The Most Compelling Character Dynamic You Can Write

In this video Wrestling With Words talks about the most compelling character dynamic you can write: The Family of Choice. The Found Family.
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Chapters:
00:00 Writing What Everyone Is Looking For
02:13 Defining the Family of Choice / Found Family
03:24 Emotional Resonance and Relatability
07:24 Redemption and Healing (Themes)
12:20 Inclusivity and Building a Unique Cast
14:49 Overcoming Isolation and Loneliness
18:07 Impact on Character Dynamics
21:04 Creative Opportunities
23:13 Challenges and Conflict within Found Families
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[@wrestlingwithwords]

Enjoyed this video? Consider checking out these too: The Number 1 Thing Missing With Your Character: kzbin.info/www/bejne/hHKQeWilbJ6HrpI How to Write Memorable Names: kzbin.info/www/bejne/oqaqqYuqm52fask

[@juliab3326]

As someone who grew up in an abusive family and a culture that doesn't accept me, found family will always be my favourite trope. In one word, found family is belonging.

[@Cryodrakon2]

"Culture that doesn't accept me" ???

[@Ozone946]

@@Cryodrakon2it means their culture doesn’t accept them.

[@sophiejones3554]

@@Cryodrakon2their culture either condemns or refuses to acknowledge some aspect of their identity: most often this is gender or sexuality, but it might also be disability, neurodivergence, mixed ancestry (some cultures are very hostile to people raised among them who are perceived as "impure"), or occupation (for example a country with a modern government that legally allows women to hold an engineering job, but the culture considers it offensive or immoral). Could also be a religious conviction, or lack thereof.

[@speggeri90]

I can understand that, having grown up in a family with no emotional support or caring. And native culture where emotional expression is not promoted and feelings are repressed, Ive always felt the found family trope to be the most appealing. Especially ”dances with wolves” was impactful personally.

[@junky802]

Sounds gay

[@Ryan-nh1tl]

LOTR, Princess Mononoke, Avatar, Murberbot... you have the *exact* same taste as me. Great video!

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Some of my absolute favorites! Glad to know others enjoy those as well :).

[@opaldragon009]

A big reason why found family is so appealing is because the relatability never fails. We don't choose the families we're born into, which unfortunately leaves room for abuse/neglect/tension/general feelings of disconnect. So many of us can't fully connect with our birth families for one reason or another, or we can only connect with a few but struggle with the rest, leaving a longing to be seen. So we search elsewhere, for people who make us feel truly at home. Even for those of us who can genuinely connect with our birth families, it's still important to make friends outside of that family and find new perspectives. There's still a longing there for more people who make us feel seen, more human. To belong. You can have the freedom of choosing a new or second family and home. At the end of the day, no matter your experiences, who doesn't want to see a group of characters connect with each other? It's just so heartwarming.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Absolutely. I very much agree. Thank you for the comment and for watching, I really appreciate it!

[@opaldragon009]

@@wrestlingwithwords of course!!!

[@unfunnyhumanoftrees]

The found family trope always make my heart warm, and I think Owl House did this trope amazingly. With Luz finding Eda and King who can relate and understand her. With Vee finding Camila and Luz who are willing to give Vee a new home and family. And so many other characters like Hunter. But yeah, amazing video!!!

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Thank you so much for watching! I really appreciate you!

[@goldie3441]

I'd say the found family trope is also one of the main reasons why D&D is so popular and loved :) It's a great thing after all

[@wrestlingwithwords]

OH YES! This is totally true. Also, thank you for watching and for your comment!

[@CreaturePhases]

One thing I’d like to see more is found family with positive blood family relationships. I think a lot of the time it’s treated as mutually exclusive, but you can have friends who might as well be family while also having a good relationship with your blood family

[@CreaturePhases]

“Gee Luz, how come your author lets you have too positive family relationships”

[@wrestlingwithwords]

For sure. And I think for some stories that works really well and is very compelling. Thank you for the comment and for watching!

[@zombifiedpariah7392]

I'm trying to write my own story and it actually includes found family while still having a good relationship with your blood family. Lol

[@graysanddragon]

Sounds boring af

[@CreaturePhases]

@@graysanddragon to each their own

[@thomasray]

This is only tangentially related, but the biggest drawback/danger/pitfall I see with the found family trope is when it paints family in a bad light and shows abandoning that family (over differences that do not warrant abandonment) for people your age and who you relate to more strongly as purely a good thing. I see this especially in Young Adult contemporary drama novels. Learning in a family setting, tradition, and the wisdom of generations are sometimes swept under the rug, and parents and grandparents given no 3 dimensionality. If they have any issues with the main character's lifestyle the main character is completely justified in cutting them off, dismissing them as uncaring, and turning to their friends, their "found family" instead. Does that make any sense?

[@wrestlingwithwords]

I totally hear you and would say these two competing themes can sometimes mesh together (having both), and can sometimes act as an interesting juxtaposition. If we think about YA audiences and the age group of the characters, it kinda makes sense that a found family is often seen as more desirable than your own. Teenage angst and the desire to be accepted amongst your peers is a very REAL social phenomenon. On the flip side, I do agree that you don't have to scorn your birth family for the sake of a found one. Neither of these tropes or themes are "better" than the other, they just tell a different story. Really great comment! Thank you for watching and for sharing your thoughts!

[@thomasray]

I think I agree that neither trope is inherently better. Just curious, do you have any thoughts on how media presents the typical family? I was talking with my mother and father in law and they mentioned how dads in media are frequently portrayed as bumbling fools, for example. Or how the last 3 or 4 Pixar movies (Luca, Turning Red, Elemental) have all had a very similar plotline of essentially "breaking away from my parent's expectations until they understand that I know best" So I find myself agreeing that the family is being given an unfair treatment in media-- which I find especially worrying in media for young people. I'm a young person myself, in case that's relevant. Additionally, I wonder if that portrayal of the family in media might be influencing the popularity of the found family trope.

[@ChildOfTheFlower]

That is why I can't stand the concept of found families because even the false advertising has some reality to it. Your family isn't embracing you as perfection incarnate? That's okay, find a bunch of people who will say you are perfect and they are now family.

[@silverhakusho]

@@thomasray I think this is most common in individualistic cultures, where family is less important than they are in communal cultures. Since the West is pretty individualistic, it makes sense that our media reflects that in stressing the importance of friends over family.

[@dontopenthedoorplease.7279]

​@@ChildOfTheFlower I think you might want to word your statement. Found family as a concept can extend to the untimely death of family and thus finding a new one, orphanage, and other various concepts. Is it wrong to find solace in others when you have no one left? I very rarely see media portraying this strange 'abandoning family due to a minor/not at all as important reason' as 'Found family', at all. My mother has hundreds of books as an avid collector, and I've read/watched enough movies/seen enough comics to say that this is the first time I'm hearing a complaint like this.

[@noctemys]

The found family trope made me think of the six of crows as they're found family. Fight and defend each other to the end. NMNF

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Yep! I have't read Six of Crows, but when I was doing my research, this title came up over and over again.

[@Crazy_Peanutz]

This video really made me realize that’s the reason I love The Walking Dead so much. Yeah it’s about a zombie apocalypse, but my favorite parts are when the characters can come together, be United, create new societies, bonds, friendships. When they work together, not just because they have a common goal, but because they care about their group and protecting each other… that’s human nature

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Yes, I think The Walking Dead really nails this theme. Also, considering how different each character is they can come together in a common cause, forming an unlikely family. Thank you for watching and for your comment!

[@elainesia4892]

Same

[@pedersenlasse]

I think you just made me realize what sets apart the stories that I love and are deeply meaningful to me from the ones that are just great. The former all have found families. The latter may have great characters, sometimes even better than the former, but puts less emphasis on the human connection. Thanks for sharing.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

It's amazing how stories with found families can resonate so deeply. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and for watching. I really appreciate you!

[@Ang-gh3iy]

Now that you’ve mentioned it, I realize how many of my favorite stories have this trope… 😮

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Yep! And you wont stop seeing it either!

[@coffeecreateconnect]

When I started my story I didn't intend for this theme to be part of it. But I'm a pants-er, and as I discovered more about my characters, this just naturally happened. Good to know that people enjoy this type of book. So far everyone I've let read it has cried. I kind of feel like if someone reads it and doesn't cry, I could've done better🤧👀😂

[@wrestlingwithwords]

That's great to hear. This is probably one of those themes/tropes that is the most natural. Family of choice sometimes feels like a three-act structure or hero's journey because it is so inherent in its way of telling a compelling story. Thank you for watching and for sharing your experience! Please keep us updated on how your writing is going in the future!

[@ian-online]

same!! i really wanted them to look out for each other when their blood family couldn't.

[@reallyrealraven]

"How grateful I was then To be part of the mystery To love and to be loved Let's just hope that is enough" - Conor Oberst

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Exactly. Thank you for your comment and for watching!

[@trikebeatstrexnodiff]

I love the found family trope and it’s really in almost every story we encounter. From the anime scenes you showed, One Piece is a good example of a dynamic one that hardly ever loses it. I love to see Zoro and Sanji arguing, I love to see Luffy and Usopp sharing one brain cell lol and it feels so raw and genuine. This can happen even if the characters are the bad guys. For example, the Phantom Troupe from HunterxHunter. A group of murderous thiefs but their interactions and dynamics with each another is just another level. Even they see themselves as a family actually and mourn their deaths- though not in the nicest way. They grew up in a literal dumpster city called the Meteor City without families so they got one another’s back at tough times and they still do. In the manga, the group members decided to split up to find and fight someone, two members said to the leader of the troupe that they are weak so they prefer staying with him. The leader accepted it even though they were the newest members and the leader did not know them so well to develop a bond. Then out of a sudden one of them said that his (referring to their leader) book really resembles to the Death Note of Light Yagami. Then the other member said that she’s been thinking of that for a while. Like- why did this interaction even had to be there? It gladly just did and it is conversations and scenes like this that just PERFECLY SHOW us the real meaning of found families and I go for it! I almost shed a tear writing this btw.

[@perfectgamer2295]

chrollo cares about his troupe and an important reason is he sees them as a part of himself so he breaks down when any of them dies. my mans was in a deep depression when *spoilers*... shalnark and kortopi died. i really hope they will get sweet sweet revenge from hisoka.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Yeah you're exactly right. Sometimes this is an intently story element, while other times it just sort of happens. I would have loved to go into more detail about some of the anime you mentioned, I just am not as familiar or confident in my recall. Berserk is one that comes to mind, however. Thank you for the other examples and for such a detailed response! I really appreciate it!

[@RoosSkywalker]

I live the found family trope. We have been through drama and hell, all of us are neurodivergent misfits. We have been together for over 15 years, (some since elementary school) supported each other through depression and debt. It's heartwarming how the bois banded together to help my partner settle in my country so we can live together. It all begins with never taking your friends for granted.

[@loganwilliams9865]

Found family is literally my favorite trope in all of fiction. There’s certainly a reason the manga/anime has been using this trope for such a long time, and honestly it could probably be enough for a whole video. Surprised you didn’t talked about why found family impacts us as consumers so much. Like demographics of dysfunctional families who escape in to these found family tropes.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Thank you for watching and for your comment! I know I can't touch on every aspect of this trope and mostly wanted to approach it from a "writers"/"Creators" angle, as opposed to an audience member's perspective. Thank you again.

[@thegoldman25]

The Rise of Skywalker has this trope, but everyone hates the movie anyway

[@wrestlingwithwords]

For sure! I think the big take away that even if a trope/story element is popular, it does not guarantee a good story. The part is not greater than whole. Thank you for the comment, I appreciate you!

[@zombifiedpariah7392]

Rightfully so, might I add.

[@SamanthaDyson-qk9nj]

That's because the characters are flat

[@stars-and-clouds]

As much as I love baldur's gate 3, I always felt like this is where it lacked. Dragon age was sooo good at the found family trope and that's why I kept going back to it, bc they felt like my people. Same with all the other games I like, ffxiv, the witcher, hakuoki. They all make you feel like you belong and this place is home. BG3 seems to be more about finding a lover and maybe a best friend than a group of friends you brave the world against.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

I am kinda kicking myself because I as going to reference Dragon Age but ended up cutting it due to time. Thank you for watching and for sharing your thoughts!

[@user-kj5es1ve2h]

This is exactly how I felt!! DA2 I think was the best at connecting the characters together and making you feel like they actually care about each other not just because you’re there. I didn’t realize until now how much I gravitate toward the found family trope-it’s definitely why DA2 is my all time favorite game🥲

[@stars-and-clouds]

@@user-kj5es1ve2h I agree! DA2 gets a lot of negative criticism but I feel it also deserves compliments on the writing considering the constraints the game had. Everything felt so intimate in DA2, it was amazing.

[@gingko_maple]

I agree 100%! I was very into dragon age, specifically inquisition for years and I felt so close to each of the characters. It does truly feel like a family and I never found myself really having that same feeling with bg3's characters despite how much I love them. I've got 100s of hours in dragon age and have created lots of fan content for it, but I've still yet to finish bg3 and I haven't felt the desire to make anything for it. I wish everyone felt closer and more like a real family in bg3.

[@user-kj5es1ve2h]

@@gingko_maple I never even got past act 1 in BG3 lol. It made me want the next dragon age even more, it’s great but it’s just not the same 😭

[@darklordsoma]

As with becoming a better artist and animator, I also wanted to become a better writer as well. I've had a story similar to that, where one finds himself, but thanks to you, I can make my story a lot better now. You have earned my sub.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

I am so glad my video was helpful. I really appreciate you watching and subscribing. Best of luck and keep us updated on your writing!

[@dianamations9371]

I can see why this trope resonates with a lot of people. You made me realize the reason why I love this trope so much as well. TOT I met my best friends online during the pandemic and ever since that catastrophic event, I felt very connected to them and I even consider them to be family! There are days where I tell them that I love them so much and even though we aren't blood-related or several timezones apart from each other, I still see them as my siblings. I hope to one day go on a big trip to see them but in essence, I see where you're coming from. Found family is a wonderful trope and I love writing found family dynamics in my stories ^^

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Agreed! Thank you so much for watching and for sharing your perspective! I appreciate it!

[@starklingspars8956]

I like how relaxing this was to listen to, with the music, your calm voice and the images :)

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Thank you for saying so and for watching. I really appreciate you!

[@MissSchnickfitzel]

Our ancestors believed in found family too. As we all know. The true saying goes "the Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" Because we can find meaning and love outaide of blood relations, that makes it so special, because theres no "moral" obligation for those people to love you, they just do

[@tammyt3434]

You've recognized a major archetype. This is what Gail Carriger describes as part of or even the goal of the Heroine's Journey. A lot of writers don't like talking about this archetype in depth because for many decades it received abundant harsh academic criticism from and dismissal by the Cult of a Thousand Faces; the Hero's Journey. Thankfully, the Kool-Aid seems to be losing its flavor. Ted Talk ahead; The Hero's Journey idealizes isolation: the protagonist must be ejected from his community, must face his rival alone, and must end the story alone. Relationship must be defeated, abandoned, or merely serves as distraction from the Hero's purpose. Ultimately the Hero must be left changed and isolated or it is considered a deviation from the archetype. Also, optimally; people must die. The old mentor, the WiR love interest, the funny sidekick, Odysseus's entire crew, and especially the antagonist. Bonus points for heroic death. Loyal adherence to Hero's Journey is why Spiderman 2002 rejects MJ and modern DC Film heroes angst and brood. Meanwhile, in the Heroine's Journey is strength in numbers. Every social interaction strengthens the protagonist(s) and ultimately the Heroine finds new family or has her family restored to her. Even if the protagonist wins the day without friends and family physically by her side, their involvement is essential to her victory and the victory itself is often social and life giving in nature. Moana recognizing Te Ka as the hurting Te Fiti or the goddess Isis essentially inventing Egypt as she restores her husband to life. The Heroine's Journey is also flexible enough to be the Heroines' Journey; there doesn't have to be a singular protagonist because isolation is contrary to the archetype. In Black Panther; T'Challa wins a hero's battle with Killmonger but he got there with the help of friends, family, allies, and an affectionate war rhino. T'Challa ultimately chooses the Heroine's Victory by seeing his enemy's value and seeking compromise and connection. Killmonger, meanwhile, exemplified the Hero's Journey and chose the Hero's Death -denying the audience a Redemption Journey sequel for N'Jadoka. Finally, the Heroine's Journey is believable. We are a social species. Almost nothing is accomplished in isolation, so the lone hero doesn't actually happen often. If a history book or film focuses on the 'Lone Hero' it is usually either a tragedy or edited with heavy bias to exclude the contributions of family, friends, colleagues, associates, and most especially minorities. As most of us are family, friends, colleagues, associates, and minorities; we don't like that exclusion.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Really awesome breakdown. I absolutely love looking at archetypes, tropes, literary elements, and writing/storytelling components. People sometimes look at this as over analysis, or even taking the magic away from a creative endeavor but I think this is an infantile way to look at things. And that isn’t meant to be rude or even discouraging to other writers who think this way. Honestly, back in the early throes of my own writing career I thought of writing as this way. But when we start to look at stories this way, it helps us in being more effective at telling them and writing them. Thank you again for the comment and for watching!!

[@jesustyronechrist2330]

I think this is because women in general have better social dynamics compared to men, in both individual and societal levels. Like, when women go to a spa or cafe or "girls night out", it rarely really about the activity, but always about the community. It's about keeping touch and hanging out. Meanwhile men barely hangout unless it's a much bigger and longer event like going hiking or building something lmao. Now, there might be many reasons for this: That "hero's journey" alludes to this masculine ideal of being a lone-wolf and being able to handle everything the world throws at you alone. And for many men that is reality as nobody, and I do mean NOBODY is going to help them out. They typically have to really seek help and even fight for it sometimes. For women, that is rarely the case unless they are really down bad in the gutters, being homeless drug addict and such. Because random people will be more inclined and likely to help a random woman than a man (that's just society, bottom text). You could also say women will have build those support networks so they will always have help. There's less demand for women to be independent, but it's slowly changing. And a lot of people aren't actually that happy that "strong independent woman" means you need to actually be strong and independent, not just say it like a slogan on a mug. So you might be asking: Why are men not socializing like women are? Especially with other men? This is kinda wacky, but a big reason is that "men's clubs" are seen as "dangerous". Many argue and fear-monger that if men get together, it's a breeding ground for bigotry and future violence. If a man catches up with their mates every week at the bar, most people will condescendingly joke about them being incels or talking about boobs all day, maybe assume they are going around beating gay people or plotting the next insurrection. 99% of the time it's always something negative and you never heard these types of gatherings as being solely positive. There's always some kind of a whataboutism conspiracy that tries to keep men from coming together to form a community. Most assume the worst in men in general. For an understandable reason as men do commit most crimes. A man sitting by a bench near a playground raises red flags in people while a woman doing the same has people sleeping. There's a constant pressure on men to prove that they are indeed not monsters. And they are constantly tested and probed for this with ever-increasing aggression until there's a misunderstanding and people can pile up and destroy you. "We beat the bad guy" everyone cheers... Mix-in queer-baiting where men cannot show any kind of close connection to another man without being called "gay" by conservatives and progressives alike... In fact, I think progressives do it far more to the point they often do it even with brothers, ugh... And we also cannot completely ignore that a lot of women also find that "hero's journey" attractive in a man (it's really more about masculinity so it can even be what you'd want from a butch). But no woman would admit that, because why would you, you know? Makes you look bad and shows that women set and enable toxic standards just like men do with women... That's too polarizing for most people to even think about. Yeah, there are bunch of micro-aggressions that keep men from wanting to socialize like women do. The Hero's journey isn't really an ideal, more than it's relatable. That it's just something you must go through as a man because you are not loved unconditionally and you will probably end up alone without someone seeing the worth in you. The ending of the Hero's journey is the beginning, that now you as a man have hopefully proved yourself to everyone that you are indeed worthy of a family and community. It is a tragedy that ends with an undecided stubborn hope.

[@zombifiedpariah7392]

DURRRRR MAN BAAADDD WAHMEN GOOOOODDDD

[@Justpassingby204]

This is ironic because men are more lonely on average than they’ve ever been. They’re less likely than women to band together, especially for activities. Unfortunately, men typically can relate to the hero’s journey more. It’s why veterans, who many Americans would call hero’s, tend to suffer in silence. It’s why men now have an increasingly high rate of “game ending.” Can a lot of men do better to fix their lives? Sure. Is this endemic? Yes.

[@kenward1310]

Commenting for the algorithm because you deserve more views/subs.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

❤️

[@zombifiedpariah7392]

You could actually say something of value while you're at it.

[@judymiles7186]

I love the way you present your videos with your sage advice and comments. It's much appreciated.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad you find this helpful. Every time I finish a video, I'm excited to jump back into making another!

[@edharrod1]

Some great advice here, as usual. The book I'm finally writing has been planned as a found family story for many years. It's a trope that resonates deeply with me, and I will never tire of it. Thanks again for your great content.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

That is fantastic. The family of choice trope is one of those that I don't see going anywhere or people getting tired of. Good luck on your book, I'm glad you're writing it!

[@edharrod1]

@wrestlingwithwords thank you so much. You're right about it not going anywhere. It's amazing to think that it's probably been around since the dawn of storytelling.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Exactly! And I think it is responsible for the evolution and growth of a huge number of genres. Just off my head, I think Harry Potter is so popular or at least grew in popularity because of this trope, even though it kinds only played a complementary role. Also, look at Lord of the Rings. The fandom behind it and the influence it played on the high fantasy adventure genre cannot be denied. You can really go down the rabbit hole on this one haha.

[@edharrod1]

@wrestlingwithwords a deep and convoluted rabbit hole 😂. My favourite books and movies are rife with this trope. The Expanse, Firefly, The Matrix. A lot of Terry Pratchett's work. Stephen King, too. I could go on and on.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

You hit a few of my own favorites already... I'm right there with you!

[@keithg460]

"You don't have to do everything alone, Harry." -Hermione, Deathly Hallows. A lot of books, especially those with elements of the Hero's Journey, seem to have a Hero who ventures out alone. Often through sacrifice or through embracing their responsibility or simply having their mentors and allies die, they find themselves alone at many parts of the story, especially at the end of the first book or the during the Dark night of the soul/Low point. It is always great to see these heroes embrace their friends and choose to share the burden, as well as the adventure, their hopes, and dreams with others. And it is even more important that they don't go into that dark cave alone. Life is better with friends, and the idea of choosing your family is a big part of what makes these character arcs even better. Almost like they are realizing for the first time that their chosen family Will stick by them to the very end. In my book The Talisman, I base it heavily off the Hero's Journey, and I have my main character Nathan go it alone at the end of the first and second book (albeit for completely different reasons). The end of the second one has him thinking they succeeded, his friends alongside him, only for something to happen to make it all come crashing down and isolate him. But it wasn't until watching this video and reading the comments that I realized an important point I need to emphasize in Book 3. The need for family is in there, and working with others is an important part of how he stops the Big Bad, but this has helped me to see how much better I can make that culmination before the climax. Great video. As much as I like to pretend I know everything, your videos help me to see things in a new light, and for that I am grateful. Wonderful insights.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

That Hermione quote is so good... and so true! Thank you for the comment. I also have a lot to learn (we should never think otherwise), but I do love to share some of the things I've picked up and found to be effective and interesting when it comes to story craft. I really appreciate the detail you included. Thank you for watching!

[@TTSnim]

The solders from Blood Gulch are this. First on opposite sides in a war, then they worked together to help take down a mad man and his wild, scientific, experiments.

[@fanboy1148]

I always thought that, most of the well done characters in fiction are those that you want to befriend and be part of their stories / adventures despite being fictional. Characters that feel real and humane enough that you can't help but connect with them emotionally. Some media out there focuses way more on tropes or exaggerated traits on characters, while that's not really a bad thing, sometimes they make them feel... kind of fake.

[@Tez_the_Dragonworm]

I stuck in a writing blockade for moths and finally try to climb out one of the biggest holes I’ve ever put myself into. ~I struggle with almost anything beginning with going to much in my head and forgetting about the most important rule: “Just write”. Some videos like this are really healing to me. ~Thank you! ~You have a great style to explain. I really enjoyed this.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

I'm so glad this was helpful! Sometimes finding our own system or rhyme is harder than actually writing. Thank you for watching and for your comment, I am glad you've emerged from your blockade!

[@Tez_the_Dragonworm]

Me too. Hell yes! Don’t thank me if I thank you than I have to thank you more and we’re in a non breakable circle of appreciation. ~Hahah.

[@sovereigndeleon]

I was already impressed with how many of my favorite stories you included in this video, then you had to bring up Red Rising at the end there. I’m working through Light Bringer now and HOOKED. The found family theme is definitely one of the series highlights that keeps me coming back!

[@wrestlingwithwords]

I felt like I was doing my best to not just name a million different stories and tried to get (at least a little) specific about a handful. When I was working on the script for this and started doing some of the research it felt like this trope and theme came up OVER and OVER again. Also, yeah. Red Rising is one of the few trilogies where the story and narrative really mature with each installment. Thank you for watching and for your comment :).

[@Pandanananananananan]

I’ve seen the found family troupe a lot when I was little, mostly watching the Ice Age movies, and I never really got it till I started playing A3! Spring Troupe specifically being the one who plays out the found family troupe the best imo. Love it so much

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Thank you for watching and for your comment! I think this trope is one of those we don't really notice until it is pointed out. Then we start to see it (kind of) everywhere.

[@nightnol]

Thanks for sharing your insights and perspective. Some awesome story examples in here, too.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for watching!

[@phnompenhandy]

Fascinating. I had no idea how strong this trope is in the novel I am writing! The video will help me clarify and stress it, developing into an explicit theme.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

So glad to hear this helped you. Thank you for watching and letting me know! Good luck with your novel, and keep us updated on its progress!

[@annelyle5474]

Watching this, I started thinking about Baldur's Gate 3, so of course I grinned like an idiot when you showed Karlach - I keep her around as much for the hilarious banter as for her fighting skills!

[@wrestlingwithwords]

I'm glad we aligned on that! She is so entertaining and has such a unique personality (also, yes... she is also quite powerful too lol).

[@cmmndrblu]

At its core, it's about a second chance. Everyone either has a family they like(1), has a family they don't like(2), or doesn't have a family(3). All find hope in the found family. For (1) it's about carrying forward the love you have experienced from your family to nourish the found family. For (2) and (3) it's a second chance at familial empathy that you either never had or that you lost. 1 and 2 both have families, 2 and 3 both lack a loving family, and 1 and 3 compliment each other with security versus freedom.

[@samp4050]

😊 great. My historical romance is a South African family saga about lost family but found each other again. Had 5 rejections from US literary agents so I am wondering if it's because it's a S. A. story, because it's really a good story.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Don't be discouraged. 5 rejections isn't as great as it feels. Without reading your story or query letter, it might not be the fact that it's the content of your manuscript, but might just be the way your QL is written. Keep trying. Keep submitting, and analyze what is working and what isn't!

[@IronsideEdits]

Clicked in this randomly, and am already in the middle of a found family/heist novel. This really made me happy! Great video man

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Thank you for deciding to watch! And that's awesome to hear. I think Found Families and Heist plots are such a powerful combo. Keep us posted on how the progress is going!

[@IronsideEdits]

@@wrestlingwithwords I definitely will man

[@SigridStorjern]

My mind went straight to Six of Crows with your description haha

[@IronsideEdits]

@@SigridStorjern Six of Crows and Guardians of the Galaxy were my two biggest inspirations 🤌

[@ardidsonriente2223]

Really good content, man. Keep the good work going!

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Thank you so much for your kind words!

[@allengordon6929]

When you're a child, you don't get to choose your family. You become an adult when you choose your family.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Exactly. In part, this is a process we will all go through and can relate to. There are a ton of nuances that go into this process, making the magnitude of stories we can tell nearly unlimited!

[@thefloof6163]

Dungeons and Dragons, if the people have good dynamics with one another can be an immersive experience of found family trope.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Yes! Also true! Thank you for the comment.

[@thefloof6163]

@wrestlingwithwords absolutely, thought of that before you actually brought up role-playing games in the video. Love your stuff!

[@wrestlingwithwords]

I really appreciate you saying so! A few people have also brought up D&D, so you are in familiar company.

[@racheltheradiant4675]

My favorite found families: The Fellowship: Lord of the Rings The X Men: Uncanny X Men The Survivors: The Walking Dead The Rebels: Original Star War Trilogy

[@wrestlingwithwords]

All amazing stories/films. Good thing I mentioned/alluded to a few!

[@erinaltstadt4234]

Thank you, I really like this topic

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Glad you liked it!

[@lS-je3ud]

I was waiting for you to bring up The Mist!

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Ahhh, sorry! There are a lot of good stories that I probably didn't bring up... I can't name them all! :)

[@TIME-fe6ne]

I currently have 4 detailed story ideas and all of them have the found family trope in it xD It just happens on its own

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Not a bad thing! We all have our own obsessions and fingerprints that make our stories ours!

[@samc5602]

Read No Home, its all about family dynamics and has complex characters who gain character development and the two main characters have an enemies/roommates to friends(?) relationship. Its so good and im glad its starting to get recognition considering an anime will be made by the people who animated Alien Stage

[@bohd3]

One of my literature professors in college liked to tell every class; “if you want to make money at writing, two ways proven by time are to write about sex or love”

[@E4439Qv5]

*Me:* _(with a dawning realization of absolute _*_horror_*_ towards my Ace/Aro robot space-laser dinosaur fanfic)_

[@heatherkline6766]

I totally agree that 1 plus 1 can equal 3. Two men are better than one; if one falls, the other is there to help him up. Some of the stories I am working on have a few different variations of the found family trope. In one story, my main character is a prince. His best friend is a somewhat average fellow who knows little of what leadership entails. Despite this handicap, the friend remains an important voice to the prince; urging him on to be his best, calling him to accept his eventual role of king, giving him the hard truth that needs to be said. At the same time, the prince helps his friend start to understand the burden of leadership, and recognize his true strength; as the strength of a king is magnified by that of his people. Either character would sacrifice themself for the other; and sometimes a debate occurs when the prince wants it to be him. There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. In two other tales, my main character gains a friend whom they give assistance to or are assisted by. These side characters are integral to the protagonist's journey and bring out their best. In my grand project, which is still very much in the works, the main characters ARE a family. The two older brothers are very close; and their younger sister has a yearning to accompany them on their adventures. The erstwhile companions have many shared jokes and memories, and the dynamic between them is a recipe for humor. When the darkness begins to make its presence known and the sister begins to realize her true power, one of the brothers is nearly led astray; which leads to multi-level conflict.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Really interesting! Thank you for sharing some information about your projects. I think this goes to show the variety of the family of choice. Thank you for watching!

[@Meowch3]

Great video! I love this trope but it has also always struck me as kind of sad because a found family, despite the name, rarely stays together as a family, especially when the story ends. It's implied that they'll keep in touch, yeah, but it's just not the same when they end up going their separate ways because the togetherness and belonging is what I always liked best about this trope. Eventually they all get married, have kids, and now that's their family. Their kids probably can't relate to them so of course they drift apart and find their own family of choice. Rinse and repeat forever!

[@wrestlingwithwords]

There is a pang or even a melancholic feeling for sure in this trope. Thank you for your comment and for watching :).

[@Trippy_Space_Bunny]

Wish I knew more than about 4 of the clips of movies and games in the background, a lot them look interesting.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Oh boy have you opened a can of worms. In order of appearance: Disco Elysium, Mass Effect, Baulders Gate 3. All three I HIGHLY recommend. Disco Elysium is my favorite game of all time though, it's writing is unmatched. I will do a video on this eventually.

[@NerveUnderscore]

I am writing myself a Found Family story, and hopefully I can make characters that the audience love and hate, why not

[@rager4777]

In first min I saw community, red dead , Star Wars, ATLAB, and GOT; already knew he was gonna cook up

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Hitting all the highlights! Thanks for watching, I really appreciate it!

[@rager4777]

@@wrestlingwithwords Np man can’t wait to dive into ur world building vid next, appreciate everything ur doing here

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Awesome! I am planning on getting some more out soon. Thank you again for watching, it means a ton.

[@danielesalvi4389]

The Rise of Skywalker is arguably one of the worst examples of how the theme of family choice has been (not) developed.'

[@wrestlingwithwords]

It’s funny, I’ve not seen that yet. I’ll have to watch it and see what you mean.

[@kubotaproductions1224]

how does this have under a thousand views 😮

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Hopefully the algorithm can do its thing 😅😮‍💨! Thank you for watching!!

[@romyevans5408]

Liked as SOON as I saw that you watched the Leftovers. I know you're gonna know what you're talking about lol

[@wrestlingwithwords]

The true test of modern taste 😂… but in all seriousness, I am glad that people have 1 seen it and 2 love it as much as I do because I plan on referencing it in a lot more videos!

[@theeightbithero]

I actually dislike this trope to some extent. I think it’s good for people to make the best of the card they are dealt. Friendships are a very different relationship to family. Even deep friendships are different from family. I’m not supper close to my family. We are all relatively private people, but I’d sooner betray a very close friend than allow my real family to be harmed. Maybe that’s not what most people think is noble these days, but I believe family loyalty is a sacred thing. More so than the bond of battle butties.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

I think you're talking about your own personal experience and belief (and as a preface, there isn't anything wrong with that). However, we are mostly talking about fiction and characters that we are creating. And even outside of that, friends can very much feel more like family than your actual family. This is a very human experience but does not have to be one that you personally find compelling, interesting, or believable. But as a literary device, it is quite effective! Thank you for your comment and perspective, and for watching!

[@theeightbithero]

@@wrestlingwithwords I think you chose a very good name for your KZbin channel.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Thank you for saying so!

[@Grey_Wheatfield]

this is a good study.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Thank you for saying so! I appreciate you for watching and commenting.

[@neofromthewarnerbrothersic145]

Sorry, after seeing the Vin Diesel cult chanting "family" my brain got stuck wondering how exactly that scene came together. Like, having the idea is one thing. Pulling that many muscly bald dudes together in a room with Vin Diesel costumes is entirely another. Were all of them already bald, or did some of them shave their heads just for the bit?

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Hahaha this is the correct question… if they did shave their heads, that is commitment…

[@E4439Qv5]

Gonna bet half of 'em are ex-military or motorheads.

[@jpch8814]

Who would have thought that the muscle jock from your highschool will be teaching you creative writing 😅

[@wrestlingwithwords]

What a time to be alive! Haha, thanks for watching :).

[@E4439Qv5]

It's the Plato effect.

[@Ashygotnohuss]

They could never make me hate fairy tail

[@HiddenTalent_07]

You definitely deserve more subs lol

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Trying to just put out the best and most useful content I can make :)

[@amehayami934]

I want to know how to organize my thoughts. I Draw, but I can't write for the fact I have stories in my head but it like short stories that might be connected to longer stories how ever it doesn't really have a beginning or and end. I never know how to start my story or even know how to end my story Or where I should end my story. And on top of that the characters I draw have stories of their own that might intersect with other characters I draw and know how it will make sense? I know exactly what is going on in my head but translating that on paper just sounds like I'm going threw a mania episode and nothing makes sense.

[@ComicPower]

Guardians of the Galaxy did this perfectly. While the Suicide squad (2016) did it poorly.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

That is a perfect example of what not to do!

[@aSnailCyclopsNamedSteve]

Ok. chapters - check. slow, understandable speech - check. For native speakers, you can change the playback speed in KZbin to shorten the time. Too long and meandering - unfortunately check. You use the term 'extended family' and that is how someone from the States would see it. But elsewhere I think that is just non-contact friendship (so I don't get deleted, again). My experience of friendship and commitment inside and outside the States is very different. For whatever reason, most English language authors are from the States. I think the lack of such friendships in US literature is the locals writing about what they know. The Shawshank Redemption and Forrest Gump are so powerful because they do include such a dynamic. It took a while to get there, but that is what my book is about. Of course, the problem I had to overcome was that writing advice says to take the most dramatic situation. What is the most dramatic relationship? Attraction. But most dramatic does not mean the most moving; it is just clickbait.

[@alinamedina]

Interesting. When it comes to sitcoms, I’ve always preferred “forced family” ones. Centered around actual families or workplace. People that have to put up with each other.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

That is another aspect that is really interesting. Although “forced family” sounds to me like blood family-or an actual family. Although coworkers might seem like a forced family, I think that is still a family of choice-the coworkers don’t have to become friends, but they can choose to be. Either way, it’s still a good point! Thank you for watching and your comment!

[@Itsrainingcatsyall]

Clicking that thumbnail: Gerald? 👀

[@wrestlingwithwords]

He of Rivia!! 🙃

[@Nicole-vu5ju]

Probably why spy x family is so>>>💕

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Yes, I am sure this plays a huge part in that as well!

[@WhiskeyBlack777]

I had to scroll to the comments ad just listen cause I'm terrified you're gonna show a spoiler for RDR2 and I'd flip out lol

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Hahahaha That would have been awful of me. Rest assured, no spoilers here.

[@snowjinxgal]

Batman ✨✨✨

[@preciousbees5721]

Helloooo a randomo on KZbin with a few select counter proofs to your claim about found families being a sweet spot for us western eyes… well, these three fairly eclectic samples may be few, but the story of of returning or reuniting with family has strong ties as well, and (SPOILERS) Uncharted 4, Barbie & the Magic of Pegasus, Star Wars (original trilogy), and (why not) Frozen seems to paint that argument pretty well. Im not saying found family isn’t sweet, bc it definitely is (my favs are LOTR, Harry Potter, and Tolkien’s tea club I forget the name), but perhaps are these place holders for what would be sweetest and most times near impossible? Just a question from a randomo, thanks for the vid!

[@wrestlingwithwords]

The "reunion" trope is a powerful one too and sometimes can outshine the "family of choice" but I think there isn't enough variation in it. I'm not wed to the idea that Found Family is the "best", but I think it might be one of the most compelling when it comes to character dynamics in a story. A reunion-type trope seems to be linear and has a clear conclusion. I'm not too sure what you mean by sweet spot or sweetest, but this is a very compelling device to make the audience invested in the characters and in what these characters are doing (plot-wise). I do appreciate the comment and for you sharing your thoughts and perspective! Thank you for watching!

[@preciousbees5721]

@@wrestlingwithwords thank you!

[@jasoncoker1625]

🤘

[@wrestlingwithwords]

⚡️

[@alessaram]

Comment to feed the algorithm ✨

[@wrestlingwithwords]

❤️

[@THNKNG777]

I'm thinking too belonging

[@winterfire1097]

For me its subtract TLOU (At least the HBO version) and add in AMC's The Walking Dead. During Season 5 it is probably one of the best examples of found family. You have Tara Chambers (formerly a foe as she attacked the prison with the Govenor) Abraham Ford, Rosita Espinoza, and Eugene Porter (a group of people who came together for the single mission of getting Eugene to Washington D.C. under the false pretence he has a cure for the Wildfire virus) Rick, Glenn, Daryl, Carol and Rick's son Carl and his "daughter" Judith, the OGs of the Atlanta survial group, the only one left from that starting point. Maggie Greene, a farm girl and only one of her family surviving still, Sasha, Noah, and Michonne. Its said best in Season 7 Episode 16. "The decision was made a long time ago, before any of us knew each other, when we were all strangers who would have just passed each other on the street before the world ended. And now we mean everything to each other." I mean there is a reason TWD has cemented itself among the many franchises that come and go. People didn't need to be exactly like the characters outward appearance, they could relate to Rick's stalwart goal for protecting his "family" Abrahams fu'd sense of humor. Michonne's tentative attachment to the rest of them after being so solitary for so long. Glenn's good heart and just wanting to see the best in others. To keep their humanity in a world so bleak. These characters are truly what made me come back to this franchise after being gone since 2017. I think a lot of modern writing is forgetting characters are the heart of any story. Its why fans cosplay them, draw fanart, write fanfiction. I think a lot of writers are fearful to make their character flawed (ala Captain Marvel -.-) but those are the BEST characters. Ones who go through a rebirth ones who fall to temptation. Another one of my favorite episodes of TWD over all is "A.". It shows the 'death' of peaceful farmer Rick and the full rebirth of the warrior. For him to have to do something so savage to save his son. Truly one of the best fathers of fiction imo. Idk, maybe TLOU (HBO) could have had this effect on me if they weren't rushed with the first season Henry and Sam I felt some attachement to, but Tess, Bill, and Frank, really had no deep connections to Joel and Ellie. Sure Episode 3 was lovely and I'm glad it won awards but it was a bottle episode if I ever saw one, reminded me of "Here's not here" from season 6. Sure I enjoy that episode too, but it also made the flow of that season a bit clunky, and unlike TWD they had 16 episodes to tell the story wheras TLOU only had 8. And with the SAG/AFTRA strike I'm sure these 6-8 episodes are here to stay sadly. I did want to say The Bear is one of the best pieces of tv in a LONG time. Glad they got awarded so heavily.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

I agree that The Walking Dead is a really good example of this. I think too, this is kinda the point of TWD. However, I was not trying to a This or That between TWD and The Last of Us. The Last of Us just offered a really good example of two characters who are going through a redemption arc/healing, but doing something worse for the sake of that relationship. Thanks for the detailed response! These are all good points!

[@benjamindeharo314]

I think the only good things in TLOU (the game) are things they directly lifted from Léon: The Professional, pretty much the entire relationship between Joel and Ellie comes from there, and Children of Men, pretty much the entire plot comes from there.

[@kaitnip]

Something, something the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Missed opportunity to include this quote.... But yeah!

[@E4439Qv5]

"And give us this day our Daily Bread..."

[@andrewlol9095]

“Found family” = instantly think of GOTG

[@zeebegener]

Dude, the fuck is the algorithm doing? You shouldn't be this unknown.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

I really appreciate this! I guess I've got to trust the process. Thank you for watching :).

[@THNKNG777]

They become real with eyes

[@sahilhossain8204]

Lore of The Most Compelling Character Dynamic You Can Write momentum 100

[@4984christian]

❤❤❤❤❤ ONE PIECE!!!!!!

[@wrestlingwithwords]

🏴‍☠️❤️

[@keythealien]

and here I thought everyone just wanted to be happy My upbringing was pretty lukewarm and even abusive, but I just don't really like other people. I'm very sensitive to disagreement, so I really just want to be left alone to farm quietly with some animals until I die. I don't want a community; they're just going to bother me. 50 acre distance, please. I loved social distancing---yes, stay away from me. Found family isn't my trope, but it is just a human experience. Doesn't everyone do that? My interactions are digital only but I still have them. To be human is to make connections to others, so isn't that all that is? That's why it's popular. That's what human beings... do. We're social animals. I think to write a story and miss that generic experience is kind of a fault of the writer. I even write it without much thought because that is a staple of our species. You can't really write a story about humans without it. Everyone has a friend (in stories, at least, I won't discount an experience of someone who really doesn't have friends or anything). Unless it's an isolated horror piece, I've never read a book that only looks at one or two people with zero interaction with anyone else. It would probably be a super uninteresting tale. I would never write about my life, for instance. That's boring. I don't do anything. There would be no point. A story is meant to be entertaining. How can you entertain a human audience without interpreting the human experience? Human elements also create conflict, which makes the story more interesting, too. I'll complain about repairs after a big storm, but no one cares about that experience because the conflict is unavoidable. Humans create conflict and I think part of the fun is problem-solving, ie not just how to fix the issue but also to wonder how it could've been avoided. You can't avoid nature, really. You can avoid getting into an argument with your buddy, though, but you didn't. Why? That's the story. Everyone ("everyone") experiences it. Of course everyone wants to read about their experience. Books about asexual or autistic people aren't very common or popular because the majority can't relate to the experience, for example. Stories about loners like me almost always have horror elements for why no one should live like that or why everyone should hate that since the majority of people (if I remember some research properly) literally can't survive a life like that. Or loner stories are about bringing the antisocial little freak out of their shell to experience the light of human connection because the majority would feel like that's what someone like me wants deep-down---that's what they themselves want, so obviously everyone does (/s). Paradoxically to all those self-help books about loving yourself, humans are fulfilled by other humans. Most people would curl up and die if they were left truly isolated. But I just want to be happy. I just want to grow strawberries and raise goats. In my experience, other people only ever interfere with my happiness and desires, so I strive for self-sufficiency. The less I need to be outside my property, the better. My situation is not the norm, though, and, again, I'd never write a story about someone like me. It's not a generic-enough experience. Found family is a very generic experience with a lot of flexibility to meet the needs of all types of people. Like a primary color: You can combine it with all kinds of other experiences and make new, vibrant scenarios. -my long-winded take on the matter for algorithm points.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

I totally get where you're coming from. And what a wonderful comparison to colors. Thank you for sharing and for watching.

[@zuzuzuzuzuz]

top 7 reasons why you should watch Cowboy Bebop:^^

[@wrestlingwithwords]

OH! A great example! Yes to Cowboy Bebop.

[@zuzuzuzuzuz]

@@wrestlingwithwords thank you, thank you!! ive been obsessively watching it lately, so it came to mind quickly. great video btw! thanks for all the advice

[@wrestlingwithwords]

@@zuzuzuzuzuz thank you for saying so! It’s a series I’ve been meaning to rewatch again!

[@azuresiren5846]

So no Ice Age?

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Missed opportunity! Ice Age is a good example of this trope too.

[@jadecui]

This video is missing clips from Arcane and The Mandalorian 😢

[@wrestlingwithwords]

ALSO TRUE! Missed opportunity 😭

[@abdulla10955]

Let him cook

[@vik8596]

ONE PIECE

[@MsPBJTime]

Baldur's Gate 3 is an excellent recent example of a found family. The narrative is structured to reward the player with better content if they embrace the characters in their party. However, you can play the game however you want, including killing off main characters. Letting the player/reader feel they're building that family is profoundly powerful.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Totally! I think BG3 is one of the best, modern, examples of this trope in video games. What is also powerful is the choice, like you said. You can literally kill them all (lol) or make them your family! Thank you for your comment and for watching :).

[@THNKNG777]

The entertainment value is about needing a vape rip.

[@heal41hp]

I think found family has become an increasingly known and accepted concept in life, at least in part due to polarization over politics, religion, and LGBTQIA+ issues. So I think that lends some truth and interest to literary representations. Personally, I have extremely little contact with my relations, and I live with my found family. I put greater weight on the family you choose than the family you're arbitrarily tied to genetically/lawfully. The main characters in my WIP have become found family through many trials. The MC was even forced by his bio family to choose between them and his new wife. He chose to be disowned, though he loves his bio family dearly.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Thank you so much for sharing. I also think there is a huge correlation between the found family and the boom of the internet (and the connectivity it gives). Thank you so much for the comment and for watching, would love to be kept up-to-date on your WIP!

[@heal41hp]

@@wrestlingwithwords I've been working on my WIP for most of 15 years now, off an on. There being lots of "off" in there due to mental health. I've had the itch to get back into it lately, and polishing up the first few chapters to send to you has been a nice excuse to at least dip my toes back in.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

@@heal41hp That is awesome! I'm glad to be a little ember of inspiration!

[@TeaquestSagas]

Kindof wished for a more obvious spoiler warning at some points.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Sorry about that. I thought I kept things pretty vague.

[@ian-online]

ny fqvorite themes zwahrhfhrhrh 😭😭😭

[@jeffbezos3200]

The human connection doesn’t *need* to be from a found family story. It’s the easiest shortcut to get people to like something. I don’t believe in it anymore. I don’t believe in what people find to be good anymore. What I’ve learned is that people only want the same shit all the time. Gamers only want open world games with dialogue that reflects your decisions with clear coded good and bad decisions so that they can get the happiest ending possible. Readers only want the novel that causes them to turn the page while hitting the same basic plot points. Tv viewers only want the show that calls back on nostalgia where no one dies but it always looks like someone *can* In truth, I believe that the every man has gotten in the way of innovation. If you write a story where the main character dies at the end, they always qualify it as “that was one of the best stories I’ve ever experienced that I’ll never willingly engage with again.” The main character dying isn’t innovative, but still it’s always treated (when done well) as this soul crushing thing that destroys our ability to truly love this thing, even if it sticks with us forever. I call on all of this as I’ve been doing my soul searching and I have begun to hate these things. I’ve begun to hate people for being so adverse to something having a point beyond “good is good and bad is bad. Family is what we choose. Friends are my power.” I’ve become disillusioned and this realization has begun to crush me to death and suffocate me. I just wish that media had a point these days. I read Paradise Lost last year and it, in a lot of ways, was the worst decision I ever made. It is a cut above everything else and it angers me that in the 21st century, people have stopped trying to achieve that level of having a point. As a puritan who sat down and wrote one of the most beautifully written stories of all time about Satan as a sympathetic character to illustrate the nature of evil as appearing to be relatable in order to lull us in. The average reader today reads that and they complain that it’s boring. And it ruined me. Because I’m just going to say it…your favorite trope is fine to enjoy. But trapping yourself into only experiencing that trope is ruining your chance of achieving your own enlightenment. The fact that our society rewards the same shit over and over again with a new name but the same function is just sad…people hate to contemplate the nature of the world around them, they always want a bow on the end of things, they can’t accept that things are messy. Hell, I still struggle with this…but I’ve begun to be able to put my finger on it. I don’t know what to do about it…it just makes me sad

[@DirtyMatt194]

Good content man...but dang was the delivery dry. I appreciate the videos, keep it up

[@wrestlingwithwords]

I appreciate the critical sandwich 😅! But really, thanks for watching and for the feedback. I’m still learning a lot about content creation and haven’t been in the game that long so any and all feedback is super valuable!

[@Exayevie]

For what it's worth, I can't agree with this one.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Thank you for sharing your perspective! It's hard to make everyone happy and my style/delivery isn't for everyone, so thank you.

[@colorfulcaro]

One Piece is filled with found families. Not only between the strawhats, also the crew an their families, they all have families of choice outside the strawhats. Also other crews and people have that.

[@aubriestarks2242]

I've never agreed that the Fireflies could have "cured" the fungal zombie apocalypse. It made no sense whatsoever that this small group could have had the infrastructure or logistical power to effectively make and distribute a cure. I also don't think anyone would reasonably accept that the various groups and power centers would band together to make and distribute a cure, even if the Fireflies could make one. Frankly, the worse thing Joel does is lie to Ellie. That, to me, is the worst thing he could do. He should have told her the truth from the get go.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Also, would you consider it another bad thing that he took away Ellie's agency in making the decision herself? Also(x2), I didn't say the "worst thing" was that he disrupted the cure. Sure, I might sort of think that, and I think you make some compelling points, but we will never know. Joel did take that away and it did catch up to him, which did have an even greater impact on Ellie. Thank you for the comment and for watching!

[@aubriestarks2242]

@@wrestlingwithwords In most cases, I would consider him taking away her agency as a bad act. However, in this case, I wouldn't simply because I don't think Ellie had all of the information when she made her decision. I think she was lied to and/or intentionally misled so that she'd want to go through with an operation that, logically, had so little chance of accomplishing what she wanted (for her death to matter and for it to make the world better) that it was basically just throwing her life away for a pipe dream. Ultimately, I think Joel did the right thing for the wrong reasons when he saved Ellie. I don't think he was considering the ramifications of whether or not the Fireflies could reasonably create, mass produce, and distribute a "cure," or even if other groups would believe and/or help them do it. I think the world was too far gone at that point, past the point of no return. I think he saved her because he couldn't bear to lose another daughter. I think he prevented her from making a terrible mistake. IMO, the worst thing he did in the first game was lie to her at the end about what happened. But, TBH, I think the reason neither Joel nor Ellie ever brought up the logistical impossibility of the Fireflies fabricating a "cure" and "saving the world" is because the writers were too invested in the drama for the characters to actually take a step back and look at the big picture. I get that being that close to the events, being in them, would be emotionally overwhelming, but for YEARS to go by without thinking about it? I think that they reacted the way they did because the plot needed them to, which is its own issue. The writers never set up the Fireflies as believably being able to effect the world or develop a cure. Even the retconning they did in the sequel didn't bridge that gap - the rest of the narrative and world building simply didn't support the idea that it could be fixed or undone.

[@Easttowest45]

"Friends." What you are talking about are called "friends." Unfortunately for some, family is what you're stuck with. This trope is a comfortable indulgence, but it doesn't reflect much of reality in terms of group dynamics.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

No, I don't think so. Respectfully, friends and family and friends who feel like family are totally different. Imagine you move to a new country without ever being able to contact your birth family ever again. Would you consider the new group you formed to be "just friends"? It is not as uncommon as you might think that people prefer or feel closer to their friends (whom they consider family) than their actual family. The inverse is also true (and not better or worse). People are complex. Characters are complex. Thank you for the comment and for your perspective though! I appreciate you watching and sharing!

[@E4439Qv5]

​@@wrestlingwithwords Depends on the country. how foreign is it?

[@venalleader2909]

dude, this is not a trope. This is just normal human experience. You grow up in your biological family, then you leave and go create your found family. It's literally the underpinning of human society since the dawn of history. It's only a trope when writers see it as a formula to replicate. When you are writing stories about normal human interactions, you will inevitably create this "trope" without even trying.

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Respectfully I disagree. When we are talking about tropes or story elements it isn't meant in a derogatory way or to associate any sort of negativity. A trope is just a tool to better understand stories and how to be more intentional in how we tell them. There isn't a formula. There might be components that make a trope a trope, or that make a story effective, but it isn't a formula. The goal of this video is to better understand this storytelling element and help us write it better and even recognize it in other narratives. Thank you for watching and for sharing your opinion.

[@Bloodhound3323]

this is quite literally a trope. the idea of “growing up and leaving your family” is not only a pretty contemporary concept, it’s a pretty western-exclusive ideal. most of humanity has always idealized and consecrated the family and only very very very very recently and only in a few areas is it common. and not only that, it’s still less common than tv and media makes it seem.

[@jasoncoker1625]

🤘yes

[@jasoncoker1625]

I think everyone here needs a hug 🤕🤫🤗

[@wrestlingwithwords]

@@jasoncoker1625 Agreed!

[@KohiOcha]

Why are you showing the Live Action of The Last of Us? 🤮🤮🤮🤮

[@wrestlingwithwords]

I’m actually shocked at this response! What about the adaptation did you not like?

[@ZeDitto3]

I think that you need to simplify your script and hone your speech. You need a script editor. There’s too much flowery meaninglessness in your speech and analysis, as well as redundancies in speech.

[@DayFamilyStudios]

You're a redundancy in speech

[@wrestlingwithwords]

Appreciate the feedback. I didn’t think every video I make will be for everyone. Regardless, this is something that is always worth considering, but hiring someone else just isn’t really something I can swing at this time. Thanks for watching and thanks for your opinion.