The Narcissist's Plan

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Saturday, October 8, 2022 10/8/22
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#narcissist #borderline #npd #bpd #ptsd #cptsd #healing #narcabuse #personalitydisorder #psychopathy #empath #controlling #narcissisticabusesurvivor

[@jennywager6228]

They are deeply miserable always such a strange way to live

[@daviddemars]

They're not aware of their behaviors and the problems it causes them but very strange, indeed. Thank you Jenny!

[@nessauk2786]

The lack of empathy or care is always missing.

[@daviddemars]

Hi Nessa! Compassion and empathy are missing from people without regret or remorse.

[@KleeKaiPuppies]

Nothing is ever enough for a narc. You can bend over backwards to please them and it still won’t work. They eventually look down on you for being nice to them bc they think you’re stupid for loving them. Much love and light sent to anyone dealing with a narc. Take good care of yourselves❤️

[@daviddemars]

Isn't that the truth? Good comment and thank you.

[@rorywright5692]

Hello,My New Life!😎

[@dennisrobinson8008]

very true. Reciprocal behavior is important. When you do so much they wouldn't it sinks you.

[@daviddemars]

@@dennisrobinson8008 It shows the univers and you that you are not equal. You are worth all of your acts to be reciprocated.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

@@daviddemars if we stay in a environment set on exploiting us it will not be returned. Sometimes we must reposition ourselves.

[@mytakeonlove9594]

They will only love you when it benefits them and serves them. They don’t love you for *you* they love you for *them*. Conditional love = Narcissistic love

[@daviddemars]

Most people like this cannot love. Obsess, value, like, but not love.

[@td2968]

Everything with them is instant gratification

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, T D! Yes! So much entitlement!! Nice to see you here!😎

[@td2968]

@@rorywright5692 do you know me 🤔

[@rorywright5692]

@@td2968 Just saw you on here, and wanted to respond to your comment.😎

[@daviddemars]

Thats right and you can keep these people out of your life by going very slow and keeping your boundaries.

[@hhsg11]

We don’t fall in love with them, we fall in love with ourselves as they mirror us.

[@daviddemars]

Hi Helen, our idealized version instead of who we really are. Thank you for your good comment.

[@forensicbadassprofiling]

If you happen to meet a psychopathic or malignant narcissist, then you're falling in love with his ex. Not him. Not yourself. Their ex. Spin that one in your head for a while.

[@daviddemars]

@@forensicbadassprofiling Good one

[@forensicbadassprofiling]

@@daviddemars Thank you brother. Unfortunately I learned that via experience of surviving a psychopath. He ran off w my identity, and the new supply fell in love w a version of me. I learned that thru 4 years of studying the criminal mind and human behavior of psychopathy. This os why a lot of replacement supply end up appearing to emulate the former wife/husband Victim. It's the most bizarre form of triangulation as well. During the love bombing phase w the replacement supply, that glimmer in the abusers eyes is their sadistic inner love knowing they're still abusing the former ex (secretly/machiavelli style) while love bombing the new w the former victims identity. Creepy shit brother. Creepy shit.

[@hhsg11]

@@forensicbadassprofiling thank you. yes I get that, I suppose I never really thought about it that way. 👍

[@goldilocks3593]

That is the weirdest part looking back: I did idealize him for a long time (yes I fell for the image) but I always felt like he looked up to me which seemed pretty weird at the time since I saw him (originally) as above me. (And also he is 10 years older.) It is only having the whole thing long behind me I really understand why. The coverts are especially sneaky and better at playing the long game. We were “friends” (lol) for years before he tried to advance me into the prime spot. Fortunately he couldn’t hold the mask on any longer and I escaped before that ever happened but it is a surreal experience to realize you were conned for years on end thinking this was any kind of person you should be admiring, when in fact they are just a completely empty vessel mirroring your own good qualities.

[@daviddemars]

Hello and thank you for your comment! Hindsight is 20/20, keep learning as much as you can from your experience.

[@teddyholloman397]

This is the most consistent educational and precise explanation for what these robots do. Cyborgs if you want to call them, they become everything and you become nothing after devaluation and the discard. Who you really are is what the mirror reflects back to you in the beginning. Don't take it personal. everyone gets the same treatment, a long road of broken relationships and enemies made along the way. The universe always returns the energy put out, so lift your head and walk away because you just dodged a bullet.

[@daviddemars]

Tahnk you Teddy! Thats nice of you and your advice is great. Of all the derogatory names I hear for these people, I like robots, that's good.

[@janedoe5229]

Yes. Spot on. I have also come to the conclusion that I don't necessarily "attract" narcissists, but for decades, I could not see them coming. I think narcissistic test the waters with EVERYONE they come across, and the stick with the person naive enough to not figure out what is going on. I am no longer weak and uninformed. For me, the first sign of a narcissist is the joking little put down. When I look back over my destructive relationships, that was the first sign. As soon as I see that, I am done with that person. Kind people don't do that. Not even for fun. Just like if someone slugged you in the arm, and laughingly brushed it off. They have revealed they have no problem hitting, and one day they will hit you and mean it.

[@daviddemars]

Hello, you're comment is great, thank you. Have the list of morals you value the most right in front of you all the time and hold a standard in your life for everyone else, they must value these too or you can never have any kind of relationship with them. This cna take a long time but do not ignore it when they show they dont value the same morals as you.

[@ezdeezytube]

I think your comment is spot on. Within the first month of dating my ex narc she texted me a comment "someone saw you get into your car" and attached a picture of a cockroach crawling over a toy car. I thought it was really weird and random at the time, but played it off. She was all "its just a joke." But it was just one more clue that pointed to her NPD

[@rorywright5692]

Hello Jane!😎

[@daviddemars]

@@tammyraby7630 Yes you can Tammy, working with someone else is the most beneficial.

[@taraarrington2285]

One thing I found is that it's very important to ignore them

[@jlongino51823]

I’m divorcing a narcissistic sociopath after 5 months of marriage. Biggest con artist and conforming liar. He always hated me for everything that’s good about me. Everything. He openly confessed when he was stressed out that he hates himself. When he saw how my good qualities made me successful he started abusing me more and accusing me of the most horrific stuff. Things that he was doing and things that he knew I’d never do. Then I found out he was using meth and pills. He gambled, snorted or drank every penny I had. I lost everything I had ever had and worked hard for. I love you is not abusing you and it’s not watching you go without food and heat. I could never win. He was too much. His enabling family is too much. Run. Run fast. Save yourself.

[@karriesaunders8597]

I have a child by one who repeatedly said he was going to be with us and let us down every time I gave him the chance to be a family.

[@daviddemars]

Thats awful, I'm sorry Jessica. I hope you are talking to someone and recovering form this. Lesrn everything you can so this never happens again. Thank you for your comment.

[@jlongino51823]

@@daviddemars I’m in therapy for the PTSD and I know I’m not the problem. I filed for divorce and I will rebuild my life. Thank you.

[@daviddemars]

@@jlongino51823 Good for you Jessica. No, its never your fault when someone mistreats you and we all have problems but hurting people on purpose is a big enough problem to leave a person. Good luck on your journey Jessica.

[@loveiseternal5544]

God help us all 😢

[@smarternow]

My ex got kicked out of our home. The verbal, emotional then physical abuse got him an OOProtection. Love boomed, devalued then before his big pre-planned discard I got him out. He is still dragging it out in court 18 months later! A financial abuser too….he be ought a boat and moved in with his old girlfriend from high school. A better situation! Her husband died and she came into money!!! Learned a lot marrying this old Narc. Never again!

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, Lorraine! Nice to see you here!😎

[@daviddemars]

I'm sorry Lorraine, you have a great attitude and this may be the biggest lesson of your life so its nice to see you are learning. It gets better as long as you continue to invest in yourself.

[@jcdezmen]

Anyone thinking of going to Dave for coaching, DO IT!! He's the real deal. He definitely gave me the perspective to move forward from the trauma bond. Many thanks bro. - JC Dezmen

[@rorywright5692]

Hello Jay!😎

[@jcdezmen]

@@rorywright5692 What's up, my friend

[@rorywright5692]

@@jcdezmen Just wanted to say hi! It’s nice you’re here! Have a great day, Jay!😎

[@jcdezmen]

@@rorywright5692 Same to you. Have an awesome day

[@daviddemars]

Hi JD, thank you very much, that is awfully nice of you to say. I hope your life is still getting better and better my friend.

[@barbarannie]

My N died about a month ago. He was out of the country and found out a week later. Here is somethijg we do not talk about. There are a myriad of feelings, sadness, confusion, guilt and RELIEF. NO one understand the relief. They think us heartless. So we do not talk about it. Another priso of silence. David, please talk about the relief.

[@daviddemars]

Hello and thank you fro sharing your comment and I am very sorry for how youre feeling. Please try to not feel bad for feeling relief. This is very common, this happens to people forced to take care of family, they can feel relief when they pass and then the guilt comes. Try to not worry about other sopinions that have never experienced this.

[@denisj6089]

SPOT ON! You explained EXACTLY what happened in the relationship with my ex. She discarded me and she did succeed in causing a ton of damage to me, but i rebuilt, and retaliated with bombs of truth, she knows I live in my truth and not in her delusional reality, tore that mask off and now she doesn't dare interact with me.

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, Dennis!😎

[@daviddemars]

Good for you, learn all you can so you dont meet another one.

[@princesss4957]

This describes the relationship I just escaped from with a narcissist . Crazy how textbook it all is. Let’s hope I can move forward relatively unscathed . He’s doing the typical possessions hoarding and leaving his stuff in my possession while stonewalling being with new supply. He tried to covertly avoid signing us of our lease (that he pays for solely but I live in solely) but I got him to surrender and sign us out due to communication I made with the complex and him at the advice of a lawyer. They are so cowardly and can’t even face their abuse even when they know we know.

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, Stephanie! 😎❤️

[@daviddemars]

Tell your story Stephanie and dont do this alone. There is help for you, this can be extremely difficult to do alone and we need time and help to recover for this.

[@princesss4957]

@@daviddemars thank you. Your content is amazing . I’m proud of the bravery and grace with which I am walking through this . When the mask finally dropped in a big discard and I was told about narc abuse the next day by a therapist it was the most shocking and terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced. My story will be told one day. And i can’t wait to help others. I drafted an email to him for retrieving my things I think might actually work. I’ve been learning about how to negotiate with a terrorist (them) ha. If I lose my stuff oh well, I have my soul and my life back

[@glenncowan6669]

Well spoken! It's so refreshing and uplifting to listen to an expert on the subject talk in simple straight forward laymen's terms without all the psychological jargon. I'm 64 years old and if it wasn't for all the giving people on KZbin I would go through totally clueless because narcissism is a very sneaky business and if you don't understand "the game" ...your screwed!!!

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Glenn! These experiences cna be very complex and it is really necessary to talk about it and process as much as you can.

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, Glenn!!😎

[@rorywright5692]

They seem to have a playbook that we’re not privy to!😎

[@daviddemars]

@@rorywright5692 We just need to find it!

[@steve4524]

Hi Dave And some the more sadistic ones just enjoy the game of breaking you. And then stalk you just to see you broken. These ones are so damaging. Glad to see your Chanel doing well 👍🏻

[@rorywright5692]

Hello, Steve!😎❤️

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Steve, yes sadistic people are in it for the pleasure.

[@HeatherZaknich]

This hit home for me. I met a man through FB through a friend. What a six year ride that turned into. I finally decided to quit all contact and start working on myself. I started seeing myself change so much and feel so unloved. I feel very sorry for him. It‘s hard being an older woman to let go, but you have to listen to that voice in your head and quit following your heart. So sad.☹️

[@loveiseternal5544]

I've watched quite a bit of content on narcs we also need to look at our own behaviour first before judging I've endured 13 years of narc abuse I remember the first time he discarded me it was after my brother died it was like he faked compassion, when you're living the nightmare you have no idea what to do it's only after you leave you start to put pieces into place btw people gotta stop judging men/ women for not leaving I had the support of 3 people that didn't judge me it gave me clarity I hope someone sees this message wether it's the person that needs to make a decision to leave in one piece or to the person judging someone for not leaving Dead people can't cry for help Do the next right thing 🌹🌹🌹

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Elizabeth. We must accept we have been abused and its not our fault and try to find ownership with compassion to heal.

[@Sally-ih6ls]

Awesome video….no matter how much I try to understand these people, I cannot. Why would people hurt others for what. I understand it’s a personality disorder but it’s so complicated

[@daviddemars]

Hi Sally, I think there is something to the saying "hurt people, hurt people"

[@b.s.3659]

I only know my narc and his personal history. I can say definitely he was traumatized in childhood and has a sadistic bent as well.

[@VotMH_727]

When a narcissist is truly rigid in their thinking, I believe that they are the evil in this world. empathic people have light narcissists can’t access. It’s a very sad thing. They project their dark onto our light and corrupt us.

[@b.s.3659]

​@@VotMH_727 You are exactly right

[@imbrakingthrough2152]

Yes Evil is the right word . They take to next level “ Strongest win” - there is no god for them . They are pure evil .

[@debbierockz1]

Yes! It’s all true ..the ex narc even admitted to not ever being in a long term relationship and the longest was 2 yrs. The other ex narc was 2 yrs as well. I walked from both of those terrible creatures.

[@natalieMd462]

I cant thank you enough. You summarized and validated 10 years of my life in 10 minutes. I can’t wait to hear more of what you have to say. ❤️

[@daviddemars]

Hi Natalie, thank you and Im sorry for your 10 year experience. Keep learning and asking questions.

[@rorywright5692]

Hello Natalie!!😎

[@gigantopithecushominoidea8779]

The financial part made it clear he was talking about men (not)

[@daviddemars]

@@gigantopithecushominoidea8779 Men exploit women financially all the time.

[@PAOLA2D3]

I just came across this amazing video. Totally same experience as Natalie. You have just validated years of what I’ve gone through. It’s so nice to have that feeling of validation when many people don’t really see what’s going on and the abusive personality of a narcissist. What I hate the most, and gets me the most is how he steals my identity. When he talks to me, it’s like listening to my self talk I can’t even describe how I feel during these one way conversations. 🥲

[@sato.kings5]

There's no better explanation , this is it , just perfect , exactly what narcs do 💯 💯

[@daviddemars]

Thank you very much!

[@sato.kings5]

@@daviddemars you're welcome

[@samuelmoya2602]

Wow, this is the perfect description of what I’m going through 😢

[@daviddemars]

I'm pa sorry Samuel. There is help for you. daviddemars.com

[@samuelmoya2602]

@@daviddemars thank you! I knew about narcissistic abuse but never experienced it before. It’s horrible. Imma start to work on my self. I already made an appointment.

[@daviddemars]

@@samuelmoya2602 Fantastic Samuel, you are worth all of it. Give yourself and them a chance and be open and honest and do everything they suggest.

[@rorywright5692]

Hello, Samuel! 😎❤️

[@naomijulve5918]

He was with a person before me who he left for me, but I was told they were over. I didn't make the cut because I wouldn't put up with his lies, bs, all of it so he went back and continues to try and hoover me 3 years later. It's never stopped, the hoovering and yet I have it in my head that it's better with her because he went back and she'll put up with anything he does. What I want to know is...do they respect the people who put up with whatever they do? According to his sister, he cheated on her twice and he told me he had moved out of her place several times. I always wonder...is it glory days over there? He's blocked in every way but he sets up other pages to try and talk to me. NOPE.

[@daviddemars]

Hi Naomi, I'm sorry for your experience and thank you for your comment. Ask yourself how much this person values respect for other people. Respect is a moral we either value or do not, its about who we are and not the people we respect or disrespect. Your answer is no.

[@daviddemars]

Also Naomi, there are things you can do make this person stop harassing you. I have a weekly question and answer video I do every week so please ask questions. Thank you again Naomi.

[@naomijulve5918]

@@daviddemars Okay, I will. Thank you. I tried. I got the police involved and had a PFA put on him. Restraining order. The police came right out and told me, "when it comes to social media, we can't help you. You will have to go off of social media," but I can't. I have a business that relies on it heavily. It's lessened (the harassment) but it still goes on. I was told I would have to hire a lawyer and charge him with harassment.

[@daviddemars]

@@naomijulve5918 Hi Naomi, file a police report for every incident. An Attorney will help you but the Police are lying to you. Yes they can do something they just don't want to. You can contact High Tech Crime Consordium. Its a global network of Officers that fight exactly this.

[@millville]

I'll say again that I really like the continuity/flow of your themes. I like the mention of your not being their first/last relationshi(t). I noticed this early on, fortunately, when I was stating a rather banal decision (it was about a shopping list). They blurted out, 'Don't start with THAT!' (not about the shopping list but about my stating a decision). We didn't have a 'THAT'! I suddenly had a vision of their ex(s) stating a decision and the hell that must have ensued.

[@daviddemars]

Wow Max, it sounds like you weren't really in the relationship much. Not what you needed or wanted, at least. She didn't even value your opinion is what it sounds like. Awful and you must feel so much better to ne free of that and have yourself now. Thank you for what you said Max, I really appreciate you and your support.

[@millville]

@@daviddemars Fortunately I didn't 'bond' with them in the first place, early on. I highly recommend that!

[@daviddemars]

@@millville Bonding is for Mother and child, that may be what you did. We seek attachment and then connection.

[@robinandrews3515]

They are like no Other I never want to deal with this again Nothing good comes from It! Thank you David! You help so much!

[@daviddemars]

Hi Robin! Good you never wnat to do this again and its because you know you are worthy of being treated better!

[@Juliecoleen]

It's so weird these all are just my relationships. How do they all do the same thing. It blows me away. So sad you can't know this first. Just after you've been through it. Thank you for sharing.

[@sunnyday3539]

Great video. And yes, when they see that you are willing to put up with their bad behavior during discards, and you are willing to give them another chance after they cheat and lie, then they feel even more powerful and feel more secure in knowing you are truly attached to them. And they know that having a baby with them is the ultimate way to keep you attached to them. Then they feel really secure in knowing they’ve got you trapped. And that’s when their behavior toward you becomes downright cruel, and they feel sadistic pleasure in this. It’s so hard to figure out what happened to the nice, loving person that you fell in love with.

[@daviddemars]

That is absolutely true. Thank you for commenting and im so sorry this happened to you. Learn everything you can about your experience and heal from it. Don't commit to people with unstable personalities.

[@cindyallen4831]

And when mine started to notice that, after 25 years, I was no longer willing to put up with his poor treatment, indiscretions (cheating, lying, secret phone) and bad behaviors, he ditched me for a new supply. This video is such an accurate description of the life-cycle with a narc.

[@daviddemars]

@@cindyallen4831 Awful Cindy, I'm sorry he did that to you and good for you to protect yourself now and let him victimize someone else.

[@DaughterofaKing1]

I have a child with one. I don’t want or need him. He’s making my life a living hell. Why? Because I don’t want him. O yeah, he wants to CONTROL ME!!! I will not allow it❤

[@daviddemars]

I'm so sorry. Please seek professional help and not try to do this all alone. Make sure you make good choices for both you and your baby. Try to not be afraid and worry that you ha e to endure him for the child's life. There are many things you cna do to still protect yourself and your baby.

[@sgtmuffinbadger6147]

I feel this. Mine only uses ours child as a opener to jump off topic and ramble on. I told her one last time unless it's about our child I will not reply to texts or calls. Haven't heard from her in days lol

[@daviddemars]

@@sgtmuffinbadger6147 Good and I'm sorry. There are apps that may make it easier for you.

[@livelife5890]

One of them that was close to me, copied me perfectly and I had no idea it wasnt genuine. It seemed SO real. Even now i still question if she was for real or not. Looking back, its just unbelievable how she mirrored my life ideals perfectly. I mean......ridiculously perfect. Then she began competing with me followed by devaluation, when the competing wasnt successful.

[@daviddemars]

So creepy, when I was much younger, I moved in with a male roommate and one day he came downstairs with my exact outfit on. Im dead serious, shirt, shorts, shoes and socks and wore it the same day I did! Thanks for your comment Live Life!

[@rorywright5692]

Live Life, Hi!😎

[@rorywright5692]

@@daviddemars Very creepy!!😎❤️

[@daviddemars]

@@rorywright5692 lol isn't it?

[@rorywright5692]

@@daviddemars I was ok until you said same socks! No one should steal your sock identity! Sorry David! Can’t sleep!! Lol!😎❤️

[@snuffpappy]

This is off-topic but what is it with narcs and their phone calls? Mine would call and ramble on about nothing business related but (from his truck) he'd chat about how bad other drivers were... place orders at drive-throughs... just yak and yak and yak about NOTHING. It's like he needed me just to validate his existence. I call therefore I am. Is this a common self-indulgence /obsession?

[@daviddemars]

Hi Scott, this is emotional dependency based on lacking self reliance. They will take all your time, all your attention to help them regulate their emotions and to validate their ego.

[@juliana.x0x0]

Wow, very very insightful. I just had a mental breakthrough about a year ago, realizing my mom is an abusive narcissist. I cut contact with her a long time ago, and have just decided to do the same with my dad, who has always defended her. I’ve been on this for about a year, trying to understand them as thoroughly as possible. My daughters dad is clinically diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder as well, with lots of narcissistic traits, and very cunning and methodical. I do not have the arsenal of tools that they have, in their kits…manipulation, gaslighting, straight up lying, etc. All I have is the truth and any knowledge and understanding that I can acquire, to hopefully be able to understand them on a level where their behavior is a bit more predictable to me. Anyways, I’ve been watching loads of different creators, all with their own unique insights. But this really got me to understand how it relates to attachment, and you have a way of explaining that’s very direct, but also…compassionate? Something like that. Either way, what I’m trying to say is, I’m eager to watch more from you, and thank you for this.

[@rorywright5692]

Nice to see you, Juliana!😎

[@daviddemars]

Hi Juliana, welcome to the channel and thank you very much fort asking your time to comment. Please stay safe from your family. I have a weekly question and answer video thats a safe place to share and learn and find answers to your questions with support. Thank you again Juliana.

[@pamg2569]

Ok…so what do we do??? If we love the narc who had successfully achieved the goal of getting their supply attached? Help us navigate this. I am experiencing this right now and honestly, it is killing me.

[@daviddemars]

I'm sorry Pam, please take care of yourself. I offer coaching if you would like more help. I have a playlist of videos titled Healing C-PTSD which describes things you can do. We must recover and that is healing our trauma and understanding it. There is much to learn so we don't repeat this anymore. I have a weekly question and answer video which I will answer all your questions. I'm sorry again but I promise healing is possible. daviddemars.com

[@deloisestaples4195]

You're absolutely right. I'm learning so much through videos like this which helps me detach ed from the narcissist.

[@daviddemars]

Thank you for telling me Deloise! I have a weekly question and answer video I recommend asking questions on and keep learning. Its a safe place where you can share your experiences and find answers and support.

[@lionheartklaric3729]

4 months NC and having a few days of losing all my narc knowledge and falling back into emotional thinking. Maybe it was me blah, blah. It great for a clear re-run of the narc plan so I go back to moving forward and keeping away from the dangerous narc relationship. The cycle you describe is exactly what I experienced. The end of lovebombing was devastating and like everyone else I chased that high again and put up with horrible things. He said it was my fault that things changed but no it was just the narc plan. Thank you for your video.

[@daviddemars]

Hi Julie, thank you very much for taking your time to comment. His blaming is a sign he is incapable of love.

[@rorywright5692]

Hey, Julia!😎

[@rorywright5692]

By staying, that sent the message to him that he could pretty much do whatever he wanted,cuz I would always be there, wouldn’t leave! So cruel! 😎❤️

[@daviddemars]

Bad behavior must be accepted to continue in the our presence. Hi Rory!

[@rorywright5692]

@@daviddemars Hi, David! Always nice to see you!!😎❤️

[@daviddemars]

@@rorywright5692 Always great to see you Rory!!

[@HollieRoseBroderickPoirier]

I appreciate AND VALUE THE IMPORTANCE OF YOU LETTING YOUR VIEWS KNOW THAT IT IS OK TO SEEK HELP AND THAT THEESE EXTREMELY EMOTIONAL AND TRUE TOPICS ARE NOT EASY TO NATRUALLY DEAL WITH ON OUR OWN HELP IS THERE AND IT IS NEEDED TO FULLY OVERCOME THE SUFFERING AND IMPACT THAT NARCISSISM HAS ON AN INDIVIDUAL PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP IS HEALTHY AND VITAL TO EVOLVE

[@Greeneyedlady923]

They want you to be a Stepford wife and when you don’t do as you are told or you question anything here comes 😢he discard .

[@beaubaron9566]

This video is so spot on! I’ve experienced this and it was the most confusing bs I’ve ever experienced. I got love bombed, devalued and totally discarded. It’s amazing how much manipulation can feel like love. It through me in a big spin when it happened, but I’m doing much, much better now. It’s helpful to find these videos that explain exactly what happened and it’s very confirming. Thank you!

[@daviddemars]

Hello, its good to hear you are feeling better and thank you very much for your comment.

[@ezdeezytube]

We all have. I was love bombed, devalued, and discarded like a paper cup for new supply. I went warrior and retaliated with a very public truth bomb. It caused a significant narcissistic injury, but she will think twice before doing this to anyone ever again. And yes, I am unreachable and she has no idea where I am now.

[@daviddemars]

@@ezdeezytube Sounds like she may but people with personality disorders tend to keep making the same mistakes.

[@rorywright5692]

Hi Beau!😎

[@dalialovesdoggies4361]

Not a big boosted ego. Fragile...vulnerable....broken ego's.

[@daviddemars]

And thats who they believe they are.

[@dalialovesdoggies4361]

@@daviddemars they are not capable of getting in touch with THAT part. Hence: can't heal

[@daviddemars]

@@dalialovesdoggies4361 Thats right, cant heal until you can look at and accept yourself.

[@doctordrabs]

Thanks

[@daviddemars]

Thank you!

[@rorywright5692]

Hi Genx!😎

[@doctordrabs]

@@rorywright5692 hi

[@rorywright5692]

@@doctordrabs Great to see you here again!😎❤️

[@0vercomer]

It's so hard to know who was the villain in our love story... Did I decide I couldn't breathe without all his attention on me like some depraved orphan as soon as he looked my way twice? Was his claim to be the only man who could "speak the same language" part of a self-centered -even sex-centered- agenda? Yes. All of the above. We are both needing something the other looked more than capable of giving at the outset. We both believe we have shown incredible love and that the other has proven incapable of ever loving well. Where did the romance end and it's venomous nemesis begin? Who is the narcissist--really? Thanks for the great insight! I look forward to hearing more.

[@daviddemars]

I love your comment Lori, thank you!!

[@rorywright5692]

Great comment, Lori!!😎❤️

[@nouralmadani3416]

In a nutshell 💯👌

[@daviddemars]

Thank you!

[@moneypennyjane9]

Spot on.

[@daviddemars]

Thank you!

[@maryloumancinilmt6933]

Accurate easy to understand explanation. Thank you!

[@daviddemars]

Thank you MaryLou!

[@rorywright5692]

Good to see you, MaryLou!😎

[@Gyle.3559]

Nice insight brother.

[@daviddemars]

Thank you very much Solomon!

[@markh4926]

It's a long story, my wife left me to be with her first husband, she didn't tell me she was leaving. 4 years later this girl gave me the wink with her pretty blue eyes, I accepted. We had lunch and I invited her to see my place, got's to be honest. We had a great afternoon just talking and laughing. She had to notice I wasn't full of money. She also must have noticed that I was one of those guys who wouldn't beat the shit out of her. She told me all her boyfriends beat her. She must have noticed that she was falling in love with me. Three days later she sent me a message telling me I was a fluke. She would not be seeing me on what would be our second date. Holy shit, after 7 months I can't get ride of her. She has no intention of sitting down to talk with me again let alone have lunch with me. Why does she still ambush me in places she knows I will be. My x is a narc and I have no idea where she is. This narcissist stuff is very strange stuff.

[@rorywright5692]

Hello,Mark!😎

[@daviddemars]

Hello Mark, I am terribly sorry. This person is unstable and idealizes and obsesses on people. Theres always is help available.

[@tallone09]

Wow totally understand that there master at it. The more they do it better they get at to. One word of advice if you seen they have multiple marriages and relationships turn around walk away before you get hurt like I did.

[@daviddemars]

That is great advice Tony, unstable relationships equate to unstable people.

[@beemonroe4330]

All of this…it should be a sermon🤌🏾

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Bee Monroe!

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, Bee! 😎

[@georgbaur4841]

I really benefit from your videos.......

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Georg!

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, Georg! I have learned so much from these videos! 😎

[@daviddemars]

Thats more sociopathic.

[@ishitachakraborty7990]

This is soo true 😅

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Ishita!

[@ximplym369]

Awesome 👍

[@daviddemars]

Thank you!

[@Real2k25]

This is exactly what i experinced

[@daviddemars]

I'm so sorry!

[@Real2k25]

@@daviddemars 🙏🙏

[@maisumsobreviventedeabuson5277]

The narcissist wq has no power over me anymore.

[@rorywright5692]

Nice to see you here, Mais!😎

[@daviddemars]

Good!

[@victoriamuniz9851]

Victoria from the Bay area I never felt like I fell in love with my ex narcissist I always felt like I was trapped hunted down and kept for pleasuring pain I don't really know what it feels like to actually fall in love with somebody that's sad

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, Victoria! I think I was way too young to even know what love was. So, in that way, I understand the sadness you feel! Maybe if I would of loved myself first, I wouldn’t of jumped into a relationship so fast! Thanks for sharing! 😎❤️

[@victoriamuniz9851]

@@rorywright5692 Hi Rory you're right I really didn't love myself I was willing to accept anything just to try to feel love I'm glad I'm not the same person I hope you have a blessed night

[@daviddemars]

Sliding into commitment over deciding. One wonders how much if the commitment was comscious?

[@rorywright5692]

@@victoriamuniz9851 You too, Victoria!! Take care!😎❤️

[@karriesaunders8597]

I guarded my heart cos I was suspicious from the beginning, had I not guarded my heart id likely be dead now cos what the whole family put me through was pure evil.

[@b.s.3659]

My Narc has already discarded me, but he needs me desperately to accomplish his ultimate plan. He's a ruthless machavelian

[@daviddemars]

I hope you have the supoort you need to stay safe.

[@rorywright5692]

Hi, B S!😎

[@b.s.3659]

@@daviddemars Leaving is the best option, but it will cost me. This particular Narc likes to taunt me.

[@daviddemars]

@@b.s.3659 Please consider hiring help and calling upon everyone in your life for support. We all need help.

[@b.s.3659]

@@daviddemars Do you have any ideas who to call upon? I need to protect myself and another. I have a feeling it's going to get really messy but if I do nothing now he'll carry a vendetta and do something later on.

[@rorywright5692]

Hello David! Ohio here! Hope you enjoyed your day!😎❤️

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Rory! I had a great day and I hope you have a beautiful day tomorrow!

[@taraarrington2285]

When people try to impress me it tends to turn me off you know

[@beachgirl4]

Thank you

[@daviddemars]

Thank you very much!

[@Eighties-Jadie]

Great video thank you ☀️

[@rorywright5692]

Hi Jadie!😎

[@daviddemars]

Hi Jackie, thank you!

[@Eighties-Jadie]

@@daviddemars Thanks and hope you don't mind me asking a question. I have my suspicions about an online "therapist" who is in constant communication with his community uploading all the time - almost as if love bombing with endless sentiments in order to keep his supply fulfilled and drawn in 24/7. I was part of this community until I disagreed with some "advice" and offered up different perspectives of looking at things. I feel he disagreed with me which is completely fine but after a while he made me feel alone and unwelcome, which feels hurtful after taking so much time exhausting myself constantly to support his channel which ended up draining and feeling like an obligation to prove I supported him! Contributing twice daily to a channel with comments and replying back to everyone got too much after months so I took a step back to focus on myself, which I felt he was offended by but really if he had true empathy then he should understand people need breaks from KZbin and their phone etc especially about such gruelling topics on narcissistic abuse. It's good to chat but chatting 24/7 about the same thing for me is personally unhealthy when some light hearted fun is needed after such darkness. Thanks and best wishes ☀️

[@Eighties-Jadie]

@@rorywright5692 Hello Rory 😎

[@daviddemars]

@@Eighties-Jadie Thank you Jadie, please ask your question. You can always ask questions in my weekly Q&A videos too. I can tell you something that may help you. This is a community made of all kinds of people who have all been victimized. You will see some creators who have healed and make great supportive content. You will also see quite of bit of creators who have not healed and they are seeking attention and validation attempting to heal in front of all of us. There are some of the most dangerous predators in this community making videos about narcissistic abuse, pretending to be a healed victim while preying on innocent people and attacking other creators and commenters. Be careful where you go, who you watch, and what you comment and share.

[@emilemerten6535]

from south africa We were programmed to be so f ing in tune what they wanted and felt and didn’t like they didn’t even have to say anything they just got quite and then you knew you did something wrong and they would get you back as soon as you did something wrong. You were completely destroyed by them and you still had to act happy around them because then they will just mock you for being unhappy and show you how happy they are.

[@daviddemars]

Yuk, that's a gross cycle to be out of.

[@daviddemars]

@@Thequietestquiet2875 That sounds great! Thank you Rory, I wonder how it sounds to Emile?

[@rorywright5692]

@@daviddemars Did I change my name?😎❤️

[@emilemerten6535]

Yes

[@rorywright5692]

@@emilemerten6535 Great to see you, Emile!!😎❤️

[@3RedHearts]

Great explanation!!!

[@daviddemars]

Thank you Mermaid Kisses!

[@sindust150]

I never was neglected as a child, I here all the folks on KZbin saying the same things, it seems like you all experienced the same things. I broke up about 4 months ago after three years, and I could give a flying fuck less about her.

[@daviddemars]

Hello and thank you for sharing. Childhood neglect is one of the most difficult things to identify. If we have unstable relationships in adulthood and abuse and neglect is common, why do you think you stayed for 3 years? It can be very healing to see the connections with childhood and adulthood relationships. I have a 100% rate with many years of Clients having troubled both.

[@sindust150]

@@daviddemars I stayed becauae things were going along normal, I was traveling alot she was in Isreal and I'm an American so, it was an international relationship with a child (noty child), I was gone for 3monts at a time or longer. I stated my business and decided move to Canada, at first she was cool with it, but when she got a job in Israel the wheels came off, in hindsight it seem as if she thought she was better than me making a fraction of my income, or that my business would fail, but unknown to her its a success, I was funded $12million and got the project. I didn’t tell her and I'm fine she is gone want to be single, run the streets or whatever. Hell I'm free with no childhood trauma in my background. She jumped the gun to soon and lost her lottery ticket. Dont know what she thought but, I have a blanket of protection from God around me. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@daviddemars]

@@sindust150 Wow good for you. I hope this relationship will help you see people like her in your future.

[@sindust150]

@@daviddemars for sure....

[@lotusmccary9365]

They want money

[@Rys12.3-4_5]

Just narcissists like pictures of people you put on a channel screen . Great 🌺🌺

[@daviddemars]

Thank you!

[@spiritgurl1111]

great concise video-my biggest ?/confusion with these types (& im sure I’m not alone here) is are they all sadistic; malignant? do they all enjoy hurting others, regardless of where they fall on the spectrum? I keep seeing this idea of “benign” narcissists, as in some are just on autopilot in their defenses & truly don’t want to hurt other ppl. I’ve never been able to buy into this philosophy tho based on personal experience. I’d love your feedback on this thx

[@daviddemars]

Thank you very much! These are spectral disorders and the biggest problem for people with these disorders is how much they lack in self awareness. Some are sadists and are aware of who they are and what they're doing while some hurt you and are not aware of how their actions effect you.

[@spiritgurl1111]

@@daviddemars my abuser is definitely aware of who/what they are. After years of a fake friendship they admitted it’s their choice to be this way and they do not care. Yet in the same breath claimed to have no intention to hurt me…coupled with a fake apology-I just can’t buy any of that! Which brings me back to this individual being sadistic; deriving pleasure from hurting others. So sickening

[@daviddemars]

@@spiritgurl1111 This means they lack empathy and compassion because he has no regret. Possibly a machevelianist or even the Dark Triad.

[@rorywright5692]

Hello!😎

[@puremaledark8305]

Damn dude, i havent watched you in years. Glad to see you well

[@daviddemars]

Welcome back! Thank you my friend and good to see you too.

[@daviddemars]

I watched your videos before I started my channel, you were a big help!

[@mirceaar7988]

Thank you for s very eloquent explanation. Does this behavior has something in common when we are dealing with a borderline also?

[@daviddemars]

Thank you very much. I have a playlist with many videos about BPD if you're interested. They are both spectral disorders so yes but not as likely as NPD and ASPD.

[@mirceaar7988]

@@daviddemars I have been asking this as I have experienced in the past year such behavior - on the receiving end - from someone that I would rather classify more to be closer to BPD than NPD, but then again, I am just trying to educate myself on these issues. Afaik so far, a BPD can show traits and behaviors similar to NPD individuals at some moments.

[@daviddemars]

@@mirceaar7988 Yes they can and do. Many people are diagnosed with two personality disorders and traits of all ten overlap with eachother.

[@mirceaar7988]

Would you, could you elaborate on the hormonal process(es) you are mentioning in this video, as being the cause of dependency, or have you already did in some previous videos? Thank you.

[@daviddemars]

Hello and thank you. Yes sir ha e and I will make more. There is a weekly question and answer video I do every Monday and I will always answer every question. I also ha e a playlist titled Healing C-PTSD where you will find videos on the hormonal imbalance caused form prolonged emotional trauma. Thanks again and keep asking questions!

[@Dastardly_X]

🙏🏻 🌟 🙏

[@daviddemars]

Hi Scott! Good to see you.

[@Dastardly_X]

@@daviddemars Thanks, I appreciate you take your valuable time to say hi ‼

[@rorywright5692]

Hi Scott!😎

[@daviddemars]

@@Dastardly_X Thank you Scott and I appreciate your equally as important time

[@Dastardly_X]

@@rorywright5692 Hello, 👋🏼 Hope all is well.

[@taraarrington2285]

I kind of wonder if like it discuss them that you accept them for who they are like if they know that you like love them unconditionally like are they disgusted by that or something

[@daviddemars]

Good question Tara, when someone hates themselves enough, they hate everything in their life including you and will lose respect for you as you accept their behaviors.

[@springwater463]

What if you reject them?

[@daviddemars]

They internalize it and it hurts a lot, then they must find someone to accept them even more because their entire fragile ego and fragmented self depends on it. They will frame the person as a horrible monster and maybe obsess on them until they find another victim.

[@DianeLindenberger]

What if they do all these nice things to cover the fact that they are really gay.........and then you can't believe they could be so cruel.

[@emilytaylor1001]

❤❤❤

[@daviddemars]

Hello Emily!!

[@rorywright5692]

Hi Emily! 😎❤️

[@emilytaylor1001]

@@rorywright5692 Hello Rory! 🍁🍂😊🤗

[@emilytaylor1001]

@@daviddemars Hello David! Appreciate your videos! These are educational and help me and others on healing journey. 🙏😇☀️😊🤗

[@daviddemars]

@@emilytaylor1001 Good, thanks for being here and supporting all of this. Happy Holidays to you and beautiful Daughters.

[@betsyerreve3867]

♥️🐾♥️❣️

[@daviddemars]

HI Betsy!

[@cindyc]

🤗👍🌞

[@daviddemars]

Hi Cindy!!

[@rorywright5692]

Hey, Cindy!!❤️😎

[@cindyc]

@@rorywright5692 Hope you're having a beautiful day.

[@rorywright5692]

@@cindyc I am, thank you!Hope you are too! Cooler here but nice doing yard work! The trees are so beautiful, changing colors everyday! 😎❤️

[@cindyc]

@@rorywright5692 It certainly helps to keep us grounded when we take the time to smell the roses or to savor the beauty of nature surrounding us.