The Mensiz are lonely 🥺 but...should we care? | Khadija Mbowe

Follow this link to take the quiz and get started with Care/of today! bit.ly/3POUDkE Promo Code: KHADIJA50
my links:
Instagram, Tiktok, Twitter
@khadija.mbowe
Patreon: / khadijambowe
Podcast: theleftovermil...
booking: [e-mail]
The Document
docs.google.co...
Books
Re-thinking Sex- Chirstine Emba
All about Love- bell hooks
How can I get Through to you- Terrance Real
The Will to Change- bell hooks
Some Reads
my links:
Instagram, Tiktok, Twitter
@khadija.mbowe
Patreon: / khadijambowe
Podcast: theleftovermil...
booking: [e-mail]
Books
Re-thinking Sex- Chirstine Emba
All about Love- bell hooks
The Right to Sex: Feminism in the Twenty-First Century- Amia Srinivasan
Permission to feel- Marc Brackett
Had it coming- Robyn Doolitte (this is the only one I haven’t read)
Some Reads
The Number of ‘Lonely, Single Men’ Is on the Rise Thanks to Modern Dating’s Higher Standards
jezebel.com/th...
The Rise of Lonely, Single Men
www.psychology...
The Number Of “Lonely, Single Men” Is On The Rise Due To Women Choosing Healthier Relationships, And The Internet Finds It Funny
www.boredpanda...
Men Can't Keep Up With Women's High Dating Standards, This Couple's Therapist Says
www.popsugar.c...
Rising Share of U.S. Adults Are Living Without a Spouse or Partner
www.pewresearc...
More Men Use Dating Apps Than Women
time.com/37119...
Women who are unmarried and childless are the happiest people of all, according to a professor of behavioral science
www.businessin...
This is why women are happier when they’re single than men
www.insider.co...
Quote Investigater
quoteinvestiga...
Straight men, if you want to find love you’ll need to do better
ca.sports.yaho...
**THESE TWO ARE THE ONES THAT WERE DEBUNKED***
Women are happier without children or a spouse, says happiness expert
www.theguardia...
New research says unmarried women without kids are happier - but is that actually the case?
www.mic.com/li...
Nearly Half of U.S. Adults Say Dating Has Gotten Harder for Most People in the Last 10 Years
www.pewresearc...
Single men are suffering most from loneliness right now
www.brothersin...

[@VyCityMusic]

“Any traits seen as feminine, or feminine leaning, are immediately mocked out of young boys and men by … ALL OF US “ I could cry . I love Khadijah. Sincerely , a black cis straight male in a healthy relationship 🙏🏿

[@rodrigo354]

When she said that I felt it in my soul as well. I'm a latino immigrant cis het man in a healthy marriage, and I wish you peace, happiness and wellness.

[@jeffrey5815]

To be honest, I did cry a little. This video was fair, the comments less so, but I really hope balanced views were we don't only look at "what is" but ask "why is it" become more common.

[@VyCityMusic]

@@rodrigo354 I wish you the same brethren to you and yours ! I’m not far behind you 💍 😉

[@Blue74]

Healthy boys ftw

[@rodrigo354]

@@VyCityMusic Appreciate you, right back at you!!

[@samiam2088]

I realized I was the only adult in my marriage when I got incredibly sick and my husband couldn’t do bare minimum things like cook or clean in the meantime and he refused to learn. He just “checked out,” and went off to have fun with his friends while I was left alone for months. He didn’t make any effort in therapy either, so I was finished. I was tired of adulting for two people.

[@dashanee0390]

Experienced this exact same thing after I had my son. Glad you left too!

[@AW-uv3cb]

good riddance! And best of luck to you!

[@jdmmg4904]

I work with couples and I'm stl so shocked to see how many couples still have this kind of arrangement where the women do 90% of household chores, child raising and family management. It's just crazy.

[@samiam2088]

@@jdmmg4904 It wasn’t even an arrangement. I just had realized how much I did around the house when suddenly I wasn’t doing those things anymore!

[@bmwjourdandunngoddess6024]

Oh no. That’s disgusting. Left him in the dust and rightfully so.

[@user_.b]

I think the solution to the loneliness problem, assuming it is actually loneliness and not just "women no let me be entitled to their bodies", is deepening platonic male friendships. There are a lot of lonely guys, and if they gave each other the emotional labor they seem to associate with relationships, the loneliness on its own wouldnt be such an issue.

[@ItSpiatz]

As a cis man, I've realized women make for much better friends at an individual level than guys, although when it comes to friends groups, I've realized guy friends seem to just work more smoothly for me, and I'm not sure why that is tbh, but there's a lack of effort or a lack of enthusiasm when it comes to individualistic male friendships in my experience

[@FaiaHalo]

So well said!

[@sheilabbb3044]

--> Assuming it is actually loneliness and not just "women no let me be entitled to their bodies" Amen.

[@downsjmmyjones101]

How do you do that when being vulnerable with a guy is seen as gay? EDIT: I do have to commend you on identifying the issue even though the solution is hard as fuck.

[@i10i60]

@@downsjmmyjones101 We stop adhering to or caring about such silly stereotypes. Someone has to break the cycle and bear the brunt of this task, why not us?

[@j.robertson9025]

That part about not connecting with our fathers really struck me. I'm 33 years old, and I just recently came to the realization that I don't really have any kind of relationship with my dad. Like, he's always loving and affectionate towards me, but leave us in a room together and all meaningful conversation stops. He doesn't know what to say to me and I don't know what to say to him. It makes me really sad.

[@Waters..]

Omgggg I can relate

[@extrashotofespresso_]

My dad talks way too much so I make sure to keep our convos short. The world revolves around him only and he has a lot of mental issues. I pretty much avoid him but try not to make it obvious that that’s what I’m doing. I wish my mom chose better. The dude is way too emotional and self-centered.

[@zSilverWingz]

What more do you want? Some people don't even have that and you're asking for more? Entitled much?

[@Penelope416]

That's how it is with my step-dad and I, but my biological father understands me much better. I think I'm just more like my father than my mother, and that is okay. Have you ever told your Dad how you felt about this?

[@galaxywanderer5508]

@@zSilverWingz People are not entitled because they want an actual mentally stimulating conversation from thier parent. 😒

[@lilyjacobson3662]

As a woman, being emotionally open and supportive with your guy friends is all well and good until they come at you with “there’s something I’ve been needing to tell you.” I feel like a lot of men have been socialized only to accept emotional vulnerability in the context of romantic relationships, and as such tend to be willing to interpret the kind of connection standard in friendships between women as a sign of romantic interest.

[@holaCarolina]

Oh so that is why that happens…

[@AC-jl7hb]

Thats why I avoid being friends or even friendly with some guys 🤷

[@Goddess_Infinity]

Agreed! 10/10 of my guy friends all like me and I’ve cut off about 95% of them . I’m just tired

[@isabella6075]

@@Goddess_Infinity Me too it’s annoying 🙄

[@vector3d654]

Yeah and then I'll feel guilty that probably I've lead them on..... Smh 🤦‍♀🤦‍♀🤦‍♀🤦‍♀🤦‍♀

[@lidu6363]

Yes! Someone needs to break it to the guys that what they need is a community, not a 'girlfriend' who is a substitute mom, a tool to impress other guys, and a therapist in one.

[@JasmineTea127]

Literally this!

[@Tiny_Koi]

Well that's exactly the issue, they are finding communities but because these communities are just founded and led by men with the same loneliness and mentalities it just leads to further isolation. Particularly because these are online communities.

[@dandywaysofliving]

Working on it Dx But u right

[@Luckimee]

@@Tiny_Koi true. It's on youtube twitch tik tok everywhere

[@jghifiversveiws8729]

Men have already done this they've already formed their own communities where they can connect, communicate, and mentor\father on one another right here on the internet. These communities are referred to (rather broadly) by those both within and without as the "manosphere."

[@rubycubez1103]

Based on my experience, I find men don't want to be friends with women unless they're sexually attracted to them. I've had so much in common with potential hetero male friends but I sensed they were distant because they weren't attracted to me. It sucks. I was not at all flirty with them but still felt rejected. I feel men tend to be more emotionally vulnerable and open to women they're attracted to. They treat women they're not attracted to like they do other men, cool and distant.

[@GrungeGalactica]

Yeh I’ve always wanted platonic friendships with men but they always get the wrong end of the stick (with absolutely no flirting on my part) can’t we just be friends as fellow humans 😩? All my friendships with gay men are lovely

[@iateyursandwiches]

Yeah, thats the problem. They only want to open up to their wives/girl friends they are romantically involved with and no one else. That is probably why single/umarried men are more likely to be lonely and commit suicide

[@SteeleGolem]

As a married man I actually feel a lot more comfortable developing a friendship with women now that it's understood that I'm not seeking anything romantic. In the past I've tried to become friends with woman and it was misconstrued and got very awkward, so I think it's more natural to build a friendship where sexual intimacy isn't a possibility. Not that this is a good thing. As a society we have to 'grow up' and stop making sex an idol that demands all this uncomfortable nuance.

[@cannibalisticrequiem]

Yes!! I feel this so hard! Or if you want to maintain a platonic friendship with a cishet guy but you know he's got sexual feelings for you, and often misconstrues your friendliness for flirting, but divest from you when you're not giving them what they want - that is a real slap in the face, because it basically boils down to, if you won't fuck them, not even _date_ them-- if you won't have sex with them, then there's no point in a "friendship" with you for these men, so you end up feeling used.

[@themysticwarriorgal9465]

They don't even treat men cool and distant

[@rociocamarena4802]

I’m currently getting divorced…because my husband couldn’t get over his jealousy of me having been with other people before him. We met when I was 28. The purity culture and how it also affects men doesn’t get talked about enough. Media likes to make fun of women for being “crazy jealous” yet we have whole men who can’t handle the fact they weren’t their partner’s first everything.

[@Sonu-ey1fk]

who wants to be 2nd choice 🤐

[@zorro......]

​@Sonu you might not be the first choice (simply because you didnt meet til later), but you could be the final and best choice. so stay bitter about it, plenty of other men arent and they get happily married in loving relationships:)

[@anthonytesla8382]

Nobody wants to be the leftovers when you couldn't make it work with better men

[@th9nj9]

@@anthonytesla8382 Leftovers? better men? you're projecting onto a complete stranger and their relationships 😬 you okay dude?

[@DezzmanX]

You never fawned over your ex's or chatting them up around him or anything did you?

[@mrdiego4368]

As a man that almost became an incel, I understand women that don’t care. it’s more than just therapy, the best thing was that I hanged out with men that wanted to help. Enjoyed my loneliness and now I’m married. The only good advice I got from the redpill is to enjoy being single. And yes we as men need to be able to have healthier relationships with both men and women.

[@HeyoitsJay]

Very true. Self love for men is very important

[@tobie1636]

very well said, I wish you a healthy and loving lasting marriage.

[@veebezoo5175]

well said!

[@thenotsoamazinggracetnsag3463]

I’m glad that you found happiness!

[@divatheeva7519]

Lovely growth!! Proud of you man!! ☺️☺️

[@redmaple1982]

One thing that's crucial is that men need to start holding MEN accountable for the various social and traumas men are subject to. We hear the stats on men from MRAs and what they always leave out is that the VAST MAJORITY of these incarceration, rapes, combat fatalities, assaults, and murders are done to men by other men (or at the behest of other men). Meanwhile there is a lot misplaced anger on mothers that needs to be transfered on to the men who neglect, absue, and abandon their families. Further there has to be a reconing with the present "responisble" male family members that impart toxic and harmful ideas on the younger generation.

[@KhadijaMbowe]

The times I’ve seen men do this to each other has given me moments of hope. Re: holding each other accountable

[@redmaple1982]

@@KhadijaMbowe it's actually really nice when you see brothers discuss fatherhood and how they hope to raise their children in contrast to what their own father did...there is a lot of "it really hurt me when dad did x and I don't want to do that if my child is doing y" or "dad thinks z is silly but he's so old school he doent understand how helpful it can be"

[@EdgarHernandez-uu4iw]

Lmao what? What does have to do with loneliness and you know why men kill men in wars? To protect the woman and children back at home!! Have some respect

[@PdoxDV]

@@EdgarHernandez-uu4iw chill out man, nobody here is your enemy.

[@redmaple1982]

@@EdgarHernandez-uu4iw who are these armies protecting women and children from? Once again MOSTLY men acting on the behest of other men. Though it's pretty funny to think that 21st century wars start as part of a noble desire to protect people rather than a desire for oil, greed for territorial expansion, or as a way of distracting from local political failures. I guess some armies are protecting people but those are the armies of countries being invaded...at the behest of a man.

[@alexthompson2466]

It feels like a double edged sword when men emotionally open up to me as a woman. The man sees me as a life preserver bc they don't open up to anyone else, and when I say I don't want them sexually, they can lash out in extreme ways. Men need to take a long hard look at themsleves before jumping to accuse women of being selfish because women aren't pairing up with them. My therapist told me when you set boundaries for the first time people will accuse you of being selfish because they're used to you not having any, and that seems to be what's happening right now between men and women on a massive scale.

[@creativechristinaa]

This is such a great comparison.

[@SC-sn3xs]

Funny enough reminds me of the one male friend I had who accused me of trying to "control him" because I told him I wasn't comfortable with him making sexual comments about me or my body. Needless to say I blocked him from my life after that. It's crazy that placing a boundary of protection for yourself is seen as an attack on them! Make it make sense!

[@Sol-fo2zu]

Well. Fucking. Said.

[@normandy2501]

I've only every opened up to my father and my therapist. Both are, to me, just more qualified for the heavier stuff. By the time I usually get to the relationship, I've been told I seem like I haven't been through much becsuse I've already dealt with/forgot about it.

[@ARedMagicMarker]

A huge rule of mine is any guy who uses the phrase, "the friendzone" when talking about any man-woman friendship, or says it to me unironically and dead serious, and gives me that expectant....*look*, then I'm out. Drop everything like I'm at future ground zero, I heard the warning sirens, and get out while there's still time. Not worth even BEGINNING to salvage that hot mess. They are too subscribed to their "Facts n' logicz", and there ain't no coming back.

[@namtellectjoonal7230]

The first time I have seen my younger brother cry since he was a small child was at our grandmother's funeral...and it broke my heart that he felt the need to apologize for not being able to "hold it in" We all need to give young children of any gender the space to express their emotions, be it negative or positive , so they can learn how to. The social stigma on male tears is helping nobody

[@Ava-nf2qq]

this social stigma doesnt just apply to boys, it applies to anyone crying tbh people hate when people are overly emotion

[@hjr228]

@@Ava-nf2qq it's waaaay different. I've seem women tear up legitimately trivial things, like TV shows and no one judges them, certainly not out loud. As guys our cries come in intervals of years and it had BETTER be alone lol

[@CSAcrazy]

it's funny though because every time i've been ridiculed or rejected or emasculated for having emotions it was from a woman, men are supporting eachother but if you show vulnerability to women especially to romantic partners expect to then be looked at as weak an unattractive right after. that's why men don't show emotion

[@redfruit1993z]

Imagine crying at your grand ma funerals. So gay.

[@alanhasmemes]

@@redfruit1993z I really hope that's ironic

[@Ackee2711]

I got married, had two children and got divorced in the course of 5 years. I've been divorced for over 20 years and have nothing but terrible relationships. I am now in my late 50"s and see what is out there [a lot of these men have mental health issues] and i have no interest in trying to figure them out...I pass...I am happiest when I am alone.

[@HannahCrier]

So long as you are happy, that's all that matters. I hope you have a great day ♥️

[@justagamer1870]

Like Kenny said I got daddy issues and thats on me.

[@iamfukked7064]

@@justagamer1870 yo, Kenny JD?

[@cguibcx]

"...and I have no interest in trying to figure them out!!" PERIOD!! Sick men need to figure this shit out with their therapist! It's no woman's job to try to "fix" a man molded by toxic masculinity.

[@punkybrewstar83]

Never married, no children, 39, and I feel the same. It is literally a matter of being better off in every regard when I am single, and it being too late to find anyone I want a kid with. I have put in enough effort and money, and I like being safe and happy instead.

[@mrspreminger]

I find it hard to feel bad for these guys. I’m a girl that’s struggled with loneliness my whole life and have been rejected socially and find it hard to make and keep friends due to my autism and other problems. However, I don’t generalize the whole population and see certain people as less than human. I think it’s these men’s responsibility to go and work on themselves. It’s not their fault for being raised in a society that perpetuates these ideas but it is their responsibility to not continue to perpetuate them.

[@greenandgold8310]

This spoke to my soul🙌 Very well worded💛

[@MilaBelen]

EXACTLY, why should WE be responsible for the work THEY have to do?

[@flu-shot-turned-me-gay]

im an autistic girl and its like u stole the words right from my mouth ily

[@downsjmmyjones101]

How would a guy learn that he needs to change and how to change if he's been taught not to his whole life? Also, I don't think comparing your loneliness to male loneliness is accurate since men are socialized much differently from women.

[@unfriendlyblkhottie444]

That last line summed it up nicely!! I've always said that you can't control what happened to you or what you were exposed to as a child HOWEVER, at a certain point (and age) the blame will begin to shift from the adults in your life onto you.

[@commieswine]

As a man the only time in my adult life I wasn't lonely was when I was in the service. It literally took trauma bonding with my brothers in arms to gain open, honest and emotional relationships with my fellow men. It shouldn't take a war for us to be able to be vulnerable with one another. And thank you for acknowledging that women can confirm patriarchal tropes of masculinity. I've had exes call me a p***y and worse a f****t for trying to be vulnerable with them. Nothing hurts worse then that. Thanks for the video I'm a huge fan!

[@cryptobitez6090]

Why would you try to be vulnerable with women? You sound lost bro, why are you out here listening to feminists on how to be a man? go start a hobby, boxing, salsa, rugby etc... improve yourself and you will find strong men to keeep you company and help each other grow. You sound so lost man. Really sad comment.

[@m.a.2658]

@@cryptobitez6090 Ahhh, so it seems you relate to the ideals of the mythopoetic mens movement referenced in the video then?

[@annikasunshine]

Thomas, I am so sorry they said those awful things to you. No one should have to suffer insults like that, much less from an intimate partner in response to being vulnerable. It's beyond disappointing that these women internalized and then projected misogyny and homophobia onto you. I hope you know that you, like everyone else, are deserving of loving and accepting intimacy, whether from a romantic partner or a close friend. Good luck to you.

[@commieswine]

@@annikasunshine thank you for the kind words. Fortunately I was surrounded by good people in my youth, of both genders , so I know there is better out there.

[@endxofxeternity]

You should use p***y and f****t as a badge of honour. I think that's the ultimate point of it all. You should we sweet and kind, and non aggressive, and it's okay to fail or be incompetent or vulnerable or cry or whatever the feminine traits you have that your girlfriend tried to pull out of you. Like it's fine.

[@NoKidsNoProblem]

I'm a 36 year old guy and the only anxiety problems that I have are ocd. I have never been in a relationship before but I am fine since I enjoy solitude and the freedom to live on my own terms. I have no kids to worry about and am able to focus exclusively on myself. I am happy that there are women out there that are experiencing this freedom as well.

[@samhg3658]

This! Some men desperately needs to realize they don't need to have a relationship to be happy. It's okay that many men want a relationship, but in no way "having a girlfriend/wife" should be something to be pressured to do because it shows how happy or successful one is. I'm happy for you too dude, keep going 👍

[@Alicia-rn8bg]

This!! This is the mindset, having a happy full filing life on your own, working on yourself, your dreams etc. You dropped your crown king!

[@Kabullo76]

@@Alicia-rn8bg Sure, being depressed and lonely for decades and pretending it's okay to get approval and the cookie in a comment section from frustrated feminists

[@Kabullo76]

@@samhg3658 Sure, being depressed and lonely for decades and pretending it's okay to get approval and the cookie in a comment section from frustrated feminists

[@JeromeProductions]

@@samhg3658 damn

[@Drummerx04]

Honestly one of the many things to shock me lately was my girlfriend fawning over me for having basic human decency. Like, crying because she's happy I take her feelings seriously... which naturally leads me to wonder on the level of abuse required to bring someone's bar for happiness that low.

[@EmpressKiya.]

Crazy ain't it? Women are not regarded as beings having a human experience by most men. Women have been fighting for this very moment for millennia. I'm happy it's finally happening cause it will force us as a global civilization to raise our consciousness.

[@FromtheeyesofShaun]

Damn, you just don't know man. I always tell men around me Tread light with the woman your with because we live in a system that allows a woman to be used and abused prior to (YOUR) experience with her. Most men met a woman after she's had the same things happen to her and repeat the pattern. Thank you for breaking the chain. ❤️👏

[@Drummerx04]

@@FromtheeyesofShaun Thank you for the kind words. It took a few mistakes and a lot of self reflection to really gain the level of empathy and self awareness needed for a healthy relationship, but it is well worth it in the end.

[@Joscinemimi]

So much abuse. You would not believe, and the emotional abuse is worse than the physical

[@Drummerx04]

@@spliffrotation7238 that sounds like the kind of cynicism that leads to abuse in the first place. It's always a good idea to prepare for failure, it is another to treat your partner as hostile without reason.

[@tanaschmidt3728]

Here’s the problem with letting men open up to you emotionally as a woman: men are so conditioned to expect this from only romantic relationships that they automatically think you’re trying to get together with them or sleep with them. The number of guy friends who shut down when they make moves or inappropriate comments and then I remind them that we are platonic friends and I would like to keep that boundary right where it is, is getting exhausting and is part of why I’m currently not up to dating. Fuck it. Do the self-work (which probably means therapy). I’m just gonna carry on

[@madelinevlogs5898]

I’ve had the same experiences with men. A lot of them think emotional connection = dating or sex. That’s why I don’t have male friends anymore

[@sonorasgirl]

As a female therapist, they even expect it from their therapists! I’ve had so many dudes hit on me after they started opening up emotionally….I intentionally dress pretty masc at work now even though I’m definitely cis and fem just to feel a sense of protection

[@bloop6111]

As a lesbian this is an issue for me too. I want to badly to connect to my male friends the same way I connect to my female/nb friends but it often complicates things. Even if I fully communicate that I have zero attraction to men, that will be ignored by some guys when the friendship deepens. I know there are issues where men feel like they aren’t able to open up to people, they don’t get random compliments, and they don’t feel valued. And it’s like, I would seriously love to give you tons of compliments and let you open up but I have had it backfire enough times that I’ve had to just be distant. If I could dote on men without it being misinterpreted, I so would. I think that’s a huge part of why men have those issues. If they would just really listen and believe us when we say we’re not interested it could be so much better.

[@iateyursandwiches]

@@sonorasgirl omg! 😦Are you serious?😬 i mean maybe you're kind of attractive too but still. Wth. Why do men have this mindset that emotional support must equal romance? I really think its the way were raise our boys.

[@iateyursandwiches]

Tbf though, can we say that het women dont get this way on the rare occasion that men allow them to be emotionally vulnerable around them? Of course, women often get this emotional support from other women as well in the first place, but still, I hope you see my point. The problem is that men basically only get this support from women they are involved with and for some reason, can't seem to expect it from anywhere else.

[@believe.receive]

I've seen many men on the internet blame female empowerment and feminism as the source of their loneliness when it comes to a lack of success in the dating world. While our natural instinct is to often find a scapegoat and blame our problems on that, the harsh reality is that we are responsible for dealing with our issues and becoming better versions of ourselves. As someone who has experienced this kind of mentality in other facets of my life, e.g., health problems, psychological problems, even dating problems, I came to the realization this year that, as an adult, I have to take responsibility in building a better life for myself. As a woman, I can even empathize with incels and manosphere guys to some extent, given that I also know what it's like to find myself in a dark pit where everything seems out of my control and everyone else is to blame. But let me tell you something - anger at the world will only push you further back down. Rise above it, stop feeling entitled to anyone's attention or sympathy and do something about improving your own life. It will make you almost unrecognizable - on the inside and out. Life isn't fair, shit happens, and the majority of people only care about themselves. Whether you like it or not, that's the reality. So find power in yourself in changing whatever situation you feel stuck in WITHOUT directing that anger towards the outside world or the people in it - whether it's girls who rejected you, systems that failed you, political movements and so on. You don't have to drown the person next to you to swim back to shore. Also Khadija - great video as always. Keep shining girl!

[@memorycelle]

[@bigwhy6845]

only extremely weak-minded people look for scapegoats instead of taking personal responsibility for themselves.

[@maybelikealittlebit]

So well said 👏💗

[@SoulDevoured]

Yeah even if there are forces beyond your control it doesn't help you at all to be resentful that no one will help you out. The empowering mindset, rather than the powerless mindset, is always going to be healthier and make you more capable of bettering your situation.

[@tanugoziebitrus]

well said 👏

[@mwatson4970]

Girl, I have just found you and I am subscribing now! I had a starter conversation with my 70+ yo dad last week which revealed how much he expected me, even as a child, to ask him all the questions about himself if I wanted to know or get close to him. Like all the labor was on me and my pre-pubescent to connect with a grown man. So for the past 20 years I've been under the impression that we did NOT talk while I was growing up bc out was so deeply ingrained in him that others needed to do the emotional labor for him 🙄😓. I just... can't. Also, love how gorgeous your skin looks in the older video clips!

[@missrebeccabee]

OMFG, SAME SISTER

[@ciownu]

pretty sure you still don't get it. he didnt want you to do all the emotional lifting to "get to know him", most men just dont talk about themselves bc usually nobody cares lol.

[@ambo9569]

@@ciownuNot you trying to make the dad the victim. Grow up and learn accountability. So ur kids don’t have to wonder why their dad is so emotionally unavailable

[@Zomgtforly]

Empathy for those who need to learn it can do wonders.@@ambo9569

[@cryptochrome3090]

Men simultaneously treat us as beneath them in every way and as the solution to all their issues. You’re an adult. Get a therapist, learn to deal with your emotional problems like a normal person. Support your male friends. Stop blaming women for YOUR shortcomings.

[@lisabrown8159]

That is such a poor generalization for an entire species of human LOL. How about taking accountability for choosing shitty people to associate with?

[@juratory8876]

☕️☕️☕️

[@NoName-sp5dp]

@Healing Misogynist not with all these therapy apps

[@NoName-sp5dp]

@@lisabrown8159 stats don't lie

[@lisabrown8159]

@@NoName-sp5dp There's a stat of every male on the planet that shows that they treat women beneath them?

[@solarmoth4628]

I can kind of see why a woman would choose to be single. Especially if we grew up seeing the issues in your parents relationship. Being with a closed off man who only expresses frustration through yelling or anger is taxing. It’s possible to have fulfilling emotional relationships with men but I think it requires a certain level of introspection and emotional work on your own before that’s possible. You don’t need to be perfect just developing.

[@VeginMatt]

As I've once exclaimed to my mom: I'm lonely, really lonely and I wish I was capable of being in a relationship...but at least I'm not married to someone like dad.

[@bigwhy6845]

Yes, my father traumatized me and I saw the toll it took on my mother. I am in no way eager to recreate that situation for myself. I wish my mother could have seen that singlehood was an option before having kids with an abuser. But sadly it was a different time, and she rationalized that all men must be like that. She told herself it was better to have 2 parents in the household, even if one was knocking down the drywall. And now all these incels with anger management issues wonder why women aren't lining up to be with them. Huh.

[@ws6778]

Men are tiring, I do not have to have the patience for them, I only realized that later in life that this is okay, I am not a failure for that, I rather just spend my time with women or by my own company.

[@the_sky_is_blue_and_so_am_I]

@@bigwhy6845 My mom is the same way!! 2 is better than 1. Nope. 1 is better than 2 people that bring out the worst in eachother.

[@juicyparsons]

oof, not calling out my Father for refusing to do any work on his own healing.....! Yup he gon be alone. My Mom figured it out. Got with a man who is willing to do the work. Pretty simple equation if you ask me. My Father is a good man.....who has a lot of trauma that he's too emotionally closed off to confront. so here we are in lonely town lol

[@synesthesia.aesthetic]

I sympathize with anyone who is lonely. However, if you refuse to evolve, grow and listen then you have co-signed your own solitude. Also, KM, you look gorgeous 😍

[@timtim9o5]

"I sympathise with you, however its your fault, so up yours" lol nice. That's not sympathy at all.

[@botanicalitus4194]

@@timtim9o5 Straw man much. Men arent babies, we cant coddle them and fix all their problems for them everytime they throw a tantrum. They are adults, and with adults you offer them help but you cant do the work for them. Men are lonely, so MEN need to fix it. It's their problem, they should find a solution. We can offer support and empathy, but not at the expense of our own safety and well being because god knows women and nonbinary folk have a metric fuckton to deal with already (including vioIence from these very men we want to see get better). If they dont take the initiative to improve their own lives, there's nothing we can do

[@biggestastiest]

@@timtim9o5 my man, they were saying that if you choose to view your partner as lesser than you, then that's whats keeping you from getting laid.

[@katiez688]

Exactly. None of us are entitled to a relationship. We have to each be willing to do the work on ourselves to become an attractive partner.

[@timtim9o5]

​@@biggestastiest Loneliness covers a much broader scope than just the context of a monogamous relationship. You're obviously choosing the most charitable interpretation of their statement because you can relate, whereas I am pointing out the duplicity in their "Sympathy". They "Sympathize" whilst simultaneosly invalidating the condition. Try this statement on for comparison: "I Sympathise with Drug addicts, however if you lie, cheat and steal just to get drugs, then you've cause your own problem" do you see how that example actually does not sympathise with the stated condition at all? I think the same of OP's initial statement.

[@ADubbs-fd8xf]

I've seen a lot of women talking about how their friends who were men ended up wanting to date them and how that ruined they friendship, and Ik that that happens alot. I feel like something men could work on as part of addressing our collective loneliness issue is being able to divorce our sexual attractions from our human need for connection. Like it's possible to feel sexually attracted to someone and just wait until that mess goes away. Sometimes it won't and maybe that means y'all can't be friends, but in my experience a lot of that stuff dies down after a week or 2. Sometimes you need a friend more than a date/hookup etc. I have a bunch of women friends with whom I'm purely platonic and I'm very blessed to have them. I just want to encourage all the lonely dudes out there to think about that. Some people not meant to be in your bed, some of them are meant to be your homies, regardless of whether you physically attracted to them. Also, be nicer to your dude friends as well. We all need support, so bro, when your boy shows vulnerability, don't make fun of him, give him some kindness. It's not gay🙄. But being gay is fine too lol. Aight peace.

[@ahzigos]

finally, someone said it.

[@Emidretrauqe]

I dare you to apply that standard to women.

[@ahzigos]

@@Emidretrauqe it's not hard actually, in opposite-sex friendship in the vast majority of time, it's the guy that ends up in love with the girl who wanted to be their friend. Of course women can deal with this issue as well, but overall, I believe most people would agree that is men that have a much harder time distinguishing between the signs that a woman wants to be a friend vs the signs that she is interested in them, it seems that sometimes they tend to mistake care, love, compassion, empathy (that a woman might feel for them) as exclusively romantic, and respond to that idea. As a girl, I can guarantee that 99% of the times, it's the guys that have a hard time distinguishing things. Also women do tend to listen to their friends respectfully and be supportive of them (in regards to their feelings).

[@Emidretrauqe]

@@ahzigos If unmarried men don't pursue women they don't get sex. They have to learn about how to court women and unfortunately there's no substitute for experience. There's not even a close second. There used to be, but that was oppressive, so now we're in the wild west of dating. Freedom is a hassle, and there's no shortage of men coming of age, trying to figure out how to talk to women in the only way they can. By talking to women despite themselves. The ones that don't have no hope of finding a partner _ever._ If men could just sit back and have women pursue them, I assure you they would be way more chill about the whole thing.

[@ahzigos]

@@Emidretrauqe that's not even the point of this discussion (the point being : men should be open to have friendships with women and not look at every woman as a potential partner). Still, to me what you just said perfectly sums the problem, men think that they should chase and chase and chase women for s*x, like, dude... Get a hobby, some friends, be nice, take care of yourself, deal with your sh*t, just... have a f*cking life, having a woman to f*ck is not going to fix your life or bring you happiness, having a girlfriend or marrying isn't guaranteed to bring you fulfillment. S*x, dating, etc, aren't sports, nor games, treat people like people, don't expect others to fill your needs. Obviously people will pursue you, and you should pursue people that you're interested in, that's just natural. Just remember that what you're looking for isn't going to fill your empty life, not like real human connections, relationships, friendships, and overall a life your proud of, will. Some people could be a friend for the rest of your life, so don't treat them like all they are worth for is 15 minutes in the backseat of a car.

[@lilymulligan8180]

I dated a Lonely Man for almost 5 years. He wasn't an incel, but he struggled with relationships for his entire adult life and definitely was lonely. It was his main personality trait, honestly. We broke up because he wasn't willing to put in the same amount of emotional labor as I was to make the relationship work. I am EXTREMELY emotional, and not only could he not handle me, he wasn't willing to learn or grow in that way. Instead, all of the problems in our relationship were 100% my fault, he was always the blameless victim, and I tried so hard to fix myself thinking that it would fix our relationship.... Well, joke's on him, cuz the process of "fixing" myself made me realize that I deserved soooooo much more than he was capable of providing. He only stayed with me for that long because he thought it was better to be in a relationship that he couldn't handle than to be single. He only liked me because I liked him - he didn't actually like me for ME. Fuck that. The crazy thing is that, on paper, he has a perfect life. High paying job in an exciting industry, interesting hobbies, in great shape, good sense of humor... But he's still miserable because he believes he should be able to thrive in total solitude. His extreme social anxiety has absolutely ruined his life, but he won't actually do anything about it because he doesn't even see it. He's just so used to being a Sad Boy that he's forgotten what it feels like to be happy, content, and connected. Sucks to suck. I'm not interested in being any man's only social support ever again. I hope he figures his shit out, but honestly he probably never will. He's too stubborn. Good riddance.

[@cristinarivera5707]

I dated a guy like that too. The whole world was out to get him according to him. Like you, so many of our problems I thought was my fault. I thought there was something I was doing wrong. The relationship ended when I found him in bed with another woman. He had a habit of having female “friends” online. His woah is me personality attracted them like a moth to a flame.

[@bigwhy6845]

Some people are in love with their own victimhood. It's as you said, their main personality trait. It's so juvenile and off-putting.

[@wyattlong8321]

Wait a minute, "We broke up because he wasn't willing to put in the same amount of emotional labor as I was to make the relationship work. I am EXTREMELY emotional, and not only could he not handle me, he wasn't willing to learn or grow in that way." But also, "His extreme social anxiety has absolutely ruined his life, but he won't actually do anything about it because he doesn't even see it. Sucks to suck. I'm not interested in being any man's only social support ever again." Sounds like it's just as much your fault as it is his. You're not willing to be his social support but he has to be YOUR emotional support?

[@SEmme-ov6yy]

@@wyattlong8321 that is not what they said at all. Stop concern trolling

[@maheenm.k1015]

@@wyattlong8321 people want to be watered equally in a relationship. I suggest anyone who feels they are not being watered equally or receiving as much emotional labor and engagement as they put in back to just leave their shitty, unfulfilling, unsatisfying, unhappy relationship. It's so funny how if this was a forum of lesbians, they would not have any trouble with "put in the same amount of emotional labour as I was". This is something that only straight men struggle to comprehend or simple choose to play stupid about She wanted the emotional energy she gave him to be given to her equally as well, otherwise it's extremely emotional draining. It's not that hard. Just rub your only 2 braincells together.

[@kyraspearman3699]

I literally had a conversation with my boyfriend yesterday about this, I constantly tell him that a lot of men don’t like women and he doesn’t get it because he says the heterosexuals date marry have sex, children etc ALL with hetero women. In my opinion men have been taught through generations to like women for what they provide, sex food a lineage etc etc but they really never had to care about providing emotional well being of women seeing us as equals actually making an effort for a mutual respect. So women got sick and tired, yes we aren’t a monolith but all women can relate to the same experiences with men and now men are upset that they actually have to treat us like equals that what this whole alpha male is about. They want a classic women and not a “modern” woman whatever that means, aka they want a women to go back to letting them treat them like crap and stick beside them.

[@jenna7437]

Also, I think young men nowadays want the perks of both types of women. They want a, "traditional woman" in the sense that they want someone who will do all the household chores, have sex with them whenever (not be able to say no), and do a majority of raising the child. While at the same time, wanting a, "modern woman" who will pay 50% of the bills. They want the best of both worlds and that's just not how it works!

[@ahem8013]

i struggle too getting men in my life to understand this. they just don’t see it when its right in front of them. i think they see themselves and the men around them vying for sex and female attention all the time so they think “well how could men hate women when they want them so bad?” if you want something very badly, and simultaneously see it as fundamentally below you, hate/resentment is going to blossom from that.

[@sahirygnobehi6448]

You're so right. So many heterosexual men do hate women. People forget outside the united states. Girls were aborted. While sons were kept. And now from the six continents. They're struggling with the lack of women. But society made sure to force it down our throats. That being married with kids is what god wants. It's our reality. And it sucks😔

[@cultmecca]

"In my opinion men have been taught through generations to like women for what they provide, sex food a lineage etc etc" I'd argue that this is true for men too. Traditionally men have been valued as providers and bell hooks I think even brings this up in The Will to Change, she says something to the effect that men aren't loved in society and loving men for what they can do for you isn't the same as loving men.

[@jackiealexander92530]

@Healing Misogynist yes, but statistically men are happier in a marriage because women provide them emotional labor, and that’s why married women often times are miserable in their marriages. There are literally stats on this

[@DSN430]

I care, just not more than I care about protecting myself. I hope for a healthy relationship someday, but I'm adjusting to the idea that they may never *want* to be healthy partners and that's none of my business. Looking forward to your thoughts.

[@monimuppet6132]

Same. F.D. Signifier spoke a few times about understanding the lack of empathy from non-men on this subject and only hoped that those that can't aid them, give space to those that can. That's a thing I can definitely do. I can maintain my sanctuary and also not shout down those trying to reach the young men and boys that can still be reached.

[@caseyw.6550]

Love this!

[@iwasbornunderwater]

Yes, yes and yes. You summed up where I stand so succinctly.

[@sonorasgirl]

Yuuuuup

[@megsley]

the paths you follow are what you find - if you expect men to be trash then all you'll find are trash men.

[@arandomcatheehee]

I remember when I was 13, my dad told me I needed to learn how to care for my future husband… I proceeded to go on a mini strike at home because I didn’t want to care for someone else!! Thankfully my parents know now that there’s never going to be a son in law ✨

[@toomuchinformation]

I don't know how old you are, but THAT would be enough to turn anyone against marriage.

[@arandomcatheehee]

@@toomuchinformation I turned 20 this year, so that would have been around 2016

[@toomuchinformation]

@@arandomcatheehee Crikey, I thought that this was a long time ago. Fathers were STILL saying this in 2016?

[@arandomcatheehee]

@@toomuchinformation Unfortunately :(

[@mustyrious]

See I never been in a relationship but I see what your saying if you do get in a relationship your going half and half? And you cook your own meals feed and clean for yourself? Vice versa your partner? Every relationship isn’t the same what might work for some people might not work for others I don’t know how much women think like you but this is the internet after all

[@DopeDigitalsByJo]

Being single has done wonders for my blood pressure 💅🏽

[@Danielle.Jensen]

Lol

[@LotusBookWorm]

Congrats on your healthy lifestyle!! 🌟 ❤

[@itwasriggedfromthestart9520]

Good, now work on your weight, you have a lot to do in this regard.

[@DopeDigitalsByJo]

@@itwasriggedfromthestart9520 trolling strangers online is lil di#k energy. I'm praying for your growth literally 💅🏽

[@megsley]

@@DopeDigitalsByJo they body shame you so you body shame them? shit is never gonna get any better 🤣

[@user-rz3nu3lm5r]

I’m a queer man who’s been in a lot of different friend groups through the years, some male centric, some not, and one thing I’ve noticed is that straight men have much less rewarding friendships with each other, and rarely have genuine friendships with women. The male centric friend groups I was a part of always lacked emotional support. It makes sense that men are lonely, it’s because they isolate themselves. I think men need to start genuinely investing in their friendships, instead of blaming women. Learning how to be a good friend also teaches you how to be a good romantic partner, but so many guys see them as completely separate things, and then they end up woefully unprepared to be good partners, bc they never learned how to truly care for someone.

[@thejasminediaz]

Facts! Friendships are our first relationships outside of our family. Friendships matter greatly in our romantic life

[@CaulkMongler]

I have a similar experience. My cis-hetero male friends are pretty bad at upkeep related to friends and are really difficult to get them to open up, even after years of knowing each other.

[@KD-ou2np]

I run into this with my boyfriend all the time. Him and his male friends aren't willing to really share anything deep or personal, nor asking each other anything deep and personal unless maybe they've been drinking. And even then, its rare, its always very surface level and they pretend it didn't happen the next day. Its like they're afraid to go there or they might be labeled as "emotional" by their friends. How can guys be friends for years and spend time together and never know their friends really feel about anything. I don't get it, sure it might be "cleaner" to always keep yourself closed off but the trade off is that feel like you can't share who you are with anyone in your life, you feel deeply alone.

[@tikayscake2416]

I also think having friendships with women as well as men is necessary social support. Being surrounded by different people's socialization can help you learn different things, including better emotional connection/coping skills. They would be more likely to see women as human people and not like a separate species who you only involve with romantically/sexually. It'll be easier to discern whether a woman is friendly or flirty if you have women in your life who are just supportive friends

[@manu47797]

@@KD-ou2np maybe im wrong but it sounds Like theyre Friends dont want to talk about anything deep Just in case they cry or Something and dont want to bother anyone when theyre Out having fun

[@ladybug3380]

As I got older I started to understand why women who’ve been married for 10-30+ years divorce their husbands. Men aren’t taught to put forth any emotional labor in a heterosexual relationship which leads the women to drain themselves until they can’t take it anymore. It’s so beautiful to be with a man who knows himself and can express his feelings in a non toxic way.

[@cryptobitez6090]

nah, women need endless emotional stimulation. Eventually its never enough, especially now that everyone is a feminist and is looking for greener grass after they get comfy. Most men cba anymore. I dont owe anyone time money emotional labour etc. No intelligent self sufficiency man gets married because women today are not worth it. Casual relationships only. We both keep our freedom and options open.... but women will whine about that too. Every middle aged women wants a full time baby sitter and provider

[@ladybug3380]

@@cryptobitez6090 You said you don’t owe anyone time, money and emotional labor but you would definitely take it if your partner gave those things to you in abundance. No intelligent self sufficient woman want to get married because men today aren’t worth it. Everything you stated can be reversed back to you, men and women aren’t compatible (never were).

[@charliekahn4205]

Can any man do that?

[@danieldiaz-lebrun4956]

It's not that men don't put forth "any" emotional labor in a relationship, it's just that men do not have an endless supply of energy to fulfill that labor as they age. It's human nature, and you're no more entitled to that energy than he is to yours.

[@cryptobitez6090]

@@ladybug3380 no i wouldnt, you dont know me. Just because you are an energy vampire doesnt mean others are too. I keep my space and energy free from bs people/females, most strong intelligent people do that for obvious reasons but clearly that thinking is foreign to you. Strong men and feminine women are extremely compatible but i dont think you know what a strong man is nor how to be a feminine woman and that's sad. So everyone stay single and stop whining? but you will still whine. Tomorrow there will be another feminist video whining about men and relationships lol. Men not dating you or men dating you and not being xyz lol. And the usual set of feminists will come with thier stories of thier ex who wasnt great in this way or that way lol

[@TTTups]

i just broke up a long friendship with a guy bc he's an andrew tate fan. it's obviously not the only reason, the discussion of tate just triggered it. i tried to show him compassion and empathy for a long time, i tried not to argue with him and be nice, i tried to be understanding. but he just didn't try to understand my feminism and had no respect for me or my views, he was so arrogant and kept sending vaguely alt right content when i didn't push feminism on him. and i'm afraid it might push him further into the manosphere content gutter, but i gotta protect myself and my emotional wellbeing. he was insufferable lately and it's hard to have compassion when your feminism is constantly made fun of. just remember that sometimes you have to let go and think of yourself. Great video, Khadija, i watched it twice

[@jq9690]

Ik my reply is late but I have also had an experience much like this. I was friends with guy whom I knew most of my life. I knew him since elementary school and we are now just leaving high-school. I really thought I knew what kind of person he was. I thought that because he grew up along side a female friend that he actually saw me as a person, unlike all the boys who harassed me throughout school. But within the last year I realized how wrong I was. He’s been recently saying some rlly sexist things and quoting all of the Incel/MRA/Alpha male fuckers (I hate them so damn much-) He also straight up admitted he had been having sexual thoughts about me and was angry that i am asexual and thus won’t do those things with him. I cut off communication with him. It’s going to make it really hard for me to trust guys in the future. It’s scary how you could know them your whole life and they could still deep down be a mysogynistic piece of shit. Sorry didn’t mean to ramble for so long but basically I relate to your comment lol.

[@TTTups]

@@jq9690 take care, friend. it's always hard to break up such a friendship but sometimes it's needed. the guy i stopped being friends with also was kinda upset when i told him i can't think of him in a romantic or sexual way, he was too much like a brother to me (friends since kindergarten almost until the end of high school). you try and you hope but some people just have to let go of. i wish you healing from that experience, it must've been hard

[@jq9690]

@@TTTups Thank you. And I hope you heal from your experience too.

[@nemzi8969]

@@TTTups well your friend is lost and sees himself as unlovable many people who listen Andrew Tate because they see there is something wrong whit them

[@ihaveanaceupmysleeveandits1611]

@@jq9690 Donot contact him again ever. I am asexual and had a “friend” like that who eventually sa ed me.

[@communistsharks6889]

I think what it comes down to is that we can all have empathy for men’s emotional pain, but we’re also realizing that it’s not our responsibility to fix it. They have to look for that healing themselves, just like we did ourselves.

[@-._.-KRiS-._.-]

Well said. Being raised to cater to everyone else's emotions has been really hard to break through. I imagine them not having their emotions catered to all the time would be equally hard to break through.

[@orhanemiratlgan9478]

Men cannot solve those problems alone. A man, who has not ever been loved or touched cannot believe that he might be loved in future.

[@communistsharks6889]

@@orhanemiratlgan9478 for sure! Community is a big part of healing. But I’m still not responsible for your healing or your pain; that’s your deal. You can ask loved ones for help, but it’s not appropriate to expect the women in your life to do all the heavy lifting/emotional labour. Part of healthy relationships is a diverse pool of emotional resources and support networks - therapy, friends, family, community are all important in this equation. No one is saying go it alone, we’re saying don’t put it all on us.

[@VermisTerrae]

I'm a transmasculine person who's been on hormones for a little over 2 years now. I remember when I started passing as male, I couldn't understand why some of the time I would feel affirmed and other times I would feel really uncomfortable. In time, I realized that I didn't really mind when a woman saw me as a man, but when men would see me as another man, very often there was this unspoken but palpable miasma of dudeliness in how they behaved towards me that repulsed me. It was surreal to have the same kind of guys who would have dehumanized me before my transition begin to see me as one of their own, like I got a membership to an exclusive club that I never asked for or wanted.

[@mstaylor1073]

Interesting

[@dalailarose1596]

Idk if it's like this at all, but it kind of reminds me of when white people assume they can say low-key racist shit around me because I'm "one of them". Or people talking shit about tattoos because I'm wearing long sleeves, or being homophobic if my partner looks male. *I do not want to be part of your club, Karen. Take me off the mailing list.*

[@Setsunako6587]

😲fascinating! I'd love it if you could describe the "palpable miasma of dudeliness" in more detail; clearly you're very good with words! Please, sir... please tell us more about the male-on-male gaze 🥺?

[@huskybusky2845]

@@Setsunako6587 yas I wanna hear more about the trans experience in different social groups

[@s0ne01]

.

[@magical571]

should we care for fellow humans going through lonely times? for sure. Should we be forced to date them or accommodate everything about ourselves around their needs while being gaslighted, having no emotional support in return, or being treated as sex objects? no, absolutely not.

[@thaLAangel]

slam dunk

[@jaelonsanders5878]

Y'all just be exposing yourselves man. I know PLENTY of dudes who are legit and have emotional intelligence. You know what happens to them? They get left in the dust for not having hoes and ironically not treating women like capital. I've quite literally been told that I have emotional intelligence and that I have a "personality that attracts gay guys". And that it sucked cause "most girls are attracted to macho guys" who they constantly complained to me about. HOW DO YALL NOT REALIZE YALL INCENTIVIZE MEN TO ACT THIS WAY. If men need women more than women need men, doesn't that imply that men will do whatever to get women? And if they're doing whatever they can, how the hell are they still just behaving like shit apparently? The answer is: Yall like toxic men

[@leticiasampaio1856]

@@jaelonsanders5878 There's a lot of truth in what you said. That's why toxic masculinity or gender rules are so toxic: they affect everybody. Its like a virus and we are all sick. Some are dealing with it better than others. But that it affects more women than men, it sure does

[@TheSim1derful]

@@jaelonsanders5878 but the toxic men are out here single looking for advice from these incel-style dating gurus. So how does the logic pan out there...

[@frustratedplayer]

@@TheSim1derful he’s referring to the good guys.

[@rynngrey3722]

Dude, I transitioned (FtM) and boy, it's been rough at times. My concern for guys skyrocketed when I realized how ***isolating*** being a dude can be. Like, I grew up in a rural area (closest friend was 30 mins away by car) so I had to figure out how to entertain myself since childhood. I had my art and music to help/distract/engage me; I can't even imagine what I'd do now without those "feminine" skills. I think that's why you see male teenagers get into music- it's one of the "acceptable" ways they can vocalize their emotions.

[@alimac5926]

Okay listen I think you're using your feminine values to judge how isolated/well off men are. When you should be using masculine values. I.e. You get isolated when you don't have a friend to be intimately emotional with, and because men don't have those kinds of friendships you assume that we are isolated. If you look at it from another perspective. If you judge isolation by how much time you spend together then the tiny amount of time spent together when you happen to be emotionally vulnerable doesn't do it for you. Despite having what some would consider enough connection to stave off isolation this person will still be isolated because they haven't spent enough time together.

[@digolaverdad7313]

Lol you are clearly still a chick. Same whinning.

[@facelessdrone]

@@alimac5926 nobody has the time or energy to unpack how gross what you just commented was... Jesus christ...

[@biegebythesea6775]

@@alimac5926 huh?

[@NatsumiTakanawa]

Women aren't men.

[@botanicalitus4194]

Of course we should care, but lets not white wash or avoid confronting the reasons why they are lonely. Most men who suffer from this loneliness hinder themselves from recovery. Sorry but holding and perpetuating sexist and misogynistic beliefs while also belittling women's own negative experienced with loneliness or dating will only serve to keep these men lonely, but so many of them refuse to empathize with women because they blame us for their loneliness. How do they expect us to help them when they actively tell us that we are shallow monsters that can "never understand true loneliness"? Men need to help us help them, until then they're just gonna keep digging themselves deeper into that toxic manosphere hole and then blame us for not making them ladders

[@rilleygriffin]

this was so well said

[@andeexists8716]

Couldn’t have been better said! 💛

[@dontperceiveme3025]

Damn... You should start writing books that was so elegant.

[@drtg101we7]

This only applies to people who are lonely because they are edgelords/incels, most people - including men - are lonely because their social life is lacking and they don’t know how to improve it...

[@BEe-hi4my]

A-men

[@mariahelizabeth_ent]

I wished the headline was that women are finding it healthier to be uncoupled until standards are met. Not just their partners meeting that mark, but first meeting that mark for ourselves. But psychological patriarchy is indeed the reason this headline focuses on what this means for straight men… it’s like a dog whistle violence imo

[@lbjcb5]

Good point.

[@readbooksbekind4957]

Very well said!

[@Setsunako6587]

Exactly.

[@karenwood2928]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@LoneWulf278]

I remember reading a pretty long article by an Egyptian woman a while back. She was responding to the same phenomena happening with unmarried men in her home country. She wrote about how uncomfortable she was reading about all these lonely men when so many women were experiencing extreme violence/DV. But that wasn’t considered a social phenomenon or emergency because it’s considered normal. It gave me a lot to think about in terms of how I perceive social problems. I think there should be lots of space for men’s issues. I just wish people understood how awkward it is to be a woman reading about lonely man “epidemic” when we have so many immediate and preventable problems with the men in question. If women are avoiding men or rejecting marriage in droves, there’s probably a reason. 😂 Maybe we should start there? Idk. I don’t want to sound like I’m erasing the issue or dismissing it. It’s just interesting how men are constantly told what women want 24/7, but then decide to double down on their mentality- knowing that it’s undesirable to most of us.

[@amber_b1723]

I think why men are more lonely is because from the majority of history men only needed to attract women with their financial stability. There was a video I saw of women from the 50s or 60s being interviewed about if they were attracted to their husbands and most said no. Comparing them to now, women have the freedom to be financially independent from men which means that they can raise their standards of who they choose to partner with, leading to men having to do more to attract a partner. Also, women have always for the most part been emotionally independent and knew how to present themselves as being desirable, since back then attracting a husband with talents or looks was dire for their future, rather as men didn’t need to try so hard to be attractive to have a wife. Women are just raising their standards and men are struggling to meet them.

[@Goddess_Infinity]

This!!!!

[@iateyursandwiches]

Raising their standards in terms of personality and maybe looks(though i still feel less so) but not so much finances. Its probably about the same or less.

[@AngelaEAwesome]

Raising our standards but they’re still very low.

[@amber_b1723]

@@AngelaEAwesome I think the issue stems from men over generations not having developed a lot of these characteristics of emotional maturity and attractiveness that women today that have the freedom of choice raised their standards to, so men are struggling to “catch up” because they weren’t taught by their fathers or father figures these things. Also I’ve seen a lot of videos of men encouraging other men to be “high value men” by being more career oriented and driven and being successful financially, which isn’t bad, but it doesn’t change much of what men have always encouraged men of being, which is financially stable to attract a partner. Also so many men refuse to listen to women about how men should be because they probably think they should learn that from other men. Women know what women want and when men refuse to listen to women’s wants and try to be what they think is desirable, they may miss the mark then blame women for not being attracted to them, hence the growing number of women-bashing male-incels.

[@amber_b1723]

@@iateyursandwiches if the economy didn’t demand two working parents in a general nuclear family in order to be financially stable then I’d say women have lowered their standards of wanting men to be financially stable. Since the economy makes it difficult to sustain a family on one income, a man having financial stability will almost always be a standard. Women generally have to contribute more to the family income and less women can be “stay at home moms” and live comfortably. Essentially women want men to pull their weight financially and somewhat match women in their efforts, whether that means they split finances and chores equally or split finances and chores depending on schedule and income. I wouldn’t say the standards are the same though.

[@liyahmeridy7997]

My dad threatened to disown me once. Then gave me the silent treatment for weeks. The first conversation we had afterwards, I told him he couldn't do that to me. He said "I can't express my feelings?" For him to think that threatening to disown family, even if he never intended to, is expressing his feelings? Baffling. To think that there are folks who think being emotionally vulnerable is putting other people down means we have a ways to go before we're all content with the average emotional intelligence floating around. But my father is changing. We've since been on better terms, and he's become better at expressing his feelings. It's going to be a bumpy road but I think it's a worthy one for those who have the bandwidth to give men the space to grow.

[@DrRhilTV]

It would be healthy for you to understand the feeling he was trying to express instead of being baffled by his expression

[@liyahmeridy7997]

@@DrRhilTV oh I understood his frustration with me at the time. but it didn't excuse being berated.

[@AmanKumar-ty8kc]

He has every right to dis own you. Kids should be disowned.

[@felmargego2534]

@@AmanKumar-ty8kc please don't ever procreate. you'd make a fine abuser and kids do not deserve a parent like that.

[@AmanKumar-ty8kc]

@@felmargego2534 no one deserves anything.

[@theponderingplumb9790]

My ex-wife told me “I was never good enough for you; I hope someday you can be good enough for yourself.” That has really stuck with me as I am trying to rebuild my life and become a more positive, healthy man. Thanks for this video

[@hymnodyhands]

Much respect to you on your journey of healing, sir.

[@sophialeejhonson]

I'm glad you're choosing to do the work! 🫂💖

[@zSilverWingz]

You've been emotionally abused here. You are the victim of a manipulator

[@sarahwatts7152]

I would love to see more healthy male-male friendships portrayed in the media. Then a liberal dose of male-female-nonbinary friendships. Show me the friendships!

[@melusine826]

I gotta admit I enjoy watching cinema therapy channel. Jonathan and Alan are long time friends. They really do show up and change the stereotypes

[@sarahwatts7152]

@@melusine826 Yes! Love them!

[@TheGeorgeD13]

Yeah, I experience all these healthy relationships in real life as a man, but rarely see that portrayed at all in media.

[@TheGeorgeD13]

Jonathan and Alan’s relationship is far, far more common in my experience as a man, but again… not common to see in media. That should change. Not only that, it really shouldn’t be treated as this strange or unique relationship. It’s not. It’s extremely common. Most male friend groups are like this. Treat it like the normal thing that it is.

[@kostajovanovic3711]

Yeap

[@LoneWulf278]

It’s really interesting when you remember that this is the first time in the history of civilization that (most) men have to actually be likable to get 🐱.

[@Sol-fo2zu]

Oop!

[@LoneWulf278]

@@Sol-fo2zu 😂

[@solala1312]

we are not their new mothers, bangmaids, housekeepers or therapist anymore. so men started drowning in all that unknown territory and demand us to come back. no way bro

[@ARedMagicMarker]

I've been saying that we women have been men's "emotional care packages" and emotional sponges for ages. Yet they don't give a dang about us and our "nonsensical whammen problems" or they just tune out and they legit think that ish is funny. I love history, and I noticed that crap in all civilizations, yet we still get the short end of the stick and were doubted to even have souls, and were the scapegoats, called dumb, inferior, less than nothing, held back like no one's business, set up, sabotaged, sold off, cheated and cheated on and we were supposed to "understand" the guy's needs for "freshness", got called cursed, even being blamed entirely for cause the fall of man. (Eve). Men apparently needed us for therapy, and a softer touch, but look at who caused their own dang hard/harsh issues in the first place? Normally the buttholes of society in charge, and it all went to pot. But guess who was expected to be there with a treat, soft "in their feminine" voice, hand on shoulder, and a warm hole? Even if we had raccoon eyes from the other days because the roast got burned while trying to tend for the 5th son they wanted, their shoes still had that "spot" on it, or the chicken at dinner was cold? I'm an extremely observant person, and the past and preset set up in the romance/breeding/courting game with men and women is extremely iffy to me. I just thank my lucky stars as a woman I'm in the free world in 2022 A.D vs. 222 B.C - 1922 A.D. Ain't perfect, but it could have been SO very much worse. I literally feel the universe smiled upon me, that's how lucky I feel. My new rule for me is that if the Ashhole Tribe calls any guy a man-glna, c -vk, whatever new shame word they got for dissenting men for the year, then the highly accused is in fact a decent human being that isn't a total, ticking timebomb spaz with the grace of a chimp slapping the ground in a rage because....reasons.

[@Angel.50]

What about previous civilisations? Can u educate me ?

[@joeem1502]

Thank you for addressing this. For many of my 26 years of life, I’ve been in the involuntarily celibate box. I’ve gone through a lot of things including social anxiety disorder from a young age, the death of my big brother, and even conversion to catholicism with the intention of becoming a priest. I love people, but for a long time my suspicion that people see me (a black man who has not fully mastered social skills) as slightly off, has led to a great deal of distrust towards and alienation from everyone except close family and a few longstanding friends. I got into a relationship last month, and this strong feeling of connection and acceptance is completely new to me. For the first time, I’ve become conscious that I did not recognize myself in my full humanity. If you met me in person, you’d probably never guess that any of this is the case. But then I think about other young men who have issues; who don’t have family support, who don’t have strong friendships, and who don’t even have religion/beliefs. I hope that some of those men can be reached.

[@blackwahala]

​I suggest cishet women continue working on decentralizing men in their lives - the fact that calls for liberation from gendered oppression are still so overwhelmingly concerned with how we can cater to cishet men is frustrating especially b/c of the way violence is dealt upon the rest of us. In the same way that many of us are looking to find fulfillment beyond romantic relationships through platonic/other forms of relationships, cishet men need to do the same.

[@firstnamelast5474]

Say it again omg

[@iwasbornunderwater]

👏👏👏

[@firstnamelast5474]

@@Itugen88 THIS. I was comp het "str8" for a longgg time too and it took me so long to unpack how i was brainwashed to "like" men in the first place. Its shocking how much more fulfilling relationships and intimacy with women are - not centered around making dick ejaculate

[@astoldbynickgerr]

@thornback 👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@tohaovershell]

Completely agree with this. I have swung to this extreme of not allowing any men in my life because I am so traumatized and tired and it’s easy for me to become radicalized and think all men are evil and going to hurt me, so videos like this help soften my heart a bit. I think part of finding balance can often be swinging from one extreme (having men be the center of my life) to the other (literally having no place in my life for men at all!)

[@oliSUNvia]

so much appreciation for how you work through your own negative feelings in order to get a more holistic, empathic picture of how situations develop

[@KhadijaMbowe]

🥺🤙🏿 thanks for this 💕

[@echofoxtrot5786]

Baloney. The only women that care about men are the ones that reject the cancer of feminism.

[@c.w.8200]

I've BEGGED my bf for years to go to therapy and work on his inferiority complex and the way he takes it out on me. He's 5'4 and bald but I seriously don't care, what I care about is that he is extremely controlling and emotionally abusive. He refuses to get any help and now that we're long distance I can't bring myself to go see him, it's basically over. I stayed for years because my parents finally showed me a tiny bit of respect once I was with a man and I felt like I'm doing what an adult woman is supposed to do. Now in my thirties I'm finally ready to choose being alone over being treated like sh*t.

[@AC-jl7hb]

Good for you! You deserve respect as a person no matter what! I hope you'll find your happiness!

[@jessicasmith2077]

girl leave. im ldr too and when you dont want to see them at all, its over.

[@Blahgirl283]

Don’t go back to him. As important as it is for him to go to therapy, we can’t make anyone want to change, they have to want to for themselves. And as important as it is for him to work through his stuff, make sure you go to therapy too because emotional abuse irregardless of how long it was- really really does damage. And if you’re getting out, you’re going to need a therapist to help you keep off the ledge for a while. It’s really gnarly and I’m praying for healing, peace and healthier connections for you moving forward.

[@onetwo4228]

Find someone new. choosing to be with someone abusive for YEARS over DISTANCE is entirely your fault. good for you for leaving though. you messed up for wasting time on him. don't give up

[@nileriver1632]

i need u to officially break it off for me lmao. he was a lost cause right when you suggested therapy and he said no.

[@shai2121]

I have a lot of compassion for men who have been wounded and emotionally stunted by their socialization bc that's a real problem and their pain matters, but i have also spent so many hours of my life playing therapist to dudes who were like 10 yrs behind me emotional maturity wise (to the point that i barely had time to consider my own feelings and have only just now really started my recovery from my own trauma bs) that at this point i just have to be protective of my time and energy. I don't want to fw people who need me to fix them anymore, it's just too much to ask of myself. I would love to meet more people who are already working on themselves, get at least some of their validation elsewhere (or from themselves) and who can actually have a mutual relationship with me without needing me to shoulder their problems plus my own.

[@Kabullo76]

" i have also spent so many hours of my life playing therapist to dudes who were like 10 yrs behind me emotional maturity wise" awwww you're so brave and wise ,here's your cookie b//itch 🍪

[@EarlHollander]

I will tell you one thing, you neither need to hate men like a twitter feminist, nor do you need to support these men. Come on now, most feminists would be doing a lot already if they just stopped blaming men for their homelessness, suicide, etc.

[@lycheemyusic]

The above replies are invalidating as fuck. She is literally asking for basic decency, an independent human being. Y'all need therapy af if you can't see that.

[@missandry2669]

@@EarlHollander Most of you have never like feminist and now want feminist to like you and help you 🤣🤣🤡

[@jinorism]

i relate to this comment so much. i’m feeling very emotionally drained from playing therapist to a male friend of mine who never even considers how i feel

[@stargirl-9000]

This isn’t even a women’s issue. It’s not our fault men don’t even bother to meet the already ridiculously low bar. Women are slowly realising we aren’t bangmaids and slaves, and men hate it. 🤷 the rise of single lonely men is ON men.

[@VanillaButtercreamFrosting]

Perfect.

[@shayla4777]

literally

[@Lovelesslouvre]

Thank you! I’m not about to be wasting time with a class that tells us and shows us that they hate us.

[@communistsharks6889]

It is a feminist issue though for all the reasons listed. It’s embedded in patriarchy. That being said, we can have empathy and understanding without taking responsibility for their betterment and healing.

[@LoneWulf278]

@@Lovelesslouvre Your username is sending me. 😂😂

[@j.j.3759]

If you can find an actual partner, I think marriage (or just living together if marriage isn't your thing) can make your life better instead of worse, as a woman. The problem is most women end up playing 2nd mommy to their man-child husbands/partners, who weaponize their incompetence so they can be lazy. Then they wonder a few years down the line in marriage why their wife isn't as interested in sex. Hm, maybe because she's tired of taking care of you, Mr. Manchild, and finds your immaturity to also be a huge turn-off?

[@aprilfox9205]

This exactly 💯..✌️

[@SQUELCH-zj7il]

I've heard this narrative a lot in real life conversation with divorcees

[@NicholsKT]

I’ve worked with a few women who came in VERY frustrated, and by “VERY frustrated” I mean horny as hell. They were in relationships, so I ended up inquiring as to how they could be so horny that it effects their work behavior/personality, but they’ve got men at home. In each case, the women basically described to me that they had become disgusted with their male partners, due to major imbalances regarding finances and household chores. Basically, the women were doing most of the work, while their boyfriends/husbands sat back and watched them struggle. It turned them off sexually, so even though they wanted sex and were in relationships, they’re resentment wouldn’t allow them to let their partners touch them. “Weaponized incompetence.” Nice to put words to this phenomenon.

[@logan825]

man here! I totally get your point on immaturity. people tend to re-enact the relationships thier parents had. also women in relationships are coddled too. for example, I dated women who expect me to do the "man" things around the house i.e.(take out the trash, check car fluids, cut the grass, ect). One could argue that this his her expecting me to act the same way her father acted around her childhood household.

[@SQUELCH-zj7il]

@@logan825 Taking out the bin and checking the oil literally only takes a minute?

[@naivetejournal]

We need to leave them alone to do their healing. I disagree with encouraging women to have patience for men's lack of humanity. They know what they do is wrong but that's how bad they want superiority and that's how hard it is for them to deal with being asked to treat others with deep care and empathy. We need to stop infantilizing them and offer support respectfully from a distance without allowing them to continue to hurt us. As you should with any person in your life who is causing you harm.

[@tablelamp801]

exactly this! lets respect the balance of our nervous system that we built against all odds especially woc.

[@Lynn.B.]

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@mmikiogt54]

Love this comment. I think one of the issues I've had around video essays addressing male loneliness and the manosphere, is the desire for a gentle approach, like we haven't coddled men enough. And pointing out how feminism and men are trash is "too mean". Like these issues aren't the very same thing at the root of rape culture, feminicide and abuse. A couple of mean words on the internet isn't remotely equal to women and the LGBTQ community experiencing violence at their hands. As someone who has been in a relationship with an abuser, I can tell first hand there is no amount of love and gentleness that can make a dangerous lonely man, less dangerous. It puts so many women at risk when we tell them they should play a role in repairing men.

[@quinndawsonosgood5261]

@Healing Misogynist make time.

[@cycymaca]

@@quinndawsonosgood5261 periodt.

[@Charlypunk]

Not gonna lie. I'm working on this with my psychologist now, and it's so frustrating how, against what I want to think about myself, the indoctrination runs so deep within that it fiscally hurts to try to push thru it. But each step feels like a victory. I know I'll always have to deal with this part of me, but I trust that we, as a society, are moving to better emotional education. thanks for the video. It helps a lot.

[@ana-nim]

You got it, best luck to you, I believe in your success!

[@intrusive-th0t]

Your work counts, honestly. Most of these men who refuse to reflect on themselves and their relationship to women are going to end up being left behind while the women they could have been dating will be out living their best single lives. It’s pitiful

[@cateyu5547]

If only more men did this work 👏

[@SquamataReptile]

Im so proud of you mister Charlypunk. Best of luck to you!

[@SkycometAnimeVamp]

You’re doing great. Keep at it

[@pythonjava6228]

Unfortunately many people see romance as necessary for their well being as opposed to being an addon to a life that's already well.

[@FictionHubZA]

Object Oriented Programming languages.

[@winterbird254]

exactly! i don’t understand why people equate loneliness with not being in a relationship. why are friendships seen as lesser?

[@sarcodonblue2876]

@@winterbird254 it is all chemical and friendships produce less oxytocin. People feel biological obligation to family and really are shallow and hollow.

[@charles9489]

@@winterbird254 friendships aren't seen as lesser, it's jus apart of the equation, and when you're not with someone romantically a piece of that equation is missing.

[@Call-me-Jester]

What makes you think it's possible to be well without a life partner? Both men and women have biological imperatives that require cooperation and the the production of children.

[@cat-uc5qx]

I met a man and everything seemed right. He had set the bar pretty high in all aspects of our relationship and I was genuinely excited to mee that unicorn. One year in, he shared that he decided to treat women the way he does because he knew it was what would make them want to sleep with him. No red flags leading up to this revelation, so it really threw me for a mental loop. He admitted that he thought he could safely share this with me. Well, guess what? I couldn't trust any of his actions or words thereafter because, to me, everything he did was to access sex. It simply ruined anything we had established in our relationship. VERY problematic.

[@dopeynhappy]

Yes, thank you. Like I've told men I don't like games and men who play games and they're like "hey I played games with you and it worked" and it's like ok, bye forever! But afterwards it's like, but why did it work? I think women often underestimate our own sexual drive. Sometimes we just want to sleep with a hot guy. We don't necessarily vet him for dark triad traits beforehand.

[@cryptobitez6090]

So he did everything right and continued to do so but because he shared that he did those things purposefully that made him creepy. He shouldve been born perfect. You cry men dont do this or that, but when they learn and do those things to access women they are creepy. You are the definition of stupid. Get help.

[@rulerofkripsy9143]

You for mad at a man because he his hetrosexual and is nice to his partners

[@zachary7508]

@@rulerofkripsy9143 being purposefully manipulative and only considering his own sexual needs is not being "nice"

[@rulerofkripsy9143]

@@zachary7508 your just take words out of the hat literally even children are nicer to attractive its the most baseline normie fact about phycology bruv. I know Most women don’t have try and be respectful , kinda , invest money or time in relationships but if you’re so disconnected from reality that you calling trying to impress someone you find attractive manipulative is crazy .

[@cloudsurfer73]

Not all women are in touch with their feelings or have an easy time opening up to others. They are not the only ones who got the message that crying and being emotionally vulnerable is bad

[@Pbbbb]

Black women in particular experience this very often.. we are often masculinized, the darker the worse

[@sarcodonblue2876]

Being emotional and crying as a women is also shut down unless you are dealing with people to help you with your mental health. It triggers others and they can't deal with it. I can handle people crying but it will make me cry and sometimes people get mad as they think I am making it about me when I am just responding to the intense emotions.

[@whoahanant]

"Women are too overly emotional" is the shutdown of women's emotions in a different way. Men are pressured to be emotionally unavailable to show how manly man they can be. Women are pressured to "shut the f up" to be subservient.

[@biegebythesea6775]

@@Pbbbb I was just about to say this. I'm biracial but I got the same message. My father did not let me cry.

[@ellie-tk4jy]

Was going to write this. I'm biracial and was told not to cry. Nobody cares about your emotions. People get angry and they're intolerant of emotions in women of colour. I've experienced so many white men who try to knock me down, especially in the workplace. I've been bullied constantly. I don't get treated like a guy, I get treated like a punchbag. They don't respect the emotions of biracial or black women.

[@mikelamar4112]

Hey i dont expect you to see this but I wanted to thank you on the book suggestions, ive read The will to change, How can i get thru to you, and am currently reading Rethinking sex. Im a 23 cis-het mexican man, and alot of these books have really helped me bring into focus my deepest unspeakable feelings towards manhood and masculinity. Im finally comfortable expressing to my family and friends just how left leaning i am, with the tools equiped to back them up now 😄 love your videos, pls dont stop, you are helping in ways you cant imagine!

[@sophialeejhonson]

I'm so proud of you 💙

[@angelaa7445]

Eso amigo, échale ganas ❤

[@wildbouquet7941]

When I first got married to my husband 8 years ago, it was ROUGH. I was shocked by how much marriage was different than I thought it was going to be. My emotional needs were HUGELY unmet, I was automatically in charge of running the house, etc you know what I’m talking about. I finally got the courage to speak up for myself and how unhappy I was, and my husband absolutely did not get it at first. It was like he was struggling with cognitive dissonance, but he could see I was hurting so he really started putting in the work. My husband has given me so much hope that men can really change if they have the heart to do so and LISTEN to what we’re saying. We’re SO much happier now, and I think my husband would say he’s happier too. I don’t think men realize how much their emotional repression is hurting THEM too! I hope and pray things will be better for this next generation

[@monimuppet6132]

YES! More men opening their eyes to the benefits of existing outside of the set "masculine" standards is key. They don't realize how they sound; demanding the subservience of women and simultaneously decrying being treated as a wallet. They're lonely but also despise women because our liberation tears at the very fabric their "real man" image is stiched into. I'm sure it's maddening but I do think the men that get it make better sheppards for the ones that don't than women. I do see light at the end of this tunnel. I'm not the type that believes people can't change, there's always an opportunity. If you're still breathing then you have time.

[@lynnclaywood4043]

what about men listening to men?

[@slardebard]

@@lynnclaywood4043 men are the only ones who listen ro them.

[@ShesBearynice]

@@Bayo106 These same men say misogynistic things and then wonder why they’re called misogynistic. Yeah. You’re hurt. You’re also a bigot. Multiple things can be true at the same time.

[@josephp.1919]

@slardebard Lies, as a man I can tell you that men are not listening to other men. Having emotions is always treated as weak. Men in general don’t seem to see value in male friendships. Men are “on the grind” to get a job and a wife, and everything else in their lives is not important. And of course women will get mad at us for telling them they don’t listen. Men first of all don’t listen to women. It’s so entitled to expect someone to give you something you aren’t giving them. Yet here we are.

[@LR-qy8tw]

Deeply needed this. As a female martial artist I have been in a male centered, ego driven world for the last 10 years and have had to do so much emotional labor for these wounded men. And when I put my foot down and created boundaries it was like they were suddenly toddlers. I needed more words for this nonsense. 🙏

[@m.m.9006]

You mean they were whiny after you set boundaries?

[@seabreeze4559]

ah, the mantrum

[@ecpetty]

I just came out as bi this year at age 36 (yay, white Christian religious trauma 🙃), though I've been saying something like the study's conclusions for years. (Context: I've never yet had an intimate/sexual relationship with a non-cis-man.) I'm married to cis man right now and we have a child together, but if anything happens to this marriage, he's probably the last cis man I'll ever be with. It's not even anything I can specifically pinpoint, just the ... consistent lack of empathy, understanding, WANTING to understand and do the work to make things right. Not to mention all the free emotional labor I've done and household responsibilities I've taken care of, denying myself a career so he could go off and have his without worry of meals being made, laundry getting done, kid getting to school and appointments, etc. It just adds up to the point where all I feel I can do is tiptoe around men to avoid inviting additional stress into my life.

[@YoureRightIThink]

But is this guy, your husband, worth it? I don't get if you're complaining about the marriage or not

[@SoulDevoured]

Really it doesn't sound like you should be with this dude. I mean I know it's stupid internet tradition to jump the gun and say "just break up" because that's the easy answer... But it sounds like you've tried to help him learn to meet your emotional needs and he consistently fails. Feels entitled to fail. I feel like you should set up a vacation, just you, and spend some time thinking about whether you would be happier single. Children are happier when their parents are happier too.

[@tanugoziebitrus]

that must be such a difficult thing to navigate, especially being able to identify/pinpoint (quite specifically 😅) the things that bother you and still not want to open a can of worms in your marriage, i know talking about it either together or in therapy might sound cliché, and God only knows whether you've tried that already but i really wish you well

[@verybarebones]

Are you happy with your marriage? Because as a child from a delayed divorce, staying together "for the kids" alone does not work and just set a terrible example for us. Couples counseling would be better.

[@YoureRightIThink]

@@verybarebones I'm also that kind of kid, I guess it depends in both of the parents, it's possible to "fix" a marriage but it has to come from both. So that's why I asked about the man. If there's still a bridge for talking it down or if there's no turning point.

[@catharsismemory]

Men wouldn't be so lonely if they just reached out to one another and made healthy friendships. It's important for men to have friendships but not just with any man, but a good man.

[@aaronsmith1474]

Yes this is so important. As a man, most men are just trash at being good friends and absolutely refuse to do anything about it. It's like they are impervious to self-reflection. I've had enough toxic platonic male relationships when I was younger and I'm now so over it. I'd rather be alone.

[@catharsismemory]

@@aaronsmith1474 Sorry to hear that, i think some times guys try to be to competitive with each other instead of being there for each other. I see men coming together, but it's only being done online and mostly to talk about women. They need togetherness outsite of social media and women. Honestly don't give up just yet, men really need each other.

[@gobogoo2329]

its a "what you want isnt actually what you need" situation, a lot of lonely men would rather believe a gf will magically solve everything than work on the way they communicate their emotions with their friends

[@ilikepancakes2368]

It doesn’t work. We men do have close friends but we still long for a relationship. It sucks being single and a virgin.

[@catharsismemory]

@@ilikepancakes2368 Being virgin is a wonderful thing, keep it unti l you find a wife.

[@mrdiego4368]

Coming from a collectivist culture, it makes sense that men are worse off being single along with treating women like the house keeper. My sister was kicked out turning 18 and in the meantime my mother cried because I left at 20. Maybe it will be millennial women that will create a new generation of men that know how to take care of themselves

[@bunneywolf]

Yes. The infantilization of males. I don't understand how men identified people are supposed to be the leaders and heads of households they're told they should be, while being coddled and kept from the realities of the work and responsibilities thay entails. Amd how women. Type people's are supposed to be submissive and soft while being raised in a way thay breeds independence, self sufficiency, leadership skills. The actions amd habits don't match the requests.

[@mrdiego4368]

@@bunneywolf yeah, it you have money to take care of yourself and see your potential partner as a “child to take care off” then a relationship does not look appealing.

[@paigec5017]

This reminds me of a skit by Jo Koy!

[@violakarl6900]

@@mrdiego4368 I think the comment regarded more to mothers coddling their sons to a degree that they don't do household necessities until they're 30 while expecting their daughters to help them with everything from teenage years or earlier. Ofcourse this is a exaggeration and generalization but I've experienced similar stuff. With 16 I taught my first boyfriend how to make his bed, while already having to do it for years by myself at home.

[@elleofhearts8471]

no woman can make a man into a better man. only the man can make that decision for himself to become a better person. women cannot control how any man is going to react to the standards she sets for him. Only the man can choose how he's going to react to those standards.

[@the_only_living_ghost]

I recently had to break up with someone over the topic of feminism. He was one of those rare guys who was extremely emotionally intelligent, unafraid and unashamed to share his feelings and have open discourse. I thought for sure if I could talk to any man about these types of difficult topics, it would be him. But for so many guys, just the word feminism is enough to set them off. They have such a strong reaction to it and when you ask them for a definition they can’t even give you one. When I tried to talk to him and pointed out that he was irrationally angry over something he couldn’t even define, I saw him begin to take a step back and realize it wasn’t fair… And I was so hopeful. unfortunately, he was still holding onto that gut reaction and refused to update his definition of feminism. He didn’t want to read about it he didn’t want to learn about it he didn’t wanna talk about it. It was truly disheartening

[@Ruby-xk8kn]

That really sucks. I'm about to put "hardcore intersectional feminist" on my dating profile just to weed em out early. Not that they even read profiles tho...

[@Kabullo76]

@@Ruby-xk8kn in the profile remember to also put the Ukrainian flag next to the lgbtqwhatever flag next to a million pronouns as many as gender. they probably don't read it, but if they were to read it by mistake as well as not taking you seriously they would have a laugh, life is too short to be a grudging feminist, better to laugh even better if the reason for the laughter is you.

[@themysticwarriorgal9465]

@@Kabullo76 the only person grudging person here is u. U achieved what with this comment? What she typed made u hurt uh

[@nastasia1362]

@@Kabullo76 you know what this is actually a great idea.

[@Kabullo76]

@@nastasia1362 you should also put the Afghan flag, since Biden took office he gave the keys of the country to the Taliban, certainly it is not glamorous and trendy like the Ukrainian one, amazon in Afghanistan does not exist and does not satisfy your ipercapitalist desires of which feminism is the handmaid, the first lady does not pose on the cover of Vogue with Zelensky, but another more flag its not a big deal, one more flag and one less pronoun, you have millions of pronouns as well as genders, you always have time for those, lol

[@TheStarPuppy]

As always, I've been encouraged and taught new things by your video. ✨🙌🏿 Also YES, your skin looks beautiful in this lighting!

[@KhadijaMbowe]

Omg hiiii 💕

[@MJ-sz2ki]

I love your videos StarPuppy!

[@zenya9620]

I saw an article about a man that broke into a woman's house with intent to rob her(In Russia) she overpowered him and kept him for days and r@ped him. The police let both go no consequences. The men in the comment section were crying double standards left right and center so I scrolled down and do you know what i saw?? Men making fun of him. Minimizing his trauma and saying where they could sign up. They said all that while crying women are evil. I know if it was a woman, women wouldn't be in the comment section saying all that. May the men diminish.

[@andrewholmes5392]

I guarantee you that women don't care about sexual violence against men either. No one cares. No one cares about domestic abuse against men either. This all includes women. EVERYONE contributes to toxic masculinity.

[@beelunder8433]

Men make fun of women who are raped all the fucking time. And women do support men. They ALWAYS find a way to derail discussions of male violence with "what about men"@@andrewholmes5392

[@neev130]

Ahaha you got the story twisted

[@itscannabish2847]

My great aunt Alice lived to be a 107. She never had kids or got married. I think she found the secret. I miss her💖

[@yourmotherhatesyou641]

Your great aunt seems like such a happy spirit! Sorry for your loss xx

[@men_thriving]

If you "can" have kids, and you have the emotional, financial, and mental resources to cater for one (or more), choosing not to have any is utterly narcissistic and selfish. You wouldn't be here typing this if your mum was just like your great-aunt Alice. Getting married is one thing, having kids is a completely different story. Don't be blind to the very thing that allowed you to be here in the first place. Our kids are our future.

[@mynamejeff3545]

@@men_thriving And you wouldn't be typing this if you weren't dropped on the head three times as a baby. Should we be grateful for that too?

[@TheJacquelinia]

@@men_thriving but don't most people have children so that they have someone that loves them and will care for them when they're old? now that's selfish. how can i be "selfish" towards someone who doesn't exist yet? also many people would be better off not being born (example: me) so touche "men thriving"

[@men_thriving]

​@@TheJacquelinia I agree. Having kids as an insurance policy for old age is selfish. There are lots of odd reasons why people have kids too, some don't even want the kids, but it happened anyway. That's why I did mention the emotional, financial, and mental resources (think prerequisites) needed to cater to a child (or children). Not everyone should have kids, but if we all strive to be competent individuals in life, the urge to make that competence live on through our offspring (instead of dying with us) would come naturally. So, competence in life first, offspring after. That way we don't resent our children or see having one as burdensome.

[@annoyedbyyourface]

I do care about the uprise in incels but I'll be honest, I care because I'm worried about incel violence. Because unlike the extreme "men are trash" femcels online toxicity, women are still less likely to commit mass violence like incels. So I have no problem talking to the men in my family but outside of that, y'all can do the labour if you choose because I'm not lol. Because I believe male allies should be doing the work to lift their counterparts up, not women and femmes. We've been doing the work and now it's time for us to put us first.

[@honeybellebuzlucay5867]

Yeah like those femcels are bad too but I doubt any of them will go shooting people or r*aping people

[@Moi_81]

This

[@scarletlady3727]

I went to Thailand on vacay, and went out one night with my friends and the number of incels there purchasing street prostitutes ( and more horrific, underage girls) …was insane..these incels go to 3rd world countries and purchase poor prostitutes to abuse and torture..they even share tips with each other online which countries have the cheapest women and which countries they can get underage children too….incels are Pure garbage

[@VenusManTrap-777]

Right? Where are the female Eliot Rogers?

[@SQUELCH-zj7il]

Incels are created out of entitlement and lack of empathy. Femcels are created out of experience and fear

[@AllTheArtsy]

At least in the West: Marriage was historically important for women because it was their only means of survival- once they got too old to be supported by their parents or their parents died, without education they have no marketable skills to earn a living. And "work" for women has historically been seen as unrespectable, due of course to sex work or the possibility and associations to it. Therefore to be married is to be secured, safe, housed and fed. Children and housekeeping were means to pass time. Of course if you liked your husband, that's great! But if you could at least only tolerate your husband, that's about as much as you expected. In our current times, a lot of women have increasingly become financially secure and more educated. We literally don't need no man! In fact, being married and having children are more like burdens now- a risk to health (especially in places where pregnancy and child birth are still unsafe); hindrance to goals, work and other ambitions; financial burden too in households where women earn more. Men cannot just coast by on simply being there. It's not even about women wanting men who earn more of whatever. It's about finding men who can be true partners: emotionally, intellectually, sexually. If we can house and feed ourselves, men need to bring more to the table, or else it is literally not worth it.

[@miaposamarie226]

Basic laws of economics. High supply low demand

[@kyzantia8884]

Right so women's standards have gone up, Women now earn more than men, and the majority of women do not want to date a man who earns less than them, this is causing skyrocketing male virginity and suicide.

[@seabreeze4559]

men are leaving their wife in a boomer trade up model and younger women are rejecting that

[@brettb.coolin5627]

Women who think like you forget that this type of mentality will lead to a huge population decrease. Inturn creating a weak economy and eventual collapse. It's fun to think "yeah bitch I don't need no man' in the short term. But long term it will literally cause our society to collapse

[@biggnesss7192]

Video starts at 6:32 for anyone coming from Aba and Preach.

[@augustlunaonline]

A guy and I tried dating for 2 weeks, then decided we were better off friends. However, we continues to talk with each other frequently and hang out whenever we could. He admitted that because he now had a friend in his life who he could talk to in an open and honest way, he no longer felt a desperate need to find a girlfriend. He also said that they way boys communicate is often just teasing/making fun of each other, so they never get to open up/learn to never open up and actual talk & communicate with each other out of fear of being singled out and humiliated by each other. Admittedly, I already knew this (thanks, Dad), but it was certainly interesting and sad to hear a rather emotionally mature guy openly talk about desperately wanting to open up, but constantly getting shut down by his male peers.

[@Sol-fo2zu]

Oof. Be careful. Sounds like you are his emotional support animal.

[@augustlunaonline]

@@Sol-fo2zu Totally understandable thing to worry about, but have no fear! This friend and I literally joke about how we are each others emotional support friend. (I bought us some tacky BFF necklaces to commemorate our friendship lmao) When we first started talking, we both lacked a person outside our family in our lives who we could talk to about personal things. We are both in our early 20s so throughout covid we lived at home with our parents. Whenever either one of us wants to shoot the wind, vent, or talk about heavy stuff, we reach out to each other. It’s really a wonderful friendship and I’m so happy to have this guy as my friend. One of the best feeling is talking to someone and then realizing your problems aren’t as massive and heavy as they seems before.

[@seabreeze4559]

most men don't have friends, they have frenemies

[@averagegoy]

Yikes women truly are the demons.

[@shaggyd00kale58]

This happened to me too. Met a girl, she married someone else, still great internet friends to this day and a lot of my social intimate needs are met just knowing someone else cares for you and I don't need to be a dominant alpha to be important to someone.

[@sydastark]

I feel everyone would be better off with therapy and emotional intelligence training as part of the upbringing. Thanks for doing what you do . It’s easy for me to enjoy the judgment at times but the empathy is where the healing lives I think. I love your voice/perspective.

[@Weareallmadheretoo]

Unrelated to this video but I absolutely love your sentence "It's easy for me to enjoy the judgement at times but the empathy is where the healing lives I think" I will save it and actually apply it going forward! Thank you!

[@endlessrecurrence3173]

Emotions are the biggest evil in the world, it's the cause of all war and all suffering. Without emotions there would be peace.

[@tafareleguillaume6569]

@@endlessrecurrence3173 without emotion people would be psychopath 😑, love is an emotion there are beautiful and ugly emotions it all about how you manage them. All emotions are necessary the world is about balance…

[@thorneto2742]

It’s already hard enough to find a good therapist, if everyone was in therapy it would be next to impossible.

[@ChillingTales12]

Nope

[@selena1731]

I saw a tiktok of a disability activist stating that statistically, men are more likely to leave their spouse when the spouse becomes disabled or sick.

[@rejectionisprotection4448]

Yes, that's true.

[@potofgoldseeker4248]

I've seen a article that states women going through cancer treatment have to go through counseling to prepare them for divorce, because their male counterpart will most likely leave them.

[@jaelonsanders5878]

Would y'all stay with a man who suddenly got ED? Or one that was mentally sick?

[@ladyliberation3852]

Inhumane

[@moniquek5097]

Sad :(

[@mamamiabenjamia]

this is such a timely, relevant take. i've been so mad for the past few years at lonely single incel type men. everything they do and say just makes me want to lose it but i've also matured in this time and believe there are ways to welcome them to the fold. (but also, a lot of them can still go eff themselves). really loving your voice here.

[@johnnypr-nyc8851]

Mad, for years? Why? Just let it go, not everybody is the same. You're not going to change those guys so I don't see why you'll be mad over something that's out of your control.

[@nofacenocase4328]

@@johnnypr-nyc8851 because those type of men do actually affect our day to day lives believe it or not. When you have to go to school, work or even live with those men and you have to hear their misogynistic comments or worse, have them sexually harrass/assault you, you can't just "let it go" that easily.

[@mamamiabenjamia]

@@nofacenocase4328 exactly. like, they insult me to my face every day, to not be upset about it, i'd have to abandon all my self-worth. i deserve better, that's why i'm angry. i'm only less angry now because i avoid them and don't even bother listening or explaining.

[@EarlHollander]

@@mamamiabenjamia Are you sure you are not getting your panties in a twist over normal humor? I see women say stuff like "I hate seeing men happy" on twitter and it's all supposed to be a joke, maybe you are just being too sensitive to male humor.

[@mamamiabenjamia]

@@EarlHollanderno, it's not jokes about women drivers that upset me, it's genuine misogyny like entire groups of men who think women should serve them and be 'classically feminine' and all that shit.

[@thexalon]

My experience working with kids professionally decades ago is that boys and men who are placed into a context where they aren't judged as unmanly for expressing emotions and focusing on building and maintaining relationships will experience something truly amazing. As in, it wasn't uncommon to find boys roughly 13 years old in tears expressing their love for the friends they'd made. A lot of men are deeply craving emotional connection, but have been told that the only acceptable way to address that craving is to have sex with women. 2 other points worth mentioning: - Gay liberation is closely tied to men's liberation from toxic masculinity. If you're a dude who feels like you're not allowed to bond with your buddy over emotional stuff because it's "gay", that's the point where you have to wonder why "gay" is considered worse than being miserable and lonely. - The really heavy repression of men's emotions is actually relatively recent. Read the way guys talked to each other in the 19th century or World War 2 and you'll see a world of men's emotional bonds that was loving and kind and supportive. It was really post-WW2 culture that tried to really enforce the idea that men couldn't get close with people.

[@megsley]

yes to that last point! men used to hold hands and cuddle and it was just friends being friends!

[@facelessdrone]

Probably because of all the ptsd they acquired, they didn't want to create close bonds with other men anymore execute the last guys they did that with, they had to watch be slaughtered in an active battlefield, so they "protected" themselves by shutting out ALL OTHER DUDES and then their sons learned from observation... cue the next few generations of cis guys are fucked...

[@thexalon]

@@facelessdrone That wasn't true after the American Civil War though, or the Great War, or many other major wars. It was a very specific push from a very specific subculture to try to force men into that emotional distance from other men.

[@FocusedFighter777]

Please go teach that to other men: men wont listen to women saying this. They'll only listen to men. (Even then, they'll call you names for doing so.......) Men are constantly hurting themselves and others: but blaming it on everyone else.

[@drama8335]

lol making men emotionally weak is not the solution either needs a balance woman are currently to emotionally weak men should not become the same

[@opheliaseren8843]

Every time I think about a relationship, I remember Andrew Tate and his millions of followers. I'm terrified. I'll stay single and happy with my dogs and plants, thank you very much.

[@JasmineTea127]

I’m also happily single with dogs and plants and a wonderful friend group. 😊 only thing I miss is sleeping with a man, because I don’t do hookups.

[@cryptobitez6090]

You just reminded me to watch andrew tate I love that dude! #topg

[@charliekahn4205]

@@JasmineTea127 They make male love dolls if you like. A coin-operated boy if you will.

[@naaat3278]

@@cryptobitez6090 Why do you comment on all of her videos if you don’t agree with what she’s saying? If I don’t like someone’s content I ignore it, instead of interacting with it constantly.

[@jewels3400]

@@naaat3278 there is a point to be made about introducing yourself to different points of view. Like I saw a whole video make by Joe Rogan, and a debate with Andrew Tate in it. But this person seems to just want to piss people off. It's selfish and unintelligent. They only wish to rekindle their own dieing sense of self actualization.

[@paigec5017]

Obv we should care but I’ve heard discussion on this topic from men and it’s a lot of invalidation of women’s experiences, blaming women as if compassion, connection, and companionship are owed to them, and no real ownership of the issue as their own responsibility to work on as it is a “men’s issue”. I just feel a lot of compassion burnout for men at this point because it seems these men just want to absorb sympathy but not transform through it. At some point I just started to feel like 7 yr olds can figure out this whole socialization thing, if you didn’t pick it up then, idk what you want anyone else to do for you. It’s laced with misogyny and I’m not interested in enabling a dysfunctional coping mechanism by participating in a “the world is against me & it’s hopeless for me” attitude. Like they’ll admit they have no social skills and no male friends but it’s society that is making them lonely and it’s oppression that women aren’t interested in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t understand companionship👀

[@aubreydeangelo]

👏👏👏

[@botanicalitus4194]

Yeah, and honestly if anyone needs proof of this just look at the comment section of HealthyGamerGG. He is a therapist that makes videos and streams offering support to men online and in gaming communities. He is extremely wholesome and his videos are helpful, and not misogynistic AT ALL. and yet, even in videos where he explicitly discusses how toxic and unhelpful it is for people to compare their problems and belittle others' problems, the comment section on youtube is FILLED with misogynistic vitriol, claiming that women "live life on easy mode" or that "women are so privileged for being able to complain about too much attention (in direct response to women talking sbout sxuaI harassment and assauIt) when they dont get any at all. That man is so kind and his advice is so productive, but even his comment sections are a cesspit of toxicity because of the target demographic he has. and then those men wonder why they aren't getting better. Ive heard that his discord and subreddit are extremely pleasant though, but I also know that there are a ton of women in them. The comment section is the only male dominated one and its a radioactive waste barrel

[@paigec5017]

@@botanicalitus4194 Omg yes I watch healthy gamer! I’ve definitely seen that, I commented once I think and instantly dipped from that, like how do y’all turn a wholesome ex monk content into toxic waste land 😩 totally missing the message. The manosphere really feels like someone’s depression being projected, a distorted worldview that reinforces the comfortable beliefs about how everything is hopeless and it’s just exhausting to bare if you’re not depressed. Some people don’t want to help themselves so why do we have to keep caring? For someone to change they have to give up comfortable but limiting beliefs, do hard work, but most importantly be receptive to change.

[@i10i60]

@UCq4gkhdVkbZ-KCVTjKQKC0g Women are raised to be people oriented, to express their emotions more openly and allowing shows of vulnerability. Men are raised to be work oriented, to not express themselves as openly in terms of emotions like sadness or anxiety, shows of vulnerability are an absolute no. You can't have a genuine relationship with someone without opening up to them or showing them your vulnerabilities. Thus women are raised to bear emotional burdens of others and sharing their own burdens with others. Men are raised to not bear others emotional burdens and neither share their burdens with others. In woman-woman relationships, women tend to emotionally support eachother to equal extent. In woman-man relationship relationships, women bear most of emotional burden and men don't care much for their partners emotional burden. Similar to how a therapist bears all the emotional burden of their patient and patient doesn't do much for their therapists emotional needs, therapists get paid. Women do not get much in return for being the primary bearers of emotional burden in woman-man relationships, as seen in how single women fare much better than married women in terms of happiness. And ofcourse, married men fare much better than single men.

[@juniperfox1064]

@@paigec5017 just so you know, your first comment did come off as blaming bad social skills and I took it the same way as he did (and I’m not a man or single.) I’m autistic and I struggled with normal socialization at age 7 and throughout life-I still have friends and it hasn’t made me bigoted toward any group. I think this is why your comparison about bad social skills confused him.

[@neon_bite]

Men who are lonely need to make friends with other men and lift eachother up, it is not women's problem to fix their loneliness "epidemic". There are lots of young girls and women who are lonely too, but we don't demand a boyfriend and shoot up school and shopping malls over it 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@andrewholmes5392]

Women hugely contribute to the societal pressures that result in these men being completely emotionally destitute and then proceeding to loneliness in the future. It's everyone's job to stop perpetuating toxic masculinity.

[@beelunder8433]

@@andrewholmes5392 It's men's job to stop shooting up schools when they get their feelings hurt. Sorry, I have no sympathy for an opressor class.

[@PinocchioDread]

Idk tf everyone is acting like school shootings are common, let alone being due to rejection. Show me the data indicating that it’s common

[@Rightttmooove]

@@andrewholmes5392seek therapy, we are not responsible for your happiness dusty 😂

[@anotherrandomguy8871]

@@appleswithpeanutbutter609When women contribute to being “toxic” in any sort of way, all the way, you name it, it’s still on all of us men to fix it. In fact, any problem is our fault to fix both women’s issues and men’s issues, but it’s also not women’s jobs to fix any male issues since they deem is unimportant and deem every single one of us as oppressive and hateful, and demonize us.

[@toyo.saketoba]

I literally can’t bother prioritizing men over my life. I’m barely focusing on my mental health, why would I want to add more problems with that? This is how my mind thinks and my family just won’t understand. I’m happy being by myself. When I get lonely I go and hang out with my friends and my sister. If a man/woman come into my life and I fell inlove, then I fell inlove.

[@sophial.h.4495]

I just had a terrible job interview, it made me cry and feel so inadequate as a human being, but your warm energy and welcoming presence is helping me calm down. This is the first time I've ever come across your videos and you've just earned a new subscriber.

[@sophial.h.4495]

@Healing Misogynist idk, they need employees and yet they drive them away with this kinda attitude

[@rosettaquartz5072]

Dang I'm so sorry sophia :-( I hope your job search goes well from now on

[@hy-iu5yf]

Love this! I always hate seeing troupes in literature (especially for young girls!) where the woman is always expected to *heal* the man, coddle him, *save* him from his trauma, and it is all entirely her responsibility to make him whole again

[@Andy-gg4xw]

Yeah, like the woman could be one of the factors that would make him decide to do self-actualization or go to therapy, but his female potential partner shouldn't be the therapist herself. Like, that's too much to ask. What if she has her own issues to work with?

[@seabreeze4559]

"I can fix him!" says the future serial killer mother

[@sin3358]

Funny enough, my boyfriend said his first girlfriend was emotionally unavailable, making him want to "save" her. And while that can happen with Boys as well, I was extremely surprised that that was the case. It never hit me that that was even possible, because so far it has always been girls who did the saving. Oftentimes men are the ones who are emotionally unavailable, and it seems that this is a never ending cycle. Women usually want emotional connection, while guys were not taught how to be so. Even my bf who's the most emotionally intelligent and affectionate person I've met is always surprised when I accept his feelings and don't degrade him for being a human being. I can definitely see why men behave the way they do, because they created this lifestyle where they aren't allowed to feel emotions. My father is the most stereotypical form of toxic masculinity. He even tried to teach me how to be emotionally unavailable since he has no sons, only daughters, and I felt how vigorous this lifestyle is. I pity men

[@BASSFZz]

It's amazing, because that only happens in fiction. lol

[@1000OtherFoxes]

Women tend to have this desire to fix a guy, hence why they stay in unhealthy relationship thinking they'll fix the other.

[@natk4017]

Male or female if you're lonely you don't need a love relationship, you need a community, family, or even just one true friend you can rely on. So many people want to fill the void with love and that's not going to help, it's just gonna hurt someone else. Even if you do find love it won't be healthy because you will feel like they are the only person you can rely on for your emotional needs. Make yourself a full and happy person and THEN find love. It's absolutely possible to be a happy single person.

[@ilikepancakes2368]

I’ve been single for 25 years of my life. It gets depressing after a while.

[@stalecigarettesandashes99]

Truth.

[@natk4017]

@@ilikepancakes2368 like i said, romantic love isn't the only type of love out there. Self love also exists too.

[@AJ-nh9qm]

@@ilikepancakes2368 true that bro. Boutta be 23 in august and never had a single gf. Sometimes self love or family love and things like that isn’t enough or the thing u need.

[@hallesinclair5174]

​@@ilikepancakes2368 as someone who's been depressed in relationships I will tell you trying to make a woman your cure is toxic as hell and I recommend not starting new relationships while depressed. It doesn't work and it's borderline abusive to put your crap on someone instead of dealing with it. Partners aren't fixes for depressing lives

[@mottski1]

I'm a trans man who's been on T for a number of years, so most people assume I'm cis. Sometimes a cis gay, but usually always cis. There's something deeply painful in how I'm treated by (especially cis) women compared to how I was pre-T. Sometimes, rarely, I'm treated in the same openness as I was before, but usually it's like I'm a different species of human. It's been absolutely buckwild to watch happen and I miss the connection I used to have with others so, so much. But cis men's spaces are also unwelcoming for me, particularly cis straight men's stuff. I think in broad strokes, trans men are often doubly exiled and it's incredibly lonely. I have an online community, and I love my friends there dearly, but I desperately want IRL connections as well. But I'm afraid of making women uncomfortable (my main hobby is fiber crafts, and the groups here are essentially solely women) by inserting my presence into a place I'm not expected in, and I also don't want to put myself into the transphobia and homophobia firing line of cis men's spaces. It sucks. (and before anyone comes at me, no I don't expect women to grovel before me or whatever, I just miss being treated how I was five years ago and it really hurts when I remember how it used to be)

[@piff8061]

I'm so sorry to hear that :( That actually breaks my heart to hear. Fear is what keeps us apart from each other.. and there is a lot of fear around "men" as a whole. It breaks my heart. Because inside we are individuals and so much more similar than different. There is a lot of caring men out there and women.. and it's sad to see on both sides people being afraid of each other and then as a result hurting each other. Sending you a big hug mottski. And honestly I would say be yourself, we all make mistakes (our way of being triggering someone) , maybe you will get rejected a lot but by exposing yourself as who you are irl you will eventually find your people that love you for you.

[@counselorguy5481]

Sorry to hear that but, you're a man now and what you shared is a common experience for most men.

[@solelyashore]

THANK YOU . no, seriously, thank you for this comment -- it's so validating to know other trans men also still feel this sense of being an "outsider" in gendered spaces. i've noticed the exact same thing since i started presenting more masculine in public spaces. it's like ... what are we supposed to DO with that isolation, when some of us are still frightened of cis men and some cis women are frightened of US? where are the IRL support groups for men who grew up socialized as women, and have a unique perspective on both masculinity AND femininity? why are we perceived to "lose" our respect, compassion and understanding toward women after we transition? and sorry to ramble, just really loved the way you put this specific feeling into words

[@xg2513]

This is a really interesting perspective as I am a trans man too, and I have a bit of an alternative gender presentation. And while I also am assumed to be a cis man, I haven’t noticed that women are too unfriendly to me or distant. I treat women the exact same (like complimenting in a friendly golden retriever way in public) and usually girls smile or say “thank you so much I got it from this store!!” etc if I were to like compliment their outfit or shoes. I am a straight trans man, but it’s really hard to exist in cis male spaces a lot of times, because of rampant transphobia, misogyny, and homophobia. My gender presentation is NOT gender conforming , so coming across like a gender non con cis male in straight cis male spaces is dangerous and I’m very very unwelcome. :( I have found more welcoming energy in cis gay spaces for sure I might just come across as very spazzy and “pspsps” for lack of a better word, so maybe that changes reactions to me. I’m also a short skinny blonde man, so maybe that changes peoples perceptions I definitely notice that women are way more wary of me when I’m not clean shaven :( weird one I definitely prefer female socialization, 100%, I prefer emotional intimacy and I do prefer female friends. I would love to have a group of guy friends who are just like me, who just wanna be bros and close as hell, but I just know that’s nearly impossible being a person who looks how I do. Sometimes I even feel unsafe in mens bathrooms, because of my gender presentation. It’s not even that I look….. female. No, these men , who glare at me in public and harass me in bathrooms, 100% see me as a cis man who looks like “the f slur”. And they treat me accordingly. It’s really hard. Sorry if this is a long comment

[@RainbowNanaki]

As a trans man, this is something I'm admittedly really scared of. I have been on T for a decade now, and I've had several gender-affirming surgeries, but in person, people still perceive me as a woman, albeit a queer one. Women are comfortable around me (total strangers will even tip me off on nearby creeps), and in turn I am far more comfortable around women. I'm 26, so I doubt things will change, but considering how lonely I often feel already... If I lose the connections I've made with the women in my life, I'm not sure what I'd do. Meanwhile, men... Well, they also treat me like a woman, which means, in a word, poorly. I'm no longer considered attractive to cishet men either, so I'm relegated to the category of "talking eyesore", rather than "prey". It would be nice to be treated like a person for once, but I wouldn't want women to see me as a threat. I guess it's impossible to walk both worlds, huh? (A note: My use of "women", "men", etc is generally referring to cis men and women. Trans people of all types seem to recognize that I'm one of them, though in purely online spaces, I have received some hostility from trans women, however I think that is a whole conversation that deserves it's own post if people are curious)

[@PreciousNwabugo]

I’m not sure how this has become our problem once more. Let men lead their own liberation. I understand your point but passing accountability for men’s loneliness to women is what got us here in the first place. Men have been given Patience and community and everything else you’ve stated by women but how do they utilize it?

[@Cherabreena]

I agree. I loved everything about this video until it became another song about how womxn need to be patient and gentle with these "poor lonely lads". Let them for once do some work themselves. They won't learn how to be emotionally healthy, responsible PEOPLE if they don't get a chance to do it THEMSELVES. It's not womxns' job.

[@Blub2cool]

Especially since women were socialized to be caretakers, we’re told that we are unskilled in doing anything more than taking care of children and the house hold, and so much more. But the difference is women have turned that around for themselves and by themselves. Why is it so hard to expect men to do the same? I do believe its important to have someone from the other side who can be empathetic and compassionate, as it has been that way for all movements but the people who feel they are wronged have to want it badly enough and are willing to put in effort to get it. Voting rights for women, equal opportunity in the workplace, and other things weren’t simply handed to women, women have worked for that. No one will mad if men wake up and want to truly be emotional intelligent and secure, some will but that goes for everything else thats happened in history yet we still are seeing change

[@cryptobitez6090]

Evreyone is lonely and everyone is out for themselves. Men dont owe you anything either.

[@gratefuldead4714]

@@cryptobitez6090 men owe it to themselves and each other to heal, grow, and change for the better.

[@dinosaur___7209]

Exactly. That’s why modern feminism doesn’t work anymore - we have to advocate for everYONE, incl men. 🙄 Women have to come first, we do enough

[@coughingparsnip]

I randomly came across "How can I get through to you?" about 10 years ago and it took me years to internalise what it was saying. I hope that the manosphere backlash is just temporary and overall men can find another model of masculinity - I think I've got a different model myself now, but I don't think I have any male friends because it's so rare to find a man who can deal with emotional intimacy - male frienship is embedded in this performance of masculiity I find at best boring and at worst repulsive.

[@chai_lattes]

I hope this changes for men. Everyone deserves enriching friendships, but you're absolutely right that most male friendships revolve around expressions of masculinity. I think that's another reason why marriage improves quality of life for men. Married couple friends.

[@endlessrecurrence3173]

Emotions are a scourge that needs to be relinquished. The closer we are to a fish, the better.

[@jewels3400]

I used to think all my friends were the same. That my boy friends and my girl friends acted the same. But now that I'm thinking about it... They didn't. The high majority of male friends I had were insecure, and sometimes even really sad, mean, or demanding. And it's so sad because I loved those boys. They were all so young and were all so afraid of letting themselves be normal. The only time I got emotional intimacy out of a boy was when it was clear he was romantically interested in me, and boy he was so dependent. I felt like if he had hurt himself it would have been because I didn't regulate his emotions. I made it clear we couldn't continue. He respected that thankfully, but we didn't talk much after that... It's upsetting knowing he was in such a dark place, and angering af that he REFUSED to go into therapy. This was in highschool, the therapy was free! Like wtf.

[@Puerco-Potter]

I couldn't have say it better. I think we are going that direction. Feminists at large stopped the "mocking" of men, that makes a big difference. Now anti feminist don't have much ammunition, most feminists try to be nuanced and comprehensive, so attacking them makes them look like clowns for any intelligent man. I give a lot of credit for this to Crontrapoints videos. Now there is menslibs, male support groups, there is starting to be empathy and that makes it a lot easier to question your problems, than before when you were just "wrong" and no one offered any help.

[@odochinagorom8913]

Not aba and preach fans using this as a "got ya" moment when sis corrected herself. Chill you all khadija isn't the man hater you want her to be. Ps: clearly most of you didn't watch the video

[@KhadijaMbowe]

This is all that needs to be said at this point

[@titocristobal5573]

@@KhadijaMbowe if you're aware that the study has already been debunked, then why not delete the video? Isn't that the more ethical and logical thing to do? You know you made a mistake, you already apologized by posting about it on your community tab, so why not complete it by deleting the video that started the whole mess to begin with? Or are you fueled by something else you just don't want to admit?

[@missandry2669]

@@titocristobal5573 Lies it’s never been ‘debunked’ and males like you are mad about it

[@Emmanutd]

@titocristobal5573 thank you! Tbh I wasn't surprised. A lot of content creators similar to Khadija (like TeeNoir, F.D Signifier, etc.) often comment about out the 'red-pill' / 'manosphere' content out there, not realising the messages they put out are just the other half of the spectrum... and they always seem to shy away from having conversations on this topic with people from other parts of the spectrum. It's things like this that make the 'solution' for men proposed in this vid seem disingenous.

[@ashleysmith746]

@@titocristobal5573 if only two studies out of the many that are cited are wrong, why would she need to delete the video? She has similar studies cited that have not been debunked, so I'm not really seeing how this video is wrong?

[@FinntasticMrFox]

Thank you for this compassionate and nuanced take. I think a lot of us forget that collective growth is a thing, or at least how it works--that a phase of calling something out and expressing very understandable frustration can turn into a force for alienation and a different kind of hurt if left unchecked and unquestioned after the fact. Something that was necessary in one time and context might harm in another. I feel like that's a lot of what we're seeing here, and it's rough because it's not anyone's "fault", but it's everyone's problem, and it's men's responsibility, and untangling all those threads is challenging.

[@marissawilson4644]

Tbh, dating as an unambiguous black woman seems dangerous and draining if you don't open your options. I took a long break before I started back dating.

[@klassycountryk]

That part

[@mahletberhanemeskel6754]

Yooo I can relate to this.

[@anouschkabernice4050]

Ain't that the goddamn truth! 👏🏾

[@MiniM69]

Question: do you mean non-black men. I’m with opening my options but how many men - non black or otherwise - have unpacked the racist structures that created and maintained racism and misogyny that crated these systems of oppression. I’m curious about your experience.

[@marissawilson4644]

@@MiniM69 no group of men is perfect so every man must be vetted. My point is to open your mind to dating outside of the black community. Research shows that so many black women (especially the educated/business owners) stay single because they only want to date black men and there are few black men on their level.

[@grouchypseudopod354]

I think more needs to be said about how dating emotionally illiterate men can affect people who date them's ability to build trusting honest healthy relationships even when they're not dating men. Not really the topic, but I feel like it's related.

[@yee_kermit]

Agree

[@emilyr8668]

Felt this

[@CleoPhoenixRT]

This....this....all of this. Thank you!

[@alessandrasmith339]

Yep! It was a huge problem for me. After that experience I found myself using other men the same way a couple used me. It was chilling and once I snapped out of it, I decided I never wanted that for myself or anyone else again.

[@crystalkirlia4553]

Not gonna lie, only halfway through but I gotta say; I feel like the reason my standards are so high is because I DID have good male role models in my life. My brother plays 3 instruments and speaks 4 languages and has his A levels and is now in university. We were raised on a council estate in the North of England. My dad has 2 university degrees and is incredibly emotionally intelligent and can write in 2 different coding languages. I was raised by an ab*sive single mother and got kicked out at 17, didn't even know my dad. Soon as I did, he took me in, no questions asked. He knew about us but our mum kept him away from us because of her jealousy and resentment. When I got a job and suddenly had grown old men start flirting with me, it was repulsive. When I met people my own age and realised they were into me, I entertained it... my options were a boy who still lives with his mum and his mum still makes his lunches and cleans his room; or a boy who also still lives with his parents and also can't cook or clean or take care of himself. Basically, man children. My 18 year old brother works 2 jobs, is able to run a house, look after himself AND he's starting his own business. Then I look at the boys I work with...

[@randysamayoa9374]

Currently at a university with a growing online business, have an internship lined up, and work part time at a warehouse. What I have to say to you is that ambitious people who get results are extremely rare. I don’t know how old you are, but if you recently just started your first job then you are probably at the same age as many ambitious boys who are grinding. Many of these boys are going to need to rely on their mom to support them while they are grinding. My mom helps me, and while I know I can do it on my own, it helps me to focus on maintaining a high gpa, time management for my business and job. The vast majority of Boys around my age (21) who already got their shit together had a large amount of support from their parents to get where they are. Not everyone is so fortunate, some grind a lot more than others.

[@maryss8767]

exactly , i have good father , good brother , good uncle . they are my standard to whats see in Man . " mature, responsible , Thoughful ,reliable , will protect me , gentle to me " when i am in problem , i always can ask help from them .

[@UniqueliAnimationsSN]

Im a lesbian but even then i have standards on which men i befriend. I have these standards because of the men in my friend group

[@AudsLecker]

When you mentioned the bit about speaking our hurt with men, I immediately flashed back to something a straight male acquaintance said a few weeks ago that SERIOUSLY triggered (or "activated", which I might start using now!) me. And only now am I realizing exactly why. He'd said "men are wired in our DNA to be protectors and providers", and I was immediately annoyed but all I could say at the moment was "ehhh a LOT of men in my experience are completely clueless in those areas". But I didn't feel satisfied with my response. Like I get that part of what he's saying came straight from our white, southern, christian upbringing rhetoric, the whole "men pursue and women receive that's why our bodies are made with innies and outies" (literal topic in my high school bible study). And part of me was triggered just from the religious trauma flashback. But now as I'm exploring the "activation" of that moment, it's that I've never once felt provided for or protected by men. Never once. The opposite, in fact. The most common feeling I've gotten from (straight, white) cis men is unsafe, that they want something from me. Or disdain from them because they don't want to bang me. So yeah it's pretty fucking triggering to hear this bs rhetoric that "men are made for protection and providing" when there's zero proof in my own life. And that fucking sucks. Like I know it's bs rhetoric, and tbh if "protector/provider" is wired any anybody's DNA it's not tied to gender. In my entire experience, I've only felt protected/provided for by women. And given that I believe this is just a baseline human thing, it feels like I've just been, in general, really, really let down by the men in my life. Anyway thanks for reading my public journal entry

[@Kabullo76]

😂

[@winstonmarlowe5254]

funny how you weirdos always specify "white", as if men of other races are never sexist or bigoted in any way lol

[@deej6795]

I think you may have put into perspective something I've been feeling my entire life. I've never felt protected by men. If so, rarely and definitely not in a significant way that someone wouldn't naturally do for someone else. But feeling like someone actually has my back or my best interest or actually cares about what I'm going through. That's mainly been felt from women in and outside of my family.

[@itwasriggedfromthestart9520]

Stop being so entitled. Men don't owe you protection or providing.

[@deej6795]

@@itwasriggedfromthestart9520 Just like women don't owe me anything yet somehow we still support each other. Check your damaged mentality before coming for me

[@locsoluv94]

I think a big issue is that women and femmes can have all of the compassion in the world for men, but that does not mean that we are obligated to make space for men to continue to harm us. Women are starting to move away from upholding toxic masculinity and psychological patriarchy. It's going to take a while, but we're working on it by encouraging men to go to therapy and have real actual friends. We're starting to teach our children that it's okay for boys to cry. But we can only do so much, and it seems like men, in general, are still very unmoving. And if men, in general, are unmoving in efforts to dismantle psychological patriarchy, then they're just going to continue to be lonely. Cause the girls aren't looking back. We shouldn't have to look back. We can be loving from a distance, but if men in general aren't willing to do the work and be better, then it is not our responsibility to do our work *and* their work for them.

[@dinoelsaurio]

yes to all of this

[@cryptobitez6090]

@Healing Misogynist no such thing as toxic masculinity. toxicity is not gendered. Its just a word feminists use to avoid accountability by redefining negative traits as soley masculine.

[@charliekahn4205]

@@cryptobitez6090 It's used to refer to the toxic traits that are comorbid with masculinity. But people use it wrong (and honestly I don't blame them thinking masculinity itself is toxic (even though it isn't inherently)).

[@paracetamolgirl7820]

@@cryptobitez6090 That's not what it means either.

[@SQUELCH-zj7il]

@@charliekahn4205 Wrong also

[@Briacoco]

I recently ended a 7 month relationship and realized that I’m really better off single and I’ve always knew that. He was way older than me but was emotionally immature. It made me think of why at his big age he’s still single. And it all made sense. I choose peace and I’m happier alone anyways😌

[@seabreeze4559]

"you're my muse" RUN BISH RUN "I want to mould you" RUN BISH RUN so many red flags never trust single men over 40, always something wrong wtih them

[@seabreeze4559]

women threw that fishy back until he a big fish, basically

[@JanaBanana96]

I've been through that but unfortunately it took me way longer than 7 months. I'm glad you got out that soon and I hope you're doing better 💚

[@EatMyTweets13]

It’s crazy how we date older men “THINKING” that it would be better because they’re more mature…. And that’s actually wrong. 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@Blueslyfox]

@@seabreeze4559Are you really doing to men what men do to women? Age shaming just because the guy was immature.

[@doomparty3650]

This woman is obnoxious she almost sounds happy that men are suffering. They deserve the same love everyone else does, my heart breaks to see my friends so lonely and lost while most people are clueless to what we go through

[@saucyykev]

@jan6742 ma’am you copy and pasted the same comment like 18 times tf. Like damn you hate men we get it

[@polija9898]

​@@saucyykevbut it's true. Those same men will tell tou that they only want 18-25 years old women like we didn't know it's because it is easiee to manipulate them into liking a looser

[@cocopus]

@jan6742 you're pointing out that the only interaction you had with men is through video essays about incels. Touch grass.

[@anotherrandomguy8871]

People like this sound happy to see men suffer, and will question if men deserve that love, because they’ve been taught to see men as belivelent, or as a sort of evil, something that only causes issues for women, and as something that needs to fix all issue in the world. This is why she cannot humanize male loninees, and cannot humanize a male being depressed or suffering, without first strawmaning men as the fault of why they are suffering, and that they are lonely because women are walking away from men, who are all strawmaned as shallow people. She’s not gonna care about men being lonely, because she’s was not taught to humanize men like how she will more likely inherently humanize women. If it became a trending issue the next day she would make a video about the importance of women being lonely and depressed, and why it’s so important to society, rather than mocking that issue like how she does in the title.

[@towelam2421]

Khadi, khadijah. Girrrrrl can I call you khadi.... the hair is everything. Perfection.

[@imsweetchaos]

Aaaaaaauntie! It’s just fucking perfect. Gorgeous.

[@jimonaldo3108]

as a guy who isn’t on that “feminism sucks/redpill/incel” wave, but sees some of my friends maybe getting on that mindset, the tough thing really is that dudes feel disposable. It turns into this situation where a buddy of mine got into a relationship with a cool girl, things unfortunately didn’t’ go well (for reasons that are on both of them) and then he saw her right back on tinder doing what she wants because she is allowed to and the reaction is “I dont know how i was ever into that bitch” and its an especially tough thing for a lot of my friends who are conservatives because all their beliefs come in this prepackaged little box and inside the box is a huge mess of tangled wires. and if you wanna start untangling the wires you’re gonna pull all of them and a lot of guys really do not want to start pulling on all of those wires not only because of how hard it is to realize all these issues about yourself and try to change, but because inside this box comes a part of their identity and they’re gonna have to come face-to-face with the fact that their identity is not what they thought it was.

[@jalondradavis1565]

That box with the wires is a great metaphor. That's what I see happening with a lot of men around me as they get challenged, the box isn't quite working anymore but they don't want to pull the wires and pull it all apart.

[@essr4580]

That is really well said, i think that's exactly it abd as a Transfemme person raised in a conservative environment I have experience with tearing that box open and it isn't easy at all, it's been over a 5 year effort and I'm still working on it

[@ZiiShihouin]

Men are so used to being needed in history that now, since women can own our own banks and homes, men have to be wanted and they dont know how to be wanted.

[@tiagocf1208]

@@jalondradavis1565 because pulling it apart with no one to help you and a lot people ready to crucify them when they cant put it back into working order really sounds like a better plan than staying with something that at least works even if a bit faulty. Men mental health is a considered a joke and therapists cost an arm and a leg beside the stinky eye men received for going to a therapist in a lot of places. Until that is adressed, men will keep with tangled wires, and keep pissed that people are blaming them for not fixing things they barely have knowledge how and no help at all to do so

[@LA-cm9uo]

Face it: you are disposable

[@jenkinsjrjenkins]

I remember growing up hearing the phrase "no one will love you until you learn to love yourself" and thinking it was such a cruel quote. If you're depressed and hate yourself, are you just not worthy of love? Now as an adult (who's done a lot of therapy), I see that quote very differently. The quote isn't saying you need to love yourself in the romantic/visual/generic sense, its learning to care for yourself to the point where you've developed into an emotionally-grown being. Going to therapy, journaling, coming to terms with biases you have about yourself & working to make them better, recognizing what you lacked in your upbringing and providing it for yourself now, all of these things and more. _That's_ truly loving yourself. And you shouldn't expect someone to fix all these problems for you (unless theyre your therapist, but even that has limitations). You have to learn to love yourself, to truly _know_ yourself, before expecting to find someone else to love you. Sure you can find someone during your journey or reach out to friends for support, but ultimately the quest to love yourself is a trek that only you can go on. I feel like most incel/redpill people probably see that quote the same way I saw it as a kid. They need to realize they just need to invest in themselves instead of investing in hustler influencers trying to offer quick fixes. Its like trying to clean up a dam flood with a shamwow, its not gonna work. Start at the dam and fix the foundation itself. It'll be hard, but it'll be worth it.

[@Laura-gd4ku]

I think it’s still a very cruel quote and also very untrue bc people love people who hate themselves all the time. I think the „truer“ quote is: we accept the love we think we deserve. I find that very true for myself. I don’t like myself so I can’t ever imagine anyone liking me and my friends sometimes can say everything they want and I still don’t believe them (emotionally of course, rationally I know they love me but i simply can’t feel it). Learning to be okay with yourself, you don’t need to love yourself will give you a more realistic view of yourself and make you understand that there is people who love you, that you deserve love and that you are loveable. Once that has changed it’s easier to accept the love we’re given.

[@banxeescreems3337]

@@Laura-gd4ku I completely agree thank you for both this 🖤🖤

[@Rxallys]

I find it weird that at 15 minutes, you were talking about women saying men are trash is kathartic, but oftentimes, if a man says women are trash, he is considered a incel

[@kyordannydelvalle523]

The hypocrisy on the video is really telling on this video xd. I agree Andrew tate should not be taken as a good role model whatsoever. However, I noticed that barely many of her videos cites sources or empirical data that supports many of her claims nor even bother to links those sources so the audience can verify for themselves. Sometimes she loosely enjoy man suffering and uphold man accountability which is not wrong to do so but barely uphold the woman wrong doing as well. Not every woman is a saint.

[@endxofxeternity]

I came across this stat that men disproportionately leave their female partners when they get cancer, in comparison to women. It was kind of dispiriting for me. Because it makes me wonder what am I doing this for. Like do these men really care about me, or just that I can be home to cook and clean for them? Is that really what I'm signing up for? I keep thinking I should stay single, and just date if I need men, but all my friends are paired and getting married, so I can't just say I want to be alone. It sucks being the person that's different in my group.

[@epileptictrees5213]

the part of the stat you forgot to mention is that overall very few people leave their partners when they get illness or cancer, men or women; it just so happens that when you break down the (again, VERY FEW) individuals who DO leave, they happen to mostly be men

[@endxofxeternity]

@Boom bow Yeah, I guess there's always some thing that won't be perfect. Either I'm in an unsatifying relationship and can be happy on my own, and just deal with the feelings when I'm with my friends. Or I can just find someone and settle down and feel more like everyone else.

[@ChillingTales12]

I wouldn't blame my family for.leaving me if I get cancer hahahha.

[@suprovo5117]

Source of your stat?

[@suprovo5117]

And women leave men when men face finance problems, so idk if what are you on about

[@organicstorm]

I guess i don't actually care. I considered it, but honestly, i don't. I'm not here to listen to grown adults complain about how they can't attract a partner or develop fulfilling friendships, because they don't bother keeping up or just "deserve a hot chick" who worships them for no reason, or whatever. If your parents didn't raise you to respect people as people, including yourself, that's unfortunate, but it is YOUR responsiblity to learn why that's wrong now, learn how to change it.. and then actually change it. Men had the opportunity to adjust to women gaining self confidence and becoming self-reliant for at least 100 years - time for excuses is OVER. EVERY person is responsible for themselves first. I'm Not patient with other adults in this regard. Get back to me after you've worked out the basics, at least.. I'm not your therapist. Also, I know plenty of well adjusted adult men in happy relationships, both platonic and romantic. It isn't rare. Just the incels shouting makes it seem like it, perhaps?

[@iwasbornunderwater]

I'm in the same boat. I've done enough emotional labour in the horrid relationships that I've already been in. Life's too short and I want to actually enjoy it with people who are taking charge of their own lives and not setback the healing work I've done on myself after the emotional bruising I've had dealing with the various men in my life.

[@decoraqueena6413]

I was going to say the same thing but you said it better.😅 I encourage women not to engage in any dialog with these men because they're emotional parasites and their problems are self-afflicted. They don't want solutions, they want to mentally and emotionally wear down women so that we give into their demands. Go to any YT video/ SM post about this topic and read the comments section; it's nothing but guys whining about how much they hate themselves or how much they hate women. No matter how nice you are, no matter how sympathetic you are , no matter how many facts, statistics or advice you give to them it's the same; blame feminists, blame chad or stacy, blame single mums, blame everyone for their own refusal to grow up.

[@Manu-dp4ls]

Tbh, why should we care? Men can get out of loneliness by connecting with other men. Why should we do the work for them?

[@joylastname3035]

It's falling back on us women to do the labour to make them feel good about themselves. Like you, I'm mf tired. Women have had to figure out all around growth by ourselves, why are we being tasked to bear the burden for a group of ppl whose prowess is whining and deflection? I know many women including myself who were raised "wrong" and we did the emotional, mental and psychological labour towards self improvement. They should figure it out, after all, they've been in charge of making all the rules and dictating the trajectory of everyone's lives since beginning of time.

[@ZZ-qy5mv]

Yes, what gets me is that in my bubble, most men are responsible, either already in happy relationships, or are fun to talk to and have platonic friendships. You said it, it’s not rare. It’s not a looks thing either. I know so many short men in happy relationships. I know men who would be considered to be unattractive in happy relationships with kids they’re happily raising. They have talent and are good people. They make themselves “valuable” by working hard and being kind. I feel like socially mature men are invisible in the eyes of immature men. These incels never bother to ask happily committed men and men with platonic female friends their thoughts and values.

[@chancemitchell4147]

As a 25 year old straight dude, definitely worried about not finding anyone. Specifically a black woman BUT, imma keep going to therapy and healing through my shit. Working out and hoping got the best! And wishing the very best for black women. Praying for their happiness and success, chu know.

[@mitthrawnuruodo1730]

Same here! I want to get therapy but I’m working too much for that(two jobs) stay strong brother

[@chancemitchell4147]

@@mitthrawnuruodo1730 virtual therapy, my g, trust me. It’ll save ya life

[@SergeantBeans]

Just had to discontinue my virtual therapy because of costs. But starting a new job soon and hopefully there are way more options that are covered by my insurance

[@chancemitchell4147]

@@SergeantBeans wishing you all the best, my Brotha! May you find the services you need.

[@unfriendlyblkhottie444]

@@SergeantBeans Check to see if your new job offers an employee assistance program or EAP.... Typically they offer like 5 or 6 free sessions.

[@paulieboy6644]

Thank you for this video. I’ve been blessed with friendships with other men who support one another emotionally - because it’s not the duty of women to do all the emotional labor.

[@marinakesawa7470]

For a long time, I did not understand why the realms of sports and military life were so appealing to men, and then it was explained to me that those are some of the only arenas in which it is acceptable for men to bond and be emotional with each other. That is heartbreaking to me.

[@painunending4610]

Yep, never rely on women for anything emotional. Women hate men expressing their emotions

[@deelooks7223]

@@painunending4610 Now your set for life.

[@IHEARTCOQUETTECLOTHES.777]

​@@painunending4610 not true most prefer it. It could be life saving for both genders. Mainly men have upheld the idea that men should be silent about emotion because its seen as feminine and feminity is seen as lesser than

[@IHEARTCOQUETTECLOTHES.777]

So happy for you!!