of things don’t go your way. When you’re facing those things it can drown out your own original thoughts or ways to think constructively. What’s helps for me is breaking down those doubtful thoughts and other peoples speeches in my head. It won’t go away Immediately but with time and consistency it can definitely be deflated.

[@napoleonaquino3829]

.You're not having hallucinations or crazy. God did not create you to have inner voices / chatter or alter ego. You're actually hearing the voices of dead people, angels, demons etc. Modern medicine rejects the concept of a spirit world so when it encounters such phenomena it is perplexed. Well, if there is a God, then there are also angels, demons and other spirit entities. Since most people (about 90%) don't have a third eye/ear, they think people who can see/hear spirits are just crazy. Spirits communicate on a certain wavelength that ONLY you can hear/see, while others can't. The wavelenght you get to acess depends on your LEVEL of spirituality. If youre a good & decent person, you'll access MOSTLY angels and saints. And vice versa for bad people mostly demons. Sometimes the voices are your dead parents/friends trying to help you. Some times your third eye/ear opens after a traumatic event or near death experience. Spirits can also imitate peoples voices like those of your parents, friends even enemies. They can also create noises like screaming or crying people, footsteps, knocking on doors, police sirens, dog barks etc. Like people some spirits are good while some are bad. Some are bright, others are dumb. Most bad spirits want to isolate you by making people think you're crazy. There are also spirits who play tricks on you. The sooner you realize this the better you can cope with it. If a problem is spiritual, the solution is also SPIRITUAL. BTW this is NOT a substitute for not taking your meds. Take them if it helps. I've dealt with this problem for 25 years now.

[@Jjjjjjjj27]

I relate to you so much, it is exhausting always viewing yourself through how you imagine others to perceive you. I wish you all the strength you need to get through.

[@mentoriii3475]

I relate to this as well and have ruined my 20s

[@kyair1300]

explained this so well.

[@user-kf8jm1pu5v]

Wow! That's a short, but an excelent video! Thank you very much for share that!

[@alex_harold]

I feel like I experience a severity that is difficult to consciously manage. I have worked out crisis strategies with therapists but there is also a strong non-verbal 'inner-voice' that often wants to recreate physical sensations (or even trauma) completely separate from any language based description or motivation. The issue is further complicated when may people distort mental defences and find pleasure in suffering. There seems to be common and more healthy ways for managing certain aspects of these things for some people, but the point about strategies not being universally helpful is an important one.

[@armageddovig]

Our inner voice can be as scary thing, sometime to the point where it can convince us to hurt ourselves or others around us. Especially if you have internalized being mistreated by people in positions of authority and have low self-esteem as a result. By differentiating chatter from the inner voice, we can do ourselves a lovely favor and overcome the abusive relationship that we may have developed towards ourselves. It takes maturity indeed to listen to your inner voice in a cacophony of negative chatter.

[@davidcook680]

Mine is always telling me everyone hates me. It explains to me why each person would not like me. It is always telling me all my mistakes. It is stopping me from talking to people. God forbid somebody talk to me. It's like they want to say something bad. They don't like you. If somebody laughs it explains to me why they are laughing at me.

[@churrros5453]

@@davidcook680 that sounds really troublesome, have you tried journaling? Maybe after you write your false accusations of other people that your inner voice is telling you, you might feel better:)

[@davidcook680]

@@churrros5453 maybe I should try journaling or something. I know I shouldn't listen to this inner voice. The thing is sometimes it is comforting too. Like when I have been at my lowest points in life. It's like it changes to pull me out of the depths of darkness. I honestly think it just wants me around and to certain point. Where I feel solid and happy. Than a switch flips. It goes dark. Like I'm meant to be tortured this life. This started as a kid. I'm forty one now. I want to talk to people again. When I go to try. It is just so hard too. Im afraid I'll say something wrong or weird.

[@churrros5453]

@@davidcook680 yeaaa, something i learned the hard way is that you can't silent, or control your inner voice. I've read somewhere "It's better to Understand HOW you think, rather than Control WHAT you think" I've Been journaling(and therapy) for a while now and after a lot of sketches and diagrams of my scheme of thinking about different topics, i think i'm healing from toxic thoughts. I understood from which experiences they are coming from and it's easier:D Hope this helps! Keeping my thingers crossed for your healing Journey🤞🤞💯