The Most Boring, Pointless EL James Book Yet

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The author of Fifty Shades of Grey returns with The Missus. The sequel to the underselling spin-off The Mister that no one asked for.
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[@TabbyeLynne]

This "plot" would make a lot more sense if the book was set in the 1800's

[@shinyagumon7015]

The Mister already felt like EL James trying to write a period romance but deciding that doing research into history was just too much of a hassle, but this one takes the cake.

[@SingingSealRiana]

sounds like slice of life which is not that uncommen or unloved, but you need to be good at getting your audiance invested into your characters for that to work

[@Bwillis2099]

It would probably be a classic then😅🙃 11:58

[@RockyGems]

@@shinyagumon7015 Period romance set in... 2022.

[@shinyagumon7015]

@@RockyGems One day this will become a reality and I fear for this day to come.

[@CalliopePony]

Between Bella, Anastasia, and Alessia why are all these women so happy about unplanned pregnancies? Certainly someone could be happy to have a child even if they weren't intending it, but this is an odd trend that really seems to lean into the "a woman's most important purpose is to make babies" line of thinking.

[@xLiLlyx98]

I hate how the focus shifts immediately from "the most important thing is to wait until you meet the right man, then the most important thing is to bang said man until your genitals fall off and THEN you must start a family with him (even if he never displayed any inclination to do so before)" and it is very very uncomfortable

[@JovanDacic]

The creepy power imbalance and shades of redpill misogyny seem very deliberate, either borrowed from the fan fiction world, or from the Twilight plot with its author's LDS cultural background. The alpha male romance novel formula reinforces the idea that a woman will give up all her boundaries and do anything for a truly dominant man. What better way to illustrate that than making the heroine a reluctant host who gives in her bodily autonomy? To me, it just seems like "unexpected pregnancy" plots are this decade's version of the "heroine deciding she likes being ravished" -- since the characters are already intimately acquainted, there has to be some other boundary that the woman is uncomfortable with for the plot to advance.

[@aydenkelly6274]

It's gross that a happy ending for EL James always means getting married and prematurely pregnant.

[@OneTrueNobody]

Romance novels in general do like to focus on being "swept off your feet," to be fair, whether it be by a man, by one's own emotions. It is a bit troubling when it just becomes thoughtless glorification of characters having no agency, but that is (usually) an incidental consequence of thoughtless writing. It's possible to write about that without "being swept off your feet" equating to "being a passenger in your own life." But. You know. It takes finesse. Not to say it can't swing too far in the other direction. I've read a few stories that get so careful about making sure everything is definitely consensual that they bypass what consent in a romance might look like and write all the characters as behaving like robots. Whatever one's worldview is, it's always possible to unbalance your writing, is what I'm saying. E.L. James just happens to be a remarkable study in the "thoughtless" brand of that. Although, I will add that many romance novels have an additional aspect to them: they write from both protagonists' perspectives so that the full range of emotion and motivation for both characters is on display. I'm not super fond of this "romance novel from only one protagonist's point of view" approach, because it leaves everything to the imagination where the other POV is concerned, and writers like Meyer and James just aren't skilled enough to convey enough of the other character's motivations through implication for them to come off as anything but skin-thin cardboard constructs.

[@xLiLlyx98]

@@OneTrueNobody agree to everything you said, and it seems that some writers, El James being the best example, that they've never interacted with or observed any human being with any nuance so they are incapable of portraying any range of emotion at all

[@theagingmillennialvarietyh7751]

The fact that James made Millions upon Millions writing this trash, give me both hope in myself and my writing abilities, and makes me deeply depressed about humanity.

[@Vanq22114]

Same! Like, I may be shit, but I can't be worse than her, right?

[@marie-helenemartel7147]

I feel you sister...

[@Bullshotinbutt]

I know, right?

[@Lakstoties]

I remember when I started posting my long series as a web serial because I believed no publisher would touch it, and just putting out there was the only way it'd ever see the light of day. (Still true as it gave me motivation to finish the thing for the few readers.) But, I see these reviews of EL James and similar writers... And... Uh... I sometimes wonder and can't help but feel a little silly. Still don't think a publisher would have touched it, but damn... They'll go all in on this stuff? Huh.

[@theagingmillennialvarietyh7751]

@@Lakstoties dude, if James can do it, what’s the worst that could happen from trying to traditionally publish it? Still pretty cool that you’d put yourself out there regardless of the format.

[@ile_295]

As un Albanian i would like to point out how weird it is for Alesia to assume Maxim and Caroline would be sleeping with each other, at least in an Albanian social context. In Albania once you're married your spouses family becomes your family, as in they practically adopt you, most of the time you are also expected to refer to them as such. So Alesia not wanting them to be in the same room out of fear that they might sleep together is like being scared of your husband sleeping with his adopted sister. Also Alesia's name is written wrong, Double "s" doesn't exist in Albanian and her surname wouldn't de written as "Demachi" it would be written as "Demaçi". There are so many other inaccuracies I could point out, if someone has questions I would be happy to respond.

[@shinyagumon7015]

I mean what little I know about Maxim him sleeping with his adopted sister is a very reasonable concern 😅

[@GothKatt]

Does Albania have a lot of Italians?

[@adammarks6454]

@ileniazani5581 my dyslexic butt read Albanian as Alabama for a minute and got so confused

[@Tareltonlives]

Thank you! I'm not surprised that James has little to no knowledge or respect for Albania and its people.

[@ellendallanora7404]

I don't know what is worse: that you would be a great beta-reader, or that James could definetly afford you if you were.

[@lillyr9295]

It’s bad that when he said E.L. James finally wrote a book without dubious consent issues my mind immediately went “Wait, now she’s writing books where there is NO CONSENT?? Why are we celebrating this??” 🤦‍♀️😂

[@Konpekikaminari]

Same, I thought "so... this time, is it full concent or no concent at all?"

[@Arya-is4cv]

I'm not gonna lie, my first thought was "wow, no sex at all in an adult-aimed romance book? thats novel!"

[@xLiLlyx98]

​@@Arya-is4cvI mean, I wish she'd forever leave off the sex scenes because all of them so far have made me want to poke holes in my eardrums with a fork 😀

[@hiddenechoes]

😂😂😂😂 right??

[@chelonianmobile]

Me too.

[@breezy3392]

Imagine going from a sit-down with GRRM to...this. Talk about author whiplash.

[@jackmesrel4933]

It's a miracle his neck hasn't snapped in half

[@Maradrafts]

On the bright side: more proof of this channel's range! (which, no joke, I genuinely appreciate)

[@legateelizabeth]

I dunno, seems both of them have written highly successful fetish books they didn't create most of the content for. There's more similarities there than people would like to think.

[@mirjanbouma]

​@@legateelizabethquick, if you look up and use binoculars you might see the point that clearly flew over your head.

[@meiday154]

I'd like to believe it keeps Dom humble lol

[@TalysAlankil]

so what i'm getting from it is, she was the worst kind of fanfiction writer (the kind who writes chapter by chapter without any kind of plan) and she learned nothing when transitioning to a published author

[@jackmesrel4933]

And she has not learned a single thing after a decade

[@AntediluvianRomance]

Why would she if she still gets published?

[@marieroberts5664]

At one point, I believe that she was a published author, but not a famous one, and that she loved Twilight and wanted to expand on the story her way. Greatly encouraged by the wide spread readership and acclaim that her online efforts produced, she was able (thru her already existing publishing contacts), to bring her work to the attention of publishers eager to get the next Twilight (much like the crush of poor Tolkien knockoffs we got back in the 60s and 70s). She filed off the serial numbers, and it was only the desperate readers who wanted more romance and who wanted actual sex (no matter how poorly written) that propelled her to the top. People don't read Ms James for the writing, they want the hot sex or they want to find out if the story in their preferred genre gets better. Unfortunately, according to several readers, including my sister in law, James' Fifty Shades books do not, or at least not until the last book in the series, which isn't saying much. What fools both writers and readers is that fanfiction is a safe space for all kinds of writers: the good, the great, the bad, the flaky, the noob, the procrastinator, the one shot or one trick pony. It is the sanctuary of the readers: bookworms and never read anything and all grades in between. So a writer can get away with the most pedestrian or egregious writing, if the fan base will tolerate it, or the plot engages, or fandom is desperate for content, or if the sex is explicit so that the prim and proper can secretly get off (as the Brits say). So if a popular genre can get a writer who feeds the readers what they want, the story will take off, the writer will build a following, and the publisher will have a built-in property, editing be damned. I have never read Ms. James, not even when she was still the Ice Dragon, but too many others, such as yourself Dom, have given me the heads up, so if I was ever inclined to do so, the history of Ms James as well as those whose opinions I trust, have saved my money and sanity. However, I won't throw the baby out with the bathwater. I will continue to read and sometimes write fanfiction and hope that some of my favs go on to become published authors and perhaps make a living out of it (some have) and otherwise continue to enjoy reading and writing good and even great stories.

[@melrey2645]

Most AO3 fanfiction authors write better than her! I write better than her! And I wouldn't consider myself a fantastic writer.

[@kaspianepps7946]

@@marieroberts5664 She wasn't a published author before Fifty Shades came out and, by her own account, had never even attempted to write a book before she discovered fanfiction. I think a lot of the popularity of Fifty Shades came from the media essentially giving it lots of free publicity, because it was, at the time, unusual - both as a published piece of fanfiction and erotica that women were apparently happy to talk openly about enjoying. (Her husband is a novelist so might have industry connections that helped, but I do think a lot of it was just lucky timing).

[@SmallesTeaspoon]

In a book review devoid of any twists or turns given the author, the biggest plot twist was my learning that Dom is 35 when I've thought this man was just forever 26.

[@xLiLlyx98]

Honestly, this makes almost for a comfort listen because the plot just kind of burbles along like a calm stream on a warm summer day 😂

[@samanthae.1002]

Bruhhhhh

[@orangeants]

​@@xLiLlyx98 I literally use this video as a sleep aid haha

[@xLiLlyx98]

@@orangeants so, by walking around like three corners, El James has contributed something positive with her books 😄

[@orangeants]

@@xLiLlyx98 hahaha maybe. But tbh it's Dom's excellent speaking voice

[@zainab58]

I kinda wish we hadn't got the synopsis of the previous book. Now I'm hopelessly distracted trying to understand why a human trafficker would spend a single second trying to regain control over someone *who had come under the protection of a wealthy peer* instead of sensibly deciding to cut his losses on that particular traffickee.

[@xLiLlyx98]

Yes! And anyway, once one of them would get away I would probably just let it be and focus instead on not letting anyone else escape?

[@Xehanort10]

I think the human traffickers only existed to make Maxim look like a good guy.

[@xLiLlyx98]

@@Xehanort10 ... Which is kind of a red flag if it takes that magnitude of assholery to make your male protagonist look sort of heroic. Also to have any kind of stakes in this story because she isn't capable of creating intriguing interpersonal drama I suppose

[@Xehanort10]

@@xLiLlyx98 She did the same in 50 Shades where the Jack Hyde character was only there to make abuser with mother issues Christian Grey seem better.

[@xLiLlyx98]

@@Xehanort10 Yeah true... I remember that, and I loved the very, very subtle naming of that character lol

[@JJHeff]

I'm extremely happy for your mental health that this book was just mind-numbingly boring and not mind-numbingly boring while also being sickeningly problematic.

[@mmmahh9056]

EL James is proof that some books should have never been written😂

[@BrandonCroker]

You mean SnowQueens Ice Dragon?

[@E.L.Tigre32]

Tax right-off?

[@jackmesrel4933]

Twilight is an even bigger contender. Without it, the teen genre would've been spared the onslaught of the "supernatural romance" wave it created. Same with Hunger games, tho the first book was miles better than Twilight, it popularized the "teen dystopian" genre. Because of these two, good books for teens were a rarity for a loooong time

[@joshu4272]

More so that if you think you can't get published......try it you can't be worse than E.L. James

[@maniaclaugh]

The scifi romance genre has been full of reylo fanfic with the names changed ever since 2015, so it's not just YA books.

[@aceoflights.]

It seems E L James has not changed her writing style since she was writing chapter by chapter published fanfiction. Which obviously does not work for fully published books (and honestly barely works for fanfiction either).

[@JesseSlater]

This is exactly what I came here to say! Same with the "every word on a separate line for emphasis" detail.

[@danielled8665]

​@@JesseSlateragreed; I'm just relieved the characters don't have out of story arguments with one another at the end of each chapter about what happened in the plot of that chapter. 😅

[@JesseSlater]

@@danielled8665 oh, but the mass readership would love weeaboo omake!

[@danielled8665]

@@JesseSlater hah, probably right. Ah, the cringe days of my mass consumption of YuGiOh fanfiction.

[@bookwermofthefandoms]

I wrote a 62K words fanfiction with no editing, and I realize it is not good in some ways but some people sometimes must want to read bad fanfiction or we wouldnt ever publish it right? Idk it just kind of feels bad when people use my type of writing as a way to put down published writing but I should get over it

[@GlitchyPixExtra]

I thought I was going insane for a second there when you showed the book on-screen while talking about it being new. Because I forgot what the title of The Mister actually was and the covers are so fucking identical that I just thought this book was that one again and that I'd somehow stumbled into a timeloop

[@GlitchyPixExtra]

Also, as a lot of people have already said in the comments, the way you've described the pacing seems extremely similar to how a lot of poorly written fanfiction is written, a series of events with little stakes and not a lot happening. Has EL James not learned anything about how to professionally write since she became a published author? That's embarrassing, jesus

[@swimmyswim417]

Yeah. Like, literally the same color font and same background. She could’ve had the tree thing in the background be a different color, maybe something more orangey and autumnal as an indicator of the passage of time for a sequel, and maybe change the font color of the title. But that would require effort and an ounce of creativity and critical thinking while collaborating with the cover artist.

[@shinyagumon7015]

It really looks like they just grabbed another stock photo of a pond and call it a day.

[@edgarallenhoe3518]

I assumed from the thumbnail that she had published a gender-swapped version of The Mister.

[@braxtonwages195]

Me too 😂

[@localhearthian2387]

If I didn't know better, I'd say James has turned to ChatGPT and it just refused to do anything kinky for her.

[@PaintSplashProductions]

You know E L James got me into writing. Not because her books are good, in fact how awful her books were showed me I didn’t need a university degree in creative writing if this garbage can get millions. I guess without her I wouldn’t be as passionate about my writing as I am

[@reesf743]

I like to imagine when the book comes out this is what will go in the "about the author" section

[@PaintSplashProductions]

@@reesf743 🤣 Nah I'd probably credit actual good writers

[@UGNAvalon]

In the interviews tho…. “So Mx Author, you mentioned that you had a lot of difficult periods in which you feared that you would never be able to overcome a glaring plot thread, and nearly gave up on the project entirely! How’d you overcome them?” “Well Mx Interviewer, I just reminded myself that EL James managed to get rich off of literal trash, and suddenly all the pressure would just evaporate as I instead focused on the actual task at hand, rather than on being so hard on myself.”

[@PaintSplashProductions]

@@UGNAvalon Literally though

[@quinnsinclair7028]

The waitress flirting with the man right in front of his date is directly from Twilight.

[@Tareltonlives]

She used it in 50 Shades too, I think

[@GreenGearStudio]

When you screw your story up so badly, that you accidentally create a healthy relationship

[@justme0910]

What is it with James' "unplanned pregnancy" fetish? Don't get me wrong, I'm IMMENSELY glad and relieved to hear that she finally managed to portray a healthy relationship in one of her works, but becoming pregnant when you weren't planning on it is also a violation of bodily autonomy and I hate the way it's used in fiction - usually as a source of cheap drama, a way to force a romance between two characters who had one ill-advised hook-up and otherwise want nothing to do with each other, or an example of how "virtuous" a female character is for insisting on carrying the pregnancy to term no matter what (see: Twilight). From what I gather, it's not quite as bad in this, but there's still a whiff of that whole "Look how Pure and Good this female character is for being overjoyed to have a child she didn't want (yet)!" thing here and it really irks me. Am I nitpicking? I'm probably nitpicking.

[@Eloraurora]

You're not nitpicking. Unwanted pregnancy is kind of the foundational body horror.

[@jaginaiaelectrizs6341]

I feel like it's important to distinguish between unplanned and unwanted. Sometimes, unplanned pregnancy just happens. It's a fact of life. If people are having het. s*x, sometimes it absolutely can just happen, sometimes even in spite of any or all attempts on their part to prevent it. And, most of the time, it was people's own autonomous choice to engage in het. s*x irregardless of that slim chance it could still happen that enables it to happen. People deal with it, or not, however they do. And however they do, differs from one person &/or circumstance to another. And often enough, even when it was unplanned or earlier than planned, for plenty of people it still ends up being wanted in the end so they choose to go through with it-even if that's not always the case. And I think exploring that in fiction is just as valid as exploring the opposite. (It also kind of makes sense that people who are[ or would be] happy about it would be more likely to want to actually read fiction about it and thus want to read fiction in which the characters also feel similarly too.) But unwanted is a whole other ballpark. As is any instances in which someone's autonomous choice is or was actually literally violated at one point or another along the way. (So ...I think, similarly, it makes sense that people who aren't or wouldn't be happy about it probably would prefer to read fiction in which it just doesn't even come up at all. Because many people read to escape into an idealized story, at least to some extent or another, not really to simply explore perfectly realistic scenarios they could theoretically explore just by living their own lives and/or by talking to others about other people's real-life experiences; even though that is sometimes also exactly what some people do like to see explored in fiction too. But that's probably how you get such a strong skew where, if unplanned pregnancy comes up in fiction, it's primarily unplanned pregnancies that are handled in fairly specific ways? 🤔 If that makes sense.🤷‍♀️🤷🤷🏻‍♂️)

[@rakninja]

@@jaginaiaelectrizs6341 would it still count as autonomous violation, say, if it were contraception that failed? i mean, it does still go directly against their choice, but i think that viewpoint might be a bit over-reductive. there's no form of general contraceptive that's 100% effective, there's always some chance of failure, and i'd argue that the choice of using X, Y, and/ or Z methods of contraception is also an acceptance that there is a non-zero chance of pregnancy. an acceptance of the total risk to their overall goal of avoiding pregnancy.

[@edgarallenhoe3518]

​@jaginaiaelectrizs6341 I agree with you, unless you're saying that consent to s*x is consent to pregnancy, your comment seems to imply that but I don't want to put words in your mouth

[@jaginaiaelectrizs6341]

@@rakninja No-that was kind of my point exactly. Lol I would only count it as a violation of their bodily autonomy really if someone else had intentionally sabotaged or tampered with their attempted means of contraception(like by deliberately poking a hole or choosing the wrong size condom or swapping the order of their pills or something more like that completely unbeknownst to the other person and in direct contradiction of the other person's wishes). I don't really see an unplanned pregnancy alone as an instance of someone's bodily autonomy being violated, personally. I think if you are that deadset against risking even the possibility of a chance of pregnancy, then just don't have [direct or indirect ]v*ginal-to-p*nile het. s*x, or surgically remove your ovaries/testes(or something); and if you simply want to be in complete control of when you do or don't get pregnant, then freeze some eggs/sperm beforehand(and hope that preservation doesn't malfunction in the meantime, or be prepared to seek another donor just in case). Otherwise, no matter how slight someone tries to cause the chance that it might happen to be, the chance that it could happen anyway is still a gamble that exists and which [in my opinion ]that particular person voluntarily chose to risk-at least so long as the act that resulted in it was fully consensual. (Meaning = their bodily autonomy was not[ in my opinion] truly violated, things simply didn't pan out how they'd hoped it would, or they just hadn't bothered to fully think it through beforehand the way they maybe should have) Unless we're speaking in the most strictly literal sense possible, and saying that now their body is being depended on by more than just one individual[ or more than just themself]. In which case.... sure .. it's true, it is. ... but still, not everybody always minds that. (And, again, there is the fact that they were engaging in risking it voluntarily-with that not-zero possibility of this happening. So, if they did personally mind it, they should have chosen more rigidly[ or been more prepared to accept that it was still possible no matter what they did and regardless of what that could or couldn't mean for them and their body].) But maybe that's just me-idk!. 😁

[@tedculbertson6320]

It's kind of unfortunate that the book becomes boring because their communication is too good.

[@PassTheMarmalade1957]

Good communication is part of character development. But you still need A PLOT.

[@nullings.]

I was really surprised by your mention of women's ph balances in fiction!! It's the first time I ever heard someone talk about this. I find it so immersion breaking whenever I see a woman do something that would cause me a yeast infection, vaginosis and god knows what else, and they just walk away healthily like it's nothing 😂 I figured no one talks about this because they are more 'robust' than me or just not aware of how the vaginal flora works, but you proved me wrong!

[@darastarscream]

Or How To Spot An Author Going By Their Much Smaller Pool Of Knowledge. Like a novel that has absinthe being stronger than grain alcohol and very unpleasant to taste (neither are true). Or slashfics where lovers go from zero to XXX with no lube (potential trip to emergency room).

[@nullings.]

@@darastarscream Can totally understand the last point! The lack of lube during sex scenes in fiction also always breaks my immersion. I can't help but imagine how painful it would be to do what the characters are doing >< it's never fun to watch/read those scenes...

[@lnt305]

Also, I am surprised how many don't really get contraceptives? I don't know about this book, but almost all of the fictional unplanned pregnancies I have read about are because they fuck up, not because... contraceptives don't always work? I recently even read one, where the protagonist takes a pill every time after sex and I was like: "Wait, is she using Plan B... as like her Plan A or something?"

[@darastarscream]

@@lnt305 Ah, the fruits of abstinence-only sex education-- lots of people who legit *don't* know how reproductive health management works.

[@kaitlyn__L]

@@darastarscream I suppose if you're someone who can't stand aniseed or licorice then absinthe would be extremely unpleasant 😅 sweetness generally doesn't make up for that if you don't like it (I adore licorice, however my dad despises it. Even the slightest hint of it makes him spit out whatever it is!)

[@BinturongGirl]

I firmly believe that The Mister absolutely was another AU Twilight fanfic with the serial numbers filed off (there are one-to-one analogues for every main character) so that explained the weird episodic nature and dropped plot lines that we also saw in 50 Shades. We all assumed that she was writing to an update schedule rather than having anything outlined in advance, and she would get distracted, lose track of her threads, and things wouldn't pan out. She had probably written a big chunk of The Mister before the 50 Shades explosion, then dusted it off when publishers came knocking, so the same issues could be expected there. There are no such excuses for this one, but all the hallmarks are still there, so I guess this is just... how she writes? And the fact her work was full of the overly-detailed, badly-paced random sequence of events with no stakes, no depth, and no development that is so typical of fanfiction was just coincidence? Weird.

[@djeniiala]

That makes sense to be honest. I read Master of the Universe way back when she was writting it (Fifty shades that is) You could be right

[@kaspianepps7946]

Only writing fanfiction means she doesn't have experience editing a complete work. Many novelists start with little or no idea of where the story is going to go, but once they finish the first draft they'll make major structural changes (plus add in things like foreshadowing) to what they've written so the final work is well paced - that's obviously not possible with serially published fanfiction. In this case, pretty much everyone is going to decide whether or not to buy the book purely on the basis that it's an EL James novel. That (and the fact that James has reacted very negatively to attempts to change her work in the past), means there's not much reason for the publishers to put resources into editing it.

[@jaginaiaelectrizs6341]

I mean, to be fair, slice-of-life and/or low-stakes fiction is also a thing. So.. what is or isn't "badly-paced" can and does differ a lot depending on other genre &/or style choices, too. But since I've never actually read her work myself, I can't really say how I personally feel about it or not, except to say that the criticism in this particular thread seems like some relatively fair theories. 🙂

[@kaspianepps7946]

@@jaginaiaelectrizs6341 As a sequel to a novel that features human trafficking and guns, low stakes/slice-of-life is a bit of weird tone shift (although there are definitely other series that changed genre/tone other their course). I haven't read the book and I'm not sure pacing is necessarily the correct term for the issue, but based on what Dom said it seems she keeps bringing up things that might be a cause of conflict/drama but then everything turns out to be fine. That (and the continued presence of a man who literally tried to shoot one of the main characters in the previous book) leads to an expectation in the reader that things are going esculate, which they never do.

[@jaginaiaelectrizs6341]

@@kaspianepps7946 Fair point, fair point. Lol I'm not entirely clear on what exactly the pacing issues were or weren't either, but I do agree that seems to be a relatively accurate conclusion as to what Dom is saying the conflict resolution/pay-off issues were, and I'm unsure if that also ties in with any pacing issues or not.

[@meaj4556]

So she just continued to make fanfic, on her own work? That's already fanfic?

[@jackmesrel4933]

Fanfiception

[@Duiker36]

For some definitions of fanfic, all fiction is fanfiction when you look at it right. I've seen fun arguments that Twilight is itself fanfic of Mormon stuff, and that Mormon stuff is fanfic of the Bible, and the Bible is really just an anthology of stories that would have been being told by oral tradition before they were written down, some of which bear striking resemblances to records of mythological tales we've seen in other traditions, not least of which is the Epic of Gilgamesh, the oldest story we know anything about, but that we also have like a thousand variants on because people kept writing it down differently, so............

[@meaj4556]

@Duiker36 My only motivation to keep writing fiction has always been: Eh, this is just fanfic.

[@Isabella-lm8ke]

Hi Dominic, Don’t expect you to ever see this but I’m finally in a time zone when I get to be awake when you post and thought I’d take advantage of this opportunity to say how much I love your content. It’s always enjoyable (even when you’re being forced to suffer) and almost like comfort entertainment. I watched you a lot when I was in hospital and It genuinely helped to watch a new video of yours come out and feel a little normal for 15 or so minutes. So basically, thanks for the great videos. Easily one of my favourite channels (along with osp).

[@Dominic-Noble]

[@whiteraven562]

Considering how much other books like to drag out stuff like misinterpreting a love interest getting kissed by someone else, it's weirdly refreshing to hear that this book resolves it almost immediately. More books should have their romantic leads just...talk to each other like the rational adults they're supposed to be

[@gokbay3057]

Yeah honestly. Despite all the issues EL James has that was actually nice to hear.

[@Purple-ur2sc]

Also to all the people claiming she learned nothing after moving from fanfiction to actual publishing, I promise you that even most wattpad authors have better plot consistency than this

[@MistyWarden]

She learned she can make a bazillion dollars without changing anything and while screaming at her editors and actors

[@irinameri3492]

There are tons of fantastic fanfic writers

[@timothymclean]

The Nostalgia Critic was part of the first generation of what would become KZbin video essays. Most of Doug Walker's contemporaries, fans, and coworkers moved on to producing more sophisticated work, up to and including straightforward documentaries that happen to be posted on KZbin. There are still Nostalgia-Critic-level proto-video-essayists, but most of them are obscured by the likes of Lindsay Ellis, Harris Bomberguy, and Dan Olson. The exception of Nostalgia Critic, who mostly sticks to the ideals and attitudes which informed his pre-Demo-Reel content-just with a bit more budget and a lot more ego. EL James is kinda like that, for social-media-era fanfiction.

[@Pylo-ry6ff]

​@timothymclean except that at least the nostalgia critic was once good and sometime still is. Getting stuck in what once worked is not great but at least it worked at some point.

[@bessieburnet9816]

There are books from Wattoad that have been published and are great. The Summoner series.

[@Sootielove]

It's fascinating because this really is an issue stemming from unskilled fanfiction. Creating compelling conflict and plots is one of the most common issues in creative writing and EL James has never had to learn to write her own, because she seems to go chapter by chapter, taking the plot of whatever she's reading. It's a shame because you'd hope writing new, original novels would help her develop this skill

[@legomaniac213]

I think Crow T Robot can sum up this book the best: "We hope you've enjoyed 'No Moral Theater', ladies and gentlemen."

[@oneinathousand2156]

I only write as a hobby and hardly ever finish anything, but I acknowledge my own main writing weakness is repetition because when I’m on a first draft I’m trying to connect disparate thoughts and put them to actual words. To help that, I have to take a break for a few days or so from looking at the screen so that I can see things with fresher eyes. It doesn’t seem like James does that.

[@danielled8665]

I think a huge weakness E.L. shows overall is a lack of ability to be critical of herself or take criticism. We all write with those kinds of flaws, every author does. No first draft is good. I see this a lot in fanfiction writers; they are fiercely protective of everything they write because they develop an emotional connection to it, and it gets tied to their self worth. It's like an infatuated teen when you imply there is a flaw to their boyfriend or a young artist with a perfect self insert oc they draw constantly. They see a suggestion for improvement as a personal attack against their character rather than an opportunity to learn and improve. This means editing like you do is a strength, not a weakness, and a lack of ability to see the need for, and make, changes because you are too emotionally attached to your words is the real danger to avoid.

[@Captaincory1]

I mean... At least she avoided to tripe "how could you kiss him/her" misunderstanding subplot that is in too many stories by having it resolved by simple communication and understanding

[@Spagettigeist]

Having a couple with good communication skill is nice. There would still have been lots of ways to make an interesting plot where talk can't solve the problem immediately, which only would have highlighted the places where they talked and solved misunderstandings like proper adults. But one can't have everything, right? XD

[@marocat4749]

It can be, and you still can what the hell conflicts, did she not try to have connect maxims concerns and family drama with alissia in any way?! Good communation could be used to solve proplems right? Why cant she bring a woman from his past, pr one surviving bro from hiscsecret room Do the bros come back? Has some of them a problem with him? Another figure to the past. I mean hers seems fine, has he no past thazät can haunt him?

[@WalkmanWillWalkAllOverYou]

Everything I learnt about E. L. James and her work has not been against my will. Still doesn't make it any less uncomfortable.

[@MorgenPeschke]

Weirdly on-brand for her, tbh 😅

[@dandelion_16]

Here to tell you this "absolute gem" is already translated to Dutch and Italian! Saw it at the store today!

[@Itcouldbebunnies]

​@@elquecodelaobscuridad5681 Fun fact: German and Dutch are not the same language.

[@creative_4ever]

@@elquecodelaobscuridad5681 Sud Tirol is usually German/Italian, and not Dutch/Italian...

[@misss7777]

Poor translators... 🙈 imagine studying linguistics and being one of the top people who get to become a ttanslator only to end up translating "The Mister"😂

[@StealthMarmot_]

On behalf of America: We are so very sorry.

[@creative_4ever]

@@misss7777 IKR??? I AM a translator for English and Italian, and I hope I never get this kind of commission..😱

[@Lyzebel]

Sounds like James is just stringing bad fanfiction tropes together in a random manner 😂

[@mirjanbouma]

I want chatgpt to write a James type novel and see if it does a better job 😂

[@xLiLlyx98]

​@@mirjanboumaprobably 😂 it's gonna be just as incoherent but perhaps with better use of vocabulary and without the egregious formatting ✨

[@weaverofbrokenthreads]

And tropey books can be so much fun if they are done well! But the well done part of that statement is kind of important

[@xLiLlyx98]

@@weaverofbrokenthreads yeah, I just don't get why people go for toxicity and unhealthy stuff so often. Like, doesn't that happen enough in real life, why not opt for cute fluffy stuff that actually makes you feel good? 😄 (Which can be tropey stuff ofc)

[@Lady_Ginnie]

I saw this book in a Target and went, "Wait, I thought it was called The Mister...?" Like, I was genuinely confused on if it was the same book or not, lol.

[@OverlyPositiveFanboy]

I thought she'd pulled that "reverse perspective trick" again.

[@kaitlyn__L]

@@OverlyPositiveFanboy same lmao, I went into this video like "is this a sequel? Or is it just another POV-swap cash-grab?" If I'd thought about it harder I guess the fact that the first book swapped between them could've helped me narrow the options... OTOH, since it swaps between first and third person, there was technically the possibility that she just swapped who gets which 😂

[@vampirtulpe3606]

I swear, all of E.L Jame's stories are just big one-shot collections without barely anything connecting them, she just goes on a big prompt generator and then goes with what it gives her

[@iseeaglade5002]

I'm not even exaggerating. I saw this in my notifications. I immediately started laughing. Alone in my room like a maniac. The only thought on my mind: "this exists?"

[@jasonblalock4429]

8:50 The sad thing is, in another (better) book having the MCs almost have stupid jealousy drama, but talk it out like adults, would be a refreshing change. Edit: And then Dom points out the same thing, haha.

[@DPWFG]

My friend's older sister works as a nurse. One night, a couple came into the ER. The guy was carrying the girl (her legs around his waist), and they had a blanket wrapped around them. Apparently, they were doing the Devil's Tango in the hot tub, and there was... Suction, and they got stuck together.

[@kathleensavoy1736]

A friend told me that the nurse who conducted his high school sex ed class was a no-nonsense, seen-it-all kind of instructor who could not be ruffled by teenage trolling. And that was how my friend learned that if you get stuck while schtupping in the water, the solution is to stimulate the woman's anus.

[@jackmesrel4933]

​@@kathleensavoy1736makes sense, that would relax the muscle in the area

[@DPWFG]

@@kathleensavoy1736 good to know xD

[@excessivelyfangirlingbookw3339]

@@kathleensavoy1736honestly I’d have loved a “no nonsense instructor”. That would have been far better than the sex ed I received which was virtually none.

[@darastarscream]

(jots furiously) Oh this is *so* getting used for backstory laughs . . .

[@CyreneDuVent]

I read a lot of fan fiction. And I’ve read very long (like 170k word) fics with very little plot, where all the outside conflicts resolved themselves. And it can still work. But 1) those conflicts were introduced in the second chapter, and so were providing tension for most of the story. And 2) you need good characters. Plotless fanfic works by being entirely character-driven - conversations and relationships and healing from trauma and undergoing character development. It takes good, complex characters. And E L James can absolutely never do that because she has never written a character more interesting or less one-dimensional than a sheet of cardboard

[@GriffinPilgrim]

With most writers constantly outdoing yourself would be a compliment...

[@danielsantiagourtado3430]

Albania: exists E.L James: im going to destroy this man's whole career

[@abigailkrull8369]

I haven’t read this book, but I’ve got a feeling that Dom saying the word “cock” with irritation and boredom is still a more erotic experience than any of the sex scenes.

[@shawnconway6009]

Her writing makes a lot more sense if you imagine it not as a book, but as short video clips strung together. They're individual disconnected images that she's arranged, but which are lacking the bridges between them. So something like 'oh they're worried about this' is attached to 'person making breakfast and dancing' but there isn't a bridge. It's like a book made of written animated gifs.

[@creepypastapudding3531]

So it's Tik Tok: The Novel?

[@tipulsar85]

So James could have "printed" a blank book and nothing of value would have been lost? Sounds accurate.

[@hanghuhn]

That way someone could even use the blank pages to write a really good book

[@noahhobson4521]

On one hand, the resolution of the forced kiss by the ex-girlfriend subplot is the way that rational human adults would solve a disagreement like that, so kudos to James there. On the other hand, I'm reasonably sure she only included it for "drama" and didn't want to actually go through all the time and trouble to turn it into an actual meaningful conflict so she just resolved it in the fastest way she could think of.

[@desireeloveros1055]

Dom ripping apart E.L. James work yet again A new video to fall asleep to

[@BrandonCroker]

James is a labyrinth of madness of a person.

[@kiruppert]

Oh, this book almost certainly IS a first draft. E.L. James taught herself to write doing serialized fanfiction,and she throws a giant hissy fit whenever anyone tries to change anything for any reason. I forget what her day job is, but between 50 Shades success and the clout from that, she basically can just get raw manuscripts published.

[@Nerobyrne]

Albania: *exists E L James: "And I took that personally!"

[@tecpaocelotl]

She should have gotten an abandoned script for a movie and go fan fic on it. Lol. That's how Die Hard did it for its sequels. Lol.

[@ashleytuchin7693]

You can always count on James to take bold strides into defying traditional western literary traditions, by ignoring silly things like character development or recognisable plot.

[@MorgenPeschke]

Wait ... did James write a basic "original" fic equivalent of a slice-of-life fanfic of The Mister?

[@Serratiger]

My head was spinning by the end of the plot summary and when you said "this replicates the reading experience" I couldn't help but laugh.

[@Randerson2409]

I could "almost" forgive the 'hot but warming' thing, because there is a way to use those words and have them mean different things. For example, an alcoholic drink, generally a spirit, could be described as "Not hot, but warming", to describe different physical sensations with similar feels

[@MeeraReads]

8:55 “just explains to her what happened.” Honestly I wish more stories had this. It makes me anxious when the entire conflict could have been resolved with a simple conversation and for some obscure reason the characters don’t just do that

[@jessiemayfield6749]

Wow, the conflict was right there! She could’ve made the whole book about the illegal wedding and the mains imagination status but she literally wasted paper instead. It’s truest impressive when you think about it

[@nickstadler1906]

I hope I'm not the only one who hears "E.L. James" and immediately thinks her name is "Everybody Loves James" all thanks to Keebler and their damned fudge cookies.

[@LilyK314]

You know when there's misunderstandings in romcoms and people ask "why don't they just talk to each other?" I think this book is the answer.

[@Purple-ur2sc]

Every time you do this, I'm appalled by your patience and dedication to actually finishing books like these. I would've given up ages ago!

[@Nick_C1997]

I can't believe Erika is actually stealing from herself, surely she must know that there are thousands of better authors to steal from

[@billuraral1870]

I can't get over how Alessia has a fully Italian name

[@shinyagumon7015]

Are we sure this book isn't a belated April Fools jokes?😅 Although I guess Dom would've written a way more interesting story than this. Really feels like EL James just strung together a bunch of short, fluffy feel good Fan fics into one "narrative" and called it a day. Also I'm no expert but shouldn't Maxim not being his father's son be more of a big deal? Another missed opportunity for drama and stakes.

[@StartOfTheYear]

Let’s go! I was there for the livestream of the mister in 2020 and even donated a little, I’m so excited that you finally did a video on the sequel…I’m sorry for your pain

[@emilygildea]

You know, if James was just writing these books to be scripts for porn films, the writing would actually be above average, wouldn’t it? 😂

[@js66613]

Hold up. Does E.L. James think that crying and reaching satisfaction are both unmanly? I mean, she used "unman", how else am I supposed to read that word? How repressed does she think guys should be to be?

[@tristanhartup4936]

Everything about how and what she writes just raises a lot of puzzling questions.

[@lordofuzkulak8308]

“Of all the times I’ve been stabbed in the crotch with a rusty trident, this was the least painful.” - given how many times that is by this point, it’s a miracle that there’s anything proverbially down there to feel anything anyway, so that’s not saying much. 😛

[@annah7793]

There’s so many authors on AO3 that are incredibly better than James. How this lady got a book deal over these other authors is beyond me.

[@coffeewolfproductions9113]

Dom blink rapidly if you are being held hostage

[@inkakoutna7155]

Since the second 50 shades book I imagined E.L. James writing like that romance book author in Little Britain (old reference I know). Lying on pillows, eating chocolate and plagiarizing anything she can get her hands on while some stenographer writes that smut down

[@Trassel242]

Honestly, James’s works have given me more confidence in my own writing abilities, because if there are people willing to buy her books and read them, then surely there’s at least one person on Earth who’d be interested in my stories. Plus it’s nice to have a list of things not to do when writing a romance (basically just do the opposite of whatever James is doing).

[@margaretschaufele6502]

When you revealed the "some high-tech cleaning device" was a mop, I started fake crying. This was almost painful to listen to. I can't imagine how painfully boring it was to read. Worse than trying to read one of my business textbooks in college and not falling asleep. Actually, it does sound worse because those textbooks actually had some substance.

[@kaitlyn__L]

Right?? I was expecting it to be one of those steam wands or something. Not a regular old mop! I wonder if she got annoyed by seeing a mop with over-the-top styling in the shop or something. That's really the kind of thing which editors would remove on first pass. So, along with the repetition Dom mentioned (and my knowledge of her attitude toward screenplay changes for Fifty Shades), I'd totally believe she managed to get No Edits as a rule...

[@margaretschaufele6502]

@@kaitlyn__L Editing is so important for writers. I don't know what is going on in her brain that she refuses to edit her own books or allow editors to make changes. Just, wow.

[@JulianGreystoke]

Who keeps giving this woman money?!

[@GrandArchPriestOfTheAlgorithm]

Look at the bright side: At least it's not about foot fetishism, yet. What the chance of that happening? A ton of people have to start telling her to do it, like over 330k people.

[@jackmesrel4933]

I prefer a hundred books of foot fetishism over her main saga being about a sex freak with mommy issues (the freak part is not because of BDSM, I myself am a hard S who enjoys domination play) and now this new story about the idiot rich sexpest and her infantilized immigrant who almost became a sex slave in a human trafficking operation. God I hate this woman

[@creative_4ever]

I love how you still call him "maxipad"!!!🤣🤣🤣

[@waterchild_2310]

Maxipad thickbasket 😂

[@creative_4ever]

@@waterchild_2310 🤣🤣🤣that's right, I stand corrected! 😁

[@StCrimson667]

The reason for all the hate against Albania is that, while the British think all other countries are beneath them, they have a special loathing for Eastern European countries. Hell, Brexit was at least partially sold on keeping all of the Eastern Europeans out of the country and stopping them from taking all the jobs. Yes, really. And, just like the US with Mexico, the jobs that the Eastern Europeans are taking are jobs that no self-respecting Brit would ever want to do because, if there's one thing the British look down on almost as much as Eastern Europeans, it's the help. Mostly, they work as maids, cleaners, and hotel staff.

[@rosswiseman5991]

8:58 Not to give EL James too much credit, but having the characters talk and it get resolved rather than being that stupid trope of a dumb misunderstanding and them fighting is refreshing.

[@Kingdomheatsox2]

As a fanfic writer myself, James needs to realise she is not writing serialised stories anymore. Or at the very least, edit the chapters together more cohesively after completing her first draft.

[@FailcopterWes]

Good communication skills and very slightly less broken writing? She's improving. Honestly, regardless of the book's quality, the fact she is doing better with the writing is nice to see, even if it is unclear how intentional it was.

[@dragoness7181]

I swear, one day I’m gonna be on the internet and find an article titled: “KZbinr snaps after years of reading the work of E L James”

[@pumpkinesoterica]

Genuinely knew a couple that had a small ceremony (possibly courthouse). Then the bride's mother found out and insisted on having a big one. You're not getting a new marriage license, it's just a ceremony.

[@Justice237]

Dom, buddy, how do I pay for your therapy?

[@Jason_Bryant]

I'm guessing the next book in the series will either be "The Master" or "The Mistress", just based on the sound of the words. Probably "The Master" because if the book were called "The Mistress", that would imply a new character who influences the whole book, and that would be an actual plot.

[@cooltiger07]

I feel like we should take bets on the "plot" of the next book. 1. The baby looks just like Alecia so Maxim thinks it's not his child for 2 pages 2. She is not supposed to have sex for a while after delivery, but they do anyway. It's fine 3. Anatoli shows up and tries to kidnap the baby. Maxim shots him and kills him 4 pages later 4. The gin thing is gonna run great and they are going to be even more insanely rich just because 5. Maxim is going to develop a pregnancy kink and think of some other awful euphemism for it 6. Maxim is planning a surprise for Alecia and she thinks he is cheating on her with whoever is helping him plan

[@lunaredelvour2972]

I don't mind stories that are more chill like this. I love snippets of couples during their sweeter, tender, more intimate moments, especially healthy couples. Conflicts are minimal, the story is laid-back, and it all-around feels good and is wholesome and just....nice. I like reading fluff like this before bed, it's my favorite way to wind down. Unfortunately, that's not how this book comes across. What conflict *is* presented is what should be high-stakes and tense. It's like she thinks what's happening is epic and cool, but it comes off as a young and inexperienced DM thinking about the cool twists they might stick their party through but isn't patient enough to actually let the party struggle and has their DMPC solve everything by the end of the session it was introduced in. Also, what I'm describing is fitting for a collection of short stories that may or may not be unrelated - not a full novel part of a greater series. Thankfully, books like this are still useful - a good lesson of what *not* to do, as well as a reminder that if this woman somehow got her books published and ended up successful, I've got quite the big chance lmao

[@SingularityOrbit]

I was surprised not to hear a parody song from Il Neige at the end. When I saw that Dom still credited him, though, I realized that using nothing but the standard intro music was a perfect commentary on the pointlessness of this book. It says, "There is nothing here worth the effort of commenting upon."

[@quinnsinclair7028]

Fifty Shades was Twilight fanfiction. Anyone think that The Mister was Taken fanfiction?

[@samlerf]

The part about them having babies reminded me of Rachel Oats' video about childfree women in fiction.

[@dandelion_16]

4:01 afaik this is West Europe's sense of superiority towards East Europe.

[@Wolfgang9Hype]

I will say, from the synopsis seeing all the "they talked about it and it was fine" is kind of what I would like to see happen more often in romance plots I come across. Like you said it's less dramatic, but I'm not usually reading for romance drama.

[@CRandyGamble]

Thanks for the laughs! I still think going over one of Sir Terry's books each time you suffer through one of these would be a nice treat for you and us. And by the way, looking good! Glad to hear you're still taking better care of yourself!

[@bridgetmadden5716]

Alessia becoming a lawyer to fight human trafficking would have been interesting, or at least included a nice message of the rich using their money to help those in need, not to mention it would include a female character having some empowerment and self will

[@missimmi]

I saw this book on the ‘New Arrivals’ shelf at my local library, and my first thought was, “Oh no, I hope Dom’s ok”

[@annnichols3091]

Your sponsor content reminds me of the chorus of an old "Mad Magazine" song parody (to the tune of "I'm in the Mood for Love": "I'm eating food for health, /Because it is so nutritious, / Though I hate all the dishes, /I'm eating food for health".

[@samanthawycoff855]

Don't worry about being late to covering this dumpster fire. I didn't even know EL James wrote a sequel to The Mister until I got the notification. 😂

[@AMoniqueOcampo]

I love the shirt, but the sick part of me wishes one of the dice was a Natural 1 so that they're perfectly balanced as all things should be. (Laughs as my halfling bard.) Also: Please tell us more about you hanging out with the author of the Song and Ice and Fire series and if he'll ever finish Winds of Winter. I'm asking for all the actual Game of Thrones fans.

[@josefgrotegut1901]

My friend had a second wedding just because their grandparents didn’t want the their kid to be born out of wedlock so they had two and at the second wedding their precious little girl was there to celebrate!

[@lotusthemermaid]

I absolutely LOST it at "hot, but warming"

[@TheSuzberry]

James is everything wrong with publishing.

[@MistyWarden]

Anyone else feel like this book is cribbing from the maladaptive daydreams from Rebecca? The boring, stream of consciousness, weirdness is so distinct.

[@patchoulinitt2322]

"“Mr. Hall, I was surfing the crimson wave. I had to haul ass to the ladies.” is one of the iconic lines from Clueless. If she's going to semi-plagiarize a line, she should at least use it in the same context.

[@POLE7645]

(Listens to the "plot") This isn't a novel! This is grandma's soap opera on Tuesday afternoon at 2:00 PM!!!