Maryann - if you are a widow, please consider looking into our healing retreat for widows (www.griefandtraumahealing.com/widows-grief-retreat/) and/or find a counselor/coach/therapist who specializes in grief and loss. One way to get some help in the near future and process your loss is through the Grief Recovery Method - their website is (www.griefrecoverymethod.com/our-programs/support-groups)