The Narcissists' Code 439- Not reacting is Your Greatest power against a narcissist or toxic person

[@nanali7245]

The only time the narc wld give me a big genuine smile is when I was yelling & screaming

[@shanellem6310]

If anyone can trigger you, they can manipulate you.

[@paradisefamilyvlogs3426]

When a narc gets a reaction from you, they see it as having power and control over you. This equates to supply for them.

[@kristinepetika6818]

They need you but, you don't need them. Set yourself free from these ego maniacs.

[@kristinepetika6818]

Daughter is adorable like her daddy

[@MentalHealness]

🎯🎯🎯

[@simeonsamuel8495]

I disagree, a narc is a bulli who might think twice if they know that you are going to turn into the HULK when push too far.

[@lucyt-c8092]

@@simeonsamuel8495 .. depends on who is the hulk ! If the narc is more hulk than you you could get physically hurt. Yes to being strong… but also got to be careful …

[@Adammeah253]

When the narcissist or toxic person cannot get a reaction outta you, it sometimes gets them more angry. When my toxic friend tries to trigger me and I nod my head he says “All you gonna do is nod?” Angrily. Some also do get physical so be careful people.

[@KM-jp6hm]

Yes, I totally agree, my tire was slashed by the narcissist to get my attention

[@Adammeah253]

@@KM-jp6hm Yes they often damage property too. Grey rocking does work to an extent but sometimes it can anger them more.

[@justineb.2283]

They need / feed off of reactions.

[@Not-the-usual-BS]

I didn’t respond for two weeks to a verbally abuse text message and she stepped it up a few notches by throwing her new beau in my face even that they were “ in love “ and getting married!! Told me I was a stalker ( why do they always say that?) and wanted to press tne maximum sentence for stalking!! Sick twisted evil demon!!

[@traceydean2803]

Let that friend go

[@karenkellock]

How to control this insufferable situation: 1. Control your reactions, 2. find your own validation. Great. To think how I used to be.a "yeller", having no idea how to handle the confusion inside.

[@dimondsjewls4236]

SELF CONTROL IS ALWAYS A MUST!! YOUR 1000% RIGHT😁😁

[@MentalHealness]

😅😁😁

[@elizabethpedano9564]

You just complimented the narcissist😅

[@cloyewoods]

My favorite word became "ok". Whatever he said about my family, whatever he threatened to do, whatever he accused me of doing, etc., my response was "ok". I stopped trying to explain or defend myself. I stopped trying to bring logic to our relationship. And you're right, Lee. He discarded me. (THANK GOD!!) Leaving me was the absolute BEST thing he ever did for me!!

[@Queat300]

Mine too!

[@HorizonHipHop]

Pray for the next victim 😂

[@RarelyRachelRarelyMe]

I left him a voice message practically begging him to stay away from me. It made me sound so broken, I was. That appealed to his ego. It also meant that technically, I had ended it. So he could feel all self-righteous after all. He was just doing the noble thing and respecting my wishes.

[@Brandy3319]

That was spot on Cloye..!! I naturally shut down when I encounter a toxic/ narcissistic person.... I play dumb, give simple one word answers, I become a total bore.. Little did I know that I was implementing a technique called “Grey Rock” ~ Kudos to us!!

[@hardrocklova]

😂💯

[@vahnni1]

When my son's father got mad I didn't react one night and was just over it we got into a fist fight. That was the last time he tried to go toe to toe with me ever because I knocked his jaw out of place. I've never been the woman anyone wanted to try physically. I don't like violence but I will square up with a man fearlessly.

[@barb7124]

That wouldnt work with mine. He would have had me in jail super quick.

[@RarelyRachelRarelyMe]

My heart is giving you a standing ovation.

[@Emlynjohson104]

😂 knock his ass out of course

[@bernieoconnell5515]

Merciful hour.

[@ladyb7327]

I've gotten into a few first fights with a grown a*s man and I do not want to do it again. Now I'll just call the cops and be done with it...

[@ChristySmith-um5vp]

I didn't react with words. I just blocked him. I deleted him from my life because he doesn't deserve me ❤ Self love ladies 💯

[@MentalHealness]

💯💯💯

[@mizzd.2295]

CONTROLLING YOUR REACTIONS IS THE GREATEST POWER/DEFENSE AGAINST THE NARCISSISM FRIEND I HAVE!!! IT WORKS!!!

[@grantaugustyniak6667]

Yes it does ! Done it & love doing it !

[@louiseelizabeth9613]

As soon as I started standing up for myself, he exploded and left

[@lisainbloom312]

Same! He’s leaving bc we no longer work. Lol he’s leaving bc I hold him accountable and am no longer willing to tolerate the cheating and abuse

[@lanitabaxter9744]

Before I went no contact my person was trying to ask a million questions. I gave him a dose of his own medicine and told him he asks too many questions. I was setting boundaries. He told me in an unforgettable voice, I see you’re beginning to love yourself. He sounded so disappointed. 😂😂

[@TOMB0I_1020]

Can you guide me smtg about self love

[@lanitabaxter9744]

It can mean different things to different people, but I took all that love and energy I was pouring into that person and poured it into me. No contact is essential, stop ruminating it wasn’t your fault it was their plan all along, and remember they know exactly what they are doing. They think you’re weak and don’t respect you. Lee is great, and Leon Walker goes into character which is scary but let’s you see how demented the thought process is.

[@lanitabaxter9744]

Oh I took dance classes and don’t date right away. You need to really heal first.

[@TOMB0I_1020]

@@lanitabaxter9744 ty ❤️

[@LifeAdviceSite]

Wow! That’s intense. ❤

[@goddessrulz3094]

I’m so happy…day 1of my narcissist being out of my life. I honestly did not expect for this to feel so good! Day 1 down and many more to go

[@MentalHealness]

💯💯💯

[@massis9069]

I send you all the good energy and strength for this new chapter in your life.

[@Mags765]

Blessings 🙌🏽

[@suzyq8621]

Great work! I wish you the best staying on this track.

[@Raiinydaylove02]

Ty Jesus u hv bn set free i am on day 17 and i hv many more to go by Jesus stripes we are healed I am being healed on today thank you Jesus and so are you🌷🙏🏿🌷

[@angiekanellos7493]

Narcs have many faces they are like shape shifters mimic. I agree with your valued opinion thanks

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome

[@donna1493]

Off topic, your daughter is adorable 🙂 and she has a daddy that is taking steps to be healthier and help other people👍

[@telissahwilliams1418]

Yes definitely’

[@Bubblegumz13254]

My ex did this to me. Every single time I called him on his stuff, and saw I was starting to see him for what he was, he would jump up in my face telling loud for neighbors to hear. He would try to trigger me by talking about my children once I saw how low he would go to get me to loose it I new this man was out to physically hurt me and mentally drain me. When I got a new job he was even jealous he saw how I was moving different. One day omw to work he was badgering trying to start an argument, and ignored him. The next thing I received a text saying I'm gone, my response was "bye". I couldn't do nothing but say thank you Lord. I feel like this man took seven years off my life. What's crazy was he was a serial cheater and I realized one thing he argue with me because I confronted him about cheating but when that woman knocked on my door, he never showed her the anger and aggression. At the end of the day I believe this man had serious hate for me and his intent to break my spirit was intentional. Narcissist are dangerous. I have not had an anxiety attack since he has been gone. Been narcissist free two days feels like heaven. You can survive this. Your video have helped me. Now I'm going n healing mode. God bless.

[@kimholmes2749]

And what gets me is when I would be speaking to him calmly, trying to inject some sort of positivity in his head, when he was mad. I would do everything in my power to try to contain my mouth and my reactions, and I fell short ALOT until I grew tired of it. As long as I'd argue with him, he could go on and on. I'd hang up in his face, he'd call back, then here we go with him name calling and degrading me. I would speak to him calmly and rationally, but trying to let him know to just stop, crying and all, but be quick to tell me I'm yelling at him, and he's the one with his voice raised. Used to tell me I'm being disrespectful. I'm like "how?!!😮😮🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️😭😭It was too much. I also want to comment you in being a diagnosed narcissist, but trying to turn your experiences into something to help someone. You're videos are of true experiences and thank you for sharing. God bless!!

[@susanjaneterry1073]

It's a game without winners, just degrees of losing. Learning not to react left him with weapons as worthless as toy guns. I didn't have to fight. What was there to win, anyway? All I had to do was not lose. And it works when you stop playing their game. Thanks.

[@lorrainem8234]

That's an excellent way to put it - a game without winners but degrees of losing.

[@emilybuzekvalentino3116]

Well put 🤗

[@heatherspratlin303]

❤

[@kassondramoreno68]

I never put my hands on my ex but he called the cops on me once. At 4am while I was pregnant with our child. He told them I was crazy and was refusing to leave. (A lie obviously. He was angry because I wanted to leave so he said OK but after 2 minutes of me packing, he got angry and said I was taking too long so he called the police.) It was embarrassing. Even the cops asked him like, "Wait.. you mean this pregnant woman?" No charges were made but the police did threaten me with getting DCFS involved because my kids lived with me. (Not biologically his) So glad I left.

[@sandrarich6046]

Good you got out of there thank you .

[@sylvialuna6791]

Absolutely true.I experienced this.He would trigger me and I was the one yelling,cursing.I would feel horrible after because I allowed myself to lose control.I need to take my power back!!Thank you for this!!Peace and blessings.🙏🏼💕💯💪🏼🥰💯💯

[@MentalHealness]

You are so welcome

[@jasminesaez4878]

Same ❤

[@mrmcbeth]

I had a violent male narcissist roommate. He couldn't manipulate me through his words, so the physical intimidation started. I moved out around that phase, and later found out he had a violent criminal record. One of the most suspect people I've ever met.

[@williamdillard8330]

He might have been a psychopath.

[@mrmcbeth]

@@williamdillard8330 I’m glad you said that because I have considered it. I just don’t know enough about it to be confident.

[@williamdillard8330]

@@mrmcbeth It is an extremely good chance he is psycho. You might want to check out a book called, Without Conscience by Robert Hare. Even lay people wont find it hard to read.

[@mrmcbeth]

@@williamdillard8330 Thanks for the book recommendation. I'm a medical student, so that will be helpful.

[@trickyzenmom]

@@mrmcbeth Another awesome read (part of the triad too) is "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout. Close buddy gave to me in early 20s...it's how I've almost immediately identified NPDs, psychopaths & sociopaths for over 20 yrs now. Passed on to my daughter in 8th grade...she is aware now too and can spot one a mile away. Way more of them out here than we'd like to think.

[@imago9059]

Bingo. It's like they are drowning in their own poison. Currently day 2 of silent treatment and I'm enjoying my quiet time.

[@MentalHealness]

💯💯

[@andyanderson6522]

INDIFFERENCE IS FREEDOM I JUST LAUGH AT HIM NOW

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽

[@geraldinechisolm2757]

I'm a empath! And I've been changing how I respond and react. It's funny because this is how it be. When I changed my tactic I can see the cringe in his soul. It's truly the best tactic.

[@alannahprestaynofbraavos5759]

My ex wasn't a large man. Once we were on the sidewalk outside of a store and he tried to argue with me. When I responded he threw himself on the ground and started screaming "HELP! HELP! She's accosting me!" (I swear he used the word "accosted"). Two men came out of the grocery store and laughed at him, but of course I was terrified at first because I knew he was trying to get custody of our child.

[@jcreedd]

This is a powerful tool. When I told him that I FILED for divorce he yelled you have no emotion 😂 he didn’t say anything about the fact that I just told him that I was divorcing him.

[@MentalHealness]

😅😅

[@jill3686]

Love it

[@Dr.Mahadrasjethwani_MD]

🤣🥳😂🤗CONGRATULATIONS 🎊 👏 💐 Yes that part didn't react to I filed for divorce..... typical❗️ Just don't give a damn💯 GO FREEDOM🙏

[@MaroonRose3216]

I didn’t even give mine a heads up that I was filing, like he asked me to. Cant wait to see his reaction once he’s served😂 and I know he will rage so I’m super prepared for him to give me more and more of what I need to support my case 🤪

[@harmonyvaneaton4101]

Unfortunately they will often go physical if they can't get an emotional reaction. Be very careful.

[@truthteller1973]

She is so adorable 😍..Proud of you 👑. Thank you for helping us victims.

[@MentalHealness]

🙌🏾

[@cloyehamrick6282]

Yep! My absence from him is my greatest weapon! Ironically, it's also the BEST weapon for peace and happiness. 💯

[@MentalHealness]

💯💯

[@Roodypoo-oj5ng]

It's a spiritual battle. The Most High guides me to your channel not too many minutes ago. I was very skeptical initially, but I decided to at least listen to what you had to say. I am so grateful to the Father that I didn't listen to my doubts. You, my brother, are child of the Most High, and His Spirit radiates immensely from you. Your level of awareness is an amazing thing to witness. Your accepting and acknowledging of what you were in the past speaks volumes about the powerful and anointed man of the Almighty Father that I and many others are experiencing today. You are a blessing from the Father for those who seek knowledge and understanding. I pray that you stay positive and strong as you continue your journey in this fading realm of existence. I ask the Father to keep you safe from the attacks and the traps that the enemy tries to use against you. I ask that He opens the hearts and minds of those that are led to you. You are the first KZbinr that I actually feel is genuine and kind. I feel that you are here to save many ppl from the surrounding darkness. Thank you for being a vessel for the light, bruh

[@DeeDe730]

U R 100% right by this young man. I was led by the Holy Spirit for confirmation when I start seeing this spirit in my spouse . He is and has done these things 😮 I was blind but now I see. Yes, The Holy Spirit reveals All Truth!!

[@chloelageaux769]

Lee is correct about not reacting to them. My issue is when you have a child with them and you have to communicate but they fail to do so.

[@HaileyDelaine]

As much as it hurts me that has been the hardest part watching how it affects my daughter. Co parenting with a narc is impossible.

[@TheSparkySpitz]

ex hasn't spoken to me or our children for 4 months since he told me he didn't love me, I took that as he can't control me so he's moving to someone easier. We been separated for 2 years now, I asked him to leave he been sulking since. Hardly visiting the kids, not turning up when supposed to, acting like gods gift when he did. Moved in with someone else and ignored us for a month until that fizzled out. Attempted weak ass pity play then started grooming his current supply when I didn't beg him to please come home after he treated us like crap. Current supply has money, her own house, flash car and older kids he's not responsible for. She thinks he's a lovely guy. He reckons I'm toxic to be around and she understands him. 🤣

[@MaroonRose3216]

@@TheSparkySpitz I would consider that all a blessing. He has no reason/excuse to bother you

[@andreyasdus7629]

Self control and self 💕 love. Yes.

[@LifeWithDiamondXOXO]

I’m so proud of myself. Instead of reacting to the narcissist, I am being just being nice and kind he gets so angry that he can’t get a rise out of me. When he’s being rude. I tell him he has so much potential to be great and I wish he’d get some help. He hates that I pity him.

[@renaissance1763]

I do the same thing

[@anniemargareth7617]

A person who is damaged from childhood need more than selflove. They need to surround them selves with healthy people that can validate them.

[@queenmama9229]

Right, when my Narc is done yelling and arguing with me I'm so spiritually drained & literally sick with headaches, nausea, stomach pain. And hes all re charged taking vitamins working fake meditating. I'm like this Mo Fo stole my energy. I'm so happy I found this channel and another one this has really helped me stay in control. ❤

[@LaudauteDominum-er2mr]

And learn about attachment styles. It will help you better understand as well. It helped me. We aren't together and it's not what I wanted but he wanted it for a long time. His actions showed it. Plus, the emotional abuse. I'm getting therapy and giving that love to myself. It's hard because I'm doing all this work while feeling not good enough. Never loved myself and truly understanding what self love is. It's baby steps but I'm praying I come out better on the other side.

[@exiled_0ne]

“Make them think they’re winning when they’re really losing”

[@seameology]

My strategy. Got my divorce final inside of two months!

[@crystalball3717]

Lol your narcissistic robot is so funny. I’ve learned that if he can trigger me then he can control me. So, I’ve had several interactions via text & email that I have not responded in my usual way. I’m not fully sure the effect its having, but when I first started doing it, it seemed like he was unraveling.

[@lisaharper7185]

Thank you! The fact that someone with narcissistic challenges has given me more validation than any therapist or person ever! I gotta laugh through the pain! I appreciate you!

[@sampsonlittle7368]

Best way of controlling your reactions is to cut them loose and stay away from them.

[@grantaugustyniak6667]

Lee you should be proud of yourself for being consistent with your behavior changes- I’m sure your wife would agree. Keep going - if anything- it gives other narcissist people hope - and I think everyone deserves hope in their life. You now have purpose. Also every relationship should have a quarterly performance evaluation - I heard that somewhere & I like it.

[@azaz5758]

Thank you Lee so very much!! You sure have helped me in so many ways!! You are such a blessing to so many of us struggling & navigating our way through this nightmare 🙏

[@Jenhashadit]

That's what I'm dealing with right now. He's doing crazy things, but he's being a drama queen. What the heck...

[@MentalHealness]

😫

[@susanparker9877]

Love the 'update your resume' analogy, and 'your services are no longer needed' phrase. I'll keep them in mind.

[@brandiphillips5775]

You’re so right. I have been giving him so much for ten years trying to help him. I’ve become a depressed and pathetic version of myself. I need to redirect that love and energy that I use to help him and give it to myself. You’re so right. It’s the kids and I from now on.

[@hippiechick3625]

Narcissists are adrenaline junkies, and if they can get jacked up reaction out of you, it gives them an adrenaline rush + motivation for whatever else they're doing. They NEED chaos to function. It is literally like they are plugging into you to recharge their battery.

[@gettingphinenow]

This is soooooooo true!!! You have to realize that you will never get them to empathize with your perspective or convince them to stop gaslighting. If you have a good support system outside the narcissist they will validate you or you can develop the strength to validate yourself because they will make you think you’re crazy trying to get that from them. When they start gaslighting, don’t call them out or argue - just become extremely politely passive it will irritate them because the won’t know if you’re falling for it or quietly dismissing their bs.

[@Secret_Soul_Survivor]

That's what happened to me, I started reacting with the silent treatment, stonewalling and lying and when I started confronting him and calling him out on it he recorded me, I tried to grab the phone, we wrestled, he hurt me and then screamed in my face as I walked past and it was the last straw, I slapped him across the face. Never done this before but he calls the cops for DV assault with me as the aggressor. I've been shattered, PTSD triggered, that being a survivor of DV since being a child it's incredibly distressing to have the cops called on you and then he charms his way out of things with them. My mother was my original wounding narc and only in recent years did I learn what all my damage was from - patterns of narc abuse for decades💔

[@mysticgodis]

Reactive abuse is how they get that narc supply AKA your energy... great video Lee

[@patricialopez3275]

This is very true, as soon as they realise they can’t control and manipulate you, they get angry but they leave you alone and you f win

[@kunoislayr3651]

i have been educating myself on narcissism for past 2 years and got rid of him just last year. at first I used to be afraid of you but this video watching you with ur baby and talking about therapy for 5 years made me realise my ex was not getting help. he was committed to make me seem like the monster with the issues (reactive abuse) and I cant change the weather in chicago . he calls my boundaries triggers. if i am easily triggered i am easily manipulated. the comment on updating resume and ur service is no longer required made me smile. I will do this. i think of it like his trial version of 6 years has expired past warranty date. i used to abuse myself with guilt trip that I should have left sooner but I just wasnt ready until now to fully let go. its time i did the self love and self validation from now

[@debragukeisen5970]

I loved your video! Today is my 26 th anniversary with a narcissist. This past weekend we went to TN and we were staying at a beauty lodge. My husband got mad at my daughter because of she was looking at a car for her daughter. He started cussing me and told me he was leaving. I wasn't about to leave him because he was so angry. He told me he was leaving me and then he said he was going to get the game warden to take me out of the room. I was thinking I hope you get the game warden so I could tell him how you act. He left for about an hour and I thought he had left me but I didn't care. He has threatened to kill me before and said he hired someone to kill me. He told me he has had sex with a man at work then said it was all a joke. I have been in Hell with him! We signed our divorce papers then got back together. I get sick when we fight and I fell like I am going through withdrawals when I leave him. He has me so brainwashed. He controls everything in my life. I thought I was being a good wife for doing everything he said but I gave myself, myself to him. I am trying to regain myself and be free from him. He has been to councilors but he convinces them I am the problem and he is perfect. He tells the police, the judge and even preachers that I am the problem. He tells me he is going to send me to Hell. I have been in Hell with him but I am ready to leave! Thank you for your help. I am so glad I found your videos they have really helped me. God bless you and your beautiful family!

[@MentalHealness]

👏🏽👏🏽

[@kimberlymay9497]

🙏🙏🙏

[@jlindb2119]

Some of them do have sex with other men. I would have never believed it if someone told me. He kept saying his new friend was clingy. Then had the new friend over for 3 weeks and they had to be alone. I stopped by for Christmas and said jokingly that the neighbors seen him having gay sex. He shortly after built a small fence to block their view. These narcissists have no morals. They really are just "creatures". Best advice is to leave.

[@Andrea-ct6fx]

It’s good to repeat this kind of stuff because we may forget over time. It’s natural to want to respond to people who get on your nerves and want to tell them off etc but I have to literary tell myself daily to not engage. It’s hard as I have to coparent with a narcissist. But it’s satisfying when I am not defeated from playing into the manipulation and provoking.

[@juliekooiker3408]

This is powerful advice. In the past I lost control of my emotions and looked crazy. All eyes are then turned to me. Yes control reactions! I watch your videos almost daily to remind myself of how to react.

[@tiaweaver7758]

This answers a lot of things. I’ve quit reacting consistently for about the last 5 months. Then I find out 4 months ago he was actively seeking a divorce. I was completely unaware of this until I had a stress heart attack due to him, and the day after he texts and says “ I haven’t signed the divorce papers yet.”

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽

[@themossynook]

Thank you so much for your videos, you don't know how much they are helping me.

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome

[@suzyq8621]

Thank you Lee, for emphasizing the importance of self control. My narcissist/sociopathic ex supposedly shared texts and recorded conversations to show people how terrible I am. The stuff he did scarred me deeply. I have a lot of anger and bitterness to release.

[@chrisharris2367]

And I’d record them right back!

[@rachellewis5016]

@@chrisharris2367 only way to deal with them.

[@F4IHR]

Looking forward to your wife s book. You guys are a spiritual power couple. Lead on!

[@MtGuyful]

Yes true. I had narc ex (F29) in London. We were together for half a year then 2 months off (we broke up). In that time she had a guy, she dumped him when I started msging her again. I think initially she couldn't get too much off me as i held my frame very well. I didn't allow her to mess around too much. But apparently this guy abused her sexually and I felt really sorry for her. 2 months forward, we break it off again as she had unreasonable demands as to my commitment, money and she started character assassinating me, saying that I'm not successful, live in a ghetto etc... I've had enough. She also picked up some random BS excuse to argue for 2-3 days. Luckily... while we had sex few times without the rubber she on few occasions wanted me to bust in her when she wasn't on the period. I never did, whew. She could easily blackmail me that she's preggy or that she will abort if I don't do X and Y. Anyway, within 2 weeks of breaking up she is back with the previous guy - she obviously lied about him, or she likes sexual abuse. Or it was some sex game and she just said it was rapey stuff. Then she tells our common friend (who told me about it) and a day later she msges me "do you want your clothes back". I had like boxers, shirt and a tshirt. I never replied. Few days later i sent her drunken msg basically calling her out on her manipulations and lies, but at the time I didn't know she was a covert narc. She blocked me. I went NC. Since then she forced a convo once in a house party, few weeks after my angry drunk msg. She wanted to "talk" while we were in a group so I took her to the side and she immediately started attacking me about previous stuff and BS she used to get me to break off with her. I, while was a bit agitated still held pretty well and basically told her to her face that everything I wrote in that drunken text was truth and still hold it. She even did some croc tears. She also denied that the guy was abusive (gaslighting), she denied banging him again (she was at his place for like a weekend and made sure to put fb stories for few days about it). I walked off and told her I have no respect for her. For few weeks after she was religiously checking every single story that I posted on social media, she was usually fastest top 5 persons that viewed it. She unfollowed me only after few weeks, I posted a lot of stuff coz I was travelling and having fun generally and at the time wanted her to see that I'm not just thinking about her. I guess she was mad that I'm not miserable like she is. Since then I've seen her few times and never really say anything to her, don't even acknowledge her. I will sometimes look at her since we have some common friends so we end up in the same places once every 3-4 weeks and I could swear I see her mask slip off. This nothingness, or outright not so happy demeanor. Recently I saw her, she wasn't too happy because I was having fun with people at the bar and then joined people that she was sitting with, she bought a drink, went 3x to the toilet within 10min (I guess she was narc raging) then said bye to some people and left. Before she left she made sure to walk opposite me and look at everyone and then me and smile and wave. It's pathetic how she tries to get even a sliver of attention from me. So all of you who are 1 week, 1 month NC with narc. Keep strong, treat them like bad air and ignore ignore ignore. Block everywhere, block their flying monkeys. If someone is like "Oh X misses you" just tell them to stfu, if they keep at it block them also. Remember, this person who you loved only existed in your head, the real "Thing" you interacted with didn't have any remorse and morals. Worst of all, this narc wanted to bring you down, just to show you that they're important and you're not.

[@zakithiganyaza5525]

Wow you handled her well. I like the last words

[@randomoldcrone]

At 61 years old, and finally free and no contact for 4 months, I wish I'd known then what I know now. When I say that I'm talking about three previous long-term relationships two of which I ended up having the cops called on me because they pushed my buttons so much that the long ass fuse on my bomb finally burned out and I blew.

[@BratCats2u]

You’re so right but it’s hard to do!

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽💯

[@strangemagic4704]

Congratulations for working on your therapy for 5 years. And also for informing the rest of us with first hand information. Bless your heart for sharing this important information..👍👍

[@mistys4745]

Sometimes I do let off so steam cuz it feels good but after tht im back to calm and im ok with that 🤦🏾‍♀️

[@Alisa-t6w]

I have been a student of Professor Sam Vaknin for almost 2 years now and just love him. However I have never heard it put so plainly and simple yet profoundly penetrated my defenses. SELF CONTROL and SELF LOVE make perfect logical sense. Thank you so much for what you're doing. I believe you're living God's purpose for your life. You saved a soul today. God bless. Keep fighting the good fight.✌️

[@melisashelburne]

HOLY CRAP..... I cant believe you just SAID >> RECORDING. This is something my narcisstic husband started to do in our relationship when I was upset- I didnt grow up like this- I wasnt raised like this- I thought why would my husband RECORD our argument- What is this? Craziness... GOD BLESS YOU... I still have not figured out which type he is-- maybe I should get a 1 on 1 so I can talk deeper...but your videos are helping so much- I have watched many to start to learn - it just seems that the PHD Drs dont get REAL like you do. A little to much textbook talk from them.

[@elanahammer1076]

Narcs or toxic people are the following in my opinion… selfish, unaware or unable to understand other people’s boundaries. They are terrible listeners and unbelievably difficult to others in humanity. Thank you 🤔❤🇺🇸

[@rosalindclemons4529]

Yes, yes, yes!!! This is exactly what that fool did to me. Made me to be the bad person and himself the victim

[@brendaperson3890]

What's good Lee, you are exactly correct don't go toe to toe. SELF CONTROL, YES I VALIDATE SELF, I GIVE THEM NO ENERGY WHAT SO EVER.

[@sparker7370]

I wish this video was available a year ago. This is exactly what happened with my narcissist ex-husband. Reactive abuse is a real thing!!

[@erikabettazza2436]

My boyfriend will try to argue with me and would try to see if he could push my buttons. I would just not react and walk away. Then he would still scream and run his mouth as I'm walking away. Once he realized he could get a reaction out of me, he shut up real quick. Then would give me silent ghost treatment as if it's a punishment towards me. Honey you giving me the silent treatment is as blessing.

[@M.T.44]

Yes, you are right, I better not react. And also, I love how you reset. It's an intelligent way of dealing with yourself , at that moment.

[@naowright9308]

Looks like you got an angel behind your shoulder👼 I reacted to my narcissist last week and I had to go through the consequences. I know what to expect now and I hope to remain Firewalled!

[@liljerseygirl249]

Listening to you helped me stay away from my last narcissistic man. I have over one year narcissistic man free now. Thank you.

[@gemcove5783]

Lee…she is simply adorable!💕That’s what it’s all about. Narcs discard their children easily. Mine did & he is broken. He was close to him. Ty for your content. Keep it coming. & don’t forget what life is all about. My son is my life. 💯💕

[@MentalHealness]

♥️🙏🏽

[@dianepinkyharman1346]

Lee I am in total control. Do not react to the person. no contact... silent person... Remember you are important. Go on with your life... I love you Lee. Your videos are fabulous. Narcissist rage is the worst. The person can't figure out why you are crying. DO NOT GIVE THEM ANY REACTION. PUT THEM IN YOUR REAR VIEW MIRROW.

[@melindasmallbone2679]

I thought I had a bottomless tolerance level. I've left my narcassist ex, called him out and exactly what you say has happened he has turned it on me. Last week told our daughter I'm a narcassist and gave a friend of ours KZbin yo watch on narcassists implying that he has suffered narcassist abuse from me. I want to blow Lee its triggered my truth genes big time. Having listened to this though, I'm going to turn the kettle off and let the steam cool on down. Thankyou again and again. Such wise words , Lee your helping us all do much 😊

[@Lttnggo123]

Here's the predictable narc drill: what's wrong with you?! What happened!? I've done nothing wrong! Or this tack: All you broads! (You're just like my mother and my sister!) Wow, thank you, Lee! You are nailing it!

[@MentalHealness]

🙏🏽

[@jenniferhollingsworth1275]

Oh sweet girl! Moana is my favorite too! Thanks so much for the content, you're definitely helping with coping while planning and acting on my escape

[@MentalHealness]

You are so welcome!

[@susanmarie2322]

Oh my goodness I work for a staffing agency and that is the best analogy ever! Totally correct and what you are saying when I met mine all that wonderful upfront love bombing was great. The clapping of the cheeks, that was great to. However longevity, stability, safety, Someone I can truly rely on and feel like I am growing old with, makes you step back and say you don’t fit the job requirements anymore. I had to deal with my narcissistic man who was actually not bad for his age but he had produced a narcissistic daughter. He was even afraid of her! I exited and let him deal with that and I went on to enjoy my life

[@monikaanna7295]

Thank you for all the information you provide Lee! I recently discovered your channel. You are the one of thousands who admits that has NPD and is willing to work on it. Lots of narcissistic people won't look for help because they like the way the are. They can't live without sucking all the energy out of you and destroy your life.

[@sharonj.9597]

My husband's ex would literally be okay being the mistress! She uses their child for power because he is not entertaining her outbursts. He simply says or TEXTS, "okay." Drives her nuts!! The child is the ONLY "hold" she has right now because he would literally have no reason to communicate otherwise with her. So everyone, PLEASE listen to Lee. No kids! And if you do have kid/s, keep your cool and only communicate as it relates to the kids. Texts and emails! Whew! If it weren't for individual and couples counseling, I don't know that I'd still be married due to the interference the ex tries to run.

[@jasminesaez4878]

I always hated when I would get triggered and curse them out I always feel like that is not even me and feel bad that I let them bring me to their nasty level

[@MentalHealness]

😩😩

[@scarletlady3727]

I was able to bite my tongue and stay silent while my husband was cursing the HELL out of my mother , sister, brother , and even our daughter….he was driving and screaming at me and cursing out my family….I stayed silent because my infant son was in the car and just wanted to get home safely….the fact that I was able to control my temper and reaction while he was cursing everyone I loved was one of the hardest things I ever done and I was proud I was able to do that…..I am living a grey rock life with him because we have to raise 2 small kids but I PROMISE you I will leave him once my youngest turns 18..he doesn’t expect that and will be a lonely old man living alone who can’t even make a cup of coffee for himself…

[@bernieoconnell5515]

You might not live till Your child is 18. Sort yourself and get own asap.

[@juliekooiker3408]

It’s true though, you react then you lose. This is the skill that needs to be gained. The super power. If I had found your videos 10 years ago I think my story would have been different.

[@cathynykolaishyn8926]

I was having a rough day today, but then you came around. Thank you for your videos.

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome

[@nmorto2013]

Absolutely you must work on it! The key is ppl toxic or victims don't wanna work on themselves. But as a victim of a toxic person, yall I got my power when I worked on myself! We can all do it. We can all grow! Don't engage!!! Yes!

[@jayl8267]

You’re so entertaining and right on point. A weak free From my X and I feel so empowered. I had self control and self love which is why his tactics never fully worked. Actually it backfired bc I would hold him accountable. He hated that and I got to see his true self over and over again. So done with that and very excited about my future. Thank you for your help with this topic.

[@kailuabear2754]

Mr. Healness, a true full fledged narcissist,,,, very few can be you. Sadly very few. I really compliment you and all the hard work you have been helping yourself. You’re a Diamond in the ruff!!!!!

[@cttofl8822]

I need to leave!!!!!!!!!!!!! This video is living breathing proof. Let go and let god.

[@connorduke4619]

Terrific advice. It unfortunately came a few weeks late to save my lost job where a very "respectably" looking project manager turned out to be an unhinged Narc and I didn't react calmly and then looked like the "unreasonable" person. BUT I will definitely take the lesson and ensure it does not happen again. Thanks for clarifying a better way to respond.

[@southerncatlady]

I'm gonna play this video every single day, until I learn to control my reactions. I need this lesson, and I WILL learn it. Especially since it IS a red pilled man... The reactive abuse is so real...

[@leketah78]

I’m watching this video late however you make so much sense….. having control of my reaction is key. Thanks for sharing ❤

[@gloriouscontent3538]

It really is. If you doubt your ability to identify a narcissist, this can even be clue.

[@MentalHealness]

🎯

[@michelebrown5142]

When talking on the phone with my mom I can always tell when her husband has entered the room. She'll push all of my buttons, things I have told her about time and time again and as soon as I explode and start telling her about herself, she becomes to he victim and will say "why do you treat me this way? Why don't you ever say anything nice about me?" Because she's not a nice person and if she is she's only doing it to impress other people. I'm not impressed. I've lived it all my 56 years. I'm going to try to learn to live by your words. Thank you.

[@melindasmallbone2679]

The advice you give every day is priceless, thankyou so much Lee, I love you so much

[@panny1609]

Thanks!

[@MentalHealness]

Thank you

[@kayvelli7895]

I’ve definitely picked up on that quick with my narcissist I’m currently dealing w/. Surprisingly when I just don’t respond and react to his b.s. I feel like he notices when I do it as well he starts doing acts of service or try to be sweet bc he is sorry and/or feels bad. He will never say “I am sorry..” (for what he has done never truly takes full accountability) but tbh it’s actually very relieving when he does that bc he knows how much I know my worth, and won’t allow him to belittle or disrespect me. I see him trying. But definitely going to continue loving me first dealing with him he ends up beating his own self up in the head when I just master my control. My father was also narcissistic so I know too well how to deal with them. Just be nice and care for them but always love you first bc they can be very unsympathetic to the ways they make you feel just the way they are. If you don’t maintain self control on 100 with the toxic person/narcissist it’ll definitely make you have a Bi-Polar moment so quick and that ends 1,000 times worse for you so yes practice that self control! 🙌🏽💯 Thankfully I’m a Cancer ♋️ *Mother of the zodiac* with a Capricorn ♑️ moon 🌙 sign which is the master of self control 🧘🏽‍♀️ makes me feel like a God tbh 😂💯 bc just about nothing fazes me..

[@thisguy8224]

You’re right but it doesn’t help. When I wouldn’t react. Give basic answers. Whatever. I’d then be accused of not caring about us or fighting for the relationship. A few times I’d tell her we weren’t making progress and I need to go on a walk or drive around. It was almost worse than diving into a silly argument. Because then she’d accuse me of running away from fights. Avoiding our relationship and not caring about moving forward.

[@CherryFlavoredAntacid]

Dealing with the exact same thing

[@queenb8244]

Omg your speaking the truth I just went threw this Thank God it was Long Distance

[@Stefanieblundell]

Imagine not reacting to this...your own mother who invited you on a 'relaxing holiday' with her, and she decides to strike up conversations with strangers revealing confidential and humiliating information about the daughter she's with on holiday, to get a pity party. Meanwhile, she has also decided to target a poor woman to bully and isolate and constantly bitch about. You're noticing people avoid you, and her, and you're absolutely humiliated..oh and she does the same thing with passengers on the plane home while you're sat next to her.

[@jassbass8153]

You will have to ignore her......

[@porschewalker5652]

My gosh Mr.Lee hit everything on the money in this video🎯 Prime Example=The Narc I was fooling wit slowly started showed EVERYTHING Mr.Lee be teaching us! Anyway about 4weeks ago my Narc started the "Silent Treatment" on me since I didn't tell him rather I took a lawn chair to a busy restaurant to wait on the food😩🤣🤣🤣 Lately I had been saying to him "Don't ask me about NUNTHING you ain't paid or paying for"! A MESS😳🤣 Lil do he know when he comes back round to talking da me I ain't go show NO emotion in destroy him even more wit kindness😩🤣 NOW dat Mr.Lee done schooled me fully about NARC'S ohhhhhhmy IT'S ON🤣🤣🤣🥳

[@kimberly8839]

Oh my goodness… this is incredible! I wish I had known before. You are helping soooo many people! Thank you!

[@MentalHealness]

you’re welcome