The Only Thing My Father Gave Me

[@doddlevloggle]

aWWW you kept my CARD

[@teesmith3460]

Dodie!

[@emilyscloset2648]

The dovan will never die

[@rrbrtn2597]

aw dodes we love y'all

[@stacker63]

awwwwwwww

[@melododie]

Aw! You're both too sweet!

[@YourMadnessty]

my heart aches Evan. I love the way you did this whole video, the openess, the searching for positivity, the self introspection that goes into even the understanding of why hoarding feels wrong. I mean literally nothing to you, but this video meant the world to me. Thank you.

[@hanami741]

so true, people who move a lot, and or lack family feel especially detached and it feels like they will have to move anytime soon so buying basically anything feels bad (cause it will be another thing you need to take with you)

[@elisabethLR]

This is a really great video and I’m sure it helped, at least a little, to make it. My dad past away 13 years ago, and I still keep his copy of the Half-blood prince. I always tell people it’s my favourite of the series. I do love the book itself, but I think it helps that it is one of the last things I have from my father. Don’t worry, it gets easier with time ❤️ sending all my love Evan!

[@scottrowland7448]

I carry my dad's Swiss army knife in my pocket, most of the time; it's been 30yrs.

[@EinkOLED]

Don't take it in your hand luggage on the way to the airport.

[@zebedeesummers4413]

This warms my heart so much.

[@Maxwell-is-Smart]

Zebedee Summers Ditto!

[@Maxwell-is-Smart]

Scott Rowland How lovely. Thank you for sharing that 💕

[@emd2551]

This is really relatable to me, my dad passed away when I was 3 and the only physical thing that I have left of him is this blue stuffed dog that he got when I was born. I absolutely refuse to throw it away, ive had it all my life, the blue has washed out so much that in some places it’s basically white now, it’s been sowed up multiple times but I don’t know what I would do without it

[@evan]

Always keep it x

[@sydneyreed-schall4906]

I relate to this so much. My parents and I never had a good relationship. Especially me and my mom. After 3 years of fighting, me and my sister finally left. Before our relationship with Mom got super bad, my sister and I had gotten necklaces matching our mom with all of our birth stones. The night we left, we threw away our necklaces, which were the only thing connecting us to our mom. Cut to last year when my mom died of heart disease. I don’t regret leaving, it was for our own safety, but I do wish I kept the necklace. For every terrible encounter with Mom, there was a happy memory. Me and my sister are thinking about getting some more necklaces made.

[@Leo501st]

0:23 first time I've seen a youtuber use *Thrice* in a video. *Congratulation Sir*

[@happyotter8085]

Josef Alaalatoa i said thrice in math class yesterday and now my whole class makes fun of me for it lol :))

[@syue5014]

happy otter Making fun of people for having a broad vocabulary is literally the definition of high school haha

[@happyotter8085]

S Yue lol right?

[@Meijimack]

I'm an American living in America, but my workplace has a lot of immigrants from India here. They all use "thrice" very commonly, which is wonderful to my ears! Thrice is such a delightful word. Today one of them said something happened "twice or thrice", and it got me thinking that that usage would never happen as a speaker of American English. We would say "two or three times" or, perhaps, "twice... maybe three times.".

[@JansViews]

Aww. I have only just discovered you here on youtube and have to tell you that I find you refreshingly authentic and relatable. I love your German vlogs and your general narrative! Keep going and sharing! 🌟

[@MoniraT]

You'll be an amazing father, Evan x

[@VLicious8704]

My dad passed away in 2009. I had things from him, but after nearly a decade, I'm missing his smell. All the things I kept have lost the way he smelled. Until I helped my mom deep clean her house this summer and she found a box of my dad's ties she kept for me. They still smell like him. And I cried like a baby. It's relatable, Evan. It's relatable to mourn and regret and look forward anyway.

[@cait812]

The only thing mine gave me was abandonment issues.

[@cait812]

The fear of hoarding is real and I'm always scared that I'll regret whatever I throw. My memory is terrible and objects help prompt the good ones.

[@TheEllaDarling]

I was gonna say "trust issues" *high-five*

[@cait812]

@@TheEllaDarling *High-five*

[@sunsetsoup]

Oh. I have trouble giving away things, because I'm afraid to lose the memories attached to them. It's not a huge deal right now, but I hope it's not a problem when I'm older :/

[@KeaLynn]

If it is stuff that's not very useful, I highly recommend taking pictures of it and then getting rid of it. The picture will bring the memories back.

[@peakae44]

@@KeaLynn If they are not large things, I would keep them since hey are tangible objects of memories. also, if you just took pictures you would need to keep them as well. I do this myself and I am quite a bit older now!

[@KeaLynn]

@@peakae44 I'm just talking about ways to reduce clutter without losing the memories.

[@zebedeesummers4413]

@@KeaLynn pictures are not the same, I have trouble getting rid of a bike because I learned how to fix bikes from my grandfather and it is the one he helped me understand things on. Looking at pictures os alright but the memories from feeling the chain. spinning the wheels or flipping the bike over is completely different. That being said I think my memories are more based in smell/feel/sound than sight. Sometimes I hear the wind in the trees and for a moment or two feel like I am back up north, at the summer camp that made my home feel like the second one.

[@GrayShadowOfNight]

I like to write in a diary for that purpose It helps a lot and I personally will over time forget the memories attached to the thing. But if I read the entry again it's as if it was yesterday again

[@minnie310]

I can relate. My dad died five years ago, and I find myself having the same favourite songs, movies, and even the same color. I also always wear a sweater of his when I go somewhere. Sentimentality is interesting. Thanks.

[@BTURNER1961]

. Hoarding is keeping useless items. Sentimental items are not useless if they produce a feeling of contentment, happiness or memories which themselves produce same when you touch or see them. Sentiment is real, positive, warm and kind. Just make sure that when you clean, to keep the smaller items that accomplish the goal and toss the bigger one.

[@AmyFutch]

My grandma (who went through the great depression) always wanted to keep everything. Not near the level of hording but a lot of things. So my mom is the opposite she gets rid of any thing she decides is junk. I grew up with her throwing away (or donating) things I still wanted, tell me that it didn't matter. When I was on my own I had a hard time getting rid of things I really didn't need and more. I have found a balance on my own but it took a while.

[@ridhashaikh8582]

aw evan

[@FreyaBassam]

evannnn omg stop youre making me cryyy

[@robertgronewold3326]

Having personal possession in your life does not make you a hoarder. In fact, you are suffering very strongly from the opposite. You have a very deep fear of attachment. And to that, all I can say is that you are now an adult. Soon your personal possession are going to encompass more than just your bedroom. You'll have a home of them, and you can't just decide to throw everything out one day because it's too much for you. Life by nature is cluttered.

[@evan]

I live in London so I will never be able to afford a home

[@maja194]

Evan Edinger But that's not the point. It is natural for humans to hold onto stuff. Of course hoarding is a problem, but don't be scared of that. You surely have amazing people around you that would be honest to you if you started to hoard. Wanting to keep things is necessary to us. Your Leatherman case, the stuffed Pikachu or the card from Dodie might not serve a direct purpose. But they remind you of your friends or good times you had. They make you feel safe and comfortable, and that is enough. What is with the pictures above your bed, or the fairy lights? They don't serve any purpose other than to look nice and make you feel at home. And that is enough.

[@JeM130177]

@@maja194 totally agree with you. While i empathise with Evan because i like the idea of everything around me being organised and somewhat necessary...but i think that's mostly from a practical viewpoint. I like to be quite tidy, i know EVENTUALLY i'm gonna have to sort stuff out. Though i TOTALLY empathise with it stressing you out. Sometimes I'm like UGH i wish i just had essentials and a few others things i just have SO MUCH STUFF ahhh but usually i can deal with it because as you say...that's life! But a hoarder it's completely different from sentimentality. Everything you own doesn't have to be justified or have a purpose. You can just like it. I have 9 funko pops. They're literally figurines that will do nothing but sit on a shelf. But i like them. It's okay haha 😊 Lots of love xxx

[@stvltiloqvent]

Nicely put, and I agree wholeheartedly. It does seem like Evan is not just trying to be organised, the fact that he's swinging so extremely seems like he is in fact going through periods of avoiding attachment. I mean, the sudden trip to Germany felt like that to me. But I don't wanna go armchair psychologist on this. I just hope he finds peace (or at least enough peace to feel okay).

[@Maxwell-is-Smart]

Evan Edinger Question for everyone: What emotional trauma is ALWAYS (in varying degrees) associated with hoarding? In fact some experts believe it's what causes hoarding...

[@qilorarv4999]

I am so sorry for your loss, it is strange how material thing can soothe the ache of missing

[@huda9379]

One part of your family may have gone but your other family is still here for you.❤

[@taniani884]

I’m so sorry, but the description is so funny. My dad died 2 years ago..... Hi! I’m Evan and I make _comedy_ videos

[@ppyLuc]

@Kaleido TrES-2b I'm sorry to hear that. Are you okay?

[@wingmanemu3473]

@Kaleido TrES-2b f

[@mollymorgan8388]

Shiki * I really hope ur doing okay! I know that’s a stupid question cause obviously your struggling but remember all the good times u had together. I lost my uncle recently and I’ve been in a mental health ward this year and in A&E after suicide attempts and my mental health but I’m slowly but surely getting to where I want to be and I know it’s hard but it may become easier I hope it does anyway. He will be proud of you and looking down on you😘

[@tessarodriguez1494]

I'm crying now. Thanks.

[@lauras.1758]

My dad is still alive and I don't have the best relationship with him but I have quite a few of his things (a few shirts, a pocket knife etc.) and I treasure them (my parents are divorced so I don't see my dad much). I don't know, they just remind me of him being in the family and the good times I shared with him that I tend to forget. Love you Evan. This video was incredible.

[@aceilynbrown9204]

My mom lost her brother about 30 years ago and according to her the pain of loosing someone never truly goes away. Sure you can "get over it" and on a day to day basis you'll think about it less and less but every time their birth and death date passes you'll feel it. Even if you're not paying attention it will hit you like a ton of bricks. You'll feel better soon but also never feel ashamed when your low periods are associated with things like that. I lost a friend I've known since preschool this past summer and when his birthday rolled around I spent the whole night before crying my eyes out and I didn't realize until I got the fb notification about it being his birthday. You may not consciously acknowledge it but your body knows and you just gotta remember its okay to feel sad sometimes.

[@FloatingPier]

This story... hurt. A lot. :((

[@zebedeesummers4413]

haven't felt this emotional in like 2 years (I'm only 21)

[@ryanhimes3449]

Honestly, Evan, you have such a good head on your shoulders. From what you show us, you appear to be one of the most thoughtful people I can think of, and that's what I feel really draws your audience in. The things you feel and show us are such genuine emotions and thoughts, and it's so... relieving, I'd say, to see or hear other people talk about similar thought processes that you've had or gone through. I sometimes never know whether or not to keep something, because in reality it holds little to no value, but through years of deliberating on whether or not to keep certain things, I've come to the conclusion that the only value that needs to be considered is an item's value to me. What purpose does this item serve to me? And if a piece of paper (like a theatre ticket, or a receipt) can take me back to a time in my memories, where I experienced joy, or excitement with someone, than it's absolutely worth keeping (maybe not just lying around), but to keep myself from getting out of control and hoarding, I have a decent sized container. Maybe 1 foot tall, by 1 foot wide, where I keep things that will absolutely remind me of a time I hold fondness for (i.e. show tickets, or a candle tin from the vigil we had for my friend who took his own life). And while many of those items mean absolutely nothing to anybody else, I find solace in occasionally going through the box and reliving where I've been, as a way to measure how far I come. Sometimes reliving the past can cause unwanted anxiety, but I can testify that the ritual is much more therapeutic than nerve wracking. Anyways, don't get down. It'll all be okay, and I think your idea of getting a new tool is brilliant. I'm so proud of how far you've come as a person, and I love seeing you continuously improve in ways I could never imagine myself having the ability to. You're a remarkable man, Evan. Thank you for sharing your life with us

[@ryanhimes3449]

P.S. My friend asked for a picture with Dodie at Six Flags when you were in California, and she apologizes for not acknowledging you, lol. She didn't realize who you were at the time, until I was like, "OMG. YOU SAW DODIE, AND DIDN'T SAY HI TO EVAN FOR ME!?!? ARE YOU MAD?" 😂😅

[@laurelb.9504]

it’s really good to hear other people’s dad stories because I feel like we don’t talk about them a lot. I just had a really rough day also dealing with dad related baggage and I just wanna say I totally know what it’s like to want to have physical memories.

[@sydney6598]

Thank you so much for sharing! I’m very sentimental and my parents just divorced, so I’ve left my dads house. He’s always been abusive, and he also gave me not many gifts. The best gift I was given was a camera, but he took it in the divorce, but I still have some of the pictures which is nice.

[@jhdrch2656]

I'm scared of hoarding, too Evan but the only thing you're hoarding is good videos and memories

[@catherinejenkins5729]

regrets are so horrible - people usually don't talk about them because it hurts or because they ashamed but it definitely helps to get them out of you I think - strange to see someone talking about one of their regrets - so raw and messy and painful - but so relateable - sometimes I think I forget that everyone else feels these sticky gnawing feelings too - thank you for sharing 💕💕

[@joellefauteux9715]

I feel you, Evan. My dad passed away when I was 8 months old, 20 years ago this week as well. I don't have anything from him, not even a memory, and sometimes it makes me feel really sad..

[@MoManiaTV]

Sorry for your loss, the worst things happen to the best people

[@sophiaschutz8803]

today actually marks the 1 year anniversary of my mother leaving me and my family its been a long hard year but thankfully i have a great support system and the best dad ever.

[@mentalheadgear0iq]

My dad's 7 year anniversary just past last week and I think this was the hardest one yet. He worked in construction and every time I do any type of home improvement I always think of everything he taught me. I have some of his old tools and it is really comforting building with something that he did as well. *hugs*

[@stephiegrennell8440]

My heart goes out to you. My mom has been gone almost two years (2 years this coming January). And for our last Christmas together, we made new Christmas stockings for everyone in my family. Even though I have many things of my mom, these stockings are the most precious and most painful thing I own because it was the last Christmas I spent with her and makes me feel most connected with her. We spent a week on them making something like 11- 12 stockings. And Christmas Eve was the last day I saw her alive. I totally get it. No one understands better than another child missing a parent. :/ hang in there though. Honoring your dad’s memory is a beautiful way to redeem a bummer of a situation. 💜

[@miasantos8861]

i have so much respect for you, this video was so positive for its topic and genuine and- thank you for making this. you’ll be a great dad.

[@nance1111]

You'll be a great dad! I found this very relatable on many levels. I feel a new perspective on my sentimental attachments to "things" and will adjust my actions a bit.

[@evidentlyevy]

I relate so much Evan - my Mum passed away just over 2 years ago and I’m reluctant to get rid of anything she gave me. It sounds as though our situations were very different, but you’re absolutely right - anniversaries can be difficult, but then you’re right as rain a few days later. I’m glad you replaced the tool - like you said, it may not be the exact same physical object, but there’s still an attachment there and I hope you find it comforting.

[@taras4127]

thank you for filming this video. when I moved out my father gave me a leather man, I used it a lot in the process of moving. it's now been 3 months since he passed away. I still have this leather man, I still use it. but the way you think about this is the only way that counts, it's not about the thing, it's about the memory, a thoughtful gift. he introduced you to something, he thought you something and you're aware of that and that's what matters. you're right, it feels good to say these things. lots of love

[@KothsGamerHub]

Evan it started tearing me up, I lost my father 10 years ago and I know you weren't that close to your father...but knowing you don't have something that connected you to your late father jsut brought me to tears...

[@ClarissaCullen101]

Damnit Evan. I didn't need to cry today.. I appreciate your opening up, and as someone who deals with paternal issues, it's nice to sympathize with others that share similar struggles. ♡ I'm an extremely sentimental person. I assign meaning to so much stuff and I'm aware that it's a problem. I grew up in a hoarding environment and it's hard to break from those patterns. I can recognize it though and I have time periods where I look around and hate everything I own because I dont want to live like I did growing up, and I give away a bunch of stuff. But it never seems enough. I'm no where near the level my mom was at but its still so scary to think about.

[@sabrinavidal3531]

My grandfather passed two years ago as well, I still keep the shirt he gave me 4 years ago folded in my closet. I doesn't fit me, and i've never once worn it, but it's a little piece of him that I can keep with me forever. I cry when I think about it and this video just reminded m e of how I should think positive things, thank you.

[@shaylabateman07]

I think becoming a good father and giving that tool to your future son is a great way to honor your dad.

[@carlosgonzg]

I totally get you! My dad passed away exactly 7 months ago. Last year I moved to Colombia and he gave me a set of cooking knives... and even though they are just cooking tools, I appreciate them so much. It's the last gift that I have from him. Thanks for sharing this and make me not feel alone in this moment of my life

[@mikropluto]

aww evan this hit me a bit :') my granddad past away two weeks ago and i know thats not as close as a parent passing away but my granddad didnt really gift me anything either (you know, traditional chinese people gift red envelopes with money) so the only thing he really gifted me was a thermo bottle and a bracelet i really really loved. i lost the bracelet quite a few years ago at an airport (i think i just put it down and forgot about it, i mean, i was a little child) and that one still hurts bc i loved it so much, but my mum threw the waterbottle away like a month ago because it leaked and therefore i wouldnt use it (which was true). What we didnt know was that my granddad soon after got sick really quick and passed away and now i have nothing physically left from what he gifted to me :// idk if this story made sense because my heads still a mess but yea i understand what you were going through. thank you for making this video

[@nichole4995]

I feel so horrible. I'm glad you are making it through. I lost my dad almost two years ago and it is hard. I'm glad you are comfortable with talking to us. This has helped me in a sense be grateful for what I have from my dad so thanks. I hope it gets easier so I have hope for my own grief.

[@itsacopy]

My father passed away 6 years ago and I also kind have only a few things from him. We didn't have the best relationship, and after all happen a lot changed in me. In special I kept a jersey he gave me when I was like 16. It's not a great history, but he get it from the player himself and he was so happy about it when gave it to me. It's such a nice memory! Thanks for the video!

[@WilliamReginaldLucas]

I did not expect a story about a Leatherman's Supertool to hit me in the feels so hard, bless you Evan

[@NadiaTravelsWorldwide]

this made me cry.. sending you lots of love

[@jazzymarzullo122]

evan you're so strong i'm blinking back burning tears

[@fairytal3bandit]

My dad passed away about a week or two before yours and I sympathize with you so much. I know what you're feeling and it hurts. I hope you heal.

[@emilypaul677]

You’ll always be connected to your dad, he’s a part of you and you have the memories and the time you spent with him. 💖

[@iemmasoprano321]

This touches my heart a lot Evan. I've always been a pretty sentimental person. Especially since I lost my dad at a young age. Since I was only 5 I didn't really have much that he gave me or to remember him by. I do have 2 things though. A blanket that he owned and and a bathrobe I got from him the night he passed away, which was Chrismas Eve. Every year around that time, I think about him. I've always been sentimental and kept things of sentimental value so it does upset me to only have 2 things from him. It upsets me more knowing that I never got to know him enough for him to give me things. This Chrismas actually marks the 10 year anniversary of his passing. Thank you so much for this video, Even. My condolences. ❤

[@RhoadesLessTraveled]

There are certain things in my life I can't get rid of either. I've made mistakes of throwing things before and regretting it later. I'm sorry this time of year is rough for you. I'm glad to hear the positive viewpoint at the end. I think if you become a father someday, you will be a terrific dad.

[@emilierose8231]

Awww Evan don’t blame yourself it’s ok

[@sarahtreadway4933]

I love that you chose to do a video on this. Something that was technically just as small as throwing away a case & buying a new pocket knife, but that held so much more value beneath the surface. Thank you for being authentically you, & letting us peek into your thoughts for a bit ♡

[@nighthawkdragon42]

The videos where you talk about your dad always make me extremely emotional

[@jennahilton8259]

Omg buddy. I feel you there. I am so glad you found a positive way to look at this because I was honestly afraid that you weren’t.

[@jasminexbishop]

it just passed the 1 year anniversary of my father's passing & i'm only 17 years old, thankyou Evan for such heartfelt content that makes me remember i'm not alone in my struggles. my dad was also far from the best father figure, but i still keep his favourite guitar pick in my desk draw at all times for memories sake.

[@freyam.6427]

I'm impressed that you shared this story with us. All the best wishes to you and your family!

[@gazpen1978]

i know exactly how you feel my mum died 6 years ago and I still have her number in my phone and I cant bring myself to delete it

[@Mehlsuppe]

💔 Hug from Germany

[@CraftyWitch1990]

I lost my mum 6 months ago and i had to get rid of her number. I kept picking the phone up and speed dialling before i realised i couldn't anymore and it was just too painful. So i deleted it and so did my dad. Now if we wanna talk to her we call each other instead which is pretty strange as we've never really had a close relationship until my mum died. They were married until the end and we've always been cordial but i always felt closer to mum than dad so it's a huge positive that's come from the loss

[@anniscalling]

This video brought tears to my eyes, to be honest. Twice. I can sense the complexity of your relationship with your father in some phrases you use and the way you talk about him. And I can relate to that so much. Thank you for sharing!

[@KatesAdventures]

Bahaha Beanie Babies. I remember particularly sought after ones being kept in alarmed glass cabinets in shops. My favourite shop to visit was one where the guy had the "normal" Beanie Babies on the shelf but if a kid came in and asked for something that the collectors were looking to buy and sell on at a larger price, he had it hidden through the back. The 90s were wild!

[@katmolesworth]

Sending you love. It’s ok to be affected by anniversaries and small things x

[@tay_marie]

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. You didn’t have to with it being such a small personal thing but it is highly appreciated and I hope you feel better soon x

[@lilajanick]

I have 100% done this. Thrown something that’s really sentimentally valuable out and after the fact, realized how much it meant to me. It’s hard. And it’s painful. And I still have issues because what I had was irreplaceable. It was signed by a loved one and given to me. And it was handmade. And the person who made and signed it is gone now. I’m glad to know I’m not alone in having done this. Mine is a bit different because I threw it away because I didn’t want to remember that person anymore after she passed on. But I just hate myself for doing it. I’ve regretted it for 3 or 4 years now. Evan you inspired me to purchase an item similar to the one she had made for me. And I’ll remember her now. And I think it’ll make me happier. Much love and thanks.

[@blueblueberry4973]

Thank you Evan for sharing these kinds of personal things with us. It means a lot to a lot of people, and taking something that hurts and making something good out of it, that's really important. Much love to you in these rough times dude

[@Rainbowrobb]

I make digital copies of things like cards before i dispose of them.

[@dazzle_h.2876]

I tend to keep most of my cards and little memories such as concert tickets and letters, because I’m afraid that I’ll lose memories and I want to hold onto them for as long as I can

[@Memories_in_Chains]

Oh man.. im so sorry for your dad... i know how it is to lose a family member. I dont know what to say but just feel hugged. Stay strong.

[@Toyskram]

Great heartfelt video. I am super sentimental and I kinda got upset just thinking about possibly losing something precious my dad gave to me. Hopefully things will feel better with time . 👍

[@93Meggles]

You are so amazing sharing your feeling and showing it is okay to feel sad sometimes. You are such a sweet kind young guy. I think you would be an amazing friend. You will make an awesome dad one day. :)

[@ryanleon288]

ive kept a few of my birthday cards from my abuelita that passed two years ago. i threw away so many cards that have my deadname in them but these i feel like i can’t throw out. i havent even read the cards that she gave me but its still the fact that she wrote so much and thats all i have from her that makes me not want to throw them out.

[@mik-exe-]

Aww dude. This hit me in the feels. I’m loving the self-improvement, reflection and awareness, even when it comes with uncomfortable realities. I have knives and tools from my Dad, and certain jewellery items from my immediate family. The tools I obviously use, but the jewellery items I find hard to throw (unlike other items that eventually wear down or out of use) because they were such specially chosen items. My heart dropped both times when you said you threw both the tool and case away, but I love that you can get another and still have that special attachment to your dad. Those little psychological connections can do weird and wonderful things for our mental state.

[@whatmakesmehappy1086]

I just felt bad today for buying lots of art from Comicon and I have bought some new clothes the day before (sorted my wardrobe out recently and donated a bunch yay). I am sentimental a ridiculous amount. Certain objects I know I will never throw away and I have been so upset when some of these objects have broken in the past. I also know what it's like to have conflicting/complicated feelings for your parents. Big hugs to you Evan. You will get there and I'm sure you will make an amazing Dad.

[@tbrooke3016]

At least you still have your memories of him and no one cam take that away. Not even a game cube theft. Hope you feel better soon and remember it is possible to commit no errors and still loose, that's not weakness, that's life.

[@mitchell12375]

Nothing but love my friend, nothing but love.

[@nicoalsvanwell5172]

You have one think that will never throw away that your dad gave you and that is your life

[@rrbrtn2597]

Evan you're a sweetheart and I love you

[@kellilouise953]

I understand, it’s been just over a year since my dad passed and since that day I seem to value anything with a memory of him even just a little bit more. I hope you’re doing okay at this time Evan ❤️

[@morganbruce9087]

This was such a nice video. Really enjoyed it. I know your dad passed away 2 years ago but may he still rest in piece

[@theaterfreak141]

I don’t keep my cards out but I love having the memories and I keep them in a nice, pretty box on my shelf. That way, they aren’t cluttered around my apartment but I can look at them when i’m feeling sentimental. I also have another box of playbills and ticket stubs from plays or musicals I have been in or seen. Maybe you could do that with your cards? I get what you are saying. I really struggle with getting rid of clothes

[@shanazoe3795]

I wish you all the strength and love, Evan. Know that you aren't alone with these emotions and thoughts.

[@hellobye6292]

Well... The infamous wire box. 😂😂 I'm only keeping the ones that work, but it's still quite a lot. On the other hand, I put them in boxes that at least look nice and I'm always happy to have some wires left in case I need them. I'm a wire hoarder. 😂

[@paulasvicente]

Beautiful, heartfelt video!

[@lilacheek1394]

aww Evan

[@LeslieLorane]

Weirdly enough I'm attached to my old writing from when I was child before I had a computer... It's all horribly written fanfic but it reminds me of the happy times I did have as a child when the majority of it was pretty crappy. It's also so funny because holy crap it's so badly written... Brings me so much joy and laughter every time.

[@SunnyViolet96]

Oh Evan, I relate to this so much. My mom passed away 10 years ago and I have a few things that were her's, a necklace, a couple beanie babies, a rosary, and a few other things. But because of when my mom died, I lost a lot of things, my house was foreclosed on, I moved back in with my dad and his new family, so a lot of my childhood toys and things I was never able to bring into my "new life" and I think because of that I tend to hoard anything that has any tinge of sentimentality to it. I've been getting better but I still feel extreme guilt when I do finally get rid of something. Heck, I can't even get rid of greeting cards and have kept most, if not all within the last 10 years. Same with movie and concert tickets. Those things are small and don't take up a lot of space but still, they're there and are a constant reminder to my brain that you don't need to keep all of these things and yet I do. You're last bit of the video made me cry and at last I think it's the best thing you can do. Start a new tradition, token, knife, to be passed down. It's nice and good to have a few things in your life.

[@onceuponajones]

I have always been a sentimentalist so this absolutely resonates with me. Great video, great message. Keep on, keeping on.

[@daniellehutchinson5724]

Evan don’t beat yourself up. Know that he loves you and is looking down on you hoping that you know that things don’t matter relationships do.

[@yvetishere]

honestly a great one to think about, and reflect. I believe that you buying the new knife can represent something beautiful indeed. I'll try explain and put this how I would try to see it. You buying this is taking charge of the memory and situation, this is how you want to remember your dad. The old knife and case may have the physical connecting but this new item has new added value and memories. The physical item is the same but the mentality and story behind the item is one of new beginnings, whilst appreciating and honoring the past.

[@jessicaballard3261]

Evan, this really was relatable, can i just say how lovely you managed to still put a positive spin on a topic like this. Its so hard to find the line between hoarding and being sentimental but everything happens for a reason. My eyes filled up when you said how when you have a child you will be the best father you can be. As you know, father figures play a huge role in a family unit and i know what it feels like to not have one. Lotta love evan xxx

[@sierralvx]

You have so much heart Evan and it's amazing how you can make me laugh and cry in the same take! I don't think I'm a hoarder of real stuff either, but I'm a digital hoarder. I can't figure out what pictures to delete, what avatars to keep, and what videos I want to archive. Even the amount of tabs I have up, the people I follow on twitter and friend on facebook and the pages I like accumulate and I'm strapped to my chair trying to sort through all that clutter. Recently though I've cleaned out all my social media, even looking at my old tweets and getting rid of those. I unliked and unfollowed a lot of things, and I don't know what I want to keep online for nostalgia's sake and what I want gone forever. It's really tough but it's also great to look back.

[@MuddyBuddy685]

Oh mood!!!!! My sir that’s why I hesitate even taking pictures because when is anyone’s else but me going to even want half of them.

[@marchismo]

Relatable AF! I so resented growing up feeling surrounded or overwhelmed by the sheer quantity of stuff packed into my room. My family home was not nearly as cluttered as you describe but my mother definitely has an ability to retain a large amount of items in a small space. She places sentimental value or perceived future value on far too many things. My mom used to laugh when I got old enough to "clean" and "purge" as she called it. She would tell me frequently "you are going to regret throwing that away" or "you are going to miss that". Sometimes I did miss the items I threw away, but I either replaced the item if possible or did without. The only time I ever regretted disposing of items was when I did so out of shame. It was an item that I liked but I resented liking it because it revealed something about me to other people I didn't trust them to know. Finally, in adult life I made up some helpful rules about how many sentimental items I was allowed to own (one per person) unless the item was functional and served an immediate purpose for me. I have tossed some sentimental items that I was sad about later but eventually my memory loss kicked in. I mostly couldn't tell you the sentimental things I have tossed. I had to learn to forgive myself repeatedly for disposing of items. In some cases I had to repeatedly forgive myself for disposing of the same item. I try to remind myself if it's not the item, but what the item represented. Plenty of people have lost their wedding rings. Your relationship with a person or memory of a person doesn't end because you went swimming and your ring ended up at the bottom of a lake. You can't replace the exact leather man that your dad got you, but you might consider getting the new leather man or the case inscribed some how with your dad's name or something meaningful about him. It will help enhance and reinforce the positive memory, while remove the guilt.

[@Frankflores111]

Loved this vlog. I can relate your story, I usually keep souvenirs and letters from people I (or I did) care about, mostly from friends, because I know that one day they won't be with me, some friendships don't last forever, and the only way I would remember them is by their presents that they gave me when we were full of joy. I have a memory box, and when I want to remember somebody that was special for me I see their gifts and for some reason I feel nostalgia and happiness at the same time, like a seesaw of emotions. Totally worth it, like you I try to avoid being sensitive, but sometimes, all of a sudden, the 'homesickness' arrives

[@rebbibbi]

I sort of do that too, I delete photos because they’re useless and taking up space and I try not to think about it, but then end up really regretting it and just wanting them back I hope you feel better soon Evan, you’re such a lovely person ❤️

[@isaurem98]

I remember your last video about him, I related to your description of “placing people in lil box” and it made me think so much. Thanks for your openness, I can relate so much to this. I think you might have throw it away because you wanted to protect yourself from this suffering, not to think about your loss while anniversary time. It’s a human reaction and I understand how heartbreaking it could be to realise what it symbolised. But it’s done, don’t torture your mind, let your memories live long in your heart and keep learning from this as you do. I’ve been struggling with anxiety vs anniversary time recently too, I felt so down, miserable for a week and then I tried to overcome this but we do have to feel this pain because it keeps them alive in our mind. Be strong Evan cause you are and take care of you. You’re so inspiring.

[@imogenna_]

Evan, I love your video style in that it's just you talking. You're just speaking your mind and carrying a conversation, and it's really great to see on youtube. I'm proud of you that you tackled the box of wires (I'll keep ignoring mine for now). Wanting to search for that case doesn't sound stupid at all, not knowing how you feel about it is exactly what most people would feel, and exactly how I feel about an item I still have from an estranged and draining relative. Thank you for sharing this, I hope you're doing better. How you ended this on a positive and inspiring note, that really was beautiful.

[@R4D4RGUN]

Really nice video, Evan. This is at least very relatable for me. My late father gave me a really good and special mechanical pen when I was 8 and it has for some reason stuck around with me ever since, I used it in basically every class for 12 years. I just found out last week that it is a pen for making architectural drawings, which is funny because I am now an architecture student and it’s still in my pencil case.