The Most Bizarre Speedrun Strategy Ever Found

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Special thanks to TheCoolSquare for collecting data on the drives over the past year, and to ZimSR for developing some important tools, theories, and helping with the workload of figuring this out.
I also used this cool song again: • [F-Zero GX] Shotgun Ki...
Opening was a quirky parody of Karl Jobst's video on the Dream controversy. U can check that out here: • The Biggest Cheating S...

[@SHiFTss]

FOLLOW-UP VIDEO: kzbin.info/www/bejne/l5iXpIN6rJmkg5o FAQ 1: Why include "time with loads" for speedruns of this game? Answer: the loads are consistent so there is no reason to remove them. they're part of the game and the routing decisions made to beat it as quickly as possible in real time, as are all other moments of the run where you aren't necessarily doing something at that given time. because loads are not random, they are treated the same way. for two players following the meta and playing on the fastest disc drives (which are plentiful and accessible), removing their loads would not change their ranks. PC speedruns typically remove loads through programs running under the game since hardware and software combinations for PCs are infinitely variable, causing unpredictable loads among all players. Consoles have the luxury of either having no variation, or very little variation which can be eliminated through knowledge as seen with the xboxes. removing loads does not make your speedrun faster by the way - it still took you that amount of time to complete it. rather than being used to make a run "faster," removing loads serves as a function for ranking players on the same platform if their loads are unpredictable. and as long as the best players are following the meta, their hardware and loads will be exactly alike. "removing loads" is also disingenuous to the risk/reward of having tougher lag clips for faster loads, or having shorter VMS and L-respawn 1-frame windows after loads and deaths (which we didn't even discuss here :P). if a player knows their loads will be removed, the meta would become playing on the worst console possible to make some tricks as lenient as possible. not only does this defy the goal to beat the game as quickly as possible, it also completely alters routing considerations that would be entirely different if the player were actually trying to beat the game in the shortest amount of time. even if it were practical to edit 80+ transparent loading screens out of 6,000+ speedruns and counting, there is no reason to do so when up-to-speed consoles are obtainable. I used the same xbox every single day for over 3 years and it never slowed down. bonus: if load times were not counted for competition, players can just obscure their discs until they barely work and make lag clips possible in many more areas than they already are, while just accepting 40+ second loads because they wouldn't count anyway. sounds pretty disingenuous to "beating the game as quickly as possible," and not very fun to play at all! FAQ 2: Why not just ban fingerprints and scratches from discs? Answer: there is no sensical way to ban fingerprints, scratches and scuffs from discs. the game is nearly 20 years old, so they are bound to be scuffed - some more than others. the "little brother at the dinner table" hypothetical was meant to demonstrate that anyone can have a disc like this without knowing, or end up with one after purchasing it used from a seller... which at this point is how 99% of people acquire the game. even using the disc to play the game damages it over time as well... i'm sure some of you have, or know someone who has a disc which broke entirely just from playing it too much. back when game consoles used to constantly load discs to play them, this was very common. everyone's disc will eventually reach the critical point where they are scuffed enough to perform some of these lag clips consistently, while still retaining fast loads. stamping fingerprints is simply speeding up the inevitable process without actually damaging the disc. you can always wash it off. and surely many of the runners, even runners of other games, have several fingerprints on their own discs they have never realized existed. remember that the guy in the video had no idea his disc was that messed up until he shined a light over it! FAQ 3: Isn't this just like cartridge tilting on the N64? Answer: this is not comparable to "cartridge tilting" for n64 games. cartridge tilting can alter bit and memory values by adjusting how the cart connects to the console. i understand why people may draw this comparison because it still seems like a "changing how the console connects to the game" situation, but it just isn't that simple. a comparable situation would be adjusting the way the laser reads the disc itself, not the clarity of the disc or laser. if the laser were reading different parts of the disc for specific situations during which it shouldn't, that would be comparable to cartridge tilting. an n64 comparison for disc smearing would be sticking your fingers up the cart and dirtying the connectors. it would make the console less effective at reading the game, but would not change how it is read. the best analogy i can come up with for this is trying to read a book with blurry glasses versus trying to read a book with glasses that scramble the words. blurry glasses = disc smearing, word scrambler glasses = cartridge tilting. FAQ 4: Doesn't this make "good loads" less accessible? Answer: i believe some people are viewing this from the wrong way around. it isn't the loads that are inaccessible, it's the *lag* that's inaccessible. even if it were practical to disallow fingerprints on a disc, by doing this you would be forcing players to purchase samsung B xboxes until they finally win the "lottery" and get one that can lag well, which is absolutely ridiculous considering someone may already have a scuffed disc and be able to do them more easily anyway. smudging the disc simply allows players to catch up with others in a phenomenon that will happen naturally over time anyway, and makes the lag needed to perform these high level tricks 100% accessible. FAQ 5: Will there be a leaderboard split now that this has been discovered? Answer: no, there will be no leaderboard split for lag clips and no lag clips. lag clips were discovered and used since late 2018, and have been a staple of the speedrun since early 2019. they are so woven into the game's progression, and essentially already separate the best players from those not as experienced anyway, that "banning" them would in no way be practical especially at this point in the game's development. they make the game more interesting and fun to play anyway if you've spent your fair share of time learning them FAQ 6: So do I really have to make my disc disgusting to make this strat work? Answer: the "gamer gunk and sweat" bits are obviously exaggerated for comedic effect here. i tried being concise, but i meant to demonstrate that literally spreading sweat onto your disc causes it to not load at all. but for the sake of testing the theory that fingerprints can cause lag, it was worth taking it to the extreme in order to rule things out. if you use anything denser than basic fingerprints that would occur from natural use (if you're careless with your discs i guess), you'll either have random 20+ second loads throughout the run or crash at some point altogether. and no, the ketchup disc obviously didn't work, but it would've been hilarious if it did. FAQ 7: Discovered on March 5th and uploaded on March 6th... Did you make this video in one day? Answer: yes the entire video was scripted and edited in 24 hours. this is why the quality feels even more rushed than the first 2 parts of the bfbb speedrun documentary, which were finished in 1.5s weeks and 30-40 days respectively (despite taking 3 weeks on the 50,000 word research/skeleton of parts 1-4). at least part 2 had a 10-day polishing period, whereas the other videos did not. we speedrun videos around here too :) glad this video provoked some discussion and hopefully you all enjoyed :)

[@lslees_6192]

Teacher: make an essay on a topic of your choice Me:

[@SHiFTss]

@@polocatfan fingerprints don't ruin discs, they wash off. i would agree with you here if we were intentionally scratching or defacing them. however this discovery did lead to more issues that will be discussed in a follow-up video soon :o

[@daveypocket8847]

Crazy that this happened on my 20th birthday! Lmao 🤣

[@superboss1493]

Sure the fingerprints wash off, if you clean them off properly. If you encourage people to smudge their discs, they're gonna do it wrong and break their games. Then less copies will be in the world and that's worse. I mean it's their life and their property but...idk I just feel compelled to say something cus I care about the art, do what you will and have a great day. Your runs are cool by the way, keep up the good work.

[@matthiasc.z8332]

Hey man great video, I wanted to address there are some points in the video with flashing lights i.e 5:50 try putting a warning next time. Thanks!

[@failboat]

A save performed by licking the disc Maybe that whole "don't lick the switch cartridge" thing was just to keep us away from the truth

[@oopssorry3378]

I eat them

[@hoagielamp6543]

I've never owned a switch but when my mate bought a game i asked to lick the cartridge. They do add a bitterant to stop kids from eating them but it's not on the point of connection.

[@RichConnerGMN]

god, nintendo's anti-speedrun tactics go THAT far?

[@Skippyxlxlxl]

It tastes good I put it in my soup for flavor

[@backwardsface3046]

@@hoagielamp6543 it’s actually the entire cart

[@TheGawd100]

Bro this literally sounds like the solution if we were in an episode of Spongebob

[@BizKwikTwist]

Loloool fr

[@sauercrowder]

Needs that patty grease

[@Dargonhuman]

I wish I could argue with that, but you're not wrong. I can even see it in my head. Squidward and Spongebob are competing against each other in a speedrun showdown for some reason, Spongebob consistently smokes Squidward's best times leading to the following exchange: Squidward: You're cheating! You have to be cheating, no one can finish the game that fast, it's literally impossible! Spongebob: Don't be mad, Squidward, I'm not a cheater. It's just that I keep my disc nice and shiny all the time. Squidward: Shiny? Let me see! Spongebob shows Squidward his game disc, which is literally dripping with yellowish goo. Squidward: This thing is filthy and disgusting! What is that gunk all over it? Spongebob: It's not gunk! It's shiny! Squidward: Okay, I probably don't want to know, but how do you get it so ... shiny? Spongebob: Like this! Spongebob licks the disc's read surface then vigorously wipes it with his dirty, stained Krusty Krab apron. Squidward: (horrified) Spongebob! That apron is covered in Krabby Patty grease! When was the last time you washed that thing? Spongebob: *laughs* Squidward, I know it's covered in grease, that's what makes the disc so shiny!

[@sontyphalt45]

@@Dargonhuman Beautiful

[@rompevuevitos222]

I can hear "Patrick, you are a genius" after he somehow comes up with this as a solution

[@crispyandspicy6813]

"Why is there cheeto dust on your gamepad?" "I speedrun"

[@zwenkwiel816]

This isn't trash all over my room, it's all part of my strategy...

[@Felix8xd]

You wouldnt get it.

[@SamTheUndying]

SwagMasterDoritos: "I'm so close to world record I can almost taste it" **proceeds to lick the disc furiously**

[@cybersquidarmysquid8346]

Lmao

[@beep2997]

Kaffeh!

[@tammytheranger7645]

SwagMasterDoritos: Boy, speedrunning sure makes me hungry, and this Disc Popsicle hits the spot!

[@burtun1760]

dude. your comment is gold

[@darksniper1n]

The fact this was discovered by a dude named "SwagMasterDoritios" is the ultimate justice.

[@c0nceited822]

Who licks his disks no less

[@silentkillerx3437]

This comment is beautiful

[@FURYBrenton]

He didn’t discover it

[@jayrotheturtleliker9828]

@@flauntingfloof the guy who made the video

[@gengar-edits3457]

@@jayrotheturtleliker9828 nope.

[@pwedibuscus]

Greased and Non-Greased are the two new run categories.

[@Butter-Milk]

HAHAHA!

[@stickk6066]

When you realize that would actually make sense... I love this fucking community

[@Emperor_Mateus_of_Palamecia]

Grease%

[@nickolaswilcox425]

impossible to prove, it would basically require the inclusion of an extra camera or to not use screen capture methods, plus its not like you can ever be certain if some random speck was enough to cause it or not, this is going to fall into the category of strategies that will be allowed to be unspecified simply due to unreliability and unprovability

[@Butter-Milk]

@@nickolaswilcox425 Yeah that makes sense

[@augustina3657]

Speedrunners really are a different breed. The sheer insanity of this entire community fascinates me.

[@kitten-whisperer]

I don't understand a majority of it but it amazes me too.

[@broomybroomybroomy]

That’s precisely why I like it. People that are outraged by any% runs and dismiss them as “not real” are no fun. They are even more legitimate IMO

[@XxXMrSisterFisterXxX]

@@broomybroomybroomy they both have their own merits. i enjoy watching any% more for the speed and insanity in the methods. 100% is still impressive in a different way because of being able to memorize the most efficient path to collecting all necessary items/quests/whatever. i couldn't memorize how to 100% any game, playing normally. even if i did it 100 times I'm sure i'd forget things and have to look it up again

[@musiciscool1990]

The internet has glorified insanity.

[@M14Gaming]

never in my life did i think we'd reach a point where a speedrunner could miss a trick and someone could ask, legitimately, "hmm... did you G R E A S E up your disc enough?"

[@Winasaurus]

"My friend, you're just not greasy enough to clip as fast as me."

[@sylvie3528]

i hate my generation

[@flauntingfloof]

@@sylvie3528 congrats

[@heckno15yearsago]

@@sylvie3528 “i WaS bOrN In tHe WrOnG gEnErAtIoN”

[@hrgrhrhhr]

@@sylvie3528 good for you

[@lhumanoideerrantdesinterne8598]

From his profile picture, to his name, to the fact he speedruns a SpongeBob game, to the way he cleans his disks there is absolutely nothing inconsistent with SwagMasterDorritos. This guy is a legend.

[@bilbolaggins2431]

A gamer of the truest caliber

[@dah_goofster]

I can smell the bong water from here

[@lordpumpkinhead265]

That man... is beyond certified to be a gamer. He is the living embodiment of what people think gamers are like.

[@SaHaRaSquad]

A gamer molded in swag, sweat and doritos.

[@RealLockheedMartin]

@@dah_goofster Dude drank the bong water and gained unimaginable power. It's the secret the Illuminati don't want you to know.

[@MeiaLuaDeCompasso]

I'm convinced cancer would be cured if speedrunners were in charge of the research. Also I am actually a research scientist (isotope geochemistry) and I have to say, this is genuinely on par with collaborative scientific methodologies. Y'all could really be great scientists if you aren't already! This is beautiful, and love to see the heart and soul being poured into such a niche community. This is the kind of stuff the internet is all about. Rock on y'all!

[@flannelsone1159]

I don't get it, why would speed runners be productive?

[@superbigtime]

Broke: glitches, out-of-bounds, skips, exploits Woke: smearing bodily fluids on your game disc

[@scareraven9669]

Coom disk

[@egbertian.]

Coom disk

[@no-one-1]

Coom disk

[@lunarsky0922]

Coom disk

[@crowblossom06]

Coom disk

[@kevinmcclintock4613]

Imagine being so greasy that you accidentally redefine a speed run.

[@Based_nobark]

Imagine be named Kevin

[@HankThePimpHill]

Imagine

[@massivetalent808]

Im

[@Ender-Logan]

​

[@planetearth8044]

@@Ender-Logan Ok

[@bobbillans6715]

Does this mean actual greasy fry cooks have a speedrunning advantage? Perhaps this was planned from the start.

[@phcgamer8733]

Dear Neptune.

[@jadeaaron2003]

Oh my fucking g o d.

[@youtubeneedstochange4414]

Your pfp fits perfectly with this comment.

[@timothyhall4794]

It's not an exploit. It's lore.

[@man3son1]

Does this mean the KFConsole will be the superior technology for future speedruns?

[@28crane]

I actually got disturbed with that fried chicken sitting on a controller.

[@quagmiretoiletgaming]

It's a special grease proof controller

[@DolusVulpes]

It's just a prototype for the KFConsole controller.

[@yoyu8641]

That ranma profile pic just brought so much nostalgia for me

[@romanpisani8157]

@@DolusVulpes no

[@DolusVulpes]

@@romanpisani8157 yes

[@Minitomate]

Who would imagine that your little brother with no care at all for your game disks would end up making you one of the most ridiculously fastests speedruns of all time.

[@Jimbleton115]

Throwback to when i joked around in chat about strategically scratching the disc to make lag clips more consistent

[@mixttime]

I mean, you risk having a permanently over damaged disk. But if done right you don't need to worry about the grease sweet spot because a clean disk would be in that sweet spot.

[@ElDoctor0311]

I think I saw you mentioning that on chat...

[@minscandboo1213]

Time to make some speed run only copies... Bring a dremel. Edit: Dremel is actually a tool brand. But any tool will do, unless that tool is paper.

[@AmaroqStarwind]

Use a laser to very precisely over-burn certain spots on the disc (after first doing an extremely precise map of the disc), and make those very precise spots harder to read. Also, if you watch "A Tale of Two CD Players" by Technology Connections, you can possibly find other ways to very precisely scratch a disc so that it could possibly track faster or slower in other spots too.

[@mrs.specksynder970]

The prophet has spoken!

[@enzosgames324]

I’m really not surprised that a dude named “swagmasterdoritos” cleans his disks by licking them.

[@Ribbons0121R121]

me either

[@TwinShards]

His gaming name was a clue all along. Who would believe it.

[@FFNOJG]

wait who doesn't do this??

[@jaybayer3670]

I'm just gonna classify this video as a meme/joke in my brain and never think about it again.

[@jamesrockwell608]

11:11 "The clock capacitor, as the name implies, capacitates time on the xbox" dude that is not how capacitors works...

[@Ettrix]

It capacitates clocks , not time

[@ThaRixer]

So much blood, sweat and tears has been put into the speedrun of this game, so now that all three of those things have nowhere to go, you put it on the disk

[@shiftymiata]

I knew you'd be here somewhere

[@johnhall7215]

I love the Vince Staples Profile pic

[@Tralby19]

@@johnhall7215 which one

[@Tstewa4869]

@@Tralby19 It's the artwork for "Big Fish" by Vince

[@Tralby19]

@@Tstewa4869 oh I don't listen to him I just didn't know whos pfp he meant

[@Bismuth9]

This is definitely a good candidate for most bizarre strategy, but I'm still partial to pressing down on your controller's circuit board in Goldeneye

[@SHiFTss]

i tried making a joke here but youtube spam filter got me on my own video.

[@MeesterTweester]

Literally heating up your console with a hot plate for Dragon Quest is also a candidate

[@GooGivers]

@Michael M there is? i thought only in banjo kazooie.

[@JulianneStingray]

Hi Bismuth

[@ReynLynxPSI]

​@Michael M what the hell even is speedrunning anymore

[@peepeepoopoovdbhxvbcc6683]

If you breathe really hard on a spongebob: battle for bikini bottom disc for the Xbox and then mash pause menu in the level “industrial park”, spongebob bursts into a ball of light that slowly consumes the entire world Mental

[@WiteOut90]

This is super wild that your community is so into this run that you broke down all of the hardware this much to improve your runs

[@starlight4649]

This seems like something somebody who never speedran would say. "What if we greased up the game disc so it made the game go faster" I can't believe something like that would actually work

[@FatCatCooper]

Haha grease move fast make game load quick

[@Lamaneus]

It actually doesn't make it faster per se. Makes it so that a game, on a certain model of Xbox, run a tad bit slower when pressing the pause button rapidly so that is slow enough to perform tricks. Which it's even more ridiculous. "I need the game to run fast but not as fast enough so I can perform this trick. How do I do it? By scratching the disc of course!"

[@taiyoqun]

We pot dah red paint on da exboks so da gam go fasta, so we think, if we pot da red blood on da disk tha gam will go fasta but da game was so slo Bob krumped imself and went fasta so we orks won da speedran

[@ce461]

Dude took the old saying “use a little elbow grease” to heart

[@TimeDagar]

@@Lamaneus Sometimes slower is faster.

[@godsdrunkestdriver8438]

Clearly the KFConsole will provide a huge advantage to speedruns

[@NewtubeWorldYT]

Beeg bran

[@MixedVictor]

1k likes and 2 comments lmao

[@ethanmoylan8452]

3 comments

[@alphaplayzz1381]

@@ethanmoylan8452 4 comments

[@hankenthusiast6187]

@@alphaplayzz1381 5 comments

[@QuartzChrysalis]

He licks his discs clean. I am screaming externally.

[@thatrealycoolguy]

“The top speed runner licks his disks to clean them” yeah that tracks

[@---cr8nw]

Windows too.

[@coffeebean2]

This story is like those scenes in anime where the main character stops and looks around the room for a few seconds and notices that a painting is 3mm out of place and that reveals the murderers entire entrance and exit plan, along with their birthplace, favorite color, first pet's name, and the street they grew up on.

[@k_kubes]

Ace Attorney be like:

[@petruciosxd1374]

@@k_kubes Ace Attorney Investigations spoilers: *S A M U R A I D O G*

[@catpower8822]

Don't forget the mother's maiden name and your future dreams

[@Corn624]

Professor Layton

[@KiritoBlackSwordsman647]

So Death Note?

[@ewanherbert3402]

Love listening to a story about a man named "Swagmasterdoritos" licking his game CDs so that he can Spontchbop faster at 2 AM in the morning. Very cool.

[@Anankin12]

As opposed to 2 AM in the afternoon, I guess

[@cryocat2866]

Oh boy 2am!

[@ghost_fueled_scarecrow]

Noob, im watching this at 5:30 AM!

[@thegamerfe8751]

Bruh, 2AM in the morning ?? No way dude, I thought it was at 2AM in the evening.

[@lucash1955]

My friend: wanna play some games? Me: yeah sure bro Friend: ok here is your controller My controller: 0:24

[@squelchedotter]

honestly, at the point where you're buying specific hard drive models to minimize load times, you should just time without loads?

[@rgbglass7163]

Thats what I'm saying

[@XxXMrSisterFisterXxX]

I'm no speedrunner, but aren't load times already removed? or is that just for PC runs?

[@bendingwater7780]

load times are removed from games that benefit a small couple at the cost of money .similar load time and price probably not. exp. 500$ computer vs 5000$ computer. removed but 100$vs 100$ and some research no

[@Ettrix]

@@bendingwater7780 So what if the fastest version Xbox goes up in price because speed runners are scooping them all up? That would classify under your first example for justification of load removal.

[@Nikola_M]

And also allow software modifications that always yield the higher lag clip chances, so that speedrunners don't have to physically damage their game

[@atmsoa9222]

This is why I love speedrunning; it’s ridiculous I would have never even joked that runners would lick they’re discs for better time.

[@Schtaggy]

When you join the wrong class but it's actually interesting

[@borin192]

I thought the elephant in the room would be the fact that he cleans his disks by licking them

[@-K_J-]

"smeared my gamer gunk" is my favorite phrase in this entire video

[@Cyranek]

an incredible discovery. a product of pure genius.

[@RMSLusitania]

yes

[@tomeckersley4719]

Oui

[@llamatherama256]

Facts

[@cucuawe465]

Sometimes my genius are frightening

[@joemomma5164]

Who are you and why do you happen to watch every video I do

[@TylerLasagna]

i never want to hear 'strategic stains' again

[@infinitetgaming]

hey tyler nice to see you here

[@warlord4thewitness]

strategically coom at different angles

[@Patrickh08]

*MMMMMMMM ME GUSTA STRATEGIC STAINS!*

[@letsgetbetterfrank6152]

If you think hard enough about it that’s what we all could be classified as.

[@usefulbobcat]

I'm not messy they're strategic stains

[@dualscreen8789]

Me seeing ketchup on the disc: Oh it's april fools. Me realizing this was uploaded three weeks ago: ._.

[@xxportalxx.]

"Gamer Gunk" aight that's gotta be the nastiest thing I've heard all week

[@Shwert890]

I literally busted out laughing when I saw swagmasterdoritos message of how he licks the disks and ended up finding a new time save lmaoooo

[@Syllaren]

Living up to his name

[@dgtallgamer]

Same here, freaking hilarious

[@DieAlteistwiederda]

This sounds like something my nephew would have done as a child and it made me snort out loud both because it was so unexpected and funny but also because it's so disgusting.

[@crookman42]

@@DieAlteistwiederda yep, it was a real cringe-moment for me, thinking about someone licking their disc clean. I think my tongue got a serious infection just by learning about that. :D

[@tearlach47]

This legit feels like an April Fools prank

[@OatmealTheCrazy]

Microwave your xbox to fix the capacitors

[@greatmusicmaster7946]

Don't it will fry all the circuits instead put an old CD in there. When you see all the sparks I can guarantee you won't want to put your Xbox in the microwave

[@OatmealTheCrazy]

@@greatmusicmaster7946 I hoped it would be obvious I wasn't being serious 🤐 I was referencing the April Fool's thing about recharging your phone by putting it in the microwave

[@scurus11scurus]

@@OatmealTheCrazy i get it... your second comment is the April Fools joke... you almost got me... I shall now proceed to microwave my XBoX

[@Uggabugga07]

@@scurus11scurus ikr, im not that stupid, microwaving it is obviously the best thing to do

[@the44thcosmic_galaxy25]

The friend that gave disc cleaning advice to swagmaster, has an absolute big brain

[@titanlordkadaevr1771]

thank you for not being clickbait.

[@churricardo1457]

certified “holy shit go outside” moment

[@metalmugen]

This is some quality 'tism for sure 👌

[@geirokkuii5707]

@@metalmugen 'tism?

[@Gatorade69]

@@geirokkuii5707 Goldtism.

[@That_Awesome_Guy1]

@@geirokkuii5707 artism.

[@dayone3363]

@@geirokkuii5707 yomama'ism

[@galenmarek4117]

This is the most literal vile strat I've ever seen or heard

[@8LiterallyJustTheNumber8]

It's honestly hilarious to picture Galen Marek typing this out while watching this in his free time

[@alanbeckett5578]

@@8LiterallyJustTheNumber8 When you put it that way, it is funnier

[@thatpersonwithamlpiconwhos2861]

I feel like soon we’re gonna have people putting their xboxes in particle accelerators to blast the CPU with electrons to cause the game to load faster/slower and shave entire picoseconds off of runs

[@radricdavis803]

Speed runners never cease to amaze me. I don’t think I’d ever have the patience for it but goddamn what a breed of human

[@anthonycannet1305]

That must have been infuriating, knowing that your system hasn’t been modified and you didn’t cheat and your run being dismissed for being “too fast”

[@murrfeeling]

The disk had, arguably, undergone slight modification. Imagine if it had been one of those old back-in-the-day style carts like a Colecovison, with the capacitors and resistors inside the cart. A dude dusts off his old console and plugs in the Congo Bongo cart. Unknown to him, while in storage some ants crawled into the cart. When he turns it on one ant gets fried by electricity, its corpse stuck in exactly the right spot between a circuit board lead and a resistor that it triggers a switched bit error that keeps the levels on an easier setting than normal. A few months later he's posting incredible high-score videos. It's not intentional cheating, but his cartridge is just filthy in exactly the right way.

[@cirlu_bd]

but he responded with the correct strategy : analysing the difference between consoles to understand why his was faster. Throwing a tantrum just screams "guilty", if you did cheat you can't prove your legitimacy, but if you did no wrong you will always be able to prove it.

[@anthonycannet1305]

@@cirlu_bd it's still probably really infuriating, working hard to achieve something and when you finally succeed people accuse you of cheating even though you didn't

[@claiminglight]

That actually happens a fair amount. And there's also a fair amount of cheating. What can you do? Better to let a few eggs break then to have one second speed runs like you do on in-game leaderboards.

[@Anankin12]

@@cirlu_bd you won't be always be able to prove it, that's why the justice system is "innocent until proven otherwise"

[@acai28]

This is hilarious

[@hyperinvox9129]

helo assai :))

[@recursiveslacker7730]

Brown man dunks his hands in hamborgar grease to FC better

[@JarcraftedStuff]

Greasy guitar 😳😳

[@JudgeNicodemus]

Holy shit it's based brown guitar hero man.

[@ltci322]

??? BROWN MAN

[@nijq]

10:40 "i clean my disks via licking them using a pillowcase to wipe and clean :)" - swagmasterdoritos ah yes the averager speedrunner

[@lordofhnajuty]

I have never been more impressed, amazed, disgusted and irked in my life. Good video.

[@rafaelgsbr]

Ooohh, so THAT'S what you were doing when I was looking for something to watch on Twitch and there was this weird man wearing a robe and rubbing his sweat all over a disc, booting the game, pausing and unpausing like a madman and then repeating the process. Now it all makes sense.

[@heiswatching]

the real definition of "trust the process"

[@trybunt]

This is why aliens fly right on by earth

[@danielschmidtke9213]

@@trybunt No, it's mostly the smell.

[@rootintootinnewton]

@@danielschmidtke9213 bold of you to assume aliens can smell.

[@bandeyawx9709]

this all feels like such a mindfuck. i cannot believe this is real.

[@bandeyawx9709]

ok no seriously like why the fuck did you do that? you really took your armpit sweat and just put all that on that game disc live on stream. that’s such a dominant act. i will NEVER be as good as you in anything with dedication and determination like that. what the FUCK.

[@magithegreat]

@@bandeyawx9709 Same, I wish to one day approach the amount of dominance I have witnessed here today

[@pjbroke335]

6:43 lemme guess, the copious amounts of weed smoke and Dorito dust choked the cpu cooling just enough to make lag clips achievable.

[@Cormageuh]

Trying such petty strategies just to scratch some time in a speedrun is a disgrace.

[@MrMario2011]

Nastiest speedrun strategy confirmed? This was certainly unexpected!

[@batorerdyniev9805]

No

[@lepapanouwel4663]

No

[@bigmoniesponge]

No

[@luki2584]

No

[@lokwinsk]

No

[@alexmcp5153]

when you revealed that he _licks them clean_ I physically gagged with revulsion

[@coolbrotherf127]

I wouldn't have expected any difference from a guy calling himself swagmasterdoritos.

[@moneer7139]

I don't see anything wrong with this

[@crookman42]

@@moneer7139 maybe you should change your name to swagmastermoneeros then ;)

[@squaremarco]

Imagine gatekeeping speedrunning behind hardware lmfao

[@jaytothesun99]

This is such an amazing story. I can’t believe it was something as simple as a dirty disk.

[@billybertsch1055]

If you smear poop on the disc, you'll have yourself a Stool Assisted Speedrun.

[@mrsandman1924]

Oh gods, how did you make me want to thumbs up and thumbs down you at the same time.

[@YellowLAVA]

SAS

[@Ribbons0121R121]

STOP

[@seanwilkinson8696]

You just know that some basement 'runner in Iowa thinks it's legit, and so is currently "bowels deep intestine" this trick, to see what consistency of human dookie provides the smoothest movements. I say "stop it; get some help". These machines, like PCs, do tons of number-crunching, and will get more heated than a zany televangelist's "gib mah lotsa monnae fer anoo JeezusJet" rhetoric. Is topping a trivial world record by 0.00015 seconds worth the "shovel out the Augean Stables"-level of fussin' with feces and saturating your home with the inextricable pong of broasted poop?

[@renatoimperatori5289]

69th like 🙂

[@Gathies]

I feel like the elephant in the room is WHY DOES HE LICK HIS GAMES CLEAN??

[@recht_voor_zijn_raap5506]

That was my first thought too. Wtf?! Gross!

[@RobertJW]

That made me gag, oh my god.

[@johnthegreat7725]

He was told to do this by a friend I think and just went with it I guess.

[@JamAttack]

humanity is fucked

[@bongosmcdongos4190]

I did that too. But I was a kid. Fun fact it makes games actually run sometimes.

[@crazy338866]

As someone who enjoying watching speedrunners perform insane glitches, this discovery is fascinating. But as someone who also wants all of our old hardware to be preserved for future generations, I am deeply disturbed by the lengths speedrunners are willing to go to get faster runs.

[@cheesebusiness]

When I watch about speedrunners, I realize how awesome my life actually is

[@Ettrix]

For me, it is because I am baffled by the amount of investment vs. potential reward ... even if you're the best #1 in the world, your accomplishment is really only known to that small community and on that one website. No sponsorship deals, etc. with the best/most you could hope for, coming from Twitch Streaming (if they even elect to partake), to add to this, how many of the biggest/most successful Twitch streamers are "speed runners" ... and then what you are left with once everything is said and done. I guess there is the argument to be made of fun/reward/fulfillment, but I just look at it as: If someone had taken the same amount of hours and put it into different concentrations and areas of life... and what you would be left with after those instead.

[@blacktytrix]

Just from the first few minutes I can't tell if this is a meme video or the next part of speed running history for the game

[@menvolk2086]

I had to do a double take and check the date to make sure April 1st didn't come early

[@thebeardedcat]

its bfbb. It's real.

[@StrawberrySkyAct1]

This stacks with the guy who got an insane time on a SM64 run via an ionizing particle from space. Speedrunning is an absolute mystery.

[@BelisariusCawl]

The ionizing particle story turned out to be a cartidge title thingy, sadly the particle didnt flip a single byte.

[@madghostek3026]

@@BelisariusCawl The particle theory is much less likely the cause now after more investigation, but nothing is proven yet

[@Thinktank-rn6dm]

@@BelisariusCawl *bit flipping an entire byte would be near impossible as 8 adjacent bits would have to be flipped at the exact same time

[@nam6128]

Cosmic rng

[@bodyno3158]

@Lain Or a radiation source, or we gonna ask Elon to send a speedrunner into the space.

[@tempwaffle]

Price: "Stay frosty" SHiFT: "Stay greasy"

[@Mi_mcmuffin]

Never thought a speedrun tactic would make me gag but here we are

[@jasonlecrown5427]

12:17 given the 100% failure rate of the clock capacitor it could be argued maybe that's why so many of the Samsung b-drive model Xbox from back in the day had been opened previously either to repair that or remove it. So that honestly could very well be the answer as to why for many years most of the b-drive Xboxes appeared to be tampered with.

[@TheAkashicTraveller]

Yeah anyonw who knows about that and has one of those xboxes probably had it fixed.

[@Champiness]

literal Mr. Krabs “the paint comes off with saliva” moment

[@TheMick1up]

I don't know anything about the spongebob speed running community, but you explained it very well!

[@Rudi_Gauss]

0:36 when you try to close your door to save your consoles and PC from your younger siblings, and they try to squeez through

[@AROAH]

Are you telling me Spongebob speed runners are why it’s so hard to find OG Xboxes

[@RandyRandersonthefamous]

Melee is still $60+ for a physical copy. Thank god for emulators

[@illustriouschin]

This is precisely like that scene in 2001: A Space Odyssey when the monkey smashed the bones.

[@MXOY99]

Beautiful.

[@GreigaBeastDS]

“No matter how much blood, sweat, and tears are poured into a game” Literally

[@Ice-yp4wg]

This is the first time I've ever seen someone utilize lag to their advantage.

[@adamslow934]

I had to DM Four just to make sure this wasn't one giant shitpost, and I'm almost upset that this is real.

[@IMVADER2]

There's no way this is a BfBB exclusive trick then, and that's disgustingly amazing

[@neoqwerty]

Time for every run that needs frame-perfect inputs to test if licking makes it easier. Someone checks their Okami disc for lick-assisted KT hovers!

[@cr4zyw3ld3r]

Grimy af I love it! Also incredible findings about drive speeds!

[@DirtybeatzWoW]

lmfao the message from the guy about licking the disks made me laugh for half an hour XD

[@stupid13375p34k3r]

As an electrical engineer, the phrase "capacitates time" is not one I've heard before but definitely one I'll be using from now on lmao

[@edenpark935]

"If it weren't for swag's saliva." This sounds so weird without context

[@crazygoose7800]

Dear god.

[@NikELbErGErBergel]

It sounds wierd with context too

[@LenWins]

hilarious. Nice job finding this out. It's so abstract.

[@MintyDarkFinger]

I remember once I was watching my brothers play Resident Evil 3 on the PS1 and at basically game start after the cutscene my 2 older brothers were having an argument about who's going to play first which resulted in a fight over the control. Controller slips out of their hands, hits the top of the ps1 and the game freezes for 5 seconds and moves straight to the game completion scene and a game time of less than a minute (I think it was somewhere in the realm of 30 seconds) and no enemies killed etc. Was a bizarre and probably unreplicable experience that whilst not recorded means that me and my brothers have the #1 unoffical speed run recording by about 39 minutes, unintentionally anyway.

[@RedEyedCowboy]

"lick them and use a pillowcase" *Microfiber cloth has left the chatroom*

[@notgray88]

bro i did the same thing when i was like 12 i didn't know microfiber cloth was a thing

[@SirUntouchable]

I remember when speedrunning was just about playing the game, not licking it.

[@MiotaLee]

I'm finding this hilariously hard to take seriously and I love it. Thanks, you cured my depression.

[@Regolith]

speedrunners are some of the most unnecessarily thorough people I've ever heard of

[@vin-cc9nk]

I'm physically uncomfortable, yeah, the game was optimized further, but at what cost...

[@shartimuscraft1279]

Sweat

[@AreGeeBee]

"Blood, sweat, and tears. But mostly his sweat"

[@fredricknoe3114]

This feels like some sort of April fools prank.

[@gta123987]

good work on this video man. new sub right here

[@PotaraP]

"If it weren't for swags saliva, we would never have known how much potential time save these new drives could possibly bring to our game."

[@steegen101]

the idea of licking a game disc on purpose, frequently, is gonna haunt me for the rest of my life

[@grapplesauce9939]

Why didn’t you call it the “Dirty Dan” strat?

[@SprunkCovers]

Lmao, it should be the official name

[@richardrodrigues4960]

Not into speedrun but still freaking enjoyable, thanks for the content!

[@Maceyoshiman]

The speedrunning community's ability to overcome limitations will never cease to amaze me.

[@logasoba]

dude we are going to run out of useable bfbb discs

[@bluegum6438]

@@gizmoduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu2773 over time the acids in skin oils and especially ketchup will definitely degrade the disc

[@illdeletethismusic]

so we need to burn more

[@Tactix_se]

@@bluegum6438 Bruh do you actually think he put a disc with ketchup in his console

[@myyriad778]

@@Tactix_se lol

[@suparockr]

@@Tactix_se I don't know what to believe anymore after watching this

[@Season411]

Lmao that’s great. I just checked my Xbox and by sheer coincidence, it has a Samsung drive and a manufacturing date of July 2003.

[@rb806gaming2]

You could sell that joint for good money

[@lofikirbstar623]

sell it on ebay

[@Season411]

@@lofikirbstar623 Why would I sell it if I can use it for runs

[@manuelmallocariello5902]

@@Season411 just make sure your disk is greasy enough

[@jestfullgremblim8002]

@@manuelmallocariello5902 lmao

[@wesleyleigh4063]

only speedrunning would turn a gamer onto creating an excel spreadsheet.