The origin story of procrastination, self-sabotage, & fleeing from health

I thought this might be a perfect time to share what was without a doubt the most popular (liked, commented, shared) social media post of 2020. It’s got to do with the subject line you see here: the origin story of procrastination, self-sabotage, and fleeing from health. Because this concept hit a chord with so many, I thought I’d dive a little deeper into this via a video. ENJOY!
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Thank you for being here!
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Please know that…
The statements on this KZbin channel or in videos are simply opinion. Content presented or posted on this channel is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or a professional therapeutic relationship. Content presented or posted is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only and you should contact the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.
My website is a wealth of free resources and information on how to start this work, so here it is one more time: irenelyon.com

[@antontaun]

this has been my entire life experience; it's nice to know it's not because I'm lazy or unmotivated.

[@lisamurphy7250]

Me too!!

[@rhondar4063]

I was raised in horrific child hood abuse until I was 14. It finally ended when my step dad went to prison for killing the little girl next door... Not because my mom actually chose to leave. You name it I've seen it and been through it. I'm the oldest of three kids. My brother and sister are my half but in my heart there is no difference. I was only 2 when my Mom married my abusive stepfather and I was the one that raised my family... Not my mom. I didn't have a childhood at all. At 20 I did everything I could to heal myself so I wouldn't damage my new son. I'm the only one in my family that got any help and went to counseling, 20 plus years clean and sober, every self-help group in the world, you name it I've done it to be free. The sudden and unexpected loss of the love of my life 4 years ago brought up a whole lot for me. Not abusive memories but ones of feeling unloved and unworthy. I'm also realizing how I've been bonded to my mother by trama. A whole lot of loss has happened in the last 4 years and the past has come up in a whole new way. I'm exhausted... I'm soo tired. Just doesn't seem like I've had enough happiness for all the hard work I put into this life at 53

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

P.S. sorry to hear you had to go through such a horrific childhood.

[@annereynolds4150]

You’ve been through so much, no wonder you’re exhausted. Can really recommend doing Irene’s Smart Body Smart Mind programme. It’s foundational. No instant fix but so worth it.

[@sarahalderman3126]

I feel the same now at 44… worked my butt off since my Early teen years to escape the abuse.

[@lulumoon6942]

💐There are many of us around you Rhonda, struggling to make the most of every day... Find any small joy or gratitude each day, and trust that your actions have an unforseen effect on others now, and far beyond. Channels like Irene's, or Crappy Childhood Fairy help make sense of the past, and our peers lighten our load. Viktor Frankl's, "Man's Search for Meaning," really helped light a flame in me.🕯️ My very best to you, and yours. ❤️🙏💞

[@timbob1145]

I know it may not be much help but you are an incredible person, can tell, you sound like my mum. You deserve to be loved so much. Big f'n hug. I hope you find someone that will make you smile and show you the love you have given.

[@sxfnlc]

This is happening right now. I was literally walking in confidence heading into the most accomplished confident season of my entire life and then everything erupted into full blown disassociation, fight flight freeze and I am frozen. I don’t even feel like the same person anymore. I feel like I’ve self sabotaged my life. And am so upset feeling stuck.

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Lisa Couture, this sounds really rough. I don't know if you had other things going on in your life, and sometimes for those of us with trauma, moving into more expansive states and ways of living may be enough to bring on our self-protective patterning in full force. That confidence and all that goes with it is still in there, sometimes we need to learn the skills and/or get specific (nervous system) support to have free access to it again. - Jen from Team Lyon

[@sxfnlc]

@@teamlyon3109 thank you ❤️

[@f9nineteen]

This is exactly what I am going through right now. I am so upset with myself. Hope you are doing better

[@jds0981]

Thank you for sharing. You are not alone. I hope everything worked out well for you.

[@sxfnlc]

@@jds0981 thank you so much.

[@CatEyedGoddess]

I come from an abusive single mother, only child dynamic. My mother isolated me, I couldn’t have friends over, couldn’t do extracurricular activities, couldn’t have b’day parties or sleepovers. She would yell and scream at me for hours about how horrible of a child I was and how much she couldn’t stand me. I was always on punishment for nothing so I would have to be in my room for hours. So she could pretend like I didn’t exist ( her words) . She gossiped and lied about me and family members thought I was the problem. So they tried to help me out by getting me out of the house. But my mother would never let them. I procrastinate now because I have no discipline, have escape-ism patterns, know that I can succeed but am also overwhelmed by fear of failure. As a child I was told I wasn’t ish and wouldn’t be ish. When I did achieve something my mother dismissed it and got angry and verbally and physically attack me. I could never outshine her, I couldn’t even go to college because that meant I though I was better then her. Let’s not even talk about her many bf’s, one stands and me being exposed to sex as early as 4. My mother use to have sex with these strange men all over the house. How I survived is a mystery to me, but here I am.

[@ceterisparibus8966]

What is the issue with her having s*x?

[@itsalrightgigi2846]

@@ceterisparibus8966 a child as young as 4 should not be so subject to watch a parents crude act. you're telling me its healthy for her to be exposed to such things considering her age, her abusive history and with no stable father figure?? lord almighty you're dim. laying her young eyes on acts like these would undoubtably cause psychological abrasion. especially with the notion of them being men that of which not her father. clearly her story here is telling of a tumultuous home life filled with abuse and yes this is a part of it.

[@hybridxyx]

It's thanks to your heart, your spirit, your strength! Recognize how great this is, give yourself credit, and know that if you could survive that you can certainly heal yourself too!

[@NotThisShipSister1]

Oh wow…. Just wow… So sorry

[@marshabeatty6589]

Yep, Self sabotage and procrastination is me. I’m deep in it💚💚💚

[@aliasgirl9]

You had me at “fleeing from health”. Every.damn.time!! The farthest I get/I’ve gotten is 3 months. Most recent one was 3 weeks.

[@ataludz]

My physiology system was built and trapped in survival mode all my life and I am learning your program to move forward. Thank you Irene, for all your message.

[@VandTheVan]

This is life changing. I have highly defended DID from countless different types of trauma from birth - even in utero. I'm a highly intelligent scientist - a physiologist! Yet I have binge eating disorder, depending on what part is influencing me most, otherwise I'm drinking too much shopping online spending money I don't have (I'm about to lose my home), and in the past it was risky dating and sex, and even drugs. It got so bad I lost my job of 12 years. My incredible therapist has helped me come so far and yet I'm stuck here. COMPLETELY paralysed. Unable to do ANYTHING until the very last minute if I REALLY have to and can't make up an excuse or get away with not doing it. I've gained 80kg, have mobility issues (also FND) and am absolutely miserable. Yet I'm super capable. I do amazing things for others. I pull a miracle out of my a** when I have to present at a monthly clinical education meeting (I just started casual work based on my reputation but feel a complete imposter). I know ev-er-y-thiiiing but do nothing. Your video for the VERY FIRST TIME has described exactly what is happening. It's not just me. I'm not completely doomed. I can fix this. I'm so terrified of being happy as it feels so scary and despite working on this I'm just stuck. Hopefully this has clicked something within me that will help click that lock off even just slightly so I can begin to move forward - or even put on the brake so I stop rolling backwards. Thank you 💜

[@KARENboomboomROXX]

I. Feel. You. 🔥💕

[@locoluna.]

v and the van, that resonates a lot. how are you doing?

[@AWJ-zf8cf]

Same

[@LaurenceGalian]

I have been thinking for many years that I might have Dissociative identity disorder because I've been self-sabotaging "working against myself" for so long. I've turned down an opportunity to receive the patronage of a multi-millionaire who was interested in my musical compositions. One night a famous rock star called and asked me to be part of his band, but I turned him down. And many psychologically healthy and beautiful women have expressed interest in me, but I have consistently chosen to be with dysfunctional women in relationships in which I was emotionally abused. But you've given me a different perspective on why I am self-sabotaging. I have already started to watch your videos. Thanks.

[@berlinetta____2680]

Thank you Irene, this was great. I recently woke up to/finally accepted that I was emotionally abused (confused, gaslighted, invalidated, abandoned, lived in physical and emotional fear etc) as a child. Like you, I am in my 40's. I understand that this programming has meant that I developed codependency coping mechanisms as well as chronic health problems. I am turning myself around now and taking back my power. It is a long haul and I am "stepping on ppls toes" as I am saying no more, but such is life. It is critical for me now to break this pattern. Thank you again.

[@teamlyon3109]

Lim Lop, great to hear that you're turning things around and taking back your power! - Jen from Team Lyon

[@leverdusoleiluk]

Lim kip, I am in the same position as you right now and it’s like lightbulbs are going off all around. I hope that you’re ok and the realisations, and your path ahead are moving in a positive direction, in spite of how tough this is. I am slowly moving away from the toxicity in my family and have realised that the only person’s actions that I have any control over are my own. Toxic family behaviours are exhausting to navigate and only serve to exacerbate our health issues, and hamper our healing and attaining optimal health. I’m so done with engaging with it tbh, life is too short to allow people who should love and care for you, to jeopardise your life and happiness. 🙏🏼❤️

[@cherylwilsherlimberlife7210]

Hearing you, sending love for your journey x

[@grannyjanny]

I have been wondering why I can’t move ahead physically . I determine to do it and then something stops me in my tracks . I appreciate these truths and your work so much Irene.

[@BillyG869]

This is all about me right here…Thank you.. This was so beneficial, it’s actually the exact issue I have been dealing with over and over throughout my entire life. I was raised in a hell of an environment. Not just that, Mother met Dad in the war during bombings. My Mother and father came out of that back to Brooklyn, tenements, then to a very tough town in the harbor of Los Angeles where my Alcoholic Raging Father terrorized the home from y early inception till the day he died. I’m now 77 and still struggling, although I have been somewhat successful, what could I have been? Now I only want to heal as best I can, pull myself up and be a great grandfather and Assett to my children. I really need all the help I can get, and I’m working as hard as I can as I write this out.

[@NotThisShipSister1]

Wow! What a story! You sound incredible, tbh.

[@1Wendy_Woo]

Oh my. I don't feel as though I self-sabotage, but I probably do. My life has gotten to the point where I can't handle any stress at all. I have shut down. I lay in my bed where it's 'safe', and comfortable. My system and body only want enough food to keep from dying yet I'm constantly gaining weight, losing strength and any hope of climbing out into 'normal' again. I am want for ideas to get something done. To accomplish something. To move. To be healthy again. But have zero energy or interest. This video spoke to me yet I have no idea where to start, or how to. My brain has stopped trying to formulate a new path. And yes, failure plays a huge part. Where do I start Irene?

[@christels8002]

I feel this so hard 😞

[@Ikr2025]

I can relate. Just feel tired all the time. I’m not entirely sure its all just psychological though. I think some is chronic fatigue from long covid.

[@Julia-tf4gi]

Me too

[@DieSchrat]

Wow, thank you so much for this video, Irene. This is the content I needed on this Sunday afternoon. I so many times look forward to Sundays, imagining myself sitting on the couch reading a nice book, instead my body feels awful and I am angry at myself thinking: "What's wrong?! Finally I have spare time to do the things I love, but instead my body feels too awful and stressed to do them." This explains so much for me.

[@lucysclaydesigns1303]

I remember having my first dissociative episode at three years old. And panic attacks started at 6 or 7 years old. And I neved could talk about this with my parents because they obviously made the silent treatment or started ignoring me when I showed any kind of unwanted emotion for them. I don’t remember 1 day with my parents where there wasn’t a fight, yelling, or other form of physical or physiological abuse. I can relate so much with all that stored trauma you talk about.

[@ModernJewelryMakers]

I’ve been listening to Peter Levine’s “Healing Trauma” the audio book is on KZbin - I’m going to listen to it again immediately because it’s definitely answering many questions for me. There are many exercises that have helped me in just a few days! I love Irene & these videos but there is something in the way Dr. Levine explains things that seems to click a little easier for me. I absolutely want to do one of Irenes programs as soon as I can afford to - I think that will really make the breaks throughs I need to finally heal. Thanks Irene for sharing so much!! Blessings ~ Viki

[@AA-ex5nq]

what are the exercises that helped you with Perter levine please?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Create And Adorn, Jen here from Team Lyon. Great to hear that Irene's videos and Peter's book are helpful! I really like that book of Peter's too, have the hardcopy that comes with the CD. And great to hear that you're planning on doing one of Irene's programs when you can. They are potent and are also designed so that you can do the learning and practices repeatedly so the learning and healing deepens over time.

[@nancybartley4610]

I just recently made the connection: I am living my mom's life. She was uncomfortable with me as an adult and put me down and denied I could know anything. I couldn't show her up and, therefore, I had to fail. My mom was dependent on others to meet her needs and she hated it.

[@SarahKleinerWellness]

I just found you over the last couple weeks and can’t seem to get enough of your content! I just signed up for your 21 day program & I am on day 2. Have decided not to go forward with a pretty significant meditation teacher training that I have been planning to do for the last 2 years because your work has been blowing me away & I realize I have been in spiritual bypass mode for many years, thank you!! Also Janet Raftis is a personal friend and have watched both videos you did with her! So cool ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@teamlyon3109]

@@k41418, Jen here from Irene's Team. Wanted to make sure you know there are a bunch of stories from people who've gone through the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up on Irene's website. I'll link to it here in case you want to check it out. irenelyon.com/tuneup-success-stories

[@adoa77]

Brilliant explanation, as usual, Irene. I'd like to add a couple of things though. That part of us that keeps the healthy one trapped into the toxicity, is strengthen by the "invisible loyalty" to the family. And "betrayal" (choosing health) means losing belonging, especially if it's culturally important and rooten deep inside the identity (not to mention if we are in charge of our parents as adults). One can pay it with a huge amount of guilt, by somatization or self-sabotaging again and again. How to break the vicious circle then? Ultimately, even changing environement very often leads "to attract" the toxicity excaped under other shape of forms (workplace, relations, etc).

[@lucylight176]

TheOracle. Oh yes.. the 'invisible loyalty' and its accompanying guilt.. v true.. but it's them or us.. and we have already gone above and beyond in protecting our abusers on top of the daily dealing with the damage they have done😕

[@CobraDove1111]

YES, THIS!

[@peacheyearth]

100% !! Would love to hear Team Lyon's perspective on this.

[@libertystar7201]

I have recently found your work and am kind of blown away by the information. I have had an undiagnosed neurological condition for almost a decade, I have felt for the longest time that I can't get a hold on my life, it's survive not thrive and I am just beginning to understand what maybe underneath it all 🤯 Thank you 🙏🏼 It feels a bit overwhelming, I will have a look through your resources....

[@michelleheegaard]

I recently realized that the reason I have a tendency to neglect my physical health is because of how it was totally ignored that from the age of 15-19 years old, I had a 'cold' for 9 months out of the year. Autumn, Winter, Spring. Like clockwork. Coughing out goo, running nose, couldn't sleep well at night due to the coughing... And no adult ever stopped and noticed me long enough to wonder: "Hmm, I wonder why she is so sick all the time. That's not normal...". It was 100p my body responding to all the stress and emotional neglect I had experienced throughout my childhood. I get the exact same symptoms now as back then, when Im in stressful situations for longer periods of time. My body simply shuts down little by little until it forces me to pay attention and change gears.

[@Mika-kq1qd]

This hits my heart strings..my life has been one traumatic event to the next stemming from childhood.. remember to be kind to yourself forgiving yourself that you're still hurting and so incredibly proud of yourself for choosing you for choosing healing and just how hard you've worked on yourself. You will find love again when you are ready but also remember to balance out the emotional heavy lifting with joy love and gratitude. Big hugs 💜

[@heyborttheeditor1608]

Hi Irene, I love your work. I am in a bit of a different situation than probably most. I am mid-20s and have developmental trauma that has manifested in anxiety, relational difficulties, adhd, ocd (intrusive thoughts), and schizotypal traits. I was introduced to somatic work 4 years ago and was fortunate enough to see one of those rare therapists who’ve done the full course with Kathy and Peter. Additionally I have done some pre and perinatal somatic therapy with Kate White. I’ve also completed a biodynamic cst training. My capacity is definitely higher (though it’s been a bit up and down) than it has been, and I finally have been able to be functional in the world (instead of nearly completely debilitated). I’ve even had a relationship. But still I chew the hell out of my nails, and have all the symptoms I’ve ever had (just less). Some symptoms are not even less, like the nail biting and other related compulsive behaviors. So I’ve started young, had access to all kind of stuff, but I’m still here. My career path is to become a practitioner as well, and I feel too dysregulated to have anything to offer. I’m still struggling. What is the path forward here?

[@queengoblin]

Completion process by teal swan xx

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

Have you tried neurofeedback? Give it a try, it has helped with my anxiety quite a bit. My neuroscientist told me it works best in conjunction with psychotherapy (to paraphrase him).

[@monikakucewicz3033]

You've just answered a question i have been struggling to get answer for years!! Thank you!!

[@lisa-marieshy9673]

Absolutely 💯%! Me too!

[@ramraja]

Thanks Irene. This explains everything. I mean...sheesh. Super grateful for bringing awareness and understanding to those of us who need this. True story. I start listening to this video just a while ago... while driving and in about the 14th second, you say the word 'popular' and I frankly had a trigger for some reason and shut the video off. My mind went into...who cares if it's popular or some triggered narrative...so I close the video.... And then I literally turn my head up on the road just after...only to see a huge truck with the words 'Popular' written at the top like a freaking billboard. That too in the Tamil language.... 'பாப்புலர்'...I am in India BTW. I am like...WTH...oookkk...the universe is trying to tell me something and so I immediately turned the video back on. I am glad I did. Obviously it was damningly accurate and what exactly I needed to hear. Synchronicity is a wonderful thing. I think the universe is trying to give us all the answers in which ever way that it can reach us. If only we allow ourselves to listen...and for that...this trauma really needs to be dealt with. So.. Thanks much.👍🙏

[@teamlyon3109]

Hey Ram Raja, gotta love those synchronicities! Thanks for sharing. Seth from Team Lyon.

[@kcarver0614]

Thank you for your clarity about this! I have been figuring this out for myself for some 50 years. I even recently discovered a triggering event. You are describing my experience perfectly.... even to the point that while I’m sure you are on to something, I feel incredible resistance about signing up for anything. That self-sabotage is a powerful force!

[@smarteam5920]

Yes, or finally signing up...and then not doing the work

[@kcarver0614]

@@smarteam5920 yep!

[@chukakaelo2275]

This happens with addiction relapse. The mind is the most clever trickster

[@jmc8076]

“Thought is so cunning, so clever, that it distorts everything for its own convenience.” - Jiddu Krishnamurti (The mind plays tricks on us to keep us ‘safe’ where we are. Our spirit or soul knows this, and waits patiently for its opportunity to speak. Peace and health.)

[@FaithfulandTrue949]

YES! Survival stress! Thank you, after a lifetime of trauma. Finally went no contact with narcissistic abusers, I'm trying to heal. Jesus rescued me from a pit.

[@grumblekin]

Jesus is the only true path to healing. However, we must render unto Caesar as commanded so we have to take care of our nervous systems while we are on this earth. Heal well and walk with Him!

[@themytragicmagic]

Not really. Healing from God is available all the time. Body or emotions. Doesn't matter. I am recommending Andrew Wommack " you already got it" or "God wants you well". Life changing.

[@mariewilliams2755]

It’s like she’s describing me... it’s scary.

[@lunkerjunkie]

Party-ers know it without knowing it. That "I just wanna get fuctup" Feeling. It seems like relief at first....

[@user-qi1iz5di2e]

I wasn’t raised right either but I really love and loved my family .

[@SweetUniverse]

So I'm not the only person who's a self-sabotager/ procrastinator? ❤️❤️❤️ I've ruined love and success for myself quite a few times.

[@teamlyon3109]

Sugar Spring, you are most definitely not alone in that! The good news is that when we find this work, the pattern is changeable. - Jen from Team Lyon

[@alexandraazer1990]

Oh yes! Thankful for this Video. Also the fear of the Own power is very strong. Thanks Irene.

[@danielraypickrel4316]

Before I watched this particular video, or maybe a while back I did, You Tube asked for a rating of five faces. I wanted to watch first. All of your content has brought me reward for time shared with you. Comment: sometimes, a long pause is a good timing and not a procrastination.

[@iam_michellejenai]

Man, I recognize this sooooo much in myself. Thank you for putting words to this experience.

[@virtuallyaprilmichelle]

I am so grateful that I have stumbled upon your channel… everything you mentioned in this video hits so close to home to me and has my brain firing making all these connections of my current situation to my childhood. I just found you and your channel today (3/30/2023) and I’m bingeing all of your content. It makes SO MUCH SENSE! I have Severe Ulcerative Colitis which flares with stress. I’ve been in a total state of “freeze” for the past 5 months of my life, and started flaring with my UC about 2 months ago. I’ve been reading up about the importance of nervous system regulation, but once you start going down the rabbit hole there is so much information that it can easily get overwhelming. Your video/channel is the first that I’ve found that puts it into such simple and easy to understand concept that I actually feel hopeful about my situation for the first time in a LONG TIME. I’m definitely going to check out your website and I’m looking forward to learning more from you!

[@IreneLyon]

Bailey here from Team Lyon. Amazing! Welcome to the community. ☺

[@anthonyiuculano6002]

Your timing couldn't be more in line with what I needed, Irene!

[@marktenkleij448]

I just want to express my gratitude for sharing your video. For a long time now I've been trying to heal from developmental trauma as you decribed in the video. Thanks to somatic experience I've been getting more in contact with my survival stress (As I now understand better). In the recent months I couldn't resist to self-sabotage as I did in earlier years. (I wish I had known this before I got into this brain path again as I did alot in my early years). I feel pretty broken again. Now I know of this automatic pathway I need to be aware when the urges will come again (after alot of nervous healing). Have to have faith I will heal.

[@lanadecimal]

When Irene was describing a 'character', if felt like she was talking about me.. i broke out crying :(

[@suetraviss8888]

I’m the exact opposite. I had an amazing childhood that was supportive, full of love and support. It’s when I became a young adult where things got screwed up.

[@NotThisShipSister1]

Omg me too!!! Kind of

[@NotThisShipSister1]

Omg me too!!! Kind of

[@noamgarfinkel4443]

hey irene thank you for the info can you please talk about racing thoughts and intrusive thoughts and the confusion of identity that come with this issue thank you it will bw nice to bring some logic to this issue

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi noam garfinkel, Jen here from Team Lyon. Racing and intrusive thoughts are often related to high sympathetic activation and held survival energy in the nervous system that's wanting to be expressed. It can be very helpful to think of what's happening in terms of this - the thoughts and images are not a reflection of you as a person, rather they are an indicator that there's a lot going on in the nervous system and it could use some support. Hope this helps to shed some more light on this.

[@bratzsnoopy]

Hi, Irene! Can you please talk about body image issues/body dysmorphic disorder and how that relates to trauma?

[@angelasmith2954]

That would be great if you could. Thank you

[@sierrashaheen677]

I believe it’s a flesh versus the spirit. I don’t think it’s subconscious. I think it’s our flesh. When people refer to the subconscious, I think it’s actually our flesh. I believe that is why God tells us to have self control because we are not our flesh,but our soul, mind, and spirit; so we need to be the one that overrides the flesh by controlling our mind and therefore the flesh doesn’t have the choice to take over because we are controlling ourselves and trained the flesh in a new direction. Amazing. God is so amazing. Thank you for your description of this.

[@jds0981]

Finding this video right now is perfection. That grooved path is calling me, and I have one foot in it. I grew up in a highly invalidating environment. I've worked in highly invalidating workplaces. Now I'm self-employed, so I can't hide behind the environment 'holding me back' or being too unsafe to be authentic. I have an excellent business opportunity with warm, supportive people, and I find myself procrastinating and underperforming. It's embarrassing to admit, but my system doesn't know how to function in an environment that doesn't devalue and/or disrespect me.

[@IreneLyon]

@jds0981, Jen here from Irene's team. It's great to hear that you have an excellent business opportunity, and quite understandable that it might feel foreign to you. As you may be learning from watching Irene's videos, this really can change in time as we engage with this work. Seth, Irene's husband and colleague, talks about his own story of change in this video: Healing our resistance to making money, exercising, & living in the matrix with Seth Lyon - irenelyon.com/2023/02/08/healing-in-a-toxic-culture-with-seth-lyon/

[@markjudsoncpa8226]

That was the best description of this issue that I have ever seen!! Thank you!

[@theresawalker1508]

I am on the 21 day course and this self sabotage seems to be a bit of a problem with me, i had a unstable childhood and was told that i was evil and a trouble causer on numerous occasions, i ran away from home at age 13. I was thinking the same thing maybe i need another course to sort my mind out I was only thinking this yesterday so the timing of this video is perfect. I thought the mind was a separate thing to be treated to a point any other videos on this subject or advice would be greatly appreciated thankyou 🙂

[@teamlyon3109]

HI Theresa Walker, Jen here from Team Lyon. Good to hear that the timing of Irene's video was perfect for you! Go gently, sometimes doing just the littlest bits can be helpful (like a minute of a practice). The 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up facebook group that can be a great resource too if you use facebook - simply reading about other people's experiences is often helpful.

[@theresawalker1508]

@@teamlyon3109 yes i tend to do little and often i think my system can handle it better, it definitely helps reading other peoples comments aswell, thanks for your reply 🙂

[@lucylight176]

Theresa Walker. I was snarled and yelled at the same thing. That message that I am the worst of the worst and always have to ruin things (such as wetting self as infant -earliest memory and getting heat stroke on a holiday🙄) has set up a force of terror within me that is like pure chaotic fear. I have 'found' ways to 'ruin things' that are extremely self-torturous and terrifying and involve a lot of fear of others' hatred & disapproval. Crazy but all makes so much sense. I can feel that 21 day course a calling ☺

[@theresawalker1508]

@@lucylight176 i am a year down the line now and i am doing round 2 of sbsm, i can honestly say its helped me loads, i had the same thing as you and was accused of ruining things for everyone which set up a self destructive cycle within me. You are worth more than you know and these perpetrators to me have committed a crime, my stepmum i think was a covert narcissist, i only understood this when i was in my forties, i dont understand why others have to hurt us but i guess they are damaged themselves, the difference is we can regognize ourselves its not us but them, sadly i think these perpetrators will never seek healing as they dont see the error of thier ways, we on the other hand can take back control realize our self worth and ultimately find healing, you can do this you are a survivor and can heal all the best its a hard road but definitely worth it xx🙂

[@lucylight176]

@@theresawalker1508 Thank you SO much Theresa, it feels amazing to know there is someone else out there who has been through the same 'you have to ruin it, there is something about you" abuse to our tiny selves & the terrible course of self destruction & fear this did set us on. Your encouragement & message of self worth means so much and I am indeed much considering the course 🤗

[@Inprogress_of_newbeginings]

I've been on a healing journey and I'm stuck at this self sabotage, fleeing from health phase and although I am aware it increasing my dysregulation, at same time I have this deep pull to not do what I need to help my body and CNS heal. It's like I don't believe in myself deep inside 😔 . I'll check out your website, I just came across your account.

[@laurareynolds1332]

Thank you for this confirmation that it is possible. I've been working for a long time - couple decades to heal from my childhood. My husband has been very patient. I've done a lot but every once and a while I take that one step back. It has cause a lot of stress on my marriage and my husband is less tolerant of those one steps back. I've still got work to do. Thank you!

[@user-zx4rg1qv1h]

So basically, we can't heal in the same environment that we got "sick"? Like if we don't have option to leave our parents house, and they keep triggering us everyday multiple times, it's not like it is impossible but it makes almost impossible to get better. Any thoughts on a situation like that? I know we are responsible for our own healing so I'd appreciate if someone can give a suggestion. Much love - C

[@IreneLyon]

Camila Bonfirm, Jen here from Irene's Team. We do have many people who participate in Irene's online course and program (the 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up and SmartBody SmartMind) who are still living at home, and/or in toxic or challenging environments. It is usually possible to heal in these environments, and it does tend to take a bit longer as there have more stressors to contend with. If you've living at home, some things that can be helpful are carving out some (relatively) safe space in your home if possible, getting out where and when you can (also if possible, and if to to places like parks, cafes, libraries, etc.), finding sources of support such as nature, engaging with groups or programs (online and in person), doing a course like Irene's 21 Day Tune Up or getting some 1-1 support, and in general knowing that small, consistent steps add up, even when you don't notice anything happening at the time. I'll link to a few related resources in case you want to check them out, including info about Irene''s foundational course in case that's of interest. Four ways to spark up our social engagement nervous system without socializing - irenelyon.com/2020/06/14/four-ways-to-spark-up-our-social-engagement-nervous-system-without-socializing/ Can I heal if I’m living in a toxic environment? - irenelyon.com/2020/06/07/can-i-heal-if-im-living-in-a-toxic-environment/ 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up - 21daytuneup.com/

[@lib360]

So glad you are sharing all these gems, so interesting, thank you.

[@derrick9635]

You are a true saint irene .my trauma grooves are so deep .it explains everything,,I'm overwhelmed what my mind has given up the last year .my boby is in constant pain . God bless us all with healing .my entire life i never thought of death ,,i was so close to it as a child ,i must of buried it deep and it dictated my behaviour. Since last year I'm back to that terror of death .

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi derrick rob, Jen here from Team Lyon. I'm sorry to hear that you're in constant pain. Have you checked out any of Irene's programs or free resources? Or considered working with a nervous system trained practitioner? It's not an instant cure and working in this way can often be very healing and make a big difference over time. I'll share a few links in case you want to learn more. Free Resources - @t Programs - @t How to find a good Somatic Practitioner - @nqGk

[@derrick9635]

@@teamlyon3109 thank you ,God bless .

[@ConsciousMoney]

Engaging powers of self-observation. Thank you, this was very helpful and you offer a very engaging way of presenting fairly heavy material.

[@christineflynn835]

What a gift you are Irene! I’m so grateful I found you. Thank you for sharing all your knowledge, experience, and care. We all so need to heal and you are helping make that happen.🙏❤️

[@geoffgriffiths8691]

We experience pain. When the pain is too great, we go into shock, which is disconnection from the pain, by making it subconscious, along with the associated fearful emotions. The outcomes is that it now runs the show from behind the curtain, and at odds with the mind. There is emotional fear of confronting the source of the problem, which turns it into lock-in trauma.

[@wonderfulwenna2710]

Just came across your channel….explanations are spot on!great video.

[@RarePartsRetailerFLA]

Very good sharing. One of the bests.

[@aleaiacetaest9132]

Thank you!

[@petronelawilson828]

The title of the video describes me so well!

[@mschrisfrank2420]

Trying to break the pattern of procrastination and self-sabotage but I keep having migraines, IBS symptoms, and other bodily pain popping up to prevent me from getting the things I need to do done.

[@teamlyon3109]

Totally understandable Christine Frank. Many people who come to Irene's work have experiences similar to what you described. Sometimes it can help to take small steps on the way to growing nervous system regulation and know that they do add up over time. I'll link to one of Irene's resources that might be helpful. - Jen from Team Lyon irenelyon.com/4-steps-to-calm-overwhelm/

[@ayemaeyalit3354]

Un-clench the tension

[@MV-ns9le]

I have been "STUCK" ALL my life and I think now I understand why. Where and how do I start to work on myself. I want to get unstuck and be whole. Honestly, I don't understand how far I've come without any help or therapy🤔🤔🤔

[@justagirljean1111]

Such great info! I just started your 21 day program. So grateful. It’s a long road but there is no other road to take. 🙏🏼

[@peachluck1050]

Love your comment. I’ll be telling myself “It’s a long road, but there is no other road to take” when I start to look at the map for an easier route. Thank you!

[@tarakadir9259]

Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤

[@wanderwidee193]

I finally stopped procrastinating myself and made my first KZbin video.. N m so happy

[@huwoman8019]

Thank you Irene. What you’re saying what makes so much sense. I wonder how this may relate to ADHD as a lot of the behaviours eg task paralysis, lack of focus and organisation unless engaged in interesting or exciting tasks are similar to what you are describing. I understand you can have ADHD and trauma but wondered if the techniques you mention may also improve adhd symptoms? Would love to know your thoughts.

[@IreneLyon]

Hu Woman, Jen here from Team Lyon. Along the lines of what you suggested, we do find that ADHD is often a symptom of trauma, and more specifically of survival stress in the nervous system. And yes, we do find that these symptoms change and lessen over time as people explore this work and nervous system regulation and capacity grow. Is it possible to cure ADD & ADHD? - kzbin.info/www/bejne/fHvTYWasnKp_ers Podcast interview - Beautifully Complex PAP 166: The Nervous System and Your Child’s Behavior, with Irene Lyon - www.podplay.com/podcasts/beautifully-complex-330971/episodes/pap-166-the-nervous-system-and-your-childs-behavior-with-irene-lyon-87547047 And if you're ready to dive into this work, Irene's 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up can be a great place to start - 21daytuneup.com/

[@astasna]

So integrative of past traumatic experiences and with the present. Thank you! I feel like I understand my position better and in a more true way.

[@deanarjones9114]

Wish I saw this 2 years ago when it was posted

[@bellagrace947]

I appreciate you! Explains ALOT!

[@jimboakaXL]

Very well explained 👌🏽

[@TheCarrotCampaign]

Finally someone put to words what I knew but couldn’t understand why

[@jessebelanger9753]

Thank you so much. This video was a huge help.

[@nrbysf]

Thanks for this video! :)

[@NilgunYetis]

soooooooo welll explained. thank you giving such crucial, prizeful emerald info for freedom.

[@ErwinSchober]

This is enlightening stuff..!!

[@freya6fire]

I’m really interested how to distinguish if I’m feeling mental resistance/freeze reaction or when I’m just not wanting to do something. Where can I find more resources about it?

[@teamlyon3109]

Great question freya6fire. Jen here from team Lyon. It can take some time to learn to distinguish between the two. Doing the work to get to know your nervous system the way Irene teaches can be really helpful here. Generally speaking, when freeze is in the picture we may feel tired, spacey, disconnected, numb, like we're moving through sludge and/or have a hard time focusing. When we simply don't want to do something, often we feel a bit more present, might be aware of what's happening in the body and in the here and now, and it's just kind of like, nope, don't want to do that. If you imagine that a food you like and one you don't is in front of you, the not wanting to do something is a bit like not wanting to eat the food you don't like. Bringing some curiosity to your experiences and how they feel before, during and after can also be helpful over time.

[@AM-es4mp]

Watch your own thoughts & behaviors , its that simple

[@AM-es4mp]

TATA BRACH does great easy to follow & learn , with little practices during talk to ground it in

[@LessThanThree76]

This…. This is me and my whole life. More correctly summed up than I’ve never seen it before. It suddenly makes complete sense why my whole life has been a shit fest. Thank you. ❤️ How do you find the motivation to change though?

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Less Than Three, Jen here from Team Lyon. You've already started by showing up here and taking steps to learn! As you take steps to start (and continue) learning and practicing in this nervous system way, change often happens over time. If you haven't yet seen Irene's free training about Healing Trauma, that might be a next step to learn more. I'll also share a link to one of Irene's free practices too. free Healing Trauma video training - irenelyon.com/healing-trauma 7 Steps to De-Stress - irenelyon.com/7-steps-opt-in-IL

[@Misslinglang]

Thank you just so so much

[@afireinhearts1302]

You’re extremely awesome ❤️❤️❤️

[@LAStars-sratS]

I believe a healthy support system/person is key to progress.

[@zoeelisebell]

i feel like you dont connect the topic of orienting and connecting with the environent and it left me confused for a while because I thought it was two different topics- but the rest ofthe information i found really helpful thank you for this :)

[@FUTUREZEN]

Thank you ❤️

[@PowerOfAIandMotivation]

Thank you so much.

[@Estiallina]

Very interesting. By the way, no need to say “self-sabotage yourself”. It’s just self sabotage. You can’t self sabotage anyone but yourself. Or say sabotage yourself.

[@MSOetjen]

Thank you! Agree!

[@mariarichards5221]

thankyou 🌹

[@magdakidybinska6109]

thank you sooooo much

[@Vivian-wx2wd]

Thank you Irene! This is exactly what I am struggling with right now. But what if it is not possible to get out of the toxic environment? The example you gave of home environment describes exactly my situation, but I have to still remain for now due to financial reasons.

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Vivian, Seth here with Team Lyon. Please give a read of this article of mine. In it I talk about what you can do in your type of situation ... sethlyon.com/sometimes-break-family/

[@JohnWilliams-kj6yd]

This video feels like it was made for me

[@andreasandor3242]

This is such a helpful message. I have been struggling with this for years and realised the patterns but couldn't stop them. Would you share some practical advice on how to heal this ?

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Andrea Sandor, Jen here from Team Lyon. Being aware of the patterns is an important first step! In terms of how to heal this, it boils down to healing trauma and growing nervous system regulation and capacity so we have more access to our agency and abilities. This involves a combination of education and practices. This is what Irene teaches in her online course and program. If you'd like to learn more, I'd recommend watching Irene's free Healing Trauma training. I'll also link to another one of her free resources and her introductory course in case you want to check that out. Healing Trauma video training: irenelyon.com/healing-trauma 21 Day Nervous System Tune Up: 21daytuneup.com 4 Steps to Beat Inner Resistance: irenelyon.com/4-steps-to-beat-inner-resistance/

[@andreasandor3242]

Hi Jen Appreciate your help and all the resources thank you very much.

[@harleennnnn]

If I accomplish something good it just feels weird for me, like I'm not suppose to do that not suppose to feel good even if I crave to feel good. Idk what to do, some part of me doesn't want me to do anything that could help me....

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Harleen kaur, Jen here from Team Lyon. What you describe about feeling good feeling weird is understandable - the nervous system is wired to stay with what's familiar. Sustainable change usually comes incrementally, over time. It can often be helpful to explore small bits of this work at first, and to know that the focus doesn't need to be on feeling good but rather becoming aware of what's here.

[@kathymyers7279]

Lots of words I don’t understand. I honestly feel I cannot fix myself.

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Kathy Myers, Jen here from Irene's Team. It's certainly understandable how you can feel that way - many us have and do who live with trauma. I'll share one of Irene's resources here that might be helpful and easier to digest. Know that even the smallest steps add up over time. irenelyon.com/4-steps-to-calm-overwhelm/

[@fritzcampbell6132]

Great explanation of a known problem, got any tools to release the hidden trauma?

[@ayaahmed9537]

You're a godsent angel

[@angelkickken1736]

YESSSSS

[@Backtotheplayground]

I’m scared. Because I have been hitting rock bottom over abs over. All of this resonates. I need help.

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Colleen, Seth here with Team Lyon. We are here to help! Irene has many ways to get into this work, form all the content on her channel, to free resources, and paid online programs. I'll encourage you to check out all of the above (links below), and consider getting started with a free resource. this is a good one to start with... irenelyon.com/4-steps-to-calm-overwhelm/ Here's the free resources page - irenelyon.com/free-resources-2/ A good online program top start with - irenelyon.com/summer-school/ More advanced online programs - irenelyon.com/programs/

[@Gmmmgm]

I love your hair color. Do you use plant powders? Likened it to cassia & indigo

[@deathstalker2099]

Its scary knowing sooooo many people deal with this on a daily basis

[@deathstalker2099]

Ty for this vid!

[@santiagobardelli5675]

Interesting, i am sure there is something like this that has been affecting me for years, thing went wrong everytime I had the chance to succeed, the relationship with decision makers has been a nightmare... However there were times when things went well, when everything was as expected, i try to think what happened those times I only find that there were people that trusted me and supported me...

[@shelbyhavens2752]

Another very important thing worth mentioning is never ever never ever pass a semi on the right

[@shelbyhavens2752]

I’m watching this video like yeah this is all so helpful but then the visual of passing a truck on the right is definitely something that can self sabotage greatly

[@kahlodiego5299]

This is ehy I just threw away an opportunity to get a nice apt away from an abusive situation. Now Im stuck in the situation but I just threw it away. Now Im stuck in suicidal thoughts. My therapist just kept bitching at me. I felt like I was going about everything wrong. This is the most obvious wicked self sabotage I have ever done. Im back into isolation as a way of dealing with the oppressive situation. Its like that test where they open the cage and the animal just lies there. Im so desperate now.

[@teamlyon3109]

Hi Kahlo, Seth here with Team Lyon. I'm very sorry to hear this! A therapist should be there to help you understand and resolve the underlying reasons for self-sabotage and to be compassionate and supportive when you get caught in destructive patterns, not bitch at you, so I think it might be time for a new therapist! In the meantime, try to connect to something, anything really.... safe people if you have them, or music, plants, animals, even books or shows. Also, sometimes a crisis line operator can be helpful as they are generally very good at just listening and being supportive. Also, this exercise from Irene may be helpful for you as many people find it soothing and a nice way to reconnect to themselves... kzbin.info/www/bejne/ZnqmpJWOiqh-o68

[@kellykarl3559]

As I’m listening to this I’m becoming aware that this is probably what’s the primary driver of my addiction to alcohol.

[@kellykarl3559]

I don’t generally find it too hard to stop, but as soon as I’m feeling great and things are going well and I’m beginning to create my best life, I start again.

[@IreneLyon]

HI Kelly Karl, Jen here from Team Lyon. What you describe makes a lot of sense. In this nervous system work, we find the when we don't develop the internal capacity to hold our experience then we need to turn to external mechanisms to help us to manage what we feel. In this work we call these management strategies or defensive accommodations. As we do the work to grow foundational nervous system regulation and capacity, we often find that these behaviors start to fall away.

[@sarahbenjamins]

Lovely framing and metaphor, so helpful, thank you! Do you have any thoughts as to how might this concept - in regards to self care, and adopting new healthful habits - might intersect with the 'why can't I just do the things' aspect of ADHD and the 'drive for autonomy' (and internal demand avoidant) aspect of PDA type Autism?

[@IreneLyon]

Hi Sarah, Seth here with Team Lyon. Thanks for your questions! So, firstly we view ADHD as just another symptom, or constellation of symptoms, of unresolved trauma. Autism is a bit different, and there is such a wide spectrum, but a LOT of that spectrum also overlaps with the symptomology of unresolved trauma, and it may be that Autism is what happens when there is trauma in utero and/or a long chain of inherited, unresolved intergenerational trauma. With ADHD, this is essentially the system in hypervigilance. It doesn't feel safe to focus on any one thing, because then we could miss all the other potential threats that we are sure are lurking just around the corner - this is subconscious and autonomic, the sympathetic nervous system in constant overdrive. In terms of the PDA type Autism, refusing to to do what is asked of us, even if we know we like, it sounds a lot like the kind of autonomy issues we see all the time with unresolved trauma, where the need to have control over our experience is more important than anything else.

[@sarahbenjamins]

@@IreneLyon Thanks Seth! Yup I’ve been diving deep into both and I think am on a similar page to your team - and am trying to get to the root of why I find some aspects of self care so hard. This is yet another angle, though they are all related. I keep thinking if I find the right framing, it will break the spell and I’ll finally be able to make myself go to bed on time / do the yoga/ go for a swim, meditate etc..