Standing Alone: The Ultimate Widow Superpower | Mary Oves | TEDxGrandCanyonUniversity

Widowhood can be a launchpad for strength and reinvention according to widow, writer, and Stockton University professor, Mary Oves. The idea of singleness and being alone can be a powerful stage for anyone, widow or not. Mary Oves is a professor of
English at Stockton University
in New Jersey and a freelance
writer who has written for
The New York Times and The
Philadelphia Inquirer. She
speaks nationally for the
Soaring Spirits Organization
and is the 2022 Grand
Prize Winner of the Erma Bombeck Humorist-
in-Residence contest.
Mary Oves entertains her
readers five days a week on
her website, The Chrysalis
Collective, and is working on
a book of humor essays to be
published in 2023. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@tvocalistbishop1552]

I’m a widow of 3 years I want to start encouraging other widows around the world!

[@tinamelton0316]

I was widowed on August 19, 2024. My husband Tavian of 18 years died in a matter of two weeks after being diagnosed with multiple myeloma, al amylodoisis, and cardiogenic shock. I feel beyond devastated! It is tough having to live every day without him! He passed 2 days after we had my sister's funeral. This had been a hard year! This sucks so much! Christ Jesus is my hope and my way to overcome!!!!

[@virginiag5580]

I needed to hear this, lost my husband 2 weeks ago. Sudden death of a healthy 42 year old man, no signs, no illness, no warnings. He was gone in a matter of hours. I’m absolutely heartbroken and devastated. Feeling so lost and scare of the future. Blessings to you all. 🙏

[@fredziffle5219]

So sad for you. It happened to me too. Some of his friends thought it was a scam when I replied to their text messages to him on his phone. They insisted to know details which kinda upset me. All I can say is I learned to put sadness aside for most of the day & then I take a nap. Dealing with paperwork for bank accounts, etc is so tiring but I found that I need to make lists of who I need to call & notes when I call them cause I forget. I had to call & cancel his cards, notify relatives. It’s just exhausting. But it is getting better. My neighbor just lost her husband to a heart attack so we compare notes. Virginia I’m sending you a prayer & a hug 💕 mrs Z

[@virginiag5580]

@@fredziffle5219 thank you for your kindness, I really really appreciate it. I’m still in very much disbelief and think he will come home any minute. It’s so painful, sad, frustrating, so many questions, so much uncertainty. I’m also so sorry for your loss and your neighbor, I clearly know the heartbreak. Blessings to you and I do receive your hug because I need it. Thank you. 🙏

[@equynenergie]

So very sorry…

[@virginiag5580]

@@equynenergie thank you 🙏

[@AlexanderHartmann-wu5ls]

No one deserves this, I’m sending prayers your way, I pray God heals your heart

[@MrsPrisZ]

7.5 years out from being widowed at 35. We WILL find our happiness once we find ourselves in this new forced life. Love to all fellow widows and widowers. WE WILL persevere!

[@babuboro5638]

❤❤❤

[@JeffreyMoore-pb3eg]

Hello, how are you?

[@lucymagee3654]

Great talk Mary! I am a new widow now at 37.. I have to literally tidy up this life and close the chapter on it and move back to my home country of Ireland to create a new life from scratch having lived with my husband in CA for the past 7.5 years. It feels terrifying at times as I only have some friends here to help when they can.. but every day I get up and accomplish all of these awful tasks, I shower, eat healthily and walk the dog! No one can believe how I am doing this.. but what is the alternative? Lay in the fetal position all day accomplishing nothing? Fall into a deep, dark depression numbing my pain with God knows what? Widows are strong because we have no other choice! It is up to me to create a big, bold and beautiful life for myself.. the only option is strength and I pray for it every day. Thank you for this talk.

[@ryanetotherescue]

Hi fellow widow friend. I just started a KZbin channel to empower and equip widows to master all the new things they have to manage after their husband dies. Perhaps it could benefit you. I'd love to see you over there! @ryanetotherescue. Blessings my friend!!

[@abramojames8gmailcom]

Hello 👋

[@muanawmi597]

Me too, i lost my husband two weeks ago, whom i married for 16 years, i am now 37 and still weeping for my beloved husband😢

[@ThomasLahm-vo4ew]

I know how you feel because I am a widower myself. If you give me chance, I'll like is to know ourselves better.

[@Shontise_Shonie]

Amen I am with you newly a widow I lost my love 10/28/23 I’m pulling on my strength and the lord to keep me lifted 🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@Broken_contriteheart]

My husband died recently and people were telling me the same thing. I am so glad I found this. Praise Jesus!!! And I am an aspiring writer. I have a story to tell!!! Thank you!! Widows Unite!!! 🫂

[@Lady_Jo687]

Widowed at 33 with two young children, almost 3 years out. Thank you for this. I needed this. Standing alone is a SUPERPOWER we as women are fully capable of taking on.

[@michelepatterson51]

Thank you. My husband of 30 years, is currently battling pancreatic cancer, I am 48 yo. I am attempting to prepare myself for what is ahead of me.

[@ThomasLahm-vo4ew]

Don't worry my dear, everything will be okay. when I lost my wife I know what I passed through. Don't worry okay everything will be okay.where are you from?

[@AlexMurphy-bb1em]

Can I help out ? How much do you need 🥺🥺

[@margaretnorris5840]

There is no way to prepare for widowhood. It is totally like nothing else.

[@Ami-ml7gp]

Thank you, this is very timely. My husband passed away 3 weeks ago unexpectedly, and I keep reading the same advice for widows. It can not be applicable in every situation. If nothing else, his passing at the age of 46 (I'm 43) made me realize how short life is and there is no better time than now. Thank you for sharing this. I keep reminding myself to continue to live in gratitude and praise the Lord despite my storm. Prayers for all of the widows and those grieving, I truly understand. ❤❤❤

[@denisetracy3839]

Yes! From one widow to another. We all possess super powers. We just need to believe it!

[@profngurewamwachofi3243]

I couldn't agree more we humans role is to be proactive in creating the happiness that we desire -- and frankly in this patriarchal world women have to be twice as determined to succeed. Best wishes.

[@ryanetotherescue]

Hi fellow widow friend. I just started a KZbin channel to empower and equip widows to master all the new things they have to manage after their husband dies. Perhaps it could benefit you. I'd love to see you over there! @ryanetotherescue. Blessings my friend!!

[@terrigodfrey8260]

I love this, Mary. 17 months widowed. Moving forward, accessing my spark, following my bliss and making new roads into my life and capabilities. Bravo. I will look for your other writings and work. I love inspiration.

[@JonasWilliams-sx6te]

Perfectly said..... Hello, it's a pleasure to meet you. Please excuse my manner. If you find my message abusive, I'd love to be your friend and hope there's nothing wrong with that.

[@DavidHarvey-qs8ig]

Hello Terri how are you doing

[@margaretnorris5840]

New widow here. I want to thank you for your words of encouragement. THANK YOU.

[@stellankonyane256]

Lost my beloved husband 2015 December, he was only 43, he was brutally gunned down. I have just turned 39 at the time. Now, I’ve just turned 48, with twins, boy and a girl, they were only 6 years of age when he passed away, they are now 14 years of age🥰🙏🏾.., What a rollercoaster of a journey.., but, I keep on soldering on🙏🏾 Dating…, non existent to this day. My kids are my everything, my besties.

[@anniej2670]

My beautiful soulmate died in a car accident on 25th May 2023 ❤ he had turned 39 only a few days before he passed. I love him so much and this is so hard but I will try, for him.

[@bennygthenaturelover.1441]

Your husband died 10days after mines death,he died on 15/5/23,my best friend. But Jesus is faithful,God is helping us.

[@rhonda8566]

14 months ago, my life changed forever. My dearest Tony took his last breath. I will never get over him or the loss. He was my world 🌎 ♥️. Thank you for sharing ❤️ 💕 ♥️

[@ky7398]

The last thing I want is a pity from people that I am a widow. There are so many things I need to do all by myself including making decisions. It never ends and gets scary. But, I am learning and feeling empowered at the same time. The last thing I want is doing nothing and feeling helpless and miserable. I still cry. It has been just more than a year. I know that I may cry for the rest of my life, especially when I think of certain things about him. But that’s ok. That should not mean that my life is miserable. I can be reasonably still happy like everybody else as I pursue my own happiness in my life, whatever or however that means. It is up to me. At least, we (my husband and me) shared the life together I can cherish. I am grateful for that.

[@katherinewells3099]

Three years and counting. I miss my husband, but I did realize I am now free to do whatever I want. If I can't have him, I'm going to at least enjoy myself. And spent a lot of the insurance money remodeling my house!

[@DavidHarvey-qs8ig]

Hello Katherine how are you?

[@babuboro5638]

Never get despair, Got is always with you. I best wishes and compliments are always with you.

[@nimittkhare3201]

Do u wish he was still alive?

[@CindyDuess]

Lost my beautiful husband at 63, from Progressive Supranuncler Palsly, PSP, he died, on his own terms. I admire your strength. Thank you, best from 🇨🇦

[@stephanielee8188]

One of the first things you said madame spit out my coffee. Thank you for paving our way. Now I have to finish this coffee and try to figure out how to start a frozen snow blower

[@ryanetotherescue]

Hi fellow widow friend. I just started a KZbin channel to empower and equip widows to master all the new things they have to manage after their husband dies. Perhaps it could benefit you. I'd love to see you over there! @ryanetotherescue. Blessings my friend!!

[@Hoped4]

I needed to hear this. I am so proud of myself and my beloved would be too.

[@lizwaceke9282]

I lost my husband two years ago the journey very tough no good job hustling in a hard way trying to make ends meet for my four children especially two are in school not a joke putting food on the table its by the grace of God trying my level best but guys its not that easy

[@GeoffOdom-nn4ez]

As a widower, I was also surprised at how many other widowers jump into another relationship so quickly. I personally cannot fathom bringing another woman into my life. It would feel like cheating. My wife only died suddenly 9 weeks ago, but I still feel very married to her.

[@Job.Well.Done_01]

It took me five months to even consider dating again after my situation. Takes time, but you will want the companionship , the emotional support, the helper, and the financial support. She will come along and you will feel some relief. -Best wishes

[@anthemsandoval6477]

I’ve been feeling the same way. My husband died last April and I still feel married to him. I feel so much pressure to move on and it’s really painful. I don’t want to move on or be with another man in that way.

[@deliabotha7187]

My husband died 5 years ago. I still feel married, still wears my rings. I am 61. 😊

[@deliabotha7187]

​@@anthemsandoval6477do not allow any one to tell you how to grief. Its your own path that you walk.

[@maritzamartinez3948]

Lost my husband suddenly a month ago. It is difficult and painful.

[@Garyshelton17]

I'm so sorry for your loss praying for comfort and peace 🕊️ this is a wonderful site to get comfort

[@kinsmade--wherecraftsarefa7830]

I changed the car battery. I quit repeatedly collapsing into a puddle of tears and self-pity. But I watched a podcast where someone said "no one is coming!" When I finally changed my own car battery, it was so empowering! No one in my social circle wants me to date at 2 years in. I am 49F with half of my life ahead of me, medaled in the marriage Olympics(28 years of marriage--I'm a proven winner!), but the social expectation is to never love again.

[@GinaBell-i7r]

Just what I needed to hear. God bless you for sharing your widow wisdom.

[@tinajohnson454]

Thank you, I've never had to go it alone before but I am sure that I can do it. My late husband encouraged me to stand on my own two feet when he knew that his time left was limited and that I'd have to and you have just confirmed it for me, I can do it.

[@ryanetotherescue]

Hi fellow widow friend. I just started a KZbin channel to empower and equip widows to master all the new things they have to manage after their husband dies. Perhaps it could benefit you. I'd love to see you over there! @ryanetotherescue. Blessings my friend!!

[@Garyshelton17]

I'm so sorry for your loss praying for comfort and peace 🕊️ this is a wonderful site to get comfort

[@donnachatterton6298]

I was left with no insurance, barely enough SS to live on. If l had insurance money l could be more sure of myself. Sadly many widows only have SSecurity to live on and in their seventies and eighties.

[@morganfalkdesigns]

Got a job at age 62

[@LindaHart-h5u]

2:30 I lost my life long love after 35 years and I am terrified of starting over and I needed to hear this too!!!

[@diiro8672]

15 months ago I lost my Gracious. It's hard and I know it will always be hard but I know I have to persevere for my sake and for the children. RIP G

[@sheilacoffey8741]

widowed or not...all women have so much power...

[@tiffanygrever8092]

I'm a widow 48 years old I lost my husband when I was 39 in 2015 I was left with a 10 year old and a 13 year old to raise now I'm an empty nester both are doing okay despite not having a father for the last half of there childhood.the thing that scares me now is trying to navigate my life most say I'm to old for remarriage and looking for work is tuff I feel like I have a big mark on me now.

[@nimittkhare3201]

Do u wish he was still alive?

[@tiffanygrever8092]

In a lot of ways yes,I missed not having some one to talk to at the end of the day I missed doing projects with him around the house I missed cooking with him in the kitchen he was better at it then me .What was really heart breaking about it was my kids lost there dad at a point when they would have needed him most. I hope that answer,s you qeastion.@@nimittkhare3201

[@tiffanygrever8092]

Idaho, but originaly from California.@ChrisJohnson-lh9qb

[@DanielBaker-ph2nb]

I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away, few years ago, almost lost my life, i hope your kids are fine now? were are you from?

[@neemaalex9399]

I needed to hear this today because I come from court regarding my late husband’s estate which left to my children He died 3 years ago and am planning to go with my children to live in abroad because society is so cruel to us Thanks 🙏🏽 for the informative video

[@tomsullivan-kc4fb]

13 years out here, as a widower, I never remarried or replaced. I love being a bachelor and am having the time of my life. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and you have to survive it however you can. I loved my wife, but as selfish as it sounds, I also love myself. I do whatever makes daddy happy and don't apologize to anyone for it.

[@liaalbo9108]

Thank you!

[@flandrensinteriors3428]

So good. I still struggle after two years. I have a couple of "lightbulbs to change". I'm going to use my super powers and get them changed!!

[@jenniferdavis-lewis407]

Well done Mary!!

[@StalwartJB-s9s]

I m a widow n loved that Thank you

[@gsdooneyandbourkereviews777]

I as a widow agree with everything you said...

[@dr.abbyhamilton8579]

Awesome, Mary!!!! Congrats!

[@DavidHarvey-qs8ig]

Hello Abby how are you

[@sofiastortigajani4462]

Best speech I have ever heard ever

[@jmiller260]

There is no widow Barbie. I am forever changed and enlightened. I needed this today. Thank you.

[@AsweetAroma-b2l]

My husband just passed away I feel such an emptiness

[@JonasWilliams-sx6te]

Do me a favour .... Hello, it's a pleasure to meet you. Please excuse my manner. If you find my message abusive, I'd love to be your friend and hope there's nothing wrong with that.

[@MrsPrisZ]

I know your pain. Please remember that you are the one that has life still. You aren’t the one that died… even though you sure feel like you did too! We are ALLOWED to fall, but don’t forget to dust off your own shoulders and keep putting ONE foot in front of the other… I became a widow at 35 with a 7yr old and 4yr old twins. I’m 43 now, never remarried and I don’t date. But I’m still growing the courage to try some day. WE have to remember that WE are still here and no matter how long it takes… we WILL persevere. Take the wheel! It’s YOURS.

[@Garyshelton17]

I'm so sorry for your loss praying for comfort and peace 🕊️ this is a wonderful site to get comfort

[@AlexMurphy-bb1em]

Memories about Emily breaks me all up 💐😭

[@DelorisAnderson-gb9mr]

i am a widow twice now 24 years the last one it wasnt fair now i have 2 to grive for still hard i was lucky to have a large famly but if you think that helped it didnt for they had their own lives yes i was alone now what do i do now . first pay the bills take care my dog and cat the n i decide a new place would help well i sold the old place payed off the car and built a new one havng all that to do was a help but still had him in my the back of my mind and i think he agreed i am now in a dif place sold my home help my daughter build a home for us and her hubby i am somewhat happy getting to see my 12 great grand kids sometimes doing crafts to stay busy friends on here who are widows now and dealing with the widow fog as my friend deb says is new widow has become a nomad sold it all and travels but still grieving i am sure that never ends un til we take our last breaths so we try to stay strong thanks for all the help love you all

[@Syste3m]

Widowed at 26 still a shock

[@Cyblps]

Yes! yes! yes! I decorated my house with the insurance money, took off my wedding ring, and quit my job after the first year of being a widow. Only widows can understand why I might have done those things.

[@morganfalkdesigns]

I have had nothing but good experiences with government agencies, friends, and strangers since my husband’s death.😊

[@Garyshelton17]

I'm so sorry for your loss praying for comfort and peace 🕊️ this is a wonderful site to get comfort

[@MatthewAmiet]

I don’t know if anyone think it’s even more difficult being a widower

[@nyeshalaurant847]

🙏🙏❤️

[@shereeclinton8741]

I did all those things in the first year lol

[@salome9124]

That was useless. She spoke about a damn lightbulb. How delusional. Some of us have little children, our husbands were our best and only real friends, and life partners, and still have life to continue at a younger age. I would of loved to hear about more then a damn lightbulb.

[@tiffanygrever8092]

I just finished also watching and I thought what she said was pretty true though feeling like you're marked and my last kid just left home so I can understand what you're going through I was widowd 8 years ago and it was the worst thing I ever went through and now trying to figure out were I go from here. I'm going to keep listening to her for awhile.

[@Ali08]

Yeah, I felt it was going in another direction but quickly thought it is her own story, and if anyone thought mostly like her, they could truly relate. And the comment about grief books, many people are going to need it to make sense of the nightmare they were sucked into. What they do from there is another matter. With that being said, I get what you are saying because some of us have young kids, and our partner is also a friend. I lost mines at 41 years old, and although it is close to 14 months, reality is truly sinking in and I am now having somewhat a hard time realizing this is my new life and how others fit in it.

[@Sourpusscandy]

What the f has happened to TED?? This rubbish. Did anyone tell her how she actually looks in that dress? Sorry for your loss but what does this have to do with the purpuse of Ted? My aunt just became a widow, and all her life, deferred to the domineering abusive husband. I’m wondering what it could be like.

[@GinaBell-i7r]

Just what I needed to hear. God bless you for sharing your widow wisdom.