The NES Game Ruined By Ninjas | Ranking the NES, Episode 33

[@aceking121212]

I hope you one day do the Super Nintendo, N64 and Dreamcast.

[@luckydinnermint]

every game on N64 is tied for the worst

[@daneofurexistence]

I’d personally love that

[@redbaron2455]

and ZX SPECTRUM and megadrive

[@redbaron2455]

@@luckydinnermint some of the best games ever on that platform. Zelda, mario 64

[@aegisfate117]

​@@redbaron2455both good for their times certainly

[@knightdehumidifier]

Do you ever stop and think that we never saw Spondylous in a state not destroyed due to the Dynowarz? Just something to think about.

[@mikesmith1892]

What? Unpossible!

[@furrymessiah]

SPONDEELOOS

[@benito6036]

Spawn-da-lous?

[@Arenow]

We need a prequel. But... it would be no G-Man, the low gravity man.

[@tommylakindasorta3068]

You gotta love Hydlide's 8-second, legally distinct, definitely-not-the-Indiana-Jones-theme "OST."

[@jkrycz]

Giving Hydlide a seriously considered evaluation and somehow falling in love with it is absolutely incredible content. Can't wait to see Jeff's take on Virtual Hydlide when he's playing every Saturn game in 2037.

[@J-Dawg81]

Hahhaha Virtual Hydlide is an insane game.

[@jkrycz]

@@J-Dawg81 I saw it described as "going beyond the fake videogame someone would be playing on a TV show into the realm of fake videogame Space Ghost specifically would be playing."

[@colincampbell4031]

Hydlide is objectively bad but has always been kinda awesome

[@EddieTHead2266]

Oof

[@rorytaylor626]

when you took a screenshot of that Hydlide password, I said to myself "this man has a sickness"

[@fortheloveofbog]

The instruction booklet for Hydlide just says "guess what you can use it for!" next to the cross which is incredible

[@MentalAtrophy]

My parents mistakenly bought me Hydlide instead of Dragon Warrior because the box art was similar. This probably drove a permanent wedge between us, and Hydlide remains my most-hated game ever.

[@VinnyVance]

This video contains the most important Jeff Gerstmann helicopter boss battle since 50 Cent Blood on the Sand.

[@TevorTheThird]

The definition of madness is going into the same Roper cave underleveled over and over expecting a different result.

[@AH-yn6ip]

Feeling a long overdue sense of relief when I saw Jeff initially had some confusion with Hydlide. I remember picking it up when I was a young lad and being completely befuddled, sad and angry by its incomprehensible nature. Tried to play for like an hour and somehow talked my parent and Wal-Mart into allowing me to return it.

[@poposterous236]

I feel so bad for the people at my funeral that are going to have to listen to the Hydlide soundtrack on a loop during the eulogy (this will be the only thing specified in my living will and testament)

[@cybersub4693]

You bastard even in death ☠️

[@schtive81]

I agree that Popeye is a weird cartoon character. But I will say this... Popeye still has one of the best cartoon theme songs ever conceived. It is instantly recognisable within the first few bars.

[@Ghadius]

Making my Fridays something to look forward to again.

[@ArtemusWolfwood]

Felt like Ghoul School had a certain vibe to it that felt familiar so I did some digging on the devs - sure enough, same guys who made Bart vs. the Space Mutants

[@stoutlager6325]

"you don't need this new Zelda game we have the same thing at home" the same thing at home: Hydlide

[@makocalamity]

Hey, Jeff. I rarely comment but it's 4AM on a Saturday for me and I just want to thank you for being around. It's really helping me out right now. What better way to disassociate than these 1980s multimedia ruminations?

[@DMThigpen]

I think once you learn how the secret mechanics of Rainbow Islands work it makes it a little more fun. Diamonds appear when you defeat an enemy by dropping a rainbow onto them (rather than just hitting them with it). What color the diamond is depends on which segment of the screen it lands in: imagine drawing lines from top to bottom on the screen to cut it into seven evenly-spaced vertical strips, those are the seven colors of the rainbow in ROYGBIV order. Getting all seven diamonds gets you the big diamond, but also, collecting them in order forwards or backwards will allow you to get permanent powerups when you reach the bosses. (The recent ACA release lets you put an overlay on the screen so you know where you need to get diamonds to land for each color.) As you might expect from a sequel to Bubble Bobble, you have to collect all the big diamonds to get the true ending. 2P is not required this time though. There are even bigger secrets than these, at least in the arcade version. I don't know how much was changed for this port.

[@glmrgloam]

the popeye character analysis is priceless

[@houdin654jeff]

One thing I will say in favor of Arkista's Ring, it lets you use a key more than once. I don't know what kind of shit metal they use in Hyrule or other adventure kingdoms, but goddamn, a key that works once and then is gone is a fucking travesty. EDIT: And Jeff agrees, good.

[@d.s.i.6722]

Word of advice: if you're out in public and hear someone's ringtone and its the Hydlide bgm? Immediately flee the scene and seek shelter

[@Matt-it5dn]

Thank you for letting me annoy my wife with the Hydlide theme song to the point where she frustratingly asked me if it was getting louder.

[@OrinLinwe]

..Hydlide's music is Indiana Jones' fish-head eating attic brother.

[@CraigPTD]

THAT'S IT! The first four notes kept reminding me of something

[@VinnyVance]

The 1980s Popeye movie staring Robin Williams and Shelley Duvall is an underrated classic not enough people have seen these days.

[@RalphClassic]

I was born after the NES released in NA, but my family had one and I believe it's the first game console I ever played. Ghoul School was like an unrecovered memory for me... Should've stayed buried

[@scottgamedev]

The removal of the "Over the Rainbow" parts from the main Rainbow Islands theme in this NES port is a *crime*. That's half of the joy of that game!! It also looks like this port is based more on the Extra re-release of Rainbow Islands than the original game and so is missing a lot of the original's charm. If you want a home port, the Amiga and Atari ST versions are both solid, albeit with a fair amount of missing levels/content... but nothing tops the 60FPS of the Arcade original, which I can especially recommend in the context of its 1987 release. In particular, the amount of weird *stuff* going on with its mechanics is wild for the time (just look up all the endings the game has, and the way diamonds and other collectables work), and the game turns into a full Taito homage in its latter parts, from referencing Arkanoid to coming back round to concluding the storyline from Bubble Bobble 1 at the end. Definitely check out a full longplay! (There's also a 1991 Ocean NES port of this that, while still not a patch on the arcade version, is somewhat closer to it that this US version... but still missing Over the Rainbow)

[@VinnyVance]

I consulyed with some Arkista's Ring experts and this is what they said went wrong on that last level: "His main fault is he wasn't using the Ninja Stunner item. He was both unlucky with drops, but he also wasn't managing his inventory well. Enemies start dropping Ninja Stunners near the end game and you need to keep your inventory low and stock up on Stunners, especially for that stage. Probably want at least 3-4 Ninja Stunners."

[@OrinLinwe]

..I think going into this series, the focus would understandably be on mechanics and maybe graphics, but what it's really highlighted - maybe because it's otherwise a little overshadowed - is how crucial it is that your music doesn't drive the player insane (and what a deal-breaker shitty, atonal, endlessly looping-never-resolving music can be). It also really highlights games that have excellent music, given the limitations in place. When your "instrument" is limited, it's even more important that you really consider how you use it. I get the sense that in a lot of cases, there was a kind of "well, it's primarily for kids, so who cares; just do like a jingly loop" attitude about down-prioritizing music. Baseline, the music in your game shouldn't make people involuntarily want to get up and pace around the room (if not outright leave it). Several games already on the list can't quite clear that.

[@aegisfate117]

Hardware is a factor in the quality, but it's also the programming of the sounds themselves. It's like the developers figured well... We can loop the music endlessly forever with no negative effect on performance so we may as well loop the music forever.

[@fisk0]

Arkista's Ring is pretty neat, but I can't help but to wonder how many design decisions were made in order to be able to put screenshots on the box that made it look like the game was more of an open world action adventure than it is. Seems like you could trick people into thinking it's more like Zelda with an RPG style inventory system with the right screenshots.

[@Achoohorsey]

I played the shit out of Sesame Street ABC when I was probably too old for it. Also you should have sounded the horns while Cookie Monster was wildin out

[@xtlm]

I know I played Ernie's Big Splash when I was out of the age bracket lol

[@Galagaboy]

Lyrics to Hylide This is Hylide Youre Jim the Knight Do what you can To save the Princess Ann Hurry Jim Do what you can!

[@msx6800]

Someone made an Arkista's Ring mod for Heretic that reimagines it as a sci fi game with elves and guns. I thought there was also a more faithful recreation for Doom but I can't find evidence of it.

[@zerorisker9161]

One of the more interesting aspects of this list is Jeff finding Renegade is actually relatively better than he ever expected.

[@dpgreene]

In Arkista's Ring, you need to stock up on the Ninja Stunner item for the that stage! You weren't managing your inventory very well. Still I think 75 is a fair rating. That game loops 3 more times. That stage gets even harder.

[@iamflipachip]

Ghoul School instantly reminded me of Home Alone and it turns out they were made by the same people.

[@JZekis]

Best games I feel for getting a kid used to playing games from my recent experience. The Lego games, donut county, untitled goose game, part time UFO, and good job.

[@HoChiWaWa]

"This game is terrible and I feel myself becoming obsessed with it." Yup, that's Hydlide

[@sydneymeanstreet]

If you think Rainbow Islands is weird, think yourself lucky Parasol Stars didn't come out on the NES in the US.

[@fifthgengaming]

Hydlide is such a weird thing. It was one of multiple PC-88 games in late '84 that ran with the concept of "What if Druaga had Ultima's open world?" That group also includes Dragon Slayer, which was the precursor to the Xanadu and Legend of Heroes games. Hydlide Special hit the Famicom about a month after Legend of Zelda, which did that open world Druaga concept 100x better. It wasn't until when Ys came out in '87 that the Hydlide series was put out of commission, even though it would have that last gasp on the Saturn. Hydlide and its sequels have a weird hypnotic quality to them where you want to keep playing them even though they're objectively terrible. It kind of creeps me out.

[@KrunchyTheClown78]

Hey Jeff, Popeye got an arcade perfect port on the 7800 recently.

[@Retro64_]

Great, now the Hydlide music is going to be in my head for most of the day.

[@siamesegiant]

I got into an argument with a guy on Twitter once who said that Japanese people don't care about Final Fantasy, they only care about Hydlide

[@joshua1281]

Hydlide! Or, "Ain't Nothin' Wrong with a Little Bump 'N Grind."

[@bdre5555]

Gotta love the hydlide theme, and how it blatantly ripped off the Indiana Jones theme for the first four or five notes haha.

[@vookatos]

People talk a lot about Hydlide but Arkista's Ring pulling Ghosts n Goblins by making you play the game again THREE TIMES is some of the scummiest shit. I only knew that it was 4 times thanks to retro achievements and if you don't it probably feels like being taken hostage

[@ChrisLT]

"Popeye's cool, Popeye's fucking weird." Truer words have never been spoken.

[@AndrewEwzzyRayburn]

I got so mad renting Rainbow Islands as a kid. I wanted more Bubble Bobble and it just wasn't that.

[@lanerobertlane]

I’m loving this series. The arcade, hell even the SMS port, of Rainbow Islands is much better than whatever this NES port is trying to be. It didn’t even have the 3 rainbow power up, and arguably had the wrong music.

[@VaporeonEnjoyer1]

So I watched a speedrun for Ghoul School, and all the classrooms that Jeff wandered in to are 100% there to waste your time.

[@IgnatiusAlpha]

44:32 "You guys like video games? I don't. I used to, but now I just like Hydlide." Is that a fuckin' STATEMENT or what?

[@sydneymeanstreet]

Toss Hydlide into the Pony Canyon.

[@Spirit0f]

"Don't be a Ghoul. Stay in school."

[@schtive81]

I have never heard of Ghoul School for the NES. But my first thought watching it was that it looks like Bart vs The Space Mutants. I think both games were made by the same people.

[@thefroyukenfiles3641]

​​@@schtive81You're correct thinking that. The developer is Imagineering (not to be confused with the Japanese developer/publisher Imagineer) and most of their work was licensed properties. Jeff played one of their other games in a previous ep: Swamp Thing.

[@JohnBasedowYoda]

The character in ghoul school looks like a young lenny

[@Gafgarion45]

You know what? Ghoul School is okay by me. I noticed, when you were walking back after getting the spring shoes and the gun, that the scoreboard in the gym was glitching out, and the letters spelled H I T M E. And I thought that was neat. Plus the music after the beginning went pretty hard. So yeah, it's okay by me, and that counts for...nothing, really, but it's something.

[@BenGoodsonModular]

My thirst for the Gerst has been satiated.

[@largeraccoon1229]

@2:32:46 jeff with the SICK BEATS

[@cybersub4693]

Jeff freestyling on Artisisaz ring or whatever its called had me ☠️

[@sleepwalkusa135]

I was hoping this would be 10 minutes of popeye and 3 hours of hydlide

[@nomchonks]

I watched this while really sick in bed and only Ghoul School made me feel worse.

[@fisk0]

So Rainbow Islands is to Bubble Bobble 2 what Assault on Precinct 13 is to Rio Bravo

[@aegisfate117]

Arkista beat goes so damn hard. Sounds like evil that men do by $b

[@mikehancock1212]

I thought Hydlide was gonna be in the bottom 10

[@MikeydCT]

Now Jeff would you want to play that Popeye game in 3D on the Switch? Popeye to me feels like a quick one time play game. I owned it as a kid and didn't play it very much.

[@cosimocub]

nice one Jeff

[@RetroDrew]

Come on Jeff, it's obviously HUM but I guess You'd Prefer An Astronaut

[@kiloyardstare]

As a game that gets mentioned every episode, Jeff should play Dynowarz: Destruction of Spondylous again so he can remember how BAD that game is!

[@shidonidoni5704]

ADDICTED! TO HYDLIDE!!

[@Mentalocrity]

Popeye is kinda messing me up because it’s visually very obviously an NES game but the backgrounds look like they’re straight out of a 2800 game (barring the colors).

[@devmas]

I'm pretty sure that was a purposeful artistic choice -- Nintendo was probably trying to replicate the look of the arcade game, which had high resolution sprites. But in doing so, they made the backgrounds look ugly.

[@devmas]

NES Popeye's graphics are so weird. The arcade game was notable for having high resolution sprites, and it seems like Nintendo tried to replicate that look on the NES by making everything else appear low resolution. Odd choice.

[@tempatempo3805]

I suppose tactic on Stage 30 for Arcistas Ring is to just use up your continues and farm Health Potions. Once you have a full inventory of them you should be fine. The game seemed fun but way too easy so having one stage where it makes you think a little is fine. Definetly not unfortunate

[@joenickel9948]

Jeff really wanted that pot

[@kevinkuenn5733]

So the Popeye people changed Bluto's name to Brutus for a while because they thought they'd lost the rights to the character. Turned out their lawyers had just gotten confused 😂

[@moat7031]

Was there some kind of legal issue with Rainbow Island? The music sounds totally wrong to me?

[@sydneymeanstreet]

The "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" bits have been excised for legal reasons.

[@mikesmith1892]

Is there anything that can’t be improved with an airhorn?

[@aegisfate117]

Ghoul school largest sprites 1K9

[@EgregiousPhilbin199]

You didn't play the Ernie's Magic Shapes. This entire list is invalid.

[@ItMeDwaeji]

If you like Hydlide as a bad game, may I recommend Ultima: Runes of Virtue for the GameBoy as an infinitely better bad game

[@benhewerdine]

KZbin moderation deleted my comment because it didn’t like me claiming popeye isn’t all that

[@paulmenard6219]

bless your heart for playing these garbage games as much as you did... lol

[@SimBen3]

bro are you even oscarmaxxing

[@SimBen3]

*leans in close to my date while Jeff is fighting Choppy in Rainbow Islands: The Story of Bubble Bobble 2*

[@Jaspertine]

I like a girl with a short bow and a giiiiiiaaaaaaaannnnnt arrow!

[@xwize]

Jeff \o/

[@crondaily]

UH UH!

[@steelknight2000]

-UM

[@bdre5555]

Has to be the worst batch of games so far. Yech

[@SoDamnGangsta]

When I was a kid I loved hydlide, I never beat it but I also became fascinated with it for some reason and kept wanting to go back

[@beatchef]

It was the same with Popeye in the UK in the 80s. They kept showing Popeye, Tom and Jerry, Scooby Do, The Munsters, Addams Family, 60s Batman and the animated Laurel and Hardy as filler. I am at least very grateful for being introduced to Tom and Jerry, Looney Tunes & Addams Family that way. For better or worse it's why I was excited for Fester's Quest and got it for one birthday...

[@beatchef]

2:32:00 That dungeon music in Arkista's Ring, I swearrrrrrrrrrrrrr I've heard it in another game! That's going to really bug me now

[@beatchef]

If you actually manage to finish Hydlide, it just says Thank You and plays the other half of the Indiana Jones melody That's not likely though as even with max stats after hours of grinding, the final boss bodies you in like 1 hit.