The ONE Trick You Need to Master to Live a More Peaceful and Fulfilled Life | Mel Robbins Podcast

Ready to unlock your potential? 🚀 bit.ly/2024makeithappen 👈 Sign up for my FREE 2-part training, Make It Happen with Mel Robbins. It’s designed to show you exactly HOW you can go from dreaming to doing!
-
The "Let Them Theory" is so simple, you’re going to get it immediately.
In this episode, you will hear some great stories and examples to explain this theory, as well as the three very different ways you can use it.
Bottom line: When you "Let Them" do whatever it is that they want to do, it creates more control and emotional peace for you and a better relationship with the people in your life.
Xo Mel
In this episode, you'll learn:
00:00 Intro
05:26 My over-functioning anxiety kicked in; until this happened.
09:37 Dr. Amy Johnson gives the best metaphor that explains our need to control.
09:20 Why do we get so upset about what we can’t do a damn thing about?
12:28 Two reasons why your parents and partners are so controlling.
14:41 These three reasons explain why we try to control.
18:05 There are times like these when the “Let Them” rule does NOT apply.
24:23 Can you relate to this listener who’s worn down from her expectations?
28:00 Stop making up stories about why people do what they do, and just ask.
30:50 When you’re constantly rescuing people, here’s what you teach them.
37:48 Are you actually in a relationship with a real person, or a vision?
39:57 One way we try to control someone is through jealousy.
43:06 Growing apart from a good friend? Here’s how to handle it.
46:08 It’s not your responsibility to make sure everyone else is never hurt.
Listen to the #podcast episode "The ONE Trick You Need to Master to Live a More Peaceful and Fulfilled Life" - link.chtbl.com/DAinFkFf?sid=e...
#lettinggo #letgo #letthemtheory
-
Want to keep watching? Catch exclusive EXTENDED cuts for each episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast here on KZbin bit.ly/tmrp_playlist 📺
Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast while you're on-the-go! link.chtbl.com/DAinFkFf?sid=l... 🎧 Available wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. New episodes drop every Monday (to start your week) and Thursday (to get you through it).
-
Subscribe to the channel here: kzbin.info?su...
-
Follow me here:
Instagram: / melrobbins
TikTok: / melrobbins
Facebook: / melrobbins
Website: melrobbins.com
-
Want my most popular KZbin videos sent straight to your inbox? Sign up here: www.melrobbins.com/ytnewsletter
-
Looking for my books on Amazon? Here they are!
High 5 Habit: amzn.to/3fMvfPQ
The 5 Second Rule: amzn.to/3372Rl9

[@Ms9mmBeretta]

Somebody taught me this years ago. They said, "let them do what they WANT to do, so you can see what they'd RATHER do." Game changer.

[@peachesandpoets]

Omg

[@coldenhaulfield5998]

Love this. Thanks.😊

[@teabrks9301]

Yes great way to see who people are and decide if you wanna deal with them or not.

[@dangerluvr]

Oooo I like this one!

[@TradBarbie]

Life goes well when you don't G A F what others do. Men have to chase me to get me. Friends have chased me, but I am 43 and have a lot of friends left from childhood. This odd video just popped up in my feed.

[@BanjoPixelSnack]

“When people show you who they are, believe them.” - Maya Angelou

[@user-dt3wm8rn4j]

Right

[@todayipaint4667]

..believe them the first time.'', I believe it is the exact quote.

[@WideAwakeHuman]

Maya Angelou has apparently said every famous quote ever lol

[@txtopaz7997]

The first time…

[@power-puff7]

correction: “when people show you who they are the FIRST time…”

[@monamie2728]

I realized there’s another side to this “let them” mindset. My fiancé is quite different from anyone I’ve ever been with. He is very attentive, thoughtful and always doing things to show his love. Having been a single mom for many years, I will often say, “I can do that!” or “I’ll take care of that.” when he starts doing something I would normally take care of or mentions something he’s going to do for me. I need to remember this “let them” response when he’s trying to show his love and care in these ways. “Let them” show their love and simply be grateful and appreciative! ❤️

[@DeeDeebing]

I love this

[@CDWigh]

Awesome example!! And congratulations!!! ❤

[@martinboyd447]

I used to think I was "showing my love". The anti-narcissist movement told me I was only doing it to mask the monster I supposedly am.

[@TradBarbie]

Amen!! You'll chase that man away.

[@rubychurch3466]

Keep him lol

[@tm_3057]

The older you are, the easier the “let them” theory is to manage. It’s called wisdom and picking your battles wisely.

[@jeanlaubenthal698]

And…as you get older the less energy you have both physically and emotionally.

[@gingermiller531]

I lost so called friends after my brother was killed last summer. They just stopped inviting me to anything and cut communication with me. For a while I was really upset but then I realized that a decent person who actually cares about me would not have acted this way. It also reminds me they have done this behavior on and off for years before this and I kept fighting to be included and getting hurt when they excluded me. I'm done trying to prove that I'm worth loving (trauma response.) Either like me for me or don't.

[@luedkepack]

Horrible.

[@Gemma-yd2xm]

You deserve to be loved 💛

[@mariastahnsdorf3818]

so sorry for you going through this... but, just know... others experience the same... so, chances are... its not you, and you will elevate and find better for you 💛💙

[@armel369]

This could be a life lesson for you to value yourself more, have boundaries with people, and be grateful that these nasty people have left your life. Then, you make room for new good people in your life. You deserve it ❤

[@mwashi401]

Absolutely 😊 and please don’t forget that you are LOVED AND APPRECIATED!! ❤

[@MsCocoa75]

Let Them = God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference. Got it ❤

[@sharonknapp5015]

BINGO!!! Haha that’s great!

[@arinh24]

That's the whole thing!

[@mooster47]

Honest, I didn't read your post until after I posted mine. Great minds think alike!

[@ldbobay]

Let them be. Mel Robbins

[@reneerenee5073]

❤❤❤

[@kalraja9429]

My husband has been threatening to leave me for 10 years but never left. He has always been emotionally unavailable so my son and I were never allowed to share our feelings because crying/being sad would trigger him so bad he would get angry and then threaten to leave. He had a habit of quitting so kept threatening to leave in every argument but did nothing to make it work. I put up with his behaviour because I kept focusing on the potential of what might be. I kept coming back with compassion for the childhood he had and excused his behaviour. His parents beat him when showing emotions. I tried to get him to see his behaviour and get help but he blamed me for his anger and thought I was the problem so won't get help. Just watching this I realised it's time to let go. I can't make him heal. I can't wait around for him to wake up. The fact that he keeps saying it but doesn't leave makes me feel he's afraid of abandonment too. So I held on. Unless I take the first step he's not going to.....it's time to let them go. I'm sorry for holding on for so long. It's time to be free and receive what I deserve.

[@laurenleon2061]

Amen ! Sister! Bravo! Now...this IS what I need to do...file....same basic story.tpxic eternity vs. Freedom.😊

[@alice-hp7dh]

In this days I always thinking what Is love and what Is not. Do I stay and continuing trying to help or do I leave and give them a loss in order to teach them a lesson? Don't know...really

[@dragonflymagictarot1180]

That realization is a breakthrough

[@kayligo]

18:15:00 3 times to NOT do let them 1) if they are doing something dangerous 2) you need to advocate for your rights 3) they are crossing your boundaries

[@MeenaMoore]

All she said was "Let them" I'm not 10 minutes in and I'm in tears. ❤ I'm fighting for my husband and He's just not changing as he promised. I get it and I can walk away now.

[@rumdo5617]

Good luck and many blessings

[@shayelyse]

❤

[@cherylrau11]

How long have you been married?

[@janetpattison8474]

I think Dr Grande mentions that there’s “can’t” and “won’t”. I’m attracted to both of those in people. Best wishes on the next step in your journey. ❤🌸❤🌷❤🦋❤🌸❤🦋❤🌷❤🌸❤

[@MeenaMoore]

@@cherylrau11 almost 9 years

[@berlizgonzalez6736]

Yes, this is so helpful. Going through a divorce rn, I just realized everyone moves on with their lives. People check in on you here and there but at the end of the day, you have to do the work and healing. People won't always be there, but you are there with yourself all the time. So love yourself and take care of yourself.

[@sibyllejasinski3643]

So true. And when you take care of yourself it’s amazing how much support there is available. Sending you love, from one divorce-survivor to another 🤗

[@gloriasaliba3395]

We come into this world in our own and leave this world in our own

[@berlizgonzalez6736]

@@sibyllejasinski3643 thank you! I hope you find yourself thriving and full of joy!

[@maryannsteffler3044]

​@@berlizgonzalez6736❤

[@along9971]

I've been there, it's tough, truly hard, you will make it through just stay the course, don't be too hard on yourself

[@celestedavis-dill3784]

I found this episode at just the right time in my life. 24 hours after watching this, on my 52nd birthday, I got “Let them.” tattooed on my wrist so I can look at it and remember. Thank you.

[@carmenjolie4232]

I am 51 and was thinking about this just a few minutes ago! And this will be my one and only tattoo I will ever have… 😊

[@peachesandpoets]

Nice!

[@jenniferburton7044]

Beautiful. ❤

[@Elisa-pu5py]

Great idea❤❤❤❤

[@NattyByNature-]

Now I want one, let’s start a movement

[@pickledpepperscreativecafe]

I have been moving this way for years. And I’ve been preaching it to people - Each person is responsible for themselves and I’m not going to spin my wheels trying to force people to behave the way I think they should. I let them do what they’re doing and if somehow it impacts or involves me, I will decide what to do at that juncture. But I always, always prioritize my peace. At all costs!

[@curlew-3592]

I’m a 70 year old grandma and I’ve lived by (what’s now obviously called) the ‘let them’ theory nearly all my life. I think it probably came from my parents who had a fairly relaxed attitude to life.Far less stressful than any other way 😂😂🇬🇧 The French know it as Ce La Vie 😂😂👍🇬🇧🌷

[@pinkifloyd7867]

C'est la vie ❤ in italian qe cera, sera ?😅

[@debbiemohekey1509]

Let it be

[@melaniegarnett2169]

Exactly what will be ...will be❤

[@RebeccaLynnMusic]

🇫🇷 not 🇬🇧

[@DawnieKiana]

@@RebeccaLynnMusicLet them. lol

[@DeLayneJoseph1104]

Your "Let them" turned into a "Let ME"....as in "Let ME" have less stress , less worry and more freedom! Thank you! I needed that without the guilt. 💙

[@africanmermaid234]

❤ Oooh I LOVE this! Let me not suffer! ❤

[@LisaSoulLevelHealing]

​@@africanmermaid234 both ❤

[@alimac7203]

Spot on! 👍🏼 Good on you, the world needs more humans like you! I've been doing this for about a year after having an emotional breakdown and I'm getting so good at it now that I feel like a different person. Living life with a crippling disease plus chronic pain has become more fulfilling, makes my life easier and makes me feel like a much more authentic person. ❤

[@kmoy]

Love this!! Why am I driving myself crazy, getting stressed out?? We don’t need a permission slip to have less worry but this is sort of it. It’s the small things

[@silviaa5667]

😊😊😊

[@adrianemanhaes8496]

This is the best way to rid oneself of emotional dependency and codependency!💪🏻

[@giffordshoneyfarm8626]

No expectations no disappointments. Has been my moto for decades. The best peace of mind I've ever had. Walk in a higher frequency. Mrs. G

[@buckykent]

This is so freeing. I am not responsible for other people. I am also not a victim. I just pivot and move on. It’s fantastic!

[@rachelarmel7547]

Perfectly said! I 👍

[@solomonbeyene5]

Spot on😊

[@Cyndib93]

🙌🙌🙌

[@strawberry1286]

💜💜💜

[@winniechibuye9328]

Letting people be has been one of the best things to happen to my mental health. It's absolutely wonderful to feel free

[@lianouata]

Real talk 💯🙏

[@heatherkrebs3149]

0

[@pearlrichardson4179]

Agree & its so freeing.

[@lianouata]

So true this is one of those I wish I knew earlier 🙏💖

[@harleysmith1857]

Ty I neededto hear this today. I am in the process of learning that and letting go.

[@anitabird8482]

I came across this pod cast and WOW!!! What a game changer for me . Been dealing with adult step children who do not want to include me as my spouse’s partner . I have let it hurt me snd drive my anxiety through the roof . Now I will “ let them “ have get together without me, “ let them” be judgemental, “ let him” - my spouse decide where he wants to be and spend his time , and I will allow myself to let it all go and get on with doing things with my family and things that bring me joy and happiness . Just listening to the podcast brought a sense of peace over me. Thank you!!!!

[@barbrizzio3808]

I really can relate to your situation with the adult stepchildren! I'm praying for you!!!! (Just Let Them) :)

[@donnafreeman1249]

I too go through this too for 20 years it will never end I’m 66 , for now on I’m going to LET THEM I already feel relieved , I’m done trying. LETS DO THIS 👍

[@donnaribotto2651]

Came back to hear this again. It was true the first time and just as true and helpful this time. Thank you

[@teriw56]

Stoicism says, it’s not the thing, but your reaction to the thing.

[@XOXOPriscilla]

"in a relationship with their potential" I felt that one😊

[@Userinterfaceexperience]

It's amazing how many times this one reincarnates itself as a pattern 😅

[@XOXOPriscilla]

@@Userinterfaceexperience I think people can get forgetful and , then hopeful when they meet someone. I know my statement may seem confusing but Disney and Hallmark movies do so well because we often live in hope till reality drop kicks 🦵 us 😅

[@suegarner4428]

Profound!

[@kirti921]

story of my life!!! i feel you.

[@jana7470]

Same sister 🙈

[@crystalratclffe3258]

When you let them, then you decide what you will do with what is, not the potential. ❤

[@askarleneshow]

Yes, that being in a relationship with their potential got me.

[@shalealbao]

Same. Now I can face reality if I really love the relationship as is, or the potential. And then decide what’s best after. What a powerful thought!

[@ceebee5802]

Wow. What a great insight. It does put you back in your business because then you can review your choices. Thanks for sharing so I could get there with that realization!

[@CherylHol]

You’re right! So many times I have heard, “but they have so much potential.”

[@fiona7591]

Someone on here had a great point I can't find the comment now. They said " How do you Let them" at the expense of your peace of mind??? They will always do what they want to do, but if its at the expense of your dignity and respect do you just let them???? PLEASE MEL OR SOMEONE ELSE RESPOND

[@dawnturitto8442]

Holy crap..."in love with their potential." This describes every man I've ever dated, and now my husband. At a crossroads right now, and I never realized why I've always ended up disappointed.

[@GiePena]

Were they avoidant

[@dawnturitto8442]

@@GiePena all of them...lol. I'd never heard that term used as a relationship style until recently.

[@quackquack185]

Same! I wish I realized this theory 4 years ago.

[@helenacuch9010]

Me too. Big sigh

[@ravent3016]

Think of it this way: if it were reversed, would you want to be with a man who only loved the potential you he saw in his head, rather than the real you?

[@nicki2343]

I used to have the saying "the moment you stop worrying what other people think of you, is the moment you set yourself free"! This "let them' podcast however, is the most freeing of them all and has helped me through a difficult decision I've just had to make. Thank you!!!!!! 😊 x

[@julieg3306]

Too much energy is taken up in trying to change others and manipulate reality to our liking. It may be worth letting gooooo!

[@melissahammersley7678]

This really hit home with me. My middle son (22) doesn't agree with me separating from his father and has decided to no longer have a relationship with me. I have "let him" have those feelings. I have not pushed the situation. I have not begged him to be in my life. I am letting him work through his feelings and if/when he decides to talk to me, I will be here for him

[@cleitatreestrong8397]

I admire your willingness to let him. Honestly, I am so impressed by your strength. This will for sure pay off ❤❤❤❤

[@lilarose9348]

In this situation do you reach out for example, once a week so he knows you care? I’m asking because I would feel like I need to do x,y,z to make sure he knows I’m still initiating contact even if it was a text just to say hello and he never responds. My son is 22 as well. Not saying you should I’m just figuring out how the let them theory works. ❤

[@daviimandel8265]

@@lilarose9348 I have reached out multiple times with no response. My adult daughters advised me strongly to let it be. They said he knows you want to be in contact. If you never let him be, you'll not give him the chance to start looking inward and repairing his side of things so he can have the chance to reach out. I'm taking that advice, hard as it sometimes is.

[@mistymccoy4411]

I just let my son reach out when he wants. Except for the milestones, I want him to know I remember:)@@lilarose9348

[@bridgidchetty292]

I am in a similar situation. Divorced and my 2 boys stay with their dad. I have begged them to come live with me or sometimes spend weekends with me but no they don't want to. I go to them every second day to see them so that they know I am still here for them. So one day I asked why don't they come or even call me. They say they don't need to cos I come to them. So letting them be and not seeing them I think would be a better option do that they come to you when they ready otherwise you are just taken for granted

[@JohnM...]

This is really called STOICISM - never being attached to people or outcomes, and never trying to control people and circumstances that are beyond your own control. Happy Christmas.

[@courtneymontanio9965]

“Let the current of what’s happening take you in a different direction” a place of surrender= peace. Love this Mel!

[@curiousnetty534]

My 31 year old son and his wife (and two dogs 😳🙄) have lived in a small VW camper van for two years. This is through choice and they love it. I recently realised that my anxiety around this is because I never know where they are. Since I recognised this and explained it to my son he’s given me a rough idea where they are on different days of the week. I feel better now. It’s about letting go and accepting that they are grown adults and can care for themselves. As for other people I learnt years ago that what people choose to do isn’t my business. This was one of my favourite of your videos. Thank you ❤

[@jenniferolson5345]

I loved what you had to say here. I think a lot of our issues do stem from our own worries and anxieties. I see this in myself, too. This podcast really spoke to me. I am listening to it again now and reading comments. Thank you for sharing.

[@curiousnetty534]

@@jenniferolson5345 thanks for your reply. I still worry when he goes ‘radio silent’ and he’s a rock climber so you can imagine what I imagine. 😟

[@arbonneladyTN]

@@curiousnetty534 I have all six of my kids who rock climb I understand the ‘mom fear’ all too well ! As long as you can (and I can) text them that I’m kind of worried , it helps me to feel better…allows them to know they have been out of range a bit too long, and provides a record of contact in case something goes wrong. Ps… if the married ones are out, I text BOTH phones. If the kids are all out together ( often ) I will text the family text group.

[@jenniferolson5345]

Oh, wow, you have very adventurous kids! My husband and I always say to our adult children to give us "signs of life" when they are traveling. Years ago, one of my daughter's friends parents said that to her while visiting my daughter. My husband and I loved that little statement so much that we still use it today. I have listened to this podcast every day this week. I gave myself that challenge, so It would really sink into my brain!

[@countrygal2449]

You could send a request for find my friends? Then you could see where they are anytime if they are okay with it :) I’m following my son’s honeymoon trip to Europe right now.

[@kittttyful]

The ‘let them’ theory is the same as the ‘okay’ theory. I have been using the word ‘okay’ and now I’m completely peaceful and detached from everyone and everything. It’s the most powerful place to be in.

[@megp5112]

I don't think being detached from people seems good. But this theory definitely is!

[@tatummcgowan5574]

I actually tattooed, “it’s fine”, on my wrist, years ago. Means the same to me, as “let them” or “okay”…

[@jenniferburton7044]

@@megp5112Some of us suffer from emotional dependency/codependency. Detachment allows us to learn healthier boundaries. Not saying YES all the time. Etc. It doesn’t mean detaching from your loved ones emotionally.

[@susankelley8604]

This helped me more than I can say…. My son, his wife and three small children under the age of 6 are moving 16 hours away from me and home. I tried everything to convince them to stay, but now I can see that I need to let them…. For my peace and sanity. Thank you so much for helping me to see. ❤

[@silentnight6547]

I'm not someone who gets influenced quickly by talks, however, this talk is truly powerful. It came in perfect time. Very motivating... thanks 🙏

[@Stolat79]

I lost a friend of over 20 years because she would not Let Me be me. I declined to go to her Xmas Eve party, my husband and I opting to go out for dinner instead. Little did I know that this one action would cause her to accuse me of hating her family, of questioning why we were friends, of raging at me. I sat on this for a while, let her make the decision to call me and we planned a meet up over coffee. She refused to admit that her behavior was manipulative and controlling. I’ve walked away from this relationship, it’s been 3 months since that coffee and silence from her. My 40’s are seeing a lot of this, I have no time for other peoples chaos or drama. We are all free to be ourselves. “I’m the only person in control of my powerful emotions about things!”

[@carolbiagioni4744]

Exact same thing happened to me only in a different way. Relationship of over 35 years. Best friend. Mel's video has relieved me of the obligation to think about it anymore.

[@namensrichtlinien1298]

😔 So, just ignore what is important to her, do not share your reasons, to be alone is so much nicer, away with friendship, who cares.

[@Stolat79]

@@namensrichtlinien1298 that is not what I said at all. Amazing the assumptions you made there, with so little information on this schism. I mean I was brief, but you took her side quite readily without knowing either of us or our relationship. What about what is important to me? To my husband and me? Sounds like you need to do some introspective work yourself mate. Cheers.

[@Stolat79]

@@namensrichtlinien1298 and your post is Uber manipulative! Lay that guilt and shame on someone else!

[@Stolat79]

@@Manjaxi again with the assumptions. I had attended once before her Xmas eve party. Only once ever. That party involved my friends alcoholic sister rubbing her breasts and gyrating on my husband in a provocative way. Of watching my drunken friend and her sister screaming at each other over lost keys. A party of drunks. I declined to attend again due to my husband feeling uncomfortable being around my friends sister. This same friend had been taking the piss out of me for months prior over small differences of opinion between us. My husband and I have a tradition of going out for Chinese on Christmas Eve. “Fancy Dinner” is your assumption, again oddly manipulative even as you give unasked for advice. More like Chinese buffet and a bubble tea. Yes ego does play a part in both parties. My friend and I are both head strong people, part of what bonded the friendship all those years ago. However, I got my drinking under control, learned to let others be themselves (you didn’t ask how many times this friend had bailed on my own invitations, minimum of ten and I did not throw fits just said “ok next time then”), to control my emotions and opinions and to let people go if need be. I validated my friends feelings of hurt and explained that my husband and I have our own traditions to forge, that we are all in with each other for the long haul. However, my feelings were discarded and she clearly felt entitled to belittle me for hurting her feelings. I’m on a path to better myself, to be the best version of me. You become like the company you keep. Remember that. My friend needs to start Adulting better, we’re all free. Cheers.

[@verovancouver]

Every time you rescue somebody, you rob them of the opportunity to grow! Wow, wise words! 👏👏👏

[@RK-su4hs]

Sometimes people are unable to solve despite best efforts to help themselves To refuse is indifference at best cruelly at worst

[@susannahats6358]

C B h

[@reverendwilliams6652]

Dear, I disagree. Please do not fail to be the Good Samaritan on somebody's road.

[@RK-su4hs]

@@reverendwilliams6652 Agree. Indifference leads to a cold heart Wisdom is knowing when to apply what in life

[@dulamaya]

Wrong. Sometimes you can safe a life. Sometimes people need a shoulder to lean on to recharche their courage to confront their problems. Serve others with best intentions yet do not expect gratitude or even control over people.

[@shannoncantley5209]

Someone shared this and thought I'd share here. Same message❤️ This Tattoo has gone viral along with its poem, have you read it yet? “Let Them” “Just Let them. If they want to choose something or someone over you, LET THEM. If they want to go weeks without talking to you, LET THEM. If they are okay with never seeing you, LET THEM. If they are okay with always putting themselves first, LET THEM. If they are showing you who they are and not what you perceived them to be, LET THEM. If they want to follow the crowd, LET THEM. If they want to judge or misunderstand you, LET THEM. If they act like they can live without you, LET THEM. If they want to walk out of your life and leave, hold the door open, AND LET THEM. Let them lose you. You were never theirs, because you were always your own. So let them. Let them show you who they truly are, not tell you. Let them prove how worthy they are of your time. Let them make the necessary steps to be a part of your life. Let them earn your forgiveness. Let them call you to talk about ordinary things. Let them take you out on a Thursday. Let them talk about anything and everything just because it’s you they are talking to. Let them have a safe place in you. Let them see the heart in you that didn’t harden. Let them love you. “ Author: Cassie Phillips

[@natashamudford4011]

Yeah, but if they do all talk and no listen... well, that gets old pretty quickly.

[@DoraMinoe]

That is beautiful. Thank you!

[@alinaChiril]

❤❤

[@IvanEarache]

Thank you. I'm 60 years old and never thought of this. But it makes perfect sense. I'm going to do this all the time now because I'm absolutely exhausted. Life is too short. ❤️

[@thegallerypool]

Mel, the one thing I appreciate the most about you is how all your teachings comes from your own “mess-ups” which is so valuable and courageous. This is how I have been able to relate to you as a human being and have been able to open my heart to listen. Thank you for showing up to the world 😉.

[@arbonneladyTN]

Yes👆 I fully agree!

[@conniemilman7842]

This is so NOW for me I have been suffer😅ing from my adult children dissing me All;the time After hearing this I can FINALLY let go and LET THEM. Thank you!

[@colleenhager4507]

Amen!!

[@MsYingyang2]

I too appreciate your own stories and how honestly you felt. This resonates with me. My thoughts are not just mine. Reading the comments tells me so many people are experiencing the same thing. Thank you.

[@blanketeyblank5309]

I love that she is so OPEN to sharing for everyone willingly. TY

[@carolwintx8248]

Every year my daughter and her fiancé and daughter goes to his family’s place for Christmas. As a child of divorce who hated when my parents argued over me for the holidays, this has never bothered me. I can’t tell you how many friends and relatives have commented to me that my daughter needs to spend Christmas at my house. I’ve always used the let them approach when it comes to how my daughter chooses to celebrate her holidays. My feelings are not hurt, and we always get together and have a wonderful time no matter what time of year it is. It’s so surprising to me why other people care so much, it is not their daughter, and it is not affecting their holiday. It feels very freeing to just not be bothered by it.

[@arbonneladyTN]

I understand your thoughts on this. I’m blessed to have my s-n-love & d-n-love’s in the same town as us. I never wanted the fight of who’s Christmas/Thanksgiving do I get them. I made it that we are flexible and will work around the other families. It has worked great… and I have peace…. ps… all the kids want to sleep here too😉

[@shaec3405]

And I bet You Prob. Get A lot more TIME over all.... ❤

[@robinwiergacz9974]

Smart woman!

[@Summerrose400]

I too don’t mind my daughter and her fiancé going to his parents for Christmas. They live above me in a flat we made by doing an attic conversion. They have their own front door and the only thing we share is the garden. It’s actually quite a relief, no pressure on me to cook and prepare mountains of food I can’t afford. I have treats that I enjoy, films I enjoy and an early night knowing I will see them on the other 364 days of the year 🎉

[@LilBafta]

@@Summerrose400 I, as a mother who loves her son soooo much sees your situation as 'living the dream'. To have him so close yet still have your space 🤗 I would still feel a bit wishful they'd spend one christmas with me ocassionally, but you're being really rational. ❤

[@MysticalMatterTarot]

HOW COME I haven’t crossed paths with Mel Robbin’s videos before! They are life changing.

[@carolcoleman7107]

Omg Mel.this is the most empowering message ive heard in my 69 yrs on this planet. GOD BLESS YOU ❤❤❤❤

[@karunamahajan9769]

just keep making content like this to heal us mentally ,emotionally and physically

[@keesh929]

I live 5000 miles away from Mel, but swear, she must have known me since I was born. How could that be, dang it??? Here is a ❤️ Mel.

[@angelinaghrist3489]

I'm grateful for this wisdom. I had an 8 yr. "What I thought was a friendship" end recently. Instead of chasing for an answer, I released the person with gratitude and let go.

[@moniqueengleman873]

This happens so often as we age. Let them go. Madea had this going first.

[@paramorefanaddict]

I'm dealing with this right now.A 15 years of friendship that started in high school now,has essentially gone down the drain in a month's time.Not sure where the energy came from but I'm not going to waste my time to figure it out.If they found a better deal than what I gave them,good for them.Ive been blessed in so many other areas of my life,that it's really not worth the stress.🥾

[@khushivashisht6778]

Honestly, it's so magical and peaceful......"just, let them." Thank you Mel

[@AnnaMishel]

If your listeners don’t want to take your advice . . .”let them”

[@susanh326]

Oh my lord! Spot on. I married two husbands because they had "potential". Never realizing I had my own potential and I made things happen with MY potential and energy and commitment. Thank you for giving me food for thought. ❤

[@lilarose9348]

👏

[@lantherpagdi]

you married somebody with "potential" without looking at yourself in the mirror?

[@susanh326]

@@lantherpagdi You get a gold star for getting the general idea! Girls where I came from were socialized that the sun rises and sets with men. I suppose that's good for the man🤩.

[@mariannembradley2345]

I love this . This came at a perfect time . I have a fiancé and we have a long distance relationship. He talks and talks about this female friend . I have totally stopped whining about this and he questioned me about it . He loved the controversy . This is what I discovered when I let him . I am free from jealousy . I tell him that I can’t be worried about what he does because he will do what he feels he needs to do . When this happens I just don’t participate and honestly reevaluate this relationship .

[@RK-su4hs]

like tug of war. One team let’s go of the rope & the other team falls down No resistance

[@gloriasaliba3395]

You deserve better than him

[@miketaylor7305]

Hi Marien…yes he needs to go

[@motha_earth1386]

Going through the same. I have understood that Im enough and I choose not to be triangulated with another woman/women

[@Eirene628]

Ummm...triangulation. I'd think twice.

[@alexiss70]

I lost many friendships and relationships in my years of living, and I was once a people pleaser who tried to see the good in everyone. So when people walked out of my life, I often asked myself and peers what was I doing wrong and why’d they leave. The more you overthink why this person did this or that, you’ll drive yourself insane. I stopped controlling situations, people, and outcomes. I simply let them.

[@Yali1977]

I've been like this all my life and people think i'm cold. No i'm not cold I just like peace. Even with my own daughters, when they wanted to date the abusive person that keeps beating them. I wanted to help But it was not not worth it. So I moved out-of-state and let them deal with their own issues. They had to learn the hard way. You cannot force nobody to do something.

[@diannebarnard2402]

I had a terrible week of expectations and misery of my own making, and then I started worrying about people being mad at me, and then I realized I can let them. And a bigger epiphany is that I can also let myself experience my own emotions and not try to control them. I can extend that same grace to myself. Thanks!

[@me-ro1me]

Years ago I had cancer my so called best friend never once came to see me or even call me on the phone to see how I was doing, when I was all done my cancer and treatment her husband and her new friends came over to tell us we were not on their ball team anymore because we all played ball together ! It broke my heart and she has been telling people that I ended our friendship . I was mad but cancer sometimes kicks your Ass but it really opens you up to kind people who did not even know me that show me love and support that I never got from my friend.Friends are put in your life to teach you something! And sometimes you have to walk away! Because some friends just aren’t good for you!

[@dianemartinez8126]

You are correct, this is a lesson.

[@JoanVBruce]

W​@@dianemartinez8126

[@TradBarbie]

Dude... that's pure ev×l!! She was using you.

[@bizygirl1]

I had a “friend” like that too. I’m so thankful my illness improved my “vision” to see who was who in my life.

[@cheryllewis-scott8741]

This has helped me figure out how to deal with my brother, sister in law and their kids. They have systematically excluded me from their lives and my sister in law went on a campaign of maligning me. For 40 years I have tried to please them but now I actually feel free. I have peace that they will never include me and I also realize that they only include me when they need me for something. I am their ‘tea maker’, they only think of me when they need something from me. I am free to tell them that I will now morally support them from afar but I’m no longer going to be pulled into any drama of their own making. Thank you Mel.

[@ShanelChelzz]

How do u let them.. without harboring resentment ? We all know to “LET THEM” already but it’s so hard not catch offense or resentment in the process. In turn it manifest into a bitter outlook on life and on to my personality. I already knew this ! The let them theory is not an epiphany for me. I already knew this. Let them doesn’t stop u from feeling over looked, unworthy and lonely.

[@amandineisabelle6494]

Thank you Mel. My sister has decided to cut us all out of her life and I’ve spent 10 years trying to bring her back in the family and got myself hurt in the process. With the let them theory I’ve learnt to let go, she’ll come back to us when she’s ready, and I get to stop being upset about it and do my own thing in the meanwhile. Like you said this isn’t about me it’s about her and the space she needs

[@HeatherLandex]

I've cut of a sister, my mother keeps intervening - she's risking getting cut off too. She has to let me be because she doesn't have the same experience of my sister. I cannot force her to see it either. I have to "let her" feel worried or overly responsible or I risk my mother dragging me back into the drama.

[@mwashi401]

Absolutely. At the end, it is not about you (this was your sisters choice) and remember that as you breathe and let go of what and whom you can’t control..😊

[@bettybarnes8506]

Your response hit home w me only I’m the one excluding dysfunctional family members from MY life.

[@RisingPhoenix11.11]

Try trying to think of at least one reason why she should not come back, turn it around and maybe it,s for her of your best interest to go each your own path

[@brendarewan7441]

I admire you for how you handled this situation. 🌺👍🏾

[@sharonknapp5015]

Thank you Mel! I have a narcissistic X who turned my children against me. I’m devastated to say the least and cry daily in disbelief that they were so easily brainwashed. Narcissistic Parental Abandonment - just found out it isn’t just me. I can’t go on like this anymore so I’ll try your “Let them” and “F*** It” (made me laugh for the first time since idk) approach. I need to find some sort of happiness and Love in this world. 💔

[@jlopez-showalter3846]

Leave this one in Gods Hands Sharon knapp. As Mel says, and I am paraphrasing, the more you chase, the more they will run. Chances are they will eventually come to their senses 🤞🏼. Foe me when it comesvto your children they deserve alot of leeway in most instances and you can not hold a grudge. Praying for many blessings for you. Ephesians 6:1-4 6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

[@ellecrescent9834]

My dad turned my mum against me after they divorced. I was really brainwashed for a few years, but when I couldn’t take it living with him anymore I came back to her and realised what had happened. So don’t worry, let them, they will come back and they will know. Just keep your door and heart open. I’m sorry that you’re going through this but it will be okay.

[@tiffanyjohnson96]

I'm so terribly sorry you're going through this. I am a firm believer in "actions speak louder than words" kids pick up on everything, and one day it'll all click. Don't lose hope. Just keep shining and put on your best you! Everything will fall into place. I'm praying for you dear heart ♥️

[@debbiesmith8544]

I’m another mother , divorced and ex of narcissistic for 47 years. He has and is brainwashed them to the point they don’t invite me to graduations, weddings or anything and I’m the one dealing with the pain he has caused. People are evil.

[@tishataray]

​@@debbiesmith8544 narcs are very evil. Blessing hun

[@Pamalumpa]

So many people need this message! I wish all the over functioning parents in my area would watch. Kids (and adults) need consequences to learn and grow.

[@boringboring]

This “Let them” theory and the “It’ll pass” line in Fleabag 2 are now my dual action guide of emotion management. It works more effectively when these actions being called out in such specific and articulating phrases. Thanks to Mel and Phoebe. Both of you are caring and intelligent thinkers and writers of our time.

[@alethealane5023]

A cousin discovered online that I had three adult siblings. We were all in our forties by that time. I tried very hard, too hard to try to build relationships with them. I finally LET GO, and let them decide if they want to pursue a relationship with me. I don’t believe that they will, and while that hurts, my peace is too important at this point.

[@RichardColes1111]

Thank you Mel for the way you show up everyday! I love how real you are. I'm 61 and have been parked on the side of the road for the last 30 years as a result of my thinking and choices. I'm 10 years sober now and I'm pulling back onto the highway. Enough of the pity parties, talking about the glory days that really weren't that glorious, and this crappy comfort zone, because it really is never over till it's over, and I'm really just getting started. Your podcast is food for my soul and I have also taken the take control challenge. I will keep you posted. Have a great day on purpose and thanks again for being a lifeline and I love you right back!! 👍🙂😎👋❤️💯

[@auntiemame7076]

Sending you best wishes for a wonderful next phase as you travel the highway. Take the scenic route! You are not alone. There are many of us and we need to encourage and model for each other.

[@threatlevelmidnightz1990]

And so today begins the rest of my life ❤

[@shelleypetersen1608]

I needed this today! I broke my foot on Mother's Day. I have 4 close friends (or so I thought) and have only heard from one of them...once. Thank you for the reminder not to waste my energy on them.

[@mwashi401]

Exactly! Been dealing with the “silence” from the mother of my nephew. Been reaching out and left voicemails but to no avail. She has yet to respond. At first I was annoyed but I saw Mel’s instagram post and immediately said to myself “ok. She doesn’t want to call me back, let her! I’ll be okay.”

[@thepricklyonesbyyanawhelan]

I started using the let them theory with my oldest son, he is 14 yo and he started highschool last year...I made the decision to let him manage the class selection, the itinerary, I empowered him to start resolving the school roadblocks, to fix any missing assignments or a failed exam. Even though he knows I am here and Daddy always can help...but he was in charge of doing it. AND Let me tell you...He has grown a lot...let himself do the rescue on his own and give him the power to take control to fail and succeed. PLease believe me...I’ve noticed that things go much more smoothly when I give up control-when I allow them to happen instead of making them happen. Unfortunately, I’m still terrible at this. But I am working on it and changing habits.

[@anusha2465]

I cannot do that. He will fail miserably 😢 He has zero motivation to learn

[@4pcmiknugget852]

I’m almost 43, and have actually been doing this for most of my adult life. It saves a lot of time and energy, and is definitely worth it for your mental health.

[@user-yd3jd2em8e]

The only thing that you can control is your own choice. You simply cannot control the choices that others make. You can only suggest choices. The moment you “let them” make choices, stand back, observe, and “let them” learn from their choices. thanks Mel ❤

[@r.p.8906]

pure gold. Another plus of " let them" is your health. Literally your health. Almost all diseases, especially the autoimmune ones and the coronary artery diseases are DIRECTLY linked to this inner resistance of events and people!! The following emotional rollercoaster and stress leads to immune deficiency and the epigenetic kicks us into diseases. 🙃thanks!! Drug addicts, alcoholics and emotional abusers are notorious of dragging down anyone who doesn't let them. The " helper" dies before the addict quite often. GOLD!

[@lv4366]

I have been doing this unconsciously for the last 6 to 9 months - the freedom is indescribable. Thank you for giving this a name!

[@MySingleLifeADollShow]

My 23 year old daughter decided to disown and leave the family. We were devastated because this all happened out of nowhere. I decided not to care because she's grown and she's making a conscious decision, and now I'm the bad guy because I don't care. I'm a firm believer in free will for adults. I'm at peace 😌

[@3barnesfarm]

You are not alone... same with my daughter. Sometimes, I light a candle for her, and I send her love and light. Ultimately, we can't control others- but we can send them positive vibes ❤

[@LindaFoyle]

Same thing like this happened to me, my daughter, years ago, after she graduated high school, she didn’t want anything to do with me, yes it hurt, for a few years, but I came to the realization, that’s what she wanted, and I moved on…She is 48 now, and it’s still the same way. No, it doesn’t bother me…my life is good❤🙏🏻

[@donnaparsons500]

We were so close until they were about 28. Now at 33 and 35 poof gone, they were not abused they were adored. Daily. By both parents. I’m Single and 69. Christmas gone thanksgiving gone birthdays gone. I “let them”3 years ago. I’m still grieving.

[@Rjayer82]

I love this! It brings peace to my life. Trying to always be in control it’s exhausting. Thank you 🙏🏼 ❤

[@jinnyh]

I love this… I call it “you in or out?” If I ask a friend to go to dinner, brunch or movie, I just want to know if they’re in or out. Do NOT want to know their itinerary for the whole week, or why they can’t do whatever. I just tell them”OK next time”.

[@notnow7973]

Haha! So true! My sister always tells me the more important things she has to do.

[@gigicoogler]

One of my favorite mantras/inner talk is “nothing matters that much”. Even after years and years of doing and “ then 😢 receiving a diagnosis of cancer. You realize your finite self. At this moment you can say without thwart NOTHING MATTERS THST MUCH.

[@afrancis7475]

O my God, how are you now?

[@gigicoogler]

@@afrancis7475 I’m great!! Nothing is more important then how I feel. It’s catching the mind chatter before my body hears it. Lol. My mind says go do do do more faster. My body says; yeah go ahead I’ll catch up later. Body wins. Haha

[@carriegreisen678]

I am so grateful to find your channel! As a cancer patient, I am working through letting go of so many emotions…this seems to be my new mantra. Thank you for the effort you put into creating inspirational content that truly makes a difference in our lives!

[@auntiemame7076]

This is so helpful right now! I am the controlling person always in everyone’s business, especially with my family (where everyone is the same and we drive each other nuts!). Today I found out a close friend who bought a new vacation house invited various friends and relatives to stay the entire time she is going to be there through the fall and didn’t invite me. I started getting worked up because my feelings were hurt. Now, I’m just thinking, if she wants to invite all these other people but not me, LET HER. I have other places to go and she can do whatever she wants. Let her. Let her. Let her.

[@notnow7973]

So sorry you are hurt. Life can be hurtful.

[@kellymontes9841]

Hey Mel, I listened to this already three times. As a Mindful coach, and someone who feels responsible for everyone else’s emotional state, I may need to listen to this, another hundred times. Every word resonates with me. And though I may have to erase decades of programming, I will absolutely do it to save myself and those around me. Thank you.

[@kellymontes9841]

See what I mean now I’m trying to save them, again. Nope! I’ll simply let them.😅

[@joaquinben4458]

Yesss!!!! Great video!!!

[@annettemelendez8875]

Your not alone !!!! This is LIFE CHANGING FOR ME!!!! TY Mel

[@anneiconex1473]

​@@kellymontes9841 YES I'M GOING TO LISTEN 3 TIMES TÓO

[@susanbilawchuk1192]

I’ll tell you what I’m afraid of …. Being taken advantage of!! I did let it go and now it’s been 6 years since my family has spoken to me. The day I decided to let it go … they were gone !! Even though I’m strong and can move on … it still really hurts!! Just be prepared in what you choose to “let go” of. 🤔

[@JDAfrica]

I had a very similar situation - what helped me is that I had to realize I loved the ‘idea of who they were in my mind’ and not who/what they were to me. I wrote it all down, to externalise - and I focus on the people that love and support me. Every time I’m down, I buy a small Gift and remind myself to be grateful to the people who are here.

[@vickyeahoh]

Same here still hurts but the other way round just look worst if you think about it like being in the matrix. You have been brave, you are brave!

[@deniseatkinson7510]

This is wonderful. Also the ‘heart’ of the Al-Anon program. Meetings everyday, everywhere, across the world.

[@notnow7973]

So very sorry. Of course it hurts.

[@susanbilawchuk1192]

@@JDAfrica I forgot to thank you 9 months ago for your comment… so thank you 🙏 very thoughtful and comforting.

[@maryportland4038]

Perfect!!! Love this!!!! No drama. No chaos.

[@vivianasanchez9008]

I absolutely love this. I used to get really hurt when people didn’t do what I expected of them and I decided one day to not have any more expectations, no matter who the person was. It has been liberating to say the least. It has given me the ability to notice and appreciate the things that people do for me, no matter how small.

[@r.p.8906]

When they show us who they are, we need to believe them from the FIRST TIME. It could save our lives.

[@elizabethcabrera5718]

Thank you so much for this Mel 😊❤ my adult kids hurt me everyday now I know I can’t control how they treat me . And I don’t have to spend the holidays with them when I am not important to them . I will just let them !

[@notnow7973]

So very sorry you are hurt.

[@lavieestbelle6068]

This message is for me. I need to relax and ”let them “ in all areas of my life.

[@mushymoshy]

I had to do a “let them” with my self absorbed & distant 79 year old mother and sisters! I’ve stopped trying to be more than I am. I have renewed happiness and joy from letting go. I’ve surrendered and released them from my life and I’ve stop trying to get them to love me. I’ve stopped incessantly trying to me the good daughter that no one sees 😊

[@kimberlymitchell727]

When I saw the Instagram post....whew!! I got chills. I had to "let" the people in my life do what they do without me injecting my opinions (whether I said it out loud or stood silently in judgment). It has been the most liberating thing I have ever done for me as well as for them!

[@marciajordan995]

This is amazing, Mel. My son is an alcoholic, got fired - total “victim”. I’m trying every single minute to just let him. Thank you.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

They need to see how bad things are when nobody is rearranging the deck chairs.

[@Catfluff521]

My son as well. I’m trying to do what I reasonably can, but accept that I can’t control what he does.

[@Catfluff521]

@@SusanaXpeace2uso true. I’ve done too much and it was enabling.

[@katherinebates5740]

From Alanon literature, I’ve retained a quote: “…give other people the respect of allowing them to live their own lives.”

[@rituvij8547]

I loved this podcast. I was struggling with my husband of 12 years and when nothing worked, I was forced to "let him be". He is an epitome of control as he has a narcissistic personality. When I emtionally cut him out of my life, I also cut off most of the bullshit and toxicity I was surrounded with. Now he is ruminating not me.

[@kathyhou4648]

100%true…. When you are aligned with yourself, true colors seriously show up …. let them !!!!

[@RK-su4hs]

“people are going to do what they want to do no matter what anyone says or does”

[@freespirit-111]

I concur.

[@coleenchapin8902]

My thing is "let that shit die of neglect." Love the Let Them theory!!

[@48203Angel]

This is giving me so much relief. My 40’s have just been improved. Thank you.

[@confusedwhynot]

It is hard to watch someone you love go down a dangerous path. We can offer assistance in some way, but it is up to them. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I can't change them. All I can do is be an example for good. It hurt like he'll, but they are responsible for their choices. I know I went kinda deep on this topic. I am seeing the loss of my husband to addiction and other vices. Thanks for sharing!! I know I need to let go before it destroys me and our children.

[@mbouquin]

Thank you. Thank you. I have tried the phrase "let IT GO" forever, it never really worked. But "let THEM" works... It's kind of shocking. Bold. It personifies the statement. Now I say to myself "Oh! Let them" and I add "I am just the observer." And I usually walk away calmly and at peace. Wow. You helped me in like 30 seconds and my life has literally improved in just days. Thank you SO much you are my new fave. 😉👌💪

[@sylviaford3828]

Wow! Timing of this segment popping up was perfect. I am trying to not get wrapped up in my elderly! narcissistic mother's increasingly poor choices. Her doctor told me as long as she's capable of making her own decisions, I should step away from trying so hard to oversee her life. Let Them is my new mantra!

[@Kimmotion1]

I needed to hear this exact thing. I needed to let go and stop trying to control the uncontrollable. Thank you Mel Robbins.

[@sunshinebricker8975]

Mel - You are amazing, you make the world such a better place and I love your authenticity! Listen to you every day :)

[@emmalaing8220]

Thank you Mel. This was a very powerful and poignant podcast. Love the sentiment of "Let them". Yes - pick your battles, take a breath - just let go of the control you feel you need to have and let it happen.

[@gloria2284]

This was on my feed today, and it's something I needed to hear today.

[@MojoZ20]

Wishing a whole bunch of peace & happiness to all of us 🎉 in spite of the conflict (praying that it settles down soon enough).. Thanks, Mel 🙌

[@154Slappy]

You SO opened my eye, Mel. The light bulb FINALLY went off after all these decades... and it feels RIGHT! I FINALLY let go on things I shouldn't have to worry about. Thank you, Mel!

[@KatieJerome7]

I have no friends now because i stopped being the only one reaching out. I also let my husband do whatever he wants with his free time and it's ruined our marriage. We barely speak because he's always on his computer. I guess you can let others do what they want but that doesn't mean you will be happy. 😂

[@notnow7973]

Very good point!

[@Pepperfam]

I think it still means honest open communication about your feelings. It’s also hard you have to say hey honey we really need to prioritize our marriage and spend time together. If you play video games that much I feel abandoned neglected. Let’s plan more dates and please cut down on video games it’s probably an addiction. If they don’t care when you approach them with kindness and respect that’s either an addiction or they don’t care about you. Then it’s okay I deserve someone better.

[@rebeccableidorn891]

Thank you so much! I needed to hear this and didn’t know it. I realized that in so many situations, I thought I was being helpful, I didn’t see it as being controlling. I honestly thought I was doing something good when actually I wasn’t really. I love how you give examples of when you really are being helpful or it’s necessary to step in and other examples of where the “let them” theory definitely applies. I am 56 years old and this episode has been one of the most eye opening things I’ve experienced. Thank you. Thank you for sharing this and helping me to understand what I do so often and why I typically end up feeling the way I do. What a blessing. This was extremely timely for me by the way. Thanks Mel!

[@rosebarnes101]

Hearing you say I love you. Brought me to tears. A complete stranger supporting me just made all the emotions come forward. Thank you for being there

[@constancedvoretzky2615]

I grew up with gifted parents who had exceptionally high standards and, from early childhood on, I tried to satisfy my mother's image of who I should be. Many immigrants had similar experiences, with parents who were determined to overcome the challenges of their history. They did this by pushing themselves and their children to the limit. Mel, listening to this podcast has been an eye-opener! I now realize that I need to let "them/everyone" do what they want to do! And I can do the same -- whatever that is, perfect or not! What a huge concept to embrace and enjoy! Thank you for this and for the other wisdom you share with those of us who need it! Sending you love! Connie