The most frustrating aspect of benzo withdrawal

[@Thomas-j2g6x]

How the hell do we ever trust doctors again I’ve developed Major fear of them

[@windowsNwaves]

Completely understandable!!!

[@susanmorgan4151]

Exactly. ❤

[@johnnyfk2289]

U can’t for this kinda thing

[@denisguilbault298]

U trust by finding people with good drs.. i myself to 3 years to taper. And now I'm 7 months of benzos and all medications. Took me 7 years to quit everything.. my Dr has been the most supportive caring person. I can say without him ild never would have survived.. from benzos, painkiller meds, stimulants, antidepressants ect plus all street drugs to nothing. My family stayed drunk and high, so did my friends.. my Dr saved me.. so there are good ones out there. Take time, lots of it, to find one. Good luck

[@windowsNwaves]

@@denisguilbault298 there are certainly some good doctors out there. They are just a rare species when it comes to benzos it seems.

[@jimferrill1790]

I did cry. I am a year off as of June 3rd 2024. I remember it exactly. I was once again walking my dog on the golf course. I was so thankful and grateful that I was once again walking my dog I was ecstatic. He came ripping by me at full speed like he used to before I was debilitated. I cried out to the sky in thankfulness. I thanked GOD for this small yet extremely meaningful moment. Doggo was incredibly happy to be off the leash. He likes to run full tilt and the dog walker was not doing this. Jim

[@windowsNwaves]

Thanks a lot for sharing this, Jim. I'm very glad you were able to experience this

[@Rounder-One]

Thank you for the accurate, clearly-expressed description of the recovery process. You described me exactly. Seven years since I cold-turkeyed Xanax. For the first few years, I passed through the "Am I ever going to get better?" stage, where a wave after a great window would bring me to tears. The fear of being trapped in this hell required all the mental strength I had to get by. But then, everything flipped. As I continued to improve, I understood the process and came to terms with it. A wave was just a temporary stumbling block, and the windows were in control. Today I am about 95% better, and should soon be 100%. Have faith in eventual complete healing. Stay smart about the process. Understand what is going on. Stay tough. The hell with those waves. We aren't going to let these stupid drugs beat us.

[@windowsNwaves]

Thanks for sharing your story. And glad to hear you reached the other side. I am sure others will be encouraged by your words.

[@MrPeterISABELLA]

What drug were you on? What dose? How long?

[@glynhayes5930]

Hey.. did you have any setbacks along the way? I’ve just had my second one at 5.25 years after a year of getting much much better and I’m confused and a bit scared.

[@allencollins6031]

Thanks for the optimistic perspective. Brutal road. Surely isn't linear.

[@BarryMann]

I am at 9 months and I wholeheartedly agree. It's an upward line and jagged

[@windowsNwaves]

Yeah, far more jagged than seems reasonable. I hope you continue to see improvement

[@andrewvillarreal9833]

My wife is having such a hard time with my benzo injury... SHE LOVED THIS VIDEO my friend! She said it's the most accurate of all the benzo videos. I can't thank you enough... take care my friend.

[@windowsNwaves]

I'm glad to hear the video resonates, but I'm so sorry she is going through this.

[@papahoot1]

Take great care of your wife. GOD LOVES YOU.

[@baileystruss7319]

Dude you're walking. I have to admit I'm envious. Its left me neurologically bedbound for over 2 yrs. I've never seen anyone as debilitated as me. I'm about done.

[@windowsNwaves]

I'm so sorry mate. I am fortunate to be able to be out walking. I know so many that have had it much worse. I hope that you find some relief.

[@baileystruss7319]

@@windowsNwaves thank you. I wasn't minimizing your own struggle. Only that when loses ability to do any activity to burn off energy and distract, it becomes quite hopeless.

[@windowsNwaves]

​@@baileystruss7319​don't worry, I didn't take your comment that way. I wish I had the words or something else to offer but we both know that I don't 😔

[@allencollins6031]

You are not alone with that.

[@MrPeterISABELLA]

What were you on? How long? What dose? Some meds are worse than others.....for example ativan....

[@petahfelton252]

I'm 24 months off. Thanking you for such a wonderful video. I have been in a wave for so long. Your video is wonderful ❤

[@windowsNwaves]

Thanks, I'm glad it does something for you. And I'm sorry to hear you have been in a wave for so long. I hope you find a window soon.

[@bking82]

And now how you feeling? I mean everything it's like before taking benzo?

[@safaasgari3115]

I think I have the most severe mental symptoms since I read many people stories. I have extremely severe intrusive racing thoughts. Severe flasback thoughts and images from childhood memories till now. Weird feeling. Hyper sensitive to every thought and sensation. Hyperawarness. Combined with severe depression and derealization and 24/7 hypersalivation with panick and cognitive impairment, brain fog attacks, I feel like I am the strongest person in the planet

[@PharmaChadyt]

Thank you so much for describing my feelings exactly. Approaching 12 months off on October 1st and i definitely started doubting i would ever getter better than where i am . I am for sure way better than where i was a year and 6 months ago but nowhere near feeling normal. I hope my second year into this hell holds more noticeable and speedy recovery. This shit is brutal

[@windowsNwaves]

I also had serious doubts. I had a few waves that really threw me and I honestly thought all was lost. Hang in there. You'll get there. Already, that's a positive that you can take stock of some progress that has been made. But yes, 100%, this shit is brutal.

[@MichaelJLink]

I'll be off Xanax for 2 years in July... I enjoy your videos. Always helps to hear from others going through this.

[@windowsNwaves]

Hi Michael, this July will also mark my 2 years off. July 13th. I was on ativan. Good to hear from you. Thanks for the comment.

[@ashleychristie5023]

How’s your healing timeline been? Any windows yet?

[@MichaelJLink]

@@ashleychristie5023 I was getting better last year and then got hit by a wave. I'm mostly physical muscle problems and fatigue. I did 8 months of physical therapy on my neck, shoulder and bicep and i'm still having problems with them. I just have to keep exercising them. I'm lucky my mental state has been great through this. I credit the keto/carnivore diet for the mental clarity.

[@cjw8817]

Years ago i tapered off xanax on my own, breaking the pills in half and finally stopping. I was absolutely perfectly fine... no withdrawal symptoms at all. Stupid me, i went back on it, not knowing about kindling at all. Now im tapering again, and going through hell. Ive been tapering for 2 years with crappy symptoms. I wish i knew about kindling.

[@windowsNwaves]

Sorry to hear this mate. But glad you are tapering. Take your time.

[@buangbenzo]

Same, me too! How long you'd been on it (after reinstated)? And how long youve been off the drugs? Im suffering persistent withdrawal symptoms aft reinstated

[@jonwil81]

Does anyone notice the waves getting shorter and less intense ans the process continues. I used to think the waves were getting worse but now when I'm in a window and look back I'm not so sure. I think sometimes we just feel that what we experiencing is worse because we are very much in that moment. But we are getting better.

[@windowsNwaves]

I would say that's generally what I experienced -- the waves getting shorter and less intense. Only that sometimes you would get blindsided by a longer and more intense wave that could feel out of place, like you were too far along to have it happen, which was incredibly demoralizing. But on the whole, I agree with you and I think that it's definitely true, that when we are in a bad wave it's hard to think about anything else, and we can easily overestimate the scope of it.

[@Radhey2223]

Your words are so true in this video, it is like my own experience in this frightening journey. Now at 15 months off, whenever I take a breath and think that I am healing, the next moment I got hit hard by some horrific symptoms. I never get a clear window where I feel near normal. It's almost unbelievable for me that I will ever be healed fully from this . A lost, confused feeling about my own existence and surroundings are always there with heavy head. Did you have these types of symptoms at this point of time?

[@windowsNwaves]

I very much had the feeling and the belief that I would never fully heal. I remember those dark days. And I had many of your same symptoms, especially around dp/Dr. They may not have been at the same time but there are a lot of factors at play when it comes to that. I know it might sound like throwaway advice but honestly hang in there. You will catch a window.

[@minty2455]

WW !! Thanks!! This was greatly appreciated. I’m going on 3 years. But I was on 35 years. Dr rapid taper off klonopin & Zoloft I can’t wait for that feeling you’re talking about. Hopefully my mind will straighten out. Birds are my favorite. Did you have agoraphobia? I’m struggling with that. ( video?). We’ll take care! You are a great coach 🌊😎 p

[@windowsNwaves]

Yes, I've definitely dealt with agoraphobia. Agoraphobia and health anxiety were two of my biggest issues before I started taking benzos in the first place. I've gotten better with both post wd, but especially in the last 6 months. I will make a video. Glad you appreciated this one. Thanks for the kind words and for watching.

[@cheryllryan8440]

What the hell...mine just did the same thing after 38 years and that was it. No explanation no nothing.....

[@ShannonPankey]

Bad agoraphobia was on 17 years off 2 years still having problems

[@windowsNwaves]

@@ShannonPankey have you seen some improvement in these two years?

[@lonnievisch6009]

I so agree! You cannot convince youreself in a wave that it’s going to be oke. That a window will come. Omg waves are so hard..f( woman Europe now 46 month off AD) thank you for you’re videos. Ps AD is just as bad in protracted❤

[@windowsNwaves]

Yep, exactly. You think the wave is permanent. Thank you for watching. What is AD? I hope not akathisia

[@lonnievisch6009]

@@windowsNwaves antidepressants…

[@windowsNwaves]

@@lonnievisch6009 ah. you are right, I should have 100% said psych drugs. Funny that the drugs that are supposed to be helping us can do the most harm...

[@miangelsai]

@@windowsNwaves I feel each pill of this medications have a piece of demonic entities that take over our bodies .., and is so hard to get rid of them .

[@lonnievisch6009]

PS3. What a beautiful place you are at!

[@krbaran3]

Thanks this was good for me tonight. Tapering Xanax 10 weeks in. Brutal but steady so far.

[@windowsNwaves]

Hang in there ❤️

[@uriviera3860]

Some days i feel depressed and feel like mi mind is slow cannot process information that well and have memory issues i have been taking clonozepam for 10 years and taperoff last year but even i been improving am still worried all have some caind of dementia

[@windowsNwaves]

I still have memory issues more than two years off, but my other cognitive issues have greatly improved. I also often felt like I was slow to process information, had brain fog, and was often caught in a kind of mental paralysis. All of these have improved to a point that I didn't think was possible. It is really maddening to consider how long these healing timelines can be, but I am so grateful that the healing is even possible in the first place.

[@uriviera3860]

@@windowsNwaves thank you for answering insomia is so bad haven't sleept well in basically 2 years

[@windowsNwaves]

@@uriviera3860 I hope you get some relief soon

[@yalna3140]

I was on Valium in 2017 for 4 month 5-10mg. I did cold turkey and i maybe had issues for 2 days of not sleeping well. That was it. Weird. But this year i was put on ativan for 10 days and i got Akathisia and severe withdrawals. When stopping. I tapered now for 6 weeks! Im off the benzo now but still am restless and have skin pain and tinnitus.

[@windowsNwaves]

So sorry you dealt with all that after just ten days. Ativan was my benzo as well. Took it for a bit over two years and then did a stupid fast taper. I hope your remaining symptoms will soon be a thing of the past 🤞

[@MrPeterISABELLA]

Thankyou. ❤😊

[@windowsNwaves]

[@matchpoint14]

almost 4 years clean from a 2 year slow taper from 2 mg xanax a day for 5 years and I am not even close to being healed. I am worse now than I was 2 years ago. I am completely disabled thanks to that and TMJ headaches and low back pain, I am almost certain xanax withdrawals triggered this

[@windowsNwaves]

I am so sorry you are still dealing with this and for everything you have gone through

[@Noir-sr5bw]

Im off 32 months i feel like it will. E er happen. I dont really get windows. I can relate to what yiu say though. My hesd this dpdr is terrible will it get better im so far away.

[@windowsNwaves]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It seems like from your other comment it's DPDR and anhedonia that are you main symptoms? Did you have other symptoms earlier that went away or has it kind of been these along, not getting better as you said?

[@Noir-sr5bw]

@@windowsNwaves yes ihad tons of sd that left but these ones stay i have no windows its torchure

[@windowsNwaves]

@@Noir-sr5bw I'm so sorry. Let me know if you'd like to talk.

[@angel_2022M]

This is true that the frustrating aspect of benzo withdrawal is that it is a nonlinear process. But the most frustrating and brutal thing is the mental symptoms. You have not discussed it in any of your videos. At 10 months off, my mental symptoms are.so intense that were never before even in earlier months. The out of mind feeling, confusion about my own existence and reality, intense heat in my head makes me detach from myself and surroundings. Did you have mental stuff in your withdrawal journey? why they are so severe now in recent months than ever before?

[@windowsNwaves]

Sorry to hear you are dealing with this. Yes, I made a video about depersonalization and derealization that talks about some of this, but I will certainly be making more videos about mental symptoms. There is so much wrapped up in benzo withdrawal, I could make these videos for the rest of my life and still not touch on everything. And yes, I agree the nonlinear aspect is not the most brutal or worst aspect of withdrawal, merely the most frustrating. For me the absolute worst was akathisia, but there is a lot to choose from unfortunately. As far as your question, why those mental symptoms are worse now than they were before, I am not sure I have an answer. I would reflect and try to see if there are any changes in your life, diet, medication or supplements etc that could be having an impact. But if that yields nothing, it is likely just a cruel twist of benzo wd that goes back to that nonlinear aspect of it. The good news is that you almost certainly will improve even if it feels like things are going in the wrong direction now.

[@angel_2022M]

@@windowsNwaves thanks for replying, it's really helpful, as I looked into the changes in my diet or other things, that can ramp up the symptoms, mainly mental. I am not sure but I could see that I am watching a lot of TV recently, just to pass time, and this is causing me a headache and increasing heat and pressure in head. It is also causing me eye muscle strain. My sleep was also impacted. So it may be the reason. Anyway, we can't find exactly what's going on in our head during withdrawal. It's an absolutely brutal journey. Your videos give me hope, and I feel I am not alone 🙏

[@windowsNwaves]

@@angel_2022M TV was not helpful for me, either. Same for scrolling on my phone, social media etc. Music and certain movies did offer relief, though. I hope you are having a good day and finding some relief from your symptoms.

[@Dji2stellar-C]

Really good to see your healing journey bud,so happy for you that your life’s so mutch better,.I’m on the taper,still got 3 months at least to go,.sitting at 8mg Diaz split 4 times a day,..I’m waking up feeling ok,.my doses is making me feel worse,.I skipped my morning 1 today and still felt ok and took my noon 1 early,.I went white as a sheet and feel low,.did you experience this at all

[@windowsNwaves]

Definitely had times where I went white as a sheet and felt low. I hope it has passed for you now. Wishing you strength on your journey.

[@brendamalone3880]

Thank you!! Sure hits home.

[@windowsNwaves]

Sorry to hear it hits home, Brenda, as that means you are dealing with a lot. Thanks for the support

[@marcinjarmula2211]

How did you function in your acute? Were you able to work full-time/ partially?

[@windowsNwaves]

I couldn't work in acute. I was fortunate to be self-employed and to have a very understanding and flexible business partner.

[@MrPeterISABELLA]

Did you ever have neuropathy and severe pain in the spine?

[@tylerpool5464]

I’ll take an answer . Yes . Horrible.

[@MrPeterISABELLA]

@@tylerpool5464 me 2

[@matchpoint14]

MrPeteri, I am having it now all the way down my entire spine hurts and multiple places in my jaw and neck, I am completely disabled.

[@tylerpool5464]

@@matchpoint14 I was to for 3 months and another time 1 month but that’s because i reinstated my dose. It will pass I know it seems like your life is over but it’s not. I saw a 70yr old man get totally disabled from Xanax and ambien wd I mean he was in a wheelchair for 5 months and by the end of the year he was able to return to his life. That happened at a detox center and they just kept him for a year pretty much. It’s not uncommon. I know what you’re going through though I’ve done it to and it’s horrible. Try and get to a neurologist or at least a doctor so you can get some relief, it will end. When I could barely walk and couldn’t drive etc they gave me meds that temporary fixed that I wasn’t normal but could read again and do things here and there the biggest gap in recovery was made when I stopped watching these benzo stories and tried just watching or reading literally anything else. It will end though

[@angel_2022M]

Now at 13 months off, when I started feeling that I am healing, but the very next day I found myself in the darkness of intense intrusion thoughts, heavy spinning head, brain is not connected to environment, and weird sensations. Is this the path of the process at this point of time? or I can recall that two days ago, I went to a crowded place with so much smoke and smell, can this be the reason for increasing the horrible all new strange intense symptoms?

[@windowsNwaves]

As strange - and maddening - as it sounds to say this, this is completely normal what you are experiencing at this stage. And yes, you are going to be more sensitive to triggers and that can be anything from food and drink to environments like you experienced. The good news is that it will continue to improve and the hypersensitivity and the jekyll and hyde routine on the part of your nervous system, will gradually start to improve.

[@angel_2022M]

@@windowsNwaves yes, it's so maddening, just to find myself again in the deep dark pit even after a year off. With that trigger I suppose, My worst symptom , those horrible intrusive thoughts with disconnected feel also came back, that is really scary. With your validation and positive words, I will try my best to pull this difficult time.🙏

[@windowsNwaves]

@@angel_2022M every day you get through is a victory, believe me

[@angel_2022M]

@@windowsNwaves though these hard days are horrible, but I believe you, they will pass. So encouraging and hopeful. One thing I want to ask you for my help and precautions in future, that inhaling or being in an environment that is full of people who are smoking and drinking can have the same adverse effect on our nervous system as taking a dose of benzos? I am really scared, as since then I am having terrible head symptoms with intense weird thoughts.

[@windowsNwaves]

​@@angel_2022M this hyper sensitivity will get better with time. For now, try to figure out what your triggers are and try to avoid them as much as possible. That environment is clearly a trigger and understandably so. This is all completely normal for the current circumstances you are dealing with and it will get better.

[@jonwil81]

What happened at 9 months? was that your first big window?

[@windowsNwaves]

9 months was a window that was convincing enough to make me believe I had really turned a corner. It's hard to describe. But it really felt as if something had lifted and there were some real structural healing that had happened

[@jamescarew2976]

I've heard 50 percent of benzo users dont go through serious withdrawal. They don't know why,maybe genetics? The other 50 percent......well,you know.

[@windowsNwaves]

I mean it's certainly true that the people who don't go through any wd are not going online and posting about it. So the horror stories may get overrepresented. But even if it was only 10% that experienced this nightmare, it would still be a scandal worth talking about...

[@Thatsbannanas-d8c]

Personally, I fret these pill manufactures are not inspected Particularly in 2020. Trump closed boarders but let the pills come in the country from, China, Turkey, Vietnam. Yes your pills are not American made. They are off patent, and who knows what is really in them. I watched turbo cancers from pharmaceuticals. Think about it? Elvis, Johnny Cash, Marylin Monroe. It’s no secret. 200 deaths per day in America with Fentanyl overdoses. I knew this.

[@SuperGuitar7777]

I’m going

[@windowsNwaves]

Do you want to talk?

[@ToddDouglasFox]

I sincerely hope you are past a wave that overwhelmed but if you aren’t or there’s another, this is the best place to express and not have to explain.

[@diefilmkitchenjohannessand2173]

How are you now? Are you fully healed?

[@windowsNwaves]

Much improved but definitely not fully healed. Will talk a bit about that in next video

[@MrPeterISABELLA]

"Healing is unpredictable, can barely see the changes......you cant process the actual transition, time is infinity, and so unlike anything else" "9 months he noticed a change" "Still had waves and symtpoms"

[@windowsNwaves]

That is helpful. Thanks

[@peteypete8180]

Insomnia is depressing me😔

[@windowsNwaves]

yeah, insomnia was brutal for me as well. It's a symptom I don't talk about a lot either. It's something that seems "less bad" than some of the physical symptoms but when you think about it, they all piggyback on each other and the insomnia is almost definitely a part of the equation in the physical symptoms too. Anyway, I hope you get some relief soon.

[@allencollins6031]

What is your take on antibiotics?

[@windowsNwaves]

I try to avoid them and so far *touching wood* I haven't had to take one since I got off benzos. I obviously would not compromise my health. If I had to take them for an infection, I would of course take them.

[@BradMangas-h3n]

Cipro affects gaba , look up being floxed 🥺

[@lonnievisch6009]

Ps2. Do you have akathisia? You are walking a good pace

[@windowsNwaves]

I dealt with akathisia during withdrawal, but I *thankfully* did not experience it after the 3 month mark. It is - for me - the worst state we can find ourselves in as human beings.

[@Thatsbannanas-d8c]

I hate life. I wish I was never brought into this world.

[@windowsNwaves]

I hear you and I know that feeling. Hang in there..better days ahead

[@matchpoint14]

Thatsbannanas, our only hope is a personal relationship with God, praying, studying and meditate on his word. It works but it is not easy to do it, but it is easier than not doing it.

[@minty2455]

Are you from Canada? Seems you have an accent. 😅

[@windowsNwaves]

American but I have been living overseas for a long time now and I think I have picked up bits of different accents from other expats 😅

[@BarryMann]

Around 5 months for me rjinks got a lot better

[@windowsNwaves]

I'm glad to hear it

[@miangelsai]

Amigo , I felt watching this video , here is a guy who understand what I feel !! FOUR MONTHS OF BENZO AND NOW IN THE PROCESS OF GETTING OUT .. MISERY .... Thanks for your Chanel , I subscribed now , saludos desde Argentina .

[@RRob-pf4hp]

Maybe people could spend some time cleaning up all the trash on the beach.

[@windowsNwaves]

Yeah, it's a problem. There is a community association in Somone that does a beach clean up every week. My son and I often participate. But depending on the weather and the currents, trash from Dakar makes its way down to our beach. You can have a few weeks where the beach is pristine and then all of a sudden overnight it looks like a dump.