An Odd Advantage A Narcissist Can Have Over You

[@judithargitay9860]

I have a Granddad who is turning 100 this October. Perfectly healthy in body and mind. He told me once: "Judy, there is a type of person that your should ALWAYS stay away from: the one that cannot stand if you have a different opinion from theirs on anything. Watch out: if you meet a person like that, you should have nothing to do with them." I think he was talking about narcissists, just he does not know the term.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Stay away from those and life will be great.

[@flightydancer]

What a wonderful wise Granddad you have!

[@c.pop.echo.28]

I just wanted to say thank you. For the past 5 months I watched every video, and they kept me sane and helped me in a place where no one understood what I was going through my relationship. Now I'm alone and free. I don't think you can comprehend how much this means to me, and I don't know how to return the love you offered me throughout your videos, but, I thank you. You SIR are a key person in my life, and will be for a very long time. Thank you again.

[@GodsSparrowSpeaks]

Alex Pop God bless you young man. I’m sorry you too have had to go thru life with a narcissist. Makes me sad when I see men injured also..good men needed on this planet 🙏💝

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Alex, you are the reason I produce these videos. Thank you so much for these affirming words, and keep leaning forward! You inspire me. Dr. C

[@brendakrause5639]

As with Alex, I too am alone. Your videos that I watch still, confirm that I am not the crazy person he insisted I was. I can make it on my own without him.

[@elderjonathanwhite6633]

My brother I am in the same boat, getting ready to leave her.

[@booradley8751]

Blessings Alex. I also feel a deep love and gratitude for these videos having saved my sanity 💙🙏

[@mikelobrien]

Narcissists can turn anyone into a frustrated, "needy," confused individual. Don't let yourself become one of them! Encouraging and informative video as always, thank you!

[@Jenifer_G]

SPOT ON DR LES. THANK U SO MUCH, SUCH VALIDATION FROM U. GOOD FOR ONES MENTAL HEALTH.

[@rachelsimbhu4383]

Spot on dude ! My experience all my life ! I hate them starting with my mom !! Then my crazy narcissist ex husband !!

[@mcparks1968]

My wife convinced me, over the course of several years, that I was a Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer who was abusing her, and that I needed counseling and mental health. It took exactly two sessions for the therapist to say... "No, you have some minor BPD traits, but I think you're the victim of a Vulnerable Narcissist." After a few more sessions, I started learning how to avoid living in the 'false reality' my wife wanted to keep me in.

[@sharonmonathcohen3642]

@@mcparks1968 oh, I know what you mean. We went for therapy for me to understand what the reason was for the ex to be gungho about attending a celebration because his family is horrible to him. He swayed me. By the second or close to the first visit he had her believing that I needed Prozac, and she pointed out how I am codependent But he, nothing! Blame. And I bought it

[@teachersusanute199]

Well, I really didn‘t know that pple like narcs existed until I was married to one. I thought everyone was like me: fair, empathetic, loving peace and beauty ... so important to know red flags!!!!! Great video 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

[@j.n.8153]

I saw some red flags in my now narc husband. I was intimidated to tell him that I had changed my mind about our marriage but he was sooo overbearing that I didn't know how to speak up. He behaved extremely controlling towards other people. He was like a strong magnet pulling me towards him. He almost was making me feel like I wasn't good enough because of my parents not being married. I almost felt a need to show him I was qualified to marry him. 7 years later and 2 little girls I'm still married to that empty overbearing shit.

[@teachersusanute199]

Juanita Nlemadim hope you can leave him ...take care

[@foxiedogitchypaws7141]

@@j.n.8153 , you need to plan to leave, a plan to stick to. Don't raise your girls around him and add therapy! Life is Too Short

[@j.n.8153]

Thanks everybody. Just today we were having a disagreement. I told him that it's like he has his foot on my neck. Just the way they corner you. I told him to let me up for air. Those are two metaphors I used because he doesn't back down and it's like he doesn't realize it. He goes into a zone. He's so comfortable with arguing that it drives me nuts. Before marriage I was traveling and enjoying my money. He saw that. Then after marriage he tried to control my finances. For several years he hasn't made any real financial contributions. I manage my money the way I want to but for 7 years once a month we have some sort of disagreement about what I do with my money after I take care of expenses. Today I said to him, "you're not tired???" Guys please tell me why does he have this energy. Because his eyes are only on my income he uses his money the way he likes. He has only been a subtraction in my life while I've been an addition in his.

[@j.n.8153]

I make more than him. He wants to save his own money and put it towards taking care of his mom and helping his adult siblings. He also wants to put it towards his building project in his country which we'll never live in. He entered this marriage for his comfort. Because I haven't made it too financially comfortable he calls me disrespectful.

[@coolhandchris5960]

Data retention. They will remember little things about you that you have forgotten because they seem inconciqental to you,but to the narc that's empowerment,that's stuff that can be used against you later.everything is potential amunition in this war that is only in their mind.

[@ccselementarymusic3968]

Right, a normal person does not live life thinking, "I need to remember everything in case I need it to use later to fault someone..." I try to live in the NOW and also to forgive and FORGET. We all have bad days or times when things are not working well, not worth trying to remember it all as fuel for later, right? But I have had people remember the oddest and lamest stuff to throw back at me YEARS later. To me that it proof that the person is a narc. Who else takes the energy to remember all that????

[@marcirobins5144]

coolhand chris Just remember that they are liars. Don’t believe their version of events.

[@coolhandchris5960]

@@marcirobins5144 no doubt,this re writing of history only gets worse as they age. The narcissistic parent will favor the child that is like them,not the good one

[@marcirobins5144]

EAT E it’s as if they keep a journal of everything you’ve ever done, and turn it against you. You’ve not actually done those things in the way they describe, but they’re going to use it as a weapon against you. Abnormal!

[@imjustsayingthough2261]

I try to tell people when dealing with narcissist,they are playing football and you are playing checkers. It’s not a chess to checkers contrast

[@Zoey-xm9jn]

Sometimes we might feel we miss them because we remember the good times....if you make a list of the good times, then a list of bad times ....I'm sure you'll come up with more bad!

[@alexandraschuster9700]

I was just talking about this to my friend. I had good times but the daily chipping away of my soul could never match to the good things

[@betsyhood1206]

I don't really remember any good times with my brother.

[@antoinqueen8261]

Aint Tht the TRUTH..wash rinse repeat. Cycle.washing machine..lol

[@manjithothi6555]

I can vouch for the bad ones out weigh the good one.

[@deborraholiveri6202]

Exactly the good times were very short lived!

[@jeepwoman64]

They don’t feel your pain. They just move on to their next victim.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

True. Dr. C

[@timothydraper3687]

@@SurvivingNarcissism The 'impossibility' of narcissists is very true, and of strong narcissistic traits in others, it almost seems to come down to them being right no matter the circumstances or how much they're in the wrong.

[@quasimobius]

If ONLY the trash would let go and move on.

[@sap3737]

Some spouses are happy to stay and make you miserable.

[@dakoderii4221]

I got injured at work as a teenager and asked my dad to have some sympathy and back off me. Being injured and still working outside doing dangerous, intense physical work. Anyways, I asked him to have a little sympathy and he got this disgusted look and proceeded to tell me how weak I am. (He doesn't work outside because he is above that pleb work). Then he goes outside and blasts his favorite song, "Sympathy for the Devil". lol

[@sohohausrules554]

Thank you so much, Dr. Carter... I say about myself that: "I used to see the best in people, now I see the truth in people." Reasonable people are raised to forgive, offer benefits of doubt, and always find the positive, though this is the best way to be in peaceful communion with healthy individuals, it is also the food with which narcissists feast. Give Gus a hug from me and thanks for all your great work. -JR

[@imjustsayingthough2261]

Soho Haus Rules :I try to tell people when dealing with narcissist,they are playing football and you are playing checkers. It’s not a chess to checkers contrast

[@eurokay4755]

The tips that have helped me the most; 1. Lower your expectations for them: expect them to bait, argue, stonewall, gaslight at will and do not be surprised by it. 2. Divorce your emotions from your response completely - put on your poker face and refuse to give them the satisfaction of an emotional reaction. 3. Remember it isn't ever, ever about you personally. It's always, always 100% about their need to feed their supply with your anger, hurt, disappointment, whatever. There's no reason or benefit to participating in their antics, ever, so practice saying, "I'll have to think about that and get back to you" or "It's interesting you would say that" and watch their head explode.

[@imjustsayingthough2261]

Eureka Garlic :I try to tell people when dealing with narcissist,they are playing football and you are playing checkers. It’s not a chess to checkers contrast

[@eurokay4755]

@@imjustsayingthough2261 The problem comes when you assume they're playing checkers, they imply they play checkers, they pretend to be experts at checkers, and then one day while you think you're playing checkers, a football suddenly hits you directly in the face. You look up, they're wearing a football uniform, clearly just threw the ball at your head, and they're looking at you like, "what's the big deal?", you look around and see certain other people in your life are cheerleaders wearing the narc's team colors, cheering him on from the sidelines. At first, you think, "what's wrong with me. . .I need to go get my football uniform on. . ." It's not until you realize the game is rigged, it never, ever ends, and you could leave anytime with little actual downside (the people in the stadium are stuck in that place)

[@imjustsayingthough2261]

Eureka Garlic : when I read this it made me laugh. I just put a video out using my analogy now I’m rethinking it. Because your response it’s funny but had so much truth. Thanks for making me laugh. I know it wasn’t your intention but it was funny all the same

[@eurokay4755]

@@imjustsayingthough2261 I'm glad you liked my mental picture. What also kept running through my mind as an analogy was that universal nightmare where you're at school and you're supposed to take a final exam for a class you completely forgot you were in and never attended. For most of my life, I misinterpreted so much of my family of origin's interactions, so now, if I think back on something from.back then, it's not uncommon for me to suddenly recognize another example of the abusive and enabling behaviors from my childhood by my narc bro and flying monkey mother.

[@Slarti]

I used the "it's interesting you should say that " once with a narcissist at work and he was stopped dead in his tracks and looked absolutely terrified. It was as though I had got the upper hand in the game he was playing as I refused to play the game.

[@queenofhearts1290]

He had me thinking I was the problem, an abnormal, it took a while to figure out what I was dealing with I gave it years thinking something would change ,a divine miracle would happen , but nope, the only miracle happened was me gaining the strength to walk away an choose me for a change, I had chosen him everytime with that came accepting less than wht i deserved, but it's ok I'm still beautiful young, an life will carry on forsure ❣

[@dennisrobinson8008]

It's a powerful lesson...

[@cindylittle8220]

Something I struggle with: They try to change you, criticize you, ignore you when you're just living your life. Then you do something noteworthy that other people will hear about, and all of a sudden, the narcissist is blowing up your phone. Wants to align every facet of their life with yours. What a complete energy suck!

[@jwrobin21]

When you are trying too hard to make something work . . . . IT'S TIME TO WALK AWAY!!

[@djrdjr8888]

My family ruined my life...But Dr. Carter has done wonders for my self-esteem. I still am adjusting to the realization that my oldest brother is a purely evil narc, who will never ever change. Haven't talked to him in a year. I am done falling into his traps. Thanks Doc!

[@funlovinbloke6266]

An odd advantage a Narcissist can have over you. Knowing what you are not knowing about who they really are as a person and what their true intentions are.

[@mariaseidi4764]

Yes ,that's way channel like this are important ,once you know who they are ,what they are about,there is not hope for improvement but it only get worse and the damage they cause to your emocional and mental well being , you can only live ,or keep then at a mile distance(be selfish ,think about your well being first ),believe me you are dealing with a demonic entitie not a human being...👹

[@antoinqueen8261]

Now tht is the truth..it time for people to turn off the washing machines.lol

[@TheFabricTeapot1]

A fox and a scorpion both need to cross a river. The scorpion asks the fox for a ride on its back as it cannot swim. The fox refuses saying “no you’ll sting me”. The scorpion replies that it wouldn’t, as it would damage the both of them. The fox agrees and allows the scorpion to ride on it’s back. Half way across the river the scorpion stings the fox. As the poison takes effect on the fox and it starts to sink it asks the scorpion, “Why?” “Why did you sting me, now we are both going to die?” The scorpion replies, “I couldn’t help myself, it’s in my nature”. They are what they are and we cannot change that.

[@damsbb2440]

What a narcissistic scorpion

[@dubliner1303]

Usually it’s THE NARC taking people down with them. Perfect self sabotage and relationship sabotage analogy that they ultimately seem to STRIVE for.

[@dubliner1303]

It’s always a self fulfilling prophecy.

[@m0L3ify]

Oh, the number of times I've tried to reason with a Narcissist. Now I just smile and wish them a good day.

[@lainynicks502]

Cant believe I put up with this for as long as I did and you're so right we expect them to think like us and they dont and never will accepting that and walking away is the right thing to do and then we need to heal from all the trauma thanks DR C for all your help for us all ❤❤

[@imjustsayingthough2261]

lainy nicks :I try to tell people when dealing with narcissist,they are playing football and you are playing checkers. It’s not a chess to checkers contrast

[@soheilay6778]

Exactly. We forget that we are not dealing with a normal person

[@AlexiaHDIntuition]

soheila y Precisely 🥴

[@Mike-xt2lh]

Yes they are not normal they are very insecure but they put blame on us .

[@AlexiaHDIntuition]

@@Mike-xt2lh Exactly you are SO right!

[@imjustsayingthough2261]

I try to tell people when dealing with narcissist,they are playing football and you are playing checkers. It’s not a chess to checkers contrast

[@aldamendes5024]

They don’t belong to us they are from somewhere else but not in here for sure! So scary meeting up kind o

[@mikeseitz2792]

One thing about the Narc is they are always working. Even when you think things are calming down, they are at work, working on the next dysfunctional thing. Such exhaustive behavior.

[@USNBLUE]

Mike Seitz Truth. Evil never sleeps. Paranoid people.

[@dejaedwards6546]

So true!

[@margheritac2928]

We can be guilty of projecting our empathy onto the narc. Big mistake.

[@LL-eg4er]

I would spend hours looking for a gift for him, whether for his birthday, Christmas or Valentines. He would open it up, frown and say: “I don’t really like it, give it to so and so...” Sometimes he would not open it, when I ask, he would say: “Yes, later.” He would secretly open the gift and leave it half open on the table. To let me know he didn’t like it. On the rare occasion that the gift actually met his approval, he would say “ Oh, how nice!” After our first year together, he stopped saying “thank you” ....I wasted 8 years on this guy before I realized HE was not good enough for ME.

[@anneneem]

Predators always have an advantage. Edit: very interesting take on the relationship dynamic. It's like oil and water ain't it - two different worlds, one of which you don't wanna belong to. Thanks Dr C for all the wisdom you share!

[@suahelifan1]

Yes, @anonymous, I am asking myself, if my sister will behave in the same (unnormal) way on the conciliation conference on 23 March - in the presence of neutral people (volunteer lay judges), or will I be the looser again there - as a normally thinking and acting person? Petition 107033 is available in the Bundestag of Germany against psychological violence and emotional abuse. Thanks to you, to Dr. Carter and to all the others here on this channel for being on my side! I signed this petition online, but we still need more than 49,000 votes for the new prospective law against psychological violence and emotional abuse in the Criminal Code of Germany - regards from Anne

[@anneneem]

@@suahelifan1 I wonder if the abusers know they're abusing or whether they're on some kind of evil autopilot. Eitherway, wishing you the best in your relationship with your sister.

[@suahelifan1]

​@@anneneem - thank you very much for your reply and your best wishes for our future! I have to make sure to come out of this inhuman contact with her alive. In addition to NPD she seems to have PTED, which might include vengeance thoughts and plans towards me :-(

[@suahelifan1]

@@anneneem - oh sorry, I used two abbreviations here in my comment to your reply! PTED means Posttraumatic Embitterment Disorder and NPD - Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I find your comparison "evil autopilot" quite horrifying; THANK YOU for this warning! Anne

[@manjithothi6555]

I know its Evil Autopilot from my experience.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

In my experience a narcissist has no interest in having a relationship with anyone, they want subjects who worship them. When someone comes along and does not worship them it enrages them on the inside. I see so much anger inside these people even when they are not raging on the outside. It is impossible to work out a problem with a narcissist because they love the trouble they cause their target. Trouble and irrational arguments are candy to the narcissist.

[@wellnesspathforme6236]

Look closely... I bet they are enslaved by their emotional state, too. It is literally like three personas are present - you, the narc body-bag, and the narc emotional spirit dominating the narc body bag, too. They are miserable and self-defeating, but they can't help it! The body-bag is as helpless as you are. They want conformanceships, not relationships. They can't relate -- they don't even know what that is. I believe there is a cellular brain / ANS dysregulation and toxification that promotes the brain damage that results in the "narcissist effect." They are brain damaged, but they are programmed to be heat seeking missiles directed to seek out and destroy empaths. Keep your empathy, but get away from danger.

[@imjustsayingthough2261]

Gwendolyn Wehage :I try to tell people when dealing with narcissist,they are playing football and you are playing checkers. It’s not a chess to checkers contrast

[@debrahelgeson6677]

Sad but true Dr C. A normal conversation turns ugly quickly, so it’s not normal any longer. Working on self is refreshing, nourishing, dignified.

[@maximomom]

Well put!

[@maximomom]

And will do…I’m momentarily trying so hard to recover clarity after a powerful seduction, I was vulnerable, and then all of the avoidant behaviors described here were rolled out by the seducer. What is also a very real part of this situation is that normal, relational, or even very sensitive people experience terrible whiplash, confusion, self doubt and grief. Very often the avoidance is preceded by a blissful time with that person.

[@BecomingVirtuous]

The timing of this video is excellent! They have no use for reason. They are unreasonable.

[@anauxistential8486]

@Alice Webb - Urban Fit Mom I just subbed your wonderful channel and rang the bell. Blessings to you and your goals!

[@suzannebowen3525]

Alice Webb - Urban Fit Mom yet they are so black and white and “right...”

[@debbyseguin7131]

One of your very best! We approach relationships in a normal way and ATTRIBUTE those same motives to the abuser when their motives are NOT normal. You want healthy give and take and the abuser wants power and control. And THE AGGRESSOR SETS THE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT. You MUST meet them where they are (not a healthy long term option) or get out.

[@avgonyma1]

An odd advantage a narcissist can have over you: You have an interaction with a narcissist and are on your best behaviour. However, they are as always: impossible, entitled, high control, critical, undermining etc. You walk out, asking yourself why you engaged with them and WHY are they treating you like this. The odd advantage they have: you are thinking too much like a normal person. Your normalcy does not induce normalcy in them. That throws you off and they end up having power over you. There are many evidences of you overusing your need for normalcy in the relationship: 1. You make statements of confusion and disdain (What is wrong with you? This is ridiculous! ) 2. Ask questions of perplection (What was this all about? Why do you treat me this way?) 3. You ask them questions (Who do you think you are, anyway? Do you care about anyone but you? What does it take to get trough to you?) That is yourself trying to apply normalcy to an abnormal person. You end up either defending yourself too much, doubting yourself, walking away fuming. It brings out the worst in you. They know they can always flip things around and make you frustrated, so they walk out totally satisfied, because you've become their narcissistic supply. Your "normal" truths, and a narcissistic (internal) response: 1. We are interconnected, so why don't we act like a team, and work together? N: I am a team under myself, don't need to connect with you. 2. Affirmation and validation are relationship lubricants. Let's do that. N: you need to affirm and validate me, but do not expect it from me. (Double standard) 3. Communication is a two-way street. Let's do both listening and speaking. N: I will speak when I want, but I don't need to listen to someone as stupid as you. 4. Decency and civility are the best ways to create coordination in relationship. N: I will pursue coordination, as long as it's under my terms (you just need to conform to how I say things ought to be) 5. Relationship will always require compromise. I am willing to do my part, you should do yours. N: I find no value in compromising with someone like you. They think: here is where I insert my superiority over you, I am special. I will belittle you. (Abnormalcy) The more normal you are, the less equipped for ther abnormality. They invalidate, offer cutting comments, angry explosions, shut you out, become secretive, pass your information behind your back. Watch what I do. "I specilize in abnormality" (They are in an advantage over you) What to do: 1. Drop the requirement that a relationship with them can/should be anchored in normalcy. 2. Seize any pleading/coaxing/attempt to convince them. It won't work. 3. Give your time/attention to people who actually know how to relate on a normal basis. You will not be a good match to a abnormal partner. (Get used to normal) 4. Breathe and know: "I don know how to manage relationships in a normal wa7, just not with this person" . They will try to make you feel deffective. Don't let them!

[@GodsSparrowSpeaks]

avgonyma1 This is brilliant. I have copied to my notes to review regularly until this becomes forefrontal instinct to preserve my sanity and health. Thank you

[@LibertyCairde]

Thank you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

[@moderniis4207]

Well said

[@stickerlady1774]

how do you “copy” notes on KZbin??

[@avgonyma1]

@@GodsSparrowSpeaks I know this is the way to go. I wish I was doing that. My notes are in comments but should also keep them "locally" in a computer or phone, to review. Way to go!

[@sage9836]

There is a passage in a Victorian novel by George Elliot where she explains that an immoral character knows that some people have an entirely different nature than his own. Its an eerie passage. Maybe the narc advantage is that they fully know we expect that the person has an inner core of love and kindness that we can reach if we just try. They know they don't. I get in suspense over these videos.

[@bradmcewen]

An epic comment of fact. Let the truth of content free not bind.

[@alaskawoods9205]

@@eate2524 You're so right! We are naive, especially kind-hearted individuals, especially Empaths. "Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves," Jesus/Yeshua summed it up. 🐍🕊️

[@eurokay4755]

The nature of civil society is that, while we're each individuals with our own unique approach to life, we all recognize core principles in our shared lives: don't intentionally hurt or damage others or their property, and if you do so unintentionally, apologize and make amends. This idea is the basis of everything from playground rules to civil and criminal law. If you're Christian, it's the Golden Rule, but most people, religious or not, tend to order their conduct along these basic principles. It just makes life easier, predictable (most of the time) and pleasant. I've bumped up against a few people with this disorder, or at least some of the characteristics, in my life. My brother (one of them) once told me years ago, "I scan any room I'm in and can tell within seconds who the Alpha male is." He's a teacher for goodness sake, but he deals with any interaction at any level as though it's a high stakes, multi-million dollar deal where people's lives are at stake. It may be just making arrangements for Thanksgiving, but to him, "Someone is going to lose and it isn't going to be me." 24-7-365. It's exhausting. He was cruel and unruly when were kids, couldn't accept authority of any kind, and revelled in upsetting people; the more tenured or important, the better. Today, he excels at "trolling" people and expects everyone to engage actively while he "debates" his ignorant, pointless or even hateful perspectives with them. I stopped wondering years ago why he divorced so early, never remarried, has few friends, and his only child lives as far away as possible. Now, I wonder why I allowed my mother to make me feel responsible for "cleaning up" after him, accepting without objection his aberrant conduct even when I'm the target, and joining in her daily praise of all his "accomplishments." I'm navigating this weird in-between space where I gray rock him, and emotionally disconnect from her flying monkey shenanigans, like routine gaslighting, baiting, and backhanded compliments.

[@paulstandeven8572]

Can you be more specific about where you read this?

[@samwinchester61]

@@eurokay4755 I thought I had it bad..

[@KK-nw3he]

The one that tried to destroy selfworth Slowly slowly the life’s spirit is taken away, day by day you remain and stay. Thinking good and love the goal, the one you love ebbs your soul. Thats wrong I am right, thats bad not good is just the aim to change what stood. Quick to judge and words to harm, intention is to spoil whats calm. Never we achieve to make the grade, casting doubt and erode what’s made. Bitterness and bad word slipped in, to change the innocence mind within. Using words to cloud the view, turning facts with things not true. Constantly on the guard for being praised, which could give confidence to the one who slaved. Insistence to break the will, worth and self belief, aiming spite to crush when weak. Lots to say when things go wrong, evil words and moods last long. Some regret for over reaction but never bowing to apology or detraction. Sometimes quite when told to cease, but not for long as they have no peace. Jealous, suspicion, doubt and lies, smiling face behind it cries. Good ones come to be their friends, but spoilt with familiarity, cruel words it ends. My opinion is their cry, I have to say I cannot lie. Feelings saddened by this brash way, to which kind people dare not say. Leaving friends, family and those so close, scared and hurt with words so gross., Inflicting damage and bending minds , sapping life from which they find. Others with family and loving home, fall foul to criticism, with words to moan. Sometimes kind and showing heart , some tear to show their part. Don’t be fooled there’s venom still and being up close they strike at will. Even your own flesh and blood, believing stories saying bad not good. Until the time their minds their own, realising the truth was not at home. The spiteful one with bad to say, with be found out in time one day. Waiting time, your children grow, to see the truth and love once more. Chris from the Uk

[@ninamarkovic4853]

This is brillant..your words spoke my life..you KNOW.......you are a true poet ... i felt this to my bones..⚔

[@toon2u1]

On a personal level no feelings or empathy for you.

[@wheelerpat8]

That’s because they have no conscience.

[@imjustsayingthough2261]

john brown smith :I try to tell people when dealing with narcissist,they are playing football and you are playing checkers. It’s not a chess to checkers contrast

[@paulinavazquez6444]

True. Have been in pain (kedney stones) and went to the hospital. When he texted , I told my husband where I was at. All He said was “so you didn’t go with Bruce” A person I had to visit to pickup a payment for my him , another big eye opening , he only care for his own needs. Plus he fought me for $290 dollars I expended for juice medication and healthy food. Plus transportation. I left a few dollars in my bank just in case I needed something else since he is out of home. He was the most horrible person to talk to while I was in pain at the hospital 💔 And I am still in it. My recovery worsens with all the stress he put in to my life.

[@toon2u1]

@@joseenoel8093 - They're not stupid, they will do what needs to be done & resent you for it later.

[@debshreebhattacharya5807]

My experience is that there is no point trying to figure out why such people are behaving badly or doing bad things with you like calling you bad names or calling you a prostitute or telling tales which are lies or saying that you have black money to somehow emotionally torture you.Since they have twisted thinking they will twist anything.They are horribly selfish & greedy persons. It's not that they think they can get away with it. They just think they can cause trouble in this way. I have understood that they have got what they wanted from you. You have served your part in them getting what they wanted and now you are no more required. So they want to get rid of you. Then they have such people you call 'flying monkeys' which is a most inappropriate name because in my experience no animal is so harmful as such people are . Most of these people are actually underdogs another inappropriate name because real dogs never harm but these people target helpless people just out of spit like if we have problem you should also have problem and never mind if they will never want to share your hardships. It's always about them.

[@markg9653]

The edge is they don’t see things in a reasonable way. Ergo it’s all pointless. Move on

[@ambererickson5940]

This just happened to me last night! I woke up prayed for help from God and found your video just by turning utube on and there was your video! Thank you, God bless you. I always see Gods love and wisdom in your heart. It seems as if you've been reading proverbs from Gods word. Thanks again. (I'm 41, married w/ children and my narc family is still aaaaaaahhhhh! I'm the scapegoat in the family)

[@wellnesspathforme6236]

Of you want to go Biblical, look up the fruits of God's Spirit and simply reverse each one. Tell me the reverse of God's Spirit doesn't define fully developed narcissism. Galatians 5:22-23 New International Version (NIV) 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is *love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control.* Against such things there is no law.

[@ambererickson5940]

I agree!

[@Hatbox948]

That's similar to what happened to me. I was struggling in a relationship then Dr. Carter's vids showed up in my recommendations. I wasn't too interested at first, but once I got the gist of narcissism I was hooked. The weird abuse I'd been suffering finally had a name.

[@lillylutzenberger5536]

My narcissist unfortunately is my sister. She's a monster, has hurt, cheated and robbed me uncountable times for several decades and managed to turn almost all my family members against me with her evil manipulations and smear campaigns. Over the years I have come to the sad conclusion that, no matter how much I try, I cannot cut her completely out of my life. It's very difficult to protect oneself from a malignant narcissist when it's your sibling...

[@odette8905]

As ever, spot on Dr C. It's impossible to reason with a narcissist - they keep moving the goalposts, denying or distorting what you've said, or just plain flabbergastingly 'word salad' you. It's a lost cause. BYPASS with no contact.

[@kuukuyankson2033]

I have been working with one for two years and at first, I thought this person was normal but as time wore on, I began to see their true colours and it's utterly disgusting. This is a man in his 50's and it feels as if I am dealing with a toddler. There is no 'normal' or reasoning with him. He thinks and believes we are working as a team but all he does is sabotage and undermine colleagues when they are not around. It is breathtaking to see him accuse others of the very things he is guilty of and you wonder whether there is any sense of self-reflection at all with him. I am counting the days I put in my request to be far away from this demonic soul

[@footage6402]

I literally have to stop watching your videos and ones about narcissism. It's giving me PTSD just thinking about these demons.

[@GodsSparrowSpeaks]

Yes, I have to take breaks for weeks between learning sessions with Dr. Carter and Dr. Ramani because I get overwhelmed and discouraged because I am so entrapped. And feel so stupid and blind.. It’s as if we have to deal with what I consider to be evil, yet not become evil in our way of reacting/coping... very difficult

[@CAMacKenzie]

Those flashbacks - !! But it's empowering to know you won't help to do it to someone else. Even if I have 359 degrees of boundary, I can sweep that one thing that is true to myself, and which has nothing whatsoever to do with abusiveness and manipulation, and do good as wide as the world. A degree at a time, 10 minutes at a time, a step, a talk, a room,- clean and kept clean of bad engagement - make it yours.

[@wellnesspathforme6236]

@B F Educate the youth. If they get duped, run like h*ll as soon as you find out. Some hide it until after marriage. They likely can't hide it long after marriage. Get an annulment. That is what it is for. But if the youth doesn't know, it could take a decade or more, with children, before they figure it out. Don't curse the youth with silence.

[@lindagoldthorpe2112]

I'm 60 and my narc dad still tries to beat me down in every area. I'm too tired to have any relationships. Toxic people used me up. Hope God has a plan for me.

[@anauxistential8486]

@Linda GoldthropeI suspect that God is prepping you for the human battle in identifying and exposing these societal narcs.

[@lindagoldthorpe2112]

Wow, torro2009. Very kind. Thanks very much. I've done much healing and am finally growing up. I was no-contact for about four years until my sons (20's) wanted to see him so it starts again. Thanks for the encouragement.

[@lindagoldthorpe2112]

Hope so. Thanks.

[@Corinna_Schuett_GER]

@@lindagoldthorpe2112 you might want to check out #The Royal We YTC for learning how Jesus Christ adresses narcs in the bible to learn from Him. (Read Psalm 27:10 too) Blessings your way!

[@keyanna2633]

@torro 2009 I know You wrote this commet to Linda Goldthrope,but it touched me and is advice I think every daughter of a narcissistic abusive father should hear. I GENUINELY and WILLINGLY want to ask you for advice. Do you have an email I can contact you at?

[@soheilay6778]

Its interesting to me how you tell painful truths in such a calm manner

[@LostHorizon52]

Well stated !! Trying to build a normal, healthy relationship (any kind, personal, business, etc.) with someone who is strongly narcissistic is like trying to build on quicksand .. an utter waste of time and potentially dangerous.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Even worse than quicksand. It's one of those shredders that can destroy almost anything put into it.

[@LostHorizon52]

@@dennisrobinson8008 Well said, Dennis.

[@rebeccastafford7887]

My ex-husband who I am coparenting with is a narcissist a professional victim who has a mother that tells him that nothing is ever his fault his whole entire life talk about a nightmare

[@imjustsayingthough2261]

Rebecca Stafford :I try to tell people when dealing with narcissist,they are playing football and you are playing checkers. It’s not a chess to checkers contrast

[@SnarkasticSunny]

"OMG!! That 2-timing little....!!!" It seems that we have SAME ex-husband (soon to be) & the SAME mother-in-law!! If nothing else, we share the horrible nightmare! LOL🤤 She had 2 boys & did same thing with both of them. And of course, when they can always go to momma & be told how perfect they are -- NOTHING is ever theirrr fault...why own their mistakes & try to work out problems in marriage? So much easier to go tell momma their version & be told it's all wife's fault - not theirs at all. Cuz' "MOMMA loves them perfectly!" Mom & son together, against wife. There's no chance of saving, working out the marital relationship! His intimacy is with the wrong woman. You are co-parenting? She will likely be telling kids that they too, are perfect, never wrong, no 2 ways to see things & no need to ever compromise. They will find it impossible to have loving, long-term relationships with anyone when older, since we all know that NO ONE IS ALWAYS RIGHT!

[@suzannebowen3525]

It is amazing what happens when a victim of this kind of abuse wakes up and finally gets out of denial that this happens, it happened, and it’s time to get out. However it looks.

[@echase416]

Philosopher Michel Foucault wrote about there being a ‘lens’ that people view their world through. Yes, we need to stop using a ‘normal person lens’ and ‘normal person expectations’, when dealing with a narcissist. My CN family member’s therapist called it ‘lack of insight’. Their wiring doesn’t work right. I’ve heard the saying that ‘having an Expectation, is a pre-planned Resentment’. I’d imagine that banging our head on a brick wall in frustration with them, is part of how we go on to develop Narc Fleas...

[@imjustsayingthough2261]

Emma Chase :I try to tell people when dealing with narcissist,they are playing football and you are playing checkers. It’s not a chess to checkers contrast

[@deborraholiveri6202]

Whenever I tried to apply any of the normal ways of relating or communicating or used the statements you mentioned I quickly snap back to remembering who and what I was dealing with and I'd say to myself " it's not gonna happen, remember who you're dealing with Debbie"

[@mariaaldrete1347]

Thank you Dr C!!!!!!!!! Yes this is very sad..but I'm finally understanding this "gum under my shoe". I've asked for help for years but I guess I wasn't doing it correctly!!!! Watching your videos has helped me put this out to my counselor with distinct verbal explanations... I just felt like this is life and everyone argues.. But regular folks come to agreements together!!!! They don't shun one another, change the subject or make each others life invalid!!!! Thank you so much Sir!!!!! Im seeing a therapist and the medicine nurse and Zoloft and freedom from his prison are my new agenda!!!! You are a blessing!!!!!!

[@jibberoverjava]

When push comes to shove... don't, just TRAIN YOUR NARCY! I've learned from living with narcissists to be unpredictable with them. Seems to be the only wall other than no contact that keeps them from owning your space and things. Example: Narcy challenges my boundaries by disturbing my belongings.. I "scaffold " a "puzzle " to keep them off balance.. they don't know why I did something that only I know has no reason.. so say Narcy roommate starts a contest of covert pushing.. putting their belonging in my belonging's place to claim the space their's, if I yield, they will continue to claim more space until the whole house is theirs and I am a mere guest.. so say.. my dish towel..they start knocking it down or pushing it aside and putting their own there. I place my dishtowel over the stove or counter, in an odd manner or maybe with some dishes drying on it and leave it there until I have my next random act planned (I call this strategy Pushing Back My Line - claiming a larger space than what was hijacked.. a reverse or undesirable affect in Narcy's mind) I've observed Narcy's reaction with a video camera. Narcy stares, paces, returns, stares, paces, returns, stares and walks away. They don't understand what I did... because it's random and meaningless. Narcy pulls another punch, leaving their things in my way... say.. their gloves in the sink (which I'm not to touch or they'll blow up) so.. I fill the sink with random stuff, some clean, some not clean. Narcy approaches, stares, tries to carry out a task but can't focus, comes back, stares, paces and leaves. They can't conclude Conclusively that I have deliberately reacted, they can't interpret the scene. After a few of these, I scaffold what I want them to do using no words but just like teaching a dog to go potty in a new spot, I "randomly " as I described, block off my "territory " and they gravitate back to their own zone with no fights or words at all. Before they know it, they believe they like their own places better and will even stop pouring their coffee grounds down the drain, will put them in the trash and behave respectfully. I don't know why dog training works on them BUT IT DOES. No arguments... no words at all. They don't know that you're strategically scaffolding them to go or do what you want. Seems they can't identify the behavior because it's disguised as random, meaningless, odd, weird, non-reactive... it works. Not being vengeful, keeping your integrity and sanity.. just training a Narcy just like you do a doggie or a rabbit not to destroy or potty. Maybe someone can get the sense of this and find a measure of success. Just think out what the next couple of moves need to be depending on how slow or fast they slide into your desired "position ", it takes some patience and planning but after 2-3 successful repositions... they desist tremendously. Kind of the way we do when THEY zigzag.

[@richardlandis793]

Narcissism and sane reasoning do not belong in the same sentence. They can think you’re an idiot while at the same time demanding answers they really don’t want through a barrage of non-stop questioning. It is possible at times to see their good intelligent side and respect them for it. Unfortunately that usually is as far as it goes. Oftentimes they boast in and about their abnormality.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Precisely! Dr. C

[@jasonsneeden5934]

Dr Carter I thank you so much for your work. It's very revealing and helpful. I watched the last podcast on values and I agree with you , that everyone deserves to be treated like a valuable person. I'm struggling with value based on ones moral compass. For example, ones own value I believe, can be calculated some what from good choices and doing the right thing for the right reason in spite of who's present or no one present. Can you help me delineate these values ? I need to teach my children about values and I dont want to lead them wrong. Thanks again.

[@anauxistential8486]

Values, Accountability and Delayed-gratification as they will not learn this in school

[@uknowitliberty6373]

Dixie Chicks new release: "Gaslighter" in May?🗽🕊👣👼🙏🐶

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yeah, I'm going to have to watch that one. Dr. C

[@ProudJewishQueen1979]

One huge advantage is that people don't know what Narcissism is.If everybody knew about personality disorders and red flags it would be much harder for them to accumulate so many victims.

[@ilona1663]

Truly thought I was losing my mind when I just asked for basic communication when plans were being canceled. Such a simple act yet I was told I was trying to control his life and tell him what to do. Even broke it down in simple terms. It's all madness

[@Mike-xt2lh]

So true Dr.Lez Carter everything about a narcissist is double standard they can't or don't want to engage in healthy conversations they rather be secretive and backstabbing .

[@McJc09]

Really good stuff! I cant do normal with this person.. ❤️ it.

[@shellcshells2902]

I made a mistake and went to dinner ALONE with my malignant narcissistic mother. I came away from that meeting absolutely squashed!!! Mentally drained and disturbed! Really hurt! Why ! Why! Did I walk right into that trap!!???

[@joywebster2678]

Partly cause we hope this once they'll be different like they were with others. It's the child part of us wanting from them what we never got. Forgive ur self.

[@shellcshells2902]

@@joywebster2678 thank you.

[@wellnesspathforme6236]

We need to learn that if we walk into a freezer that it will be cold. Always. We need to learn to "dress for the occasion." Hope was included in Pandora's box as an "evil." It was the last one in Pandora's box. You were squashed because you had Pandora's "hope" and it turned on you. Don't let it squash you. Accept reality, and act accordingly, but still in humanity and dignity.

[@fm1224]

Sad when u can't talk or reason with them...🤦‍♂️

[@SuperBikeRacer7]

Their advantage is they know they'll commit any act of cruel savagery to have the advantage!

[@privateprivate8366]

It’s not a fair game for a normal person. A narcissist laughs at normalcy and feels that normal people are going to try kindness and fairness which, to a narcissist, makes them a fool. I see this in my family and at work. At work, it is a bit of a tricky game. Because others that the narcissist has been rude to play nice and forgiving, the narcissist feels that I should forgive them for how they treated me and just get over it. I’ll step back and say that, although I cannot diagnose them as a narcissist, I’m not game for any type of mistreatment, no matter what psychotherapist treatment they happen to be receiving. Quite simply, it should no my be my problem and I don’t have to play nice because I end up being involved in a problem, regarding a coworker, that I don’t have the right to inquire about. But, I know that, even with words unspoken, it is the narcissist and others, who look at me as if to say, “See, she’s being nice now. We’ve forgiven her. We think you should, as well.” What they miss (overlook) are the intermittent digs that still take place on occasion and the fact that she may be strong arming our boss into providing her with my work. I also have a rather closed door policy, when it comes to taking abuse as, this began just about at the start of me healing from family narcissistic abuse. So, I’m not that forgiving and I don’t, at all, feel that bad about it.

[@malcolmwatt4866]

It sounds like everyone I've ever met. I don't recall anyone, not like that. That is our culture. Play the game, and so on. The language everywhere reflects those attitudes. Even your expressions of teamwork are nuts. Teamwork is all about doing your job and doing excellently. Today you are expected to do everyone's job and as a result, no one can do their job at all because they are too busy doing someones else's work. Stuff like this and so on. Try this out: It's all been done before. No one wants or needs what you are doing and there is nothing new under the sun. What you are is doing is nothing, what I'm doing is the greatest thing ever. Like the greatest Rock-n-Roll in all of history except Rock-n-Roll is only 70 years old. We're the best none the less what we sez goes. It's so much fun being the best man ever and it's right here right now. That's modern culture. That's what I hate most about modernism and it is aggressive in the extreme. So don't forget I'm important and you are not, and if you can't abide by that you will be destroyed for resenting my exultation. So hey, yeah, death threats are perfectly legit dude and so what if it's built into a popular song or show or anything. Nothing can stop me.

[@karenabrams8986]

I keep telling my wife to quit trying apply normal thinking logic to her Narc ex’s crazy brain and live in reality. Reality is we have to stay on guard because her ex in a angry psychopath with delusions of fame and fortune who is obsessed with regaining control over her and that all we can do is limit contact as much as possible till it gives up or finds someone else to obsess over, punish and stalk.

[@christyleroy9806]

Thank you for re-affirming just how "normal" I am!!! I never knew why I was so confused when trying to deal with the narc... :-)

[@gillianbrookwell1678]

I never realized how nice other people (both men and women) could be after I left my Narcissist partner. I never thought I had a good personality because I was told I had so many flaws for years. I thought I was the one that was at fault and not very smart nor had any intelligence. Your videos are so inspiring.

[@worzi3]

I reckon I won't be allowed closure either

[@yodaspank850]

I'm going through the silent treatment right now. I have no idea how long it will last. It's painful. I seriously doubt I will be allowed any type of closure either.

[@deannemiller891]

Thanks for another awesome video! This is so true, and it’s so hard to remember. It takes lots of practice to consistently remember the narcissist is in another reality all together, always, even when they seem “normal.”

[@marierose6792]

Richard Gannon has said, " You can't be authentic with the unauthentic." It so saddens me that eventually you come to such a radical acceptance. Self protection requires this. When the curtain was drawn and the horror of who my X truly was revealed, my sister said, "What a coward! " I could not understand this at the time. Could it just be that narcissists , simply , want to leave a relationship but want it to be your fault. Is this not really the bottom truth, at least in couples?

[@frailingbadly]

I think you're right. Mine was so abusive and clearly unhappy with me (privately) yet it took me many months to very carefully hint, gently coax, persuade him to leave (it was my house). He could have told people that it was his choice and maintained his dignity but no, he's the victim and telling anyone who'll listen what a monster I am. I had a house, money in the bank, shares, super fund etc and a job...now it's all gone except my house...he used me up, financially, emotionally, socially, and professionally.....I've heard that he has already moved onto the next victim, poor woman. He is a professional coward.

[@marierose6792]

@@frailingbadly I feel your soul crushing pain. Although all the support I received kept saying that one will eventually recoup the losses , the betrayal and thievery etc etc is so traumatizing. I lost everything I had worked for all my life, he had slowly depleted everything. It is amazing how they play the victim. I have spent the last 4 years , no contact and putting the pieces together. I am in a better place, now. I hope that you have good support.

[@frailingbadly]

@@marierose6792 I am so sorry to hear that you too lost everything. Glad you are in a better place, it takes time. Early days for me as it was just a few months ago that he finally left. I will be alright but never the same as I was...I resent that more than anything, the damage to my trust in people. All the best to you. x

[@samphazm]

Yes! You over-compensate for them..

[@sun_flower107]

The narcissists think you are the abnormal one. I have seen where they can turn their "normal" switch on and off. They also know how to play to the other person's background and personality to quickly force a connection and bond.

[@dsizemoreful]

The narcissist in my life is also an alcoholic. She can not remember all the pain she caused.

[@sixthsense8836]

Debbi Sizemore my brother is a recovering alcoholic with 10 years sobriety. He learned at AA that "alcoholics are like jay walkers, causing chaos for everyone around them."

[@gc8024]

They know what they do. Even being drunk.

[@janetstonerook4552]

My brother would say he "didn't remember" every time any one would confront him on previous bad behavior. Maybe he was drunk and didn't remember. But I don't remember him ever acknowledging any wrong doing or apologizing....EVER and we are in our 70s. I have gone pretty much no contact since December 2018 even though we live next to each other. He whines, complains and blames us his siblings for every bad thing that ever happened to him. Stuff from 40 years ago! He was a sickly little boy and our mother babied him. So he grew up entitled and a rule breaker and very uncaring toward others. I once confronted our now deceased mother as to why she babied him so much. She said because he is weak, not strong like you girls. He'd end up in jail or dead if I didn't ! Ah, yes, the makings of the Narcissist!

[@AlexiaHDIntuition]

Debbi Sizemore SO sorry you have to deal with this, dealing with a NARC is already painful 😣

[@janetstonerook4552]

@@gc8024 Probably so. I think he remembers but but he, being a narcissist, has very poor boundaries and doesn't think it's a big deal. Rules are made for other people. For instance, months after our 95 y.o. Mother died, he behaved terribly to us siblings while we were trying to settle her estate and blamed it all on how upset he was from losing "HIS mother"! . I confronted him saying she was our mother too! And we are all trying to get along except for you. The more we gave him extra consideration and tried to meet his demands, the more impossible he became. Rules don't apply.....

[@stevo54838]

I think I've probably made this same comment before on other videos on this channel, but I'll make it again anyway.. The moral to this is, just stay away from narcissists.

[@Canaday291]

Just like with my malignant npd ex husband I came to the conclusion you can never ever reason with insanity

[@camarorules1]

It is sad...the narc is my daughter...I had nothing left inside after she got done with me... I'm ok now but very sad..especially for my grandchildren who lost a very loving grandma

[@barbarachipman9436]

this happened to my brother as well.

[@barbarastrayhorn4667]

Sorry for you and your grandchildren.

[@camarorules1]

@@barbarastrayhorn4667 thank you

[@aliceroberts1980]

I find my self asking “ what’s wrong with you!! It’s all a game to them. Yeah I wouldn’t know what to do if someone spoke to me like I was human being with feels and a opinion that madder.

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Better to say nothing because it literally is not worth it.

[@heyfunny3036]

Their big advantage too is that we simply don't think like they do. They are SO much better at their selfishness than we can ever imagine. We just don't see the world as a one-way street. It's our job to love and protect ourselves. You'll never get a narc to see you as anything but someone to use, play games with & discard.

[@donnawoodham868]

The worse I ever did ..... Was marring a narcissist . It's just not going in any good detection . May God have mercy on me ... May God forgive me .

[@betsyhood1206]

Once again you are absolutely correct, Dr. C. Don't try to reason or discuss anything - you are dealing with someone who thinks and reasons like a 5-year old. Silence or very little response is the best way, because they are just waiting to pounce on whatever you say.Just to give everyone a laugh today, my narc brother was walking down the driveway yesterday, and ran behind a big tree yesterday when I drove down the driveway. I guess he thought I might run him down! Can't stop laughing.

[@shawnmarie1912]

Ha lol

[@BrendaBaBoom]

Interacting with a Narc is a lesson in FUTILITY .... both unproductive and worthless. Move on.

[@sduskybutterflyk3720]

My interactions with the she-narc. and narc-brother will never be normal. What I can expect is more of the same dramas, hissy fits, insistence, demands, instigated fights, trampling, etc. The most recent incident from them, feels like a demonic oppression. Of course, it has always been this way; the mounting pressure, but the words, " demonic oppression" describes it to a " T ". I try to shield mum from their abuse, but I am concerned what the narcs. may try next. Thankfully, I live with mum, they live out of town. Presently, I've not said anything about their texts.emails. Their phone call of three nights ago was upsetting enough. I have support from other family members and of course, these videos. And, the movie, "Harriet Craig" with Joan Crawford.. who portrayed a narc. in an Oscar winning performance. ( my other therapy, to remind). I am tired and past caring about the she-narc. as a person anymore. My brother is fast becoming a close second. I intend to remain firm and am resolved to continue what I can to care for and protect mum. But. If I never saw the she-narc. on the face of this Earth, it would be a good day indeed.

[@lizziek1229]

Your comments on the double standard regarding affirmation is SPOT ON! This video came at a perfect time. I'm asking for a divorce today and I'm terrified about how it will go. It's been 15 years of misery and he's been given more than fair warning but I think he's going to be in total denial. All I want to do is keep this civil for our daughter's sake but sadly, I don't think that's going to be possible. Wish me luck!

[@lizziek1229]

No, but I'll check it out! Thank you. ❤ I've got a long road ahead of me. Well, me and my daughter. It feels good to think that someone else (even a stranger) is rooting for us!

[@jones42]

Doubt Myself often and im so defestaded and hurt... never Truly got to get my finger on it...he is the love of my life and we just lost our unborn baby and eventhough this happend this still and again occurs....... trying to get Myself out en trying to stop doubting Myself for this.... the sad and difficult part of this that we known eachother pur whole lives from the age of 12 years old and he knew that i was diagnosed with severe form of ptsd and a burn out when he was convincing me to date with him and giving hun a chance to let him help me... he knew i was beating cancer and last year even both of my parents became sick and i begged him to stop and seek help together and or alone because im so exhausted and deeply affected by everthing and Still it didnt matter or not enough.....Omg im so Truly broken right now..... I think he is what you named an intellegent covert narsistic person😭😭😭💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

[@gourley92]

Ugh...husband of 28 years is a narcissist. His mother is a narcissist. His controlling ways started a few years before we married. Things escalated until he was mentally, emotionally and sexually abusive. He would rape me and to keep the peace I would do what he said. I had 2 sons in hopes of having unconditional love...since he was incapable of giving that. After an episode where I had a mental breakdown as he was raping me, he sought help. He manipulated his counselors and I became the monster. Five years later and he sought help again. While in therapy he was getting better. Then he stopped. He confronted me about not wanting to sleep in the same bed as him (he fights in his sleep and I usually got punched). Then using my “tools” from my own therapy, I was accused of making everything about ME. I’m not in love with my husband. I shouldn’t have to stay with my abuser but I do not make enough money to leave. Am I unreasonable because of not wanting to live him?

[@cteinc.4571]

I truly appreciate the Surviving Narcissism network! Narcissists have always tried to steal my friends and associates, and I think it's because they are not being genuine with their own associates and have burned bridges. Please do an episode on how they connive to ruin relationships and steal friends. Much gratitude!

[@dafyddaprhys782]

Is there studies you’ve done on the emotional rhythm cycle? The highs and lows. I feel from my observations online KZbin found observation demonstrating multiple red flags that with some one begins to see definite patterns emerging. Possibly addictive ones that should an empathy be close to such a toxic rhythm too long one begins to osculate the same. Like a weekly soap opera of extreme highs and lows it becomes addictive. Therefore toxic is addictive if exposed to it for a long period of time… one begins to osculate the same. Thoughts of the ‘Stockholm Syndrome’ comes to mind. I understand there is a study out there on ‘the law of rhythm’. The narcissist or psychopath is trapped within this addictive cycle and having no empathy cannot ever escape from it. Would love to hear your thoughts or a video with your understanding of the natural empathy law of ‘mirroring’ and its trap by becoming addicted when exposed to toxic behaviour or long term effect to abnormal range of emotional rhythmic osculation.

[@vs6960]

Thank you so much, I'm trying to understand what to do with my daughter, who is still driving me away from my other children and family, wreaking havoc on my life and reputation, and causing griefs to her own family as well. Its true, they are not normal, and I was doubting myself again for thinking I could somehow relate to her mentality, and reason with her. That definately won't ever happen, but I'm proud of myself for trying once more. I'm hoping to find those "normal" folks, but with the disturbing amount of hostility I've seen across the country, I feel we're all hiding out in a safe, hidden hole somewhere, too cautious to stick our heads out again. Can't be blamed, its ugly out there.

[@found-it0620]

Dakota, your dad is limited I'm sorry he has no emotional range. I call them 2 dimensional or knotheads. Give up longing for what he is not. Movies portray a loving dad who is concerned for his kid. Your dad is a one note cowboy. Keep care of yourself, wisely know what your abilities are. Forget trying to please dad. All he can offer is how to become a tough guy with no regard for the individual. I'm sorry you may have to let go of wanting closeness, he's a lug & you are not.

[@cliffp.8396]

It's interesting to me this intense gut wrenching emotion I felt just now. Always I thought I was missing the mark somehow. At least now I have confirmation of my own normalcy, seems small on the surface, I'm certain it's not at all small.

[@claudiaggw]

Hi, your videos have helped me immensely so THANK YOU! I’d love you to make a video about how to managed the anxiety generated by thoughts or contact with narcissistic people who are still in your life. Thank you and God bless Xx

[@TheGreatWerebear]

10:22 It's so real. Lol. Getting to know the man who's now my husband after spending several years involved in the life of a covert narcissist has been such a weird experience. Like, this person gives me the benefit of the doubt? Doesn't look for ways to make me be wrong or at fault? Wants to share and grow and learn and be vulnerable together? Enjoys my assertive nature rather than finding it threatening? Is unconcerned when he makes a goof and people call him out on it? What is going on here? Even after nearly three years, his genuine kindness still catches me off guard sometimes.

[@anniecrenshawcullins]

Wow. Spot on. You're really helping me through this process. Thank you.

[@khaartoumsings]

Dr Carter, this is profound and very helpful and I was listening to a Thomas Sheridan the other day who offered more helpful advice. He says that "Psychopaths are a sub-human species who find at age 11 that people do not like them. They observe and learn to mimic successful people around them to prey on others". All of you professionals on this subject are making the world a clearer place. Thank you. K ; )

[@tonyawhitehead2209]

Cease in even talking to them at ALL and save yourself a huge headache!😜😜

[@SierraNovemberKilo]

Life has taught me that not all narcissists are as competent at their own game. We all come into contact daily with the less competent ones - they're the people who are always 'the fly in the ointment'. You cannot learn how to deal with N's by watching these. However, once you've had too close contact with a thorough and nasty N, you'll never be phased again....angered maybe, but you will know what they are up to. Knowledge is power! The hardest part from this point on is learning to manage ourselves so that we are not led into traps by the N.

[@GodsSparrowSpeaks]

Exactly - learn to manage OURSELVES so that we aren’t led into their CONSTANT TRAPS of many colours...

[@imjustsayingthough2261]

SierraNovemberKilo : I try to tell people when dealing with narcissist,they are playing football and you are playing checkers. It’s not a chess to checkers contrast

[@sonyaallison128]

All the single men I have met ( except 1 ) are Egocentric maniacs. Even sober ...Crazy. for 5 yrs w/ Narc.... So Sick had his new supply secretly take pics. Of me @ the County fairgrounds... Talking with real friends... Accusations Fly !... STUPID

[@VannaWhiteboard]

Much of this I know, but I enjoy the words you choose and the sound of your voice reminding me. Thank you and be well.

[@anikaallen3741]

The one I'm connected to is jealous of my father who has dementia!!! It's so much I can and need to say but that would make this comment waayy to long plus they are right next to me trying to monitor what I'm doing 🙄

[@crissiefinn9999]

WoW!! You can’t expect normal behavior from abnormal people! It really is this simple. What do you do when this type of person is married to your son and she’s isolating him from family and friends?

[@USNBLUE]

Cris Finn it will eventually fall apart for your son. If you try to tell him this, he will not believe you and your the bad guy. My nephew married a Narcissist. We were close until he got with her. He is recently divorced. He is just now opening up to me about what happened. Then I told him flat out what she is. Gave him the videos from Dr. Carter and another site about Narcissism so he can identify it, put closure to it, heal from it and move on. Sad part is the woman is still living in house for the next 5 months per a court order. So much lying on her part and the hidden drug use. Having to file bankruptcy because of it. It's awful. Lied said he beat her. No questions asked the state locked him up for 3 months! Now he has a court date for a trial jury to clear his name. He is Navy and this could cost him his career!

[@USNBLUE]

Forgot to add, once I told him she is a Narcissist after he told me what has happened, he watched several of the videos and certainly agreed but he was like why didn't you say something much sooner? I said would you have believed me? He had to honestly think about that. He said in the beginning no he wouldn't have.

[@crissiefinn9999]

Orphan I’m sorry for what happened to your nephew and thankful you’re there to help him through his healing. Thank you for sharing too! I have had a relationship with an abusive alcoholic narcissist and I see my son repeating the pattern with her. I watch: Dr.C, Dr. Ramini, Surviving to Thriving and Inner Integration on here. I still see a therapist and I’m getting help on how to handle this too. I haven’t talked to my son in almost 2 months, we used to talk almost daily. I’m no Barbara Weber, just the opposite. I was supportive of his choice to marry her even though they only knew each other for 6 weeks. Both are military and they met in training and are stationed overseas. I see her low self esteem through her control, manipulation, projections, jealousy and gaslighting, it’s just awful!!

[@USNBLUE]

Cris Finn ouch. Military overseas makes it worse. Keep praying he see the light. She could ruin his career. Just be there for him is all you can do when it falls apart. Hopefully they don't have kids when it does fall apart. My nephew has a daughter. The marriage was pretty much over and she knew it and the next thing you know she was pregnant! He stayed of course for almost 2 years after his daughter was born. He finally said enough. His daughter just turned 3 in Feb. Once he clears his name in court for the abuse he never did, then he is going after sole custody because she has drug issues. He has the proof which will be brought up in his court date at the end of March this month to clear him of abuse. It makes me so mad I could puke. Then she tried to get my father in trouble with the law because she said my nephew has access to a store house guns that my father owns. Next thing you know the cops were at my father's door trying to confiscate legally owned guns with no warrant! My father had had to get a lawyer and the police department dropped it because they are outside the law. DRAMA! I told him after this is over and I really believe he will get his name cleared and sole custody of his daughter- request the Navy give you a PCS immediately out of the state. Then she has no access to him or there kid. Jezebel spirit

[@crissiefinn9999]

Orphan WoW!! You can’t make this stuff up! I pray daily for him to open his eyes and the ladies in my bible study group pray too! They have a 7 month old son even though she told him she could never get pregnant!! I knew that wasn’t true the second I heard it. I kept that to myself and I’m sure she’ll be pregnant again any day now!! I hope for the best for your nephew and his kiddos! I trust God in Jesus’s name will help our boys 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@camarorules1]

The advantage the narc had over me is my grandchildren...almost killed me to lose them...and I can't think about what it did to them to lose a loving grandarent

[@USNBLUE]

You cant reason with a Narcissist. Once you understand how a Narcissist operates then it's easier to go gray rock and really tick them off. Narcissist are on a hamster wheel in their head. Suck to be them. Done with being on the hamster wheel. I refuse.

[@USNBLUE]

Josee Noel thank you

[@matilda4406]

"Watch this.. I specialize in abnormality" lolol

[@Jool005]

I love Les’ videos - and all in all I agree - but to add to this one, there are also a lot of Narcissistic people who don’t think/do things the way it was covered here.

[@chincaglieria]

my counselor always reminds me of this. I cannot expect a narcissist to understand anything. No use trying.

[@chincaglieria]

@@joseenoel8093 Oh yes, absolutely true. Don't know what would have happened to me had I not found that kind of guidance.😊

[@julietamalo6881]

Thank you for the precise explanation, Dr. Carter!! Living in the world of narcissists have been abnormal since the beginning. It's like climbing a mountain while carrying bagage namely family, kids. There's no way to turn back, because I have to sustain the well being of the children when they were young. Imagine how inconsiderate they are for putting us to live under duress, even up to now when there's no explanation for everything that had happened. Again, thank you, Doc, and God bless!!

[@mariewilson6402]

Your videos keep me grounded. I often ask myself “What would Dr. C. do?” 😀. Thank you for helping me live a better life!