The Narcissist Whisperer

[@lifeisgood070]

It's exhausting being with a narcissist. Even sitting in the same room as one, I can feel the energy coming off them. They constantly look at me for validation and a feeling of superiority. As soon as they cannot get that anymore - they walk away. It's exhausting sitting there with someone so disappointed in their reality. Weird state. I was so blind to it for years. And now I can't stop feeling it. It's like 1/10 people are a narc. They are everywhere.

[@nehasharma-dy7ml]

It is 1 in 6 ....

[@Lillyflower-J88]

lifeisgood070 I understand what your talking about. Experienced the same Althought I dont see most people as narcs. thank fully most are not

[@terrace1]

Narcs are like bed bugs. They invade your flesh. Sucking whenever their supply is depleted from whomever is available.

[@m.j.2939]

Mine ignores me. I am not worth listening to or talking to unless it's about him

[@lifeisgood070]

@@m.j.2939 I know it's hard. Just try not to claim that person as "yours." I think referring to him/her as "mine" probably makes the bond stronger. But hey maybe that's what you need right now.

[@betsyhood1206]

"Don't try to win over the haters, you are not a jackass whisperer." Brene Brown

[@LibertyCairde]

Betsy Hood Best quote ever!!!!!!

[@carolsanborn5332]

Love it ! Haters do love to hate ! They just gotta have that last word when they start their tirade for power over your thinking. If you have a thought, they gotta do their tyranical demonest to slap their perceived superior laws over your words, always implying you need to praise them or you're gonna incur their authoritative correction by sneaky covert insults ;it's like they resent that you dont just shut up + agree with every word that oozes out of their mouthy mouth. If we just pray lots+ lots for them with love in our hearts, they cannot disturb our inner peace that comes from JESUS CHRIST, our Prince of peace. I recently had one try to invalidate my solicited advice + actually implied all sorts of lying inuendos+ slippery slams. I finally came to see that there was no end to her misusing Bible texts to try to prove her rude behaviour justified toward me , so I just realized it wasn't worth casting my pearls before her, as the Bible verse warns not to do anyway, once you determine what sort of narcissistic being they actually are under their fake Christian mask. They detest when you tell them you're praying for them,+will insist they dont need your prayers, attaching some outlandish accusation that they are guilty of instigating. Yes, it would be mildly laughable, if it weren't for how pathetic they actually are. GOD bless all who read this...♡♡♡

[@laquicha8159]

Lol!

[@leawright97]

Betsy Hood 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@GJCHSMM]

👌👌👌😁😁😁💗🙏

[@darksoul479]

Don't try to deal with the narcissist, it's hopeless. Just walk away.

[@AedanGUnit]

Don’t walk... R U N

[@TeresaMendosa28]

Yes this almost sounds like we are supposed to just do this

[@michaelbrown3766]

Perfect excellent 😊

[@comercialreeps5153]

Indeed. The only way out is zero contact.

[@afakkobyab5982]

Narcissist actually helped me to achieve two things: 1- I had to quit drinking alcohol in order to understand "what is going on with my life". 2- I had to learn better self discipline and set my boundaries with strangers. And this video helps like all of your videos Dr. Carter. Thank you again sir. Never ever try to save the narcissist people, it will cost you your life and your very inner self. Live happy and healthy with people who actually cares from heart.

[@robinrevell5873]

I experienced the same thing. I noticed I was drinking a lot (5pm cocktails) more than I ever did. I knew it was because I felt it was my only relief from being around the retired narc husband so much. Once I stopped that, and really got a clue as to what was going on, then I got control over my reactions to the narc. Not perfect but just doing that will automatically establish some boundaries.

[@mikeseitz2792]

Exactly, well said

[@patriciapaulineguevara4123]

afakkob yab the same for me..#1 & #2...I am surrounded by loving, supportive people, including Dr. C...however I still reside under the same roof as my hardcore, narcissist husband. This presents a constant challenge to my psyche.

[@mikeseitz2792]

@Dawn Green Many self medicate due to the Narc fog, because life never gets better. They say I love you then treat you just the opposite.....Confusing. When you think about it, they have you exactly where they want you confused and numbing the pain....Evil control!!

[@justdawndb]

CONGRATULATIONS it must have ben very difficult to stop drinking, especially when You are living with a narc! Best wishes To you!

[@anneneem]

Fluff their ego. Don't talk back. Do as they say. Smile. Take abuse. Take abuse with a smile. Pretend you're hurt. Or better, really show you're hurt. Rinse. Repeat. That's the narcissist's perfect world. And they'll still be miserable at the end of the day.

[@joannaleasa]

Anonymous it’s so messed with p but so am I because it’s true . And even when you think your free and beaten the game and dint care somehow the scorpion whacks one more time

[@aceofswords8637]

Brilliant 😂 Happy Friday

[@katydid594]

"Smile. Take abuse. Take abuse with a smile." ... slowly get sick and go insane.

[@dianecfranich]

Wow, I guess so.

[@maximomom]

This is accurate. But when you are in it, as an ordinary person, or worse, a person who had a parent who is a narcissist, you can't figure out for a long time that it isn't your own shortcomings...thank God for lovely people like Dr. Carter.

[@chadandrews98]

It’s good that Gus got rescued by a therapist!

[@Juliegrl4368]

God whispered to me while I was deep in the discard phase. Had no clue what the hell was going on. I was lost in confusion, scrolling on FB when an article on narcissism showed up on my feed. Was going to scroll right past it until something told me to go back and read it. Game changer. Then he started telling things in my dreams. He has been guiding me through this. He led me to KZbin to learn more about this disorder. He even guide how I move. Everything he told me happened. He even led me to messengers that he knew would help me get through this. Not only did I find them, I found a lot of other people like me to understand that I was not alone. I use it to help others like he told me to. And he has blessed me beyond measure.

[@flippitydooda7996]

Jezzie Wells I went through almost the same exact experience and it seems like he speaks to me most days through my daily Bible devotional apps and sermons that I listen to on KZbin that are recommended it seems like they always pertain exactly to what I need or what my problem is that day it is the most amazing feeling in the world!!!

[@flippitydooda7996]

Jezzie Wells I listen to Joyce Meyers, she is awesome and brought me out of my depression and helped me have a want to know God and seek him first in everything and he even says no weapons formed against you shall prosper including the narcissist and whatever he tries to throw at you

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

@@flippitydooda7996 OMG 😱 please If I may tell you Joyce Meyers isn't your best choice to reach out to God as she will introduce you to a false gospel. She's a narc in disguise herself. God will judge her soon. Listen to e.g. Chuck Baldwin instead (YTC #Liberty Fellowship)... He will still preach truth from the Bible. Blessings your way!

[@flippitydooda7996]

Corinna Schütt thank you for the information I will check him out. Derek Prince is also good

[@Juliegrl4368]

@@flippitydooda7996 Joel osteen is good too.

[@StephSancia]

you've made me realise that I've spent 19 years trying to change someone with this trait and thus the emphasis has been on that person 24/7. I've forgotten about my OWN needs, as crazy and mental as anything that may sound. Thank you, today is ME time ❤️ Peace also ✌️

[@PowerofClarity]

Steph Sancia back in the day, it was about "not giving them power over you" calm response, non-response, being detached and unaffected, unable to be lured in... if you see their words like rain falling on a tin roof... and ignore them... don't react, like realising you can't make it stop raining, but you can choose how you feel about the so d it makes... cuz the narc Is going to narc. choose peace.

[@Revelation18-4]

It was 21 years for me. Been narc free for about 2 years now.

[@StephSancia]

@Paulie Doodle thank you. the person concerned is leaving this house in 28 days to live elsewhere but ever since the announcement I've become a serious enemy and verbal punchbag by this person. they have really laid into me over the weekend with such hurtful, vindictive and retributional hate that i don't get it at all because I've never ever dared to say anything and have been courteous and polite for the duration. I was practically in tears with the obnoxious verbal abuse Last night that was extremely personal and designed to really hurt me. I've had to phone up a counsellor this morning as I'm physically unwell to start with, with kidney issues but how someone can say such untruths specifically designed to reach my heart and soul is beyond my comprehension. this 28 days is going to be so difficult and I'm a bag of nerves, strung to the max with shredded anxiety. Whoa. Peace and Light 🤟💫

[@heatherwhittaker6169]

Oh Dr. Carter you pop up just when I need emotional reinforcement, bless you, and love to sweet Gus.

[@robertegnoski1599]

What a wonderful message to hear this morning to help set and rest my mind in as I begin this Saturday. Thank you!! I sent it to my son who is dealing with it worse than I. God bless you!!

[@tmejia2888]

Me too❤️

[@angellollar1083]

Me too

[@debbiecarson6958]

Oh Please Tell Me Do 🕊,,,,Never Reveal Your Plan’s Too A Narcissistic Person 🕊

[@isabellelee2658]

Exactly. Go gray rock.

[@robinrevell5873]

@@isabellelee2658 I'm so gray right now I look like a corpse.

[@drppr76]

The less a narcissist knows about you the better

[@isabellelee2658]

@@robinrevell5873 I would say Lol except being grey rock can be so sad. Hang in there and change what you can.

[@robinrevell5873]

@@isabellelee2658 Oh, being gray is only necessary short term. I'll be rolling out of Dodge before summer. Count on that!

[@kitterglitter7777]

I lost it yesterday with my narcissist! I been trying to really hard to put the tools I've learned from this channel to use and at times have been wowed at the outcome. Unfortunately, last night I let him get the best of me and just seriously lost it. I was screaming and shaking and feel right into the hole he wanted me in and that made me even more angry. I just can not believe the immaturity, the blameless point of veiw he takes and the meanness. He just doesn't care and I really believe in my heart he really thinks hes right and can not stop and say ok this isnt right let's start over. I just can not get over how he can not see this behavior! Aghhh! Thank you for the videos and counseling. It does really help I just needed to vent

[@wheelerpat8]

They do bring out the worst in us (our own unhealed wounds). Don’t beat yourself up. We’ve all been there. Forgive yourself. They’re masters at creating the madness in others. That’s the point. That’s what they want.

[@kitterglitter7777]

@@tammyw.4779 Thank you for the kind words. I do try to (for lack of a better term) set an example or tone. I'll keep my vocie upbeat and just ask questions like I would anyone else and respond with oh that's nice or you did a great job at that. Hoping he will pick up on the positive and how we could be interacting if he gave alittle too. But it seems like his limit on getting along is 2 maybe 3 days and then he will very purposely be negative and mean. The gaslighting starts AGAIN. It's like he cant take being nice and I believe it's because hes faking it and really just cant do it. Its actually very sad that someone would enjoy being miserable and (again lack of better words) is happiest when they are being negative and mean.

[@kitterglitter7777]

@@wheelerpat8 Thank you for the kind words and support 🙂

[@kitterglitter7777]

@@joseenoel8093 Thank you for kind words and support. I do appreciate that🙂

[@sage9836]

Its real easy to get unglued. I have a poster of Buddha where there are peaceful beings sharing joy and disturbed beings antagonizing one another. In the center is Buddha, paying attention to his inner peace.

[@BethyKable]

So important to stabilize yourself first so you can stand against the chaos and manipulation and emotional turmoil being involved with a narcissist will bring. They are everywhere....family, friends, co-workers, lovers, neighbors, etc... stay in control and concentrate on keeping your core as solid as possible instead of worrying about the narcissist and their head games and chaos. Great advice

[@violajoseph8549]

Stay in your calm and celebrate you. Don't let them steal your peace.

[@butterfly7624]

I'm so exhausted from narcissists that it makes me leery even being around new people.

[@marissac713]

I used "calm firmness" every time I dealt with narcissists. The more calm I was, the more aggressive the narcs became. I got screamed at and verbally abused when I was calm. But when I stood up for myself, being a bit aggressive with a more commanding tone and confident.. that's the only way they would back down and leave me alone. For me, it's like dealing with bullies. I had a job where a narcissist boss verbally attacked me in front of everyone if he was having a bad day.. and I'd stay calm and he would do it again and again. I was known as the sweet, quiet one so I know he thought I was an easy target. The day I snapped right back at him, he never did it again. I wasn't condescending, didn't insult him...but I was firm and serious. Same thing has happened with a family member, and my partner. It's as if they respected me more for commanding respect, and they didn't respect me when I was quiet and calm. I'm not talking about trying to defend myself to them.. it's just telling them to back off and I won't take this treatment from you - in a serious tone of voice..those sort of things. I've listened to audio here on YT of couples arguing where the husbands are narcs and the wives all sound so sweet and timid and never stand up for themselves and you can hear the narcs relentlessly attacking them non stop and it just gets worse and worse..I used to be just like those women, then I just naturally had enough and fought back and the narcs in my life backed down. I've never been in danger of physical abuse, so I don't recommend this to anyone who is in danger of being harmed..I just wanted to share what worked for me.

[@jackiejames3898]

Thanks for that comment. I know EXACTLY what you mean😠

[@TheQueensWish]

I also find that being assertive with the narc and calling the narc out with dignity each time puts them on notice that each and every time they will be confronted. It does not deter the narc from repeat behavior because they cannot be rehabilitated but it’s more for myself. To keep my own backbone strong. Later in moments of peace I process what happened and thank my inner self for being strong and standing my ground and my values. We cannot let NARCs take over our minds! Hell no!

[@wandah9468]

Sure sounds familiar. A true rat infestation. I dont get direct until they get too pushy and then I'm using a tone one would use while disciplining an unruly child. "Ok, that's enough now, let's move on..." And change the subject immediately. Not working? Go third person. "Some people would think that, while others would want to..." We want to bore them to death.

[@TheQueensWish]

@@wandah9468 I love it! Bore them to death. I do this too.

[@c.d.s.2538]

I was married to a narc, and after much emotional & verbal abuse I stood up to him, and that's when physical abuse started. So be careful. They so want to have control that they totally loose their control.

[@juliefroman5635]

only took me 40 years to reach this level. its fantastic

[@marthaokelley9360]

40 years? Can you be THAT nieve? Well, guess what? It only took me 35 years!!!!! I so, so understand, Julie. Narcs are psychopaths in my opinion. Part of the DARK TRIAD.

[@cynthiacole9328]

@@marthaokelley9360 psychopaths is totally right !!! 😑☺️

[@rashmidhyani]

Took me 28 years

[@makeishabanks6906]

I love Gus. He’s so cute and laid back the way he just chills out in the chair.❤️

[@Le60o]

Awww Gus’s story was touching and we do love him ... thank you for sharing him with us who can’t have animals ourselves.... Thank You Dr.C 🌻 Mum always said ‘Don’t make yourself look big by making others look small !’ Thanx Mum 🌻

[@susiep.7372]

That's the ONLY thing , Narcissist are good for : I found my self worth !! I am so sure, that I would never have thought about myself otherwise so intensive !! I transformed myself into a confident person! 💯👍🏻 No Narcissist will ever get the chance to cheat on me anymore !!

[@psychologicalsigma9917]

And the Phoenix rises 🤗

[@bellyfulochelly4222]

Oh I agree. God can use these relationships to snap us out of some truly maladaptive thinking.

[@patriciapaulineguevara4123]

I am loving this process although it is a very difficult road to be on. Your post gives me hope.

[@susiep.7372]

@@psychologicalsigma9917 👍🏻💯

[@jackiejames3898]

Exactly what's happening to me. It's a whole new world and exciting 🌟🌟🌟

[@cardinalgin]

The essence of the message being that we should rely on our own sense of inner peace and steadiness, instead of impulsively reacting to the narcissist's words and actions, it puts words on what I am aiming to achieve. Thank you for this profound and comforting message.

[@lisa-t1c]

They love chaos, control & you’re pain and vulnerability. Especially the ones who have any authority over you. Having a Narcissist as your employer is not an easy task but your videos have helped so much.

[@wandah9468]

"I'll look into it." "I should think about it for a while." "I dont have an opinion about it." "I'll let you know if I change my mind" Good ways to answer and buy time.

[@cymbolichuman433]

I've been doing that.

[@wandah9468]

@@cymbolichuman433 "I'm sure you'll figure it out" another fav...

[@AlwaysStampinVideos]

wanda H OM! I started reading your comment and thought you were naming some things the narc says to avoid having to come clean or to avoid having to spend any real time with his/her victim. And then when i read the last bit of your comment, i had to laugh. These are things you’re suggesting the victim say to the narc. Sadly, they’re very similar to things my covert narc says to me and his children. “I forgot.” “I didn’t hear you say that.” “This doesn’t pertain to me.” “I’ll get back to you on that.” “I need time to think about all of this.” Then NOTHING ever happens so much so it gets to a point of “rinse and repeat” and the kids and i get tired of being put on hold for him.

[@wandah9468]

@@AlwaysStampinVideos Those statements are good self defense. Whose a narc? Jeeze it might be me. Problem is if you grow up with dysfunction, damaged goods is just part of the territory. I doing the best I can to get better, it's a daily effort and, sometimes I give in to my bratty tendencies...😜😁and I like your list of comments all real good!👍👍

[@lauraJa777]

Great responses. They are gentle yet affirming. I've been on all sides of the fence with a narcissists and this by far, is the best approach. And just for the record, my narcissist is violent , bullying and says the most toxic, argumentative statements. He's a real prince charming.

[@KrystalLioness]

I thought this might be about how the narcissist whispers. My covert MIL (and other narcissists I've encountered) will sometimes speak very softly just so you can't hear. That way you ask "what?" over and over until she rolls her eyes and speaks normally. She will do this when talking with others in order for you to think she is talking about you or something important that you shouldn't know about. Now when she does this, I ignore her. I don't care who's around, I just pretend I don't hear her.

[@robinrevell5873]

Good for you. I hate the tiring games. My narc husband plays deaf, to which I now turn around and walk away. And when he's talking to others (Me!), he yells and gets angry if I say you're yelling. Now I say soften your voice or I'm walking away. That's a compromise, right? LOL

[@KrystalLioness]

@@robinrevell5873 Yes, it's all about triggering a response. Holding your own in a grounded, calm manner really throws them off! It's been quite a road, but I know my MIL knows (and the family is getting the hint) that I'm not playing anymore. Especially if someone is huddled with another acting like they are talking about you. I completely ignore: why would I care? LOL

[@robinrevell5873]

@@KrystalLioness Yep, their opinion of you is none f your concern. Keep on truckin!

[@KrystalLioness]

@@rockstarofredondo isn't it great that we know now? It feels so empowering. I grew up with this, I'm sure most of us did. I thought that as we grow up we grow out of it, but these types are forever in elementary school! 😆

[@jennifergonzalez176]

Omg I thought I was the only one that went through this. It would drive me crazy. Now I don't let their craziness affect me.

[@blthetube1]

When is it okay for someone to say I'm tired of being served crap and told it's ice cream?

[@sage9836]

Don't wait for someone else to say it. You said it, and you heard yourself. You're right about what you know.

[@randomsasquatchwithwifi4090]

Right now.

[@renaissance5300]

or they crap all over you and tell you that you look wonderful in brown!

[@wandah9468]

Love that line! I would go third person to say it. "I'm tired of people serving up crap and telling me its ice cream." So, yeah, use it anytime!

[@Revelation18-4]

Great analogy!💩🍦

[@m0L3ify]

This reminds me of the meme "Hey, trainwreck, this isn't your station" 😂

[@TM-hl9me]

I like the idea of inner steadiness. It means not being afraid, not losing one's cool, standing up for oneself firmly where necessary, and minimising communication.

[@rutholdfield1356]

I came to this realisation a week before he discarded me. At the time I didn’t realise what I had done, watching this now I see. I had just after 17 years had enough and set calm assertive boundaries, he hated it bc finally he could see the control was gone

[@dawnbailey1132]

Dr. Carter this teaching reminds me of the Scripture in Isaiah that says something like, in quiet and in confidence will be your strength. I appreciate your encouraging words.

[@sylviaamodeo7090]

It is sad to know, their commitments are NOT to Love, goodness, kindness, decency, or dignity. They are committed to money, outer appearances, false character, and thinking they are superior.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Regrettably, you are correct. Dr. C

[@bw2442]

They grew up in a twisted hurtful environment, I understand that, however life is short, I can't live with the daily bs and wounding.

[@teresarenee3829]

Thats one of the worst parts, when you start to lose your goodness and peacefulness and start to become like them....that's what woke me.

[@constancebarrett1398]

I've been practicing what you are teaching. It gives me hope.

[@patriciapaulineguevara4123]

This was the medicine my soul needed at this moment in time. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[@TheQueensWish]

Yes. Unhooking is the medicine are souls need. Very valuable to bring this I to practice.

[@deannemiller891]

Thanks for another great video. I want to point out, though, that when a narcissist wants to argue, the topic is irrelevant. It is a waste of energy and time to say what my stance is, or what I think about the topic. All they want is an emotional response. They will never have a rational discussion with you, so it is pointless to try.

[@TheQueensWish]

I hate that they want to take an emotional response from us in order to obtain supply. It’s cruel and depraved to do this to people. It really is abuse to toy with people like a mouse.

[@ingridramey8082]

Laughter, calmness. peace.. Such a wonderful thing.. Being able , to not argue/ defend yourself/not let their insults hurt you...

[@Cinemagoer_64]

Wow it is great to hear a positive comment thank you!

[@vkng_drag0n982]

So difficult to do

[@carolentringer8836]

1. Be very aware of the narcissist's woundedness. 2. The narcissist's inner world is negative energy. 3. Learn to see yourself as separate. 4. I'll work on myself. 5. Commit to calm firmness. "I'm separate." "I feel no need to defend myself." Commit to peace, decency and dignity.

[@normaalsina6214]

My father is the narcissistic in my life. It breaks your heart! You have save my life educating me. God bless you.

[@rhondamarshall4152]

:Be in it but not of it." (talking about the confusion and chaos)

[@camarorules1]

...so many years of narc involvement...hard life for sure...looking for real love and peace. So many yrs wasted. I love me

[@vicbaker8367]

How very refreshing. To know that I, too, can become a narcissist whisperer. Your information is invaluable.

[@JusticeForNicholeAlloway]

This doesn't work on narcs that use actions, not only words, to ruin you. It doesn't work when they bring unaware folks into the mix. If it was this simple, I would have overcome my narc decades ago. I mean, great. Work on on yourself while she's at home burning your house down (or in my case, destroying my stuff or giving things to Goodwill). There just never seems to be a solution for dealing with the extreme cases, the cases where you can't even go NC because they'll find you, they'll ruin you even more.

[@marykoch1611]

For them Love=Control

[@beverlybonham6558]

I have been so enriched and indeed healed in some respects from watching your excellent programs. I have been married to a narcissist for 47 years. At first I thought I was the problem because that’s what I was told. It took me years to realize the man I married is broken and though very productive and talented he has all the symptoms of narcissism. I have a large wonderful family with him and I am determined to keep that intact. You have enabled me to live within my marriage and do so with some degree of sanity. Thank you so much for your help!

[@gildafriedman2559]

Please recommend reading on how to co parent when divorced from narcissist or do a video. Thank you for adopting Gus. We have such fine animals with no homes and happy you are giving him love.

[@jellybean-ky1ip]

This helped me so much! I was so hurt by an accusation by my sister, How could she possibly think I could do something like that. I mean it hurt me to my core. Its hard to not get hooked.They know the buttons to push. She is so good at it. When I refused to accept her accusation and left to prevent further abuse she stopped talking to me.She told others a completely different story of what happened making me the bad guy. It took me years to get over this. Lots of soul searching as to why I cared so much. Did she really think I could possibly do this. Its hard to disconnect from someone you care about but I cant heal her.She is broken.

[@marym.h2533]

My sister also acussed me covertly. Why can I not be myself, talk, say the things I know, have a bidirectional dialogue. I am 50, but feel like a defenseless kid. My siblings see me defenseless. My mother has had a passive type of comunication. My siblings learnt. I also remember hurtful things said to me for years. Lots of yelling and chaos in my family.

[@sharonsalyer4912]

I thank you so much for your insights. Living with a person like this is a bit like living with a tornado. They are always trying to suck you into their drama . things fling out from them and they say trigger words and accusations that draw you in and then here you go again. It takes so much strength to resist their attacks. But I really thank you for giving us some good coping skills and a clearer understanding of their behavior.

[@susanfriesen1141]

Thank you. God operates out of love. I believe you operate the same way. Get Godly perspective. That’s the key. You have explained it in practical ways how to achieve being around a Narcissist. This is a win win scenario. God want us to be calm and peaceful and firm. Understanding how a Narcissist thinks takes away the sting of their insults and behaviour. Yes it it true that our value comes from within . Thank you for your many teachings on this subject!! Hugs

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hug received! Dr. C

[@tw6971]

I wish I had had this tool a few years ago. I had never been in a more intense relationship filled with all the psychological warfare a narcissist brings to the table. This is very helpful.

[@deenahome2060]

You make some brilliant videos, very healing and useful. What I will say about this particular approach is that it may not always have a reasonable application when the narcissist in your life is after vulnerable friends and family members - for instance, a narcissistic teacher or coach of your child. In a case like this, the narcissist can be extremely abusive to a vulnerable youth, and morality may require you push them back and put them in their place in order to protect those more vulnerable. I tried the "narcissist whisperer" approach, and it held them off a while, but when an adult wants to attack a kid, they will continue until someone slaps them down, holds them accountable, and removes them from the child's life (no contact. ) Sometimes, there is no negotiating with evil. Just saying....

[@lainynicks502]

Thank you DR Carter your videos save lives ❤

[@jailynnjones2887]

Can you think like that? YES I CAN! THANK YOU SO MUCH GOD BLESS YOU!

[@lynnec3472]

I need to listen to this video a few more times and then a few times more

[@nryane]

Once I had done several months of EMDR/CBT therapies, I was able to be calm and not take anything personally. Grey rock/dull/boring interactions helped to keep the peace during the year and several months leading to my going no contact with the toxic ex. I even thanked him for his behaviors, because they made me aware of what I must do for myself. I CAN be a “narcissist whisperer”, but I’m not interested in being one! Blessings!❤️

[@wesleydavis1532]

Thank You Dr C,For your continued work in dealing with these individuals..God bless you and yours and ole Gus ... Peace be with you!!!

[@daretodream...898]

I'm learning to deal with him. It's exhausting and I resent it. Maybe I don't love him enough, but I am on to his game, thanks to these videos. I look forward to being free. I'll be free and very poor. Beans for breakfast, lunch and supper! "Come, Watson, the game's afoot!"

[@leawright97]

It’s all true! I give my control away, to the narcissist, when I spin over their attempts to control me. I have started setting boundaries, sticking to them and not waivering on them...not even a little bit! I have found that my narcissistic mother will give me the silent tx, a perk, and, I don’t feel dread when she calls me 48x a day. I just don’t answer, if I’m busy! When she gets furious, because I’m not answering IMMEDIATELLY, EVERY TIME, and if I tell her I’m busy she doubles up on phone calls and texts! She will start leaving horrible vm and text messages. Now? If she does that, I just don’t respond, call her back, apologize or get scared. It’s AMAZING! She escalates, but I just don’t talk to her at all! I know she knows why! I’ve told her a 1000x! No more. I just refuse to play, or let her guilt me, shame me, or scare me with her threats. I’ve have more peace now. Ibdon’t doubt myself as much, and I don’t have to hate her to protect myself! I remember that I’m not doing this TO her, I expect the same respect from all of my friends...and they don’t even have to be told! What I AM doing is having a life! Which is not on the phone ALL day and night, with her. Not spent worrying what she might do to me. None of it! I just go about my day not allowing her to take it from me! It’s great! And, she didn’t have to die for me to get free of her!! As far as I’m concerned she can enjoy HER OWN bad days! Actually now that I know what she is, I could care less what she trues to do to get my attn. I’m civil, show her respect and I have my dignity. She can go to hell for all I care, she’d probably be happier there anyway, but she’s NOT taking me with her and she’s no linger allowed to bring it to me, anymore! SHE CAN’T HURT ME!! I even belly laugh with my son or my friends now!! And I don’t care if she sees me happy or sad! She no longer controls how I feel either. I can predict every thing she’s giing to do, and when she’s going to do...to the day! She’s no longer towering over me. I know longer hide what I’m doing or how I’m feeling, I just don’t let her steal my joy, or celebrate or create my pain. There has been a miraculous twist in me, a transformation. Now all I see is a sad, pathetic, miserable, scared old lady. I just feel sorry fir her. Byt, she’s 86 yrs old, so I try to be here for her. I’m just not sacrificing my life to do it! Thank you soooo much! I’m learning how to make my life about ME!! And, I don’t belueve I’m being selfish! I believe I’m just taking back and living MY life!! I love it!!

[@sarafuchs4443]

Thank you, Dr. C. I always draw inspiration from your decency, to not become in any way similar to the narcissist. When I chose to leave my relationship with the narcissist, I was truly surprised (it's ongoing) how lighter I started to feel. It's been a difficult journey, sometimes exceptionally painful. However, I'm discovering a new, stronger, kinder and creative self which makes my life so much richer. Patience for myself is also helping. Very best wishes, Sara

[@lorieroe4657]

Guss showed us a good example of being chilled and peaceful! Good message as always! Thank you!

[@batbarasobczak351]

Dr Carter, Wow!! You have more than 7 000 views in 4 hours. That much better then anyone else I have seen on u-tube. Your information is so helpful and so many benefits including myself. Thx so much Dr. Carter.

[@juliethomsen9498]

This is the most helpful and practical video you have posted. Thank you beyond measure for those of us who must remain.

[@TheJennyg76]

Oh I need to start every day with this video. It’s the hardest part for me - not following through with the payback that comes in my head . But I can ever get the upper hand with him . He will continually take it one step further

[@jaykay3839]

Wow, wow, wow! Dr. C, you have hit some things out of the park but this was a grand slam. As usual, you have shown me a few of my own Narcissistic fleas but more importantly you have reminded me where I need to be whenever I encounter a narcissist. I had at one time gotten to that point but life circumstances, my own health issues and the major narcissist in my life crossing the line every chance she got contributed to my forgetting who I am and how to handle these situations. I am going to work on myself and head towards getting back to that place of calmness and confidence.. Thanks again for your wisdom and guidance.

[@Anoint_Ed_Win]

Dr C is living his best life, and what a beautiful thing to see that is. Bottle up all that peace, so I can pour it in my already over-flowing-with-inner-peace cup!

[@debraanchante3661]

I’m trying to think like that. As time goes by I’m getting better at it, thanks to your videos. I appreciate all the work you put into these videos to help people like me. Thank you.

[@patriciapaulineguevara4123]

Debra Anchante me too. I think this is going to require our persistent practice to create new patterns of thinking and reacting.

[@autumnangel4808]

Me too! I was at rock bottom when I discovered these videos, they've helped me enormously, I am now regaining myself and my life, and wondering why it took me so long!!!

[@debraanchante3661]

Karen Abbott were you able to escape? I’m still living with my narc, but I’m getting my ducks in a row so I can escape and not be completely devastated financially.

[@patriciapaulineguevara4123]

Debra Anchante I am raising kids with my narcissist husband. I too am preparing for that because I am painfully internalizing the reality that he is inherently incapable of changing. For the first time since becoming a parent I have gotten a job and done a tremendous amount of inner work on my self-love, boundaries and thought patterns. It’s very difficult to untangle the attachment I have had to him. I take it one day at a time.

[@debraanchante3661]

Patricia Roe I hope the very best for you. I’m so entangled with my narc that I don’t even know what our financial situation is.. I had no debt 7 years ago when I married him. He insisted on taking over the finances and even told me its none of my business if I asked how we were doing. Now he says we are deeply in debt. How? We don’t pay rent.. we both have worked very well paying jobs. 6 months ago I got very sick and I haven’t worked since.. I’m not sure if I can even work a full time job. I’m pretty afraid of leaving, not sure I can support myself...although I always supported myself while I was raising 5 kids by myself. My self confidence is 0.. but I know he won’t change and I’m tired of the abuse.

[@billyrayvalentine7972]

After 27 years and watching these videos I stood up to my wife. I am being disguarded. Just like that. She knows she needs a new supply. It won't be an easy path. But these video will give me strength, knowledge and power. Thanks Doc

[@GJCHSMM]

This is brilliant on so many levels where do I begin.... First the approach with the dog is the same approach I have with my child. I create a calm, level environment. A sameness day in and day out and it causes his confidence to soar because he knows we are not going to change on him from one minute to the next. Next the approach to the narcissist places this layer of silicone all over you that they just can't grab on to. You respect You first. When they stand up and yell and scream. You sit down, say less and lower your tone and slooooowwww down!!!!! Tks!!!! This just about sums up all we need to know to have a happy and productive life🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏👏👏👏👏👏💗💗💗💗💗😁😁😁😁

[@LoverofLife863]

Gus is precious. I have been exercising most of these suggestions. It is still exhausting to deal with. The constant negative talk, complaining and spew toxicity is all they do. While it is sad to watch them drown in misery, I must save MYSELF.

[@rosebeard2866]

I am gettin ready to go thru divorce with one and we live in same house so I am glad I watched your video and I have to stay out of arguments that he provokes . . That's a tough one but I can't control what he does I can only controll what I do and how I react ( Great video)

[@robinrevell5873]

Rose, I'm in the same boat. How many years and do you have a good attorney?

[@chalanedelzer]

How do you live with them after they know you're leaving them? Doesn't the narcissist make it unbearable?

[@robinrevell5873]

@@chalanedelzer The divorce is what he wants. Without going into a lot of detail, the bottom line is he's unwilling or unable to meet me halfway on anything. The more I ask for something, the more he will go way out of his way to make sure I didn't get it (not material items). It's not in my nature to let things go. This he can't tolerate anymore. Either I have to 100% do everything his way and be not only happy with but grateful for the crumbs he throws me or he wants a divorce. I said you might as well go with curtain#2 because I will never be happy or grateful for your abusive name calling, gaslighting, compulsive lying, weeks and weeks long silent treatments, etc. But I don't despair. This is his choice and there are repurcussions for every decision we make. We'll leave it at that.

[@chalanedelzer]

@@robinrevell5873 I'm to the point that I think it would be a blessing to be discarded. I can relate to every word you wrote.

[@cynthiapauole6540]

Just left my husband after 22 years. The problem it's he's convinced my kids that I'm there crazy one 😪

[@KS-yf9nq]

Love the phrase “delicate detachment” !!! Great video Dr C! Love seeing Gus too !

[@betsyhood1206]

You are so right Dr. C. Once I fully realized my goal in life is peace and calm, I was able to work towards an end goal with my narc brother. It has meant selling off a joint vacation home, and probably selling my share of a large family property, but once I realized that I could never have complete peace with him in the vicinity, I could accept it. I can't wait until he is out of my life forever. At this point, I only communicate through our lawyers, even though he lives just 50 yards away from me! Having the lawyers forces him to behave a bit better than a 5 year old.

[@stevenmorgan6164]

What a great video Very helpful and practical advice when interacting with a narcissist Thank you Dr Carter God Bless you

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are so welcome, Steven.

[@l.ameenaa4669]

Dr Les, I just walk away and go home if that was my dad. And I used to just not get engaged when my ex narcissistic husband became agitation. But that wasn't enough, sometimes I just had to bundle my 2 and later 3 kids and go to my parents house. Interestingly, after my divorce I learnt that my family of origin was narcissistic. So good to know.. because I don't my children to experience what I experienced.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Your kids are fortunate that their mother thinks this way. Dr. C

[@captainrankin6865]

I rescued a "dangerous" dog. When she reflexively snapped & "bit" me, she didn't bite down. She KNEW it was me in a split-second. Totally different than a narcissist. Long story, we fixed her probs but she *always* knew a bad person, they had bad vibes & were surely narcissists.

[@wordoftruthwjdnijah3467]

Way to make it about me and not the Narcissisttic patholgy..My recovery is finally taking solid form.Thanks.

[@susansherlock7474]

Really, if you can, you should be thinking of leaving the situation, or ousting them. Even with these tools on dealing with them, they will still screw you up long term...

[@JusticeForNicholeAlloway]

And in some cases, leaving doesn't work, either, if they have money and creativity.

[@melisherwood9734]

Agree: It is totally a hellish situation; the only way is out.

[@gloriamaryhaywood2217]

Agree whole heartedly. While having Tools can certainly help to keep your sanity it's still horrible to continue to live under a Narcs hellish and cruel control. Two Words of Advice: GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@CreaticityIsLife]

Agree - however, if you have children with them you can't cut them entirely out of your life. Sometimes you need skills to manage until you can be completely free. But I agree - it takes quite a toll.

[@countrygirl4213]

Agree,fake it till exit plan ready to go.

[@lindavalentin5582]

Marvelous video Dr. Carter!! You are right it works!!! Henceforth I have peace.

[@deneecesquires9755]

Dr. C the best video yet.. had the pleasure to speak one on one to Laura today.. you two get us!!! Thank you!!

[@0oRich0o]

Your videos save minds. I was so confused about what was happening in my relationship, but it's like you've fixed the lock to the truth.

[@stoneyvowell1239]

Thank you so much doctor Carter I really need to hear those reminders every now and then. Cuz even the marriage counselor keeps telling me the opposite. She keeps telling me I need to give in to the narcissists control and that I have to take responsibility for their thoughts feelings and actions. That puts me in the defensive real quick.

[@francinesmith8109]

She needs to have her license looked at if shes teling you to take abuse. She sounds like an enabler to the core and wants the same for you. She's weak.

[@dianem2136]

Sounds to me like you need a new counselor! It is not appropriate IMO for a counselor to tell you to give in to be controlled and that you are responsible for their thoughts/feelings/actions. That is pure BS!

[@stoneyvowell1239]

@@dianem2136 I pretty much concur but I'm kind of stuck with her at the moment. And I will give her a little leeway for misunderstandings. She may think that she understands me correctly but I think everybody misunderstands me because of my own conditions. But it is very highly likely that the wife turned her into a flying monkey. It just seems every session that she speaking only to me when talking about responsibilities and what I need to think to keep the relationship floating. I have claimed several times she needs to be talking to both of us when giving her advice but it seems very one-sided and very Pro abuse by women. Even if it is just to say the old saying if Mom ain't happy. nobody will be happy. Which I have always taken as an abusive statement and in my opinion usually indicates bipolar or narcissism.

[@dianem2136]

@@stoneyvowell1239 Yes...it sound like the narc did indeed turn her into a flying monkey. They are very good at that! I am sorry you are "stuck" with her. I hope you are able to get a different one at some point! Take care.

[@LostHorizon52]

Yes !! This is your best video ever, Thanks so much.

[@RG-vm9pi]

Thank you Dr. Carter! I would like and Need to see videos like this, how to do, what to do for myself while living with my narcissist husband, learn to put boundaries, how to kerp my peace, how to increase my self love, etc. I and many of us will appreciate it very much!! Thank you for your help.

[@kimberlyfeliciano4375]

Love it! The Narcissist Whisperer!! The BestTitle Ever! DCR...

[@irisseer2773]

If I had done these things back in the day, it would've saved us so much pain! Thank you Dr. Carter.

[@Sunlitgrace]

I find my peace when I learn to let the snakes be the snakes, rats be rats, pigs be pigs, dogs be dogs, finally learn to embrace the beauty of the nature, if those beasts harm us, and if we can avoid then avoid, as we know our own limit, we can't fight the beasts, if we got harm and died, so be it!

[@heathbreaux1855]

You're a saint, Dr. Carter! I have most of your videos saved. It's as if you've recited how I grew up with narcissistic parents. And both of them are adult children of alcoholics. One is narcissistic and the other is codependent. You help me to not be mad at them. That's worth its weight in inner peace

[@yipatunamaster]

What you have just said is how ive been surviving my narc

[@qiuwbr091]

Talking my language now. Thank you.

[@oilyshoes9969]

God, this guy is good. I wish I could hire him to straighten out my head. This chick did so much damage and she still thinks I'm the crazy one

[@mikeseitz2792]

Hang in there you are not alone!!

[@claudiarebecca4688]

E.B. Hughes keep listening. It takes time.

[@randomsasquatchwithwifi4090]

E.B....you need to have a voice of reason when they try that crazymaking crap..Dr.C (and Gus of course), are great during those moments. Let them think you are crazy...as time goes on and you distance yourself from them....all will be revealed.

[@dordiedior6872]

I could of written your post. just once you want to know that they know in their own head all the crazyness aint spawning from you its them. they can make you feel so so petty because of your own personal need to prove your NOT the crazy one but i guess i can give you advice.. its like a merry go round you want off last stop!!!!! and i guess it does get easier the first time you realise you have loving stable relationships with everyone but the the loud self titled broken record in the corner telling anyone who'll listen how your the crazy one! stay calm and let them slowly make it really easy and less bewildering for you ....plus i give you extra props chick ones are the wooorrst

[@nancythornton2947]

Also. Look up Dr Romani. She's also helpful.

[@sunshine-sm6nf]

my exhusb was a narcissist and I had 2 children with him and they are also. I have had to unhook and detach, it has been hard but I am glad to know what I am dealing with. I want to be separate from the drama and have the peace you talk about. Thanks Dr. C.

[@songwritingforsanity8527]

Thank you so much for this video. I feel calm just listening to it

[@ambelong1]

I have trained anxious dogs and I can say narcissists live in the most heightened sense of anxiety I've ever witnessed. Good observations.

[@AC-tz3vo]

Thanks doctor C! I do feel like detaching in a mean way, often. I've also realized that my wife has picked friends that worship her, so the problem must be me.

[@clairebear1359]

Loved this message. Absolutely wonderful.

[@funlovinbloke6266]

The Narcissist Whisperer. The words and expressions you miss between the lines in the beginning (little insults, the word salad, the contradiction). After a while when you start to realize in what sort of relationship you are (you have been pulled in) in the whispering becomes clear and louder and it is a lost case.

[@andreabuntpercy]

I've found some success in becoming a calm whisperer. That's after 20-some years of marriage, but he's actually starting to respond. I have recognized that he is damaged goods. As am I (a recovering co-dependent)

[@rbnutwood4659]

Phil Abbott if you take what the narcissist actually wants, I think they ultimately want you dead, and won’t care when you are. Just my opinion

[@deb2319]

it is a lost case.

[@_.A7777]

"☮"...and also with you. (Thank you)

[@psychologicalsigma9917]

Thank you for what you do sir!

[@barbaradejaynes7612]

Thank you again! Gus is so peaceful. I love your shirt. It's a great pattern and color.

[@cjennings6179]

CALM STRENGTH stay!!

[@zoewalrond2799]

Dr Carter, you are helping restore sanity to thousands. Thank you.

[@lizliz8195]

What you said here is so very simple yet whole. Very concise yet complete. Judy the advice i need to apply. It is really difficult to remain on path when the narc is being themselves.

[@bernicesmith4156]

Thank you for this episode. It reminded me of a past situation with communication. I started learning Hathaway yoga, and the inner strength to be married to an alcoholic, and become - me - again. It was truly enlightening and gave me strength to leave that situation. Unfortunately I am now with a narcissist.

[@tee6atl]

Kinda sucks we have to do all this to get along with these peope.

[@EyeToTheSkyPerth]

Tee6atl Exactly!! Are they even worth all the effort, it’s just crazy!

[@lotusphoenix8]

The goal is not to get along with them, but rather to detach and find your peace for yourself. There's no getting along with a narcissist, they can't even get along with themselves

[@tee6atl]

@@lotusphoenix8 yes, that would be great, but sometimes in some situations, you do have to get along with them.

[@Georgia.O]

And that is exactly how I would like to be spoken too myself. Such pity narcissistic people can't appreciate this...