Loneliness and Isolation: The Terrible Wound of Childhood PTSD

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***
For adults who were abused or neglected as children, one almost universal symptom is a grinding sense of loneliness. If you've been blaming yourself for difficulties feeling connected and sustaining relationships, you'll want to watch THIS.
***
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[@soniafaye9919]

The Daily Practice changed my mind- literally. It cleared a “path in my brain” for me to be calm in the moments that make me dysregulated. Thank you Anna, for the language you’ve taught me- I know you didn’t invent it, but you introduced me to the word for it: now when I get triggered, I can care for myself. LIFE HAS OPENED UP! My healing got that Huge Boost. YOU CAN CHANGE!!! ❤️❤️❤️

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

This is so inspiring to read! Thank you so much for sharing how the Daily Practice can work in our lives - and change them :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@stupidpol]

i tried to follow the link in the description but received "Access denied error code 1020 The site owner may have set restrictions". apparently, you have right to heal from trauma - unless you're from Russia ;)

[@CircumcisionIsChildAbuse]

CPTSD feels like there's a wound on your heart that requires love to heal, but the CPTSD makes you feel like you'll never get it. so it ends up feeling like you're slowly trudging through the desert.

[@lazoshi]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy looking for the link, for the 1st free course you mentioned in this video. Want to find link & go there. Not seeing it.

[@gracianatata8144]

ll

[@jessem138]

29 years old and, no matter how many people in my life genuinely love and care about me, I still always feel isolated from everyone.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I get it, thanks for being here. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@heathers7433]

You're not alone in this. ❤️

[@dsb1080]

Same here, at 24. I am trying to get myself used to the thought that it won't get any better and that I should be prepared to be alone for the rest of my life.

[@lemurialives9104]

@@dsb1080 31 and feel the same. Maybe it's healthy if I am comfortable with being on my own. The discomfort with it is causing me so much sadness. Maybe I need to learn to accept being alone.

[@MelissaMisinco]

I’m married and I’m alone a lot of the time. He’s military but when he’s home I still feel alone he likes being in his man cave after work. We have dinner together but that’s it. On the weekends we do more together. It doesn’t ever feel like enough closeness.

[@goldenmattew1]

This woman is doing a hell of a job in order to bring a grain of joy and reach out to all of us that suffered too much too consistently for too long . You are doing a great job

[@traceysimpson9397]

Anna is brilliant 👏 x

[@lunam33]

100.

[@Lavenderrose73]

For sure, I saw her video about how to not be emotionally reactive, and that has helped me put some things in perspective especially if I should (as praying for) cross paths with someone who was once very dear to me but did not by any means feel the same way!

[@greenthirteen5356]

Great words ❤️

[@kimberleyhollyman90]

💯💯💯💗

[@tomtbi]

You feel like you are fighting through your life all by yourself.....

[@lorrainem8234]

💯

[@chinmayz6000]

Still feels like everything is our fault

[@naturalhealingmexico]

Sometimes it is exhausting always keep on trying, I am afraid someday can't do it anymore😢

[@Shaolin91z]

Loneliness disappeared when I started going to Bible study class

[@reesedaniel5835]

@@Shaolin91z "The anointing you received from Him remains in you, and you don't need anyone to teach you. Instead, His anointing teaches you about all things and is true..: 1 John 2:27

[@DonaldHarrington-vl7zq]

I don't trust people

[@janethagen3385]

For most of my childhood/ adult life I would pick friends who were a mess, who “needed” my wisdom and guidance (aka. “Listen to me! “validate me!”) This always leads to me enabling that person and doing way too much for them, then feeling unappreciated. Happy to say I’m getting a good handle on this. At 62 I can easily say” No, I don’t want todo that.” Or, “That’s your responsibility and your decision, not mine.” It’s never too late to start experiencing freedom

[@trudibarraclough478]

Same! I'm 64 and this channel has over-ridden the fucked up blame and 'good manners' that is still being imposed on me by my 71yr sister. She took over when my mother died, after being no help at all in mums old age

[@Lavenderrose73]

I've always been easily taken advantage of, too, it really helps to have a couple best friends who are not at all like that!

[@JAEJourneyAroundEurope]

Thank you for this....

[@echase416]

Author and social worker professor Brene Brown says that some of the ‘most compassionate’ people she has met in her research, also have the healthiest boundaries.

[@calonstanni]

HA! I'm 61 and I feel and do the same. Recently, I've managed to change a bit. I'm finally able to set boundaries and set some higher standards for myself.

[@sahtification]

I'm ashamed of being so difficult and I'm tired to being myself

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Small steps :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@JohnDoe-vy5hh]

Fuck. Me too.

[@sasha-meikadinnal1718]

I can relate but we will overcome

[@loristrachan8633]

You have the power within to change your thought patterns. It takes time, but very liberating to learn how to "Pattern Interrupt" and be in the moment.

[@andressag1475]

Same

[@blacksmithe1]

I was totally alone during my whole childhood. Ignored and unwanted. My parents didn’t realize how alone and how suicidal I was. I have always cared about others and I always put others before me. I counsel others and ignore my own emotional needs.

[@IamStreber]

I didn’t know I had emotional need because I thought my feelings didn’t count.

[@lynnglass575]

I am the same was my narcissist mothers slave brain washed to people please the loneliness of childhood still there as never being loved or accepted by my parents has been tough. People don’t understand me as I have struggled to understand myself, hearing your story helps me to understand better that I’m not alone in my feelings it lightens the load. Blessings to you

[@NattyByNature-]

I’ve found more comfort, love and support in the KZbin comments section than in real life.

[@lynnglass575]

Same here that’s the only place I can connect to people who have had a life like me thank you to you for being on this website. We have more in common than family members bless you too

[@nettiemarie2556]

That is great and sad at the same time. I hear you 💯. Hugs and love sent 🙏💜🫂

[@QueenBee-gp1jr]

The loneliness is killing me.. It never goes away, ever.

[@Shaolin91z]

Peace in Christ surpasses all understanding.

[@Shaolin91z]

No lonliness since I started going to Bible study class

[@ambam90]

Me too.

[@commieprohibition5429]

I hear you, same here

[@edwardevans7219]

RECEIVE JESUS AND HE WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU, I KNOW FOR I HAVE NO ONE TO CALL IF I AM EVER IN TROUBLE BUT MY GOD IS ALWAYS THERE !!!!!!!!!

[@Jill_SmokeandMirrors]

I'm 46 and have been alone almost my whole life. Have lived alone for 18yrs. Last relationship ended in yr 2000 and people I call 'friends' are people I have coffee with a couple of times a yr if that. Lockdown was pretty much solitary confinement. Now my dog is dying. Noticed I'm ageing really quickly - looking forward to early onset diseases (knackered telomeres etc.) At least then it will all stop. Started therapy last wk. Was amazing just to have a human to talk to for 50mins.

[@vidamariaixchel4962]

Same here. I’m 68, no family or friends, and for me it’s too late to heal. You don’t make any new friends at this stage in life, Anna can tell whatever she wants…. it’s NOT realistic! ☝🏻 ( The journaling though is super to stay centered )

[@Jill_SmokeandMirrors]

@@vidamariaixchel4962 I'm sorry to hear it Vida.

[@katiekane5247]

So sorry Jill, my last old kitty had to be euthanized a few weeks ago & I'm not doing real well either. Finally found a therapist my Medicare will pay. Sometimes I just don't have energy to interact with others & my body is failing. Just riding it out atm.

[@Jill_SmokeandMirrors]

@@katiekane5247 God, existing is so hard isn't it? Glad you have a therapist too! Sorry to hear about your lovely cat.

[@1ghostchick]

I know the feeling. I turned 60 last month. It was a lonely weekend. Someone promised lunch that Sunday. Then never called. Last 10 years I've been just me and my spirit guides.

[@cloverkitkat6917]

I never realized that my loneliness was a side effect of emotional neglect in childhood. I am 42 and can be surrounded by people and feel isolated and alone . All my life. It’s gotten better but I fear it will never go away completely. My faith in God helps with this, I know I’m never alone.

[@fridajohansson8479]

I can feel more alone among people I have a partner and child but withdraw from others I can feel more whole myself isolated than with others who take all my energy

[@mmommo-hx4dx]

same

[@pattym6129]

God's supernatural Word heals. ( Reading.& hearing it for myself, letting it drench me.) There is more behind this whole ordeal than can meet the carnsl eye; open eyes in the Spitit.

[@laraluna9365]

Same. My faith helps me so much.

[@cloverkitkat6917]

I agree 100%

[@thebrownshroom3488]

This shit is so hard… I just don’t even know if I have the energy, strength, or capacity to do this. I have spent so long just surviving and auto piloting thru life I just don’t even have the fight anymore…

[@ramblingRJ]

I had an abusive narcissist for a mother, and suffered many lonely decades as a result. I did finally get married in my 50s, but I missed the red flags, and she was a narcissist, too. She eventually left me, and even though I cried at the time, it was probably the best thing she ever did for me. Now I am learning to be OK alone.

[@johngallagher72]

Same ...that is my one fear right now about diving into something ill regret. In my early 40s I dated this one lady who all she did was yell at me all summer. I thought to myself at the time if all you're gonna do is yell at me while we're dating ...we never even slept together...what is it gonna be like if we were serious.

[@lunam33]

Raised by narcissists... its one hell of a life because it goes deep into your subconscious and starts so early you don't have the skills much less the capacity to counter any of it until later on. Breaks any trust you have in anyone or anything, which has its benefits but ultimately self destructive and hard to manage. Even the slightest assault.

[@johngallagher72]

@@lunam33 🙏❤🙏

[@Lavenderrose73]

@@melw3313 sounds like what my father had to deal with growing up, but I remember one day him telling me that he would always remember how he felt and would not pass it on to any of his children, and while he did some (other) inexcusable things, ignoring or criticizing me was never one of them!

[@corinnechams7187]

Same here...

[@Raymo64106]

I started doing drugs since my teenage. Got addicted to fentanyl for over 6 years. Fentanyl addiction actually destroyed my life. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my mom recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 2 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.

[@DarlingtonFrancis]

Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.

[@SandraJulia-lw3kd]

I've been looking to try shrooms for depression, just very difficult to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!

[@SharonFalcon-fj7nb]

YES very sure of Dr.alishrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.

[@nicholda436]

Ive done shrooms last month in my house. It taught me how severely traumatized I was from alcohol. I healed from many mental traumas from my past and was able to forgive, let go. Shrooms to me is a remedy not a vice. I even felt more refreshed the morning after. So no hangovers. No depression mood for days. No anxiety.I now have a more calm mind

[@FredaMartins]

How do I reach out to him? Is he on Instagram

[@sarahjaneross2918]

It turns out after a lifetime of abusive relationships that living alone wirh wonderful companion animals is my key to happiness, peace and harmony ❤

[@shayaeido8405]

Omg literally same, I live with my baby cat and that’s how I like it!

[@andziagreen4922]

I hear you. My kitty went missing last year but I was the happiest only with her, no humans. After abuse, rejections, betrayal and discard I think there is nothing to make me start liking especially men. I do crave closeness, intimacy but I'm not able to trust anyone with my heart anymore.

[@lillyrocks82]

Cats and my dogs during all my life have been my real family.

[@user-xe3ml4bt8i]

The scar I carry from my childhood abuse is still affecting me in my 50s. I'm trying to connect but I just feel so alone surrounded by people. My hearts broken and vulnerable. This pain is excruciating.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We understand as few others can. Anna has a course on learning to create more connected relationship, here's a link if you're interested: bit.ly/CCF_Connection -Calista@TeamFairy

[@CatalinaFOIA]

I connect with the poster; this post. I could've written it myself. 😢 The pain doesn't go away, I carry the trauma with me. One thing in life that I can say is I'm a great mom. At least I can say that. Thank goodness I'm great at something. Could I do better, sure. I am nothing like my parents, thank goodness. I do carry trauma though and it's showing in my relationship with my life partner ( 18 yrs) and I feel sad, lonely, lost. He's fairly quiet, he has some trauma yet nothing like mine... or my siblings. 😢 We will keep prevailing I'm sure. Although I love being a mom due to numerous painful diseases of the spine... I'll be happy when this is over. Sadly. It's been a painful life. 💔

[@music_adda8487]

❤

[@JamminJ-xe2bd]

Welcome to the club, I totally relate to this. I think the older you get, without ever really dealing with what happened in your childhood, the harder it gets to ignore it. When I was younger, I spent so much of my time and energy trying to present a picture of being ok. But inside I was not ok, and as you get older, and your adrenal glands can’t shoulder the stress and trauma of life on top of your childhood neglect issues. Now in my 50s I’m just realizing that I can’t run from my past anymore I need to heal this, but am overwhelmed where to start.

[@mareebrocklehurst9370]

I'll be glad when life is over too

[@karenvonbargen4472]

My childhood has caused me to trust literally nobody and spend most of my time by myself. Am I lonely? Occasionally, perhaps, but I learned how to invent and inhabit a rich world in my head that alleviates a lot of that. If it gets really bad I’ll go out but then I’m reminded why I like to be at home: I’m more in control of my circumstances at home by myself than anywhere else I could be!

[@fanniehalton2506]

Hi Karen. Please do not self isolate.

[@elizabethpeters8904]

Karen, I hear you. Being alone and being lonely are not the same thing - people conflate the two.

[@friedose4099]

" If it gets really bad I’ll go out but then I’m reminded why I like to be at home" 💯

[@Shaolin91z]

Peace in Christ surpasses all understanding. Thanks Lord for your peace

[@akc1739]

This sounds like me as well. I’ve decided it doesn’t have to be a problem. It really is a blessing to be so “ok” with having a lot of time with yourself. Not many people want it or could handle it. When I get antsy for other’s interaction, I tend to meditate or just talk to my Maker. That’s the most important relationship, as I see it. At 58, I may have a lot of time left or just a little. But either way, I know who I’ll be talking to and who will be with me as I leave this Earth.

[@Martin-di9pp]

"Now you may say it's too hard"... I'm more in the "I stopped caring years ago" stage.

[@richardscathouse]

🎯

[@lilafeldman8630]

"not being able to sustain a loving, healthy relationship is a devastating loss " yes, it is. Very well said. It is something to be mourned, like a death.

[@sarah.j.777]

The reason I'm alone as a result of childhood trauma is that I'm done with the bullshit. Be disrespectful or abusive to me, be an alcoholic, be dishonest, unfaithful, reckless, careless, backstabbing etc and you can get the hell away from me, which doesn't leave many people. My solitude is a much better place to be than with any of that.

[@bushmanphotos]

People are crap why on earth would I want to connect with any of them? Seriously lady... why??? I have a dog and I'm happy. People make me unhappy. Being alone is not the same as being lonely. I was abused as far back as I can remember but there is no way at all that somehow translates into "life would be better if I pretended that people make me happy"

[@richardscathouse]

Eighteen cats, all abandoned by humans! 😢

[@ReneCapone510]

Some people, just some are beautiful bright lights.

[@mellaanne1]

I have never managed it. I stayed single and alone. I couldn’t stay long term in relationships as I didn’t trust anyone. It’s so hard. I feel cheated

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It's a new day :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@AndrewFosterSheff69]

Only 1 person can fix this... Jesus Christ. You just have to ask 🙏

[@JRB09990]

I’m really struggling with this lately…but let’s be honest, I’ve been struggling with this since I was a kid 😔

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We understand that! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@katiekane5247]

Sometimes, the grief comes on out of the blue. I've spent so much of my life trying to help others & just maintaining myself, I never had the time or mind space to adequately grieve.

[@JRB09990]

@@katiekane5247 totally, I feel you! 💕 it’s a lifetime practice of attempting to find peace in the present moment

[@Shaolin91z]

Peace in Christ surpasses all understanding. Loneliness disappeared when I started going to Bible study class

[@Brannonk85]

At 36, I have just now been able to develop genuine friendships, and have healed enough that I no longer “try” to make people like me. I am comfortable enough to just be myself, and find that I now have friends who appreciate me for who I am. Crazy idea, huh?

[@smileyface702]

Amazing. Goals@

[@marleyofficialmedia]

Yayyyy ❤

[@spikygreen]

Thank you for posting. It gives me hope too.

[@stephanyhalo592]

Some people don’t find this until much later. I found coda shy of turning 30. Just turned 37 a few days ago and grateful that every year has gotten better. Now I can enjoy the rest of my life with awareness, self love and ease! And so can you!🙂

[@lilafeldman8630]

I'm 34, good to know I'm not behind.

[@peace-yv4qd]

Grew up in 40's 50's and early 60's. Suffered every kind of abuse a child can suffer. Physical, sexual and emotional. I'm currently part of a lawsuit against a Catholic diocese for abuse from a priest when I was eleven years old. Regardless what positive things happen to you there are things you carry throughout your whole life. I live alone with few human interactions. However I feel fortunate to have a home, steady income and medical care. Life is still a gift despite its sadness.

[@dancingram79]

I am just so exhausted to connect. Every time I feel I'm regaining my energy I fall into the people-pleasing pattern and then I get resentful and just want to avoid all contact. I'm just so tired.

[@GratefulDeb270]

I relate. I’m dysfunctional trying to create friendships. Sigh

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad you're here, it can get better :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@dezyriquez5764]

I struggle with this but also other humans that I encounter don’t want a connections they take Inventory of what u have; if they have nothing material or tangible to get from you......people don’t want love and connections they want money or what u can do for them so then I revert back to not trusting others because of childhood traumas!! It’s hard out here!!!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It's hard but there is help and support :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@ajbotte1003]

Talking about it seems cathartic until you realize people either don’t care, don’t understand or don’t believe you...and that’s worse than not being able to tell people

[@ixizn]

It’s been a little over a year since I learned about CPTSD and I’ve come a long way, but the isolation is still so bad. I never talk to anyone in real life except my parents a few times a week. I try to think about how much I’m doing nowadays compared to even a year ago, and that I have my pets to keep me company, but then just seeing the title and summary of this video made me want to cry. I wish it was easier to find friends and new connections as an adult. Loneliness is so heartbreaking, sometimes I still wonder if I will ever experience having loving relationships in my life and a community to belong to.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We have a community at CCF :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Followmybliss777]

I have to stick to my hobbies and career, it gives me some community

[@Lavenderrose73]

I've never heard of cptsd until a few weeks ago or something, when I saw another video here. Sounds like a lot of us suffered from that and never knew what it was. Years of abuse we had no way of getting out of!

[@Lavenderrose73]

@@Followmybliss777 I totally get that, I thrive on fellowship and community events and festivities! And I absolutely love holidays!

[@astaraoneill9166]

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy /Cara, how can we learn more and get connected? Does it cost money to connect with community members? (Underearner here).

[@theseer656]

I'm a 29 year old man... I was born premature and was stunted due to a pituitary tumor and ended up only about 5'3-5'4. Relationships and love have been difficult for me and I have always been an outcast in society, and because of that I sank deeper and deeper into seclusion outside of work. I felt like there was nothing out there for me... but videos like these lately are beginning to give me a ray of hope, because I feel like people are beginning to understand mental health better now. Back in my day there was not as many resources. I hope our collective knowledge continues to expand.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you so much for sharing. I'm happy to hear the video was helpful, we're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@jayriedmuller7187]

OLD GRANDMA HERE LOVES YOU! SO PROUD THAT YOU KEEP GOING AS BEST YOU CAN. WILL PRAY for YOU!

[@zzausel]

if you want to experience truth you have to be disabled. but you may try to participate in the normal life of lyers. it depends on what seems to be better for them and you.

[@theseer656]

@@jayriedmuller7187 ❤️

[@trudyfox938]

Danny de Vito and Peter Dinklage channelled their energy into acting, married and have children. Find your purpose. It’s out there waiting for you.

[@tomtbi]

I still struggle with relationships after 51 years of life...

[@bambismomkelly7423]

I can relate so much to the comments here. It makes me feel less alone. My mother abandoned me for a cult in India when I was 8 years old...so I ended up living with my autistic father who went into rages, who could not keep a job. My stepmother resented having to be the only breadwinner of the house. She was a manipulative narcissist. I always had trouble figuring out relationships and was always attracted to the wrong person. I suffered from terrible low self esteem. Now in my later 50s I can tell you that the older we get, the harder it can be to make strong connections with others. People spend their days chasing after the almighty dollar, earning a living , materialism. Especially in the west, people are becoming more and more isolated.

[@johngallagher72]

🙏❤🙏...hope you are able to find the peace , love and joy we all look for.

[@lilafeldman8630]

Yes, we are more isolated. I'm so sorry about your mom running after a cult.

[@lilafeldman8630]

We are very disconnected.

[@Shaolin91z]

Peace in Christ surpasses all understanding

[@krishnagondhea7428]

I totally relate to this. Your father sounds like my father and soon to be ex husband. And yes the older you get it does become harder to make connections especially people who vibrate at the same level as you.

[@erickborling1302]

The fact of childhood neglect is incredibly difficult for the victim to recognize. The adult child may live their whole lives thinking their parents were just fine.

[@enough1494]

Here I am 65, looking forward to being alone, as I have been most fo my life. I am a widow who raised four kids alone. I still, have not ket another man in my life. My girlfriends are both dead, so is mother. Yes, isolation has been my way of life. I am afraid of all. Especially after the storms Irma and Maria, I lost all the was physical in my life, home and small business. So, I am back in the USA, close to two of my kids…but they are busy with kids, careers, spouses…etc I just don’t leave the house. This year I started a p/t jib in a garden center…it has help build my trust of others! Blessings to all, these are very hard times!

[@evolutionary-transformation]

I read your comment and wanted to send you a note to let you know that you are not alone. Please stay strong, you ARE enough 🫂🙏

[@biba350]

Absolutely heartbreaking can't make friends my relationships are so on and off I end up picking controlling hurtful relationship

[@lizlawrence6182]

It gets better!

[@boomer1279]

Yep! Me too. I had a few friends from time to time but mostly I was too depressed to do much of anything. Still struggling today. I can’t trust anyone.

[@isabellavalencia8026]

Keep watching these videos they help...big hugs

[@toyahbetheglory2140]

Instead of "can't", please try this on instead... "I haven't learned how to make friends well, I've spent a lot of effort, mostly wasted, in the wrong relationships. It might be difficult, but I want to learn and to find people who support my learning process better than the folks I've tried with in the past." I am trying again to make a few friends, and it is a messy learning process. So I am trying to take my own advice here right now. Keep heart and keep on going, I believe in you fellow traveler 💛 we can learn and unlearn as we go.

[@ada5141]

Yes, I can relate to this 100%. Missing red flags, compounded by just being a "weird" person, makes it feel near impossible to develop anything beyond a healthy relationship, romantic or platonic

[@bridgettetraveler658]

I try to make friends with ppl, but they seem to only call me when money is involved! They're selling something or a birthday luncheon! It's hard to make real friends in this pandemic! I have a big heart, but I get tired of ppl just wanting me to give!!!

[@mysticpizza02]

Wow! isn’t that the truth! selling something or an invite to a party that involves you parting with your money!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Ugh, that is SUCH a drag! I've found a lot of community in 12 step groups :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@IntrospectiveHousewife]

I don't think they mean to take your money for birthday parties. It's the easiest way to get people involved. They generally have to spend money on takeout or catering, especially if the party is large or luxurious. Party hosts often lose money or certainly don't make up the difference with gifts. Honestly, most people invited don't go, and some that do reserve also don't show up last minute. It's actually harsh to experience all of that. It happened to my son at his 2nd birthday. We bought him enough gifts. We just wanted him to have others to play with and we wanted relatives to talk to. You'd be surprised by how many people only do birthday parties with the nuclear family or with less than a dozen people in total because others aren't interested, for whatever reason.

[@yvonnebertrand3731]

Now that I am out of a lifetime of abusive relationships I am the happiest I've ever been. Lonely, not anymore. I was far lonelier in relationships. Now I skip to my own beat, eat, buy and spend my time on what I want. Internal locus of control. Whatever remaining years I have will be focused on my own joy and peace. The odds of meeting people with a non traumatized and healthy life are seemingly quite low and I can't imagine inviting any chaos into my peaceful existence, not at 61. Travel, casual conversation, online courses will fill any voids.

[@dotsyjmaher]

SO true....no more room for any abuse... casual conversations are easy for me...I have been trying to get back in school and I did not even consider that would be social enough...

[@LadyNightsong]

Thank you for sharing! Even with so-called friends, I always feel on the outside. Many times I am the one who invests more time and energy into the friendship. Yet when I need someone to talk to, calls go answered. I've learned to rely on myself but it still hurts to realize I am always on the sidelines of friendship.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Understood! It takes some work and this free course is a great start bit.ly/38JfzK1 -Cara@TeamFairy

[@friedose4099]

Same here.

[@lucialuciferion6720]

Totally understand, the same for me. One sided 'friendships' with me putting in all the effort. At least now that I'm in my 50s I've come to accept I'm 100% alone in life. Like one of my 'friends' in the past has said to me when I was struggling and venting to her ' we are all born alone and die alone' . I was in my early 20s my parents had left the country for good, I was struggling with mental health issues and off course eternally single, that statement did not help!

[@janec1489]

Yes, I get this. I have a couple of friends who constantly have people calling them and wanting to meet up with them - so much so that they can barely cope with it all and are overstretched. Just highlights how empty my life feels......

[@joannab4967]

This is exactly what I have. All my life I could not understand why other people can be in the healthy relationship but not me. I have tried to get out of it but it’s not easy and can’t succeed fully to date.

[@MikeNewland]

I was a builder for 30 years working mostly in other people's homes. Most of what appears like 'healthy relationships' to be envied are not when you see them from the inside. The grass is not so green on the other side as it looks.

[@joannab4967]

@@MikeNewland yep. Its a common thing.

[@cathywestholt5324]

I sure am lonely. All through grade school I did not really get to develop friendships in the neighborhood. Mom didn't like kids playing outside running around....yet she did not welcome kids to come into our house to play. I only had my sister. I had a few friends in high school. She loosened up a little then. I was never allowed to get really close and connected on any deep level beyond just a group from our drama club. I knew I had to go away to go to college. I did. I have a few friends around the country from there, but not very close ones. I still have a hard time making any real friends. I can't say that I have a best friend. My only person was my younger sister. I was very protective of Nancy. She had some mental disabilities. After our parents were both gone I even became her legal guardian. Nancy was my sister, my best friend, my purpose. We lived together all but 11 of her 63 years. She died in January, 2020. I am totally alone now....except for the two cats.

[@krissbrown3241]

I am so sorry Cathy. I am so sorry you feel so alone. I hope you can find some peace and comfort and a sense of belonging in this community!❤️

[@Shaolin91z]

Peace in Christ surpasses all understanding. Bible study class replaced loneliness with PEACE 🤟

[@skathwoelya2935]

Don't underestimate the cats. They don't just give a lot but have needs of their own too.

[@ambermpetersen]

I wish I could be your friend, Cathy. You sound so lovely. ❤️

[@LizzyAnn_Comedy]

I’m so isolated. I cannot keep people around. Except my kids, and poor them 😞

[@ericarenee120]

I'm 22 and I feel like I'm still 14 and taking long drives with my mom to hide from my dad because he was always angry, like I'm stuck in that emotional state. I'm an only child but i found my chosen family and am working on healing. I always thought I was the only one too, the lonely kid. Thanks:)

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Appreciate you sharing. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@your-name-here.]

Yes! Start healing now so you can enjoy life ❤

[@Jayyspeakz522]

I feel you 😎 it’s hard when you are the only sane one from the bunch of them. They then will manipulate you into thinking your the problem. That’s how my dad is… and I cut him off. I reached a point in life that I need to be happy and leave those men/women in his family alone 😒

[@redwoods7370]

People are just too exhausting. It’s drama 24/7. At 67 I value my peace. Sad but true.

[@OG-ge8nu]

I think there is nothing wrong with having peace on your own. On the contrary havin peace without needing anybody is the best thing you can get

[@richardscathouse]

Exactly

[@princonsuella_]

I'm only now, at 42 years old and after I completely destroyed myself, understanding how the abuse I suffered is turning my life into a living hell. I was bullied at home, bullied at school, considered to be the ugliest person to ever grace Earth, fat, etc. I can't even do a youtube video because I can't handle the stress of people calling out the way I look. I don't leave my house, I only want to be on the computer, by myself, reading, etc. I wish I knew these things before my life went to complete hell. Now, all I can do is fight to survive and pay my rent.

[@catlady8052]

This came on a day where I'm struggling so much with loneliness 😔

[@mariebrown5681]

Yes, same here.

[@j.r.andrew]

The feeling of alienation, not feeling good enough, exclusion and fear is very real. The loneliness I felt as a child was also helped by writing. Get fixed and then meet people, I can relate. My last to-do on my healing journey is to reach out and connect to others. Thank you for this channel.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Lavenderrose73]

I was emotionally and physically abused by one parent (who was probably careful not to leave any marks) and sexually abused by the other parent, but I think it helped to get away and join the Air Force (encouraged by my father and _then_ domineering and also abusive) stepmother because I was happier there my first two years in the Air Force than I was my first 20 years of life put together! Thankfully, God had blessed me with very good superiors who showed me what true leadership was. Even when I screwed up and got called out on it, there was plenty of grace and room for improvement, and no shame like I was raised with. While things Are decent between myself and my parents now, and that former stepmother is way out of the picture, I still have my struggles but I also have a circle of friends that is hard to find. Never underestimate the healing potential of caring people... and a loving dog!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you for sharing! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@user-ff8vo1se8v]

I NEED a pup😢

[@ImaCountryGirl]

I am invisible, at least that's how I have always thought of myself. I have no memory of my childhood. I asked my mother once about how I was as a child. She said she remembered that I was obstinate. I had hoped for more than that but was crushed by her answer so I didn't ask her again. I was raised in a normal family. Middle of 5 kids. Grew up on a farm, so money was always tight, but I never lacked for anything. They all seem normal to me except my youngest sister is (fill in the blank). You name a mental disorder and she's probably been diagnosed with it. My dad farmed and my mom was always busy taking care of us. I don't believe I was neglected. I will be 72 in a few weeks. I have felt alone all my life. But I'm not lonely. I enjoy my own company and sort of resent the thought of having someone over. I can amuse myself. I love to read but a year or so ago, I gave up reading. It doesn't bring me pleasure like it once did. Now I like stories on KZbin, history, true crime, any topic that peaks my interest and music. I don't remember when it happened but maybe I've always been this way, I am a strong, opinionated, self confident woman who has never been bothered with makeup and hair stuff or much cared what anybody said. I wasn't bullied, and seemed to be a cute kid that everybody seemed to like. My best friend and I went through school together and that's what she remembers about me. It was almost like I was born grown up and can remember from about high school on. We each were busy with family and grew apart but re-connected a few years ago. Now I feel guilty, I haven't called her in months. I think about calling her and there never seems to be enough time. I do remember now that I was molested by a close friend of the family. I had blocked that memory until I saw him when he and his wife visited my grandmother. I've had years and years of weekly therapy, great doctors and fabulous nurses, as well as peer to peer support groups. All of this came about after I thought about suicide and instead checked myself into, don't know what to call it except a ward for people going through crisis. My son is what saved me because I just couldn't do that to him, no one would ever love him like I did/do. Therapy also supported me as I ended my 25 year marriage, took my 13 year old son and left. Things have always worked out for me, no matter the problem, there was always a solution. Somehow I always felt on the outside looking in on other's lives. I have a support system of my son and nieces and 1 nephew and all of their kids. I know they are there if I need anything and I have always been there for them. My oldest sister died over 2 years ago, hit me like a ton of bricks. My 2 sisters and my brother have disowned me because I got a divorce 14 years ago, a difference of religion. I miss my brother most of all, I can't allow myself to think about him, so I find something else to fill my thoughts. Now I don't know whether to post my novel on here or not. I'm glad this came up on my feed and have read several posts and feel like I have CPTSD. I really don't worry about dying alone since we die alone anyway. I have thought after my divorce I would hopefully meet someone to share life and grow old together. But it never happened. I haven't dated in like 14 years. Life is what it is. I have felt really sad as I read others posts. I have a lot of empathy and compassion and on a good many, I could feel your pain as if it were my own. I would just like to give everybody a big hug, pull up a chair and listen to you tell your life story or whatever you wanted to tell me. That is my gift and super power. To listen to others as they pour out their hearts to me. It is draining on me but I have set boundaries to protect myself from absorbing other's pain. Mostly. I will tell you up front that I will cry. How can people hurt others and abuse them? None of us deserved that and it does not define us because none of it, NONE was our fault.

[@tonyajackson1076]

Have you ever found a resource or cure for you loss of your childhood memory? It seems my consistent memory is from about 14 on, but what I think of memory before that I believe is just stories my siblings tell, or the pictures I see. How can I surface those trapped years so I can hold some memories, good or bad. I’m sure there is much bad or I wouldn’t of blocked them. But I’ve got to deal with those first to be on a complete healing path. I’m sure I won’t get a response from my post, I’ve asked many others for guidance with no response. I’ve commented on many help webinars etc., with no response. That tells me when they tell you to leave comments they want to see that they really don’t read them. But I won’t quit trying. I pray you have any kind of suggestions for me. Thanks

[@ImaCountryGirl]

@@tonyajackson1076 I had one therapist tell me that it must have been something traumatic and that I would probably be better off not knowing. My conclusion is that my subconscious is protecting me and that when I am able to remember it, it will come. I made my peace with that explanation. I figure it must have been a severe fall or maybe something one of my siblings did to me when I was young. My mother was hyper-vigilant so I don't believe it was deliberate, whatever it was. I would think if ever that part of my memory came back, it would be a huge setback to my mental health, so I'm afraid about what might come up. I am so glad to hear that I'm not alone! Like you, I've heard all the little tales about events and sometimes they almost feel real. Then I look at myself at maybe 4 or 5 and I don't feel anything about what that child's life was like. I don't know what your story is and what you suspect may have happened to you but it seems very important to you so you must have some suspicion about what it may be. Or what you are scared that it could signify. I comfort myself with the thought that mine may have been a brain injury due to an accident, the kind that children and toddlers always have. Are there issues in particular that you are dealing with that are holding you back? And do you know the root cause of those? One of the most healing things that I experienced was in one on one therapy. I brought in a picture of myself when I was 5 and my grandmother took me on a long bus trip and my cousin dressed me up and curled my hair and I thought I looked precious. I took that picture and looked into those eyes and kept looking, staring into those eyes. The next thing I knew my therapist had her arm around me and said I sobbed for 15 solid minutes. She said this was a breakthrough for me and a good thing. I didn't understand it at the time but I finally accepted that the precious child was inside me and that it was my responsibility to love her and take care of her and to forgive her. And this is where my molestation came in. I blamed myself for not telling my dad and mom what happened to me and my younger sister. I carried that crushing guilt until I realized it was not my fault and that I did the very best that I could do under those circumstances. It was easy to love myself, forgive myself and comfort myself when I thought of myself as that precious child in the picture, though a few years older. I made a deep connection with my inner child and I am gentle on myself, don't talk negatively to myself. I look in my mirror, right into my eyes and tell myself out loud "I love you and I accept you completely, just as you are". I had practiced doing that every time I was in front of a mirror at home. The brain believes what it hears and over time, I realized I believed what I said and that I am enough just as I am. Not fix this or that. But just as I am. Period.

[@Shaolin91z]

Peace in Christ surpasses all understanding. Thanks Lord for your peace

[@Tibbs736]

I grew up with a severely aspergic / autistic father. He had frequent meltdowns, refused to get help for himself or get a job, and could not connect emotionally. It was a very lonely and traumatising experience for me and my brother (we are both neurotypical).

[@winxclubstellamusa]

Someone on the autism spectrum can still try to show that they care and that they don’t ENJOY hurting people. Your father sounds like a narcissist who is also autistic, my father is like that.

[@Tibbs736]

@@winxclubstellamusa The problem is the young child can't tell the difference, whether their parent is a narcissist or autistic. I think the Autistic parent/ neurotypical child dynamic is like the idea of the unstoppable force vs the immovable object. I understand it's extremely difficult for the parent but ultimately they chose to have children, the parent must adapt to the needs of their child, otherwise they are neglecting them.

[@Phantomopery5]

I know my father is autistic but I started to suspect my mother too even though she has MUCH better social skills and just general functioning. There’s a reason they got together and I suspect they connect in some way like that.

[@Lets_talk_about_that]

I suspect my father is also autistic and I have felt and still feel greatly abandoned by him to the point I had to cut him off along with my narcissistic mother. For a long time I thought my dad isnt that bad, he never hit me (apart from smacking me but I was also like, 14 when he finally stopped that) but now I am 37 and I have realized his idea of a relationship just makes me feel continually overlooked and I am realizing just how impactful it has been for me and how damaging and its difficult because they don't appear outright like "bad" parents - it's like a more insidious kind of abuse.

[@rick3747]

What a b.s post. I am Autistic. I am a father and I work from home. If your claims were real you would have contacted neighbors, school, cps..... You simply posted with axe to grind on Autistics.

[@oldrusty6527]

I spent an unusual amount of time by myself as a child. I had a lot of opportunity to explore woods and creeks and abandoned factories with my dogs, so that was good. But I got shortchanged on human contact. I was an only child raised by a single mother. She was good and loving, but she had her own challenges, was often away, and nobody really taught me about life growing up. I felt lonely a lot. Being weird was my identity, and that lasted into adulthood, until I figured out I wasn't a cute kid anymore and that eccentricity no longer scored me points. After that I withdrew my exhibitionism to a great degree, tried to just fit in with the crowd. I am not really sure I have an authentic personality, just masks I have worn in the past. I try to do good by the people in my life. Inside, though, I feel unreal, unmoved, even when I am with them. It is hard to connect deeply. I used to write poetry. I was good at it. I got some high praise, but at the same time people seemed alarmed by the dissonance and venom in my writing. I felt like what I created intrigued but unsettled people and caused them to hold me at arms' length. (Maybe that was just my own projection.) I stopped writing, but I am still nagged by a wish to express the ineffable sense that has followed me since childhood and to commune with someone who has a similar feeling. Maybe that is vanity. Maybe I am looking for something too specific.

[@KaseyPier-hs8ku]

I was alone an unusual amount growing up as a child too, raised by a single mother with career addiction. I was in so many different schools sometime a 3 a year... no family no friends and nobody to anything with. I was diagnosed with depression at age 10 and at that time all I did was stare at walls, floors ceilings thinking about death.

[@asheekitty9488]

@@KaseyPier-hs8ku It's a shame that some of us just end up like this. I used to just stare too. Sometimes things happen to us when we are really young and we never get to process it. I never had any psych help but first experienced wanting to kms at 8y.o. Wherever you are right now, I hope you are feeling better. I hope that you learn to love and care for yourself and focus on whatever little things that make you happy. Cooking? Crafts? Paint? Find something if you don't have something. Stay strong. You are great

[@Shaolin91z]

Bible study class replaced loneliness with PEACE. Thanks Lord for your peace. Peace in Christ surpasses all understanding

[@KaseyPier-hs8ku]

@asheekitty9488 I found around age 15-16 that blood only makes us related. I moved with some h.a. bikers and learned about trust respect and loyalty. I did great on. My own from 15- 23 worked and never had trouble with drugs or law. One relationship the whole time too. Then I had a child and lost him. In a bad way. Found meth and did that for 8 years got locked up for 2. Since I've been out for over a year now I found my happiness in landscaping ( job). And in the mountains and rivers of missoula montana. I'm clean and sober and go to n.a. meetings almost every night. I crystal mine and wire wrap jewelry and am a member with the hellgate gem and mineral society. All this is good but I still can't connect... I feel very alone 😔. I try in relationships and I try to make friends but nothing pans out long term. Everybody likes me at first you know, from all the meeting new people growing up. But I lack connection and social skills. It sucks so bad like a curse. But I love to work and I love to be outdoors exploring. That keeps me alive.

[@reesedaniel5835]

@@Shaolin91z Bible study "class" can be good unless you are in a class with even one Jezebel spirit. This is the risk you take. I prefer to study God's Word with the Holy Spirit only. Too much of a gamble otherwise as the world is full of tares now. They outnumber the wheat drastically.

[@lovedbeyond6422]

i can't tell the difference between my disregulation or if i'm actually being treated badly. Its really hard and I can't keep a relationship. even though I pour a lot into it, i feel like they do not.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It's almost impossible to tell the difference with a hamster wheel (CPTSD) brain - try using Daily Practice bit.ly/38JfzK1 -Cara@TeamFairy

[@luc1d356]

I found it often goes hand in hand , when you are disregulated people are more prone to treat you badly. It's like they feel it.

[@larsstougaard7097]

I havd felt clearly when Im dysregulated, people get triggered and treat me badly , even my therapist. It can be a vicious circle and feels very unfair and cruel. Where is the love and compassion, seems like you only got yourself to get out of it and of cause inspirational videos like here.

[@Chahlie]

Several years ago I was incredibly lonely. I almost think it's what happens before you become enlightened /have a nervous breakdown. There is hope. The most incredible thing is that as we shed all that abuse we age in reverse. I look younger now at 58 than I did at 18. Back then I had so much weight on my shoulders, my life full of worry, stress, fear and blame. Many years of narcissistic partners just dragged it on. I have no fear now- no one can hurt me. I am learning to make friends and when I run into regular people I knew 40 years ago they are just blown away by the change. Things WILL get better people, you need to put in a lot of work, but we are so lucky that great help is available for FREE. We can stamp out this curse within the next couple of generations!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Yes we can! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@Shaolin91z]

Thanks Lord for your peace Thanks Lord for Bible study class. Loneliness disappeared when I started going to Bible study class

[@reesedaniel5835]

The Bible attests to the "reverse aging" in Psalm Chptr 103

[@stevenbennett5327]

@@reesedaniel5835 what does it say I don't have a bible

[@natashasingha0078]

Your story is inspirational !!

[@catherineferguson8452]

This is my story. So glad I found this. I’m 63 alone lonely isolated. I called it attachment disorder but this is my story. Thank you! I will work on this!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I'm so glad you're here! You got this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

[@paullucero837]

I feel the same way. A people pleaser, low self-esteem, I can't get out of the house. I'm married to a person who is the complete opposite. We clash all the time.

[@caiusKeys]

That whole narcissistic parent dynamic is so insidious--thank you for your much needed insights!

[@Accountdeactivated_1986]

Me and my 4 siblings are all a mess. And my Mom thinks we should all just “get over it” as it was all “in the past.” And she’s right. All of the stuff that happened when she was neglectful and said negative things to us all of the time, that was all decades ago. But ongoing issues we all continue to have will never stop making us suffer. Also she never “got over” the abuse she suffered as a child, which she never failed to bring up whenever anyone of us tried to talk to her about any of our problems. This multi generational trauma will continue of my siblings and I don’t figure out how to keep on ruminating on our trauma, though. “Get over it” isn’t the thing. But I’m trying to figure out what is. Watching your channel is so far helping more than therapy, medication, self help books, empowerment workshops, and various other things I’ve tried.

[@Accountdeactivated_1986]

@user-yh9gc9yv5w Not at all. Or do you not know how being alive works?

[@whatsreal7506]

It truly is interesting how one can live an isolated existence with all these people around. People in general want nothing to do with others unless there's something to be gained immediately. There's nothing to live for anymore

[@redroversk]

and the "normal" people who get all their needs met and have no empathy for others laugh at your shortcomings that are out of your control because they've never had to compromise anything ever and they act like life is juuuust wonderful while the people around them live horrible lives and die horrible deaths

[@kerrylorey5606]

I used to think there was nothing to live for anymore...felt so alone and isolated. My breakthrough was in finding Jesus. He is ALWAYS with me and will never forsake me. The Bible says...THe Lord your God is WITH you; He is mighty to save. He takes great delight in YOU and quiets you with HIS love, He rejoices over YOU with singing. I found the love and acceptance and forgiveness I was looking for when I came into a personal relationship with Jesus. He loves you too and gives you a reason to live. Blessings on your journey...Jesus is the answer!

[@todddanforth8853]

​@@kerrylorey5606 I have believed in Jesus all my life but rarely feel Him close like you do. In what ways do you feel His closeness?

[@kerrylorey5606]

@@todddanforth8853 I feel close to Jesus when I listen to worship songs and visualise His Presence in my life. I feel close to Jesus as I read through the Bible and find verses that seem to be there just for me at a needed moment. I feel close to Jesus when I don't know what to do and I cry out to Him and feel His peace as He comforts and guides me. I would say He is like my closest companion...l call him my Beloved as He is my everything. But the main thing is that sometimes I don't FEEL His closeness and that is when we walk by faith and not by sight and watch Him draw near to us. Try reading through the Psalms...one a day and ask Him to speak to you. Blessings on a wonderful journey of knowing the One who loves you so much, He died for you. That's true sacrificial love!

[@lenamarty6783]

thank you for this. i'm 30 years old, and only now i started to realize why all of my relationships with people were a complete disaster. i would push away anyone who wanted to know more about me. when something went wrong, i would cut all ties with people who were important for me. i thought it was normal for me to always be alone. it was so painful. it is so painful now. i'm so afraid of losing the people i have in my life now. i want to do everything for them. but i feel that they will still leave me eventually. i'm so sick and tired of having these feelings, these emotions. it's exhausting. it's a neverending nightmare. i know that i need to let it go. i know that i need to learn how to accept and love myself. but it's easier said than done.

[@Latoree33]

What has been so difficult getting older is the fact that the little bit of family I have has mental issues I can't fix them or help them because all they think of everybody outside of them are mentally ill or they're the problem. I've decided letting them alone and finding people who see me as a person that just wants a friend to talk to. I do a lot of writing and love to write poems when I get inspired. Thank you for these videos. You're an amazing person.

[@tnt01]

Writing is very therapeutic, is it your career or a hobby?

[@Latoree33]

@@tnt01 I'll be 69 later this year I just love to write. Actually handwritten stories or poems. I've done Physical work all my life so writing keeps me sane.

[@tnt01]

@@Latoree33 that's great.

[@Latoree33]

@@tnt01 thank you

[@annavillalpando4872]

I have childhood PTSD & it’s a huge struggle as an entrepreneur. Being an entrepreneur is extremely difficult for a normal person with no ptsd. For me it’s been painfully difficult & a constant uphill battle. Thankfully I have made progress & even thou I still struggle, I’ve been able to connect a bit more. Hang in there & keep trying. It’s super hard but if you work at it it does get better. ♥️

[@justachannel8600]

Well, working as an employee isn't a walk in the park either but I guess you know that. But anyway, all the best to you!

[@DJBenito304]

Yes sames being an entrepreneur and navigating dysregulation is tough

[@bonnieacurl]

Yes. Losing a biological family, losing 5 foster families, and then losing an adopted family makes me feel lonely sometimes and mostly that I don’t belong - when all around me, everyone else seems to belong. I can love - almost too easily, but I find it very, very difficult to think of myself as someone who is worth loving, worth including. I am 68 now, and it has been a long journey. And, after all these years, I’m also slowly becoming aware of my anger that I never deserved any of the bad things that happened to me as a child. Thank you, Anna, for your videos - your messages resonate so strongly with me.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Thank you so much for sharing! -Cara@TeamFairy

[@dr.k.purcell3059]

The getting angry bit is no use though is it? You were like all of us helpless and impotent and cannot go back in time as some kind of powerful giant and show people how wrong they were. Actually I think it is possible to just get into the habit of being a doormat when faced with anyone in power. What experience do you/ do we, have, of doing anything else? Anna is good of course but invariably seems to assume that everyone is like she is as an adult, rich, famous, completely secure, well loved by adoring friends and relatives and a supportive partner, comfortable with good health and enough money to buy her way out of every problem, totally non-vulnerable. Some of us just hide and hope nobody wants to kick us, knowing that we are bully magnets and will be undefended for ever. If there is nobody on your team then you certainly had better stay quiet and be a good doormat.Sometimes it seems Anna believes everyone can get a partner and security if they just write on bits of paper, and every 80 year old has an adoring prince charming about to arrive over the horizon. Yeah, right.

[@Shaolin91z]

Bible study class replaced loneliness with PEACE. Peace in Christ surpasses all understanding. Thanks Lord.

[@reesedaniel5835]

@@Shaolin91z Too many pharisees out there. Better to study the Bible alone and not be led astray. The Holy Spirit is my teacher...."The anointing you received from Him remains in you, and you don't need anyone to teach you. Instead, His anointing teaches you about all things and is true..: 1 John 2:27

[@dieeleganzderquallen2675]

Somehow it just hid me when you said "you will be able to gracefully handle some of life's tricky people situations, stuff most of us didn't learn from our parents." My parents never taught me or modeled to me how to handle tricky people situations like; how to openly talk about your feelings even if they maybe don't like them, how to set boundaries when they have been crossed, or how to tell someone what your needs are. I'm often still confused about what I can and cannot expect of people in different situations or if we are "close enough" to share more intimate details. Especially in workplace situations, I'm soo confused about what level of "sharing" is normal. Basically, which level of closeness is appropriate for the relationship we have? I often bond very quickly and intensely with new friends/romantic partners just to have this closeness and basically force the situation and completely abandon my needs, just to then feel embarrassed or angry about it and shut down or break contact abruptly. My parents were very permissive. We basically had no rules at home and they would never really tell us how they expected us to behave or if they were disapproving of our behaviour. Nothing was communicated openly. I have never in my life seen my parents have an argument and only rarely seen them openly expressing sadness/anger/disappointment. I see now why I'm so confused.

[@yoshi999z7]

I was raised super emotionally neglected but financially and academically super supported, I noticed a pattern where whenever anyone shows me the smallest bit of attention, I emotionally enslave myself to them, I start becoming really talkative which is unusual for me, I try to please them anyway possible, always afraid that they would leave me, which till this day has happened with everyone I have known, I have never had any real friends, I have now become the opposite of what I used to be where I show hostility towards people that show me attention and just want to be left alone, but if someone treats me right, I reciprocate their good deed anyway possible but never am I gonna initiate, I am just emotionally hungry all of the time, I’m gonna be honest, Jesus Christ and reading the Bible has helped me a lot in understanding my feelings and better dealing with them, especially the story of the Samaritan woman at the well, I relate to her so much, trying to fill emptiness with incompatible stuff just doesn’t work, I have come to terms that no human can ever cure my emotional hunger and not only that but other people have varying degrees of that as well, and my only hope is in true love for God, the lord is my shepherd, I shall not want

[@Godisgood173]

I find friendship really difficult, then when I do trust someone enough to give it a go, I’m always waiting for that moment when they let me down and I can dump them, confirming to myself that I knew I shouldn’t have trusted them. I have such a cold hard heart, I don’t give second chances with my emotions and I am always running away from friendships and relationships with family members even! I have pushed every single person out of my life, except for my two sons, but even they know that if they push our relationship too far, that will be it with me! I want to learn to trust people and to love and even be hurt in love, because now, I don’t let anyone close enough to love me and hurt me and to grow from that relationship. I am so lonely and I have an empty hollow feeling instead. I just don’t know how to change this , I’ve sent decades building this emotional barricade, it feels too high to climb over!

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

We understand as few others can. It's never too late to heal and we're so glad you're here now! -Calista@TeamFairy

[@hierophanttarot5225]

I had to rewind the video when you said creepy encounters with people who shadow kids who don't have clear boundaries. I'm an adult and still 'attracted individuals like this..i know my unheales self give off the invisible energy that they sense.. Although the innerwork has me speaking up more for myself. But I want to uproot the energy.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

No shame in needing help figuring out healthy boundaries. Most of us never learned them -Cara@TeamFairy

[@StarsDie88]

I was in and out of foster homes starting around the age of 2. I developed panic attacks around that time. I think I wasn't getting normal nurturing during this time. I know something has always been wrong with me. Difficulties forming friendships and holding jobs and doing normal adult things.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That's a terribly sad and difficult path. I'm glad. you are looking for ways to heal. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@psychedforlife7176]

Ever since my best friend died when we were 16, I didn't want to make new friends. I don't want to feel that pain again and I don't think anyone can ever compare to her.

[@jevelwilson]

At 52, I have only 1 real trusted friend, & my children. My relationships with my dysfunction family have been destroyed, which is fine because they are too toxic & unhealthy to be around. But I have never been able to trust others & it’s just gotten worse over the years. I spend almost all of my time completely along & the only “human touch” I get is from Drs & medical staff poking me.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

It sounds terribly lonely, Anna talks about small steps. One is to try the Daily Practice bit.ly/38JfzK1 -Cara@TeamFairy

[@friedose4099]

@@Elizabeth-yg2mg Same. I fear them.

[@rjay7019]

It wasn't my parents who abused or neglected me, I was bullied by kid's in school. From the time I was in 1st grade til I dropped out of HS in 11th grade. I had very few friends in my childhood. I don't really trust anyone.

[@francesedwards9854]

This is the first time I’ve heard this. It’s comforting and sad. I only know how to isolate.

[@FransceneJK98]

I never had any real and true friends. Everyone always ended up ghosting or betraying me. It’s a very lonely life and my narc father always said it was because of me and how I treat people which isn’t true. I’m not perfect but I am a loyal and good friend.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

I bet you are, and you are welcome in the CCF membership community. Meet ups daily-tons of friendships being formed. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@lorihensley4962]

I would crave narcissistic parasites. NP's who would need me to support them financially or psychologically or emotionally. I had no boundaries & I would try to "rescue" or "help" them. I realized my cycle after 51 years. I am alone now & I am learning.

[@wrenchrat]

My parents were loving but home life wasn't happy - lots of fighting, drama, etc. I have aspergers and struggled to have any friends growing up, was mercilessly bullied, etc. I have some sort of childhood trauma from it, and have crippling fear of abandonment. Broke up with my ex of five years back in 2021 and I've felt completely lost. I'm trying to be okay with being alone but I'm not making any progress after a year and a half. I'm soon to be 34 and am terrified that I will be alone for the rest of my life and that my ex was the only woman who would ever love me. Most people don't notice any of this on the surface but being lonely has pushed me to the point where I have almost daily suicidal thoughts. Only relief I have is riding my bike with friends and having companionship with my dog. I do my best to hide the severity of it from people because most people don't actually want to listen. Your video helps, but I don't know how to move forward with this.

[@Shellbee55]

My parents have nothing to do with me. My own daughter who I loved and raised, doing the best I could. She had good education, college, sweet sixteen, fit into school, church trip's etc. Her father walked away when she was 6 months old. Never paid child support.. gave up rights. So I threw myself into her. She's since found him, forgave him and suggendly I'm out of the picture. she has me blocked on social media. Changed her number. Haven't seen or spoke to her in 7 years. Have never met my grandkids. He did nothing all the hard years of raising her and now gets the glory of being the papa of the grandkids. It's devistating. I've had anxiety since I was 10. I've never made friends well. I've had difficulty in relationships my entire life. I'm 59 now and been single 20 years. But the only true love I knew was my 2 kids. They were life! Now they're gone. Like I said daughter abandoned me. Son moved to another state and I rarely see him.. maybe once a year. And we don't talk much. I walk on eggshells with him afraid to speak myself fearing if I do he will simply leave me to. So I settle for crumbs. I live in a state with no one, no family. No car to get out and make friends. And like you mentioned honestly I feel I have nothing to offer a friend but stories of my past hurt as I have no.joy.passion hobbies. Being stuck home.

[@jonnyqwst]

Very painful story. Reading these comments makes me realize how much suffering these is in our society.

[@ambermpetersen]

This is heartbreaking. I am in a similar situation, but the reverse. If you lived where I did, I would totally reach out! Maybe there’s someone out there like me who would love to connect. I have 4 children that don’t know what it’s like to have grandparents and I pray for someone who wants that to come into our lives every day. I hope you will find connection and happiness someday! ❤️

[@susiflorence6960]

Yes. We were isolated growing up..

[@bsways]

I had a pretty abusive childhood and was also badly bullied and ostracised at school. As a result I grew up to feel chronically lonely, depressed and craving for someone to attach to. I thought that a romantic partner would fill the void and make me happy. But in the same way coming into money makes you happy and more comfortable for a little while, eventually you return to your baseline. As I’ve grown older I’ve learnt that it’s entirely possible to be alone and very happy. I became disenchanted by romance after many broken relationships and turned to Buddhist meditation. With many years of practice I discovered a deep sense of happiness and strength that the world just couldn’t ever give me. From my own experience I think loneliness and depression are a symptom of not seeing reality clearly, of forgetting who I truly am. I also think that if it wasn’t for the circumstances I was born into maybe I never would have pushed myself to search for answers, for another way to be. It’s an ongoing journey of course but I feel like I’m growing now instead of being stuck in misery.

[@andromedaspark2241]

Shouting into the void, like I think so many of us lonely folk do when making comments: everything she said makes so much sense, but getting the hope to try (yet again) is ths problem. I'm in my 40s and it feels like it's too late. Anyone else suffer from autoimmune issues? I wonder if loneliness and depression make the body try to break down. My hope for friendship and love is gone. I hope for mercy that I won't wake up because I can't keep going and I can't burden my family with knowing depression took me. So I wait. To all of you, good luck. I hope you find happiness. If nothing else go somewhere this year/knock something off your bucket list.

[@natnatbat]

I had a relapse the other day and I unblocked my ex and texted him that I wanted to see him. I feel ashamed and embarrassed even typing it out. He didn’t even read or reply to my messages. I feel relieved that he didn’t but also the rejection is a lot to handle. It made me feel worse. I never knew it would be so hard to leave someone behind who treated you so badly. I never knew it would be such a grueling process to recover from being cheated on, used and lied to. I can barely sleep. Your words are the biggest hope I have for a peaceful and happy future.

[@amarisrania1585]

Thankyou for writing this. I came close to messaging mine today, even after well over a year after breakup

[@rjay7019]

My husband was a narcissistic and a paranoid schizophrenic who abused me and my kids. We were married for 32 years. He passed 14 years ago, and I still miss him think about him and talk about him. I have been in therapy, and I can not understand why it doesn't even make any sense.

[@TheJustinhcase]

one inevitably leads to the other. as if not having a childhood was not bad enough. You then spend the rest of your life replicating the experiences over and over again.

[@amandasturgeon90]

I feel lonely because people don't know the difference between trauma vs mental illness. After 20 years I found out that my friends think that I'm mentally ill when in reality I struggle with cptsd.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That is really frustrating. -Cara@TeamFairy

[@MrAhuraMazda]

I learned it as Chronic PTSD. And the reason it was that was because most PTSD is acute: war, watching atrocity, living through an attack or violence like a shooting or terrorist attack, etc. And that the difference between Chronic PTSD was that one can also get PTSD from low level but persistent and inescapable trauma: such as a bad childhood. It's not any one event that is traumatic but it's the sum total of low grade trauma you cannot escape from, which is why childhood is the primary source, but it could also be an adult relationship or a cult you cant get out of, etc. Not to nitpick, but that's just how I learned but all CPTSD definitions refer to basically the same thing.

[@johngallagher72]

Hopefully everyone finds the peace love and joy they are looking for. My childhood wasn't the bad compared to others but I was definitely what you would call a latchkey kid. I think I've probably mentioned before on the Fairys KZbin site that we were basically three people who lived together living seperate lives out of both economic necessity and the fact that both mom and dad were like oil and water and never took the time to get to know each other. Fast forward many years and after helping my mom through vascular disease and an amputation from the time I was 25 to 40 with my 50th birthday coming up in December this is the absolutely loneliest I have ever been . Not sure if I will ever find my tribe and I'm semi OK with it other than you think of what might have been but the loneliness definitely stings right now.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Loneliness is brutal- we suggest trying 12 step groups and/or our CCF membership where members can meet daily (via zoom) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@MackemdownsouthF.T.M]

40 years old and dealing with childhood trauma is destroying my existence...the thought of leaving life is ever so pleasant.

[@lorimiller4301]

Why would you want to do that ? People will just use you and hurt you. I've seen it over and over.

[@user-lk1qx7gb5o]

Because you're letting them. No one can use you if you set the boundaries. Know one is doing anything to you, they're merely being human. It's up to you to see to it that you're not exploited.

[@bigthunder7002]

I isolate and whenever I socialize and try to meet new people it only confirms why I should stay isolated

[@user-ej5jc5dk1e]

You are so right .I am still feeling very effected, very traumatized from the circumstances I grew up into .

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

There is help and support available :) -Cara@TeamFairy

[@joshcarlucci9712]

Anyone else start to notice your parents are acting nicer once you move out? They offer to help you pay for things, try to help without you even asking, and you wonder what’s up? Like why now? I’m trying not to have a trauma response to it I’m trying to accept their help and decline it when I don’t need it. I’m trying to be healthy about all of this, but it’s just so confusing that the people who traumatized me this much are suddenly trying to help me. I believe they love me but they’re messes themselves and couldn’t handle children especially a child with a difficult disorder to handle. But I’m not sure how I’m supposed to handle this in a mature and vulnerable way, I’m trying to open my emotions up even to scary people. It’s helping but I don’t want to suddenly owe them my soul for their help and I’m afraid it might become something held over me.

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Accepting help is very complicated for CPTSDers...I get the fears of being on a hook forever. Try the Daily Practice, see if it helps bit.ly/38JfzK1 -Cara@TeamFairy

[@fridajohansson8479]

IM in a similar situation. My narcissitic mother neglected and abused me there me out of home when i wars a teenager Now she helps me but also in denial of what shes done its confusing Is she good or bad and svould i accept the help

[@meggyharma]

@@fridajohansson8479 yep when I ever I live with my mom she hates me and abuses me everyday but when I ever I move out she calls me oh ! I miss you so much my sweet daughter…

[@RebDeb64]

YES so much this. As soon as I moved out my parents were suddenly very nice to me and wanting me to come for dinner and wanting to hear about my life when they were only critical and rude to me before, being generous when they were stingy to the point of making my life hard (ie wouldn't pay for basic necessities and would throw it back in my face later) etc. I find it kind of creepy tbh. They're being nice now because they know I don't depend on them any more and will cut them off if they don't behave. However they are still awful to other family members who depend on them, as they were my whole childhood when I depended on them - and I'm sure they'll go right back to it if I ever relied on them again. Creepy af.

[@benwilliamson481]

My mum tried to kill me when I was 12, my dad saved me..bullied all through my school years, quit school in year 7, im 36 now and married with 2 children and a loving wife, but I still feel empty

[@kvietimas]

Thank you, Anna. A simple fact that someone understands these things already is so comforting. Many of us struggle to acknowledge our difficulties with relationships leave alone comprehend why is that happening. Your insights and techniques really help.

[@lovelystarchild]

I am not lonely...... I don't miss being around people. I like being alone. I have been abused most of my life. It's been one trauma after the other. One injustice after the other. I have reached a point in my life where I don't even want to connect with others. I just want to be left alone. I don't want friends, I don't want a relationship or children. I don't want "love" because all people have a twisted idea of love & I want nothing to do with it. I feel safer & HAPPIER by myself. I have peace of mind by myself. Isolation is not the "terrible" thing that people make it out to be. It's addictive actually. It's soothing & freeing. The best thing people can do is leave me be. I have PTSD & depression..... because of the trauma PEOPLE put me through. People have never brought me love, peace, or happiness. People gave me trauma, trust issues, pain, anger, resentment & have invalidated my concerns & feelings. I found peace in solitude, in painting, in meditation, playing piano, being in nature. I don't need others to care for me, I learned to care for myself. People's lack of love has taught me that I don't need people & their twisted idea of "love". I can get along just fine by myself. I can be happy on my own. Connection is not "needed"......It CAN be done in solitude. Connections are seriously OVERRATED. I am happiest & most relaxed when I am alone. I do not need nor want others getting in the way of that peace or burdening me with their bs after everything else I have already been through.

[@TeriMcCann]

Likewise...I'm not lonely, I love being alone. I don't want any friends, they only cause hurt and pain.

[@kcindc5539]

Wow that’s a 100% accurate description of how feel now that I’ve realized that trying to connect to people is defeating and an exercise in futility. That said, I sure hope one of the diseases I was diagnosed with last month takes me down quickly. I don’t really need to be around anymore. I’ve done as much as I ever care to do. Time to go away.

[@Shaolin91z]

Peace in Christ surpasses all understanding. Thanks Lord for your peace.

[@reesedaniel5835]

I find that I have to dim my light and dumb myself down to be around people, otherwise they get offended by my truth. Too exhausting for me.

[@lovelystarchild]

@@reesedaniel5835 Same here

[@adamleach471]

I have learned that my loneliness stems from chosen Isolation, it is much easier to parse out the amount of time I spend with other people in comfortable familiar settings, or to just do things on my own. I spent most of the past few years reducing social contact to minimal interactions, I realized recently however that I have always had an approachable trustworthy disposition and am well practiced in social interaction, my social batteries just drain quickly when I'm around to many people.

[@atomspies]

I try so hard to connect but people tend to leave me out, or cancel, and generally prioritize other relationships. I try to build on the feeble connections I have but the other people don’t seem to want to get closer to me. I feel like they know I am desperate for connection and I am too intense. I understand, but it is devastating. I am 40 and this has been most of my life. I have only experienced reciprocated romantic love once. I don’t know how much longer I can keep trying and being rejected

[@michellewall6748]

Anna..... this is just what I needed to hear today...... I’m feeling low.... I’m 57, never been married, no children..... I’m feeling utterly unloveable, and that I’m just not good enough for anyone.... I always feel overlooked and not seen or heard! I feel like I’ve missed out on so much......I’m so sad.....

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

Glad the words in this video spoke to you. Sending you encouragement. Grateful you're here! - Ashley, Team Fairy

[@melanier9043]

I'm 54 and I'm in the same situation and feel the same way.

[@attila7092]

I've experienced exactly what you're talking about. Toss into that bucket being physically unattractive with a drinking problem and you have a disaster. Over 30 years talking to therapists/doctors has changed nothing. My shitty life has been a big benefit for those in the mental health field. They have financially profited. I am now living on disability for depression waiting to grow old and die....alone!

[@jonnyqwst]

I wish that I could somehow help you. I can’t imagine the pain.

[@DMAC1301]

I was diagnosed with cptsd about 5 years ago . I hear about this loneliness but I don’t feel lonely. I feel safe alone.

[@KA-mq4wj]

My mother was a narcissist and I was the scapegoat child. Of course growing up I didn’t know why she ignored or neglected me out of my five siblings but I did everything to try to please her. Cleaning up, Making things perfect to make her love me more. Looking back it’s so sad. I was alone and lonely growing up. I was insecure and awkward throughout my entire life. I still am. I feel isolated and alone in middle age. Narcissistic parents kill your self worth, your dreams, your goals, your relationships, your life.

[@annebowles550]

I was the same 😞

[@kayjohns7936]

Thanks, Anna. You help to make sense of the things that didn't make sense. Also, you help to VALIDATE things that others don't understand and try to shame you for.

[@DJBenito304]

Yeah sames

[@ripperduck]

High school was the worst time of my life. I was always a loner, but I was an athlete, and tried to be friendly. I didn't fit in bc my family was working class in a school of wealthy kids. One day I was standing with a group of teammates and classmates when someone ran up to us and said there was a ditch party. They all ignored me because it was evident I wasn't invited, nor considered. They all scattered to go to have a great time at the beach, except me. I was alone, except for a lamppost and trashcan. I vividly remember looking at both, saying, "Well, I guess it just us." Went to sit down against the lamppost until classes started after lunch. That became my spot, just me, a lamppost, and trashcan...

[@CrappyChildhoodFairy]

That sounds hard! You’re in the right place. Nika@TeamFairy

[@WilliamMartinez-vq2bn]

I was emotionally and physically neglected. And because of that I turned out to be a fiercely independent individual. And I turned that bad energy into a good.

[@HonorGuard117]

32 yrs old turning 33. Feel really lonely, but actually lonely. Little friends, don't have much of a social life. Short story: Childhood trauma. Feeling ashamed, self isolating myself, finding it difficult to allow myself to be vulnerable, shielding myself from the world. Sigh. I wish anyone who is experiencing loneliness to be resilient and to find your daily joys and to remind yourselves of your worth. It isn't an easy journey.